1 00:00:05,812 --> 00:00:07,944 _ 2 00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,214 Hey, Joan, you want to go for a walk with me? 3 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,782 I got my new stretchy pants on. 4 00:00:14,815 --> 00:00:16,425 Oh, I think the ones 5 00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,587 with the little windows in the front are for the ladies. 6 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,922 Oh, man. 7 00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:24,192 I can't return 'em 'cause I'm not wearing underwear. 8 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,535 All right, what do you say... 9 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,657 let's take this awesome conversation on the road, 10 00:00:27,682 --> 00:00:29,463 put a few miles on that new knee. 11 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:31,309 Oh, fun. No. 12 00:00:31,334 --> 00:00:33,434 Oh, come on, Joan, we both need the rehab. 13 00:00:33,459 --> 00:00:34,868 My ticker, your kicker. 14 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:37,003 Besides, I promised Heather that I'd get you 15 00:00:37,028 --> 00:00:38,339 out of that bathrobe. 16 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:41,315 I don't think that was correctly phrased. 17 00:00:41,340 --> 00:00:43,043 No, that's exactly what I wanted to say. 18 00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,698 Um, I want to get you out of that robe 19 00:00:44,723 --> 00:00:46,392 and turn you into a streetwalker. 20 00:00:50,035 --> 00:00:51,293 Oh, I'm exhausted. 21 00:00:51,326 --> 00:00:54,596 These pants have no ventilation. 22 00:00:54,629 --> 00:00:57,332 My thigh windows are all fogged up. 23 00:00:57,365 --> 00:00:59,106 Yeah, I feel the same. 24 00:00:59,131 --> 00:01:01,620 I couldn't even walk over the speed bump. 25 00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:05,354 I had to sit on the curb and then throw my legs over. 26 00:01:05,379 --> 00:01:07,253 Whoa, look at this. 27 00:01:07,278 --> 00:01:08,943 Who would throw this out? 28 00:01:08,977 --> 00:01:11,213 Oh, I think most people. 29 00:01:11,246 --> 00:01:13,298 Yeah, well, most people don't have 30 00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:16,426 a treadmill-sized space right next to their bed. 31 00:01:16,460 --> 00:01:19,129 Well, I haven't played one of these 32 00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:21,298 since John and I were first dating. 33 00:01:21,331 --> 00:01:23,333 Oh, my gosh, we won enough tickets 34 00:01:23,367 --> 00:01:25,969 to buy three packs of cigarettes. 35 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,471 It was a different time. 36 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,804 I can't even remember the first time I played. 37 00:01:29,829 --> 00:01:32,309 So, we've all got our stories. 38 00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:38,148 Yeah, and now I'm just like this old table: 39 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:41,017 I'm broken down and ready to be dumped at the curb. 40 00:01:41,051 --> 00:01:43,320 Hey, don't talk like that. 41 00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:44,954 Sure, she's past her prime, 42 00:01:44,988 --> 00:01:46,590 but you can still sink your balls in her. 43 00:01:46,623 --> 00:01:48,458 - Oh! - Come on. 44 00:01:48,492 --> 00:01:50,689 What do you say? Give it a try. 45 00:01:50,714 --> 00:01:52,562 - Fine. - Yeah. 46 00:01:52,596 --> 00:01:54,064 - All right. - Yeah, well, 47 00:01:54,089 --> 00:01:55,143 it's not like, you know, 48 00:01:55,168 --> 00:01:58,063 throwing a ball is gonna make everything seem bet... 49 00:01:58,578 --> 00:02:00,670 - Oh, my gosh! - Oh! 50 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:03,273 Did you see that shot? I've still got it. 51 00:02:03,307 --> 00:02:05,095 All right, what do you say? A little game, you and I? 52 00:02:05,119 --> 00:02:08,345 Oh, I think I'm gonna beat the lady pants off you. 53 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:13,954 Hey, Joan. 54 00:02:13,979 --> 00:02:15,885 You, uh, ready for another walk? 55 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:17,354 No, I don't think so. 56 00:02:17,379 --> 00:02:19,705 I'm kind of exhausted from yesterday. 57 00:02:19,730 --> 00:02:22,726 Um, you know, I-I promised Heather, you know? 58 00:02:22,759 --> 00:02:25,947 And I thought of, like, a dozen ball jokes. 59 00:02:25,972 --> 00:02:27,527 I thought of two as well. 60 00:02:27,552 --> 00:02:29,666 One of them's historical. 61 00:02:29,699 --> 00:02:31,401 I'll go get them. I wrote them down. 62 00:02:31,435 --> 00:02:32,502 All right. 63 00:02:32,974 --> 00:02:35,403 Hey, this is getting much easier. 64 00:02:35,428 --> 00:02:37,676 Did you see me on that speed bump? 65 00:02:37,701 --> 00:02:38,875 I did. 66 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,052 You know what's really great? 67 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,678 You're wearing underwear today. 68 00:02:41,711 --> 00:02:44,637 Oh, you can see the lines. 69 00:02:44,981 --> 00:02:47,543 I was gonna say the conversation is nice. 70 00:02:47,707 --> 00:02:48,902 It is. 71 00:02:52,251 --> 00:02:55,020 Oh! Yes. 72 00:02:56,642 --> 00:02:59,596 Now, all my balls are in your court. 73 00:02:59,629 --> 00:03:01,931 Ugh. You destroyed me, Joan. 74 00:03:01,965 --> 00:03:03,767 - Oh, honey. - Well, 75 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,119 I got bogged down trying to make 76 00:03:05,144 --> 00:03:07,276 a "Cinderella at the balls" joke, but it's impossible. 77 00:03:07,301 --> 00:03:09,203 It can't be done. 78 00:03:09,339 --> 00:03:11,908 Can you imagine Cinderella squeezing in 79 00:03:11,941 --> 00:03:13,810 two balls before midnight? 80 00:03:14,233 --> 00:03:15,468 Damn it! 81 00:03:19,121 --> 00:03:20,684 Oh, hey, I grabbed a bunch of tickets 82 00:03:20,717 --> 00:03:22,328 out of Sophia's drawer so we could pretend 83 00:03:22,352 --> 00:03:23,953 - that we won. - Oh, I think she was 84 00:03:23,987 --> 00:03:26,390 - saving those for a laser tag. - Ah. 85 00:03:26,423 --> 00:03:28,385 She's got a piggy bank that says "College Fund." 86 00:03:28,410 --> 00:03:29,702 I take from that all the time. 87 00:03:29,726 --> 00:03:31,870 Oh, no. 88 00:03:32,516 --> 00:03:34,052 It's gone. 89 00:03:36,511 --> 00:03:37,558 It's gone. 90 00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:39,752 Oh, gee. 91 00:03:40,170 --> 00:03:42,472 - It was fun while it lasted. - Yeah. 92 00:03:43,205 --> 00:03:46,580 I have to thank Heather for getting us to exercise together. 93 00:03:46,823 --> 00:03:48,245 Yeah, about that. 94 00:03:48,278 --> 00:03:51,114 Uh... if I'm being totally honest with you, 95 00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:52,882 Heather doesn't know we've been doing this. 96 00:03:52,916 --> 00:03:54,150 What do you mean? 97 00:03:54,184 --> 00:03:56,482 Well, she wanted me to go for a walk, 98 00:03:56,507 --> 00:03:59,289 but I was afraid to go alone. 99 00:03:59,323 --> 00:04:00,733 I mean, what happens if my heart stops 100 00:04:00,757 --> 00:04:02,312 and there's no one there to get it started again? 101 00:04:02,336 --> 00:04:03,770 Oh, Tim. 102 00:04:04,496 --> 00:04:05,829 I know we've had our differences 103 00:04:05,862 --> 00:04:07,497 - over the years, Joan. - We have? 104 00:04:07,531 --> 00:04:09,666 We weren't even talking to each other last winter. 105 00:04:09,699 --> 00:04:10,817 We weren't? 106 00:04:10,842 --> 00:04:12,145 But, these last few days, 107 00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:13,871 you've been a real comfort to me. 108 00:04:14,037 --> 00:04:17,774 Oh, Tim, this whole heart thing can be so scary. 109 00:04:17,807 --> 00:04:20,176 You know, but trust me, I think your heart's 110 00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:21,711 the best part of you. 111 00:04:21,909 --> 00:04:24,475 Aw. Thanks, Joan. 112 00:04:25,582 --> 00:04:26,850 Well, you want to head back? 113 00:04:26,883 --> 00:04:29,619 We knew the arcade had to close eventually. 114 00:04:31,180 --> 00:04:33,598 I'm sorry for whatever I said last winter. 115 00:04:33,623 --> 00:04:34,817 Oh, you didn't say anything. 116 00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:36,121 That's what hurt. 117 00:04:41,031 --> 00:04:42,287 Coming. 118 00:04:42,932 --> 00:04:45,702 Tim! Tim. 119 00:04:45,954 --> 00:04:47,876 - Hi. - Joan. What...? 120 00:04:47,901 --> 00:04:51,408 On my way to the store, I found an air hockey table. 121 00:04:51,441 --> 00:04:53,209 Just left for dead on the curb. 122 00:04:53,243 --> 00:04:56,012 Uh, about eight blocks away. You think we can make it? 123 00:04:56,045 --> 00:04:57,314 Eight blocks? 124 00:04:57,347 --> 00:04:58,548 I can do eight and a half. 125 00:04:58,582 --> 00:05:00,183 Let's do it. 126 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:01,217 Let's do it. 127 00:05:01,242 --> 00:05:03,981 And we can work on our jokes on the way. 128 00:05:04,006 --> 00:05:06,186 You'll never guess what rhymes with "puck." 129 00:05:08,262 --> 00:05:10,121 _ 130 00:05:11,695 --> 00:05:13,229 Thank you for the dinner. 131 00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:15,765 May I please be excused? 132 00:05:16,253 --> 00:05:18,504 Yes, you may be excused. 133 00:05:18,847 --> 00:05:21,858 We really hit the jackpot with this kid. 134 00:05:21,883 --> 00:05:23,583 I mean, I don't even mind that he makes me look bad 135 00:05:23,607 --> 00:05:25,351 when he opens the car door for you. 136 00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:28,880 I can't believe that we are parents to a four-year-old. 137 00:05:29,333 --> 00:05:32,089 The only thing is, what are we gonna do with all this baby stuff? 138 00:05:32,114 --> 00:05:34,183 Oh, I know. 139 00:05:34,217 --> 00:05:35,568 Maybe we can sell it to Greg. 140 00:05:35,593 --> 00:05:37,727 Careful. My snake's in there. 141 00:05:37,752 --> 00:05:38,887 No, it's not. 142 00:05:38,912 --> 00:05:42,090 - Careful, my snake's somewhere. - Oh, Dougie. 143 00:05:42,115 --> 00:05:43,388 Hi, Dougie. 144 00:05:43,413 --> 00:05:45,952 Oh, the new guy's still here. 145 00:05:45,977 --> 00:05:48,365 Yes, Dougie, we adopted him, remember? 146 00:05:48,398 --> 00:05:50,500 That's why we had you move into the office. 147 00:05:50,534 --> 00:05:54,007 Right, yes. I remember... 148 00:05:55,414 --> 00:05:56,716 Lucas. 149 00:05:56,741 --> 00:06:01,342 Luke, I am your father. 150 00:06:01,367 --> 00:06:03,407 Bit of a risky joke for an adopted kid. 151 00:06:06,313 --> 00:06:07,681 Yes. 152 00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:11,157 Lucas, do you have any twos? 153 00:06:12,088 --> 00:06:14,691 Go fish, fart-sack. 154 00:06:15,712 --> 00:06:18,079 Did you just call me a fart-sack? 155 00:06:19,047 --> 00:06:20,772 Lucas, where did you hear that? 156 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:21,735 Hey! 157 00:06:21,768 --> 00:06:25,360 Which one of you fart-sacks took my shower Crocs? 158 00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:27,539 - Think I know where he heard it. - Mm-hmm. 159 00:06:30,594 --> 00:06:32,373 So, Dougie. 160 00:06:32,398 --> 00:06:34,693 Suddenly living with a four-year-old is... 161 00:06:34,718 --> 00:06:38,249 that's just new territory for all of us. 162 00:06:38,655 --> 00:06:40,958 And you're setting a terrible example. 163 00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:42,051 You are. 164 00:06:42,085 --> 00:06:44,624 Okay, Dougie, we are not asking you to move out. 165 00:06:44,649 --> 00:06:46,165 No, because you just signed that two-year lease 166 00:06:46,189 --> 00:06:47,633 and we know how vindictive you can be. 167 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,643 Thank you guys for noticing. 168 00:06:49,668 --> 00:06:52,128 All we're asking is that you find your snake, 169 00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,439 you try and watch your language, 170 00:06:53,463 --> 00:06:54,846 and you just be your best self. 171 00:06:54,871 --> 00:06:57,471 - Or you can be someone else's best self. - Yeah. 172 00:06:58,182 --> 00:07:00,136 I will consider your request. 173 00:07:02,292 --> 00:07:04,127 I've made a decision. 174 00:07:04,585 --> 00:07:06,543 Mm. I've reconsidered. 175 00:07:06,752 --> 00:07:08,587 And I will honor your request. 176 00:07:11,426 --> 00:07:13,450 Lucas, how are you enjoying dinner? 177 00:07:14,682 --> 00:07:15,883 Lucas! 178 00:07:15,908 --> 00:07:19,355 Manners. There are ladies here. 179 00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,791 Uh, Dougie, you look... 180 00:07:21,825 --> 00:07:23,960 Hot? I know. 181 00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:25,529 - Colleen... - Mm-hmm? 182 00:07:25,562 --> 00:07:29,599 could you please pass the po-ta-toes? 183 00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:32,502 I would be happy to. What a polite young lady. 184 00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,466 Ah. Degrassias. 185 00:07:34,491 --> 00:07:38,542 Could you please pass the po-ta-toes? 186 00:07:38,831 --> 00:07:40,465 Yes, sir. 187 00:07:40,490 --> 00:07:41,645 All right. 188 00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:44,013 Dougie, thank you so much for making an effort. 189 00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,482 Ah, you got it. 190 00:07:45,515 --> 00:07:46,883 I would curtsy right now, 191 00:07:46,916 --> 00:07:50,019 but my Spanx are about to split me in two. 192 00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,789 I want soda. 193 00:07:53,814 --> 00:07:55,398 Dougie... 194 00:07:55,986 --> 00:07:59,575 Um, "may I want soda." 195 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,264 No, no, Dougie, we-we don't drink soda. 196 00:08:02,990 --> 00:08:05,168 Of course we do not. 197 00:08:05,201 --> 00:08:08,204 Carbonation is the devil's gas. 198 00:08:08,237 --> 00:08:09,405 Dig in. 199 00:08:09,439 --> 00:08:11,508 Mmm. 200 00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:12,685 Oh, Dougie, you have a little something on your... 201 00:08:12,709 --> 00:08:14,744 Know what? Enough. 202 00:08:14,959 --> 00:08:17,094 I can't keep up this charade. 203 00:08:17,119 --> 00:08:20,024 It's too hard being your perfect baby. 204 00:08:20,049 --> 00:08:23,115 And this dinner, it tastes like poo. 205 00:08:24,013 --> 00:08:25,247 I'm out of here. 206 00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:27,138 Ow. Ow. Ow! 207 00:08:27,163 --> 00:08:30,636 Ah! I got angry and my Spanx just blew. 208 00:08:30,661 --> 00:08:31,793 Okay. 209 00:08:31,818 --> 00:08:34,263 Night is over, losers. 210 00:08:34,288 --> 00:08:36,766 This is the worst dinner I've ever had. 211 00:08:37,107 --> 00:08:38,238 Ah, God. 212 00:08:38,263 --> 00:08:41,927 Yeah, it is poo, losers. 213 00:08:48,706 --> 00:08:51,861 Give me, give me candy! Candy! 214 00:08:51,886 --> 00:08:54,017 Dougie's been a really bad influence on him. 215 00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:56,319 She was singing that "Give me candy" song all morning. 216 00:08:56,343 --> 00:08:58,229 - Oh. - But it's not Lucas's fault. 217 00:08:58,254 --> 00:09:00,624 He's only acting like this because he wants candy. 218 00:09:00,657 --> 00:09:02,721 Yeah. Do you have any? 219 00:09:02,746 --> 00:09:04,640 The child has asked for some several times now. 220 00:09:04,665 --> 00:09:06,262 Give me, give me candy, candy! 221 00:09:06,295 --> 00:09:07,497 Give me, give me candy, candy! 222 00:09:07,531 --> 00:09:10,233 Oh, you guys, listen, Dougie is not your problem. 223 00:09:10,266 --> 00:09:11,853 I mean, yeah, she is a problem, in general, 224 00:09:11,877 --> 00:09:13,477 but she's not this problem. 225 00:09:13,502 --> 00:09:15,338 You have to talk to your kid. 226 00:09:15,371 --> 00:09:17,006 - But he's so young. - Oh... 227 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,050 Yeah, and we don't want to say anything 228 00:09:18,074 --> 00:09:19,185 that's gonna make him hate us. 229 00:09:19,209 --> 00:09:21,786 Yeah, you do. That's how you know you're being a good parent. 230 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:23,513 Sam, go do your homework. 231 00:09:23,547 --> 00:09:25,114 Mom, go do your housework. 232 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,138 Okay, see? That hurt. 233 00:09:27,163 --> 00:09:29,341 But you get where I'm going with this. 234 00:09:29,366 --> 00:09:31,654 - So we got to, like, lay down the law. - Yeah. 235 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:34,354 And if he hates us, we'll just give him candy. 236 00:09:34,379 --> 00:09:35,254 Okay, no. 237 00:09:35,279 --> 00:09:36,693 And then we'll take it back. 238 00:09:39,554 --> 00:09:41,031 Watch the entrails 239 00:09:41,056 --> 00:09:42,928 pour out like pancake batter. 240 00:09:42,953 --> 00:09:44,067 Lucas, what are you doing? 241 00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:46,155 You're supposed to be in bed, buddy. 242 00:09:46,180 --> 00:09:49,178 Ugh, we're watching a documentary on autopsies. 243 00:09:49,203 --> 00:09:51,888 Dougie, this isn't appropriate for Lucas. 244 00:09:51,913 --> 00:09:55,011 Don't worry, it's autopsies on aliens. 245 00:09:55,044 --> 00:09:58,369 You should see the genitals on this one. 246 00:09:58,394 --> 00:10:00,549 Okay, Lucas, go to bed. 247 00:10:00,574 --> 00:10:04,275 But Dougie said I could watch one more genital. 248 00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:08,324 Well, Dougie is not your parents. We are. 249 00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:10,082 Go to bed. Now. 250 00:10:16,032 --> 00:10:18,953 This is so hard. I hate being hated. 251 00:10:18,978 --> 00:10:20,334 I didn't think we would have to feel like this 252 00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:21,975 until we had a teenager. 253 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,196 Don't worry, you guys are doing the right thing. 254 00:10:25,221 --> 00:10:29,192 Kids deal well with boundaries. That's why I was kept in a cage. 255 00:10:31,581 --> 00:10:33,522 - I can't sleep. - No, I know. 256 00:10:33,547 --> 00:10:35,719 I know. Me neither. 257 00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:37,243 Me neither. 258 00:10:37,297 --> 00:10:39,355 Can I sleep with you? 259 00:10:39,388 --> 00:10:41,319 - Aw. - I got this, Colleen. 260 00:10:41,344 --> 00:10:42,766 We said go to bed. 261 00:10:43,032 --> 00:10:44,599 No, this is what we want. 262 00:10:44,624 --> 00:10:45,858 Oh, I'm so sorry. 263 00:10:45,883 --> 00:10:48,722 I'm-I'm a little fuzzy on the rules, buddy. 264 00:10:48,747 --> 00:10:50,349 You want to come up here? 265 00:11:01,230 --> 00:11:05,231 So, is Dougie my brother 266 00:11:05,256 --> 00:11:06,901 or my sister? 267 00:11:10,661 --> 00:11:12,528 _ 268 00:11:14,458 --> 00:11:16,592 Geez, Heather, when I said I'd volunteer, 269 00:11:16,626 --> 00:11:18,962 I-I thought I'd be doing morning announcements 270 00:11:18,995 --> 00:11:21,698 and sharing my political views. 271 00:11:21,731 --> 00:11:23,099 No, Dad, this is great. 272 00:11:23,132 --> 00:11:24,701 Gets you out, lets you be more social. 273 00:11:24,734 --> 00:11:26,903 Well, I've got your mother and Alexa. 274 00:11:26,936 --> 00:11:28,337 Well, they both need a break 275 00:11:28,371 --> 00:11:29,707 from being yelled at all the time. 276 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:30,902 Ooh, hey! We know this one. 277 00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:32,842 - Hi, Soph! - Hi, Pop-Pop. 278 00:11:32,876 --> 00:11:33,785 What are you doing here? 279 00:11:33,810 --> 00:11:35,712 I'm slinging garbage. 280 00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,746 My apologies to the cook. 281 00:11:37,771 --> 00:11:40,449 Oh, I didn't make that slop. 282 00:11:40,483 --> 00:11:43,452 I just pour sawdust on it when it comes back up. 283 00:11:43,486 --> 00:11:46,089 Steve Sissel, Janitorial Arts. 284 00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:49,793 Oh, John Short, uh, Alcohol Sciences. 285 00:11:49,826 --> 00:11:53,206 - Ooh, that's my minor. - Oh. 286 00:11:53,231 --> 00:11:54,488 Ugh. 287 00:11:54,513 --> 00:11:57,133 Uh, Sophia, why is your hot grandpa 288 00:11:57,166 --> 00:11:59,490 - talking to Psycho Sissel? - What? 289 00:11:59,515 --> 00:12:01,484 Look, I'm gonna go clean out the teachers' crapper. 290 00:12:01,508 --> 00:12:02,280 Mm-hmm. 291 00:12:02,305 --> 00:12:04,612 You finish up that slop, and we'll meet back 292 00:12:04,637 --> 00:12:06,472 in the janitor's closet in about 15 minutes. 293 00:12:06,497 --> 00:12:07,455 Got it. 294 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,746 I didn't know that creepy weirdo could speak. 295 00:12:09,779 --> 00:12:12,034 And did you just call my grandpa hot? 296 00:12:16,452 --> 00:12:19,823 I'll get it. I hate this part. It's way too scary. 297 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:29,328 Sophia, he's got a chain saw! 298 00:12:29,353 --> 00:12:31,267 You're missing it! 299 00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:34,812 Hey, Siss. Thanks for letting me borrow your chain saw. 300 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,296 Mine's stuck in a tree. 301 00:12:36,321 --> 00:12:38,938 Yeah, I threw it up there trying to scare a cat down. 302 00:12:38,963 --> 00:12:40,828 Well, be careful with this one. 303 00:12:40,853 --> 00:12:45,219 It'll cut right through bone, at least the bones of a child. 304 00:12:48,155 --> 00:12:50,719 That's what the weird salesman told me. 305 00:12:54,713 --> 00:12:56,392 Why is Psycho Sissel here? 306 00:12:56,751 --> 00:12:59,729 Pop-Pop met him at school, and I think they're friends now. 307 00:12:59,763 --> 00:13:01,313 - What? - Does Pop-Pop know 308 00:13:01,338 --> 00:13:03,619 that Sissel steals fetal pigs from the science lab 309 00:13:03,644 --> 00:13:05,268 and eats them in the janitor's closet? 310 00:13:05,301 --> 00:13:08,271 I heard he waits until everyone is gone, 311 00:13:08,304 --> 00:13:10,018 turns off all the lights, 312 00:13:10,043 --> 00:13:13,726 and slowly walks up and down the school hallways. 313 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,423 Up and down, 314 00:13:15,448 --> 00:13:18,647 up and down, with a mop. 315 00:13:18,681 --> 00:13:22,051 Ugh, he's so gross and crusty. 316 00:13:22,085 --> 00:13:25,054 His face looks like the top of a cranberry muffin. 317 00:13:25,173 --> 00:13:26,789 I just wish he'd leave. 318 00:13:26,814 --> 00:13:30,028 Oh, is that so? Well, you got your wish. 319 00:13:30,386 --> 00:13:33,204 Hey, Siss, let's drink a bunch 320 00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,731 and then fire up this chain saw and cut some stuff. 321 00:13:35,765 --> 00:13:39,803 No. I got to go clean out the long jump pit. 322 00:13:39,836 --> 00:13:42,752 Preschoolers treat it like a litter box. 323 00:13:43,049 --> 00:13:45,374 It gets all gross and crusty, 324 00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:48,257 like a cranberry muffin. 325 00:13:49,905 --> 00:13:51,933 That's okay, I-I can always 326 00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:54,394 chug and cut with some other friend. 327 00:14:01,076 --> 00:14:02,792 Pop-Pop, are you okay? 328 00:14:02,826 --> 00:14:06,930 Well, I called Mr. Sissel, like, five times, and nothing. 329 00:14:06,963 --> 00:14:09,983 Well, I'm sure he's really busy at school. 330 00:14:10,008 --> 00:14:11,936 He had to clean all the lice combs. 331 00:14:11,961 --> 00:14:13,491 You know what, Dad? Listen, 332 00:14:13,516 --> 00:14:15,109 he probably doesn't get good reception. 333 00:14:15,134 --> 00:14:17,306 I mean, clearly the guy lives in a basement somewhere. 334 00:14:17,340 --> 00:14:19,542 No, he's definitely not returning my calls. 335 00:14:19,575 --> 00:14:22,078 I guess he's just not that into me. 336 00:14:22,111 --> 00:14:24,737 Well, you don't need him. You got plenty of friends. 337 00:14:24,762 --> 00:14:27,516 Oh, no, sweetie. Actually, all his friends are dead. 338 00:14:27,541 --> 00:14:29,059 Two are in hospice. 339 00:14:29,084 --> 00:14:30,394 Oh, that's right. 340 00:14:32,286 --> 00:14:34,688 Oh, make that one. 341 00:14:36,490 --> 00:14:38,186 Hello? 342 00:14:38,692 --> 00:14:41,628 Mr. Sissel? 343 00:14:43,388 --> 00:14:44,856 Mr. Sissel? 344 00:14:44,881 --> 00:14:46,693 What do you want? 345 00:14:49,224 --> 00:14:50,806 My God, it's true. 346 00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,244 They're horrible, ain't they? 347 00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:58,281 The science lab ran out of space, 348 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,650 so they make me store 'em down here. 349 00:15:00,675 --> 00:15:01,665 Huh? 350 00:15:01,690 --> 00:15:03,665 You know, I broke one once. 351 00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:06,893 Only thing that'll get that smell out is time. 352 00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:11,305 Mr. Sissel, I'm so sorry for being mean. 353 00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:14,939 Please don't let that affect your relationship with my grandpa. 354 00:15:14,964 --> 00:15:16,799 He doesn't make many friends. 355 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,015 Yeah, neither do I. 356 00:15:19,140 --> 00:15:21,805 I thought it was because I was too chatty. 357 00:15:22,094 --> 00:15:23,288 But now, thanks to you, 358 00:15:23,313 --> 00:15:26,262 I know it's because I'm a horrifying monster. 359 00:15:26,287 --> 00:15:29,613 No, you're not. I'm sure you're a very nice man 360 00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:32,570 and that there's a good reason there's a dismembered torso 361 00:15:32,595 --> 00:15:34,298 in the corner of the room. 362 00:15:34,323 --> 00:15:36,592 That's the CPR dummy. 363 00:15:36,930 --> 00:15:38,799 That is a good reason. 364 00:15:39,388 --> 00:15:41,757 So, will you call Pop-Pop back? 365 00:15:41,790 --> 00:15:44,290 Yeah, I guess. 366 00:15:44,579 --> 00:15:46,896 And, you know, the kids might not think you're so scary 367 00:15:46,930 --> 00:15:48,564 if you smiled a bit more. 368 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:53,444 Or you could just smile with your eyes. 369 00:15:55,638 --> 00:15:56,839 We'll keep thinking. 370 00:15:59,687 --> 00:16:01,107 Hey, guys. 371 00:16:01,132 --> 00:16:02,601 Sissel's got Sophia! 372 00:16:08,773 --> 00:16:10,695 _ 373 00:16:12,835 --> 00:16:14,460 Jen, you're amazing. 374 00:16:14,485 --> 00:16:17,050 Throwing the perfect birthday party for Lark 375 00:16:17,075 --> 00:16:18,968 three weeks before you're due. 376 00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,723 What's the theme? 377 00:16:22,035 --> 00:16:23,100 Colors? 378 00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:27,121 Well, Lark wanted unicorns, superheroes, and buses. 379 00:16:28,230 --> 00:16:29,730 You know, I just, I just... 380 00:16:29,755 --> 00:16:31,522 want her to have the best birthday ever 381 00:16:31,547 --> 00:16:35,064 before I have this baby and ruin her life. 382 00:16:35,089 --> 00:16:39,728 No, honey. A baby is the best gift you could ever give her. 383 00:16:39,753 --> 00:16:42,454 When I was a baby, Matt put me in the trash. 384 00:16:42,479 --> 00:16:45,363 Oh, we got you out before the raccoons came. 385 00:16:52,966 --> 00:16:55,696 So, Maxine licked, uh, Madison's Ring Pop, 386 00:16:55,721 --> 00:16:57,627 and I told her I'd get her a new one, but I'm just gonna 387 00:16:57,651 --> 00:16:59,676 hang here for a second and then just give her the same one. 388 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:00,918 You cool with that? 389 00:17:01,675 --> 00:17:03,239 Yup. 390 00:17:03,479 --> 00:17:04,711 What are you doing? 391 00:17:04,736 --> 00:17:07,893 Just, uh, chilling. 392 00:17:08,049 --> 00:17:10,079 Uh, you sure about that? 393 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:12,738 Yup. Mm-hmm. Just a little... 394 00:17:12,763 --> 00:17:16,425 gas every, uh, seven to eight minutes. 395 00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:18,364 Oh, my God, you're having contractions? 396 00:17:18,389 --> 00:17:21,738 What? I am having this birthday for Lark. Okay? 397 00:17:21,763 --> 00:17:22,925 And it's gonna be perfect. 398 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,928 Because it is her last birthday where she has us all to herself. 399 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,296 So... 400 00:17:27,876 --> 00:17:29,619 I can get through this. 401 00:17:29,644 --> 00:17:32,001 I am not having this baby today. 402 00:17:33,462 --> 00:17:35,004 Jen? 403 00:17:35,303 --> 00:17:37,601 I'm having this baby today. 404 00:17:37,626 --> 00:17:39,476 Is the party over yet? 405 00:17:39,501 --> 00:17:41,120 We were talking in the kitchen five minutes ago. 406 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,746 Oh, my God, time is moving backwards. 407 00:17:43,779 --> 00:17:45,690 Okay, that's it. We're taking you to the hospital. Come on. 408 00:17:45,714 --> 00:17:47,662 - What? No! No. - Whoa. 409 00:17:47,687 --> 00:17:50,653 If I have this baby today, then I will ruin her birthday. 410 00:17:50,686 --> 00:17:52,403 Well, whose birthday are you talking about? 411 00:17:52,428 --> 00:17:54,513 Because technically, they're both gonna have the same birthday. 412 00:17:54,537 --> 00:17:55,891 Oh, no. 413 00:17:55,924 --> 00:17:58,317 They're gonna have the same birthday? 414 00:17:58,342 --> 00:18:01,192 God, why did I let you have sex with me nine months ago? 415 00:18:01,217 --> 00:18:04,727 Well, actually, you kn... I was the one that let you. 416 00:18:04,752 --> 00:18:07,770 My barber parted my hair on the wrong side, and it was game on. 417 00:18:07,803 --> 00:18:08,904 Stranger sex. 418 00:18:08,937 --> 00:18:11,130 Really do not like that that is your weakness, 419 00:18:11,155 --> 00:18:14,880 but you are a great mom, okay, to two kids now. 420 00:18:14,905 --> 00:18:17,591 You know, so we got to balance both of their needs. Okay? 421 00:18:17,616 --> 00:18:19,489 Lark having a great birthday, 422 00:18:19,514 --> 00:18:22,077 Tim delivering the baby on the front lawn. 423 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,123 Yeah, you're right, we'll go. 424 00:18:25,575 --> 00:18:27,106 After the party. 425 00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:29,901 Well, then, we got to make this party go quick. 426 00:18:29,925 --> 00:18:32,232 Here... you want to know what? 427 00:18:32,256 --> 00:18:33,762 Lark, here. Let me help you, Lark. 428 00:18:33,787 --> 00:18:35,798 You just got to put your back into it. Okay? 429 00:18:37,793 --> 00:18:38,793 Okay. 430 00:18:39,254 --> 00:18:41,590 Okay, here we go. 431 00:18:41,879 --> 00:18:44,213 Yay, Lark. You did it. 432 00:18:44,238 --> 00:18:46,008 - There we go. - Uh, you want to know what? 433 00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:49,991 - Let's do gifts. Huh? - Yeah. Gifts. Yup, yup, yup, yup. 434 00:18:50,016 --> 00:18:52,181 Honey? Matt and Colleen aren't here yet. 435 00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:53,157 Yeah, that doesn't matter. 436 00:18:53,182 --> 00:18:54,439 Yeah, 'cause you know what they're gonna do. 437 00:18:54,463 --> 00:18:56,509 They're gonna show up late, and then they're gonna pretend 438 00:18:56,533 --> 00:18:57,596 that they left their gifts at home, 439 00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:59,789 but you're never gonna see it, so let's just open these. 440 00:18:59,813 --> 00:19:02,116 - Okay? - Okay. 441 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,893 Save the paper, save the paper. 442 00:19:04,927 --> 00:19:06,762 - Oh, my God. - I taught her that. 443 00:19:06,795 --> 00:19:08,438 Okay. Greg, we got to keep moving. 444 00:19:08,463 --> 00:19:10,670 Yeah, ye... I like to just rip these puppies open. 445 00:19:10,695 --> 00:19:13,722 And that way, we can make it snow. Whee! 446 00:19:13,747 --> 00:19:14,825 Greg, do you want me 447 00:19:14,849 --> 00:19:17,154 to make a list of the gifts for thank-yous? 448 00:19:17,179 --> 00:19:20,465 No, no, we'll do it now. Uh, thank you all. 449 00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:22,853 Yeah, yeah, o-ours was a savings bond. 450 00:19:22,878 --> 00:19:24,280 So, you just destroyed it. 451 00:19:24,313 --> 00:19:25,614 You know what? It's cake time. 452 00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:26,715 - Cake! - We're doing cake. 453 00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:27,893 Let's do cake. 454 00:19:27,918 --> 00:19:30,837 Can't have the cake before the pizza. 455 00:19:30,862 --> 00:19:33,384 If all the children go home and tell their parents 456 00:19:33,409 --> 00:19:35,227 that you served the cake before the pizza... 457 00:19:35,252 --> 00:19:38,294 Yeah, well, life is short, eat dessert first. 458 00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:41,573 - Hey-o. - Man, this party's wild. 459 00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:45,243 - ? Happy birthday ? - ? Happy birthday to you ? 460 00:19:45,268 --> 00:19:47,248 ? Happy birthday to you, happy birthday, dear Lark ? 461 00:19:47,272 --> 00:19:48,182 ? Happy birthday to you. ? 462 00:19:48,222 --> 00:19:49,956 Blow the candles out, wow. 463 00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:52,540 Don't tell anybody your wish, kid! 464 00:19:52,565 --> 00:19:53,676 Okay, you good? 465 00:19:53,701 --> 00:19:55,244 - Yeah. We did it. Let's go. - Okay. 466 00:19:55,268 --> 00:19:56,455 Okay... 467 00:19:56,479 --> 00:19:57,646 Oh, my God. 468 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,526 Jen, your water broke. 469 00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:03,344 Uh, that wasn't in any book you ever gave me. 470 00:20:08,023 --> 00:20:09,382 Come here, Lark. 471 00:20:10,797 --> 00:20:13,834 Mommy has to go to the hospital now because your little sister 472 00:20:13,859 --> 00:20:15,419 is ready to come out. 473 00:20:15,444 --> 00:20:16,864 Are you excited to meet her? 474 00:20:16,889 --> 00:20:17,766 Yeah. 475 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,982 Yeah. Yeah, she's excited to meet you, too. 476 00:20:21,007 --> 00:20:23,482 And, um, I promise that she's gonna get you 477 00:20:23,507 --> 00:20:25,955 a-a great present, okay? 478 00:20:25,980 --> 00:20:29,417 Okay. Tell her I want a brother. 479 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,552 Okay, well, they might be all out of those, 480 00:20:32,577 --> 00:20:34,417 but I'll let her know. 481 00:20:34,710 --> 00:20:35,618 Give me a hug. 482 00:20:35,643 --> 00:20:36,848 Come here. 483 00:20:36,873 --> 00:20:38,598 - We love you, kiddo. - We love you. 484 00:20:38,623 --> 00:20:39,934 Go. We've got her. 485 00:20:39,959 --> 00:20:41,375 Go over to Mom-Mom. 486 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,792 - I love you. Go. - Good luck, you guys. 487 00:20:43,826 --> 00:20:45,844 - We love you. - We love you so much. 488 00:20:46,531 --> 00:20:47,830 Drive safely, please. 489 00:20:47,863 --> 00:20:50,698 Hi. Oh shoot, we forgot Lark's present at home. 490 00:20:50,723 --> 00:20:51,924 Of course you did. 491 00:20:53,690 --> 00:20:58,690 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com -