Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com
_
I started dating Beth Ann in high school.
She used to make me sandwiches and...
sew buttons on my shirts.
I tell you, there's nothing sexier than a girl
who likes to take care of you.
I was introduced to Simone at a benefit.
Oh, the entrance she made.
Designer gown, dripping in diamonds.
You could tell from the way she walked,
she knew she was fabulous.
I first saw Taylor at a women's march.
She was giving a speech about dismantling the patriarchy.
And I don't really remember much of it,
because the entire time she was speaking,
I was just thinking,
"That is one hot feminist."
Beth Ann was a virgin on our wedding night.
I was Simone's third husband.
Right away, Taylor told me she was bisexual.
She wanted nothing more than to be a housewife.
Oh, she loved to shop and throw parties.
So I married a lawyer.
My Jewish parents were thrilled.
We were very happy...
for the first few years.
Until she discovered my secret.
And then, all hell broke loose.
_
Can you believe it?
Oh, Rob. It's lovely.
Damn straight.
And it's so big.
Well, it's a mansion, is what it is.
Yeah, you're married to a guy who can afford a goddamn mansion.
Oh.
- Hello. - Hello.
Sheila Mosconi.
This is my husband, Leo.
I guess you're our new neighbors.
I must apologize for my husband's language.
He's excited because we've never lived anywhere this nice before.
He doesn't usually swear.
Relax.
We're from Brooklyn.
Yeah. We don't give a fuck.
Yes.
Well, it was lovely to meet you.
After you unpack, invite us over.
I'll give you the skinny on all the neighbors.
You know, who to avoid.
She just wants to see if your furniture's nicer than ours.
I married a tightwad.
I know that her furniture is nicer than ours.
The moving men will be here any second.
After they're done, we would love to host you.
I saw you talking to the neighbors.
What are they like?
Italian.
Oh...
_
Karl?
I'm in here, Simone.
Oh. The phone is going to ring any second.
It'll be Henri, my hairdresser, and he will be livid.
- What have you done? - I'm 20 minutes late.
Again. He's gonna try to say
he's given away my appointment.
Don't let him. Insist I left an hour ago,
and that you're beyond frantic.
Can you do that, darling? Can you lie for me?
Well, last week, I told Delia Butrose
you'd never had work done.
This is why you're the best husband I've ever had.
I was just hoping to be in the top three.
Wish me luck.
Hurry home.
Our party starts at 7:00.
You know me. I'm never late.
For a party.
_
Saul. My man.
I just got your text. What's up?
Actually, it's my wife.
She requires a little face time.
Geez.
- Hey, Saul. - Hey.
Hey. I just had a quick question
about the blueprints for the remodel.
What seems to be the problem?
Well, see, I asked for a window to be put in the side of the building.
But you put it in the back.
Yeah. I had to do it that way.
Okay, but why?
Well, it's a structural thing.
It's hard to explain.
Oh.
Well, I'm a smart girl. Give it a try.
Relax, sweetheart, it's gonna look great.
Okay, Saul,
here's what I think is going on.
You want to finish this job quickly
and move on to the next one, and it's easier
to put the window there instead of where I want it.
Am I right?
I've been in construction 40 years.
No one's ever questioned my integrity.
And until you can speak my language,
you're just gonna have to trust me, sweetie.
I may not understand construction,
but I do understand contracts.
Especially the one you signed,
which clearly states that I don't have to pay you
unless the work is completed to my satisfaction.
And that means, for the purpose of this,
and all future conversations,
my dick is bigger than yours.
Am I speaking your language now, Saul?
Yes.
Good.
It's okay, man.
Her dick's also bigger than mine.
You get used to it.
I found the coasters.
They were in the last box I looked in.
Sheila and Leo were just telling me about the neighborhood.
Oh, you are gonna love the supermarket.
It's five blocks away and it's got everything.
I can't wait.
I have so much shopping to do.
And the schools here are excellent.
You guys got kids?
Uh... no.
Well, we have four little rug rats.
At some point, they are gonna break something that you own.
Not to worry. We will pay for it.
We make up for being bad parents
by being good neighbors.
Rob,
why do I get the feeling we've met before?
I don't know, Leo.
I mean, your face looks so familiar to me.
What do you do for a living?
I'm in aerospace engineering.
Ever hear of Cyther-Tech?
- No. - They have contracts with NASA.
I help design rockets.
I'm in dry cleaning, myself.
Got four stores.
Practically a chain.
Sounds more impressive
if no one's been talking about rockets.
Oh... Uh...
Rob, can I say something?
Sure. What's up?
If you want more coffee, ask for it.
I beg your pardon?
Just tapping on your cup?
Come on.
That's how you treat a maid, not your wife.
Okay.
See... this is my fault. See, I bought Sheila
a copy of The Feminine Mystique.
I-I thought it was a sex manual.
She's been acting militant ever since.
Sorry.
Honey, does my tapping offend you?
Of course not.
Rob is such a wonderful provider.
I consider it an honor to take care of him.
See?
She's happy.
Didn't mean to spoil the mood.
Sorry, Rob.
Apology accepted.
To show there's no hard feelings,
next time you two are in Glendale,
stop by Cyther-Tech and I'll give you the grand tour.
You work in Glendale?
Yeah. That's where we're based.
Huh.
Well, it's getting late.
You guys have unpacking to do,
- and we have kids to spank. - Yeah.
We're so happy to have made two new friends.
Ah, we feel the same way.
Take care, Beth Ann.
Rob.
Simone! The house.
It's finally done.
My decorator finished Friday. What do you think?
I'm so jealous I could kill myself.
Oh. That's the look I was going for.
Darling, I got you a scotch.
Oh... Thank you, my love.
Don't I have the nicest husband?
I don't know. Ed died and left me six million.
That was pretty nice.
Oh. Where's Wanda?
Didn't she come with you?
Wanda couldn't make it.
Oh. Why not?
She's in a dark place lately.
Charles is divorcing her because she won't stop drinking.
Oh, poor thing.
Mom, I'm working.
I'll pretend not to know you in exchange for some cheese balls.
How many do you want?
Leave the tray.
I feel so badly for Wanda.
Why don't I throw a lunch in her honor?
Oh, I don't think that's a good idea.
I think she could use a show of support from her friends.
Honey.
Wanda doesn't like you.
You lie.
Remember when we went to Le Dôme?
Charles had just moved out the day before.
Wanda was crushed.
And I told delightful anecdotes to make her laugh.
Stories about your trips to Italy
and your thriving art gallery and how much money
you're spending on your daughter's wedding.
Misery loves company.
You should've just said that your life isn't so perfect either.
But my life is perfect.
That's exactly the type of thing your friends don't want to hear.
Simone?
Everything all right?
Naomi says that
Wanda doesn't like me.
I'm just devastated.
Oh, my poor darling.
Here, would it help to dance?
I believe it would.
Hey.
Really?
You want to throw another jacket on that chair?
I'm so tired.
There's a coat rack right there.
You're complaining about me?
There's three pairs of your pants hanging over the side of the couch.
Well, we don't have a pants rack.
Well, now you've ruined your birthday surprise.
Yeah, yeah.
Get any writing done?
A couple pages, nothing much.
That's something.
Oh, what're we gonna do about dinner?
Oh, I was thinking pizza.
Ah. My mom used to love pizza.
What did you think of her body?
Salad it is.
Hello?
Hey, what's up?
What?
Okay, honey, honey, calm down.
No. Where is he now?
No, I'll be right over. Don't open the door.
Who was that?
My friend Jade. She has this crazy ex
who's been stalking her.
So you're going over there?
There's a car parked outside her condo.
I'll check it out, I'll come right back.
You never mentioned Jade before.
Well, she's a new friend. Where are my keys?
Oh... you fucking her?
Yeah.
- What happened to Alicia? - She moved back to Peru.
How come you didn't tell me you had a new hookup?
Honey, we don't always share that kind of stuff.
I mean, are you seeing anyone lately?
No, no. I mean, no one interesting.
- Oh. - Should I come with you?
To do what?
Well, if it's her ex and it gets violent, I can, you know,
I can scream for help.
I adore you.
Well, only 'cause I'm adorable.
- Mm-hmm. - Mm.
I'd like to keep kissing you...
But you have to go help your lesbian lover.
- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.
Okay.
I'm ordering pizza.
Honey, put that back.
We don't need any more cookies.
I said no.
You don't say.
They invited us over for coffee.
So, as we're talking,
Leo realizes where he's seen this guy before.
Where had he seen him?
In Glendale. Right down the street
from Cyther-Tech, which is where the guy works.
And what did Leo say this guy was doing?
Leo said he saw him in the parking lot
of some diner.
Rob was kissing a waitress.
Are you gonna tell the wife?
Well, I just met the woman.
How am I gonna let her know that her husband is having an affair?
Beth Ann.
Beth Ann!
- _ - Tommy, can you ask Gustav
if he's ready to serve the desserts?
Sure thing, Mrs. Grove.
Oh, what's this?
I don't know. It was here when I came in.
Gustav said desserts are good to go.
Oh, thank you.
Mrs. Grove?
Is, uh, is everything okay?
Everything's fine.
Absolutely fine.
... I'm happy.
? Cigarettes hanging from her lips ?
? And between your teeth...
Hey.
- Hey. - What happened?
Her ex was definitely in the car.
We had to call the cops.
Oh, my God.
- Yeah. - Did they arrest him?
Duke... that's his name...
- Great name. - He drove away
- before they got there. - Whoa.
Well, she shouldn't go back to the condo until they find him.
- Right. That's what I told her. - Good.
So did you take her to a hotel?
Um...
What?
Don't be mad...
About what?
Jade's outside.
No!
- She didn't want to be alone. - I don't care.
- Eli. - Rule number one:
We don't bring our hookups into the house.
But I'm worried about her.
Which means you've violated rule number two.
You've become emotionally involved.
That is an insult to me
and the sacred institution known as open marriage.
Damn it, Taylor, this is a really big favor.
I know, baby.
All right, fine, one night.
- I told her she could stay the weekend. - Two nights.
Monday is Labor Day,
- so technically... - Three nights. Final offer.
Thank you.
Okay, um, should we pick up a little bit?
No.
I want the Pasadena bisexual community to see how you live.
Oh, Lord.
Come on in, Jade.
- Hey. - Hey, this is Eli.
Hey.
Thank you so much for letting me stay.
I really, really appreciate it.
We're gonna put Jade in the guest room.
Will you grab her suitcase, honey?
Eli?
Huh?
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
- Oh! - Oh, my gosh!
- Are you okay? - Nothing's broken.
It's all good. Right up here. Right this way.
Beth Ann?
Sheila.
Now is not a good time.
I'll be quick.
I must apologize.
Please.
I have to get my housework done before Rob gets home.
I just feel awful about what you heard.
You have every right to hate me.
I don't hate you.
Just know that I won't be sharing that story
with anyone else.
Good, because it's not true.
- Beth Ann... - It's not.
Leo is mistaken.
He knows what he saw.
Rob kissed a blonde waitress
in the parking lot of Jansen's Diner.
It's impossible.
Maybe you should talk to him.
He couldn't.
He wouldn't put me through that.
He's a man.
Some of them cheat.
Not Rob.
Not after what happened to our daughter.
You had a daughter?
Oh, honey.
So, please, tell Leo he's wrong.
Rob and I are so very happy.
Oh, shit.
It's fine, Myron.
You know what they say:
It's not a party until someone breaks something,
and that was expensive,
so we must be having a marvelous time.
Darling, one of the waiters said you were looking for me?
I need to speak to you. Privately.
Of course.
You want to talk in here?
It'll just be a moment.
All right, what's-what's going on?
Uh...
Where did you get this?
Does it matter?
Who is he?
Darling, if I could just...
Tell me his name.
Winston.
What's his last name?
I-I don't know.
Is he the only one or have there been others?
Here's what's going to happen.
You will go upstairs to begin packing.
I will tell our guests that you have some sort of headache.
You won't come down until everyone's gone.
It's crucial they know nothing of this.
Do you understand? I will not be humiliated.
- I'm s... - Don't!
I'm so sorry.
You cannot apologize for this.
I just don't think I'll be able to find a new place
in the next few days.
I know. I told Eli.
Are we gonna pretend I didn't just catch you spying?
That would be the polite thing to do, yeah.
Okay.
Everything okay with Jade?
Mm-hmm.
She was asking if she could stay till Friday.
- Taylor! - I told her, "Not cool."
She backed off.
All right. Thank you.
She does seem like a nice kid.
Yeah, Jade's very nice.
She's pretty, too. Don't you think?
Yeah. Yeah, she's okay.
We don't lie to each other, remember?
Okay, fine. She's spectacular.
- Mm. - You happy?
- I am. - Yeah.
Oh...
Mm.
I got so lucky with you.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Most guys would not be down with this kind of lifestyle.
Well... you know...
I get to have my fun, too. So.
But you only agreed to this arrangement
because you knew how much it meant to me.
So for that, I thank you.
Are we gonna have sex now?
Mm-hmm.
Are you gonna be thinking about Jade while we're doing it?
Probably.
Me, too.
Hello?
Honey, I hope you haven't started dinner yet.
I got to meet a client out for a drink.
A client?
It might go late, so... don't wait up.
Oh, I'll make you a sandwich.
It will be in the fridge when you get home.
Sounds great. Love you.
Is everybody gone?
Your mother was the last to leave.
She said she'll see you at home.
I, uh, finished cleaning the kitchen,
and everything's put away.
Thank you.
Be sure to lock up before you leave.
Is Mr. Grove okay?
I mean, he never came back down to the party.
Don't you worry about him.
Why aren't you finished packing?
I'm only seeing casual clothes.
You'll need at least two suits.
By the way,
I don't want anyone at the art gallery
knowing about this. Not until the divorce is final.
Did you say something?
I'm packing your Armani. You'll need something black.
Once we've gone public,
you need to tell our friends at the country club
that this was amicable.
I want to avoid as many condescending looks as possible.
Why are you mumbling?
I can't understand a word you're saying.
Why are you sweating?
Karl?
What did you do?!
You think you're gonna get out of this by dying? Fuck you!
I want to see you suffer
in a one-bedroom apartment next to the airport,
and you will not deny me that pleasure!
Hello? Yes.
Uh, we've had a little incident.
Can you send an ambulance to 4352 Seneca?
Yes, it's my husband. He seems to have taken
a few too many pills.
Uh, could you hold?
Wake up!
Excuse me, I'm back.
Oh, it's on its way?
Oh, thank you so much.
My husband and I will be waiting.
Karl.
Karl...
Something is weird.
Our home is clean.
Yeah.
Isn't that weird?
Hey!
I was just coming up to wake you guys.
Did you clean our house?
It was my way of saying thank you.
Also, I ran to the store and I got stuff for breakfast.
Go ahead, sit down.
The orange juice is freshly squeezed,
and I'm making pancakes.
Honey, you didn't have to do all this.
Oh, I wanted to.
Cooking relaxes me.
Yeah, let her relax.
Sit down.
Wait a minute, where did these plates come from?
It's our good china.
So lovely.
Yeah.
Why don't we ever use it?
I don't know where we keep it.
Jade.
She cooks, she cleans, she juices...
She's the wife we always wanted.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Do you ever wish I were more like this?
Cooking your breakfast
and pouring your coffee?
I married a kick-ass lawyer.
That's better than having my coffee poured.
Good answer.
How about you?
Ever...
resent me for not bringing home more money?
It's been a while since I sold a script.
You're trying.
But the last two years, you've been the breadwinner.
That never bothers you?
Here we go.
Do you like bacon?
Uh...
well, I'm Jewish, so, yeah.
The meat loaf's delicious.
Did you change the recipe?
Little bit.
Well, good job.
Better than ever.
Penny for your thoughts.
Oh, I was just...
thinking about...
silly things.
What kind of silly things?
I was wondering when you'll die.
Excuse me?
Oh... Whether it will be sooner rather than later.
I'm not dying anytime soon.
You don't know that.
You could be hit by a bus.
Or have a stroke, or get...
stabbed in the chest.
Beth Ann.
Myra Penn's husband was 50
when he choked to death on a pimento.
I'm only 42, and I feel great.
Can we just... eat dinner?
I put pimentos in the meat loaf.
That's how I changed the recipe.
Are you angry with me?
Why would you say that?
You're fantasizing about my death, for starters.
Oh, I don't wish you dead.
I'm just wondering what will become of me
when the inevitable happens.
Inevitable?
I don't have a job.
Or a hobby.
All I do is take care of you.
That's what makes you a good wife.
But when you're not here anymore,
who will I be?
My widow?
Listen to what I'm saying.
I need something more.
Like what?
I don't know, exactly.
This something more...
will it keep you from making me delicious dinners?
No.
Then you have my permission
to do whatever makes you happy.
But just so you know...
I intend on sticking around for a while.
Okay.
What is it?
Pimento.
Sorry.
Ma'am, do you want to ride with us to the hospital?
Yes. But give me a moment.
Margaret.
Simone, what happened?
Oh, it was the silliest thing.
Karl slipped coming down the stairs.
Nothing to worry about.
He just hit his head.
Oh, Harold. I love the robe.
Uh, so Karl's okay?
He's fine. Go on home.
Don't mind us.
We're almost ready to go, ma'am.
Uh... just be a moment.
Wanda.
What are you doing here?
I heard the sirens.
What's going on?
Nothing.
Karl just had a little fall coming down the stairs.
You sure you didn't push him?
I wouldn't blame you.
Considering.
You left that photo.
Oh, my God!
Hey! Hey!
Stop! Hey. Stop.
Bitch!
Oh!
Have you lost your mind?
Of course not.
I'm drunk.
Hey.
I brought wine.
Sheila, you didn't need to do that.
Well, I wanted to see how you were doing
and I couldn't come empty-handed.
I went to that diner, and...
I saw Rob kiss the waitress.
Oh, honey.
You sit and I'll pour.
I've decided not to say anything.
If I put Rob on the defensive, it will affect our marriage.
He's committing adultery.
That's supposed to affect your marriage.
I'm just going to work harder at being a good wife.
To remind Rob why he loves me.
And then, hopefully...
There is another option.
What's that?
Confront the girl.
- The girl? - Go to her diner and make a scene.
Sheila. She might not even know that Rob is married.
Oh, those tramps always know.
Threaten to tell her boss unless she stops seeing Rob.
Scare her to death.
I suppose that could work.
But I just don't know where I would find the courage.
It's right here,
at the bottom of this glass.
This is your wife's lover?
Yeah.
Damn.
- Ooh, she got game. - Mm-hmm.
Oh, and get this: Jade.
Total neat freak.
Spent the last two days compulsively cleaning our entire house.
And she cooks and she does laundry.
She sewed this button on my shirt this morning.
So she's into some serious housewife shit.
Oh, man, I got to tell you,
it's addictive.
Like, having a woman wait on me like this?
Bringing out my inner caveman.
So, um, what else is Jade into?
- What do you mean? - Well, you know me.
I hear about a sexy lady who lives to serve,
- my imagination runs wild. - No, no, no, no. No.
She's my wife's lover, not mine.
Well, I would now like to say the two most beautiful words
in the English language:
three-way.
Technically, that's one word.
Don't hit me with that hyphen bullshit.
- I'm trying to get you laid, bitch. - All right.
Taylor and I, we've never done that before.
You don't need to train for it.
It's sex, not ice dancing.
You already got an open marriage.
What's the big deal?
Well, to begin with, I don't know that Jade's that into me.
She sewed a button on for you.
That's how white girls say "Fuck me."
You're crazy.
Look, I know what I know.
Hi. I'm April.
I'll be your waitress this morning.
Um, can I get you some coffee to start?
Ma'am?
Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
Here.
I don't know what is wrong with me.
We all have bad days.
I know I have.
You seem like a very nice girl.
I try to be.
You know, I'm not really that hungry. I should go.
Oh, at least let me get you a cup of coffee.
It's all right.
Ma'am?
Um...
You look like you could use someone to talk to.
And we're slow right now.
- I could sit with you for a bit. - No.
You don't have to do that.
Oh, come on, it'll be fun. You can tell me about your life,
I'll tell you about mine, and then, we'll be friends.
Now, wouldn't you like that?
I suppose I could stay a few minutes.
Sure.
I am so glad.
Come on.
Um, sorry.
Uh, what was your name?
Sheila.
My name is Sheila.
Door's open.
Hey, Mrs. Grove.
What's all this?
These are a few of my favorite things.
Well, my mom told me that Mr. Grove
went to the hospital last night.
I just wanted to see how he was doing.
He'll be there a few days, but he'll recover.
Anything else?
Um...
Yeah, actually, um, I wanted to apologize.
For what?
I lied to you last night.
I saw the photo of your husband
and his... friend.
I-I didn't know what to do, so I put the photo
back in the envelope.
Well, did you tell your mother about this?
No.
She'll find out eventually, I just can't handle that.
Not just yet.
So is Mr. Grove gay?
Oh, yeah.
I am so sorry.
It's funny, my first husband liked booze more than me.
My second liked cocaine more than me.
My third likes boys more than me.
Am I the only one here seeing a pattern?
Maybe you just haven't met the right man yet.
I've always thought of myself as this fabulous woman.
But how fabulous can I be if nobody wants to love me?
Hey...
Come here.
Tommy.
I've wanted to do that since I was 13.
Well, how old are you now?
I'm 18.
In two days.
As much as it would cheer me up
to commit a felony, I think you should go.
Okay.
Just remember,
there's at least one man in this world who's dying to fuck you.
- Hey. - Hey.
Are you working on something?
'Cause I wanted to go swim, but if it would bother you...
No, no, no. No, no. No, you swim.
I will just be here only looking at my computer.
So, I found out that you and I have the same taste in movies.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Um, that poster, framed on the wall?
Jenny From Yesterday?
I love that movie.
- You do? - Yeah.
I saw it four times.
It made me cry.
I guess you love it, too?
Uh, well, yeah, I'm, I'm-I'm partial,
but mostly just 'cause I wrote it.
No!
Yeah, yeah. I'm Eli Cohen.
My name's right there in the credits.
I never pay attention to who writes the movie.
You'll do well in Hollywood.
God, this is crazy. I can't believe this.
I'm staying with the guy who wrote my favorite movie.
It's not your favorite movie.
- It totally is. - No...
And I'm not the only person who feels that way.
There's, like, a ton of people worship that movie.
You must be so proud of yourself.
Please, please stop. Okay?
- You're embarrassing me. - No.
I think it's incredible.
Get used to it.
You're really, really special.
Hey.
I was in court today for seven hours straight.
It was a shit-show.
Woof.
Well, you know what?
We'll have some wine with dinner tonight.
- You'll relax. - Sounds wonderful.
So I was thinking,
if Jade needed to stay here
a couple extra weeks,
it's no problem.
Honey, you would do that for me?
Hey, you know me. I'm all about being a nice guy.
_
It's a simple question, really.
Why would a woman kill?
And who would she murder?
The man who did her wrong?
The other woman?
Perhaps a friend guilty of betrayal?
To know the answer, you must listen to the woman's story.
Discover her secrets.
Only then can you understand the choices she made.
You might condemn her.
You might forgive her.
You might think you'd have done the exact same thing.
But for the woman who kills,
only one question really matters.
Does she get away with it?
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com