1
00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:05,000
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com

2
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Cheers.

3
00:00:33,694 --> 00:00:34,694
Oh.

4
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- Well...
- Oh, well.

5
00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:41,485
You wanna...

6
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Ooh-ee.

7
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Ah... Oh.

8
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You haven't started, um...?

9
00:00:58,591 --> 00:00:59,990
Are you going on a date after this?

10
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No. God, no.

11
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I just thought that after what
we talked about last week...

12
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Oh, I'm sorry about that.

13
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,793
- No, you were right.
- No, it was a bit of a rant.

14
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I deserved it.

15
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I told you your unemployment was unsexy.

16
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- You told me I was unsexy.
- I didn't say that.

17
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You did. I listened to it again.

18
00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:18,502
What? How?

19
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,732
I've been recording the sessions.

20
00:01:22,348 --> 00:01:25,033
Seriously? You've been recording
the sessions and listening back?

21
00:01:25,455 --> 00:01:28,457
Yes. I put my phone on the
table before the second session.

22
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Kenyon asked if you were
OK with it. You said yes.

23
00:01:31,404 --> 00:01:33,635
Oh. I thought she was asking

24
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if I was OK with you putting
your phone on the table.

25
00:01:36,877 --> 00:01:37,957
That would have been weird.

26
00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,168
Not as weird as you
recording the sessions.

27
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- When do you listen to them?
- They're good for dog walking.

28
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I mean, actually,
they're pretty gripping.

29
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Like BBC radio drama kind of thing?

30
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:49,987
Yes, except there are some
credibility gaps, like,

31
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"Wow, these two would never
get together in real life."

32
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Ha.

33
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Yeah, well, that's the
beauty of real life, isn't it?

34
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- We did get together.
- Yes, I was aware of that.

35
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I'm just saying it...

36
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:02,397
it was a plot point I
didn't really believe.

37
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The real world can be
beautifully unpredictable.

38
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And here we are, two wonderful children.

39
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- You're not wishing those away?
- No, of course not.

40
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It's just, maybe we should
have had two wonderful children

41
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:14,847
with other people.

42
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So what, four wonderful children
who have never met each other?

43
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Oh, the thought of that
just breaks my heart.

44
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Why? Why would you care if
they didn't know each other?

45
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They'd sort of be
half-brothers, wouldn't they?

46
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Well, they might not all be boys

47
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and they absolutely
would not be related.

48
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Oh, I think they would, spiritually.

49
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Do you think our children are related

50
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to what's-her-name's children?
What's her name, your ex?

51
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- Sinead?
- No, of course not.

52
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You might have had children with her.

53
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That was never on the cards.

54
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You're just jumping in
and out of fantasy worlds

55
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to suit your argument.

56
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No, I just happen to be
more sentimentally attached

57
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to the children that we never had

58
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than the children I never had with her.

59
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I'm romantic like that, so shoot me.

60
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So, why did we get together
if it was all so unlikely?

61
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Because I was going through a dry spell.

62
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That's it?

63
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You asked why we got together,
not why we stayed together.

64
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Did you have long-term
designs the night we met?

65
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Yes, yes,

66
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but the long-term turned into
the short-term pretty quickly.

67
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Because I was so easy, you mean?

68
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Agreeable, I'd say, rather than easy.

69
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And then no plan?

70
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Not no plan, just same plan.

71
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Just...

72
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Right. Isn't that how
most people get together?

73
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They want to end a dry spell

74
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and everything sort of gets out of hand?

75
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I suppose, unless
there's money involved.

76
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I can't imagine that
massive-breasted woman

77
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who married the billionaire
was worried about a dry spell.

78
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And Jane. Jane said she knew
she was gonna marry Charlie

79
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the first time she saw him.

80
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And then there's people who
are friends for a long time

81
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before they fall in love.

82
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And arranged marriages.

83
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But, like you say, yes,

84
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a lot of people start
with sex and go from there.

85
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I don't know, it's like
starting in a new job.

86
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,275
One day follows another and...

87
00:04:02,605 --> 00:04:04,085
20 years later you're still there

88
00:04:04,110 --> 00:04:05,658
but you can't know on your first day.

89
00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:07,285
No, otherwise you'd shoot yourself.

90
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If it was a boring job.

91
00:04:13,661 --> 00:04:15,901
Do you remember anything about
the first time we had sex?

92
00:04:16,247 --> 00:04:17,913
- Yes, of course.
- Really?

93
00:04:18,842 --> 00:04:20,445
- I can't.
- No, neither can I.

94
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:23,270
I mean, I remember there was
some disappointment, I think.

95
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I was hoping you'd forgotten about that.

96
00:04:28,040 --> 00:04:29,511
That's why I wanted
to give it another go.

97
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I didn't think it was fair
to judge you on that one time.

98
00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:33,248
- Ditto.
- Oh, right.

99
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What did I do wrong?

100
00:04:34,418 --> 00:04:37,652
No, just... It was a bit... lackluster.

101
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:39,154
Oh, so it's all coming back to you now?

102
00:04:39,178 --> 00:04:41,716
I don't remember everything.
I just remember you were...

103
00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:45,201
medium, six out of ten.

104
00:04:45,226 --> 00:04:48,643
6.5 maybe. Let's say two-thirds.

105
00:04:49,176 --> 00:04:50,176
Me?

106
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:51,969
Well, it was basically
a no-jump, wasn't it?

107
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:56,095
Or a... a let, so I don't think
I can really give you a score.

108
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,339
Let's stop talking about
this. It was 15 years ago.

109
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We've moved on to better things.

110
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And back again like a pleasure cruiser.

111
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,724
Well, maybe that's the
trajectory of married sex.

112
00:05:05,004 --> 00:05:09,042
It's just once around the rocks
to see the seals and then home.

113
00:05:09,372 --> 00:05:10,719
Around the rocks to look at the seals?

114
00:05:10,743 --> 00:05:12,327
The dolphins or whatever.

115
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When were the dolphin years?

116
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You know what I mean.

117
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- Not really.
- Yeah.

118
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:21,401
I remember some...

119
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:25,667
marine escapades before
the children came along

120
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,201
on kitchen tables and whatnot.

121
00:05:27,226 --> 00:05:28,837
What, the kitchen
table being the dolphin?

122
00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:32,522
Yes, and the shower and the garden.

123
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,305
And didn't we do something on the...

124
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,083
No, we didn't, did we? No.

125
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,184
- What were you thinking of?
- No, nothing.

126
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,780
It wasn't recently, was
it, with your friend?

127
00:05:43,805 --> 00:05:45,674
No! God, no, of course not.

128
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,113
Why "of course not"?

129
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:48,223
Because we're...

130
00:05:48,756 --> 00:05:50,076
Do you really wanna go into this?

131
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,566
I don't know. Kind of.

132
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:53,617
I'm terrified but I'm curious.

133
00:05:54,844 --> 00:05:55,844
Because it was...

134
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It was just sex. There
was no dolphins or seals.

135
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- But blindfolds.
- No.

136
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:04,860
Why would you ask me about blindfolds?

137
00:06:06,195 --> 00:06:08,077
Have you wanted me to wear
a blindfold all these years?

138
00:06:08,101 --> 00:06:11,578
- No. Not really.
- Not really?

139
00:06:12,699 --> 00:06:14,503
Not a blindfold as such.

140
00:06:16,588 --> 00:06:19,182
Can you draw this thing
if it's complicated?

141
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:22,346
I mean, I could try and
knit one if it helps.

142
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:26,279
God, you must be bored.

143
00:06:29,172 --> 00:06:30,898
- Are you?
- You first.

144
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:33,039
Well, God, it's hardly
the time to ask me, is it?

145
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:35,533
I'm bored with nothing
at all, that's for sure.

146
00:06:38,101 --> 00:06:40,109
- What if I'd asked you a year ago?
- You didn't.

147
00:06:40,422 --> 00:06:42,743
And now you just don't wanna
answer hypothetical questions?

148
00:06:43,132 --> 00:06:45,572
Why don't we just say it? I mean,
we were both bored. It's...

149
00:06:47,011 --> 00:06:48,550
It's become less and
less important to us

150
00:06:48,574 --> 00:06:50,814
and then you packed it in and
then everything went wrong.

151
00:06:53,916 --> 00:06:55,084
Isn't that right?

152
00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:57,623
No.

153
00:06:58,718 --> 00:07:01,156
- What have I got wrong?
- Well, I was never bored.

154
00:07:02,013 --> 00:07:03,625
But I did feel humiliated.

155
00:07:04,627 --> 00:07:06,634
- Humiliated?
- Because I knew.

156
00:07:06,659 --> 00:07:07,797
I knew you were bored.

157
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:10,474
I could feel you were
bored. There was...

158
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,802
There were indications.

159
00:07:13,666 --> 00:07:15,265
And so I felt embarrassed.

160
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:19,047
Because I got knocked back so often.

161
00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:23,576
God, I'm so-sorry.

162
00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:25,387
I thought I knew where
this conversation was going.

163
00:07:25,411 --> 00:07:27,522
No, no, no. It's not
your fault, of course.

164
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:31,795
We just... we bounce back
and forth against each other.

165
00:07:32,251 --> 00:07:34,399
I'm boring, you get bored.

166
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,766
I get even more boring,
you get even yet more bored.

167
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:41,540
Our sexual relationship
is like a Newton's cradle.

168
00:07:41,994 --> 00:07:43,407
And even they stop in the end.

169
00:07:45,832 --> 00:07:47,872
Do they? I thought that
was the whole point of them.

170
00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:49,711
What, you thought they went on forever?

171
00:07:49,735 --> 00:07:52,194
I thought they were a
perpetual-motion machine.

172
00:07:52,381 --> 00:07:54,324
So why aren't there any still going?

173
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,614
I presumed people got
bored of the clacking sound

174
00:07:59,148 --> 00:08:01,108
or they get fired and
have to move offices.

175
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:04,001
You know that perpetual-motion
machines don't exist, don't you?

176
00:08:04,445 --> 00:08:05,581
I did not know that.

177
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,442
Otherwise our energy problems
would be solved forever.

178
00:08:08,886 --> 00:08:12,366
How can you power a car with
an executive clacking toy?

179
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:15,495
Well, it's not the... I mean,
we're getting side-tracked.

180
00:08:16,065 --> 00:08:17,805
Maybe that's what we
expect marriage to be,

181
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,475
a perpetual-motion machine
that never runs out of energy,

182
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,010
but we have kids and we have a mortgage

183
00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:24,275
and we have your mum and my mum

184
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:27,970
and we have the school run
and we have work and no work.

185
00:08:27,995 --> 00:08:30,497
I mean, how can you not
get ground down by it?

186
00:08:35,744 --> 00:08:36,744
It's okay.

187
00:08:40,753 --> 00:08:42,638
- I don't deserve that.
- Why not?

188
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:46,515
Because I cheated on you, and I... I...

189
00:08:48,788 --> 00:08:51,348
And I said I was bored
in bed as an explanation.

190
00:08:52,710 --> 00:08:53,710
Yes.

191
00:08:55,134 --> 00:08:56,769
And my depression and my unemployment.

192
00:08:57,185 --> 00:08:58,732
Oh, God, I'm a charmer.

193
00:08:59,249 --> 00:09:00,249
I mean...

194
00:09:02,172 --> 00:09:04,441
...being bored isn't the worst
thing in the world, is it?

195
00:09:04,779 --> 00:09:05,908
Life is long

196
00:09:06,784 --> 00:09:08,486
and we're only just halfway through it.

197
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:13,097
I suspect it's only long if
you're not enjoying it much.

198
00:09:13,706 --> 00:09:16,751
Well, there you go.
See? Doing you a favor.

199
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:20,735
What, relativity and perpetual motion
all in one short conversation

200
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,501
about our ongoing marital shambles?

201
00:09:22,628 --> 00:09:25,651
Yep. You gotta be pretty brainy
to get out of being married to me.

202
00:09:28,134 --> 00:09:29,747
I wanna talk about the future today.

203
00:09:30,430 --> 00:09:32,597
- Good.
- Where it went.

204
00:09:33,472 --> 00:09:35,329
- Oh.
- I can't... I can't see it.

205
00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:38,466
And it used to be so clear to me.

206
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:40,588
It was... It was right in front of me.

207
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:43,524
I was... I was marching
towards it purposefully.

208
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:47,595
I was like one of those Soviet
workers in the propaganda posters.

209
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:49,874
It was shiny and bright and full of...

210
00:09:52,106 --> 00:09:54,058
Well, I don't know what
it was full of. It was...

211
00:09:55,138 --> 00:09:57,615
Golden cornfields, factories, tanks?

212
00:09:57,663 --> 00:09:59,006
Well, my equivalent, anyway.

213
00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:01,327
- Which was?
- I can't remember.

214
00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:06,102
You can't remember the future?

215
00:10:07,289 --> 00:10:08,289
Nope.

216
00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:16,609
Oh, look, they've gone over their time.

217
00:10:17,307 --> 00:10:18,884
Like you said before, why bother?

218
00:10:18,918 --> 00:10:19,918
Haven't got long left.

219
00:10:20,244 --> 00:10:21,895
Oh, God, I did say that, didn't I?

220
00:10:22,588 --> 00:10:24,165
- That was awful of me.
- Yeah.

221
00:10:27,225 --> 00:10:28,518
Maybe she's had an affair?

222
00:10:29,549 --> 00:10:30,710
Why not him?

223
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:32,935
More of a woman thing.

224
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:38,320
- Oh dear.
- What?

225
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:40,099
Do you think he's not very well?

226
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,387
- What? Like he's dying?
- Maybe.

227
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,647
That's all we bloody need.

228
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,057
Now Kenyon will think that
our problems are pathetic

229
00:10:50,082 --> 00:10:51,095
by comparison.

230
00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:53,019
Oh, she'll be impatient.

231
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:54,879
Well, at least they'll make it through.

232
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:58,232
Is that the future? Making it through?

233
00:10:58,257 --> 00:10:59,377
I think I'd settle for that.

234
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:01,679
Isn't that the goal of every marriage,

235
00:11:02,361 --> 00:11:03,758
making it through?

236
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,070
I'm not sure there's anything else.

237
00:11:07,033 --> 00:11:08,827
I don't know if I can
march towards that.

238
00:11:13,152 --> 00:11:18,152
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com