1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,921 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:08,174 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,928 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:15,056 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:18,309 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:21,604 Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:23,189 All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,024 Laugh and cry 9 00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:30,155 He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! 10 00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:36,118 - Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT - - www.addic7ed.com - 11 00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,581 Go, Stewie! 12 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,416 Ha! Isn't this exciting? 13 00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,502 Yeah, but I don't like little Kyle Kaepernick 14 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,254 kneeling during the national anthem. 15 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:51,092 Boo! Get on your feet! 16 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:53,261 Boo! Down in front. 17 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:55,806 Okay, need to stay focused. 18 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,266 What are those for? 19 00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,268 Power songs that get me focused. 20 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:03,646 The wheels on the bus go round and round 21 00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:06,148 All through the town. 22 00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,985 It's the same thing Ryan Lochte listens to before a race. 23 00:01:08,986 --> 00:01:11,112 Stewie, you're taking this way too seriously. 24 00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:13,990 It's a meaningless event, like a bar mitzvah. 25 00:01:13,991 --> 00:01:15,533 Today you are a man. 26 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,493 - Great. Can I drive? - No. 27 00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:18,786 - Can I vote? - No. 28 00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:19,954 - Can I drink? - No. 29 00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,163 - Can I have sex? - No. 30 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,333 - Can I cash the checks? - Yes! 31 00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,349 Lois, why'd we got to come here? 32 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,184 This place is a bunch of rich snobs. 33 00:01:42,185 --> 00:01:44,645 We have lunch with my parents twice a year. 34 00:01:44,646 --> 00:01:45,813 Consider yourself lucky. 35 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,356 Under normal circumstances, 36 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,400 you'd never be allowed in a place like this. 37 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:51,152 Griffin, come on. They're waiting for your order. 38 00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:53,529 Sorry. Do you have oysters? 39 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,823 - We do not. - Aw, shucks. 40 00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,370 Damn it, Griffin, you've been staring at that menu 41 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:04,233 for five minutes, and you peed your pants. 42 00:02:04,234 --> 00:02:06,375 Um, do you have oysters? 43 00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:08,629 Get up. They have to clean the chair. 44 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:16,677 Hey, Brian, you don't have a metal detector on you, do you? 45 00:02:16,678 --> 00:02:18,929 Okay, Stewie, you got a medal. Way to go. 46 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:20,765 Do I sense a hint of jealousy? 47 00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,391 Stewie, didn't it strike you as odd 48 00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,185 that everyone got a medal? 49 00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:26,687 You didn't win anything. It's a participant medal. 50 00:02:26,688 --> 00:02:28,522 They give 'em to every kid with a pulse. 51 00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:30,858 And like every other medal or award you've ever gotten, 52 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:32,485 it means nothing. 53 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,237 What? 54 00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:41,410 Stewie, I-I'm sorry. 55 00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:44,372 I-I shouldn't have said that. I lost my temper. 56 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:47,542 Slow down! 57 00:02:58,595 --> 00:03:00,638 No, no, no, no, no. 58 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,139 How could I be such a fool? 59 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,434 This is a wall of lies. 60 00:03:05,644 --> 00:03:07,103 And that's a hole of lies. 61 00:03:07,104 --> 00:03:09,564 Everything I've ever won is worthless! 62 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:13,777 Aah! 63 00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:18,115 You won't make a fool of me any longer. 64 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:24,328 Oh, no! It's all right, Stewie. 65 00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:27,373 Stay calm. This is why we have a house fire captain. 66 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:30,584 Okay, when I read your name, please respond with a "here." 67 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,962 - Griffin, Mac. - It's Meg. 68 00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:34,255 Sorry, it looks like "Mac." 69 00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:36,966 - Griffin, Liam. - It's Lois. 70 00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,678 Again, please respond with "here." 71 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:46,767 Oh, my God, Chris is still in there! 72 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,519 Somebody save Chris! 73 00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:01,950 You know what? He's earned that. 74 00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:15,296 God, look at this place. 75 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,523 Our whole house is destroyed. 76 00:04:17,524 --> 00:04:19,198 Oh, here comes the insurance guy. 77 00:04:19,199 --> 00:04:21,677 Everyone start crying about losing your new golf clubs 78 00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,596 and Grant Wood's American Gothic. 79 00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,055 Oh... 80 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:28,851 my new golf clubs with the titanium shafts. 81 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:32,480 Oh, my classic depiction of the austere steadfastness 82 00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,064 of rural America! 83 00:04:34,065 --> 00:04:36,192 You know, I don't care. It's not my money. 84 00:04:36,193 --> 00:04:37,693 Oh. 85 00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,361 Peter, I spoke with my parents, 86 00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,697 and we can live with them until our house is fixed. 87 00:04:41,698 --> 00:04:44,200 Great. It's gonna suck worse than Mueslix. 88 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,410 You know, the German health cereal? 89 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,245 Guten Morgen. Try me. 90 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:50,414 I am made of oats and fiber. 91 00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:51,874 Okay. Sounds healthy. 92 00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,584 Ja. Also, I am German 93 00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,419 and wouldn't mind watching you crap. 94 00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,505 - Uh, I don't know. - Come, come. 95 00:04:57,506 --> 00:04:59,757 It will be mine and yours little secret. 96 00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,510 Just the two of us. Please, take me home. 97 00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,637 Uh, okay. But just you. 98 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,097 I don't feel safe now. 99 00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:09,558 Stop talking! Concentrate on the pooping! 100 00:05:09,559 --> 00:05:12,102 Mueslix, the weird European cereal 101 00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:14,231 that likes to watch you poop. 102 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,614 Aw, why we got to stay with your parents? 103 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,115 You know, sometimes I get the feeling 104 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,368 they don't respect me. 105 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,941 Thank you for not interrupting my bit. 106 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,443 Come on in. 107 00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:04,071 Wow, check out this media room. 108 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:06,115 Maybe you burning down the house wasn't so bad. 109 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:07,950 My actions were justified. 110 00:06:07,951 --> 00:06:09,910 I'd been fed a massive societal lie 111 00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:13,081 in the form of participant awards. 112 00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:19,295 Hey, kids, how would you like to hear this on the screen 113 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:21,839 instead of the great show you came to see? 114 00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:27,094 That's what you sound like. Honest. 115 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:29,096 Please cooperate and do your part 116 00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:31,515 in keeping this theater quiet, so everyone, 117 00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:33,934 including you, can enjoy it. 118 00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:36,353 Remember, lots of adults and kids, too, 119 00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,314 paid admission to enjoy the show. 120 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:42,568 We must insist on absolute quiet. 121 00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:44,987 Otherwise, we will be forced to evict 122 00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,364 all disturbance makers from the theater. 123 00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:51,368 Those asked to leave today will be refused admission 124 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,995 to this theater in the future. 125 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,622 Thank you. 126 00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:56,373 Wow, what a dick. 127 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:57,791 Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker. 128 00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,501 I've deleted all my old tweets, 129 00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:01,670 so don't even bother looking for bad stuff. 130 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:03,380 Screen grabs can be faked. 131 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,341 But, first, it's that time of year again 132 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,384 for the annual Quahog Pie Cook-off. 133 00:07:07,385 --> 00:07:11,138 The winner will take home the coveted Pie Champ trophy. 134 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,349 Brian, this could be my chance to finally win 135 00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:14,850 a legitimate award. 136 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,393 - You think you're up to it? - Of course. 137 00:07:16,394 --> 00:07:17,978 I just have to apply myself. 138 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:20,022 Like Chris, when he worked at that casino. 139 00:07:20,023 --> 00:07:21,899 No more bets. The money that could have gone to your kids 140 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,859 is gone. No more bets. 141 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,736 The money you worked hard for is gone. 142 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,530 Fools, fools, fools. 143 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:31,533 Ooh, double zero. Nobody thinks about that one. 144 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,953 And guy walks quickly away from table without a word, 145 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:36,413 replaced by an older white man with a much younger black woman. 146 00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,625 No more bets. No more bets. 147 00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:45,214 Brian, are you ready for my grand creation? 148 00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,591 - Serve it up, bitch. - Well, that was uncalled for. 149 00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,178 But get ready to be wowed. 150 00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,598 What the... This is mud. 151 00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,058 Yes. It's a mud pie. 152 00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,935 I used Legos for the fruit. 153 00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:00,020 Stewie, you can't submit this. It's inedible. 154 00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:01,730 Okay, now I know you're full of crap, 155 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,066 because everyone else loves it. 156 00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:07,069 Mmm, num-num-num-num-nah. 157 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,238 So delicious, Stewie. 158 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,074 Best pie ever. 159 00:08:12,701 --> 00:08:15,661 Wow! Tastes great, Stewie. 160 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,706 Mmm, so good. 161 00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:20,124 Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. 162 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:22,418 Not so hammy, Meg. He's not an idiot. 163 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,086 Stewie, can't you see they're faking it 164 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,129 to make you feel good? 165 00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:26,381 What are you talking about? 166 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:29,341 Wow! 167 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:33,387 Mmm. Num-num-num-num-nah. 168 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:36,890 So good. 169 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:40,978 We must insist on absolute quiet. 170 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,480 My God, you're right. 171 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:46,400 They're all just lying to protect my feelings. 172 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:48,318 This pie is garbage! 173 00:08:48,319 --> 00:08:50,612 And the contest is next week. I have to drop out. 174 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,740 No, you don't. You just got to do the work. 175 00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,408 Stewie, you're a smart kid. 176 00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:57,161 I know you can bake a pie, and I'll help you. 177 00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:59,288 You will? Thank you, Brian. 178 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,957 This calls for champagne. 179 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:03,834 Pop. 180 00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:06,336 Glug, glug, glug. 181 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:08,172 Bottoms up. 182 00:09:08,173 --> 00:09:10,299 Go with it. 183 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,800 Ugh. Korbel? 184 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,469 - It's not Korbel. It's... - Go with it. 185 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,971 Yes, I had some left over from Denise's wedding. 186 00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,848 - Who's Denise? - Go with it. 187 00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:20,476 Fine. How is Denise? Did she have the abortion? 188 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,186 - Abortion? - Go with it. 189 00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,980 No, her alarm didn't go off, so she missed it. 190 00:09:24,981 --> 00:09:26,982 So, Brian, is this your first orgy? 191 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,401 Not going with it. 192 00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,492 Peter, would you like to join us in a parlor game? 193 00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,118 Parlor game? 194 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,661 Lois, why do you always start talking like a snob 195 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,121 when you're around your parents? 196 00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,165 What? It's the way I was brought up. 197 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,209 I know, let's play "The Minister's Cat." 198 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,710 I don't know what that is. 199 00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:49,214 It's simple. In alphabetical order. Go. 200 00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:53,176 The minister's cat is an affable cat. 201 00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,845 The minister's cat is a boisterous cat. 202 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,347 Penrose! 203 00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,350 The minister's cat is a covetous cat. 204 00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,520 The minister's cat is a devious cat. 205 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,563 The minister's cat's an eclectic cat. 206 00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:07,856 Peter, your turn. Go. 207 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,358 - Wh-What? - Peter, hurry. 208 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,984 I don't... I don't know this cat. 209 00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:13,028 Damn it, Peter, you ruined the game! 210 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,198 Peter, perhaps the word you were looking for is... 211 00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,866 "forgotten." 212 00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:20,744 Midnight 213 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:25,707 Not a sound from the pavement 214 00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:30,712 Has the moon lost her memory? 215 00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:35,217 She is smiling alone. 216 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:37,219 You kids are too young to remember that, 217 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:40,055 but your parents are gonna hate it. 218 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,771 Finally, a place to escape. 219 00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,110 Oh, hey, Babs. 220 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,612 Hello, Peter. What brings you out here? 221 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,906 I had to get away from that stupid game. 222 00:10:57,907 --> 00:11:01,285 I don't know, whenever I'm here, I feel out of place. 223 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:04,372 It's just a different world than I'm used to. 224 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,920 Bring that up again, and we'll vote on it. 225 00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:14,256 Whoa, where'd you learn a line like that? 226 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,925 Oh, there's a lot you don't know about me. 227 00:11:16,926 --> 00:11:19,928 You know, Peter, you and I are not so different. 228 00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,805 You struggle to get erections, too? 229 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:25,642 You may think I've always been a part of this high-society world, 230 00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:28,812 but I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. 231 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,190 Well, that probably would've torn your mom's uterus. 232 00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:34,443 My point is, I'm not from an upper-crust world, either. 233 00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,112 I just had to act that way to impress Carter, 234 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:38,780 who cared about that stuff. 235 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,116 I was struggling to be something I wasn't. 236 00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:43,368 In many ways, I still am. 237 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,953 There's an Ed Sheeran song 238 00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,080 for every emotion you're feeling right now. 239 00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,832 Ooh, no, thank you. 240 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,584 You know, I like hanging out with you. 241 00:11:50,585 --> 00:11:52,252 Hey, what do you say we ditch this stuffy place 242 00:11:52,253 --> 00:11:54,755 - and head to the Clam? - The Drunken Clam? 243 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:57,174 Why, I haven't been there in decades. 244 00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:58,800 I'd love to. 245 00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:00,636 To the Babsmobile! 246 00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:05,974 You got vehicles with your face on 'em, too? 247 00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,643 You know it, stinky. 248 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,563 Oh, I didn't like being called stinky. 249 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,364 Babs, I got to hand it to you. 250 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:22,658 You turned a crappy night into something great. 251 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,034 You know, I've never dropped bowling balls 252 00:12:24,035 --> 00:12:26,662 from an overpass before. They fall quick. 253 00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,665 That was the most fun I've had in decades. 254 00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:33,085 It felt good to reconnect with the girl I once was. 255 00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,212 Hey, listen, you got to stay true to that girl. 256 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,965 She's an amazing person. A real person. 257 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:40,259 Not some stuffy Newport snob. 258 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,303 Oh, sometimes I feel trapped in this world, 259 00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:46,890 forever trying to live up to everyone else's expectations, 260 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,517 especially Carter's. 261 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,894 Sounds like you've wasted your entire life. 262 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,729 Thank you, Peter. 263 00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,899 You've helped me more than you know. Mwah. 264 00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,819 Yuck. 265 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,865 Well, Brian, I've studied pie-making, 266 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:06,743 and the key is to find the absolute freshest ingredients. 267 00:13:06,744 --> 00:13:10,038 Therefore, we must go wherever and whenever 268 00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,333 they're to be found. 269 00:13:18,756 --> 00:13:21,758 - Where are we? - 1666, England. 270 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,385 Home of Sir Isaac Newton 271 00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:25,888 and one of history's most famous apples. 272 00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,518 Which will be part of our pie. 273 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:36,316 Gravity never happened! 274 00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,695 Good morning, family. 275 00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:44,239 And before anyone asks, I brought this owl from home. 276 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,742 I did not take it from the enclosed owlery. 277 00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:49,494 Just want to make that clear. Home-brought owl. 278 00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:52,122 Peter, what did the two of you talk about last night? 279 00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:53,707 Yeah, who? 280 00:13:53,708 --> 00:13:56,043 You can see why I stole this from the owlery... 281 00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,627 I-I mean brought it from home. Damn it! 282 00:13:57,628 --> 00:14:00,130 My mother. After your night together, 283 00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:01,923 she told Daddy she's leaving him. 284 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,061 Yeah, who? 285 00:14:04,062 --> 00:14:05,552 All right, I'm already getting tired of this owl. 286 00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,262 I'm gonna go put him back in the owlery. 287 00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,974 Peter, enough. You've got to make this right. 288 00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:16,314 Now, that one seemed less earned. 289 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,122 Babs, I've been looking all over for you. 290 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:37,125 - What are you doing here? - This is my hometown, Peter. 291 00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,627 It's where I grew up. 292 00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,587 In fact, as a rebellious teen, 293 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,672 I used to come down to this boardwalk 294 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:46,510 and feed Alka-Seltzer tablets to the seagulls. 295 00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,931 Babs, you got to come home. Carter needs you. 296 00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:53,600 I'm sorry, but I-I can't do that right now. 297 00:14:55,353 --> 00:14:58,522 Peter, you've been able to stay true to who you were. 298 00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:00,816 I've lost touch with that. 299 00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:04,528 It's been buried by Carter and his money. 300 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,988 I want to find it again. 301 00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:09,825 Listen, Babs, I understand what you're doing. I really do. 302 00:15:09,826 --> 00:15:11,868 Sometimes I feel suffocated by Lois 303 00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:14,538 and my stupid mother-in-law, but you got to come home. 304 00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:17,457 I don't think so, Peter. 305 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,209 You and Carter are meant for each other. 306 00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:20,710 You go together. 307 00:15:20,711 --> 00:15:23,004 L-Like the couple from the movie Grease. 308 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:27,008 Mr. Rama-Lama-Lama-Ka-Dinga- Da-Dinga-Dong, do you take 309 00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,886 Miss Shoo-Bop-Sha-Wadda- Wadda-Yippity-Boom-De-Boom 310 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,888 - to be your wife? - I do. 311 00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:35,308 And Miss Shoo-Bop-Sha-Wadda- Wadda-Yippity-Boom-De-Boom, 312 00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:39,479 do you take Mr. Rama-Lama-Lama- Ka-Dinga-Da-Dinga-Dong 313 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,815 - to be your husband? - I do. 314 00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,483 If anyone objects to this union, 315 00:15:43,484 --> 00:15:46,069 speak now or forever hold your peace. 316 00:15:47,131 --> 00:15:49,992 Mr. Chang-Chang-Changity-Chang-Sha-Bop! 317 00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:57,038 Peter, where have you been? 318 00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:59,708 Listen, Carter, unless you want to lose Babs forever, 319 00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,209 you better get down to Weekapaug. 320 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,669 Why the hell would I do that? 321 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,212 If you want to win her back, 322 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:06,756 maybe, for once, you try to fit into her world. 323 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,842 You got to become a regular guy. 324 00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:11,011 What? No! Never! 325 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:15,056 Daddy, Peter's right. You got to do this for Mom. 326 00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:18,393 All right, fine. I'll take a quick choke-myself-awake nap 327 00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,061 and be ready to go. 328 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:31,532 All right. All right, let's go. 329 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:41,249 - I'm so nervous. - You made a damn good pie, Stewie. 330 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,752 You should be proud of yourself, whatever happens. 331 00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:48,340 Good afternoon, Quahog, I'm Tom Tucker... in a T-shirt? 332 00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,383 And now, the moment you've all been waiting for. 333 00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:54,095 This year's Quahog pie-baking champion is... 334 00:16:54,096 --> 00:16:56,264 Fjurg Vanderploeg. 335 00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,393 Everyone is welcome to taste my pie. 336 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,812 Sorry, Stewie. You did your best. 337 00:17:02,813 --> 00:17:04,606 These were old pros. 338 00:17:04,607 --> 00:17:06,108 But, hey, look. You took fifth. 339 00:17:07,735 --> 00:17:09,778 Fifth? Is that good? 340 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,821 - Do I get a medal? - You get a ribbon. 341 00:17:11,822 --> 00:17:13,990 Does everyone who participates get a ribbon? 342 00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,742 Only ten out of 14. 343 00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,411 My God. I did it. 344 00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,497 No, Stewie, you did it... 345 00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:22,415 Oh, wait. Sorry, I thought you... 346 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,709 - I thought you said "we did it." - I did not. 347 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:26,294 Good job, little boy. 348 00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:28,505 Maybe someday you can come by my store 349 00:17:28,506 --> 00:17:30,674 and have all the cake you want. 350 00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:33,510 - Ooh, that sounds promising. - Okay, that's enough. 351 00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:36,972 And maybe this winter, you can go fishing in my ice hole. 352 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,640 I said enough! 353 00:17:50,736 --> 00:17:53,363 I think I went too big with the boots. 354 00:17:53,364 --> 00:17:55,907 Buddy, I think you might be in the wrong place. 355 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:59,119 Yeah, you get lost on the wrong side of town, boot boy? 356 00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,328 - Peter. - Just go with it. 357 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:01,621 It's all part of the ruse. 358 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:04,291 I say we take his pants down, see what he's working with. 359 00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:06,793 And while we're at it, give me that pool cue. 360 00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:08,670 I got an idea where we can put it. 361 00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:12,257 - Peter, shut up. - Carter? Is that you? 362 00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,676 Oh. Hey, Babs. I hang out here all the time. 363 00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:16,344 Yeah. He comes in here with me. 364 00:18:16,345 --> 00:18:19,139 And I'd even take a lie detector test to prove it. 365 00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:23,184 Well, good thing the bar is having Lie Detector Wednesday. 366 00:18:23,185 --> 00:18:24,353 Wh-What? 367 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,689 Just a few easy warm-up questions. 368 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:30,233 Have you ever had condomless sex with a man? 369 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:32,485 Okay, test over. Carter's never been here in his life. 370 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:34,822 Damn it, Peter. I'm leaving. 371 00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:43,997 My truck! 372 00:18:43,998 --> 00:18:46,625 Time to waste this fancy-pants. 373 00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:56,134 Babs, you saved me. 374 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,053 And the bartender's unconscious. 375 00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,221 Let's take his pants down, see what he's working with. 376 00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:08,063 Babs, I'm sorry. 377 00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:10,523 I tried, but I can't do it. 378 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:13,526 I'll never be the real man you want me to be. 379 00:19:13,527 --> 00:19:17,489 I'll always be just a spoiled, spineless, rich dandy. 380 00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:20,617 Carter, I appreciate you trying to be the man I want, 381 00:19:20,618 --> 00:19:24,621 but being back home here has made me realize 382 00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:26,998 you already are. 383 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,000 What? I am? 384 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:32,462 I've discovered I'm not the same girl I once was. 385 00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:33,963 I've changed. 386 00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:37,008 I've grown accustomed to life with you. 387 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,052 I thought I wanted this life back, 388 00:19:39,053 --> 00:19:41,554 but have you ever had a Milwaukee's Best? 389 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:44,140 It's an awful, awful, awful... 390 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:47,143 - It's one of our sponsors. - Delicious beer, 391 00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:51,064 but, still, ours is the life I want, 392 00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,817 and you are the man I want. 393 00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:58,113 Newport is my home now, and I'm ready to go back there. 394 00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,115 Oh, Babs. 395 00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,452 Ah, old love. 396 00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:13,795 Well, I didn't pay for my beer, but I left a hell of a tip. 397 00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:20,301 Damn it, Griffin! You've been staring at that menu 398 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:24,181 for 22 minutes, and now you're sitting in a double pee puddle! 399 00:20:30,187 --> 00:20:31,855 Peter, I'm so relieved 400 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,773 that my mother's back with my dad. 401 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:35,275 Yep. It all worked out. 402 00:20:35,276 --> 00:20:37,026 Only one thing left to do. 403 00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:40,197 Get drunk, go upstairs and weird out the kids. 404 00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:43,116 Chris. 405 00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:46,202 Are-are you awake? 406 00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:50,875 Chris, you... do you want a... You want a Tom Brady kiss? 407 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:52,709 Chris, wake up. 408 00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:56,004 I-I want to give my son a Tom Brady kiss.