Whatever we did, we also brought a baby into this world.
Guilt is hard to overcome...
I wish we had a fresh start.
...in any circumstance...
Like it or not, you and I are gonna be
in each other's lives.
...especially in death...
Jon... I don't want to erase him.
That's understandable.
I haven't been able to look at Debra's things.
Grief messes with your head.
About the night Chad died.
Eric has your brother's heart.
Did you lose somebody, too?
My fiancée.
...until it's all you know.
I haven't played since I got sick.
Well, you're not sick anymore. Open mic night?
So, how do you free yourself...
Maggie?
...without pushing away the ones you love the most?
I've been fighting with my dad.
We're just so different.
I think Jon might be my father.
I'm just saying, I've been going there
for the better part of six months,
and they have yet to get my name right.
I was Margo. I was Meggy.
At one point, I think I was Muggy, like I'm weather?
I don't understand why you're still paying for coffee.
Just do what I do.
Wait for someone to get preoccupied
- with their phone, and... - Mm-hmm.
...you take your free beverage.
It's delicious.
Something in the latte family.
Suck on that, Muggy.
So, uh...
what did you end up doing last night?
Uh, not much.
I was at my old apartment.
Playing piano.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Finally busted out the old keyboard, huh?
Good for you.
- Yeah. - Huh.
Well, sounds like a wild night.
Yeah.
Seriously? Colin? Again?
Yeah, he's got his dad's bladder.
Speaking of which, I'll see you upstairs.
Oh.
Hey, Eric.
Hey.
Um, great news.
I tracked down that sheet music
for that Oasis song you were looking for.
Oh. You did not have to do that.
Oh, it's no big deal.
That'll be $300.
Seems steep.
Is that before or after
the you've-got- my-brother's-heart discount?
Uh, well played.
So, um, what happened last night?
You chicken out or something?
What are you talking about?
The open mic. Uh, I saw Gary there.
I figured you were gonna perform.
Gary was there?
Yeah, he poked his head in
for a minute and then took off.
I figured you told him about it.
Uh, no.
He must have... seen the flier.
Yo, Colin!
Mr. Squirrel said his nuts are bigger than yours.
Whatcha gonna do about it?
Hey, Gare, about the open mic night,
I wanted to talk to you about that.
Where's Colin?
I thought he... followed you up the stairs.
No, he was with you. He was on the leash.
Colin!
Colin?!
Colin!
Here, boy!
Colin!
- Colin! - Colin!
Colin!
- Colin! - Colin?!
Come on, man.
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --
You do know that the people listening to the podcast
in their cars won't be able to see you, right?
Very funny.
- Hey. - Hey, Eddie.
What are you doing here so early?
Oh, he generously offered to watch your sister.
I have to go record that podcast today.
- Oh. - Remember?
The one about life after suicide?
Yeah.
I think it's really great that you're doing that, Mom.
Thanks, sweetie.
You're gonna be amazing, D.
Well, I'll settle for not saying anything stupid.
Uh, as your daughter, I agree with that plan.
Brooke's here.
Hey, we still on for playing that song
at Theo's birthday party next week?
Uh, you know it.
And you better practice, because I'm bringing my "A" game.
Bye-bye, Charlie Farley!
Y-You're sure Katherine's okay with you watching Charlie?
Totally.
She's been so supportive.
Somehow, some way, we're getting there.
Okay.
And...
how is Andrew and his incredible coif?
His coif is great. He says hello.
He is using his day off to hear me talk about
the most painful moment of my life.
So, yeah, I'd say things are pretty good.
Hey, you.
Can you believe this is where we are now?
Actually, I can.
Hey, Mom.
Hey, T.
Ready for school?
I thought Dad was taking me.
No, uh, he's watching Baby Charlie.
I'm driving you today.
I thought Dad didn't like babies.
Why would you think that?
Because you guys said you don't want any more babies.
Uh... no. No, Theo.
Dad just wants to be a really great uncle to Charlie.
You mean because Uncle Jon died and Charlie doesn't have a dad?
Something like that.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know how this happened.
You went inside.
I took off his leash.
I thought he followed you in.
And then I got a call from Eric.
Huh.
You know what, I don't care about that right now.
Let's just find Colin, okay?
Who are you calling?
Hey, Ed.
Hey, man. What's up?
It's Colin. He got out.
What?! How?
It doesn't matter how.
Well, did you check the deli around the corner?
You know how much he loves their pastrami.
He's not there, man. He's not anywhere.
I don't know what to do. I'm freaking out.
Can you come, please, to help me look?
I can't.
I'm watching Charlie all day while D does that podcast.
Right.
Sorry. Gotta go.
Wait. Gary.
Hey, Gary?
Hey.
You'll never guess who I ran into this morning.
The couple that made the offer on the house across the street.
They were so uptight, and all I could think of was,
"We had sex in your walk-in closet."
Morning, Grant.
Um, hey.
I just got some bad news.
Gary's dog got out.
Oh, no.
Gary must be a mess.
He is, especially 'cause Colin gets so skittish
around people he doesn't know.
I should go.
Keep me in the loop.
Talk soon.
Katherine.
Everyone's gathered in the conference room
for the Dolwick meeting.
Yeah, I'll be right there.
Okay.
These are amazing.
Yeah, I guess they're okay.
PJ, you are tripping.
RISD would be crazy not to accept you.
Guess I shouldn't be surprised. Your mom's a great artist.
Was Jon artistic?
He was artistic at making deals.
What else was he good at?
Knowing when to stop asking questions.
Look, PJ...
I know how badly you want to know about Jon,
but until we get the results of the DNA test,
I don't... I don't want you to get ahead of yourself.
- One shallot, a pinch of cumin, - Yeah, I know.
a tablespoon of thyme, two cloves of garlic...
Okay. You know what?
I'll be there in 10 minutes, do it myself.
Oh, man! No!
Um, hold on one second.
Gary just texted me.
Colin got loose. I gotta go help find him.
Albert, change of plans. I'm gonna be late.
I'll be in when I'm in.
You're not going to work?
Not until we find Colin.
We have to help Gary.
- I'll come, too. - No. No, no.
That... That... That's not a good idea.
It's a great idea. We need everyone looking.
Look, I know you really want to do this,
but Maggie knows you from therapy,
and with Gary being all upset about Colin,
the last thing anyone needs right now
is for you to be asking a bunch of questions.
So if we are gonna do this...
Come on, guys!
...which, apparently, we are,
then I'm gonna need you to promise me
that you are going to keep your mouth shut.
I'm an awkward teenager battling depression.
Keeping my mouth shut is kind of my thing.
Yeah. Coming.
Hey. Come in.
Is everything alright?
Uh... yeah.
What are you...
I'm here to watch Charlie
so that you can help find Colin.
You said it yourself.
He's scared of strangers, and he knows you.
I just didn't want to offer to help
until I knew I could be here for sure.
Katie, I...
Gary's done so much for us.
He really needs you to be there for him right now.
You know, with Gary...
Jon was always the one to play that role.
But Jon's not here anymore.
Just go find Colin.
Just right down the street?
- No? - I haven't seen him.
No? Okay.
- Sorry. - Thank you. Thank you.
Thanks.
Uh, no one there has seen him,
but I talked to the shelter in Boylston,
and I gave him our numbers just in case he turns up.
Oh, my God.
Hey.
What are you people doing here?
We're here to find a dog. What are you doing here?
I...
I thought you were watching Charlie.
Katherine is watching Charlie.
Katherine who?
I know.
She volunteered the moment she heard about your dog.
Hey.
Hey. Look at me.
We're gonna find him.
How long are we gonna stand here
before someone tells me who this random kid is?
Oh. Right. Sorry.
Hey, Gary, Maggie, this is my friend PJ.
He's here to help, too.
It's nice to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
I'm... I'm so sorry about your dog.
My dog Sonny ran away when I was 7.
Well, did you find him?
- U-Uh... - Yep!
They found him still alive. End of story. Everyone's happy.
Okay, to cover more ground,
uh, Rome, Regina, PJ, you guys go on foot.
Maggie, Gary, and I are gonna go in Gary's car.
And what happens if Colin comes back while we're gone?
New plan... someone should stay here.
I'll stay.
Unless you want me to come with you.
No. No, you're right. You should stay.
O... kay.
I'll... keep calling shelters,
and I'll let you know if I hear anything.
Okay.
Alright, everyone, take a bag of bacon.
Oh, that's smart. Some snacks to keep us going.
Nope. They're to help find Gary's dog.
This half is.
Nope.
What's that?
Uh, St. Jude. The patron saint of lost causes.
He sounds perfect for me.
You nervous about the podcast?
Yes.
I just don't know what I'm gonna say.
I, uh, haven't made sense of everything
that's happened myself, so...
Well, maybe you don't have to make sense of it.
Maybe you just have to share your story.
Yeah.
I wanted to speak at Jon's funeral,
but I...
I-I couldn't.
I just, um...
I wasn't ready.
Did you speak at Debra's funeral?
No.
No, I didn't.
Yeah, we're just looking for this dog. His name's Colin.
Have you seen him, by chance?
- He would have been just, you know, around... - Like, around here?
Things with Maggie and Gary were a little awkward back there, huh?
They're probably just going through the same growing pains
we went through when we first moved in together.
I'm assuming you're referring to my late-night binge cleaning.
I like a clean bathroom as much as the next man.
I'm just saying there was a lot of nudity
not associated with sex.
Hey, you guys! Wait up!
What is s-she doing here?
I texted her. She gets off early on Mondays.
- Isn't that great? - Amazing.
- Hey. - Hey, hon. Good to see you.
Oh, PJ, this is Sophie.
Hey. Nice to meet you.
Hi. Nice to meet you.
You know who I'd like to meet?
Colin.
Let's keep moving.
Oh, come on, dude!
Get out of the way!
S-So, about... earlier...
....is everything okay with you and Maggie?
Yeah, it's fine. It's really good.
Okay.
Did she have something to do with Colin getting out?
She didn't not have something to do with it.
She took him off his leash.
She answered a phone call
when she should have been paying attention to where he was.
But it's really good.
Oh. Stop sign.
Never mind. All good.
The ones with white trim are optional.
Or not.
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
- We do not have time for this! - Gary, it's gonna be okay.
No, it's not, Ed!
Colin's out there somewhere, God knows where,
and we're stuck here with this s-stupid...
What's the hurry, gentlemen?
Uh, we just...
we didn't see the stop sign, okay?
I-I don't know why. We just...
Officer, here's the deal.
My friend's dog went missing this morning.
We can't find him anywhere.
Now, I know he ran a stop sign.
I saw him do it. I even called him out on it.
- Seriously? - You can give him a ticket, Breathalyze him.
Hell, you can even Tase him.
- Ed! - But whatever you do,
you have to do it fast,
'cause we need to be out of here in the next five minutes.
I have a bulldog at home.
I don't know what I'd do without her.
Drive safely.
What was that?
That's what Jon would have done.
Yeah, but I...
I just... I keep going over everything,
our whole life together and...
what I should have done differently.
Were there signs?
But the truth is, even after learning
about Jon's past and his secrets,
I-I still blame myself.
I don't think that will ever go away.
I want to thank you for sharing your story, Delilah.
I can't tell you how much
hearing you helps other survivors.
Well, thank you, Dr. Ashton.
You and other people who've gone through similar tragedies
have helped us so much.
It's just like you said in your book...
this is a club no one ever wants to join.
But it couldn't be more welcoming.
So true.
Your situation is unique.
You were pregnant when all of this happened.
Did Jon know he was going to be a father again?
Delilah?
I, uh...
No.
No, no, he... he didn't know.
But Charlie's been the...
He would have loved her.
I can't believe I just did that.
What are you talking about? You were great.
D.
What is it?
Tell me.
Hey. It's okay.
Hi.
I know. I know.
Ooh, you don't know me.
But...
I am your...
Actually, I don't know what I am to you.
But I'm Katherine.
I don't understand. Why does this even matter?
You either have a 150-pound black dog or you don't.
You don't.
Thanks.
Colin?
Oh, my God!
Hey! I'm sorry.
I-I was just dropping off that sheet music.
I didn't know you were home.
What's wrong?
So, how do you know Rome and Regina?
It's actually a funny story. I, uh...
You two. Less talky, more walky.
Ooh, bicycles! We should use those to look for Colin.
Well, too bad there's only two of them.
That... That... That's perfect!
We... We... We can split up.
- Yeah, I'm in. - Me too.
I think that one adult should go with each kid,
you know, for... for safety.
This way, PJ and I can go ahead,
and you and, uh, Sophie
- They're gone. - Can go ahead...
You gotta be kidding me.
What the hell?!
Relax. They're cute together.
Let them have fun.
Let's get this straight. They are not cute together.
And I definitely don't want them having fun.
So, now everyone else is out searching,
and I'm not even helping because Gary's so mad at me.
Well, of course he's mad at you.
You let his dog out on purpose.
No, I didn't.
Exactly.
You made a mistake, Maggie.
People make mistakes, even when they have the best intentions.
With Chloe, I...
Look, there are things in my own life
that I have had to...
forgive myself for.
And I'm not saying that it's easy.
It is not.
But you... you do the best you can.
And that's all anyone can do.
Thanks.
You made me feel about 5% better.
Well, I will take it.
Sorry to break up the party.
I just came to get Mr. Squirrel here,
'cause, you know, my dog's missing.
Uh, I should probably go.
You think?
Okay.
Alright, man, thanks for dropping by.
I've been calling every single shelter
and animal hospital...
What is he doing here?
He was just dropping off this sheet music.
Okay, maybe I'm not being clear.
What is he doing in our life?
He's not "in our life."
Actually, you're right. He's not in our life.
He's just in your life.
But you have him over to our apartment.
And you were on the phone with him this morning,
and I'm pretty sure you saw him yesterday
when he gave you that flier.
You know what the worst part is?
For some reason, you're hiding it all from me.
It's not that I'm hiding it.
It's... It's... hard to explain.
Try!
After all the stuff that happened with my mother,
I guess I...
I-I just...
I miss Chad, okay?
And Eric is helping you with that?
I don't expect you to understand.
You didn't understand about the psychic.
That's because none of that is real!
Wow. Tell me how you really feel.
Okay, you want to know how I really feel?
I thought watching your mother
try to replace your brother with a complete stranger
was the most pathetic thing I'd ever seen,
until I saw you do it.
You know what?
I am sorry I lost your dog.
But don't make me want to leave, too.
You know those are all the same flavor, right?
Yeah, I just don't eat the white ones.
- You want them? - Sure.
Hey, Patrick!
- Who's that? - Hey, Pat.
Yeah, that's... that's my dad.
- I'll be right back. - Oh.
Hey, pal. What are you doing?
Nothing. We're just, uh, helping some friends find a missing dog.
Oh.
Is that the girlfriend you were telling me about?
Um...
Yeah. Yeah, that's her.
You should invite her to dinner.
Mom and I would love to get to know her.
No. She can't.
Look, we really need to find the dog.
We gotta go.
Okay. Good luck.
I'll see you back at home.
Okay.
Aw. Did you see that?
Saw it, hated it, pretending it never happened.
Let's go.
- I'm sorry... what's your address? - What?
1031 Teplow Street. You can't miss it.
There's a huge animal mural on the side of the building.
Great. We'll be right there.
That was a shelter. I think they found Colin.
Um... sorry about that.
I would have introduced you, but he's super embarrassing.
Well, then, I bet he'd get along great with my mom,
because she lives to embarrass me.
Rome told me about your dad.
I'm so sorry.
Thanks.
What was he like?
He was perfect.
On the... On the surface, anyway.
But now I know that underneath it all,
he was in a lot of pain.
Thanks for asking about him.
None of my friends ever do.
It's probably 'cause they think it'll be too awkward.
I don't mind awkward.
These were my dad's favorite.
He and I kind of had this little thing
where I would eat the pink ones and he would eat the white ones,
even when we weren't together.
So sometimes, like, when he'd work late,
when he came home,
he would leave the pink ones for me to find,
so that I always knew that he was thinking about me
even when he wasn't there.
I-I know it sounds dumb,
but it's just something that we shared together.
That's... That's not dumb at all.
I'd like nothing more than to tell people
what I've done and own my mistakes.
But I can't do that.
Listen, I get it. You've been through so much.
I'm just... just trying to do the best I can
to protect the kids.
People... People... they lie all the time, Delilah.
I mean, at least you have a good reason.
I hope I'm doing the right thing.
Sometimes I worry that I'm not.
You okay?
Yeah. Yeah, I just...
I haven't really told you everything, either.
I know I said that Debra died three years ago.
Truth is...
...she's still alive.
You know, it was a night just like any other night.
I-I remember she was excited about this,
uh, navy pea coat she ordered.
It was supposed to come the next day.
And then...
right around, you know, bedtime,
she said that she wasn't feeling well.
And then in the morning...
...she didn't wake up.
After the stroke, they said that she was gone.
that I'd lost her.
But there was this one neurologist
that said that Debra had a 1% chance of waking up.
I live inside that 1%.
I have to.
I don't expect anyone to understand.
That's why I lie about it.
'Cause, uh...
...sometimes just...
lying is the only way that I make it through the day.
I do understand.
I lie so my kids can get through their day.
Hey, Zachary, come get your snack first.
But don't eat food while you're climbing, okay?
Have fun.
Oh, your baby is so cute!
Thanks.
Actually, she's not mine. I'm watching her for a friend.
Oh. Okay.
Not a friend, exactly.
She's the daughter my husband had
with the woman he was sleeping with...
who also happens to be a friend of ours.
Zachary! Time to go!
Don't let her or anyone else judge you or me.
We didn't do anything wrong.
Here he is!
That's him! Colin!
Colin. Hey, dude.
Look who's here.
Look what I got. Huh?
Yeah, this big guy came in about a week ago.
Yeah, this isn't him.
It looks like him, but, uh, it's not him.
I'm sorry, pal.
Thank you, though.
But he told me that I was more pathetic than my mom.
He said that?
I've never seen him this angry before.
At least, not with me.
Tell you what.
We're gonna head back to your place, regroup,
and come up with a new game plan.
Maggie, you and Gary are gonna get through this.
If we don't find Colin, I don't know that we will.
We'll make signs. We'll post online.
When you first found him, he was on the street,
and that was October in Boston.
It's gonna be okay.
It's not gonna be okay. Nothing is gonna be okay.
We just got to face the facts, man.
Six hours ago, I lost Colin.
And now maybe I'm gonna lose them both.
W-What are you talking about?
Maggie.
It feels like I'm losing Maggie.
Hey. Listen, um, I-I just wanted to apologize.
I feel like I messed everything up for you today.
Not just today.
When I was talking about mistakes before,
one of the biggest ones I've made is
what I've done to you and your family.
I've been causing problems
since the moment I responded to your mother's letter.
Believe me, that was never my intention.
So I-I just... I think it might be best
if I'm not... in your life anymore.
After we moved in together, she said something,
and I can't stop thinking about it.
She said part of me saving her
was because I couldn't save Jon.
Now that Maggie doesn't need saving,
I don't know what I'm supposed to be for her anymore.
I mean, I thought our greatest challenge was beating cancer.
At least... we were fighting the same thing.
Now we're...
Now we're just fighting each other.
Look, I get that things were different before,
but that doesn't mean you can't change them now.
It's never too late to redefine your relationship.
If anyone knows that, it's me.
Let's go find that dog.
Okay.
Oh, God.
Colin.
I'll make posters.
I mean, somebody must have seen him.
Hey, I should probably get going.
Thank you so much for today, man.
No, thank you.
And let me know if you find Colin.
Hey.
I ate all the pink ones, so you can have what's left.
It was nice to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
Gary, there's something I need to tell you.
Oh, baby!
Ohh!
What is it, buddy?
I...
Hold that thought.
What's up, Rome?
Hey, Gare? Can you head home?
Your dog wants to see you.
What? Really?
Actually, I don't know. Maybe he doesn't want to see you.
But either way, he's here.
PJ found him eating moo shu in your building's trash room.
The door must have closed behind him after he ran in.
Alright, we'll be right there.
See? I told you there was nothing to worry about.
Oh-ho!
Where's my boy?
Ohh!
Who's that guy?
Oh! My man!
Buddy!
There you are.
Oh, I missed you.
Hey, hey. Hey.
Colin, hey, will you promise to never do that again to Papa?
Huh? Ever, ever? Please?
Would you do that for me?
Oh, you smell like garbage.
Oh, man!
Alright, people, I got to say something here.
Today was one of the worst, awful, crap days of my life.
It's also been one of the most incredible.
'Cause I am reminded that I have
the greatest friends in the world.
I love you.
All of you.
But you know who I love the most?
- Yourself? - Most days, yes.
Not today.
Today...
it's "Saved By the Bell."
New guy.
He probably has a name. He may have even mentioned it earlier.
It's PJ.
That's right. PJ.
Thank you, PJ.
You're a hero, man.
- Happy to help. - Yeah.
- Yeah! - Yay!
Don't think I forgot about you.
I didn't do anything.
Are you kidding me?
No way I get through today without you. No way.
You've had my back all... day... long.
And that stuff you said about Maggie and I...
Hey!
...redefining our relationship...
it doesn't just apply to couples.
It also applies to dudes.
Thanks, dude.
You're welcome.
Come on.
We got him.
We should stop hugging.
I remain determined to be the one member of this friend group
you haven't slept with.
Ohh.
Hey.
I heard about Colin.
I'm so glad they found him.
Yeah, me too.
Okay.
Here you go.
She's a doll.
Before you head out, um, I have something for you.
Oh, if it's my money for babysitting,
don't worry about it.
My hourly rate is ridiculous.
There hasn't really been a good time
to give you this until now,
but, uh...
Jon left this for you.
It's the Scotch set from his office.
Yeah. I'm not quite sure why he picked that.
I am.
After everything he's been through today, how do I tell him?
You don't.
I do.
Uh, you can just text me anytime.
PJ's getting digits.
Oh, no.
PJ cannot get the digits. Not even one digit.
Okay, that's it. You have been acting weird about them all day.
What's going on?
PJ's not just some random kid I met at the hospital.
He thinks he might be Jon's son.
So do I.
Back when Eddie was getting sober,
I didn't want to drink in front of him.
So sometimes, after a long day, I would stop by Jon's office,
and this was our thing...
our chance to talk and share.
I didn't know that.
But I'm not surprised.
I mean, Jon always said that he saw a lot of himself in you.
I always thought he and I were so honest with each other.
But I guess he wasn't telling me the full truth.
Yeah, well...
he wasn't telling anyone the full truth.
Today I did.
What do you mean?
I went to the park today, and I ran into a mom
who thought Charlie was my daughter.
I didn't correct her at first.
But then I did.
I told her the real story
of how Charlie and I are connected.
And it felt good to say it out loud.
It felt good not to lie.
Delilah...
you and I know...
that Jon is not here
because he couldn't share who he was.
He thought keeping all his dark secrets to himself
was best.
Obviously, it wasn't.
What if we're doing the same thing?
Making a huge mistake by hiding our secrets.
What are you saying?
I'm starting to think that we should tell the kids the truth.
Gary, I need to talk to you about something.
Me first, please. Sit down.
I need to say this.
What I said to you earlier was unforgivable.
I know that.
But please forgive me.
Nothing you did today justifies the way that I treated you.
I b...
I broke the rules.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, I'm sorry... for Eric, for everything.
How about this?
How about we forget everything that happened today?
Colin's home. We're all together.
We can go back to normal.
Okay? It's okay. Every... Everything's gonna be okay.
No, Gary, it's not.
Um...
Eddie found this at the dog shelter.
What is this? Huh?
It's from a year ago.
That's why he was on the street when you found him.
They've been looking for him since last year.
- No. - I'm so sorry.
- No. Colin's mine. - I'm sorry.
No, Colin lives here.
This... This is his home.
It's not fair.
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