My name is Benjamin.
Julia.
Would you like to go for a drink?
You have to go.
I was 60 yesterday, and...
How is it, then... Emily being back?
What?
She's...?
I never thought I'd be the kind of woman
who checks up on her husband.
Well, don't leave on my account.
Who said I was?
Someone's waiting for me.
_
What exactly are you doing with me?
Why aren't you with someone your own age?
What's wrong with you?
There's something I need to tell you all.
I've met someone.
Benjamin.
She's our mum, it's our job to protect her.
What's he after?
One word, gold-digger.
Do we instantly have to be suspicious?
I've always liked beginnings best.
When you feel everything's possible.
When you can just be who you want to be.
When the past... doesn't exist.
But it has a way of finding you out.
So, just when you let your guard down...
... there it is.
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com
_
Is Leo up? I thought he might like to come for a ride with me.
Leo?
And you must be...?
Benjamin.
- I'm guessing you're... - Ted.
Leo?
Your father's here.
Is a tea out of the question?
Can I give you a hand?
Julia?
Chivalrous, as well. My goodness!
I try.
So, how are you enjoying your maiden voyage, Benjamin?
Devon, you mean?
And the house. How are you enjoying being in the house?
Julia's done a lovely job.
Leo, for the fourth time, your father's here!
Kettle's boiled.
All right, Dad?
Mm-hm! Benjamin.
You've, er... you've met, then.
Yeah. Good to see you, Leo.
I was just asking Benjamin here how he's enjoying the family home.
Served us well, didn't it, son?
Happy memories and all that.
How's that tea coming along?
We need to have it black.
Hey.
You okay?
Are we racing, or am I going easy on you?
You go easy on me?
- £20 says I'll whip your arse. - What a lovely imagery.
Get what you came for?
What, going for a bike ride with my son?
It's pathetic, is what it is.
You can talk.
To be honest, I didn't realise getting the divorce through
would affect you so much.
Your home is...
... incredible.
Your kids are so lucky.
I don't look back.
There's nothing good there.
Just... guilt.
Shame.
This day in front of me,
that's about all I can deal with.
But even then...
... there's always something to wreck.
You look like shit. Out again last night?
Morning to you too.
We need to talk about Benjamin.
Have you been speaking to Dad?
Of course not. Why, what's he said?
Some rambling voicemail about Benjamin being in Devon
and what we're going to do about it.
Well, he's right about that, at least.
You're in a charming mood today.
So, I've done some due diligence.
The man has no social media footprint, like, none.
Now, for a normal person of someone his age,
that is positively suspicious.
I'm thinking, you and me,
we follow him, find out what he's about.
Follow him? Are you on crack?
If he's hiding something, we'll find out,
and fast, before Mum gets hurt any more.
No. Not doing it. No way.
- I'm sorry. - Yeah.
How often do you come up here?
I used to do it every day.
Until I became a horrible distraction.
There is that, yes.
No, it predates you.
When everything happened with Ted, Marsha, I found myself just...
... not finding pleasure in anything.
Especially my favourite things, so I just...
I didn't do them.
- Am I going senile, or...? - No.
Everybody's looking at us.
God, this place! I hate it sometimes.
- So, why stay? - My kids.
I'm pretty sure they're classed as adults by now, aren't you?
Spoken like a non-parent. They're always kids,
this is always their home.
However... small it is.
Sod it, let's go back to London for a few days.
Which wouldn't count as running away?
Which absolutely wouldn't count as running away!
And I have heard you.
And I am telling you that I am working on it, all right?
Yeah.
All right. Okay.
- Who was that? - Oh, thanks.
Just some, er... PPI nonsense.
So, where to first, then, eh?
V&A? Imperial War Museum?
Or shall we just be terribly behaved
and sack off all things cultural and head to the nearest bar?
Cheers!
Do you know what I'd really like to do?
Please don't say the London Eye.
I'd like to meet some of your friends.
It's all right. Come on.
Get a room. Bugger off.
Bianca, Julia. Julia, this is Bianca.
- Hello. - And this... reprobate here is Zac.
- Hi. - Hi.
Oh!
I say we devise a reason to get rid of Benj here,
and then we can give you the lowdown on his most dire character traits.
Oh, I think we can spare her the war stories, don't you?
Fine. I'll just have to settle for grilling you, Julia,
on how this fledgling romance came into being.
Forgive him, Julia, he's excitable.
So, shoot me, I'm excited. Benjamin up past eight. Huh!
And introducing us to a... lady, no less. Now...
- For God's sake! - Now, I need some deets.
Is this a set-up, or an organised vibe?
I'm sensing no to Tinder.
It was just by chance.
Er... in a museum.
A museum? You lucky fuck.
I can't even pick up in a bar.
Not that you're trying.
Past tense, my dear. Scout's honour.
I don't believe for one minute they let you in the Scouts.
Tell me his opening gambit.
Oh. Um...
You know what? I can't actually remember.
It was only that he was nice,
and he didn't have to be.
And how long has he been hiding you away for, Julia?
It's only a... What is it? It's a couple of weeks.
No, no, don't downplay it.
You see, that right there is the best bit.
Before the sheen wears off,
and the truth outs.
Thank you, baby.
Sh...!
It wasn't me! It was a... cat.
A very large cat.
What are you doing here?
What am I doing here?
I live here.
Not here, here, obviously, but I live...
... here in London.
You don't.
You live in LA, with all the twats.
It's late, Della.
What I'd like to know is why I had to hear from my idiot brother...
... that you'd moved back.
Talking basic common courtesy.
One text. Nothing fancy.
Not even a kiss, if you're still pissed off.
Although it was a year ago
and that's a long time to hold on to anger.
Just saying.
But no, no text, no call,
no... carrier pigeon.
So, what, were you just planning
never to see me?
You done?
For now.
That... was deliberate, just so you know.
Go home, Della.
Emily?
It's nice. Er... to see Benjamin so happy.
He's not normally happy?
This past year, not so much.
Which makes me very sad, because, you know,
he's, er... he's very special.
Is it because of his break-up?
That's it. He told you the stories, yes?
Oh, I only know it ended badly.
He bought the ring, asked for the parents' permission.
You know, did everything proper.
Took it seriously, like he does.
And then he asked her, and it's not just a no.
It's a, "No, and I've got someone else."
Oh, God!
He must have been crushed.
What was she like?
Sorry. I don't mean to...
No, no, come on. It's completely natural.
I've already spent three, maybe four hours looking at Zac's profile,
checking out all of his exes,
getting crazy jealous.
Um...
do you have a photo of her?
Of course.
- Would you judge me? - I'll show you.
No judgment.
Ali was, er...
Well, I guess you would say pretty, er... blonde.
Young.
You're more beautiful.
And I don't lie.
Ah! That'll get you ready.
Bottoms up!
Cheers, everybody.
- Ooo! - Sorry.
- Where we going? - Warehouse Party. Manor House.
- I'm in. - I think... I...
I think we're going to pass.
It's a school night. Come here.
- Oh, he's cliping your wings, Julia. - He's not.
Don't let him clip your wings.
Come on. You're all right, come on.
- Bye! Bye! - I wanted to go.
Trust me, you really, really didn't.
Oh! Because I'd embarrass you?
Why... why... why would you think you'd embarrass me?
That was...
- Hey, what's...? - Come on, come on, come on.
What's your address?
I thought... I thought we'd go back to that hotel, no?
Oh, did you now?
Yeah. I've been dreaming of the bathtub
and all the things I'm going to do to you in it.
All of which you could do at yours.
Sorry, I was just picturing my bathtub,
and... and the rest of my flat, come to think of it.
Look, my cleaner comes tomorrow. I can't let you see it before then,
for health and safety. You'd go right off me.
Impossible.
Where we going, then?
- Hm-hm! - Sorry, lad.
The hotel, come on, surely. Why have cotton, when...?
I'm paying, I suppose.
- What's that supposed to mean? - Oh, come on.
What?
I do... I do have my own money, you know.
Look, let's just go to yours and I promise
I will not judge any of your unclean surfaces...
I've already said, not tonight.
O-okay.
It just... It is actually starting to feel like
you don't want me to see where you live.
Feels a bit like you've got some, I don't know...
I don't know, maybe some woman stashed away.
Ahem!
Is that really what you think?
It's called a joke. I was joking.
Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what? It... it didn't really feel like it.
Why don't you go and I'll call you, okay?
Come in, come in.
Who is that?
I caused a fuss, sorry, I should have called...
It's fine. It's my mum.
Yeah, I can see that. Hi, Julia.
Are you drunk?
- I thought you were out with Benjamin. - Can I stay?
- Yeah, course. - What's he done?
He hasn't done anything.
I wanted to see my grandchildren.
At one in the morning?!
I'll just go up to bed, if I may.
I'll get the room ready for your mum.
Oh, no, please don't go to any trouble.
- Sorry about this. - No more apologising.
The girls'll be thrilled to see you, as are we.
Er, Lottie's into hiding stuff at the moment.
She finds it hilarious.
We find it...
... less so.
You got everything you need?
Yeah, thanks.
_
Very good.
What do you think, Granny?
Very sun-like.
Are we going to see Grandpa as well?
Granny's come all the way from Devon to surprise you,
which is nice, isn't it?
How about I pick you up from school?
Oh, I think that's a yes.
How are the lovebirds?
Er, I'm at your brother's.
Er, I've put you on speaker.
- My favourite. - Do you want to say
hello to your Uncle Leo?
- Hi, Uncle Leo. - Hi, Lottie.
- Morning, Leo. - Yeah.
You're up early.
Not out of choice, believe me. Some dude's here to service the Aga.
- Right, well, you know where it is. - Can Mum have her coffee now?
I'm not stopping her have her coffee.
- Come and see us soon, Leo. - All right, have a good day.
All right, thank you very much, goodbye, mate.
You don't always need to be so hard on your brother.
How was that...?
I'd like to cook Sunday lunch. To say thank you for having me.
Oh, well, no need,
but I'll never say no to one of your roasts.
Will it just be...?
Yes, Patrick, it'll just be me.
So, we've got nappies, wipes, a teething ring, which she will stuck
on for two minutes if you're lucky, before lobbing it out. Let me...
Eimear, I have had three of my own.
Right you are.
I'm just going to take her round the parks,
so you can get your head down for a bit.
I'd literally murder for a nap,
or at the very least maim.
But I have a call booked with my old clerk.
You're not going back to work, are you?
I want a life for myself.
- Hi. - Hey.
- Come in, come in. - Korea's waiting.
Of course, I'll just... Er, one sec, Del.
Mm-hm.
Sorry, this is Della, my sister.
And this is Heidi, my associate.
So, Heidi, on a scale of one to ten,
how much of a cock is my brother to work for?
Mm? That bad?
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Bye.
She likes you.
Right.
You're not...?
I'm not what?
Brought us lunch.
Right, well, you didn't need to. We have people for that.
Yeah, I know. I'm one of those people.
Um, right, hold on...
First...
So, he is legitimate.
Julia?
Oh, Bianca, hi!
You're waiting for Benjamin?
No, no, I'm just I'm waiting for a bus, actually.
Ah, okay.
You're in the right spot for it.
Erm...
I will... I will leave you to it.
I am craving caffeine.
He's working from home today.
Not that you asked.
Don't tell him you saw me.
Bye.
Good afternoon, HTK, how can I help?
Oh, hi there. It's Jonathan from Ardley & CO.
I was just wondering if you could help me.
We've had some exceptional work delivered to us from Benjamin Green
and I just want to send a token of appreciation.
Problem is, I think we have an old address for him on file.
It's genuinely scary...
Okay, let me just check for you.
- What address do you have? - ... how good a liar you are.
It's 58 Jarwood Street.
- No, he's 125B Ferndale Road, W2 3CV. - 125B Ferndale Road, W2 3CV.
Great. Thank you very much, that's really helpful.
- Is there anything else...? - Thank you, bye.
Boom!
You could take Mum for a romantic meal in the chicken shop.
You've lived in Barnes too long. I knew it'd make a twat of you.
A man wants to go up in the world.
Who can blame him?
So, he goes out, finds a rich old,
and let's not forget, vulnerable woman.
And then bingo!
Goodbye, shithole flat. Hello, six-bedroom house in Devon.
Why do you always think the worst of people?
Why do you think?
_
I can't answer! Not when we're...
Why are you whispering?
Oh. Er...
Della?
- Can you hear me? - Mum!
I'm about to go onstage.
It's just a quick one.
Are you free for Sunday lunch?
I'm doing a chicken, nothing fancy.
Thing is, Mum...
I know it's a trek for you, but Lottie has been asking
on a five-second loop when she'll be seeing her favourite auntie.
Only auntie.
Don't be like that, she's...
I'm not being like anything. I just...
Yes, I'll come, thanks.
All right, great. She'll be really pleased.
Sorry, Mum, I've got to go.
Can...?
And you say I'm a good liar.
That doesn't count.
Everyone lies to their mother.
Fact. Call it an act of kindness.
You think Mum really wants to know the reality of my life?
It'd finish her off.
Her only daughter, the proverbial car crash.
It's called a joke.
Well, it's not desperately funny.
Well, it'll fit right in with the rest of my new material, then.
Del...
You would tell me if you needed...
Oh, my God!
That's him!
Drugs.
He's a drugs dealer.
I'm not giving you any more caffeine.
What...?
Come on, then!
God.
This is a great look for a lawyer.
Hate to say I told you so,
but...
_
Actually, no, I don't, I love to say it.
No wonder he moves so fast.
Nothing like the threat of imminent homelessness
to oil the wheels of romance.
I suppose you've never been late for your rent!
Hang on, this isn't you feeling sorry for him, is it?
He's taking Mum for a ride.
We don't know that.
We just know...
he's struggling.
What's the crime in that?
He's nothing to us.
Literally nothing.
She is our mother.
You can't go!
Who knows what state he'll come back in, what else we might find?
Well, I'm staying for Mum's sake.
Don't pretend it's for her!
For some inexplicable reason, you seem to prefer being
anywhere but at home with your wife and kids.
Fuck off.
I don't know what or who you're running away from,
but stalking Mum's new boyfriend is a curious move, even for you.
Oh, hang on, all right.
Let me just get this straight.
You're giving me life advice.
Now, that's a real joke.
Try putting that in your next set.
Patrick?
I'll get it. It's not like I'm knee-deep in shite or anything!
Oh, sorry, I thought you were...
Patrick, yes, I gathered.
Mum!
Darling. You look tired.
Thank you. That's the look I was going for.
I didn't mean it that way.
You're good though?
You okay?
Yes, Mother, I'm okay.
And you?
Yes, everything's...
Yes.
Good. Good.
These are...
You really didn't need to bring anything. You've no money.
And for Lottie...
Della, don't let your brother see.
Newsflash, Mum, kids eats sweets. Even he can't control that.
Shoes, darling.
Up the leg. I'm going to just, like, nibble on the shoulder, a tiny bit.
But you know what I really like to eat is...
... bonbons! They're for you.
Don't tell your dad, okay,
Dad, guess what?
She's going to tell him.
Leo tells me Emily's back.
The master of discretion!
It isn't a secret, is it?
No, no, it's fine.
It's not even worth talking about, honestly.
Have you seen her?
Why would I see her? That's like asking if you've seen Dad.
I assume these are from you.
You assume correctly.
Della brought us a lovely bottle of red.
Hmm.
- It's just this is... - A far superior wine.
Yes, I'm sure it is.
It is lovely to see you, darling.
Can I borrow you quickly?
I'm thinking we do it after lunch.
Just you and me... I've not told Eimear.
Do what?
Tell Mum about Benjamin.
How do you imagine we do that?
Show her the picture, obviously!
Which we'll say we obtained how?
Well...
We do this, she'll never trust us again.
And what, we just sit on it?
Better still, we forget about it.
Or...
we build a watertight case against him.
You two are up to something.
I was just telling Della about Lottie's charming new habit
of hearing swear words and repeating them at full volume and...
as the worst offender...
Well, at the risk of tempting fate,
her arse is clean and she's asleep.
Can I go up and give her a kiss?
Abso-fucking-lutely not! Unless you want to sit up there,
- getting her back to sleep. - You look...
... hot.
Oh! Wrong sibling,
but I'll take it.
- I was just about to say... - Yeah, yeah, sure you were.
Shouldn't you...?
Are you still breast-feeding?
How long are you staying for?
I'm not sure.
Leo must be losing his shit.
Lee is an adult.
What, a few days, a week?
Depends.
On?
On Benjamin.
Depends on Benjamin.
Which I'm sure is what you've all been wanting to ask about.
I was just making conversation.
I'm sure you were.
There's no big secret.
It's.... We had a falling out, so...
What about?
Well, has he rung you?
Tried to apologise?
Because it would be him, right?
It couldn't possibly be me that was in the wrong?
It's natural that we'd take your side what with you being our mother!
Look, you're obviously upset.
I'm not obviously anything. Thank you, Patrick.
Apart from fucking boiling.
I... I don't even remember what the row was about
or whose fault it was.
I just...
The only thing that I do know is I think I'm too old for this.
60 is not old, Mum.
Well, it's not young.
Don't all rush in to correct me!
So, it's over, then?
Um...
Oh, I'm such an arse!
Mum...
I'm sorry. Come here.
Mum, please don't cry.
Erm, no, I'm fine, I'm just...
The chicken's going to be drying out.
Mum, the chicken's fine.
- I can deal with... - Mum, just let me...
Get out the way.
The whole thing is ridiculous.
I'm ridiculous.
I thought I was finished with all of this,
that lurching feeling in your stomach,
not being able to get anything done because...
you can't stop thinking about them all the time.
It's terrifying...
... being in love.
You're not in love with him?
I think maybe I am.
Would that be the worst thing in the world?
Right, then.
You're calling him, aren't you?
It's none of your business.
The number you have dialled has not been recognised...
The number you have dialled...
The number you have dialled has not been recognised...
I don't smoke any more.
Please don't tell me you don't drink either.
You sounded upset when you rang.
You know me.
I don't do upset.
I'm going to go.
Please don't.
I had a...
... weird day is all, and I...
The only way I knew it could stand a chance of improving
was if I saw you.
What was the other night?
What is this?
Like, really, what is this?
It's not normal for exes to call exes, however weird their day.
She makes a fair point.
What do you want, Della?
I haven't known the answer to that for so long.
What I want is...
... not to fuck up any more.
Which covers a lot of things.
Well, everything, really.
Family.
Work.
Me.
You.
I can't believe you...
A year...
A whole year you've had to say this.
How could I? It wouldn't have been fair.
Oh, and you think this is fair?
No.
No, I don't.
Just when I get my life sorted...
... find someone who actually makes me feel good about myself
and you do what you always do.
You make it all about you.
You are right.
I'm a cock.
Don't talk about yourself like that.
I'm sorry...
... for...
... for so much.
I'm going to go.
I love you.
I still love you.
What are you thinking?
Who said I was thinking anything?
You forget, I know your face.
I was thinking...
... this time, I'm going to deserve you.
I promise.
You okay?
_
- Hello? - Della, I'm outside.
Are you home?
Come down!
How was the peace brokered, then?
Always so dramatic.
It felt pretty dramatic last time.
I couldn't get hold of him
and I didn't deal with it desperately well.
Why, what was he up to?
His phone was in his jeans.
And his jeans were in the wash.
So...
But what about your falling out?
We did what people do, we apologised.
Well, he did, profusely,
even though I'm sure he didn't need to.
Most importantly, we vowed that we would not drink
tequila together again.
And you... You're okay?
I missed him.
It scared me.
Sorry, you probably don't...
I know that you don't want to hear that.
Mum.
Mum, it's me. I get it.
The heart wants what it wants
or else it does not care.
I tried for years to get you to read Dickinson when you were little.
You refused point blank.
What did you expect me to do?
There was so much Sunset Beach to watch.
Here you go.
Julia mentioned that you had a gig the other night.
How'd that go?
Tonight I do. But I haven't had one for...
Well, for an embarrassing amount of time.
But when I rang...
It was five minutes playing to an audience of one,
the organiser.
Being a comedian, that...
can't be easy.
She's a stubborn little girl, our Della.
We tried to get her to become a banker.
Well, Ted did.
Fortunately, I could barely operate a calculator.
Plus, without the struggle, what is there, Benjamin?
Nothing worth having.
Hello, Della.
I've been calling you, leaving you messages.
I am aware.
And?
And I don't agree.
It's one thing your mother having some kind of tragic later-life
crisis in London, but bringing her man-child down here...
You don't have a monopoly on Devon, Dad.
I never said I did.
I just think she's making a fool of herself.
And as somebody who cares about her, I think we need to intervene
before it becomes any more absurd than it already is.
Patrick is your man for this.
Patrick is even harder to get hold of than you.
Bottom line is, your mother needs saving.
What she actually needs is for us
all to mind our own fucking business and let her be happy.
For once.
You know how much I have to defend you, Della?
Even now, now you're apparently a fully-grown adult when your mother
rings me in a state worrying that you'll never get a proper job,
never have kids,
never have all the things a person is supposed to have.
I say she's doing her own thing, let her.
Good to know.
So, I'm at my day job...
I know, shocking that I can't make a living entertaining you lovely people,
"entertaining" may be too strong a word,
but I digress...
I'm at my day job,
about to begin the high-octane task of drum roll, please...
... sorting the mail...
... when I realise something.
It's my ten-year anniversary.
Not of my marriage,
not of my sobriety,
mm-mm.
Nope.
Of sorting the mail!
Now, I know what you're thinking.
"We didn't pay to hear about your middle-class existential bollocks."
- Get to the funnies! - Better yet, get off.
You were great.
- I don't know what show you were in. - They're a miserable crowd.
No-one would have made them laugh.
Missed seeing you perform.
That was a very short honeymoon period.
Don't. Don't do that,
read stuff into everything.
I had a shit gig. I'm in a shit mood. That's all.
Why didn't you move in?
Seriously?
You want to ask that now?
I've had a year to come up with excuses for you,
none of which really make up for me sitting there waiting for you
to arrive with your stuff and then realising you're not going to show.
Can we do this after a drink,
- or several? Ideally several. - Yeah, no.
I've just come from breaking up with Alexis,
so no, Della, we do it now.
You broke up with her?
It is a simple enough question.
If you hadn't stopped loving me, which you claim not to have,
then why didn't you move in?
I hadn't.
I haven't.
My prick of a father.
Well, what's he got to do with it?
I was packed, ready,
and, would you believe this? Genuinely excited.
Then Mum rang,
told me he was leaving her for Marsha,
that it had been going on for ages, basically that he'd
shat on her from a very high height.
The worst part was...
I wasn't surprised.
Because deep down, I'm just like him.
Toxic.
And I didn't want to bring that...
into your home.
Into your life.
Do you really believe that?
Can you leave it?
Della?
It's my brother, I can't.
- Oh, fuck. - Della, where are you?
You have to see this.
Della?
If it's about Benjamin, I really don't.
They're good together.
He likes her. I can tell.
Mum can really pick 'em.
- I like you already. - Do you?
He was my husband, and you were my best friend.
I...
Ever since you found out about Benjamin, you've been jealous.
Don't be ridiculous.
You can't stand the fact that she's met someone else.
I'm the one who left her.
So, I'm dating a millionaire.
I'll take you however you come.
For richer or poorer?
Preferably richer.
Watch your back.
They're exceptionally protective about their mother.
Well, with good reason in your case.
They don't want us to be together.
We need to speak to you. In private.
What are you doing?!
What are you going to do?
Break up with him, obviously.
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com