1
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CREDITS

2
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_

3
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This is a really big moment, all right?

4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:14,293
We've been waiting for this
moment for a long time, right?

5
00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:15,841
I mean, you're gonna finally meet

6
00:00:15,885 --> 00:00:18,789
your baby sister for the first time.

7
00:00:19,236 --> 00:00:21,781
You know,

8
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,564
her name is Talia Collins Short,

9
00:00:24,589 --> 00:00:26,983
and she's gonna be in your life forever.

10
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Oh, boy.

11
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And-and she's gonna look up to you,

12
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and she's gonna want to hold your hand,

13
00:00:32,945 --> 00:00:34,556
you know, even when you're 80.

14
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You'll be just two old
ladies who hold hands

15
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and watch sunsets together.

16
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Doesn't that sound nice?

17
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Can I push the buttons?

18
00:00:43,618 --> 00:00:45,652
Yeah, fine. Go for it.

19
00:00:45,799 --> 00:00:47,621
Knock yourself out.

20
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Come on.

21
00:00:53,866 --> 00:00:55,936
- Hey, honey.
- Are you guys here?

22
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Oh, I can't wait for the girls to meet.

23
00:00:58,218 --> 00:00:59,866
Yeah, I know. Can you believe it?

24
00:01:00,007 --> 00:01:01,905
We're a family of four.

25
00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:04,719
Now we can each be one
of our kids' favorites.

26
00:01:04,827 --> 00:01:06,796
Well, that's not necessarily true.

27
00:01:06,827 --> 00:01:08,329
- Well...
- Hey, did you put Lark

28
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in that special dress?

29
00:01:09,591 --> 00:01:11,897
Yep, and, uh, I've got the gift

30
00:01:11,941 --> 00:01:14,638
from her to the baby, the
gift from the baby to her,

31
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the gift from me to you
and nothing for me.

32
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So, everyone's taken care of.

33
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You're doing a great job, honey.

34
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Thanks. You know, I know they say

35
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going from one kid to two is hard,

36
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but I'm gonna be honest,
so far, so good.

37
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I'll see you in a second.

38
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No, Lark! No!

39
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Lark! No.

40
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Come on.

41
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Do you know where the burn unit is?

42
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I can't help you. I'm sorry.

43
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Jerk.

44
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Lark! Lark!

45
00:01:56,477 --> 00:01:57,970
That's not good.

46
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Officer. Officer, I-I lost my kid.

47
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She's, uh, four years old,
she has short brown hair,

48
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uh, she's got a big heart
and-and her favorite color

49
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is-is every color.

50
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:10,024
- Have you tried the morgue?
- Oh, God.

51
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What? It's next to the McDonald's.

52
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:12,306
All the kids end up there.

53
00:02:12,357 --> 00:02:14,603
Well, why didn't you
just say McDonald's?

54
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Lark! Lark!

55
00:02:19,617 --> 00:02:21,093
Lark! Lark!

56
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Oh, no.

57
00:02:24,514 --> 00:02:26,233
Uh, hey, honey.

58
00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:27,973
Hey, where are you guys?

59
00:02:28,017 --> 00:02:30,237
Uh, w-we just got turned
around a little bit.

60
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Yeah. You know,
hospitals are like casinos.

61
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They-they just don't want you to leave.

62
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That's literally the exact
opposite of what a hospital wants.

63
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Hey, honey, will you
put Lark on the phone?

64
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I just want to prepare her for this.

65
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Lark can't talk right now.
Um, she has got, uh,

66
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some gumballs in her mouth.

67
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Yeah. S-She's probably
got, like, 20 in there.

68
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What? Is that safe?

69
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Well, you know, this is a hospital, Jen.

70
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Uh, there's help around every corner.

71
00:02:56,007 --> 00:02:58,155
Will somebody please help me?

72
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Lark?

73
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:06,490
Hello? Hello?

74
00:03:06,534 --> 00:03:08,363
I need some help here!

75
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Congratulations.

76
00:03:10,312 --> 00:03:12,082
- Oh.
- What's the matter?

77
00:03:12,242 --> 00:03:13,262
I lost Lark.

78
00:03:13,324 --> 00:03:15,301
Honey, listen, just take a breath, okay?

79
00:03:15,326 --> 00:03:17,473
It's no big deal.
Kids run off, all right?

80
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How long has she been gone?

81
00:03:19,111 --> 00:03:20,809
I don't know. Maybe three minutes?

82
00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:23,152
Three minutes? Oh, my gosh!

83
00:03:23,199 --> 00:03:25,156
Greg, why are you standing here?
I got this!

84
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,618
You go, run! Why are you not
looking for her? Call her name!

85
00:03:28,643 --> 00:03:29,892
Lark? Oh...

86
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,525
Oh, sorry.

87
00:03:33,611 --> 00:03:35,571
Whoa. Delicious. Uh, whoa, uhp.

88
00:03:36,306 --> 00:03:37,728
Oh! Lark!

89
00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:44,486
Lark!

90
00:03:45,665 --> 00:03:47,736
I have the flu.

91
00:03:58,527 --> 00:04:01,800
I heard somebody was
in a grizzly accident.

92
00:04:09,639 --> 00:04:13,165
Excuse me.
H-Have you seen a little girl?

93
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,280
Hi, Daddy.

94
00:04:15,305 --> 00:04:16,896
Lark! Lark!

95
00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,482
Oh. You're here. You're here.

96
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:22,523
Oh, wow. Thank you so much.

97
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:24,482
Oh. Are you okay?

98
00:04:24,795 --> 00:04:28,451
I saw a sleeping man
with a price tag on his toe.

99
00:04:29,732 --> 00:04:31,880
You didn't try to wake him up, did you?

100
00:04:31,993 --> 00:04:32,993
No.

101
00:04:33,646 --> 00:04:34,662
All right.

102
00:04:35,231 --> 00:04:36,834
Here we are.

103
00:04:37,416 --> 00:04:39,170
Finally. I was getting worried.

104
00:04:39,235 --> 00:04:40,592
Hi, sweetie.

105
00:04:42,935 --> 00:04:46,373
So, someone has been asking to meet you.

106
00:04:46,416 --> 00:04:47,678
Should we go over?

107
00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:48,787
Here.

108
00:04:50,871 --> 00:04:52,873
She's so cute.

109
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I love you, Talia.

110
00:04:58,842 --> 00:05:00,810
It's just how I pictured it.

111
00:05:01,076 --> 00:05:04,129
See, honey? I told you, we got this.

112
00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:05,609
Yeah, we do.

113
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,240
Oh, thank God. You found her.

114
00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:11,180
Oh, Lark. I was worried

115
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:13,748
that we'd lost you forever. Oh...

116
00:05:14,639 --> 00:05:16,620
Did you lose Lark?

117
00:05:18,389 --> 00:05:19,710
No.

118
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Code pink. Missing child.

119
00:05:22,007 --> 00:05:23,646
Answers to the name of Lark.

120
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,415
I never wanted to be
one of these parents,

121
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,112
but I think we should get a leash.

122
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_

123
00:05:36,996 --> 00:05:38,901
Hey, Sophia,
when are you gonna come join

124
00:05:38,926 --> 00:05:40,918
the rest of the family for dinner?

125
00:05:41,355 --> 00:05:43,144
Oh, you have that constipated
look on your face.

126
00:05:43,168 --> 00:05:44,213
You need a banana?

127
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,996
No. It's my math homework.

128
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It's impossible.

129
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I can't do it.

130
00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:51,223
Now I know why people skateboard.

131
00:05:51,248 --> 00:05:53,772
Oh, sweetie, listen,
it's okay. I can help you.

132
00:05:54,049 --> 00:05:57,238
Hey. Can I go to a silent rave
with Jenna tonight?

133
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Absolutely not. It's a school night.

134
00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:02,785
Fine. I'll just stay in
and send pictures of my butt

135
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to every boy in school.

136
00:06:04,076 --> 00:06:05,861
Yeah, okay, sweetie, have a good time.

137
00:06:06,034 --> 00:06:08,910
All right, doing a little math.
Okay, so we've got...

138
00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:10,439
W-Where are the numbers?

139
00:06:10,464 --> 00:06:11,869
Where are the plus signs? What is this?

140
00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:13,478
This is the prompt.

141
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:15,026
And these are the unit cubes.

142
00:06:15,371 --> 00:06:16,684
I don't...

143
00:06:17,473 --> 00:06:18,595
Mom, it's okay.

144
00:06:18,639 --> 00:06:20,554
I'll just copy off
Beverly in the morning.

145
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,574
I'm pretty sure she's in love with me.

146
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,098
Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

147
00:06:24,980 --> 00:06:28,270
I am four credits shy
of a college degree.

148
00:06:32,082 --> 00:06:33,988
Were those four credits for math?

149
00:06:39,273 --> 00:06:41,488
Mom, I'm hungry.

150
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:44,142
- You'll eat once we get this.
- Get what?

151
00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:46,275
Your daughter's stupid homework.

152
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:47,890
Ooh, I'm good at homework.

153
00:06:48,204 --> 00:06:49,468
What is this?

154
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:51,840
- Math.
- I disagree.

155
00:06:52,063 --> 00:06:53,456
I'll just google it.

156
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,632
How are you gonna google
a bunch of grids on a page?

157
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:57,556
Okay, wait, wait, wait,
listen, we are not gonna

158
00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:59,296
pull the answers off the Internet, okay.

159
00:06:59,321 --> 00:07:00,540
'Cause it's not gonna be the day

160
00:07:00,564 --> 00:07:03,421
that our daughter's homework
is too difficult for us.

161
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:06,164
You're a doctor. I'm a doctor's wife.

162
00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:08,384
We can handle a little bit
of middle school math.

163
00:07:08,451 --> 00:07:10,307
- Come on.
- All right, let me get at this thing.

164
00:07:10,331 --> 00:07:12,572
I'm gonna climb up in here
and see what we got.

165
00:07:13,151 --> 00:07:14,151
Okay.

166
00:07:16,235 --> 00:07:18,742
I don't know, I give up.
This is that day.

167
00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:20,610
- Ooh, Colleen. Hey.
- Yeah?

168
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:21,446
Hi.

169
00:07:21,487 --> 00:07:22,779
Hey, we're having a little trouble

170
00:07:22,803 --> 00:07:23,978
with some math in here.

171
00:07:24,003 --> 00:07:26,094
- Can you help us?
- Of course.

172
00:07:26,119 --> 00:07:27,846
Oh, great. Can you go get Jen?

173
00:07:28,099 --> 00:07:29,471
Thank you.

174
00:07:31,385 --> 00:07:33,455
- 18.
- That's the answer?

175
00:07:33,652 --> 00:07:36,717
No, that's how many years
it's been since I've done math.

176
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,980
Come on, Jen, you're a lawyer.

177
00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:40,503
You go to an office.

178
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:43,244
Those are facts about my job, yes.

179
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,986
Do you want me to sue the school

180
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:47,423
- for giving her homework?
- Can you do that?

181
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,315
The teacher did say something
about a sequence pattern...

182
00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:52,099
You know what, honey,
let the grown-ups think.

183
00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:53,123
Okay?

184
00:07:53,174 --> 00:07:56,166
Look, I'm sure that it's secretly easy.

185
00:07:56,191 --> 00:07:57,838
We just don't know what it's asking

186
00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:01,655
or what it's about or,
you know, what it is.

187
00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:03,613
Why don't we ask Sam?
Didn't she just do this

188
00:08:03,657 --> 00:08:04,745
a few years ago?

189
00:08:04,788 --> 00:08:07,530
Because I am not gonna ask a 16-year-old

190
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:09,087
to help me with this homework.

191
00:08:09,112 --> 00:08:10,977
I can't believe you
don't have any faith in us.

192
00:08:11,002 --> 00:08:12,612
Heather, we are too old for math.

193
00:08:12,637 --> 00:08:14,337
All right, we're not too old.

194
00:08:14,521 --> 00:08:16,001
What is nine times seven?

195
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,868
- See, we're too old for math.
- It's sixty...

196
00:08:18,893 --> 00:08:21,181
Hey, nobody asked you
to do math, Sophia.

197
00:08:21,644 --> 00:08:24,000
Okay, I happen to know
a nerd in this family

198
00:08:24,048 --> 00:08:26,610
who is, like, legitimately
good at this kind of stuff.

199
00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:28,812
- Colleen?
- Yeah?

200
00:08:28,856 --> 00:08:30,684
Will you get Greg for me?

201
00:08:33,251 --> 00:08:36,212
Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep.

202
00:08:36,899 --> 00:08:38,914
You gotta figure that out. That's math.

203
00:08:38,939 --> 00:08:40,291
- Are you kidding me?
- Oh, come on.

204
00:08:40,315 --> 00:08:41,621
You dumb, lying nerd.

205
00:08:41,727 --> 00:08:43,958
I can't believe you guys
didn't ask me for help.

206
00:08:44,001 --> 00:08:45,568
"No, Colleen can't do numbers."

207
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,701
Well, joke's on you.

208
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:50,355
Wait, are you saying
that you understand unit cubes?

209
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,749
Unit what? No. Sorry.

210
00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:54,229
I got confused for a second.

211
00:08:54,272 --> 00:08:55,511
You know what, I just remembered,

212
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,188
I've got some math stuff at home,

213
00:08:57,232 --> 00:09:00,163
- so I'm gonna run and get it.
- Mm. -Okay.

214
00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:02,280
She's not coming back, is she?

215
00:09:02,324 --> 00:09:03,436
Nope.

216
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:05,719
Hey, did you guys figure it out?

217
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:08,417
Yeah, Sophia, you should just do
what I used to do in school.

218
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,724
Flirt with the teacher,
don't turn in your homework,

219
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:12,464
and then turn in the teacher.

220
00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:13,727
Heather, go get Sam.

221
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:16,207
No. Come on, how is it that
a group of educated adults

222
00:09:16,251 --> 00:09:17,943
- can't figure this out?
- Because we can't.

223
00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:18,895
It's too hard.

224
00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:20,543
Oh, it is not!

225
00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:24,651
I must've just forgotten the easy stuff.

226
00:09:25,887 --> 00:09:28,739
Okay, nine goes in the second box.

227
00:09:29,223 --> 00:09:30,872
27 goes over here.

228
00:09:30,964 --> 00:09:32,531
And the output is...

229
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:35,052
- Uh, seven and a half?
- Yep.

230
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:36,356
Ooh, I am turned on.

231
00:09:36,381 --> 00:09:38,688
- I never made it with a nerd before.
- Oh...

232
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:41,293
Yep, 7.5. That's what I came up with.

233
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:44,114
That's a really pretty
pattern on the page.

234
00:09:44,139 --> 00:09:45,833
- Mm.
- Mom, you're the best.

235
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,637
Oh, thank you, sweetie.

236
00:09:47,662 --> 00:09:49,918
I love you seven and a half times more.

237
00:09:51,137 --> 00:09:52,679
Peach crumble in the dining room.

238
00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:55,778
All right, go get some dessert,
sweetie, you deserve it.

239
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:58,997
Oh, look at that.

240
00:09:59,335 --> 00:10:00,335
Mom.

241
00:10:00,536 --> 00:10:01,536
Yeah?

242
00:10:01,832 --> 00:10:02,934
Oh, I know.

243
00:10:03,009 --> 00:10:06,958
I see you. Okay, listen,
this will cover pizza

244
00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:09,661
and what I hope is a soda.

245
00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:12,177
And how much for doing your homework?

246
00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:16,137
Go. Take your freaky outfit and go.

247
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:17,878
Hey, hey!

248
00:10:17,921 --> 00:10:18,942
Love you.

249
00:10:22,161 --> 00:10:24,184
_

250
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:27,208
Hey, uh, have you seen Mom?

251
00:10:27,233 --> 00:10:28,800
I need her to take Lucas to art class.

252
00:10:28,825 --> 00:10:30,174
I got a-a work emergency.

253
00:10:30,368 --> 00:10:31,442
Emergency?

254
00:10:31,468 --> 00:10:33,637
I thought you were a graphic dealer.

255
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:35,112
I'm a graphic designer.

256
00:10:35,156 --> 00:10:37,098
And, yeah, there's an emergency.

257
00:10:37,145 --> 00:10:38,812
They wanted the logo in Helvetica,

258
00:10:38,855 --> 00:10:40,901
we made it in Arial, so this is
an all-hands-on-deck

259
00:10:40,926 --> 00:10:41,902
sort of situation.

260
00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:45,107
You know, in my day,
a work emergency was, uh,

261
00:10:45,132 --> 00:10:48,299
nearly 500 passengers
plummeting to their death.

262
00:10:48,335 --> 00:10:50,249
Dad, I'm not looking
for perspective, okay.

263
00:10:50,282 --> 00:10:52,632
I'm looking for a ride
for Lucas to art class.

264
00:10:52,685 --> 00:10:54,984
What's the big deal?
Just tell him to skip it.

265
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:58,359
No. He really enjoys it,
and I'm trying to be a father

266
00:10:58,384 --> 00:11:00,983
who encourages him,
unlike, you know, you,

267
00:11:01,008 --> 00:11:03,655
who referred to art class as fart class.

268
00:11:04,312 --> 00:11:05,360
I said that?

269
00:11:05,403 --> 00:11:07,405
- Yeah. Yeah, I know.
- Amazing.

270
00:11:07,449 --> 00:11:09,524
It was hilarious, especially
when you made me skip it

271
00:11:09,548 --> 00:11:10,593
to go to golf lessons.

272
00:11:10,618 --> 00:11:12,212
Well, it's incredible you remember that.

273
00:11:12,236 --> 00:11:13,716
- I forgot the whole thing.
- Yeah.

274
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,370
Well, that's how trauma works, Dad.

275
00:11:15,601 --> 00:11:17,523
Well, tell that to Phil Donahue.

276
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:18,913
Ah, great. Thank you.

277
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:22,420
Okay, I'll-I'll take the kid
to art class.

278
00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:23,421
Really?

279
00:11:23,465 --> 00:11:26,804
Yeah, it'll give me a chance
to get to know my new grandson.

280
00:11:26,893 --> 00:11:28,764
Yeah, okay. I think
he'd really like that.

281
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,480
Great, huh?

282
00:11:31,855 --> 00:11:32,953
Dad?

283
00:11:34,509 --> 00:11:36,163
Oh, you mean now?

284
00:11:39,820 --> 00:11:42,860
Well, l got to say I'm sorry
I ever doubted you, Dad.

285
00:11:42,894 --> 00:11:45,767
Lucas had a great time
hanging out with his Pop-Pop.

286
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:48,795
In fact, here's a little
something to say thank you.

287
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:50,439
Well, how about that.

288
00:11:50,674 --> 00:11:53,072
I swear, you art hasn't
gotten any better.

289
00:11:53,147 --> 00:11:54,191
That's from Lucas.

290
00:11:54,595 --> 00:11:56,324
He's really advanced, don't you think?

291
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:58,761
Well, all I see is
a pile of brown rocks,

292
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:01,894
but you know, I'll put it
up here in the art gallery.

293
00:12:01,918 --> 00:12:03,870
Oh, wow, that's awesome.

294
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,472
I never made the fridge.

295
00:12:05,497 --> 00:12:06,735
Well, you got to earn it.

296
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:10,285
I mean, this took Heather
six wine and design classes.

297
00:12:10,402 --> 00:12:13,579
Man, it's so great that he's
invested in something so young.

298
00:12:13,639 --> 00:12:15,379
Maybe I should double up
on his art classes.

299
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:17,649
Why don't I keep taking him?

300
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:19,104
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

301
00:12:19,245 --> 00:12:21,144
I've got to say, I'm
kind of blown away, Dad.

302
00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,095
It's cool that you want to be
a part of his life.

303
00:12:23,175 --> 00:12:27,597
Well, I-I guess it's just because
Lucas is my first grandson.

304
00:12:28,323 --> 00:12:30,854
But I'm your first grandson.

305
00:12:31,448 --> 00:12:33,021
No, I'm sure that he just means

306
00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:36,799
his first grandson with a...
you know, with a dream.

307
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:39,214
But I had a band for years,

308
00:12:39,269 --> 00:12:41,964
and no one in this family
ever came to see me play.

309
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:44,415
Oh, buddy, I'll come see you play.

310
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:45,721
When's your next gig?

311
00:12:45,894 --> 00:12:46,983
I quit.

312
00:12:47,261 --> 00:12:49,159
Well, that's why I didn't support you.

313
00:12:49,328 --> 00:12:50,761
You're a quitter.

314
00:12:52,704 --> 00:12:54,706
- Hello?
- Hi, sweetie.

315
00:12:54,795 --> 00:12:57,232
- Hi.
- Your father and Lucas are still out.

316
00:12:57,363 --> 00:12:59,321
Oh, cool. Have you seen his artwork?

317
00:12:59,474 --> 00:13:01,955
Yeah, I saw the rocks on the fridge.

318
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:05,046
Anything to cover up
Heather's drunken art.

319
00:13:05,288 --> 00:13:07,525
Isn't it so nice to see
Dad supporting Lucas

320
00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:08,526
in something that he loves.

321
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:09,796
I mean, this is coming from the man

322
00:13:09,820 --> 00:13:11,865
who literally told me to quit art.

323
00:13:11,890 --> 00:13:13,413
Well, to be fair, dear,

324
00:13:13,438 --> 00:13:15,963
you were 36 and living in our garage.

325
00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:17,506
Yeah.

326
00:13:18,710 --> 00:13:20,974
What are Lucas' art supplies
still doing here?

327
00:13:21,170 --> 00:13:23,846
Why would they need art
supplies on the golf course?

328
00:13:24,116 --> 00:13:26,457
Why would they need a golf course?

329
00:13:26,501 --> 00:13:29,803
Because it's embarrassing
to drink at home at 11:00 a.m.?

330
00:13:30,931 --> 00:13:32,404
Damn it.

331
00:13:36,573 --> 00:13:39,340
Wow. Really thought
you had changed, Dad.

332
00:13:39,464 --> 00:13:40,838
I thought you were gonna support Lucas

333
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,430
in a way that you never supported me.

334
00:13:42,473 --> 00:13:44,127
- Oh, geez. I can explain.
- No, no, no.

335
00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:45,583
You don't have to.
I think that we all know

336
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:46,738
what's happening here.

337
00:13:46,782 --> 00:13:50,525
Look. This one is igneous, see?

338
00:13:52,530 --> 00:13:53,764
What's happening here?

339
00:13:53,939 --> 00:13:55,077
Well, he likes rocks.

340
00:13:55,263 --> 00:13:56,897
That's why we skipped fart class

341
00:13:56,952 --> 00:13:58,900
and came here. He hates art.

342
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:00,448
What? That's not true.

343
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,363
Who hates art and only loves rocks?

344
00:14:02,733 --> 00:14:04,225
I love you, I love you.

345
00:14:05,217 --> 00:14:08,585
What's worse is I think that's
an old doody from a goose.

346
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,112
He doesn't like art?
Why didn't he tell me that?

347
00:14:12,155 --> 00:14:15,071
'Cause his dad is pushing him
to be something he wasn't.

348
00:14:15,663 --> 00:14:17,552
I made the same mistake you did.

349
00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:21,164
Well, you'll do better on the
next kid, if you can afford one.

350
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,647
Thanks, Dad. Or...

351
00:14:24,796 --> 00:14:27,170
I could just support my son
no matter what he likes.

352
00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:30,086
I love this one, I love
this one, I love this one.

353
00:14:30,571 --> 00:14:32,175
I guess I could, too.

354
00:14:32,587 --> 00:14:35,532
You want to take in a quick nine?

355
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,946
No, I hate golf.

356
00:14:38,181 --> 00:14:40,657
Well, then, we'll do it your way.

357
00:14:43,079 --> 00:14:45,405
Okay, I really want to see definition

358
00:14:45,430 --> 00:14:47,032
in those rose petals.

359
00:14:47,139 --> 00:14:48,662
Thanks for coming with me, Dad.

360
00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:54,204
I can see why Heather likes
this wine-ing and designing.

361
00:14:57,766 --> 00:15:00,602
Excuse me. You can't have alcohol here.

362
00:15:02,462 --> 00:15:03,571
Heather?

363
00:15:03,727 --> 00:15:04,680
Yeah?

364
00:15:04,740 --> 00:15:06,567
I thought this was the whole point.

365
00:15:06,736 --> 00:15:09,780
Oh. No, Dad. You have to put it
in a water bottle

366
00:15:09,805 --> 00:15:11,727
so no one knows you're drinking.

367
00:15:17,908 --> 00:15:19,868
_

368
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,399
Thank you for coming over for tea.

369
00:15:22,443 --> 00:15:25,313
Sorry I was all out,
but I microwaved some Snapple.

370
00:15:28,317 --> 00:15:30,387
Hot strawberry kiwi.

371
00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:32,409
So, now that we have Lucas,

372
00:15:32,453 --> 00:15:34,239
and Jen and Greg have their new baby,

373
00:15:34,264 --> 00:15:37,066
I was thinking it's time
that we take a family photo.

374
00:15:38,051 --> 00:15:39,662
Family photo.

375
00:15:39,787 --> 00:15:40,819
No, no.

376
00:15:40,889 --> 00:15:42,809
We don't want more things

377
00:15:42,842 --> 00:15:44,647
for Facebook to sell to the Russians.

378
00:15:44,672 --> 00:15:45,679
- Oh.
- We don't want that.

379
00:15:45,703 --> 00:15:48,733
You know what? I think I have
some tea bags in my purse.

380
00:15:49,026 --> 00:15:51,177
Not that this isn't delicious.

381
00:15:51,256 --> 00:15:52,256
Okay.

382
00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:53,975
I'll be right back.

383
00:15:54,092 --> 00:15:55,498
Okay, just so you know,

384
00:15:55,523 --> 00:15:58,656
my mom has never been
in a single family photo.

385
00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,811
She runs every time she sees a camera.

386
00:16:00,851 --> 00:16:02,804
Yeah, that's why nobody can
ever catch her on film.

387
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:05,069
I mean, we have gotten
a couple blurs of her, like,

388
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:06,631
loping through the kitchen.

389
00:16:06,656 --> 00:16:09,592
She's basically the Bigfoot
of suburban therapists.

390
00:16:10,123 --> 00:16:13,145
Okay, well, I am gonna convince her

391
00:16:13,170 --> 00:16:14,495
to be in the family photo.

392
00:16:14,568 --> 00:16:15,834
Okay.

393
00:16:16,217 --> 00:16:19,051
- You're so cute. I love it.
- You go do that.

394
00:16:19,076 --> 00:16:22,584
Yeah, listen, she wouldn't even
take one for Lark's christening.

395
00:16:23,584 --> 00:16:25,245
My daughter was christened?

396
00:16:25,459 --> 00:16:28,436
Oh, yeah. You were on
a work trip in Houston.

397
00:16:32,444 --> 00:16:34,968
Joan, I really want you
in the family photo.

398
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,851
It's not complete without you.

399
00:16:36,876 --> 00:16:39,101
Oh, thank you, dear,
but it's a hard pass.

400
00:16:39,126 --> 00:16:42,347
I-I really am miserable
getting photographed.

401
00:16:42,453 --> 00:16:43,773
But you're so beautiful.

402
00:16:43,798 --> 00:16:45,496
Why do you hate the camera so much?

403
00:16:45,656 --> 00:16:48,137
I-I don't hate it, it hates me.

404
00:16:48,181 --> 00:16:49,660
In fourth grade,

405
00:16:49,704 --> 00:16:51,271
my smile was so pained

406
00:16:51,306 --> 00:16:53,441
in-in the class photo
that they called in

407
00:16:53,466 --> 00:16:56,537
a special investigator
to question all the teachers.

408
00:16:56,790 --> 00:16:58,123
Well, the camera doesn't hate you,

409
00:16:58,147 --> 00:17:00,106
it just needs to get to know you.

410
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:03,025
So allow me to make the introduction.

411
00:17:03,172 --> 00:17:04,836
Are you gonna break into song?

412
00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,982
Nope, I'm gonna break
into my makeup kit.

413
00:17:07,165 --> 00:17:08,742
Because if you're just upset
about the way

414
00:17:08,766 --> 00:17:11,073
you look in photos, I can fix that.

415
00:17:11,117 --> 00:17:13,945
No, honey. I-I'm not much
of a makeup person.

416
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:15,391
You know, where I grew up,

417
00:17:15,416 --> 00:17:18,124
the only person that wore makeup
was the butcher's wife,

418
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:20,805
and she wasn't somebody
you wanted to emulate.

419
00:17:20,836 --> 00:17:22,311
Joan, trust me. In high school,

420
00:17:22,336 --> 00:17:23,999
I worked at the cosmetics counter,

421
00:17:24,034 --> 00:17:26,994
and I helped fix a ton
of weird-looking freaks.

422
00:17:27,042 --> 00:17:28,482
Not that you're one of them.

423
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:30,353
I just don't think makeup's the answer.

424
00:17:30,397 --> 00:17:32,181
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.

425
00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:33,574
Can you tell which eyebrow I lost

426
00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:35,097
in a sorority hazing incident?

427
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,447
Right. No, left.

428
00:17:37,491 --> 00:17:39,493
No. No, r-the right.

429
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:42,391
- Both.
- Oh, are you good.

430
00:17:42,469 --> 00:17:43,789
Thank you.

431
00:17:46,586 --> 00:17:48,937
I'm so impressed you got Joan on board.

432
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:51,026
Yeah. How did you do that?
Did you get her drunk?

433
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:52,992
Ooh, was it pills?

434
00:17:53,086 --> 00:17:54,943
No. I just worked my makeup magic

435
00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:56,510
and helped her feel comfortable.

436
00:17:56,553 --> 00:17:58,173
A little blending, a little contouring,

437
00:17:58,198 --> 00:17:59,471
a little defining.

438
00:17:59,596 --> 00:18:01,167
In fact, if I had more time,

439
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,643
I could make both of your eyes
look the same size,

440
00:18:03,987 --> 00:18:05,932
and I could give you an upper lip.

441
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:07,738
Excuse me.

442
00:18:08,079 --> 00:18:10,377
I think that your lips are perfect.

443
00:18:10,526 --> 00:18:12,047
- Thank you.
- Yeah.

444
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,180
You... Okay.

445
00:18:14,223 --> 00:18:15,398
Okay.

446
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,096
There she is.

447
00:18:29,138 --> 00:18:31,284
Did I just scream? Because I wanted to.

448
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:35,232
Wow, Mom. Look at all your features.

449
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:39,326
Okay. It's like an eclipse,
don't look directly at it.

450
00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:40,945
I can't look at Joan's face,

451
00:18:40,989 --> 00:18:42,314
I can't look at Colleen's cleavage.

452
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:44,775
- Where am I supposed to look?
- Okay.

453
00:18:44,819 --> 00:18:46,212
You look hot, Joanie.

454
00:18:46,247 --> 00:18:48,294
You look like when, uh, Bugs Bunny

455
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:50,999
tried to get that hunter
to make love to him.

456
00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:54,524
It's so much. I feel like
the local news anchor.

457
00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:56,396
No, no. You're the weather girl.

458
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:58,354
Do I want to be the weather girl?

459
00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,269
Okay, everyone. Let's do this.

460
00:19:00,313 --> 00:19:02,053
Mom-Mom, let me help you down.

461
00:19:02,097 --> 00:19:04,404
It looks like it might be hard
to see with those lashes.

462
00:19:04,447 --> 00:19:07,686
Well, honey, the weight is
the actual impediment.

463
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,028
When I close my eyes,
I feel like I don't have

464
00:19:10,053 --> 00:19:11,802
the strength to open them.

465
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:12,846
Okay.

466
00:19:13,076 --> 00:19:14,715
What did you do to my mother?

467
00:19:14,740 --> 00:19:17,053
Assuming that my mother
is underneath all of that.

468
00:19:17,078 --> 00:19:18,949
I know I might have gone
a little overboard,

469
00:19:18,995 --> 00:19:20,854
but she's here and she's
gonna be in the photo,

470
00:19:20,879 --> 00:19:23,439
- which is more than any of you
have ever done, so... - Oh. Eh...

471
00:19:23,713 --> 00:19:25,033
Oh, dear.

472
00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:26,557
Ah, front and center.

473
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:29,690
Right in the middle.
All the eyes are on me. Oh.

474
00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:33,172
Okay, Lark, so you're gonna stay
right in front of Mom-Mom, okay?

475
00:19:34,081 --> 00:19:36,213
That lady is scary.

476
00:19:37,094 --> 00:19:38,399
No way.

477
00:19:39,432 --> 00:19:41,441
- I'll get her.
- I got it, I got it.

478
00:19:41,484 --> 00:19:44,409
Oh, I'm so sorry, I just
don't feel like myself.

479
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,206
I-I can't do this.

480
00:19:49,369 --> 00:19:50,935
Guys, I can fix this.

481
00:19:50,995 --> 00:19:53,064
Yeah. I don't think
the answer's in there.

482
00:19:53,197 --> 00:19:55,994
But what do I know? I have no upper lip.

483
00:20:01,732 --> 00:20:03,990
I'm so sorry about the other day, Joan.

484
00:20:04,060 --> 00:20:05,378
Don't be silly, sweetie.

485
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:08,903
I just feel so badly that you
didn't get a family photo.

486
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:10,678
Oh, it's okay. We'll get it someday.

487
00:20:10,826 --> 00:20:12,123
Oh, you look nice.

488
00:20:12,159 --> 00:20:13,842
Here, why don't you hold the baby?

489
00:20:13,875 --> 00:20:15,584
Oh, thank you, honey.

490
00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:19,261
She especially loves it when
you look up and say cheese.

491
00:20:19,490 --> 00:20:20,865
Cheese.

492
00:20:21,818 --> 00:20:24,795
Oh, you sons of bitches.

493
00:20:29,302 --> 00:20:34,810
CREDITS

