1 00:00:01,504 --> 00:00:03,362 My name is Alex Riley... 2 00:00:03,364 --> 00:00:05,865 and this is the story... 3 00:00:05,867 --> 00:00:07,433 of my life. 4 00:00:07,435 --> 00:00:09,635 As an only child growing up in Chicago, 5 00:00:09,637 --> 00:00:11,971 I had two major obsessions. 6 00:00:11,973 --> 00:00:16,675 One was inventing stuff. The other was Michael Jordan. 7 00:00:16,677 --> 00:00:19,078 Jordan takes the fall away, and it's good! 8 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:20,231 Yes! 9 00:00:20,281 --> 00:00:22,047 But when my mom met Ron, we moved 10 00:00:22,049 --> 00:00:24,116 from Chicago to Los Angeles, 11 00:00:24,118 --> 00:00:27,486 and just like that, I had a whole new family. 12 00:00:27,488 --> 00:00:29,622 Not my idea. 13 00:00:29,624 --> 00:00:31,991 25 years later, my life as an inventor 14 00:00:31,993 --> 00:00:34,927 hit a bit of a rough patch. 15 00:00:34,929 --> 00:00:36,996 The Switch-fork! 16 00:00:37,198 --> 00:00:40,067 _ 17 00:00:42,002 --> 00:00:45,371 Around the same time, my marriage collapsed. 18 00:00:45,373 --> 00:00:48,240 Sarah! Sarah! 19 00:00:48,242 --> 00:00:49,742 [couch springs squeaking] 20 00:00:49,744 --> 00:00:52,011 Then I ended up getting a divorce. 21 00:00:52,013 --> 00:00:54,046 Also not my idea. 22 00:00:54,048 --> 00:00:57,416 And when I turned 65, and was a successful inventor, 23 00:00:57,418 --> 00:00:59,051 I finally retired. 24 00:00:59,053 --> 00:01:01,587 [grunting] 25 00:01:01,589 --> 00:01:03,989 Definitely not my idea. 26 00:01:03,991 --> 00:01:05,385 But if there's one thing I've learned, 27 00:01:05,427 --> 00:01:07,993 it's that every day of my life has the opportunity 28 00:01:07,995 --> 00:01:09,562 to be the best day ever. 29 00:01:09,564 --> 00:01:13,966 And today... well, today's my birthday. 30 00:01:13,968 --> 00:01:17,136 - [snoring] - _ 31 00:01:18,272 --> 00:01:22,474 Happy birthday, my big 14-year-old. 32 00:01:22,476 --> 00:01:25,811 - Thanks, Mom. - What's wrong? 33 00:01:25,813 --> 00:01:27,880 Nothing, I just miss my friends back home. 34 00:01:27,882 --> 00:01:31,417 Birthdays are supposed to be about going to a Bulls game 35 00:01:31,419 --> 00:01:34,420 and eating Lou Malnati's pizza. 36 00:01:34,422 --> 00:01:36,655 Well, I couldn't get Michael Jordan here, but... 37 00:01:36,657 --> 00:01:37,694 Guys? 38 00:01:37,759 --> 00:01:39,959 - Happy birthday! - Happy birthday, little buddy. 39 00:01:39,961 --> 00:01:40,980 Awesome! 40 00:01:41,029 --> 00:01:42,895 I had someone on my flight crew pick it up 41 00:01:42,897 --> 00:01:44,597 on a layover in Chicago. 42 00:01:44,599 --> 00:01:47,132 See? Birthdays are birthdays no matter where we are. 43 00:01:47,134 --> 00:01:49,501 Make a wish! 44 00:01:49,503 --> 00:01:51,570 I remember turning 14, little bro. 45 00:01:51,572 --> 00:01:53,405 It was only a month ago. 46 00:01:53,407 --> 00:01:55,140 Look at him. They're so cute 47 00:01:55,142 --> 00:01:56,275 when they're this age, aren't they? 48 00:01:56,277 --> 00:01:59,478 [all laugh] 49 00:02:00,281 --> 00:02:02,058 _ 50 00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:05,985 - Happy birthday, Daddy! - Hey, sweetie. Thank you. 51 00:02:05,987 --> 00:02:09,154 It's time to play pop-a-shot at the arcade. 52 00:02:09,156 --> 00:02:11,657 Okay, we did that last year. 53 00:02:11,659 --> 00:02:12,825 Are you sure that's what you want to do? 54 00:02:12,827 --> 00:02:16,729 Daddy, yes. You said. 55 00:02:16,731 --> 00:02:20,933 Okay, if that's what you want, then let's do this! 56 00:02:20,935 --> 00:02:23,168 - Yeah! - Awesome! 57 00:02:23,169 --> 00:02:25,193 _ 58 00:02:25,273 --> 00:02:28,607 Good morning, Alex. And happy birthday! 59 00:02:28,609 --> 00:02:30,943 [bedside table chimes] 60 00:02:30,945 --> 00:02:33,145 You have no plans scheduled today. 61 00:02:33,147 --> 00:02:35,547 What? No, that's not right. 62 00:02:35,549 --> 00:02:37,249 I'm playing pop-a-shot with Abby later. 63 00:02:37,251 --> 00:02:39,318 She confirmed yesterday. 64 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,621 Abby canceled today. 6:12 a.m. 65 00:02:42,623 --> 00:02:45,124 Displaying sad message. 66 00:02:45,126 --> 00:02:47,493 Hey, Dad, something came up at work. 67 00:02:47,495 --> 00:02:49,128 I'm not gonna be able to make it today. 68 00:02:49,130 --> 00:02:51,530 I'm so sorry. But happy birthday. 69 00:02:51,532 --> 00:02:54,500 Can't wait to celebrate soon. Love you. Go Bulls! 70 00:02:54,502 --> 00:02:58,604 Seriously? 71 00:02:58,606 --> 00:03:01,707 ? Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to... ? 72 00:03:01,709 --> 00:03:04,476 Oh, shut up. 73 00:03:04,478 --> 00:03:07,680 [theme music plays] 74 00:03:12,556 --> 00:03:15,134 - Okay. Sit down, sit down. - Can I open it? 75 00:03:15,172 --> 00:03:16,503 Just one sec. Are we ready? 76 00:03:16,540 --> 00:03:18,528 Okay, let me refocus. And take your time on this, okay? 77 00:03:18,609 --> 00:03:20,975 This puppy's battery lasts a whole five minutes. 78 00:03:20,977 --> 00:03:22,213 Okay, go! 79 00:03:24,014 --> 00:03:28,049 No way, Ron, what? A signed Michael Jordan rookie card? 80 00:03:28,051 --> 00:03:29,918 I can't believe it! 81 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,619 I can't remember. You like Michael Jordan, right? 82 00:03:31,621 --> 00:03:33,822 This is incredible. Thank you, Ron. 83 00:03:33,824 --> 00:03:35,590 Trade you for my O.J. Simpson card. 84 00:03:35,592 --> 00:03:36,891 I got it when he came and spoke 85 00:03:36,893 --> 00:03:38,526 to our school about good citizenship. 86 00:03:38,528 --> 00:03:42,063 - Great athlete, better person. - Mm-hmm. 87 00:03:42,065 --> 00:03:44,833 And my boy Brandon plays bass. He rips. 88 00:03:44,835 --> 00:03:46,234 So yeah, I'm just doing this part time 89 00:03:46,236 --> 00:03:48,203 until the music thing takes off. 90 00:03:48,205 --> 00:03:51,773 - Right. That's cool. - It's not bad. 91 00:03:51,775 --> 00:03:54,877 Yeah, so how about those tokens? 92 00:03:54,946 --> 00:03:59,180 Ah, yes. Here you are. And here, take this flyer, 93 00:03:59,182 --> 00:04:00,415 if you ever want to check us out. 94 00:04:00,417 --> 00:04:01,750 You heard of Pungent Stench? 95 00:04:01,752 --> 00:04:03,718 - No. - We're opening for them! 96 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,754 Daddy, come on. Let's play. 97 00:04:05,756 --> 00:04:06,840 Oh, look who's here! 98 00:04:06,924 --> 00:04:10,925 - Abby! - Willa! Ruby! Let's play! 99 00:04:10,927 --> 00:04:12,761 Hey, Megan. Hey, Sally. How are you? 100 00:04:12,763 --> 00:04:14,162 I'm okay. How are you? 101 00:04:14,164 --> 00:04:15,052 I'm pretty good. 102 00:04:15,099 --> 00:04:18,099 She means with the whole divorce. 103 00:04:18,101 --> 00:04:21,035 Yeah, I appreciate your concern, as always, 104 00:04:21,037 --> 00:04:23,571 but it's been about six months, so I'm okay. 105 00:04:23,573 --> 00:04:25,473 So inspiring. 106 00:04:25,475 --> 00:04:27,842 Guys, look. I'm doing just fine, okay? 107 00:04:27,844 --> 00:04:29,055 You know, I'm actually doing better than fine. 108 00:04:29,113 --> 00:04:32,213 I feel great, you know? Work stuff is starting to click, 109 00:04:32,215 --> 00:04:34,883 so Alex Riley is on a bit of a roll. 110 00:04:34,885 --> 00:04:37,419 So you're out of the garage and back on your feet. 111 00:04:37,421 --> 00:04:41,689 Well, no. I do have a full-size fridge though now. 112 00:04:41,691 --> 00:04:44,150 Abby, are you going glamping with us this weekend? 113 00:04:44,228 --> 00:04:45,548 It's going to be so fun. 114 00:04:45,596 --> 00:04:47,262 Daddy, can we go glamping? Please? 115 00:04:47,264 --> 00:04:48,157 What's this now? 116 00:04:48,199 --> 00:04:49,827 Oh, it's just a little trip some of the moms 117 00:04:49,934 --> 00:04:52,167 and daughters from school are taking this weekend. 118 00:04:52,169 --> 00:04:53,868 We would've invited Abby, but we knew 119 00:04:53,870 --> 00:04:55,904 Sarah couldn't make it down from San Francisco. 120 00:04:55,906 --> 00:04:59,174 Well, I mean I'm available this weekend. I can take her! 121 00:04:59,176 --> 00:05:01,142 Really? That won't feel weird? 122 00:05:01,144 --> 00:05:02,811 I don't want Abby to miss out on things 123 00:05:02,813 --> 00:05:04,191 because her parents are divorced. 124 00:05:04,214 --> 00:05:06,114 I mean, unless it's weird for you guys, you know? 125 00:05:06,116 --> 00:05:07,582 I don't want to make any of the other husbands 126 00:05:07,584 --> 00:05:11,019 jealous or anything. [laughing] 127 00:05:13,356 --> 00:05:16,357 - We'll send you the info. - Awesome. Great. 128 00:05:16,359 --> 00:05:19,327 Hey, Abby, guess what? I'm gonna be your mommy this weekend! 129 00:05:19,329 --> 00:05:22,497 - Yay! - Yay! Glamping! 130 00:05:22,499 --> 00:05:25,033 Sorry I can't make it, Dad. Sometimes I hate my job. 131 00:05:25,035 --> 00:05:26,434 No, you don't. 132 00:05:26,436 --> 00:05:28,870 Okay, no, I don't. I'm the freaking GM 133 00:05:28,872 --> 00:05:31,105 of the Chicago Bulls! How cool is that, huh? 134 00:05:31,107 --> 00:05:34,876 But I feel terrible about missing your big day. 135 00:05:34,878 --> 00:05:36,945 It's no big deal, okay? It's a birthday. 136 00:05:36,947 --> 00:05:39,948 I'm an adult. We can celebrate another day! 137 00:05:39,950 --> 00:05:43,051 You sure? I'll make it up to you, okay? 138 00:05:43,053 --> 00:05:46,087 Fine, yeah, absolutely. Just give me a little notice. 139 00:05:46,089 --> 00:05:48,990 I may be retired, but I still have a very busy calendar. 140 00:05:48,992 --> 00:05:51,593 Calendar? You have no events scheduled today. 141 00:05:51,595 --> 00:05:53,728 Thank you. Power down! 142 00:05:54,698 --> 00:05:56,598 That is so cool. Can I hold it? 143 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,399 It's a collectable. I mean, it's kind of delicate. 144 00:05:58,401 --> 00:05:59,968 Nothing personal, Darryl. It's just... you know... 145 00:05:59,970 --> 00:06:01,903 Is that a Michael Jordan rookie card? 146 00:06:01,905 --> 00:06:03,638 Yeah! Here, hold it! 147 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:06,174 Whoa! It's in mint condition, and it's signed? 148 00:06:06,176 --> 00:06:07,942 She knows about basketball cards? 149 00:06:07,944 --> 00:06:09,844 If she can also quote "Caddyshack," 150 00:06:09,846 --> 00:06:12,380 we may be dealing with a "Weird Science" situation here. 151 00:06:12,382 --> 00:06:13,948 My dad's a big collector, 152 00:06:13,950 --> 00:06:16,017 but he doesn't have anything this cool. 153 00:06:16,019 --> 00:06:18,786 He would lose his mind if he saw this. 154 00:06:18,788 --> 00:06:20,755 ["There She Goes Again" by the La's plays] 155 00:06:20,757 --> 00:06:22,590 I mean the best card he has is a Dominique Wilkins rookie... 156 00:06:22,592 --> 00:06:28,229 ? There she goes There she goes again ? 157 00:06:28,231 --> 00:06:32,467 - You can have it! - What? 158 00:06:32,469 --> 00:06:35,036 You're giving me your signed Michael Jordan card for my dad? 159 00:06:35,038 --> 00:06:37,572 Yeah. 160 00:06:37,574 --> 00:06:41,709 Wow, I-I don't even know what to say. 161 00:06:41,711 --> 00:06:45,246 Thank you, Alex. 162 00:06:45,248 --> 00:06:48,483 [pop music plays] 163 00:06:53,189 --> 00:06:55,723 What did I just do? 164 00:06:55,725 --> 00:06:57,892 That was a disaster. 165 00:06:57,894 --> 00:07:00,828 This bill is a disaster. I'm not signing this. 166 00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:03,064 Am I right, little bro? It's 2042. 167 00:07:03,066 --> 00:07:06,501 Man wants to make love to his robot, what do I care? 168 00:07:06,503 --> 00:07:08,136 You know, I still can't believe you're the governor. 169 00:07:08,138 --> 00:07:11,239 Me neither! So what are you doing today? 170 00:07:11,241 --> 00:07:13,441 Well, I was supposed to get together with Abby, 171 00:07:13,443 --> 00:07:16,311 but she got busy. You're in Sacramento, 172 00:07:16,313 --> 00:07:19,113 so yeah. Not the best of birthdays. 173 00:07:19,115 --> 00:07:22,951 - Oh, my God! It's your birthday? - And it just got worse. 174 00:07:22,953 --> 00:07:24,452 I feel terrible. 175 00:07:24,454 --> 00:07:26,154 I mean, I knew it was coming up, 176 00:07:26,156 --> 00:07:27,922 but there's so much going on up here. 177 00:07:27,924 --> 00:07:29,657 Maybe I can name something after you? 178 00:07:29,659 --> 00:07:31,359 A bridge, or a highway, or something? 179 00:07:31,361 --> 00:07:33,161 [scoffs] 180 00:07:33,163 --> 00:07:36,164 What's that? Oh, I'm being told I can't do that. 181 00:07:36,166 --> 00:07:40,401 You know what? This is good. I'll just... I'll spend a me day. 182 00:07:40,403 --> 00:07:42,003 That's the spirit! It's not sad 183 00:07:42,005 --> 00:07:43,605 unless you really think about it. 184 00:07:43,607 --> 00:07:45,139 Happy birthday, little bro! 185 00:07:45,141 --> 00:07:48,476 - Go Lakers! - Go Bulls! 186 00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:50,278 Whoa, wait. This can't be right! 187 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,480 $800 for "luxury tent rental"? 188 00:07:52,482 --> 00:07:56,651 $300 for "white glove campfire set-up"? 189 00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:59,253 Dude, it's glamping. Glamorous camping. What did you think? 190 00:07:59,255 --> 00:08:01,422 I thought they didn't know how to pronounce camping! 191 00:08:01,424 --> 00:08:04,058 I mean I can't afford this. I'm living in a garage here. 192 00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:06,294 Yeah, I know. It's why my foosball table 193 00:08:06,296 --> 00:08:08,229 is in the backyard, instead of in here, 194 00:08:08,231 --> 00:08:10,231 as the centerpiece of my man cave. 195 00:08:10,233 --> 00:08:11,933 Damn squirrel living in it. 196 00:08:11,935 --> 00:08:13,668 Wendy won't let you bring it in the house? 197 00:08:13,670 --> 00:08:17,138 Hey! I don't have to ask her. This is my house. 198 00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:19,574 It just doesn't exactly match the aesthetic we got going on. 199 00:08:19,576 --> 00:08:21,376 The aesthetic being? 200 00:08:21,378 --> 00:08:23,311 Things Wendy will allow in the house. 201 00:08:23,313 --> 00:08:25,246 What am I gonna do? 202 00:08:25,248 --> 00:08:27,849 This whole trip is gonna cost me like three grand. 203 00:08:27,851 --> 00:08:28,923 Then don't go, man. 204 00:08:29,019 --> 00:08:31,619 But she's so excited, you know? And I promised her. 205 00:08:31,621 --> 00:08:33,788 She's seven... wave something shiny in front of her. 206 00:08:33,790 --> 00:08:36,858 It's just this has been such a rough year for her, you know? 207 00:08:36,860 --> 00:08:39,160 I just want to be able to give her this one thing. 208 00:08:39,162 --> 00:08:40,862 You know the one thing her dad promised her, 209 00:08:40,864 --> 00:08:42,563 and I couldn't even do that. 210 00:08:42,565 --> 00:08:47,168 Yeah. Wendy won't let me give you any money. 211 00:08:47,170 --> 00:08:50,171 - I wasn't asking! - Just getting it out there. 212 00:08:50,173 --> 00:08:52,707 I would take it if you offered, though. 213 00:08:52,709 --> 00:08:55,209 What was I thinking? Why would I give that card to Nori? 214 00:08:55,211 --> 00:08:57,745 Sometimes when you're a pretty girl, boys just give you things. 215 00:08:57,747 --> 00:08:59,113 Trust me. I've been there. 216 00:08:59,115 --> 00:09:01,015 That was the worst thing I ever... 217 00:09:01,017 --> 00:09:03,017 Wait. Are you trying to help me or compliment yourself? 218 00:09:03,019 --> 00:09:06,087 A person can be sympathetic and attractive at the same time! 219 00:09:06,089 --> 00:09:09,223 That was the coolest gift I've ever gotten, and now it's gone. 220 00:09:09,225 --> 00:09:11,292 Not to mention when Ron finds out you gave it away, 221 00:09:11,294 --> 00:09:12,360 he'll be crushed. 222 00:09:12,462 --> 00:09:14,395 Maybe you should just tell Nori you made a mistake, 223 00:09:14,397 --> 00:09:15,472 and ask for the card back. 224 00:09:15,499 --> 00:09:17,999 - I don't want to get her upset! - She'll understand! 225 00:09:18,001 --> 00:09:20,034 She's used to boys losing their heads around her. 226 00:09:20,036 --> 00:09:22,537 We know our power. 227 00:09:22,539 --> 00:09:23,741 Okay, I'll talk to Nori. 228 00:09:23,874 --> 00:09:26,908 I'm proud of you, honey. You're doing the mature thing. 229 00:09:30,246 --> 00:09:33,347 Or there's a less mature way to go. 230 00:09:33,349 --> 00:09:35,717 A better way, where Dad never finds out, 231 00:09:35,719 --> 00:09:37,251 and Nori never gets upset. 232 00:09:37,253 --> 00:09:38,953 I'm listening. 233 00:09:38,955 --> 00:09:41,956 We find another card and I forge MJ's signature. 234 00:09:41,958 --> 00:09:44,292 I've been signing my own report cards since I was six. 235 00:09:44,294 --> 00:09:46,194 Then we sneak our way into Nori's house, 236 00:09:46,196 --> 00:09:49,297 switch out the cards, and leave with her none the wiser. 237 00:09:49,299 --> 00:09:51,999 - I don't know. - Hey, boys! 238 00:09:52,001 --> 00:09:54,402 Oh, there you are. Hey, I bought a display case for the card. 239 00:09:54,404 --> 00:09:56,671 You want to put her in and see how she looks? 240 00:09:56,673 --> 00:09:59,273 Um... maybe tomorrow. You know? 241 00:09:59,275 --> 00:10:01,642 It's a little dark in here and the first time I see it, 242 00:10:01,644 --> 00:10:05,046 I just want it to be bathed in natural light. 243 00:10:05,048 --> 00:10:08,916 Okey-doke. Tomorrow it is. 244 00:10:08,918 --> 00:10:11,719 - I'm in. - Yes, this is the right move. 245 00:10:11,721 --> 00:10:15,356 Trust me. Nothing could possibly go wrong. 246 00:10:15,358 --> 00:10:17,325 Not sure it was necessary to add that last part. 247 00:10:17,327 --> 00:10:19,060 Seems like it's sort of tempting fate. 248 00:10:19,062 --> 00:10:21,596 What do I care about fate? Bring it on, fate! 249 00:10:21,598 --> 00:10:24,232 - Give me all you got. - Let's just stop talking. 250 00:10:28,367 --> 00:10:30,962 - Are you sure about this? - I was on the way here, 251 00:10:31,037 --> 00:10:32,566 but now that we're actually going through with it, 252 00:10:32,639 --> 00:10:34,538 I think it's really dumb, and probably won't work out. 253 00:10:34,540 --> 00:10:36,273 - [doorbell rings] - Wait, what? 254 00:10:36,275 --> 00:10:38,608 Oh, hey, guys. What's going on? 255 00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:42,212 Uh... nothing. We just... We just thought we'd... 256 00:10:42,214 --> 00:10:44,147 We just thought we'd stop by and say hello, 257 00:10:44,149 --> 00:10:45,649 since we were in the neighborhood. 258 00:10:45,651 --> 00:10:47,651 But you live, like, four doors down. 259 00:10:47,653 --> 00:10:49,252 Aren't you always in the neighborhood? 260 00:10:49,254 --> 00:10:52,155 Okay, busted. I'll tell you the truth. 261 00:10:52,157 --> 00:10:55,625 We're here because Alex has to use the bathroom really bad. 262 00:10:58,797 --> 00:11:00,097 Right. But again, your house is... 263 00:11:00,099 --> 00:11:02,733 Like really bad. 264 00:11:02,735 --> 00:11:05,102 Okay, fine. Come in. 265 00:11:05,104 --> 00:11:08,772 - Bathroom? - I know. I'm a genius, right? 266 00:11:08,774 --> 00:11:10,874 I don't know what to do, you know? 267 00:11:10,876 --> 00:11:12,014 How do you tell your kid that 268 00:11:12,078 --> 00:11:13,613 they can't have something that they want? 269 00:11:13,646 --> 00:11:16,780 Oh, come on. You've broken bad news to Abby before, right? 270 00:11:16,782 --> 00:11:18,582 Wrong. I mean, I'm not proud of it, 271 00:11:18,584 --> 00:11:21,084 but Sarah used to handle breaking all the bad news. 272 00:11:21,086 --> 00:11:22,586 All of it? Really? 273 00:11:22,588 --> 00:11:24,588 Yeah, she never had a problem with it. 274 00:11:24,590 --> 00:11:27,290 It's almost like it brought her some weird sort of joy. 275 00:11:27,292 --> 00:11:29,526 In retrospect, probably a red flag. 276 00:11:29,528 --> 00:11:30,727 Yeah. 277 00:11:30,729 --> 00:11:32,763 Point is I'm the good cop. 278 00:11:32,765 --> 00:11:34,264 'Kay? And everyone loves the good cop. 279 00:11:34,266 --> 00:11:35,665 Abby loves the good cop. 280 00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:37,801 Well, you can't always be a good cop. 281 00:11:37,803 --> 00:11:40,704 I mean, as a parent, sometimes you have to be a bad cop too. 282 00:11:40,706 --> 00:11:43,306 Like that time we wouldn't let you go to space camp. 283 00:11:43,308 --> 00:11:45,175 Wait, I thought you said they canceled space camp. 284 00:11:45,177 --> 00:11:47,744 No, it was like six hours away. 285 00:11:47,746 --> 00:11:50,313 We just didn't want to drive you. 286 00:11:50,315 --> 00:11:52,115 See? Just do it like that! 287 00:11:52,117 --> 00:11:54,451 Yeah, okay. Thanks, Ron, that's terrible advice. 288 00:11:58,090 --> 00:12:00,023 Hey, Alex. Just you today? 289 00:12:00,025 --> 00:12:03,293 Yep. All alone, although I would say hi to Eleanor 290 00:12:03,295 --> 00:12:06,163 - if she is around. - No, she's not around today. 291 00:12:06,165 --> 00:12:09,499 Oh. Seems like all the women in my life 292 00:12:09,501 --> 00:12:10,767 are avoiding me today. 293 00:12:10,769 --> 00:12:12,169 You know she's engaged, right? 294 00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:14,738 Yes. We're still friends, 295 00:12:14,740 --> 00:12:16,029 we still enjoy each other's company. 296 00:12:16,108 --> 00:12:18,475 You know besides, we have faced much tougher obstacles. 297 00:12:18,477 --> 00:12:21,211 I once spit an unwanted mint in her mouth. 298 00:12:21,213 --> 00:12:23,180 Quite the romance you got going on there. 299 00:12:23,182 --> 00:12:24,714 Just the one water, he's alone today. 300 00:12:24,716 --> 00:12:26,750 ["One" by Harry Nilsson plays] 301 00:12:26,752 --> 00:12:29,619 ? One is the loneliest number That you'll ever do ? 302 00:12:29,621 --> 00:12:31,455 Yeah, it's a new smart jukebox. 303 00:12:31,457 --> 00:12:33,924 It listens to conversations, and then plays relevant music. 304 00:12:33,926 --> 00:12:35,492 Well, just don't have it play "Happy Birthday." 305 00:12:35,494 --> 00:12:37,194 Oh, man. Is today your birthday? 306 00:12:37,196 --> 00:12:38,862 - Mmm. - And you're here? Alone? 307 00:12:38,864 --> 00:12:41,298 I had plans, okay? My daughter and I 308 00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:43,500 were gonna go to the arcade, play pop-a-shot. 309 00:12:43,502 --> 00:12:45,502 We used to do that every year on my birthday. 310 00:12:45,504 --> 00:12:47,737 But as I got busier, and more successful, 311 00:12:47,739 --> 00:12:49,139 we sort of fell out of the habit. 312 00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:50,674 Now that I'm retired, I thought hey! 313 00:12:50,676 --> 00:12:52,442 We'll restart the tradition! 314 00:12:52,444 --> 00:12:54,878 Now she's the one with the big, important, busy job. 315 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:56,913 ? ? 316 00:12:56,915 --> 00:12:59,549 Kind of ironic when you think about it, isn't it? 317 00:12:59,551 --> 00:13:02,285 ["Cat's Cradle" by Harry Chapin plays] 318 00:13:02,287 --> 00:13:06,256 Oh, come on! 319 00:13:08,293 --> 00:13:11,228 [suspenseful music] 320 00:13:11,230 --> 00:13:17,467 ? ? 321 00:13:17,469 --> 00:13:19,035 Good news! I bought you some time. 322 00:13:19,037 --> 00:13:21,271 I told Nori you need some reading material, 323 00:13:21,273 --> 00:13:23,373 because you're a bathroom lingerer. 324 00:13:23,375 --> 00:13:24,474 Unbelievable. 325 00:13:24,476 --> 00:13:26,143 I know! Smart, right? 326 00:13:26,145 --> 00:13:28,011 Now let's switch the cards and get out of here. 327 00:13:28,013 --> 00:13:29,713 I'll be in my study if you need me, pumpkin! 328 00:13:29,715 --> 00:13:31,314 Okay, Daddy! 329 00:13:31,316 --> 00:13:33,783 - Her dad's home? - Quick! Put the card in! 330 00:13:33,785 --> 00:13:36,253 Hey! Watch it! 331 00:13:36,255 --> 00:13:38,054 Oh no. I can't tell which is which. 332 00:13:38,056 --> 00:13:39,990 I've got to admit, that's some of my best work. 333 00:13:39,992 --> 00:13:42,425 Really? 334 00:13:42,427 --> 00:13:47,130 Okay, I'm just picking one. 335 00:13:47,132 --> 00:13:48,832 Go! 336 00:13:57,809 --> 00:14:01,511 That was awesome. 337 00:14:01,513 --> 00:14:03,046 You're totally getting a high five 338 00:14:03,048 --> 00:14:06,283 as soon as I can move my arm again. 339 00:14:07,152 --> 00:14:11,321 - Hey, sweetie, you got a sec? - Yeah. 340 00:14:11,323 --> 00:14:12,923 - We need to talk. - Okay. 341 00:14:12,925 --> 00:14:16,226 But first, I got you a strawberry shake! 342 00:14:16,228 --> 00:14:18,195 - Yay! - Yes, yay! 343 00:14:18,197 --> 00:14:20,797 Because I'm a fun dad who clearly loves you, 344 00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:23,667 and would do anything within reason to make you happy! 345 00:14:23,669 --> 00:14:27,775 But even fun dads have to give bad news sometimes. 346 00:14:30,242 --> 00:14:31,181 What would you say if I told you 347 00:14:31,277 --> 00:14:35,045 that we couldn't go glamping with your friends this weekend? 348 00:14:35,047 --> 00:14:37,814 Aw, don't look at me like that. 349 00:14:37,816 --> 00:14:40,016 Aw, geez, come on. That's not fair. 350 00:14:40,018 --> 00:14:43,920 We're not going glamping with my friends? 351 00:14:43,922 --> 00:14:47,457 Of course we are. I was just kidding! I'm sorry! 352 00:14:47,459 --> 00:14:49,793 And on the way home, we can get a puppy! 353 00:14:49,795 --> 00:14:52,329 - Really? - I said it! I don't know why! 354 00:14:52,331 --> 00:14:55,332 Both: Yay! 355 00:14:55,334 --> 00:14:58,468 You're the best daddy ever! 356 00:14:58,470 --> 00:15:01,504 Oh, what did I just do? 357 00:15:04,009 --> 00:15:05,609 Hey, you're right. It does look better 358 00:15:05,611 --> 00:15:07,844 bathed in the warm, natural light. 359 00:15:07,846 --> 00:15:11,781 - Happy birthday, bud. - Thanks. 360 00:15:11,783 --> 00:15:13,950 I told you nothing could possibly go wrong. 361 00:15:13,952 --> 00:15:17,487 - Everything went wrong. - But we have the card. 362 00:15:17,489 --> 00:15:21,491 Do we? 363 00:15:21,493 --> 00:15:23,793 Man, I'm good. 364 00:15:23,795 --> 00:15:25,262 [laughing] 365 00:15:25,264 --> 00:15:26,963 Oh, there's my Abby! 366 00:15:26,965 --> 00:15:29,165 Hey, guess what Grandpa's got in his freezer? 367 00:15:29,167 --> 00:15:30,834 - Poop-sicles? - That's right. 368 00:15:30,836 --> 00:15:33,503 Go ask your grandma for one. 369 00:15:33,505 --> 00:15:36,273 She knows they're not really called poop-sicles, right? 370 00:15:36,275 --> 00:15:40,043 I'm 95% sure, but I'm not gonna tell her to stop. 371 00:15:40,045 --> 00:15:41,511 I love it too much. 372 00:15:41,513 --> 00:15:42,846 Well, here's your backpack. 373 00:15:42,848 --> 00:15:44,547 Thanks for letting us borrow this. 374 00:15:44,549 --> 00:15:47,651 It saves us the $200 Sherpa fee on the morning hike. 375 00:15:47,653 --> 00:15:49,552 Guess I'm not much of a bad cop. 376 00:15:49,554 --> 00:15:51,621 Hey, there are worse things than being called a softie. 377 00:15:52,263 --> 00:15:53,923 But if you don't mind me asking, where did you come up 378 00:15:53,925 --> 00:15:56,826 with the glamping money? 379 00:15:57,996 --> 00:16:00,630 - Yep, that's real all right. - Yes! It's real. 380 00:16:00,632 --> 00:16:02,932 Obviously it's real... that's why I'm selling it to you. 381 00:16:02,934 --> 00:16:06,970 I'll take one of these too. I'll definitely take that. 382 00:16:06,972 --> 00:16:10,640 I'm sorry, Ron. I didn't know what else to do. 383 00:16:10,642 --> 00:16:12,709 Well, here's how I see it. 384 00:16:12,711 --> 00:16:14,511 You know when you were a kid, 385 00:16:14,513 --> 00:16:17,580 I gave you that card to make you happy, and it worked. 386 00:16:17,582 --> 00:16:20,383 And then it made you happy again when you used it 387 00:16:20,385 --> 00:16:22,652 to help your kid. 388 00:16:22,654 --> 00:16:26,823 So if you ask me, that's a pretty good bang for my buck. 389 00:16:26,825 --> 00:16:28,158 Thanks, Ron. 390 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,761 Plus, we'll always have this. 391 00:16:31,763 --> 00:16:32,996 - Bad dog! - [dog barking] 392 00:16:33,048 --> 00:16:36,333 The video of your neighbor's dog taking a dump on your lawn? 393 00:16:36,335 --> 00:16:38,968 Give me that. I hate these stupid phones. 394 00:16:38,970 --> 00:16:43,506 They never get the... mmm. We'll always have this. 395 00:16:43,508 --> 00:16:45,608 Wait, Ron. What? 396 00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:48,578 A signed Michael Jordan rookie card? I can't believe it! 397 00:16:48,580 --> 00:16:50,347 I can't remember. You like Michael Jordan, right? 398 00:16:50,349 --> 00:16:52,449 Ron, this is incredible. Thank you. 399 00:16:52,451 --> 00:16:54,451 Trade you for my O.J. Simpson card. 400 00:16:54,453 --> 00:16:56,820 I got it when he came and spoke... 401 00:16:56,822 --> 00:17:00,023 Hey, hey. How you been, man? 402 00:17:00,025 --> 00:17:02,125 - It's been a while! - Yeah. 403 00:17:02,127 --> 00:17:05,395 Hey, good timing. We got a gig on Wednesday at an open mic. 404 00:17:05,397 --> 00:17:08,531 Hearing some big time music manager might be there, so... 405 00:17:08,533 --> 00:17:10,233 Amazing. 406 00:17:10,235 --> 00:17:11,668 Probably my last week here at the pop-a-shot. 407 00:17:11,670 --> 00:17:15,105 Uh-huh. Well, good luck with that. 408 00:17:15,107 --> 00:17:16,473 Here you go. 409 00:17:16,475 --> 00:17:18,842 We got on at nine. 410 00:17:18,844 --> 00:17:20,744 You want to follow through with your wrist a little more. 411 00:17:20,746 --> 00:17:22,579 Abby! [laughter] 412 00:17:22,581 --> 00:17:24,547 Oh, Abby! What? 413 00:17:24,549 --> 00:17:26,716 You didn't really think I'd miss your birthday, did you? 414 00:17:26,718 --> 00:17:28,385 You said you had work. 415 00:17:28,387 --> 00:17:32,288 Yeah, I was working... on getting your gift. 416 00:17:32,290 --> 00:17:33,478 What... 417 00:17:36,928 --> 00:17:37,989 Oh, my God. 418 00:17:38,097 --> 00:17:39,896 When I was in college, Grandpa told me 419 00:17:39,898 --> 00:17:41,498 about what you did for me. 420 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:44,934 Dad, that was your favorite thing in the world. 421 00:17:44,936 --> 00:17:46,669 No, not even close. 422 00:17:46,671 --> 00:17:48,638 - Aww. - I was talking about you. 423 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:49,906 Yeah, I got it. 424 00:17:49,908 --> 00:17:52,604 Oh, I have one more surprise. 425 00:17:54,646 --> 00:17:58,314 Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa. I may have to retract that thank you. 426 00:17:58,316 --> 00:17:59,983 He's clean. Governor? 427 00:17:59,985 --> 00:18:05,822 - Little bro! - Yeah! Justin! What? 428 00:18:05,824 --> 00:18:07,991 Was the pat down actually necessary? 429 00:18:07,993 --> 00:18:10,326 No, but it was sure fun to watch. 430 00:18:10,328 --> 00:18:12,629 Did you really think I was going to forget your birthday? 431 00:18:12,631 --> 00:18:15,965 Well, yes. Oh, look what Abby got me. 432 00:18:15,967 --> 00:18:18,435 Signed Michael Jordan rookie card. 433 00:18:18,437 --> 00:18:20,370 Wow! Would you look at that? 434 00:18:20,372 --> 00:18:24,040 I'm telling you. You didn't sign this, did you? 435 00:18:24,042 --> 00:18:26,676 No, but if I did, you'd never know. 436 00:18:26,678 --> 00:18:28,011 I'm that good. 437 00:18:28,013 --> 00:18:32,115 - [laughter] - God, you two. Oh! 438 00:18:33,542 --> 00:18:36,486 Getting gifts on your birthday is great. 439 00:18:36,488 --> 00:18:41,090 But nothing beats the joy of giving the perfect gift. 440 00:18:41,092 --> 00:18:44,027 The kind of joy that comes from finding the perfect thing 441 00:18:44,029 --> 00:18:45,528 for the person you love. 442 00:18:45,530 --> 00:18:47,330 - Go Lakers! - No, no! Hand in the face! 443 00:18:47,332 --> 00:18:52,368 He's got him! Oh, God. Justin! What? 444 00:18:52,370 --> 00:18:53,970 Even if that person doesn't know 445 00:18:53,972 --> 00:18:55,138 what you had to do to get it. 446 00:18:55,140 --> 00:18:58,341 [laughing] 447 00:19:00,879 --> 00:19:07,016 Come on, man. Here. Thank you. 448 00:19:09,488 --> 00:19:12,689 [laughter continues] 449 00:19:16,019 --> 00:19:17,757 See, if you can't make Pasadena, 450 00:19:17,828 --> 00:19:20,995 we got a gig at the Glendale Public Library on the 14th. 451 00:19:20,997 --> 00:19:23,030 I wish I could, but I got a thing. 452 00:19:23,032 --> 00:19:25,266 No worries. We're playing a steakhouse 453 00:19:25,268 --> 00:19:26,968 in Encino on the 23rd. 454 00:19:26,970 --> 00:19:29,771 Ooh, I got something that night too. It sucks. 455 00:19:29,773 --> 00:19:31,839 Dang, seems like every night we got a gig, 456 00:19:31,841 --> 00:19:33,508 you got something else to do. 457 00:19:33,510 --> 00:19:35,877 It is like that. It's exactly like that. 458 00:19:35,879 --> 00:19:37,678 I just really want you to hear us. 459 00:19:37,680 --> 00:19:39,414 Hey, you know I'm not even remotely 460 00:19:39,416 --> 00:19:41,115 in the music industry, right? 461 00:19:41,117 --> 00:19:42,984 You know what? I'm getting my guitar. 462 00:19:42,986 --> 00:19:45,520 I just got a new song idea. The glamping man. 463 00:19:45,522 --> 00:19:47,088 - It's all about you! - Wow. 464 00:19:47,090 --> 00:19:48,656 I'll be right back! 465 00:19:48,658 --> 00:19:50,525 - Honey, run! - But I'm still... 466 00:19:50,527 --> 00:19:52,727 Come on, let's go! Let's go! Let's go! 467 00:19:52,728 --> 00:19:54,728 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com