1 00:00:05,922 --> 00:00:08,091 _ 2 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,793 Wow. 3 00:00:11,878 --> 00:00:14,429 I can't believe you guys got a reservation at this spot. 4 00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,246 Or are we just pretending 5 00:00:16,271 --> 00:00:17,076 to be the next party of four, 6 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,411 regardless of what name they call? 7 00:00:18,435 --> 00:00:19,718 Oh, yeah, 'cause I'll do that. 8 00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,052 I am starving. 9 00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:22,554 Spencer, party of three. 10 00:00:22,639 --> 00:00:24,305 Yeah, that's us. Sorry, Greg, you're out. 11 00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:25,092 No, no, no, 12 00:00:25,187 --> 00:00:26,668 we have an actual reservation. 13 00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,894 And not only that... 14 00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:31,229 dinner is on us tonight. 15 00:00:31,273 --> 00:00:32,343 What? No way. 16 00:00:32,368 --> 00:00:33,068 - Uh, absolutely not. - Yes! 17 00:00:33,093 --> 00:00:34,594 - No, no, no. We insist. - No. - Yes! 18 00:00:34,618 --> 00:00:36,951 As a thank you for helping Lucas get into Lark's preschool. 19 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,487 He wouldn't be there without your letter of recommendation, 20 00:00:39,512 --> 00:00:41,288 - so... - And he already got reprimanded 21 00:00:41,313 --> 00:00:43,301 for bullying. And you know what bullies have? 22 00:00:43,326 --> 00:00:45,460 Confidence. So, thank you. 23 00:00:45,498 --> 00:00:47,123 - It was our pleasure. Really. - Yeah, really. 24 00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:49,691 It's the least we can do. And not just because it means 25 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,240 that now you can pick Lark up for us. 26 00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:53,737 Tonight is our treat. You guys just chill out. 27 00:00:53,761 --> 00:00:55,094 We're gonna go buy a round. 28 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,464 Wow. Look at that. 29 00:00:58,550 --> 00:01:00,883 Hey, babe, good job writing that letter. 30 00:01:01,029 --> 00:01:02,445 I didn't write that letter. 31 00:01:02,470 --> 00:01:04,281 What do you mean? You've been acting like you did. 32 00:01:04,305 --> 00:01:05,605 Because I thought you wrote it. 33 00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:06,772 I specifically remember 34 00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:07,968 you saying that you would write it, 35 00:01:07,992 --> 00:01:10,086 because you elbowed me in the ribs so hard 36 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,101 that I spit my retainer out into the toilet. 37 00:01:12,126 --> 00:01:12,795 No, no, no, no. 38 00:01:12,820 --> 00:01:14,208 I remember you promising, because you had just finished 39 00:01:14,232 --> 00:01:16,427 that rap documentary and you made up some ridiculous rhyme 40 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:17,733 - about the letter. - Listen, 41 00:01:17,785 --> 00:01:19,402 just because I spit a sick freestyle 42 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:21,432 does not mean I'm actually gonna do it. 43 00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,906 Greg, come on. They are paying for a crazy expensive dinner 44 00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,936 because they think we are the reason that Lucas got in. 45 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,159 So we have to tell them. 46 00:01:27,385 --> 00:01:28,551 I feel awful. 47 00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:30,438 Straight up unlawful. 48 00:01:32,101 --> 00:01:33,125 Hey! 49 00:01:33,150 --> 00:01:35,418 We got the fanciest drink on the menu. 50 00:01:35,470 --> 00:01:37,753 These are chocolate martinis. 51 00:01:37,805 --> 00:01:39,274 The bartender was so impressed. 52 00:01:39,298 --> 00:01:41,641 He said no one's ever ordered four before. 53 00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:43,907 Okay. Uh, look, guys, 54 00:01:43,932 --> 00:01:46,372 there-there's no way that we can let you buy dinner tonight. 55 00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:47,853 Well, too bad, bro. 56 00:01:47,962 --> 00:01:49,796 When we were being interviewed, 57 00:01:49,821 --> 00:01:52,796 we talked about how much we wanted Lark and Lucas 58 00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:54,820 to-to be as close as you and I are. 59 00:01:54,967 --> 00:01:56,049 Say what? 60 00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,607 And I realized that I was talking 61 00:01:57,659 --> 00:02:00,516 about the relationship that I wish we had. 62 00:02:00,541 --> 00:02:02,774 Because I know that I haven't always been 63 00:02:02,799 --> 00:02:04,259 the best brother, Greg. 64 00:02:04,284 --> 00:02:05,570 But I want that to change, 65 00:02:05,595 --> 00:02:07,178 and I want it to change starting today. 66 00:02:07,789 --> 00:02:09,014 'Kay. 67 00:02:09,195 --> 00:02:10,847 To a sinfully sweet evening. 68 00:02:10,872 --> 00:02:13,005 These were $18 each. 69 00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:15,531 Short, party of four. 70 00:02:15,556 --> 00:02:16,375 Oh, right here. 71 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:17,877 - Follow me. - Yay. 72 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:20,202 Oh, my God. 73 00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:21,477 Did you hear that? 74 00:02:21,502 --> 00:02:22,965 Uh-huh. You know what I didn't hear? 75 00:02:23,051 --> 00:02:25,218 You telling him that we didn't write that letter. 76 00:02:25,243 --> 00:02:26,659 Oh. But... 77 00:02:26,684 --> 00:02:29,191 Jen, I have never heard him say anything like that 78 00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:30,808 to me before, all right? 79 00:02:30,833 --> 00:02:32,836 All right? A-And, look, I'm not gonna mess up 80 00:02:32,861 --> 00:02:34,694 our one chance at really being close 81 00:02:34,779 --> 00:02:35,945 by telling him I screwed up. 82 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,580 Their kid got into the school. 83 00:02:37,666 --> 00:02:38,748 Victimless crime. 84 00:02:38,773 --> 00:02:40,640 Yeah, until the bill comes. 85 00:02:40,752 --> 00:02:42,752 Well, then we'll just order light. 86 00:02:42,837 --> 00:02:44,420 Oh, good. I'm starving. 87 00:02:44,445 --> 00:02:46,695 So this works out perfectly. 88 00:02:47,773 --> 00:02:51,210 I think I will just have the broth. 89 00:02:51,296 --> 00:02:52,718 Jen, 90 00:02:52,743 --> 00:02:54,743 tonight's a night to splurge. 91 00:02:54,878 --> 00:02:57,545 No, no. I really need to lose some weight. 92 00:02:57,570 --> 00:02:59,403 Who told you that? You said you were starving. 93 00:02:59,428 --> 00:03:01,721 She's not as hungry as she thought she was. 94 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,389 Isn't that right, Jen? 95 00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:04,414 Mm-hmm. 96 00:03:04,439 --> 00:03:05,439 Mm-hmm. 97 00:03:05,711 --> 00:03:08,495 If you ever want to talk, call me. 98 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,947 You know what, I, uh... I think, uh, 99 00:03:11,032 --> 00:03:12,398 this little plate of olives 100 00:03:12,450 --> 00:03:14,067 will fill me right up. Greg, 101 00:03:14,092 --> 00:03:17,161 dude, you're gonna split the tomahawk steak for two with me. 102 00:03:17,661 --> 00:03:19,989 But... but that's a couple's dish. 103 00:03:20,014 --> 00:03:21,886 Well, that's what we are. We're a couple of brothers. 104 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:25,294 Come on, you-you got to split that with me. 105 00:03:25,963 --> 00:03:27,580 'Kay. 106 00:03:27,632 --> 00:03:29,415 Uh, but, Greg, what about 107 00:03:29,467 --> 00:03:31,417 all those filling olives? 108 00:03:31,469 --> 00:03:33,803 I mean, some of them are even stuffed. 109 00:03:33,888 --> 00:03:36,139 No, no, no, no, no. My, uh... 110 00:03:36,224 --> 00:03:39,308 my-my brother wants to share an entrée with me, 111 00:03:39,394 --> 00:03:41,644 and-and we've never shared anything before. 112 00:03:41,730 --> 00:03:45,487 Yes, but you could share a veggie burger. 113 00:03:45,512 --> 00:03:46,792 Oh, I don't want a veggie burger. 114 00:03:46,816 --> 00:03:48,566 Yeah, but Matt doesn't want a veggie burger. 115 00:03:48,903 --> 00:03:51,154 Jen, do you want a veggie burger? 116 00:03:52,359 --> 00:03:54,001 Let's just get one, put it on the table, 117 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,441 see what happens. 118 00:04:01,830 --> 00:04:04,033 Uh, psst, Jen, 119 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,451 this is the veggie burger. 120 00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,370 For later, when Greg's not looking. 121 00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:09,233 Thank you. 122 00:04:10,085 --> 00:04:12,315 Okay, I'm dying to know. 123 00:04:12,340 --> 00:04:13,949 What did you write in the letter? 124 00:04:14,043 --> 00:04:16,760 Who remembers? 125 00:04:16,785 --> 00:04:18,381 Well, can we have a copy? 126 00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,016 I... 127 00:04:20,041 --> 00:04:22,408 - don't think that is allowed. - No. 128 00:04:22,433 --> 00:04:24,198 Oh, come on, man. Just, like, show us on your phone 129 00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,299 or something, you know? I mean, it's not like 130 00:04:25,323 --> 00:04:26,526 - we're gonna tell anyone. - No. 131 00:04:26,550 --> 00:04:27,416 Now? 132 00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:28,501 - Yeah. - Yeah. 133 00:04:28,526 --> 00:04:30,143 Oh. Yeah, I... 134 00:04:30,195 --> 00:04:31,728 It's not on my phone. I-I... 135 00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,188 - I sent that, uh, e-mail from my laptop. - Yeah. 136 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,808 Oh. Well, then it should still be on your phone. 137 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,371 Okay, does anyone else feel like Colleen 138 00:04:38,395 --> 00:04:39,507 is attacking me right now? 139 00:04:39,532 --> 00:04:41,290 Okay. All right. No, no, no, Colleen, back off. 140 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:42,541 Greg's my little brother, you know? 141 00:04:42,565 --> 00:04:44,090 He's just doing things the right way. 142 00:04:44,115 --> 00:04:46,035 We'll-we'll just a copy from the school tomorrow. 143 00:04:47,176 --> 00:04:48,658 - Totally. - Yeah. 144 00:04:48,824 --> 00:04:50,154 Um... 145 00:04:50,461 --> 00:04:52,377 we... 146 00:04:52,402 --> 00:04:55,353 did not write the letter. 147 00:04:56,379 --> 00:04:58,162 But-but before you get upset, 148 00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:01,215 Matt, I-I just want you to think back very clearly on this night. 149 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,885 We never explicitly stated that we wrote the letter, 150 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,336 so... 151 00:05:06,519 --> 00:05:08,346 Wow, man. 152 00:05:08,371 --> 00:05:09,674 I can't believe you let us down. 153 00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,342 We shared a bone, Greg. 154 00:05:11,428 --> 00:05:12,948 You're right. You're absolutely right. 155 00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:14,652 I am... I am sorry, Matthew. 156 00:05:14,677 --> 00:05:18,390 And, uh, why don't you let us share the bill, 157 00:05:18,415 --> 00:05:19,934 like brothers? 158 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,414 How 'bout you pay for the whole thing? 159 00:05:21,438 --> 00:05:22,937 Sure. That sounds fair. 160 00:05:24,709 --> 00:05:26,125 Okay, well, if this is on us, 161 00:05:26,150 --> 00:05:27,483 um, 'scuse me, yeah, 162 00:05:27,508 --> 00:05:29,008 please throw this away. 163 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:31,863 I'm just gonna... 164 00:05:36,266 --> 00:05:38,149 _ 165 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:42,373 It took four years, but I'm finally done. 166 00:05:43,056 --> 00:05:45,293 - Hi. - Let's go get me a pig. 167 00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,879 A pig? What are you talking about? 168 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:51,766 You promised I could have one if I did everything on this list. 169 00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,935 "Straight As, saved money for pig food, 170 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,777 walked Pop-Pop's dog to learn responsibility." 171 00:05:56,802 --> 00:06:00,141 Oh. Hey, hey, hey. "Stop eating pork out of respect for pigs' lives." 172 00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:01,309 You didn't do that one. 173 00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:03,895 I give you bacon every Saturday. 174 00:06:03,980 --> 00:06:05,470 And I give it to Dad. 175 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:06,762 Tim. 176 00:06:06,787 --> 00:06:09,037 We had a good thing going there, Sophia. 177 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,282 Ah, there's got to be a loophole here somewhere. 178 00:06:12,307 --> 00:06:13,807 It's not notarized. 179 00:06:14,824 --> 00:06:16,490 Oh. Yes, it is. 180 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,676 What are we gonna do? 181 00:06:20,701 --> 00:06:24,090 Besides tell Jen to stop notarizing things for the kids. 182 00:06:24,115 --> 00:06:25,500 We can't get her a pig. 183 00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:27,301 Tim, we have to. We promised her. 184 00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:29,971 We can't teach her that promises are just meaningless. 185 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,849 We can get her something she wants even more. 186 00:06:31,874 --> 00:06:34,458 Are you saying that we should bribe our daughter? 187 00:06:34,483 --> 00:06:35,342 Yes. 188 00:06:35,397 --> 00:06:36,690 Oh, great. I just wanted to make sure 189 00:06:36,714 --> 00:06:38,130 that we were on the same page. 190 00:06:39,603 --> 00:06:40,765 Hey. 191 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,767 I was just thinking of names for my pig. 192 00:06:42,852 --> 00:06:44,246 - Ooh. - What do you like better, 193 00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:45,844 Kevin Bacon 194 00:06:45,869 --> 00:06:47,772 or Kiefer Sutherland? 195 00:06:48,958 --> 00:06:50,441 Obviously, both are strong. 196 00:06:50,527 --> 00:06:51,920 Yeah, you're right. 197 00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,705 I'll just have to meet him and see what fits. 198 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,947 Mm. Okay, so, first of all, 199 00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:58,499 we are so proud of you 200 00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:01,608 for accomplishing everything on that list. 201 00:07:01,633 --> 00:07:03,538 - So, so proud. - Mm-hmm. 202 00:07:04,703 --> 00:07:06,507 I'm not getting a pig, am I? 203 00:07:07,453 --> 00:07:09,717 Well, we were thinking that maybe... 204 00:07:09,742 --> 00:07:12,463 there was something you wanted even more than a pig. 205 00:07:12,625 --> 00:07:13,798 Like what? 206 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,633 - Like a ficus. - Ho, ho, ho. 207 00:07:15,718 --> 00:07:18,886 Mom, Mom, how is that better than a pig? 208 00:07:18,972 --> 00:07:21,305 - Hey, how about sea monkeys? - Ooh! 209 00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:23,413 Monkeys are way cooler than pigs. 210 00:07:23,938 --> 00:07:25,560 Those are brine shrimp. 211 00:07:25,645 --> 00:07:28,164 Shrimp are way cooler than pigs. 212 00:07:28,189 --> 00:07:30,091 Listen, there's got to be something 213 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,200 that you want other than a pig. 214 00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,985 I don't know. 215 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:35,987 Maybe a cell phone. 216 00:07:36,012 --> 00:07:38,133 Oh, come on. We talked about that. No. 217 00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:41,159 You're 11. You really expect us to buy you a cell phone? 218 00:07:41,244 --> 00:07:45,496 No. I expect you to get me a pig... like you promised. 219 00:07:46,328 --> 00:07:47,726 Okay, fine, we'll get you a cell phone, 220 00:07:47,750 --> 00:07:50,100 but we use parental controls, 221 00:07:50,125 --> 00:07:51,836 and I get to check it whenever I want to. 222 00:07:51,921 --> 00:07:53,254 And no case. 223 00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:54,722 But what if I drop it? 224 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,008 All right, a decent case, but not a great one. 225 00:07:58,724 --> 00:08:00,271 I guess that's okay. 226 00:08:05,685 --> 00:08:07,263 Okay, joke is on her, 227 00:08:07,288 --> 00:08:09,739 because I was willing to go as high as a car. 228 00:08:09,764 --> 00:08:10,640 Hmm! 229 00:08:10,686 --> 00:08:13,357 You guys know she wanted a phone all along, right? 230 00:08:13,443 --> 00:08:14,866 No, she wanted a pig. 231 00:08:14,891 --> 00:08:17,578 That's why she asked for a pig. Try to keep up, Sam. 232 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:20,919 Really? She talks to me about getting a cell phone every week. 233 00:08:20,944 --> 00:08:22,824 When was the last time she even mentioned a pig? 234 00:08:23,826 --> 00:08:26,075 Yesterday, and then there was 235 00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:27,872 that one time before that she mentioned... 236 00:08:27,957 --> 00:08:30,387 - I don't know. Well, you tell her, Tim. - Aah! 237 00:08:30,412 --> 00:08:32,293 All right, look. 238 00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:35,199 See this? This is a pig binder. 239 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,431 Picture of a pig. No cell phone on it. 240 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,433 A happy little fat pig. 241 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,469 And inside, you'll find 242 00:08:41,494 --> 00:08:43,058 more drawings of pigs. 243 00:08:43,083 --> 00:08:45,556 And then in here, blank pages. 244 00:08:45,642 --> 00:08:48,476 "Pig equals cell phone." 245 00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,394 That's written... over and over again. 246 00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:53,493 This is also "pig equals cell phone," 247 00:08:53,518 --> 00:08:54,543 a little more emphatically. 248 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,571 There's lots of pages of that. 249 00:08:56,596 --> 00:08:58,847 And then, well, that's just a picture of a cell phone. 250 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,854 - Damn, she got us. - She played us, Tim. 251 00:09:01,879 --> 00:09:03,546 And honestly, I gotta tell you, babe, she didn't even 252 00:09:03,570 --> 00:09:05,019 have to try that hard. 253 00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,647 I'm sorry, guys. 254 00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:08,796 It sucks to have one of your own kids lie to you. 255 00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:10,998 Uh, anyway, 256 00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,668 I'm off to the library to study with Jenna. 257 00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:16,254 You know, don't wait up. 258 00:09:16,339 --> 00:09:19,108 Oh. Bye, sweetie. Have fun at the library! 259 00:09:19,133 --> 00:09:21,309 Oh, oh, oh, oh! Hold on. 260 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,311 Get back here, Sam. 261 00:09:26,258 --> 00:09:29,172 Here's 30 bucks. Buy yourself some books. 262 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,910 Well, at least we still have one kid we can trust. 263 00:09:34,935 --> 00:09:35,990 Right. 264 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,849 Mm. What are we gonna do about Sophia? 265 00:09:37,874 --> 00:09:40,354 Well, I think we're just gonna have to give her what she wants. 266 00:09:43,597 --> 00:09:45,923 Oh. Hey, honey. 267 00:09:45,948 --> 00:09:48,369 - Hi. - Listen, your dad is home, 268 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,956 and he has something that is going to make you very happy. 269 00:09:51,981 --> 00:09:54,331 Wait. Seriously? My own cell phone? 270 00:09:54,356 --> 00:09:57,180 Oh, no, no, no. Way better than that, right, Tim? 271 00:09:57,205 --> 00:09:59,547 Yup! Here he is. 272 00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:03,017 What the heck is that? 273 00:10:03,042 --> 00:10:06,743 Well, this is a promise. Sophia, meet Kevin. 274 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,689 Oh. 275 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:10,224 Oh, is there a problem? 276 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:11,976 Yeah, you wanted a pig, right? 277 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:15,363 I did. I do. I-I just wanted the little teacup pig, 278 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,398 you know, that small one from the farm. 279 00:10:17,483 --> 00:10:19,150 Oh, no. I know. No, this is him! 280 00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:20,520 Yeah, he grew up. 281 00:10:20,545 --> 00:10:23,049 He's gonna be 200 pounds before you know it. 282 00:10:23,074 --> 00:10:24,707 That's how much I weigh. 283 00:10:28,387 --> 00:10:29,776 Did you see the look on her face? 284 00:10:29,801 --> 00:10:31,829 That was some solid parenting. 285 00:10:31,854 --> 00:10:34,510 - Yeah, that'll teach her to play a player. - Yeah. 286 00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:39,160 Hang on. What? 287 00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,722 Oh, honey, no. Don't touch a thing. 288 00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:44,798 It's Sophia's pig. This is all her responsibility. 289 00:10:46,071 --> 00:10:48,554 Boy, I'd hate to be Sophia tomorrow. 290 00:10:48,579 --> 00:10:50,662 - You're okay. - I'm good. 291 00:10:54,861 --> 00:10:56,869 _ 292 00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:01,938 Tim? 293 00:11:02,023 --> 00:11:03,256 Oh. Yes. 294 00:11:03,324 --> 00:11:05,408 - Can I talk to you? - Sure. 295 00:11:05,493 --> 00:11:06,680 So... 296 00:11:08,188 --> 00:11:12,765 okay, if Heather were having a problem with her... testicles, 297 00:11:12,790 --> 00:11:14,849 would you go to her dad about it? 298 00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:16,624 Do you mean ovaries? 299 00:11:16,649 --> 00:11:18,871 'Cause then I'd go to her mom. 300 00:11:18,896 --> 00:11:20,557 No. Right, of course. 301 00:11:20,582 --> 00:11:23,088 But, no, what if they were balls? 302 00:11:23,178 --> 00:11:24,627 Heather's balls? 303 00:11:24,652 --> 00:11:27,607 Yeah, now you're getting it. So, would you go to John 304 00:11:27,632 --> 00:11:31,007 if Heather's balls felt a little funky? 305 00:11:31,202 --> 00:11:32,385 Yes? 306 00:11:32,410 --> 00:11:34,544 Good, 'cause Tyler's got a lump on one of his balls. 307 00:11:34,587 --> 00:11:37,530 My big boy's balls? Oh, no. 308 00:11:37,555 --> 00:11:40,143 Yeah, I'm worried, but he won't do anything about it. 309 00:11:40,228 --> 00:11:41,348 All right, I'll talk to him. 310 00:11:41,373 --> 00:11:43,289 Thank you. It's the left one. 311 00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:46,899 - His left. - Right. 312 00:11:49,330 --> 00:11:50,880 Hey, bud. 313 00:11:50,905 --> 00:11:52,622 Cool if I hang? 314 00:11:53,385 --> 00:11:54,407 Oh. 315 00:11:54,459 --> 00:11:56,409 Beanbag chair, right? 316 00:11:56,768 --> 00:11:58,351 Nature's lumpy mass. 317 00:12:00,248 --> 00:12:03,437 - Those words don't make sense together. - Just saying. 318 00:12:03,462 --> 00:12:06,669 I don't care how many lumps I find in my bean sack. 319 00:12:08,173 --> 00:12:09,755 So Clementine told you? 320 00:12:09,780 --> 00:12:11,947 Yeah. In the weirdest way possible. 321 00:12:12,038 --> 00:12:13,662 It'll probably just go away, 322 00:12:13,687 --> 00:12:15,467 like when my black toenail fell off 323 00:12:15,492 --> 00:12:16,824 and there was another one underneath. 324 00:12:16,848 --> 00:12:18,888 I know you're scared, and you obviously know nothing 325 00:12:18,933 --> 00:12:20,349 about the human body, but that's 326 00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:22,552 why you're lucky you got an old man like me, 327 00:12:22,577 --> 00:12:25,333 who's... a doctor, knows everything about the body. 328 00:12:25,358 --> 00:12:27,442 - Do you need help? - No. No. I'm good. 329 00:12:27,895 --> 00:12:29,992 Oh! 330 00:12:30,078 --> 00:12:32,862 Aah. That was bone on wood. 331 00:12:33,522 --> 00:12:35,281 Look, why don't you just... 332 00:12:35,585 --> 00:12:39,118 let Doctor Dad take a look at it and flop it out? 333 00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:40,953 That is never going to happen. 334 00:12:41,005 --> 00:12:42,838 You're uncomfortable, I see that. 335 00:12:43,616 --> 00:12:45,309 Would it help if I showed you mine first? 336 00:12:46,036 --> 00:12:48,628 How about I just go see a doctor who's not my father? 337 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:52,363 Attaboy. You show those balls who's boss. 338 00:12:53,944 --> 00:12:55,894 So, Tyler, big guy, 339 00:12:56,191 --> 00:12:58,995 how's, uh, your... potatoes? 340 00:12:59,807 --> 00:13:01,370 Dad, they are fine. 341 00:13:01,395 --> 00:13:02,792 What are you guys talking about? 342 00:13:02,817 --> 00:13:05,478 Mm. It's definitely not potatoes. 343 00:13:05,563 --> 00:13:07,697 Tyler has a lump on one of his testicles. 344 00:13:08,783 --> 00:13:09,993 Clem! 345 00:13:10,243 --> 00:13:12,368 What? Why didn't you tell me? 346 00:13:12,453 --> 00:13:14,314 Because it's private. 347 00:13:14,339 --> 00:13:16,525 Now, tell everyone what the doctor said. 348 00:13:16,915 --> 00:13:19,515 I don't know, he-he-he-he put it under a microscope 349 00:13:19,540 --> 00:13:21,093 and said that everything was good. 350 00:13:21,118 --> 00:13:23,084 That's not how that exam goes. 351 00:13:23,109 --> 00:13:26,165 Well, he-he smushed them in that machine, and he took a picture. 352 00:13:26,190 --> 00:13:27,523 That's a mammogram. 353 00:13:27,548 --> 00:13:28,895 I can't believe you didn't go. 354 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:30,197 I can't believe we're talking about this 355 00:13:30,221 --> 00:13:31,420 at the dinner table. 356 00:13:31,445 --> 00:13:32,854 You need to get yourself to a doctor. 357 00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:35,065 You're not a little kid anymore. Heather, stop cutting his meat! 358 00:13:35,089 --> 00:13:36,622 I don't want him to choke. 359 00:13:36,647 --> 00:13:39,512 Well, we both need to stop treating him like a little kid. 360 00:13:39,564 --> 00:13:41,954 He's a grown-up, and he needs to take care of himself. 361 00:13:41,979 --> 00:13:44,183 Okay, if we stop talking about this right now, 362 00:13:44,269 --> 00:13:47,186 I will go to the doctor, like an adult. 363 00:13:49,213 --> 00:13:52,698 Look, guys, I know it feels like it's really hard right now, 364 00:13:52,723 --> 00:13:54,388 but you're going to look back on kindergarten 365 00:13:54,412 --> 00:13:56,028 as the best year of your life. 366 00:13:56,114 --> 00:13:58,020 ? Quack, quack, here and a quack, quack there... ? 367 00:13:58,044 --> 00:13:59,243 Trust me. 368 00:13:59,769 --> 00:14:01,686 Okay, skivvies down. 369 00:14:03,538 --> 00:14:06,003 Now, remember, only your doctor or your parents 370 00:14:06,028 --> 00:14:07,923 should touch you in the bathing suit area. 371 00:14:08,009 --> 00:14:09,458 Or my wife. 372 00:14:09,483 --> 00:14:11,566 I don't hear that a lot in the choo choo room. 373 00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:14,797 Okay. So... 374 00:14:14,882 --> 00:14:16,222 Uh, Tyler. 375 00:14:16,247 --> 00:14:18,551 You still pursuing being an astronaut? 376 00:14:18,603 --> 00:14:19,719 Yes. 377 00:14:19,804 --> 00:14:22,696 Good, good. 378 00:14:24,649 --> 00:14:25,474 A little cold. 379 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:29,562 Well, uh, I don't think you have anything to worry about, 380 00:14:29,868 --> 00:14:32,148 but you know, I usually check testicles 381 00:14:32,233 --> 00:14:34,200 when they've been smashed on the monkey bars 382 00:14:34,235 --> 00:14:36,569 or smashed on the bike bars or smashed with a baseball. 383 00:14:36,654 --> 00:14:39,572 - You know, smash-related ouchies. - Uh-huh. 384 00:14:39,624 --> 00:14:42,625 But I think it wouldn't hurt if you were to see an adult doctor. 385 00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:45,411 Um, since that's what you are. 386 00:14:46,339 --> 00:14:48,247 So you won't be my doctor anymore? 387 00:14:48,299 --> 00:14:50,353 Good luck, son. Oh, and don't forget 388 00:14:50,378 --> 00:14:52,649 to stop at the treasure chest on the way out. 389 00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:54,136 Thank you for everything everything, Doctor. 390 00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,567 Oh, let's hold that hug until you pull those pants up. 391 00:14:56,591 --> 00:14:57,923 Okay. 392 00:15:01,729 --> 00:15:03,409 All right, it's just a cyst, it's harmless, 393 00:15:03,433 --> 00:15:04,930 nothing to worry about. 394 00:15:04,982 --> 00:15:07,808 That's a relief. I'm so glad I did this. 395 00:15:07,833 --> 00:15:10,675 Actually, before you get dressed, I want to rule out one other thing. 396 00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:12,048 Okay, no problem. 397 00:15:12,073 --> 00:15:13,964 Turn around, put your elbows on the table. 398 00:15:13,989 --> 00:15:15,442 Try not to clench. 399 00:15:17,809 --> 00:15:19,612 Why would I clench? 400 00:15:20,254 --> 00:15:22,665 Great attitude. 401 00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:25,051 Thank you... 402 00:15:27,121 --> 00:15:28,871 Is this a real test? 403 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,982 _ 404 00:15:38,470 --> 00:15:39,927 It's happened. 405 00:15:40,287 --> 00:15:42,840 I got horrible news about my dad. 406 00:15:43,034 --> 00:15:45,368 Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. 407 00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:48,178 And he almost made it to 100. 408 00:15:48,264 --> 00:15:51,765 No, no. My mom's leaving him. 409 00:15:51,817 --> 00:15:53,433 At the mortuary? 410 00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:55,435 No, he's not dead. 411 00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:57,938 My mom wants a divorce. She's leaving him. 412 00:15:58,023 --> 00:16:00,941 Well, she's bedridden. How can she leave anyone? 413 00:16:00,966 --> 00:16:02,503 You know, I'm from a broken home now. 414 00:16:02,528 --> 00:16:04,020 I'm a latchkey kid. 415 00:16:04,045 --> 00:16:06,924 No, sweetie. That's only if you're preadolescent. 416 00:16:06,949 --> 00:16:08,636 Aw, hell. I got to spend Christmas 417 00:16:08,661 --> 00:16:11,356 going to two separate nursing homes? 418 00:16:16,661 --> 00:16:19,509 I don't know what you're making, but it better be pureed. 419 00:16:19,595 --> 00:16:21,795 My parents are coming for dinner tonight. 420 00:16:22,351 --> 00:16:23,796 What are you up to? 421 00:16:23,821 --> 00:16:25,933 Well, my parents, uh, they need a reminder 422 00:16:25,968 --> 00:16:29,186 of why they fell in love, so tonight, I'm playing Cupid. 423 00:16:29,211 --> 00:16:32,437 Uh, do you remember when you built that wooden menorah 424 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,725 - for your friend Shlomo? - Yeah. 425 00:16:34,810 --> 00:16:38,699 Yeah, right. And he stayed with us for two months 426 00:16:38,724 --> 00:16:40,599 while they rebuilt his house after the fire? 427 00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:42,207 Yeah. Mm. 428 00:16:42,533 --> 00:16:45,192 That was a better idea than this. 429 00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:51,208 Oh! Maybe we should do this one at a time. 430 00:16:51,233 --> 00:16:53,684 Well, they're lovebirds. They want to be together. 431 00:16:54,408 --> 00:16:55,662 You're hurting me! 432 00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:57,547 Oh! 433 00:16:57,633 --> 00:16:59,549 See? They just get each other. 434 00:17:05,804 --> 00:17:07,820 Take as much time as you need. 435 00:17:08,015 --> 00:17:09,742 Oh, shut up. 436 00:17:09,767 --> 00:17:11,178 Hey, wow. 437 00:17:11,203 --> 00:17:13,787 Mom, Dad, um, I've got an idea. 438 00:17:13,812 --> 00:17:15,846 Tell us how you first met. 439 00:17:16,018 --> 00:17:18,849 We were set up by her friend Vivian. 440 00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:21,451 She was buxom. 441 00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:24,057 And a communist. 442 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:26,410 Ha. 443 00:17:26,435 --> 00:17:27,808 - Honey... - What? 444 00:17:27,833 --> 00:17:30,825 ...would you help me grind the steak, please? 445 00:17:31,099 --> 00:17:33,033 She was a socialist. 446 00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:34,763 I think it's so good 447 00:17:34,788 --> 00:17:37,253 that you're trying to save your parents' marriage. 448 00:17:37,278 --> 00:17:40,457 But they really don't have anything in common anymore. 449 00:17:40,542 --> 00:17:42,542 Joanie, what dinner are you at? 450 00:17:42,894 --> 00:17:45,929 You know, that stuff about Vivian the buxom communist, 451 00:17:46,015 --> 00:17:47,464 it's electric. 452 00:17:47,489 --> 00:17:49,406 We've been sitting there for over an hour 453 00:17:49,431 --> 00:17:51,468 and they've barely said a word to each other. 454 00:17:51,553 --> 00:17:53,136 They're agreeing on everything. 455 00:17:53,222 --> 00:17:55,772 Don't you understand, Joanie? If they get divorced, 456 00:17:55,858 --> 00:17:57,391 it changes everything. 457 00:17:57,476 --> 00:17:59,226 All my memories are lies. 458 00:17:59,311 --> 00:18:02,813 The birthdays, the holidays, it's... they're all gone. 459 00:18:02,838 --> 00:18:03,778 No, honey. 460 00:18:03,803 --> 00:18:06,233 I remember when Martin Luther King was shot, 461 00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:09,453 and, and I was devastated, and they took me to the movies 462 00:18:09,538 --> 00:18:12,523 and they gave me popcorn, and for two hours, 463 00:18:12,548 --> 00:18:15,909 everything was normal, everything was okay. 464 00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:18,161 No, we watched that on Mad Men. 465 00:18:18,247 --> 00:18:21,121 Do you have to crap on all my memories, Joanie? 466 00:18:24,449 --> 00:18:27,838 Oh, wow. And here's us camping in the Sierras. 467 00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:31,425 Huh? Hey, Dad, doesn't Mom look beautiful? 468 00:18:31,477 --> 00:18:33,343 She looks like Moe Howard. 469 00:18:33,429 --> 00:18:35,979 Well, a-a sexy Moe Howard, huh? 470 00:18:36,065 --> 00:18:39,599 Uh, and doesn't Dad look handsome? 471 00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:41,485 He was a bad lover. 472 00:18:41,570 --> 00:18:44,458 It's hard to get tight in the undies with Moe Howard. 473 00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:48,275 Okay, enough. 474 00:18:49,007 --> 00:18:51,695 I don't understand why you're acting like you hate each other. 475 00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:56,560 Huh? You've, you guys have had a beautiful marriage for 70 years. 476 00:18:56,585 --> 00:18:58,502 Why throw it away now? 477 00:18:58,587 --> 00:19:00,120 We've always hated each other. 478 00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:02,506 We only stayed together for you. 479 00:19:02,866 --> 00:19:03,957 What? 480 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,006 But you are so healthy, 481 00:19:06,031 --> 00:19:08,178 we realize we're not gonna outlive you. 482 00:19:08,263 --> 00:19:11,798 The plan was to stay together until I died? 483 00:19:12,570 --> 00:19:14,134 You were a fighter pilot. 484 00:19:14,414 --> 00:19:16,548 We just assumed. 485 00:19:16,593 --> 00:19:20,034 So you were disappointed when I came home alive? 486 00:19:24,099 --> 00:19:25,816 Look, I-I just don't understand. 487 00:19:25,841 --> 00:19:29,699 I mean, you guys are in your 90s, why split up now? 488 00:19:29,888 --> 00:19:32,152 I want to play the field. 489 00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:35,038 I think I might be into guys. 490 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:36,890 Huh. 491 00:19:40,932 --> 00:19:43,433 So I need to give up the fight to keep them together. 492 00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:46,833 Yeah. My only regret is you didn't try and stop me sooner. 493 00:19:47,275 --> 00:19:50,030 Yes. I-I regret that, too. 494 00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:52,589 Mm-hmm. It's a sad day for me, but I'm gonna tell them 495 00:19:52,674 --> 00:19:56,353 that I'm gonna handle all the details of the divorce. 496 00:20:00,983 --> 00:20:03,725 Dad, is Mom okay? 497 00:20:04,615 --> 00:20:06,520 No, I think she died. 498 00:20:07,068 --> 00:20:08,688 Oh. 499 00:20:09,115 --> 00:20:11,248 Oh, no. 500 00:20:11,636 --> 00:20:13,135 - Oh, son. - Hmm? 501 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,805 Could you help me install Grindr on my smartphone? 502 00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:24,023 Thank you so much. Bye-bye. 503 00:20:24,866 --> 00:20:27,436 All right, sweetie. We're all set. 504 00:20:28,170 --> 00:20:30,920 I think it's gonna be a very nice service. 505 00:20:32,302 --> 00:20:33,467 What? 506 00:20:34,452 --> 00:20:35,983 Oh, they made it, Joanie. 507 00:20:36,008 --> 00:20:38,685 70 loving years of marriage. 508 00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,351 Ah... 509 00:20:47,398 --> 00:20:49,298 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com -