1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:02,546 Does anybody know what today is? 2 00:00:04,507 --> 00:00:06,376 Your birthday? 3 00:00:06,377 --> 00:00:07,000 All: Oh. 4 00:00:07,025 --> 00:00:08,414 Happy birthday, Amy. 5 00:00:08,439 --> 00:00:11,179 - ? Happy birthday to you ? - No. 6 00:00:11,181 --> 00:00:13,982 - Happy birthday, Amy! - May you live for another 45. 7 00:00:13,984 --> 00:00:16,751 I am not 45, and it's not my birthday. 8 00:00:16,753 --> 00:00:19,275 It's Employee Appreciation Day! 9 00:00:19,906 --> 00:00:22,091 Whoo! Everybody get psyched! 10 00:00:22,875 --> 00:00:25,121 What is Employee Appreciation Day? 11 00:00:25,122 --> 00:00:25,987 It's symbolic. 12 00:00:25,988 --> 00:00:27,762 I think it's a holiday in Canada. 13 00:00:27,764 --> 00:00:30,373 Nope, it's our way of saying thank you 14 00:00:30,374 --> 00:00:33,001 for all the amazing work you do every day. 15 00:00:33,003 --> 00:00:35,894 This store could not function without you guys. 16 00:00:35,999 --> 00:00:38,956 I mean, not you specifically, obviously, 17 00:00:38,963 --> 00:00:40,384 but labor of some sort. 18 00:00:40,409 --> 00:00:41,295 Aww. 19 00:00:41,296 --> 00:00:44,532 It's weird how Employee Appreciation Day 20 00:00:44,533 --> 00:00:46,903 always seems to fall right around when people are 21 00:00:46,904 --> 00:00:48,336 filling out their union cards. 22 00:00:48,337 --> 00:00:49,369 Mm. 23 00:00:49,370 --> 00:00:52,954 Anyway, we're gonna have little special surprises all day long. 24 00:00:52,956 --> 00:00:54,472 - We've got ice cream... - all: Ooh. 25 00:00:54,858 --> 00:00:56,597 - We've got a masseuse... - all: Ooh. 26 00:00:56,759 --> 00:00:58,966 And we've got Cloud 9 Frisbees for the kids. 27 00:00:58,967 --> 00:01:00,928 And for those of you who wanna join the union, 28 00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:02,375 we've got collective bargaining rights, 29 00:01:02,376 --> 00:01:04,198 higher wages, and job security. 30 00:01:04,199 --> 00:01:07,198 Sorry, for the massages, should we be in, like, a towel 31 00:01:07,199 --> 00:01:08,699 or just totally buck naked? 32 00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:09,967 Neither, fully clothed. 33 00:01:09,968 --> 00:01:11,441 Clothed for the ice cream too? 34 00:01:11,442 --> 00:01:14,142 Yes, everybody keep their clothes on. 35 00:01:14,144 --> 00:01:16,144 It's ridiculous how often I have to say that. 36 00:01:16,146 --> 00:01:18,884 Speaking of clothes, who wants a free T-shirt? 37 00:01:18,885 --> 00:01:20,181 Ooh. 38 00:01:24,587 --> 00:01:25,932 You missed me. 39 00:01:25,979 --> 00:01:30,833 credits 40 00:01:33,639 --> 00:01:37,398 Attention shoppers, today is Employee Appreciation Day, 41 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,001 and all of our associates are getting free ice cream. 42 00:01:40,003 --> 00:01:42,437 So if you're wondering why everything's sticky, 43 00:01:42,439 --> 00:01:43,850 that's one of the reasons. 44 00:01:44,387 --> 00:01:47,938 Have you tried the Cloud 9 Corporate sundae? 45 00:01:47,939 --> 00:01:49,811 What it is, is they give you 46 00:01:49,813 --> 00:01:52,113 a very, very tiny bit of ice cream 47 00:01:52,115 --> 00:01:55,644 with nothing on top and then you just have to take it. 48 00:01:55,645 --> 00:01:58,297 No, actually, I tried the Union Surprise. 49 00:01:58,298 --> 00:02:00,655 It's every flavor you could ever want 50 00:02:00,657 --> 00:02:02,990 and every topping you could ever dream of, 51 00:02:02,992 --> 00:02:04,934 but then they shut down the store and fire you, 52 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,258 and you get nothing. 53 00:02:06,429 --> 00:02:09,098 It's probably not a popular flavor. 54 00:02:09,690 --> 00:02:11,857 I can't believe you're siding with corporate. 55 00:02:12,102 --> 00:02:13,801 Jonah, what do you want me to do? 56 00:02:13,803 --> 00:02:16,308 I want you to say [bleep] corporate and be on our side. 57 00:02:16,309 --> 00:02:18,539 They will shut down the store. You know that. 58 00:02:18,541 --> 00:02:20,504 So we'll get other stores involved. They can't shut us all down. 59 00:02:20,505 --> 00:02:23,286 Oh, okay, so now you're leading a nationwide movement? 60 00:02:23,311 --> 00:02:24,407 If not now, when? 61 00:02:24,408 --> 00:02:26,147 Literally any other time. 62 00:02:26,149 --> 00:02:30,059 Just not right when I finally have a job that pays well and has a future. 63 00:02:30,084 --> 00:02:33,050 Okay, so this is about you saving your job? 64 00:02:33,051 --> 00:02:35,238 Yeah, and everybody else's. 65 00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,024 I mean, you might have nothing to lose, 66 00:02:37,026 --> 00:02:39,631 but a lot of us can't just say "[bleep] corporate," 67 00:02:39,632 --> 00:02:42,891 and risk everything, because Jonah needs a cause to fight for. 68 00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:43,878 You guys fighting? 69 00:02:43,991 --> 00:02:45,051 - No. - We're fine. 70 00:02:45,139 --> 00:02:46,588 Guys, don't fight. 71 00:02:48,164 --> 00:02:50,758 Yeah, that definitely looks infected. 72 00:02:51,407 --> 00:02:54,085 I have to sleep face down with a wet towel on my back. 73 00:02:54,544 --> 00:02:56,344 This massage is gonna be torture. 74 00:02:56,346 --> 00:02:58,228 Maybe you shouldn't get a massage. 75 00:02:58,229 --> 00:03:00,081 It's a free massage. 76 00:03:00,083 --> 00:03:02,083 I can't wait for union health care. 77 00:03:02,085 --> 00:03:05,025 Did you know if you tell them you have "migraines," they cover Botox? 78 00:03:05,026 --> 00:03:06,254 My cousin went to Mexico, 79 00:03:06,256 --> 00:03:08,215 and they injected cement into her face. 80 00:03:08,216 --> 00:03:09,390 Still in there. 81 00:03:09,392 --> 00:03:10,491 You can hear it rattle when she talks. 82 00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:14,081 So, you guys are all thinking about joining, huh? 83 00:03:14,364 --> 00:03:16,998 It's just that, like, I don't a union giving out 84 00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,758 free ice cream and Frisbees, you know. 85 00:03:18,759 --> 00:03:21,002 Yeah, but they give out other stuff. 86 00:03:21,004 --> 00:03:22,937 The teachers at my high school unionized, 87 00:03:22,939 --> 00:03:25,840 and now there's literally nothing they can do to get them fired. 88 00:03:25,842 --> 00:03:28,910 Like, Mr. Lackman's still there, and he's married to a sophomore. 89 00:03:28,912 --> 00:03:30,678 I dated a Teamster, and he gets, like, 90 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:32,064 seven paid lunches a day. 91 00:03:32,065 --> 00:03:33,615 Seems pretty cool to me. 92 00:03:33,616 --> 00:03:36,281 If your skin was rotting, you would smell it, right? 93 00:03:43,026 --> 00:03:45,604 Hey, the whole store is signing union cards. 94 00:03:45,606 --> 00:03:46,611 - What? - Yeah. 95 00:03:46,664 --> 00:03:48,266 The cleaning crew thought they were signing birthday cards, 96 00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:49,586 but the signatures still count. 97 00:03:49,587 --> 00:03:50,665 Then once Marcus went union, 98 00:03:50,667 --> 00:03:52,089 all the warehouse guys followed him. 99 00:03:52,090 --> 00:03:53,640 They actually consider him to be a leader, 100 00:03:53,665 --> 00:03:55,536 which I think is the most disturbing part of all of this. 101 00:03:55,537 --> 00:03:57,610 Well, we gotta do something. What do we do? 102 00:03:57,611 --> 00:03:59,640 I don't know. Show an anti-union video. 103 00:03:59,648 --> 00:04:01,447 No, those videos are so dumb. 104 00:04:01,524 --> 00:04:03,511 Yeah. Okay, what else could we do? 105 00:04:06,462 --> 00:04:08,929 Cloud 9, a great place to shop 106 00:04:08,978 --> 00:04:10,434 and a great place to work. 107 00:04:10,713 --> 00:04:14,181 Everybody wants to be here, including unions. 108 00:04:15,725 --> 00:04:17,058 - So, when you were... - Shh. 109 00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:18,759 People are trying to watch. 110 00:04:18,761 --> 00:04:20,828 But before you decide, there are... 111 00:04:21,550 --> 00:04:23,251 Studies show that employees 112 00:04:23,253 --> 00:04:24,585 at a non-union facility are 113 00:04:24,587 --> 00:04:26,777 more engaged and happier. 114 00:04:26,778 --> 00:04:29,582 Yeah! Don't try to come between me and Cloud 9. 115 00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:31,945 - That's my bae. - Well said. 116 00:04:32,027 --> 00:04:34,229 Not sure who I feel about this new MC Cool Cloud. 117 00:04:34,254 --> 00:04:36,154 Yeah, there's something profoundly disturbing about 118 00:04:36,156 --> 00:04:38,563 seeing a two-dimensional cartoon character in three dimensions. 119 00:04:38,564 --> 00:04:40,198 Like with "The Peanuts Movie." 120 00:04:40,199 --> 00:04:42,727 I had no idea that Charlie Brown was 121 00:04:42,729 --> 00:04:44,729 a bald child with a deformed head. 122 00:04:44,731 --> 00:04:46,564 - It's like a bruised apple. - I know. 123 00:04:46,566 --> 00:04:48,826 No union better mess with my family. 124 00:04:49,106 --> 00:04:52,663 Oh, MC Cool Cloud, you're gonna be the best dad. 125 00:04:53,101 --> 00:04:54,320 - Whoa! - What?! 126 00:04:56,743 --> 00:05:00,373 I'm sorry, did MC Cool Cloud just impregnate a human? 127 00:05:00,374 --> 00:05:01,190 I think he did. 128 00:05:01,191 --> 00:05:03,515 Okay, does anybody have any thoughts about the video? 129 00:05:03,517 --> 00:05:05,216 I mean, I'm a little disappointed. 130 00:05:05,217 --> 00:05:07,085 I thought you were showing us "Paddington." 131 00:05:07,086 --> 00:05:08,226 Uh, no, I never said... 132 00:05:08,227 --> 00:05:10,421 I also heard it was gonna be "Paddington." 133 00:05:10,423 --> 00:05:12,342 I don't know where these "Paddington" rumors got started. 134 00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:15,228 I thought it was a one-sided, fear-mongering 135 00:05:15,229 --> 00:05:16,761 piece of corporate propaganda. 136 00:05:16,763 --> 00:05:17,996 Well, nobody asked your opinion, so... 137 00:05:17,998 --> 00:05:19,597 Oh, I thought you did when you said, 138 00:05:19,599 --> 00:05:21,377 "Does anybody have any thoughts on this video?" 139 00:05:21,470 --> 00:05:23,368 Well, I found it interesting to learn that 140 00:05:23,370 --> 00:05:25,393 unions actually limit communication. 141 00:05:25,394 --> 00:05:26,671 Good point, Dina. 142 00:05:26,673 --> 00:05:28,273 It's like when you have a problem, 143 00:05:28,275 --> 00:05:29,941 do you wanna be able to come straight to me 144 00:05:29,943 --> 00:05:32,897 or do you wanna have to go through some shop steward like in the video? 145 00:05:32,898 --> 00:05:34,952 Definitely you. That guy was a dick. 146 00:05:34,953 --> 00:05:36,560 Where do I know him from? 147 00:05:36,694 --> 00:05:38,817 Oh, he's in that rheumatoid arthritis commercial 148 00:05:38,819 --> 00:05:40,351 where he can't pick up his grandkids and he's sad. 149 00:05:40,353 --> 00:05:43,021 Oh, yeah, and then the dog drops the ball at his feet, 150 00:05:43,023 --> 00:05:45,307 and he just shakes his head like, "Can't do it, buddy." 151 00:05:45,308 --> 00:05:45,886 Aww. 152 00:05:45,887 --> 00:05:47,892 So, if you can just help us with our problems, 153 00:05:47,894 --> 00:05:49,405 my hours keep getting cut, 154 00:05:49,406 --> 00:05:51,062 and I don't make a livable wage. 155 00:05:51,064 --> 00:05:53,077 Well, I do help you with that, because I pay the rent. 156 00:05:54,135 --> 00:05:55,166 - All: Oh! - Oh, snap. 157 00:05:55,168 --> 00:05:57,092 This is definitely better than "Paddington." 158 00:06:02,776 --> 00:06:05,376 All I'm saying is that unions aren't always right, 159 00:06:05,378 --> 00:06:06,752 and corporate isn't always wrong. 160 00:06:06,753 --> 00:06:08,369 That's not what you said when they made you come back 161 00:06:08,370 --> 00:06:09,848 to work two days after having a baby. 162 00:06:09,850 --> 00:06:11,560 Yeah, you were livin' la vida pissed. 163 00:06:11,561 --> 00:06:13,852 I bet you get maternity leave now, though. 164 00:06:13,854 --> 00:06:16,328 Oh, yeah, there's a really great plan for managers. 165 00:06:16,329 --> 00:06:17,388 This isn't about me. 166 00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:19,023 I'm never getting pregnant again, so... 167 00:06:19,025 --> 00:06:21,993 Sure, but other people might be... wait, never? 168 00:06:21,995 --> 00:06:23,027 - I don't know. - I mean, I don't know 169 00:06:23,029 --> 00:06:24,529 - where this is going, but... - I just-I haven't thought about it. 170 00:06:24,531 --> 00:06:26,344 Yeah, I haven't thought about it either, but it's a conversation 171 00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:29,492 - we should have at some point. - At some point, Jonah, not this point. 172 00:06:30,103 --> 00:06:32,403 Livin' la vida awkward. 173 00:06:32,539 --> 00:06:35,006 So you thought, "That first one killed." 174 00:06:35,008 --> 00:06:36,327 I'm gonna go back to that well." 175 00:06:36,341 --> 00:06:38,343 I don't understand the obsession with procreation. 176 00:06:38,345 --> 00:06:40,578 The whole planet's got, like, maybe ten years left. 177 00:06:40,580 --> 00:06:41,634 Just enjoy it. 178 00:06:41,660 --> 00:06:43,281 Well, I care about maternity leave. 179 00:06:43,283 --> 00:06:45,750 I'm not pregnant, but I am in a relationship 180 00:06:45,752 --> 00:06:47,886 that's going very well, and we don't use protection. 181 00:06:47,888 --> 00:06:49,318 Cut the crap, Sandra. 182 00:06:49,319 --> 00:06:50,943 I know you're sleeping with Jerry. 183 00:06:51,424 --> 00:06:52,423 - What? - Whoa. 184 00:06:52,425 --> 00:06:53,639 - What? - I... I... 185 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:54,893 You broke the coin flip? 186 00:06:54,895 --> 00:06:56,361 Why do we even have laws? 187 00:06:56,363 --> 00:06:58,563 I guess Amy's not the only hypocrite in the room. 188 00:06:58,565 --> 00:06:59,898 Me? Why am I a hypocrite? 189 00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:01,866 Because you're siding with the enemy. 190 00:07:01,868 --> 00:07:03,868 Corporate is not the enemy. 191 00:07:03,870 --> 00:07:07,972 Okay, and where are we with the union stuff at 1217? 192 00:07:07,974 --> 00:07:09,970 Well, assuming they petition the NLRB, 193 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,241 we'll get legal into it. 194 00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,123 Good, keep me in the loop on that. 195 00:07:13,124 --> 00:07:14,655 Keep me in the loop on that too. 196 00:07:15,215 --> 00:07:16,819 Okay, Jeff. 197 00:07:18,050 --> 00:07:19,983 And then it's all about slowing down their momentum. 198 00:07:19,986 --> 00:07:22,136 We're running background checks on all the floor workers; 199 00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:24,489 we've authorized ICE to do a worksite enforcement. 200 00:07:24,491 --> 00:07:26,057 We're trying to isolate the agitators. 201 00:07:26,059 --> 00:07:27,701 ICE? You're bringing in ICE? 202 00:07:27,702 --> 00:07:29,928 Wow, that's, uh, that's extreme. 203 00:07:29,930 --> 00:07:31,729 Yeah, Jeff, that's why we're doing it. 204 00:07:31,731 --> 00:07:32,913 It's extreme. 205 00:07:33,296 --> 00:07:34,403 We're also starting a group 206 00:07:34,404 --> 00:07:36,785 called Working Families of Cloud 9 that I think... 207 00:07:36,786 --> 00:07:38,339 I have to go to the bathroom. 208 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,058 You can just go. You don't have to announce it. 209 00:07:43,059 --> 00:07:45,944 Okay, it's diarrhea, 210 00:07:45,946 --> 00:07:48,660 so I'm probably gonna be gone for a while. 211 00:07:51,794 --> 00:07:53,274 He makes me uncomfortable. 212 00:08:05,365 --> 00:08:08,766 I don't understand how Jerry is the man in the middle. 213 00:08:08,768 --> 00:08:10,068 Am I picturing the right guy? 214 00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:13,471 He's not trying to be sexy, and that's what makes him sexy. 215 00:08:15,005 --> 00:08:16,607 Jeff again. 216 00:08:16,609 --> 00:08:18,176 It's, like, the fifth time in a row. 217 00:08:18,178 --> 00:08:20,036 I honestly feel like calling someone is 218 00:08:20,037 --> 00:08:21,679 one of the worst things you can do to them. 219 00:08:21,681 --> 00:08:23,281 I know, right? 220 00:08:26,226 --> 00:08:27,922 - Hey, Jeff. - Hey... oh, Amy. 221 00:08:27,936 --> 00:08:28,842 Thank God. 222 00:08:28,843 --> 00:08:31,293 You know, you don't always have to use video when you call. 223 00:08:31,294 --> 00:08:34,556 - I like video. Is Mateo working today? - Yep. 224 00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:37,810 Listen, you have to get him out of the store right now. 225 00:08:38,798 --> 00:08:41,132 Mateo! Mateo! 226 00:08:41,134 --> 00:08:44,502 ICE is coming! Isn't it "winter is coming"? 227 00:08:44,504 --> 00:08:45,536 Did you guys see the finale? 228 00:08:45,538 --> 00:08:47,472 Nobody spoil it. I've never watched the show. 229 00:08:47,474 --> 00:08:50,808 No, I mean ICE, Immigration. They're coming right now. 230 00:08:50,810 --> 00:08:51,976 - Oh, my God! - You have to leave. 231 00:08:51,978 --> 00:08:53,044 - Oh, my God. - Wait, what? 232 00:08:53,046 --> 00:08:54,479 You knew? Why didn't you tell me? 233 00:08:54,481 --> 00:08:56,080 It's not my secret. It's Mateo's secret. 234 00:08:56,082 --> 00:08:58,103 You told Jonah? I thought that was between us. 235 00:08:58,104 --> 00:08:59,250 You told Marcus too? 236 00:08:59,252 --> 00:09:01,403 Wait, did you tell him before you told me? 237 00:09:01,404 --> 00:09:02,854 You shouldn't tell so many people. 238 00:09:02,856 --> 00:09:05,416 Is there anybody else you didn't tell or just me? 239 00:09:05,417 --> 00:09:06,434 Hey, guys. 240 00:09:08,129 --> 00:09:09,660 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 241 00:09:10,197 --> 00:09:11,362 I gotta go. 242 00:09:14,896 --> 00:09:16,810 Ooh, do you want your ice cream, Mateo? 243 00:09:18,271 --> 00:09:20,372 Attention Cloud 9 employees: 244 00:09:20,374 --> 00:09:22,274 were you born in a foreign country? 245 00:09:22,276 --> 00:09:23,676 Have you overstayed a visa 246 00:09:23,678 --> 00:09:25,711 or did you cross the border illegally? 247 00:09:25,713 --> 00:09:28,347 Well, today is not your lucky day, 248 00:09:28,663 --> 00:09:29,882 because ICE is here. 249 00:09:29,884 --> 00:09:33,118 So stay tuned, because you can't leave. 250 00:09:34,681 --> 00:09:37,065 I like to add a little color in the announcements. 251 00:09:37,592 --> 00:09:39,391 Fun for everybody. 252 00:09:40,595 --> 00:09:41,927 There are two guards on the loading dock. 253 00:09:41,929 --> 00:09:42,995 Yeah, same with the side door. 254 00:09:42,997 --> 00:09:44,496 Oh, God, we're trapped. 255 00:09:44,498 --> 00:09:45,764 Guys, what about this? 256 00:09:45,766 --> 00:09:47,766 You hide in here with a bunch of mannequins. 257 00:09:47,768 --> 00:09:49,735 Then if ICE looks in, all they see is 258 00:09:49,737 --> 00:09:51,036 a bunch of arms and legs. 259 00:09:51,038 --> 00:09:53,872 That's your brilliant plan, me hiding in a trash compactor? 260 00:09:53,874 --> 00:09:55,274 What if somebody pushes the button? 261 00:09:55,276 --> 00:09:57,042 Oh, I could tape up a sign that says, 262 00:09:57,044 --> 00:09:59,111 "Please don't operate trash compactor." 263 00:09:59,113 --> 00:10:01,046 No. No, they'd notice that. 264 00:10:01,048 --> 00:10:03,115 It's the fact that only an idiot would hide 265 00:10:03,117 --> 00:10:05,751 inside a working trash compactor that plays in our favor. 266 00:10:05,753 --> 00:10:07,252 Maybe we could hide you up on the roof. 267 00:10:07,254 --> 00:10:08,223 And then what? 268 00:10:08,270 --> 00:10:11,029 Well, and then, you know... phase two. 269 00:10:11,054 --> 00:10:12,197 Whoa. 270 00:10:12,222 --> 00:10:15,874 Sorry, my fingers are still greasy from a salami rollup. 271 00:10:16,223 --> 00:10:18,797 Don't worry. I'll reset this, you'll get in. 272 00:10:19,171 --> 00:10:20,757 It's gonna be fine. 273 00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:23,869 Here I have my refugee identity certificate, 274 00:10:23,871 --> 00:10:26,939 my social security card, driver's license, 275 00:10:26,941 --> 00:10:29,708 electric bills proving my residence. 276 00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:31,935 That's fine. That's fine. 277 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,913 And here are pictures of me at the block party 278 00:10:34,915 --> 00:10:37,005 in my mostly white neighborhood. 279 00:10:37,030 --> 00:10:39,050 As you can see, everybody's smiling. 280 00:10:39,075 --> 00:10:41,132 The community is embracing me. 281 00:10:41,553 --> 00:10:44,221 So, uh, what's the process here? 282 00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:46,091 Everyone should just go about business as usual 283 00:10:46,093 --> 00:10:48,262 while we run the socials through the database. 284 00:10:48,416 --> 00:10:50,072 If we spot any illegals, we'll let you know. 285 00:10:50,258 --> 00:10:54,209 Well, I don't think we have any illegals working here. 286 00:10:54,259 --> 00:10:57,009 Well, you never can tell. They look just like you and me. 287 00:10:57,605 --> 00:10:59,471 Well, you. 288 00:11:00,808 --> 00:11:01,952 Ha-ha. 289 00:11:03,744 --> 00:11:05,477 - What happened? - They're going through payroll now. 290 00:11:05,479 --> 00:11:06,912 I don't know how long it's gonna take, 291 00:11:06,914 --> 00:11:08,248 but we have to get Mateo out now. 292 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,683 Not sure how happy corporate's gonna be about you doing that. 293 00:11:10,685 --> 00:11:12,584 Well, [bleep] corporate. I'm done. 294 00:11:12,586 --> 00:11:13,852 Welcome back. 295 00:11:20,628 --> 00:11:22,194 Obviously, we're not gonna just let them take Mateo, 296 00:11:22,196 --> 00:11:23,762 so somebody come up with something. 297 00:11:23,764 --> 00:11:24,987 There are no bad ideas. 298 00:11:24,989 --> 00:11:26,799 - What about if we get... - Okay, Sandra. 299 00:11:26,801 --> 00:11:28,869 Could you just stop it with the wigs, please? 300 00:11:28,870 --> 00:11:29,968 - Thank you. - Okay, guys... guys. 301 00:11:29,969 --> 00:11:31,405 I actually think I have something here. 302 00:11:31,499 --> 00:11:33,465 "In the event of an ICE enforcement action, 303 00:11:33,466 --> 00:11:36,200 anyone who may be in violation of U.S. immigration law 304 00:11:36,201 --> 00:11:37,751 should immediately present themselves 305 00:11:37,752 --> 00:11:39,338 to an officer for evaluation." 306 00:11:39,339 --> 00:11:41,026 This is from ICE.gov. 307 00:11:41,275 --> 00:11:42,786 Super helpful. 308 00:11:42,787 --> 00:11:44,589 Screw it. You can live with me. 309 00:11:45,325 --> 00:11:47,607 I've been living in a small utility room 310 00:11:47,608 --> 00:11:49,080 in the back of the store for several months. 311 00:11:49,081 --> 00:11:49,905 What? 312 00:11:49,906 --> 00:11:52,458 I bathe at night in the employee bathroom, 313 00:11:52,459 --> 00:11:54,636 - and I pee in jars. - Ew. 314 00:11:55,058 --> 00:11:56,841 Why wouldn't you just pee in the bathroom? 315 00:11:56,842 --> 00:12:00,759 'Cause I've been peeing in jars. 316 00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:02,666 I would love to not spend the rest of my life 317 00:12:02,667 --> 00:12:04,698 living with you in a hole in the back of the store, 318 00:12:04,699 --> 00:12:05,742 but thank you. 319 00:12:05,743 --> 00:12:06,610 You're welcome. 320 00:12:06,611 --> 00:12:08,625 Okay, hiding Mateo in the store won't work anyway. 321 00:12:08,626 --> 00:12:10,670 They have sniffer dogs, infrared scanners. 322 00:12:10,671 --> 00:12:12,776 They bust through windows, kick down doors, 323 00:12:12,777 --> 00:12:14,294 come down through the ceiling... 324 00:12:14,295 --> 00:12:15,521 I mean, it's weird. 325 00:12:15,522 --> 00:12:18,349 Their entire job is just an exercise in walls being useless. 326 00:12:18,350 --> 00:12:19,963 Okay, so what are you suggesting, Dina? 327 00:12:19,964 --> 00:12:21,827 That we just hand Mateo over to ICE? 328 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:25,456 I mean, no offense to Mateo, but technically, he did commit a crime. 329 00:12:25,759 --> 00:12:26,544 _ 330 00:12:26,569 --> 00:12:29,203 I'm just saying, if you get caught sneaking into a movie, 331 00:12:29,204 --> 00:12:31,014 they don't let you stay for the rest of the movie. 332 00:12:31,015 --> 00:12:32,485 It depends how much of the movie you've watched. 333 00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:34,094 Yeah, and what the movie is. 334 00:12:34,095 --> 00:12:35,600 It's the greatest movie you'll ever see. 335 00:12:35,601 --> 00:12:36,546 It's called America. 336 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,629 Oh, "Ride Along 2" is in my top ten, easy. 337 00:12:38,630 --> 00:12:40,645 What if your parents brought you to the movie 338 00:12:40,646 --> 00:12:41,980 through no fault of your own? 339 00:12:41,981 --> 00:12:43,502 Well, you'd still get kicked out. 340 00:12:43,503 --> 00:12:46,143 I mean, yeah. Okay. 341 00:12:46,144 --> 00:12:48,269 What if you were born in the movie theater? 342 00:12:48,270 --> 00:12:49,737 All right, why don't we take a break from this metaphor? 343 00:12:49,738 --> 00:12:50,442 Yes, please. 344 00:12:50,443 --> 00:12:51,854 Guys, let's not forget that 345 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:54,353 Jesus was an immigrant from heaven. 346 00:12:54,354 --> 00:12:55,363 - Oh, boy. - Yeah. 347 00:12:55,364 --> 00:12:58,654 And he had to go home too, and it was not a fun trip. 348 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:01,304 Plus, it could not have been easy being a white guy 349 00:13:01,305 --> 00:13:02,821 in the Middle East. 350 00:13:02,823 --> 00:13:05,169 What if we let you get deported and then you can just 351 00:13:05,170 --> 00:13:06,792 come back legally like Sayid? 352 00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:08,363 Yeah, what was that application process like? 353 00:13:08,364 --> 00:13:10,299 Well, my country was in a civil war. 354 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:13,345 I applied for refugee status and waited two years 355 00:13:13,346 --> 00:13:15,502 for background checks while all my friends 356 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,280 either died or fled persecution. 357 00:13:17,281 --> 00:13:19,699 Sorry, I meant literally what was the application like? 358 00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:22,062 Did you do it online or was it a snail mail situation? 359 00:13:22,150 --> 00:13:24,011 - Snail mail. - Oof, brutal. 360 00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,042 I know. 361 00:13:25,043 --> 00:13:27,505 We can paint your vest the same color as your sweater, 362 00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:29,232 so it'd make you look like you're a customer. 363 00:13:29,233 --> 00:13:31,230 Oh, we could just take off his vest. 364 00:13:31,231 --> 00:13:32,873 That's basically what I just pitched. 365 00:13:32,874 --> 00:13:34,013 Guys, that wouldn't work. 366 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:36,456 They're checking all the customers' IDs before they leave. 367 00:13:36,457 --> 00:13:38,148 I mean, if the store was more crowded, 368 00:13:38,149 --> 00:13:39,565 we could try and slip him out, 369 00:13:39,566 --> 00:13:41,694 but there are, like, six customers here today. 370 00:13:42,425 --> 00:13:44,637 Wait, what if we made it more crowded? 371 00:13:44,851 --> 00:13:47,096 Just, like, pack the store with people and then slipped him out. 372 00:13:47,097 --> 00:13:48,479 You know what, if we hit up everyone we know, 373 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:49,835 we could fill up the store pretty quick. 374 00:13:49,837 --> 00:13:51,417 Some of those people could wear wigs if they wanted to. 375 00:13:51,418 --> 00:13:52,532 Sandra! 376 00:13:52,533 --> 00:13:54,499 Okay, well, this is the best plan we've got. 377 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,925 So everybody call everyone they've ever known. 378 00:13:56,926 --> 00:13:59,638 Friends, family, whoever, just get them here ASAP. 379 00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:02,416 Actually, most of my friends live in Manhattan, 380 00:14:02,417 --> 00:14:04,021 so I don't think they'll make it on time. 381 00:14:04,022 --> 00:14:04,774 Yeah, okay. That's fine. 382 00:14:04,775 --> 00:14:07,000 They're in fashion. Mostly, they work in fashion. 383 00:14:07,001 --> 00:14:09,457 Guys, "ICE" on three. One, two... 384 00:14:09,458 --> 00:14:10,981 Why would we cheer for ICE? 385 00:14:10,982 --> 00:14:12,072 I don't know, guys. 386 00:14:12,073 --> 00:14:14,155 I'm sick of always having to be the fun one. 387 00:14:14,156 --> 00:14:15,789 Let's just... let's do this. 388 00:14:17,168 --> 00:14:20,246 Wow, when everyone calls their friends, this place really fills up. 389 00:14:20,271 --> 00:14:22,348 Yeah, I called Jerusha, but she's busy. 390 00:14:22,373 --> 00:14:25,609 She's doing a fundraiser to buy Pastor Craig a second airplane. 391 00:14:26,646 --> 00:14:29,005 Ugh, I wish all my friends didn't live in Manhattan. 392 00:14:31,578 --> 00:14:33,784 - Thank you for coming. - Of course. 393 00:14:34,092 --> 00:14:36,052 I'm always gonna be here for you. 394 00:14:36,582 --> 00:14:38,622 - You're the best. - You're the best. 395 00:14:38,997 --> 00:14:41,024 No, you're the best. 396 00:14:41,728 --> 00:14:44,320 I hate to say this because they're close friends of mine, 397 00:14:44,321 --> 00:14:47,765 but they're both human traffickers. 398 00:14:47,790 --> 00:14:50,279 If you check her locker, there's evidence. 399 00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:53,265 Okay, we have to spread out the chaos. 400 00:14:53,266 --> 00:14:55,537 Heather, if you could grab all of your basketball friends 401 00:14:55,538 --> 00:14:57,876 and go block the guy in pharmacy. 402 00:14:57,878 --> 00:15:00,128 And, um... oh, Marcus. Take all your friends... 403 00:15:00,129 --> 00:15:01,252 My bro squad. 404 00:15:01,253 --> 00:15:03,456 Yeah, whatever, and go swarm bedding. 405 00:15:03,457 --> 00:15:04,537 Bro out. 406 00:15:04,538 --> 00:15:07,313 And... oh, Kelly. You... Kelly! 407 00:15:07,593 --> 00:15:08,662 What are you doing here? 408 00:15:08,663 --> 00:15:10,047 - Oh, Jonah called me. - Oh. 409 00:15:10,624 --> 00:15:11,659 We said to call everyone. 410 00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:13,753 I brought a bunch of people from the Fenton store. 411 00:15:13,754 --> 00:15:15,253 Oh, great. Awesome. 412 00:15:15,357 --> 00:15:16,297 Good. 413 00:15:16,338 --> 00:15:19,635 Uh, I just... I guess I didn't realize you two were still in touch. 414 00:15:19,636 --> 00:15:21,419 I mean, you know, we check in. 415 00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:22,793 - We do too. - No, we don't. 416 00:15:22,794 --> 00:15:24,143 'Cause I don't have your number. 417 00:15:24,144 --> 00:15:25,714 Okay, great. Cool, very cool. 418 00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:26,930 Glad to have you on the team. 419 00:15:26,931 --> 00:15:28,677 If you could just grab all your... 420 00:15:29,237 --> 00:15:31,877 so were these, like, texts or phone calls? 421 00:15:31,878 --> 00:15:33,381 Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. 422 00:15:33,382 --> 00:15:34,833 Whoa. 423 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,060 Nice piece, dog. 424 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,649 What is it, like a Cougar Magnum? 425 00:15:37,651 --> 00:15:39,443 - It's a Glock. - Oh, nice. 426 00:15:39,444 --> 00:15:41,905 Very nice. Could I try shooting that? 427 00:15:41,906 --> 00:15:43,969 My gun? No. 428 00:15:43,970 --> 00:15:45,650 Mm-mm. Oh, watch out! 429 00:15:45,651 --> 00:15:47,925 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoop, whoop, whoop! 430 00:15:47,926 --> 00:15:50,653 We didn't have any that said "Make America Great Again." 431 00:15:50,654 --> 00:15:52,595 The closest I could find was "Fart Police." 432 00:15:52,596 --> 00:15:54,592 Ugh, I'm just gonna wear this one. 433 00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:57,208 How do I look? 434 00:15:57,209 --> 00:15:58,239 Great. 435 00:15:58,972 --> 00:16:00,504 I'm gonna miss working with you. 436 00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:03,288 Chey, relax. I'm gonna get out. 437 00:16:03,289 --> 00:16:07,350 Yeah, but even if you do make it out, you can't come back now that they know. 438 00:16:10,593 --> 00:16:12,586 Oh. Uh... yeah, of course. 439 00:16:12,932 --> 00:16:16,604 Obviously... that would be the case. 440 00:16:26,932 --> 00:16:28,833 And then at one pageant, 441 00:16:28,835 --> 00:16:31,803 we heard this girl gagging in the bathroom. 442 00:16:31,805 --> 00:16:35,006 And we're all like, "Guess we know how" she stays so slim." 443 00:16:35,008 --> 00:16:38,353 Turns out, an actual strangler had broken into the building 444 00:16:38,354 --> 00:16:40,509 and was straight up trying to murder her. 445 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,225 Well, she managed to fight him off 446 00:16:43,226 --> 00:16:45,855 with a hot curling iron and an eyebrow pencil. 447 00:16:46,949 --> 00:16:48,264 She came in second. 448 00:16:48,539 --> 00:16:49,988 So, the guy we're looking for is named 449 00:16:49,989 --> 00:16:53,125 Mateo Fernando Aquino Liwanag. 450 00:16:53,426 --> 00:16:56,267 - Liwanag? - Yeah, it sounds Swedish. 451 00:16:56,268 --> 00:16:57,762 Or Latvian. 452 00:16:57,764 --> 00:17:00,864 - Mateo could be Mexican. - Hey, you know what? 453 00:17:00,865 --> 00:17:04,069 There is a guy here named Mark. Maybe you're looking for him. 454 00:17:04,070 --> 00:17:05,336 No, it's not Mark. 455 00:17:05,338 --> 00:17:08,499 It's Mateo, and it says that he has worked here for four years. 456 00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:11,580 Well, I'm sorry. I know everyone who has 457 00:17:11,581 --> 00:17:14,312 ever worked here, and I have never heard that name. 458 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,034 Okay. 459 00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:18,273 Thanks. 460 00:17:20,820 --> 00:17:23,173 So, who's this? 461 00:17:24,731 --> 00:17:25,991 What the hell? 462 00:17:26,951 --> 00:17:31,228 Um, that... I... have never seen that picture before. 463 00:17:31,454 --> 00:17:33,171 Feels like I'm in a horror movie. 464 00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:35,877 Okay, just act natural. 465 00:17:35,878 --> 00:17:37,767 I'm trying to, but I forgot how to walk. 466 00:17:38,571 --> 00:17:40,070 Oh, and now I forget. 467 00:17:40,406 --> 00:17:41,766 - I think we're doing it right. - Okay. 468 00:17:41,767 --> 00:17:42,727 You're doing it. 469 00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:43,821 There you are! 470 00:17:43,929 --> 00:17:45,211 - They know about you. - Both: What? 471 00:17:45,212 --> 00:17:46,541 They saw your picture. They know what you look like. 472 00:17:46,542 --> 00:17:48,179 - We have to go now. - Okay, well, where do we go? 473 00:17:48,181 --> 00:17:50,013 - I don't know. - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 474 00:17:50,014 --> 00:17:51,450 Okay, listen to me very carefully. 475 00:17:51,451 --> 00:17:54,374 - I'll get you out of there. - Uh... repeat. 476 00:17:54,375 --> 00:17:56,378 You've got agents coming your way from menswear and electronics. 477 00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:58,806 Make a left at aisle nine, and we'll lose them in grocery. 478 00:17:58,807 --> 00:18:00,384 - Thank you, Dina. - Go, now! 479 00:18:00,673 --> 00:18:02,649 You ever find yourself in a situation 480 00:18:02,650 --> 00:18:04,837 where you're dating a girl and you realize she's, like, 481 00:18:04,838 --> 00:18:06,053 an immigrant or whatever, 482 00:18:06,054 --> 00:18:09,056 and you gotta choose between your love and your country? 483 00:18:10,284 --> 00:18:11,821 - Hasn't come up. - Ah. 484 00:18:12,418 --> 00:18:14,579 You'd choose love, though. Yeah, I can tell. 485 00:18:14,580 --> 00:18:15,916 I know your type. 486 00:18:19,323 --> 00:18:20,812 - Okay, keep walking. - Come on. 487 00:18:20,814 --> 00:18:22,447 All right, when you hit the end of the aisle, 488 00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:23,449 you're gonna need to head due west. 489 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:25,203 - Where? - Left or right, Dina? 490 00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:27,161 Left! Due west runs diagonally through the store 491 00:18:27,162 --> 00:18:28,316 from camping to customer service. 492 00:18:28,317 --> 00:18:29,454 How do you not know that? 493 00:18:29,455 --> 00:18:30,938 - Left. - Okay. 494 00:18:34,303 --> 00:18:35,209 - Oh. - Hey! 495 00:18:35,210 --> 00:18:36,805 - Oh! - Oh, [bleep], there's someone. 496 00:18:36,806 --> 00:18:38,296 - Run! - Come on, come on, come on, 497 00:18:38,298 --> 00:18:39,297 - come on, come on! - Run! 498 00:18:39,299 --> 00:18:40,298 They're heading north through housewares. 499 00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,579 Get out of there! Go! Go now! 500 00:18:42,604 --> 00:18:44,125 So, everyone knows now? 501 00:18:44,258 --> 00:18:45,786 Everyone knows. 502 00:18:46,511 --> 00:18:48,021 Do you wanna get married? 503 00:18:51,126 --> 00:18:52,298 Okay. 504 00:18:54,507 --> 00:18:57,281 Okay, you guys need to keep going straight through Bath & Beauty. 505 00:18:57,283 --> 00:18:58,223 And we're gonna try and make it all the way 506 00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,722 to the end of the garden section, all right? 507 00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:00,802 Go, go, go! 508 00:19:03,222 --> 00:19:04,743 Go, go, go! 509 00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:07,638 Did you know that the capital of Panama is Panama? 510 00:19:07,639 --> 00:19:10,484 I can rap the entire Central American countries. 511 00:19:10,485 --> 00:19:12,576 I did it once for a talent competition. 512 00:19:12,577 --> 00:19:14,429 ? México D.F., México ? 513 00:19:14,430 --> 00:19:16,441 ? Guatemala, Guatemala ? 514 00:19:16,442 --> 00:19:18,045 ? Tegucigalpa, Honduras ? 515 00:19:18,046 --> 00:19:19,902 ? San Salvador, El Salvador ? 516 00:19:19,903 --> 00:19:21,670 ? San José, Costa Rica ? 517 00:19:21,671 --> 00:19:23,585 ? Panamá, Panamá ? 518 00:19:23,586 --> 00:19:25,877 - Go! - This way. Go, go, go! 519 00:19:25,879 --> 00:19:26,853 - Wait, wait, wait. - No, wait, stop! 520 00:19:26,854 --> 00:19:28,925 Stop! Reverse course, turn around! 521 00:19:28,926 --> 00:19:30,415 Okay, new plan. 522 00:19:30,416 --> 00:19:32,082 Just make it to pharmacy. You can hide out... 523 00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:33,143 No, no, wait. Turn around. 524 00:19:33,144 --> 00:19:35,246 Turn around, go back. Go back the other way. 525 00:19:35,247 --> 00:19:36,721 You could lose them in housewares, I think. 526 00:19:36,723 --> 00:19:37,618 Just book it! 527 00:19:37,619 --> 00:19:38,656 Okay? Book it to the end! 528 00:19:38,658 --> 00:19:39,901 This one. Go down here, down here. 529 00:19:39,902 --> 00:19:41,720 Stop, stop, stop! No, wait, stop! 530 00:19:41,721 --> 00:19:43,209 There's, like, 20 guys coming that way. 531 00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:43,871 What? 532 00:19:43,872 --> 00:19:46,130 No, stop! Stop, stop! 533 00:19:46,132 --> 00:19:47,977 Now there's another one! There's... hold on! 534 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,878 - Hold on. - Dina, just tell us where to go. 535 00:19:49,879 --> 00:19:51,166 Okay, hang on. Just wait. 536 00:19:51,167 --> 00:19:55,306 Wait! I don't... I don't know. 537 00:19:55,308 --> 00:19:57,159 They're... they're everywhere. 538 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:57,811 What? 539 00:19:58,759 --> 00:19:59,940 I'm sorry. 540 00:19:59,941 --> 00:20:01,714 - No! - It's okay. 541 00:20:01,715 --> 00:20:02,791 Okay, there's a vent up there. 542 00:20:02,792 --> 00:20:04,248 We can climb up on the thing and... 543 00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:07,005 Or we can create a diversion and take off our tops while you go run. 544 00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,415 - Yes, let's do that. - Guys. 545 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,067 Stop, stop, guys! 546 00:20:11,356 --> 00:20:12,359 It's okay. 547 00:20:14,350 --> 00:20:15,511 It's over. 548 00:20:43,319 --> 00:20:44,696 What do we do now? 549 00:20:45,476 --> 00:20:47,854 I mean, we have to fight this. 550 00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,313 How? 551 00:20:52,198 --> 00:20:53,579 No idea. 552 00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:08,856 Wanna start a union? 553 00:21:10,444 --> 00:21:16,984 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com