1
00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:06,099
Leo, what do you want for lunch today?

2
00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:08,020
You can have beef ribs or pork ribs.

3
00:00:08,021 --> 00:00:10,776
I want a sensible salad
with dressing on the side.

4
00:00:10,777 --> 00:00:13,030
Ugh, the things your father teaches you.

5
00:00:13,031 --> 00:00:15,577
Annette, you're early.

6
00:00:15,578 --> 00:00:17,790
Hey, can you please go make
small talk with your grandma?

7
00:00:17,791 --> 00:00:21,046
I'll be out in a bit.

8
00:00:21,047 --> 00:00:23,050
It's not Ma, it's me.

9
00:00:23,051 --> 00:00:25,054
And 45 minutes early, is early.

10
00:00:25,055 --> 00:00:27,183
15 minutes early is on time.

11
00:00:27,184 --> 00:00:30,524
- On time is late.
- That's really great, Danny.

12
00:00:30,525 --> 00:00:32,402
Nice to see you.
Hey, what're you doing here?

13
00:00:32,403 --> 00:00:33,697
It's not Saturday.

14
00:00:33,698 --> 00:00:35,074
Well, Ma wasn't feeling well,

15
00:00:35,075 --> 00:00:36,493
so I thought I'd take Leo to school

16
00:00:36,494 --> 00:00:40,376
because you got so much going on

17
00:00:40,377 --> 00:00:42,213
with your divorce and everything.

18
00:00:42,214 --> 00:00:44,092
I'm sorry, Danny, I couldn't hear you

19
00:00:44,093 --> 00:00:46,305
through the walls of your glass house.

20
00:00:46,306 --> 00:00:48,350
You were married for, like,
two seconds longer than me.

21
00:00:48,351 --> 00:00:51,231
I'm not getting a divorce.
I'm getting an annulment.

22
00:00:51,232 --> 00:00:53,695
Totally different. God's little eraser.

23
00:00:53,696 --> 00:00:56,199
But you, there was Casey, me,
and now nurse hair gel.

24
00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:57,995
- What's his name?
- His name is Bun.

25
00:00:57,996 --> 00:00:59,915
Ben. His name is Ben.

26
00:00:59,916 --> 00:01:02,170
And that was my only divorce.

27
00:01:02,171 --> 00:01:04,174
If I wasn't such a low-key nice person,

28
00:01:04,175 --> 00:01:05,969
I would point out
that you've been divorced

29
00:01:05,970 --> 00:01:08,098
from basically every
blonde woman in Manhattan.

30
00:01:08,099 --> 00:01:09,769
- It was two.
- Okay.

31
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:11,522
Okay, enough. I gotta get Leo to school.

32
00:01:11,523 --> 00:01:13,693
- Is he wearing red?
- No, why would he wear red?

33
00:01:13,694 --> 00:01:15,363
You know that hot colors wash him out.

34
00:01:15,364 --> 00:01:17,241
The kids are doing
their unit on gay pride.

35
00:01:17,242 --> 00:01:19,329
Leo's the red in the rainbow.
Top billing. Come on.

36
00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:21,333
Do you not read your Bleecker
Friends' weekly emails?

37
00:01:21,334 --> 00:01:23,128
It's just that they send 20 a day

38
00:01:23,129 --> 00:01:24,590
and they're all the same.
You know, like,

39
00:01:24,591 --> 00:01:26,218
"Blah, blah, blah, give money,

40
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,013
something, something, Yom Kippur, lice."

41
00:01:28,014 --> 00:01:30,393
Yeah, last week we almost
had to shave Leo's head.

42
00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:33,232
For Yom Kippur? When will it end?

43
00:01:33,233 --> 00:01:36,823
Okay, look, Min, I know
you and I are really busy,

44
00:01:36,824 --> 00:01:38,535
but I gotta tell you,

45
00:01:38,536 --> 00:01:40,831
Ma spends more time at school
than you do.

46
00:01:40,832 --> 00:01:43,168
People are starting to think
she and I are Leo's parents.

47
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:46,299
Like I could ever score
a beauty like that, mm.

48
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:48,053
Please don't bite your lip like that

49
00:01:48,054 --> 00:01:49,765
- about your own mother.
- I didn't bite my lip.

50
00:01:49,766 --> 00:01:51,561
You did. And I'll tell you

51
00:01:51,562 --> 00:01:53,397
who participates a hell of
a lot in that school.

52
00:01:53,398 --> 00:01:55,694
My checkbook. It participates so much

53
00:01:55,695 --> 00:01:57,531
they should be asking it
to speak at graduation.

54
00:01:57,532 --> 00:01:59,325
Okay, I can see you're
getting real agitated.

55
00:01:59,326 --> 00:02:01,998
Probably because of your
current romantic situation.

56
00:02:01,999 --> 00:02:03,626
I am getting agitated

57
00:02:03,627 --> 00:02:06,089
because of my former romantic situation.

58
00:02:06,090 --> 00:02:07,968
- Me?
- Yeah, you.

59
00:02:07,969 --> 00:02:09,471
Leo, let's go.

60
00:02:09,472 --> 00:02:11,349
- Let me find him a red shirt.
- Please.

61
00:02:14,356 --> 00:02:18,204
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

62
00:02:21,872 --> 00:02:25,252
Guys, I think my son
might be a genius artist.

63
00:02:25,253 --> 00:02:27,048
- Move over, Banksy.
- Who told you?

64
00:02:27,049 --> 00:02:29,010
I'm not Banksy.

65
00:02:29,011 --> 00:02:32,391
Look at this incredibly cute
drawing he did at school.

66
00:02:32,392 --> 00:02:35,231
- I'm gonna put it on the fridge.
- So when Leo makes a drawing,

67
00:02:35,232 --> 00:02:36,901
it gets prime fridge placement, okay,

68
00:02:36,902 --> 00:02:38,362
but when I try to hang my art,

69
00:02:38,363 --> 00:02:40,366
everyone says it's pornographic?

70
00:02:40,367 --> 00:02:43,205
- Come on, guys.
- Blond hair, blue eyes,

71
00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,917
no calzone in her hands.

72
00:02:44,918 --> 00:02:47,004
That's definitely not
a drawing of you, Mindy.

73
00:02:47,005 --> 00:02:49,425
- Hmm?
- In the...

74
00:02:49,426 --> 00:02:51,722
Okay, that's Leo's girlfriend, Daisy.

75
00:02:51,723 --> 00:02:53,433
Have you met this Daisy yet?

76
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:55,271
I mean, does she come
from a compatible family?

77
00:02:55,272 --> 00:02:57,275
You know, new money? Shouty?

78
00:02:57,276 --> 00:02:59,153
I don't know her.

79
00:02:59,154 --> 00:03:00,824
Maybe I should be spending
more time at Leo's school.

80
00:03:00,825 --> 00:03:02,493
I wouldn't worry about it.

81
00:03:02,494 --> 00:03:04,707
My father was always away
having his affairs

82
00:03:04,708 --> 00:03:06,418
and Mother stayed in her room

83
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:08,965
talking to her mirror
with the shades drawn,

84
00:03:08,966 --> 00:03:11,303
and I turned out great.

85
00:03:11,304 --> 00:03:12,890
How much of that mug is bourbon?

86
00:03:12,891 --> 00:03:14,894
A mug never tells.

87
00:03:18,151 --> 00:03:20,321
All right, Morgan,

88
00:03:20,322 --> 00:03:22,241
this has been fun,

89
00:03:22,242 --> 00:03:24,245
but we should get back out there.

90
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:25,957
I feel like people are gonna
start wondering where we are.

91
00:03:25,958 --> 00:03:27,544
Or at least where I am.

92
00:03:27,545 --> 00:03:28,838
Well, maybe we could get some lunch?

93
00:03:28,839 --> 00:03:30,550
My treat. Blood bank called.

94
00:03:30,551 --> 00:03:32,053
They are accepting my donations
once again.

95
00:03:32,054 --> 00:03:33,514
I guess I'm not sick anymore.

96
00:03:33,515 --> 00:03:35,225
Ooh, I don't know about all that.

97
00:03:35,226 --> 00:03:36,896
I feel like us
going out to lunch together

98
00:03:36,897 --> 00:03:38,775
would be too much of, like, a date.

99
00:03:38,776 --> 00:03:40,862
And why can't we go on a date?

100
00:03:40,863 --> 00:03:42,658
I really appreciate you helping me

101
00:03:42,659 --> 00:03:44,662
with my fertility treatments
and helping me grow,

102
00:03:44,663 --> 00:03:46,666
but I think I respect you too much

103
00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:48,335
to continue having sex with you.

104
00:03:48,336 --> 00:03:50,381
Come on! Ugh!

105
00:03:50,382 --> 00:03:52,343
Why does everyone have
to respect me so much?

106
00:03:52,344 --> 00:03:54,389
And if you don't mind,
please don't tell anyone

107
00:03:54,390 --> 00:03:57,103
about any of this.
You know I hate bossip.

108
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,773
Just as much as I love wossip.

109
00:03:58,774 --> 00:04:01,696
All right, real quick.
I get it. I hear you.

110
00:04:01,697 --> 00:04:03,866
Can we still hook up
once in a while on the side?

111
00:04:03,867 --> 00:04:05,202
No, no, that's what I just said.

112
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:07,457
I don't wanna hook up no more.

113
00:04:08,459 --> 00:04:10,379
Here. Got your lunch.

114
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,049
I ate the fries.

115
00:04:12,050 --> 00:04:14,513
Ooh, my McCafe caramel macchiato.

116
00:04:14,514 --> 00:04:17,268
- Come to mama.
- I mean, do I get one or...?

117
00:04:17,269 --> 00:04:18,980
Well, they were supposed to just be...

118
00:04:18,981 --> 00:04:21,109
- Well, just... okay, thank you.
- Oh, by the way,

119
00:04:21,110 --> 00:04:25,117
there's a hysterical Catholic
woman on the phone for you.

120
00:04:25,118 --> 00:04:28,123
Oh. It's Annette.

121
00:04:28,124 --> 00:04:31,630
Hey, Min, Dot got into
a fight at Cardio Strut.

122
00:04:31,631 --> 00:04:33,760
She thinks she's good enough
to be in the front row,

123
00:04:33,761 --> 00:04:35,471
- but she's not.
- You're just jealous

124
00:04:35,472 --> 00:04:37,266
'cause the teacher gave me
an adjustment.

125
00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:39,312
You're just trying too hard
to look sexy.

126
00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:41,316
- It's not an effort.
- Look.

127
00:04:41,317 --> 00:04:43,696
I am gonna be late for picking up Leo.

128
00:04:43,697 --> 00:04:45,282
You know what, Annette,
I'm gonna pick Leo up today.

129
00:04:45,283 --> 00:04:46,535
I wanna meet this Daisy and make sure

130
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:48,080
she's not after his money.

131
00:04:48,081 --> 00:04:49,708
Are you sure you know where it is?

132
00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:51,796
Yeah, Annette,
I know the name and address

133
00:04:51,797 --> 00:04:54,301
- of my only son's school.
- All right.

134
00:04:55,428 --> 00:04:57,389
Bleecker Friends
Quaker School for Toddlers.

135
00:04:57,390 --> 00:04:59,143
433 Astor Place.

136
00:04:59,144 --> 00:05:00,730
Thank you, and I pick him up at, what,

137
00:05:00,731 --> 00:05:02,233
like, 7:00 or 8:00 tonight?

138
00:05:02,234 --> 00:05:04,112
2:00. My God.

139
00:05:06,283 --> 00:05:09,998
And we now have a new line
of genetically modified sperm.

140
00:05:09,999 --> 00:05:12,712
We call it Frankensperm.
Not to be confused

141
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,967
with Al Franken's sperm,
which we have a ton of.

142
00:05:14,968 --> 00:05:18,223
I'm actually more interested
in health, college education,

143
00:05:18,224 --> 00:05:20,310
and, if possible, telekinesis ability.

144
00:05:20,311 --> 00:05:23,441
Hmm, I noticed you didn't
say, "Has a big heart"

145
00:05:23,442 --> 00:05:25,947
- or "gap in teeth."
- Shh.

146
00:05:25,948 --> 00:05:27,742
Now, Miss Webb,
would you like for the child

147
00:05:27,743 --> 00:05:29,078
to be able to contact the donor?

148
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:30,582
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

149
00:05:30,583 --> 00:05:32,042
I don't wanna confuse him or her.

150
00:05:32,043 --> 00:05:33,546
Also, I want them to be able to make

151
00:05:33,547 --> 00:05:35,007
a documentary about this one day.

152
00:05:35,008 --> 00:05:37,011
You don't want the kid to meet his dad?

153
00:05:37,012 --> 00:05:38,556
Do you want him to end up like me?

154
00:05:38,557 --> 00:05:41,604
Nah, man, the exact opposite. Shut up.

155
00:05:41,605 --> 00:05:43,315
I don't have time for this.

156
00:05:43,316 --> 00:05:47,072
I have a 3:00 appointment
with a very famous donor.

157
00:05:47,073 --> 00:05:48,868
Robert Durst.

158
00:05:48,869 --> 00:05:50,872
Louis ain't got no time
to deal with this, Morgan.

159
00:05:50,873 --> 00:05:52,792
He's New York's best spermmolier.

160
00:05:52,793 --> 00:05:54,462
I am never doing anything
nice for you ever again.

161
00:05:54,463 --> 00:05:56,049
Just go pick up my laundry.

162
00:05:56,050 --> 00:05:58,428
Nothing would give me more pleasure.

163
00:05:58,429 --> 00:06:00,182
Robert Durst, huh?

164
00:06:00,183 --> 00:06:02,353
I've seen Limp Bizkit
three times in concert.

165
00:06:02,354 --> 00:06:04,357
She means Fred Durst.

166
00:06:06,028 --> 00:06:09,577
Morgan, I know
what's gonna cheer you up.

167
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:13,709
Folding our briefs. Yeah?

168
00:06:13,710 --> 00:06:15,546
Oh, we are gonna need
more bleach on these.

169
00:06:15,547 --> 00:06:17,550
- That's for sure.
- I don't wanna be cheered up,

170
00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:19,345
Colette. I wanna be sad and left alone.

171
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:22,727
Anyway. I was doing a load of laundry

172
00:06:22,728 --> 00:06:26,401
and I found this little
gold necklace that says "Diva."

173
00:06:26,402 --> 00:06:29,115
Did some girl you bring over
leave it here?

174
00:06:29,116 --> 00:06:30,743
- It looks familiar.
- Uh, no.

175
00:06:30,744 --> 00:06:33,749
It's a birthday gift for you from me.

176
00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:35,335
Really? I found it in your bedsheets.

177
00:06:35,336 --> 00:06:37,339
I didn't think you were gonna like it,

178
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:38,801
and I'm gonna return it and
get you something much better.

179
00:06:38,802 --> 00:06:40,095
- Oh, no.
- Okay, okay.

180
00:06:40,096 --> 00:06:41,682
I love it.

181
00:06:41,683 --> 00:06:43,435
I've never thought of myself as a diva,

182
00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:46,316
but now it's the only way I see myself.

183
00:06:46,317 --> 00:06:50,282
- ? I'm a diva, I'm a diva, I'm a diva... ?
- Shh, stop.

184
00:06:50,283 --> 00:06:52,996
Hey, hey, they hate it. They hate it.

185
00:06:58,174 --> 00:07:01,054
Oh, hey, Dr. Ledreau.
What're you doing here?

186
00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:03,349
I'm picking up my son, Sergio.

187
00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:05,395
Your son? Say what?

188
00:07:05,396 --> 00:07:06,982
Oh, did you not know?

189
00:07:06,983 --> 00:07:09,028
I Schwarzenegger'd my cleaning woman.

190
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:12,911
You have a little kid.
That's so gro... great.

191
00:07:12,912 --> 00:07:14,539
- That's so great.
- Yep.

192
00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:16,960
Best court ordered thing
I've ever had to do.

193
00:07:16,961 --> 00:07:19,633
Sergio, va-ma-nos.

194
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,395
Oh, hey, Leo. Hi, sweetheart.

195
00:07:26,396 --> 00:07:27,941
- How was school today?
- Good.

196
00:07:27,942 --> 00:07:30,278
Good. I wanna meet Daisy.

197
00:07:30,279 --> 00:07:32,742
I wanna see if the girl
lives up to the drawing.

198
00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:34,203
Daisy, Daisy.

199
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,249
Oh, there's my favorite guy!

200
00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:37,627
Coming back for another hug?

201
00:07:37,628 --> 00:07:39,046
How are you?

202
00:07:39,047 --> 00:07:41,342
You're getting so big.

203
00:07:41,343 --> 00:07:43,263
Oh. Oh, hi.

204
00:07:43,264 --> 00:07:44,766
Wait, you're a mom?

205
00:07:44,767 --> 00:07:47,396
You must be Dr. Lahiri's nanny.

206
00:07:47,397 --> 00:07:49,358
I'm Daisy.

207
00:07:55,673 --> 00:07:57,625
Leo, why don't you go get your backpack.

208
00:07:57,626 --> 00:07:59,086
- Thank you.
- Bye.

209
00:07:59,087 --> 00:08:00,620
- Exsqueeze me.
- Mm?

210
00:08:00,645 --> 00:08:03,011
Why does my son refer to you,
an adult woman,

211
00:08:03,012 --> 00:08:05,348
- as his girlfriend?
- I'm so sorry.

212
00:08:05,349 --> 00:08:07,144
Our kids are in the same class here,

213
00:08:07,145 --> 00:08:10,192
and I just... I felt a need
to take Leo under my wing.

214
00:08:10,193 --> 00:08:12,487
I would see him standing there all alone

215
00:08:12,488 --> 00:08:14,868
while all the other kids were
with their parents,

216
00:08:14,869 --> 00:08:17,916
and I... really, it's...
it's been a pleasure.

217
00:08:17,917 --> 00:08:21,088
- He's a very sweet little boy.
- Yeah, I know he's sweet.

218
00:08:21,089 --> 00:08:23,636
I had gestational diabetes
my entire pregnancy.

219
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:26,432
- Hmm.
- Oh, my God.

220
00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:28,269
- Are you Leo's mom?
- Mm-hmm.

221
00:08:28,270 --> 00:08:29,731
Hi, I'm Ronald,

222
00:08:29,732 --> 00:08:32,152
a stay-at-home father by choice.

223
00:08:32,153 --> 00:08:33,488
I'm Eunice Rhee.

224
00:08:33,489 --> 00:08:35,743
I can't believe you're real.

225
00:08:35,744 --> 00:08:37,246
I know, right?

226
00:08:37,247 --> 00:08:38,582
You are like our Loch Ness Monster.

227
00:08:38,583 --> 00:08:40,544
I am nothing like

228
00:08:40,545 --> 00:08:42,047
the Loch Ness Monster. First of all,

229
00:08:42,048 --> 00:08:43,592
I can't swim. Second of all,

230
00:08:43,593 --> 00:08:45,554
my neck is sort of short and thick.

231
00:08:45,555 --> 00:08:47,725
Although, I have been known
to be blurry in photographs.

232
00:08:47,726 --> 00:08:50,731
I'm... I'm so sorry, Dr. Lahiri.

233
00:08:50,732 --> 00:08:53,069
It's just you're never here
at all, ever.

234
00:08:53,070 --> 00:08:55,950
You're actually the only
parent who hasn't volunteered.

235
00:08:55,951 --> 00:08:58,413
For anything.

236
00:08:58,414 --> 00:09:00,710
Okay, well, you will see me
at the next event.

237
00:09:00,711 --> 00:09:02,129
What is it? Bernie Sanders' birthday?

238
00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:03,757
Navajo Christmas? Sign me up.

239
00:09:03,758 --> 00:09:05,886
Actually, our Japanese sister school,

240
00:09:05,887 --> 00:09:08,391
the Sliding Screen Shinto
School for Pre-Businessmen,

241
00:09:08,392 --> 00:09:10,605
has sent us a beautiful
cherry blossom tree

242
00:09:10,606 --> 00:09:12,482
to plant on the grounds.

243
00:09:12,483 --> 00:09:14,111
I'm sorry... and people
actually wanna come to that?

244
00:09:14,112 --> 00:09:16,490
Oh, yeah.

245
00:09:16,491 --> 00:09:18,411
Because I definitely want to.

246
00:09:18,412 --> 00:09:20,415
I'm sure I'll gain in memories with Leo

247
00:09:20,416 --> 00:09:22,294
what I lose in lucrative billable hours.

248
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:23,631
That is wonderful.

249
00:09:23,632 --> 00:09:25,133
The ceremony is tomorrow at 11:00,

250
00:09:25,134 --> 00:09:26,970
and you need to bring a homemade snack

251
00:09:26,971 --> 00:09:28,932
- for the whole school.
- Yeah, now some of the kids

252
00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:31,395
can't eat peanuts,
but they can eat tree nuts.

253
00:09:31,396 --> 00:09:33,316
But none of the kids can eat tree nuts

254
00:09:33,317 --> 00:09:34,819
if it's mixed with gluten.

255
00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:36,322
However, one kid, Joey,

256
00:09:36,323 --> 00:09:38,744
- must have gluten or he'll die.
- Great.

257
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,915
Well, I love that
Leo goes to school here,

258
00:09:40,916 --> 00:09:43,086
it was great meeting the three of you,

259
00:09:43,087 --> 00:09:45,841
I'm a good mom, I will see you tomorrow.

260
00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:49,181
Where is my son?

261
00:09:53,399 --> 00:09:55,778
? To the ah tick tock get up stop ?

262
00:09:55,779 --> 00:09:58,282
? To the ah tick tock get up stop ?

263
00:09:58,283 --> 00:10:00,705
? Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ?

264
00:10:00,706 --> 00:10:03,000
? I'm gonna knock you up ?

265
00:10:03,001 --> 00:10:04,169
Did I wait here for 20 minutes

266
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:05,715
while you thought that up?

267
00:10:05,716 --> 00:10:08,637
Tamra, today is your insemination day.

268
00:10:08,638 --> 00:10:11,685
Get ready for nine whole months
of total strangers

269
00:10:11,686 --> 00:10:14,148
feeling entitled to rub your stomach.

270
00:10:14,149 --> 00:10:16,987
Now all we have to do
is one last ultrasound,

271
00:10:16,988 --> 00:10:18,741
to make sure that your eggs

272
00:10:18,742 --> 00:10:20,995
are ripe and juicy for the plucking.

273
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,414
You better stop.
You're being hella noony

274
00:10:22,415 --> 00:10:24,084
and I don't like it.

275
00:10:24,085 --> 00:10:26,005
If my child grows up
to pronounce "sensual"

276
00:10:26,006 --> 00:10:28,635
sen-su-al, I'm gonna sue you.

277
00:10:28,636 --> 00:10:30,473
Of course.

278
00:10:32,644 --> 00:10:35,941
Tamra, you have a gorgeous uterus.

279
00:10:35,942 --> 00:10:37,737
Oh, no.

280
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,532
Looks like there's a sesame
seed on the screen.

281
00:10:39,533 --> 00:10:41,035
I had a bagel earlier.

282
00:10:41,036 --> 00:10:43,373
It must have flown off in the ravaging.

283
00:10:44,835 --> 00:10:47,130
That's not a sesame seed.

284
00:10:47,131 --> 00:10:48,884
That's a baby.

285
00:10:48,885 --> 00:10:50,721
Tamra, you're already pregnant.

286
00:10:55,439 --> 00:10:57,985
Hello, Tamra. My women's rugby team

287
00:10:57,986 --> 00:10:59,697
is selling these candy bars

288
00:10:59,698 --> 00:11:02,410
to help send us
to the 2020 Tokyo Olympics.

289
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:03,914
Not to play. Just to hook up.

290
00:11:05,544 --> 00:11:08,256
Tamra, can you answer me?
I'm a human being.

291
00:11:08,257 --> 00:11:09,843
Can't you see I'm reeling right now?

292
00:11:09,844 --> 00:11:11,555
My poke bowl is untouched.

293
00:11:11,556 --> 00:11:14,811
Ugh, everyone's
in such a bad mood these days.

294
00:11:14,812 --> 00:11:18,317
Morgan, you, Sean Hannity,
the entire gay community.

295
00:11:18,318 --> 00:11:20,865
Sorry, Colette,
I just have a lot on my mind.

296
00:11:20,866 --> 00:11:22,450
Well, do you wanna talk about it?

297
00:11:22,451 --> 00:11:24,246
I wanna talk about why you're wearing

298
00:11:24,247 --> 00:11:25,541
my diva necklace.

299
00:11:25,542 --> 00:11:27,503
Huh? This is mine.

300
00:11:27,504 --> 00:11:29,089
Morgan gave it to me for my birthday.

301
00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:30,760
I found it in his bedsheets.

302
00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:37,899
You know, maybe I didn't find it

303
00:11:37,900 --> 00:11:40,486
in the... his sheets.

304
00:11:40,487 --> 00:11:42,073
No. Maybe I found 'em in, like...

305
00:11:42,074 --> 00:11:44,871
The streets.

306
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:47,167
Anyway, uh, good luck

307
00:11:47,168 --> 00:11:48,879
with your football thing or whatever.

308
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,841
Bye.

309
00:11:50,842 --> 00:11:52,177
Bossip.

310
00:11:52,178 --> 00:11:53,680
Hey, Jeremy, I have to go to

311
00:11:53,681 --> 00:11:55,475
that stupid tree event at Leo's school,

312
00:11:55,476 --> 00:11:57,437
so can you please bring in
the homemade snacks?

313
00:11:57,438 --> 00:11:59,525
And please, please let them be good.

314
00:12:01,029 --> 00:12:02,740
Now, for all the food restrictions,

315
00:12:02,741 --> 00:12:04,409
I think I rather outdid myself.

316
00:12:04,410 --> 00:12:07,290
They are meringues
in the exact same color

317
00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:10,380
as the famed Japanese cherry blossom.

318
00:12:10,381 --> 00:12:12,175
Oishi.

319
00:12:12,176 --> 00:12:15,098
400 egg whites, my right hand
has gone to gnarl,

320
00:12:15,099 --> 00:12:17,812
but to see the looks
on those children's faces, oh...

321
00:12:17,813 --> 00:12:20,274
Jeremy, you can't come.

322
00:12:20,275 --> 00:12:22,362
I'm sorry, but today is about me

323
00:12:22,363 --> 00:12:24,491
and taking credit for your work.

324
00:12:24,492 --> 00:12:26,955
Unless, of course, one of those
cookies gets a kid sick.

325
00:12:26,956 --> 00:12:30,003
In which case,
you will probably go to jail.

326
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:41,901
Hey, Daisy, what's up?

327
00:12:41,902 --> 00:12:44,406
We are so looking forward
to seeing you today.

328
00:12:44,407 --> 00:12:46,410
Leo just said, "I hope she shows up"

329
00:12:46,411 --> 00:12:48,164
with the cutest little worried look.

330
00:12:48,165 --> 00:12:49,876
Well, you can tell him
that I will be there.

331
00:12:49,877 --> 00:12:51,546
I don't wanna tell him something

332
00:12:51,547 --> 00:12:54,844
- that might not be true.
- I will be there!

333
00:12:54,845 --> 00:12:56,973
Oh, my God, Dr. L. I need to see you.

334
00:12:56,974 --> 00:12:58,476
- It's an emergency.
- No, no, no.

335
00:12:58,477 --> 00:12:59,854
I have something at my kid's school.

336
00:12:59,855 --> 00:13:01,315
No, it's a medical emergency

337
00:13:01,316 --> 00:13:03,194
that we need to deal with right now.

338
00:13:03,195 --> 00:13:06,075
Okay, okay, let's go,
let's go, let's go.

339
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,001
- What is it?
- I need you to act like

340
00:13:11,002 --> 00:13:12,797
you're going along
with the insemination.

341
00:13:12,798 --> 00:13:15,468
What? Why? You're already pregnant.

342
00:13:15,469 --> 00:13:17,222
Oh, you can't get twins this way.

343
00:13:17,223 --> 00:13:18,975
That only works for cats and the Irish.

344
00:13:18,976 --> 00:13:21,396
I don't want twins.
Beyoncé owns that now.

345
00:13:21,397 --> 00:13:23,484
I need plausible deniability.

346
00:13:23,485 --> 00:13:26,281
I don't want the dad to know.
He is not father material.

347
00:13:26,282 --> 00:13:28,369
Look, one day, you might be happy

348
00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:29,956
that the father is involved.

349
00:13:29,957 --> 00:13:32,043
Danny and I certainly have our issues,

350
00:13:32,044 --> 00:13:34,507
but I'm glad he's around.
He's the only reason Leo knows

351
00:13:34,508 --> 00:13:36,468
- how to toss pizza dough.
- Please, Dr. L.

352
00:13:36,469 --> 00:13:37,930
You just have to trust me

353
00:13:37,931 --> 00:13:39,474
that it's best for me and my baby

354
00:13:39,475 --> 00:13:41,270
if the dad doesn't know.

355
00:13:41,271 --> 00:13:42,940
Is it Marco Rubio?

356
00:13:42,941 --> 00:13:44,610
Terrence Howard? Ron Howard?

357
00:13:44,611 --> 00:13:45,946
Just stop. You'll never guess.

358
00:13:45,947 --> 00:13:47,783
I'll never guess.

359
00:13:47,784 --> 00:13:50,539
- It's not Rumpelstiltskin.
- It's not Rumpelstiltskin.

360
00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:52,960
Okay, well, I promise you.
I will keep your secret.

361
00:13:52,961 --> 00:13:54,839
Oh, thank you.

362
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,093
Now I gotta go to
a schoolyard and plant a tree.

363
00:13:57,094 --> 00:13:58,805
Is that a euphemism
for going to the bathroom?

364
00:13:58,806 --> 00:14:00,601
For once, no.

365
00:14:07,657 --> 00:14:10,286
Oh, Dr. Ledreau! Dr. Ledreau!

366
00:14:10,287 --> 00:14:11,998
Is it over? Did I miss it?

367
00:14:11,999 --> 00:14:14,169
Oh, yeah, everything,
and I've never seen

368
00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:16,006
a more beautiful tree.

369
00:14:16,007 --> 00:14:18,344
Sergio, we're out of here, bro.

370
00:14:18,345 --> 00:14:19,931
Oh, God.

371
00:14:19,932 --> 00:14:23,187
Look who decided to finally show up.

372
00:14:23,188 --> 00:14:25,817
You know, the kids were
starving without their snacks.

373
00:14:25,818 --> 00:14:28,531
We lied and told them it was
Ramadan and we were fasting

374
00:14:28,532 --> 00:14:30,242
so at least it could be
a teachable moment.

375
00:14:30,243 --> 00:14:32,205
- Is that your snack?
- It is.

376
00:14:32,206 --> 00:14:35,169
It's actually traditional
curly Indian bread.

377
00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:36,881
That's very important

378
00:14:36,882 --> 00:14:39,469
because it is both delicious
and religious.

379
00:14:39,470 --> 00:14:41,933
This is a soft pretzel from
the cart on the street corner.

380
00:14:41,934 --> 00:14:43,520
And it looks like
the salt has been licked off.

381
00:14:43,521 --> 00:14:45,356
Oh, that's disgusting.

382
00:14:45,357 --> 00:14:47,528
Hey, why are all the kids
dressed up like trees?

383
00:14:47,529 --> 00:14:49,782
You were supposed to dress Leo up.

384
00:14:49,783 --> 00:14:51,661
- It was in the email.
- The email?

385
00:14:51,662 --> 00:14:54,583
Okay, so was a 5,000-word
remembrance of August Wilson.

386
00:14:54,584 --> 00:14:57,840
- I don't have time to read that.
- "Fences" changed my life.

387
00:14:57,841 --> 00:15:01,848
Not only did you not
do a costume for your child,

388
00:15:01,849 --> 00:15:03,768
you put him in a T-shirt featuring

389
00:15:03,769 --> 00:15:06,232
the mortal enemy of the tree.
The beaver.

390
00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:13,412
- That's bad. That's awful.
- Mm-hmm.

391
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:15,917
And I am very sorry.
Just, guys, please forgive me.

392
00:15:15,918 --> 00:15:17,336
I just got caught up at work.

393
00:15:17,337 --> 00:15:18,673
Something really important came up.

394
00:15:18,674 --> 00:15:20,635
We get it. We all have jobs.

395
00:15:20,636 --> 00:15:22,305
My job is to not have a job

396
00:15:22,306 --> 00:15:23,892
so that I can be there for my child,

397
00:15:23,893 --> 00:15:26,606
but recently, a lot of my work

398
00:15:26,607 --> 00:15:28,693
has been raising your child for you.

399
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:30,530
Exsqueeze me, bish?

400
00:15:30,531 --> 00:15:33,160
I'm sorry that you're
so obsessed with my son.

401
00:15:33,161 --> 00:15:34,747
Maybe it's 'cause your stupid kid

402
00:15:34,748 --> 00:15:36,124
isn't giving you what you need at home.

403
00:15:36,125 --> 00:15:38,337
I'm talking hugs, son.

404
00:15:40,425 --> 00:15:43,305
Oh, no you did not.

405
00:15:43,306 --> 00:15:46,228
No. You know what? You're not worth it.

406
00:15:46,229 --> 00:15:47,313
Hmm.

407
00:15:49,276 --> 00:15:51,113
- Whoa!
- Look out, the tree!

408
00:15:57,148 --> 00:15:58,906
I wanted you to get
more involved in school,

409
00:15:58,931 --> 00:16:00,711
not punch a lady and destroy a tree.

410
00:16:00,736 --> 00:16:03,387
Okay, to be fair,
you never explicitly said that.

411
00:16:03,388 --> 00:16:05,224
Also, I was provoked,

412
00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:07,061
but you know what, she's blonde,

413
00:16:07,062 --> 00:16:08,773
so you would have loved her,
probably married her,

414
00:16:08,774 --> 00:16:10,652
- then divorced her.
- Annulled her,

415
00:16:10,653 --> 00:16:12,446
and I wouldn't, okay?
I don't date women with kids.

416
00:16:12,447 --> 00:16:15,494
- I don't need the hassle.
- Dr. Lahiri,

417
00:16:15,495 --> 00:16:18,835
to be honest, I am not surprised

418
00:16:18,836 --> 00:16:21,381
by seeing you in my office again.

419
00:16:21,382 --> 00:16:23,177
You know, Dr. Green,
I find it interesting

420
00:16:23,178 --> 00:16:25,097
that you singled out the parent of color

421
00:16:25,098 --> 00:16:26,976
simply because she hits people.

422
00:16:26,977 --> 00:16:29,439
I just got off the phone
with the Japanese Embassy.

423
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:32,403
They feel so dishonored
by our actions today,

424
00:16:32,404 --> 00:16:34,909
they cut down the tree that we sent them

425
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,330
- with a sword.
- Ah, not the syrup maple.

426
00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:38,958
The syrup maple? I picked that out

427
00:16:38,959 --> 00:16:40,712
- at the Garden Center.
- Okay, I agree.

428
00:16:40,713 --> 00:16:43,551
This is horrible.
You know what else is horrible?

429
00:16:43,552 --> 00:16:46,515
Getting shoved by Daisy Anderson

430
00:16:46,516 --> 00:16:48,728
- after she bullied my snacks.
- Dr. Lahiri,

431
00:16:48,729 --> 00:16:50,147
we all know that you're going through

432
00:16:50,148 --> 00:16:52,653
some very personal problems lately.

433
00:16:52,654 --> 00:16:54,405
Is this my divorce? He's going through

434
00:16:54,406 --> 00:16:56,869
- the same thing.
- Yes, and yet, Dr. Castellano

435
00:16:56,870 --> 00:16:58,330
is handling it quite beautifully.

436
00:16:58,331 --> 00:17:00,209
He's even found time to chaperone

437
00:17:00,210 --> 00:17:03,006
our Central Park Acorn Cleanup.

438
00:17:03,007 --> 00:17:05,762
Okay, yes, Danny has
been handling it very well.

439
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:07,348
He's a model parent.

440
00:17:07,349 --> 00:17:10,187
You could learn from his example.

441
00:17:10,188 --> 00:17:13,402
I guess it's possible
I've let my personal issues

442
00:17:13,403 --> 00:17:15,657
- affect my child's life.
- The good news is

443
00:17:15,658 --> 00:17:17,661
that children are resilient.

444
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:20,583
They can overcome anything.
Even absentee mothers.

445
00:17:20,584 --> 00:17:22,838
Whoa, whoa, whoa, that's...
that's a lot.

446
00:17:22,839 --> 00:17:24,717
Okay, I think you're being unfair here.

447
00:17:24,718 --> 00:17:28,098
Now, Mindy and I,
we're both doctors, okay.

448
00:17:28,099 --> 00:17:30,603
- Real doctors.
- I have a PhD

449
00:17:30,604 --> 00:17:32,440
in interior design from RISD.

450
00:17:32,441 --> 00:17:34,068
Great. That's great. Good for you.

451
00:17:34,069 --> 00:17:36,281
But this woman here,
she still makes time

452
00:17:36,282 --> 00:17:38,620
to make breakfast for her son
every morning

453
00:17:38,621 --> 00:17:40,331
or sing him to sleep every night.

454
00:17:40,332 --> 00:17:42,251
I mean, how many preschoolers
do you know

455
00:17:42,252 --> 00:17:43,963
that know all the words
to Taylor Swift's "Red" album?

456
00:17:43,964 --> 00:17:47,387
Mindy is a great role model to our son.

457
00:17:49,308 --> 00:17:51,896
And being a good mother, it means more

458
00:17:51,897 --> 00:17:53,775
than just volunteering at school,

459
00:17:53,776 --> 00:17:56,154
and by the way, the parents do
an awful lot around here.

460
00:17:56,155 --> 00:17:58,618
- What're we paying you to do?
- I do a lot.

461
00:17:58,619 --> 00:18:01,206
Fundraising, composing newsletters.

462
00:18:01,207 --> 00:18:02,918
Okay, I think we're done here.

463
00:18:02,919 --> 00:18:06,007
I gotta get back to work,
and so does she.

464
00:18:08,471 --> 00:18:10,892
Hey, today was
your insemination day, right?

465
00:18:10,893 --> 00:18:12,979
Sure was, and it went great.

466
00:18:12,980 --> 00:18:15,317
I can already feel things
heating up down there.

467
00:18:15,318 --> 00:18:17,989
- Mmm.
- Well, I got you these flowers

468
00:18:17,990 --> 00:18:21,246
- to say congratulations.
- Thank you, Morgan.

469
00:18:21,247 --> 00:18:23,250
This is so sweet.

470
00:18:23,251 --> 00:18:25,797
You know, Sheena only got me
a copy of "Rosemary's Baby"

471
00:18:25,798 --> 00:18:28,636
with a note saying, "This is
the best-case scenario."

472
00:18:28,637 --> 00:18:32,393
Tam, I'm sorry about
the way I acted before.

473
00:18:32,394 --> 00:18:35,482
I was just jealous of whoever

474
00:18:35,483 --> 00:18:39,115
gets to share something
so special with you.

475
00:18:39,116 --> 00:18:40,869
I shouldn't have said anything.

476
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:44,041
It's your business.

477
00:18:44,042 --> 00:18:47,381
Any kid would be lucky
to have you as a mom.

478
00:18:47,382 --> 00:18:49,845
Morgan, I have to tell you something.

479
00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:54,437
That means a lot.

480
00:18:58,989 --> 00:19:00,700
- Should I close the door?
- No.

481
00:19:00,701 --> 00:19:02,829
- Morgan, no.
- Happy Thursday.

482
00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:04,290
- Happy Thursday.
- Yeah.

483
00:19:07,422 --> 00:19:09,510
Bossip.

484
00:19:12,140 --> 00:19:13,643
Aah! Please don't hit me.

485
00:19:13,644 --> 00:19:15,312
Or if you do, just hit me on the lips,

486
00:19:15,313 --> 00:19:16,524
'cause they're already numb
from injectables.

487
00:19:16,525 --> 00:19:17,692
Calm down, Mindy.

488
00:19:17,693 --> 00:19:19,111
I'm not here to hit you.

489
00:19:19,112 --> 00:19:22,076
I'm here... to apologize.

490
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:24,372
- Apologize to me?
- Mm.

491
00:19:24,373 --> 00:19:27,044
Daisy, you know that
I left an acrylic in your cheek

492
00:19:27,045 --> 00:19:28,255
from when I clawed you?

493
00:19:28,256 --> 00:19:29,465
Yes, I...

494
00:19:29,466 --> 00:19:30,718
I'm very sorry

495
00:19:30,719 --> 00:19:33,014
that I snapped at you earlier.

496
00:19:33,015 --> 00:19:34,601
It's just, sometimes the pressure

497
00:19:34,602 --> 00:19:37,774
of being a perfect parent
is just so great.

498
00:19:37,775 --> 00:19:40,279
You know, we can't all be Ivanka Trump.

499
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:42,617
I know, I'd be way in
over my head at G20.

500
00:19:42,618 --> 00:19:44,788
That's a video game conference, right?

501
00:19:44,789 --> 00:19:46,625
Anyway...

502
00:19:46,626 --> 00:19:48,295
I'm... I'm sorry.

503
00:19:48,296 --> 00:19:50,007
Yeah, me too.

504
00:19:50,008 --> 00:19:53,430
And I should thank you
for taking such good care

505
00:19:53,431 --> 00:19:55,560
of my son when I'm not able to.

506
00:19:55,561 --> 00:19:57,146
Thank you.

507
00:19:57,147 --> 00:19:58,691
I think sometimes I'm just jealous

508
00:19:58,692 --> 00:20:00,485
of the working moms.

509
00:20:00,486 --> 00:20:03,491
I used to love my job so much.

510
00:20:03,492 --> 00:20:05,495
I was a lawyer
for the Justice Department.

511
00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,082
- What? Oh, my God.
- Mm-hmm.

512
00:20:07,083 --> 00:20:08,836
Is that as cool as it is in the movies?

513
00:20:08,837 --> 00:20:10,255
I mostly just helped
the Bush Administration

514
00:20:10,256 --> 00:20:12,009
justify their torture policies.

515
00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:13,930
Oh, my God. "24" is my favorite show.

516
00:20:13,931 --> 00:20:15,474
Did you see "Zero Dark Thirty"?

517
00:20:15,475 --> 00:20:18,564
- Yeah.
- Jessica Chastain played me.

518
00:20:18,565 --> 00:20:20,484
Oh, my God. She's amazing.

519
00:20:20,485 --> 00:20:21,820
She blocked me on Twitter.

520
00:20:29,378 --> 00:20:31,130
I'm so behind on my reality TV.

521
00:20:31,131 --> 00:20:33,093
I can't remember which one
of these bitches I hate.

522
00:20:33,094 --> 00:20:34,261
Oh, thank God, Task Rabbit,

523
00:20:34,262 --> 00:20:35,890
you're finally here.

524
00:20:35,891 --> 00:20:37,226
Can you please get me a soda
from the fridge?

525
00:20:37,227 --> 00:20:38,353
I'm too lazy to stand.

526
00:20:38,354 --> 00:20:39,940
Soda's bad for you.

527
00:20:39,941 --> 00:20:41,902
You should only drink alkaline water.

528
00:20:41,903 --> 00:20:44,490
Danny.

529
00:20:44,491 --> 00:20:47,496
Is that a pizza from Vincenzo's
in Staten Island?

530
00:20:47,497 --> 00:20:49,000
I've always wanted to try it,

531
00:20:49,001 --> 00:20:50,586
but they only serve white people.

532
00:20:50,587 --> 00:20:52,047
Just figured, after a stressful day

533
00:20:52,048 --> 00:20:54,260
you might want some pizza.

534
00:20:54,261 --> 00:20:56,598
I wanted to say that I really appreciate

535
00:20:56,599 --> 00:20:59,311
what you said to Dr. Green today.

536
00:20:59,312 --> 00:21:01,315
You know, it's kind of nice knowing that

537
00:21:01,316 --> 00:21:02,986
you think I'm the greatest mom
in the history of the world.

538
00:21:02,987 --> 00:21:04,238
I didn't say that.

539
00:21:04,239 --> 00:21:06,075
But I did mean what I did say.

540
00:21:06,076 --> 00:21:08,706
I don't like that Dr. Green guy.

541
00:21:08,707 --> 00:21:10,626
I don't think
his glasses are prescription.

542
00:21:10,627 --> 00:21:12,672
Hm. But hey.

543
00:21:12,673 --> 00:21:14,133
Now that I'm going through a divorce,

544
00:21:14,134 --> 00:21:15,636
can I just say? It sucks.

545
00:21:15,637 --> 00:21:17,181
I'm really sorry.

546
00:21:17,182 --> 00:21:18,809
Yeah, well, I thought the second time

547
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:20,855
would be easier, but nope.

548
00:21:20,856 --> 00:21:22,859
Just more expensive.

549
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:24,236
Maybe I should have been a priest

550
00:21:24,237 --> 00:21:26,449
like that career test said.

551
00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:28,579
You do love talking to old ladies.

552
00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:30,666
Butter, ketchup...

553
00:21:30,667 --> 00:21:33,171
and a bra?

554
00:21:33,172 --> 00:21:34,966
How am I supposed to
make a salad with this?

555
00:21:34,967 --> 00:21:36,512
What? Why would you ruin

556
00:21:36,513 --> 00:21:38,682
a perfectly good pizza with a salad?

557
00:21:38,683 --> 00:21:40,561
How are you still alive?

558
00:21:40,562 --> 00:21:42,397
I am very healthy.

559
00:21:42,398 --> 00:21:44,611
This is only the second time
I've had pizza today.

560
00:21:44,612 --> 00:21:46,489
Okay. Here we go.

561
00:21:46,490 --> 00:21:49,411
Oh, man, those racists make
a good slice of pizza.

562
00:21:49,412 --> 00:21:51,625
They're not racist.
They're old-fashioned.

563
00:21:51,626 --> 00:21:53,629
Same thing.

564
00:21:53,630 --> 00:21:55,216
Mmm.

565
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,036
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www.addic7ed.com