1 00:00:04,599 --> 00:00:08,836 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:18,676 ? a robin feathering his nest has very little time to rest ? 3 00:00:18,678 --> 00:00:22,046 ? while gathering his bits of twine and twig ? 4 00:00:22,048 --> 00:00:25,248 ? though quite intent in his pursuit ? 5 00:00:25,250 --> 00:00:29,052 ? he has a merry tune to toot ? 6 00:00:29,054 --> 00:00:31,688 ? it's clear a song ? 7 00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:36,660 ? will move the job along ? 8 00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:42,832 ? for a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down ? 9 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,001 ? the medicine go down ? 10 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:48,838 ? the medicine-- the medicine go down ? 11 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,840 ? for a spoonful of... ? 12 00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:03,452 Fuck! 13 00:01:48,932 --> 00:01:50,865 Hey! Hey! 14 00:01:50,867 --> 00:01:53,868 Wha-- why didn't you keep the door open? 15 00:01:53,870 --> 00:01:55,736 Oh, um... 16 00:01:55,738 --> 00:01:57,272 No-- no "After you"? 17 00:01:57,274 --> 00:02:02,477 I-- I-- I didn't really get an "After you" vibe. 18 00:02:02,479 --> 00:02:04,645 Well-- well, why not? I'm a woman, aren't I? 19 00:02:06,216 --> 00:02:07,782 - Yeah... - Really? 20 00:02:07,784 --> 00:02:09,584 Well, I-- I just didn't think you were the type 21 00:02:09,586 --> 00:02:11,719 who would want a guy to hold the door open for you. 22 00:02:11,721 --> 00:02:13,955 - What type am I? - You know, you're a type. 23 00:02:13,957 --> 00:02:16,091 You have, uh, short hair, 24 00:02:16,093 --> 00:02:19,627 you wear a tie, you got a vest. 25 00:02:19,629 --> 00:02:21,329 It's, uh-- it's a look. 26 00:02:21,331 --> 00:02:24,932 So, you looked at me and then let a door shut on me. 27 00:02:24,934 --> 00:02:26,934 I thought you might not want that, that's all. 28 00:02:26,936 --> 00:02:28,569 I was just trying not to offend you, 29 00:02:28,571 --> 00:02:31,305 and yet I wound up offending you, which is quite ironic. 30 00:02:31,307 --> 00:02:35,209 It is ironic because I would've enjoyed the door being open for me. 31 00:02:35,211 --> 00:02:36,711 - And-- you know what I mean? - Uh, well, 32 00:02:36,713 --> 00:02:38,846 also there was some distance involved, too. 33 00:02:38,848 --> 00:02:42,349 - So I would say type plus distance-- - Oh, you have an equation? 34 00:02:42,351 --> 00:02:43,751 - Yeah, type-- - You have an equation for the-- 35 00:02:43,753 --> 00:02:45,052 Yes, it's a mathematical equation. 36 00:02:45,054 --> 00:02:47,822 Type plus distance equals no door hold. 37 00:02:47,824 --> 00:02:49,490 Where did you get that equation from? 38 00:02:49,492 --> 00:02:51,058 Uh, I made it up. 39 00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:52,860 Well, you know, what kind of vibe I'm getting from you 40 00:02:52,862 --> 00:02:55,930 is that that's a fucked up equation, you know what I mean? 41 00:02:55,932 --> 00:02:59,433 But you can't argue with the distance, though. 42 00:02:59,435 --> 00:03:01,301 That's a-- 43 00:03:01,303 --> 00:03:02,837 that's a big factor. 44 00:03:06,208 --> 00:03:07,474 Huh?! 45 00:03:07,476 --> 00:03:10,744 "Fatwa! The Musical," written by Larry David. 46 00:03:10,746 --> 00:03:13,079 - Finally! - Five years. 47 00:03:13,081 --> 00:03:14,915 - Five years. - Yeah. 48 00:03:14,917 --> 00:03:18,585 You wrote a musical about Salman Rushdie 49 00:03:18,587 --> 00:03:21,688 having his life ruined 'cause he got a fatwa, a death threat, 50 00:03:21,690 --> 00:03:23,590 from the Ayatollah Khomeini. 51 00:03:23,592 --> 00:03:25,358 I'm telling you, there's a lot of funny stuff in there. 52 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:26,893 Who do you think about playing Salman Rushdie 53 00:03:26,895 --> 00:03:28,227 and what about the ayatollah? 54 00:03:28,229 --> 00:03:29,629 Salman Rushdie, I don't know, 55 00:03:29,631 --> 00:03:32,498 but, uh, the ayatollah, 56 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:35,501 I'm actually flirting with the notion of doing it. 57 00:03:35,503 --> 00:03:37,871 - You for the ayatollah? - I don't know, I probably won't do it. 58 00:03:37,872 --> 00:03:40,811 - It's like the-- - The idea sucks, Lar. 59 00:03:41,043 --> 00:03:42,809 It's a stupid idea. It's just a... 60 00:03:42,811 --> 00:03:44,578 - How are you helping? - ...Fatwa. 61 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:47,146 Really? Oh, like you're a paragon of tastes. 62 00:03:47,148 --> 00:03:49,982 - Yeah. - Larry, I've seen everything on Broadway. 63 00:03:49,984 --> 00:03:51,951 - This is my office. - It's a stupid fucking idea! 64 00:03:51,953 --> 00:03:54,687 Fatwa! People don't wanna see that. They want uplifting. 65 00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:56,555 - They want-- - You don't even know what you're talking about! 66 00:03:56,557 --> 00:03:58,757 - You sound like a moron. You know that? - Do I, really? 67 00:03:58,759 --> 00:04:00,325 Yeah, you do. It's a good idea. 68 00:04:00,327 --> 00:04:02,094 And by the way, what the hell are you doing here anyway? 69 00:04:02,096 --> 00:04:05,197 Well, I was in the area looking-- ah-- for venues. 70 00:04:05,199 --> 00:04:06,665 - He-- does he know? - No. 71 00:04:06,667 --> 00:04:08,366 Guess who's getting married. 72 00:04:08,368 --> 00:04:11,737 - Sammi's getting married? - Yes, my little Samella. Yes. 73 00:04:11,739 --> 00:04:13,472 - Who's the guy? - He's a vet. 74 00:04:13,474 --> 00:04:15,608 - An Afghan war vet. - Really? 75 00:04:15,610 --> 00:04:17,710 - He was a Marine. - Don't you got to be careful 76 00:04:17,712 --> 00:04:20,913 with the, uh, you know, the PTSD? 77 00:04:20,915 --> 00:04:22,047 He doesn't have PTSD. 78 00:04:22,049 --> 00:04:23,682 I would know. I know things. 79 00:04:23,684 --> 00:04:25,450 You don't know. You know, it comes on in a year or two. 80 00:04:25,452 --> 00:04:27,987 He could wake up in the middle of the night and start punching. 81 00:04:27,989 --> 00:04:30,254 - What is that? What are you doing? - He could wake up... 82 00:04:30,256 --> 00:04:33,024 ...you know, like that. 83 00:04:33,026 --> 00:04:36,527 All right. All right, you guys are fuckin' morons. 84 00:04:36,529 --> 00:04:39,330 Ah, you poor fucker. 85 00:04:39,332 --> 00:04:41,198 - Your haircut's here. - Yeah, send her in. 86 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,835 - You get a haircut in the office? - Yeah. 87 00:04:43,837 --> 00:04:45,302 - Betty! - Hi, Susie! How's it going? 88 00:04:45,304 --> 00:04:46,437 - How are you, my love? - Good. 89 00:04:46,439 --> 00:04:47,505 - Hi, Jeff. - Hiya, Betty. 90 00:04:47,507 --> 00:04:49,373 How are you? Good to see you. 91 00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:50,608 Good to see you. 92 00:04:50,610 --> 00:04:51,509 Huh. 93 00:04:53,446 --> 00:04:56,681 So... sorry. 94 00:04:57,984 --> 00:04:59,817 Oh, it's fine. I'm over it. 95 00:04:59,819 --> 00:05:01,886 - Really? - Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry about it. 96 00:05:01,888 --> 00:05:03,955 He didn't open the door for me. It was a whole thing. 97 00:05:03,957 --> 00:05:05,723 - I was walking to the door. He didn't open it. - Because the tie 98 00:05:05,725 --> 00:05:07,992 - and the short hair... - In fact, he let it shut. 99 00:05:07,994 --> 00:05:10,561 And then it was offensive to me, obviously, 100 00:05:10,563 --> 00:05:12,929 because it's just-- 'cause he thinks that I wouldn't want the door open. 101 00:05:12,931 --> 00:05:15,866 - Anyway, I'm awfully sorry. - You know what? It's okay. 102 00:05:15,868 --> 00:05:17,934 - Water under the bridge. - Water under the bridge. 103 00:05:17,936 --> 00:05:20,671 That's Betty. Betty, you're too good, I'll tell ya. 104 00:05:20,673 --> 00:05:22,739 She also happens to be a lesbian. 105 00:05:22,741 --> 00:05:25,642 And she's marrying her partner in a few weeks. 106 00:05:25,644 --> 00:05:27,577 She's a lesbian. 107 00:05:27,579 --> 00:05:30,313 She takes such great pride in having a lesbian friend. 108 00:05:30,315 --> 00:05:32,816 "Oh. Oh, look at me, everybody. 109 00:05:32,818 --> 00:05:35,719 I'm so cool, I hang out with lesbians." 110 00:05:35,721 --> 00:05:38,321 I had lesbian friends before you knew what lesbians were. 111 00:05:38,323 --> 00:05:40,490 - Hey, by the way... - Uh-huh. 112 00:05:40,492 --> 00:05:42,059 ...you know, I could use a haircut. 113 00:05:42,061 --> 00:05:43,827 You could. You could. 114 00:05:43,829 --> 00:05:45,461 And you know what? I could do it for you. 115 00:05:45,463 --> 00:05:47,731 - Really? - Yes, yes. I can come to your house. 116 00:05:47,733 --> 00:05:49,800 And I'll open the door for you. 117 00:05:49,802 --> 00:05:51,034 - Okay. - Huh? 118 00:05:51,036 --> 00:05:53,236 - Huh? Come on. Right? - All right. 119 00:05:53,238 --> 00:05:55,471 - Right. Yeah. - Okay, okay. 120 00:05:55,473 --> 00:05:56,539 - Okay. - Okay. All right. 121 00:06:04,182 --> 00:06:06,716 Hey, it's my long-lost assistant. 122 00:06:06,718 --> 00:06:08,251 Welcome back! 123 00:06:08,253 --> 00:06:09,719 - Thank you. - Welcome back. 124 00:06:09,721 --> 00:06:13,923 You had a nice little two-day unauthorized vacation. 125 00:06:13,925 --> 00:06:15,925 Oh, not-- it wasn't a vacation. 126 00:06:15,927 --> 00:06:18,828 - Oh, it wasn't? - No, I was-- I was very constipated. 127 00:06:20,832 --> 00:06:23,633 - I couldn't poop. - No, I know what constipation is. 128 00:06:23,635 --> 00:06:25,935 You don't come to work for two days 129 00:06:25,937 --> 00:06:27,704 because you were constipated? 130 00:06:27,706 --> 00:06:29,939 Yeah. Luckily it was only two days. 131 00:06:29,941 --> 00:06:32,174 The whole world is out there constipated. 132 00:06:32,176 --> 00:06:34,075 Half the population is constipated. 133 00:06:34,077 --> 00:06:37,446 I got married constipated. People do things constipated. 134 00:06:37,448 --> 00:06:39,514 You wouldn't want me here. I wouldn't-- I wouldn't... 135 00:06:39,516 --> 00:06:41,983 No, I would want you here. Why wouldn't I want you here? 136 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:45,220 I don't function well with the feeling of heaviness. 137 00:06:45,222 --> 00:06:47,222 I feel like I'm wearing a cement inner tube. 138 00:06:47,224 --> 00:06:48,790 - Mm-hmm. - And now, I mean, 139 00:06:48,792 --> 00:06:50,959 it's about being available for it to happen. 140 00:06:50,961 --> 00:06:53,362 And it hasn't totally happened, I'm gonna be honest. 141 00:06:53,364 --> 00:06:55,230 The blessed event hasn't occurred yet? 142 00:06:55,232 --> 00:06:56,531 It's partially occurred, 143 00:06:56,533 --> 00:07:00,702 but I'm gonna soldier on here at the office 144 00:07:00,704 --> 00:07:02,237 so that we can get some stuff done. 145 00:07:02,239 --> 00:07:04,839 You're gonna soldier on. Wow. 146 00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:08,109 Aye, lassie. I admire your courage. 147 00:07:08,111 --> 00:07:11,546 This is one of those fields, like many, that isn't researched enough. 148 00:07:11,548 --> 00:07:16,384 Perhaps, you-- you could champion the cause of constipation. 149 00:07:16,386 --> 00:07:20,388 You could-- you could raise money. 150 00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:23,123 You could go on, you could have fundraisers. 151 00:07:23,125 --> 00:07:25,559 You know, you could-- you could have groups 152 00:07:25,561 --> 00:07:28,329 where people who are constipated get together and-- 153 00:07:28,331 --> 00:07:30,598 and talk about their problems. 154 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:34,168 - I don't-- - In fact, you know what else you might wanna think about? 155 00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:37,004 Instead of sitting in a chair at your desk, 156 00:07:37,006 --> 00:07:39,440 put in a toilet seat. 157 00:07:39,442 --> 00:07:41,308 You know, have an office bathroom. 158 00:07:41,310 --> 00:07:43,209 Maybe something to consider for the future 159 00:07:43,211 --> 00:07:45,111 if you wanted to look into the plumbing. 160 00:07:45,113 --> 00:07:47,013 - Come on. Not a bad idea. - Um, anyway. 161 00:07:47,015 --> 00:07:50,684 Well, uh, I did get a voicemail, and Richard Lewis called. 162 00:07:50,686 --> 00:07:53,953 And, uh, unfortunately, his parakeet died. 163 00:07:53,955 --> 00:07:56,122 Aw. Hmm. 164 00:07:56,124 --> 00:07:59,559 - Had you ever met him? - Yes. Yes, I did. 165 00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:02,161 - What was he like? - Bird-like. He was bird-like. 166 00:08:02,163 --> 00:08:04,664 - Yeah. - You know what? I'll cheer him up. 167 00:08:04,666 --> 00:08:06,800 I'll send him a little text. How about that? 168 00:08:06,802 --> 00:08:08,601 Yeah, well, I think for death, 169 00:08:08,603 --> 00:08:10,704 sometimes a text is inadequate. 170 00:08:10,706 --> 00:08:13,440 Yes, perhaps if it were a person, 171 00:08:13,442 --> 00:08:15,675 I would agree with you. 172 00:08:15,677 --> 00:08:18,477 All right. Done. He's gonna love it. 173 00:08:18,479 --> 00:08:20,713 Hey, do me a favor. 174 00:08:20,715 --> 00:08:23,182 This pen is out of ink. 175 00:08:23,184 --> 00:08:25,384 I need a refill. 176 00:08:25,386 --> 00:08:26,886 Okay? 177 00:08:26,888 --> 00:08:28,354 There you go. 178 00:08:28,356 --> 00:08:30,089 And you.... 179 00:08:30,091 --> 00:08:31,824 There you go. You got the refill. 180 00:08:31,826 --> 00:08:34,026 You have the refill. 181 00:08:36,264 --> 00:08:37,563 You have the refill. 182 00:08:37,565 --> 00:08:40,466 I worry I'm gonna lose something this small. 183 00:08:40,468 --> 00:08:41,901 You take that. 184 00:08:43,404 --> 00:08:46,239 - And I will look that up. - Okay. 185 00:08:46,241 --> 00:08:47,974 Okay. 186 00:08:47,976 --> 00:08:49,775 And think about that toilet. 187 00:08:49,777 --> 00:08:51,777 - The chair toilet. - All right. 188 00:08:51,779 --> 00:08:54,812 You just sit there at your desk. 189 00:08:54,814 --> 00:08:56,314 Pretty good idea. 190 00:09:24,044 --> 00:09:25,075 Hey. 191 00:09:26,612 --> 00:09:27,912 - Come on. - What's up? 192 00:09:27,914 --> 00:09:29,446 Turn this down. It's too loud. 193 00:09:29,448 --> 00:09:31,215 - What's too fucking loud? - I hear it on the street. 194 00:09:31,217 --> 00:09:33,050 Wait-- just wait a fuckin' minute. 195 00:09:33,052 --> 00:09:34,851 I'll turn this shit down, okay? 196 00:09:34,853 --> 00:09:37,254 - Yeah. What are you doing? - Ah. You okay? 197 00:09:37,256 --> 00:09:39,423 - Yeah. What are you doing? - I'm fuckin' lamping. What you doing? 198 00:09:39,425 --> 00:09:40,891 You're lamping? 199 00:09:40,893 --> 00:09:42,659 Chillin'. Relaxing. 200 00:09:42,661 --> 00:09:43,827 Why did you change it from chillin'? 201 00:09:43,829 --> 00:09:45,029 What was wrong with chillin'? 202 00:09:45,031 --> 00:09:46,730 Got to get another one? Lamping? 203 00:09:46,732 --> 00:09:48,532 Lamping. I can sit around here with some fuckin' boxers on 204 00:09:48,534 --> 00:09:50,200 and a tank top with my feet the fuck up. 205 00:09:50,202 --> 00:09:53,503 And chillin' is what? You gotta be in real clothes? 206 00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:55,672 - You can walk around and chill. - Oh. 207 00:09:55,674 --> 00:09:57,707 You upright. You chillin' upright. 208 00:09:57,709 --> 00:09:59,542 You guys got some great slang, I gotta say. 209 00:09:59,544 --> 00:10:01,811 - The fuck you got? - We got boss. 210 00:10:01,813 --> 00:10:03,012 That's a boss shirt. 211 00:10:03,014 --> 00:10:03,980 - Oh, man. - Huh? 212 00:10:03,982 --> 00:10:05,381 You can keep that boss shit. 213 00:10:05,383 --> 00:10:07,150 - Keep that bullshit. - Boss isn't-- 214 00:10:07,152 --> 00:10:08,985 boss isn't happening, is it, huh? 215 00:10:08,987 --> 00:10:10,719 Hey, I wouldn't even say that shit by mistake. 216 00:10:10,721 --> 00:10:14,123 Get this-- my assistant, okay, 217 00:10:14,125 --> 00:10:16,159 doesn't come to work for two days. 218 00:10:16,161 --> 00:10:18,761 You know why? You know what she tells me? 219 00:10:18,763 --> 00:10:20,863 - What? - She was constipated. 220 00:10:20,865 --> 00:10:24,400 Who doesn't come to work 'cause they're constipated? 221 00:10:24,402 --> 00:10:25,768 Have you ever heard of that? 222 00:10:25,770 --> 00:10:27,636 - Fuck, no. Come on, man. - Ridiculous. 223 00:10:27,638 --> 00:10:29,472 Come on, I shot a porno constipated. 224 00:10:29,474 --> 00:10:32,208 I ran a 5k marathon constipated. 225 00:10:32,210 --> 00:10:33,709 Shit, man, come on. 226 00:10:33,711 --> 00:10:36,278 I was in a hot dog-eating contest constipated. 227 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:37,880 Hold it, hold it, hold it. 228 00:10:37,882 --> 00:10:39,348 You shot a porno? 229 00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:40,649 - Seriously? - Yeah. Seriously. 230 00:10:40,651 --> 00:10:42,952 And a hot dog-eating contest constipated. 231 00:10:42,954 --> 00:10:45,354 And I still fucking won. That's not a fucking excuse. 232 00:10:45,356 --> 00:10:49,057 You cannot let this bitch use constipation as something to lean on. 233 00:10:49,059 --> 00:10:50,526 You got to fire that bitch. 234 00:10:50,528 --> 00:10:53,295 Yeah, well, that's easier said than done. 235 00:10:53,297 --> 00:10:55,397 It's, you know-- she's got a-- 236 00:10:55,399 --> 00:10:57,299 she's got a limp and a cane. 237 00:10:57,301 --> 00:10:58,734 I'd feel sorry for her. 238 00:10:58,736 --> 00:11:00,503 I can't. I can't do it. 239 00:11:00,505 --> 00:11:02,605 And by the way, that's just the tip of the iceberg. 240 00:11:02,607 --> 00:11:04,172 Okay. What the fuck else could it be? 241 00:11:04,174 --> 00:11:05,440 I'm not at liberty to-- to say. 242 00:11:05,442 --> 00:11:06,909 - I can't say. - What is it? 243 00:11:06,911 --> 00:11:08,443 I don't wanna say. I don't wanna talk about it. 244 00:11:08,445 --> 00:11:10,078 You fucking walk all the way the fuck over here, 245 00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:11,813 you disturb me from fucking lamping, 246 00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:13,248 and you ain't even gonna fucking tell me what the fuck it is? 247 00:11:13,250 --> 00:11:14,449 I-- I-- I can't say. 248 00:11:14,451 --> 00:11:15,517 Tell me what the fuck going on. 249 00:11:16,953 --> 00:11:19,021 Let's just say her uncle fucked her. 250 00:11:19,023 --> 00:11:22,124 - Recently? - No, no. Years ago. 251 00:11:22,126 --> 00:11:25,494 - Oh, shit, man. - You see-- you see the dilemma that I have? 252 00:11:25,496 --> 00:11:27,429 Between the limp and the cane and the uncle... 253 00:11:27,431 --> 00:11:29,631 She's unfirable. 254 00:11:29,633 --> 00:11:31,599 - God damn it, man, you can't fucking fire her. - I can't fire her, I know. 255 00:11:31,601 --> 00:11:33,535 And the thing about it is that 256 00:11:33,537 --> 00:11:35,470 she was so highly recommended, too. 257 00:11:35,472 --> 00:11:38,173 She used to work for Jimmy Kimmel and he recommended her to me. 258 00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:41,343 He said she was great, and she's awful. 259 00:11:41,345 --> 00:11:44,145 Why would he recommend her? 260 00:11:44,147 --> 00:11:45,746 I know what the fuck happened. 261 00:11:45,748 --> 00:11:47,114 He foisted you, man. 262 00:11:47,116 --> 00:11:50,951 Fucking Jimmy Kimmel foisted that bitch on you. 263 00:11:50,953 --> 00:11:52,486 What do you mean? 264 00:11:52,488 --> 00:11:53,987 He couldn't fire her either, 265 00:11:53,989 --> 00:11:55,423 so he passed her ass onto you. 266 00:11:55,425 --> 00:11:57,358 Don't you ever allow yourself to get foisted. 267 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,227 - You understand? That fucking limpy-ass girl-- - I got foisted. 268 00:12:00,229 --> 00:12:02,329 Now, the only way to resolve this shit, 269 00:12:02,331 --> 00:12:05,466 go in your fucking mind and you think of someone 270 00:12:05,468 --> 00:12:08,135 you can unload this limpy bitch onto. 271 00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:10,538 You have to get rid of this bitch. 272 00:12:10,540 --> 00:12:12,606 You know what, every now and then-- 273 00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:16,643 every now and then, yeah, I gotta say, you surprise me. 274 00:12:16,645 --> 00:12:18,044 Whoo. 275 00:12:18,046 --> 00:12:19,712 Boom. Boom. 276 00:12:19,714 --> 00:12:21,114 Is that still workable? 277 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,648 The fist bump? Is that still...? 278 00:12:22,650 --> 00:12:24,250 There's people still doing that, yeah. 279 00:12:24,252 --> 00:12:26,152 Will you let me know when that goes out of fashion? 280 00:12:26,154 --> 00:12:27,687 When that shit stop, I'll let you know. 281 00:12:27,689 --> 00:12:29,322 And if you see me doing anything else 282 00:12:29,324 --> 00:12:32,892 that the black community might frown upon as being uncool, 283 00:12:32,894 --> 00:12:34,127 you're gonna let me know. 284 00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:35,962 I'll stop your ass. You know I will. 285 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:38,598 Now go upstairs and start lamping. 286 00:12:41,936 --> 00:12:43,603 I'm so excited right now. 287 00:12:43,605 --> 00:12:45,105 - Like, I can't even tell you. - Sure. 288 00:12:45,107 --> 00:12:46,839 I just never thought that I'd be having a wedding. 289 00:12:46,841 --> 00:12:48,940 - Have you been married? - I have, yes. 290 00:12:48,942 --> 00:12:51,076 So, you've had a wedding, so you know how awesome it is. 291 00:12:51,078 --> 00:12:52,944 - Yeah, but I wasn't excited in the least. - Oh, you weren't? 292 00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:55,514 - No. But I never get excited, you know. - About anything? 293 00:12:55,516 --> 00:12:56,915 No, my mother used to say to me, 294 00:12:56,917 --> 00:12:58,850 "Larry, you-- you never get excited." 295 00:12:58,852 --> 00:13:00,486 - Really? - "Can't you be excited?" 296 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:03,322 It-- it broke her heart. I-- there's no excitement. 297 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,290 Well, I'm excited, 298 00:13:05,292 --> 00:13:07,025 - so I appreciate you letting me talk. - That's-- that's great. 299 00:13:07,027 --> 00:13:09,194 I have a couple of questions, logistically, 300 00:13:09,196 --> 00:13:10,629 about how the whole thing works. 301 00:13:10,631 --> 00:13:12,397 - Okay. - So, when the rabbi 302 00:13:12,399 --> 00:13:14,366 or the minister or whoever says, 303 00:13:14,368 --> 00:13:16,868 "Do you take so-and-so--" what's your fiancée's name? 304 00:13:16,870 --> 00:13:20,506 - Numa. - Numa. "Do you take Numa to be your lawfully wedded wife..." 305 00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:21,806 It doesn't really work like that. 306 00:13:21,808 --> 00:13:24,342 Oh. Okay, but what about, um, 307 00:13:24,344 --> 00:13:26,111 "Here Comes The Bride"? Who gets the song? 308 00:13:26,113 --> 00:13:29,180 - I'm getting that song. - You're getting the song? 309 00:13:29,182 --> 00:13:31,016 You're getting "Here Comes The Bride"? 310 00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:33,151 Yeah. That's my song. 311 00:13:33,153 --> 00:13:34,786 I wanted to be the bride 312 00:13:34,788 --> 00:13:36,921 and Numa's actually always wanted to be the groom, 313 00:13:36,923 --> 00:13:38,456 so it worked out good. 314 00:13:38,458 --> 00:13:43,094 Not really getting, uh, bride vibes from you. 315 00:13:43,096 --> 00:13:45,396 Well, that's 'cause you're not at the wedding... 316 00:13:45,398 --> 00:13:47,365 With all due respect, yeah, I don't see bride. 317 00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:49,433 I don't see bride, okay, from here. 318 00:13:49,435 --> 00:13:51,636 No, try and see it. Try and see it. 319 00:13:51,638 --> 00:13:53,504 - We're at the wedding-- - I can't see it. 320 00:13:53,506 --> 00:13:56,340 - My dad walks me down the-- the thing. - Yeah, I know. Yeah. 321 00:13:56,342 --> 00:13:58,042 I have a veil with, like, 322 00:13:58,044 --> 00:14:00,511 - a flower-- - Oh, my God, you got the gown, too? 323 00:14:00,513 --> 00:14:03,247 - Yeah. - Oh, no, this is a huge, huge mistake. 324 00:14:03,249 --> 00:14:05,216 - No, it's-- um, it's amazing. - No. 325 00:14:05,218 --> 00:14:06,484 Look, you got a picture of Numa? 326 00:14:08,020 --> 00:14:11,189 Okay, she's beautiful, obviously. 327 00:14:11,191 --> 00:14:15,693 Okay. That's a-- that's a bride, okay? 328 00:14:15,695 --> 00:14:17,928 - Well... - That's a bride. 329 00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:19,530 That's a groom. 330 00:14:19,532 --> 00:14:22,400 Believe me, I say this only with the best intentions. 331 00:14:22,402 --> 00:14:24,635 That's a fuckin' bride. You a goddamn groom. 332 00:14:24,637 --> 00:14:26,170 - The groom, right? - You a goddamn groom. 333 00:14:26,172 --> 00:14:27,971 - Yeah. - What's her name? 334 00:14:27,973 --> 00:14:30,507 - Numa. - Numa fine as fuck. 335 00:14:30,509 --> 00:14:32,242 - Right? She is. - You are one lucky-ass groom. 336 00:14:32,244 --> 00:14:33,677 - Thank you. - She gorgeous? 337 00:14:33,679 --> 00:14:35,412 I'll see you later. Mm. 338 00:14:35,414 --> 00:14:37,147 Hey, we need more peanut butter. 339 00:14:37,149 --> 00:14:40,017 Okay, well, we're done. 340 00:14:40,019 --> 00:14:42,652 Oh. Uh, how much do I owe you? 341 00:14:42,654 --> 00:14:45,189 - Uh, 150. - 150? 342 00:14:45,191 --> 00:14:46,857 Yeah, boy, you're gonna love that. 343 00:14:46,859 --> 00:14:49,960 Oh, boy, you're making quite a living there barbering. 344 00:14:49,962 --> 00:14:51,461 150 for a bald man? 345 00:14:51,463 --> 00:14:52,996 - For a haircut? - Yeah, well, you're not bald. 346 00:14:52,998 --> 00:14:55,432 - You do have hair. - Well... yeah. 347 00:14:55,434 --> 00:14:57,134 - So, thanks. - Yeah, yeah. 348 00:14:57,136 --> 00:14:58,702 Think about what I said. 349 00:14:58,704 --> 00:15:01,071 - Okay? - Thank you. 350 00:15:01,073 --> 00:15:03,406 You're a lovely girl, Betty, but, uh, 351 00:15:03,408 --> 00:15:05,775 you're not a bride. 352 00:15:05,777 --> 00:15:08,845 Unfortunately. Unfortunately. 353 00:15:08,847 --> 00:15:13,428 _ 354 00:15:16,388 --> 00:15:18,288 So, this is more of the kick-off, 355 00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:20,757 - and then we'll have a big gala-- - Cheryl? 356 00:15:20,759 --> 00:15:22,325 - Hi. Excuse me. - Hey! 357 00:15:22,327 --> 00:15:23,893 Oh, I'm so glad you're here. 358 00:15:23,895 --> 00:15:25,962 - Oh, really? - Thank you for coming. 359 00:15:25,964 --> 00:15:28,265 What is this name, PAM? 360 00:15:28,267 --> 00:15:30,233 That's the best you could do? 361 00:15:30,235 --> 00:15:32,502 It's like-- it's a cooking spray-- PAM. 362 00:15:32,504 --> 00:15:36,740 No, it's People Against Mutilation, genital mutilation. 363 00:15:36,742 --> 00:15:38,540 Yeah, I know what it stands for. 364 00:15:38,542 --> 00:15:40,109 And there are very few charities 365 00:15:40,111 --> 00:15:42,278 that actually focus on the clitoris and talk about it. 366 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:45,414 I think you got half the population 367 00:15:45,416 --> 00:15:46,816 focused on the clitoris. 368 00:15:48,486 --> 00:15:49,952 - I'm deadly focused on it. - You are? 369 00:15:49,954 --> 00:15:51,921 - Yeah. - Hey. 370 00:15:51,923 --> 00:15:54,757 - Hey, Ted! - How are you? 371 00:15:54,759 --> 00:15:57,059 - I haven't seen you in a while. - I know! 372 00:15:57,061 --> 00:15:59,796 - I know. It's nice to see you. - Where's Mary? 373 00:15:59,798 --> 00:16:02,298 Mary? Oh, uh, yeah... 374 00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:04,801 Oh, you know, I haven't seen you guys for so long. 375 00:16:04,803 --> 00:16:08,437 Mary and I have been separated for, like, three months, you know. 376 00:16:08,439 --> 00:16:10,873 - The divorce is almost final. - What? 377 00:16:10,875 --> 00:16:12,574 - My bad. Sorry. - Oh, my God. 378 00:16:12,576 --> 00:16:14,242 - Holy mackerel. - I am shocked. 379 00:16:14,244 --> 00:16:17,112 Oh, no, no, no. Truth is I think we're better friends now 380 00:16:17,114 --> 00:16:18,146 than when we were married. 381 00:16:18,148 --> 00:16:19,581 That's total bullshit. 382 00:16:19,583 --> 00:16:21,784 You just-- you have to say that to yourselves 383 00:16:21,786 --> 00:16:23,919 to wean yourself off the relationship. 384 00:16:23,921 --> 00:16:26,054 - What is that? - It's a breath spray. 385 00:16:26,056 --> 00:16:28,590 Oh, thank God. I think Jeff's looking for you. 386 00:16:28,592 --> 00:16:31,193 Yeah, one second. 387 00:16:31,195 --> 00:16:32,795 Gotta go talk to my manager. 388 00:16:32,797 --> 00:16:35,130 - Okay. - Big stuff happening. 389 00:16:35,132 --> 00:16:36,965 - Ooh. - Big stuff. 390 00:16:36,967 --> 00:16:39,335 - Strangest man on the planet. - I know. 391 00:16:39,337 --> 00:16:42,103 Crazy, crazy exciting. 392 00:16:42,105 --> 00:16:44,139 - Really? - Yep. 393 00:16:44,141 --> 00:16:47,976 Every producer I sent "Fatwa!" to is in. 394 00:16:47,978 --> 00:16:50,445 - Wow. - Every producer I talked to. 395 00:16:50,447 --> 00:16:54,082 I've got so many producers that want to do this. 396 00:16:54,084 --> 00:16:56,084 Look at you, Mr. Broadway. 397 00:16:56,086 --> 00:16:58,286 Got you booked on "Jimmy Kimmel" to talk about it already. 398 00:16:58,288 --> 00:16:59,787 - Really? Do I need to do that? - Yep. 399 00:16:59,789 --> 00:17:01,156 Oh, yeah, you need to do that. 400 00:17:01,158 --> 00:17:02,623 Get out there, start talking about this. 401 00:17:02,625 --> 00:17:04,926 This is very exciting. 402 00:17:04,928 --> 00:17:06,962 Hey, how much does Betty charge you for a haircut? 403 00:17:06,964 --> 00:17:09,564 - 75. - She charged me $150. 404 00:17:09,566 --> 00:17:11,366 - Twice as much? - Twice as much. 405 00:17:11,368 --> 00:17:13,168 - That's crazy. - I know it's crazy. 406 00:17:13,170 --> 00:17:15,003 - Why would she do something like that? - I don't know. 407 00:17:15,005 --> 00:17:17,305 - She ripped me off. - You want me to call her? 408 00:17:17,307 --> 00:17:19,374 No, no, no. I'm gonna say something to her. 409 00:17:19,376 --> 00:17:20,675 - Feel free. - Good. 410 00:17:20,677 --> 00:17:22,844 Hey, it's Lewis. 411 00:17:27,650 --> 00:17:29,083 Come here. 412 00:17:34,591 --> 00:17:37,558 - I'll meet you over there. - Cool, cool. 413 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,894 All right, I'll meet you over there. Fine. 414 00:17:43,900 --> 00:17:45,866 - Happy? - No, I'm not, actually. 415 00:17:45,868 --> 00:17:47,667 - This is not the middle. - I don't move again. 416 00:17:47,669 --> 00:17:49,703 The middle-- the middle would've been over there. 417 00:17:49,705 --> 00:17:52,306 I took way more steps than you did to get here. 418 00:17:52,308 --> 00:17:55,876 - I'm older than you. - Hey, by the way, good news about "Fatwa!" 419 00:17:55,878 --> 00:17:57,344 There's a lot of producers interested in it. 420 00:17:57,346 --> 00:17:58,979 I don't care about your fucking play, 421 00:17:58,981 --> 00:18:00,580 'cause my bird died 422 00:18:00,582 --> 00:18:03,951 and you sent the most ridiculous, despicable text. 423 00:18:03,953 --> 00:18:05,819 "Sorry about your bird. 424 00:18:05,821 --> 00:18:08,588 The good news is I'm still alive." 425 00:18:08,590 --> 00:18:10,224 - Prick. - Prick? 426 00:18:10,226 --> 00:18:12,726 This is a tragedy and you treated it like it was nothing to me. 427 00:18:12,728 --> 00:18:15,428 - How dare you? - I-- I don't see it as a tragedy. 428 00:18:15,430 --> 00:18:17,196 You don't? Why not? It's my bird. 429 00:18:17,198 --> 00:18:18,831 - If it was a parrot, it would be a tragedy. - Oh, really? 430 00:18:18,833 --> 00:18:20,566 Or some exotic bird from Brazil 431 00:18:20,568 --> 00:18:22,468 like a macaw or a toucan. 432 00:18:22,470 --> 00:18:24,503 I don't live in a Cuban dancehall. 433 00:18:24,505 --> 00:18:28,141 I live in my own home and it doesn't take toucans. 434 00:18:28,143 --> 00:18:30,476 You know, it's a dead parakeet. That's a funny thing. 435 00:18:30,478 --> 00:18:32,979 I loved him. It was unconditional love. 436 00:18:32,981 --> 00:18:35,148 - It was-- even-- - Unconditional love? 437 00:18:35,150 --> 00:18:37,583 - He came over-- - He doesn't know you from a hole in the wall. 438 00:18:37,585 --> 00:18:39,218 He knows me. He knew you. Remember he came over once? 439 00:18:39,220 --> 00:18:41,454 He went, "Seinfeld, Seinfeld." He loved you, too. 440 00:18:41,456 --> 00:18:43,423 I'm not quite sure it was "Seinfeld." 441 00:18:43,425 --> 00:18:45,624 And you-- you thought that was "Seinfeld." 442 00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:47,160 - Yeah. - No. 443 00:18:47,162 --> 00:18:49,094 Yeah, that's not Seinfeld. 444 00:18:49,096 --> 00:18:52,530 You know why I'm laughing? At the sadness of your entire existence. 445 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,999 - Well... - You're so unjust-- 446 00:18:54,001 --> 00:18:55,800 I take that as a great compliment. 447 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,336 Well, there's a lack of empathy and compassion 448 00:18:57,338 --> 00:18:59,604 and sympathy for practically everything in your life. 449 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,406 There's a lack of everything. 450 00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:03,342 - Don't you feel good about-- - Look, you're a comedian. 451 00:19:03,344 --> 00:19:05,177 You're supposed to be able to take a joke, you know? 452 00:19:05,179 --> 00:19:07,212 You're supposed to laugh about everything. 453 00:19:07,214 --> 00:19:09,514 Just because I'm a comedian, I have to find everything in the world funny? 454 00:19:09,516 --> 00:19:10,815 Yes, everything's funny. 455 00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,351 You're devoid of anything 456 00:19:12,353 --> 00:19:14,886 that's remotely caring or empathetic. 457 00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:18,090 - And it's sad, and I-- - Are you sure a dead parakeet isn't funny? 458 00:19:18,092 --> 00:19:19,557 This, to me, is a tragedy. 459 00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:21,426 - I'm gonna go. - I'm gonna go, too. 460 00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:24,061 - I'm going this way. - No, no, I'm going this way. 461 00:19:24,063 --> 00:19:25,630 No, you came from that way. 462 00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:27,398 You go that way, I'll go this way. 463 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,466 No, I wanna go that way. 464 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,137 - Oh, hi. - Oh, hey. 465 00:19:33,139 --> 00:19:34,739 I'm late, I'm late. I know. 466 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,407 Nice of you to show up. 467 00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,543 Well, Larry, I've been so crazy busy. 468 00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:39,944 I've never been like this in my life. 469 00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:41,679 Did Jeff tell you about my new business? 470 00:19:41,681 --> 00:19:43,047 I heard something. What is it? 471 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,415 Soaps On. 472 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:48,319 It's a skin care, bath products, all organic... 473 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:50,221 - Soaps On? - ...sustainable. 474 00:19:50,223 --> 00:19:52,456 Could you come up with a worse name than Soaps On? 475 00:19:52,458 --> 00:19:53,725 It's a great name. You know, you don't know 476 00:19:53,727 --> 00:19:55,226 what the fuck you're talking about. 477 00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:57,327 - It's a great name. - Okay, good, good. 478 00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,730 So, what have you been doing? You've been working at night on it? 479 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:02,799 Nonstop. I think I'm gonna have to hire an assistant. 480 00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:06,770 I think I have to maybe-- maybe more than one. 481 00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,238 What? 482 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,141 Did I just hear you say you needed to hire an assistant? 483 00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:14,077 I think I do, yeah. I'm burning the candles on both ends. 484 00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,146 - Oh, my God. - What? 485 00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:20,183 Well, you know, I'm gonna be going to New York to do the play. 486 00:20:20,185 --> 00:20:21,685 Yeah, "Fatwa!" 487 00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:24,187 And I'm not gonna be able to take my assistant. 488 00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:26,089 - She's good? - Oh, good? 489 00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:27,858 She's-- she's the best I ever had. 490 00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:29,526 Well, what's her history? Where-- where is she-- 491 00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:31,361 - Oh, she worked for Kimmel. - Jimmy Kimmel? 492 00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:33,396 - Yeah. - Oh, he's a big star. 493 00:20:34,732 --> 00:20:36,766 - Ah... - What? What? 494 00:20:36,768 --> 00:20:38,034 - Come on, what? - Eh... 495 00:20:38,036 --> 00:20:40,136 - What? - I can't give her up. 496 00:20:40,138 --> 00:20:42,939 - I-- I can't. She's-- - What are you gonna use her for? 497 00:20:42,941 --> 00:20:45,975 You're gonna be on the phone with her here and you're in New York? 498 00:20:45,977 --> 00:20:48,611 That's ridiculous. That doesn't make any sense. 499 00:20:48,613 --> 00:20:51,114 You need to hire a new assistant in New York 500 00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:52,715 and let me take this one. 501 00:20:52,717 --> 00:20:53,849 What the hell? You can have her! 502 00:20:53,851 --> 00:20:55,952 - Ah! Yay! - Huh? Yeah! 503 00:20:55,954 --> 00:20:58,188 - Oh, I love you so much! - Ha ha! Yeah? 504 00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,855 Oh, this is great! I feel like a weight 505 00:20:59,857 --> 00:21:02,125 has been lifted off my shoulders, Lar. 506 00:21:02,127 --> 00:21:04,160 - Me, too. - You won't be sorry. 507 00:21:04,162 --> 00:21:06,129 Trust me. Fantastic! 508 00:21:06,131 --> 00:21:08,397 Pretty good. 509 00:21:08,399 --> 00:21:13,802 Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. 510 00:21:21,278 --> 00:21:23,312 I'm not saying you can't be the groom. 511 00:21:23,314 --> 00:21:27,116 I'm just saying I think I might not be the bride. 512 00:21:27,118 --> 00:21:30,552 I saw myself and then I'm gonna walk down the-- 513 00:21:30,554 --> 00:21:32,787 Wha-- Larry? What are you doing here? 514 00:21:32,789 --> 00:21:36,391 The door-- the door was ajar. 515 00:21:36,393 --> 00:21:39,761 You! You're the one that put this in her head? 516 00:21:39,763 --> 00:21:43,598 - What? What? I-- - What is your agenda, man? 517 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,601 - No, I didn't do anything. - Of course he just shows up, too. 518 00:21:46,603 --> 00:21:49,504 - Out of nowhere. Just-- you're here now. - The door was ajar. 519 00:21:49,506 --> 00:21:51,039 The-- you left the door ajar. 520 00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:53,808 You have no business weighing in on this wedding, okay? 521 00:21:53,810 --> 00:21:55,644 It's not completely his fault, um, but-- 522 00:21:55,646 --> 00:21:57,578 No, I just thought-- 523 00:21:57,580 --> 00:21:59,147 Look, you're a beautiful bride. 524 00:21:59,149 --> 00:22:00,949 - You should be a bride. - I'm the groom. 525 00:22:00,951 --> 00:22:02,250 I don't wanna be the bride. 526 00:22:02,252 --> 00:22:04,285 You're not groomy, she's not bridey. 527 00:22:04,287 --> 00:22:07,188 - You know-- - How is it appropriate for you to have an opinion about this? 528 00:22:07,190 --> 00:22:10,424 Well, because I know her. She gave me a haircut. 529 00:22:10,426 --> 00:22:12,826 She charged a lot of money for it, by the way. 530 00:22:12,828 --> 00:22:14,862 What kind of psychopath 531 00:22:14,864 --> 00:22:18,431 interferes with the nuances of a lesbian wedding? 532 00:22:18,433 --> 00:22:22,235 Hey, I saw wrong and tried to right it. That's all. 533 00:22:22,237 --> 00:22:23,837 - I can't believe-- - That's what Ted Kennedy said 534 00:22:23,839 --> 00:22:25,939 about Robert Kennedy at his funeral. 535 00:22:25,941 --> 00:22:27,507 I'm-- I'm like Robert Kennedy. 536 00:22:27,509 --> 00:22:29,476 You know what's not Robert Kennedy-ish? 537 00:22:29,478 --> 00:22:31,578 - Hmm? - Wandering into people's homes 538 00:22:31,580 --> 00:22:33,047 and spouting nonsense. 539 00:22:33,049 --> 00:22:35,415 Oh. Okay. Well, don't leave the door ajar. 540 00:22:35,417 --> 00:22:36,817 - Stop saying "ajar"! - Okay. 541 00:22:36,819 --> 00:22:39,252 What is really going on here? Do you need a hobby? 542 00:22:39,254 --> 00:22:41,055 Not a terrible idea. 543 00:22:41,057 --> 00:22:42,289 You're-- you're right about that. 544 00:22:42,291 --> 00:22:43,957 That's-- that's a good idea. 545 00:22:43,959 --> 00:22:46,025 I just can't seem to find the motivation. 546 00:22:46,027 --> 00:22:48,327 You know, when I was a kid, I would collect butterflies. 547 00:22:48,329 --> 00:22:50,462 I would go in the park, I had a-- a net, 548 00:22:50,464 --> 00:22:52,131 and I would-- I would use the net. 549 00:22:52,133 --> 00:22:54,466 I cannot tell you how much satisfaction there is 550 00:22:54,468 --> 00:22:56,502 in trapping a butterfly in a net... 551 00:22:56,504 --> 00:22:58,905 I didn't expect you to actually answer-- 552 00:22:58,907 --> 00:23:01,774 I didn't expect an actual answer to that question! 553 00:23:01,776 --> 00:23:03,209 It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter about him. 554 00:23:03,211 --> 00:23:04,811 - It doesn't-- - I'm done. 555 00:23:04,813 --> 00:23:07,580 It doesn't matter about him. I just want you to be happy. 556 00:23:07,582 --> 00:23:10,683 I want us to have a successful wedding and a successful life. 557 00:23:10,685 --> 00:23:12,051 - Fantastic. - I'll do anything you want. 558 00:23:12,053 --> 00:23:13,352 - Whatever you want. - I wanna be the groom. 559 00:23:15,590 --> 00:23:17,023 You waited too long. 560 00:23:17,025 --> 00:23:18,490 That's everything I need to know. 561 00:23:18,492 --> 00:23:20,292 - No, no, no! - Here is your ring. 562 00:23:20,294 --> 00:23:21,760 - I wish this friendship the best. - No. Oh... 563 00:23:21,762 --> 00:23:23,962 - What...? - Aw, come on. 564 00:23:23,964 --> 00:23:25,464 No. No, don't-- no. 565 00:23:25,466 --> 00:23:26,898 Come, come-- no. 566 00:23:26,900 --> 00:23:29,201 - Here, allow me. - What the fuck are you doing? 567 00:23:29,203 --> 00:23:32,238 - No good? - I don't need you to hold the door for me, you prick. 568 00:23:33,407 --> 00:23:35,874 You see? See what happens? 569 00:23:35,876 --> 00:23:37,276 I held the door, she didn't like it. 570 00:23:37,278 --> 00:23:39,010 You chastised me for holding the door. 571 00:23:39,012 --> 00:23:41,647 What's a guy supposed to do? I'm betwixt and between. 572 00:23:41,649 --> 00:23:43,815 - Why are you here? - I'll tell you why I'm here. 573 00:23:43,817 --> 00:23:46,252 'Cause I asked Jeff what you charged him for a haircut 574 00:23:46,254 --> 00:23:47,819 and he told me $75. 575 00:23:47,821 --> 00:23:49,688 - Uh-huh. - You charged me $150. 576 00:23:49,690 --> 00:23:51,089 - Mm-hmm. - What's up with that? 577 00:23:51,091 --> 00:23:52,858 Get the fuck out of my house. 578 00:23:55,195 --> 00:23:56,128 Okay. 579 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,234 Are you sure...? 580 00:24:02,236 --> 00:24:04,469 Okay, I got it. I got that. 581 00:24:10,811 --> 00:24:13,645 I've got some news. 582 00:24:13,647 --> 00:24:15,380 Wha-- what is it? 583 00:24:15,382 --> 00:24:17,682 Okay, 'cause of the musical, I might be going to New York. 584 00:24:17,684 --> 00:24:21,319 And I thought, "What am I gonna do about Mara?" 585 00:24:21,321 --> 00:24:22,687 So, guess what. 586 00:24:22,689 --> 00:24:26,057 I got you a job with my friend, 587 00:24:26,059 --> 00:24:28,693 a very close friend of mine, as her assistant. 588 00:24:28,695 --> 00:24:31,396 She's starting this new company called Soaps On 589 00:24:31,398 --> 00:24:35,333 - for natural bath and beauty products-- - Larry, th-thank you. I-- 590 00:24:35,335 --> 00:24:37,168 This woman really knows what she's doing. 591 00:24:37,170 --> 00:24:40,838 And by the way, she's such a terrific person. 592 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,841 This woman's a-- she's a fucking saint, okay? 593 00:24:43,843 --> 00:24:47,278 Well, okay. I mean... 594 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,380 Don't take this the wrong way. 595 00:24:49,382 --> 00:24:51,649 Always, this job felt a little bit 596 00:24:51,651 --> 00:24:53,718 - like it wasn't challenging enough. - Is that so? 597 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:55,787 So this-- this could be a good opportunity. 598 00:24:55,789 --> 00:24:57,555 We can start right now. 599 00:24:57,557 --> 00:25:00,224 Yeah, let's pack you up and let's get you the hell out of here. 600 00:25:00,226 --> 00:25:02,526 - Thank you. - Thank you for all the-- the-- the work, 601 00:25:02,528 --> 00:25:05,462 the hard work that you did, even though it wasn't very challenging at all. 602 00:25:05,464 --> 00:25:08,398 - And I don't even know what you did, exactly, but... - You know, I just-- it just-- 603 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,066 ...you claim to have done something, but I'm sure you did. 604 00:25:10,068 --> 00:25:11,368 Anyway, let's go. 605 00:25:11,370 --> 00:25:12,703 - There we go. - Careful. 606 00:25:12,705 --> 00:25:14,705 There we go. You got this, you got all this. 607 00:25:14,707 --> 00:25:16,973 Oh, look, you got little cookies and cakes here. 608 00:25:16,975 --> 00:25:18,542 Okay, take the plant. Yeah. 609 00:25:18,544 --> 00:25:20,344 There you go. Okay. 610 00:25:20,346 --> 00:25:22,278 Take your water. Get this out. 611 00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,781 - I just-- - What else? We're done. We're good. 612 00:25:24,783 --> 00:25:26,616 There we go. 613 00:25:26,618 --> 00:25:29,553 Okay. Oh, yeah, you're gonna have a good time. 614 00:25:29,555 --> 00:25:32,087 - Oh, thanks. - Yeah. Can't you walk a little faster with that thing? 615 00:25:32,089 --> 00:25:35,157 They-- they have Olympic events for that. They speed along. 616 00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:39,027 Do you want to get a celebratory drink or...? 617 00:25:39,029 --> 00:25:40,896 Nah. I don't think so. 618 00:25:40,898 --> 00:25:44,500 All right, then. Well, should we-- should we hug goodbye? 619 00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:47,870 I'll tell you what. Let's do one of these. 620 00:25:47,872 --> 00:25:49,204 There we go. 621 00:25:49,206 --> 00:25:50,773 Now you got your box, we had a little hug. 622 00:25:50,775 --> 00:25:52,908 - Thanks, Larry. - All right, you take care. 623 00:25:52,910 --> 00:25:54,209 - All right. - We'll see ya. 624 00:25:54,211 --> 00:25:55,944 - Bye, Leon. - Give my best to Susie. 625 00:25:55,946 --> 00:25:57,813 - Tell her I said hi. - See ya. 626 00:26:01,719 --> 00:26:05,053 Tell me that's what the fuck I think it is. 627 00:26:05,055 --> 00:26:07,289 - That's a foist. - Mm, fuck! 628 00:26:07,291 --> 00:26:09,024 That was a foist! 629 00:26:09,026 --> 00:26:10,392 - My man, look at you. - Yep! 630 00:26:10,394 --> 00:26:11,927 - You did it! - Huh? How 'bout that? 631 00:26:11,929 --> 00:26:13,762 She ain't gonna limp her ass back up in here, right? 632 00:26:13,764 --> 00:26:15,364 - Oh, no chance. - Draggin' that goddamn foot, right? 633 00:26:15,366 --> 00:26:16,664 No chance. She's been foisted, man. 634 00:26:16,666 --> 00:26:18,367 So she's not coming back? 635 00:26:18,369 --> 00:26:20,035 - Nope. - She's out of here for good? 636 00:26:20,037 --> 00:26:21,636 Out. 637 00:26:21,638 --> 00:26:24,406 I can do this. 638 00:26:24,408 --> 00:26:25,908 What? What are you talkin' about? 639 00:26:25,910 --> 00:26:27,209 I can do this shit. 640 00:26:27,211 --> 00:26:28,610 What? Do what shit? 641 00:26:28,612 --> 00:26:30,379 I can be your new assistant. 642 00:26:30,381 --> 00:26:32,781 Oh, no, no, no. 643 00:26:32,783 --> 00:26:35,384 That's-- that's impossible. 644 00:26:35,386 --> 00:26:37,119 Come on, man. 645 00:26:40,124 --> 00:26:43,425 Larry David's office. What the fuck is up? 646 00:26:44,928 --> 00:26:47,295 Oh, I'm sorry, that bitch got foisted. 647 00:26:50,534 --> 00:26:53,200 You only get half price 'cause you drive a goddamn Smart car. 648 00:26:53,202 --> 00:26:54,669 All right? 649 00:26:54,671 --> 00:26:56,103 Don't call me no fucking more. 650 00:26:57,173 --> 00:26:58,406 Mm. 651 00:26:58,408 --> 00:26:59,841 - Hey! Hey! - Hey, how you doin'? 652 00:26:59,843 --> 00:27:01,543 What's happening? Good to see you. 653 00:27:01,545 --> 00:27:03,377 - Good to see you. Hi. - How are you? Welcome. 654 00:27:03,379 --> 00:27:06,080 - What's going on? - Not-- this is Leon, by the way. 655 00:27:06,082 --> 00:27:07,916 - This is Jimmy. - Good to be here, baby. 656 00:27:07,918 --> 00:27:09,918 - Good to have you here. - He's my temporary assistant. 657 00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:11,786 Hold on, hold on. 658 00:27:11,788 --> 00:27:14,055 Hey, Jeff. What's up? 659 00:27:14,057 --> 00:27:16,724 - Hey. Is that for me? - We at "Jimmy Kimmel." 660 00:27:16,726 --> 00:27:18,059 I'm gonna take it outside. 661 00:27:18,061 --> 00:27:19,327 Fucking good as fuck. 662 00:27:19,329 --> 00:27:21,429 - What is this, crudité? - Yeah, crudité, yeah. 663 00:27:21,431 --> 00:27:22,997 Crudi-take. 664 00:27:22,999 --> 00:27:24,265 All right? 665 00:27:24,267 --> 00:27:25,399 What are you doing? Don't take that. 666 00:27:25,401 --> 00:27:27,001 It's fine because-- no, we-- 667 00:27:27,003 --> 00:27:29,303 - it's not like we reuse it. - Hey, are you nuts? 668 00:27:29,305 --> 00:27:31,705 - Put the fucking thing back, you asshole. - Fuck you, Larry! Fuck you! 669 00:27:31,707 --> 00:27:33,807 So, Jeff... 670 00:27:33,809 --> 00:27:35,676 - He's not gonna take it. It's a joke. - Okay. Yeah. 671 00:27:35,678 --> 00:27:37,911 - How you doing? Everything all right? - Yeah, yeah. Good. 672 00:27:37,913 --> 00:27:40,714 - What have you been up to? - Uh, you know, just lampin'. 673 00:27:40,716 --> 00:27:43,684 Lamping? Like L-A-M-P-I-N-G? 674 00:27:43,686 --> 00:27:45,151 There's no "G" at the end. Lampin'. 675 00:27:45,153 --> 00:27:47,387 Lampin'. Okay. All right. Is that-- 676 00:27:47,389 --> 00:27:49,957 - It's black slang. I pick it up from him. - Oh, okay. Oh, all right. 677 00:27:49,959 --> 00:27:52,493 - I didn't realize that. - But, um... let me, uh-- 678 00:27:52,495 --> 00:27:54,695 let me congratulate you, by the way. 679 00:27:54,697 --> 00:27:55,996 Oh, thank-- on what? 680 00:27:55,998 --> 00:28:00,433 On the wonderful, fantastic job 681 00:28:00,435 --> 00:28:02,002 of foisting that you did. 682 00:28:02,004 --> 00:28:04,037 - What do you mean? - Nice job. 683 00:28:04,039 --> 00:28:06,139 You foisted Mara on me. 684 00:28:08,544 --> 00:28:10,210 I did foist her on you. 685 00:28:10,212 --> 00:28:12,679 - I did. I really did foist her on you. - Yeah. Yeah. 686 00:28:12,681 --> 00:28:14,447 - Fantastic foist. - I told-- 687 00:28:14,449 --> 00:28:16,849 and by the way, Marty Short foisted her on me. 688 00:28:16,851 --> 00:28:19,652 He foisted her on you. Okay, well, guess what. 689 00:28:19,654 --> 00:28:21,954 You've gotta now foist her on somebody else. 690 00:28:21,956 --> 00:28:23,689 - Yeah. - Done. It's already done. 691 00:28:23,691 --> 00:28:25,090 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 692 00:28:25,092 --> 00:28:26,993 - It feels good, right? - Thank you. Oh, my God. 693 00:28:26,995 --> 00:28:28,728 It's like a pyramid scheme, almost. 694 00:28:28,730 --> 00:28:30,429 Uh, yeah. In a way, yes. 695 00:28:30,431 --> 00:28:32,164 Eventually there will-- somebody at the end 696 00:28:32,166 --> 00:28:33,399 will have to marry her. 697 00:28:33,401 --> 00:28:35,668 - Exactly! Exactly, yeah. - Yeah. 698 00:28:35,670 --> 00:28:37,803 Well, thanks for coming. It's great to have you here. 699 00:28:37,805 --> 00:28:39,438 - Yeah, thanks. I'll see you out there. - All right, see you out there. 700 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:40,773 - Take it easy. - It's gonna be fun. 701 00:28:40,775 --> 00:28:42,942 Now, um, I understand you have a new project. 702 00:28:42,944 --> 00:28:44,376 New-- something you're working on. 703 00:28:44,378 --> 00:28:46,278 Yes, yes. I've, uh-- 704 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,348 I've written a musical for Broadway. 705 00:28:49,350 --> 00:28:52,617 - Mm-hmm? - It's called, uh, "Fatwa!" 706 00:28:52,619 --> 00:28:54,452 "Fatwa"? 707 00:28:54,454 --> 00:28:56,621 - "Fatwa!" - And what is a fatwa? 708 00:28:56,623 --> 00:29:02,093 A fatwa is a death sentence handed out by the ayatollah. 709 00:29:02,095 --> 00:29:03,461 And this is a comedy? 710 00:29:03,463 --> 00:29:05,229 - Yes, yes. - Okay. All right. 711 00:29:05,231 --> 00:29:06,598 It's a musical comedy. 712 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:07,732 The ayatollah's in it. 713 00:29:07,734 --> 00:29:09,100 Oh, the ayatollah is in it? 714 00:29:09,102 --> 00:29:10,435 Of course the ayatollah is in it. 715 00:29:10,437 --> 00:29:12,236 How can you have a fatwa without an ayatollah? 716 00:29:12,238 --> 00:29:13,471 You do need an ayatollah, right. 717 00:29:13,473 --> 00:29:15,373 What appeals to you about the ayatollah? 718 00:29:15,375 --> 00:29:17,876 The whole-- you know, the denunciation. 719 00:29:17,878 --> 00:29:20,045 There's a lot of denunciation going on. 720 00:29:20,047 --> 00:29:22,747 - The denunciation, okay. - All day long, he's denunciating. 721 00:29:22,749 --> 00:29:26,250 - He does do a lot of that. - He does a lot of this, a lot of, you know. 722 00:29:26,252 --> 00:29:28,519 - Uh-huh. - By the way, I just did it four times. 723 00:29:28,521 --> 00:29:30,188 I started to get denunciation elbows. 724 00:29:30,190 --> 00:29:32,423 - You have to be careful. - Yeah, you gotta be careful. 725 00:29:32,425 --> 00:29:35,359 - You can kill yourself. - It's not easy to be the ayatollah. 726 00:29:35,361 --> 00:29:37,161 It requires a lot of energy. Yeah, yeah. 727 00:29:37,163 --> 00:29:40,731 How many ayatollahs are there? Are there only one ayatollah? 728 00:29:40,733 --> 00:29:42,166 Well, now there's only one ayatollah, 729 00:29:42,168 --> 00:29:44,702 and they all seem to have the same name 730 00:29:44,704 --> 00:29:46,904 and they all seem to spell it the same way. 731 00:29:46,906 --> 00:29:50,741 And you never know-- if you look at the history of ayatollahs, 732 00:29:50,743 --> 00:29:52,743 they-- it all seems like one person. 733 00:29:52,745 --> 00:29:55,279 - Yeah, yeah. - They all look exactly the same, 734 00:29:55,281 --> 00:29:58,816 and their names are Khamenei, Khameeni, Khomani. 735 00:29:58,818 --> 00:30:00,917 In a way, it's like the way KFC 736 00:30:00,919 --> 00:30:03,086 - has the different comedians play Colonel Sanders. - Yes, yes. 737 00:30:03,088 --> 00:30:05,989 - It's the same thing. - What else about the ayatollah do you know? 738 00:30:05,991 --> 00:30:08,492 He's, uh-- he doesn't like Waze. 739 00:30:08,494 --> 00:30:12,429 He likes-- he likes to-- he likes to navigate on his own, you know? 740 00:30:12,431 --> 00:30:14,331 - Oh, Waze, okay. - Yeah, he doesn't like Waze. 741 00:30:14,333 --> 00:30:17,200 He gets in the car. Don't tell-- don't give him any direction. 742 00:30:17,202 --> 00:30:18,801 He doesn't like to be told things. 743 00:30:18,803 --> 00:30:20,036 "I know how to go. 744 00:30:20,038 --> 00:30:24,207 The Waze takes me to-- to El Mansour Boulevard 745 00:30:24,209 --> 00:30:26,343 and gives me a left turn in rush hour. No good." 746 00:30:26,345 --> 00:30:29,779 - You know. - I feel like maybe I've been in an Uber with the ayatollah, 747 00:30:29,781 --> 00:30:32,148 'cause I've heard this very same dialogue. 748 00:30:32,150 --> 00:30:34,617 - That's possible. Yeah. - Yeah. 749 00:30:34,619 --> 00:30:36,619 Do you know about the ayatollah's life? 750 00:30:36,621 --> 00:30:38,721 Like, does he-- does he eat cereal? 751 00:30:38,723 --> 00:30:40,156 He loves granola. 752 00:30:40,158 --> 00:30:41,257 - He does? - Yes. 753 00:30:47,198 --> 00:30:49,298 Well, well. Look at you. 754 00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:51,701 You got here ahead of me. I can't believe it. 755 00:30:51,703 --> 00:30:53,602 God damn right. I'm doing my fucking dizzle, baby. 756 00:30:53,604 --> 00:30:55,705 Jesus, you're-- you're workin'. 757 00:30:55,707 --> 00:30:58,808 Hey, that ayatollah bit you did on "Kimmel" was fucking great. 758 00:30:58,810 --> 00:31:00,176 - Yeah? - Yeah. 759 00:31:00,178 --> 00:31:01,544 - You liked it? - I fuckin' loved it. 760 00:31:01,546 --> 00:31:04,279 Oh, good. 761 00:31:04,281 --> 00:31:06,447 Larry David's office. What's up? 762 00:31:06,449 --> 00:31:08,583 - Let me speak to Larry. - It's Jeff. 763 00:31:08,585 --> 00:31:10,385 Okay, transfer it to here. 764 00:31:10,387 --> 00:31:11,386 How? 765 00:31:13,456 --> 00:31:16,257 - I don't know. - What's taking so long? Get Larry! 766 00:31:16,259 --> 00:31:18,060 Hold on, Jeff. Hold on. 767 00:31:20,597 --> 00:31:22,164 - Hey. - Turn on the TV! 768 00:31:22,166 --> 00:31:23,799 - What channel? - Every channel! 769 00:31:23,801 --> 00:31:25,466 Every goddamn channel! 770 00:31:25,468 --> 00:31:28,269 You're a complete and total fuck-up. 771 00:31:28,271 --> 00:31:30,172 You're a total, total fuck-up. 772 00:31:30,174 --> 00:31:33,641 Larry David, who you may know as the co-creator of "Seinfeld," 773 00:31:33,643 --> 00:31:35,310 went on "Jimmy Kimmel Live" last night 774 00:31:35,312 --> 00:31:38,412 to talk about his new musical called "Fatwa!" 775 00:31:38,414 --> 00:31:41,949 in which the ayatollah is one of the main characters. 776 00:31:41,951 --> 00:31:46,320 There's a small harem. Uh, he has a fetish for redheads. 777 00:31:46,322 --> 00:31:50,958 And twice a year, he goes to Ireland on a harem shopping spree. 778 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:53,994 Today, the Ayatollah Abdullah Kazemaini of Iran 779 00:31:53,996 --> 00:31:56,197 has accused Larry David of blasphemy, 780 00:31:56,199 --> 00:32:00,234 issuing an actual fatwa and calling for the death of the comedian. 781 00:32:00,236 --> 00:32:02,703 Here's what the ayatollah had to say. 782 00:32:04,707 --> 00:32:05,840 ...Larry David. 783 00:32:08,244 --> 00:32:09,643 ..."Seinfeld." 784 00:32:09,645 --> 00:32:11,578 - What the fuck?! - "What the fuck" is right. 785 00:32:11,580 --> 00:32:13,380 No one would dare insult 786 00:32:13,382 --> 00:32:14,648 the sacred beliefs of Muslims, 787 00:32:14,650 --> 00:32:16,082 nor disparage our honor. 788 00:32:16,084 --> 00:32:17,884 I didn't disparage. There was no disparage. 789 00:32:17,886 --> 00:32:20,254 - You did disparage. - No, no. I didn't disparage! 790 00:32:20,256 --> 00:32:22,822 I begged you not to imitate the ayatollah. 791 00:32:22,824 --> 00:32:24,424 - No, you didn't! - I told Leon. 792 00:32:24,426 --> 00:32:26,393 I said you got to get this message to him. 793 00:32:26,395 --> 00:32:29,028 Jeff told you to tell me not to do the ayatollah? 794 00:32:29,030 --> 00:32:31,398 I didn't fucking remember. How the fuck am I gonna remember that shit? 795 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:33,199 What the fuck is wrong with you?! 796 00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:36,169 - I didn't know what the fuck-- - Oh, my God! What the fuck?! 797 00:32:36,171 --> 00:32:37,571 ...Larry David! 798 00:32:37,573 --> 00:32:38,972 So I call on valiant Muslims, 799 00:32:38,974 --> 00:32:40,274 wherever they may be, 800 00:32:40,276 --> 00:32:42,342 to kill Larry David without delay. 801 00:32:42,344 --> 00:32:44,578 - What?! - And whoever may die in this cause will be a martyr. 802 00:32:44,580 --> 00:32:46,946 No! I'll repent! I'll be punished! 803 00:32:46,948 --> 00:32:50,149 Even if Larry David repents, he will be condemned to death. 804 00:32:50,151 --> 00:32:52,785 I'll-- I'll convert! I'll become a Muslim! 805 00:32:52,787 --> 00:32:54,720 Even if Larry David converts to Islam, 806 00:32:54,722 --> 00:32:56,656 he should still be sent to hell. 807 00:32:56,658 --> 00:32:59,558 - Jeff! - You got a fucking fatwa! 808 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,627 - I got a fatwa! - You got fatwa'd! 809 00:33:01,629 --> 00:33:03,329 No! 810 00:33:03,331 --> 00:33:05,598 Gentlemen, the FBI takes this very seriously. 811 00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:08,133 But it's nothing that you really need to worry about. 812 00:33:08,135 --> 00:33:10,035 What the-- that's so easy for you to say. 813 00:33:10,037 --> 00:33:12,305 I-- the ayatollah mentioned my name. 814 00:33:12,307 --> 00:33:15,775 The fucking guy was on television, screaming my name. 815 00:33:15,777 --> 00:33:17,677 Larry David! 816 00:33:17,679 --> 00:33:21,180 Larry David! 817 00:33:21,182 --> 00:33:22,747 I'm doing Spanish, it sounds like. 818 00:33:22,749 --> 00:33:24,516 Larry David! 819 00:33:24,518 --> 00:33:30,155 Quick question. Um, what about friends of people that have fatwas? 820 00:33:30,157 --> 00:33:31,523 Fatwa by association. 821 00:33:31,525 --> 00:33:32,858 What kind of fucking question is that? 822 00:33:32,860 --> 00:33:34,259 - Do I associate with you? - Yeah. 823 00:33:34,261 --> 00:33:36,494 Okay. I wanna know what my situation is. 824 00:33:36,496 --> 00:33:39,131 Fatwa by association. What do you know about it? 825 00:33:39,133 --> 00:33:40,966 - You're fine as well. - I am? 826 00:33:40,968 --> 00:33:44,602 - You're fine. - Hey, I got an idea. 827 00:33:44,604 --> 00:33:47,940 I go on the "Jimmy Kimmel" show and I apologize. 828 00:33:47,942 --> 00:33:50,575 - I apologize to the ayatollah. - You think I didn't think of that? 829 00:33:50,577 --> 00:33:51,910 I've already talked to the "Kimmel" show. 830 00:33:51,912 --> 00:33:53,445 They want nothing to do with you. 831 00:33:53,447 --> 00:33:55,179 This whole thing's falling apart. 832 00:33:55,181 --> 00:33:57,581 Every "Fatwa!" producer has called me. 833 00:33:57,583 --> 00:33:58,816 This is all dead. 834 00:34:15,634 --> 00:34:17,468 Hey. 835 00:34:17,470 --> 00:34:20,037 - It's me. - Holy shit. 836 00:34:22,909 --> 00:34:25,642 - What are you doing? - What am I doing? 837 00:34:25,644 --> 00:34:28,112 - I'm wearing a disguise. - You think that's gonna help? 838 00:34:28,114 --> 00:34:30,213 Yeah, well, it couldn't hurt. What am I supposed to do? 839 00:34:30,215 --> 00:34:32,315 Disguises have been employed effectively in the past. 840 00:34:32,317 --> 00:34:34,417 Tyra Banks dressed up as a fat person on her show 841 00:34:34,419 --> 00:34:35,818 to see what it's like being fat. 842 00:34:35,820 --> 00:34:37,287 Needless to say, it wasn't very pleasant. 843 00:34:37,289 --> 00:34:38,721 Have you ever seen "Undercover Boss"? 844 00:34:38,723 --> 00:34:40,456 The guy goes undercover, nobody even knows who he is. 845 00:34:40,458 --> 00:34:42,658 He's the boss of the whole company. He fools everybody. 846 00:34:42,660 --> 00:34:44,394 Well, you know what the good news is? 847 00:34:44,396 --> 00:34:46,129 I'm still alive. 848 00:34:46,131 --> 00:34:47,264 You know what? 849 00:34:47,266 --> 00:34:48,865 That's not funny. 850 00:34:48,867 --> 00:34:50,300 - It's not funny. - You know, you're a comedian. 851 00:34:50,302 --> 00:34:51,834 You should be able to take a joke. 852 00:34:51,836 --> 00:34:53,736 What, you're comparing this to your dead parakeet? 853 00:34:53,738 --> 00:34:55,605 - Nothing compares to my dead parakeet. - Yeah. 854 00:34:55,607 --> 00:34:57,173 Larry David! 855 00:35:01,146 --> 00:35:03,012 - I know you're in here. I saw your car. - Holy shit. 856 00:35:03,014 --> 00:35:05,547 - Fatwa? - No, lesbian bride. 857 00:35:05,549 --> 00:35:09,451 Larry David? Where the fuck are you, Larry? 858 00:35:09,453 --> 00:35:12,021 Prepare to die, baldy. 859 00:35:12,023 --> 00:35:15,190 I know you're in here, Larry! I'm gonna fucking kill you! 860 00:35:15,192 --> 00:35:17,092 And the next time a door's ajar, 861 00:35:17,094 --> 00:35:19,261 maybe stay the fuck out! 862 00:35:21,532 --> 00:35:24,033 I'm gonna fucking kill you! 863 00:35:24,035 --> 00:35:26,335 Larry fucking David! 864 00:35:59,736 --> 00:36:01,402 Fatwa?! 865 00:36:01,404 --> 00:36:04,305 No, cocksucker. Foisted! 866 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:11,038 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com