1 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:08,018 _ 2 00:00:08,137 --> 00:00:10,620 Edna, it is great to see you. 3 00:00:10,706 --> 00:00:13,340 This is crazy, I mean, you clean my mom's house 4 00:00:13,375 --> 00:00:16,093 and now you're gonna clean this house. 5 00:00:16,178 --> 00:00:18,539 You really took us on a ride there, Greg. 6 00:00:18,564 --> 00:00:19,730 Yeah, well, I'm excited. 7 00:00:19,755 --> 00:00:21,838 - I mean, she-she watched me grow up. - Mm-hmm. 8 00:00:22,051 --> 00:00:24,490 Your kids masturbating into socks yet? 9 00:00:24,515 --> 00:00:26,219 Oh. 10 00:00:26,244 --> 00:00:28,380 That-that, that w-wasn't me, that was, 11 00:00:28,405 --> 00:00:30,524 that was Matthew or possibly Heather. 12 00:00:30,841 --> 00:00:33,153 Uh, any other questions, 13 00:00:33,178 --> 00:00:36,290 you know, about, uh, the house or our expectations? 14 00:00:36,315 --> 00:00:37,564 Nope. 15 00:00:37,649 --> 00:00:40,682 See? She's easygoing, she is low-maintenance, 16 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:43,080 she is Edna. 17 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,149 Well, listen, we're so glad you're available. 18 00:00:45,174 --> 00:00:46,673 Managing two kids and two careers, 19 00:00:46,698 --> 00:00:48,100 this place is always a wreck. 20 00:00:48,135 --> 00:00:51,136 Yeah, and if you can keep this house as crisp and sharp 21 00:00:51,222 --> 00:00:53,555 as the creases you iron into my dad's jeans, 22 00:00:53,580 --> 00:00:56,267 - pfft... we'll be in business a long time. - Great. 23 00:00:56,292 --> 00:00:58,060 What time do you want me to be here tomorrow? 24 00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,395 Nothing's too early. 25 00:00:59,420 --> 00:01:01,313 You just tell us when to have our robes on. 26 00:01:01,399 --> 00:01:04,618 Or in Greg's case, his sock off. 27 00:01:07,989 --> 00:01:09,321 Edna? 28 00:01:09,346 --> 00:01:10,595 We're home. 29 00:01:10,708 --> 00:01:13,542 Ooh, I can smell the floor polish. 30 00:01:13,627 --> 00:01:16,751 Yeah, I spilled some on the couch, sorry. 31 00:01:16,776 --> 00:01:18,962 It's wet now, but it'll dry hard. 32 00:01:18,987 --> 00:01:21,216 Well, there goes our movie night. 33 00:01:21,302 --> 00:01:23,802 Oh, I can't stay, anyway, and honestly 34 00:01:23,838 --> 00:01:25,804 I can't stand the smell. 35 00:01:25,829 --> 00:01:28,068 - See you next week. - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 36 00:01:28,092 --> 00:01:29,921 What do you think you're doing? 37 00:01:29,946 --> 00:01:31,154 - Come on, bring it on in. - Oh. 38 00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:32,930 Ah, thank you so much, Edna. 39 00:01:32,955 --> 00:01:34,930 - You're the best. - All right. 40 00:01:35,016 --> 00:01:36,432 There she goes... first 41 00:01:36,517 --> 00:01:39,207 valid inductee to the Housekeeper Hall of Fame! 42 00:01:40,488 --> 00:01:42,521 See? I told you. She may have shown up late, 43 00:01:42,606 --> 00:01:43,772 but she left on time. 44 00:01:44,195 --> 00:01:45,789 God. 45 00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,444 Greg, the house looks no different 46 00:01:48,529 --> 00:01:50,162 than it did when we left this morning, 47 00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:51,864 aside from the stain on our couch. 48 00:01:51,949 --> 00:01:53,749 She did say that she hates dirt, 49 00:01:53,834 --> 00:01:55,561 and clearly she's been avoiding it. 50 00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:58,893 Okay, it looks like she made a batch of cookies and ate them. 51 00:01:58,918 --> 00:02:00,681 Oh, right. She's always had a sweet tooth. 52 00:02:00,706 --> 00:02:02,957 It's her only vice. 53 00:02:03,815 --> 00:02:06,368 Oh, and she also drank the good Scotch. 54 00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:08,245 It's her other only vice. 55 00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:10,440 She didn't even make the bed. 56 00:02:10,465 --> 00:02:13,302 No, wait. I made the bed before we left. 57 00:02:13,387 --> 00:02:15,220 Greg, she took a nap. 58 00:02:15,306 --> 00:02:18,333 Well, let's see you drink four fingers of Scotch and stay up. 59 00:02:18,379 --> 00:02:20,476 - Are you defending her? - No. 60 00:02:20,561 --> 00:02:22,061 You're right, okay? 61 00:02:22,521 --> 00:02:24,494 I mean, she's got a great vibe, but 62 00:02:24,519 --> 00:02:26,802 she apparently has lost her touch. 63 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,300 Hi, Joan. 64 00:02:32,325 --> 00:02:35,521 Listen, I was wondering if I could talk to you about Edna. 65 00:02:35,546 --> 00:02:38,377 Oh, she's got a great vibe, doesn't she? 66 00:02:38,412 --> 00:02:41,046 She does, yeah, and, you know, we were 67 00:02:41,082 --> 00:02:43,749 really excited about having a great cleaning lady. 68 00:02:43,834 --> 00:02:47,886 The thing is, at our house, it turns out, she's just a lady, 69 00:02:47,922 --> 00:02:49,088 and not even that. 70 00:02:49,223 --> 00:02:51,140 I mean, sh-she doesn't even flush. 71 00:02:51,175 --> 00:02:54,393 Oh, well, there are some quirks you have to work around. 72 00:02:54,428 --> 00:02:56,345 Now, where did I put the duster? 73 00:02:56,430 --> 00:02:58,043 Here it is, right in front of me. 74 00:02:58,068 --> 00:02:59,841 What are you doing? Doesn't Edna do that? 75 00:02:59,896 --> 00:03:01,511 Oh, brilliantly. 76 00:03:01,536 --> 00:03:03,685 That's how I learned, by watching her, 77 00:03:03,771 --> 00:03:06,941 but she really doesn't reach above her shoulders anymore. 78 00:03:06,966 --> 00:03:08,774 Oh. Is that, like, a health thing? 79 00:03:08,859 --> 00:03:11,193 No, no, that's an attitude thing. 80 00:03:11,497 --> 00:03:13,779 But she excels at cleaning things 81 00:03:13,864 --> 00:03:16,115 between chest and knees. 82 00:03:16,347 --> 00:03:18,667 - That's the Edna pocket. - Hmm, yeah. 83 00:03:18,752 --> 00:03:20,502 That would make sense, 'cause our Scotch 84 00:03:20,588 --> 00:03:22,254 was in the Edna pocket. 85 00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:25,967 Oh, well, generally, if you hide it behind something, 86 00:03:25,992 --> 00:03:27,633 she'll miss it. 87 00:03:27,658 --> 00:03:30,491 Hey, keep it down. You're gonna wake Edna. 88 00:03:30,516 --> 00:03:32,514 What? She's here now? 89 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,299 - Yeah. - Yeah, it's her cleaning day. 90 00:03:34,385 --> 00:03:36,135 But you're the one doing all the cleaning. 91 00:03:36,220 --> 00:03:37,769 I mean, does she do anything? 92 00:03:37,805 --> 00:03:40,222 - Well, she ironed John's jeans. - Oh, yeah. 93 00:03:40,307 --> 00:03:42,057 Yeah. I could wear these to church. 94 00:03:42,143 --> 00:03:45,277 But right now, you know, I'm just gonna wear 'em to the gym. 95 00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:48,530 Look at the edge on this. You could cut a steak with them. 96 00:03:50,651 --> 00:03:52,117 Okay, well, 97 00:03:52,153 --> 00:03:53,652 I put both kids to bed. 98 00:03:53,737 --> 00:03:56,455 Great. And I put Edna to bed. 99 00:03:56,490 --> 00:03:58,657 On the air mattress? With her bad back? 100 00:03:58,742 --> 00:04:02,044 What? No. Greg, she's not sleeping here. I-I fired her. 101 00:04:02,129 --> 00:04:04,163 You fired her? Wh-Why? 102 00:04:04,248 --> 00:04:06,465 Because, you said it yourself, she's lost her touch. 103 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,167 I mean, she is terrible. 104 00:04:08,252 --> 00:04:10,135 I thought she just wasn't doing anything here. 105 00:04:10,171 --> 00:04:12,754 Turns out, she's not doing anything anywhere. 106 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,556 But she's like family. 107 00:04:14,642 --> 00:04:16,425 What if, with all of your imperfections, 108 00:04:16,510 --> 00:04:18,675 I just decided to fire you? 109 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:20,229 Yeah, that-that-that came out wrong. 110 00:04:20,314 --> 00:04:24,266 I'm just saying, she's more than just a cleaning person to us. 111 00:04:24,351 --> 00:04:27,521 Greg, we don't need more than a cleaning person. 112 00:04:27,546 --> 00:04:30,989 We need a cleaning person. 113 00:04:31,025 --> 00:04:33,708 Jen, how could you fire Edna? 114 00:04:33,733 --> 00:04:35,304 She's family. 115 00:04:35,329 --> 00:04:38,007 - She's despondent. She can't clean. - Yeah. 116 00:04:38,032 --> 00:04:39,531 She doesn't clean, though. 117 00:04:39,617 --> 00:04:41,083 That is the problem. 118 00:04:41,168 --> 00:04:42,451 This is terrible. 119 00:04:42,536 --> 00:04:44,503 She didn't touch the dinner I made for her. 120 00:04:44,538 --> 00:04:46,205 - It's that bad? - Yeah. 121 00:04:46,230 --> 00:04:47,456 What are we gonna do? 122 00:04:47,481 --> 00:04:49,758 I mean, we should throw her a Scotch party 123 00:04:49,843 --> 00:04:51,293 to get her out of her depression. 124 00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,763 Nope. Wrong direction. Not doing that. 125 00:04:53,788 --> 00:04:55,025 What does this woman have over you? 126 00:04:55,049 --> 00:04:57,299 I mean, I know she's got the sock thing with Greg. 127 00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:59,218 Sock thing? 128 00:04:59,303 --> 00:05:01,553 I have no idea what you're talking about. 129 00:05:01,639 --> 00:05:04,087 Oh, she's talking about you using socks 130 00:05:04,112 --> 00:05:05,995 - to explore your body. - Yeah. 131 00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:08,060 - You-you knew about that? - No. 132 00:05:08,145 --> 00:05:10,605 Jen, you are a good mother. 133 00:05:10,630 --> 00:05:12,380 You work very hard. 134 00:05:12,405 --> 00:05:14,538 You deserve a clean house. 135 00:05:15,377 --> 00:05:17,536 And I will take care of Edna. 136 00:05:18,507 --> 00:05:20,072 Thank you. 137 00:05:20,897 --> 00:05:21,865 Hi. 138 00:05:21,890 --> 00:05:23,460 Hey, babe. 139 00:05:24,804 --> 00:05:26,826 Place is looking pretty good, huh? 140 00:05:27,876 --> 00:05:30,636 What? This is how you took care of Edna? 141 00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:33,421 Shh, shh, shh, she's asleep. 142 00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:37,093 Is she wearing my sweatpants? 143 00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:38,814 Yeah. 144 00:05:38,954 --> 00:05:40,837 But she ironed 'em first. 145 00:05:43,012 --> 00:05:44,740 _ 146 00:05:45,184 --> 00:05:47,349 I was just watching Antiques Roadshow, 147 00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:49,818 and the most exciting thing happened. 148 00:05:49,903 --> 00:05:51,403 Someone found out their old junk 149 00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:53,355 was worth slightly more than they thought? 150 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,357 No! Well, yes. 151 00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:56,631 But the point is, 152 00:05:56,656 --> 00:06:00,303 guy was showing off one of those floaty pens, you know? 153 00:06:00,328 --> 00:06:01,922 The ones that I used to bring you 154 00:06:01,947 --> 00:06:03,592 from all those flights I logged. 155 00:06:03,617 --> 00:06:05,595 The only things I ever remember you bringing us home 156 00:06:05,619 --> 00:06:07,347 from your trips were exotic strains of the flu. 157 00:06:07,371 --> 00:06:08,876 No, the floaty pens. 158 00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:12,182 The one you-you tipped over, and the girl's top slid off. 159 00:06:12,207 --> 00:06:14,293 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right, I remember. 160 00:06:14,378 --> 00:06:18,180 It's the gift every girl dreams of getting from her father. 161 00:06:18,265 --> 00:06:20,966 Well, now they're actually worth a lot of money. 162 00:06:21,051 --> 00:06:22,384 So, go get yours. 163 00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:24,219 I want to display them. 164 00:06:24,305 --> 00:06:26,188 Oh, I have no idea where mine are. 165 00:06:26,273 --> 00:06:30,142 Yeah, and I gave mine to Matt, so, good going, Matt. 166 00:06:30,227 --> 00:06:32,311 Dad, why do you think that we would keep track 167 00:06:32,336 --> 00:06:33,945 of airport gift shop pens? 168 00:06:33,981 --> 00:06:37,316 Oh, I get it. I should've given you collector's knives 169 00:06:37,401 --> 00:06:40,369 so you could have driven them right into my heart. 170 00:06:42,646 --> 00:06:45,091 They used to sell collector's knives in the airport? 171 00:06:45,889 --> 00:06:46,970 Huh. 172 00:06:48,746 --> 00:06:51,738 I told Jen, as long as Edna gets six hours of sleep at night 173 00:06:51,763 --> 00:06:54,249 and a solid eight during the day, she'll be fine. 174 00:06:54,335 --> 00:06:57,052 Oh, my kids. I need to talk to you. 175 00:06:57,137 --> 00:07:00,482 Your father is very upset about those pens, 176 00:07:00,507 --> 00:07:03,935 and guess who gets to bear the burden of that load. 177 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:05,936 Thank you very much. 178 00:07:05,961 --> 00:07:07,628 - Mom, seriously? - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 179 00:07:07,653 --> 00:07:09,347 I mean, why does Dad care so much 180 00:07:09,372 --> 00:07:12,768 about those cheap, trashy pens that objectified women? 181 00:07:12,853 --> 00:07:14,486 Honey, it was a different time. 182 00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:16,772 A worse time, but still. 183 00:07:16,857 --> 00:07:19,191 Mom, Dad is totally overreacting to all of this. 184 00:07:19,276 --> 00:07:22,411 He sent us all nasty e-mails questioning our paternity. 185 00:07:22,719 --> 00:07:25,163 - What? - I didn't get an e-mail. 186 00:07:25,906 --> 00:07:27,076 You didn't? 187 00:07:27,101 --> 00:07:28,195 No. 188 00:07:28,220 --> 00:07:30,929 You will. Sure he's just, you know, 189 00:07:30,954 --> 00:07:33,255 sending them out individually. 190 00:07:35,818 --> 00:07:37,019 Just got another one. 191 00:07:37,044 --> 00:07:41,418 Those pens were your dad's way of saying that he missed you 192 00:07:41,443 --> 00:07:43,013 and he loved you. 193 00:07:43,038 --> 00:07:46,865 Because saying that out loud makes him feel "weird." 194 00:07:47,209 --> 00:07:48,770 - Well, now I feel terrible. - Yeah. 195 00:07:48,856 --> 00:07:52,023 Yeah. All right, guys, we got to try and find these things. 196 00:07:52,059 --> 00:07:54,731 - Yeah, all your stuff is in the garage. - Okay. 197 00:07:57,184 --> 00:07:58,362 Oh! 198 00:07:58,387 --> 00:07:59,865 My books! 199 00:07:59,900 --> 00:08:02,809 I used to love to read. 200 00:08:03,091 --> 00:08:06,425 Do you remember when I was gonna be a Supreme Court justice? 201 00:08:06,450 --> 00:08:08,245 I don't know what happened. 202 00:08:08,659 --> 00:08:09,847 Oh! 203 00:08:09,872 --> 00:08:11,410 My old bongs! Mm! 204 00:08:11,495 --> 00:08:13,985 Aw, sweet! My 'nocs! 205 00:08:14,010 --> 00:08:15,384 Oh, man! 206 00:08:15,409 --> 00:08:18,550 I used to peep the illest birds with these bad boys. 207 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:19,745 Yeah, you told us 208 00:08:19,770 --> 00:08:22,698 you used to use those to watch Melanie Weber take showers. 209 00:08:22,723 --> 00:08:24,403 I just wanted you guys to think I was cool. 210 00:08:24,723 --> 00:08:26,485 That's not what it made us think. 211 00:08:26,510 --> 00:08:28,481 So, this is the last box. 212 00:08:28,551 --> 00:08:32,431 That makes four "Heathers," six "Gregs," and zero "Matts." 213 00:08:32,538 --> 00:08:35,176 Always nice to take a trip down memory lane in this family. 214 00:08:35,426 --> 00:08:36,768 Okay, well, two things are clear. 215 00:08:36,854 --> 00:08:39,169 Our parents kept nothing of Matthew's, 216 00:08:39,194 --> 00:08:41,394 and the nudie pens aren't here. 217 00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,462 Ooh! I found the pens. 218 00:08:44,487 --> 00:08:46,237 Oh, word? Where? 219 00:08:46,262 --> 00:08:50,592 On eBay, next to some very sexually explicit candles. 220 00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:53,571 You don't strap on a candle, Heather. 221 00:08:53,596 --> 00:08:54,469 Oh. 222 00:08:54,494 --> 00:08:56,538 The set of pens is 700 bucks? 223 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:58,207 - That's ridiculous. - Yeah, no. 224 00:08:58,232 --> 00:08:59,841 Maybe Dad'll just forget about it. 225 00:08:59,927 --> 00:09:02,168 Ooh. I just got an e-mail from Dad right now. 226 00:09:02,193 --> 00:09:04,679 - What does it say? - I don't know. It's a photo montage. 227 00:09:04,765 --> 00:09:07,824 - ? Daddy's little girl ? - Oh! Oh, it's a picture of me as a baby. 228 00:09:07,849 --> 00:09:09,885 ? Dancing on his feet... ? 229 00:09:09,970 --> 00:09:12,020 Oh. Hey, he just sent me a montage, too. 230 00:09:12,105 --> 00:09:15,524 Oh, no, no. It's just a picture of a man holding me as a baby, 231 00:09:15,609 --> 00:09:17,943 but his face is a question mark. 232 00:09:19,288 --> 00:09:21,813 He really did come to my softball game. 233 00:09:21,838 --> 00:09:23,538 Yeah, can you just, like, pause this, Heather? 234 00:09:23,562 --> 00:09:25,700 Okay, you know what? We are gonna buy these pens, 235 00:09:25,786 --> 00:09:27,235 because we owe it to Dad. 236 00:09:27,321 --> 00:09:29,621 Oh, hey, did anybody check this box? 237 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,242 What? 238 00:09:34,328 --> 00:09:35,827 "Joan's Party Supplies." 239 00:09:35,913 --> 00:09:37,078 Oh. 240 00:09:37,164 --> 00:09:38,580 Oh. 241 00:09:38,665 --> 00:09:41,338 So, Mom has a set of those candles. 242 00:09:41,363 --> 00:09:42,779 Hmm. 243 00:09:47,826 --> 00:09:49,975 Hey, Dad, great news! We found the pens! 244 00:09:50,010 --> 00:09:51,977 Yeah, it-it turns out we did keep them 245 00:09:52,012 --> 00:09:54,377 because, you know, we love you so much. 246 00:09:54,402 --> 00:09:57,011 Great. Let's see 'em. 247 00:09:58,089 --> 00:09:59,662 - They're getting cleaned right now. - Yeah. 248 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:03,255 But they should be here in three to seven business days. 249 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,694 - Meh. - Or... even sooner. 250 00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:07,450 Hmm? 251 00:10:08,950 --> 00:10:10,695 You're the seller? 252 00:10:10,781 --> 00:10:13,113 We just bought the pens back from our own father. 253 00:10:13,138 --> 00:10:14,176 Yep. 254 00:10:14,201 --> 00:10:17,285 You outbid some... pretty eager perverts. 255 00:10:17,371 --> 00:10:18,537 Where did you find them? 256 00:10:18,622 --> 00:10:21,339 Perverts? They're all over the Internet. 257 00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:24,125 No, Dad, the pens. Where did you find the pens? 258 00:10:24,211 --> 00:10:26,628 Oh, in Matt's box, in the garage. 259 00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:29,347 You guys did keep some of my stuff? You... 260 00:10:31,539 --> 00:10:32,921 That's mine. 261 00:10:33,265 --> 00:10:34,492 You guys are great. 262 00:10:34,517 --> 00:10:35,898 Oh, Dad, thank you. 263 00:10:35,923 --> 00:10:38,890 And since you know how much we love you, 264 00:10:38,976 --> 00:10:40,609 maybe you could give us our money back. 265 00:10:41,389 --> 00:10:43,240 Take it up with eBay. 266 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,767 _ 267 00:10:51,267 --> 00:10:54,533 Well, John, thank you so much for watching Lucas. 268 00:10:54,645 --> 00:10:56,611 Oh, no problem. 269 00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:59,681 No, I-I read his fairy tale book to him ten times. 270 00:10:59,706 --> 00:11:02,345 - Aw. - I told him he was getting addicted. 271 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:05,794 Well, that led into this long talk about addiction. 272 00:11:05,819 --> 00:11:08,490 I never want to fall off a wagon. 273 00:11:08,575 --> 00:11:11,081 - Mm. Oh. Aw. - Aw. 274 00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:13,633 Aw, you're leaving already? 275 00:11:13,658 --> 00:11:15,291 Can I have a hug? 276 00:11:16,262 --> 00:11:17,883 Lucas, go hug Mom-Mom. 277 00:11:17,918 --> 00:11:19,251 No, don't force him. 278 00:11:19,336 --> 00:11:20,969 Force him? He can't wait. 279 00:11:22,723 --> 00:11:24,089 Please don't make me! 280 00:11:24,174 --> 00:11:26,591 Lucas. L-Lucas? 281 00:11:26,677 --> 00:11:29,144 Oh, he's just shy. 282 00:11:29,229 --> 00:11:32,893 Shy? We didn't run into one person at lunch 283 00:11:32,918 --> 00:11:34,232 he didn't try to hug. 284 00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:37,269 Okay, thanks for getting it. Bye. 285 00:11:37,354 --> 00:11:38,961 Bye-bye, sweetie. 286 00:11:38,986 --> 00:11:43,314 Aw. Don't feel bad, Joanie. I'm sure Lucas loves you. 287 00:11:43,556 --> 00:11:46,338 Well, uh, mm, you know, not real sure, 288 00:11:46,363 --> 00:11:49,497 but, uh, he doesn't talk crap about you. 289 00:11:53,078 --> 00:11:55,545 Oh, mercy, mercy, merc... 290 00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:56,663 Oh, kids! 291 00:11:56,748 --> 00:11:59,633 If you should happen to run across a box 292 00:11:59,668 --> 00:12:02,419 that's marked "Joan's Party Supplies," 293 00:12:02,651 --> 00:12:05,535 for your continued mental stability, 294 00:12:05,955 --> 00:12:07,480 don't open it. 295 00:12:09,043 --> 00:12:10,237 Sure thing, Ma. 296 00:12:11,294 --> 00:12:13,072 Yeah, yeah. 297 00:12:13,783 --> 00:12:15,366 Lucas? 298 00:12:15,646 --> 00:12:16,695 Hi. 299 00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:21,260 Um, w-would you like to help me make some brownies? 300 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,332 Want to play Go Fish? 301 00:12:24,026 --> 00:12:25,358 Legos? 302 00:12:25,383 --> 00:12:27,421 Finger paints? Coloring book? 303 00:12:27,446 --> 00:12:30,280 Stickers? Trucks? Dress-up! 304 00:12:30,365 --> 00:12:32,927 Would you like to watch Ernest go to camp? 305 00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:35,132 I have it on VHS. 306 00:12:35,157 --> 00:12:38,312 I know, because it's been stuck in there for years. 307 00:12:38,351 --> 00:12:41,069 Okay. See you later. 308 00:12:47,129 --> 00:12:48,795 What's going on? 309 00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,133 Are you trying to remember how 310 00:12:50,168 --> 00:12:51,835 to get back to the other room? 311 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:56,589 No. I-I'm trying to lure Lucas out from under the dining table. 312 00:12:56,675 --> 00:12:58,007 With my candy? 313 00:12:58,032 --> 00:12:59,893 I didn't dress up like Jack Sparrow 314 00:12:59,978 --> 00:13:02,368 at Halloween just to have you waste it. 315 00:13:02,563 --> 00:13:04,790 Honey, Colleen says he's shy, 316 00:13:04,815 --> 00:13:07,101 but I-I think it's something different. 317 00:13:07,126 --> 00:13:10,270 That's fine, but if I find an Almond Joy on the floor, 318 00:13:10,295 --> 00:13:11,927 I'm gonna go off. 319 00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:20,914 Hi, Lucas. 320 00:13:20,999 --> 00:13:23,501 I'm so happy to see you. 321 00:13:23,822 --> 00:13:26,586 Would you like some brownies fresh from the oven? 322 00:13:26,905 --> 00:13:28,772 No, I want to go home! 323 00:13:29,603 --> 00:13:31,519 Hey, what's going on? 324 00:13:31,634 --> 00:13:33,460 Um, could I have a word? 325 00:13:33,545 --> 00:13:35,295 Yeah. Come on, Lucas, 326 00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:36,963 let's read that book of yours again. 327 00:13:37,048 --> 00:13:39,349 See if it ends differently this time, huh? 328 00:13:39,384 --> 00:13:41,050 Not. 329 00:13:43,388 --> 00:13:44,721 Is everything okay? 330 00:13:44,806 --> 00:13:46,973 Lucas is terrified of me. 331 00:13:47,058 --> 00:13:49,058 No, Joan, I told you, he's just shy. 332 00:13:49,144 --> 00:13:51,811 Plenty of kids are shy. I was a shy kid. 333 00:13:51,836 --> 00:13:53,897 I-I don't think it's just shyness. 334 00:13:53,982 --> 00:13:56,065 I feel it's something deeper. 335 00:13:56,474 --> 00:13:59,700 No, that's just my therapeutic two cents. 336 00:13:59,725 --> 00:14:00,740 Well, you know what I think, Joan? 337 00:14:00,764 --> 00:14:02,575 I think if you stop trying to impress him 338 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,903 with all your yummy treats and your fun stuff, 339 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:06,888 that maybe he would actually start to like you. 340 00:14:06,912 --> 00:14:09,000 See that? So you're not the only one 341 00:14:09,025 --> 00:14:12,115 who understands brain science. 342 00:14:14,836 --> 00:14:16,287 Oh, my. 343 00:14:19,139 --> 00:14:21,975 Lucas, you're just shy around Mom-Mom, right? 344 00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:25,311 It's not, like, some deep-seated psychological issue? 345 00:14:25,708 --> 00:14:28,231 - No. - Exactly. You know. 346 00:14:28,266 --> 00:14:31,734 Well, I'm sorry that she is so pushy. 347 00:14:31,770 --> 00:14:34,938 I didn't let her be pushy when we got close to the oven. 348 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,216 What? 349 00:14:36,241 --> 00:14:38,107 She's the witch! 350 00:14:38,193 --> 00:14:41,164 Well, I mean, we all have our opinions of her. 351 00:14:41,189 --> 00:14:44,113 No. She's the witch who puts out the candy 352 00:14:44,249 --> 00:14:46,161 and tries to cook Hansel and Gretel. 353 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,534 Look. 354 00:14:47,619 --> 00:14:49,502 Oh, no. 355 00:14:49,588 --> 00:14:51,671 Wow, that looks exactly like her. 356 00:14:52,232 --> 00:14:54,006 I have to send this to Jen. 357 00:14:55,836 --> 00:14:58,294 Hi-ee. 358 00:14:58,844 --> 00:15:00,880 So, I was just talking to Lucas, and... 359 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:03,919 Oh, my gosh, it's so funny. 360 00:15:03,944 --> 00:15:05,527 You're gonna laugh. 361 00:15:05,751 --> 00:15:08,052 Uh, but it, it was something deeper, Joan. 362 00:15:08,077 --> 00:15:10,366 You were right. But it's also super funny. 363 00:15:10,391 --> 00:15:11,941 Oh, I'm glad it's funny. 364 00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:14,522 Oh, I'm relieved. Okay, I can take that. Tell me. 365 00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:17,100 Okay. All right. Well, um, you know the book 366 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:19,063 that Lucas was trying to get everyone to read him? 367 00:15:19,087 --> 00:15:22,367 No, dear, because he's put me on a grandma restraining order. 368 00:15:22,392 --> 00:15:25,048 Right. Okay, well, it's Hansel and Gretel. 369 00:15:25,073 --> 00:15:26,847 And in it, there's a witch 370 00:15:26,872 --> 00:15:29,289 that looks exactly like you. 371 00:15:29,868 --> 00:15:31,054 - Like me? - Uh-huh. 372 00:15:31,079 --> 00:15:33,046 Oh, no, I don't think so. 373 00:15:33,131 --> 00:15:34,964 Isn't that crazy? It's literally your twin. 374 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,583 That could be your passport photo. 375 00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:39,419 I don't look anything like that. 376 00:15:40,319 --> 00:15:41,652 He's just shy. 377 00:15:54,994 --> 00:15:56,924 _ 378 00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:02,290 Guys' night! 379 00:16:02,315 --> 00:16:03,689 Hey, man. I'm really sorry I'm late. 380 00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:04,704 Has the fight started yet? 381 00:16:04,729 --> 00:16:06,465 Oh... it's about to. 382 00:16:06,490 --> 00:16:08,241 - What? Oh! - I'm just kidding, man. 383 00:16:08,265 --> 00:16:09,385 - I'd never hurt you. - Okay. 384 00:16:09,410 --> 00:16:10,609 I probably couldn't. 385 00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:12,460 Where are the rest of the guys? 386 00:16:12,485 --> 00:16:13,327 What are you talking about? 387 00:16:13,352 --> 00:16:15,164 Guy. Guys. Guys' night. 388 00:16:15,249 --> 00:16:17,416 What more do we need? 389 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,402 Aw, man. 390 00:16:19,427 --> 00:16:21,066 Dude, check this out. 391 00:16:21,091 --> 00:16:22,888 I got us a frozen margarita machine, 392 00:16:22,923 --> 00:16:24,985 or, as I like to call 'em, Matt-aritas. 393 00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:28,860 I didn't want to fire this bad boy up till you got here, 394 00:16:28,885 --> 00:16:31,334 so get ready for some frozen margs 395 00:16:31,359 --> 00:16:34,549 in three, two, one... 396 00:16:34,574 --> 00:16:36,540 four hours. 397 00:16:36,609 --> 00:16:38,318 You know what, I'll just have a beer. 398 00:16:38,343 --> 00:16:41,320 Oh. Yeah, help yourself. Should be some in the fridge. 399 00:16:41,507 --> 00:16:44,609 I didn't know what kind you like, so I got all the kinds. 400 00:16:45,648 --> 00:16:48,113 Uh, do you have an IPA? 401 00:16:48,198 --> 00:16:49,581 Is that a kind of beer? 402 00:16:49,667 --> 00:16:50,999 Never mind. 403 00:16:51,207 --> 00:16:52,423 Ah. 404 00:16:53,773 --> 00:16:55,000 What are you doing? 405 00:16:55,155 --> 00:16:57,332 Relaxing. Pop those pants off. 406 00:16:57,945 --> 00:16:59,140 No, I'm okay. 407 00:16:59,165 --> 00:17:01,304 Come on. What's more fun than a couple guys 408 00:17:01,337 --> 00:17:02,786 chilling in their comfies, huh? 409 00:17:02,872 --> 00:17:04,288 What are you afraid of? 410 00:17:04,313 --> 00:17:06,363 I guess, that you lured me here to assault me. 411 00:17:07,687 --> 00:17:09,103 Dude. 412 00:17:09,423 --> 00:17:11,345 Take your pants off. 413 00:17:12,759 --> 00:17:14,156 I feel like I should apologize. 414 00:17:14,181 --> 00:17:15,299 You know what, man, it's all good. 415 00:17:15,323 --> 00:17:16,488 Let's just watch the fight. 416 00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:17,673 - Let's do it. - All right. 417 00:17:17,698 --> 00:17:19,303 - Fight night! - Yeah. 418 00:17:20,194 --> 00:17:22,473 And round one begins. 419 00:17:22,498 --> 00:17:24,793 The fighters start to circle, and... 420 00:17:25,088 --> 00:17:26,454 Oh! 421 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,195 It's over! 422 00:17:28,230 --> 00:17:29,731 It is over, folks. 423 00:17:29,756 --> 00:17:32,891 He is down, and he is not getting up. 424 00:17:33,107 --> 00:17:35,474 Well, that was... fun. 425 00:17:35,529 --> 00:17:37,631 Yeah, awesome. 426 00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:38,956 There was a couple seconds there 427 00:17:38,981 --> 00:17:40,548 where it could've been anyone's fight, huh? 428 00:17:40,572 --> 00:17:42,677 Hey, you think if I turn it off now, 429 00:17:42,702 --> 00:17:44,336 they'll still charge me the hundred bucks? 430 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:46,547 Well, as much as I'd like to stick around for round two... 431 00:17:46,571 --> 00:17:48,678 Tim versus the cable company... I, uh... 432 00:17:48,703 --> 00:17:50,050 I think I'm gonna get going. 433 00:17:50,085 --> 00:17:51,885 Ooh! Can't leave yet. 434 00:17:51,921 --> 00:17:53,664 - Food's here. - The foo... 435 00:17:58,177 --> 00:18:00,511 We've all had tacos, but I bet you've never been 436 00:18:00,596 --> 00:18:02,930 this close to one being made before. 437 00:18:03,431 --> 00:18:06,567 Well, Colleen's Mexican, so we make tacos all the time. 438 00:18:06,908 --> 00:18:08,471 Oh... 439 00:18:09,275 --> 00:18:12,755 But... this feels like overkill, Timmy. 440 00:18:12,780 --> 00:18:16,031 No, I did the math. You're good for 25, 26 tacos. 441 00:18:16,056 --> 00:18:19,024 So, at that point, it's just cheaper to get the guy. 442 00:18:25,852 --> 00:18:27,368 Are you not gonna have any? 443 00:18:27,393 --> 00:18:29,760 I can't, 'cause of my heart. Are they good? 444 00:18:29,785 --> 00:18:33,203 Describe it to me in detail. Start with the tortilla. 445 00:18:35,132 --> 00:18:36,842 Man, it's getting late, you know? 446 00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:38,298 I think I got to head out. 447 00:18:38,323 --> 00:18:40,749 What? Come on, we got to try those frozen margaritas. 448 00:18:40,774 --> 00:18:42,515 They got to be ready by now! 449 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:45,766 Whoa. 450 00:18:47,477 --> 00:18:48,693 I'm gonna drink it just like this, 451 00:18:48,717 --> 00:18:50,420 but there's no pressure for you. 452 00:19:03,683 --> 00:19:06,161 Hey, I'm sorry. I feel like I kind of ruined this night. 453 00:19:06,185 --> 00:19:09,705 Oh, no, man, it was... it was good. We had fun. 454 00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:11,021 Yeah. 455 00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:13,689 Remember when I drank that margarita? 456 00:19:13,714 --> 00:19:16,026 Yeah. That-that just happened. 457 00:19:16,051 --> 00:19:17,049 Yeah. 458 00:19:17,074 --> 00:19:18,838 Remember I tried to pull your pants down? 459 00:19:18,863 --> 00:19:20,612 Yeah. That just happened, too. 460 00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:22,518 Ah, it was probably a stupid idea 461 00:19:22,543 --> 00:19:24,026 for me to try to even have a party. 462 00:19:24,051 --> 00:19:25,452 Oh, no, no, no. It was good. 463 00:19:25,477 --> 00:19:27,207 - It was good. - Yeah? 464 00:19:27,232 --> 00:19:28,400 Yeah. So you'll stay? 465 00:19:28,425 --> 00:19:30,825 'Cause the churro guy's gonna be here in, like, half an hour. 466 00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:33,509 Uh... I think I'm gonna call it. 467 00:19:33,534 --> 00:19:34,870 Yeah, cool. Cool. 468 00:19:35,492 --> 00:19:36,407 All right. 469 00:19:36,432 --> 00:19:37,635 Hey, um... 470 00:19:39,831 --> 00:19:41,861 So you'll always remember tonight. 471 00:19:41,886 --> 00:19:43,253 Hey, all right. 472 00:19:44,957 --> 00:19:46,752 Hey, baby, it's me. 473 00:19:46,777 --> 00:19:48,346 I'm coming home a little bit early. 474 00:19:48,371 --> 00:19:51,862 Uh, Tim threw this big guys' night party for the two of us. 475 00:19:51,887 --> 00:19:54,033 I mean, I know that he loves me, but... 476 00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:55,938 I mean, there-there was food 477 00:19:55,963 --> 00:19:58,423 and booze for, like, ten people... 478 00:20:06,043 --> 00:20:07,389 Hey, man. Did you forget something? 479 00:20:07,413 --> 00:20:09,973 Yeah, man, I realized I couldn't leave without having one 480 00:20:09,998 --> 00:20:12,416 of those margaritas in its natural frozen state. 481 00:20:12,441 --> 00:20:14,642 Oh, cool! Well, I had to unplug it, 482 00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:16,682 so it's gonna be another four hours. 483 00:20:17,245 --> 00:20:18,735 You invited a bunch of guys over for a guys' night, 484 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:20,392 and I'm the only one who showed up, huh? 485 00:20:20,417 --> 00:20:21,774 No, I didn't. 486 00:20:23,087 --> 00:20:24,929 Yeah. What gave me away? 487 00:20:24,969 --> 00:20:27,038 You got three valets outside. 488 00:20:27,063 --> 00:20:28,765 - Damn it, they're still here? - Yeah. 489 00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:32,033 Hey! I told you guys to go! 490 00:20:33,955 --> 00:20:37,041 Everyone bailed on me to go over to Dr. Oh's to watch the fight. 491 00:20:37,066 --> 00:20:39,830 Joke's on them, it only lasted 15 seconds. 492 00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:41,733 Wait, you didn't invite Greg? 493 00:20:41,885 --> 00:20:43,767 No, 'cause then I figured you wouldn't come. 494 00:20:45,955 --> 00:20:47,704 You want to take a picture, make him jealous? 495 00:20:47,728 --> 00:20:49,251 Yeah, let's take our pants off. 496 00:20:49,275 --> 00:20:50,850 - No, I don't think so. - All right. 497 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,553 I'll take mine off and you kiss me. 498 00:20:54,069 --> 00:20:55,169 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com -