1 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:07,200 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 2 00:00:09,220 --> 00:00:12,069 Highest bid. Three seconds left. 3 00:00:12,070 --> 00:00:13,999 Three, two, one. 4 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,249 Yes! 5 00:00:15,250 --> 00:00:16,319 - I won. - Great, great. 6 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,082 - I'm cleaning up tonight. - Okay, great. 7 00:00:18,083 --> 00:00:20,339 Looks like blondie's got a customer. 8 00:00:20,340 --> 00:00:22,199 - Hmm. - Okay, money exchanged. 9 00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,708 Here we go. Let's take them in his car. 10 00:00:24,709 --> 00:00:25,909 No. No. 11 00:00:25,910 --> 00:00:27,999 I guess they want to do it out in the open. 12 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,169 I guess they want to be caught. Okay, 13 00:00:29,170 --> 00:00:31,041 - you ready to go? - Yeah, one second. 14 00:00:31,042 --> 00:00:33,569 Tolbeck. We're rostered together, like, once a week. 15 00:00:33,570 --> 00:00:35,167 You're spending the whole night on your phone. 16 00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:36,859 Limit... Look at this. Limited edition 17 00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:39,189 1987 commemorative plate, 18 00:00:39,190 --> 00:00:41,329 Michael with Nancy Reagan. 19 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,289 - Only 38 bucks. Look. - No. 20 00:00:44,290 --> 00:00:45,759 I don't want to look, okay? 21 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:47,799 I don't support this frenzied buy up 22 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,579 of Michael Jackson memorabilia. 23 00:00:49,580 --> 00:00:51,749 There's a reason why it's so cheap. 24 00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:53,179 Yeah, the market is down now, 25 00:00:53,180 --> 00:00:55,499 - but it's gonna bounce back. - I don't know about that, man. 26 00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:56,979 Hey, do you remember my cousin Gavin, 27 00:00:56,980 --> 00:00:58,729 - the Michael Jackson impersonator? - Mm. 28 00:00:58,730 --> 00:01:00,541 He quit doing that, and now he's selling 29 00:01:00,542 --> 00:01:02,542 - carpet again. - Right, 'cause business dried up. 30 00:01:02,543 --> 00:01:04,319 No. Actually, it picked up. 31 00:01:04,320 --> 00:01:06,666 But the clientele was not great. 32 00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:07,873 - Oh, boy. - They wanted him to do 33 00:01:07,874 --> 00:01:09,619 - this cruise where... - Oh, fuck me. We wasted time 34 00:01:09,620 --> 00:01:11,042 on your creepy auction. Now they're deep 35 00:01:11,043 --> 00:01:12,499 - into it. - Oh, God. 36 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,333 Is that his leg or her leg? 37 00:01:14,334 --> 00:01:16,083 Fucking animals. I'm not touching that. 38 00:01:16,084 --> 00:01:17,619 We're just... Let 'em finish first. 39 00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:19,623 Can we just turn a blind eye to this? 40 00:01:19,624 --> 00:01:21,339 I don't want that musky sex smell 41 00:01:21,340 --> 00:01:22,909 - in the car. - No, we can't. 42 00:01:22,910 --> 00:01:24,639 We're not turning a blind eye. We're bringing him in here 43 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:26,060 'cause this is the dumb shit we have to do now 44 00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:28,333 - since the demotion. - I don't view it as a demotion. 45 00:01:28,334 --> 00:01:30,296 You know, I actually like 46 00:01:30,297 --> 00:01:32,119 - being in uniform. - Why? 47 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,379 Every day that I wake up and I put this uniform on, 48 00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:36,624 I feel empowered and sexy. 49 00:01:36,625 --> 00:01:38,166 Oh, really? Sexy? 50 00:01:38,167 --> 00:01:41,499 Yeah. When I walk into a room, all eyes follow me. 51 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:42,519 You don't like being noticed? 52 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,039 No, man, I don't like being noticed. 53 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,708 I like being undercover. 54 00:01:45,709 --> 00:01:48,119 Okay? I would like to kick a door down 55 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,919 and yell, "Freeze. Special Agent Cullen." 56 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,416 And throw a guy off a rooftop. That's what I would like. 57 00:01:52,417 --> 00:01:54,659 - That's a lot of cardio. - Okay. 58 00:01:54,660 --> 00:01:55,669 Okay, they're done. Let's go. 59 00:01:55,670 --> 00:01:56,699 Come on, Tolbeck. 60 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,089 - I got another auction coming. - Just, come on. 61 00:01:59,090 --> 00:02:01,940 - Stop. Police. - I-It's the Thriller alb... 62 00:02:03,334 --> 00:02:07,099 Cullen, it's a limited edition with bubbles on the sleeve. 63 00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:08,319 Cullen. 64 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,889 Hold it there. Police. 65 00:02:10,890 --> 00:02:12,719 - Cullen, he's run... He's running. - Tolbeck, get him. 66 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:13,749 Tol... Yeah, chase him. 67 00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:15,329 Oh, he's really fast. 68 00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:17,369 - He's an athlete. - Chase him. Tolbeck, for... 69 00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:19,419 Oh, well, he's gone. 70 00:02:19,420 --> 00:02:20,759 Are you serious right now? 71 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,399 I'm so sorry. He got away. 72 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:23,899 - Did you even try? - No. 73 00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:26,579 My feet are not good right now. 74 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:29,089 You have the right to, uh, an attorney. 75 00:02:29,090 --> 00:02:30,919 If you can't afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you 76 00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:33,159 by the court. Do you understand the rights I've read to you? 77 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:34,580 Watch your head. 78 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:38,959 Oh, my God. 79 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:40,699 You guys are in so much trouble. 80 00:02:40,700 --> 00:02:42,119 - Yeah, I know. - You have no idea. 81 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,659 - No, we have some idea. - No, you don't. 82 00:02:43,660 --> 00:02:44,699 - Okay. - Look, I'm-I'm related 83 00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:45,859 - to a senator, okay? - Uh-huh. 84 00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:47,329 - Mm-hmm. - Distantly related to a senator. 85 00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:48,339 Did we have coffee here? 86 00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:49,619 - What did we do with our coffee? - You are gonna remember this day 87 00:02:49,620 --> 00:02:50,739 - for the rest of your lives. - You threw it out. 88 00:02:50,740 --> 00:02:51,999 - Fuck me. - Oh, God. 89 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,199 So, w-what now? Am I being charged 90 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:55,599 or whatever down at the station? 91 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,279 Yeah, you're being charged, okay, 92 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,379 under California penal code 247B: 93 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,799 engaging in prostitution. 94 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:01,879 - What? - Yeah. 95 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,259 - Prostitution? - That's right. 96 00:03:03,260 --> 00:03:05,379 Okay, that's insane. Why would I do that? 97 00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:06,940 I assume because it's your job. 98 00:03:06,950 --> 00:03:08,439 - My job? - Yeah. 99 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:10,319 Do... Okay, do you not know who I am? 100 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,029 I'm Amy Schumer. 101 00:03:13,030 --> 00:03:14,719 - You're Amy Schumer? - Yeah. 102 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,519 - Who is that? - Amy Schumer. 103 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,439 She's a actress, a comic. 104 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:20,059 - Right? - Yeah, exactly. Yeah. 105 00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:21,999 - I also write and I-I direct. Hi. - Wh... 106 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,599 - I didn't know that. - Yeah. Oh, yeah. 107 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,290 - That's amazing. - It's time. It was time. 108 00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:27,119 - I don't... - But I'd like to make a statement. 109 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:28,519 - Okay? - Okay. 110 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:32,249 I will be fighting this charge tooth and nail. 111 00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:34,705 You can fight it all you want, but we know what we saw. 112 00:03:34,706 --> 00:03:36,699 That's ridi... Why would I prostitute myself? 113 00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,208 I have so much money. 114 00:03:38,209 --> 00:03:40,583 - Is she worth a lot? - Yes. Very wealthy. 115 00:03:40,584 --> 00:03:42,791 - So successful. God. - Okay. 116 00:03:42,792 --> 00:03:44,917 Look, that's a billboard for my new special. 117 00:03:44,918 --> 00:03:46,779 Oh, wow. 118 00:03:46,780 --> 00:03:47,879 - You look great. - That's you? 119 00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,359 Yeah, that's me. What do you mean? 120 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,099 - Really? - What do you mean, really? 121 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,679 Yes, that's me, right th... You know, 122 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,666 they touch it up a little, but... 123 00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:56,083 Did you catch it? 124 00:03:56,084 --> 00:03:57,417 - I didn't see it yet. No. - You didn't see it? Okay. 125 00:03:57,418 --> 00:03:58,659 Yeah, no, get to it whenever. 126 00:03:58,660 --> 00:04:01,519 So you were having sex under a billboard of yourself? 127 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:04,189 Right. Okay, how crazy would that be? 128 00:04:04,190 --> 00:04:06,999 I have to look at my own success just to get off. 129 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,619 Yeah, can you imagine? 130 00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:10,834 I don't have to imagine it. We saw the whole thing. 131 00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:12,619 What did you even see? 132 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,789 I saw you sucking off a guy 133 00:04:14,790 --> 00:04:16,840 next to a dumpster. Okay? 134 00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:19,119 Is he allowed to talk to me like that? 135 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,679 Because I-I feel unsafe. 136 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,369 You should not talk to her that way. 137 00:04:22,370 --> 00:04:24,374 - Yeah, please don't talk to us that way. - Wow. 138 00:04:24,375 --> 00:04:26,249 But we did see her sucking off a guy by a dumpster. 139 00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:28,539 And then he sucked you off by the dumpster, and then 140 00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:29,549 he fucked you against the wall. 141 00:04:29,550 --> 00:04:31,159 - We saw-we saw the whole thing. - You can't talk to us like that. 142 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,659 - You cannot talk to... speak to us that way. - We all saw you do it. 143 00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:34,319 We won't have to see it and we don't have to talk about it. 144 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,139 Okay, I want to make a statement here. 145 00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:37,839 - Another statement? - I want to make a statement, 146 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,539 on the record, that I will be fighting this 147 00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:41,639 - tooth and nail. - Tooth and nail? 148 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:42,939 And this will come up in court 149 00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:43,979 - when I'm on the stand. - Okay. 150 00:04:43,980 --> 00:04:45,708 Fantastic. It's gonna be a great day. 151 00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:48,169 Dispatch, this is car 34, come in. 152 00:04:48,170 --> 00:04:49,639 Car 34, go ahead. 153 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:52,333 Uh, requesting a unit to pick up a suspect for soliciting. 154 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,499 Ugh, great. I'll put it on the list. 155 00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:56,209 "Ugh"? I'm requesting a car. 156 00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:58,579 Yeah, ugh. It's low priority. 157 00:04:58,580 --> 00:04:59,873 Just keep 'em in your car 158 00:04:59,874 --> 00:05:01,679 and bring 'em in at the end of your shift. 159 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,539 Janice, she doesn't smell good. 160 00:05:03,540 --> 00:05:06,160 Also, it's Amy Schumer. Fun. 161 00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:07,169 Wait, really? 162 00:05:07,170 --> 00:05:09,041 - Hi. - Amy Schumer's in the car. 163 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,414 Hey, you guys, do you think Amy Schumer 164 00:05:11,415 --> 00:05:13,499 would do, like, a shout-out video 165 00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:14,739 - for my cousin's charity? - Oh... 166 00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:17,416 Yeah, it's, uh, $12,000. 167 00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:20,833 Oh, hi. Hi, Amy Schumer. 168 00:05:20,834 --> 00:05:23,289 Um, so, yeah, 169 00:05:23,290 --> 00:05:25,879 it's for a charity. Uh, my little cousin... 170 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,959 Right, yeah, hey, it doesn't matter 171 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,666 what the disease or animal is. 172 00:05:29,667 --> 00:05:31,369 It's a 12K flat rate. 173 00:05:31,370 --> 00:05:32,879 Really? 174 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,789 Yeah, hon, look, there's a lot of charities out there, 175 00:05:35,790 --> 00:05:37,299 and if you do one for free, you're gonna wind up 176 00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:39,289 doing 'em all for free, so... 177 00:05:39,290 --> 00:05:41,879 - Oh. Okay. - Yeah. 178 00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,879 Did you want me to go ahead and book that for you? 179 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:45,541 Um, no thanks. 180 00:05:45,542 --> 00:05:47,416 No problem. We appreciate your inquiry. 181 00:05:47,417 --> 00:05:49,249 Okay, and hey, while I have you, 182 00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:50,625 I'd like to make a statement 183 00:05:50,626 --> 00:05:51,739 on the record 184 00:05:51,740 --> 00:05:55,870 that I will be fighting this charge tooth and nail. 185 00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,449 End quote. Over and out. 186 00:05:59,450 --> 00:06:02,079 Okay, I think we got it. 187 00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:05,519 Can I just say, also, that I don't care for you. 188 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,400 And I have a feeling that your co-workers don't either. 189 00:06:09,875 --> 00:06:11,360 Hmm. 190 00:06:19,090 --> 00:06:20,124 So... 191 00:06:20,125 --> 00:06:23,041 Oh, fuck me. 192 00:06:23,042 --> 00:06:24,833 Is that the new supervisor? 193 00:06:24,834 --> 00:06:26,874 - Huh? - Wait, do you know him? 194 00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:29,499 Huh? Yeah, no. I-I don't know. 195 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,458 Then why did you say, "Oh, fuck me"? 196 00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,208 Because he looks like a dipshit. 197 00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:34,916 He does? 198 00:06:34,917 --> 00:06:37,291 Yeah. And now we work for that dipshit. 199 00:06:37,292 --> 00:06:38,958 So, fuck me, right? 200 00:06:38,959 --> 00:06:41,333 I guess. 201 00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:17,625 Who's there? 202 00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:22,375 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 203 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,499 Take your boots off. I got here an hour ago. 204 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:27,208 I've been cleaning the whole time. 205 00:07:27,209 --> 00:07:30,916 Wow, guy, thanks. 206 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:32,500 It's gonna be that kind of day, huh? 207 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,159 I mean, it's so funny, right? Like, 208 00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,919 just why would I risk it all? 209 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,899 Risk everything as just, like, a dirty, 210 00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:46,625 like, sexy little street hooker? 211 00:07:46,626 --> 00:07:48,379 It's like... I don't know, 212 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,489 if I were to offer to blow you guys 213 00:07:50,490 --> 00:07:52,333 for, like, $30 each, 214 00:07:52,334 --> 00:07:55,249 you know, right here, right now, 215 00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:56,539 in the back of this car. 216 00:07:56,540 --> 00:07:58,959 Like, anybody could come by and see us. 217 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,619 I mean, that'd be insane, right? 218 00:08:01,620 --> 00:08:03,119 Yeah, that would be insane. 219 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,839 - Yeah, exactly. - Exactly. 220 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:05,909 Yeah. 221 00:08:05,910 --> 00:08:08,219 Like, 25 bucks a pop. 222 00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,000 Right here, right now. Let's go. 223 00:08:11,334 --> 00:08:13,292 Wait, are you asking us, or... 224 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,779 God, no. No. 225 00:08:19,780 --> 00:08:21,539 Or even, like, 15 bucks? 226 00:08:21,540 --> 00:08:22,749 I can blow you guys at the same time. 227 00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:25,299 It really feels like you're propositioning us right now, 228 00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,039 which is, in itself, a crime. 229 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,379 - Mm. - Right, yeah, as it should be. 230 00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:29,399 It is. 231 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,399 - 'Cause it's so wrong. - Yeah. 232 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:32,599 - Yeah. - Criminal. 233 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,458 - So criminal. - Yeah. 234 00:08:34,459 --> 00:08:36,339 Yeah. It's, like... 235 00:08:36,340 --> 00:08:38,139 like, nine dollars, you know, 236 00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:41,199 to fold both of your penises in my mouth 237 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,917 while you make intense eye contact with each other. 238 00:08:44,980 --> 00:08:48,979 A slow, unrushed... 239 00:08:48,980 --> 00:08:50,208 blowj. 240 00:08:50,209 --> 00:08:51,333 No. 241 00:08:51,334 --> 00:08:53,829 I agree with the no answer. 242 00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:55,019 - Right. - That's not something 243 00:08:55,020 --> 00:08:56,667 that we want right now. 244 00:08:56,668 --> 00:08:58,249 Or ever. 245 00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,874 We never want that to happen. 246 00:08:59,875 --> 00:09:02,584 So that's a big "no, thank you" there, Amy Schumer. 247 00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:04,459 Well, thank God. 248 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:07,389 'Cause, guess what, I would never do that. 249 00:09:07,390 --> 00:09:08,530 Okay? 250 00:09:08,542 --> 00:09:10,792 Okay? 251 00:09:13,584 --> 00:09:15,416 What is that? 252 00:09:15,417 --> 00:09:18,999 No, I'm just saying, like, you know, this is crazy, right? 253 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,759 Right. Okay. But don't look at me 254 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,124 like that, okay? I don't like that. 255 00:09:24,125 --> 00:09:26,041 What are you doing with your eyes? 256 00:09:26,042 --> 00:09:28,139 I'm just saying this is weird. Hello. 257 00:09:28,140 --> 00:09:30,499 Yeah, it's pretty weird when you look at me like that. 258 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,829 Just look out the window, please. 259 00:09:33,830 --> 00:09:34,919 Could you look out the window, please? 260 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:36,500 Okay. Fine. 261 00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:42,989 Oh, my God. 262 00:09:42,990 --> 00:09:44,791 I'm looking up what celebrities charge 263 00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:45,829 for posts... 264 00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:47,879 Hmm? What? 265 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,874 Okay, what's going on with you? 266 00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:52,250 Do you know the new supervisor? 267 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:54,659 All right, fine. 268 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,339 I know the dipshit. 269 00:09:56,340 --> 00:09:58,639 We started out together, right here in dispatch. 270 00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,869 He was my first partner. 271 00:09:59,870 --> 00:10:01,479 Wow. 272 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,289 Why don't you go say hi? 273 00:10:03,290 --> 00:10:04,659 Yeah. 274 00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:06,799 I'm gonna get out of my seat, 275 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,519 go into his office to say hi. 276 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,279 Spare me your misogyny bullshit, Fatima. 277 00:10:12,280 --> 00:10:13,499 I'm not a misogynist. 278 00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:14,625 Well, you're not an ally. 279 00:10:14,626 --> 00:10:18,059 Sorry. I just thought something happened, like... 280 00:10:18,060 --> 00:10:20,239 an office romance or something? 281 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,199 What? Me and him? 282 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,667 That's disgusting. 283 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,120 I mean, I fucked him a little. 284 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:28,979 Don't judge me. 285 00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:30,739 This was during Y2K, all right? 286 00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:33,291 The world was ending. Nobody-nobody gave a shit. 287 00:10:33,292 --> 00:10:36,459 - I wasn't judging. - I'll go say hi if it'll make you shut up. 288 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:50,749 Did you remember your silencer? 289 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,859 What do we know about the target? 290 00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:57,709 Who are they? What do they do? 291 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:00,699 Nothing. 292 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:04,019 Just whoever checks into that room next. 293 00:11:04,020 --> 00:11:05,619 Cool. Great. 294 00:11:05,620 --> 00:11:08,099 Whoever checks into that room next. 295 00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:11,079 They don't tell us anything. 296 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,319 They don't send us a photo, 297 00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:15,259 they don't tell us when to expect... 298 00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:17,639 What if the housekeeping person comes into that room... 299 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:18,909 we gonna shoot her? 300 00:11:18,910 --> 00:11:22,583 We just gonna kill her? It doesn't make sense. 301 00:11:22,584 --> 00:11:24,291 And they have the information. 302 00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:25,499 Gary. 303 00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:30,166 You know how many calories are in this soda? 304 00:11:30,167 --> 00:11:33,909 Uh... Bi... It's big. I'm not sure. 305 00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:35,259 It's 2,000. 306 00:11:35,260 --> 00:11:39,329 And you know what my daily calorie intake limit is? 307 00:11:39,330 --> 00:11:43,899 - I, uh... - 2,100. 308 00:11:43,900 --> 00:11:45,979 So I'm all in on this. 309 00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:48,249 And I am trying to enjoy it. 310 00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:51,458 And you are ruining it. 311 00:11:51,459 --> 00:11:54,083 Hey. 312 00:11:54,084 --> 00:11:56,625 Uh, let me ask you, a-are you doing 313 00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:59,250 the slurping on purpose, Chief? 314 00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:03,569 I think you're only supposed to slurp at the end of a drink. 315 00:12:03,570 --> 00:12:05,259 You're slurping all the way through it. 316 00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:07,699 Which tells me you're s... just hovering 317 00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,410 at the surface of the drink. 318 00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:11,708 Gary! 319 00:12:11,709 --> 00:12:13,708 I-I didn't mean to ruin your nice drink. 320 00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:17,208 - Shut the fuck up. - Yeah. 321 00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:25,041 Can I be, like, Brené Brown real 322 00:12:25,042 --> 00:12:27,624 - with you all right now? - Ooh. 323 00:12:27,625 --> 00:12:29,666 Okay. I actually 324 00:12:29,667 --> 00:12:32,624 was offering to blow you before. 325 00:12:32,625 --> 00:12:34,083 Yeah. It felt real. 326 00:12:34,084 --> 00:12:35,369 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 327 00:12:35,370 --> 00:12:36,839 And I'm just so glad that you said no, 328 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,159 because, you know, after being around you 329 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:40,919 and spending more time with you, I realize, like, 330 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,124 you're-you're really good guys. 331 00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:44,334 That's nice. Thank you. 332 00:12:44,335 --> 00:12:46,334 You're just really old. 333 00:12:47,610 --> 00:12:49,373 Well, we said no anyway, so... 334 00:12:49,374 --> 00:12:51,659 - D... I know. Thank God. - Right. 335 00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:54,329 'Cause you're just from, like, a different, older generation 336 00:12:54,330 --> 00:12:55,739 than me and I ju... I know I wouldn't have been 337 00:12:55,740 --> 00:12:57,359 comfortable if it came down to it. 338 00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,120 - You know, we're not that old. - Mm-hmm. 339 00:12:59,125 --> 00:13:00,333 Um, you're old. 340 00:13:01,790 --> 00:13:05,059 Just thinking about your old bodies 341 00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:09,379 and how your semen causes cancer. 342 00:13:09,380 --> 00:13:10,791 The bad kind. 343 00:13:10,792 --> 00:13:13,583 Our semen causes cancer? 344 00:13:13,584 --> 00:13:17,069 Oh, yeah. Studies are showing that there's, like, 345 00:13:17,070 --> 00:13:19,659 loads of carcinogens in old come. 346 00:13:19,660 --> 00:13:21,159 Yeah. 347 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,499 That's not true. H-How do they know that? 348 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:25,289 Oh, the radiation was off the charts. 349 00:13:25,290 --> 00:13:26,469 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 350 00:13:26,470 --> 00:13:27,541 Like Chernobyl? 351 00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:28,914 Exactly like Chernobyl. 352 00:13:28,915 --> 00:13:31,219 There's no way it's true, Tolbeck. 353 00:13:31,220 --> 00:13:33,699 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's no way that that's true. 354 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,000 Right. 355 00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:39,419 But it does make a little bit of sense to me. 356 00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:42,349 I mean, look, why do you feel so bad when you make it? 357 00:13:42,350 --> 00:13:44,833 Is it because you're making something that's bad? 358 00:13:44,834 --> 00:13:46,459 Just don't. 359 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:53,419 Did you know that "old cop, teen actress" 360 00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:57,019 is the most-searched porn on the Internet? 361 00:13:57,020 --> 00:13:58,624 Mm. 362 00:13:58,625 --> 00:14:01,416 I specifically said no dairy. 363 00:14:01,417 --> 00:14:03,458 Yeah. 364 00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:04,625 Come in. 365 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,299 Hi. 366 00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:08,899 Hello. 367 00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,708 I'm Clint Bergman. 368 00:14:10,709 --> 00:14:12,619 Yes, I know. Janice. 369 00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:14,000 Janice DeLongpre? 370 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:18,540 Janice. Janice... 371 00:14:21,125 --> 00:14:23,749 Oh, my God. 372 00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:25,189 - Janice. - Mm-hmm. 373 00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:26,199 How are you? 374 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,459 I'm great. You? 375 00:14:27,460 --> 00:14:29,039 Just-just doing swell. 376 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,339 Wow. How long has it been? 377 00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:32,979 It has been 16 years. 378 00:14:32,980 --> 00:14:35,179 - Incredible. - Yep. 379 00:14:35,180 --> 00:14:36,583 We got old, huh? 380 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:38,699 - Yeah, I guess so. - I see the wrinkle fairy 381 00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:39,999 paid you a little visit. 382 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,719 Mm. Sure, sure. 383 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,083 Been living out in the desert 384 00:14:43,084 --> 00:14:46,833 or something? Like, uh, Palmdale? 385 00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:48,541 Arizona? 386 00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:52,499 Because you have a kind of a outdoorsy desert vibe going on. 387 00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:53,582 - Mm. No. - Hmm? 388 00:14:53,583 --> 00:14:54,899 Oh, okay. No, I get it. 389 00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:57,869 You're just one of those women who doesn't wear makeup at work. 390 00:14:57,870 --> 00:14:59,458 Got it. I respect that. 391 00:14:59,459 --> 00:15:01,249 No, actually, I am wearing makeup. 392 00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:03,349 - Really? Okay. - Yes. 393 00:15:03,350 --> 00:15:04,416 Give me a sec. 394 00:15:04,417 --> 00:15:06,209 Sure. 395 00:15:07,330 --> 00:15:08,339 Yeah, it's me again. 396 00:15:08,340 --> 00:15:11,124 Can I get a softer tungsten light in my office? 397 00:15:11,125 --> 00:15:14,374 These fluros are brutal. People look like monsters. 398 00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:16,149 Okay. 399 00:15:16,150 --> 00:15:17,329 So, 400 00:15:17,330 --> 00:15:19,359 what can I do you for? 401 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:21,208 Just wanted to swing by, 402 00:15:21,209 --> 00:15:24,166 say hi, make sure nothing was weird. 403 00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:26,249 All right? Just thought it was important 404 00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:29,708 to make sure we're on the right track. Okay? 405 00:15:29,709 --> 00:15:31,583 Why would it be weird? 406 00:15:31,584 --> 00:15:34,375 Oh, I don't know. The Galápagos? 407 00:15:35,260 --> 00:15:37,239 Oh, my God. 408 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,299 - Yeah. Yeah. - That's right. 409 00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:40,699 - Yeah. - Oh. 410 00:15:40,700 --> 00:15:42,399 - The Galápagos. - Yeah. 411 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,919 Wow. That was... I mean, we were just, 412 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:47,040 we were just kids back then. 413 00:15:47,042 --> 00:15:48,666 Way to dodge a bullet, huh? 414 00:15:48,667 --> 00:15:50,791 Yeah. That would've been a huge mistake. 415 00:15:50,792 --> 00:15:52,208 Huge. 416 00:15:52,209 --> 00:15:54,624 Absolutely. Well, 417 00:15:54,625 --> 00:15:56,229 thanks for dropping by. 418 00:15:56,230 --> 00:15:58,667 - Okay. Right. - Yeah. I better, uh... 419 00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:01,519 - ... I better get back to it. - Yeah. 420 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,239 Look busy, so, uh, we're good? 421 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,208 - Y... 100%. - Okay. Okay. 422 00:16:05,209 --> 00:16:07,374 Okay. Bye. 423 00:16:07,375 --> 00:16:08,659 Thanks, Janet. 424 00:16:08,660 --> 00:16:09,959 Janice. 425 00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,279 I'm just... I'm starting to think 426 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,869 we've killed too many people, Chief. 427 00:16:27,870 --> 00:16:30,458 Like, 18 is just too many. 428 00:16:30,459 --> 00:16:33,399 Fuck. What happened? 429 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,119 How did we get here, man? 430 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,599 When we were kids, man, 431 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:39,414 we just liked riding bicycles everywhere. You remember that? 432 00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:41,099 Then we got a little bit older, 433 00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,499 and we wanted to get a motorcycle. 434 00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:45,799 You got one first and I followed suit. 435 00:16:45,800 --> 00:16:48,249 And then we were both riding motorcycles all the time. 436 00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:50,649 It was great. And we ran into Jules 437 00:16:50,650 --> 00:16:51,999 and Jinx and Snoop 438 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,379 and those guys, and we were like, "Hey, you guys are cool, 439 00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:57,509 like-minded, you got bikes." 440 00:16:57,510 --> 00:16:59,979 So we started riding all the time with them. 441 00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:02,039 And then they... then they beat the shit out 442 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,539 of that one guy for no reason. 443 00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:05,399 And-and we kind of questioned it, 444 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,259 but then we also kicked his ass, too. 445 00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:09,916 We didn't know what we were doing. 446 00:17:09,917 --> 00:17:13,459 Before we know it, bang... there we are, we're in a gang. 447 00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:17,839 And now we're killing people, man. 448 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:21,249 We're taking human life, Chief. That's insane. 449 00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:23,479 I just liked riding bikes, like, didn't... 450 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,299 wasn't this a means to an end? 451 00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:26,719 Weren't we just gonna do this 452 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,899 until we could go open our bar? 453 00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:31,059 And now here we are, sitting here talking 454 00:17:31,060 --> 00:17:34,041 about the 19th murder we're about to do together. 455 00:17:34,042 --> 00:17:35,739 You're probably just anxious 456 00:17:35,740 --> 00:17:37,416 'cause you messed up the last job. 457 00:17:37,417 --> 00:17:40,199 I did not mess up the last job. 458 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,499 They said kill that guy, and I killed that guy. 459 00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:45,339 Yeah. You shot him. 460 00:17:45,340 --> 00:17:48,099 You were told to set him on fire. 461 00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,119 Yeah, well, 462 00:17:49,120 --> 00:17:50,679 what's the difference? Guy's dead. 463 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,416 Uh, it's a big difference. 464 00:17:54,500 --> 00:17:55,584 Hear that? 465 00:17:57,542 --> 00:17:59,417 People fucking. 466 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:03,699 God, I wish that was us. 467 00:18:03,700 --> 00:18:06,700 I wish that we were fucking, I mean. 468 00:18:06,709 --> 00:18:08,249 - What? - No, no. 469 00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:09,619 I don't-I don't mean you and I. 470 00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:12,689 I mean, yes, you and I. But with someone else, here... 471 00:18:12,690 --> 00:18:13,709 to-to take it. 472 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,079 Chief, I wish you and I 473 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,109 had a person, here, 474 00:18:19,110 --> 00:18:22,375 that we were fucking, together. 475 00:18:23,580 --> 00:18:25,319 Different. I wish you and I 476 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,375 were fucking a different person. 477 00:18:27,376 --> 00:18:29,750 Oh. They're done. 478 00:18:36,780 --> 00:18:38,079 _ 479 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,870 Ugh. Broken sewage pipe. 480 00:18:40,875 --> 00:18:42,124 Gross. 481 00:18:42,125 --> 00:18:44,582 - Car 34? - This is car 34. Come in. 482 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:46,899 Car 34, you are required at the corner 483 00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,579 of Balboa Ave and Conroy Street. 484 00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:50,579 We have a sewage pipe that has burst. 485 00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:52,779 - Copy that. Fuck. - What's happening? 486 00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:55,939 - We got a new detail. - What does that mean? 487 00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:57,879 I'm still getting arrested, right? 488 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,499 - Charged? Mug shot? - No. 489 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,589 - They're not gonna see... - No, it's your lucky night. Get out. 490 00:19:01,590 --> 00:19:04,039 Oh... No, no, no, no, no. You have to be kidding me. 491 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:05,279 Uh, you promised. 492 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,041 - We promised? - You-you promised. 493 00:19:07,042 --> 00:19:08,759 No, no, we're not, we're not doing that. 494 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:09,917 - Yes! No! - Get out, Schumer. 495 00:19:09,918 --> 00:19:10,979 - No! - I'm not asking! 496 00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:11,989 - I'm not asking you! - I'm, well, I'm telling you 497 00:19:11,990 --> 00:19:13,459 - I'll go to the shit sewer! - Time out, time out. 498 00:19:13,460 --> 00:19:15,609 - You're fucking strange. - Time... time out, guys. 499 00:19:15,610 --> 00:19:16,624 Oh... 500 00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:17,916 Listen, Amy? 501 00:19:17,917 --> 00:19:20,129 It seems like you want to be arrested. 502 00:19:20,130 --> 00:19:21,167 What's up with that? 503 00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:25,439 Fine. You know how I just had a baby, right? 504 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,269 No, but go on. 505 00:19:27,270 --> 00:19:29,599 Really? That's weird. 506 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,999 It was, like, very important, like, viral news, 507 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:34,664 - that I had a baby. - Okay. 508 00:19:34,665 --> 00:19:37,119 All right. Anyway, I had a baby, and-and... 509 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:40,239 well, it really fucked me up. 510 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,819 How? Was the birth, uh, rough or something? 511 00:19:42,820 --> 00:19:45,959 No. No, nothing like that. No, it fucked my career up. 512 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:47,979 - Oh... - Yeah. Yeah. 513 00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:50,479 Turns out having a baby wasn't, like, "on brand" 514 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:52,539 - for me, or whatever. - Did you say "on brand"? 515 00:19:52,540 --> 00:19:55,499 Yeah. All the offers I'm getting now for work 516 00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:58,959 are, like... like, uh-uh, for a mop commercial. 517 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,139 - Okay. - That's how the industry sees me now. 518 00:20:01,140 --> 00:20:03,899 - Mm-hmm. - I'm just, like, a fucking mopping mom, 519 00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:05,409 who mops. 520 00:20:05,410 --> 00:20:07,919 Well, that is different from what you'd done before, 521 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:09,167 but change is good. 522 00:20:09,168 --> 00:20:10,169 Come on! 523 00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:12,279 - Okay. - Keep it one hundred. 524 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:13,289 Let's do it. 525 00:20:13,290 --> 00:20:14,499 I'm sorry, one hun... that just means, 526 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,779 like, be completely honest. 527 00:20:15,780 --> 00:20:17,874 - With each other. - It's like a new, generational thing. 528 00:20:17,875 --> 00:20:19,359 - Why do you know that? - Listen, you don't know 529 00:20:19,360 --> 00:20:20,409 anything about me, 530 00:20:20,410 --> 00:20:22,059 and you don't know anything about my baby. 531 00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:24,958 My baby hates me. Hates me! 532 00:20:24,959 --> 00:20:27,499 - Mm-hmm. - I had one of those water births, 533 00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:30,759 and as soon as my baby came floating out, 534 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:35,019 with all the blood, turds, and you know, regular turds 535 00:20:35,020 --> 00:20:37,909 and... yellow turds, 536 00:20:37,910 --> 00:20:40,799 - like, just a bunch of turds... - Yeah. 537 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,139 It just reminded me of when I was younger. 538 00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:45,375 I was in this local pool, 539 00:20:45,376 --> 00:20:49,549 and, um, my mom had made me this, 540 00:20:49,550 --> 00:20:51,399 like, fucked up lentil thing 541 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,083 for lunch, you know? 542 00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:57,359 And I just kind of over-trusted a fart, 543 00:20:57,360 --> 00:21:00,879 and... I knew my life was ruined. 544 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:04,499 - Mm. - And right then, I-I saw that 545 00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:06,299 doggy paddling nearby 546 00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:09,519 was Christina Tasuji, and I just... 547 00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,859 I just kind of moved my bathing suit to the side, 548 00:21:11,860 --> 00:21:14,329 and... 549 00:21:14,330 --> 00:21:15,874 I let it creep out. 550 00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:19,208 I just kind of splashed it over her way. 551 00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:24,208 And once it was bobbing around her, I just yelled, 552 00:21:24,209 --> 00:21:26,559 - "Christina pooped in the pool!" - Mm-hmm. 553 00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,666 "Look, everyone, she deuced!" 554 00:21:28,667 --> 00:21:32,205 And all the kids, they just freaked out, you know, kids. 555 00:21:32,206 --> 00:21:33,679 - They're so mean. - Mm-hmm. 556 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,399 They just started screaming, 557 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,359 and they just made fun of her, and... 558 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:42,124 and that was her nickname for the rest of high school. 559 00:21:42,125 --> 00:21:43,541 What? 560 00:21:43,542 --> 00:21:47,449 Christina Ta-poo-ji. Like "poo." 561 00:21:47,450 --> 00:21:48,979 Yeah. 562 00:21:48,980 --> 00:21:52,374 And then, like, 11 years later, her uncle overdosed. 563 00:21:52,375 --> 00:21:55,579 - That's a horrible story. - Yeah. 564 00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:58,019 - This is really hard on me. - Mm-hmm. 565 00:21:58,020 --> 00:21:59,339 I really trust you guys, 566 00:21:59,340 --> 00:22:01,249 'cause I don't usually tell anybody this. 567 00:22:01,250 --> 00:22:03,689 Okay. 568 00:22:03,690 --> 00:22:04,869 I mean... 569 00:22:04,870 --> 00:22:09,139 my baby... he's always been with me. 570 00:22:09,140 --> 00:22:11,429 Women are born with all their eggs. 571 00:22:11,430 --> 00:22:13,359 He was in that pool with me that day. 572 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:16,139 On a cellular level, he knows that I'm a bad person, 573 00:22:16,140 --> 00:22:17,624 and he won't let me forget it. 574 00:22:17,625 --> 00:22:19,166 Look, I'm sure he'll grow to love you... 575 00:22:19,167 --> 00:22:21,439 - No, he won't! - Ow. 576 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:22,979 Look, it's done between us. 577 00:22:22,980 --> 00:22:25,699 See, this isn't about me, or my baby who hates me. 578 00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:27,339 This is about something bigger than that. 579 00:22:27,340 --> 00:22:28,749 This is about my career. 580 00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:30,859 - All right? - Okay. 581 00:22:30,860 --> 00:22:33,199 - And it's over. - Okay. Okay. So... 582 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,399 And to correct that, you want to get a criminal record? 583 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,699 - I don't get that. - No. I get it. 584 00:22:38,700 --> 00:22:41,099 She wants a mug shot, right? 585 00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:43,019 - You want to do a perp walk. - Yeah. 586 00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:44,399 You know, like Nick Nol-tay. 587 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,379 Like Nicholas fucking Nol-tay. 588 00:22:46,380 --> 00:22:48,099 Yeah, he got a best-selling memoir 589 00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:49,125 - after he got arrested. - Mm-hmm. 590 00:22:49,126 --> 00:22:51,599 Reese Witherspoon, she cursed out a cop. 591 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,199 - Big Little Emmy. - Mm. 592 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,999 - Okay? - Are we saying Nol-tay? 593 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,083 - Yeah, Nick Nol-tay. - That's his name, Nick Nol-tay. 594 00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:59,079 Okay. I guess it makes sense. 595 00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:00,679 But I'm sorry, we can't help you out tonight. 596 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,124 We got something else to do, so, I'm sorry. 597 00:23:03,125 --> 00:23:04,916 Well, I guess I could write her up. 598 00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:07,249 What's that? 599 00:23:07,250 --> 00:23:09,059 Well, I'd write you a ticket, 600 00:23:09,060 --> 00:23:11,119 you show up in court and contest it. 601 00:23:11,120 --> 00:23:12,159 - Ooh! - Yeah, that would make news. 602 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:13,289 A lot of people would pay attention to that. 603 00:23:13,290 --> 00:23:14,799 Oh, my God. I'm kind of loving that. 604 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:15,939 - A day in court? - Mm-hmm. 605 00:23:15,940 --> 00:23:17,914 I get a day in court? Pencil skirt. 606 00:23:17,915 --> 00:23:19,719 - Yes, bitch. - Okay. 607 00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,455 Amazing. Can you roll down your window? 608 00:23:21,456 --> 00:23:22,459 - Yeah, sure. - Why? 609 00:23:22,460 --> 00:23:24,083 Joe! Joe! 610 00:23:24,084 --> 00:23:26,124 - Who is Joe? - My lit agent. 611 00:23:26,125 --> 00:23:27,909 - Joe! Oh. - There he is. 612 00:23:27,910 --> 00:23:29,899 - Evening, gentlemen. How's it going? - Great. 613 00:23:29,900 --> 00:23:30,915 - Joseph Farrell. - Okay. 614 00:23:30,916 --> 00:23:32,539 - Jose... Joe Farrell. - Are you the guy 615 00:23:32,540 --> 00:23:34,125 who was having sex with her by the dumpster? 616 00:23:34,126 --> 00:23:35,299 - That was me. - Wow. 617 00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:36,708 - I was wearing a fake beard. - Huh. 618 00:23:36,709 --> 00:23:38,874 - Wow, you were really quick. - Hey. 619 00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:40,583 - Thanks, man. - Joe, get a picture of me 620 00:23:40,584 --> 00:23:42,389 getting arrested. I look pissed. 621 00:23:42,390 --> 00:23:44,839 From from above, flash, really high up, 622 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,239 - so it looks like I'm, like, sick. - Absolutely. 623 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,160 - Yeah, I love it. - Like I lost the baby weight. 624 00:23:51,460 --> 00:23:53,399 - Looks really good. - Okay, and, and then, this one, 625 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,082 you guys, like, kind of, be screaming at me. 626 00:23:55,083 --> 00:23:56,449 I don't know if we should be in it. 627 00:23:56,450 --> 00:23:57,542 Yeah. You guys, it's fine. 628 00:23:58,440 --> 00:23:59,789 - Uh, it feels kind of staged. - Okay. And then 629 00:23:59,790 --> 00:24:01,559 this one, we're sexual, this one's kind of, like, sexual. 630 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,839 - I don't like... Okay. - Oh, America hates you. 631 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,909 - Okay, I think that's gonna work great. - All right. 632 00:24:05,910 --> 00:24:07,219 - There you go. - Yeah, you got it. 633 00:24:07,220 --> 00:24:09,359 And I'm back on the map. Right, Joey? 634 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:12,167 Well, it was nice meeting you, thank you. Bye-bye. 635 00:24:12,168 --> 00:24:14,179 Bye. 636 00:24:14,180 --> 00:24:16,339 Oh. Wow. She didn't even say goodbye. 637 00:24:16,340 --> 00:24:18,940 No. I guess that's how she rolls. 638 00:24:18,950 --> 00:24:20,199 Sad. 639 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:21,759 Hey, I wanted to tell you. 640 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:23,799 Uh, remember when she was talking to us earlier 641 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:26,449 about you and I together, with her? 642 00:24:26,450 --> 00:24:28,499 Looking into each other's eyes, 643 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,379 and she would do it for nine dollars? 644 00:24:30,380 --> 00:24:31,639 Yeah, I remember that. 645 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,439 I just want you to know, I... 646 00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:34,750 I have the nine dollars. 647 00:24:36,060 --> 00:24:37,579 Why are you telling me that? 648 00:24:37,580 --> 00:24:38,799 Because I thought you didn't want to do it 649 00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:40,291 because you didn't have nine dollars. 650 00:24:40,292 --> 00:24:41,999 No, that wasn't the reason 651 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,083 - I didn't do it. - Oh, well, 652 00:24:43,084 --> 00:24:46,559 I just want you to know, if we're ever in that situation again... 653 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:47,790 I have nine dollars. 654 00:24:47,792 --> 00:24:49,917 - You know what I'm saying? - I know what you're saying, 655 00:24:49,918 --> 00:24:51,639 I just don't know why you're saying it. 656 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:52,819 Okay. 657 00:24:52,820 --> 00:24:54,539 Let's go to the shit sewer, huh? 658 00:24:54,540 --> 00:24:56,559 Yeah, shit sewer. 659 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:09,219 Oh, he's so cute. 660 00:25:09,220 --> 00:25:10,649 I want to have a baby one day. 661 00:25:10,650 --> 00:25:12,149 Oh. Here. 662 00:25:12,150 --> 00:25:13,599 No, I mean my own... 663 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,039 - Right. - ... baby. 664 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:20,040 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --