1 00:00:00,380 --> 00:00:02,181 If there's one thing people say about me, 2 00:00:02,183 --> 00:00:05,522 it's that I'm obsessed with serving the community. 3 00:00:05,540 --> 00:00:08,107 When we open our hearts to giving, 4 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,374 we lift each other up. 5 00:00:09,375 --> 00:00:10,847 Hey, Mateo, can I have my charger back? 6 00:00:10,848 --> 00:00:11,791 Oh, my God, Justine, 7 00:00:11,792 --> 00:00:14,292 I am in the middle of something, dummy. 8 00:00:14,923 --> 00:00:16,596 Ugh, God. 9 00:00:16,958 --> 00:00:18,247 Should I start over? 10 00:00:18,248 --> 00:00:20,827 Probably, although that was our best take so far. 11 00:00:20,829 --> 00:00:22,662 And again, Mateo, 12 00:00:22,664 --> 00:00:25,017 we want the judge to see you as a humanitarian, 13 00:00:25,018 --> 00:00:26,733 so maybe it doesn't help if you keep 14 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,926 calling people dummies and human toilets. 15 00:00:28,927 --> 00:00:30,904 Well, I can't control who enters the shot, Amy. 16 00:00:30,906 --> 00:00:32,693 Okay, let's just take it from the top. 17 00:00:33,541 --> 00:00:36,309 Hi, I'm Mateo Liwanag, 18 00:00:36,311 --> 00:00:39,712 American, influencer, philanthropist, 19 00:00:39,714 --> 00:00:42,181 and I'm truly honored to be serving the community 20 00:00:42,183 --> 00:00:43,583 by running a toy drive 21 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:45,752 for a charity that's near and dear to my heart. 22 00:00:48,323 --> 00:00:49,720 River City Happy Tots. 23 00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:51,419 Tots? 24 00:00:51,572 --> 00:00:53,372 I mean, are we even allowed to call them that? 25 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:55,161 I don't think the kids care. 26 00:00:55,163 --> 00:00:57,463 Oh, kids. 27 00:00:57,465 --> 00:00:59,565 I thought you meant tots like little people. 28 00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:01,076 You can just edit that out, right? 29 00:01:01,077 --> 00:01:03,211 Oh, yeah, I didn't even press record this time. 30 00:01:03,265 --> 00:01:08,062 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com 31 00:01:10,854 --> 00:01:12,854 Um, Glenn, I wanted to ask... 32 00:01:12,856 --> 00:01:15,323 sorry, is this... am I loud enough? 33 00:01:15,968 --> 00:01:17,058 Yeah, I think so. 34 00:01:17,060 --> 00:01:19,293 Okay, well, Jerry and I 35 00:01:19,295 --> 00:01:21,162 were wondering if you could marry us. 36 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,671 You want me to officiate at your wedding? 37 00:01:23,672 --> 00:01:27,456 Sandra, I gave you a long list of better options! 38 00:01:27,457 --> 00:01:29,617 For a small fee, we can get Tay Zonday. 39 00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,272 The guy who sings "Chocolate Rain"? 40 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,882 Jeez, where have you guys been? 41 00:01:33,954 --> 00:01:36,955 We want Glenn. He's always been there for us. 42 00:01:37,030 --> 00:01:39,330 When Jerry was in the hospital, he was the only person 43 00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:40,843 who said he wished he could've visited. 44 00:01:40,844 --> 00:01:42,473 Oh, my God, Sandra, I can't... 45 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,203 you... 46 00:01:45,205 --> 00:01:47,772 I can't even begin to s... 47 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,496 This is who you want speaking at your wedding? 48 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:51,484 Toy drive! 49 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,641 Donate to underprivileged youth! 50 00:01:53,642 --> 00:01:54,767 Okay, this isn't working. 51 00:01:54,768 --> 00:01:56,663 Why can't we just grab toys from the store 52 00:01:56,664 --> 00:01:57,751 and fake the shot? 53 00:01:57,752 --> 00:01:59,685 I think faking charity 54 00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:01,982 is frowned upon in immigration cases 55 00:02:02,156 --> 00:02:03,418 and, like, in life. 56 00:02:03,684 --> 00:02:05,424 Oh, here we go. We got a live one. 57 00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,389 - Hi. - Oh, uh-uh. 58 00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:09,663 A book? 59 00:02:09,664 --> 00:02:11,597 Come on, that's just mean. 60 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:12,635 Go. 61 00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,268 Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers, 62 00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,037 this week, enjoy 20% off 63 00:02:18,039 --> 00:02:20,326 our nontoxic, organic cotton pillows. 64 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:23,542 Also enjoy wondering what we put in the other pillows. 65 00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:26,305 Hey, so what's the latest with Operation 66 00:02:26,306 --> 00:02:28,006 Make Colleen Fall in Love With You and Then Dump Her 67 00:02:28,007 --> 00:02:29,307 to Ruin Her Life Forever? 68 00:02:29,519 --> 00:02:31,018 Well, she's been pretty busy, 69 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:32,887 so I actually haven't seen her in a couple weeks. 70 00:02:32,889 --> 00:02:35,122 Oh, okay, well, let me know when you're gonna dump her 71 00:02:35,124 --> 00:02:36,586 - because I wanna be there. - Mm-hmm. 72 00:02:36,587 --> 00:02:38,420 I'm thinking maybe, I don't know, a two-way mirror, 73 00:02:38,422 --> 00:02:39,822 or I cut some holes in a newspaper. 74 00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:41,334 - We'll figure it out on the day. - Okay. 75 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:44,560 Smart. 76 00:02:44,562 --> 00:02:46,698 So you're stretching it out with Colleen 77 00:02:46,712 --> 00:02:48,211 so you can keep dating her? 78 00:02:48,213 --> 00:02:50,254 Well, that's a plus, but it's actually true. 79 00:02:50,255 --> 00:02:51,487 She's just been swamped at work. 80 00:02:51,489 --> 00:02:53,108 We barely even have time to text. 81 00:02:53,697 --> 00:02:56,064 Really? She works at a Cloud 9. 82 00:02:56,066 --> 00:02:58,158 Everyone here is always texting. 83 00:02:58,159 --> 00:02:59,792 I'm in a group chat about "Chicago Fire," 84 00:02:59,794 --> 00:03:01,828 and I don't even know if that's a show or a fire. 85 00:03:02,345 --> 00:03:03,744 Oh, I mean, well, we text a little bit 86 00:03:03,745 --> 00:03:05,412 but mostly just, like, funny memes 87 00:03:05,414 --> 00:03:06,646 and stuff like that. 88 00:03:06,648 --> 00:03:07,825 Can I see? 89 00:03:08,483 --> 00:03:09,616 Sure. 90 00:03:12,687 --> 00:03:14,170 Hmm. 91 00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:16,689 I'm sorry, Garrett, 92 00:03:16,691 --> 00:03:19,225 but she ghosted you. 93 00:03:19,227 --> 00:03:20,991 What? No she didn't. 94 00:03:20,992 --> 00:03:23,296 Look at all those unanswered texts. 95 00:03:23,528 --> 00:03:24,534 Trust me. 96 00:03:24,535 --> 00:03:26,933 You know how, like, sometimes, you have a fish, 97 00:03:26,935 --> 00:03:28,683 but then, like, you decide that you don't want 98 00:03:28,684 --> 00:03:30,751 a fish anymore, so you just stop feeding it 99 00:03:30,805 --> 00:03:32,142 and put it in the closet? 100 00:03:32,143 --> 00:03:33,540 That's what she's doing to you. 101 00:03:33,542 --> 00:03:34,699 No, things are good. 102 00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:36,543 I mean, she had to reschedule our last date 103 00:03:36,545 --> 00:03:37,764 because her aunt got sick, 104 00:03:37,765 --> 00:03:39,951 and so I just figure she's busy dealing with that right now. 105 00:03:39,952 --> 00:03:43,436 Oh, Garrett. Girls never have aunts. 106 00:03:44,713 --> 00:03:45,802 Um... 107 00:03:48,857 --> 00:03:50,590 Check it out, I've already got 108 00:03:50,592 --> 00:03:52,725 my official ordination license 109 00:03:52,727 --> 00:03:54,511 from 5-minute-minister.net 110 00:03:54,805 --> 00:03:56,780 - Oh, cool. - Got your name and everything. 111 00:03:56,781 --> 00:03:59,899 Now, first, I need to get to know you better as a couple. 112 00:04:00,788 --> 00:04:03,236 So how would you describe your relationship? 113 00:04:05,473 --> 00:04:06,591 It's really nice. 114 00:04:07,475 --> 00:04:09,642 - Right? - Yeah, it's nice. 115 00:04:09,644 --> 00:04:11,215 Nice, nice. Okay. 116 00:04:12,147 --> 00:04:17,047 And, Sandra, what do you really like about Jerry? 117 00:04:17,485 --> 00:04:19,133 Well, let's see. 118 00:04:19,854 --> 00:04:21,935 I guess it's probably how nice he is. 119 00:04:23,725 --> 00:04:27,044 Okay, got it. I'll just underline nice. 120 00:04:28,096 --> 00:04:31,187 Now, Jerry, what do you like about Sandra? 121 00:04:32,807 --> 00:04:33,946 She's great. 122 00:04:34,603 --> 00:04:35,754 Aww. 123 00:04:39,340 --> 00:04:41,747 Excuse me, where do you keep your Transformers? 124 00:04:41,776 --> 00:04:43,240 The toy section right over there. 125 00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:44,724 Oh, and while you're over there, 126 00:04:44,725 --> 00:04:46,274 maybe consider buying a toy 127 00:04:46,275 --> 00:04:47,768 you can donate to our toy drive. 128 00:04:47,875 --> 00:04:49,909 Oh, I would, but I already donated 129 00:04:49,911 --> 00:04:51,811 to the St. Louis Samaritans guy out front. 130 00:04:52,020 --> 00:04:53,812 What? The Samaritans are here? 131 00:04:53,813 --> 00:04:55,676 Yeah, and I already gave and posted about it. 132 00:04:55,677 --> 00:04:57,619 It'd be weird to do another post for this. 133 00:04:57,620 --> 00:05:00,323 Couldn't you just donate and not post? 134 00:05:00,907 --> 00:05:03,577 So, like, you would post it and then tag me, or... 135 00:05:03,578 --> 00:05:06,979 Or you'd just be helping some underprivileged kids. 136 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,210 And they'd post it? Do they have phones? 137 00:05:10,211 --> 00:05:12,262 Okay, the toys are back there and to the left. 138 00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:14,852 That's why we're not getting any donations. 139 00:05:14,853 --> 00:05:16,021 The Samaritans are out there 140 00:05:16,022 --> 00:05:17,651 sucking up all the guilty consciences. 141 00:05:17,652 --> 00:05:18,986 You know, technically, 142 00:05:18,987 --> 00:05:20,858 they need my permission to be here. 143 00:05:20,859 --> 00:05:22,091 Yeah, how dare they try 144 00:05:22,092 --> 00:05:23,649 to help people without your permission? 145 00:05:23,650 --> 00:05:26,309 Exactly, this isn't a charity free-for-all, 146 00:05:26,462 --> 00:05:27,694 although I do like the Samaritans. 147 00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:29,840 They do great work. I'm a fan, really. 148 00:05:29,841 --> 00:05:31,141 - Oh, just kick them out already. - Yep, 149 00:05:31,142 --> 00:05:32,238 Yep, they gotta go. 150 00:05:35,382 --> 00:05:38,374 Hi, I'm Amy Sosa, store manager. 151 00:05:38,458 --> 00:05:41,522 Hi. Kyle Sawyer, generosity manager. 152 00:05:41,523 --> 00:05:42,754 So I think it's great you're... 153 00:05:42,755 --> 00:05:45,248 - Thank you, happy holidays! - Could you... 154 00:05:45,249 --> 00:05:46,883 could you stop ringing the bell for just a second? 155 00:05:46,884 --> 00:05:48,383 I gotta give 'em the bell, Amy. 156 00:05:48,385 --> 00:05:50,085 People give, they want bell. 157 00:05:50,087 --> 00:05:52,336 Huh, right, yeah. 158 00:05:52,337 --> 00:05:55,123 So, look, I think it's great you're out here, 159 00:05:55,125 --> 00:05:56,358 but you need permission, 160 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:57,494 so I'm gonna have to ask you to... 161 00:05:57,495 --> 00:05:58,615 Well, I have permission. 162 00:05:58,814 --> 00:06:00,447 I sent you an email last month. 163 00:06:00,449 --> 00:06:03,016 Uh, no, I think I would have remembered that. 164 00:06:03,018 --> 00:06:04,416 Oh, yep, here we go. 165 00:06:04,954 --> 00:06:07,446 I said I wanted to come down and collect donations today, 166 00:06:07,447 --> 00:06:09,552 and you responded, quote, "Sounds great!" 167 00:06:09,618 --> 00:06:11,585 Exclamation point, end quote. 168 00:06:12,052 --> 00:06:14,244 See, little... exclamation point there. 169 00:06:14,530 --> 00:06:16,263 Okay. 170 00:06:16,265 --> 00:06:18,498 But that isn't exactly permission. 171 00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:19,996 I just said, "Sounds great!" 172 00:06:19,997 --> 00:06:21,802 As in, "Sounds great" 173 00:06:21,804 --> 00:06:25,268 that you want to do charity, as an idea." 174 00:06:26,155 --> 00:06:27,320 Uh-huh, okay. 175 00:06:27,389 --> 00:06:29,109 It's just that that's ridiculous, 176 00:06:29,318 --> 00:06:31,150 and I'm already here so... 177 00:06:31,413 --> 00:06:33,580 Okay, look, I'm gonna level with you. 178 00:06:33,582 --> 00:06:35,749 We're doing a toy drive inside for our friend, 179 00:06:35,751 --> 00:06:38,118 and no one's giving because they've already given to you. 180 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,805 So could you maybe just come back another day? 181 00:06:40,856 --> 00:06:42,589 I mean, look, this is your mistake. 182 00:06:42,979 --> 00:06:45,377 I shouldn't have to leave because you're a bad manager. 183 00:06:46,875 --> 00:06:49,008 Uh, okay, wow. 184 00:06:49,164 --> 00:06:52,132 Uh, I was trying to be nice, but this is over. 185 00:06:52,134 --> 00:06:53,567 You need to leave now. 186 00:06:53,569 --> 00:06:55,669 Hey, you hear that, people? 187 00:06:55,671 --> 00:06:57,873 Huh? Little Miss Manager here 188 00:06:58,114 --> 00:06:59,813 says that I have to stop raising money, 189 00:06:59,828 --> 00:07:01,898 so people can spend more in her store! 190 00:07:01,937 --> 00:07:04,014 Wow, so that's what this store is about. 191 00:07:04,079 --> 00:07:05,112 Money. 192 00:07:05,114 --> 00:07:07,689 No! Well, yes, but... 193 00:07:07,690 --> 00:07:09,583 it's just... it's a bad day for him to be here. 194 00:07:09,585 --> 00:07:11,096 Oh, sorry. 195 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:13,287 Well, just let me know when you can pencil in a time 196 00:07:13,289 --> 00:07:14,724 for poor people to eat. 197 00:07:14,931 --> 00:07:17,157 Ugh, okay, you know what? 198 00:07:17,159 --> 00:07:18,834 It's fine. You can stay. 199 00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:19,942 You know what? 200 00:07:19,943 --> 00:07:21,215 I bet they sell everything for more 201 00:07:21,216 --> 00:07:23,342 than it cost them and keep the profit. 202 00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,683 We didn't start that. 203 00:07:24,684 --> 00:07:27,414 That's... that's what all stores do. 204 00:07:31,178 --> 00:07:33,012 He called you a bad manager just because you asked him 205 00:07:33,013 --> 00:07:36,149 - to come back another day? - Mm-hmm. 206 00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:37,885 So why'd you let him stay? 207 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,993 Well, I mean, you know, even though he's in the wrong. 208 00:07:40,449 --> 00:07:42,382 I mean, obviously just a maniac, 209 00:07:42,825 --> 00:07:44,959 it just kinda seemed like bad karma 210 00:07:44,961 --> 00:07:46,694 to kick out the Samaritans. 211 00:07:46,793 --> 00:07:47,808 It's gonna be fine. 212 00:07:47,809 --> 00:07:49,436 We just have to find a way to get 213 00:07:49,437 --> 00:07:51,537 customers excited about donating. 214 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,005 Maybe we should humanize it. 215 00:07:53,007 --> 00:07:55,007 You know, you could connect with people. 216 00:07:55,009 --> 00:07:56,842 You could tell 'em your story. 217 00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:58,610 Talk to the customers? Gross. 218 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,557 Yeah, he's been through enough. 219 00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:10,756 Donate to our toy drive and get a free $5 gift card! 220 00:08:10,758 --> 00:08:12,664 It's good for anything in the store, 221 00:08:13,194 --> 00:08:14,716 especially eyebrow tweezers. 222 00:08:15,196 --> 00:08:17,563 Donate to the St. Louis Samaritans! 223 00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:21,205 We give people money for food instead of toys they can't eat. 224 00:08:21,232 --> 00:08:22,327 Excuse me. Um... 225 00:08:22,328 --> 00:08:25,267 I just want you to know that if you donate inside, 226 00:08:25,269 --> 00:08:28,136 you get a $5 gift card instead of nothing. 227 00:08:28,845 --> 00:08:30,111 Hey, what the hell? 228 00:08:30,359 --> 00:08:31,807 You stole my mark? 229 00:08:31,809 --> 00:08:33,008 Foul on the play! 230 00:08:33,014 --> 00:08:34,058 - Okay. - Foul on the play. 231 00:08:34,074 --> 00:08:35,471 - Okay, don't... - Over here, people! 232 00:08:35,472 --> 00:08:36,979 - We can just... - Step right up and give! 233 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:38,675 Don't give anything once you're inside! 234 00:08:38,676 --> 00:08:39,910 - You're being very aggressive! - Hey! 235 00:08:39,934 --> 00:08:40,959 That's a rental. 236 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,922 Well, we don't allow street performers out here, 237 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,937 so you'll just have to come get it at the end of the day. 238 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:48,892 Molly, hand these out, please. 239 00:08:50,420 --> 00:08:52,020 Wow, that guy... 240 00:08:52,021 --> 00:08:53,942 I was seriously thinking about punching him for you. 241 00:08:53,943 --> 00:08:55,954 Aw, Jonah, no one believes that. 242 00:08:57,774 --> 00:09:00,817 Colleen's gonna be so jealous when you Instagram this. 243 00:09:00,936 --> 00:09:03,093 Look at how much better off you are without her. 244 00:09:03,260 --> 00:09:05,360 You're happy, totally jacked. 245 00:09:05,408 --> 00:09:07,880 Yeah, just traveling the world shirtless. 246 00:09:07,931 --> 00:09:10,432 She's gonna feel so sorry she dumped you. 247 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:11,833 If she dumped me. 248 00:09:11,834 --> 00:09:13,774 Garrett, no, it's over. 249 00:09:13,790 --> 00:09:15,123 You need to move on. 250 00:09:15,125 --> 00:09:17,025 You should have some rebound sex. 251 00:09:17,053 --> 00:09:18,886 No, again, nothing to rebound from, so... 252 00:09:18,888 --> 00:09:21,889 Oh, Carol, do you want to have sex with Garrett? 253 00:09:22,085 --> 00:09:23,518 No, no, no, no. 254 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,530 I'd be open to it. Colleen seems lovely. 255 00:09:26,556 --> 00:09:29,224 Oh, no, it would actually just be the two of you. 256 00:09:29,366 --> 00:09:32,110 - Colleen ghosted him, so... - Didn't get ghosted. 257 00:09:32,196 --> 00:09:35,697 Oh, um, I'm really just focusing 258 00:09:35,699 --> 00:09:37,733 on myself these days, so... 259 00:09:37,747 --> 00:09:39,713 Oh, no, okay, well, that was not a real offer, 260 00:09:39,715 --> 00:09:41,450 so you're not rejecting me! 261 00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,806 You're Sandra's maid of honor, right? 262 00:09:44,854 --> 00:09:47,722 I mean, how well do you know her and Jerry as a couple? 263 00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:49,256 Not much to know. 264 00:09:49,258 --> 00:09:50,358 They're two people who look alike 265 00:09:50,359 --> 00:09:51,667 that are getting married, end of story. 266 00:09:51,668 --> 00:09:52,921 That's what I'm worried about, 267 00:09:52,922 --> 00:09:54,460 The more time I spend with them, 268 00:09:54,462 --> 00:09:55,293 the more I'm starting to think 269 00:09:55,294 --> 00:09:57,208 that they're each just marrying the first person 270 00:09:57,255 --> 00:09:58,355 who was nice to them. 271 00:09:59,104 --> 00:10:00,104 Eh, so what? 272 00:10:00,105 --> 00:10:02,067 You're an officiant, not a marriage counselor. 273 00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:03,667 I'm not just gonna marry two people 274 00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:05,307 who don't know each other. 275 00:10:05,308 --> 00:10:07,204 I took an oath for my ordination. 276 00:10:07,206 --> 00:10:09,454 I ticked a box and clicked next. 277 00:10:10,682 --> 00:10:11,906 You know, at this point, I think 278 00:10:11,907 --> 00:10:13,407 all we should be worried about is keeping them 279 00:10:13,408 --> 00:10:14,629 from having kids. 280 00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:17,261 From the bottom of my heart, 281 00:10:17,262 --> 00:10:19,028 thank you for your donation. 282 00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,791 This toy will go to a child who will cherish it... 283 00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:23,387 Yeah, cool, give me the gift card. 284 00:10:24,718 --> 00:10:27,179 Well, probably won't end up using that one, 285 00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:29,161 but the gift cards are a great idea. 286 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,905 Our customers go insane when they hear the word "free." 287 00:10:31,906 --> 00:10:33,898 Yeah, don't you remember when we gave pretzels away 288 00:10:33,899 --> 00:10:34,954 for Oktoberfest? 289 00:10:34,955 --> 00:10:36,424 They came from out of state. 290 00:10:36,425 --> 00:10:37,471 Uh, guys. 291 00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:38,929 Oh, God. 292 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:40,309 What do you want? 293 00:10:40,597 --> 00:10:43,064 Well, look, I'm sorry about earlier. 294 00:10:44,224 --> 00:10:45,880 I brought a little peace offering for you. 295 00:10:46,681 --> 00:10:50,182 - Oh, okay, well, thank you. - Oh, oh, oh. 296 00:10:50,384 --> 00:10:52,727 Just this one. 297 00:10:54,355 --> 00:10:56,335 You're donating one Army Man. 298 00:10:56,441 --> 00:10:59,234 Oh, sorry, is this not a toy? It looks like a toy. 299 00:10:59,293 --> 00:11:00,673 Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew! 300 00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:01,947 Plays like a toy. 301 00:11:02,241 --> 00:11:03,784 Go ahead, give it a few "pews." 302 00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:07,257 Thank you. 303 00:11:07,368 --> 00:11:09,723 Mateo, give him his gift card. 304 00:11:11,150 --> 00:11:12,398 That's great, thank you. 305 00:11:12,593 --> 00:11:15,595 Ooh, and I will also be donating this. 306 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,392 Gift card, please. 307 00:11:17,393 --> 00:11:19,026 No, you don't get a gift card 308 00:11:19,027 --> 00:11:20,685 for every stupid little Army Man. 309 00:11:20,945 --> 00:11:22,907 Stupid little Army Man? 310 00:11:23,106 --> 00:11:24,935 Wow! 311 00:11:25,244 --> 00:11:27,744 This guy does not support our troops! 312 00:11:27,864 --> 00:11:30,200 No, no! I support the troops. 313 00:11:30,329 --> 00:11:32,187 Ah... Especially the American ones. 314 00:11:32,189 --> 00:11:33,459 Okay, sir, I'm sorry. 315 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:36,198 It's just one gift card per customer. 316 00:11:36,497 --> 00:11:38,319 Hmm, weird, doesn't say that on the flyer. 317 00:11:38,566 --> 00:11:40,110 Well, no, but that's just... 318 00:11:40,190 --> 00:11:41,962 Kinda sounds like you made another mistake. 319 00:11:42,107 --> 00:11:43,546 Between this and the emails, I mean, 320 00:11:43,684 --> 00:11:44,688 how did you become manager? 321 00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:46,454 You win it in a raffle or something? 322 00:11:46,754 --> 00:11:48,120 - What emails? - Nothing. 323 00:11:48,209 --> 00:11:49,343 She said I could be here today 324 00:11:49,344 --> 00:11:51,305 - and then backed out of it. - No, no. 325 00:11:51,306 --> 00:11:52,218 - You didn't. - What? 326 00:11:52,219 --> 00:11:53,472 I did not. I didn't, I... 327 00:11:53,473 --> 00:11:56,946 what I said was that the idea of him being here 328 00:11:57,352 --> 00:11:59,205 sounded great. 329 00:12:00,151 --> 00:12:02,196 And that's different? 330 00:12:02,197 --> 00:12:03,699 That's different. 331 00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:05,272 Look, just admit you're bad at your job, 332 00:12:05,273 --> 00:12:06,760 and I'll be on my merry way. 333 00:12:06,990 --> 00:12:09,864 Um, no. 334 00:12:09,865 --> 00:12:11,979 No, I'm not gonna admit that, 335 00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:13,662 because I didn't do anything wrong. 336 00:12:14,313 --> 00:12:17,381 Mateo, give him the gift card. 337 00:12:17,383 --> 00:12:18,456 - Really? - Um, Amy... 338 00:12:18,457 --> 00:12:19,642 It's fine, I know what I'm doing. 339 00:12:23,603 --> 00:12:26,637 Thank you so much. Ooh, $5 gift card. 340 00:12:26,962 --> 00:12:28,219 Can I have my gift card, please? 341 00:12:29,328 --> 00:12:31,595 Oh, thank you, wow. Can I have a gift card, please? 342 00:12:31,790 --> 00:12:33,657 I think I'm gonna be taking the rest of the gift cards, 343 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:34,873 to be honest. 344 00:12:35,386 --> 00:12:36,413 That's a gift card. 345 00:12:36,615 --> 00:12:37,763 And that'll be a gift card, there. 346 00:12:38,212 --> 00:12:40,215 This'll be a gift card for sure. 347 00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:43,407 Hi, happy holidays. 348 00:12:43,409 --> 00:12:44,642 Save it. I'm not here to donate. 349 00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:46,311 My manager informed me that you may be in violation 350 00:12:46,312 --> 00:12:47,801 of our solicitor guidelines. 351 00:12:47,802 --> 00:12:50,041 Oh, I am very familiar with your guidelines. 352 00:12:50,574 --> 00:12:52,424 No signage larger than 11x18. 353 00:12:52,445 --> 00:12:54,146 I am 10 feet from the entrance. 354 00:12:54,147 --> 00:12:56,231 And a certificate from my organization, 355 00:12:56,252 --> 00:12:58,040 which I've had notarized just in case. 356 00:12:58,651 --> 00:13:02,153 Ooh, notarized. You mind if I touch the seal? 357 00:13:02,353 --> 00:13:04,152 Please, that's what it's there for. 358 00:13:04,154 --> 00:13:07,456 Mm-hmm, you're telling me. 359 00:13:07,458 --> 00:13:09,525 Huh, okay, well, 360 00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,737 you don't appear to be in any dress code violation, 361 00:13:11,738 --> 00:13:14,129 no gang colors, no visible swastifications, 362 00:13:14,469 --> 00:13:15,729 and I see you've got multiple layers 363 00:13:15,730 --> 00:13:16,982 in case of a temperature swing. 364 00:13:16,983 --> 00:13:18,883 Oh, well, yeah, you know, St. Louis. 365 00:13:19,260 --> 00:13:21,160 If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes. 366 00:13:24,098 --> 00:13:26,265 Nice. Wait five minutes. 367 00:13:26,267 --> 00:13:28,901 Yeah, that's well put. It's true. 368 00:13:28,903 --> 00:13:30,102 It's a true thing. 369 00:13:31,939 --> 00:13:33,053 You know what? 370 00:13:34,775 --> 00:13:36,074 Wow, thank you so much. 371 00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:37,115 I have really good vision. 372 00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:39,010 I find, like, $8 a day. It's no big deal. 373 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:42,653 Wait five minutes. 374 00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,240 You gave him money? 375 00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:46,089 He told a great joke about the weather. 376 00:13:46,376 --> 00:13:47,721 Amy, just admit that you're wrong 377 00:13:47,722 --> 00:13:48,955 - and then he'll leave. - No! 378 00:13:48,956 --> 00:13:50,451 - I'm not wrong. - Right. 379 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:53,373 Nobody thinks you think you're wrong, 380 00:13:53,484 --> 00:13:56,318 but Mateo kinda needs this toy drive to go well. 381 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:57,775 I'd donate myself, Mateo, 382 00:13:57,776 --> 00:13:59,693 but I have my own kids to buy toys for. 383 00:13:59,887 --> 00:14:02,054 - It's not personal. - I didn't think it was. 384 00:14:02,159 --> 00:14:04,151 Okay, fine, it's a little personal. 385 00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:07,581 What kind of organization hires a guy like that anyway? 386 00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:09,498 I mean, I bet this whole Samaritans thing 387 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,907 is just a big scam. 388 00:14:10,908 --> 00:14:13,301 Yeah, like those charities that send someone a cow 389 00:14:13,303 --> 00:14:16,004 in a third world country and then it just ends up taking 390 00:14:16,006 --> 00:14:17,506 a bite out of their TV and, like, 391 00:14:17,508 --> 00:14:19,274 hogging the shower and stuff. 392 00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:22,001 Was that... are you thinking of a cartoon? 393 00:14:22,479 --> 00:14:23,720 You know what's a scam? 394 00:14:23,744 --> 00:14:25,407 Those hot Marines on Facebook. 395 00:14:25,636 --> 00:14:28,034 Don't send them money till you have the nudes. 396 00:14:28,123 --> 00:14:29,309 That's good advice. 397 00:14:29,337 --> 00:14:31,635 If folks are looking for a good place to donate, 398 00:14:31,652 --> 00:14:33,752 my church makes it super easy. 399 00:14:33,821 --> 00:14:35,721 They take money straight out of my bank account, 400 00:14:35,826 --> 00:14:37,158 so I don't even have to think about 401 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,527 whether I can afford to give that month. 402 00:14:38,985 --> 00:14:40,943 You don't even have to give money to make a difference. 403 00:14:40,944 --> 00:14:42,843 I donate my hair to chemo patients. 404 00:14:42,845 --> 00:14:44,560 Don't you have to grow your hair really long? 405 00:14:44,561 --> 00:14:45,670 No, anytime I get a trim, 406 00:14:45,682 --> 00:14:46,757 I just sweep it into an envelope 407 00:14:46,780 --> 00:14:48,113 and mail it to the hospital. 408 00:14:48,162 --> 00:14:50,068 You send them tiny bits of your hair? 409 00:14:50,325 --> 00:14:51,472 What do they do with that? 410 00:14:51,579 --> 00:14:53,679 Whatever they want, Amy. It's their hair now. 411 00:14:53,795 --> 00:14:55,518 - Aww. - We're getting off-track. 412 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:58,255 The point is that this guy is a jerk, 413 00:14:58,456 --> 00:15:00,255 and we need to take him down. 414 00:15:00,257 --> 00:15:01,777 Uh-huh, yeah, and this is all 415 00:15:01,909 --> 00:15:03,571 still about Mateo and the kids, right? 416 00:15:03,662 --> 00:15:05,037 Yes, of course! 417 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,488 Kids love revenge! 418 00:15:12,940 --> 00:15:13,940 Can you hear that? 419 00:15:14,487 --> 00:15:15,603 I can turn it up. 420 00:15:16,251 --> 00:15:17,531 Help the poor! 421 00:15:17,894 --> 00:15:19,279 Do good, feel good! 422 00:15:21,890 --> 00:15:23,877 Sorry! This is where we're storing 423 00:15:23,878 --> 00:15:25,392 our fertilizer today. 424 00:15:28,358 --> 00:15:29,425 What is this you're sprinkling? 425 00:15:29,534 --> 00:15:30,609 Don't worry about it. 426 00:15:32,075 --> 00:15:34,313 What? So now I killed a lion? 427 00:15:34,344 --> 00:15:36,673 Oh, no, this is completely unrelated. 428 00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:40,913 Hi. Do good, feel good. 429 00:15:43,278 --> 00:15:44,744 Guys, you're freaking everybody out. 430 00:15:44,746 --> 00:15:46,446 Hey, what's... what... 431 00:15:48,416 --> 00:15:49,940 Sorry, this is where we're storing 432 00:15:49,976 --> 00:15:51,103 our carts today. 433 00:15:56,167 --> 00:15:58,515 So I just got off the phone with Colleen. 434 00:15:58,516 --> 00:16:00,388 The friendly non-ghost, and guess what? 435 00:16:00,389 --> 00:16:02,231 She never even got my texts because her phone 436 00:16:02,232 --> 00:16:03,671 was in her car and her car got towed. 437 00:16:03,673 --> 00:16:04,680 Oh. 438 00:16:04,706 --> 00:16:06,006 And when she finally got her phone back, 439 00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,504 it didn't work 'cause it had overheated. 440 00:16:07,606 --> 00:16:08,806 Oh, that sucks. 441 00:16:08,808 --> 00:16:11,196 No, no, it's true because of the windows. 442 00:16:11,248 --> 00:16:12,464 Like the greenhouse effect? 443 00:16:12,883 --> 00:16:14,432 Oh, okay, so now you're saying Colleen 444 00:16:14,433 --> 00:16:15,751 made up the greenhouse effect? 445 00:16:15,753 --> 00:16:17,085 Uh, hello, climatologists? 446 00:16:17,215 --> 00:16:18,481 My coworker thinks my girlfriend 447 00:16:18,517 --> 00:16:19,855 made up the greenhouse effect. 448 00:16:19,857 --> 00:16:21,290 What's that? It's established science? 449 00:16:21,292 --> 00:16:24,426 Oh, okay. Turns out, it's science, so... 450 00:16:24,830 --> 00:16:26,893 - Cool. - No, don't use that tone. 451 00:16:26,894 --> 00:16:28,730 It's true, okay? We're good. 452 00:16:28,732 --> 00:16:30,399 She just has to go out of town for a minute 453 00:16:30,401 --> 00:16:32,067 because her dad's in a play, 454 00:16:32,069 --> 00:16:33,869 but she's gonna reach out as soon as she gets back. 455 00:16:33,871 --> 00:16:35,971 Great, that's awesome. 456 00:16:35,973 --> 00:16:37,999 Stop it, I can tell you don't believe it. 457 00:16:38,128 --> 00:16:39,382 Why wouldn't I believe it? 458 00:16:39,383 --> 00:16:40,955 'Cause it's highly improbable! 459 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:44,880 So I got us a little privacy. 460 00:16:44,882 --> 00:16:46,516 Okay, Sandra, I want you 461 00:16:46,517 --> 00:16:48,427 to take a good, long look at Jerry, 462 00:16:48,886 --> 00:16:50,617 then close your eyes 463 00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:52,821 and imagine he's dead. 464 00:16:52,823 --> 00:16:54,156 Aww. 465 00:16:54,158 --> 00:16:55,520 - I'm okay, Sandra. - No, you're not. 466 00:16:55,544 --> 00:16:56,640 You're dead. 467 00:16:57,394 --> 00:16:59,761 Now, imagine that you're talking to someone 468 00:16:59,763 --> 00:17:00,829 who never met Jerry. 469 00:17:00,831 --> 00:17:02,264 How would you describe him? 470 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,333 Um, he was... 471 00:17:04,335 --> 00:17:05,798 And you can't say nice. 472 00:17:06,408 --> 00:17:07,974 Asian American? 473 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:09,917 Is this still going on? 474 00:17:10,459 --> 00:17:11,899 It is not that hard. 475 00:17:12,111 --> 00:17:13,410 What do you like most about Jerry? 476 00:17:13,412 --> 00:17:14,546 - I mean... - Come on, out with it. 477 00:17:14,547 --> 00:17:15,646 - I... - Let's go, now! 478 00:17:15,648 --> 00:17:17,581 Now, yes, words! Now, speak, go! 479 00:17:17,583 --> 00:17:19,483 I really enjoy Jerry's body. 480 00:17:20,745 --> 00:17:24,380 And how it responds to my touch. 481 00:17:24,957 --> 00:17:26,590 Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. 482 00:17:26,592 --> 00:17:29,092 Glenn, take this down. Sandra, keep going. 483 00:17:29,094 --> 00:17:31,128 Jesus, do I have to do everything? 484 00:17:33,388 --> 00:17:34,585 Okay, I don't think that's... 485 00:17:34,586 --> 00:17:37,314 He just really knows where to kiss soft 486 00:17:37,315 --> 00:17:39,633 and where to kiss hard. 487 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:41,540 I had a great teacher. 488 00:17:41,541 --> 00:17:42,565 Dina! 489 00:17:43,358 --> 00:17:47,168 It is my honor to provide these toys to your tots 490 00:17:47,169 --> 00:17:49,988 on behalf of myself and my love of country. 491 00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,934 When I first came to America, I... 492 00:17:53,653 --> 00:17:54,985 Forgot to silence my phone. 493 00:17:56,547 --> 00:17:57,747 We should just take it from the top. 494 00:17:57,748 --> 00:17:59,616 - Amy, how's my hair? - I'm not brushing it again. 495 00:17:59,617 --> 00:18:00,984 Sorry, I should really get going. 496 00:18:00,986 --> 00:18:02,485 It's fine, I'll just piece together 497 00:18:02,487 --> 00:18:03,687 something from what we already have. 498 00:18:03,688 --> 00:18:06,290 For me, editing is the final stage 499 00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:07,564 of the writing process. 500 00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:09,274 Thanks again. 501 00:18:09,316 --> 00:18:10,717 You're gonna make a lot of kids very happy. 502 00:18:11,405 --> 00:18:12,499 My pleasure. 503 00:18:16,543 --> 00:18:18,916 God, I'd love to see the look on "Kyle's" face 504 00:18:18,917 --> 00:18:20,921 as all these toys wheel past him. 505 00:18:20,922 --> 00:18:22,681 I know we don't like the guy, but his name 506 00:18:22,683 --> 00:18:24,358 probably is Kyle, right? 507 00:18:24,501 --> 00:18:25,502 Whose side are you on? 508 00:18:25,547 --> 00:18:29,582 Guys, uh, so that was someone from Happy Tots 509 00:18:30,390 --> 00:18:31,758 saying they're gonna be late. 510 00:18:36,136 --> 00:18:37,414 'Tis the season, dicks. 511 00:18:41,327 --> 00:18:43,890 What the hell? You're stealing our toys? 512 00:18:43,891 --> 00:18:45,437 Technically, you donated them to me. 513 00:18:45,438 --> 00:18:47,117 Well, technically, you can suck it! 514 00:18:47,118 --> 00:18:49,089 Nope, leave it, no! 515 00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:51,499 - Stop. - No, okay, this is mine now. 516 00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,443 Hey. 517 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,234 Stop stealing from our charity, crazy people. 518 00:18:57,250 --> 00:18:58,619 Jonah, why are you filming this? 519 00:18:58,621 --> 00:19:00,721 It's really hard not to. 520 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:03,123 - Ah! - Go, go, go. 521 00:19:03,125 --> 00:19:05,059 Over my dead body! 522 00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,627 Amy, get in front. 523 00:19:06,629 --> 00:19:08,128 Amy, you are blowing this! 524 00:19:09,999 --> 00:19:12,566 Samaritans rule! 525 00:19:16,837 --> 00:19:18,642 Hey, I downloaded this app that predicts 526 00:19:18,674 --> 00:19:20,407 what you and Colleen's babies would look like. 527 00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,809 Beautiful. 528 00:19:21,811 --> 00:19:23,410 You gotta show her these before you dump her. 529 00:19:23,807 --> 00:19:25,579 Yeah, those babies look great. 530 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:26,680 Yeah. 531 00:19:26,682 --> 00:19:29,116 Uh, you know, actually, 532 00:19:29,118 --> 00:19:30,918 Colleen and I aren't a thing anymore. 533 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,436 - What? - Yeah. 534 00:19:32,437 --> 00:19:34,822 Well, I told you to tell me before you broke up with her. 535 00:19:35,122 --> 00:19:38,125 I know, but, um, I wanted to surprise you. 536 00:19:38,127 --> 00:19:39,842 Well, tell me everything, how did she take it? 537 00:19:41,052 --> 00:19:43,853 Bad. I mean, real, real bad. 538 00:19:43,855 --> 00:19:45,573 She was... she was a mess. 539 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:46,705 I bet. 540 00:19:46,740 --> 00:19:48,340 Oh, she's probably doing that pathetic 541 00:19:48,377 --> 00:19:50,323 look-how-great-I'm-doing stuff on Instagram. 542 00:19:50,395 --> 00:19:51,828 Mm-hmm, yep. 543 00:19:51,830 --> 00:19:53,611 There it is. 544 00:19:53,612 --> 00:19:55,444 Look at this totally fake picture 545 00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:56,964 of her and some hot guy at a concert. 546 00:19:57,836 --> 00:19:59,641 Yeah, so fake. 547 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,600 Ugh, nobody's buying it, Colleen. 548 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,269 You look way too happy. 549 00:20:03,708 --> 00:20:06,061 Yeah, I saw that. 550 00:20:06,512 --> 00:20:08,344 But since we didn't have a full-length mirror, 551 00:20:08,346 --> 00:20:11,214 we just watched ourselves in a big sheet of tinfoil. 552 00:20:11,241 --> 00:20:12,677 I felt like a movie star. 553 00:20:13,651 --> 00:20:16,606 Okay, again, could we talk about things 554 00:20:16,646 --> 00:20:18,435 outside the bedroom? 555 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:22,317 Um, well, I like when Jerry cooks me my favorite meal. 556 00:20:22,587 --> 00:20:23,616 Noodles. 557 00:20:25,063 --> 00:20:27,063 Well, that's nice. 558 00:20:27,065 --> 00:20:28,998 And he does the dishes. 559 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,202 Once I walked up behind him, and I said, 560 00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:33,657 "I think there's one dish you're forgetting, 561 00:20:34,265 --> 00:20:37,640 "and it's very dirty." 562 00:20:40,293 --> 00:20:42,293 So this is the best you could do? 563 00:20:42,294 --> 00:20:44,200 Well, I mean, it kinda look like you're 564 00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:45,866 throwing toys on to the truck. 565 00:20:45,867 --> 00:20:47,013 This sucks. 566 00:20:47,014 --> 00:20:49,392 Can't we just use the video of me donating to that guy when I thought 567 00:20:49,394 --> 00:20:51,193 he was with Happy Tots? 568 00:20:51,194 --> 00:20:54,099 You know, technically we did collect toys 569 00:20:54,101 --> 00:20:55,836 that went to charity. 570 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:58,509 I mean, who cares if it's Happy Tots or Samaritans? 571 00:20:58,510 --> 00:21:01,789 I mean, I care because the Samaritans are trash, but... 572 00:21:02,383 --> 00:21:04,383 I guess trash kids need toys too. 573 00:21:04,630 --> 00:21:05,720 Weird! 574 00:21:05,721 --> 00:21:06,987 Garrett wants to hang out tonight 575 00:21:06,989 --> 00:21:08,868 because he doesn't feel like being alone 576 00:21:09,288 --> 00:21:10,742 He just messing with you. 577 00:21:10,743 --> 00:21:12,025 Ignore him. 578 00:21:12,050 --> 00:21:14,050 credits