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Previously on The Last Man on Earth...

2
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I'm Pamela.

3
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In here, in here, or
in here, or in here...

4
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She's all over my husband.

5
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I overheard what you said
about cutting me loose.

6
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I'll take real good care of Tandy. Bye!

7
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Look on the bright side.

8
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We have our very own island.

9
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Well, hello there.

10
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Ah, I love this song.

11
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? Well, it's not far down to paradise ?

12
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? At least it's not for me ?

13
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? If the wind is right... ?
Come on, sing with me.

14
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You wish.

15
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Fine, be a song-pooper.

16
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Open your mouth, 'cause
I'm gonna put an ear in it.

17
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Sorry, I know that was a little corny.

18
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Well, this guy liked it.

19
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I love that joke, heh-heh-heh.

20
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What's your endgame here, Pamela?

21
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You think if you feed me enough corn,

22
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I'm just gonna suddenly forget

23
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that you stranded my pregnant
wife on a deserted island?

24
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Need I remind you, your pregnant wife...

25
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If she is indeed pregnant...

26
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Was planning to ditch me
the second they hit land.

27
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Oh, please. If you think you
have any kind of shot with me,

28
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you're insizzy in the membrizzy.

29
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Then I guess you've never
heard of Stockholm syndrome?

30
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Of course I have.

31
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But, uh, for G-Gary,
will you explain it?

32
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Sure.

33
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Gary, Stockholm syndrome
is when a hostage

34
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starts to sympathize
with their captor...

35
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Uh, uh, with their captor!

36
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Yeah, uh-huh. Know it well.

37
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That's never gonna happen.

38
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Well, it is very common.

39
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In fact, sometimes people
even... fall in love.

40
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Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you?!

41
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Wait a minute.

42
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She'd love that, wouldn't she?

43
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Gary, call the doctor

44
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and tell him to put on
a fresh pot of coffee,

45
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'cause the Tandyman's feeling
a little under the weather.

46
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Yeah, looks like I'm coming down

47
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with "Stocko syndome."

48
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Well, I can barely
see the yacht anymore.

49
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What do I do?! What do I do?!

50
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There's no time to panic.

51
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Just have to figure out a plan.

52
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Melissa's right. Okay, let's see.

53
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Erica, quick, hand me that fondue pot.

54
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Uh, Jasper, that chocolate bar.

55
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Now, has anybody seen any matches?

56
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Todd, are you sure
you're working on a plan?

57
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'Cause it sounds like you're
just making chocolate fondue.

58
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It's called brain food, Gail.

59
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I mean, it's like you
never made a plan before.

60
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You know. Am-am I alone on this?

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What the gol is that?

62
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Hello?

63
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Somebody there?

64
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Ow.

65
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Show yourself!

66
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Stay here. I'm gonna check it out.

67
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Be careful, Todd.

68
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Stop right there.

69
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Okay.

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What the hell is he doing?

71
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Good God, he's going right in there.

72
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Oh, I don't like the looks of this.

73
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It's okay, guys!

74
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He just wants to touch
everybody's faces.

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- No, no. - No,
no, no. - Ah...

76
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- Oh, you're real.
- Hey, guys,

77
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this is, uh, Glenn.

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I-I'm sorry, I just, I...

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I never thought this
day would come. I... I...

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I-I'm being... I'm being rescued.

81
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I'm going home. I'm going home!

82
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When does your boat come back?

83
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Guys?

84
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Okay, Gary, here goes nothing.

85
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Gary...

86
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how long have we been on this boat?

87
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I mean, it feels like months,
but that can't be right.

88
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I mean, I'm so disoriented.

89
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Up is down, day is night...

90
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hate is love.

91
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I feel so different in so many ways.

92
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Take, for instance, Carol.

93
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I mean, I care about her,

94
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but it's feeling more
like a friendship now.

95
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And you're not gonna believe this,

96
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but you know that woman
Pamela from the boat?

97
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Man, I'm crushing on
her so hard right now.

98
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Yes, it's a boner, Gary.

99
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You'd get one, too,

100
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if you couldn't stop
thinking about Pamela.

101
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Oh, God, I'm so confused.

102
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Look, until I can sort out my feelings,

103
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I'm just gonna keep on
pretending like I hate Pamela.

104
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Oh, my God, she's coming,
she's coming, she's coming.

105
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Tandy?

106
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You hungry?

107
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Get bent!

108
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Wow, you sound like
you're very upset with me.

109
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Duh, duh!

110
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Still thinking about... what's her name?

111
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Her name, for your information,

112
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is Pamela... uh, Karen... Carol!

113
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Oh, that's right...
Carol Andrew Pil-Pamela...

114
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Uh, basian! Pilbasian!

115
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Carol Pamela Pilbasian!

116
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Carol Andrew Pilbasian!

117
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Get out of here! Get out of here!

118
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All right, if that's what you want.

119
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That's what I want.

120
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The trap's been set.

121
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Looks like our mouse has
a weakness for cheese.

122
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Tandy cheese.

123
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Tandy! Tandy!

124
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So, this is my place.

125
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This is the main living
quarters over here,

126
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and I have a seating area right there.

127
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And my toilet's right
there, where Todd's standing.

128
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Geez.

129
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What's this?

130
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That is really nothing.

131
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Oh, gosh, I know what this
probably looks like to you,

132
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but this is not a sex doll.

133
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Okay, I was lonely, and I created her

134
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to have someone to talk to.

135
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Oh.

136
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And then the lines did blur,

137
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and she became a sex doll.

138
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But she did not start
as a sex doll, okay?

139
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And I think that that's
an important distinction.

140
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You can probably tell that I modeled her

141
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after Eva Mendes.

142
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Yeah, she was a beautiful woman.

143
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Was? What do you mean?

144
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Oh, no.

145
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She didn't have a bunch
of work done, did she?

146
00:07:34,904 --> 00:07:37,538
Uh... uh, Glenn,

147
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how long have you been on this island?

148
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About five years.

149
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Oh, my God.

150
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Is there something
you're not telling me?

151
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What happened to her face?

152
00:07:50,186 --> 00:07:51,291
It...

153
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- died.
- Yeah.

154
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And her body joined it.

155
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Oh, God, no. How did that happen?

156
00:08:02,124 --> 00:08:05,332
No, no, don't tell me. I
do not handle death well.

157
00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,702
Gosling must be devastated.

158
00:08:10,288 --> 00:08:12,406
Well, I hope your brows are ready...

159
00:08:12,441 --> 00:08:14,041
Latisse time.

160
00:08:15,396 --> 00:08:17,194
Hey, girl.

161
00:08:21,124 --> 00:08:22,916
I guess you're not mad at me anymore.

162
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Oh, I'm super mad!

163
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And I want to give you a spanking.

164
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Get over here.

165
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This is moving a little
faster than I thought.

166
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Yeah?

167
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Well, I haven't even hit second gear.

168
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? Well, it's not far down to paradise ?

169
00:08:43,925 --> 00:08:45,992
? At least it's not for me ?

170
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,044
? If the wind is right,
you can sail away ?

171
00:08:50,258 --> 00:08:52,758
? And find tranquility ?

172
00:08:53,083 --> 00:08:54,048
? Oh ?

173
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:57,418
? The canvas can do miracles ?

174
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? Just you wait and see ?

175
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? Believe me ?

176
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? Sailing ?

177
00:09:08,331 --> 00:09:10,030
? Takes me away ?

178
00:09:10,066 --> 00:09:12,109
? To where I've always ?

179
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:15,135
? Heard it could be ?

180
00:09:15,710 --> 00:09:18,972
? Just a dream and
the wind to carry me ?

181
00:09:19,008 --> 00:09:23,644
? And soon I will be free. ?

182
00:09:24,069 --> 00:09:27,938
Oh, Tandy, tell me this isn't a trick.

183
00:09:28,145 --> 00:09:32,011
Trix are for kids, and I'm 43 years old.

184
00:09:32,036 --> 00:09:34,054
I wasn't born yesterday, you know.

185
00:09:34,090 --> 00:09:37,858
Good, 'cause I would
never do this to a baby.

186
00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,132
Tandy. Tandy.

187
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:46,500
Yes, my love?

188
00:09:46,972 --> 00:09:50,437
Do you think that
there's a chance that...

189
00:09:51,574 --> 00:09:53,507
that I bought any of that?

190
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,176
Bought what, my love?

191
00:09:56,212 --> 00:09:57,206
Stop it!

192
00:09:57,231 --> 00:09:58,789
I was alone in a bunker for three years,

193
00:09:58,814 --> 00:09:59,980
so you'll excuse me if I'm

194
00:10:00,015 --> 00:10:02,173
Michael Jackson's doctor right now...

195
00:10:03,157 --> 00:10:05,774
All out of patience.

196
00:10:06,989 --> 00:10:08,622
Please don't shoot me. Please
don't... please, please...

197
00:10:08,657 --> 00:10:10,023
Let me be direct.

198
00:10:10,059 --> 00:10:12,926
You're mine now. No more games.

199
00:10:13,095 --> 00:10:14,327
Do you hear me?

200
00:10:14,664 --> 00:10:18,966
Loud, clear, and wet from urine.

201
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:25,141
Think, Tandy, think.
Every minute that passes,

202
00:10:25,166 --> 00:10:28,300
you sail further away from
your wife and unborn child.

203
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:33,105
Oh, Carol, everything
I see reminds me of you.

204
00:10:34,190 --> 00:10:36,842
Your various creams and ointments...

205
00:10:38,470 --> 00:10:40,370
your nipples, of course.

206
00:10:41,282 --> 00:10:44,617
Always giving me grief about
my razor-sharp toenails.

207
00:10:45,853 --> 00:10:47,987
Speaking of razor-sharp,

208
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:50,589
I just need to find
something razor-sharp

209
00:10:50,625 --> 00:10:52,750
to cut through these damn ropes.

210
00:10:54,428 --> 00:10:56,428
Wait a minute.

211
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,368
Bingo.

212
00:11:05,627 --> 00:11:06,639
Hey, Glenn?

213
00:11:06,674 --> 00:11:07,673
Hmm?

214
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:08,774
You know, we-we have something

215
00:11:08,809 --> 00:11:11,010
pretty heavy we got to tell you.

216
00:11:12,491 --> 00:11:14,421
Sure. Go ahead.

217
00:11:14,446 --> 00:11:16,815
Well, y-you know, you seem
like an optimistic guy.

218
00:11:16,851 --> 00:11:19,184
You know, someone who
sees the bright side,

219
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:23,567
even on the... darkest of days.

220
00:11:23,592 --> 00:11:26,663
Only 100% of the time.

221
00:11:26,688 --> 00:11:27,860
Good, trust me, 'cause.

222
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,538
- And you know why?
- Wh...

223
00:11:29,563 --> 00:11:32,631
Because I always picture that moment...

224
00:11:34,543 --> 00:11:35,739
Moment?

225
00:11:36,176 --> 00:11:37,369
The moment I'm able to walk through

226
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,412
my front door again.

227
00:11:41,245 --> 00:11:43,350
The first one to greet me is Tommy.

228
00:11:44,655 --> 00:11:46,687
He's my oldest.

229
00:11:46,714 --> 00:11:48,480
A little worker bee.

230
00:11:48,897 --> 00:11:51,951
Next, little Penny comes
bounding down the steps.

231
00:11:52,167 --> 00:11:54,234
She was our miracle baby.

232
00:11:54,259 --> 00:11:57,460
Doctor said she wouldn't
make it to her 19th birthday.

233
00:11:58,055 --> 00:12:01,126
I told that story at
her 19th birthday party.

234
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:04,697
And then little Dougie
comes marching in.

235
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,067
He was our surprise.

236
00:12:08,688 --> 00:12:10,502
Spitting image of his mom.

237
00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:12,671
Which is a little
painful, because she died

238
00:12:12,707 --> 00:12:14,907
bringing him into this world.

239
00:12:19,786 --> 00:12:20,959
Oh, I'm sorry.

240
00:12:20,984 --> 00:12:23,785
Uh, what was it you
wanted to talk to me about?

241
00:12:24,503 --> 00:12:25,632
Uh...

242
00:12:28,718 --> 00:12:30,055
I, uh...

243
00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:34,259
farted.

244
00:12:34,802 --> 00:12:36,101
Yeah.

245
00:12:36,126 --> 00:12:37,663
But it-it was a while ago, you know,

246
00:12:37,698 --> 00:12:39,465
so it's kind of a moot point now.

247
00:12:42,069 --> 00:12:45,270
Do you know that I farted
four times during that story?

248
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,638
Yeah.

249
00:13:04,225 --> 00:13:06,191
Now I just got to, like, launch this

250
00:13:06,227 --> 00:13:08,027
over to the other side of the boat,

251
00:13:08,062 --> 00:13:09,895
and as she goes to check it out,

252
00:13:09,930 --> 00:13:13,399
then I grab the gun, and, boom...

253
00:13:13,434 --> 00:13:15,067
it's Tandy time.

254
00:13:17,505 --> 00:13:18,804
Oh, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot!

255
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:20,639
What the hell?

256
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:22,174
Oh, God, what do I do? What do I do?!

257
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:26,412
Hold it right there.

258
00:13:27,205 --> 00:13:28,539
Put him down!

259
00:13:28,564 --> 00:13:31,984
Or what? You shoot me, he
goes right in the water.

260
00:13:32,322 --> 00:13:34,386
Fine. He's an excellent swimmer.

261
00:13:34,728 --> 00:13:36,755
Well, tell me, is he an excellent

262
00:13:36,791 --> 00:13:39,491
being-eaten-avoider?

263
00:13:39,999 --> 00:13:41,493
You wouldn't dare.

264
00:13:42,046 --> 00:13:44,696
Tell me you can look into those
sweet little eyes and do it.

265
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,901
You're right.

266
00:13:48,936 --> 00:13:50,602
But that won't be a problem...

267
00:13:50,638 --> 00:13:52,938
if I start with his butt.

268
00:13:52,973 --> 00:13:54,273
Don't you dare eat his butt!

269
00:13:54,308 --> 00:13:55,674
I'm about to do it. I'm about to do it.

270
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:56,675
Put him down, let him go.

271
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,243
I swear, I love the taste of dog meat.

272
00:13:58,279 --> 00:13:59,244
I will shoot your face.

273
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,180
I'll eat his butt. I will eat his butt!

274
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,915
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Put the gun down!

275
00:14:02,950 --> 00:14:05,517
Okay, okay. Okay.

276
00:14:05,748 --> 00:14:07,080
Kick the gun over to me.

277
00:14:10,113 --> 00:14:11,512
Monster.

278
00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:13,959
Oh, thank God.

279
00:14:13,994 --> 00:14:15,918
Carol, I'm coming for you.

280
00:14:15,943 --> 00:14:18,797
Just got to get back to the island.

281
00:14:26,087 --> 00:14:28,675
Oh... farts.

282
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,525
How you holding up, Carol?

283
00:14:36,884 --> 00:14:40,219
I'm starting to think that
we're never gonna get rescued.

284
00:14:40,609 --> 00:14:42,387
Don't give up hope.

285
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:44,437
Sometimes that's all you got.

286
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:45,891
Yeah.

287
00:14:46,341 --> 00:14:47,474
Look at me.

288
00:14:47,499 --> 00:14:50,128
I should've given up years ago.

289
00:14:50,164 --> 00:14:52,731
But I know that one day I'm
gonna see a plane out there

290
00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,473
or a passing ship,

291
00:14:54,498 --> 00:14:56,401
and I'm just gonna run up
to the top of that hill,

292
00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,136
and I'm gonna light my signal fire

293
00:14:58,172 --> 00:14:59,471
- and they're gonna...
- Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

294
00:14:59,506 --> 00:15:00,973
You have a signal fire?

295
00:15:00,998 --> 00:15:03,408
Well, what kind of man on
a deserted island would I be

296
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:04,509
without a signal fire?

297
00:15:04,545 --> 00:15:05,811
We got to go light it for Tandy.

298
00:15:05,846 --> 00:15:07,980
Carol, that boat is long gone.

299
00:15:08,015 --> 00:15:09,915
You only get one shot
with the signal fire.

300
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,583
We have to save it for
a plane or for a boat.

301
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,518
But it's not gonna happen.

302
00:15:13,554 --> 00:15:14,753
Not with that attitude, no.

303
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:15,988
No, it will never, ever happen.

304
00:15:16,023 --> 00:15:17,053
Okay, I'm done with your negativity.

305
00:15:17,078 --> 00:15:18,657
But please, just light the fire.

306
00:15:18,692 --> 00:15:20,092
Look, I know you're upset about
your husband, but we can't...

307
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:21,493
But, Glenn, it is our only hope!

308
00:15:21,528 --> 00:15:24,630
- How do you know that?
- Because everyone on Earth is dead!

309
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,285
There was a horrible virus...

310
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,071
and it took the whole world.

311
00:15:35,075 --> 00:15:36,975
And we're all that's left.

312
00:15:40,183 --> 00:15:42,848
So there's no planes.

313
00:15:42,883 --> 00:15:44,716
There's no boats.

314
00:15:47,461 --> 00:15:49,328
Except that one.

315
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,106
Oh, Jeremy.

316
00:16:08,142 --> 00:16:10,642
What have we become?

317
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:23,368
I didn't want to have
to tell you like that.

318
00:16:25,344 --> 00:16:29,361
Five years without a
passing boat or a plane.

319
00:16:32,446 --> 00:16:34,012
I was just being foolish.

320
00:16:34,037 --> 00:16:36,805
You were being hopeful.

321
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:38,837
And sometimes hope's all we have.

322
00:16:40,121 --> 00:16:43,073
I'm so sorry for taking yours away.

323
00:16:53,654 --> 00:16:55,751
I guess we have a fire to start.

324
00:17:03,464 --> 00:17:05,030
Jeremy.

325
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:07,532
I knew I shouldn't have
given you that bowl of wine.

326
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:10,302
What?

327
00:17:21,882 --> 00:17:23,749
Tandy.

328
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,919
There's something you should see.

329
00:17:37,836 --> 00:17:39,627
Care Bear.

330
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:43,335
Tandy!

331
00:17:44,268 --> 00:17:46,872
Tandy!

332
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:59,351
Where are you, Tandy?

333
00:18:10,415 --> 00:18:12,264
Tandy.

334
00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:15,345
Tandy! Tandy!

335
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:18,437
Tandy!

336
00:18:19,009 --> 00:18:20,197
Carol!

337
00:18:20,222 --> 00:18:21,355
Tandy!

338
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:25,686
- Oh. Mmm.
- Mmm.

339
00:18:26,124 --> 00:18:27,932
I thought I would never see you again.

340
00:18:27,957 --> 00:18:29,256
I knew you'd give me a sign.

341
00:18:29,292 --> 00:18:31,025
Well, that was actually Glenn.

342
00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:32,452
Glenn?

343
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:35,429
Hello, Tandy.

344
00:18:35,465 --> 00:18:37,398
I've heard nothing but
lovely things about you.

345
00:18:37,433 --> 00:18:39,867
- Thanks, Glenn.
- Hi.

346
00:18:50,980 --> 00:18:53,231
I say we leave her the hell here.

347
00:18:53,256 --> 00:18:54,949
You're asking me, that's
letting her off easy.

348
00:18:54,984 --> 00:18:57,184
Well, look, I'll do whatever
the group thinks is best,

349
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,452
but just so you know,

350
00:18:58,488 --> 00:19:00,521
after I threatened to eat
her dog's butt to death

351
00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:02,056
and got the gun away from her,

352
00:19:02,091 --> 00:19:04,358
she turned into a real team player.

353
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:05,627
So, what, are we supposed to just

354
00:19:05,652 --> 00:19:07,291
let her back on the boat, Tandy?

355
00:19:07,316 --> 00:19:08,963
That'd be like buying Freddy Krueger

356
00:19:08,998 --> 00:19:10,631
a condominium on Elm Street.

357
00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:14,702
I will never forgive that
woman, so my vote is a hard nay.

358
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,237
Hi.

359
00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:19,306
Look, I know why you all hate me.

360
00:19:19,342 --> 00:19:20,975
Right now I'm not too
crazy about me, either.

361
00:19:21,010 --> 00:19:22,643
Bless you.

362
00:19:23,944 --> 00:19:27,782
To be honest, I'm not quite
sure why I did what I did.

363
00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:30,418
I'd love to blame it on being
in the bunker for so long,

364
00:19:30,453 --> 00:19:33,059
but the truth is, I had
problems before that, too.

365
00:19:34,832 --> 00:19:35,923
Starting to realize

366
00:19:35,958 --> 00:19:37,992
maybe I'm just not meant
to be around people.

367
00:19:39,167 --> 00:19:41,328
So I understand if you want to leave me.

368
00:19:41,353 --> 00:19:44,331
Um, I'd probably do the same.

369
00:19:44,367 --> 00:19:46,500
If I could just ask one favor.

370
00:19:46,536 --> 00:19:48,402
Could you please take Jeremy with you?

371
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:49,570
He didn't do anything wrong.

372
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,072
Please?

373
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:53,193
Yeah, sure.

374
00:19:53,218 --> 00:19:54,992
Oh, thank you.

375
00:19:58,271 --> 00:19:59,847
Oh.

376
00:19:59,882 --> 00:20:02,197
Well, this is it.

377
00:20:02,222 --> 00:20:04,188
We've had so many... oh, there he goes.

378
00:20:04,554 --> 00:20:06,087
Okay.

379
00:20:07,424 --> 00:20:08,456
Well...

380
00:20:09,369 --> 00:20:10,659
safe travels.

381
00:20:12,727 --> 00:20:16,362
- Well, that made that decision easy.
- Yup.

382
00:20:16,387 --> 00:20:17,965
So, is that it?

383
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,700
You guys just gonna leave her here?

384
00:20:19,735 --> 00:20:21,368
I mean, you lived here for years

385
00:20:21,404 --> 00:20:23,321
and look at you.

386
00:20:23,346 --> 00:20:25,654
I had the hope of being rescued.

387
00:20:25,990 --> 00:20:29,324
Can't imagine being left
here without that hope.

388
00:20:39,589 --> 00:20:41,404
Okay, fine, she can come.

389
00:20:42,425 --> 00:20:44,325
But on one condition.

390
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,628
Thank you!

391
00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:50,261
Thank you! You won't regret this!

392
00:21:00,376 --> 00:21:02,510
It's a little cold out here.

393
00:21:06,719 --> 00:21:07,882
It's bumpy.

394
00:21:12,555 --> 00:21:14,155
Can someone hand me a blanket?

395
00:21:18,294 --> 00:21:20,027
S-So...

396
00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,000
Did I mention that I'm sorry?

397
00:21:30,922 --> 00:21:35,922
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