1 00:00:01,060 --> 00:00:04,010 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 2 00:00:04,020 --> 00:00:05,980 Ho, ho, ho! 3 00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:16,640 D'oh! Ho, ho! 4 00:00:23,470 --> 00:00:25,479 _ 5 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:27,509 And now to order my Christmas gifts 6 00:00:27,510 --> 00:00:28,821 with plenty of time. 7 00:00:28,822 --> 00:00:30,573 _ 8 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,820 _ 9 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,409 Hmm. UPS tracking says my packages just arrived. 10 00:00:56,410 --> 00:00:58,017 All I have to do is look down. 11 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:00,852 D'ah! 12 00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,688 Who could've done this? Who? 13 00:01:02,689 --> 00:01:05,119 ? Ding-dong, merrily on high ? 14 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,817 ? In heaven the bells are ringing ? 15 00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:10,320 ? Ding-dong, Bart is gonna die ? 16 00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:13,406 ? His little neck I'm stringing. ? 17 00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:16,789 Hmm. Needs tinsel 18 00:01:16,790 --> 00:01:20,170 to reflect the horror in Bart's eyes. 19 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:26,169 Oh, a visitor. Coming. 20 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,039 Ahoy! 21 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:31,039 Are there any lonely lighthouse keepers abaft here? 22 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,385 Oh, hello, Cassandra. 23 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:37,259 Surprise! I made you muffins. 24 00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:38,729 You want to know a secret? 25 00:01:38,730 --> 00:01:40,767 I used two sticks of butter. 26 00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,269 Do you have any deep dark secrets? 27 00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:47,733 _ 28 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,950 - _ - Merry Christmas, Father! 29 00:01:57,951 --> 00:01:59,749 Stay out of trouble. 30 00:02:05,220 --> 00:02:06,709 Nope. No secrets. 31 00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:08,796 So, have you ever thought about children? 32 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,599 Missed me! Missed me! Now you gotta kiss me! 33 00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:18,399 Oh, if you'll excuse me, 34 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,969 my gimbals need a good whale oiling. 35 00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:22,219 - Ta! - Oh, 36 00:02:22,220 --> 00:02:23,768 you might get some other visitors. 37 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,849 I mentioned you in town today. 38 00:02:25,850 --> 00:02:27,879 You told people about me? 39 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,441 What did you tell them?! What?! 40 00:02:29,442 --> 00:02:31,919 That you had kind eyes, a beautiful voice, 41 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,362 and no wedding ring. 42 00:02:34,330 --> 00:02:36,823 There he is! 43 00:02:36,824 --> 00:02:39,339 I was a fool to let my guard down with a woman 44 00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:42,070 who runs a seaward-aiming Fresnel lens! 45 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:45,789 From hell's heart I stab at thee! 46 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:48,979 Oh, my God. Just listen to that mellifluous baritone. 47 00:02:48,980 --> 00:02:50,469 He's perfect for the role. 48 00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:52,359 Role? Role? 49 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,465 You're offering me an acting job? 50 00:02:54,466 --> 00:02:58,052 Yes! It's to play Santa Claus at a small amusement park. 51 00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:03,020 Oh, what the hell. It is the lead. I'm in! 52 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:06,228 Dinner is served. 53 00:03:06,380 --> 00:03:08,380 _ 54 00:03:08,397 --> 00:03:10,107 _ 55 00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:19,059 Hey, let's see what's on your tag. 56 00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:20,959 "Cadaver-sniffing dog"?! 57 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,704 Ah, that's another job I didn't get. 58 00:03:24,420 --> 00:03:26,680 _ 59 00:03:31,270 --> 00:03:34,360 It's gone. My porch repair kit is gone! 60 00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:47,780 D'oh! 61 00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:53,239 A little help! 62 00:03:54,780 --> 00:03:57,260 Another crafts project gone out of hand? 63 00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,479 Yes. 64 00:03:58,480 --> 00:03:59,999 If you're not tied up tomorrow, 65 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,699 I took the day off from work. 66 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:05,460 I was thinking we could watch an R-rated movie. 67 00:04:05,470 --> 00:04:09,791 Finally, the sexy story of Tony Roma's ribs. 68 00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:13,029 But tomorrow I promised the kids I'd take them out of school. 69 00:04:13,030 --> 00:04:14,796 It can be our family day. 70 00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:15,880 Yawn. 71 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,381 We'll go to Santa's Village. 72 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:20,639 Oh, I hate that place. It's so crowded at Christmas. 73 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,919 And the giant candy canes are not real. 74 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,555 But they are electrified! 75 00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:27,310 Well, we're going and taking the kids. 76 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,395 Why couldn't that be me? 77 00:04:32,110 --> 00:04:34,982 - Homer! - Oh... 78 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,490 _ 79 00:04:39,750 --> 00:04:42,439 ? Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? 80 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,539 ? Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? 81 00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:46,689 - ? Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? - Oh, God, I'm so sick of this. 82 00:04:46,690 --> 00:04:49,099 - Thing just keeps going on and on. - ? Baby shark, Mommy shark ? 83 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:51,129 - ? Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? - I don't want to hear a shark 84 00:04:51,130 --> 00:04:53,160 - or "baby" or "doo" ever again. - ? Mommy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? 85 00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:55,019 - ? Mommy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? - Marge, you traitor! 86 00:04:55,020 --> 00:04:56,479 - It's so catchy. - ? Mommy shark ? 87 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:59,259 - ? Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? - Oh, what the hell. 88 00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:01,499 ? Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? 89 00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,699 ? Daddy shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? 90 00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:04,740 ? Daddy shark. ? 91 00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:06,722 Play this at my funeral! 92 00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,740 _ 93 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:10,359 _ 94 00:05:14,030 --> 00:05:16,159 Why do the low-budget parks we go to 95 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:19,089 have so many white trash idiots? 96 00:05:19,090 --> 00:05:20,879 Oh! Boy, that's good. 97 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,439 Why? Why? 98 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,950 Well, I'm getting right in line for Santa. 99 00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:27,720 _ 100 00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:32,329 _ 101 00:05:32,330 --> 00:05:35,259 Eight hours to see a fat lazy drunk-o? 102 00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:37,545 I came to this park to get away from one. 103 00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:40,214 Wow. Even Chanukah Hollow is packed. 104 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,769 _ 105 00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:44,511 Check out the Dreidel Casino. 106 00:05:46,597 --> 00:05:48,699 Come on, gimmel, gimmel, gimmel! 107 00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,640 Ah, shin again! 108 00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:51,669 I thought this would be 109 00:05:51,670 --> 00:05:53,879 the one part of Judaism I'm good at. 110 00:05:57,180 --> 00:05:58,779 Typical. 111 00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:02,549 The one ride is a stupid, boring kiddie ride. 112 00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:05,250 At least you get to have fun. 113 00:06:15,540 --> 00:06:19,019 ? It's a scary place in the world outside ? 114 00:06:19,020 --> 00:06:22,559 ? Gnomes are watching you, so you'd best not cry ? 115 00:06:22,560 --> 00:06:25,199 ? Don't display any fear, this we know ? 116 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,969 ? Yes, it's clear, all our eyes ? 117 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:29,619 ? Are watching you ? 118 00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:33,239 ? It's a scary place in the world outside ? 119 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:36,929 ? Gnomes are watching you, so you'd best not cry ? 120 00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:40,319 ? Don't display any fear, this we know, yes, it's clear ? 121 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:44,400 ? All our eyes are watching you. ? 122 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,859 Hey, buddy, thanks for saving me a spot. 123 00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:52,179 Bart, you cut the bullies. 124 00:06:53,420 --> 00:06:56,160 In this situation, we assign equal blame 125 00:06:56,170 --> 00:06:58,239 to the cutter and the cuttee. 126 00:06:58,240 --> 00:06:59,959 Let him go. I don't want to get blood 127 00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,389 on my Christmas sweater. 128 00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:04,039 Oh, there's gonna be blood on your sweater, all right. 129 00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,459 I just said I didn't want that! 130 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:13,969 _ 131 00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:16,620 _ 132 00:07:17,660 --> 00:07:19,849 _ 133 00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:23,880 _ 134 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,899 Hello, young man. 135 00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:29,615 Climb right up. 136 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,329 Santa? Bartholomew Simpson. 137 00:07:31,330 --> 00:07:33,203 - You don't know me, but... - Oh, but I do. 138 00:07:33,204 --> 00:07:36,739 Hello-ho-ho, Bart. 139 00:07:36,740 --> 00:07:38,399 Sideshow Bob! 140 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,069 Merry Christmas. 141 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,379 He's in a good mood. 142 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,859 Yes. This is the year I get the monkey. 143 00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:52,319 I keep telling you, 144 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,229 a monkey is a huge responsibility. 145 00:07:55,230 --> 00:07:58,812 I'm raising a kid. I think I can raise a monkey. 146 00:08:09,110 --> 00:08:11,779 So easy. After all these years, 147 00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:15,589 I get to watch the life drain from your eye, your I... 148 00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:18,849 I can't kill you! 149 00:08:18,850 --> 00:08:21,375 - Want to know why? - Mm, nah. 150 00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:24,139 I am a trained method actor. 151 00:08:24,140 --> 00:08:25,859 I inhabit my roles. 152 00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:28,049 Like Daniel Day-Lewis in Phantom Thread. 153 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:30,176 Or Mike Myers in The Love Guru. 154 00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,079 Why should I trust you? 155 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,160 Because I am utterly incapable of stepping out of character. 156 00:08:35,170 --> 00:08:37,479 I am Santa Claus. 157 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,460 The jolly old elf himself. 158 00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:41,489 Ho, ho, ho. 159 00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:43,569 So can we get in to see you? 160 00:08:43,570 --> 00:08:47,659 15-minute break. Santa's making presents. 161 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,738 Ooh... 162 00:08:50,810 --> 00:08:53,157 _ 163 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,379 I'm telling you, this is Sideshow Bob! 164 00:08:55,380 --> 00:08:58,409 - He tried to kill me! - Well? 165 00:08:58,410 --> 00:09:00,980 I am a card-carrying seasonal Santa. 166 00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:03,929 Kris Kringle Union, Local 5732. 167 00:09:03,930 --> 00:09:05,989 Hey, I was a mall Santa, too. 168 00:09:05,990 --> 00:09:08,089 I still wear the belt. 169 00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:10,599 Uh, if you're gonna spend this much time with our Santa, 170 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,019 you have to pose for a photo. 171 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:13,859 Photos with Santa, $40. 172 00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:15,859 Marge, just take one with your phone! 173 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,432 - Got it. - Run! 174 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,839 This will stop the jerks who've been stealing packages 175 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,739 off my porch: a decoy with an exploding dye marker inside. 176 00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:27,320 You don't think you packed in a little too much gunpowder? 177 00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:30,195 Relax. I learned how to do this from my Uncle Two Fingers. 178 00:09:32,140 --> 00:09:34,740 Oh, my God. You're the package thief? 179 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,747 Lenny. Who did this to you? Can you say it? 180 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,719 - Eh. - Can you whisper it? 181 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:43,729 Eh. 182 00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:45,179 Can you write it with your blood? 183 00:09:45,180 --> 00:09:46,550 Ooh. 184 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,008 _ 185 00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,079 I'm a little worried our Christmas packages 186 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,419 haven't arrived. 187 00:09:56,420 --> 00:09:59,359 Marge, relax. There's plenty of time. 188 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,109 It's 8:00 p.m. Christmas Eve! 189 00:10:02,110 --> 00:10:06,689 Just sit back and watch this Fox News yule log. 190 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,319 - _ - We interrupt this yule log 191 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,459 with a special report. 192 00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:17,819 Package delivery thefts continue in Springfield. 193 00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:20,089 Local man Leonard "Lenny" Leonard 194 00:10:20,090 --> 00:10:23,819 had his jingle bell rung in a package deal gone boom. 195 00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:27,199 Our only clue is these initials next to the corpse. 196 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,299 He's not a corpse. He's breathing. 197 00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:33,239 - I say he's a corpse. - And I say I'm not. 198 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,009 Uh... you don't get a vote. 199 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:37,599 "S.B." is Sideshow Bob! 200 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,219 That's what he's up to. 201 00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:41,100 He's stealing Christmas! 202 00:10:41,110 --> 00:10:44,260 A fellow Santa could not steal Christmas. 203 00:10:44,270 --> 00:10:47,780 I know who this mysterious "S.B." is. 204 00:10:49,441 --> 00:10:52,749 Welcome to jail, Selma Bouvier. 205 00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,760 Uh, tell Scott Bakula, Steve Ballmer 206 00:10:54,770 --> 00:10:56,694 and Sandra Bullock they're off the hook. 207 00:10:56,695 --> 00:10:59,179 I should've been back at NCIS: New Orleans 208 00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:01,089 two hours ago. 209 00:11:01,090 --> 00:11:03,320 Why don't you just Quantum Leap there? 210 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,760 Why don't you learn how to be a cop, fatso? 211 00:11:05,770 --> 00:11:08,139 I loved it! Mistaken identity! 212 00:11:08,140 --> 00:11:12,719 I sold ten, ten season tickets to the guys in my cell. 213 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,810 Everything we do is successful, booyah! 214 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:32,819 Santa's Village, please. 215 00:11:32,820 --> 00:11:34,179 What do you want to go there for? 216 00:11:34,180 --> 00:11:36,219 I'm saving Christmas. 217 00:11:36,220 --> 00:11:38,999 Every kid thinks they're doing that this time of year. 218 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,760 And as for you, Santa's Village is closed, I'm afraid. 219 00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:44,119 If I wanted your life story, I would've taken an Uber. 220 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:45,497 Well, that shuts me up. 221 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:48,874 I'm not gonna leave till I find out what Bob's up to. 222 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,127 If you don't hear from me in one hour, call the police. 223 00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:53,379 I have my own problems, Bart. 224 00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:55,969 My mom just locked my dad out in the snow. 225 00:11:55,970 --> 00:11:58,159 He keeps tapping at my window. 226 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,719 She said if I open it, no presents. 227 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,230 - Useless. - Don't hang up. 228 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:08,394 _ 229 00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:11,773 Classic evil villain mistake. 230 00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:14,858 Life goals?! 231 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,659 Don't pooh-pooh. 232 00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,999 Now for God's sake, how can I convince you 233 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,115 that I am not going to kill you?! 234 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:24,702 Find the person who stole the presents. 235 00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:27,209 Very well. I shall begin by clearing my initials, 236 00:12:27,210 --> 00:12:31,060 catching the true "S.B." and, if I must, 237 00:12:31,070 --> 00:12:33,877 save Christmas for everyone. 238 00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,046 Now let me drive you home. 239 00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:39,349 You want me to ride with you? Fine. 240 00:12:39,350 --> 00:12:40,740 Shotgun! 241 00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:43,620 Let's roll. 242 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,460 Shotgun means you pay the tolls. 243 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,729 So I'm here to save Christmas, and here's my plan. 244 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:55,320 First, I conceal myself within this box. 245 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,572 Where'd you learn how to do that? 246 00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:04,289 When you ride cross-country in a clown car, you learn a lot. 247 00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:09,913 Who knew? 248 00:13:09,914 --> 00:13:11,509 - Brava! - Who knew? 249 00:13:11,510 --> 00:13:12,519 Thank you. 250 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,739 Now, Homer, gently place me on the porch, 251 00:13:14,740 --> 00:13:17,279 and when they steal me, follow them to their lair. 252 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:18,840 Will do. 253 00:13:26,030 --> 00:13:27,269 Ah! 254 00:13:27,270 --> 00:13:29,069 - And... - Ah! 255 00:13:29,070 --> 00:13:31,435 Godspeed. 256 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,437 They'll be here any minute. 257 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,479 Can't breathe. 258 00:14:11,090 --> 00:14:13,300 _ 259 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,859 ? Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? 260 00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:19,358 ? Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ? 261 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,069 ? Baby shark, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. ? 262 00:14:30,020 --> 00:14:32,660 Oh, my God, S.B. is 263 00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,540 Smithers and Burns! 264 00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:36,459 Since when does Smithers go first? 265 00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:37,779 The jig is up! 266 00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:40,009 Also, leg cramp. 267 00:14:40,010 --> 00:14:42,256 Ow. 268 00:14:42,257 --> 00:14:44,216 The police are on their way. 269 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,229 Who will they believe? You or the billionaire 270 00:14:47,230 --> 00:14:49,972 who just sent them a Montgomery Ward's cheese log? 271 00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:52,975 Mr. Burns, why did you do this? 272 00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:55,018 Ooh, general Scroogeyness. 273 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,139 No, it's deeper. It's much deeper than that. 274 00:14:58,140 --> 00:15:01,108 I think Mr. Burns is depressed. 275 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:03,989 Ooh, you're a very perceptive girl. 276 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:07,249 That's close enough. 277 00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:09,099 I just wanted everyone to experience 278 00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:12,309 the same Christmas heartbreak that I once did. 279 00:15:12,310 --> 00:15:16,239 ? Good King Wenceslas looked out ? 280 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:18,779 ? On the feast of Stephen. ? 281 00:15:18,780 --> 00:15:22,260 Papa, sweet Papa, may I sit on Santa's lap? 282 00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:23,819 Well, I don't know. 283 00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:26,779 Santa Claus, giving away free toys, 284 00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:30,249 undercutting my friends, Bill Mattel and Fred Hasbro. 285 00:15:30,250 --> 00:15:32,100 Please? 286 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,349 Well, what's on your wish list, little boy? 287 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:43,239 A Rockford sock monkey, Studebaker pedal car, 288 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,279 or the most popular gift this year, an orange. 289 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,649 All I want is a hug from my mommy 290 00:15:48,650 --> 00:15:50,540 and a smile from my daddy. 291 00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:53,620 Oh, well I'm sure there's a hug and a smile 292 00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:55,779 on their way to you right now. 293 00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,129 Ho, ho, ho. 294 00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,707 Next. 295 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,629 What do you want for Christmas? 296 00:16:00,630 --> 00:16:03,369 I want you to marry my mom like you said you would. 297 00:16:03,370 --> 00:16:04,379 Next! 298 00:16:04,380 --> 00:16:05,780 _ 299 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,270 Christmas day came... 300 00:16:22,460 --> 00:16:25,239 I'm here to take you to boarding school. 301 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,862 - On Christmas Day? - Hey, no traffic. 302 00:16:31,180 --> 00:16:32,899 The next time I saw my parents, 303 00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,953 they weren't in a smiling mood. 304 00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:39,920 Too late! 305 00:16:40,860 --> 00:16:43,709 You two never gave me anything except $100 million. 306 00:16:43,710 --> 00:16:44,979 Santa lied. 307 00:16:44,980 --> 00:16:47,509 But, Monty, you misunderstood me. 308 00:16:47,510 --> 00:16:48,929 Ho, ho, ho. 309 00:16:48,930 --> 00:16:51,199 Santa? It can't be. 310 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,637 Monty, it's 1935, 311 00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:56,309 and this is Gimbels Department Store, 312 00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:58,379 with the toy train in the window 313 00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:00,599 and Maxie the elevator man. 314 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,079 You're looking at the lingerie department. 315 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,439 You can look. It's okay. 316 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,989 Yes. Yes. Yes! I am a child again. 317 00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:12,059 And the truth is, your parents did love you, 318 00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:14,829 not with hugs and kisses, but with something better... 319 00:17:14,830 --> 00:17:16,289 they made you strong. 320 00:17:16,290 --> 00:17:18,749 Where are all the other tycoons from your day? 321 00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:22,619 Broke, dead, a lot of #MeToo. 322 00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:26,509 But you're the richest, most ruthless man in town, 323 00:17:26,510 --> 00:17:29,007 thanks to your parents' love. 324 00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:34,094 It's true. 325 00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,559 Smithers, it's Christmas, 326 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,806 which is a work day for you, so help me out. 327 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:41,184 - And it's my birthday. - Don't expect two presents. 328 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:44,899 - ? Christmas ? - ? The snow's coming down ? 329 00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:48,799 - ? Christmas ? - ? I'm watching it fall ? 330 00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:49,959 ? Christmas... ? 331 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,619 My raisins came! 332 00:17:52,620 --> 00:17:53,899 Mmm! 333 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,366 Well, at least he's eating. 334 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,280 ? Christmas... ? 335 00:17:58,286 --> 00:18:01,439 Huzzah for Mr. Burns! 336 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,699 God bless us, every one. 337 00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:05,876 Seriously, this is, this is really nice. 338 00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,545 _ 339 00:18:08,610 --> 00:18:10,559 We did it. 340 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,716 Got all the presents under the tree. 341 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:16,539 I'm lucky because no one could possibly steal my gift. 342 00:18:16,540 --> 00:18:19,119 All I want is one peaceful moment 343 00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:21,729 to hold my wife in my arms. 344 00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:23,143 Aw. 345 00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:25,999 It's Christmas! 346 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,349 Awake already? 347 00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:32,180 - Slide whistle. - Kazoo! 348 00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,669 Meet me in the basement. 349 00:18:38,670 --> 00:18:40,179 Okay. 350 00:18:40,180 --> 00:18:41,840 Picture time. 351 00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:45,230 _ 352 00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:52,529 Janey, haven't you learned that silly tune yet? 353 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:55,008 You play it over and over again. Now stop it, stop it! 354 00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:57,189 That girl is pretty bad at the piano. 355 00:18:58,420 --> 00:19:01,199 Ugh. Hello, Cassandra. 356 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,279 I brought you a Christmas present. 357 00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:09,299 I know who you are, and I know what you've done, 358 00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:11,409 and I want you to kiss me. 359 00:19:11,410 --> 00:19:15,079 - ? You really should go ? - ? It's 20 below ? 360 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:18,959 - ? I can't have you here ? - ? Just get me a beer ? 361 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:22,399 - ? I'm being a gent ? - ? I'm giving consent ? 362 00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,060 ? You are quite inviting ? 363 00:19:25,070 --> 00:19:28,049 ? I will put it in writing ? 364 00:19:28,050 --> 00:19:29,459 _ 365 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:33,600 ? Baby, it's cold outside. ? 366 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:42,189 Yarr. Will someone turn on the damn light?! 367 00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:45,119 A little late, don't you think? 368 00:19:45,120 --> 00:19:46,477 Yarr! 369 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:52,019 Steve. Psst. Steve. Wait. 370 00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:56,139 Sorry, I'm just about ready to leave your wonderful town. 371 00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:59,479 Great place. Fantastic! 372 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,199 The best Springfield I've ever been in. Whoo! 373 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,369 Whoo-hoo! 374 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,455 Can you teach me to do that? 375 00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,373 - _ - Do what? This is just me. 376 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:12,711 Fantastic coffee! Send a truckful to Seattle. 377 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,269 How can you possibly be so happy? 378 00:20:15,270 --> 00:20:18,679 - It's in you, too. - I really don't think so. 379 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,609 Monty, look me in the eye. 380 00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,640 I don't know if I can. 381 00:20:26,010 --> 00:20:27,829 You're amazingly alive, 382 00:20:27,830 --> 00:20:30,519 you're rich beyond any sense of justice, 383 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:34,719 you're C. Montgomery Burns. 384 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:36,339 - Whoo! - Whoo. 385 00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:39,690 Ow! 386 00:20:39,697 --> 00:20:42,169 Hurt yourself on the landing, huh? 387 00:20:42,170 --> 00:20:43,739 No, on the way up. 388 00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:48,740 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 389 00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:53,390 _ 390 00:20:53,410 --> 00:20:57,400 _ 391 00:20:57,420 --> 00:21:01,900 _ 392 00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:05,740 _ 393 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:09,580 _ 394 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:13,410 _ 395 00:21:13,430 --> 00:21:17,170 _ 396 00:21:17,190 --> 00:21:20,840 _ 397 00:21:20,860 --> 00:21:24,510 _ 398 00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:29,121 _