1 00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:06,920 _ 2 00:00:10,620 --> 00:00:12,515 _ 3 00:00:12,516 --> 00:00:15,084 Current theories on the creation of the universe 4 00:00:15,108 --> 00:00:18,280 state that if it were created at all and didn't just start, 5 00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:19,880 as it were, unofficially, 6 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:23,440 it came into being about 14 billion years ago. 7 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:25,272 The Earth is generally supposed to be 8 00:00:25,297 --> 00:00:27,360 about 4 and a half billion years old. 9 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:29,440 These dates are incorrect. 10 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:34,135 Some medieval scholars put the date of the creation at 3760 BC. 11 00:00:35,185 --> 00:00:38,865 Others put creation as far back as 5508 BC. 12 00:00:39,283 --> 00:00:40,663 Also, incorrect. 13 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:43,250 Archbishop James Ussher 14 00:00:43,275 --> 00:00:44,690 claimed that the Heaven and the Earth 15 00:00:44,714 --> 00:00:48,924 were created on Sunday, the 21st of October, 4004 BC, 16 00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,720 at 9:00 a.m. 17 00:00:50,812 --> 00:00:52,412 This too was incorrect, 18 00:00:52,727 --> 00:00:54,987 by almost a quarter of an hour. 19 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,280 It was created at 9:13 in the morning. 20 00:00:58,305 --> 00:01:00,385 Which was correct. 21 00:01:00,676 --> 00:01:03,840 The whole business with the fossilised dinosaur skeletons 22 00:01:03,865 --> 00:01:07,105 was a joke the palaeontologists haven't seen yet. 23 00:01:07,416 --> 00:01:09,095 This proves two things. 24 00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:12,620 Firstly, that God does not play dice with the universe. 25 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,920 I play an ineffable game of my own devising. 26 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:18,453 For everyone else, it's like playing poker 27 00:01:18,478 --> 00:01:20,500 in a pitch-dark room, for infinite stakes, 28 00:01:20,525 --> 00:01:22,520 with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, 29 00:01:22,545 --> 00:01:24,105 and who smiles all the time. 30 00:01:24,382 --> 00:01:28,040 Secondly, the Earth is a Libra. 31 00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:33,257 The entry for Libra in The Tadfield Advertiser 32 00:01:33,282 --> 00:01:36,440 on the night our history begins reads as follows: 33 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:38,210 "You may be feeling run down 34 00:01:38,235 --> 00:01:40,420 and always in the same daily round. 35 00:01:40,855 --> 00:01:42,735 A friend is important to you. 36 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,440 You may be vulnerable to a stomach upset today, 37 00:01:45,465 --> 00:01:47,785 so avoid salads. 38 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,497 Help could come from an unexpected quarter". 39 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,732 This was perfectly correct on every count, 40 00:01:53,757 --> 00:01:55,976 except for the bit about the salads. 41 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,763 To understand the true significance of what that means, 42 00:02:00,985 --> 00:02:02,505 we need to begin earlier. 43 00:02:02,722 --> 00:02:06,042 A little more than 6,000 years earlier, to be precise. 44 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:07,720 Just after the beginning. 45 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,932 It starts, as it will end, with a garden. 46 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,060 In this case, the Garden of Eden. 47 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,080 And with an apple. 48 00:02:30,912 --> 00:02:32,272 Go on. 49 00:02:32,297 --> 00:02:34,297 This apple will give you... 50 00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,440 It was a nice day. 51 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,220 All the days had been nice. 52 00:03:10,245 --> 00:03:12,645 There had been rather more than seven of them so far, 53 00:03:13,004 --> 00:03:15,204 and rain hadn't been invented yet. 54 00:03:15,815 --> 00:03:17,735 But the storm clouds gathering east of Eden 55 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,380 suggested that the first thunderstorm was on its way. 56 00:03:20,765 --> 00:03:22,280 And it was going to be a big one. 57 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,280 Well, that went down like a lead balloon. 58 00:03:34,162 --> 00:03:35,242 Sorry, what was that? 59 00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,380 I said, "Well, that went down like a lead balloon". 60 00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:42,100 Yes, yes, it did, rather. 61 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,220 Bit of an overreaction, if you ask me. 62 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,680 First offence and everything. 63 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,480 I can't see what's so bad 64 00:03:52,505 --> 00:03:54,805 about knowing the difference between good and evil anyway. 65 00:03:56,080 --> 00:03:57,420 Well, it must be bad... 66 00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:00,160 - Crawley. - ... Crawley. 67 00:04:01,756 --> 00:04:02,816 Otherwise... 68 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,080 you wouldn't have tempted them into it. 69 00:04:06,140 --> 00:04:09,040 Oh, they just said, "Get up there and make some trouble". 70 00:04:09,065 --> 00:04:10,405 Well, obviously. You're a demon. 71 00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:11,960 It's what you do. 72 00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:14,316 Not very subtle of the Almighty, though. 73 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,596 Fruit tree in the middle of a garden with a "Don't Touch" sign. 74 00:04:17,620 --> 00:04:20,517 I mean, why not put it on the top of a high mountain? 75 00:04:21,274 --> 00:04:22,340 Or on the moon? 76 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,658 Makes you wonder what God's really planning. 77 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,680 Best not to speculate. 78 00:04:28,119 --> 00:04:29,920 It's all part of the Great Plan. 79 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,760 It's not for us to understand. 80 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:35,173 It's ineffable. 81 00:04:36,013 --> 00:04:37,587 The Great Plan's ineffable? 82 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,240 Exactly. 83 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:41,240 It is beyond understanding 84 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,360 and incapable of being put into words. 85 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,144 Didn't you have a flaming sword? 86 00:04:47,238 --> 00:04:48,238 Uh... 87 00:04:48,263 --> 00:04:49,736 You did. It was flaming like anything. 88 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,080 What happened to it? 89 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:52,800 Uh... 90 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,166 Lost it already, have you? 91 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,880 - Gave it away. - You what? 92 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,140 I gave it away. 93 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,560 There are vicious animals. 94 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,560 It's going to be cold out there. And she's expecting already. 95 00:05:03,585 --> 00:05:05,865 And I said, "Here you go. Flaming sword. Don't thank me. 96 00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:08,680 And don't let the sun go down on you here". 97 00:05:10,398 --> 00:05:12,560 I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing. 98 00:05:12,882 --> 00:05:14,200 Oh, you're an angel. 99 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,177 I don't think you can do the wrong thing. 100 00:05:16,864 --> 00:05:18,415 Oh, oh, thank... 101 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:20,000 Oh, thank you. 102 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,415 It's been bothering me. 103 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:24,821 I've been worrying, too. 104 00:05:26,305 --> 00:05:27,680 What if I did the right thing 105 00:05:27,705 --> 00:05:29,587 with the whole "eat the apple" business? 106 00:05:30,490 --> 00:05:33,020 A demon can get into a lot of trouble for doing the right thing. 107 00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:38,198 It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh? 108 00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:40,960 If I did the good thing and you did the bad one. 109 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:45,319 No. 110 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:48,000 It wouldn't be funny at all. 111 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:49,760 Well... 112 00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:55,215 Good Omens, being a narrative of certain events 113 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,760 occurring in the last 11 years of human history, 114 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,080 in strict accordance, as shall be shown, 115 00:06:00,105 --> 00:06:02,000 with The Nice and Accurate Prophecies 116 00:06:02,025 --> 00:06:04,090 of Agnes Nutter, Witch. 117 00:07:33,568 --> 00:07:35,920 It wasn't a dark and stormy night. 118 00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,794 But, don't let the weather fool you. 119 00:07:37,819 --> 00:07:39,358 - _ - Just because it's a mild night 120 00:07:39,383 --> 00:07:41,827 doesn't mean that the forces of evil aren't abroad. 121 00:07:42,090 --> 00:07:43,130 They are. 122 00:07:43,155 --> 00:07:44,803 They are everywhere. 123 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,280 Two demons lurk at the edge of the graveyard. 124 00:08:06,613 --> 00:08:08,200 They are pacing themselves, 125 00:08:08,225 --> 00:08:10,825 and can lurk for the rest of the night, if necessary. 126 00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:13,442 With still enough sullen menace left 127 00:08:13,637 --> 00:08:16,520 for a final burst of lurking around dawn. 128 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,920 Bugger this for a lark. 129 00:08:24,609 --> 00:08:26,280 He should have been waiting for us. 130 00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:28,467 Do you trust him? 131 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:31,460 - Nope. - Good. 132 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:34,080 It'd be a funny old world if demons went around 133 00:08:34,105 --> 00:08:35,545 trusting each other. 134 00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:38,020 What's he calling himself up here these days? 135 00:08:39,793 --> 00:08:40,935 Crowley. 136 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:43,720 # Oh, mama mia Mama mia # 137 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,200 # Mama mia, let me go # 138 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,200 # Beelzebub... # 139 00:08:47,553 --> 00:08:50,360 Here he comes now, the flash bastard. 140 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:53,640 # For me, for me # 141 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,575 If you ask me, he's been up here too long. 142 00:08:56,209 --> 00:08:59,207 Gone native. Enjoying himself too much. 143 00:08:59,601 --> 00:09:02,055 Wearing sunglasses, even when he doesn't need them. 144 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,640 - All hail Satan. - All hail Satan. 145 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,840 Uh, hi, guys. Sorry I'm late, 146 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,760 but you know how it is on the A40 at Denham. 147 00:09:08,785 --> 00:09:10,215 I tried to cut up towards Chorleywood... 148 00:09:10,239 --> 00:09:13,760 Now that we art all here, let us recount the deeds of the day. 149 00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,217 Of course. 150 00:09:15,242 --> 00:09:16,562 Deeds, yeah. 151 00:09:16,587 --> 00:09:18,107 I have tempted a priest. 152 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,720 As he walked down the street, 153 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,440 he saw all the pretty girls in the sun. 154 00:09:21,683 --> 00:09:23,443 I put doubt into his mind. 155 00:09:23,468 --> 00:09:24,868 He would have been a saint. 156 00:09:25,206 --> 00:09:27,360 Now, within a decade, we shall have him. 157 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,520 Yeah, nice one. 158 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,720 I have corrupted a politician. 159 00:09:32,881 --> 00:09:37,095 Let him think that a tiny bribe wouldn't hurt. 160 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:39,220 Within a year, we shall have him. 161 00:09:40,020 --> 00:09:41,215 Right, you'll like this. 162 00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:46,090 I brought down every London area mobile phone network tonight. 163 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,720 - Yeah? - Yeah. It wasn't easy... 164 00:09:52,745 --> 00:09:55,548 And what exactly has that done to secure souls for our master? 165 00:09:55,573 --> 00:09:56,853 Oh, come on, think about it. 166 00:09:56,878 --> 00:09:59,710 Fifteen million pissed-off people 167 00:09:59,735 --> 00:10:00,975 who take it out on each other. 168 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,441 It's not exactly... craftsmanship. 169 00:10:04,466 --> 00:10:06,495 Well, head office don't seem to mind. 170 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:08,400 They love me down there, guys. 171 00:10:08,594 --> 00:10:10,805 Times are changing. So... 172 00:10:11,490 --> 00:10:13,090 ... what's up? 173 00:10:13,727 --> 00:10:14,820 This is. 174 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:19,000 No. 175 00:10:19,537 --> 00:10:20,560 Yes. 176 00:10:23,985 --> 00:10:24,985 Already? 177 00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:28,646 Yes. 178 00:10:29,502 --> 00:10:31,022 And it's up to me to... ? 179 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:32,440 Yes. 180 00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:36,600 You know, listen, it... 181 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,436 ... really isn't my scene. 182 00:10:39,725 --> 00:10:40,955 Your scene. 183 00:10:41,654 --> 00:10:43,147 Your starring role. 184 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,720 Take it. 185 00:10:45,877 --> 00:10:47,088 Like you said, 186 00:10:47,877 --> 00:10:49,455 times are changing. 187 00:10:49,768 --> 00:10:51,640 They come to an end, for a start. 188 00:10:52,015 --> 00:10:53,055 Why me? 189 00:10:53,502 --> 00:10:54,960 Well, they love you down there. 190 00:10:54,985 --> 00:10:56,416 And what an opportunity. 191 00:10:56,441 --> 00:10:59,621 Ligur here would give his right arm to be you tonight. 192 00:11:00,251 --> 00:11:02,961 Or someone's right arm, anyway. 193 00:11:03,526 --> 00:11:04,886 Sign here. 194 00:11:13,687 --> 00:11:14,687 Now what? 195 00:11:14,712 --> 00:11:17,120 You will receive your instructions. 196 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:18,420 And why so glum? 197 00:11:18,875 --> 00:11:22,855 The moment we have been working for all these centuries is at hand. 198 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:27,200 - Centuries? - Our moment of eternal triumph awaits. 199 00:11:27,225 --> 00:11:28,453 Triumph. 200 00:11:28,478 --> 00:11:32,378 And you will be a tool of that glorious destiny. 201 00:11:32,403 --> 00:11:34,723 Glorious tool. Yeah. 202 00:11:36,135 --> 00:11:37,135 Okay. 203 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,800 I'll, um, be off then. 204 00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:41,237 Get it over with. 205 00:11:41,262 --> 00:11:43,198 No, I want to get it over with, obviously, but, 206 00:11:43,542 --> 00:11:44,800 I'll be popping along. 207 00:11:45,208 --> 00:11:47,437 Great. Fine. Yeah. 208 00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:53,440 Ciao! 209 00:11:54,187 --> 00:11:55,507 What's that mean? 210 00:11:55,634 --> 00:11:58,178 "Ciao", it's Italian. 211 00:11:59,192 --> 00:12:00,272 It means "food". 212 00:12:03,175 --> 00:12:06,775 Crowley was all in favour of Armageddon in general terms. 213 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,154 But it was one thing to work to bring it about, 214 00:12:09,179 --> 00:12:11,920 and quite another for it to actually happen. 215 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,165 - Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! Shit! - When Queen 216 00:12:13,189 --> 00:12:14,803 released "Bohemian Rhapsody"... 217 00:12:14,828 --> 00:12:16,000 Shit, shit, shit! Why me? 218 00:12:16,025 --> 00:12:17,975 ... in 1975, it was because... 219 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,603 You earned it, Crowley, 220 00:12:19,627 --> 00:12:20,695 didn't you? 221 00:12:20,877 --> 00:12:22,477 What you did to the M25 222 00:12:22,502 --> 00:12:25,160 was a stroke of demonic genius, darling. 223 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,240 The M25? Yeah, well... 224 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,200 Yeah, I'm glad it went down so well. 225 00:12:29,225 --> 00:12:30,625 Here are your instructions. 226 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,905 This is the big one, Crowley. 227 00:12:32,930 --> 00:12:35,755 # I see a little silhouetto of a man # 228 00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:37,215 # Scaramouche Scaramouche # 229 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,416 # Will you do the Fandango? # 230 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,910 # Thunderbolts and lightning very, very frightening me # 231 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,640 - # Galileo # - # Galileo # 232 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:49,640 # Figaro magnifico # 233 00:12:49,688 --> 00:12:51,848 Here is the selection 234 00:12:51,873 --> 00:12:55,953 of your favourite sushi rolls, my dear Aziraphale-san. 235 00:12:55,978 --> 00:12:57,578 Thank you chef, 236 00:12:57,603 --> 00:12:59,643 that's very kind of you. 237 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,040 Mmm. 238 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:12,280 - Mind if I join you? - Gabriel? 239 00:13:12,976 --> 00:13:14,640 What an unexpected pleasure. 240 00:13:14,775 --> 00:13:15,935 It's been... 241 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,585 Quite a while, yes. 242 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,622 Why do you consume that? 243 00:13:22,356 --> 00:13:23,775 You're an angel. 244 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,033 It's sushi. 245 00:13:25,447 --> 00:13:26,472 It's nice. 246 00:13:26,497 --> 00:13:27,783 You dip it in soy sauce. 247 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:30,260 It's what humans do. 248 00:13:30,285 --> 00:13:32,840 And if I am going to be living here among them, 249 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:34,500 ahem, well, keeping up appearances. 250 00:13:35,135 --> 00:13:37,175 - Tea? - I do not sully the temple 251 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:41,120 of my celestial body with gross matter. 252 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,320 Obviously not. 253 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,229 - Nice suit. - Yes, I like the clothes. 254 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,240 Pity they won't be around much longer. 255 00:13:48,515 --> 00:13:49,515 They won't? 256 00:13:49,540 --> 00:13:51,880 We have reliable information 257 00:13:52,128 --> 00:13:55,560 that things... are afoot. 258 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,040 - They are? - Yes. 259 00:13:57,065 --> 00:14:00,065 My informant suggests that the demon... Crowley 260 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,390 may be involved. 261 00:14:02,435 --> 00:14:04,135 You need to keep him under observation 262 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,640 without, of course, letting him know that's what you're doing. 263 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:09,080 I do know, yes. I've been on Earth doing this 264 00:14:09,105 --> 00:14:11,065 - since the beginning. - So has Crowley. 265 00:14:12,415 --> 00:14:14,175 It's a miracle he hasn't spotted you yet. 266 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,400 Yes, I know. 267 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,760 Miracles are what we do. 268 00:14:25,388 --> 00:14:27,148 Meet Deirdre and Arthur Young. 269 00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:30,560 They live in the Oxfordshire village of Tadfield. 270 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,000 Are we there yet, Arthur? 271 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:34,200 I'm four minutes apart. 272 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:35,960 It's definitely this way. 273 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,040 It's just the roads look all different in the dark. 274 00:14:38,065 --> 00:14:39,505 The nuns said to come in 275 00:14:39,530 --> 00:14:41,341 when they were four to five minutes apart. 276 00:14:41,366 --> 00:14:42,846 It's just an... 277 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,480 Oh, do we have any egg and cress sandwiches? 278 00:14:45,505 --> 00:14:46,585 Oh. 279 00:14:46,610 --> 00:14:48,450 Oh! 280 00:14:56,668 --> 00:14:58,145 Meet Harriet Dowling 281 00:14:58,170 --> 00:15:01,135 and her husband, American diplomat Thaddeus Dowling. 282 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,941 Breathe, honey. Just breathe. 283 00:15:03,966 --> 00:15:06,455 I am breathing, Goddamn it, Tad! 284 00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,800 - Why aren't you here? - Honey, I'm with you. 285 00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:11,360 I'm with you. I'm just also here with the President. 286 00:15:11,971 --> 00:15:13,071 Hey, Harriet, 287 00:15:13,095 --> 00:15:14,544 sorry we had to borrow your husband. 288 00:15:16,344 --> 00:15:18,024 Birth is the single most joyous 289 00:15:18,049 --> 00:15:20,258 co-experience that two human beings can share, 290 00:15:20,283 --> 00:15:22,009 and I'm not going to miss a second of it. 291 00:15:22,034 --> 00:15:24,490 Tad, if we could get back to the matter at hand. 292 00:15:24,515 --> 00:15:25,709 I'll get back to you, honey. 293 00:15:25,734 --> 00:15:28,760 You're meant to be with me, you useless son of a bi... 294 00:15:28,785 --> 00:15:30,945 At some point this evening, 295 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,640 Mrs Dowling will arrive. 296 00:15:33,418 --> 00:15:37,058 She will undoubtedly have Secret Service agents with her. 297 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:41,280 You are all to ensure that they see nothing untoward. 298 00:15:41,593 --> 00:15:45,015 Sister Theresa and I will deliver the Dowlings' child 299 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,320 in room four. 300 00:15:46,858 --> 00:15:48,338 Once he has been born, 301 00:15:48,363 --> 00:15:51,443 we will remove the baby boy from the mother... 302 00:15:52,317 --> 00:15:56,457 and give her back our master's child. 303 00:15:58,760 --> 00:16:00,120 Everything is ready. 304 00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:03,877 Tonight, it begins. 305 00:16:05,791 --> 00:16:07,800 Sister Mary Loquacious? 306 00:16:07,825 --> 00:16:09,585 Yes, excuse me, Mother Superior, 307 00:16:09,610 --> 00:16:12,972 I was wondering where the other baby was going to come from? 308 00:16:12,997 --> 00:16:15,735 Not the American baby. I mean, that's obvious. 309 00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:17,080 It's just the birds and the bees. 310 00:16:17,105 --> 00:16:18,985 But, you know, the, um... 311 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,437 Master Crowley is on his way 312 00:16:22,462 --> 00:16:24,711 with our dark lord-to-be, Sister Mary. 313 00:16:24,736 --> 00:16:27,680 We do not need to know more than that. 314 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:30,640 We are Satanic nuns 315 00:16:30,775 --> 00:16:33,055 of the Chattering Order of St Beryl. 316 00:16:33,612 --> 00:16:37,206 And tonight is what our order was created for. 317 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:39,360 Sister Grace, 318 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,320 you are on duty reception. 319 00:16:41,345 --> 00:16:44,375 Sisters Maria Verbose and Katherine Prolix, 320 00:16:44,826 --> 00:16:47,400 you will assist Sister Theresa. 321 00:16:48,292 --> 00:16:50,412 The rest of you know your duties. 322 00:16:50,437 --> 00:16:52,597 Oh, it's an ambulance! 323 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:54,840 Places. 324 00:16:57,064 --> 00:16:58,718 Excuse me, Mother Superior. 325 00:16:58,743 --> 00:17:01,280 I didn't get a job. Probably an oversight. 326 00:17:01,868 --> 00:17:03,160 Yes, of course. 327 00:17:03,525 --> 00:17:05,960 You could make sure there are biscuits. 328 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,600 The kind with pink icing. 329 00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,492 I think we had a tin in the convent larder. 330 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:30,400 Clear. 331 00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:34,959 _ 332 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,695 - Breathe, dear, breathe. - I am breathing. Oh, God! 333 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:40,507 Excuse me. Deirdre Young. 334 00:17:40,532 --> 00:17:43,960 Contractions are now four... four minutes apart! 335 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,440 Oh! 336 00:17:45,954 --> 00:17:48,589 Welcome to St Beryl's, Mrs Young. 337 00:17:48,614 --> 00:17:50,151 We weren't expecting you till next week. 338 00:17:50,175 --> 00:17:53,855 Now, Arthur will be with me while I'm in labour. 339 00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:55,860 I'm afraid not. 340 00:17:56,695 --> 00:17:58,535 We believe that fathers just, uh, 341 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:00,480 complicate the process for everybody. 342 00:18:01,476 --> 00:18:03,116 We'll let him know when to come up. 343 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,175 Well, I'm not going to argue with nuns. 344 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,760 Nurses know what they're doing, Deirdre. 345 00:18:07,941 --> 00:18:09,520 I'll see you when it's... 346 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,460 She'll be in room three. 347 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,160 Right. 348 00:18:14,474 --> 00:18:16,094 Good... Good luck. 349 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,560 It may help to understand human affairs 350 00:18:19,585 --> 00:18:22,800 to know that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history 351 00:18:22,825 --> 00:18:26,055 are caused not by people being fundamentally good 352 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,480 or fundamentally bad, 353 00:18:27,505 --> 00:18:30,557 but by people being fundamentally people. 354 00:18:30,582 --> 00:18:32,062 You've left your lights on. 355 00:18:32,087 --> 00:18:33,520 Oh. 356 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,880 Well, that's clever. 357 00:18:34,905 --> 00:18:37,438 - It is infrared? - Has it started yet? 358 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:41,483 - Um... they made me go out. - Any idea how long we've got? 359 00:18:41,508 --> 00:18:44,400 I think we were getting on with it, doctor. 360 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:45,960 Got it. What room is she in? 361 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,529 - We're in room three. - Room three, got it. 362 00:18:50,185 --> 00:18:52,161 There's a trick they do with three playing cards 363 00:18:52,185 --> 00:18:53,583 which is very hard to follow. 364 00:18:53,608 --> 00:18:55,775 And something like it, for greater stakes 365 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,661 than a handful of loose change, is about to take place. 366 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,200 Deirdre Young is in delivery room three. 367 00:19:04,225 --> 00:19:07,113 She has just given birth to a golden-haired male baby 368 00:19:07,138 --> 00:19:08,858 we will call "Baby A". 369 00:19:12,445 --> 00:19:16,280 Harriet Dowling is giving birth in delivery room four. 370 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,968 She is having a golden-haired male baby 371 00:19:18,993 --> 00:19:21,073 we will call "Baby B". 372 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,160 Psst. 373 00:19:27,185 --> 00:19:29,855 Sister Mary Loquacious is about to be handed 374 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:33,560 a golden-haired male baby we will call "The Adversary, 375 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,400 Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, 376 00:19:37,659 --> 00:19:41,179 Prince of This World and Lord of Darkness". 377 00:19:46,345 --> 00:19:48,316 - Is that him? - Yup. 378 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:51,800 Only I'd expected funny eyes, 379 00:19:51,825 --> 00:19:54,985 or teensy-weensy little hoofikins. 380 00:19:55,286 --> 00:19:56,486 Or a wittle tail. 381 00:19:56,511 --> 00:19:57,840 It's definitely him. 382 00:19:58,524 --> 00:20:00,324 Fancy me holding the Antichrist. 383 00:20:00,349 --> 00:20:02,480 Counting his little toesie-woesies. 384 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,920 Do you look like your daddy? 385 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,200 I bet he does. 386 00:20:06,527 --> 00:20:07,976 Do you look like your daddy-waddykins? 387 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:09,800 He doesn't. Take him up to room three. 388 00:20:10,403 --> 00:20:12,880 Room three. Do you think he'll remember me when he grows up? 389 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,080 Pray that he doesn't. 390 00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:20,825 Three babies. 391 00:20:20,850 --> 00:20:22,067 Watch carefully. 392 00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,348 Round and round they go. 393 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:26,760 Sister Mary, what are you doing here? 394 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,764 Shouldn't you be taking biscuits to the refectory? 395 00:20:28,789 --> 00:20:31,902 Master Crowley said to take the baby to room three. 396 00:20:48,026 --> 00:20:49,443 Well, get on with it, then. 397 00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,240 Has it happened yet? 398 00:21:08,265 --> 00:21:10,985 I'm the father. The husband. Both. 399 00:21:11,025 --> 00:21:13,696 Oh, yes. Congratulations. 400 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,280 Your lady wife's asleep, poor pet. 401 00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:21,253 Twins? What? 402 00:21:22,868 --> 00:21:24,506 Nobody said anything about twins. 403 00:21:24,531 --> 00:21:26,371 Oh, no, no. This one's yours. 404 00:21:26,829 --> 00:21:29,000 That one's... someone else's. 405 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,387 Just looking after him. 406 00:21:30,412 --> 00:21:34,932 No, no, this one is definitely yours, your ambassadorship, 407 00:21:34,957 --> 00:21:37,895 from the top of his head to the tips of his hoofy-woofies... 408 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,500 - which he hasn't got. - Oh. 409 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,080 All, uh, ahem, present and correct, is he? 410 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:46,740 Oh, yes. He's normal. Very, very normal. 411 00:21:49,735 --> 00:21:51,015 A boy! 412 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,640 Mr President. 413 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:55,630 I have the honour, sir, to report myself the father 414 00:21:55,655 --> 00:21:58,333 of a regular Y-chromosomed son. 415 00:21:58,358 --> 00:22:01,607 Now, we just have to take him away for a minute to weigh him 416 00:22:01,632 --> 00:22:03,192 and the usual. 417 00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:06,557 This father-of-a-male-boy-son 418 00:22:06,582 --> 00:22:08,280 is all yours, Mr President. 419 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:10,760 Harriet. Yes! 420 00:22:21,188 --> 00:22:22,228 Where's the baby? 421 00:22:23,579 --> 00:22:25,479 Satan, give me strength. 422 00:22:26,255 --> 00:22:28,015 Do you know where our master's child is? 423 00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:31,020 Sister Mary Loquacious has him in room three. 424 00:22:33,516 --> 00:22:35,952 Now, we call these biscuits. 425 00:22:35,977 --> 00:22:38,497 But you'll be looking at them and going, "Oh, cookies". 426 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,524 I call them biscuits. 427 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,840 As methods of human communication go, 428 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:48,417 the human wink is quite versatile. 429 00:22:49,214 --> 00:22:51,175 For example, Sister Theresa's meant... 430 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,775 Where the hell have you been? 431 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,480 We're ready to make the switch, 432 00:22:54,505 --> 00:22:56,414 and here's you in the wrong room with the Adversary, 433 00:22:56,438 --> 00:22:58,590 Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, 434 00:22:58,615 --> 00:23:01,134 Prince of This World, Lord of Darkness, drinking tea. 435 00:23:01,665 --> 00:23:03,375 And as far as she was concerned, 436 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,160 Sister Mary's answering wink meant... 437 00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:07,800 This child is the Adversary, 438 00:23:07,825 --> 00:23:09,910 Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, 439 00:23:09,935 --> 00:23:12,095 Prince of This World and Lord of Darkness. 440 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,520 But I can't talk now, because there's this outsider here. 441 00:23:14,937 --> 00:23:16,575 Sister Mary, on the other hand, 442 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,040 had thought that Sister Theresa's wink 443 00:23:19,065 --> 00:23:20,465 was more on the lines of... 444 00:23:20,490 --> 00:23:22,255 Well done, that, Sister Mary. 445 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,135 Switched over the babies all by herself. 446 00:23:24,450 --> 00:23:26,847 Now, indicate to me the superfluous child, 447 00:23:26,872 --> 00:23:28,881 and I shall remove it and let you get on with your tea 448 00:23:28,905 --> 00:23:32,465 with His Royal Excellency, the American ambassador. 449 00:23:34,092 --> 00:23:35,612 Extra baby removal. 450 00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,320 But I'm wittering on. 451 00:23:40,719 --> 00:23:42,776 Where were you before you took up this appointment? 452 00:23:43,869 --> 00:23:45,309 Swindon. 453 00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,200 Ohh! 454 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:55,600 Here's your little man back, all cleaned up and weighed. 455 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,640 Look, honey. Our son. 456 00:23:59,789 --> 00:24:01,055 He's beautiful, hon. 457 00:24:01,312 --> 00:24:02,781 What a little tyke, huh? 458 00:24:02,806 --> 00:24:04,886 Oh... 459 00:24:06,546 --> 00:24:07,935 Seeing him makes me understand 460 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,620 what's important in life. 461 00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:11,615 It's not work. 462 00:24:11,859 --> 00:24:13,560 I'm going to teach him to play baseball. 463 00:24:13,585 --> 00:24:15,345 And on Sundays, we'll go fishing. 464 00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:16,490 Tad! 465 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,720 Sorry, honey, we'll call you back. 466 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:22,680 You must name the child. 467 00:24:23,418 --> 00:24:26,055 Well, we were going to name him Thaddeus, 468 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,000 after his dad and his dad's dad. 469 00:24:29,080 --> 00:24:31,503 Damien's an excellent name. 470 00:24:31,610 --> 00:24:32,930 Damien Dowling? 471 00:24:32,955 --> 00:24:34,190 Too alliterative. 472 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:36,840 Warlock, then. 473 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,680 It's an old English name. 474 00:24:38,705 --> 00:24:39,725 A good name. 475 00:24:44,610 --> 00:24:46,455 Hello, Warlock. 476 00:24:50,075 --> 00:24:51,222 Damien? 477 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,720 No. I'd always fancied something more, 478 00:24:56,112 --> 00:24:57,680 well, traditional. 479 00:24:58,190 --> 00:25:01,400 We've always gone in for good, simple names in our family. 480 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:03,880 Cain. 481 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:05,840 Very modern sound, Cain, really. 482 00:25:08,022 --> 00:25:09,320 Well, there's always... 483 00:25:10,756 --> 00:25:12,500 I mean, there's always Adam. 484 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:15,840 Adam? 485 00:25:17,169 --> 00:25:18,689 Hmm. 486 00:25:19,843 --> 00:25:21,043 Adam. 487 00:25:22,505 --> 00:25:23,905 Oh! 488 00:25:24,156 --> 00:25:25,296 Ooh. 489 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,640 Come on, little one. 490 00:25:29,174 --> 00:25:31,260 Do you know, Deirdre, um... 491 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:34,669 I think he looks like an Adam. 492 00:25:35,773 --> 00:25:37,253 Oh. 493 00:25:37,451 --> 00:25:40,080 Hello, Adam. 494 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:41,816 It would be nice to think that the nuns 495 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,400 had the surplus baby discreetly adopted. 496 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:46,760 That he grew to be a happy, normal child, 497 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,296 and then grew further to become a normal, 498 00:25:49,321 --> 00:25:51,201 fairly contented adult. 499 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,132 And, perhaps, that is what happened. 500 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,080 He probably wins prizes for his tropical fish. 501 00:26:02,260 --> 00:26:03,620 Call Aziraphale. 502 00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:05,280 Calling Aziraphale. 503 00:26:06,660 --> 00:26:08,376 Sorry, all lines to London 504 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:09,680 are currently busy. 505 00:26:25,849 --> 00:26:27,929 I'm afraid we're quite definitely closed. 506 00:26:27,954 --> 00:26:30,135 Aziraphale, it's me. 507 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,680 - We need to talk. - Yes. 508 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:34,480 Yes, I rather think we do. 509 00:26:34,505 --> 00:26:36,065 I assume this is about... 510 00:26:36,345 --> 00:26:38,730 Armageddon. Yes. 511 00:26:42,335 --> 00:26:43,815 Everyone knows the best place 512 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,920 for a clandestine meeting in London 513 00:26:45,945 --> 00:26:48,944 is, and always has been, St James's Park. 514 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:52,400 They say the ducks are so used to being fed by secret agents 515 00:26:52,425 --> 00:26:55,206 that they've developed Pavlovian reactions to them. 516 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,520 The Russian cultural attaché's black bread 517 00:26:58,545 --> 00:27:01,661 is particularly sought after by the more discerning duck. 518 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,520 Crowley and Aziraphale have been meeting here for quite some time. 519 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:08,680 You're sure it was the Antichrist? 520 00:27:08,954 --> 00:27:10,792 I should know. I delivered the baby. 521 00:27:11,379 --> 00:27:13,400 Well, not "delivered" delivered, you know? 522 00:27:14,642 --> 00:27:15,962 Handed it over. 523 00:27:15,987 --> 00:27:18,107 An American diplomat. 524 00:27:18,132 --> 00:27:19,532 Really? 525 00:27:19,557 --> 00:27:22,095 As if Armageddon were a cinematographic show 526 00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,840 you wished to sell in as many countries as possible. 527 00:27:25,393 --> 00:27:27,793 The Earth and all the kingdoms thereof. 528 00:27:27,818 --> 00:27:30,495 We will win, of course. 529 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:31,680 You really believe that? 530 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,160 Obviously. 531 00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,193 Heaven will finally triumph over Hell. 532 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,680 It's all going to be rather lovely. 533 00:27:38,705 --> 00:27:40,024 Out of interest, 534 00:27:40,049 --> 00:27:43,495 how many first-class composers do your lot have in Heaven? 535 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:44,880 Because Mozart's one of ours. 536 00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:46,880 Beethoven. 537 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,200 Schubert. 538 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:49,640 Uh, all of the Bachs. 539 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,760 They have already written their music. 540 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,746 And you'll never hear it again. 541 00:27:55,255 --> 00:27:57,815 No more Albert Hall. No more Glyndebourne. 542 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,040 Just celestial harmonies. 543 00:28:00,120 --> 00:28:01,783 - Well... - And that's just the start 544 00:28:01,808 --> 00:28:03,280 of what you'll lose if you win. 545 00:28:03,305 --> 00:28:06,972 No more fascinating little restaurants where they know you. 546 00:28:07,879 --> 00:28:09,535 No gravlax in dill sauce. 547 00:28:10,901 --> 00:28:13,461 No more old bookshops. 548 00:28:17,415 --> 00:28:19,815 We've only got 11 years, and then it's all over. 549 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:21,560 We have to work together. 550 00:28:22,283 --> 00:28:23,363 No. 551 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:25,214 It's the end of the world we're talking about. 552 00:28:25,238 --> 00:28:27,720 It's not some little temptation I've asked you to cover for me 553 00:28:27,745 --> 00:28:29,160 while you're up in Edinburgh for the festival. 554 00:28:29,184 --> 00:28:30,870 - You can't say no. - No. 555 00:28:30,895 --> 00:28:32,840 We can do something. I have an idea. 556 00:28:32,865 --> 00:28:35,425 No! I am not interested. 557 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:38,120 Well, let's have lunch, hmm? 558 00:28:39,529 --> 00:28:40,809 I still owe you one from... 559 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:43,972 Paris. 560 00:28:45,133 --> 00:28:46,773 1793. 561 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,473 Yes. The Reign of Terror. 562 00:28:50,348 --> 00:28:52,428 Was that one of ours or one of yours? 563 00:28:52,836 --> 00:28:53,936 Can't recall. 564 00:28:54,742 --> 00:28:56,582 We had crepes. 565 00:29:04,429 --> 00:29:05,529 Mm. 566 00:29:07,846 --> 00:29:09,286 That was scrumptious. 567 00:29:10,347 --> 00:29:12,507 So, what are you in the mood for now? 568 00:29:12,979 --> 00:29:14,000 Alcohol. 569 00:29:15,786 --> 00:29:17,886 Quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol. 570 00:29:19,295 --> 00:29:21,055 I have several very nice bottles 571 00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:22,880 of Châteauneuf-du-Pape in the back. 572 00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:25,535 I picked up a dozen cases in 1921, 573 00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,440 and there's still some left for special occasions. 574 00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:33,600 Not very big on wine in Heaven, are they, though? 575 00:29:34,177 --> 00:29:36,691 Not going to get any more nice little Châteauneuf-du-Papes 576 00:29:36,716 --> 00:29:39,224 in Heaven, or single malt scotch, 577 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,680 or little... little froufrou cocktails with umbrellas. 578 00:29:43,283 --> 00:29:45,695 Crowley, I've told you, I'm not helping you. 579 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,420 I'm not interested. This is purely social. 580 00:29:49,181 --> 00:29:51,455 I am an angel. You are a demon. 581 00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:53,120 We're hereditary enemies. 582 00:29:54,067 --> 00:29:56,389 Get thee behind me, foul fiend. 583 00:29:57,563 --> 00:29:58,683 After you. 584 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,868 That night, Arthur and Deirdre Young 585 00:30:01,893 --> 00:30:04,335 proudly took the baby they believed was theirs 586 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:06,940 home to the quiet English village of Tadfield. 587 00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:11,202 The Antichrist had been on Earth for 24 hours. 588 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:17,626 While in London's Soho, an angel and a demon 589 00:30:17,651 --> 00:30:20,480 had been drinking solidly for the last six of them. 590 00:30:24,105 --> 00:30:27,465 So, what... what exactly is your point? 591 00:30:27,490 --> 00:30:28,690 My point is... 592 00:30:29,780 --> 00:30:33,100 My point is, dolphins. 593 00:30:33,763 --> 00:30:34,803 That's my point. 594 00:30:34,852 --> 00:30:37,092 Big brains, the size of... 595 00:30:38,190 --> 00:30:39,670 damn big brains. 596 00:30:39,695 --> 00:30:43,495 Not to mention the whales. Brain city, whales. 597 00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:44,560 Kraken. 598 00:30:45,431 --> 00:30:47,689 Ooh, great, big bugger. 599 00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:50,480 Supposed to rise up to the surface. 600 00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:53,360 Right... right up at the end, 601 00:30:53,561 --> 00:30:55,121 when the sea boils. 602 00:30:55,146 --> 00:30:58,000 Well, that's my point. 603 00:30:58,080 --> 00:30:59,320 Whole sea bubbling. 604 00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:01,235 The dolphins, the whales. 605 00:31:01,260 --> 00:31:03,080 Everything turning into bouillab... 606 00:31:03,487 --> 00:31:05,415 Bouill-bouillab... 607 00:31:05,776 --> 00:31:07,320 Bouillab... 608 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,215 Fish stew. Anyway, it's not their fault. 609 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,972 And that's the same with gorillas. 610 00:31:11,997 --> 00:31:13,880 They say, like, "Whoop". They say a lot of... 611 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:16,020 Sky's gone red. There's... 612 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,200 stars crashing down. 613 00:31:18,225 --> 00:31:20,480 And what are they putting in bananas these days? 614 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,760 They're All creatures, great and small. 615 00:31:24,410 --> 00:31:25,790 And you know what's worse? 616 00:31:27,043 --> 00:31:28,563 When it's all over, 617 00:31:28,588 --> 00:31:34,028 you've got to deal with eternity! 618 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:35,720 Eternity? 619 00:31:35,745 --> 00:31:37,651 Yeah, it won't be so bad at first. 620 00:31:37,799 --> 00:31:39,840 Although no Stephen Sondheim 621 00:31:39,865 --> 00:31:41,785 first nights in eternity, I'm afraid. 622 00:31:42,140 --> 00:31:45,510 Although, I have heard rumours that your boss 623 00:31:45,535 --> 00:31:49,095 really loves The Sound of Music. 624 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:51,840 You fancy spending eternity watching that? 625 00:31:52,271 --> 00:31:54,066 You could literally climb every mountain 626 00:31:54,091 --> 00:31:56,560 over and over and over and over and over and over and over. 627 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,400 I don't like it any more than you do, 628 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:03,720 but I told you, I can't diso... not do what I'm told. 629 00:32:03,745 --> 00:32:05,585 I'm an angel. I... 630 00:32:05,610 --> 00:32:06,630 Oh, God, I... 631 00:32:06,655 --> 00:32:08,215 I can't cope with this while I'm drunk. 632 00:32:08,830 --> 00:32:10,270 I'm going to sober up. 633 00:32:10,295 --> 00:32:11,615 Yeah, me too. 634 00:32:27,190 --> 00:32:30,310 Harriet Dowling took baby Warlock to his new home, 635 00:32:30,335 --> 00:32:32,535 an official London residence. 636 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,480 Our mission is done, Lord Hastur. 637 00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:44,840 The baby is in place, 638 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:46,944 and his parents are none the wiser. 639 00:32:46,969 --> 00:32:49,536 Well, no need for the convent any longer, then, is there? 640 00:32:50,225 --> 00:32:51,482 - I'm afraid I... - Dissolve. 641 00:32:51,506 --> 00:32:53,520 - What? - Your order is dissolved. 642 00:32:53,987 --> 00:32:55,710 - We're what? - Now hang on a moment. 643 00:32:55,735 --> 00:32:57,375 We did everything that was asked of us. 644 00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:58,560 What about our reward? 645 00:32:58,585 --> 00:32:59,815 So irritating. 646 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:01,280 You never shut up, do you? 647 00:33:01,305 --> 00:33:02,695 We are a chattering order. 648 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:04,055 We say what is on our minds. 649 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,360 And right now, what's on my mind 650 00:33:05,400 --> 00:33:06,920 is that you can't treat us like... 651 00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:09,616 Would you like to tell them 652 00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:11,200 that the order is dissolved? 653 00:33:11,225 --> 00:33:14,361 Or would you rather that they all perish in the fire? 654 00:33:14,386 --> 00:33:16,040 What fire? 655 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:36,920 Even if I wanted to help, I couldn't. 656 00:33:37,363 --> 00:33:39,996 I can't interfere with the Divine Plan. 657 00:33:40,434 --> 00:33:42,551 Well, what about diabolical plans? 658 00:33:42,988 --> 00:33:44,735 You can't be certain that thwarting me 659 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:47,690 isn't part of the Divine Plan too. 660 00:33:47,963 --> 00:33:50,462 I mean, you're supposed to thwart the wiles 661 00:33:50,487 --> 00:33:52,360 of the Evil One at every turn, aren't you? 662 00:33:52,495 --> 00:33:53,935 Well... 663 00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:57,080 See a wile, ya' thwart. Am I right? 664 00:33:57,619 --> 00:33:58,846 I... Broadly. 665 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:02,200 Actually, I encourage humans to do the actual... 666 00:34:02,225 --> 00:34:04,181 But the Antichrist has been born. 667 00:34:05,087 --> 00:34:07,840 But it's the upbringing that's important, the influences. 668 00:34:08,159 --> 00:34:09,960 The evil influences, 669 00:34:10,284 --> 00:34:11,558 that's all going to be me. 670 00:34:13,472 --> 00:34:16,520 It'd be too bad if someone made sure that I failed. 671 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,400 If you put it that way... 672 00:34:25,939 --> 00:34:29,699 Heaven couldn't actually object if I was thwarting you. 673 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,497 No. Be a real feather in your wing. 674 00:34:42,708 --> 00:34:44,469 We'd be Godfathers, sort of, 675 00:34:45,509 --> 00:34:46,820 overseeing his upbringing. 676 00:34:48,521 --> 00:34:49,841 We do it right, he won't be evil. 677 00:34:50,315 --> 00:34:52,880 Or good. He'll just be normal. 678 00:34:53,451 --> 00:34:54,551 It might work. 679 00:34:56,113 --> 00:34:57,313 Godfathers. 680 00:34:58,855 --> 00:35:00,775 Well, I'll be damned. 681 00:35:01,107 --> 00:35:03,006 It's not that bad when you get used to it. 682 00:35:06,201 --> 00:35:08,759 _ 683 00:35:09,281 --> 00:35:11,239 _ 684 00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:17,360 I understand you need a nanny. 685 00:35:20,714 --> 00:35:22,593 They do say as you might be looking 686 00:35:22,617 --> 00:35:23,817 for a gardener. 687 00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:32,584 Oh! Young master Warlock! 688 00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:34,967 You're growing fast. 689 00:35:36,020 --> 00:35:37,975 You must be all of, um... 690 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,040 Five. I'm five. 691 00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:43,078 What's that? 692 00:35:43,103 --> 00:35:44,943 Oh, that's Brother Pigeon. 693 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:49,400 And Brother Snail. 694 00:35:50,106 --> 00:35:52,506 Oh, and Sister Slug. 695 00:35:53,552 --> 00:35:57,872 Now, you remember, young Warlock, 696 00:35:58,552 --> 00:35:59,700 as you grow, 697 00:36:00,583 --> 00:36:03,541 to have love and reverence 698 00:36:04,169 --> 00:36:05,688 for all living things. 699 00:36:06,681 --> 00:36:08,295 Nanny says living things 700 00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:11,940 are only fit to be ground under my heels, Brother Francis. 701 00:36:13,230 --> 00:36:15,190 Well, don't you listen to her. 702 00:36:15,739 --> 00:36:17,359 You listen to me. 703 00:36:25,566 --> 00:36:28,080 Will you sing me a lullaby, nanny? 704 00:36:28,518 --> 00:36:29,778 Of course, dear. 705 00:36:32,141 --> 00:36:35,415 # Go to sleep # 706 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:40,000 # And dream of pain # 707 00:36:40,025 --> 00:36:43,496 # Doom and darkness # 708 00:36:43,521 --> 00:36:47,480 # Blood and brains # 709 00:36:47,560 --> 00:36:50,440 # Sleep so sweet # 710 00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:54,920 # My darling boy # 711 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,935 # You will rule # 712 00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:01,655 # When Earth's destroyed # 713 00:37:02,006 --> 00:37:05,380 The gardener says that I must be kind and nice to everybody. 714 00:37:07,140 --> 00:37:08,780 Even Sister Slug. 715 00:37:09,118 --> 00:37:11,157 And not ever destroy the Earth. 716 00:37:11,845 --> 00:37:13,065 Don't listen to him. 717 00:37:14,245 --> 00:37:15,354 Listen to me. 718 00:37:17,143 --> 00:37:20,180 There are many doors that will take you to Heaven or to Hell. 719 00:37:20,205 --> 00:37:23,575 But when Crowley and Aziraphale report in an official capacity 720 00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,560 to their respective head offices, 721 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,760 they take the main entrance. 722 00:37:35,387 --> 00:37:37,907 Tell us about the boy, Warlock. 723 00:37:37,932 --> 00:37:40,433 He's a remarkable child, Lord Beelzebub. 724 00:37:40,785 --> 00:37:43,920 - But is he evil? - Fantastically evil. 725 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:45,280 Killed anyone yet? 726 00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:47,220 Uh... not yet, 727 00:37:47,245 --> 00:37:49,590 but there's more to evil than just killing people, eh? 728 00:37:51,082 --> 00:37:52,220 I suppose. 729 00:37:52,245 --> 00:37:53,385 But it's fun. 730 00:37:53,514 --> 00:37:55,634 Have you encountered any problems from the... 731 00:37:56,375 --> 00:37:58,255 ... opposition? 732 00:37:58,674 --> 00:38:01,640 They don't suspect a thing. 733 00:38:02,604 --> 00:38:04,213 I am proud to say 734 00:38:04,752 --> 00:38:06,910 that on a very real level, 735 00:38:06,935 --> 00:38:08,335 the Antichrist child 736 00:38:08,360 --> 00:38:11,637 is now being influenced towards the light. 737 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:14,160 Very commendable, Aziraphale. 738 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,160 - Excellent work, as usual. - Yes. 739 00:38:16,761 --> 00:38:20,637 But, Aziraphale, we will be most understanding when you fail. 740 00:38:21,444 --> 00:38:23,975 After all, wars are to be won. 741 00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:25,559 Not avoided. 742 00:38:26,254 --> 00:38:27,374 But I won't fail. 743 00:38:28,095 --> 00:38:29,735 I mean, that would be bad. 744 00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:33,559 Aziraphale, what you're doing is praiseworthy, 745 00:38:33,584 --> 00:38:35,960 but obviously doomed to failure. 746 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:41,147 Still, as the Almighty likes to say, 747 00:38:41,880 --> 00:38:43,400 "Climb every mountain". 748 00:38:46,621 --> 00:38:48,347 "Ford every stream". 749 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:02,460 The boy's too normal. 750 00:39:03,640 --> 00:39:05,560 Excellent. It's working. 751 00:39:05,585 --> 00:39:08,425 The heavenly influences are balancing out the hellish. 752 00:39:08,834 --> 00:39:09,954 A no-score draw. 753 00:39:09,979 --> 00:39:11,610 I hope you're right. 754 00:39:11,635 --> 00:39:13,120 Only six years left to go. 755 00:39:13,426 --> 00:39:14,840 - Crowley. - Yeah? 756 00:39:15,450 --> 00:39:19,480 I mean, if he comes into his full power, 757 00:39:20,137 --> 00:39:21,840 how do we stop him then? 758 00:39:23,827 --> 00:39:25,880 I'm sure it won't come to that. 759 00:39:33,801 --> 00:39:35,520 _ 760 00:39:35,601 --> 00:39:37,120 _ 761 00:39:37,201 --> 00:39:38,600 _ 762 00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:53,320 He's big. 763 00:39:53,345 --> 00:39:54,736 He's the biggest we've got. 764 00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,640 Only the best for our young master-to-be. 765 00:39:57,680 --> 00:39:59,000 Do you think he's hungry? 766 00:39:59,737 --> 00:40:01,869 Only one way to find out. 767 00:40:03,012 --> 00:40:04,560 You. Get in there. 768 00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:06,680 - Me? - Yes, yes, you. 769 00:40:11,333 --> 00:40:12,880 Watch out for his teeth. 770 00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:14,520 Ooh. 771 00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:20,120 It's not like you didn't tell him to look out for the teeth. 772 00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:23,320 I think he was hungry. 773 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:26,560 Warlock, are you listening to me, honey? 774 00:40:26,926 --> 00:40:28,966 Look what they used to think dinosaurs looked like. 775 00:40:28,991 --> 00:40:31,120 - Whatever. - They're old and educational. 776 00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,132 - It's dumb. - It's not dumb, sweetie. 777 00:40:33,157 --> 00:40:35,455 - It's a dinosaur. - Dumbasaur, more like. 778 00:40:36,196 --> 00:40:38,139 Can we talk about my birthday party? 779 00:40:38,164 --> 00:40:40,500 Why can't we have my party in an escape room? 780 00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:42,960 Honey, for the last time, 781 00:40:42,985 --> 00:40:44,120 we've already hired a... 782 00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:45,173 But, Mom... 783 00:40:45,198 --> 00:40:47,880 Well, we've done everything we can. 784 00:40:48,557 --> 00:40:50,943 All we can do now is wait for his birthday. 785 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:53,680 The Hell Hound will be the key. 786 00:40:53,705 --> 00:40:55,232 Shows up at 3:00 on Wednesday. 787 00:40:56,518 --> 00:40:57,607 Right. 788 00:40:57,785 --> 00:41:00,120 You've never actually mentioned a Hell Hound before. 789 00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:02,560 Oh, yeah. 790 00:41:02,585 --> 00:41:04,525 Yeah, they're sending him a Hell Hound 791 00:41:04,550 --> 00:41:07,640 to pad by his side and guard him from all harm. 792 00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,104 - Oh. - Biggest one they've got. 793 00:41:10,129 --> 00:41:11,971 Won't people remark on the sudden appearance 794 00:41:11,996 --> 00:41:13,255 of a huge black dog? 795 00:41:13,605 --> 00:41:15,015 His parents, for a start? 796 00:41:15,737 --> 00:41:18,698 No one will notice anything. It's reality, angel. 797 00:41:19,831 --> 00:41:21,713 And young Warlock can do what he likes with that, 798 00:41:21,737 --> 00:41:22,880 whether he knows it or not. 799 00:41:25,133 --> 00:41:27,400 It's the start of it all. The boy's meant to name it. 800 00:41:27,425 --> 00:41:28,785 Um... 801 00:41:28,810 --> 00:41:31,241 Stalks by Night, Throat-Ripper, something like that. 802 00:41:31,266 --> 00:41:34,135 But if you and I have done our job properly, 803 00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:36,600 then he'll send it away unnamed. 804 00:41:37,701 --> 00:41:38,880 What if he does name it? 805 00:41:39,272 --> 00:41:41,016 Then you and I have lost, he'll have all his powers, 806 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:42,674 and Armageddon will be days away. 807 00:41:44,338 --> 00:41:46,096 There must be some way of stopping it. 808 00:41:47,452 --> 00:41:49,072 If there was no boy... 809 00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:51,800 then the process would stop. 810 00:41:52,157 --> 00:41:54,480 Yes, but there is a boy. He's over there, 811 00:41:54,985 --> 00:41:57,440 writing a rude word on a description of a dinosaur. 812 00:41:57,465 --> 00:41:58,865 Well, there is a boy now. 813 00:41:59,309 --> 00:42:00,535 That could change. 814 00:42:03,363 --> 00:42:04,783 Something could happen to him. 815 00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:09,093 I'm saying you could kill him. 816 00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:17,800 I've never actually... killed anything. 817 00:42:21,404 --> 00:42:22,600 I don't think I could. 818 00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,898 Not even to save everything? 819 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:31,400 One life... 820 00:42:31,803 --> 00:42:33,640 against the universe. 821 00:42:39,092 --> 00:42:40,295 Then, this Hell Hound, 822 00:42:41,360 --> 00:42:42,880 it'll show up at his birthday party? 823 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:44,760 - Yeah. - Well, then we should be there. 824 00:42:45,156 --> 00:42:49,640 Maybe I can stop the dog. In fact, I could entertain. 825 00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:51,080 No, no, no. Please, no. No. 826 00:42:51,105 --> 00:42:52,536 I just need to get back into practice. 827 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:54,600 Oh, no, no. Don't do your magic act. 828 00:42:54,625 --> 00:42:56,173 Please. Please! 829 00:42:56,198 --> 00:42:57,628 I'm actually begging you. 830 00:42:57,652 --> 00:43:00,040 You have no idea how demeaning that is. Please. 831 00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:03,936 - In your finger. - No, it was in your ear. 832 00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:06,840 - It was in your pocket. - It was close to your ear. 833 00:43:06,865 --> 00:43:08,585 Never anywhere near my ear. 834 00:43:08,610 --> 00:43:09,690 You're no fun. 835 00:43:09,930 --> 00:43:11,250 - Fun? - Yes. 836 00:43:11,275 --> 00:43:13,160 It's humiliating. 837 00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:14,400 You can do proper magic. 838 00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:15,840 You can make things disappear. 839 00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:17,040 But it's not as fun. 840 00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:18,520 Make you disappear. 841 00:43:20,016 --> 00:43:21,296 Where has he got to? 842 00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:24,160 - Is he in here... somewhere? - _ 843 00:43:25,421 --> 00:43:26,841 There he is! Ha! This... 844 00:43:27,708 --> 00:43:29,165 We'll come back to that one. 845 00:43:29,189 --> 00:43:31,095 You see, it's me old top hat. 846 00:43:31,487 --> 00:43:32,507 But, wait. 847 00:43:35,350 --> 00:43:36,930 What's this? 848 00:43:38,175 --> 00:43:39,855 Could it be 849 00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:41,760 our old furry friend, 850 00:43:42,701 --> 00:43:44,577 Harry the Rabbit? 851 00:43:45,855 --> 00:43:47,415 It was in the table. 852 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,320 You said there was gonna be a celebrity magician. 853 00:43:50,345 --> 00:43:53,855 I had Penn and Teller at my party, and I had a silent disco, 854 00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:55,760 - and I got a... - You're rubbish. 855 00:43:56,069 --> 00:43:58,093 Excuse me, excuse me. 856 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,880 He's right, you know. You are actually rubbish. 857 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:05,000 Five, four, 858 00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:08,525 three, two, one. 859 00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:11,560 The time is upon us. 860 00:44:11,863 --> 00:44:13,720 As soon as the boy names the Hound, 861 00:44:13,745 --> 00:44:16,025 Armageddon will begin. 862 00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,640 Go. Find your master. 863 00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,519 _ 864 00:44:26,903 --> 00:44:28,375 He's not back yet? 865 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:30,560 He's down in Hogback Wood, playing with his friends. 866 00:44:30,695 --> 00:44:32,495 I've told him to be home by teatime. 867 00:44:32,974 --> 00:44:35,911 Right, well, give me a shout when he gets back, 868 00:44:35,936 --> 00:44:37,340 then we can light the candles. 869 00:44:51,695 --> 00:44:55,320 That was the best 11th birthday ever. 870 00:44:55,792 --> 00:44:57,592 It was all a bit of a disaster, I'm afraid. 871 00:44:57,617 --> 00:44:59,910 Nonsense. You gave them all a party to remember. 872 00:44:59,935 --> 00:45:01,760 Last one any of them will ever have, mind. 873 00:45:02,785 --> 00:45:04,105 It's late. 874 00:45:04,130 --> 00:45:05,655 Comes of putting it up your sleeve. 875 00:45:06,785 --> 00:45:07,825 No. 876 00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:11,126 The Hell Hound. 877 00:45:11,807 --> 00:45:12,815 It's late. 878 00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,595 ... Isle of Skye, and your time starts... 879 00:45:16,809 --> 00:45:17,906 Hello, Crowley. 880 00:45:17,930 --> 00:45:19,290 Uh, hi. Who's this? 881 00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,800 Dagon, Lord of the Files, 882 00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:23,520 Master of Torments. 883 00:45:23,545 --> 00:45:25,825 Yeah, just checking in about the Hell Hound. 884 00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:27,440 He should be with you by now. 885 00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:30,885 Why? Has something gone wrong, Crowley? 886 00:45:30,910 --> 00:45:33,499 Wrong? No, no. Nothing's wrong. What could be wrong? 887 00:45:33,524 --> 00:45:35,338 Oh, no, I see him now, yes. 888 00:45:35,363 --> 00:45:37,858 What a lovely, big helly Hell Hound. 889 00:45:37,883 --> 00:45:39,723 Yes, Okay, great talking to you. 890 00:45:41,692 --> 00:45:42,892 No dog. 891 00:45:44,080 --> 00:45:45,200 No dog. 892 00:45:46,514 --> 00:45:47,514 Wrong boy. 893 00:45:50,090 --> 00:45:51,264 Wrong boy. 894 00:45:52,734 --> 00:45:55,480 The right boy was playing in the woods with his friends. 895 00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:57,539 After all, it was his birthday. 896 00:45:58,055 --> 00:45:59,600 Hogback Wood was their Eden, 897 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:02,360 where they could play unbothered by adults. 898 00:46:02,502 --> 00:46:04,782 The children called themselves the "Them". 899 00:46:05,697 --> 00:46:08,880 Pepper and Brian, Wensleydale, 900 00:46:09,463 --> 00:46:12,560 and the birthday boy, their leader, who found their den 901 00:46:12,702 --> 00:46:16,622 and invented the best games of all... Adam. 902 00:46:26,342 --> 00:46:28,516 It's my birthday. Of course, I'm gonna get a dog. 903 00:46:28,541 --> 00:46:30,216 You never get what you want. 904 00:46:30,240 --> 00:46:32,940 I wanted a bike, and I asked for it. 905 00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:35,440 And I told them I wanted a razor blade saddle, 906 00:46:35,465 --> 00:46:37,353 and 12 gears and everything. 907 00:46:37,611 --> 00:46:38,931 And do you know what they got me? 908 00:46:39,157 --> 00:46:41,495 A girl's bike. With a basket. 909 00:46:41,915 --> 00:46:43,775 But you are actually a girl, Pepper. 910 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,120 That's just sexist. 911 00:46:45,255 --> 00:46:47,135 I want a dog. 912 00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:48,734 Oh, right. And your mum and dad 913 00:46:48,758 --> 00:46:51,162 are just going to get you a big old Rotten-weiler, then, Adam? 914 00:46:51,186 --> 00:46:52,240 I don't want a big dog. 915 00:46:53,625 --> 00:46:56,355 I want the kind of dog you can have fun with. A little dog. 916 00:46:57,815 --> 00:46:59,655 I want a dog that's brilliantly intelligent, 917 00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:01,980 and can go down rabbit holes, and I can teach tricks. 918 00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:04,640 And I'll call him... 919 00:47:04,999 --> 00:47:07,535 And this is the moment. The naming. 920 00:47:07,653 --> 00:47:10,853 This will give it its purpose, its function, its identity. 921 00:47:11,023 --> 00:47:15,000 This is the moment that sets Armageddon into motion. 922 00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:18,920 The Hell Hound growls a low, rumbling snarl 923 00:47:18,945 --> 00:47:21,225 of spring-coiled menace. 924 00:47:21,442 --> 00:47:23,459 The sort of growl that starts in the back of one throat 925 00:47:23,483 --> 00:47:25,405 and ends up deep in someone else's. 926 00:47:26,120 --> 00:47:27,360 I think I'll call him "Dog". 927 00:47:31,356 --> 00:47:32,956 Saves a lot of trouble, a name like that. 928 00:47:33,098 --> 00:47:35,120 And, what, this dog's just gonna turn up? 929 00:47:35,683 --> 00:47:36,823 Maybe. 930 00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:43,240 Here, boy. Come on. 931 00:48:02,161 --> 00:48:03,730 Armageddon is days away, 932 00:48:03,755 --> 00:48:05,760 and we've lost the Antichrist. 933 00:48:06,214 --> 00:48:09,920 Why did the powers of Hell have to drag me into this anyway? 934 00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:11,920 Well, don't quote me on this, but I'm pretty sure 935 00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,080 it's because of all those memos you kept sending them, 936 00:48:14,378 --> 00:48:16,167 saying how amazingly well you were doing. 937 00:48:16,192 --> 00:48:17,895 Is it my fault they never check-up? 938 00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:19,621 I'm to blame they never check-up? 939 00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:23,960 Everyone stretches the truth a bit in memos to head office. 940 00:48:23,985 --> 00:48:25,511 - You know that. - Yes, but you told them 941 00:48:25,535 --> 00:48:27,295 you invented the Spanish Inquisition 942 00:48:27,837 --> 00:48:29,845 and started the Second World War. 943 00:48:30,001 --> 00:48:32,080 So the humans beat me to it. That's not my fault. 944 00:48:34,465 --> 00:48:35,662 Something's changed. 945 00:48:35,687 --> 00:48:37,776 Oh, it's a new cologne. My barber suggested it. 946 00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:39,360 Not you. I know what you smell like. 947 00:48:43,520 --> 00:48:45,292 The Hell Hound has found its master. 948 00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:47,040 Are you sure? 949 00:48:47,198 --> 00:48:49,167 I felt it. Would I lie to you? 950 00:48:49,192 --> 00:48:51,207 Well, obviously. You're a demon. That's what you do. 951 00:48:51,231 --> 00:48:54,213 No, I'm not lying. The boy, wherever he is, 952 00:48:54,238 --> 00:48:55,300 has the dog. 953 00:48:56,212 --> 00:48:58,052 He's named it. It's done. 954 00:48:58,476 --> 00:48:59,816 He's coming into his power. 955 00:49:01,483 --> 00:49:02,623 We're doomed. 956 00:49:03,626 --> 00:49:04,826 Well, then... 957 00:49:06,397 --> 00:49:08,117 welcome to the end times. 958 00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:12,080 CREDITS