1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:03,000 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com - 2 00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,847 Oh, crazy about Joker and Harley. 3 00:00:25,848 --> 00:00:27,717 I heard they tried an open relationship thing, 4 00:00:27,718 --> 00:00:29,542 which everybody knows only works for gay men. 5 00:00:29,543 --> 00:00:33,567 Your idle gossip distracts me from my master plan. 6 00:00:33,568 --> 00:00:35,327 Break the Batman. 7 00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:37,727 Punish Gotham for its transgressions, 8 00:00:37,728 --> 00:00:41,297 and stand atop the mountain of skulls 9 00:00:41,298 --> 00:00:44,397 left in my wake. 10 00:00:44,398 --> 00:00:47,837 - Anyway, I heard Harley... - Morning. 11 00:00:47,838 --> 00:00:51,137 - How are you? - Fine. Why wouldn't I be? 12 00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:54,147 Because Harley dumped you. 13 00:00:54,148 --> 00:00:58,417 - You know? - People are saying that Harley dumped me? 14 00:01:05,328 --> 00:01:08,327 Please! You know what? I don't even care. 15 00:01:08,328 --> 00:01:12,897 I wish her well. 16 00:01:12,898 --> 00:01:14,197 Ivy, no rush, 17 00:01:14,198 --> 00:01:16,167 but Howie Mandel's only showing 18 00:01:16,168 --> 00:01:18,407 how to turn Thanksgiving leftovers 19 00:01:18,408 --> 00:01:21,037 into an entire nativity scene. 20 00:01:21,038 --> 00:01:22,677 Oh, my God! Wait, what? 21 00:01:22,678 --> 00:01:24,307 Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. 22 00:01:24,308 --> 00:01:25,531 Next, I'm gonna show you 23 00:01:25,532 --> 00:01:27,947 how to make a mashed potato Virgin Mary. 24 00:01:27,948 --> 00:01:30,217 But first, 25 00:01:30,218 --> 00:01:33,465 please welcome my, uh, surprise co-host. 26 00:01:33,466 --> 00:01:36,887 Uh, you know him as the clown prince of crime. 27 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:39,787 Let's give it up for the Joker! 28 00:01:41,258 --> 00:01:42,387 - Shit! - Damn it. 29 00:01:42,388 --> 00:01:44,027 - Ooh. - Get ready, America. 30 00:01:44,028 --> 00:01:46,921 Howie's got something he's dying to tell you. 31 00:01:46,922 --> 00:01:49,597 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not Howie! 32 00:01:49,598 --> 00:01:51,397 You know what's stupid? 33 00:01:51,398 --> 00:01:54,667 Me, for playfully implying on yesterday's show that 34 00:01:54,668 --> 00:01:56,177 the celebrity villain couple, 35 00:01:56,178 --> 00:01:59,247 formerly known as "JoQuinn" is no more. 36 00:01:59,248 --> 00:02:00,577 Thanks, Howie. 37 00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,847 When I dumped poor, sad, what's her name... 38 00:02:02,848 --> 00:02:04,417 - She's right over here. - Frank. 39 00:02:04,418 --> 00:02:06,447 I promised I would respect her wishes 40 00:02:06,448 --> 00:02:09,817 to drift into the darkness of total anonymity. 41 00:02:09,818 --> 00:02:12,787 And for the record, our couple name was... 42 00:02:12,788 --> 00:02:15,627 - "Joker". - Oh, that liar trying to blow up 43 00:02:15,628 --> 00:02:18,373 the cleanest and nicest talk show host in television! 44 00:02:18,374 --> 00:02:19,997 Just ignore him. He's baiting you. 45 00:02:19,998 --> 00:02:21,391 It's not worth getting angry over. 46 00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:24,467 Sorry, but that's all the time we have today, Howie. 47 00:02:24,468 --> 00:02:26,267 And speaking of time, 48 00:02:26,268 --> 00:02:28,337 yours is running out. 49 00:02:28,338 --> 00:02:30,961 I need a very brave wardrobe girl! 50 00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:33,671 Jesus, Harls. 51 00:02:33,672 --> 00:02:35,477 This is why I don't put the good TV out. 52 00:02:35,478 --> 00:02:37,407 Good TV? Where you hiding that bad boy? 53 00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:40,147 If he thinks I'm just gonna fade away into obscurity, 54 00:02:40,148 --> 00:02:41,341 he doesn't know what's coming. 55 00:02:41,342 --> 00:02:42,957 Who cares? You're doing great. 56 00:02:42,958 --> 00:02:45,601 You got a killer new outfit, you started meditating. 57 00:02:45,602 --> 00:02:47,387 I haven't started yet. I just downloaded the app. 58 00:02:47,388 --> 00:02:48,457 That's a first step. 59 00:02:48,458 --> 00:02:49,927 You're a strong, independent woman 60 00:02:49,928 --> 00:02:51,527 who doesn't care what other people think. 61 00:02:51,528 --> 00:02:53,097 Right! Who cares what Joker 62 00:02:53,098 --> 00:02:55,167 and his stupid Legion of Doom buddies think. 63 00:02:55,168 --> 00:02:56,937 - Exactly! - Preach! 64 00:02:56,938 --> 00:02:59,437 Hell, I'll show them in person how little I care. 65 00:02:59,438 --> 00:03:01,001 What? No. What are you doing? 66 00:03:01,002 --> 00:03:03,707 - Logging into Joker's calendar. - Oh, God, we're off the rails. 67 00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:05,037 No, let it play out. 68 00:03:05,038 --> 00:03:06,847 Oh, hey, there's a party at the Gotham Mint 69 00:03:06,848 --> 00:03:08,747 with the Legion of Doom guys tomorrow! 70 00:03:08,748 --> 00:03:11,017 Oh, if he wants to fuck with me in public, 71 00:03:11,018 --> 00:03:12,447 I will fuck right back! 72 00:03:12,448 --> 00:03:14,247 - Please do not do this. - Please do that shit. 73 00:03:14,248 --> 00:03:15,517 I'm just gonna show those guys 74 00:03:15,518 --> 00:03:16,917 how awesome I'm doing without him. 75 00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:18,068 It'll be so fun! 76 00:03:18,069 --> 00:03:21,259 And you can meet a hot guy and use your cool love potion. 77 00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:23,797 This isn't a love potion. It's my distilled pheromones. 78 00:03:23,798 --> 00:03:25,467 It makes men infatuated with me 79 00:03:25,468 --> 00:03:27,437 and then kills them by turning them into plants. 80 00:03:27,438 --> 00:03:28,797 Right, a love potion. 81 00:03:28,798 --> 00:03:31,637 - Please come with me. Please! - No. 82 00:03:31,638 --> 00:03:33,407 - Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. - Stop. 83 00:03:33,408 --> 00:03:36,507 - Frank, shut up. Saying no again. - Do it. Do it. Do it. 84 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,801 What? Stop saying "do it". 85 00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,247 Do it, do it, do it. 86 00:03:39,248 --> 00:03:40,707 - Fine. - Yes. 87 00:03:40,708 --> 00:03:43,347 Oh, shit. Howie exploded. 88 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,735 - No! - Not Howie. 89 00:03:45,736 --> 00:03:48,717 - Joker, you son of a bitch! - That's my phone, uh... 90 00:04:34,068 --> 00:04:37,544 Did you know that this party was for children? 91 00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:38,942 I do now. 92 00:04:38,943 --> 00:04:41,207 Although, technically, one boy becomes a man today. 93 00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:44,407 Are you one of the dancers for my nephew's bar mitzvah? 94 00:04:44,408 --> 00:04:46,207 Jesus, Harley! 95 00:04:47,708 --> 00:04:50,517 Rock bottom came fast as the Joker dumped you. 96 00:04:50,518 --> 00:04:52,087 Uh, she dumped him, 97 00:04:52,088 --> 00:04:54,635 and you smell like shrimp shit. Excuse us. 98 00:04:54,636 --> 00:04:55,987 - We should leave. - No, no, no, no, no. 99 00:04:55,988 --> 00:04:57,557 All the Legion bigwigs are here. 100 00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:58,887 I came to show 'em how great 101 00:04:58,888 --> 00:05:00,687 I'm doing and I am gonna! 102 00:05:00,688 --> 00:05:02,457 This isn't your coming out party. 103 00:05:02,458 --> 00:05:04,449 It's a 13-year-old boy's coming out party. 104 00:05:04,450 --> 00:05:05,667 Look, a lot of people made 105 00:05:05,668 --> 00:05:06,927 a name for themselves at parties. 106 00:05:06,928 --> 00:05:08,537 Bane, he decided to blow up 107 00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:10,537 Gotham Stadium during Trivia Night. 108 00:05:10,538 --> 00:05:13,742 - Oh, the Dallas Cowboys. - Incorrect. 109 00:05:13,743 --> 00:05:15,177 The Steelers have won 110 00:05:15,178 --> 00:05:17,107 the most games at Gotham Stadium. 111 00:05:17,108 --> 00:05:19,677 I'm gonna blow up Gotham Stadium. 112 00:05:19,678 --> 00:05:21,672 Fine, just don't leave me alone. 113 00:05:21,673 --> 00:05:24,277 Or some like D-list villain will hit on me 114 00:05:24,278 --> 00:05:25,817 or ask to do a heist with me 115 00:05:25,818 --> 00:05:28,747 and the longer we wait... Okay, she's gone. 116 00:05:28,748 --> 00:05:30,657 Kite Man. 117 00:05:30,658 --> 00:05:33,487 What? What was that? Whoa. 118 00:05:33,488 --> 00:05:38,497 Did I just hear the wind say "Kite Man?" 119 00:05:38,498 --> 00:05:40,227 I think you're alone in that. 120 00:05:40,228 --> 00:05:41,397 Hell yeah! 121 00:05:41,398 --> 00:05:43,397 Good God. 122 00:05:43,398 --> 00:05:46,067 I need a permit for a trap door? 123 00:05:46,068 --> 00:05:47,107 The whole point is 124 00:05:47,108 --> 00:05:48,767 no one is supposed to know about it! 125 00:05:48,768 --> 00:05:50,377 Especially the City. 126 00:05:50,378 --> 00:05:52,777 I need this lair rebuilt now. 127 00:05:53,972 --> 00:05:55,701 Knock, knock, who's there? It's me, Joker. 128 00:05:55,702 --> 00:05:58,617 You will never guess who's at the bar mitzvah. 129 00:05:58,618 --> 00:06:00,147 Jesus, Bane! 130 00:06:00,148 --> 00:06:03,387 I don't have time for a guessing game. Hang on. 131 00:06:03,388 --> 00:06:05,657 Those shoes have black soles! 132 00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:07,087 Put plastic booties on. 133 00:06:07,088 --> 00:06:10,027 Harley is at Penguin's nephew's bar mitzvah. 134 00:06:10,028 --> 00:06:11,897 She crashed the stupid thing? 135 00:06:11,898 --> 00:06:14,697 Yeah, seems like she's doing pretty well. 136 00:06:14,698 --> 00:06:16,967 Brought a tiger. Pretty cool. 137 00:06:16,968 --> 00:06:19,567 What? Anyone can buy a tiger. 138 00:06:19,568 --> 00:06:21,507 You know she has HPV, right? 139 00:06:21,508 --> 00:06:24,437 Most sexually active adults do. 140 00:06:24,438 --> 00:06:27,038 Shut up! I'm on my way. 141 00:06:27,608 --> 00:06:29,917 Uh-oh! Who are these troublemakers? 142 00:06:29,918 --> 00:06:32,547 Nah, I'm just kidding. I know it's you, Scarecrow, 143 00:06:32,548 --> 00:06:34,417 Two-Face, other half of Two-Face, 144 00:06:34,418 --> 00:06:35,747 Bane. 145 00:06:37,018 --> 00:06:39,257 I'm going to blow up this bar mitzvah. 146 00:06:39,258 --> 00:06:41,927 Quinn, great to see you. Where you been hiding? 147 00:06:41,928 --> 00:06:44,097 On your left, where you can't see shit. 148 00:06:45,498 --> 00:06:48,367 So, guess who has a plan to finally get rid of Batman? 149 00:06:48,368 --> 00:06:50,597 Ya girl. 150 00:06:50,598 --> 00:06:52,707 Look who's' trying to run 151 00:06:52,708 --> 00:06:53,837 before she can crawl. 152 00:06:55,708 --> 00:06:56,907 Mazel tov! 153 00:06:56,908 --> 00:06:59,077 - Jesus. - Glad you're here, J-Man. 154 00:06:59,078 --> 00:07:00,877 Pull up a chair. Doesn't bother me. 155 00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:02,877 So, who's goin' beef and who's goin' chicken? 156 00:07:02,878 --> 00:07:04,617 You are going somewhere else. 157 00:07:04,618 --> 00:07:06,817 Because this is the Legion of Doom table! 158 00:07:06,818 --> 00:07:09,757 Why don't you go find the Crazy Bitch table? 159 00:07:09,758 --> 00:07:11,887 Spoiler: It's not a real table. 160 00:07:11,888 --> 00:07:13,557 That was implied! 161 00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:17,527 Who wants to ditch this jester and tear up Gotham with me? 162 00:07:20,598 --> 00:07:21,867 Laugh. Laugh with me. 163 00:07:24,398 --> 00:07:26,007 You know what? Who needs ya? 164 00:07:26,008 --> 00:07:29,183 This table's too far away from the dance floor anyway. 165 00:07:32,208 --> 00:07:34,147 Ugh, can you believe those assholes? 166 00:07:34,148 --> 00:07:36,017 You know what? I don't need 'em. I'll sit with you guys. 167 00:07:36,018 --> 00:07:39,887 Uh, no. This is the Joshua best friends' table. 168 00:07:39,888 --> 00:07:41,617 Unless, you're the girl 169 00:07:41,618 --> 00:07:43,187 that Joshua fingerbanged at Camp. 170 00:07:43,188 --> 00:07:44,957 If I said yes, would you let me sit here? 171 00:07:44,958 --> 00:07:48,997 Trick question. Joshua has never fingerbanged anyone. 172 00:07:48,998 --> 00:07:50,427 Ha! 173 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:54,267 So, Ivy-Ivy-Bo-Bivy. 174 00:07:54,268 --> 00:07:56,137 Um, let me ask you a personal question. 175 00:07:56,138 --> 00:07:59,437 Have you ever seen Gotham Central Park... 176 00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:02,337 - From the sky? - From the sky! 177 00:08:02,338 --> 00:08:04,283 Yeah, you get it. Okay, you know, I was thinking, 178 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,647 you and I should do a heist together. 179 00:08:06,648 --> 00:08:07,901 Uh, you know what? 180 00:08:07,902 --> 00:08:11,147 I'm just really kinda worn out from all the heist stuff. 181 00:08:11,148 --> 00:08:12,617 It's just kinda hard being such 182 00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,317 a weak woman and whatnot. 183 00:08:14,318 --> 00:08:15,457 Yeah. I bet. 184 00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:17,517 Um, but, hey, I'll do all the heavy-lifting. 185 00:08:17,518 --> 00:08:18,757 You don't have to break a nail. 186 00:08:18,758 --> 00:08:21,487 It'll be a breeze. 187 00:08:21,488 --> 00:08:22,609 - Breeze. - Yeah. 188 00:08:22,610 --> 00:08:24,203 It's just 'cause my powers are wind-based. 189 00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,457 You don't have powers! 190 00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:27,027 You just have a kite like every kid 191 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,827 in every park across the world. 192 00:08:28,828 --> 00:08:30,297 And she doesn't want to do a heist with you 193 00:08:30,298 --> 00:08:31,767 'cause you're stupid! 194 00:08:31,768 --> 00:08:36,277 - Do you think I'm stupid? - I mean, don't you? 195 00:08:36,278 --> 00:08:38,577 These assholes always pretended to be my friends. 196 00:08:38,578 --> 00:08:41,907 But they're really just... assholes! 197 00:08:41,908 --> 00:08:43,647 They think I am not in their league, 198 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:45,747 but they don't know shit! 199 00:08:45,748 --> 00:08:48,017 Hi, girls. So glad you could come. 200 00:08:48,018 --> 00:08:49,987 I know we're all evil here, 201 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,057 but maybe we could put a little sugar 202 00:08:52,058 --> 00:08:53,757 on that salty language, 203 00:08:53,758 --> 00:08:54,787 you know, for the kids. 204 00:08:54,788 --> 00:08:56,727 Sorry, Mrs. Cobblepot. 205 00:08:56,728 --> 00:08:58,227 Yeah, never again. Sorry. 206 00:08:58,228 --> 00:08:59,667 Dude, we got to get the fuck out of here. 207 00:08:59,668 --> 00:09:02,167 Hell, no. I'm not giving up. 208 00:09:02,168 --> 00:09:03,667 I'll show these Legion guys 209 00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:05,637 I can do something not even they can! 210 00:09:05,638 --> 00:09:07,207 What's one thing in this room, 211 00:09:07,208 --> 00:09:09,307 none of them ever had the balls to try? 212 00:09:09,308 --> 00:09:11,747 The fruit salad? 213 00:09:11,748 --> 00:09:12,877 Even worse. 214 00:09:12,878 --> 00:09:15,507 I'm gonna rob the Gotham Mint. 215 00:09:15,508 --> 00:09:19,347 Oh. 216 00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,147 No cuts! 217 00:09:21,148 --> 00:09:23,087 All right, Stop. Let's get real for a second. 218 00:09:23,088 --> 00:09:25,457 The Gotham Mint is impenetrable. 219 00:09:25,458 --> 00:09:26,528 They're so confident, 220 00:09:26,529 --> 00:09:29,327 they rented the atrium out to the Legion of Doom. 221 00:09:29,328 --> 00:09:30,857 Look, I'm doing this thing, all right? 222 00:09:30,858 --> 00:09:32,197 - What if Batman shows up? - I'll kill him. 223 00:09:32,198 --> 00:09:33,834 - Where's the getaway car? - I'll steal one. 224 00:09:33,835 --> 00:09:35,767 - Where will you put all the money? - Look around. 225 00:09:35,768 --> 00:09:37,037 Every kid's wearing a backpack. 226 00:09:37,038 --> 00:09:38,267 Gah! Look, Ivy, 227 00:09:38,268 --> 00:09:39,837 all the reasons you said it can't work 228 00:09:39,838 --> 00:09:41,648 are exactly the reasons I gotta do it! 229 00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,227 They might not like me, 230 00:09:43,228 --> 00:09:44,837 but they will respect the shit out of me. 231 00:09:44,838 --> 00:09:46,947 All right, fine. Just go. Go steal the money. 232 00:09:46,948 --> 00:09:49,407 Just do me one favor, okay? Don't leave me alone here, 233 00:09:49,408 --> 00:09:50,547 because... Oh! 234 00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:52,717 Party's a drag, huh? 235 00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:55,747 I really should quit, but, I just can't. 236 00:09:55,748 --> 00:09:56,987 Go away, fragile child. 237 00:09:56,988 --> 00:09:59,708 Hey, how about we ditch this shindig 238 00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:03,297 and sneak into a PG-13 movie? 239 00:10:04,558 --> 00:10:06,027 My love potion? 240 00:10:06,028 --> 00:10:09,697 I stole your juice and I gave it to these kids. 241 00:10:09,698 --> 00:10:11,897 - Hell yeah! - You're an idiot. 242 00:10:11,898 --> 00:10:14,107 Ooh, you mispronounced "genius". 243 00:10:14,108 --> 00:10:17,377 No, that potion makes people fall in love with me 244 00:10:17,378 --> 00:10:18,378 and then kills them. 245 00:10:18,379 --> 00:10:20,571 - What? - Yes! What did you think, 246 00:10:20,572 --> 00:10:21,827 you kite-fucking freak? 247 00:10:21,828 --> 00:10:23,917 My name is Poison Ivy. 248 00:10:23,918 --> 00:10:26,517 Damn! See, this is why I stick to the kites. 249 00:10:26,518 --> 00:10:28,717 So simple. 250 00:10:28,718 --> 00:10:30,817 Ha! 251 00:10:33,288 --> 00:10:36,857 The vault must be around here somewhere. 252 00:10:41,396 --> 00:10:42,396 Bingo. 253 00:11:11,198 --> 00:11:13,427 We gotta get an antidote before these kids die. 254 00:11:13,428 --> 00:11:14,901 It's in my apartment across town, 255 00:11:14,902 --> 00:11:16,337 so we need to get there quick. 256 00:11:16,338 --> 00:11:18,037 Quick as a kite? 257 00:11:18,038 --> 00:11:19,767 - Oh, God. - Weather permitting. 258 00:11:19,768 --> 00:11:21,037 Fine, hit the button. 259 00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:22,161 Is it raining out? 260 00:11:22,162 --> 00:11:24,007 It looked a little overcast when I came in. 261 00:11:24,008 --> 00:11:25,907 Oh, shut the fuck up. Let's go. 262 00:11:25,908 --> 00:11:27,207 ... look at my phone here. 263 00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:28,877 No, I think we're good. 264 00:11:30,778 --> 00:11:33,287 Ugh! My chicken is rubbery. 265 00:11:33,288 --> 00:11:34,957 Mmm, your beef looks good. 266 00:11:34,958 --> 00:11:37,187 Uh, fine. 267 00:11:37,188 --> 00:11:39,527 Ah, ah, I might finish that. 268 00:11:39,528 --> 00:11:41,827 Oh, well, then, what are we doing? 269 00:11:41,828 --> 00:11:43,727 Hey, everybody, let's give it up 270 00:11:43,728 --> 00:11:45,997 for Joshua's bar mitzvah, huh? 271 00:11:47,028 --> 00:11:49,097 It was very special for me. 272 00:11:49,098 --> 00:11:51,367 It was when I realized it was my dream 273 00:11:51,368 --> 00:11:52,807 to become a crime lord. 274 00:11:52,808 --> 00:11:54,367 Aw. 275 00:11:54,368 --> 00:11:58,037 So today, I force that dream on to you. 276 00:12:02,378 --> 00:12:03,817 Okay, Joshua... 277 00:12:03,818 --> 00:12:05,987 Get ready for your first caper. 278 00:12:05,988 --> 00:12:08,617 Good luck fighting off the guards, 279 00:12:08,618 --> 00:12:09,681 also known as 280 00:12:09,682 --> 00:12:13,457 Gotham Chucklehut's finest improvisers... 281 00:12:13,458 --> 00:12:15,697 and stealing that cash-ola, 282 00:12:15,698 --> 00:12:18,027 otherwise known as... 283 00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,597 Joshua Bucks? 284 00:12:19,598 --> 00:12:20,627 Oh, no! 285 00:12:20,628 --> 00:12:23,967 Go, Joshua... Oh, my God! 286 00:12:23,968 --> 00:12:27,337 Hey, Joshy, mazel tov. 287 00:12:30,578 --> 00:12:32,177 This is fantastic. 288 00:12:32,178 --> 00:12:33,647 You're probably not laughing 289 00:12:33,648 --> 00:12:36,017 because this is sort of how you screw up. 290 00:12:37,019 --> 00:12:39,687 You ruined the bar mitzvah. 291 00:12:39,688 --> 00:12:42,357 - And crippled an improv troupe! - Meh. Well. 292 00:12:42,358 --> 00:12:44,857 And that's our show, folks! 293 00:12:44,858 --> 00:12:49,327 I got this. 294 00:12:49,328 --> 00:12:50,997 Say good night, puddin'. 295 00:12:50,998 --> 00:12:53,967 You think this is gonna... 296 00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:56,667 stop me? 297 00:12:56,668 --> 00:12:59,907 She even sounds like you. 298 00:12:59,908 --> 00:13:02,407 Oh, I don't think... Do I sound like... 299 00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:05,137 You never hear your own voice, I guess. 300 00:13:09,048 --> 00:13:10,317 Sometimes, I just fly 301 00:13:10,318 --> 00:13:12,177 to have a quiet place to think. 302 00:13:12,178 --> 00:13:14,817 You know, just really let my thoughts just run wild. 303 00:13:14,818 --> 00:13:17,368 Thoughts? Plural? 304 00:13:21,996 --> 00:13:23,909 All right, I'll get the antidote. 305 00:13:23,910 --> 00:13:27,073 And you know, just don't, like, touch anything. 306 00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:29,624 Uh... 307 00:13:33,243 --> 00:13:35,482 All right, let's boogie. 308 00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:36,882 Kite Man? 309 00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:37,933 Oh, no. 310 00:13:44,053 --> 00:13:46,592 Kite Man. Hell yeah! 311 00:13:46,593 --> 00:13:47,792 What are you doing? 312 00:13:47,793 --> 00:13:50,232 Getting ready to have sex. 313 00:13:50,233 --> 00:13:51,233 Why? 314 00:13:51,234 --> 00:13:55,432 Because after a great date, you usually have sex. 315 00:13:57,473 --> 00:13:59,402 Sorry, sorry. I was gonna say something, 316 00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,672 but I wanted to see how all this played out. 317 00:14:01,673 --> 00:14:03,372 - Oh, shut up, Frank. - Ooh! 318 00:14:03,373 --> 00:14:05,523 I'm gonna need you to put your clothes back on 319 00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:06,942 because this was not a date. 320 00:14:06,943 --> 00:14:08,882 Excuse me, if this wasn't a date, 321 00:14:08,883 --> 00:14:10,862 why did you bring me back to your place? 322 00:14:10,863 --> 00:14:11,833 For the antidote! 323 00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:13,552 Oh, I thought that was just a line. 324 00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,422 - Why would I use a line on you? - I don't know! 325 00:14:15,423 --> 00:14:16,992 I mean why would you even have me come? 326 00:14:16,993 --> 00:14:18,362 I mean, a cab would've been faster. 327 00:14:18,363 --> 00:14:19,935 You know it, I know it, we all know it. 328 00:14:19,936 --> 00:14:21,922 Jesus, get dressed. 329 00:14:30,933 --> 00:14:33,871 Cut the song. No Horah for Harley. 330 00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:36,312 Hey, it's gonna take more than a souped up parasol 331 00:14:36,313 --> 00:14:37,672 to keep me from kicking your ass, 332 00:14:37,673 --> 00:14:38,912 you fat flightless bird. 333 00:14:38,913 --> 00:14:40,512 The mouth on her. 334 00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,412 What better way to become a man than by... 335 00:14:42,413 --> 00:14:45,206 Ooh, than touching your umbrella? Whoo. 336 00:14:45,207 --> 00:14:49,492 Yes, I've been waiting for this! 337 00:14:49,493 --> 00:14:50,722 Any last words 338 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:55,022 before I kill your dumb blonde, stupid, smelly... 339 00:14:55,023 --> 00:14:56,562 That's too many adjectives. 340 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,132 ... idiot ass? 341 00:14:58,133 --> 00:15:00,132 Hey, Joshua, make sure you aim it 342 00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,232 directly at my head, 343 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,472 'cause you don't want to miss 344 00:15:02,473 --> 00:15:04,172 in front of your friends and family. 345 00:15:04,173 --> 00:15:05,672 I won't miss. 346 00:15:05,673 --> 00:15:07,102 I don't know. 347 00:15:07,103 --> 00:15:09,942 That trembly finger's telling a different story. 348 00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,312 It's not trembly. 349 00:15:11,313 --> 00:15:12,942 I just... I've never shot an umbrella before. 350 00:15:12,943 --> 00:15:15,512 I bet there are a lot of things that you've never done 351 00:15:15,513 --> 00:15:17,082 like drunk a beer. 352 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,658 I drunk a beer, like all the time. 353 00:15:19,659 --> 00:15:21,022 I always drunk beers. 354 00:15:21,023 --> 00:15:23,352 I bet you still believe in Santy Claus. 355 00:15:23,353 --> 00:15:26,822 I don't! I'm Jewish and today, I'm a man. 356 00:15:26,823 --> 00:15:28,162 Oh, that's right, 357 00:15:28,163 --> 00:15:31,033 I forgot I'm talking to a newly grown man. 358 00:15:31,034 --> 00:15:34,130 I mean, after all, you've already fingerbanged somebody. 359 00:15:35,333 --> 00:15:37,472 - Wait, what? - I mean, you have, haven't you? 360 00:15:37,473 --> 00:15:40,472 You didn't lie about such an important milestone, right? 361 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:45,872 - Yeah, it happened. - Are you sure? 362 00:15:45,873 --> 00:15:48,363 I... I don't know. 363 00:15:51,213 --> 00:15:55,707 - So, um, obviously, I misread some signals. - Mm-hmm. 364 00:15:55,708 --> 00:15:58,441 I hope me taking off my clothes didn't come across as... 365 00:15:58,442 --> 00:16:00,262 Creepy? It did. It didn't. Did. 366 00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:03,592 Right. Yeah, no. I apologize. 367 00:16:03,593 --> 00:16:07,282 It's just, I have never been alone with a woman 368 00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:08,602 of your caliber. 369 00:16:08,603 --> 00:16:11,702 - Oh, you don't have to... - Your eyes, your smile... 370 00:16:11,703 --> 00:16:14,372 Your silky, shimmering... 371 00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:15,672 Oh, God. You know what? 372 00:16:15,673 --> 00:16:18,482 Strong woman... osity? The... 373 00:16:18,483 --> 00:16:22,142 I'm gonna be quiet for a while. 374 00:16:22,143 --> 00:16:25,782 You know, it is kind of cool 375 00:16:25,783 --> 00:16:27,152 seeing the park from the sky. 376 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:29,552 I mean, when you're not talking, 377 00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:32,922 and we're just kinda soaring majestically, 378 00:16:32,923 --> 00:16:34,222 you're not so bad. 379 00:16:34,223 --> 00:16:35,723 Hell yeah. 380 00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,032 Oh, shit. 381 00:16:42,033 --> 00:16:43,302 Something's going on down there. 382 00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,702 I... I don't know. 383 00:16:45,703 --> 00:16:48,112 It was at camp, at night. 384 00:16:48,113 --> 00:16:50,172 It was me and her and it was dark. 385 00:16:50,173 --> 00:16:52,112 I definitely did something. 386 00:16:52,113 --> 00:16:54,212 Oh, Joshy. 387 00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:56,852 Do you really think you're ready to kill someone 388 00:16:56,853 --> 00:17:01,622 if you've never even finger blasted a girl? 389 00:17:01,623 --> 00:17:03,122 You're right. 390 00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,452 I'm not ready. 391 00:17:05,863 --> 00:17:07,722 I told you we should've gotten him the dollhouse 392 00:17:07,723 --> 00:17:09,062 like he asked, Oswald. 393 00:17:09,063 --> 00:17:10,932 It's not a doll house! 394 00:17:10,933 --> 00:17:12,192 It's an army base 395 00:17:12,193 --> 00:17:14,532 with sound effects of real screams 396 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:16,532 and it's the only thing I wanted! 397 00:17:16,533 --> 00:17:18,232 You're dead, Quinn. 398 00:17:20,343 --> 00:17:22,542 Hell, yeah! 399 00:17:22,543 --> 00:17:24,172 Hey, did they do cake yet? 400 00:17:24,173 --> 00:17:26,482 Not yet. 401 00:17:27,613 --> 00:17:29,412 I though that was gonna be way cooler. 402 00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:30,952 Harley! 403 00:17:30,953 --> 00:17:32,429 You're not a solo act. 404 00:17:32,430 --> 00:17:34,552 You're a sidekick, an afterthought. 405 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,956 No one is ever going to take you seriously. 406 00:17:36,957 --> 00:17:39,362 Admit you're nothing without me 407 00:17:39,363 --> 00:17:41,162 and you walk away alive. 408 00:17:41,163 --> 00:17:42,722 Or you can die. 409 00:17:45,193 --> 00:17:46,662 Well, easy choice. 410 00:17:46,663 --> 00:17:49,332 Uh, lovely bar mitzvah. Mazel, mazel. 411 00:17:49,333 --> 00:17:50,872 - Are you leaving? - Ha, no. 412 00:17:50,873 --> 00:17:53,502 I ain't admitting shit! 413 00:17:53,503 --> 00:17:54,503 Boys? 414 00:17:58,643 --> 00:18:00,642 - I got Two-Face. - I got Scarecrow. 415 00:18:00,643 --> 00:18:02,012 I, um... 416 00:18:02,013 --> 00:18:03,052 Oh, dear God. 417 00:18:03,053 --> 00:18:04,322 Oh, wow. 418 00:18:05,913 --> 00:18:08,152 You're looming. 419 00:18:08,153 --> 00:18:11,062 Um, all right, well, I'll take, um... 420 00:18:11,063 --> 00:18:14,162 If you don't mind, if you could scooch just a little. 421 00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:16,362 Boom! On-site coordinator. 422 00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:18,662 Looking kinda brittle there. Won't see it comi... 423 00:18:20,263 --> 00:18:22,802 I wanna go home. 424 00:18:31,513 --> 00:18:33,082 Ive, gun! 425 00:18:33,083 --> 00:18:34,942 Got it. 426 00:18:34,943 --> 00:18:36,383 Hey! 427 00:18:54,403 --> 00:18:57,232 Let's get out of here. 428 00:18:57,233 --> 00:18:59,672 No, let's fight. Maybe Kite Man can help. 429 00:19:02,173 --> 00:19:03,572 Bane! 430 00:19:03,573 --> 00:19:05,812 Quit dicking around with Kite Man 431 00:19:05,813 --> 00:19:06,912 and get those two. 432 00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,382 But he was attacking me. 433 00:19:08,383 --> 00:19:10,152 With what? A kite? 434 00:19:10,153 --> 00:19:13,682 Just do what I tell you, you dumb, freakish monster. 435 00:19:13,683 --> 00:19:16,592 Bane, why are you letting him talk to you like that? 436 00:19:16,593 --> 00:19:18,268 In fact, why do any of you 437 00:19:18,269 --> 00:19:19,692 let him talk to you like that? 438 00:19:19,693 --> 00:19:21,492 He doesn't even have powers! 439 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,662 His only power is bullying you into doing what he wants. 440 00:19:24,663 --> 00:19:27,432 I should know. He did it to me for years. 441 00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:30,202 Don't listen to her. She's nothing! 442 00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,542 She makes a good point. 443 00:19:31,543 --> 00:19:33,872 I don't like how you called me a monster. 444 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,812 - Yeah, that was pretty harsh. - Oh, yeah. 445 00:19:35,813 --> 00:19:38,242 Oh, my God! It's just an expression. 446 00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:40,442 Also, let's talk about dinner. 447 00:19:40,443 --> 00:19:42,312 I selected the beef well in advance 448 00:19:42,313 --> 00:19:43,612 and you stole it from me. 449 00:19:43,613 --> 00:19:45,252 You said you didn't even 450 00:19:45,253 --> 00:19:47,622 want to come to this "stupid thing". 451 00:19:47,623 --> 00:19:50,492 My feelings exactly. 452 00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:53,492 This is a monumental night for young Joshua. 453 00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:56,092 I'm the Joker, all right? 454 00:19:56,093 --> 00:19:57,802 I was joking, okay? 455 00:19:57,803 --> 00:20:00,902 Oh, my God! I'll kill Harley myself. 456 00:20:00,903 --> 00:20:04,372 Ivy, if you could just, you know, move over, 457 00:20:04,373 --> 00:20:05,742 so I could just kill your friend. 458 00:20:05,743 --> 00:20:08,342 Absolutely. Over my dead body. 459 00:20:08,343 --> 00:20:11,772 Ugh! Female friendships. 460 00:20:11,773 --> 00:20:14,012 Ha! 461 00:20:23,993 --> 00:20:25,422 Hold on. 462 00:20:25,423 --> 00:20:29,462 I'm getting a cell call from my contractor. 463 00:20:29,463 --> 00:20:32,202 What? This is the Joker. Come again. Yeah, whatever. 464 00:20:32,203 --> 00:20:35,302 What do you mean they're not going to start till 10:00? 465 00:20:35,303 --> 00:20:36,932 Ugh! Can you believe this? 466 00:20:36,933 --> 00:20:38,872 They're calling it a residential zone. 467 00:20:38,873 --> 00:20:40,642 It's an abandoned amusement park 468 00:20:40,643 --> 00:20:42,642 at the end of a rotting pier! 469 00:20:42,643 --> 00:20:47,112 I'll, uh... Yeah, coming over right now. 470 00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,382 Let's put a pin in this. 471 00:20:48,383 --> 00:20:49,812 You understand. 472 00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,682 - So, are we good to leave now? - Yeah. 473 00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:53,422 I can't believe you talked me into coming to this. 474 00:20:53,423 --> 00:20:55,322 Don't forget your party favors. 475 00:20:55,323 --> 00:20:58,422 Thank you, Mrs. Cobblepot. 476 00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:01,992 Aw, such sweet girls. 477 00:21:01,993 --> 00:21:03,732 So, do you realize now 478 00:21:03,733 --> 00:21:05,232 that you don't have to prove to anyone 479 00:21:05,233 --> 00:21:06,502 how awesome you are? 480 00:21:06,503 --> 00:21:07,932 Yes, except for the Legion of Doom. 481 00:21:07,933 --> 00:21:10,372 I need to get into the Legion of Doom. 482 00:21:10,373 --> 00:21:11,772 What? After all of this, 483 00:21:11,773 --> 00:21:13,642 why would you wanna be a part of that club? 484 00:21:13,643 --> 00:21:15,342 Those guys are such dicks. 485 00:21:15,343 --> 00:21:16,842 No, not all of 'em. 486 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:19,442 When we were leaving, Bane said, "You go, girl!" 487 00:21:19,443 --> 00:21:22,188 No, he distinctly said, "Ooh, Go-GURT. 488 00:21:22,189 --> 00:21:24,552 Ooh, what, they had Go-GURT? Oh, man. 489 00:21:24,553 --> 00:21:26,752 Ivy, listen. Anyone who is a respected supervillain 490 00:21:26,753 --> 00:21:28,222 is in the Legion of Doom. 491 00:21:28,223 --> 00:21:29,392 That's when you know you've made it. 492 00:21:29,393 --> 00:21:31,492 If Joker can get in, so can I! 493 00:21:31,493 --> 00:21:33,192 So that is what I'm gonna do. 494 00:21:33,193 --> 00:21:34,762 What you need to do 495 00:21:34,763 --> 00:21:37,162 is get these 13-year-old boys out of this apartment. 496 00:21:37,163 --> 00:21:38,532 They're starting to take root. 497 00:21:38,533 --> 00:21:41,402 Ah! Okay, boys. 498 00:21:41,403 --> 00:21:42,602 So, I got the antidote 499 00:21:42,603 --> 00:21:44,602 to turn you back into humans, okay? 500 00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:46,442 But the only effective way of doing it 501 00:21:46,443 --> 00:21:50,242 is when my saliva interacts... 502 00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:51,612 with your saliva. 503 00:21:51,613 --> 00:21:54,042 So, is this a kiss? 504 00:21:54,043 --> 00:21:55,712 No, it's not a kiss. 505 00:21:55,713 --> 00:21:59,082 It is an antidote delivery system 506 00:21:59,083 --> 00:22:00,252 and nothing more. 507 00:22:00,253 --> 00:22:01,808 You will still be sexless nerds 508 00:22:01,809 --> 00:22:04,322 by the time the night is over, okay? 509 00:22:04,323 --> 00:22:07,722 And... 510 00:22:07,723 --> 00:22:10,032 Yuck. 511 00:22:10,033 --> 00:22:13,783 This is procedural, okay? 512 00:22:16,933 --> 00:22:18,402 Yeah, I kissed you already, buddy. 513 00:22:18,403 --> 00:22:20,402 Yeah, I'm still a little bit tree. 514 00:22:20,403 --> 00:22:23,442 - Yeah, fuck off, get out of here. - Yeah, fuck off, kid.