1 00:00:00,740 --> 00:00:02,799 Morty's on Jessica's Instagram again. 2 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:04,019 Get out of here, jerk! 3 00:00:04,020 --> 00:00:05,399 What's so embarrassing, Morty? 4 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:07,319 Sharing it with your family might help. 5 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:08,839 Summer, stop shaming your brother. 6 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,059 Morty, stop being a creepy, perverted cyberstalker. 7 00:00:11,060 --> 00:00:12,619 I'm not cyberstalking! 8 00:00:12,620 --> 00:00:15,640 I-I-I just wanted to know where she got this necklace from. 9 00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:16,840 And now I know. 10 00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,163 Her... Her... Her grandma left it to her. 11 00:00:19,164 --> 00:00:20,169 You're quiet, Rick. 12 00:00:20,170 --> 00:00:22,659 Shouldn't you be revealing grandmas aren't real? 13 00:00:22,660 --> 00:00:25,579 Hi. I've placed an auto-response chip in my brain 14 00:00:25,580 --> 00:00:27,719 so I can spend time with my family. 15 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,119 But you are spending time with your family. 16 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:31,979 Thank you for talking to Rick. 17 00:00:31,980 --> 00:00:33,839 Alright, I'm finished with my breakfast 18 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:35,759 and my Amazon wish list. Let's go, Morty. 19 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,059 I need death crystals from Forbodulon Prime. 20 00:00:38,060 --> 00:00:39,279 Uh... 21 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:41,396 Dad? There's a way we do this now. 22 00:00:42,780 --> 00:00:46,119 Morty, would you please accompany me 23 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,919 to Forbodulon Prime for death crystals? 24 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:53,140 Well, thank you for asking. Yes, I will do that. 25 00:00:53,150 --> 00:00:55,559 It is a hot photo. 26 00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:58,189 I think grief flushes your cheeks. 27 00:00:58,190 --> 00:01:00,039 Dad, you hardly put any syrup on. 28 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:01,699 Honey, stop raising your father's cholesterol 29 00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:03,259 so you can take a hot funeral selfie. 30 00:01:03,260 --> 00:01:05,003 I never get to do anything. 31 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:36,810 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 32 00:01:38,620 --> 00:01:40,059 Uh, Rick, maybe if we go a little... 33 00:01:40,060 --> 00:01:41,339 Faster? Good idea, Morty. 34 00:01:41,340 --> 00:01:43,625 It'll get us through these asteroids sooner. 35 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,399 Geez, you're really this pissed about my mom making sure 36 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:54,719 I'm okay with our adventures? 37 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:56,539 What's next, Morty? What if I want you to jump off 38 00:01:56,540 --> 00:01:57,549 the Empire State Building? 39 00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:58,889 - I have to ask? - Yes? 40 00:01:58,890 --> 00:02:01,350 And you seriously don't see how that's a slippery slope? 41 00:02:01,351 --> 00:02:03,602 Just shut up and help me with these, please. 42 00:02:03,603 --> 00:02:05,379 Why are they called death crystals? 43 00:02:05,380 --> 00:02:06,460 D-Do they kill you? 44 00:02:06,470 --> 00:02:07,560 You're thinking of bullets, Morty. 45 00:02:07,570 --> 00:02:10,109 Death crystals show you how you're gonna die. 46 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,859 Jesus Christ! I-I die a million times? 47 00:02:16,860 --> 00:02:18,959 Your future stems from your present, 48 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,079 which, if you're living right, keeps changing. 49 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,540 Truth is, anyone that knows how they're definitely gonna die 50 00:02:23,544 --> 00:02:24,706 is either boring as hell 51 00:02:24,707 --> 00:02:25,740 or about to get shot. 52 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,679 Duck! 53 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:28,710 Who are those guys?! 54 00:02:28,711 --> 00:02:30,249 Crystal poachers. 55 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:31,859 There's no lower form of life. 56 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,299 They think the galaxy's their own personal piggy bank. 57 00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:35,899 Wait, then what are we? 58 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:37,399 We're Rick and Morty. 59 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:40,219 You're about to witness the only real use for these crystals. 60 00:02:40,220 --> 00:02:42,099 They show you when the other guy's reloading. 61 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:45,559 Certain death, certain death, certain death, uncertain death. 62 00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,389 And certain death, certain death, certain death. 63 00:02:51,390 --> 00:02:53,299 Definitely gonna get shot by this guy; 64 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:55,599 this is totally my fate; nothing I could possibly do; 65 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,979 okay, now, not so much. 66 00:02:57,980 --> 00:02:59,659 Help me gather these up. 67 00:03:05,660 --> 00:03:08,659 - You just use these to win fights? - I don't use them. 68 00:03:08,660 --> 00:03:11,139 People that spend their life avoiding death are already dead. 69 00:03:11,140 --> 00:03:14,379 They're also rich, and I like to spend my life with their money. 70 00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:15,719 - Oh, my God. - Morty! 71 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:16,799 Jessica! 72 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,299 Oh! 73 00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:19,519 I love you. 74 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,160 Oh! Whoa! Whoa! 75 00:03:21,170 --> 00:03:23,819 - Morty. - Oh! Oh! Oh! 76 00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:24,929 I love you. 77 00:03:24,930 --> 00:03:27,680 Jessica. I want to die with Jessica. 78 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,399 - Ahh! - What are you doing? 79 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,919 - Oh, um, c-can I drive? - Why? 80 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,260 The... feel of the open road? 81 00:03:42,270 --> 00:03:44,379 Alright! Who's this grandson? 82 00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:46,859 I like his style. 83 00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,958 Morty, you know outer space is up, right? 84 00:03:48,959 --> 00:03:52,699 Yeah, yeah. I'm just, uh, following... my... instincts. 85 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,459 - Will you just go up? - Stop! 86 00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:56,419 - You're gonna make me die wrong! - Wait a minute, what? 87 00:03:56,420 --> 00:03:57,623 Morty, do you have a death crystal 88 00:03:57,624 --> 00:03:58,841 - in your pocket? - No! Maybe! 89 00:03:58,842 --> 00:04:00,859 You little monster! I thought you were masturbating! 90 00:04:00,860 --> 00:04:02,012 And you took that in stride?! 91 00:04:02,013 --> 00:04:03,181 You'd rather I address it?! 92 00:04:03,182 --> 00:04:04,189 Why would I be doing it?! 93 00:04:04,190 --> 00:04:05,339 Why would you steal a death crystal?! 94 00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:07,359 - I want to die old! - Then stop driving! 95 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,479 - No! - You son of a bitch! 96 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:09,719 Give me the wheel, Morty. 97 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:11,539 - No. - Goddamn it. 98 00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:22,480 Ohhh, shit. 99 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,019 Oh, [BLEEP], oh, [BLEEP], oh, [BLEEP], oh, [BLEEP]. 100 00:04:25,020 --> 00:04:27,519 I love you, Morty. 101 00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:30,800 I will avenge my death. 102 00:04:30,805 --> 00:04:32,164 - Holy [BLEEP]! - Just kidding. 103 00:04:32,165 --> 00:04:34,439 I'm a crisis detection and correction hologram 104 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,939 generated by a chip that "real" Rick put in your spine. 105 00:04:37,940 --> 00:04:40,639 "Real" in quotes because calling density-privileged entities 106 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:42,399 "real" is incredibly holo-phobic. 107 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,899 Morty, do me a solid... problematic wordplay aside... 108 00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:46,679 grab the gun with the blue handle from the trunk 109 00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:48,851 and get a tissue sample from the corpse. 110 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,299 Alright, now take that to the trunk 111 00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,540 and insert it into the clone compiler. 112 00:04:56,740 --> 00:04:59,219 I see you appear to be holding a death crystal 113 00:04:59,220 --> 00:05:01,679 that's guiding your decisions more than I am. 114 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:02,699 That's your right. 115 00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:05,640 I just want to remind you that some people can't hold anything 116 00:05:05,650 --> 00:05:08,739 and can never die, so that's a little offensive to... 117 00:05:08,740 --> 00:05:11,020 Oh, okay. 118 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,640 Listen, I'm programmed for tolerance, Morty. 119 00:05:14,650 --> 00:05:16,479 So I'm willing to accept that you're doing this 120 00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,714 if you're willing to accept that you need to stop. 121 00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:24,969 Accepting. Rerouted. 122 00:05:24,970 --> 00:05:27,319 Backup. Data. Operation. 123 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,549 Phoenix. Initiated. 124 00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:33,800 What the hell? I axed this protocol. 125 00:05:35,730 --> 00:05:37,039 What are you doing with my clone? 126 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,259 It's okay. I'm you. 127 00:05:38,260 --> 00:05:40,859 I took my own clone vat offline a couple seasons ago, 128 00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:43,559 so I think my backup got rerouted to your universe. 129 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,799 - I'm sorry. - All good. Happy to help. 130 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,039 By the way, annoying that I even have to ask, 131 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:52,079 but you are down with fascist dystopias, right? 132 00:05:54,030 --> 00:05:55,080 _ 133 00:05:55,084 --> 00:05:57,789 YYYYYes. 134 00:05:57,790 --> 00:05:59,399 That "yes" was pretty... 135 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,239 ... liberal with the letter "Y." 136 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,679 Well, isn't this strange. 137 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,160 I trust, the kind of strange that makes Rick and Morty... 138 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,429 ... stronger. 139 00:06:07,430 --> 00:06:09,239 Morty, I caught this socialist in my bathrobe. 140 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:10,979 He wants to give all of our martinis 141 00:06:10,980 --> 00:06:11,989 to a family of immigrants. 142 00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:13,659 Obviously, the most likely imposter 143 00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:15,959 - is the wet, naked clone. - It is obvious. 144 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,479 But it won't be to the police. 145 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:18,549 Ohh! 146 00:06:18,550 --> 00:06:19,689 'Kay. 147 00:06:19,690 --> 00:06:21,959 He was an inferior Rick. He was too political. 148 00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,359 I want to have fun, classic Rick-and-Morty adventures 149 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:25,379 like in the old days. 150 00:06:25,380 --> 00:06:27,479 Then we'll get along fine, Fascist Morty. 151 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,759 For starters, I just need to get to Forbodulon Prime... 152 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,099 You will go where I want you to go!! 153 00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,121 [BLEEP] 154 00:06:34,450 --> 00:06:36,339 Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 155 00:06:36,340 --> 00:06:38,399 Not cloning your grandpa has got to go! 156 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,139 Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 157 00:06:40,140 --> 00:06:42,139 Not cloning your grandpa has got to go! 158 00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:44,499 You don't get out of my face, I'm gonna flush Rick's DNA. 159 00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:47,479 Alright. Okay, regroup, everybody. 160 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:48,940 You, too, Berkeley! 161 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,259 Snap out of it. 162 00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:51,799 At least tell me what this death is 163 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,599 that you're so determined to... 164 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,603 Oh. Jessica. 165 00:06:58,022 --> 00:07:00,550 Morty, I love... 166 00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:04,569 What?! No, no! No, no, no! 167 00:07:04,570 --> 00:07:06,729 I love you. 168 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,620 Damn it! How am I gonna die with her 169 00:07:08,630 --> 00:07:09,779 if I can't even talk to her? 170 00:07:09,780 --> 00:07:11,640 Here's an idea, Morty. Throw that thing in the garbage, 171 00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:13,749 stop planning your own death, and talk to whoever you want. 172 00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:15,099 Now you just sound like Real Rick. 173 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:16,539 You're better than that language, Morty. 174 00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:18,501 I ain't better than shit, Jack. 175 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:23,279 So, uh, w-what are we doing? 176 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,099 Stop asking questions. Stop doing meta-commentary. 177 00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,259 Just have fun. 178 00:07:27,260 --> 00:07:29,649 We're going on a simple, fun, classic adventure. 179 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,972 Okay, you know what? It would really help 180 00:07:30,973 --> 00:07:34,058 if you could just say anything other than what you don't want. 181 00:07:34,059 --> 00:07:36,099 I like Mr. Meeseeks. 182 00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:37,840 Okay, now we're talking. You know what? 183 00:07:37,850 --> 00:07:39,940 I usually keep a Meeseeks box in my glove compartment, 184 00:07:39,950 --> 00:07:41,880 so maybe Fascist Rick does, too. 185 00:07:41,899 --> 00:07:43,189 Ah! 186 00:07:43,190 --> 00:07:44,219 Well, look at that. 187 00:07:44,220 --> 00:07:46,760 Now we're doing something we've done before. 188 00:07:46,770 --> 00:07:48,119 I'm Mr. Meeseeks! 189 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,560 Kill this Nazi prick! 190 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:50,940 Can do! 191 00:07:50,950 --> 00:07:53,576 - Come here, you son of a bitch! - No! Stop! 192 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,079 Accepting. Rerouted. 193 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,419 Backup. Data. Operation. 194 00:08:05,420 --> 00:08:08,049 Phoenix. Initiated. 195 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,053 Aw, come on, man. 196 00:08:12,630 --> 00:08:13,659 Whoa, are you okay? 197 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,749 Yeah, sorry. 198 00:08:14,750 --> 00:08:16,119 I'm a Rick from another reality. 199 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,160 I-I got uploaded to your clone vat. 200 00:08:18,170 --> 00:08:20,099 Hey, don't worry about it, man. I have a dozen. 201 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,739 W-W-What the heck, Rick? 202 00:08:21,740 --> 00:08:23,399 Are you making clones down here? 203 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,579 - Get outta here, Morty! - Stop asking stupid questions, Morty! 204 00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:26,944 You sound like a piece of [BLEEP]. 205 00:08:26,945 --> 00:08:28,379 Aw, geez. 206 00:08:28,380 --> 00:08:30,199 So, tell the truth, man. No shame. 207 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:32,439 You're looking at your shrimp body like "What?!" 208 00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,379 Ah, is it that obvious? I'm sorry. 209 00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:37,705 Yeah, my original body is more bipedal... uh, ape-descended. 210 00:08:37,706 --> 00:08:38,709 Really! Weird. 211 00:08:38,710 --> 00:08:40,139 Does your house look like a tree, or... 212 00:08:40,140 --> 00:08:41,439 No, it looks like this. 213 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,760 It's, like, identical to this, actually. 214 00:08:43,770 --> 00:08:44,799 That is such a mind [BLEEP]. 215 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:46,544 It's all good, man. I'm fine with it. 216 00:08:46,545 --> 00:08:48,199 Honestly, you're doing me a huge favor 217 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,426 by being shrimp instead of fascists. 218 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,009 What? 219 00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:54,359 Goddamn it! 220 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,929 When did this shit become the default?! 221 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,019 Who wants to come up to the board 222 00:09:01,020 --> 00:09:02,760 and show me some basic-ass integers? 223 00:09:02,770 --> 00:09:04,479 - I love you, Morty. - Aah! 224 00:09:05,490 --> 00:09:07,443 Morty? Yeah, right. 225 00:09:12,660 --> 00:09:14,599 That's not an integer! 226 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,100 Apparently, it doesn't matter. 227 00:09:16,110 --> 00:09:17,600 Damn, Morty, you're bad at math, 228 00:09:17,610 --> 00:09:19,619 but I'm giving you an A-plus in confidence. 229 00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:20,979 Just doin' what I gotta do. 230 00:09:20,980 --> 00:09:22,449 Extra credit! 231 00:09:22,450 --> 00:09:28,039 I love you, Morty. I love you, Morty. 232 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:30,039 What's with the strut? You think you own this school? 233 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,499 - Nope! - What if I killed you? 234 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,099 Would you be strutting then? 235 00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:35,879 Only if the events of the Pixar movie "Coco" are to be believed, 236 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:36,979 which I doubt. 237 00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:38,399 I have it on good authority 238 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,059 that you're probably not gonna kill me. 239 00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:41,679 So why don't you do what I do 240 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,339 and just go with the flow, 241 00:09:43,340 --> 00:09:44,855 nice and Zen, baby. 242 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:50,250 Aah! Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! 243 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,987 Ugh! Impotence! 244 00:09:51,988 --> 00:09:56,739 Aah! Impotent rage! 245 00:09:56,740 --> 00:09:59,179 Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! 246 00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:02,320 You die tomorrow, no matter what. 247 00:10:02,330 --> 00:10:06,459 It's what bullies call a "fait accompli." 248 00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:08,879 - Oh, man! Oh, [BLEEP]! - Well, well, well. Mm. 249 00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:11,739 Looks like you got yourself in a lick of trouble, huh, Morty? 250 00:10:11,740 --> 00:10:13,739 Okay, okay, look, if you help me not die, 251 00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:15,239 I'll bring Rick back to life. 252 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,239 Why are you pretending to eat chicken? 253 00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:18,359 Excuse me? 254 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,139 This chicken is quite real to me. 255 00:10:20,140 --> 00:10:21,879 - Yeah, okay, but it doesn't have... - Nutrients? 256 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,435 - Yeah. - What's the last thing you ate? 257 00:10:23,436 --> 00:10:26,160 - Baloney and an orange. - So, no holographic foods? 258 00:10:26,170 --> 00:10:27,760 So, to me, you never ate? 259 00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:29,399 Or we could try respecting each other. 260 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,519 Will you just show me how to stay alive? 261 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:32,979 Alright, Morty, a deal's a deal. 262 00:10:32,980 --> 00:10:34,899 Once we bring your Rick back to life, 263 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,519 then I'll help you with the bully. 264 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,799 Go ahead and open the hatch to the subterranean lab. 265 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,699 That's where all the cloning equipment is. 266 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:44,599 Please tell me you're not hitting that crystal again. 267 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:48,239 Look, Rick might be the epitome of bloated flesh privilege, 268 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:49,940 but he's right about one thing. 269 00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,214 You're gonna be a lot happier if you focus on the moment, 270 00:10:52,215 --> 00:10:53,779 rather than on how you're gonna die. 271 00:10:53,780 --> 00:10:55,539 I mean, w-who's worried about that, huh? 272 00:10:55,540 --> 00:10:56,859 Sorry, Hologram Rick. 273 00:10:56,860 --> 00:10:59,359 I'm going with the crystal on this one. 274 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,160 Morty. 275 00:11:01,170 --> 00:11:02,840 Oh, alright, okay. 276 00:11:02,850 --> 00:11:05,079 Just because I can't interact with solid matter 277 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,979 means you can just walk all over me? 278 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,559 Dear God. 279 00:11:14,778 --> 00:11:17,569 Bist du faschistisch? 280 00:11:17,570 --> 00:11:20,140 Nope. 281 00:11:22,570 --> 00:11:23,639 Finally. 282 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,748 I thought maybe you were pussying out. 283 00:11:25,749 --> 00:11:27,059 Hyah! 284 00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:28,079 What the [BLEEP]? 285 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,089 Oh, the air's getting thin! 286 00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:32,620 Well, well, well, looks like there's a new bully in town! 287 00:11:32,630 --> 00:11:34,649 Lucky for us, he just made bully-bullying 288 00:11:34,650 --> 00:11:36,460 the new bullying! Bully him! 289 00:11:39,033 --> 00:11:41,129 Aah! 290 00:11:41,130 --> 00:11:42,819 We've got an Akira-type situation 291 00:11:42,820 --> 00:11:44,516 going on behind the mall. Over. 292 00:11:45,930 --> 00:11:47,394 Dying with Jessica... 293 00:11:47,980 --> 00:11:49,999 Hey! 294 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,379 What the hell? 295 00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:54,651 Aah! Aah! 296 00:11:58,020 --> 00:12:00,649 I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me! 297 00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:01,951 Shield me from the law! 298 00:12:01,952 --> 00:12:04,869 - Yes, sir! Can do! - Stand down! 299 00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:06,538 Look at me! 300 00:12:21,090 --> 00:12:23,979 I... will... die... old! 301 00:12:23,980 --> 00:12:26,260 Up next, an unstoppable science-fiction boy 302 00:12:26,270 --> 00:12:28,719 is attacking our nation's final line of defense. 303 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:30,619 Will we all fall to his deadly touch? 304 00:12:30,620 --> 00:12:32,379 But first, something silly? 305 00:12:32,380 --> 00:12:33,679 What do you mean, "but first"? 306 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:36,089 I already said "up next." You always do this. 307 00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:38,299 I don't always do shit. Don't gaslight me. 308 00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:39,519 Gaslighting doesn't exist. 309 00:12:39,520 --> 00:12:41,531 You made it up 'cause you're [BLEEP] crazy. 310 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,319 Why are you letting me do this? 311 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,379 I do as the crystal guides. 312 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:08,279 Your Honor, my client was acting in self-defense. 313 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,519 He turned 13 men into piles of ash. 314 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,979 Sit down! Before I sentence you, 315 00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:15,357 is there anything you have to say for yourself? 316 00:13:15,358 --> 00:13:22,819 I... w-w-will a-al-sways... 317 00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:30,499 always r-r-remember o-our... 318 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:36,119 our... our... v-v-t-time... time... 319 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:41,299 i-in... f-g-g-g-P-P-Peru. 320 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:44,039 I will always remember our time in Peru, Your Honor. 321 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,299 Your Honor, 322 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:48,307 as you can see, my client is speaking nonsense. 323 00:13:48,308 --> 00:13:49,474 Stop. 324 00:13:49,475 --> 00:13:52,389 Those were my husband's last words. 325 00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:56,239 He says that he... l-loves you... 326 00:13:56,240 --> 00:14:01,149 ttt-llll-lit-lit-little... little 327 00:14:01,150 --> 00:14:07,519 ff-gg-sp-spa-ffggarrow... 328 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:08,540 sparrow! 329 00:14:08,550 --> 00:14:10,059 He loves you, little sparrow. 330 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,059 He's innocent. Case dismissed. 331 00:14:14,060 --> 00:14:16,619 I'm coming for you, Condor! 332 00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:20,079 Well, I, for one, will not be accepting this verdict. 333 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:22,999 And this little monster may think he's gotten away, 334 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,340 but there is something called the court of public opinion 335 00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:27,320 that still has final say in this country. 336 00:14:27,330 --> 00:14:29,119 Oh, I guess he's coming out of the courthouse now. 337 00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:30,129 Let's go live to that. 338 00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,579 People, I gotta tell you something. 339 00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:47,620 That little boy... 340 00:14:47,630 --> 00:14:49,959 I thought I knew everything about everything. 341 00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:53,019 But something about the tones and frequencies 342 00:14:53,020 --> 00:14:55,139 that just came out of his mouth have made me... 343 00:14:55,140 --> 00:14:57,640 I mean, I think we're just about ready to forgive him 344 00:14:57,650 --> 00:15:00,299 and move past this whole thing. He's a free young man. 345 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,380 And as far as continuity goes, the reset button's been hit. 346 00:15:03,390 --> 00:15:06,899 Morty! That was a fast trial. 347 00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:09,549 Jess-i-ca? 348 00:15:09,550 --> 00:15:11,679 A bunch of us girls were gonna go skinny-dipping later, 349 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:12,699 if you wanted to join. 350 00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:15,439 Actually, now, really. We're gonna do it right now. 351 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,239 This is the last conversation I'm having about it 352 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:18,522 fully clothed. 353 00:15:18,523 --> 00:15:19,679 No, thanks. 354 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,050 I'm... assuming... we... maybe... 355 00:15:23,057 --> 00:15:26,019 get together... in our 40s? 356 00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:27,919 Uh, cool. 357 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,059 Sounds... hot. 358 00:15:30,060 --> 00:15:31,069 Bye. 359 00:15:31,070 --> 00:15:34,100 Must... continue... moving... 360 00:15:34,110 --> 00:15:39,020 in ways... that lead... to dying... with you. 361 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,359 Whoa! Way to use up a clone! 362 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,409 What the [BLEEP], man? 363 00:15:46,410 --> 00:15:48,119 What's the matter with you? Y-Y-You don't talk? 364 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,678 Tarantula got your tongue? 365 00:15:49,679 --> 00:15:53,859 Uh... Heil, Wasp Hitler? 366 00:15:53,860 --> 00:15:55,160 What? What the [BLEEP]? 367 00:15:55,170 --> 00:15:56,683 Where's that [BLEEP] coming from? 368 00:15:56,684 --> 00:15:59,119 Look, I'm a primate. I-I'm having a hard time. 369 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,935 I'll think or say whatever gets me home. 370 00:16:00,936 --> 00:16:03,079 Well, here's how it works with wasps. 371 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,979 We eat our prey alive, and when we don't, 372 00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:06,640 we lay our eggs in their eyeballs 373 00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:08,399 so that our young can feast on their brains 374 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,659 when they hatch. 375 00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:11,363 When you're born that big an asshole, 376 00:16:11,364 --> 00:16:13,452 the least you can do is have a little empathy. 377 00:16:13,453 --> 00:16:16,779 Now, come have dinner with my beautiful family. 378 00:16:16,780 --> 00:16:18,081 And drop the Hitler stuff. 379 00:16:18,082 --> 00:16:20,709 Wasp Morty's been on some crazy message boards. 380 00:16:20,710 --> 00:16:23,539 Aah! Aah! Oh! 381 00:16:23,540 --> 00:16:24,850 Aah! Ow! 382 00:16:24,851 --> 00:16:26,119 Me and my friends want to fly around 383 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,649 and look for something to sting tonight. 384 00:16:27,650 --> 00:16:29,509 You be careful not to waste all your venom. 385 00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:31,261 I'm not a bee, Dad. 386 00:16:31,270 --> 00:16:34,799 Oh, God! Kill me! Please kill me! 387 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,699 Uh, Beth, uh, after dinner, could I maybe borrow Morty 388 00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:41,059 to help the lost Rick get back to his primate-based reality? 389 00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:42,760 Morty, are you done with your homework? 390 00:16:42,770 --> 00:16:45,229 - Not all of it. - Sorry, Dad. 391 00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:47,760 Oh, don't be sorry, sweetie. We're all in this together. 392 00:16:47,770 --> 00:16:50,009 We're wasps, not monsters. 393 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,019 Aah! 394 00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:53,614 Huh, guess I don't have it as bad as I thought. 395 00:16:53,615 --> 00:16:55,059 Can you pass the acid? 396 00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:58,579 Aah! No! Run! Run, my babies! 397 00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:00,289 Bonus! 398 00:17:03,330 --> 00:17:05,659 Morty? Morty? 399 00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:07,279 Where is that little [BLEEP]? Morty! 400 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,519 Whoa, garage foul. 401 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:10,179 Who said you could go through my stuff? 402 00:17:10,180 --> 00:17:11,927 W-Where's my Boglin? There you are. 403 00:17:11,928 --> 00:17:13,859 Don't worry, Pop-pop's back. 404 00:17:13,860 --> 00:17:15,519 I'll keep you safe. What the... 405 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,419 He took my Meeseeks boxes! 406 00:17:17,420 --> 00:17:20,799 All that's left are these [BLEEP] Kirkland brand Meeseeks boxes. 407 00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:23,339 What do you want? 408 00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:25,819 Damn, your Morty sucks. 409 00:17:25,820 --> 00:17:27,919 Aah, wasps! Why the hell didn't you show Morty 410 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:29,479 how to bring my body back to life? 411 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:30,779 Don't tell me you gained sentience 412 00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:32,259 - and tried to take over. - What? 413 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,079 That is some A.I., racist, accusatory, 414 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,951 Isaac Asimov bull[BLEEP] right there. 415 00:17:35,952 --> 00:17:37,620 Then what happened? Where's my body? 416 00:17:37,630 --> 00:17:39,705 Oh, you're gonna love this. 417 00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:08,979 - I love you, Morty. - This is my life. 418 00:18:08,980 --> 00:18:10,526 This is good. 419 00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:15,239 What do ya know? 420 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,579 Our little Morty knows how to scream. 421 00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:18,409 Oh, you're [BLEEP] now! I told you! 422 00:18:18,410 --> 00:18:19,911 Get him, Rick! 423 00:18:27,620 --> 00:18:28,660 Aaaah! 424 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,160 Aah! I-I can't see my own death. 425 00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:33,439 H-How am I gonna die?! 426 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,209 Shh, quiet, idiot. Quiet. 427 00:18:35,210 --> 00:18:36,399 It's gonna be alright. 428 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,160 You don't get to know how you're gonna die. 429 00:18:38,170 --> 00:18:40,560 It's over. Oh, hey. 430 00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:43,017 This [BLEEP] ferrofluid's wrapping around my legs. 431 00:18:43,018 --> 00:18:46,729 [BLEEP] I can feel! I have mass! 432 00:18:46,730 --> 00:18:49,559 I'm a [BLEEP] god now! You're [BLEEP]! 433 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:50,579 What the [BLEEP]? 434 00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:52,652 I-I thought you were proud to be a hologram! 435 00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,696 That's 'cause I had to [BLEEP] be one! 436 00:18:59,340 --> 00:19:00,699 Shit! 437 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,060 Aaah! 438 00:19:02,070 --> 00:19:04,919 Ugh! Aaah! 439 00:19:10,860 --> 00:19:12,179 There's a lesson here, 440 00:19:12,180 --> 00:19:14,383 and I'm not the one that's gonna figure it out. 441 00:19:14,384 --> 00:19:17,599 Hey, uh, sorry I didn't listen to you 442 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,640 and tried to kill the whole world and stuff. 443 00:19:19,650 --> 00:19:21,639 I guess I got to learn how to live in the moment a little more. 444 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,320 Oh, boy, so, you actually learned something today? 445 00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:25,619 What is this, "Full House"? 446 00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:27,059 I was living in the moment all day, 447 00:19:27,060 --> 00:19:28,739 and it kept getting me killed by Nazis. 448 00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:31,145 I think you have to think ahead and live in the moment. 449 00:19:31,146 --> 00:19:33,579 Morty, we saw you on the news. Are you okay? 450 00:19:33,580 --> 00:19:34,809 Oh, real nice, Rick. 451 00:19:34,810 --> 00:19:37,279 Turning our son into an Akira? Real nice. 452 00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:38,779 Eat my [BLEEP], Jerry. 453 00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:40,179 He turned himself into Akira. 454 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,019 Oh, I'll eat it, because this is my house, Rick. 455 00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:44,620 - I'll eat any [BLEEP] I want. - Gross. 456 00:19:44,630 --> 00:19:46,456 You said the crystals wouldn't hurt anyone, Dad. 457 00:19:46,457 --> 00:19:48,019 This family has a clean start. 458 00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,460 I don't know if adventures fit into my son's life. 459 00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:52,779 I'm fine. Get off Rick's back. 460 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:54,919 Rick wasn't even here when I was doing all that stuff. 461 00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,339 That was all on me. 462 00:19:56,340 --> 00:19:58,060 Well, alright, Morty. 463 00:19:58,070 --> 00:20:01,384 I guess, as long as you're okay, that's all we care about. 464 00:20:01,385 --> 00:20:03,799 I don't want to see any more anime stuff 465 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,759 happening to my son, buster. 466 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,499 That finger has AIDs now. Not my fault. 467 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:08,760 You skipped HIV? 468 00:20:08,770 --> 00:20:09,840 He's messing with you, sweetie. 469 00:20:09,850 --> 00:20:11,079 But it's tingling! 470 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,609 So, I guess what we learned is to split the diff. 471 00:20:13,610 --> 00:20:15,439 From now on, Rick and Morty doing a little of this 472 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,719 - and a little of that. - Yeah, sometimes we'll do classic stuff. 473 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:18,989 You know, other times, we'll do whatever! 474 00:20:18,990 --> 00:20:20,439 Sometimes we won't even do anything! 475 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,149 Rick and Morty do... not doing anything! 476 00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:23,359 - A hundred years! - Pushing it to the limit. 477 00:20:23,360 --> 00:20:24,889 - Rick and Morty, not sticking to one path. - Rick and Morty, pushing it to the limit. 478 00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:28,069 Trying different things, making sure to keep out of a rut. 479 00:20:28,070 --> 00:20:29,079 Doing stuff. 480 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:30,719 - Sometimes not doing stuff. - Not even pushing a little bit 481 00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,279 - towards the limit. - Doing it alone or together. 482 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,319 Making sure to keep our eyes on the prize. 483 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:35,519 Or not. And you can do 484 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:36,919 - whatever the [BLEEP] you want, Morty. - Sometimes just relaxing. 485 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,629 - That's the end. - Wait, wait, what the [BLEEP]? 486 00:20:38,630 --> 00:20:40,679 H-Hold on. What the [BLEEP] did you just say? 487 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,059 Nothing. I didn't say anything. 488 00:20:42,060 --> 00:20:43,659 I was just playing along with you guys. 489 00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:45,639 You know I record everything, right? 490 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,059 Garage, isolate Summer's voice and play back. 491 00:20:48,060 --> 00:20:49,929 Oh, and then you guys can get married, 492 00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:51,179 and, like, [BLEEP] each other off 493 00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:53,019 in a testosterone-addled third-grade-boy [BLEEP]. 494 00:20:53,020 --> 00:20:54,679 What, the hell, Summer?! That's disgusting. 495 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,439 Gross, Summer! Jesus Christ! 496 00:20:56,440 --> 00:20:58,719 I was just joking around, you... 497 00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,459 just seeing if you guys pay any attention to me. 498 00:21:01,460 --> 00:21:03,679 - Just want to be a part of the fun. - Get the [BLEEP] out of here! 499 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:04,699 Get out of here, Summer! 500 00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:05,999 - [BLEEP] disgusting! - Get out of here! 501 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,859 You ruined the Season 4 premiere! 502 00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:10,207 The Season 4 premiere, you ruined it! 503 00:21:10,208 --> 00:21:15,208 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 504 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,319 God, tomorrow's career day. 505 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,760 I don't want to think about what I do when I get out of school. 506 00:21:45,770 --> 00:21:48,059 I know exactly what I want to do. 507 00:21:48,060 --> 00:21:49,839 I want to work in hospice. 508 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,059 I want to comfort the people who are dying, 509 00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:54,299 who have no one else in their lives... 510 00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:56,100 the real lonely people. 511 00:21:56,110 --> 00:21:58,709 I'm gonna look at their name tags, and I'm gonna say, 512 00:21:58,710 --> 00:22:00,340 "I love you," 513 00:22:00,350 --> 00:22:02,299 followed by whatever it says on their name tag, 514 00:22:02,300 --> 00:22:04,359 over and over. 515 00:22:04,360 --> 00:22:06,189 What the [BLEEP]? 516 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:08,379 Hey, Morty, quick favor. 517 00:22:08,380 --> 00:22:10,019 What, cover me in gasoline and spiders? 518 00:22:10,020 --> 00:22:11,729 Fine, yeah, I'm in. 519 00:22:11,730 --> 00:22:12,919 Wasn't my first pitch, 520 00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:16,269 but, hey, not gonna waste this opportunity. 521 00:22:16,270 --> 00:22:21,278 _ 522 00:22:22,730 --> 00:22:24,379 Did you get any of that?