1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,837 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:08,174 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,928 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:14,847 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:18,267 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,604 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,189 All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,899 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:30,155 He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! 10 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:36,912 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:40,850 --> 00:00:42,124 Welcome, everyone. 12 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,626 My name is Von Jiener, 13 00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,962 and I'm Vice President of Creative Bankruptcy 14 00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,338 for the Fox TV network, 15 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:48,965 which, at the time of this writing, 16 00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,591 is still a thing that exists. 17 00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:52,385 Just from looking at your clothes and weight, 18 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:55,638 I can tell you all watch a lot of free network television. 19 00:00:55,639 --> 00:00:57,056 Am I right? 20 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:59,642 Excellent. 21 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,978 You have been selected to be part of a focus group 22 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,437 that could affect one of America's 23 00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:06,566 most beloved television shows: Family Guy. 24 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,026 That woman looks exactly like me. 25 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,961 That's your reflection, Peter. 26 00:01:10,962 --> 00:01:12,488 Oh. 27 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:14,031 I'm beautiful. 28 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,950 As you may or may not care, 29 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:18,000 Family Guy is in its 17th season. 30 00:01:18,001 --> 00:01:20,079 And since Fox is now owned by Disney, 31 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,164 which will someday be owned by Netflix, 32 00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:24,000 which will someday be owned by Pornhub, 33 00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:27,211 we have decided that Family Guy is ready for a reboot. 34 00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:30,006 Reboot? I thought they said it was a couple of tweaks. 35 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,757 Yeah, we're supposed to trust these idiots? 36 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,842 That woman has her finger up her nose. 37 00:01:33,843 --> 00:01:35,930 That's still your reflection, Peter. 38 00:01:35,931 --> 00:01:39,015 Oh. She's beautiful. 39 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:41,350 Now, as most unfunny women will tell you, 40 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:43,144 women are very funny. 41 00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,146 That's why our first reboot is built around 42 00:01:45,147 --> 00:01:47,273 the very popular Louise. 43 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:50,192 - It's Lois. - Whatever. The mom. 44 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:53,363 This is our time 45 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,825 This is our moment 46 00:01:57,538 --> 00:02:01,120 This is a short song for syndication. 47 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,200 Lois! 48 00:02:03,202 --> 00:02:04,624 Going to work, huh? 49 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,542 Yes, Joe, I'm going to work. 50 00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:10,004 Great! More and more women are doing that. 51 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,136 Good morning, goddess. 52 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,138 You know, I just want to say again that you were 53 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,890 totally right last night to bring up 54 00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:23,017 that thing I did wrong 11 years ago. 55 00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:25,353 And please feel free to bring it up again anytime, 56 00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:27,897 even if we're talking about something completely unrelated. 57 00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,231 Thank you, Peter, I will. 58 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:32,026 Oh, I-I know you will. 59 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,527 - Morning, Lois. - Hey, girl. 60 00:02:33,528 --> 00:02:36,238 Oh, hello, gay couple who's constantly jogging. 61 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,946 What are you up to this morning? 62 00:02:37,947 --> 00:02:39,909 Just adopting and pucker-kissing. 63 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,078 Yeah, we're network TV gay, 64 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:44,580 so all we can do is adopt children 65 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:46,582 and pucker-kiss, no tongue stuff. 66 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,709 - Isn't that right, sweetie? - Mwah! 67 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:50,920 Well, I'm off to my high-powered job 68 00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:54,131 at a fashion magazine, greeting card company or winery. 69 00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,005 I can't wait to see which. 70 00:02:56,006 --> 00:02:59,261 Oh, yay! It's a winery! 71 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,263 Good morning, Judy Greer. 72 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,602 Morning, Lois. How was your night last night? 73 00:03:03,603 --> 00:03:05,518 Great. I worked out, made dinner, 74 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,852 a little family time, 75 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,947 and had Peter's ankles up in the air by 11:00. 76 00:03:08,948 --> 00:03:10,773 God, I admire you. 77 00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:12,604 That's what you're here for, Judy Greer. 78 00:03:12,605 --> 00:03:14,318 Oh, I almost forgot. 79 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,993 Bert wants to see you in his office. 80 00:03:15,994 --> 00:03:18,114 - Oh? What about? - He didn't say. 81 00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,199 But it sounded hashtag serious. 82 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,826 Aw, meeting with the boss. 83 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:24,909 This is gonna be worse than finding a spider in the kitchen. 84 00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:26,622 Oh, my God. 85 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,666 Peter, there's a spider in here! 86 00:03:28,667 --> 00:03:31,169 Yeah, I know, genius. 87 00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:33,963 Hi, Lois. 88 00:03:33,964 --> 00:03:35,214 I wanted to let you know 89 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,550 I'm considering you for a big promotion. 90 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,301 Really? That's amazing. 91 00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:41,971 Well, the job's not yours yet. 92 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:43,597 It's between you and one other person, 93 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,933 Smarmy J. Tie-Straightener the Third. 94 00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:49,183 I hit a gay jogger on my way to work today. 95 00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:56,736 Sorry I only satisfied you twice tonight. 96 00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,946 I found a pouch of Big League Chew earlier, 97 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,239 and my jaw is worn out. 98 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,116 You did great, Peter. 99 00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:03,952 Good night, perfect. 100 00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:09,957 Aw, I just don't know what to do about this thing at work. 101 00:04:09,958 --> 00:04:12,922 I... Are we still talking about that? 102 00:04:12,923 --> 00:04:14,628 I mean, it's fine if we are, w-we just... 103 00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:15,963 We talked about it before dinner 104 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,965 and-and during dinner and after dinner. 105 00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:20,259 No, you're right. I'll be fine. 106 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,137 Good night, Peter. 107 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:24,805 Oh. 108 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:27,391 I just want this promotion so bad. 109 00:04:27,392 --> 00:04:29,393 Okay, so we are talking about it. 110 00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,812 You know what? I'll make a vision board. 111 00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:34,732 See my success and be my success. 112 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:38,110 My testosterone is so low I could not have thought of that. 113 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,696 Would you like me to put on our sleep ocean noises 114 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,823 with an occasional shocking seagull screech? 115 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:45,827 Yes, thanks. I have a big day tomorrow. 116 00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,329 Good night. 117 00:04:56,004 --> 00:04:57,004 Excuse me. 118 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,923 May I have your attention, please? 119 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:00,466 Now, I know you're all wondering 120 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,927 who is going to get the big promotion, 121 00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:07,473 and I'm proud to announce that person is Smarmy... 122 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:10,351 Excuse me, where do I put this briefcase full of money? 123 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:11,852 Uh, who are you? 124 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,230 I'm president of Wine and Paint Night Incorporated. 125 00:05:14,231 --> 00:05:16,857 Lois Griffin just landed my account 126 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:19,026 through her wit, charm and professionalism. 127 00:05:19,027 --> 00:05:21,320 Is that so? Well, in that case, 128 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,739 the big promotion goes to Lois Griffin! 129 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:37,503 What can I say? I love my wife. 130 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:40,047 Eh, it's my show. Why shouldn't this be me? 131 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:41,257 'Cause I'm the funny one. 132 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,925 Not on this show you're not. 133 00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,885 Or am I? 134 00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:47,179 Ah, I thought we had one more face. 135 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,722 So, what did you think? 136 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,100 And please keep in mind that your spontaneous comments 137 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:53,561 will affect the jobs of hundreds of people. 138 00:05:53,562 --> 00:05:56,188 Come on, you idiots, don't screw me. 139 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:58,023 The show is from a woman's perspective, 140 00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,609 but it still felt like it was written by a man. 141 00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,571 Okay, well, what if I told you shut up? 142 00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:05,406 Yeah, kind of changes things, doesn't it? 143 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,699 Anyone else? 144 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,492 I'm sorry, I was scrolling through the weather 145 00:06:08,493 --> 00:06:09,618 in random cities. 146 00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:12,079 Great! You're taking this very seriously. 147 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:14,748 You know what, I don't really get Family Guy. 148 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,166 What's so hard to get? 149 00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,918 You just need to have grown up in the '80s 150 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,086 but still be a teenager. 151 00:06:19,087 --> 00:06:22,214 So, based on that one episode featuring Lois, 152 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:25,092 how many of you would likely watch a second? 153 00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:26,510 Son of a bitch! 154 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,095 Anything else? 155 00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:30,970 Huh, 76 in Santa Fe right now. 156 00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,065 Hey, what's going on in that room? 157 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,984 It's a focus group of Arby's executives 158 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,320 watching us eat. 159 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:46,822 - Oh! - No way! 160 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,032 - He ate it! - People will eat anything! 161 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,408 50 bucks says the fat girl eats 162 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:50,993 a third Big Beef 'n Cheddar. Who's on it? 163 00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:52,494 - Okay. - I'll take that. -You got it. 164 00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,753 - Oh, come on, buddy. - Don't do it. 165 00:06:54,755 --> 00:06:55,998 Here she comes. 166 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,487 All right, kid, take your time. 167 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,712 - Yeah! - Gross! -Damn it! 168 00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:03,672 Many recent shows have found success 169 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:07,134 by rebooting themselves as gritty supernatural teen dramas, 170 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:08,886 like Teen Wolf or Riverdale, 171 00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:12,306 which are watched by as many as 6,000 people a year, 172 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:15,100 so we thought a similar approach might work for Family Guy. 173 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,145 I'm guessing we're wrong, but let's find out for sure. 174 00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:27,488 Ooh, ooh... 175 00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:31,201 Ooh, ooh... 176 00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:38,830 It's a show for teens 177 00:07:38,831 --> 00:07:42,791 A sexy show for teens 178 00:07:42,792 --> 00:07:46,298 Something's not normal 179 00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:49,176 But what does normal mean 180 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:53,348 In a world that's on fire? 181 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:10,781 Hey, Goldman, great job with sports today. 182 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,366 Thanks, Chris. We're almost ready 183 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:13,865 for the important sports game. 184 00:08:13,866 --> 00:08:16,203 - Hey, guys. - Hey, Ruth. 185 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:18,038 Good gender-fluid shower? 186 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,207 Great gender-fluid shower. 187 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,167 Dad, what are you doing here? 188 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,211 Putting my gender fluid in the shower. 189 00:08:24,212 --> 00:08:25,587 Also, I'm the town sheriff, 190 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:27,214 but you don't find that out till later 191 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,398 because it's not relevant to the story. 192 00:08:29,399 --> 00:08:30,968 Chris, there you are. 193 00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:33,971 Patty, what's wrong? Why aren't you in bitch class? 194 00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,431 It's your sister Meg. 195 00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:37,850 She's... dead. 196 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,310 I have to go. 197 00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:42,312 Wait, where are you going? 198 00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:44,231 I'm gonna go to a club I'm too young to get into 199 00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:45,858 and listen to a band that's on a label 200 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:49,237 owned by the same parent company as the network. 201 00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:53,949 Hey, who left their gender fluid in the shower? 202 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:13,636 Sexy rain 203 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,724 Sexy rain. 204 00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:26,774 So, what can I get for you sexy teens? 205 00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:29,415 Um, how's the vegetarian lasagne? 206 00:09:29,416 --> 00:09:31,945 Terrible, even at the best restaurants. 207 00:09:31,946 --> 00:09:33,986 We'll have five of those. 208 00:09:33,987 --> 00:09:37,534 It just doesn't make sense. Who would want to kill Meg? 209 00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,203 Um, can we all be quiet? 210 00:09:39,204 --> 00:09:41,789 We've been asked to nod our heads while the band plays 211 00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:44,958 the song our parent company is aggressively marketing. 212 00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:48,087 One of us is Richard Gere's kid 213 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,630 Ooh 214 00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,340 One of us is Richard Gere's kid 215 00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:52,674 Ooh 216 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:55,177 One of us is Richard Gere's kid. 217 00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,964 I can't even with this. 218 00:09:56,965 --> 00:10:00,202 I'm gonna go get some air and pebble-up my nipples. 219 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,821 Interior club 220 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:17,658 Moments later. 221 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:19,702 You guys, check it out. Patty just got into 222 00:10:19,704 --> 00:10:21,829 the college for people with bright futures. 223 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:24,414 Oh, cool. Is she still gonna major in "lot to live for"? 224 00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:26,208 Yep. I think she's the one kid 225 00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:28,210 who's gonna get out of this sexy town. 226 00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,255 - Patty?! - I'll be right there. 227 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:34,383 I just have to drink a product- placement beverage first. 228 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:37,845 Peach Coke? Stop. 229 00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,100 - Patty! - Where are you? 230 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,727 Patty, are you out here? 231 00:10:45,728 --> 00:10:46,895 Patty? 232 00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:49,022 Oh, I hope nothing happened 233 00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:51,275 to the most disposable member of our cast. 234 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,444 Guys, look! 235 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,114 She's dead. 236 00:10:57,115 --> 00:11:00,325 Boy, she... she did stiffen up those nips, didn't she? 237 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,161 Y'all ready for your lasagnas? 238 00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,664 We're in the woods. 239 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,543 Guys, it's time to fire up our superpowers, 240 00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:12,796 because we're also lesser-known Marvel characters. 241 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,926 And I'm your neighbor, who you didn't know 242 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,846 was also a superhero, Captain Pedantic. 243 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,806 Are you here to protect Zac and I? 244 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,017 Zac and me, but yeah. 245 00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,820 Now is when you find out I'm the sheriff. 246 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:43,827 I'm laying... 247 00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:45,704 on a pinecone. 248 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,999 He means lying on a pinecone. 249 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,125 Now what happens? 250 00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,419 Now one of us will become a breakout movie star 251 00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,567 and leave the series, wrecking it for the rest of us. 252 00:11:56,925 --> 00:11:59,092 Yay, it's me! 253 00:11:59,093 --> 00:12:01,261 - Sir, what did you think? - Pass. 254 00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:03,472 Okay. And how many of you would watch it 255 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:07,059 if the girls were wearing white shirts and black bras? 256 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,686 Peter, did you write the focus group questions? 257 00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,438 What? Course not. 258 00:12:11,439 --> 00:12:13,023 "And if you're impressed by the size of 259 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:14,775 "Alexander Skarsgard's penis, 260 00:12:14,776 --> 00:12:16,860 that doesn't make you gay, right?" 261 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:19,486 Answer him! 262 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,495 I know you've been here all day, 263 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,789 but it's not like you have jobs to go to, 264 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:31,250 so I'm going to show you one more reboot idea. 265 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,460 Which Wi-Fi should we be logging onto? 266 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,379 Glendale Galleria Public. 267 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,964 Yeah, that's what I've been trying. 268 00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,924 Sometimes networks will cancel a show 269 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:41,385 only to reboot it with less-popular characters 270 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:44,012 from the original, while the more-popular actors go on 271 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:48,600 to find greater success in movies or ugly public divorces. 272 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:02,614 On which we used to rely 273 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,701 Lucky there's a family guy 274 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:09,204 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 275 00:13:09,205 --> 00:13:10,790 All the things that make us 276 00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:17,046 He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! 277 00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:21,300 Family Guy Again is filmed 278 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,635 before a live studio audience. 279 00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:26,430 I'll get it. 280 00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:31,310 Hello? Oh, hey there, Stewie. 281 00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,562 Or should I say, "G'day, mate," 282 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,564 since you're in Queensland, Australia, where you moved 283 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:38,066 with Brian and Meg after Mom and Dad died? 284 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,486 Oh, married life is pretty good. 285 00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,281 No, still no kids, but I've been practicing 286 00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:46,825 a lot by myself. 287 00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,410 Masturbating, yes. 288 00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:52,039 Between you and me, I think Tricia might be barren. 289 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:59,546 Uh, Stewie, I better go. Tricia's giving me that look. 290 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,633 Okay, give my love to Brian and Meg, 291 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:06,261 and hopefully we can come down there for the season finale. 292 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:09,097 No? You're just not gonna be a part of this at all? 293 00:14:09,098 --> 00:14:10,932 Okay, then. Bye, Stewie. 294 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:13,643 Chris, I'm standing here in the living room 295 00:14:13,644 --> 00:14:17,230 because I need to talk to you about something very important. 296 00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:18,482 Look, we've been through this. 297 00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:21,068 It's my house, and I want to wear shoes in it. 298 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,819 Chris, I offer you a choice. 299 00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:25,364 You can either continue wearing shoes in the house 300 00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:30,411 or continue having sex with this age-defying Eastern physique. 301 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:43,131 Chris, I'm lying here listening to you toss and turn, 302 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:46,468 and wondering if there's something you'd like to discuss. 303 00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:49,513 I don't know. It's just, it's been so hard 304 00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,181 since Mom and Dad died 305 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:53,809 and Joe moved in with all his big band records. 306 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:56,937 Joe! 307 00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,480 Chris, I'm lying here 308 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:01,691 asking you to kick Joe out of the house. 309 00:15:01,692 --> 00:15:04,152 What? He was my dad's best friend for 20 years. 310 00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:05,487 I can't do that. 311 00:15:05,488 --> 00:15:07,990 Chris, I offer you a choice. 312 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,745 Luckily, I'm the town windower. 313 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:16,331 For me, every day is a pane. 314 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,459 Can we please stop this? 315 00:15:19,460 --> 00:15:20,527 Yes? 316 00:15:20,529 --> 00:15:23,004 If I give you back my Diet Sprite, can I leave? 317 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:24,631 How did you feel about the show? 318 00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:26,883 - I didn't like it. - Could you be more specific? 319 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:29,511 I just don't like the people or what they're saying or doing. 320 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,221 If you could sum up the show with one sound, 321 00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:32,556 what would it be? 322 00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,516 - "Blech." - For me, it was more like 323 00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:36,852 the last squirt of a plastic mustard bottle. 324 00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:39,688 Is that our mustard? 325 00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:42,732 No. I always bring one with me in case the show is kind of... 326 00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:47,070 - Everybody, shut up! - Hey, it's that sheriff from The Q. 327 00:15:47,071 --> 00:15:48,447 You people don't like anything. 328 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,823 Well, if you're all so smart, 329 00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:52,200 what do you want to see in a Family Guy reboot? 330 00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,911 Yes, unemployable neck tattoo guy. 331 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,118 It's a Bible verse. 332 00:15:56,119 --> 00:15:57,838 Doesn't matter. Anything above the Adam's apple 333 00:15:57,839 --> 00:15:58,915 means drugs. 334 00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,917 I like Netflix. Could you be Netflix? 335 00:16:00,918 --> 00:16:02,586 Yeah, Netflix is awesome. 336 00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:03,962 Of course it's awesome; it's Netflix. 337 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,715 Look, we're stuck being Fox. We have to deal with it, okay? 338 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:09,176 - I watch Fox. - No, you don't. Nobody does. 339 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,261 Yeah, I like shows that are binge-worthy. 340 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,013 First of all, "binge-worthy" is not a word, 341 00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:14,514 it's a marketing tool. 342 00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:16,308 You've been brainwashed, sir. But fine. 343 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:19,269 We'll make Family Guy binge-worthy. 344 00:17:10,238 --> 00:17:12,088 See? Wasn't that terrible? 345 00:17:12,089 --> 00:17:14,282 All right, we only have the room till 6:00, so what else? 346 00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:17,077 It's not 6:00 yet! What else?! 347 00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:20,038 Young Sheldon is good. How about Young Family Guy? 348 00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,706 How about I murder your whole family? 349 00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,167 - What about BoJack Horseman? - Hard no. 350 00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:26,378 - You'd get to be a horse. - Hard yes. 351 00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:29,965 - Normal words, but a horse guy. - Can we please stop this? 352 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:31,925 You just asked for specifically that. 353 00:17:31,926 --> 00:17:34,469 It's not 6:00! What else? 354 00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:37,222 - I like that Antiques Roadshow. - Fine. 355 00:17:37,223 --> 00:17:38,431 And you're saying this is...? 356 00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,849 George Washington's poop. That's correct. 357 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,851 I have some news you might not like. 358 00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,353 The poop is only two weeks old. 359 00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,896 What? How can you be sure? 360 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:47,148 Well, for starters, there's a Skittle in it. 361 00:17:47,149 --> 00:17:50,277 Ah, the general had a sweet tooth, huh? 362 00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:51,987 Um, that was horrible. 363 00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:53,321 Eh, I'm gonna tweeze the Skittle out 364 00:17:53,322 --> 00:17:54,489 and go back in a week. 365 00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:56,783 I like those Netflix stand-up specials. 366 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,368 Great. Matter of fact, we filmed one 367 00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:01,538 back when I was an all-setup- no-punch-line comedian. 368 00:18:01,539 --> 00:18:03,582 So, any of you out there have a futon? 369 00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:06,167 Yeah, yeah, right? 370 00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:07,919 I Ubered here tonight. 371 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:11,881 Man, Starbucks. 372 00:18:11,882 --> 00:18:14,092 Facebook, huh? 373 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:17,220 And how about that new chip in credit cards? 374 00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:19,889 Anybody ever been to Georgia? 375 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,933 The new iPhone is large. 376 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,604 EDM music. 377 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,230 Boo! You stink! 378 00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:30,859 Yeah! Dane Cook already did all these halves of jokes. 379 00:18:30,860 --> 00:18:32,444 Hey, hey, this is my job. 380 00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,363 I don't go down to Burger King. 381 00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:36,573 That was terrible. 382 00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,867 Netflix should make 800 more of those. 383 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,327 All right, what else? What else you guys want? 384 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,412 I like that thing James Corden does: 385 00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,457 - Carpool Karaoke. - I can do that. 386 00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,667 Hi. You having a good night? I did. 387 00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,419 Just had a devil's three-way. 388 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,004 You know, me and two guys. 389 00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:53,923 I think that's just gay sex. Why are you telling me all this? 390 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,884 Isn't this Taxicab Confessions? 391 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,053 No, this is Carpool Karaoke. 392 00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,971 We're about to sing an Adele song. 393 00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:01,097 Oh, that's gay. 394 00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:03,266 Pull over by this hot guy and let me out. 395 00:19:03,267 --> 00:19:06,227 I thought I read you guys were phasing out gay jokes. 396 00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,104 That quote was taken out of context 397 00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:09,272 and widely misunderstood. 398 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,815 All right, what's next, you sheep? 399 00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,443 I like the Olympics. Can you guys be the Olympics? 400 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,487 Well, NBC hogs all the good sports, 401 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,197 so we'll get stuck with the boring ones 402 00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:19,991 that the announcers always have to keep apologizing for. 403 00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,992 Welcome back to pairs diving. 404 00:19:21,993 --> 00:19:23,828 And once again, we are so sorry for this. 405 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,205 Brian, anything to add? 406 00:19:25,206 --> 00:19:28,041 No, just our deepest condolences to a bored nation. 407 00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:29,459 And we've got Lois down at the pool. 408 00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:32,087 - Lois, anything? - No. Guys, just so sorry 409 00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,421 that any of this is happening. 410 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,507 I-I mean, even once every four years 411 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,258 seems like just way too much. 412 00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:40,845 And they're up in the air, and now they're in the water. 413 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,139 What is it again? A splash is bad? 414 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,724 Uh, yeah, I think so. 415 00:19:44,725 --> 00:19:46,267 That's so stupid. 416 00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,228 I'm sick of all the voices on your show. 417 00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:49,979 - Can you change them up? - To who? 418 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,648 I like Jon Benjamin voices. 419 00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,775 Can you all be Jon Benjamin voices? 420 00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,214 - Hey, Joe. - Hey, Peter. 421 00:19:55,215 --> 00:19:57,904 - Hey, Quagmire. - Hey, Cleveland. Giggity. 422 00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,989 What can I get for you fellas? 423 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:03,034 Nobody touches my voice. 424 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,494 I liked all of that. 425 00:20:04,495 --> 00:20:06,162 Um, except for the bartender. 426 00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:09,708 Hey, guys, The Coffee Bean's Wi-Fi doesn't need a password. 427 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,376 Everyone, the reboot is off. 428 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,378 It turns out the executive who ordered it 429 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,714 was just a squirrel who snuck into the office. 430 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,340 - What? - Yes. But in fairness, 431 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:20,760 it was the same squirrel who green-lit Brooklyn Nine-Nine, 432 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,345 the show that challenged the notion 433 00:20:22,346 --> 00:20:25,098 that only attractive people can be on television. 434 00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:27,058 So, what does that mean? 435 00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:30,478 It means Family Guy is just fine as it is. 436 00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,526 Well, the Family Guy reboot is off. 437 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:38,069 What other ideas do we have? 438 00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:41,948 Brooklyn Nine-Ten? 439 00:20:41,949 --> 00:20:45,161 It's possible this guy only has one idea. 440 00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:53,543 You know what, I'm glad, after all that, 441 00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,587 they let us keep the show the way it was. 442 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,547 Well, not exactly the way it was. 443 00:20:57,548 --> 00:21:01,092 Hey, buddy, I brought over my big band records. 444 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,971 - They wanted more Joe. - They wanted more Joe. 445 00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:13,354 Your show should have more Joe Swanson. 446 00:21:24,033 --> 00:21:26,409 Your show should have more Joe Swanson.