1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,879 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:08,174 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,802 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,847 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,184 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,604 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,064 All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,899 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:30,155 He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! 10 00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:34,993 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:39,618 - Hey, where's Quagmire? - Actually, I haven't seen him all week. 12 00:00:39,619 --> 00:00:42,250 Methinks he found a new lady friend. 13 00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:45,086 Don't say "methinks" ever again, Joe. 14 00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:47,346 - Hey, there he is. - Hey, guys. 15 00:00:47,347 --> 00:00:48,673 What-What's all this? 16 00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:52,014 Oh, this little oogie-woogie is my new friend, Albertine. 17 00:00:52,015 --> 00:00:53,614 Who thinks she's French. 18 00:00:53,615 --> 00:00:55,930 She loves to smoke and feels it's not truly a meal 19 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:57,431 unless you serve bread. 20 00:00:57,432 --> 00:00:59,225 Isn't that right, Albertine? 21 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,227 You got to serve bread? 22 00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,563 I don't believe she's ever said any of that. 23 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:06,107 So where have you been lo these many days? 24 00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:07,650 Joe! 25 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:10,111 Well, you know how there's hardly any cat cafés in town? 26 00:01:10,112 --> 00:01:12,029 Well, I decided to open a cat café. 27 00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:14,615 - What's a cat café? - It's like a coffee shop, 28 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,577 except one where lots of cats live and roam. 29 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:21,830 Hmm, methinks the cat café sounds like a great idea. 30 00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:24,208 That's it, Joe! I challenge you to a duel! 31 00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,085 Pistols at midnight. 32 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:34,802 Peter, did you bring a flamethrower? 33 00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:37,138 No. 34 00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:40,475 I also didn't bring one of them laser guns from Ghostbusters. 35 00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,633 Joe, look! Look! 36 00:01:43,634 --> 00:01:45,193 I got Mayor West! 37 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:52,029 Good. We'll keep him till we get a new mayor. 38 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,825 Principal Shepherd, we were so surprised to get your call. 39 00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:59,243 Wh-What's going on? 40 00:01:59,244 --> 00:02:01,787 Mrs. Griffin, Meg and Chris were caught cheating. 41 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,080 - What? - Yes. 42 00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,166 They had the Lost Boys of the Sudan 43 00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,085 standing in for them in gym class. 44 00:02:09,251 --> 00:02:11,089 Nice block, Griffin. 45 00:02:12,868 --> 00:02:14,842 Nice shot, other Griffin. 46 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:16,093 This is terrible. 47 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:18,137 Uh, what do you think about this, Peter? 48 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,599 Bad. Very bad. 49 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:27,146 Here it is, guys! What do you think? 50 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:30,399 I'm realizing I may have a cat allergy. 51 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,859 I think it's great, Glenn. 52 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,487 And people really seem to be enjoying themselves. 53 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,031 Boy, if I could clean myself with my tongue, 54 00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,324 I'd never leave the house. 55 00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:44,163 Right? 56 00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,165 And it's like, if I had nine lives, 57 00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,542 maybe I'd finally find a man. 58 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:52,339 You's joining me. 59 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:58,177 - Peter, we have to talk. - What fireworks? 60 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,846 After what happened today with Meg and Chris at school, 61 00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:04,141 I sent an e-mail to my sister, and five minutes later, 62 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:07,281 Google Ads suggested a Christian family camp. 63 00:03:07,282 --> 00:03:09,230 Yeah, the world's better now that corporations read 64 00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:12,400 our most private communications and then sell back at us 65 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,568 the very things they've eavesdropped about. 66 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:19,657 Even before this, I'd worried about 67 00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,742 our church attendance dropping off. 68 00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:24,578 Now with the kids showing a complete lack of morals, 69 00:03:24,579 --> 00:03:27,790 well, we may all need to go to Christian family camp. 70 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,584 Lois, you know I love you like a brother, but I'm not doing that. 71 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:33,087 I'd only get in an awkward, campfire-crackle argument 72 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,422 with a counselor. 73 00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,424 Jesus has love for everyone. 74 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:38,259 Uh, actually, what Jesus has 75 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:40,511 is the might of Western civilization. 76 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:43,222 Jesus has guns, germs and steel. 77 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:49,979 Sorry, the wood is very wet. 78 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,106 Uh, actually, the wood is very dry. 79 00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:54,233 Wet wood hisses, dry wood crackles 80 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,901 during uncomfortable silence. 81 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:02,534 I like cutaways where I get to be smart. 82 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,040 What the... what the hell is that? 83 00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:17,631 Hey! Shut up! 84 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,633 Don't look at me! I'm dominant! 85 00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:21,552 Brian? What are you doing here? 86 00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,471 What am I doing here? What is all this? 87 00:04:23,472 --> 00:04:26,140 I happen to own this place. It's a cat café. 88 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:28,309 Now get out of here. You're making all my cats angry. 89 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,685 That's why they're hissing. 90 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,645 Actually, frightened cats hiss. 91 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:33,063 Angry cats moan. 92 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,067 You can't open this place here. 93 00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:39,028 It's right next to my favorite bar. 94 00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:40,780 Go to hell, Brian. You don't own this block. 95 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,239 I'm not going anywhere. 96 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,785 Fine. But I am about to become your worst nightmare. 97 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,828 No way. I've already had my worst nightmare. 98 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:49,830 I've told you about my worst nightmare, right? 99 00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:52,500 - No, I-I don't think so. - Oh, boy, get comfortable. 100 00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,585 Well, first, I'm driving through a forest, 101 00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:57,316 but it's actually inside, which is weird, right? 102 00:04:57,317 --> 00:04:58,923 - Okay. - And there's all these people 103 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,509 in the van who normally wouldn't know each other in real life: 104 00:05:01,510 --> 00:05:05,679 my second grade teacher, my mom, Joe, but it wasn't quite Joe. 105 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,848 All the kids are yelling at me in German, 106 00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:10,184 and I understood them, but I don't speak German. 107 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,853 Then SNL is starting, and I'm clearly in the cast, 108 00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:14,855 and I haven't been to any of the rehearsals, 109 00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:18,025 and all the cue cards are blank, and that show is all cue cards. 110 00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,069 And just as that's sinking in, 111 00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,862 I realize I'm also the musical guest. 112 00:05:21,863 --> 00:05:23,364 I mean, I can't pull that off. 113 00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:25,449 Who do I think I am? Silverchair? 114 00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:28,285 - And the weird thing is... - Wait a minute. 115 00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,703 Listening to other people's nightmares 116 00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:31,121 is my worst nightmare! 117 00:05:31,122 --> 00:05:33,958 Oh. Oh, thank God. 118 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,171 I got to shut down that cat place. 119 00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:46,220 Okay, Peter, the kids and I are off to church camp. 120 00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:49,557 Meg, Chris, the vans are here. 121 00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,267 Wait a minute. 122 00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:54,144 - You got any booze in that bag, mister? - No, sir. 123 00:05:54,145 --> 00:05:56,730 Well, then, how you gonna make any friends at camp? 124 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,232 Here you go. 125 00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:01,987 Now chug all this next to a lake, you little rascal. 126 00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:08,158 Shut down the cat café! 127 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,202 It's a nuisance and a threat to public health! 128 00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,330 Oh, for God's sake. 129 00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:17,251 City ordinance 321 states, "Food or drink shall not 130 00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:21,505 be prepared or consumed within 20 feet of fecal matter." 131 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:24,335 - Damn it, Brian. - Also, Persian cats? 132 00:06:24,336 --> 00:06:26,594 Let's call them what they are: Iranian cats. 133 00:06:26,595 --> 00:06:29,763 This entire operation needs to be shut down. 134 00:06:29,764 --> 00:06:32,057 And as long as Brian's got your attention, 135 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,518 is it taking anyone else longer to wipe? 136 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,061 More wipes these days? 137 00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,606 I'm taking shorter poops but with longer wipes, 138 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:40,900 and there's always this one little line. 139 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,903 I swear to God, it's like there's a crayon down there. 140 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,852 Wait, excuse me for a minute. 141 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:49,283 Son of a gun, it was a crayon. 142 00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:52,200 Thanks for letting me talk that out, everybody. 143 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,960 Wikipedia states that 144 00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:03,464 "Toxoplasmosis is a parasitic disease spread by exposure 145 00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:04,924 to infected cat feces." 146 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,216 Damn it, Brian, get out of here. 147 00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:07,927 You're scaring away my customers. 148 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,054 They also ring you up on one of those tablets 149 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,931 they flip around at you and then glare 150 00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,141 while you pick from three inflated tip percentages. 151 00:07:14,142 --> 00:07:16,060 You can also choose "no tip." 152 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:18,896 But that option is, by design, much less prominent. 153 00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,189 You're a jerk. 154 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:23,108 But fine, if it's a fight you want, you got one. 155 00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,153 I will squash you like a bug. 156 00:07:25,776 --> 00:07:27,905 Well, that's enough of that show. 157 00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,991 But, Dad, we want to see what happens at Christian camp. 158 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:33,828 All right. But they're on thin ice. 159 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,924 Welcome to Sunrise Woods Bible Camp. 160 00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:48,926 I'm the camp director Vera. 161 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:51,011 Nice to meet you. We're the Griffins. 162 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:53,847 Why are all these trees bunched together? 163 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,474 Th-Those are woods, Chris. 164 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,768 I only like rooms. 165 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,436 What a lovely setting. 166 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:02,022 Yes, the fresh air really helps 167 00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:04,692 clear your mind of thoughts of Tom Selleck. 168 00:08:04,693 --> 00:08:07,861 Oh. How frighteningly specific. 169 00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,863 Ugh, Mom, this place sucks. 170 00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:13,826 It's even worse than when Dad sent us to 1940s comedy school. 171 00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:16,787 Say, Corporal, what are you writing in your diary? 172 00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:19,748 It's private. Take a look. 173 00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:22,292 Now, that's some good, clean fun. 174 00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:25,796 Also in the 1940s, six million Jews died. 175 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,464 That's it, we're done. 176 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:30,635 This show is not for the Bugsteins. 177 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,474 Good evening. Quite a battle brewing... 178 00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:40,144 Clever news pun, doesn't really work as I haven't yet mentioned 179 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:43,188 the subject of the story... At Quahog's new cat café. 180 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,233 Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa filed this report. 181 00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:51,405 Tom, I'm standing here outside of Quahog's new cat café. 182 00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:55,075 Local resident Brian Griffin has described the café 183 00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:57,494 as a threat to public health. 184 00:08:57,495 --> 00:09:00,514 That's right, Tricia. And since I'm on local TV, 185 00:09:00,515 --> 00:09:02,364 I'm gonna talk a little too loud, 186 00:09:02,365 --> 00:09:04,084 and then occasionally I'm gonna turn away 187 00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:06,741 From the microphone to point at things off-camera, 188 00:09:06,742 --> 00:09:08,505 So my overall point is lost. 189 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,676 Powerful claims. Thank you, Brian. 190 00:09:15,841 --> 00:09:17,715 Okay, Brian, I brought everything we need: 191 00:09:17,716 --> 00:09:19,671 water, sunscreen, Fruit Roll-Ups, 192 00:09:19,672 --> 00:09:20,934 - batteries. - Stewie, 193 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,436 you know you're not allowed to have Fruit Roll-Ups. 194 00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,021 Damn, I tried to bury it in there. 195 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,564 What are you even wearing? 196 00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:29,109 Oh, this is what Princess Diana wore to protest land mines. 197 00:09:29,110 --> 00:09:32,030 It's sad she's not around to watch her son go bald. 198 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:34,948 Brian, I'm glad you're here. 199 00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,451 Based on the various public health concerns you raised, 200 00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:40,704 the city has decided to shut this establishment down. 201 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:43,123 Really? You're closing the café? 202 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:45,959 That's right. Thanks to you, I'm out of business. 203 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,817 I certainly hope you're happ... Oh, nice top, Stewie. 204 00:09:48,818 --> 00:09:49,963 Come on, lock it up. 205 00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,814 Until the Board of Health gives the okay, you're done. 206 00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:57,042 Wow, I actually got the place shut down. 207 00:09:57,043 --> 00:09:58,815 I'm glad I was here for this, Brian. 208 00:09:58,816 --> 00:10:00,641 We've hardly done anything together since we made 209 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:03,977 that fiber commercial and had to use code words for pooping. 210 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:06,230 Wow, Brian, I've never felt so regular. 211 00:10:06,231 --> 00:10:09,108 Yes, you seem exceptionally active while maintaining 212 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,352 - proper body health. - That's right. 213 00:10:11,353 --> 00:10:15,072 Just two spoonfuls a day to stay regular and active. 214 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:17,586 - More coffee, Stewie? - Yes, please. 215 00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:20,953 Oh, dear, that was a mistake. 216 00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:23,080 You mean, you're about to be active? 217 00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,540 Currently active. 218 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:27,042 Cut to the shot of them stirring the product into water! 219 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:29,920 GurgleMax: Take a massive comfort. 220 00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,339 Oh, God! 221 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,591 Oh, there's regular on the carpet! 222 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,511 Ah, there's so much regular! 223 00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:45,894 How are those drawings of Jesus coming? 224 00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:48,272 Okay, a little dark on the hair there. 225 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,274 Let's lighten it up. Lighten it up. 226 00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,025 Eyes should be blue. 227 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:55,195 Remember, history says that Jesus does not look like 228 00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:57,030 a traditional man from the Middle East, 229 00:10:57,031 --> 00:11:00,784 but rather someone who sells raw milk online. 230 00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,662 Okay, let's put those away for now. 231 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,873 I'd like to move on to having you all 232 00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,958 sign your contracts with God. 233 00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:10,043 Contracts with God? 234 00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:13,797 Yep. It's a written commitment to forgo all alcohol, 235 00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:16,850 drugs and self-pleasure. 236 00:11:16,851 --> 00:11:19,554 Yeah, I'm gonna have my lawyer look at this. 237 00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:24,641 I tell you, it's a good day, Stewie. 238 00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:27,060 Now that that cat café is gone, I can finally get back 239 00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,283 to my favorite bar and do some writing. 240 00:11:29,284 --> 00:11:31,648 Whoa, sorry. Can't let you in there. 241 00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:33,317 What? I come in here all the time. 242 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:36,403 Well, apparently, due to some recent public health concerns, 243 00:11:36,404 --> 00:11:39,573 the city has said that no animals of any kind are allowed 244 00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:41,574 in any public establishment. 245 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:43,429 What?! You got to be kidding me! 246 00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:46,413 Well, that's all right, Brian. We can go to my writing spot. 247 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,081 Brian! Look at my jump! 248 00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,917 Look at my jump! Look at my jump! 249 00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:51,251 Whoa! 250 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:54,213 This place has the best pizza and Pepsi, Brian. 251 00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,591 Did you hear me? The best pizza and Pepsi. 252 00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:00,680 Oh, no, my pizza and Pepsi! 253 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,191 Oh, hey, Peter. Come on in. 254 00:12:09,192 --> 00:12:10,520 Thanks for coming by. 255 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,773 Aw, no problem, buddy. Here, I brought you something. 256 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,359 I figured anyone living alone with 73 cats 257 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:18,403 needs to have a double-XL Minnie Mouse sweatshirt. 258 00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,072 Thank you so much. 259 00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,032 This won't fit at all; it's perfect. 260 00:12:22,033 --> 00:12:23,116 So, how's it going? 261 00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,285 Well, not bad. Got plenty of company. 262 00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,621 Well, that's good. I haven't seen you at the Clam. 263 00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:28,956 Well, I've been pretty busy. 264 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,540 So, can I get you something to drink? 265 00:12:30,541 --> 00:12:31,708 Sure. What have you got? 266 00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,961 Well, I've got water with cat hair in it. 267 00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,379 Eh, anything else? 268 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,297 I've got lemonade with cat hair in it. 269 00:12:37,298 --> 00:12:39,716 Uh, kind of a summer drink. Anything else? 270 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,718 Oh, sure. Cat hair ginger ale? 271 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:43,845 - Nope. - Cat hair iced tea? 272 00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,137 Uh, again, summer. 273 00:12:45,138 --> 00:12:47,327 You want to just take a look in the fridge, see what I got? 274 00:12:47,328 --> 00:12:49,434 Sure. 275 00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:52,480 Someone just had kittens in my mouth. 276 00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:00,225 What's up? What are you doing? 277 00:13:00,226 --> 00:13:01,905 Nothing. I'm just sitting here, trying to figure out 278 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,991 why we have stupid purple couches. 279 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,993 Have you ever known anyone in your life 280 00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,160 to own a purple couch? 281 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,288 I would assume Steve Harvey. 282 00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,674 That actually sounds right, but-but what is this? 283 00:13:11,675 --> 00:13:13,153 A picture of a mountain?! 284 00:13:13,154 --> 00:13:14,835 When have we ever been to a mountain?! 285 00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:17,170 - What mountain even is it? - That's Mount Quahog. 286 00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:19,506 Yeah... I don't know, feels made up. 287 00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,174 Brian, is this all because you haven't been able 288 00:13:21,175 --> 00:13:23,677 - to get a drink? - I haven't been able to go anywhere. 289 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,929 No dogs allowed in public places. 290 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,681 Yes, I was thinking about that. 291 00:13:27,682 --> 00:13:30,935 What if there was a way for you to go out? 292 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,088 "Emotional support animal"? 293 00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:38,025 Wear this, every place will have to let you in. 294 00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:40,319 - So long as I'm with you. - Where'd you even get that thing? 295 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,778 The letters are iron-on. 296 00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,532 The vest is from when I worked at Office Depot. 297 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:49,199 One pen? You're buying one pen? 298 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,237 Yep. 299 00:13:50,238 --> 00:13:52,497 You don't work in an office you can steal this from? 300 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,874 I work from home. 301 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,709 Ugh. 302 00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:59,255 Office Depot. We're coming, Blockbuster. 303 00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:06,261 Mom, we don't really have to get baptized, do we? 304 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,638 No, Meg, just hang towards the back of the line. 305 00:14:08,639 --> 00:14:11,391 - Good plan. - Chris, stop relieving yourself. 306 00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,061 You've got those pee eyes. 307 00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:17,887 Brother Chris. 308 00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,027 Do it again. 309 00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:25,030 - Sister Lois? - Oh, no, thanks. 310 00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,281 Y-You'd have no way of knowing this, 311 00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:28,533 but I'm actually having a very good hair day. 312 00:14:28,534 --> 00:14:30,243 When my hair gets wet, I tend to look like 313 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:33,289 a frazzled Sandra Bullock from one of her comedies. 314 00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:39,045 My ex-husband had Nazi paraphernalia and he left me. 315 00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,509 So I said, "That shirt looks really good on you," 316 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:47,594 and he says, "Thanks, my boyfriend got it for me." 317 00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,274 It's like, whoa, all I said was I like the shirt, 318 00:14:50,275 --> 00:14:52,599 and he has to drop "boyfriend" like a nuclear bomb? 319 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,102 - I mean, that's on him, right? - Yeah. I don't know. 320 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,983 Ugh, you're supposed to be giving me emotional support right now. 321 00:14:57,984 --> 00:14:59,147 Let's just get to the bar. 322 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:02,067 No, no, Brian, say something nice about me right now. 323 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,777 Come on, Stewie, that's not what this is. 324 00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,029 It is now. Say something nice about me 325 00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,862 or I'll disappear like a serial killer in a '90s movie. 326 00:15:08,863 --> 00:15:10,534 Stewie, wait. I need you to get in. 327 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:11,744 I'm gonna do it. 328 00:15:18,793 --> 00:15:20,585 Okay, who's ready for some breakf...? 329 00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,588 Oh, crap, another one died. Hey, hey, stop eating her! 330 00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,133 Get away! Okay, new house rule. 331 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:28,678 Everyone look at me. Don't eat the dead cats. 332 00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:35,013 Oh. Hey, Quagmire. 333 00:15:35,014 --> 00:15:36,458 We came to see how it's going. 334 00:15:36,459 --> 00:15:39,646 Uh, "how's it going"? I got a dead cat on a pitchfork! 335 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:41,565 I don't even know which can to put it in! 336 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:44,317 Trash?! Yard trimmings?! Recycling?! 337 00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:46,319 I just put whatever in whatever. 338 00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:47,991 Hey, guys! Check it out! 339 00:15:47,992 --> 00:15:51,950 Cat legs! Cats, arise. 340 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,577 Guys! It's working! 341 00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,043 I'm not dead! 342 00:16:05,295 --> 00:16:07,883 Okay, we're getting out of this place tonight. 343 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,394 Everyone clear on the plan? 344 00:16:09,395 --> 00:16:11,178 Yep. Meg and I switch faces 345 00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,305 - like in the movie Face/Off? - No. 346 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,016 Oh. Then we have an issue. 347 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,976 I told you we should ask Mom first. 348 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,311 Why would you think that? 349 00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,856 Ugh... Just, you two follow my lead. 350 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:29,529 You know, Vera, I've been so moved by my time here 351 00:16:29,530 --> 00:16:32,782 at camp, I wonder if I could perhaps say grace tonight? 352 00:16:32,783 --> 00:16:35,369 Oh, that'd be lovely, Lois. 353 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:40,040 Well, I'd like to begin with a moment of silence. 354 00:16:40,041 --> 00:16:43,596 A fully counted-out, Mississippi, 60-second 355 00:16:43,597 --> 00:16:45,719 moment of silence. 356 00:16:52,139 --> 00:16:54,889 And the first one to open their eyes is gay. 357 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,896 Psst. Up here. 358 00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:05,315 My eyes are open, too. 359 00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:09,694 There was something in the air that night 360 00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:14,574 The stars were bright, Fernando 361 00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:18,245 They were shinin' there for you and me 362 00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:22,457 For liberty, Fernando 363 00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:26,545 Though we never thought that we could lose 364 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,172 There's no regret. 365 00:17:31,175 --> 00:17:34,052 Ugh. Good riddance, Christian family camp. 366 00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,263 Totally. I will say, though, 367 00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,932 it seemed like Chris enjoyed himself there. 368 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:41,601 Well, Meg, you know Chris is a little bit dumb, 369 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:43,895 and I know you're not particularly popular 370 00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:46,064 or beautiful, but you do have a head on your shoulders. 371 00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:49,067 So religion isn't gonna be for people like you and me. 372 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,445 It's basically for: stupid people like Chris. 373 00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:55,121 So to summarize, religion for you and me? 374 00:17:55,122 --> 00:17:57,742 No good. But for idiots like Chris? 375 00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:01,538 - Perfect. - What are you guys talking about? 376 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:04,457 - How handsome you are. - Really? 377 00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:06,043 Swear to God. 378 00:18:07,795 --> 00:18:10,213 You're a monster. 379 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,970 Stupid law. Banning dogs. 380 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:19,223 Kibbles and bits and bits and bits. 381 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,940 You! You son of a bitch! This is all your fault! 382 00:18:33,952 --> 00:18:35,280 - What the...? - Ha-ha! 383 00:18:46,740 --> 00:18:49,419 You thirsty, boy? Yeah, you're a thirsty boy. 384 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,505 Wait a minute, we're fighting! 385 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,090 Aah! 386 00:18:54,091 --> 00:18:56,802 And now, time to make my getaway. 387 00:19:00,681 --> 00:19:02,849 Brian, oh, my God! Are you all right? 388 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,686 Here, let me mend you, like in a 1990s action movie. 389 00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:10,774 Aw, thanks. That is better. 390 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,862 Look at us. What are we doing? 391 00:19:12,863 --> 00:19:15,654 I don't even know anymore. 392 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,072 You know what? 393 00:19:17,073 --> 00:19:19,282 I'm sorry I destroyed your dream, Quagmire. 394 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,493 I know you loved that café. 395 00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:24,537 Wow. Um... thanks, Brian. 396 00:19:24,538 --> 00:19:26,581 Why did you open that place, anyway? 397 00:19:26,582 --> 00:19:29,959 Well... honestly, I just thought 398 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,672 that maybe I could put something good in the world for a change. 399 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:34,881 What do you mean? 400 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:36,257 I mean that... uh... 401 00:19:36,258 --> 00:19:38,802 I've always been about sex and seducing women, 402 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,387 but you know what? 403 00:19:40,388 --> 00:19:41,971 Someday I'm gonna be dead. 404 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:45,225 And, I-I mean, is that my legacy? 405 00:19:45,226 --> 00:19:46,851 I just thought if I created something 406 00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:48,561 that makes people happy, 407 00:19:48,562 --> 00:19:51,898 maybe people would remember me for that. 408 00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:54,109 You probably think that's stupid. 409 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:58,321 Quagmire... I'm here for you. 410 00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:00,657 For emotional support. 411 00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:03,493 Thanks, Brian. What do you say? 412 00:20:03,494 --> 00:20:04,828 You want to go for a walk? 413 00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,956 I always want to go for a walk. 414 00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:13,169 Hey, does anyone know what's going on with my brown crayon? 415 00:20:13,170 --> 00:20:14,713 Because it disappeared from the box for a while, 416 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,131 and now it's back. 417 00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:19,175 It's a little... I don't know, oily and misshapen? 418 00:20:19,176 --> 00:20:21,010 I'm not a crayon scientist, 419 00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:23,058 but it looks like it's seen some heat. 420 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:32,021 The city repealed a law prohibiting animals 421 00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:33,732 from public businesses today. 422 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,275 And finally, tonight... 423 00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:37,213 We built this city! 424 00:20:37,214 --> 00:20:39,904 There. Now it's in your head, too. 425 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:42,780 Well, I'm glad you get to go out in public again, Brian. 426 00:20:42,781 --> 00:20:45,452 I'm glad you, Chris, and Meg are back from that Christian camp. 427 00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:46,911 Hey, where is Meg, anyway? 428 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,622 Oh, she was so mad I dragged her to Christian camp, 429 00:20:49,623 --> 00:20:52,459 she ran away to live with a Japanese family. 430 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,422 Damare, Meg! 431 00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:03,967 Family Guy over! On-uh Foxuuu!