1 00:00:06,025 --> 00:00:09,015 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:37,539 --> 00:00:38,658 Really? 3 00:00:39,579 --> 00:00:41,310 When there's nothing wrong with your arm? 4 00:00:42,579 --> 00:00:43,985 Where did you get it from, anyway? 5 00:00:44,118 --> 00:00:45,198 You can buy them online. 6 00:00:45,845 --> 00:00:47,280 - And who signed it? - Kids. 7 00:00:47,524 --> 00:00:49,024 There are loads of signatures on there. 8 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,184 Yeah, they were at it for ages. 9 00:00:50,209 --> 00:00:52,494 They were making up names, trying out different autographs. 10 00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,295 It turned into quite an educational exercise. 11 00:00:54,613 --> 00:00:55,914 Oh, you're a marvelous father. 12 00:00:55,939 --> 00:00:57,700 They'll be able to forge anything now. 13 00:00:58,533 --> 00:01:00,068 So, if you bought it online, 14 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,328 it clearly wasn't a spur-of-the-moment decision. 15 00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,985 - Next-day delivery. - So you thought about it yesterday? 16 00:01:05,279 --> 00:01:06,279 Yeah. 17 00:01:07,707 --> 00:01:08,897 The day before yesterday, anyway. 18 00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:10,698 So two days ago you were worrying 19 00:01:10,723 --> 00:01:12,183 what to say to Kenyon about your arm? 20 00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:14,582 We told her that I'd broken it. I haven't broken it. 21 00:01:14,702 --> 00:01:15,970 She'll be relieved to hear it. 22 00:01:16,123 --> 00:01:17,456 But we cancelled the session because of it. 23 00:01:17,481 --> 00:01:18,700 Just tell hell her it was badly bruised. 24 00:01:18,725 --> 00:01:20,255 - It is badly bruised. - Show her the bruising. 25 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:21,623 - It's internal. - Oh, my God. 26 00:01:21,648 --> 00:01:23,458 Kenyon will feel like the bloody prime minister. 27 00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,094 There's a plan and a goal but she's firefighting all the time. 28 00:01:26,119 --> 00:01:27,662 You run away. You fall over. 29 00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:29,998 You pretend your arm is broken when it isn't. 30 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:33,083 We never get anywhere near the actual marital problems. 31 00:01:33,591 --> 00:01:35,470 You do know that I'm gonna walk in there 32 00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,822 and tell her that the cast is fake, don't you? 33 00:01:38,108 --> 00:01:39,833 - What? - Well, why wouldn't I? 34 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,911 - You'd grass me up? - You haven't been arrested. 35 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,885 - It's a marital therapy session. - Oh, my God. 36 00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:48,539 We go in and we tell the truth. Otherwise, what's the point? 37 00:01:48,564 --> 00:01:50,732 Well, we don't have to tell her the truth about everything. 38 00:01:50,977 --> 00:01:54,856 I mean, if I had an STD, would you want to talk about that? 39 00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:57,325 Very much so, yeah, seeing as I haven't given it to you. 40 00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:58,588 - Yet. - Charming. 41 00:01:58,742 --> 00:02:00,429 To be fair, I'm not the one who slept with someone else. 42 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,724 If I had given you an STD, 43 00:02:03,038 --> 00:02:05,334 then yes, absolutely, we should be talking about. 44 00:02:05,359 --> 00:02:08,158 - It would be a big deal. - Okay, STD is a bad example. 45 00:02:08,261 --> 00:02:11,745 But what if I'd hurt my penis in some way? 46 00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:13,399 Would we go in and talk about that? 47 00:02:13,799 --> 00:02:15,393 - If you wanted to talk about it. - I wouldn't. 48 00:02:15,871 --> 00:02:17,706 Okay. What if you hadn't hurt your penis 49 00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:20,548 but went in to see Kenyon, pretending that you had? 50 00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:21,608 Why would I do that? 51 00:02:21,633 --> 00:02:23,338 Why would you put a fake cast on your arm? What's the difference? 52 00:02:23,363 --> 00:02:24,953 Because I didn't tell her that I'd broken my penis. 53 00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,132 You can't break your penis. 54 00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:27,881 I'm perfectly well aware of that. 55 00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:30,148 I told her that I had broken my arm. 56 00:02:32,418 --> 00:02:35,052 - You know, this is a big moment for us. - Explain. 57 00:02:35,775 --> 00:02:36,838 You need to choose. 58 00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:38,733 Are you with me, are you with her? 59 00:02:38,758 --> 00:02:40,608 - I'm not gonna play that game. - It's not a game. 60 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:44,772 Are we a couple, two against the world, or aren't we? 61 00:02:44,797 --> 00:02:45,940 Two against the world? 62 00:02:45,965 --> 00:02:47,734 That's what marriage is to me. 63 00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:50,107 You've just made that up because of the cast. 64 00:02:51,394 --> 00:02:52,574 Where do the kids fit in? 65 00:02:52,836 --> 00:02:55,391 - I'm against them, most of the time. - Well, I'm not. 66 00:02:55,681 --> 00:02:58,982 Okay, fine. Then, the four of us against the world. 67 00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:01,719 - That's family, not marriage. - You know what I'm saying. 68 00:03:01,744 --> 00:03:04,513 I don't think I've ever thought it was the two of us against the world. 69 00:03:05,809 --> 00:03:06,809 Ha. 70 00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:10,300 Okay, well, now we're getting somewhere. 71 00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:12,467 What has the world ever done to us? 72 00:03:12,492 --> 00:03:13,768 We're hardly Romeo and Juliet. 73 00:03:13,793 --> 00:03:16,304 Oh, go on. You're in a hole. Keep digging. 74 00:03:16,329 --> 00:03:18,475 How is it a hole to say we're not Romeo and Juliet? 75 00:03:18,570 --> 00:03:20,775 - Well, it's not very romantic. - So, in your fantasy, 76 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,143 we're two love-struck teenagers 77 00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:23,842 whose families don't want us to be together? 78 00:03:23,867 --> 00:03:26,271 Obviously we're not teenagers but there's the age gap. 79 00:03:26,564 --> 00:03:29,485 - Four years. - And the arts/sciences divide, 80 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:34,281 sort of a modern Montague/Capulet kind of thing. 81 00:03:34,519 --> 00:03:36,424 I mean, it's subtle but it's there. 82 00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:40,401 A very faint whiff of, "Oh, how does this work? 83 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:42,698 Her a doctor, him a music critic." 84 00:03:43,356 --> 00:03:44,680 First of all, no it isn't there 85 00:03:44,724 --> 00:03:47,468 and secondly, you need more than faint whiffs. 86 00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:50,171 The Montagues and Capulets stabbed each other. 87 00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:52,961 They weren't... whiffing faintly. 88 00:03:53,266 --> 00:03:56,225 Granted there was no stabbing but there was family pressure. 89 00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:57,845 My mother didn't want me to marry you. 90 00:03:58,013 --> 00:03:59,849 - She warned me off. - She warned me off. 91 00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,816 She told me that I was way too good for you, 92 00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:04,852 that you were bloody hopeless and I would end up leaving you. 93 00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:06,588 - What did she say to you? - Exactly the same. 94 00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:08,248 - That you were too good for me? - Ha. 95 00:04:08,962 --> 00:04:10,676 Have you met my mother? Of course not. 96 00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,453 But that's not the point. The point is, 97 00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:15,302 I said, "To hell with her," and I married you anyway. 98 00:04:16,155 --> 00:04:18,699 - Us against the world. - Us against your mother anyway. 99 00:04:20,204 --> 00:04:23,807 The rest of the world responded with pleasure or complete indifference. 100 00:04:23,990 --> 00:04:25,021 Would you... 101 00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:28,801 Would... would you honestly say that you're on my team? 102 00:04:29,251 --> 00:04:30,814 Of course I'm on your team. 103 00:04:31,938 --> 00:04:34,413 I support you for a start. That's what you do with teams, isn't it? 104 00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,501 That was a low blow. 105 00:04:39,088 --> 00:04:41,398 Saying you support someone is a low blow? 106 00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:44,603 I want you to do well. I worry about you. I... 107 00:04:45,718 --> 00:04:47,687 Well, I... love you. 108 00:04:48,143 --> 00:04:52,127 "Well"? What's the "well" doing there? What function does it serve? 109 00:04:52,567 --> 00:04:54,852 - It was just, I... I hesitated. - Why? 110 00:04:55,738 --> 00:04:58,290 People hesitate. Hesitation is a thing. 111 00:04:58,331 --> 00:05:00,443 You hesitate when you don't know what to order at a restaurant, 112 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:01,648 not telling someone you love them. 113 00:05:01,854 --> 00:05:04,045 Love is a bigger deal than ordering a pizza, surely? 114 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,107 If you're 16 maybe, not when you're married. 115 00:05:07,373 --> 00:05:09,157 You know why you hesitate when you're 16? 116 00:05:09,208 --> 00:05:11,604 Because you're scared you're gonna look a fool, not because you... 117 00:05:12,282 --> 00:05:13,620 - Well... - More welling. 118 00:05:13,792 --> 00:05:15,026 Well this, well that. 119 00:05:15,297 --> 00:05:17,040 "Well" is fast becoming a very dangerous word. 120 00:05:17,065 --> 00:05:18,555 It's not because you have doubts. 121 00:05:21,427 --> 00:05:23,753 - You have doubts? - Don't you? 122 00:05:24,018 --> 00:05:25,466 - No. - That is a lie. 123 00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:28,127 How can you not have doubts? You don't want to sleep with me. 124 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:29,551 We spend half the time arguing. 125 00:05:29,559 --> 00:05:31,542 You seem happier with other people than with me. 126 00:05:31,733 --> 00:05:35,764 I suppose my... my "well" was meant to indicate, you know, 127 00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,002 underneath it all... 128 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:40,907 Underneath it all, I... 129 00:05:42,107 --> 00:05:43,178 I love you. 130 00:05:44,061 --> 00:05:45,268 Underneath it all? 131 00:05:45,825 --> 00:05:46,927 - Yeah. - Great. 132 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,423 Well, I think you should be happy with that. I mean... 133 00:05:50,940 --> 00:05:54,194 You know, to be honest, you're lucky there's anything still there. 134 00:05:58,257 --> 00:05:59,751 Well, let me ask you this. 135 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,679 How would you feel if I left you for someone else? 136 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:05,702 - Well... - Fucking hell. 137 00:06:06,107 --> 00:06:08,376 God, you really don't like considered conversation, do you? 138 00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,138 I notice you didn't ask if I had met someone. 139 00:06:12,972 --> 00:06:14,592 - Have you met someone? - Well 140 00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:15,830 Oh, very funny. 141 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:18,753 - Aren't I allowed to consider? - Because either you have or you haven't 142 00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,772 - and I don't think you have. - There are lots of grey areas. 143 00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:24,701 - Such as? - Online dating. 144 00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:28,085 You know you actually have to go out to do online dating, don't you? 145 00:06:28,125 --> 00:06:29,127 No, you don't. 146 00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:32,350 Do you? I thought you did it online. 147 00:06:33,442 --> 00:06:35,903 Well, you talk to someone online and then you meet them. 148 00:06:35,928 --> 00:06:36,981 Oh. 149 00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:39,099 And you haven't been anywhere that I know of. 150 00:06:39,223 --> 00:06:41,085 You don't know what I do during the day. 151 00:06:42,239 --> 00:06:43,261 Well... 152 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:46,752 no, but if you had gone out to meet someone during the day 153 00:06:46,777 --> 00:06:48,316 that wouldn't be a grey area, would it? 154 00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:49,715 You would have met someone. 155 00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:52,392 Would you like to meet someone? 156 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:54,447 Not really, no. 157 00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:58,263 Where would that leave us, as a matter of interest? 158 00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,890 - Are you asking about an open marriage? - God, no! 159 00:07:01,979 --> 00:07:03,835 - Is that what you want? - No, it's not what I want. 160 00:07:03,860 --> 00:07:06,868 No, if you met someone, you would be moving out of this marriage 161 00:07:06,893 --> 00:07:08,701 and into a new relationship. 162 00:07:09,794 --> 00:07:10,794 Well... 163 00:07:13,129 --> 00:07:14,271 How about you? 164 00:07:14,998 --> 00:07:16,778 Well, I suppose that's the fantasy, isn't it? 165 00:07:17,009 --> 00:07:19,077 - Is it? - Yeah. I mean, you know it is. 166 00:07:19,102 --> 00:07:20,604 You know, the fantasy is... 167 00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:22,750 When you've been married for a few years 168 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,108 and everything's gone off a bit, 169 00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:28,156 the fantasy is you come home and your partner says 170 00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,775 he's met someone else and is moving out. 171 00:07:30,092 --> 00:07:32,026 I don't suppose that's everyone's fantasy. 172 00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:33,449 Oh, it is, believe me. 173 00:07:35,284 --> 00:07:36,284 Is it yours? 174 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,578 - Well... - Oh, that'll do. 175 00:07:43,629 --> 00:07:45,573 - Can I leave my cast on? - Oh, what the hell. 176 00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:46,621 Thank you. 177 00:07:47,650 --> 00:07:49,720 - Oh, shit. - Oh, we're late. 178 00:07:52,004 --> 00:07:53,014 Oh, hello. 179 00:07:53,039 --> 00:07:55,374 - Hello, you two. - Oh, my God. Hi. 180 00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:57,571 - How are you? - Oh, hello. 181 00:07:57,596 --> 00:08:00,112 - Hi. Good. - What happened there? 182 00:08:00,379 --> 00:08:04,363 Oh, yeah, bloody... snowboards. 183 00:08:04,892 --> 00:08:06,260 Where have you been snowboarding? 184 00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,513 Well, just, you know, all over, really. 185 00:08:09,134 --> 00:08:11,562 - We haven't seen you in ages. - Stay for a drink. 186 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,199 - We can't. - Another time. 187 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,803 Wait, you're not going to the cinema, are you? 188 00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:17,036 - Yes. - Well, then, we're all right. 189 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,347 We've got 20 minutes. That's for the trailers, not the film. 190 00:08:19,774 --> 00:08:22,194 It's useful to know. That's good, yeah. 191 00:08:22,821 --> 00:08:25,438 - We're not going to the cinema. - No, we're not. 192 00:08:25,502 --> 00:08:26,502 - Oh. - Oh. 193 00:08:26,862 --> 00:08:28,589 - We do have an appointment. - Sure. 194 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,551 Yeah. Oh, we'd love to see you sometime. 195 00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:32,531 Maybe you could come round for supper? 196 00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:35,237 Or we could meet you halfway for dinner? 197 00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:37,197 - Yeah. - Yeah, lots to catch up on. 198 00:08:37,706 --> 00:08:40,027 - I can see you're in a rush. - Lovely. We must seem very rude. 199 00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:42,777 - There is a good reason for it. - It's marital therapy. 200 00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:46,301 And you know how therapists are if you're late. 201 00:08:46,628 --> 00:08:48,003 Oh, no. 202 00:08:48,654 --> 00:08:49,654 Afraid so. 203 00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:53,082 Spot of infidelity. 204 00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:55,848 Not me. 205 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,551 Anyway, we best be off. 206 00:09:00,740 --> 00:09:03,476 - Yeah. Sure. - Yeah. 207 00:09:04,410 --> 00:09:06,122 - Bye. - Bye. 208 00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:08,789 - What the fuck? - I'm sorry. I panicked. 209 00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:10,488 I didn't know how to break off the conversation. 210 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:13,316 - I cannot believe you just did that. - No, me neither. 211 00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:15,459 Throw that stupid thing away.