1
00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:15,101
_

2
00:00:20,949 --> 00:00:23,047
No mail. Again.

3
00:00:24,064 --> 00:00:25,959
Hey, Portal, call Dad.

4
00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:29,818
? When the rates fall ?

5
00:00:29,923 --> 00:00:31,681
? They will refi ?

6
00:00:31,750 --> 00:00:35,778
? And that's the Realtor's lullaby ?

7
00:00:35,881 --> 00:00:38,283
George, please!

8
00:00:38,387 --> 00:00:40,451
Why are they still crying?

9
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,212
Do you think they know they're chubby?

10
00:00:42,931 --> 00:00:45,360
It took us a while,
but we finally named our babies.

11
00:00:45,464 --> 00:00:46,470
This is Poppy,

12
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,170
because that's my favorite flower.

13
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:49,254
And this is George,

14
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because he came out looking curious.

15
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You know, like Boy George.

16
00:00:54,470 --> 00:00:57,134
Oh, hey, Portal, answer.

17
00:00:57,246 --> 00:00:58,363
Hi, Alex!

18
00:00:58,432 --> 00:01:00,557
How's my little ice queen?

19
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:01,912
Didn't love being called
that in high school,

20
00:01:02,015 --> 00:01:03,027
don't love it now.

21
00:01:03,031 --> 00:01:04,891
Hey, honey. Um, people keep asking...

22
00:01:04,994 --> 00:01:06,313
Tell me again what you're doing?

23
00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:07,430
Detecting the presence of neutrinos

24
00:01:07,533 --> 00:01:08,886
beneath the South Pole.

25
00:01:08,956 --> 00:01:10,884
Yeah, you... you can stop.
I'm just gonna keep telling them

26
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,356
you're searching for the snow monster.

27
00:01:13,460 --> 00:01:14,642
Seriously, Alex?

28
00:01:14,712 --> 00:01:16,403
You can't come downstairs to talk to us?

29
00:01:16,507 --> 00:01:17,825
I've been gone for a month.

30
00:01:17,895 --> 00:01:20,364
Wait. So, that's my hair in the drain?

31
00:01:20,434 --> 00:01:22,261
Honey, is everything okay?

32
00:01:22,364 --> 00:01:23,988
You look a little sad.

33
00:01:24,057 --> 00:01:25,342
Oh, no, no.

34
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I was sad earlier,
and my face froze that way.

35
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But no regrets about turning down

36
00:01:30,085 --> 00:01:31,978
that cushy tech job in L.A.

37
00:01:33,098 --> 00:01:35,127
I mean, yeah, I miss Bill

38
00:01:35,197 --> 00:01:38,818
and the safety of other women around,

39
00:01:38,888 --> 00:01:40,105
but Grandpa was right.

40
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This is the time of life
to have an adventure.

41
00:01:43,623 --> 00:01:44,912
Is this a bad time?

42
00:01:44,947 --> 00:01:47,510
Oh, no. No, this is our new normal.

43
00:01:47,545 --> 00:01:49,077
- Yeah.
- We never sleep.

44
00:01:49,147 --> 00:01:50,974
Well, I know
all about sleep deprivation.

45
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,497
- Uh-huh.
- The sun never sets here,

46
00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:54,021
- so I've been up for days.
- Yeah, that's fun.

47
00:01:54,091 --> 00:01:55,443
- Really nice, honey.
- I dream awake now.

48
00:01:55,546 --> 00:01:58,051
Hang on a second. Haley.

49
00:01:58,391 --> 00:02:01,020
Haley, I know that you are
committed to breastfeeding

50
00:02:01,104 --> 00:02:02,254
and the book,

51
00:02:02,324 --> 00:02:04,556
but I think it's time that
you considered formula.

52
00:02:04,660 --> 00:02:06,317
It will help the babies sleep,

53
00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:08,585
and the pediatrician said
it is perfectly healthy.

54
00:02:08,688 --> 00:02:10,583
I'm living proof.
I was a formula baby...

55
00:02:10,653 --> 00:02:12,445
- Had a full set of teeth at six months.
- Yeah.

56
00:02:12,548 --> 00:02:13,630
But the book says...

57
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,883
Uch, the book.

58
00:02:14,987 --> 00:02:16,812
What do you have against my book?

59
00:02:16,917 --> 00:02:19,454
It is called
"Your Parents Did Everything Wrong."

60
00:02:19,524 --> 00:02:22,298
Dr. Goode is a celebrated
pediatric life coach.

61
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And can you tone down the negativity?

62
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:26,835
Chapter six says that it can
cause an allergy to peanuts.

63
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:28,089
Uh-huh.

64
00:02:28,158 --> 00:02:29,578
Oh, man,
no kid should grow up without Snoopy.

65
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Sounds like a crazy morning.

66
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I miss those.

67
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My research partner, Yngvar,
doesn't speak English.

68
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Is me who did that?

69
00:02:38,553 --> 00:02:40,244
Hmm.

70
00:02:40,314 --> 00:02:43,054
Except for what he learned
from reruns of "Family Matters."

71
00:02:43,802 --> 00:02:45,864
- Guys!
- So that can be a little annoying

72
00:02:45,934 --> 00:02:47,321
having a research partner
not speak your language,

73
00:02:47,391 --> 00:02:48,878
but I could also try
and learn his language,

74
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which I have.

75
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Wake them, and I kill you.

76
00:02:55,076 --> 00:02:56,395
Uh-oh.

77
00:02:56,498 --> 00:02:57,952
Ah... Ah...

78
00:02:58,056 --> 00:02:59,206
Ah...

79
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,677
Ah...

80
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- Ruff!
- More Spanish.

81
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R-R-R-Ruff!

82
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If this is role-playing,

83
00:03:25,402 --> 00:03:27,668
I'd like to play the
part of disgusted son.

84
00:03:27,738 --> 00:03:30,377
I'm making a promo video
for my dog-bed company.

85
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And Stella's the star, of course.

86
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Today we're recording her voice.

87
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And I am doing the Spanish version.

88
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- Who's directing it?
- I don't know. Me, I guess.

89
00:03:38,945 --> 00:03:40,535
Wow, that's a punch in the gut.

90
00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:42,363
Why, Manny? Do you want to direct it?

91
00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:43,650
Why not?

92
00:03:43,753 --> 00:03:45,885
Some of our best artists
started out making commercials.

93
00:03:45,988 --> 00:03:48,932
Am I better than Spike
Jonze or Guillermo del Toro?

94
00:03:49,035 --> 00:03:50,152
Nope.

95
00:03:50,255 --> 00:03:52,318
Listen, normally I would just

96
00:03:52,422 --> 00:03:54,858
cook up some fake reason
why you couldn't direct it,

97
00:03:54,962 --> 00:03:57,194
but in this case, I have a real excuse.

98
00:03:57,298 --> 00:03:59,023
Your old girlfriend, Sherry,

99
00:03:59,126 --> 00:04:00,579
is the voice of Stella.

100
00:04:00,684 --> 00:04:02,307
Jay, how could you?

101
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:05,523
After she broke his heart
when she got repulsed

102
00:04:05,627 --> 00:04:07,555
by the idea of getting married to him?

103
00:04:07,658 --> 00:04:09,865
More overwhelmed than repulsed,
as I remember it.

104
00:04:09,939 --> 00:04:11,529
She's already on our website

105
00:04:11,632 --> 00:04:12,714
as Stella's voice.

106
00:04:12,817 --> 00:04:13,865
Changing that now

107
00:04:13,968 --> 00:04:15,660
could be jarring for our fans.

108
00:04:15,763 --> 00:04:18,199
Like when they made my GPS lady British.

109
00:04:18,302 --> 00:04:19,384
I'd rather be lost

110
00:04:19,487 --> 00:04:21,178
than talked down to by a snob!

111
00:04:21,248 --> 00:04:22,295
Please, Jay.

112
00:04:22,365 --> 00:04:24,463
I need to prove to
myself that I'm over her,

113
00:04:24,533 --> 00:04:26,209
that I can rise above
it and be professional.

114
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Fine, but if your emotions

115
00:04:28,359 --> 00:04:29,813
get in the way of this production,

116
00:04:29,883 --> 00:04:32,792
you will never work in
dog-bed commercials again.

117
00:04:32,896 --> 00:04:33,909
Don't worry.

118
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My only passion

119
00:04:35,063 --> 00:04:37,296
is helping you realize
your creative vision.

120
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By day's end, Sherry will be mine.

121
00:04:43,324 --> 00:04:45,015
Oh, no, which icon's birthday

122
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,641
are we celebrating today?

123
00:04:46,744 --> 00:04:47,826
Uh, Lauren Bacall's.

124
00:04:47,929 --> 00:04:49,011
We're dropping tulips
by her grave later,

125
00:04:49,115 --> 00:04:50,196
but that's not what this is.

126
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,059
No, I'm having
some at-risk students over.

127
00:04:52,162 --> 00:04:53,209
- Why, you ask?
- I'm good.

128
00:04:53,313 --> 00:04:55,173
Well, 'cause I want
to bond with these kids.

129
00:04:55,277 --> 00:04:56,799
I want them to know that even though

130
00:04:56,902 --> 00:04:58,683
the rest of the world's
given up on them, I haven't.

131
00:04:58,709 --> 00:05:01,336
I don't want to just be
their Vice Principal.

132
00:05:01,439 --> 00:05:03,469
I want to be their nice principal.

133
00:05:04,521 --> 00:05:07,126
- I can't believe you let this happen.
- I didn't know there'd be wordplay.

134
00:05:07,229 --> 00:05:10,072
Cam asked me to speak to his
students as an Assistant DA,

135
00:05:10,175 --> 00:05:12,509
give them the perspective
of law enforcement.

136
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:14,749
Truth is, I have been
looking for an opportunity

137
00:05:14,753 --> 00:05:16,003
to show off my new badge.

138
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Even the most hardened criminals

139
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shudder when they get
a gander at... Ohh!

140
00:05:20,306 --> 00:05:21,624
Please don't be scratched!

141
00:05:21,727 --> 00:05:25,383
? With a banjo on my knee ?

142
00:05:25,486 --> 00:05:27,075
I don't care what these kids did.

143
00:05:27,179 --> 00:05:28,328
- This is cruel.
- I know.

144
00:05:28,432 --> 00:05:30,935
A vice principal
that plays rock 'n' roll.

145
00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:33,170
Am I a little different? Yes, I am.

146
00:05:33,273 --> 00:05:35,066
I'm not like the other
adults in your life

147
00:05:35,170 --> 00:05:36,895
that are just waiting for you to mess up

148
00:05:36,999 --> 00:05:38,086
so they can point the finger at you.

149
00:05:38,210 --> 00:05:40,138
I don't want to finger a bunch of kids.

150
00:05:40,241 --> 00:05:42,068
That's not how I get my jollies.

151
00:05:42,171 --> 00:05:43,217
Cam. Cam.

152
00:05:43,221 --> 00:05:44,301
I know what it's like.

153
00:05:44,305 --> 00:05:45,724
I had issues in school,

154
00:05:45,828 --> 00:05:47,519
and I was fingered left and right.

155
00:05:47,623 --> 00:05:50,160
And let me tell you,
it did not feel good.

156
00:05:50,263 --> 00:05:51,785
Oh, Mitchell,
should we be recording this?

157
00:05:51,889 --> 00:05:53,784
Oh, yes, no one's gonna believe me.

158
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,578
How long is this gonna take, Mr. Tucker?

159
00:05:55,681 --> 00:05:58,117
Oh, now, Mr. Tucker's the
cool vice principal at school.

160
00:05:58,221 --> 00:05:59,945
Here at my house

161
00:06:00,049 --> 00:06:01,096
call me Cam.

162
00:06:01,099 --> 00:06:02,182
Okay?

163
00:06:02,186 --> 00:06:03,334
And this is Mitchell.

164
00:06:03,438 --> 00:06:05,670
He's an Assistant District Attorney,

165
00:06:05,775 --> 00:06:07,499
and he is our guest speaker.

166
00:06:07,603 --> 00:06:09,087
He's so white he's see-through.

167
00:06:10,129 --> 00:06:11,868
Thank you.

168
00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,237
We live in a society bound by laws.

169
00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:15,422
Okay?

170
00:06:15,526 --> 00:06:18,809
They're all that stand
between order and chaos.

171
00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:21,619
And those who violate those laws

172
00:06:21,722 --> 00:06:25,073
wind up staring at
the business end of...

173
00:06:25,833 --> 00:06:26,871
It's gone!

174
00:06:26,965 --> 00:06:28,318
What, the spotlight on you?

175
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,045
No, my porcelain clown figurine.

176
00:06:30,148 --> 00:06:31,399
It's supposed to be on this table.

177
00:06:31,503 --> 00:06:33,262
It's always on this table.

178
00:06:34,388 --> 00:06:37,163
One of you stole it!

179
00:06:38,519 --> 00:06:40,448
And on Lauren Bacall's birthday?

180
00:06:40,551 --> 00:06:41,734
Cam. Cam. R-Relax.

181
00:06:41,838 --> 00:06:44,104
Uh, isn't the whole point of
today not to prejudge them?

182
00:06:44,208 --> 00:06:45,797
Oh, please, Mitchell. They're trash.

183
00:06:45,901 --> 00:06:47,321
I know it. They know it.

184
00:06:47,424 --> 00:06:49,658
Everybody knows it.

185
00:06:51,386 --> 00:06:53,585
? Welcome home, my sweet babies ?

186
00:06:53,688 --> 00:06:55,921
? After escrow, get the key ?

187
00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:57,242
Please don't sing that song.

188
00:06:57,311 --> 00:06:59,882
Sorry, it's better than
"Pop Goes the Appraisal."

189
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:02,286
- Aw. Shh.
- Mom, what are you doing?

190
00:07:02,390 --> 00:07:04,149
Stop it. The book says
you're not supposed to

191
00:07:04,253 --> 00:07:06,147
make eye contact during nap time.

192
00:07:06,217 --> 00:07:09,126
They're babies,
not Johnny Depp on a film set.

193
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:12,208
? Open house, noon to 5:00 ?

194
00:07:12,277 --> 00:07:15,458
? Such a charming fixer-upper ?

195
00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:22,060
H-o-ow's it going?

196
00:07:22,165 --> 00:07:23,415
Still crying.

197
00:07:23,519 --> 00:07:25,480
You didn't make eye contact, did you?

198
00:07:25,550 --> 00:07:27,580
That can't be a thing, Phil.

199
00:07:27,683 --> 00:07:29,273
And I'm getting a little sick

200
00:07:29,342 --> 00:07:31,711
of Haley insinuating that we
don't know how to raise kids.

201
00:07:31,814 --> 00:07:33,234
She can't be saying that about me.

202
00:07:33,339 --> 00:07:36,246
I spent half my 30s in
blanket forts with those kids.

203
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:39,262
You know what?
You need to get her to go to sleep

204
00:07:39,365 --> 00:07:42,816
so I can put those babies
down the right way. Our way.

205
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:45,086
She's crazed right now.
How am I supposed to get her to sleep?

206
00:07:45,156 --> 00:07:46,812
I don't know.
How did you do it when she was a kid?

207
00:07:52,522 --> 00:07:53,916
Dad, isn't the drugstore that way?

208
00:07:53,966 --> 00:07:55,793
It is, but there's construction,

209
00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:58,365
so I got to... got to go around.

210
00:07:58,827 --> 00:08:00,059
Is it warm in here?

211
00:08:00,162 --> 00:08:01,346
I feel fine.

212
00:08:01,449 --> 00:08:03,411
You know, uh,
I just discovered this new station

213
00:08:03,514 --> 00:08:04,900
called "Winds of the World."

214
00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:06,628
Ooh, this is... this is a good one.

215
00:08:06,731 --> 00:08:07,745
If you close your eyes,

216
00:08:07,815 --> 00:08:09,371
it feels like you're
right there in, um...

217
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:11,131
"Open Prairie."

218
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,756
Try it. You should get
some rest back there.

219
00:08:12,859 --> 00:08:14,111
I'm not sleepy.

220
00:08:14,214 --> 00:08:15,600
Well, you don't have to sleep.

221
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,275
Just, uh... Just rest your eyes.

222
00:08:18,311 --> 00:08:19,460
Uch. I don't wanna.

223
00:08:19,564 --> 00:08:21,763
You are just grumpy
'cause you're overtired.

224
00:08:21,866 --> 00:08:23,760
Stop saying I'm tired!

225
00:08:23,865 --> 00:08:25,454
Okay.

226
00:08:25,557 --> 00:08:26,604
I know.

227
00:08:26,708 --> 00:08:27,790
Let's make a list

228
00:08:27,893 --> 00:08:29,585
of all the things we
want to do tomorrow.

229
00:08:29,688 --> 00:08:32,530
I am, uh... I'm gonna have some waffles,

230
00:08:32,634 --> 00:08:34,223
uh, go outside,

231
00:08:34,327 --> 00:08:37,271
uh, make a list
of all my friends' names.

232
00:08:37,374 --> 00:08:43,026
There's, uh, the mailman...

233
00:08:43,130 --> 00:08:47,632
the lady with the ice cream... house...

234
00:08:53,769 --> 00:08:56,840
Cuando te acuestas en una
cama de perro por Stella,

235
00:08:56,908 --> 00:09:00,844
sabes que eres amado.

236
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:04,681
It's perfect, honey. We got it.

237
00:09:04,749 --> 00:09:05,949
She's never gonna get there.

238
00:09:06,017 --> 00:09:07,717
I'll ask one of the nannies
in the park to do it

239
00:09:07,819 --> 00:09:09,953
next time I take Joe. They love me.

240
00:09:10,021 --> 00:09:12,856
I can never get out of there
without a bag of tamales.

241
00:09:12,924 --> 00:09:14,157
Well, there's our star!

242
00:09:14,226 --> 00:09:16,593
Hey, Jay. Love the script, so fun!

243
00:09:16,661 --> 00:09:17,727
Manny.

244
00:09:17,796 --> 00:09:19,495
I didn't know you'd be here.

245
00:09:19,598 --> 00:09:20,630
I'm your director.

246
00:09:20,699 --> 00:09:21,998
No reason it has to be awkward.

247
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:23,566
As long as you do everything I say

248
00:09:23,635 --> 00:09:24,801
between "action" and "cut."

249
00:09:24,903 --> 00:09:25,935
Speaking of which,

250
00:09:26,004 --> 00:09:27,370
I've been getting quite a bit of action.

251
00:09:27,439 --> 00:09:29,947
And cut. Look, I'm renting
this joint by the hour.

252
00:09:29,982 --> 00:09:31,207
Can we just do this?

253
00:09:32,620 --> 00:09:33,619
Hi, Gloria.

254
00:09:33,621 --> 00:09:35,421
Hi, Sherry. Break your legs.

255
00:09:37,178 --> 00:09:38,877
Okay, Sherry, whenever you're ready.

256
00:09:38,946 --> 00:09:43,348
Boy, am I tired after a day
of playing fetch, digging,

257
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,284
and sniffing other dogs at the park.

258
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:48,420
If only there were an
American-made bed...

259
00:09:48,489 --> 00:09:50,322
Ugh, I'm so sorry. That was terrible.

260
00:09:50,391 --> 00:09:52,023
Manny, can we start over?

261
00:09:52,526 --> 00:09:54,359
I never stopped. Oh.

262
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,227
You mean the commercial. Yes.

263
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:59,197
Although, that was exquisite.

264
00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,667
I believed that you're a dog.

265
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,302
It's Gloria.

266
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,738
And you, you're embarrassing yourself.

267
00:10:06,806 --> 00:10:09,173
- What are you talking about?
- You're trying to win her back.

268
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:11,109
The unbuttoned shirt, the cologne,

269
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,711
the praising of her
pedestrian performance.

270
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,846
- It's not gonna work, Manny.
- Why not?

271
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,732
Because if you want someone to like you,

272
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,700
you need to make them
want your approval.

273
00:10:19,769 --> 00:10:22,303
Mom, that's a tired,
old way of thinking that doesn't work.

274
00:10:22,405 --> 00:10:23,938
Here you go.

275
00:10:24,007 --> 00:10:26,040
What do you think is wrong with this?

276
00:10:26,109 --> 00:10:28,442
Damn it, the lemon! I'm sorry, baby.

277
00:10:30,513 --> 00:10:32,313
L-Let's start from the top.

278
00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:34,181
And this time, not so slow.

279
00:10:34,283 --> 00:10:37,218
Stronger. Assert yourself, Manuel.

280
00:10:37,286 --> 00:10:39,553
And I couldn't understand
a word you were saying.

281
00:10:39,622 --> 00:10:41,555
Try to get the marbles
out of your mouth.

282
00:10:42,207 --> 00:10:43,240
Oh, sorry.

283
00:10:43,342 --> 00:10:45,709
Yeah, whatever you need.

284
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,545
Wow, maybe this could work.

285
00:10:50,115 --> 00:10:51,915
While you're up,
my shoulders are a little tight.

286
00:10:52,017 --> 00:10:53,250
You mind getting in there?

287
00:10:53,285 --> 00:10:56,320
I don't think you want my
hands that close to your neck.

288
00:10:57,623 --> 00:11:00,457
I invite you into my home,

289
00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:02,626
and this is how you repay me?

290
00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:04,961
Oh, I know what you were thinking.

291
00:11:05,063 --> 00:11:07,563
"He'll never miss it.
He lives like a king."

292
00:11:07,632 --> 00:11:09,632
We didn't take your stupid clown!

293
00:11:09,701 --> 00:11:12,368
Interesting you know
it's a clown, Suzie!

294
00:11:12,470 --> 00:11:15,305
You said it three times, Cameron.

295
00:11:15,407 --> 00:11:16,706
It's Vice Principal Tucker!

296
00:11:16,775 --> 00:11:19,008
Show some respect.
I'm not your mom's pimp.

297
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:20,576
Oh. Okay, Cam.

298
00:11:21,694 --> 00:11:22,993
Cam, I-I know you like your tchotchkes,

299
00:11:23,048 --> 00:11:24,747
but aren't these kids
here so you can bond?

300
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:26,949
Um...

301
00:11:27,451 --> 00:11:29,585
Hey, Alex. Everything okay?

302
00:11:29,654 --> 00:11:32,054
Yeah, yeah. I-I'm probably overreacting.

303
00:11:32,123 --> 00:11:34,023
It's just I tried to make friends

304
00:11:34,091 --> 00:11:36,692
with one of the scientists,
but there's a language gap.

305
00:11:36,794 --> 00:11:38,827
He misunderstood and kissed me.

306
00:11:38,896 --> 00:11:40,829
So it's a little awkward now.

307
00:11:42,233 --> 00:11:43,666
Uh-huh, that sounds fun.

308
00:11:43,734 --> 00:11:45,267
- What?! It's not.
- Oh.

309
00:11:45,336 --> 00:11:47,069
I kind of want to come home,

310
00:11:47,138 --> 00:11:49,138
but Grandpa was so excited
about me doing this,

311
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,340
and I don't want to disappoint him.

312
00:11:51,992 --> 00:11:54,125
Hey, you've disappointed him a lot.

313
00:11:54,228 --> 00:11:55,260
What was that like?

314
00:11:55,329 --> 00:11:57,529
Ohh, Alex,
I struggled with this for years,

315
00:11:57,598 --> 00:11:58,930
but I-I finally learned

316
00:11:58,999 --> 00:12:01,166
that the most important thing is...

317
00:12:01,235 --> 00:12:03,668
Hey, Alex! Say "Hi" to Santa Claus.

318
00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:05,403
- Bye!
- I'm at the South Po...

319
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:07,973
- Okay.
- Alright, I've decided what I'm gonna do.

320
00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:09,875
I'm gonna turn the heat
up on one of the kids.

321
00:12:09,943 --> 00:12:11,676
If they did it, they'll confess.

322
00:12:11,745 --> 00:12:14,112
- If not, the actual criminal...
- Mm-hmm?

323
00:12:14,214 --> 00:12:16,815
...will feel guilty and step forward.

324
00:12:17,417 --> 00:12:19,617
So, this is gonna be our whole Saturday?

325
00:12:19,719 --> 00:12:22,286
Okay. Why... Why did we even buy bikes?

326
00:12:22,861 --> 00:12:24,956
You took his stupid,
little clown, didn't you?

327
00:12:25,025 --> 00:12:26,524
I find it sad that your generation

328
00:12:26,626 --> 00:12:28,326
is so damaged and cynical.

329
00:12:28,428 --> 00:12:29,794
It happened a few days ago.

330
00:12:30,691 --> 00:12:33,698
I hated that thing. It had to go.

331
00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:36,934
I mean, that's how collections start.

332
00:12:40,207 --> 00:12:43,241
I wasn't crazy about
the cat cozy, either.

333
00:12:43,958 --> 00:12:45,043
But I never intended

334
00:12:45,111 --> 00:12:47,745
for Cam to blame it on
one of those poor kids.

335
00:12:48,284 --> 00:12:51,151
I mean, I was just gonna
pin it on the cleaning lady.

336
00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:52,620
Where's it at, Wonderbread?!

337
00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:54,588
Uh, I don't know what you're talking
about, Mr. Tucker. I-I swear.

338
00:12:54,657 --> 00:12:55,723
Okay. Okay.

339
00:12:55,791 --> 00:12:57,291
Let's just, uh...
Let's all take a breath

340
00:12:57,393 --> 00:12:59,460
and just remember some of
the basics of the law, okay?

341
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,962
We're all innocent until proven guilty.

342
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,865
Take it from someone
who is packing one of...

343
00:13:04,933 --> 00:13:06,833
Oh, dang it.
Ooh, I left it in the kitchen.

344
00:13:06,935 --> 00:13:08,201
Okay, stay right there.

345
00:13:08,270 --> 00:13:10,203
- This is lame. Let's bounce.
- Okay, no.

346
00:13:10,272 --> 00:13:13,980
No one is bouncing
until I get my figurine.

347
00:13:14,015 --> 00:13:15,175
But I have to get home soon.

348
00:13:15,244 --> 00:13:18,045
I've read your file, Belinda.
No one knows or cares where you are.

349
00:13:20,465 --> 00:13:21,898
And...

350
00:13:24,865 --> 00:13:25,902
done!

351
00:13:28,339 --> 00:13:30,740
Oh, why?! Why?!

352
00:13:30,842 --> 00:13:33,633
What is going on?

353
00:13:33,668 --> 00:13:35,044
How are they still awake?

354
00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:37,447
I tried the vacuum. I tried formula.

355
00:13:37,549 --> 00:13:38,715
I tried everything.

356
00:13:38,817 --> 00:13:39,849
Not quite.

357
00:13:39,851 --> 00:13:42,719
It is time to break out...

358
00:13:43,623 --> 00:13:45,488
the big guns. Hmm?

359
00:13:45,590 --> 00:13:46,823
I know Haley banned pacifiers,

360
00:13:46,925 --> 00:13:47,934
but I bought these

361
00:13:47,992 --> 00:13:49,325
when I thought she was
gonna be a fun mom.

362
00:13:49,427 --> 00:13:51,060
Let's do it.

363
00:13:54,299 --> 00:13:55,331
Look at that.

364
00:13:55,333 --> 00:13:56,399
It's working already.

365
00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:58,935
Old-school parenting for the win.

366
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:00,436
They'll be asleep in no time,

367
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:01,771
unless they see each other.

368
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,639
- Then they won't be able to stop laughing.
- Yes.

369
00:14:22,393 --> 00:14:24,059
What the hell?

370
00:14:24,161 --> 00:14:25,761
Formula? Pacifiers?

371
00:14:25,863 --> 00:14:26,995
Are you kidding me?!

372
00:14:27,048 --> 00:14:29,748
This is a very weird way of saying,
"Thank you, Mother,

373
00:14:29,850 --> 00:14:31,517
"for settling down my babies.

374
00:14:31,619 --> 00:14:33,452
I have a lot to learn from you."

375
00:14:33,554 --> 00:14:35,621
You ignored everything I asked of you!

376
00:14:35,723 --> 00:14:37,690
Haley, don't be so hard on your mom.

377
00:14:37,792 --> 00:14:38,857
Ohh, you!

378
00:14:38,959 --> 00:14:41,060
Those pacifiers have you
written all over them.

379
00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:43,362
Hmm.

380
00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:48,300
Babies aren't supposed to smoke!

381
00:14:56,184 --> 00:14:57,651
How could you sneak
behind my back like that?

382
00:14:57,719 --> 00:14:59,019
Honey, we were just trying to help.

383
00:14:59,121 --> 00:15:00,130
Well, you didn't.

384
00:15:00,188 --> 00:15:02,255
The book says 85% of pacifier users

385
00:15:02,357 --> 00:15:03,690
grow up to be cat people.

386
00:15:03,759 --> 00:15:06,693
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but you need to stop reading.

387
00:15:06,795 --> 00:15:07,827
And do what?

388
00:15:07,829 --> 00:15:09,729
Do what? Rely on my instincts?

389
00:15:09,831 --> 00:15:12,298
I don't have any. That is the problem!

390
00:15:12,367 --> 00:15:13,867
Honey, everybody has instincts.

391
00:15:13,935 --> 00:15:14,944
Oh, do I?

392
00:15:15,003 --> 00:15:16,536
Because I keep waiting
for them to kick in,

393
00:15:16,538 --> 00:15:17,537
and they haven't.

394
00:15:17,539 --> 00:15:19,605
And I don't think that
they ever will. I just...

395
00:15:19,674 --> 00:15:21,407
Maybe I'm just not meant to be a mom.

396
00:15:21,475 --> 00:15:23,409
Sweetie, of course
you're meant to be a mom.

397
00:15:23,511 --> 00:15:27,212
Listen, it is normal to feel
overwhelmed. Really.

398
00:15:27,281 --> 00:15:29,381
It... The best parents
are the ones who worry

399
00:15:29,483 --> 00:15:31,750
- they're doing it wrong.
- Same goes for lovers.

400
00:15:33,154 --> 00:15:35,120
Wait, are the babies still on the couch?

401
00:15:35,222 --> 00:15:36,689
Oh, I'm sure they're fine.

402
00:15:37,257 --> 00:15:39,424
It's locked.
Babies start rolling over at this age.

403
00:15:39,526 --> 00:15:40,892
- Oh.
- Do you have a key?

404
00:15:40,961 --> 00:15:42,694
Uh, it's inside,
but I hid one out here years ago.

405
00:15:42,796 --> 00:15:44,229
It's in, um...

406
00:15:44,298 --> 00:15:46,364
It's in a fake rock.

407
00:15:46,467 --> 00:15:47,732
Can't... Can't find it.

408
00:15:47,835 --> 00:15:48,900
It's... It's too realistic.

409
00:15:48,969 --> 00:15:50,402
Why did I spring for the good one?

410
00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:51,570
I have to get in there.

411
00:15:52,706 --> 00:15:54,439
Haley! Haley, what are you doing?!

412
00:15:54,541 --> 00:15:55,874
Honey. Honey, be careful.

413
00:15:55,976 --> 00:15:58,743
It's impossible not to
fall off of that roof!

414
00:16:00,647 --> 00:16:02,581
Poppy! George! Mommy's coming!

415
00:16:02,683 --> 00:16:05,183
Those sure look
like mom instincts to me!

416
00:16:05,285 --> 00:16:07,318
You're a natural!

417
00:16:07,387 --> 00:16:09,687
Now we know how she used
to sneak in after curfew.

418
00:16:09,756 --> 00:16:12,023
And who's hanging the
Christmas lights this year.

419
00:16:12,091 --> 00:16:13,691
- Yeah.
- Babies are up.

420
00:16:13,793 --> 00:16:14,892
Somebody gonna take care of that?

421
00:16:17,932 --> 00:16:20,464
When you lie down in
a Dog Bed by Stella,

422
00:16:20,533 --> 00:16:22,633
you know you're loved.

423
00:16:22,702 --> 00:16:24,001
Was that any better?

424
00:16:25,163 --> 00:16:27,038
Where to begin, where to begin...

425
00:16:28,057 --> 00:16:29,440
You've met a dog, right?

426
00:16:29,542 --> 00:16:32,877
- Yes.
- And I know you've felt loved before.

427
00:16:33,276 --> 00:16:35,910
So let's link those two ideas
and try to get it this time.

428
00:16:36,012 --> 00:16:37,344
Can I get some water first?

429
00:16:37,446 --> 00:16:38,913
I suppose.

430
00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:40,981
You should make her drink
it out of a dog bowl.

431
00:16:41,050 --> 00:16:43,384
That seems over-the-line,
but you were right.

432
00:16:43,486 --> 00:16:44,518
This is working.

433
00:16:46,389 --> 00:16:48,656
Hey, Alex.
Kinda in the middle of something.

434
00:16:48,724 --> 00:16:50,691
Okay.
It's just that things are spiraling

435
00:16:50,793 --> 00:16:51,926
a little bit down here.

436
00:16:52,028 --> 00:16:54,106
This guy, Yngvar, keeps trying to woo me

437
00:16:54,141 --> 00:16:55,963
with things he's killed.

438
00:16:56,644 --> 00:16:58,277
Oh.

439
00:16:58,312 --> 00:16:59,312
Another fish. Thanks.

440
00:16:59,331 --> 00:17:00,430
I'll... put it with the others.

441
00:17:00,499 --> 00:17:02,499
We're still at this? Meter's running.

442
00:17:03,635 --> 00:17:05,135
And... action.

443
00:17:05,237 --> 00:17:07,838
When you lie down in
a Dog Bed by Stella,

444
00:17:07,906 --> 00:17:10,307
you know you're loved.

445
00:17:10,909 --> 00:17:12,408
Wow.

446
00:17:12,477 --> 00:17:14,911
You have her right where you want her.

447
00:17:15,013 --> 00:17:18,414
Now, go in there,
give her a little praise,

448
00:17:18,516 --> 00:17:20,583
and then reel her in.

449
00:17:20,685 --> 00:17:21,784
It won't be hard.

450
00:17:21,886 --> 00:17:23,186
This is her best performance

451
00:17:23,254 --> 00:17:26,055
since that improv audience
suggested "Jackée O."

452
00:17:26,124 --> 00:17:27,790
Yngvar does seem sweet.

453
00:17:27,892 --> 00:17:30,459
I read the suicide rate
here has plateaued.

454
00:17:30,521 --> 00:17:32,087
Okay, that's enough. Wrap it up, kid.

455
00:17:32,190 --> 00:17:33,289
Time to go home.

456
00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:34,657
Oh. Thank you.

457
00:17:34,725 --> 00:17:36,358
This has not been working out.

458
00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:38,227
I mean, I just needed
your permission to admit it

459
00:17:38,296 --> 00:17:40,596
because part of me came
down here to impress you.

460
00:17:40,665 --> 00:17:42,598
See you soon, Grandpa. Love you.

461
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:45,664
So?

462
00:17:45,666 --> 00:17:46,731
That was really good.

463
00:17:46,734 --> 00:17:48,066
Oh, thank God.

464
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,768
I mean, it's all you.

465
00:17:49,837 --> 00:17:52,904
I've never had a director
with such a sure hand.

466
00:17:52,973 --> 00:17:54,506
It's so electric.

467
00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:56,608
It is, isn't it?

468
00:17:56,677 --> 00:18:00,278
What do you say we get a drink,
Brown Eyes?

469
00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:01,613
It was all happening.

470
00:18:01,682 --> 00:18:04,249
I was on the brink of a
directorial masterpiece.

471
00:18:04,318 --> 00:18:05,650
This was the kind of
thing that could launch me

472
00:18:05,753 --> 00:18:07,819
straight into an unpaid internship.

473
00:18:08,931 --> 00:18:10,322
Let's put a pin in that drink.

474
00:18:10,391 --> 00:18:11,456
I wanna go again.

475
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,761
It took 63 more takes, but I got it.

476
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:19,330
When you lie down in
a Dog Bed by Stella,

477
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,065
you know you're loved.

478
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,777
You're a purebred.
Stop acting like a mutt.

479
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:24,966
Again!

480
00:18:25,001 --> 00:18:27,172
When you lie down in
a Dog Bed by Stella,

481
00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:29,240
you know you're loved.

482
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:30,675
There's pain behind this.

483
00:18:30,744 --> 00:18:32,443
They spayed you without your permission!

484
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,380
It's your body! Who decided?! Again!

485
00:18:36,933 --> 00:18:39,333
When you lie down in
a Dog Bed by Stella,

486
00:18:39,435 --> 00:18:41,002
you know you're loved.

487
00:18:41,104 --> 00:18:44,038
- Again!
- When you lie down in a Dog Bed by Stella,

488
00:18:44,140 --> 00:18:46,107
you know you're loved.

489
00:18:46,589 --> 00:18:48,622
And cut! We're good in here.

490
00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:50,024
Anything you wanna try?

491
00:18:50,126 --> 00:18:51,725
Not with you!

492
00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:56,964
Garbage.
That's what I'm looking at here.

493
00:18:57,066 --> 00:18:58,532
Human garbage.

494
00:18:58,634 --> 00:18:59,967
Yeah, you're right.

495
00:19:00,069 --> 00:19:02,002
It's just like my mom says...
I'm nothin'.

496
00:19:02,501 --> 00:19:05,302
I'm gonna join a gang,
get a face tattoo.

497
00:19:05,371 --> 00:19:07,437
I'm gonna sell my hair for nose drugs.

498
00:19:07,539 --> 00:19:09,840
No, okay, stop!
I-I can't take it anymore.

499
00:19:09,908 --> 00:19:11,875
I'm sorry. I threw away the statue.

500
00:19:11,977 --> 00:19:14,544
It was... It was just so tacky.

501
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:17,147
You guys, please
don't give up on yourselves, okay?

502
00:19:17,249 --> 00:19:18,348
You have very bright futures.

503
00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:19,516
Yeah, you're right.

504
00:19:19,518 --> 00:19:22,252
They sure do... in theater.

505
00:19:22,354 --> 00:19:24,254
Because this is the
theater group from school,

506
00:19:24,323 --> 00:19:25,756
The Emotivations!

507
00:19:25,858 --> 00:19:28,225
Bravo! Brava!

508
00:19:28,647 --> 00:19:29,846
I found this in the trash the other day.

509
00:19:29,915 --> 00:19:31,147
I knew you put it there
and wouldn't admit it.

510
00:19:31,216 --> 00:19:35,018
So I brought some very
talented young thespians over

511
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:37,721
to portray at-risk youth.

512
00:19:37,823 --> 00:19:39,436
He got you, girl!

513
00:19:39,725 --> 00:19:41,224
You know,
I said I wanted to bond with these kids,

514
00:19:41,326 --> 00:19:42,492
and I sure did.

515
00:19:42,561 --> 00:19:44,394
We had some hard-core bondage.

516
00:19:44,463 --> 00:19:45,895
You're gonna get fired.

517
00:19:48,255 --> 00:19:49,165
Ahh!

518
00:19:49,234 --> 00:19:52,736
This bed feels good on my weary bones.

519
00:19:52,838 --> 00:19:54,237
Mmm!

520
00:19:54,339 --> 00:19:55,805
Bones.

521
00:19:57,294 --> 00:19:59,175
- I'm gonna need money for reshoots.
- Not gonna happen.

522
00:19:59,727 --> 00:20:02,328
Sometimes in life, you've got
to know when to call it quits.

523
00:20:02,430 --> 00:20:04,197
It's not always easy.

524
00:20:04,299 --> 00:20:07,433
It takes a lot of courage
to admit your mistakes.

525
00:20:07,535 --> 00:20:09,969
The only thing you can do
is try to learn from them

526
00:20:10,071 --> 00:20:11,771
and keep moving forward.

527
00:20:14,809 --> 00:20:17,176
Anyways,
the helicopter will be here soon.

528
00:20:17,278 --> 00:20:19,645
So, I guess this is goodbye.

529
00:20:21,727 --> 00:20:23,107
_

530
00:20:23,311 --> 00:20:25,608
_

531
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,119
Aw!

532
00:20:27,222 --> 00:20:29,856
I'll miss you, too.

533
00:20:38,586 --> 00:20:40,242
Do you hear that?

534
00:20:40,344 --> 00:20:43,178
There is no sound better
than babies not crying.

535
00:20:43,740 --> 00:20:45,981
Mm, we're gonna get so much sleep.

536
00:20:46,083 --> 00:20:48,183
Or...

537
00:20:48,285 --> 00:20:49,317
Again?

538
00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:50,819
I just feel like I could do better.

539
00:20:50,921 --> 00:20:52,154
Oh, you were fine.

540
00:20:52,256 --> 00:20:53,388
- Really?
- Mm.

541
00:20:53,490 --> 00:20:54,823
Yes!

542
00:20:54,925 --> 00:20:56,558
Mm. Good night.

543
00:20:56,660 --> 00:20:57,759
Good night.

544
00:20:58,636 --> 00:21:00,762
- Hey!
- What?! What is that?! What is it?!

545
00:21:00,864 --> 00:21:02,597
Haley! What are you doing?!

546
00:21:02,699 --> 00:21:04,232
I locked myself out again.

547
00:21:04,334 --> 00:21:05,573
Oh.

548
00:21:05,936 --> 00:21:07,135
Great. Thanks for screaming.

549
00:21:07,237 --> 00:21:09,104
Ohh.

550
00:21:09,206 --> 00:21:12,340
Well... as long as we're both awake...

551
00:21:17,801 --> 00:21:19,806
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