1 00:00:01,427 --> 00:00:03,825 My God, for the love of God, there's two more of 'em. 2 00:00:03,869 --> 00:00:05,653 I mean, it's giving me indigestion. 3 00:00:05,697 --> 00:00:07,220 - Yeah, man. - I'm tired of looking at it. 4 00:00:07,263 --> 00:00:09,004 And where are they even coming from, dude? 5 00:00:09,048 --> 00:00:10,702 It's that new salon that opened up down the street. 6 00:00:10,745 --> 00:00:12,007 I thought it was gonna be good for business, 7 00:00:12,051 --> 00:00:13,748 - but this is hard to look at. - I don't even understand 8 00:00:13,792 --> 00:00:16,342 - why you guys give a shit. - Why do we give a shit? 9 00:00:16,367 --> 00:00:18,100 - Yeah. - These women have mutilated themselves, Dee. 10 00:00:18,125 --> 00:00:19,232 It's an abomination. 11 00:00:19,275 --> 00:00:20,625 Once you go down that road, it's, 12 00:00:20,668 --> 00:00:22,617 you... there's no turning back. 13 00:00:22,642 --> 00:00:24,949 It's just, like, the dumbest hat, too, like... 14 00:00:24,974 --> 00:00:27,107 A hat? Are you talking about their hair? 15 00:00:27,132 --> 00:00:29,304 That's hair? Oh, my... I thought that was, like, 16 00:00:29,329 --> 00:00:30,625 a little comedy hat or something. 17 00:00:30,765 --> 00:00:33,072 That's their actual hair... Why would anyone do that? 18 00:00:33,115 --> 00:00:35,484 Wait a second. Poppins? 19 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,206 - Oh, shit. - Oh, my God, it's Poppins! 20 00:00:37,614 --> 00:00:39,197 Poppins! He came back! 21 00:00:39,222 --> 00:00:40,406 My dog came back! 22 00:00:40,431 --> 00:00:42,099 How the hell is that dog still alive? 23 00:00:42,124 --> 00:00:43,299 Yeah, Mac, why don't you just 24 00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:44,823 put that poor thing out of its misery? 25 00:00:44,866 --> 00:00:46,302 Put him down? What, are you crazy? 26 00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:47,869 This is my dog, Dee. I love him. 27 00:00:47,913 --> 00:00:49,328 Well, he doesn't love you. 28 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:50,701 Comes around every three or four years, 29 00:00:50,726 --> 00:00:52,308 eats a bunch of batteries or whatever, 30 00:00:52,352 --> 00:00:54,610 takes a giant dump on the floor, and then leaves again. 31 00:00:54,645 --> 00:00:56,748 Dee, Poppins comes and goes as he pleases 32 00:00:56,791 --> 00:00:58,623 'cause that's his right as a male. 33 00:00:58,658 --> 00:00:59,447 - Mm. - Right? 34 00:00:59,472 --> 00:01:01,236 - Women are never gonna get that. - They'll never get it. 35 00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:02,838 Yep. We are hunter-gatherers, Dee. 36 00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:04,474 And if we decide to leave, we're gonna leave. 37 00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:07,377 - Yeah, 'cause that's nature. That's tradition. - That's bullshit. 38 00:01:07,410 --> 00:01:08,822 Traditional roles are ridiculous, 39 00:01:08,847 --> 00:01:10,174 and they're made up by men. 40 00:01:10,199 --> 00:01:12,562 If I want to have a baby and then abandon that baby, 41 00:01:12,597 --> 00:01:14,000 I have the right to do that. 42 00:01:14,025 --> 00:01:16,898 - Oh... - A woman abandoning her child? 43 00:01:16,942 --> 00:01:18,190 - Yeah, that's awful, Dee. - That's cheap. 44 00:01:18,215 --> 00:01:19,858 And it's not natural. You know what I mean? 45 00:01:19,901 --> 00:01:20,902 Like those haircuts. I mean, they... 46 00:01:20,946 --> 00:01:22,904 that's traditionally a man's look. 47 00:01:22,948 --> 00:01:24,558 Women can't just adopt it. 48 00:01:24,602 --> 00:01:25,820 You know? I mean, look, it's one thing 49 00:01:25,864 --> 00:01:27,692 for, like, a 60-year-old art critic to do it, 50 00:01:27,735 --> 00:01:29,781 but, I mean, these are young, sexually viable women 51 00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:31,913 making themselves no longer sexually attractive to me, 52 00:01:31,957 --> 00:01:34,260 and that upsets the natural balance of things. 53 00:01:34,285 --> 00:01:35,591 - Mm. - What? No. 54 00:01:35,616 --> 00:01:38,204 If women want to get short, ugly, lesbian haircuts, 55 00:01:38,229 --> 00:01:40,792 then they deserve to do that because it's their body 56 00:01:40,817 --> 00:01:42,304 and, therefore, their choice. 57 00:01:42,329 --> 00:01:43,733 Oh, you're gonna make it about that? 58 00:01:43,795 --> 00:01:46,157 You know what? Killing babies is wrong, Dee, 59 00:01:46,182 --> 00:01:47,202 and God forbids it. 60 00:01:47,234 --> 00:01:48,900 Oh, God. 61 00:01:48,925 --> 00:01:50,119 Here comes another one. 62 00:01:50,963 --> 00:01:51,908 It's too much! 63 00:01:52,499 --> 00:01:55,299 _ 64 00:01:55,323 --> 00:02:03,143 credits 65 00:02:16,175 --> 00:02:18,307 I'm telling you, man, something is wrong with Poppins. 66 00:02:18,351 --> 00:02:20,494 His belly's all big. I've never seen him so run-down. 67 00:02:20,519 --> 00:02:22,181 I mean, it's not like he's never been sick before. 68 00:02:22,224 --> 00:02:23,704 You remember the time he drank an entire pot of coffee? 69 00:02:23,739 --> 00:02:25,532 - That wasn't good. - No, this is different, dude. 70 00:02:25,566 --> 00:02:27,393 - Yeah. - This is... Look, check this out. 71 00:02:29,971 --> 00:02:31,973 - Oh, yeah. That's not good. - Nothing. Nothing. 72 00:02:32,017 --> 00:02:33,085 I mean, it's just like... 73 00:02:34,193 --> 00:02:35,585 Where'd you get the air horn? 74 00:02:35,629 --> 00:02:37,413 Oh, I-I picked it up at the hardware store 75 00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:38,806 - when you were grabbing coffee. - Yeah. 76 00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:39,920 Yeah. Why? 77 00:02:39,964 --> 00:02:42,288 I want to jump-start Poppins's system. 78 00:02:42,331 --> 00:02:43,942 You know? But it's not working. Maybe if I do it longer? 79 00:02:43,985 --> 00:02:45,770 - I'll do it super long, huh? - Uh, you know what? 80 00:02:45,813 --> 00:02:47,859 - What if I feed him my coffee, right? - Mm-hmm. Yep. 81 00:02:47,902 --> 00:02:50,296 You blast him with the air horn, a-and that might wake him up. 82 00:02:50,339 --> 00:02:52,298 Oh, and maybe I'll scream into the other ear. 83 00:02:52,341 --> 00:02:53,338 Okay, yeah. Give it a whirl. 84 00:02:53,363 --> 00:02:54,580 Please don't. 85 00:02:54,928 --> 00:02:56,756 Oh, uh, am I not doing it right? 86 00:02:56,781 --> 00:02:57,869 Do you want to give it a go? 87 00:02:57,912 --> 00:03:00,212 Uh, no, I don't. And, yes, you're doing it correctly, 88 00:03:00,237 --> 00:03:02,787 I just prefer you not feed your dog coffee 89 00:03:02,812 --> 00:03:05,712 and blow an air horn repeatedly into its ear canal. 90 00:03:05,737 --> 00:03:07,493 Hey, look, if that doesn't make this dog less sleepy, 91 00:03:07,518 --> 00:03:09,881 - nothing's gonna. - Well, to be clear, 92 00:03:09,924 --> 00:03:12,916 uh, sleepiness is not Poppins' problem. 93 00:03:12,941 --> 00:03:15,165 Oh, no. Is it a tumor? 94 00:03:15,190 --> 00:03:17,018 If it's not, could you say it in that really funny 95 00:03:17,062 --> 00:03:19,238 Arnold Schwarzenegger voice that's, like, so funny? 96 00:03:19,281 --> 00:03:20,674 - "It's not a tumor." - You know what I mean? And that always, like... Yeah. 97 00:03:20,718 --> 00:03:22,110 - "It's not a tumor." - It's funny when he says it, too. 98 00:03:22,154 --> 00:03:23,329 Unless it is a tumor, 99 00:03:23,372 --> 00:03:25,463 - and then it's not gonna be funny. - Is it? 100 00:03:25,488 --> 00:03:28,672 Well, uh, there's good news and there's bad news. Right? 101 00:03:28,697 --> 00:03:32,251 Uh, the good news is that Poppins is pregnant. 102 00:03:32,276 --> 00:03:33,901 Wait. Poppins is a girl? 103 00:03:34,174 --> 00:03:37,647 Oh, you didn't know your dog was a female? 104 00:03:37,691 --> 00:03:40,346 Oh, nah, I-I could never get underneath that hind leg 105 00:03:40,389 --> 00:03:42,609 - to check. - You don't want to try to get under Poppins. 106 00:03:42,652 --> 00:03:44,611 I mean, one time I tried to give him a belly scratch 107 00:03:44,654 --> 00:03:47,338 - and he bit my thumbnail clean off. - He's a monster. 108 00:03:47,363 --> 00:03:48,963 - Uh, "she." - Say what now? - Huh? 109 00:03:49,007 --> 00:03:50,619 "She-She's a monster." 110 00:03:50,644 --> 00:03:53,346 I can't believe that Poppins is gonna be a father. 111 00:03:53,371 --> 00:03:55,025 - A mother. - What? 112 00:03:55,050 --> 00:03:57,487 - A mother? - He is? 113 00:03:58,135 --> 00:04:02,306 Hmm... Okay. Uh, do you two not understand gender? 114 00:04:03,357 --> 00:04:04,606 - No, I mean... - Well, 115 00:04:04,631 --> 00:04:07,025 - we don't really do gender at our bar anymore. - Yeah. 116 00:04:07,068 --> 00:04:08,940 - Mm-hmm. - Like, gender's so, like, old school. 117 00:04:08,983 --> 00:04:10,724 - Like, I-I don't identify... - Um, I'm so sorry 118 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:13,268 to tell you, uh, the bad news, 119 00:04:13,572 --> 00:04:16,837 is that given Poppins' advanced age, 120 00:04:16,862 --> 00:04:21,822 I'm afraid that she most likely will not survive the delivery. 121 00:04:21,963 --> 00:04:24,368 - He won't? - Again, she. 122 00:04:24,393 --> 00:04:26,044 And, uh, yeah. 123 00:04:26,087 --> 00:04:28,611 I-I don't think I've ever seen a dog this old. 124 00:04:28,655 --> 00:04:32,860 It's a miracle that she was even able to get pregnant, 125 00:04:32,885 --> 00:04:35,662 so when she gives birth, 126 00:04:35,705 --> 00:04:38,970 she will most likely die. 127 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,860 Well, you got to kill those babies, then. 128 00:04:44,107 --> 00:04:45,454 - Uh... - What? Dude, what the hell? 129 00:04:45,498 --> 00:04:47,368 I thought you were all pro-life and everything. 130 00:04:47,393 --> 00:04:50,315 I am, but this is different. This affects me. 131 00:04:50,546 --> 00:04:53,854 Uh, I'm so sorry, but we don't perform that procedure here. 132 00:04:53,898 --> 00:04:55,725 We can talk to a, like, a doctor, not a nurse. 133 00:04:55,769 --> 00:04:57,510 That's a good idea. Do you have any doctors here? 134 00:04:57,553 --> 00:04:58,728 - Let's go. - I'm a... 135 00:04:58,772 --> 00:05:00,121 Let's go. We'll go find a man. 136 00:05:00,165 --> 00:05:01,768 Okay. 137 00:05:03,127 --> 00:05:04,135 Got some information for you. 138 00:05:04,169 --> 00:05:05,692 - You're gonna want this information. - Great hair. Keep the hair 139 00:05:05,735 --> 00:05:07,041 - the way it is. - Very important information, honestly. 140 00:05:07,085 --> 00:05:09,217 - Keep your hair the way it is. It's really great. - Yeah. 141 00:05:09,261 --> 00:05:10,697 - Oh. Oh... Hi! - Hi... G-Going the wrong way. 142 00:05:10,740 --> 00:05:12,220 - You going in here to get the... Yeah. - I was. 143 00:05:12,264 --> 00:05:14,135 Check this out: um, uh, did you know 144 00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:16,137 that hair only grows about six inches 145 00:05:16,181 --> 00:05:17,573 over the course of an entire year? 146 00:05:17,617 --> 00:05:19,635 Did you realize that? Isn't that mind-blowing? 147 00:05:19,660 --> 00:05:21,229 - Think about that for a second. You know? - Mm. 148 00:05:21,273 --> 00:05:23,231 Here. Grab that for me, if you will. 149 00:05:23,275 --> 00:05:24,929 - Oh, my. - Yeah, it's something else. 150 00:05:24,972 --> 00:05:26,931 - You can't get your hair cut. You don't want to do that. - Um, now I'll tell you something. 151 00:05:26,974 --> 00:05:29,237 With luxurious locks like yours, it could take, oh, 152 00:05:29,281 --> 00:05:31,936 - three, four years to grow back to its current length. Yeah. - Yeah, if it ever grows back. 153 00:05:31,979 --> 00:05:33,894 - Okay. Thanks. - Well, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a second. 154 00:05:33,938 --> 00:05:36,462 If that doesn't convince you, there's more. Um... 155 00:05:36,505 --> 00:05:38,943 Listen, are you familiar with the television series Felicity, 156 00:05:38,986 --> 00:05:41,032 - starring Keri Russell? Yeah. - Yes. Mm-hmm. 157 00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:43,430 - Well, this is Keri Russell right here. - Beautiful. 158 00:05:43,455 --> 00:05:45,732 - Look at her.Beautiful. Gorgeous. - Beautiful girl. Yeah, gorgeous. 159 00:05:45,775 --> 00:05:46,951 - Yep. - Millions of adoring fans, 160 00:05:46,994 --> 00:05:49,779 hit television show, you know, and then she went and did this. 161 00:05:49,823 --> 00:05:51,999 - Oh, God. - Yeah. 162 00:05:52,043 --> 00:05:53,479 - Look at that. Oh, God. - What a mess. 163 00:05:53,522 --> 00:05:55,133 - Shocking, isn't it? - Still pretty. 164 00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:57,744 With this one tragic decision, Keri Russell a-alienated 165 00:05:57,787 --> 00:05:59,964 all of her fans, she got her show canceled, 166 00:06:00,007 --> 00:06:02,002 and, man, she was never heard of ever again. 167 00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:04,403 Yeah, but Keri Russell works all the time. 168 00:06:04,446 --> 00:06:06,096 Yeah, now, does she still play women? 169 00:06:06,121 --> 00:06:07,797 Look, leave me alone, creep. 170 00:06:07,841 --> 00:06:09,205 - Probably in a cape or something. - Well, no, no, hold on. 171 00:06:09,230 --> 00:06:11,211 You're about to make a huge mistake, lady. 172 00:06:11,236 --> 00:06:13,305 - You don't want to do this. Man. - Hey. - She got in. 173 00:06:13,330 --> 00:06:15,588 - What is this? What are you guys doing? - One got away. 174 00:06:15,631 --> 00:06:18,156 - We let her go. - Well, Dee, we are educating the public is what we're doing. 175 00:06:18,199 --> 00:06:19,548 - We're trying to help these women. - Oh, my God. 176 00:06:19,592 --> 00:06:21,305 Will you please leave these poor women alone? 177 00:06:21,330 --> 00:06:23,988 They're clearly bored and lonely and-and-and needing 178 00:06:24,031 --> 00:06:26,782 to do something extreme in order to make themselves feel special. 179 00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:28,514 Listen. Take this one for example. 180 00:06:28,557 --> 00:06:29,950 You don't get a monkey cut like that 181 00:06:29,994 --> 00:06:31,430 unless you're broken inside. 182 00:06:31,465 --> 00:06:33,604 I'm sorry. Are you talking to me? 183 00:06:33,629 --> 00:06:35,174 No, sweetie, I'm talking about you. 184 00:06:35,199 --> 00:06:36,592 I'm using you as an example. 185 00:06:36,617 --> 00:06:39,456 I support your choice to look like whatever kind of primate 186 00:06:39,481 --> 00:06:42,719 or simian species you choose, because it is your choice. 187 00:06:42,744 --> 00:06:44,095 Okay? You know what? 188 00:06:44,130 --> 00:06:46,024 Go full baboon, girl. I support you. 189 00:06:46,049 --> 00:06:48,270 No. Dee, Dee, you're not being rational. 190 00:06:48,305 --> 00:06:49,574 Can you at least acknowledge 191 00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,667 the fact that men should have some say in what women do 192 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,104 with their hair? I mean, for Christ's sakes, 193 00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:54,583 we're the ones that have to look at it all day! 194 00:06:54,627 --> 00:06:56,844 No, Dennis. I won't acknowledge that. 195 00:06:56,869 --> 00:06:59,023 You have no say. In fact, you know what? 196 00:06:59,612 --> 00:07:00,909 I'm gonna get the haircut. 197 00:07:01,416 --> 00:07:03,853 Don't do it, Dee. You're gonna, you're gonna look hideous. 198 00:07:03,897 --> 00:07:06,247 I know I will. I don't have the face or the body to support 199 00:07:06,291 --> 00:07:07,814 a haircut like that, but I'm gonna do it anyway, 200 00:07:07,857 --> 00:07:09,033 because I can. 201 00:07:09,076 --> 00:07:11,035 Because I choose to, and there's nothing you can do about it. 202 00:07:11,078 --> 00:07:12,471 - You don't do it. - Excuse me. 203 00:07:12,514 --> 00:07:14,255 You do not do it. You go back to the bar. 204 00:07:14,299 --> 00:07:15,313 I command you! 205 00:07:16,214 --> 00:07:17,158 Dee. 206 00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,782 You're not being serious enough. 207 00:07:19,826 --> 00:07:21,436 - Oh... - One monkey cut, please! 208 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:22,655 Oh, God. 209 00:07:22,698 --> 00:07:25,266 You... you bitch. 210 00:07:26,502 --> 00:07:27,616 Yeah, so, 211 00:07:27,660 --> 00:07:30,663 what we'd like you to do is kill the dog puppies, if you could. 212 00:07:30,706 --> 00:07:32,056 Hey. Don't-don't say "kill," though. 213 00:07:32,099 --> 00:07:34,275 Uh, sorry, murder them, if possible? 214 00:07:34,319 --> 00:07:36,408 - Say, uh... Uh, no, say, uh... - Uh, sorry, my friend has a... 215 00:07:36,451 --> 00:07:39,019 - "...terminate the embryos." - To terminate... 216 00:07:39,063 --> 00:07:41,848 - Yeah, so if you could terminate the puppies' embryos? - Yeah. 217 00:07:41,891 --> 00:07:43,415 - Yeah. You know what? Come on. Let me just-let me... - Uh-huh. Sorry. 218 00:07:43,458 --> 00:07:45,504 - Hang on one second. My friend wants to talk to you. - Yeah. I'll do it. 219 00:07:45,547 --> 00:07:48,876 Yes, hi. Yes, we-we need you to perform this dog abortion, 220 00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:51,031 and if you don't, my dog is gonna die. 221 00:07:51,075 --> 00:07:53,860 And he-he-he's not gonna be able to survive the... 222 00:07:54,338 --> 00:07:57,201 Yes, I'm-I'm aware that a boy dog can't have puppies. 223 00:07:57,236 --> 00:07:59,083 - What's with this? I... - I... Yes. Look, 224 00:07:59,126 --> 00:08:00,954 it's a little bit confusing because he used to be... 225 00:08:00,998 --> 00:08:02,390 Look, there was a transition at some point, all right? 226 00:08:02,434 --> 00:08:04,871 - He had a sex change. - We see past gender at our bar. 227 00:08:04,914 --> 00:08:06,264 And I don't... They hung up. 228 00:08:06,307 --> 00:08:08,092 - That's the tenth one. - You know what? 229 00:08:08,135 --> 00:08:09,969 The problem is we-we can't get any doctors on the phone. 230 00:08:09,994 --> 00:08:11,530 - I know. - You know? You're always talking to a secretary. 231 00:08:11,573 --> 00:08:13,946 - I know, it's just... - Puts you on the phone with some other female secretary, 232 00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:15,868 - and it's like... - And honestly, I tune them out, 233 00:08:15,893 --> 00:08:17,623 because I can't... they get so high up in the register. 234 00:08:17,666 --> 00:08:18,627 Yeah. 235 00:08:18,652 --> 00:08:21,645 She's gone too far! She has no idea 236 00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:24,309 of the ramifications of what her actions... 237 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,327 Whoa. Frankie. 238 00:08:26,371 --> 00:08:29,461 Take it easy, buddy. Your valve's getting all worked up. 239 00:08:30,187 --> 00:08:31,332 That's not good. 240 00:08:31,376 --> 00:08:32,768 Hey, your valve's acting up... You know what? 241 00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,205 Here, here... eat some cat food. 242 00:08:34,248 --> 00:08:35,579 Come on, settle down. 243 00:08:36,294 --> 00:08:38,339 You-you got to get that valve down, man. 244 00:08:38,383 --> 00:08:39,732 - You got to calm that down, all right? - Okay... 245 00:08:39,775 --> 00:08:41,473 - Neutralize it out with the cat food. - Let me have it. 246 00:08:41,516 --> 00:08:43,362 All right, walk me through what's happening here. 247 00:08:43,387 --> 00:08:44,401 - It's Dee. - Yeah? 248 00:08:44,426 --> 00:08:46,956 Yeah, she's gonna do it. She's gonna cut her hair off. 249 00:08:46,981 --> 00:08:49,505 Dennis... put me in charge... 250 00:08:50,151 --> 00:08:53,565 of making sure she doesn't go through with this madness. 251 00:08:54,088 --> 00:08:56,719 Ooh, Frankie, that valve is bad, man. That is backed up. 252 00:08:56,744 --> 00:08:59,230 - You-you drinking enough beer, bud? - No. 253 00:08:59,273 --> 00:09:00,753 Okay. Let-Let's get you another beer 254 00:09:00,796 --> 00:09:02,189 - or something. - Let me have a brew, 255 00:09:02,233 --> 00:09:03,464 and pop me another can of this cat food. 256 00:09:03,508 --> 00:09:04,583 - It's working. - Yeah. 257 00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:06,604 We got to settle that valve down, buddy. 258 00:09:07,803 --> 00:09:09,088 Hey, Frank, 259 00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:11,346 you know anybody that'll do a dog abortion? 260 00:09:13,179 --> 00:09:14,619 Yeah, I got a guy. 261 00:09:19,641 --> 00:09:21,513 Yeah. There you go. Take a look. 262 00:09:21,556 --> 00:09:23,515 You seriously want to buy me a car 263 00:09:23,558 --> 00:09:24,907 as long as I don't cut my hair? 264 00:09:24,951 --> 00:09:27,127 Yeah, and we should look at the convertibles. 265 00:09:27,171 --> 00:09:28,259 I want the wind blowing through 266 00:09:28,302 --> 00:09:30,913 those long, beautiful locks of yours. 267 00:09:30,957 --> 00:09:32,132 - This is ridiculous. - No, it's not. 268 00:09:32,176 --> 00:09:33,394 This has nothing to do with a haircut 269 00:09:33,438 --> 00:09:35,729 and everything to do with you controlling my body. 270 00:09:35,754 --> 00:09:38,244 It's got everything to do with a haircut, Deandra. 271 00:09:38,488 --> 00:09:39,963 Look at this. 272 00:09:40,271 --> 00:09:41,402 What is this? 273 00:09:41,736 --> 00:09:43,830 That's me when I was young. 274 00:09:43,855 --> 00:09:45,383 I was like Samson. 275 00:09:45,408 --> 00:09:47,610 I had hair down to my butt crack. 276 00:09:47,635 --> 00:09:49,182 I looked like a Greek god. 277 00:09:49,207 --> 00:09:50,560 You look like a bridge troll. 278 00:09:50,585 --> 00:09:52,761 Well, the point is, I cut it all off. 279 00:09:52,897 --> 00:09:55,610 I-I needed the money and I read an ad... 280 00:09:55,635 --> 00:09:59,024 for a toupee company that said they would give good money 281 00:09:59,049 --> 00:10:01,321 for real hair, so I bought in. 282 00:10:01,346 --> 00:10:04,425 But I shaved it all off to the nub. It never grew back. 283 00:10:04,461 --> 00:10:06,317 And-and, plus, when I think about it, 284 00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:08,429 I get a... pain in my stomach 285 00:10:08,473 --> 00:10:10,649 and I... gastronomical. 286 00:10:10,692 --> 00:10:12,433 - Oh, God. - And I burp. 287 00:10:12,477 --> 00:10:15,404 That's not how hair works. Or gastrointestinal tracts. 288 00:10:15,429 --> 00:10:17,740 I want to show you something else. 289 00:10:19,522 --> 00:10:20,659 What? 290 00:10:21,209 --> 00:10:22,356 There it is. 291 00:10:23,045 --> 00:10:24,445 There what is, Frank? 292 00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:26,373 That's my old hair. 293 00:10:27,274 --> 00:10:29,225 He-He's given it a good home. 294 00:10:29,264 --> 00:10:30,631 He takes care of it. 295 00:10:30,843 --> 00:10:33,237 Probably better than I would've taken care of it myself. 296 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,108 - Wha...? - I come by time to time 297 00:10:35,152 --> 00:10:37,458 to check it out, see how it's doing. 298 00:10:38,014 --> 00:10:39,376 Oh, my God. 299 00:10:39,438 --> 00:10:40,614 Ah, here he comes. 300 00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:41,590 Don't-don't say anything, 301 00:10:41,615 --> 00:10:43,209 because I don't want to make it feel bad. 302 00:10:43,234 --> 00:10:45,049 - Hey, how are you? - Hey, here's my guy. 303 00:10:45,074 --> 00:10:46,848 - Hi. How you doing? - How you doing, Frankie? 304 00:10:46,873 --> 00:10:48,034 - Good to see you. - Very nice to see you. 305 00:10:48,077 --> 00:10:50,819 I love this guy. He's bought, like, five cars off of me. 306 00:10:50,863 --> 00:10:52,590 - You know? - I hope you're using that money 307 00:10:52,615 --> 00:10:55,319 for high-end shampoos and conditioners. 308 00:10:55,775 --> 00:10:57,934 S... Always with the shampoo jokes. 309 00:10:57,959 --> 00:11:00,829 - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. - I have no idea what you're talking about. 310 00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:03,395 Uh, so, anyway, you here to buy something today? 311 00:11:03,428 --> 00:11:04,795 - Yes. Yeah. - No! No. 312 00:11:04,820 --> 00:11:06,201 I-I... you're not buying me a car, Frank. 313 00:11:06,226 --> 00:11:07,314 You can't control me 314 00:11:07,488 --> 00:11:10,274 with your cars and your threats of male pattern baldness. 315 00:11:10,317 --> 00:11:12,101 That-that was an unrelated burp. 316 00:11:12,145 --> 00:11:14,278 I had four beers on the way here, I'll have you know. 317 00:11:14,321 --> 00:11:15,786 I'm getting the haircut. I'm getting it. 318 00:11:15,811 --> 00:11:17,846 Don't do it, Deandra. You'll regret it! 319 00:11:17,890 --> 00:11:19,326 I'm telling you! 320 00:11:19,502 --> 00:11:20,919 What was that all about? 321 00:11:20,944 --> 00:11:22,920 Just trying to save a life. 322 00:11:24,029 --> 00:11:25,245 Oh. The wind's kicking up. 323 00:11:25,289 --> 00:11:27,813 You better get inside. I don't like to see her struggle. 324 00:11:27,838 --> 00:11:28,972 Okay. 325 00:11:33,045 --> 00:11:34,413 You sure this is the place? 326 00:11:34,559 --> 00:11:36,865 Yeah. This is where Frank said to meet the guy, so... 327 00:11:36,909 --> 00:11:38,519 - What up? - Oh, hey, Z. 328 00:11:38,563 --> 00:11:39,738 - Hey. - How you doing, man? 329 00:11:39,781 --> 00:11:41,522 - What you boys up to? - Uh, we're waiting 330 00:11:41,566 --> 00:11:43,444 on a doctor that Frank's hooking us up with. 331 00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:44,992 Yeah, that's me, homie. 332 00:11:45,639 --> 00:11:46,962 - Oh. - You're a doctor? 333 00:11:46,987 --> 00:11:48,336 Straight up. 334 00:11:48,399 --> 00:11:49,922 Come on. No, you're not. 335 00:11:50,319 --> 00:11:51,880 Bitch, you don't think I'm a doctor? 336 00:11:52,173 --> 00:11:55,002 I was a medic in Desert Storm. 337 00:11:55,283 --> 00:11:58,598 I did Doctors Without Borders, I saved mad lives. 338 00:11:58,623 --> 00:12:00,889 See, you racist. That's what the problem is. 339 00:12:00,933 --> 00:12:03,224 I'm so sorry, Z. I didn't have any idea. 340 00:12:03,259 --> 00:12:04,893 - That's impressive, yeah. - Sorry. Sorry. 341 00:12:05,635 --> 00:12:07,697 Bitch, I'm just playing with you. 342 00:12:07,722 --> 00:12:08,984 I ain't no motherfucking doctor. 343 00:12:09,028 --> 00:12:10,249 Oh! 344 00:12:10,595 --> 00:12:13,293 - Okay. All right. - Are you serious? 345 00:12:13,337 --> 00:12:15,121 I do still feel bad, though. 346 00:12:15,164 --> 00:12:16,340 - I feel terrible. - I feel bad, too, because I feel 347 00:12:16,383 --> 00:12:18,080 - like I was exposed. - Lesson learned. 348 00:12:18,124 --> 00:12:20,561 - Lesson learned. That was good. - I was... My racism was exposed. 349 00:12:20,605 --> 00:12:21,736 But I do fuck with dogs, 350 00:12:21,780 --> 00:12:23,477 - so tell me what's up. - Oh, okay. Good. 351 00:12:23,521 --> 00:12:26,175 - So, uh, Poppins is sick. - Right. 352 00:12:26,219 --> 00:12:28,352 Yeah, and there's a bunch of babies in there. 353 00:12:28,395 --> 00:12:30,631 Oh, snap. Okay. Right. 354 00:12:30,656 --> 00:12:33,400 Now, the vet said that if he gives birth, he's gonna die. 355 00:12:33,444 --> 00:12:35,533 Oh, so you want me to scoop them babies out 356 00:12:35,576 --> 00:12:36,708 so your dog can die. 357 00:12:36,751 --> 00:12:39,928 - Uh, n-no. The, the opposite, actually. - Okay. 358 00:12:39,972 --> 00:12:43,153 You want me to scoop them puppies out and chuck 'em 359 00:12:43,178 --> 00:12:45,764 and then put your dog out its misery. 360 00:12:46,522 --> 00:12:47,501 - Uh, no. No. - No. Uh-uh. 361 00:12:47,545 --> 00:12:49,547 No, uh, we want you to kill the babies 362 00:12:49,590 --> 00:12:51,225 and keep this dog alive. 363 00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:53,165 Okay, word. I can get with that. 364 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:55,975 Yeah, is there a version, like, where no dog dies? 365 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,555 Yo, son, that's hard to tell. 366 00:12:57,598 --> 00:12:59,339 I made dogs make babies, 367 00:12:59,383 --> 00:13:01,820 but I ain't never taken no babies out the dog. 368 00:13:01,863 --> 00:13:03,317 Oh, you're a breeder. 369 00:13:03,342 --> 00:13:05,519 - Right. - That's why Frank hooked us up. 370 00:13:05,563 --> 00:13:08,022 - Yeah, yeah. I breed dogs. - Nice. 371 00:13:08,047 --> 00:13:10,020 - I groom dogs. I fight dogs. - Nice. 372 00:13:10,045 --> 00:13:11,351 - Oh. Mm. - I ain't never abort 373 00:13:11,395 --> 00:13:13,397 no dog, but we can get it done. 374 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:15,486 Poke around in one of them trash cans, 375 00:13:15,529 --> 00:13:17,662 try to find an Allen wrench. 376 00:13:20,491 --> 00:13:22,188 Yeah, I'm starting to think this is a mistake, man. 377 00:13:22,231 --> 00:13:23,972 I don't think he's qualified to do this. 378 00:13:24,016 --> 00:13:25,496 - But... - Yeah, I-I don't know. 379 00:13:25,539 --> 00:13:26,932 I don't know what else we're gonna do, man. 380 00:13:26,975 --> 00:13:28,412 I mean, we got to save Poppins. 381 00:13:28,455 --> 00:13:30,301 Oh, shit. Wait. Who's this? 382 00:13:30,855 --> 00:13:31,902 Oh... Oh, my God. 383 00:13:31,927 --> 00:13:33,668 Wait a second. Charlie... 384 00:13:33,895 --> 00:13:35,070 I think this is the real Poppins! 385 00:13:35,114 --> 00:13:36,594 That's Poppins, isn't it? 386 00:13:36,637 --> 00:13:37,943 I was wondering why I didn't have 387 00:13:37,986 --> 00:13:39,510 to pop this dog's eye back in its socket. 388 00:13:39,553 --> 00:13:41,381 That dog has a very solid eye. It was very mysterious why... 389 00:13:41,425 --> 00:13:43,209 Oh, my God. Yeah, look how dirty he is. 390 00:13:43,252 --> 00:13:45,211 Oh, look. Oh, look at this. He came back. 391 00:13:45,254 --> 00:13:46,647 He's getting all nose-deep 392 00:13:46,691 --> 00:13:49,051 - in, uh... in her goodies there, so... - Oh, my God. Wait a second. 393 00:13:49,076 --> 00:13:50,160 Charlie, 394 00:13:50,185 --> 00:13:53,237 maybe the puppies inside of this dog are Poppins's! 395 00:13:53,262 --> 00:13:55,674 Oh, my God. Poppins is the dad? 396 00:13:55,699 --> 00:13:56,440 Yes! 397 00:13:56,483 --> 00:13:58,182 - Uh... - That is so cute. 398 00:13:58,207 --> 00:13:59,159 - Yeah. - He came back 399 00:13:59,184 --> 00:14:00,416 - to take care of his family. - He did. 400 00:14:00,441 --> 00:14:01,967 He likes to take... Oh, no, he did not. He did not. 401 00:14:02,010 --> 00:14:03,490 - There he goes. - He wanted the blanket. 402 00:14:03,534 --> 00:14:05,210 Yeah, he's a survivor. He's gonna 403 00:14:05,235 --> 00:14:06,253 take what he needs. 404 00:14:06,278 --> 00:14:07,866 He's gonna do what he's gonna do. Wow. 405 00:14:07,891 --> 00:14:09,435 - Bye, buddy. - Bye, Poppins! 406 00:14:09,460 --> 00:14:11,081 All right. See you in a few years. 407 00:14:11,106 --> 00:14:12,197 Mm-hmm. 408 00:14:12,444 --> 00:14:13,849 All right. What are we gonna do 409 00:14:13,874 --> 00:14:15,241 - with this piece of shit? - Mm-hmm. 410 00:14:27,671 --> 00:14:29,342 Listen here, you monster. 411 00:14:29,386 --> 00:14:32,062 Okay, well, if you see her, can you call me? I'm just really 412 00:14:32,087 --> 00:14:34,069 freaking out. It's not like her at all. 413 00:14:35,572 --> 00:14:36,871 Um... 414 00:14:36,915 --> 00:14:38,835 I'm so sorry. Um, can I help you? 415 00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,424 Yeah. 416 00:14:41,966 --> 00:14:43,704 Yes. I'm sorry, the... 417 00:14:43,748 --> 00:14:45,837 Your tears were unexpected. I, uh... 418 00:14:46,569 --> 00:14:47,460 Yeah. 419 00:14:47,485 --> 00:14:49,318 Sometimes I find it very arousing, tears, 420 00:14:49,362 --> 00:14:50,537 but this time, I wasn't... 421 00:14:50,581 --> 00:14:51,896 I-I wasn't coming in-in that zone. 422 00:14:51,921 --> 00:14:53,749 You know what I mean? So, I, uh, was... 423 00:14:53,774 --> 00:14:56,282 I just wasn't ready for it. I was... I was gonna do a th... 424 00:14:56,325 --> 00:14:57,936 I could switch gears, though. You want to do...? 425 00:14:57,979 --> 00:15:00,634 We could do a... This could be an arousing thing. I... 426 00:15:00,678 --> 00:15:02,288 What is happening? 427 00:15:03,147 --> 00:15:04,638 Right. Sorry. Uh... 428 00:15:04,937 --> 00:15:07,467 Yeah, so, no. I... No, I came here with a plan, and, um... 429 00:15:08,139 --> 00:15:10,518 Yes, I'm gonna stick to that plan, so... Sorry. 430 00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:13,218 - I'd like a haircut, please. - Oh. 431 00:15:13,734 --> 00:15:15,867 Yeah, sure. Um, if you can just leave your name and number. 432 00:15:15,910 --> 00:15:17,085 What do you mean "yes"? 433 00:15:17,129 --> 00:15:18,374 - I can... - Sorry. What? 434 00:15:18,399 --> 00:15:21,257 I can make you an appointment if you leave your name and number. 435 00:15:21,457 --> 00:15:22,414 - Right on. - And I can 436 00:15:22,439 --> 00:15:24,772 - give you... - You cut men's hair? 437 00:15:25,166 --> 00:15:27,343 Yeah. We cut anyone's hair who needs it. 438 00:15:28,387 --> 00:15:30,733 Good. As it should be. 439 00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:34,007 - Good. - Yeah. 440 00:15:36,208 --> 00:15:38,538 - So... - Are you okay? 441 00:15:40,544 --> 00:15:42,366 You won't outsmart me. 442 00:15:43,803 --> 00:15:44,935 Sorry. I-I... 443 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,767 I thought you were gonna say that you only cut 444 00:15:46,811 --> 00:15:48,769 women's hair, and I was gonna claim discrimination 445 00:15:48,794 --> 00:15:50,878 to get you shut... it doesn't matter. 446 00:15:52,363 --> 00:15:54,558 I have to admit, you've-you've put me a bit out of sorts. I... 447 00:15:54,601 --> 00:15:56,734 With the, with the, the tears and the... 448 00:15:56,777 --> 00:15:59,650 arousal and your face and words. I... 449 00:15:59,968 --> 00:16:01,129 Can we start over? Uh... 450 00:16:01,173 --> 00:16:02,304 Do you want an appointment? 451 00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,679 No! No. 452 00:16:05,022 --> 00:16:07,745 I-I... Because I don't want a-a-a haircut from a butcher. 453 00:16:07,788 --> 00:16:08,920 All right? I'm not gonna get butchered 454 00:16:08,963 --> 00:16:10,574 like you've butchered these poor women's hairs. 455 00:16:10,617 --> 00:16:11,705 - Are you insane? - No. 456 00:16:11,749 --> 00:16:13,359 Look, I can be reasonable, okay? 457 00:16:13,402 --> 00:16:14,926 I don't expect to save everybody from this, 458 00:16:14,969 --> 00:16:17,319 but I can save one person, all right? 459 00:16:17,363 --> 00:16:18,525 My sister Deandra Reynolds. 460 00:16:18,569 --> 00:16:19,583 She-she has an appointment here, 461 00:16:19,626 --> 00:16:21,193 and I want it stricken from the record. 462 00:16:21,236 --> 00:16:22,803 - Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. - Look, 463 00:16:22,847 --> 00:16:26,459 you don't understand, okay? She's... she's my twin sister, all right? 464 00:16:26,503 --> 00:16:28,374 Fr-From a genetic standpoint, I mean, her hair is just 465 00:16:28,417 --> 00:16:30,202 as much mine as it is hers, you know what I mean? 466 00:16:30,245 --> 00:16:33,122 I-I-I... I have every right to stop her from killing it. 467 00:16:33,147 --> 00:16:34,849 Okay, I don't know what's going on here, 468 00:16:34,874 --> 00:16:36,382 but I don't have time for this. 469 00:16:36,425 --> 00:16:37,731 Oh, yeah, yeah, you're very busy 470 00:16:37,775 --> 00:16:39,907 destroying young people's lives, aren't you? 471 00:16:39,951 --> 00:16:42,954 Yeah. Doesn't surprise me it's reduced you to tears. 472 00:16:43,569 --> 00:16:46,920 I'm crying because my dog is lost, asshole. 473 00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:49,177 What's your dog look like? 474 00:16:55,124 --> 00:16:56,968 Oh, shit. 475 00:17:03,018 --> 00:17:04,060 Well, this all worked out 476 00:17:04,085 --> 00:17:05,803 - pretty well, didn't it? - Yeah, yeah. - Well, yeah. 477 00:17:05,846 --> 00:17:07,979 I can't believe how quick you gave up Poppins's puppies, 478 00:17:08,022 --> 00:17:09,676 though, you know? You didn't even think about keeping 'em. 479 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,286 Well, that's a lot of responsibility, 480 00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:12,853 - Charlie, right? - Yeah, that's true. 481 00:17:12,897 --> 00:17:15,203 And plus, there's no doggy paternity test to actually prove 482 00:17:15,247 --> 00:17:17,083 that they were Poppy's puppies in the first place. 483 00:17:17,108 --> 00:17:18,193 That's true, too. 484 00:17:18,218 --> 00:17:19,425 You know? But, hey, 485 00:17:19,468 --> 00:17:21,583 if Poppins wants to stop by and say, "What's up?" 486 00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:22,646 and, like, be a dad for while... 487 00:17:22,689 --> 00:17:23,864 - Right. - ...he's gonna. 488 00:17:23,908 --> 00:17:25,186 - Exactly. - Or he won't. 489 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,606 Yeah, that's how I do. That's how I do. 490 00:17:26,650 --> 00:17:28,608 But, guys, seriously, we got to stay vigilant, okay? 491 00:17:28,652 --> 00:17:30,175 I mean, yes, we were able to stop Dee 492 00:17:30,218 --> 00:17:31,655 from doing something horrible. 493 00:17:31,698 --> 00:17:34,997 But, you know, we can't rest until every single woman is free 494 00:17:35,022 --> 00:17:37,443 from the choice of ruining their lives forever. 495 00:17:37,486 --> 00:17:38,705 - Mm. - So what are we gonna do? 496 00:17:38,749 --> 00:17:39,750 I was thinking we use shame. 497 00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:40,881 It's a great motivator. 498 00:17:41,802 --> 00:17:43,231 Hello... oh, my God! 499 00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:44,668 - Oh! - Oh! 500 00:17:45,351 --> 00:17:47,085 - Oh! Aah! - Oh, my God! 501 00:17:47,110 --> 00:17:49,662 - Dee, what have you done?! - Yeah. Yeah. 502 00:17:49,687 --> 00:17:51,115 I told you I was gonna get the cut! 503 00:17:51,140 --> 00:17:51,937 - Goddamn it! - Oh. 504 00:17:51,962 --> 00:17:54,870 But then I went into the salon, and the woman refused to see me. 505 00:17:54,895 --> 00:17:55,983 She refused, she said, 506 00:17:56,027 --> 00:17:57,550 'cause she was-she was doing some sort of trade 507 00:17:57,594 --> 00:17:59,334 in a dog-kidnapped situation. I don't know. 508 00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:02,250 I ended up having to do it all by myself! That's right! 509 00:18:02,294 --> 00:18:03,329 Listen, l-listen. 510 00:18:03,437 --> 00:18:05,489 - It looks... terrible. - I... 511 00:18:05,514 --> 00:18:06,907 - So bad. - I mean, really, really bad. 512 00:18:06,951 --> 00:18:09,649 I know it looks terrible! The scissors were dirty, 513 00:18:09,693 --> 00:18:10,868 and they weren't even sharp. 514 00:18:10,911 --> 00:18:12,304 But now it's done. It's done now. 515 00:18:12,347 --> 00:18:13,827 There's no turning back. 516 00:18:13,871 --> 00:18:15,089 What have I done? What have I done? 517 00:18:15,133 --> 00:18:17,918 I've-I've forced my sister into a back-alley chop. 518 00:18:17,943 --> 00:18:19,816 Guys, I think we-we need to realize something. 519 00:18:19,841 --> 00:18:21,277 We're never gonna be able to stop women 520 00:18:21,302 --> 00:18:23,333 from doing whatever the hell they want with their own bodies. 521 00:18:23,358 --> 00:18:24,925 - Thank you! - Okay? 522 00:18:24,988 --> 00:18:26,685 And if we can't stop them from making stupid 523 00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:28,712 and selfish choices, then we need to give them a place 524 00:18:28,755 --> 00:18:29,887 to go to be stupid and selfish. 525 00:18:29,930 --> 00:18:31,366 - Thank you. - Where it's safe. 526 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:32,803 - Yes! - Where they won't do bullshit like this. 527 00:18:32,846 --> 00:18:34,935 - It's bullshit! - This is a bullshit haircut! 528 00:18:34,979 --> 00:18:36,068 I know! 529 00:18:36,093 --> 00:18:38,809 Okay, guys, here's something else, too. 530 00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:40,898 I don't care about any of this, really, you know? 531 00:18:40,941 --> 00:18:42,943 If I'm being honest, I don't care that much, either. 532 00:18:42,987 --> 00:18:43,901 - Right? - Oh... 533 00:18:43,944 --> 00:18:45,293 - Like, who gives a shit? - Yeah. 534 00:18:45,337 --> 00:18:46,817 Yeah, I guess I don't really care that much, either. 535 00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:47,905 - What?! No, you... No. - I don't know, 536 00:18:47,948 --> 00:18:49,958 it just... it's annoying, but I don't care. 537 00:18:49,983 --> 00:18:51,491 We don't really care. 538 00:18:51,516 --> 00:18:53,301 Why did you guys make such a big deal about it, then? 539 00:18:53,345 --> 00:18:55,739 Well, uh, you know, that's, like, a guy thing. 540 00:18:55,782 --> 00:18:56,740 Well, 'cause we're-we're used to being in charge, 541 00:18:56,783 --> 00:18:57,958 and we want to make sure that... 542 00:18:58,002 --> 00:18:59,786 You did! You cared! You cared so much, 543 00:18:59,830 --> 00:19:02,507 and then I did it, and now what am I supposed to do? 544 00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:05,100 - I care. I know what to do. - You do? 545 00:19:05,319 --> 00:19:06,793 I got a guy. 546 00:19:08,795 --> 00:19:10,754 - Hey. - Oh. 547 00:19:10,921 --> 00:19:12,756 How that wig feel, Dee? 548 00:19:12,799 --> 00:19:14,192 - Really good. - Oh. 549 00:19:14,235 --> 00:19:15,982 It feels great. Thank you, Z. 550 00:19:16,007 --> 00:19:18,892 Now, Dee, just remember that one day you may get a call 551 00:19:18,917 --> 00:19:21,160 from the woman who gave birth to that hair. 552 00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:25,546 And, uh, I would consider some visitations. 553 00:19:25,571 --> 00:19:27,335 Nah, she ain't got to worry about that. 554 00:19:27,379 --> 00:19:29,530 I groomed that shit off a border collie. 555 00:19:29,555 --> 00:19:30,624 Well, then you're good. 556 00:19:30,649 --> 00:19:33,804 Hey. Might be some fleas up in there, but she good. 557 00:19:33,829 --> 00:19:41,869 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com