1 00:00:00,021 --> 00:00:02,847 Some of the world's top trauma specialists 2 00:00:02,871 --> 00:00:04,134 have proven that our brains 3 00:00:04,158 --> 00:00:06,368 may forget the traumas we survive... 4 00:00:06,392 --> 00:00:09,353 but our bodies, especially our nervous systems, 5 00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,762 always keep score. 6 00:00:10,787 --> 00:00:12,328 BP's dropping. 7 00:00:12,352 --> 00:00:13,964 Can you mobilize the liver better? 8 00:00:13,988 --> 00:00:15,807 It's the IVC. Clamp. 9 00:00:15,831 --> 00:00:17,999 What? 10 00:00:18,023 --> 00:00:19,679 No, I need a clamp! 11 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,383 Maybe you should've thought of that 12 00:00:21,407 --> 00:00:23,204 before skipping out on community service. 13 00:00:23,228 --> 00:00:24,594 - We've got it. - But I... 14 00:00:24,618 --> 00:00:26,156 - Let's get two units of blood. - I'm on it. 15 00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:27,587 We need distal and proximal control. 16 00:00:27,611 --> 00:00:29,536 - Clamp. - Let's do total vascular exclusion. 17 00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:30,597 Mom. 18 00:00:31,613 --> 00:00:33,837 I don't feel good. 19 00:00:35,734 --> 00:00:37,472 Me either, ZoZo. 20 00:00:41,380 --> 00:00:42,616 Memories are stored 21 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,322 in our shoulders, spines, stomach, or hands, 22 00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:46,714 without us ever knowing. 23 00:00:46,738 --> 00:00:50,228 It was one of the worst fires I've ever seen. 24 00:00:50,252 --> 00:00:51,875 Smoke was so thick... 25 00:00:51,899 --> 00:00:53,708 and the roof... it wouldn't hold... 26 00:00:53,732 --> 00:00:55,267 It was... 27 00:00:55,291 --> 00:00:56,804 Is that your way of telling me 28 00:00:56,828 --> 00:00:58,544 I'm taking Tuck to school today? 29 00:00:58,568 --> 00:00:59,732 Isn't he in college yet? 30 00:00:59,756 --> 00:01:00,878 Ben. 31 00:01:01,156 --> 00:01:04,737 Ben, I have to talk to you about something. 32 00:01:04,761 --> 00:01:08,474 Go ahead. I'm just, uh, you know, I'm measuring the bed. 33 00:01:08,498 --> 00:01:09,955 Okay. 34 00:01:09,979 --> 00:01:12,553 Uh... here I go. 35 00:01:12,577 --> 00:01:14,933 I... am... 36 00:01:16,323 --> 00:01:17,615 We... 37 00:01:17,639 --> 00:01:20,369 We... are... 38 00:01:20,393 --> 00:01:22,770 pregnant. 39 00:01:28,082 --> 00:01:30,238 We assume a painful backache or a shaky hand 40 00:01:30,239 --> 00:01:32,163 is something harmless, random. 41 00:01:32,187 --> 00:01:34,011 But it could be more. 42 00:01:34,239 --> 00:01:35,397 Ellis, eat your cereal. 43 00:01:35,421 --> 00:01:36,861 Where's your orange vest? 44 00:01:36,885 --> 00:01:38,111 No orange vest today. 45 00:01:38,135 --> 00:01:39,874 The mean judge is making Mommy go to court 46 00:01:39,898 --> 00:01:41,046 because she's missed so much work. 47 00:01:41,070 --> 00:01:44,421 So I cannot be late. Hey, Zola. 48 00:01:45,159 --> 00:01:46,666 Is your head still hurting you? 49 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,441 My eyes, too. 50 00:01:48,465 --> 00:01:50,076 Really? 51 00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:52,197 Oh. Okay, sweetie. 52 00:01:52,221 --> 00:01:53,729 It might be our bodies reminding us 53 00:01:53,753 --> 00:01:55,156 of what we've endured 54 00:01:55,180 --> 00:01:57,244 and warning us not to let it happen again. 55 00:02:02,068 --> 00:02:03,574 Eyes on the road there, Doctor. 56 00:02:03,598 --> 00:02:05,493 Gemma. You're in awful early. 57 00:02:05,517 --> 00:02:07,669 I could say you're out awful late. 58 00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:10,809 No, all night surgery. I cannot wait to crawl into bed. 59 00:02:10,833 --> 00:02:13,921 Oh, and to think I was gonna get my paycheck 60 00:02:13,945 --> 00:02:15,999 and then take you to breakfast. 61 00:02:16,023 --> 00:02:17,258 Um, I should probably... 62 00:02:17,282 --> 00:02:19,538 Richard Webber, if the second half of that sentence 63 00:02:19,562 --> 00:02:21,528 isn't "Grab a stack of pancakes with you," 64 00:02:21,529 --> 00:02:22,618 I don't want to hear it. 65 00:02:22,642 --> 00:02:25,158 I am hungry. 66 00:02:25,182 --> 00:02:28,150 Okay. Stay right here. Don't go anywhere. 67 00:02:31,831 --> 00:02:33,895 Okay, Mr. Wilkerson is stable this morning, 68 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:35,425 post-op day 1 from his ACDF, 69 00:02:35,449 --> 00:02:37,896 and you also have an aneurysm coiling this afternoon. 70 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:39,044 And how are we getting your girlfriend 71 00:02:39,068 --> 00:02:40,157 to undo the mountain of damage 72 00:02:40,181 --> 00:02:41,270 she did with her article? 73 00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,034 Well, you'll have to ask her. 74 00:02:43,035 --> 00:02:44,890 Oh, I see. You think I put you on my service 75 00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:46,665 because of all the promise I see in you. 76 00:02:46,689 --> 00:02:47,917 I don't. But I do think you could talk her 77 00:02:47,941 --> 00:02:49,518 into suing that website for libel. 78 00:02:49,542 --> 00:02:52,001 Maybe you could withhold sex until she cracks? 79 00:02:52,025 --> 00:02:53,449 Yeah, that's not going to work. 80 00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:55,364 What? What? The sex not good enough? 81 00:02:55,365 --> 00:02:57,010 Are you two on the rocks? 82 00:02:57,034 --> 00:02:58,333 Tom. 83 00:02:58,357 --> 00:03:00,363 - I need a CT for my daughter. - What's wrong? 84 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:02,038 She's been vomiting and she has a headache. 85 00:03:02,062 --> 00:03:03,102 Well, it sounds like the flu. 86 00:03:03,126 --> 00:03:05,752 She also has a VP shunt for spina bifida. 87 00:03:05,776 --> 00:03:07,744 So I need you to get her in right away, please. 88 00:03:07,745 --> 00:03:08,787 - Okay. - All right. 89 00:03:08,811 --> 00:03:10,841 Hey, Zola. Not feeling well? 90 00:03:11,561 --> 00:03:13,694 I read that hyperbaric chambers were invented 91 00:03:13,718 --> 00:03:15,294 before oxygen was even discovered. 92 00:03:15,318 --> 00:03:18,882 A British doctor in 1662 used organ bellows 93 00:03:18,906 --> 00:03:21,235 to hand-pump air into an enclosed space. 94 00:03:21,260 --> 00:03:22,695 So cool, right? 95 00:03:23,414 --> 00:03:25,268 I mean, terrible that our patient needs it. 96 00:03:25,292 --> 00:03:26,660 But since she does... So cool. 97 00:03:27,118 --> 00:03:28,365 What do you need? 98 00:03:28,389 --> 00:03:30,827 Carly Davis, 46-year-old female, 99 00:03:30,828 --> 00:03:34,909 possible suicide attempt, carbon monoxide poisoning. 100 00:03:34,933 --> 00:03:36,788 Hoping a 90-minute dive in the chamber 101 00:03:36,812 --> 00:03:39,606 can revive her, although it might take longer. 102 00:03:39,630 --> 00:03:41,019 I know her. 103 00:03:43,561 --> 00:03:44,859 Karev! 104 00:03:44,883 --> 00:03:45,937 You in or out? 105 00:03:45,961 --> 00:03:47,225 In. 106 00:03:47,586 --> 00:03:49,184 All right, Schmitt, that means you're out. 107 00:03:49,209 --> 00:03:50,312 But you said I could... 108 00:03:50,337 --> 00:03:51,692 Goodbye, Schmitt. 109 00:04:01,774 --> 00:04:03,949 Do you think it's a shunt revision, 110 00:04:03,974 --> 00:04:06,030 or is it just maybe the flu? 111 00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:11,529 It's just my lawyer telling me 112 00:04:11,554 --> 00:04:14,035 that I'm supposed to be in court in 10 minutes. 113 00:04:14,060 --> 00:04:15,149 Don't. 114 00:04:15,174 --> 00:04:16,395 I wasn't gonna say anything. 115 00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:18,216 How is she? Is her shunt obstructed? 116 00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:19,713 Oh, goodie. It's a family affair. 117 00:04:19,738 --> 00:04:20,963 Anyone want to bring some snacks? 118 00:04:20,988 --> 00:04:22,951 Play a rousing game of UNO? 119 00:04:23,249 --> 00:04:25,374 Oh, and Simon says... 120 00:04:25,858 --> 00:04:27,331 enlarged ventricles. 121 00:04:27,356 --> 00:04:29,141 She'll need a shunt revision. 122 00:04:29,166 --> 00:04:30,285 This is very common with growth... 123 00:04:30,310 --> 00:04:31,633 I would do it laparoscopically... 124 00:04:31,658 --> 00:04:34,288 No, I'd do it laparoscopically, because she's not my niece. 125 00:04:34,313 --> 00:04:35,515 She'll be in and out in an hour. 126 00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:37,826 Book an OR, DeLukes. 127 00:04:40,733 --> 00:04:42,241 Look, it's a simple surgery, okay? 128 00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:43,458 You need to go to court. 129 00:04:43,482 --> 00:04:44,920 I'll be with her the whole time. 130 00:04:44,944 --> 00:04:46,583 And I'll update you every step of the way. 131 00:04:46,584 --> 00:04:48,543 I promise. Are you kidding me right now? 132 00:04:48,567 --> 00:04:50,560 Got it. Okay. Yep. You're not gonna go anywhere. 133 00:04:50,584 --> 00:04:51,995 - Okay. - Book an OR, please. 134 00:04:52,019 --> 00:04:53,587 Yep, you got it. 135 00:04:57,337 --> 00:05:04,787 Synced & corrected by -robtor- www.addic7ed.com 136 00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:06,865 I want you texting me from that gallery 137 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,909 every step of the way, and don't let Koracick 138 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,336 or anyone else kick you out. 139 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,912 Texting you? As in, your own phone number? 140 00:05:12,936 --> 00:05:15,451 Okay... um, I mean, absolutely, Dr. Grey. 141 00:05:15,475 --> 00:05:17,364 Uh, she's so smart and tough. She'll be great. 142 00:05:17,388 --> 00:05:18,802 Why are you still talking? 143 00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:22,115 Hey, it's just gonna be a quick little nap, 144 00:05:22,139 --> 00:05:24,281 and when you wake up, you're gonna feel so much better. 145 00:05:24,305 --> 00:05:26,355 I know, Mommy. I pay attention. 146 00:05:26,356 --> 00:05:27,828 I'm gonna be right here the whole time. 147 00:05:27,852 --> 00:05:30,194 And by "right here," she means in the waiting room 148 00:05:30,218 --> 00:05:32,524 with the other moms and dads who don't work here. 149 00:05:33,024 --> 00:05:34,355 Are you scared? 150 00:05:36,132 --> 00:05:38,043 You are so brave. 151 00:05:39,471 --> 00:05:40,561 I love you. 152 00:05:40,586 --> 00:05:41,605 Love you, too. 153 00:05:41,630 --> 00:05:43,241 Hey. I've got her. 154 00:05:43,266 --> 00:05:45,540 Let's go. 155 00:05:50,301 --> 00:05:52,859 I can get someone to cover if you want some company out there. 156 00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:54,739 No. You should be in there with her. 157 00:05:54,764 --> 00:05:55,839 Okay. 158 00:06:03,525 --> 00:06:05,742 You mean to tell me you locked yourself in here 159 00:06:05,767 --> 00:06:07,656 with your therapist and you didn't think that was against... 160 00:06:07,688 --> 00:06:09,473 oh, I don't know... all the rules? 161 00:06:09,498 --> 00:06:11,024 Technically she was just one of my therapists 162 00:06:11,049 --> 00:06:12,557 when I was in residential treatment. 163 00:06:12,582 --> 00:06:13,879 How many did you have? 164 00:06:13,904 --> 00:06:15,272 Three. 165 00:06:15,297 --> 00:06:16,727 Different therapists, different modalities. 166 00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:18,545 Kind of like when a trauma comes in and we need to 167 00:06:18,570 --> 00:06:20,494 figure out how many surgeons we need to send in 168 00:06:20,519 --> 00:06:21,887 from how many different angles. 169 00:06:21,912 --> 00:06:23,036 Except in your brain. 170 00:06:23,061 --> 00:06:24,284 Yeah, pretty much. 171 00:06:24,309 --> 00:06:25,510 Okay. 172 00:06:27,790 --> 00:06:30,547 Do you know anything about her medical history? 173 00:06:30,572 --> 00:06:33,819 Anything to indicate why she would do this? 174 00:06:33,844 --> 00:06:36,569 Uh... all I know is that she's 13 years sober 175 00:06:36,594 --> 00:06:39,317 and has a serious addiction to almonds and science fiction. 176 00:06:39,342 --> 00:06:41,197 But other than that, she seemed good. 177 00:06:41,222 --> 00:06:42,694 Happy. 178 00:06:42,719 --> 00:06:44,839 I just... I don't know why she would do this. 179 00:06:50,002 --> 00:06:51,683 Dr. Karev, are you all right? 180 00:06:51,707 --> 00:06:53,875 Yeah, no, she would just... she would just kill me 181 00:06:53,899 --> 00:06:55,928 because I've forgotten everything she taught me 182 00:06:55,952 --> 00:06:58,189 about how to just, you know, calm my nervous system. 183 00:06:58,213 --> 00:07:01,034 So if she woke up, she'd be so pissed at me right now. 184 00:07:02,139 --> 00:07:03,323 So... 185 00:07:03,984 --> 00:07:06,604 I'm guessing the two of you were close. 186 00:07:06,629 --> 00:07:08,819 I couldn't stand her. She was the worst. 187 00:07:13,731 --> 00:07:17,837 Let me guess, you're pissed I'm taking away your pool time. 188 00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,293 I already had Michelle for therapy today, 189 00:07:21,318 --> 00:07:23,937 three hours of group, and it's fruit punch day, 190 00:07:23,962 --> 00:07:25,320 which is the worst. 191 00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:26,678 And now I'm... I'm what? 192 00:07:26,703 --> 00:07:28,314 I'm supposed to stare at a light bar 193 00:07:28,339 --> 00:07:30,472 and all my troubles are gonna disappear? 194 00:07:30,497 --> 00:07:31,851 Appendectomies... 195 00:07:32,776 --> 00:07:35,222 pig parts replacing aortic valves. 196 00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:37,452 And if I read correctly, 197 00:07:37,477 --> 00:07:39,512 you put tiny little livers into mice 198 00:07:39,537 --> 00:07:41,629 'cause the one liver wasn't working? 199 00:07:41,654 --> 00:07:45,281 I'm just saying I wanna know the first guy 200 00:07:45,306 --> 00:07:47,683 who said to somebody, "My brain hurts." 201 00:07:47,708 --> 00:07:49,910 And the other guy was like, "If I cut it open, 202 00:07:49,935 --> 00:07:51,304 I promise it'll feel better." 203 00:07:51,329 --> 00:07:53,181 And the first guy was like, "Cool." 204 00:07:53,380 --> 00:07:55,965 But, hey, science. 205 00:07:55,989 --> 00:07:59,132 I get it. EMDR is just another way 206 00:07:59,156 --> 00:08:01,115 to get at the root of my trauma. 207 00:08:01,139 --> 00:08:03,550 You spent your media time looking up EMDR? 208 00:08:03,574 --> 00:08:05,650 Yep. I like to know what I'm getting into. 209 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:08,653 In that case, tell me what it is in under 30 seconds, 210 00:08:08,677 --> 00:08:10,811 I'll let you get your swim on. 211 00:08:10,835 --> 00:08:11,993 Ready? 212 00:08:12,017 --> 00:08:13,524 - Mm-hmm. - Go. 213 00:08:13,548 --> 00:08:15,745 Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. 214 00:08:15,770 --> 00:08:17,624 The lights force bilateral sensory output, 215 00:08:17,649 --> 00:08:19,852 allowing you to make connections about your traumas 216 00:08:19,877 --> 00:08:21,071 and desensitize you to them. 217 00:08:21,096 --> 00:08:23,055 Aw, so close. 218 00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:25,493 You forgot it helps to illuminate 219 00:08:25,518 --> 00:08:27,574 the capital "T" trauma in your life. 220 00:08:27,599 --> 00:08:30,081 I don't have any capital "T" trauma. 221 00:08:30,106 --> 00:08:33,039 I found out awful news about how I was born, 222 00:08:33,064 --> 00:08:34,501 and my mother couldn't deal. 223 00:08:34,526 --> 00:08:36,242 I have been through way worse. 224 00:08:36,267 --> 00:08:38,295 You know, if you're gonna eat in front of me, 225 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:39,654 could you at least share? 226 00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:40,941 No. 227 00:08:40,966 --> 00:08:42,105 Because? 228 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,702 Because boundaries. I don't share food. 229 00:08:47,933 --> 00:08:49,721 Okay. 230 00:08:50,512 --> 00:08:52,140 Deep breath. 231 00:08:52,925 --> 00:08:55,460 You've already established your safe place with Michelle. 232 00:08:55,485 --> 00:08:57,513 An OR. Any OR. 233 00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,984 If this becomes too much, we can always go back there. 234 00:09:00,009 --> 00:09:01,086 Okay? 235 00:09:04,318 --> 00:09:05,929 What's happening for you right now? 236 00:09:05,954 --> 00:09:07,255 What are you feeling? 237 00:09:10,103 --> 00:09:12,327 Shame. I feel shame. 238 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:15,982 I feel worthless that I'm not in an OR. 239 00:09:16,296 --> 00:09:18,326 Is there an image you have in your mind growing up 240 00:09:18,351 --> 00:09:19,600 that gave you that message? 241 00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:20,640 That you're worthless? 242 00:09:22,231 --> 00:09:24,851 I never spent long enough in foster homes 243 00:09:24,876 --> 00:09:27,025 to remember the wallpaper, let alone the people. 244 00:09:27,050 --> 00:09:29,531 I had a husband who beat me, but he's dead now, so... 245 00:09:29,556 --> 00:09:31,050 So no trauma. 246 00:09:32,657 --> 00:09:35,890 Any specific memories or moments that play over and over? 247 00:09:39,740 --> 00:09:42,152 No, nothing. It's... I'm... It's nothing. 248 00:09:42,177 --> 00:09:43,405 It's stupid. 249 00:09:43,430 --> 00:09:44,901 Then there's no harm in telling me. 250 00:09:46,637 --> 00:09:49,326 I reached out my hand to my mom at a crappy diner, 251 00:09:49,351 --> 00:09:50,532 and she pulled away. 252 00:09:51,112 --> 00:09:52,463 She couldn't stand to touch me. 253 00:09:52,488 --> 00:09:54,887 But it's just... it's so small compared to everything else, 254 00:09:54,912 --> 00:09:55,955 so I don't... 255 00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:58,647 So let's start "small," see what happens next. 256 00:09:58,672 --> 00:09:59,749 Okay? 257 00:10:05,779 --> 00:10:07,320 I shouldn't be in here with her. 258 00:10:07,345 --> 00:10:09,800 I was doing fine. I was back at work kicking ass. 259 00:10:09,825 --> 00:10:11,089 Everything with Alex is great. 260 00:10:11,114 --> 00:10:12,516 And then I just... I screw it all up 261 00:10:12,541 --> 00:10:14,188 by sticking myself in here, and now I'm... 262 00:10:14,213 --> 00:10:16,099 and now I'm back to square one. 263 00:10:17,712 --> 00:10:19,865 I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. 264 00:10:19,890 --> 00:10:21,188 Dr. Karev, you know we can't... 265 00:10:21,213 --> 00:10:22,616 I know, I know! But if the one person 266 00:10:22,641 --> 00:10:24,670 who could help me feel okay could just go off one day 267 00:10:24,695 --> 00:10:25,784 and try and kill themselves, 268 00:10:25,809 --> 00:10:27,836 then what does that say about me? Huh? 269 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,483 Okay. 270 00:10:37,508 --> 00:10:39,060 Okay. Okay. 271 00:10:39,085 --> 00:10:41,635 Dr. Karev... 272 00:10:41,660 --> 00:10:42,958 Raise the arm of the patient 273 00:10:42,983 --> 00:10:45,285 and count down to the 4th intercostal space. 274 00:10:45,310 --> 00:10:47,045 Prep and drape in sterile fashion. 275 00:10:47,070 --> 00:10:49,552 Then why are you listing the steps for a chest tube insertion 276 00:10:49,577 --> 00:10:50,733 if it's not indicated? 277 00:10:50,758 --> 00:10:53,064 Inject with lidocaine, make an incision above the rib. 278 00:10:53,089 --> 00:10:55,071 A Kelly clamp... 279 00:10:55,096 --> 00:10:57,055 - Jo, what's going on? - This is supposed to help me. 280 00:10:57,080 --> 00:10:58,243 She's the one who taught me this. 281 00:10:58,244 --> 00:11:00,377 Feet on the ground, list the things you know by heart. 282 00:11:00,401 --> 00:11:01,935 It's supposed to trick your nervous system 283 00:11:01,959 --> 00:11:03,235 into thinking that you're safe. 284 00:11:03,259 --> 00:11:04,777 But it's not working. It's not working. 285 00:11:04,801 --> 00:11:06,464 Okay, well, how can I help you? What do you need? 286 00:11:06,488 --> 00:11:07,963 What I need... I need to think of something else. 287 00:11:07,987 --> 00:11:09,000 I need to think of something else. 288 00:11:09,024 --> 00:11:10,028 I'm pregnant! 289 00:11:11,701 --> 00:11:15,086 100% p-r-e-g-o. 290 00:11:15,111 --> 00:11:17,020 With a live baby... 291 00:11:17,045 --> 00:11:18,099 inside. 292 00:11:18,124 --> 00:11:20,662 Ben's baby. Our baby. Super pregnant. 293 00:11:22,574 --> 00:11:24,847 Okay, yeah, that worked. 294 00:11:27,613 --> 00:11:31,016 Nurse Potter, 5411. Nurse Potter, 5411. 295 00:11:32,264 --> 00:11:36,044 ? _ 296 00:11:37,228 --> 00:11:38,653 _ 297 00:11:41,057 --> 00:11:42,980 Okay. Everything's good so far. 298 00:11:43,005 --> 00:11:44,882 Koracick just started the shunt revision. 299 00:11:46,854 --> 00:11:49,509 So, tell me what we're doing. 300 00:11:49,534 --> 00:11:52,336 Am I walking you through the surgery 301 00:11:52,337 --> 00:11:53,809 step by step in real time? 302 00:11:54,489 --> 00:11:59,098 Are we ignoring it altogether and watching bad TV? 303 00:11:59,122 --> 00:12:03,399 We're sitting in silence, thinking the worst about Zola. 304 00:12:03,424 --> 00:12:04,617 And about court. 305 00:12:04,642 --> 00:12:06,414 Yeah, I didn't give you that option. 306 00:12:08,237 --> 00:12:12,458 Derek did a beautiful job with her shunt the first time. 307 00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:15,312 All Koracick has to do is go in and revise it. 308 00:12:15,337 --> 00:12:17,940 And as someone whose brain he has poked around in before, 309 00:12:17,965 --> 00:12:19,639 I turned out great. 310 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,914 Tumor-wise. 311 00:12:22,939 --> 00:12:25,720 As for court, I know absolutely nothing 312 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,182 about the legal system whatsoever, 313 00:12:27,207 --> 00:12:28,648 so I'm guessing you are either fine 314 00:12:28,673 --> 00:12:30,900 or locked up for life? 315 00:12:32,154 --> 00:12:34,162 Very helpful, thank you. 316 00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,833 I have a very specific set of skills. 317 00:12:35,858 --> 00:12:37,121 - Beyond that, I'm... - How is she? 318 00:12:37,146 --> 00:12:39,409 Uh, they just got started on Zola. 319 00:12:39,434 --> 00:12:40,906 She is wallowing. 320 00:12:40,931 --> 00:12:43,065 Not wallowing, preparing for the worst. 321 00:12:43,090 --> 00:12:45,292 Okay, that's not an option. Pick another thing. 322 00:12:45,317 --> 00:12:46,511 That's what I said. 323 00:12:46,536 --> 00:12:48,878 I appreciate the two of you being here, I do, 324 00:12:48,903 --> 00:12:50,339 but I don't need the distraction. 325 00:12:50,364 --> 00:12:52,463 Yes, you do. I'll go first. 326 00:12:52,488 --> 00:12:55,178 I just finished a quadruple valve replacement. 327 00:12:55,203 --> 00:12:57,860 Only two other people in the U.S. have ever done that, 328 00:12:57,885 --> 00:13:02,279 and I felt more in love and alive and seen 329 00:13:02,304 --> 00:13:03,706 while my hands were in that heart 330 00:13:03,731 --> 00:13:05,622 than I did the entire time I was with Jackson. 331 00:13:05,647 --> 00:13:09,658 There was no endless talking about feelings, or arguing. 332 00:13:09,683 --> 00:13:11,294 I-I made a plan, I came in there, 333 00:13:11,319 --> 00:13:12,721 and I did it, and the rush! 334 00:13:12,746 --> 00:13:16,048 I mean, clearly I'm still feeling it. 335 00:13:16,073 --> 00:13:18,519 Now you go. 336 00:13:18,544 --> 00:13:21,617 My daughter is in an OR, and I am abandoning court, 337 00:13:21,642 --> 00:13:23,270 and I might go to jail. 338 00:13:25,006 --> 00:13:26,706 Have we lost her? 339 00:13:29,219 --> 00:13:32,243 And Andrew thought I was still going to court. 340 00:13:32,268 --> 00:13:33,740 I think he's just worried that... 341 00:13:33,765 --> 00:13:35,565 No, wait, I'm not even done yet. 342 00:13:35,590 --> 00:13:39,358 First he thought that I would abandon my child to go to court. 343 00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:42,572 And then he offered to skip the entire surgery 344 00:13:42,597 --> 00:13:45,622 so that he could hold his crying girlfriend's hand? 345 00:13:45,647 --> 00:13:46,737 It's kind. 346 00:13:46,762 --> 00:13:48,790 No, it's incredibly stupid. 347 00:13:48,815 --> 00:13:51,164 Cristina and I would have mocked him mercilessly 348 00:13:51,189 --> 00:13:53,845 for volunteering to skip out on a shunt revision 349 00:13:53,870 --> 00:13:55,689 to be someone's human tissue! 350 00:13:55,714 --> 00:13:57,778 I rescheduled a spinal decompression. 351 00:13:57,803 --> 00:13:59,135 You're not a resident. 352 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,768 You're not volunteering to skip surgeries. 353 00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:04,927 For the woman he loves. 354 00:14:04,952 --> 00:14:06,980 Oh, well... well, you know, when you say it like that, 355 00:14:07,005 --> 00:14:08,477 you make me sound like an ass. 356 00:14:08,502 --> 00:14:09,997 - No. - Not at all. 357 00:14:11,482 --> 00:14:13,861 He's kind. He's trying. 358 00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:16,576 But he's not a parent, and he does not get it. 359 00:14:16,601 --> 00:14:18,367 Okay, so let me get this straight. 360 00:14:18,392 --> 00:14:21,395 He was wrong to assume that you would go to court, 361 00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:25,431 but also wrong to support you while you wait for Zola. 362 00:14:25,456 --> 00:14:27,033 I already said I sound like an ass. 363 00:14:27,058 --> 00:14:28,217 But... 364 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:29,992 He's sexy, and he's fun, 365 00:14:30,017 --> 00:14:32,143 and he's so good to the kids. 366 00:14:32,168 --> 00:14:33,285 But... 367 00:14:33,310 --> 00:14:35,149 I don't know if he'll ever be more than that. 368 00:14:35,619 --> 00:14:37,461 I don't know if I want him to be. 369 00:14:39,374 --> 00:14:41,347 _ 370 00:14:41,372 --> 00:14:44,746 Oh, they're tunneling in the new shunt tubing. 371 00:14:47,450 --> 00:14:51,706 Okay, someone say something that isn't about my stuff. 372 00:14:51,731 --> 00:14:52,834 Uh... 373 00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:57,010 I... don't know Link's parents' names. 374 00:14:57,035 --> 00:15:01,152 I don't know his taste in movies or his favorite song 375 00:15:01,177 --> 00:15:03,414 or if he actually likes breakfast for dinner 376 00:15:03,439 --> 00:15:05,279 or just pretends to because it's all I can make. 377 00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:09,559 And I am having a baby with him. 378 00:15:09,584 --> 00:15:12,413 I am tied to him, no matter what, 379 00:15:12,438 --> 00:15:15,441 no matter how things go between us for the rest of my life 380 00:15:15,466 --> 00:15:20,869 because we made a decision to have a child. 381 00:15:20,894 --> 00:15:23,376 Together. 382 00:15:23,401 --> 00:15:26,242 And I will learn his parents' names eventually. 383 00:15:26,267 --> 00:15:30,105 But, um... I don't know him. 384 00:15:30,605 --> 00:15:35,999 I'm just tying my life to his "you jump, I jump" style, 385 00:15:36,024 --> 00:15:37,357 which sounds... 386 00:15:37,382 --> 00:15:39,306 Exactly like what you do. 387 00:15:40,968 --> 00:15:43,807 Okay, I sometimes leap and hope the net will appear... 388 00:15:43,832 --> 00:15:45,273 Yeah, all the time. 389 00:15:45,298 --> 00:15:46,515 I had a brain tumor. 390 00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:49,090 You also have a personality apart from that tumor. 391 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,831 Which is a wonderful thing, 392 00:15:50,856 --> 00:15:53,706 and sometimes it is your Achilles' heel. 393 00:15:54,948 --> 00:15:57,011 We will love you and that baby 394 00:15:57,036 --> 00:15:58,821 no matter what happens with Link. 395 00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:02,753 Okay, now it really feels like it's taking too long. 396 00:16:02,778 --> 00:16:03,988 It's taking too long, right? 397 00:16:04,013 --> 00:16:06,211 They're probably confirming the... 398 00:16:06,236 --> 00:16:08,125 Confirming the shunt patency, 399 00:16:08,150 --> 00:16:10,110 which means they should be almost done. 400 00:16:10,754 --> 00:16:12,555 Okay. 401 00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:14,375 Andrew's a good guy. 402 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,663 We know. 403 00:16:15,688 --> 00:16:17,466 - I think I love him. - We know. 404 00:16:17,467 --> 00:16:19,496 We're just at two different places in our lives, 405 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,418 and I'm just waiting for my gut to tell me one way or the other. 406 00:16:22,442 --> 00:16:24,295 My gut only says yes. 407 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:27,009 Ever. Or like 99% of the time. 408 00:16:27,034 --> 00:16:29,411 It just screams yes, but maybe that's okay 409 00:16:29,436 --> 00:16:31,903 because I like the leap and having faith, 410 00:16:31,928 --> 00:16:34,130 and if I fall, I learn. 411 00:16:34,155 --> 00:16:37,063 I think surgery might be my truest love. 412 00:16:38,008 --> 00:16:39,887 And I don't think that's ever gonna change. 413 00:16:39,912 --> 00:16:41,476 And I don't think it needs to. 414 00:16:43,511 --> 00:16:45,227 This is taking too long. I'm going in there. 415 00:16:45,252 --> 00:16:46,306 - No. - No, no. 416 00:16:46,331 --> 00:16:48,174 I know that you want to, but you can't. 417 00:16:48,199 --> 00:16:50,818 If something were wrong, they would've definitely... 418 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,503 My gut is telling me something is wrong. 419 00:16:52,528 --> 00:16:54,870 Have you seen my life? The people that I've lost? 420 00:16:54,895 --> 00:16:57,654 Until someone comes in here and tells me otherwise... 421 00:16:57,679 --> 00:16:59,602 Come here. 422 00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,135 They should be closing up any minute now, 423 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,501 and I am sure they went in through a part in her hair 424 00:17:03,526 --> 00:17:04,998 so she won't even see a scar. 425 00:17:06,117 --> 00:17:08,326 Dr. Grey, she's out of surgery and she's... 426 00:17:08,351 --> 00:17:10,185 She's perfect, I'm perfect. 427 00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:11,856 You can see her when she gets out of post-op. 428 00:17:11,881 --> 00:17:13,674 Thank you, Tom. Thank you. 429 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:14,776 Yeah. Yeah, a-and... 430 00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,362 but not before that, all right? 431 00:17:16,387 --> 00:17:17,859 Okay. Thank you, Tom. 432 00:17:18,915 --> 00:17:20,283 Thank you. 433 00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:22,964 Will you stay with her, please? 434 00:17:22,989 --> 00:17:24,165 - Of course. - Okay. 435 00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:28,072 Go. 436 00:17:28,919 --> 00:17:31,351 She's good! 437 00:17:36,809 --> 00:17:38,282 I am serious. 438 00:17:38,306 --> 00:17:41,448 He is a CPA that counts on his fingers, 439 00:17:41,472 --> 00:17:43,640 and he had the nerve to give me grief 440 00:17:43,664 --> 00:17:45,739 for leaving the office 15 minutes early... 441 00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:47,238 My work already done. 442 00:17:47,262 --> 00:17:48,708 I'd expect nothing less. 443 00:17:50,401 --> 00:17:52,377 He's an idiot. 444 00:17:52,401 --> 00:17:53,961 But it pays the bills. 445 00:17:54,478 --> 00:17:56,257 And for that, I have to thank you. 446 00:17:56,281 --> 00:17:57,753 I just told the truth. 447 00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:00,119 That I'm a pain in the ass, but great with deadlines? 448 00:18:00,143 --> 00:18:01,476 I softened it a bit. 449 00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:04,538 Well, I have a lot to thank you for, not just that job. 450 00:18:04,562 --> 00:18:06,382 Well, you would've done the same for me. 451 00:18:06,406 --> 00:18:07,808 Damn straight. 452 00:18:07,832 --> 00:18:09,675 But if you had shown up on my doorstep 453 00:18:09,699 --> 00:18:11,182 with a heel in your heart, 454 00:18:11,206 --> 00:18:12,646 you would've been crap out of luck. 455 00:18:14,930 --> 00:18:18,859 So, um, how's the sponsor search going? 456 00:18:19,940 --> 00:18:21,899 It's slim pickings out there. 457 00:18:21,923 --> 00:18:25,572 Everyone at our meetings is either angry old people 458 00:18:25,597 --> 00:18:30,234 or Millennials who wear spikes of driftwood as earrings. 459 00:18:30,259 --> 00:18:32,012 I don't know, just maybe try some other meetings. 460 00:18:32,037 --> 00:18:34,597 Oh, it's... It takes some time to find the right one. 461 00:18:34,622 --> 00:18:36,790 Well, you know I've never been one to settle down. 462 00:18:36,815 --> 00:18:38,031 Mm-hmm. 463 00:18:39,791 --> 00:18:42,619 Except for Ollie. Ollie was the exception. 464 00:18:42,644 --> 00:18:44,569 Yes, she was. 465 00:18:44,594 --> 00:18:46,283 - But... - Hmm? 466 00:18:46,308 --> 00:18:49,241 If I wanted to talk AA, I'd be in AA. 467 00:18:52,368 --> 00:18:54,189 - How about you? - Hmm? 468 00:18:54,214 --> 00:18:55,868 Tell me about you. 469 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,776 Uh, well... well... 470 00:18:58,801 --> 00:19:00,275 I'm... I'm fine. 471 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:03,373 The hospital isn't up to snuff, but, uh, it's getting there. 472 00:19:03,398 --> 00:19:06,304 Oh, please, we work at the same hospital. 473 00:19:07,338 --> 00:19:08,636 And Catherine? 474 00:19:08,661 --> 00:19:11,073 Uh... she's getting there, too. 475 00:19:11,098 --> 00:19:13,649 Now tell me how this works again 476 00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:16,955 when she's out of the state more often than she is in your bed. 477 00:19:16,980 --> 00:19:18,522 Gemma. 478 00:19:18,547 --> 00:19:21,298 What, you want to take the South out of me, too? 479 00:19:21,323 --> 00:19:22,690 I already quit drinking. 480 00:19:24,821 --> 00:19:26,085 You know... 481 00:19:26,110 --> 00:19:28,346 Catherine and I like to fight. 482 00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:31,257 Part of what I love most about her 483 00:19:31,282 --> 00:19:34,772 is her... her passion, her fire. 484 00:19:35,009 --> 00:19:38,429 But it's like the... the light's gone out, 485 00:19:38,454 --> 00:19:41,180 and I... I don't know how to get it back, you know? 486 00:19:42,619 --> 00:19:45,626 You have the biggest heart I've ever known, Richard. 487 00:19:46,116 --> 00:19:50,589 Catherine may be too wrapped up in her own head 488 00:19:50,888 --> 00:19:53,175 to see that right now. 489 00:19:53,681 --> 00:19:57,449 When my mother died, the first thing I thought, 490 00:19:57,474 --> 00:20:00,678 and I was a kid... was that my father's 491 00:20:00,703 --> 00:20:04,715 never gonna have that love, sitting on that porch 492 00:20:04,740 --> 00:20:07,535 beside him, the rest of his life. 493 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,774 See, when my girlfriends 494 00:20:09,799 --> 00:20:12,488 would throw pillowcases on their heads as veils... 495 00:20:13,509 --> 00:20:16,547 ...they was like, "This was the best day of my life." 496 00:20:16,572 --> 00:20:22,706 I thought the only thing better than one man to love you... 497 00:20:22,733 --> 00:20:24,623 is a rotation. 498 00:20:25,909 --> 00:20:29,296 I've... never been that. 499 00:20:29,321 --> 00:20:30,828 Ohh. 500 00:20:38,128 --> 00:20:40,887 Ah. 501 00:20:42,269 --> 00:20:44,452 Now, why would you pull away 502 00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:48,069 from the first little bit of comfort 503 00:20:48,094 --> 00:20:49,315 that you've had in weeks? 504 00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:51,557 Because I'm a married man. 505 00:20:51,581 --> 00:20:54,375 I am fully aware that you and Catherine 506 00:20:54,399 --> 00:20:56,893 have rings on your fingers for better or worse. 507 00:20:56,918 --> 00:21:01,430 Forgive me for thinking that because you have hit the worst, 508 00:21:01,455 --> 00:21:03,449 that you may be, you know... 509 00:21:03,474 --> 00:21:04,997 looking around. 510 00:21:06,021 --> 00:21:07,667 And don't insult me by pretending 511 00:21:07,692 --> 00:21:09,002 you don't know what I'm talking about. 512 00:21:09,027 --> 00:21:10,870 Because I've known you too well for too long. 513 00:21:12,740 --> 00:21:14,423 I love my wife. 514 00:21:14,448 --> 00:21:18,669 I have no intentions of competing with Catherine Fox. 515 00:21:19,570 --> 00:21:22,324 Y'all are having a hard time. You'll find your way back. 516 00:21:22,349 --> 00:21:23,849 But in the meantime... 517 00:21:23,874 --> 00:21:25,972 you're miserable, 518 00:21:25,997 --> 00:21:28,130 and I'm here, 519 00:21:28,429 --> 00:21:33,067 and life is too short to deprive ourselves 520 00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:35,484 of what we've been feeling for so many years. 521 00:21:36,728 --> 00:21:38,722 You know, I think you've mistaken my friendship 522 00:21:38,747 --> 00:21:40,212 for something else entirely. 523 00:21:40,237 --> 00:21:42,370 And if you think this is just friendship, 524 00:21:42,395 --> 00:21:44,946 than you're as dumb as that man who counts on his hands. 525 00:21:48,620 --> 00:21:50,405 Okay, um... 526 00:21:50,430 --> 00:21:54,024 if I've done anything to mislead you, Gemma, 527 00:21:54,049 --> 00:21:55,939 okay, I apologize. 528 00:21:55,964 --> 00:21:58,905 But, uh, there is nothing between us, 529 00:21:58,930 --> 00:22:00,541 and there never has been. 530 00:22:02,063 --> 00:22:04,849 Well, suit yourself, but if history serves, 531 00:22:04,874 --> 00:22:07,007 when hard times hit, you bury yourself 532 00:22:07,032 --> 00:22:09,791 in a bottle of vodka or another woman. 533 00:22:09,816 --> 00:22:12,089 And we both know which one you can handle. 534 00:22:21,790 --> 00:22:24,166 Are you really going to just walk away 535 00:22:24,191 --> 00:22:25,803 after what we felt in there? 536 00:22:25,828 --> 00:22:27,596 All that talk about rigorous honesty. 537 00:22:27,621 --> 00:22:30,276 I'm in love with Catherine. My wife. 538 00:22:30,301 --> 00:22:32,164 And you're in love with Adele, too. 539 00:22:32,189 --> 00:22:35,396 Until there was Ellis Grey, and then it was back to Adele, 540 00:22:35,421 --> 00:22:38,058 and when she lay in that home dying of Alzheimer's, 541 00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:39,242 who were you with? 542 00:22:39,267 --> 00:22:40,978 I tried to visit Adele all the time. 543 00:22:41,003 --> 00:22:42,197 It only upset her. 544 00:22:42,222 --> 00:22:45,121 And whose arms did you fall into then? 545 00:22:45,146 --> 00:22:46,548 Catherine. 546 00:22:46,573 --> 00:22:48,080 Just because you know my history 547 00:22:48,105 --> 00:22:49,348 doesn't mean you can use it against me 548 00:22:49,373 --> 00:22:51,576 to make yourself less lonely. 549 00:22:51,601 --> 00:22:52,899 Richard! 550 00:22:52,924 --> 00:22:54,952 Call your sponsor. Get a meeting. 551 00:22:54,977 --> 00:22:56,868 That was not sober behavior. 552 00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,392 Oh, go ahead, get it over with. 553 00:23:19,416 --> 00:23:21,653 How are you feeling? 554 00:23:21,677 --> 00:23:23,393 How's Ben feeling? Was it planned? 555 00:23:23,417 --> 00:23:25,028 Don't know, doesn't know yet, 556 00:23:25,052 --> 00:23:26,558 and hell no. 557 00:23:26,582 --> 00:23:29,342 Uh... her A.B.G is better. 558 00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:32,229 She's less acidotic, and CO level is down. 559 00:23:32,253 --> 00:23:34,004 She should be awake up by now. 560 00:23:37,376 --> 00:23:40,135 It's okay to admit if you're feeling scared. 561 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:42,327 What happens in the hyperbaric chamber 562 00:23:42,352 --> 00:23:43,571 stays in the hyperbaric chamber. 563 00:23:43,596 --> 00:23:45,322 - I'm not scared. - Okay. 564 00:23:45,347 --> 00:23:48,893 I'm... surprised. 565 00:23:50,752 --> 00:23:53,755 Tuck is the light of my life, 566 00:23:53,780 --> 00:23:56,505 but I thought I was done with diapers and strollers. 567 00:23:56,530 --> 00:23:59,011 Now there's all these new diapers with wings 568 00:23:59,036 --> 00:24:01,203 and strollers that can practically fly to the moon. 569 00:24:01,228 --> 00:24:04,093 And I think I... could be happy. 570 00:24:04,118 --> 00:24:05,469 I might be happy... 571 00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:08,285 but out-of-my-mind terrified. 572 00:24:08,310 --> 00:24:10,548 And terrified. 573 00:24:10,573 --> 00:24:12,451 It's a therapy thing. 574 00:24:12,476 --> 00:24:14,121 You listed all these positive feelings 575 00:24:14,146 --> 00:24:16,071 and then you said "but" as if being terrified 576 00:24:16,096 --> 00:24:17,594 erased everything that you said prior, 577 00:24:17,619 --> 00:24:21,975 but the happy, the terror, it's all true. 578 00:24:24,345 --> 00:24:25,990 Well, I don't like it. 579 00:24:37,875 --> 00:24:39,556 Right on time. 580 00:24:39,580 --> 00:24:41,157 What? 581 00:24:41,505 --> 00:24:43,765 What are you, stalking me? 582 00:24:43,789 --> 00:24:45,399 Nah. 583 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,219 Therapists rotate every night. 584 00:24:47,243 --> 00:24:48,804 There's always a runner. 585 00:24:49,098 --> 00:24:52,728 I figured after our session this afternoon, odds were on you. 586 00:24:53,225 --> 00:24:57,448 Besides, I like staring at the stars for funzies. 587 00:24:57,472 --> 00:24:59,843 I don't want to run. 588 00:24:59,868 --> 00:25:01,306 It doesn't make any sense. 589 00:25:01,331 --> 00:25:03,255 I feel shame over things I didn't even do, 590 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:04,695 things that were done to me. 591 00:25:04,801 --> 00:25:08,140 That's all I can feel. 592 00:25:09,995 --> 00:25:11,034 Yep. 593 00:25:14,172 --> 00:25:15,749 Is that all you're gonna say? 594 00:25:15,774 --> 00:25:17,616 Well, technically, I'm off the clock. 595 00:25:21,052 --> 00:25:23,297 You're used to being exceptional. 596 00:25:23,642 --> 00:25:26,383 Right now, you're just like everybody else here mentally. 597 00:25:27,299 --> 00:25:30,080 You're stuck, can't see past the one moment 598 00:25:30,105 --> 00:25:31,930 that's defining your entire life. 599 00:25:33,210 --> 00:25:35,447 You mean the moment where I watched my mom 600 00:25:35,472 --> 00:25:37,436 walk away from me in a diner? 601 00:25:38,730 --> 00:25:40,105 No. 602 00:25:41,086 --> 00:25:42,546 Then what? 603 00:25:44,747 --> 00:25:46,195 For you. 604 00:25:46,732 --> 00:25:48,322 Purple juice day. 605 00:25:49,576 --> 00:25:51,575 Best day ever. 606 00:25:55,619 --> 00:25:59,027 Okay. Okay, boundaries. 607 00:26:00,910 --> 00:26:03,136 If you could move through that fear and that shame 608 00:26:03,161 --> 00:26:04,806 and let yourself feel angry... 609 00:26:04,831 --> 00:26:06,090 I can't. 610 00:26:07,893 --> 00:26:12,137 Which means I'll be stuck here forever. 611 00:26:16,429 --> 00:26:18,076 Yep. 612 00:26:21,450 --> 00:26:24,274 Tuck's childhood bedtime routine. Go. 613 00:26:24,916 --> 00:26:26,841 Okay, uh... 614 00:26:26,866 --> 00:26:29,556 uh, bath, diaper, PJs, 615 00:26:29,581 --> 00:26:31,505 a glass of milk, brush your teeth, 616 00:26:31,530 --> 00:26:33,211 one book, out like a light... 617 00:26:33,236 --> 00:26:36,726 but then when he got older and we'd finished the book, 618 00:26:36,751 --> 00:26:38,362 all of a sudden, he needed to go back to the bathroom... 619 00:26:38,387 --> 00:26:41,099 Just stick to the baby routine. Again. 620 00:26:41,124 --> 00:26:42,201 Baby routine, okay. 621 00:26:42,214 --> 00:26:46,295 Uh, bath, diaper, PJs, glass of milk, 622 00:26:46,319 --> 00:26:49,217 brush your teeth, one book, out like a light. 623 00:26:49,241 --> 00:26:52,453 - One more time. - Bath, diaper, PJs, 624 00:26:52,477 --> 00:26:54,821 a glass of milk, brush your teeth, 625 00:26:55,097 --> 00:26:57,717 one book, out like a light. 626 00:27:02,258 --> 00:27:05,922 I swear to God, Karev, next time I go on sabbatical, 627 00:27:05,947 --> 00:27:07,316 I'm going wherever the hell you went. 628 00:27:07,341 --> 00:27:08,674 You learned all the things. 629 00:27:08,699 --> 00:27:11,613 I learned it all from her. 630 00:27:14,031 --> 00:27:15,851 Oh! Oh, she's seizing. 631 00:27:15,876 --> 00:27:17,035 Okay. 632 00:27:17,060 --> 00:27:18,915 Damn, I thought she was getting better! 633 00:27:18,940 --> 00:27:22,290 Her labs are fine. I can't tell why... 634 00:27:23,917 --> 00:27:25,668 She doesn't share food. 635 00:27:25,693 --> 00:27:27,234 The almonds she was always eating. 636 00:27:27,259 --> 00:27:28,314 What if she's diabetic? 637 00:27:28,339 --> 00:27:29,709 What was her glucose when she came in? 638 00:27:29,734 --> 00:27:30,799 Uh... 639 00:27:32,646 --> 00:27:36,866 78, which is low normal, but the hyperbaric therapy... 640 00:27:36,891 --> 00:27:39,074 Is using the glucose to metabolize the oxygen. 641 00:27:39,099 --> 00:27:40,363 - D-50! - D-50! 642 00:27:43,416 --> 00:27:44,957 Okay, Carly, here we go. 643 00:27:44,982 --> 00:27:46,732 All right. 644 00:27:48,323 --> 00:27:50,177 Now. Okay. 645 00:27:55,807 --> 00:27:58,183 Carly, it's Jo. Can you hear me? 646 00:28:08,114 --> 00:28:10,589 You're good. You're okay. It's okay. 647 00:28:10,614 --> 00:28:13,186 I'm here. You're okay. 648 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:17,040 I'm pissed now, okay? 649 00:28:17,064 --> 00:28:18,884 Are you happy? 650 00:28:18,908 --> 00:28:21,508 Good morning, Carly. Do you have a few minutes to talk? 651 00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:23,666 10 sessions with you and that dumb-ass light bar. 652 00:28:23,690 --> 00:28:26,241 Not really fair to take it out on the light bar, but okay. 653 00:28:26,265 --> 00:28:28,745 I hate everything! My mom. 654 00:28:28,769 --> 00:28:30,207 My rapist dad, Paul. 655 00:28:30,231 --> 00:28:32,608 The fact that I'm here staring at the same image of my mom 656 00:28:32,632 --> 00:28:36,017 pulling away from me in a diner over and over and over again, 657 00:28:36,041 --> 00:28:37,640 and never moving past it. 658 00:28:39,068 --> 00:28:41,236 And that. You know what? I'm adding that to the list, 659 00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:43,672 the fact that I'm in pain and you're treating it like a joke. 660 00:28:43,696 --> 00:28:45,755 This isn't a joke. It's a breakthrough. 661 00:28:45,780 --> 00:28:47,356 You're finally allowing yourself 662 00:28:47,381 --> 00:28:49,862 to move past your fear and the shame and into the anger. 663 00:28:49,887 --> 00:28:51,146 This is progress. 664 00:28:51,171 --> 00:28:53,200 Okay, I can't be angry. 665 00:28:53,225 --> 00:28:54,453 Why not? 666 00:28:54,478 --> 00:28:56,542 Because if I start being angry, I will never stop, 667 00:28:56,567 --> 00:28:58,944 and then I'm Paul. I'm no better than him. 668 00:28:59,526 --> 00:29:02,766 That's because you don't know what healthy anger looks like. 669 00:29:03,353 --> 00:29:07,121 No, no, no. I'm not... I c... I can't do EMDR today. 670 00:29:07,146 --> 00:29:09,105 I'm not doing it. I know it's... life-changing 671 00:29:09,130 --> 00:29:11,320 or whatever, but just, I can't, not today. 672 00:29:12,218 --> 00:29:16,229 Hi, I'm Carly, and my core feeling today is pride 673 00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:18,700 because my patient asked for what she needed 674 00:29:18,725 --> 00:29:20,846 for the first time in 22 days. 675 00:29:29,071 --> 00:29:30,960 What's happening? 676 00:29:30,985 --> 00:29:32,688 I'm throwing crap at a wall. 677 00:29:34,596 --> 00:29:36,543 Care to join me? 678 00:29:40,387 --> 00:29:42,312 Are we both consenting adults? 679 00:29:42,337 --> 00:29:43,432 Yep. 680 00:29:43,457 --> 00:29:46,494 Are we okay if we agree to throw things at walls... 681 00:29:46,519 --> 00:29:48,653 not people... just the walls? 682 00:29:49,275 --> 00:29:50,298 Yep. 683 00:29:50,323 --> 00:29:53,326 Right there. That's what makes you not Paul. 684 00:29:53,351 --> 00:29:56,862 Because you can feel anger while controlling your behavior. 685 00:30:00,213 --> 00:30:02,326 Throw first, judge later. 686 00:30:02,924 --> 00:30:04,053 Okay. 687 00:30:11,914 --> 00:30:13,421 Remind me not to pick you first 688 00:30:13,446 --> 00:30:14,956 if we ever start a trauma league. 689 00:30:16,469 --> 00:30:17,628 Give me a minute. 690 00:30:49,463 --> 00:30:52,017 I'm gonna go off script here and admit something. 691 00:30:54,761 --> 00:30:58,215 I used to be the on-call social worker for Safe Haven. 692 00:30:59,148 --> 00:31:01,455 Moms and dads would drop their babies off 693 00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,804 at fire stations, and I would get the call. 694 00:31:03,829 --> 00:31:07,110 And no matter how fast I drove, by the time I got there, 695 00:31:07,771 --> 00:31:10,185 that baby would be wrapped in a warm blanket, 696 00:31:11,305 --> 00:31:15,665 in some firefighter's arms, a crowd around it. 697 00:31:16,363 --> 00:31:18,151 Why are you telling me this? 698 00:31:19,039 --> 00:31:20,712 You were five days old 699 00:31:20,737 --> 00:31:23,393 when your mother abandoned you. 700 00:31:23,418 --> 00:31:24,979 Your brain may not have a memory 701 00:31:25,004 --> 00:31:28,007 of her pulling her hand away from you, but your body does. 702 00:31:31,721 --> 00:31:34,828 And your body felt the same way in that diner 703 00:31:35,345 --> 00:31:37,931 when she pulled away and left you... Alone. 704 00:31:40,994 --> 00:31:42,690 It's why it hurt so much. 705 00:31:45,690 --> 00:31:47,664 Your body felt the same way 706 00:31:47,688 --> 00:31:50,033 it did when you were a baby, all over again. 707 00:31:58,376 --> 00:32:02,631 And you were surrounded by love. 708 00:32:05,580 --> 00:32:07,051 Still are. 709 00:32:18,934 --> 00:32:21,314 Now, if you want to go home and take care of yourself, 710 00:32:21,339 --> 00:32:23,160 I can do this part. 711 00:32:23,185 --> 00:32:26,048 No. I should be the one to tell her. 712 00:32:26,073 --> 00:32:28,346 All right, well, I'll be right out there if you need me. 713 00:32:33,236 --> 00:32:37,527 Today I watched you teeter on that edge, 714 00:32:37,552 --> 00:32:41,250 bring yourself back... by yourself, bring me back... 715 00:32:41,275 --> 00:32:44,138 and save someone else's life in the process. 716 00:32:44,163 --> 00:32:46,923 I don't know what "square one" looks like, 717 00:32:46,948 --> 00:32:49,499 but there was nothing square one about that. 718 00:33:03,125 --> 00:33:05,363 You're giving me that death look. 719 00:33:05,388 --> 00:33:06,825 I don't have a death look. 720 00:33:06,850 --> 00:33:08,531 You did whenever I gave you homework, 721 00:33:08,556 --> 00:33:10,481 told you something you didn't want to hear. 722 00:33:10,506 --> 00:33:12,313 It's just my face. 723 00:33:14,935 --> 00:33:16,929 You had carbon monoxide poisoning. 724 00:33:16,954 --> 00:33:19,526 You had a seizure because your blood sugar bottomed out, 725 00:33:19,551 --> 00:33:22,292 but we were able to bring it back up and oxygenate you. 726 00:33:22,317 --> 00:33:24,809 And in theory, you should be well enough to go home tomorrow. 727 00:33:24,834 --> 00:33:26,306 In theory? 728 00:33:26,797 --> 00:33:29,312 You know that I have to call psych now. 729 00:33:29,823 --> 00:33:32,135 I don't want to, but it's the law... 730 00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,213 all suicide attempts have to be reported... 731 00:33:34,238 --> 00:33:35,347 Suicide attempt? 732 00:33:35,661 --> 00:33:37,516 Hold up. 733 00:33:37,541 --> 00:33:41,519 One minute, I was 200 pages in to the newest Margaret Atwood, 734 00:33:41,544 --> 00:33:43,259 curled up next to my heater, 735 00:33:43,284 --> 00:33:45,815 the next I'm in some space chamber in the hospital. 736 00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:47,347 You didn't do this on purpose? 737 00:33:47,372 --> 00:33:48,600 Never again. 738 00:33:48,625 --> 00:33:50,097 You were in your home. 739 00:33:50,458 --> 00:33:53,426 Well, I wasn't in my garage with a locked door, 740 00:33:53,451 --> 00:33:54,822 a note, and a death wish. 741 00:33:54,847 --> 00:33:57,269 If you want to 5150 me for forgetting to change 742 00:33:57,294 --> 00:33:59,288 the batteries in my CO detector, that's fair 743 00:33:59,313 --> 00:34:00,785 because that thing's been out for months, 744 00:34:00,810 --> 00:34:03,639 and I-I could've died. 745 00:34:08,738 --> 00:34:10,565 Thanks for not letting me die. 746 00:34:14,339 --> 00:34:15,497 Breathe. 747 00:34:15,522 --> 00:34:17,099 I'm breathing. 748 00:34:17,124 --> 00:34:18,352 Her chemistries are stable, 749 00:34:18,377 --> 00:34:20,208 but should I get an endocrine consult? 750 00:34:21,290 --> 00:34:23,145 Um... 751 00:34:26,824 --> 00:34:28,331 Carly... 752 00:34:28,356 --> 00:34:30,468 I can't be your doctor anymore. 753 00:34:30,493 --> 00:34:32,451 I never should've been in the first place. 754 00:34:32,476 --> 00:34:35,862 So Dr. Bailey will take good care of you. 755 00:34:37,871 --> 00:34:39,169 What? 756 00:34:39,194 --> 00:34:40,478 Boundaries. 757 00:34:41,391 --> 00:34:44,220 Looks like somebody learned something after all. 758 00:34:50,821 --> 00:34:52,198 Okay. 759 00:34:54,555 --> 00:34:56,619 Oh, you're home. 760 00:34:56,644 --> 00:34:59,543 Yes, I am home. 761 00:35:03,326 --> 00:35:05,076 You worked all night again? 762 00:35:05,101 --> 00:35:07,547 Yeah, I did. 763 00:35:07,572 --> 00:35:12,217 I went to breakfast, then, uh, I came back here to lie down. 764 00:35:12,242 --> 00:35:14,704 I guess I slept all day. 765 00:35:19,921 --> 00:35:21,450 How was your trip? 766 00:35:23,298 --> 00:35:25,592 Same as it always is. 767 00:35:27,371 --> 00:35:29,538 You look tired, Richard. 768 00:35:29,563 --> 00:35:31,475 I am, Catherine. 769 00:35:32,720 --> 00:35:34,282 I really am. 770 00:35:37,986 --> 00:35:39,723 Go back to sleep. 771 00:35:55,081 --> 00:35:57,081 _ 772 00:36:09,944 --> 00:36:11,661 I came as fast as I could. What's... What's going on? 773 00:36:11,686 --> 00:36:13,088 What's... Is... Are you okay? 774 00:36:13,113 --> 00:36:14,468 Is... Is Tuck okay? 775 00:36:16,132 --> 00:36:19,239 Oh, okay, so not an emergency. 776 00:36:19,264 --> 00:36:20,736 Well... Well, can we talk about it over dinner? 777 00:36:20,761 --> 00:36:22,024 Because I'm starving, 778 00:36:22,049 --> 00:36:23,695 and that... that tandoori chicken 779 00:36:23,720 --> 00:36:25,888 at Monsoon on Main is calling my na... 780 00:36:25,913 --> 00:36:27,377 I'm pregnant! 781 00:36:30,162 --> 00:36:31,814 But... you... 782 00:36:31,839 --> 00:36:32,828 you... 783 00:36:32,853 --> 00:36:35,091 y-you said were going through menopause. 784 00:36:35,116 --> 00:36:38,613 Turns out a lot can be true at the same time. 785 00:36:42,065 --> 00:36:43,785 It's crazy, right? 786 00:36:43,810 --> 00:36:48,483 And I know, we've... we've never talked about this, 787 00:36:48,508 --> 00:36:51,562 but I've been thinking about how much more prepared 788 00:36:51,587 --> 00:36:54,069 I am now compared to when I had Tuck. 789 00:36:54,094 --> 00:36:56,366 I was just a resident. I thought I knew everything, 790 00:36:56,391 --> 00:36:59,175 but basically knew, uh, nothing. 791 00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:02,307 But now I've got mad skills, nothing can stop me, 792 00:37:02,332 --> 00:37:05,788 and I kind of think this might be great 793 00:37:05,813 --> 00:37:09,894 and something that we'll have... together. Right? 794 00:37:09,919 --> 00:37:13,723 Or... mm, am I wrong? 795 00:37:13,748 --> 00:37:16,959 Um, and it's okay if I'm... 796 00:37:16,984 --> 00:37:18,845 if, uh... 797 00:37:18,870 --> 00:37:21,003 I'm sorry. Uh... 798 00:37:21,028 --> 00:37:23,266 I've just been spinning all day waiting to tell you, 799 00:37:23,277 --> 00:37:25,027 and then I got stuck in the chamber... 800 00:37:25,051 --> 00:37:27,428 Oh, we're having a baby!! 801 00:37:27,452 --> 00:37:28,896 Y-Yes. 802 00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:32,621 Oh, and nausea is a classic symptom of pregnancy... 803 00:37:32,646 --> 00:37:34,118 one more spin and we... 804 00:37:38,180 --> 00:37:40,069 We're having a baby. 805 00:37:43,853 --> 00:37:45,360 You happy? 806 00:37:45,385 --> 00:37:48,039 Oh! 807 00:37:48,064 --> 00:37:52,842 Yeah. 808 00:37:52,867 --> 00:37:55,000 Tell them. Tell them. 809 00:37:55,025 --> 00:37:56,846 Hey, hey. We're... We're having a baby. 810 00:37:56,871 --> 00:37:58,378 We're having a baby. 811 00:37:58,403 --> 00:38:00,292 We're having a baby. 812 00:38:00,317 --> 00:38:02,264 Okay. 813 00:38:02,289 --> 00:38:04,074 Trauma doesn't tell time. 814 00:38:04,099 --> 00:38:06,743 It can't tell if we're 8 or 41, 815 00:38:06,768 --> 00:38:08,484 if our kids have the chicken pox, 816 00:38:08,509 --> 00:38:09,842 or if we have 817 00:38:09,867 --> 00:38:11,896 the biggest surgeries of our lives to perform. 818 00:38:11,921 --> 00:38:14,820 Hey. How was your day? 819 00:38:14,845 --> 00:38:16,694 Rough. 820 00:38:16,961 --> 00:38:19,547 - Do you want to talk about it? - No. 821 00:38:21,895 --> 00:38:23,193 It doesn't have to be with me. 822 00:38:23,218 --> 00:38:25,108 I just don't want you to keep it inside like before. 823 00:38:25,133 --> 00:38:26,674 Do you wanna throw crap? 824 00:38:26,699 --> 00:38:28,331 Huh? 825 00:38:29,247 --> 00:38:31,100 And when it sneaks up on us, 826 00:38:31,125 --> 00:38:33,919 it's easy to think we're right back at square one. 827 00:38:38,714 --> 00:38:40,012 You okay? 828 00:38:40,037 --> 00:38:42,262 Yeah. Getting there. 829 00:38:48,926 --> 00:38:50,364 Lame! You got to... 830 00:38:50,389 --> 00:38:52,925 - You got to really throw it. - Okay. 831 00:38:57,079 --> 00:38:58,714 That felt oddly satisfying. 832 00:38:58,739 --> 00:38:59,829 Right? 833 00:38:59,854 --> 00:39:01,465 Okay, but let's do it over here. 834 00:39:01,490 --> 00:39:04,562 Let's do it over here, come on. 835 00:39:04,587 --> 00:39:05,978 All right, come on. 836 00:39:07,538 --> 00:39:08,859 This wall. Come on! 837 00:39:10,531 --> 00:39:11,595 Whoo! 838 00:39:11,620 --> 00:39:13,273 One, two, three. 839 00:39:14,735 --> 00:39:16,041 One, two... 840 00:39:16,066 --> 00:39:18,273 - Three. - Aah! 841 00:39:27,519 --> 00:39:31,497 But the truth is, even when our brain convinces us we're lost, 842 00:39:31,522 --> 00:39:34,767 if we try hard enough, our bodies always remind us 843 00:39:34,792 --> 00:39:36,316 there's a way back. 844 00:39:37,016 --> 00:39:38,419 - Okay. - Okay. 845 00:39:38,444 --> 00:39:40,159 I'll be right back. 846 00:39:42,449 --> 00:39:44,215 Hey. Hey. How's she doing? 847 00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:45,538 She's fully recovered. 848 00:39:45,563 --> 00:39:47,870 She's asking for Jell-O, so I'm on a hunt. 849 00:39:51,111 --> 00:39:52,618 Thank you. 850 00:39:52,642 --> 00:39:54,253 How are you doing? 851 00:39:54,277 --> 00:39:57,001 I'm glad Zola's okay. 852 00:39:57,025 --> 00:39:59,542 Good. Nancy. 853 00:39:59,566 --> 00:40:01,328 "The girl who cried medical emergency." 854 00:40:01,352 --> 00:40:02,717 That's what the judge called you. 855 00:40:02,741 --> 00:40:04,685 - How's your daughter? - Much better, thank you. 856 00:40:04,709 --> 00:40:07,098 She had to have neurosurgery, so I couldn't leave her. 857 00:40:07,122 --> 00:40:09,073 I get that. But sadly, you're going to have to leave her, 858 00:40:09,097 --> 00:40:10,415 along with the rest of your children 859 00:40:10,439 --> 00:40:11,908 while you make up for your missed hours. 860 00:40:11,932 --> 00:40:14,998 I was able to squeeze a small drop of humanity from the judge. 861 00:40:15,022 --> 00:40:17,630 Thank you. I will be at trash duty first thing, 862 00:40:17,654 --> 00:40:20,092 and no more excuses, as soon as she's sent home. 863 00:40:20,116 --> 00:40:22,989 Dr. Grey, you're not going back to clean-up duty. 864 00:40:23,013 --> 00:40:25,423 You'll be making up your missed hours in jail. 865 00:40:25,809 --> 00:40:28,451 And prepares us for whatever fight lies ahead.