1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:08,000 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:28,350 --> 00:00:31,879 Dasvidaniya suka! 3 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:33,279 You speak Russian? 4 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:35,050 I can only say two things. 5 00:00:35,051 --> 00:00:36,659 _ 6 00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:37,660 And the other one. 7 00:01:04,450 --> 00:01:05,779 Yes! 8 00:01:05,780 --> 00:01:08,649 Oh, God! Are you shittin' me? 9 00:01:11,390 --> 00:01:12,419 Joker! 10 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:15,331 - This is my score. - Well, it was. 11 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,229 But it's mine now. 12 00:01:22,230 --> 00:01:24,144 The only reason you're getting this and I'm not, 13 00:01:24,145 --> 00:01:26,139 is you got a bunch of goons that do whatever you say. 14 00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:27,399 That's not true! 15 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,369 Goons, throw Harley out. 16 00:01:29,370 --> 00:01:31,039 Whatever you say, boss. 17 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:32,040 Whoa! 18 00:01:38,820 --> 00:01:41,049 I need a fucking crew. 19 00:01:41,050 --> 00:01:43,319 No, you need a shower. 20 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:49,189 So, you didn't get the warhead? 21 00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:52,159 No. Joker stole it 'cause he had a crew. 22 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:53,559 Like all real supervillains. 23 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,799 I mean, I get by just fine on my own. So... 24 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:59,139 Your independence is quite inspiring. 25 00:01:59,140 --> 00:02:01,274 - Oh, can it, Frank. - I love you, Ivy. 26 00:02:01,275 --> 00:02:03,244 You know, Ive, I could have really used your help out there. 27 00:02:03,245 --> 00:02:06,514 Honestly, I really think that crews are over-rated. 28 00:02:06,515 --> 00:02:10,281 You know, it's like, some very successful supervillains work alone. 29 00:02:10,282 --> 00:02:12,311 Like look at this guy. Look at Dr. Psycho. 30 00:02:12,312 --> 00:02:13,621 Perfect example. 31 00:02:13,622 --> 00:02:16,351 Doesn't have a crew, yet still taking on Wonder Woman. 32 00:02:16,352 --> 00:02:18,551 Like a champ. 33 00:02:24,522 --> 00:02:27,891 Still too scared to fight me with your own hands, Psycho? 34 00:02:27,892 --> 00:02:30,401 What a grand idea! 35 00:02:33,603 --> 00:02:35,901 I'm sorry. What's that? 36 00:02:35,902 --> 00:02:40,902 You really want your last words to be... 37 00:02:44,742 --> 00:02:48,851 That really hurt, you [BLEEP]! 38 00:02:53,322 --> 00:02:54,581 Holy shit! 39 00:02:54,582 --> 00:02:55,891 Well, see! If he had a crew, 40 00:02:55,892 --> 00:02:57,621 they would have told him to use the B word instead. 41 00:02:57,622 --> 00:03:01,061 And if I had one, I'd use that warhead to blackmail Gotham 42 00:03:01,062 --> 00:03:02,461 into naming a highway after me. 43 00:03:02,462 --> 00:03:04,101 Huh? A highway. All right. 44 00:03:04,102 --> 00:03:07,982 Well, you know, that took a weird turn. 45 00:03:08,732 --> 00:03:11,241 Mmm. 46 00:03:11,242 --> 00:03:14,741 So you're certain this whole [BLEEP] thing is gonna blow over, right? 47 00:03:14,742 --> 00:03:17,611 - Oh, yeah. - Sure, yeah. A few talk show appearances... 48 00:03:17,612 --> 00:03:20,281 Cry about how you love your wife. 49 00:03:20,282 --> 00:03:22,082 It's exactly what we had Mr. Freeze do 50 00:03:22,083 --> 00:03:24,281 when he exposed himself at the Gotham water park. 51 00:03:24,282 --> 00:03:26,855 You guys fixed that? Wow, you're good. 52 00:03:26,856 --> 00:03:31,321 And by good, I mean bad! 53 00:03:31,322 --> 00:03:32,491 Come on! 54 00:03:32,492 --> 00:03:34,291 Ms. Quinn, we've been expecting you. 55 00:03:34,292 --> 00:03:37,301 - Thank you. - Let's get you henched up. 56 00:03:37,302 --> 00:03:39,571 That's Cronk. He's muscle. 57 00:03:39,572 --> 00:03:42,401 If you don't mind crazy roid rage, he's your man. 58 00:03:42,402 --> 00:03:44,901 - The Professor, he's brainy. - So smart. 59 00:03:44,902 --> 00:03:46,811 He's not brainy with names though, huh? 60 00:03:46,812 --> 00:03:48,941 Oh, my God, so right. 61 00:03:48,942 --> 00:03:50,041 Beautiful. 62 00:03:50,042 --> 00:03:51,851 Meet Blaze! 63 00:03:51,852 --> 00:03:54,681 - Explosive. Lotta buzz on him. - Boom. 64 00:03:54,682 --> 00:03:56,351 Lotta chatter. 65 00:03:56,352 --> 00:03:57,475 Lotta heat. 66 00:03:57,476 --> 00:03:59,951 Yes, and if you don't take him today, he'll have seven offers tomorrow. 67 00:03:59,952 --> 00:04:01,761 - Goodbye. - Hell, I'll take 'em all. 68 00:04:01,762 --> 00:04:04,521 I'll crush Joker with this team behind me. 69 00:04:04,522 --> 00:04:06,291 - I thought you were his girlfriend. - No. 70 00:04:06,292 --> 00:04:08,761 - I dumped that bum weeks ago. - You didn't go back to him? 71 00:04:08,762 --> 00:04:11,261 - Yeah, like you always do. - No. I'm on my own now. 72 00:04:11,262 --> 00:04:13,871 So, when can these guys start? 73 00:04:13,872 --> 00:04:16,371 - I'm sorry. These men are unavailable. - For how long? 74 00:04:16,372 --> 00:04:18,101 - For... - Ever? 75 00:04:18,102 --> 00:04:19,571 - Yeah. - Yeah, forever. 76 00:04:19,572 --> 00:04:22,081 Well, I don't need ya. I don't need any of ya! 77 00:04:22,082 --> 00:04:23,957 I'll put together my own crew who's excited 78 00:04:23,958 --> 00:04:25,500 to work with a real up-and-comer. 79 00:04:25,501 --> 00:04:28,311 If you get back together with Joker, our doors are always... 80 00:04:34,192 --> 00:04:36,361 Hey! Hey! Hey, you! 81 00:04:36,362 --> 00:04:37,991 Are you tired of being a lousy sidekick? 82 00:04:37,992 --> 00:04:41,131 Abused, shit on, used as a human shield? 83 00:04:41,132 --> 00:04:42,601 Then come work for me. 84 00:04:42,602 --> 00:04:44,671 You'll get top dollar, great benefits, 85 00:04:44,672 --> 00:04:47,571 and I won't ever, knowingly, send you to your deaths. 86 00:04:48,902 --> 00:04:50,565 Wait, was she talking about a job 87 00:04:50,566 --> 00:04:53,135 where we don't have to jump into hell portals and definitely die? 88 00:04:53,136 --> 00:04:54,841 Oh, just shut up and jump. 89 00:04:54,842 --> 00:04:57,111 I'm definitely dying! 90 00:04:57,112 --> 00:04:58,805 I promise you it'll be better than that. 91 00:04:58,806 --> 00:05:02,581 Join me, and we'll be doing million dollar heists in no time. 92 00:05:02,582 --> 00:05:03,821 - Who's with me? - Can't. 93 00:05:03,822 --> 00:05:05,521 - Busy. - I got a family emergency. 94 00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:07,991 I have a thing. 95 00:05:10,592 --> 00:05:13,331 - Assholes. - No. No. No. No. 96 00:05:13,332 --> 00:05:14,961 Before you open your female trap, 97 00:05:14,962 --> 00:05:17,461 no way in hell I'm working for you. 98 00:05:17,462 --> 00:05:18,901 Who asked ya? 99 00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,871 Can you believe [BLEEP] guy's rejecting me? 100 00:05:20,872 --> 00:05:23,641 Well, ma'am, I don't know nothing about that. 101 00:05:23,642 --> 00:05:26,171 I'm just a simply farm boy from Oklahoma. 102 00:05:26,172 --> 00:05:29,881 I got two parents, three girls, four boys, two lab mixes, 103 00:05:29,882 --> 00:05:33,811 both uncut on a small ranch just outside of Muskogee. 104 00:05:33,812 --> 00:05:36,081 - What's your problem, weirdo? - Why, Ms... 105 00:05:36,082 --> 00:05:40,121 I don't have no problem, because I am actually... 106 00:05:41,252 --> 00:05:42,661 - Jeez. - Good, fuckin' God. 107 00:05:42,662 --> 00:05:44,561 The name is Clayface. 108 00:05:44,562 --> 00:05:47,931 Thespian extraordinaire recently portraying the juicy role 109 00:05:47,932 --> 00:05:50,930 of country boy bartending in the big city. 110 00:05:50,931 --> 00:05:53,971 I thought you were playing the role of "literal piece of shit". 111 00:05:53,972 --> 00:05:55,501 Not yet. 112 00:05:55,502 --> 00:05:59,371 - Ugh. It's in my hair. - Now I'm a literal piece of shit. 113 00:05:59,372 --> 00:06:01,211 Okay. 114 00:06:01,212 --> 00:06:03,411 Is it Clayface or Fuckface? 115 00:06:03,412 --> 00:06:07,581 Hey! Kite Man here. Thinking about doing a caper, gang. 116 00:06:07,582 --> 00:06:11,451 Not sure what, might steal something, might kidnap somebody. 117 00:06:11,452 --> 00:06:13,137 I don't know, uh, 118 00:06:13,138 --> 00:06:16,721 depending on the weather. But Kite will be involved. 119 00:06:16,722 --> 00:06:19,391 - Who's in? - I am! Let's do this! 120 00:06:19,392 --> 00:06:21,331 I do not fucking believe this. 121 00:06:21,332 --> 00:06:25,361 And then, they all ran off with that loser Kite Man. 122 00:06:25,362 --> 00:06:26,831 Yeah. 123 00:06:26,832 --> 00:06:30,301 What a loser that guy is. Did he mention my name? 124 00:06:30,302 --> 00:06:32,141 You know what, nevermind. 125 00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,371 - But did he? - There must be something I'm missing. 126 00:06:34,372 --> 00:06:37,611 - How do I get people to work for me? - She has no fuckin' idea. 127 00:06:37,612 --> 00:06:40,081 Because plants do all this shit for her lazy ass. 128 00:06:40,082 --> 00:06:41,776 There must be someone 129 00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:43,344 who can gimme the inside scoop. 130 00:06:43,345 --> 00:06:46,851 Babe, what real supervillain is gonna give away their trade secrets? 131 00:06:46,852 --> 00:06:51,052 Well, maybe not "give away". 132 00:07:00,172 --> 00:07:03,101 I am Maxie Zeus! 133 00:07:03,102 --> 00:07:06,441 And tonight, I "max" 134 00:07:06,442 --> 00:07:09,481 all your dreams come true! 135 00:07:09,482 --> 00:07:11,381 This guy's such a douche. 136 00:07:11,382 --> 00:07:14,011 I'm sorry, but none of the charming villains with great personalities 137 00:07:14,012 --> 00:07:15,581 were holding seminars today. 138 00:07:15,582 --> 00:07:18,951 Joker. Riddler. Two-Face. 139 00:07:18,952 --> 00:07:21,961 What do they have that you don't? 140 00:07:21,962 --> 00:07:24,561 - A penis? - A crew! 141 00:07:24,562 --> 00:07:26,491 A villain goes in alone, 142 00:07:26,492 --> 00:07:29,801 but a supervillain needs henchmen. 143 00:07:29,802 --> 00:07:32,820 When I robbed the 1996 Olympics... 144 00:07:32,821 --> 00:07:34,548 Oh, thank you very much, 145 00:07:34,549 --> 00:07:35,841 just lovely. Fun times. 146 00:07:35,842 --> 00:07:39,611 My crew helped me steal those medals. 147 00:07:39,612 --> 00:07:43,911 And now I literally sleep on a pile of gold. 148 00:07:43,912 --> 00:07:46,911 Ivy, you hear that? Sleeps on gold! 149 00:07:46,912 --> 00:07:49,481 Honestly, with the amount of coke this guy does, 150 00:07:49,482 --> 00:07:51,961 I doubt he's sleeping on anything. 151 00:07:51,962 --> 00:07:54,621 So, how does one recruit goons? 152 00:07:54,622 --> 00:07:56,791 Through a henchmen agency, 153 00:07:56,792 --> 00:07:59,031 - or from popular villain... - Oh, oh, oh, oh... 154 00:07:59,032 --> 00:08:01,331 Yes. The juggler in the third row. 155 00:08:01,332 --> 00:08:05,001 Mr. Zeus, I tried those things and they didn't work. 156 00:08:05,002 --> 00:08:09,601 You can't let rejection stop you. Think about the big boys. 157 00:08:09,602 --> 00:08:12,971 Darkseid. Luthor. Maxie. 158 00:08:12,972 --> 00:08:16,111 - Are we quitters? - No! 159 00:08:16,112 --> 00:08:18,581 Neither are you! 160 00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,081 Okay, I'm out. 161 00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:21,851 Oh, sorry, sorry. Didn't know you were busy. 162 00:08:21,852 --> 00:08:22,951 No, no. Come in. 163 00:08:22,952 --> 00:08:26,291 Just letting my legs breathe. 164 00:08:26,292 --> 00:08:27,935 You were so inspiring. 165 00:08:27,936 --> 00:08:29,903 If you don't mind, I got a couple questions. 166 00:08:29,904 --> 00:08:31,311 And I've got one big answer. 167 00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:37,296 Wow. That's just like one of those paintings, 168 00:08:37,297 --> 00:08:38,812 you know, where the eyes follow you, 169 00:08:38,813 --> 00:08:40,855 except, nope, it's just your greased-up nipples. 170 00:08:40,856 --> 00:08:42,301 Just between us, 171 00:08:42,302 --> 00:08:44,811 I painted it. Shh. 172 00:08:44,812 --> 00:08:47,841 Weird. So, hey, I was wondering if you'd just gimme some pointers. 173 00:08:47,842 --> 00:08:51,111 Well, I can certainly give you one. 174 00:08:51,112 --> 00:08:54,901 Ah, got it! So you're just a creepy dick. 175 00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:57,121 - I'm not fucking you. - Oh, really? 176 00:08:57,122 --> 00:09:00,351 You were laughed out of UTI. 177 00:09:00,352 --> 00:09:02,591 Yeah! Word gets around. 178 00:09:02,592 --> 00:09:04,061 You'll never get a crew! 179 00:09:04,062 --> 00:09:08,131 Because no bad guy will ever work for a woman. 180 00:09:08,132 --> 00:09:10,161 - My two cents. - Then here's mine. 181 00:09:10,162 --> 00:09:13,271 See a urologist, 'cause creepy dick wasn't just an insult, 182 00:09:13,272 --> 00:09:14,601 it was a concern. 183 00:09:14,602 --> 00:09:16,671 And if no bad guy will work with me, 184 00:09:16,672 --> 00:09:20,011 then maybe I don't need a "bad guy". 185 00:09:20,012 --> 00:09:21,841 Harley, I told you this, I work alone. 186 00:09:21,842 --> 00:09:23,511 Alone-ish. 187 00:09:23,512 --> 00:09:25,911 - Don't even get me started right now. - Come on, Ive. 188 00:09:25,912 --> 00:09:28,451 With your ability to control all plant life on Earth, 189 00:09:28,452 --> 00:09:30,359 and my gymnastics, I mean, 190 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,021 there's nothing we can't do if we team up. 191 00:09:32,022 --> 00:09:34,591 I said no. I mean, I got a brand. You know? 192 00:09:34,592 --> 00:09:38,291 It's like, adding gymnastics to it, it's a very muddled message. 193 00:09:38,292 --> 00:09:41,731 Tell her the real reason, you lying motherfucker. 194 00:09:41,732 --> 00:09:44,461 Oh, God, here we go. 195 00:09:44,462 --> 00:09:46,044 All right, so look, 196 00:09:46,045 --> 00:09:48,601 there's a glass ceiling for female supervillains, okay? 197 00:09:48,602 --> 00:09:50,413 Like, sure, we're tolerated, 198 00:09:50,414 --> 00:09:52,341 but as long as we don't get too powerful. 199 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:55,341 - Aren't you being a little dramatic? - Guess whose naive ass 200 00:09:55,342 --> 00:09:57,961 who hasn't heard of the Queen of Fables. 201 00:09:57,962 --> 00:10:01,211 Go on, Ivy, tell your story. I'll set the mood. 202 00:10:01,212 --> 00:10:03,381 All right, all right. Thanks, Frank. 203 00:10:03,382 --> 00:10:07,351 So, a long time ago, way back in the '80s. There was this 204 00:10:07,352 --> 00:10:12,352 powerful sorceress, right? She's known as the Queen of Fables. 205 00:10:13,492 --> 00:10:16,601 Fed up of being a footnote to the male supervillains, 206 00:10:16,602 --> 00:10:21,471 she decided to turn Gotham into an evil force by using sorcery 207 00:10:21,472 --> 00:10:26,041 to pull characters from the pages of storybooks. 208 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:30,411 Until she had a whole army at her command. 209 00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:32,912 - Well, what happened to her? - Ask her yourself. 210 00:10:37,752 --> 00:10:41,851 FYI, bailin' out your klepto aunt with the snow globe fetish 211 00:10:41,852 --> 00:10:43,761 does not count. Next. 212 00:10:43,762 --> 00:10:46,100 Uh, hey, I'm looking for the Queen of Fables? 213 00:10:46,101 --> 00:10:47,791 Just found her, sweetie. 214 00:10:47,792 --> 00:10:49,931 No. Why you lookin' up there for? Here. 215 00:10:49,932 --> 00:10:52,571 The book. Me. I'm stuck in this bullshit. 216 00:10:52,572 --> 00:10:55,041 I've got 20 minutes till my next appointment. What's up? 217 00:10:55,042 --> 00:10:58,301 Hey, my name's Harley Quinn. I'm a new supervillain, 218 00:10:58,302 --> 00:11:00,341 and I was told I should ask what happened to you. 219 00:11:00,342 --> 00:11:04,911 All right, buckle up, honey, it's story time. 220 00:11:04,912 --> 00:11:09,321 So there I was with my crew, a bunch of dumb storybook things, 221 00:11:09,322 --> 00:11:14,322 when the heroes showed up. Ugh! It was a horror. 222 00:11:20,392 --> 00:11:22,961 No, no, no. There's no way Superman did that. 223 00:11:22,962 --> 00:11:25,101 I exaggerate to add flavor. 224 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,919 But the truth is, 225 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:31,691 they punished me in a way no one has ever been punished. 226 00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:35,381 No! 227 00:11:35,382 --> 00:11:39,951 Instead of throwing me into Arkham like any male villain, 228 00:11:39,952 --> 00:11:42,351 they came up with this bullshit. 229 00:11:42,352 --> 00:11:46,161 I mean, a guy robs a bank, he's a criminal mastermind. 230 00:11:46,162 --> 00:11:48,491 - A woman robs a bank... - She's a crazy bitch. 231 00:11:48,492 --> 00:11:50,391 Exactly! Think about it. 232 00:11:50,392 --> 00:11:53,531 A male supervillain can literally look like a deformed penguin, 233 00:11:53,532 --> 00:11:57,261 but God forbid we outshine them even a little bit, 234 00:11:57,262 --> 00:12:01,101 and into the fucking tax book we go, forever. 235 00:12:01,102 --> 00:12:03,271 Yeah, you can get as big as you want, 236 00:12:03,272 --> 00:12:06,811 - as long as you don't get bigger than them. - Yeah. You get it. 237 00:12:06,812 --> 00:12:09,181 And your ambition won't just hurt you, 238 00:12:09,182 --> 00:12:11,381 it'll hurt the people you care most about. 239 00:12:11,382 --> 00:12:14,851 - Birthday cake for the boss at 4:00. - Thanks, Mark. 240 00:12:14,852 --> 00:12:16,751 God, I hate this place. 241 00:12:16,752 --> 00:12:18,299 But at least I'm not on the streets 242 00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:20,075 turning tricks for cash anymore. 243 00:12:20,076 --> 00:12:23,361 Who knows. Maybe your story will turn out different. 244 00:12:23,362 --> 00:12:26,091 I couldn't get a crew 'cause no one believed in me. 245 00:12:26,092 --> 00:12:28,311 So I had to make my own by believing 246 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:30,161 in stupid little things like Mark. 247 00:12:30,162 --> 00:12:32,431 No offense, Mark. 248 00:12:32,432 --> 00:12:35,841 - Queen of Fables, pretty fun, right? - Oh, she was pretty bleak. 249 00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,601 Before I left she was like, "I have to use the bathroom. 250 00:12:38,602 --> 00:12:39,665 There, I did it". 251 00:12:39,666 --> 00:12:42,111 Did you send me to her because you think I can't do this? 252 00:12:42,112 --> 00:12:45,321 No, Harley, I sent you there because I know that you can. 253 00:12:45,322 --> 00:12:49,221 Look... I just wanted you to know what you're up against, 254 00:12:49,222 --> 00:12:52,521 you know, 'cause I, uh... I love ya. 255 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,491 Don't make a thing of it. 256 00:12:57,022 --> 00:12:59,791 Anybody feel this shit but me? 257 00:12:59,792 --> 00:13:02,831 A man can't show emotion! 258 00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:04,361 A man? 259 00:13:04,362 --> 00:13:05,362 Fuck you, Ivy. 260 00:13:05,363 --> 00:13:07,227 Look, I appreciate your warning but 261 00:13:07,228 --> 00:13:08,801 what Queen of Fables made me realize, 262 00:13:08,802 --> 00:13:10,003 is if I want a crew, 263 00:13:10,004 --> 00:13:12,241 I shouldn't be looking for scumbags who believe in me, 264 00:13:12,242 --> 00:13:16,381 I should be looking for scumbags no one else believes in. 265 00:13:16,382 --> 00:13:18,051 Right, okay. 266 00:13:18,052 --> 00:13:21,111 So, so, so, that was the take away from the chain-smoking book, 267 00:13:21,112 --> 00:13:23,021 - and the trick turning cookie? - Yeah! 268 00:13:23,022 --> 00:13:24,621 And I know just where to start. 269 00:13:26,592 --> 00:13:30,061 Welcome back. We have here Dr. Psycho. 270 00:13:30,062 --> 00:13:32,850 He says he's here to apologize 271 00:13:32,851 --> 00:13:35,061 for using the C word. 272 00:13:35,062 --> 00:13:37,731 - Woman hater! - What? 273 00:13:37,732 --> 00:13:39,831 Hate women? I cherish them. 274 00:13:39,832 --> 00:13:44,871 No one on God's green Earth respects women like this one. 275 00:13:44,872 --> 00:13:47,679 I know. I know. Giganta, 276 00:13:47,680 --> 00:13:50,111 girl, how you feelin' about all this? 277 00:13:50,112 --> 00:13:51,751 She is devastated, 278 00:13:51,752 --> 00:13:55,281 that the world is attacking a man she knows is so kind, 279 00:13:55,282 --> 00:13:58,181 - is so loving... - Let's hear it in her own words. 280 00:13:58,182 --> 00:13:59,891 Those are her own words. 281 00:13:59,892 --> 00:14:02,221 I'm a telepath, right? 282 00:14:02,222 --> 00:14:04,991 She thinks it, I say it. Isn't that right, honey? 283 00:14:04,992 --> 00:14:06,091 She said "Right". 284 00:14:06,092 --> 00:14:07,961 She did not say "Right"! 285 00:14:07,962 --> 00:14:10,001 Did y'all hear her say "Right"? 286 00:14:10,002 --> 00:14:14,641 - She was talking to me! - Mmm-hmm. 287 00:14:14,642 --> 00:14:20,311 An individual person who exists outside of you! 288 00:14:20,312 --> 00:14:21,639 - Go, girl. - A person who, 289 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,478 - for years you mind controlled... - Don't do this. 290 00:14:24,479 --> 00:14:26,671 - ... into thinking they loved you! - Do not do this! 291 00:14:26,672 --> 00:14:29,781 A person who is leaving you! 292 00:14:29,782 --> 00:14:31,794 Why, you get back here, 293 00:14:31,795 --> 00:14:34,806 you miserable... [BLEEP] 294 00:14:41,592 --> 00:14:43,501 Holy shit! 295 00:14:43,502 --> 00:14:46,871 He just became the least employable person on Earth. 296 00:14:46,872 --> 00:14:49,601 Exactly. 297 00:14:49,602 --> 00:14:53,241 So, you know, I thought, hey, maybe you should join me and my crew. 298 00:14:53,242 --> 00:14:55,111 Join you? 299 00:14:55,112 --> 00:14:57,361 I'm in the big leagues, mama. 300 00:14:57,362 --> 00:14:58,911 The L.O.D. 301 00:14:58,912 --> 00:15:00,951 The Legion of Doom. 302 00:15:00,952 --> 00:15:02,481 Hard pass! 303 00:15:02,482 --> 00:15:05,321 We cannot condone Dr. Psycho's use of the C Word, 304 00:15:05,322 --> 00:15:07,761 as it does not represent our brand of evil. 305 00:15:07,762 --> 00:15:10,891 We hereby banish him from the Legion of Doom, 306 00:15:10,892 --> 00:15:14,191 Legion of Doom Europe, and The Junior Doomers of America. 307 00:15:14,192 --> 00:15:15,931 Did I say hard pass? 308 00:15:15,932 --> 00:15:17,701 I meant soft accept. 309 00:15:17,702 --> 00:15:19,061 I wanna join your crew. 310 00:15:19,062 --> 00:15:21,293 Not because I think working for a female 311 00:15:21,294 --> 00:15:24,701 will help rehabilitate my ruined image, blah, blah, blah... 312 00:15:24,702 --> 00:15:26,241 It's for other reasons. 313 00:15:26,242 --> 00:15:28,041 I don't hate women! 314 00:15:28,042 --> 00:15:29,641 Kinda seems like you do. 315 00:15:29,642 --> 00:15:32,611 Whoo-hoo, the salty language that comes outta your mouth. 316 00:15:32,612 --> 00:15:35,351 I'm just glad my Mama Jean ain't allowed to hear it. 317 00:15:35,352 --> 00:15:37,643 Even hot southern bartender character 318 00:15:37,644 --> 00:15:38,851 thinks you're a piece of shit. 319 00:15:38,852 --> 00:15:42,245 But I believe in you, and I think you have a part to play. 320 00:15:42,246 --> 00:15:43,761 Did you say a "part"? 321 00:15:43,762 --> 00:15:48,191 Then you must also require the services of... 322 00:15:48,192 --> 00:15:49,701 - Oh! - Fuck, not again. 323 00:15:49,702 --> 00:15:52,031 - ... an actor! - You're damn right I do. 324 00:15:52,032 --> 00:15:53,501 You, me, and Psycho. 325 00:15:53,502 --> 00:15:57,041 This is gonna be the start of something huge. 326 00:15:57,042 --> 00:15:59,011 So, what's our first evil scheme? 327 00:15:59,012 --> 00:16:00,971 Is it a nuke in a volcano? 328 00:16:00,972 --> 00:16:04,551 Evil scheme? Oh, a honey pot heist 329 00:16:04,552 --> 00:16:08,621 where I seduce Gotham's mayor with my saucy Sheila character? 330 00:16:08,622 --> 00:16:12,282 How do you feel about petty, personal vendettas? 331 00:16:14,552 --> 00:16:17,221 No, I'd say more unsettling than creepy. 332 00:16:17,222 --> 00:16:19,931 No, disturbing. That's it. Found it. 333 00:16:19,932 --> 00:16:22,131 All right, we're gonna steal this asshole's gold medals 334 00:16:22,132 --> 00:16:23,896 and anything else we can get out hands on. 335 00:16:23,897 --> 00:16:26,471 - Like the saying goes... - "Hell hath no fury 336 00:16:26,472 --> 00:16:28,331 like a woman scorned". 337 00:16:28,332 --> 00:16:30,441 Oh, I was gonna say, "The prick has it coming". 338 00:16:30,442 --> 00:16:32,842 But yeah, I like your fancy way better. 339 00:16:38,182 --> 00:16:39,375 All right, here's the plan. 340 00:16:39,376 --> 00:16:41,011 Me and Psycho will go in through the back, 341 00:16:41,012 --> 00:16:42,345 find his loot, and clean him out. 342 00:16:42,346 --> 00:16:45,051 Clayface, you go knock on the front door, pretend to be the mailman 343 00:16:45,052 --> 00:16:48,521 - to distract him. - What do we know about this mailman? 344 00:16:48,522 --> 00:16:52,091 What are his dreams? His fears, his raison d'etre? 345 00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:53,521 Who gives a shit? You're just a mailman. 346 00:16:53,522 --> 00:16:55,661 Brilliant! That's what the world sees. 347 00:16:55,662 --> 00:16:56,861 Just a mailman. 348 00:16:56,862 --> 00:16:59,471 But we... We know better, don't we? 349 00:16:59,472 --> 00:17:01,831 He was a horribly neglected little boy, 350 00:17:01,832 --> 00:17:03,501 and he grew up in a cage! 351 00:17:03,502 --> 00:17:05,971 The only time he heard rumblings from the outside world 352 00:17:05,972 --> 00:17:08,177 was when the mailman came, which is 353 00:17:08,178 --> 00:17:10,811 why he spent his whole life dreaming 354 00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:12,141 of being one. 355 00:17:12,142 --> 00:17:15,451 Yeah, no. None of that. You're just a mailman. Deliver the mail. 356 00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:18,651 Oh! She demands perfection, doesn't she? 357 00:17:18,652 --> 00:17:20,751 - And she'll get it. - Mmm-hmm. 358 00:17:20,752 --> 00:17:24,191 My mind is awhirl with a delicious new character 359 00:17:24,192 --> 00:17:27,342 - who you'll soon meet. - No, I can't even. 360 00:17:29,262 --> 00:17:33,131 Who dares disturb a living god, 361 00:17:33,132 --> 00:17:34,471 after 9:00 p.m.? 362 00:17:34,472 --> 00:17:36,471 Here's your mail... Dad. 363 00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,141 - Dad? - Years ago 364 00:17:38,142 --> 00:17:40,411 you met my ma in a piano bar, 365 00:17:40,412 --> 00:17:42,081 and knew you must have her. 366 00:17:42,082 --> 00:17:44,611 Damn what your parents thought. 367 00:17:44,612 --> 00:17:46,851 She might have been from the wrong side of the tracks, 368 00:17:46,852 --> 00:17:49,651 but she was on the right side of your heart. 369 00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:51,391 - The fuck is he doing? - I'm done. 370 00:17:51,392 --> 00:17:53,351 It's really you? 371 00:17:53,352 --> 00:17:55,991 I... I thought I'd lost you forever 372 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,831 after Piano Bar Janet said she 373 00:17:57,832 --> 00:18:00,661 - "took care of it". - Oh, she tried. 374 00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:03,301 - But it didn't take. - Of course it didn't. 375 00:18:03,302 --> 00:18:06,452 For you are half god! 376 00:18:08,602 --> 00:18:12,771 So, who do you need me to mind control to open the door? 377 00:18:12,772 --> 00:18:15,381 No, no, no one. Just squeeze in the crawl space, 378 00:18:15,382 --> 00:18:17,081 get into the house, and open it from the inside. 379 00:18:17,082 --> 00:18:18,611 Are you shittin' me? 380 00:18:18,612 --> 00:18:21,651 I'm a genius telepath, why you wasting me on this? 381 00:18:21,652 --> 00:18:23,321 You're the only thing small enough to fit. 382 00:18:23,322 --> 00:18:24,751 Got it. 383 00:18:24,752 --> 00:18:28,321 Son of a bitch! 384 00:18:28,322 --> 00:18:29,721 Argh! 385 00:18:29,722 --> 00:18:32,831 My eyelashes just touched a dead raccoon! 386 00:18:32,832 --> 00:18:34,831 Quit your bitchin' and keep going. 387 00:18:34,832 --> 00:18:36,461 God this is humiliating. 388 00:18:36,462 --> 00:18:39,431 Son, we have much to catch up on. 389 00:18:39,432 --> 00:18:42,901 Yes, Father. Or should I call you... Dad? 390 00:18:42,902 --> 00:18:46,541 Call me almighty Zeus. God of the sky and thunder. 391 00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:50,641 Supreme ruler of Olympus, and all of Earth below. 392 00:18:50,642 --> 00:18:52,281 Okey-doke. 393 00:18:52,282 --> 00:18:54,751 Wow! And I'm an egomaniac. 394 00:18:54,752 --> 00:18:56,551 Yeah. This looks about right. 395 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,591 Where the fuck does he keep those stupid medals? 396 00:18:58,592 --> 00:19:01,291 Easy. He said he literally sleeps on a pile of gold. 397 00:19:03,422 --> 00:19:05,661 And then after getting the Medal of Honor in war 398 00:19:05,662 --> 00:19:08,401 I toured the world playing ping-pong. 399 00:19:08,402 --> 00:19:11,601 What a remarkable journey your life has been. 400 00:19:11,602 --> 00:19:14,471 And so oddly similar to that of Forrest Gump. 401 00:19:14,472 --> 00:19:16,852 It is rather strange you don't share 402 00:19:16,853 --> 00:19:19,341 your mother's brilliant blue eyes. 403 00:19:19,342 --> 00:19:21,111 My mistake, I guess. 404 00:19:21,112 --> 00:19:22,475 Trick of the light. 405 00:19:22,476 --> 00:19:27,151 Although I don't know how you avoided her family proclivity for... 406 00:19:27,152 --> 00:19:28,551 Hunchback? 407 00:19:28,552 --> 00:19:33,202 Ah-ha! The Olympic gold medals. 408 00:19:35,492 --> 00:19:37,161 What the hell? 409 00:19:37,162 --> 00:19:40,091 Son, you are the spitting image of your mother. 410 00:19:40,092 --> 00:19:43,301 I'm so glad you think so, Daddy Zeus. 411 00:19:43,302 --> 00:19:46,201 But it's so sad she suffered from a lisp. 412 00:19:46,202 --> 00:19:49,701 Oh, you lying piece of shit! 413 00:19:49,702 --> 00:19:53,071 Do you really think I'd fall for this? 414 00:19:53,072 --> 00:19:54,311 Perhaps? 415 00:19:54,312 --> 00:19:56,081 Who do you work for, monstrosity? 416 00:19:56,082 --> 00:19:57,241 Joker? 417 00:19:57,242 --> 00:19:58,711 Oh, no, you didn't! 418 00:19:58,712 --> 00:20:01,081 Wait, wait, wait, don't emasculate him. 419 00:20:01,082 --> 00:20:02,681 Riddler? 420 00:20:02,682 --> 00:20:05,781 No, no, no, he's about to rally. I can feel it. 421 00:20:05,782 --> 00:20:08,021 The Penguin? 422 00:20:08,022 --> 00:20:10,246 Tell me who you work for, creature, 423 00:20:10,247 --> 00:20:12,861 or the next blow will be a killing one. 424 00:20:12,862 --> 00:20:15,631 He works for me, you oily bitch! 425 00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:19,431 Well, if it isn't the girl I chose not to have sex with. 426 00:20:19,432 --> 00:20:21,831 Regrettably, you're too late I'm afraid. 427 00:20:21,832 --> 00:20:23,771 No! 428 00:20:26,472 --> 00:20:27,941 Thanks, Psycho. 429 00:20:27,942 --> 00:20:29,581 All right, dickhead. Just drop the lisp. 430 00:20:29,582 --> 00:20:33,181 I wish I could, but I bit my tongue. 431 00:20:33,182 --> 00:20:36,221 You said no woman could ever get a crew of bad guys. 432 00:20:36,222 --> 00:20:38,541 Well, I didn't just get bad guys, 433 00:20:38,542 --> 00:20:41,191 I got two of the fuckin' worst. 434 00:20:41,192 --> 00:20:42,621 You call that a crew? 435 00:20:42,622 --> 00:20:46,031 A midget and a mudslide? 436 00:20:46,032 --> 00:20:48,631 I'll give you once chance to tell the world 437 00:20:48,632 --> 00:20:51,001 Harley Quinn's crew ain't nothing to fuck with. 438 00:20:51,002 --> 00:20:53,331 Or what? 439 00:21:00,812 --> 00:21:02,311 Fine. 440 00:21:02,312 --> 00:21:06,452 - I'll say it. - Oh, I know you will. 441 00:21:07,922 --> 00:21:11,721 Motivational speaker, and self-proclaimed supervillain, 442 00:21:11,722 --> 00:21:13,821 Maxie Zeus, was found beaten this morning. 443 00:21:13,822 --> 00:21:16,661 Oh, oh! Follow me, follow me. 444 00:21:16,662 --> 00:21:19,061 Mr. Zeus, how did this happen? 445 00:21:19,062 --> 00:21:21,091 Who did this terrible thing to you? 446 00:21:21,092 --> 00:21:23,201 All I can say is, 447 00:21:23,202 --> 00:21:26,801 Harley Quinn's crew ain't nothing to fuck with. 448 00:21:26,802 --> 00:21:29,501 Sounds like Harley Quinn, former girlfriend of the Joker, 449 00:21:29,502 --> 00:21:31,911 is striking out on her own. 450 00:21:31,912 --> 00:21:34,471 Holy fucking shit, Harls. You did it. 451 00:21:34,472 --> 00:21:36,636 I would not have seen that coming. 452 00:21:36,637 --> 00:21:40,381 It's been 30 long years since a female villain had a crew. 453 00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:43,181 When the Queen of Fables tried to smash through that glass ceiling 454 00:21:43,182 --> 00:21:46,491 but was imprisoned in the US Tax Code by The Justice League. 455 00:21:46,492 --> 00:21:48,251 'Cause they're bitches. 456 00:21:48,252 --> 00:21:49,591 But I'll be damned. 457 00:21:49,592 --> 00:21:51,091 Harley's actually going for it. 458 00:21:51,092 --> 00:21:53,531 One thing's for sure, the Joker's ex 459 00:21:53,532 --> 00:21:56,801 may soon become his biggest competitor. 460 00:21:56,802 --> 00:22:00,371 This is... 461 00:22:00,372 --> 00:22:02,741 Well, you know, congratulations. 462 00:22:02,742 --> 00:22:05,711 I mean, I know gold medals aren't a nuclear warhead, 463 00:22:05,712 --> 00:22:07,211 but you gonna start somewhere. 464 00:22:07,212 --> 00:22:08,411 Oh, no, I got a warhead. 465 00:22:08,412 --> 00:22:09,511 I traded the gold medals for it. 466 00:22:09,512 --> 00:22:10,705 Get outta town, where is it? 467 00:22:10,706 --> 00:22:12,811 I used it to blackmail the city just like I said I would. 468 00:22:12,812 --> 00:22:14,881 Hey, y'all, it's me again. This just in, 469 00:22:14,882 --> 00:22:18,451 we take you live to a high-speed chase on the abruptly renamed 470 00:22:18,452 --> 00:22:19,791 Harley Quinn Parkway. 471 00:22:19,792 --> 00:22:22,121 I'll be fuckin' damned. Totally worth it. 472 00:22:22,122 --> 00:22:23,691 Right?