1 00:00:01,073 --> 00:00:03,522 Okay, uh, Jay, I'm putting you in Grocery. 2 00:00:03,523 --> 00:00:05,576 Sandra, we haven't even started the Cosmetics reset, 3 00:00:05,578 --> 00:00:06,577 so can you get on that? 4 00:00:06,579 --> 00:00:08,012 - Got it. - Okay, Carol... 5 00:00:08,014 --> 00:00:09,614 I'm moving you off the register, 6 00:00:09,616 --> 00:00:11,082 and, Cheyenne, I need you in Jewelry. 7 00:00:11,084 --> 00:00:13,554 What? Then no one's covering Housewares. 8 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,253 I mean, if somebody finds a way 9 00:00:15,255 --> 00:00:17,321 to shoplift a couch, then they deserve it. 10 00:00:17,323 --> 00:00:20,168 I get that that's a joke, but in all seriousness, guys, 11 00:00:20,169 --> 00:00:21,927 if you do see someone taking a couch, 12 00:00:21,928 --> 00:00:23,528 walkie oh-three-five. 13 00:00:23,530 --> 00:00:25,363 See something, say something. 14 00:00:25,365 --> 00:00:28,893 And, also, corporate is asking us to cut hours again. 15 00:00:30,294 --> 00:00:32,703 Yes, I know. I agree. It sucks. 16 00:00:32,705 --> 00:00:35,122 We can barely keep up with everything there is to do now. 17 00:00:35,123 --> 00:00:35,981 Yeah, it already looks 18 00:00:35,982 --> 00:00:38,609 like the day after the Fyre Festival in here. 19 00:00:38,611 --> 00:00:40,344 I said the exact same thing yesterday. 20 00:00:40,346 --> 00:00:42,446 Oh, did you really? 'Cause I wasn't in Grocery at the time, 21 00:00:42,448 --> 00:00:43,548 so I couldn't have heard you. 22 00:00:43,550 --> 00:00:44,703 Yeah, this place is a mess. 23 00:00:44,704 --> 00:00:46,450 Did you guys see this picture somebody tweeted? 24 00:00:46,452 --> 00:00:48,352 It's just a bunch of beef in a shopping cart. 25 00:00:48,354 --> 00:00:49,954 - What? - "Less Meat, More Filling." 26 00:00:49,956 --> 00:00:51,956 - What does that even mean? - It's a pun. 27 00:00:51,958 --> 00:00:53,991 Remember that commercial... "Tastes Great, Less Filling"? 28 00:00:53,993 --> 00:00:56,534 - In what world is that a pun? - I get it. 29 00:00:56,535 --> 00:00:58,345 That picture could be from any Cloud 9. 30 00:00:58,346 --> 00:01:00,202 No, I think it was ours. 31 00:01:03,412 --> 00:01:04,997 Can somebody please take care of that? 32 00:01:05,022 --> 00:01:07,219 Dibs! Yes. 33 00:01:07,469 --> 00:01:12,270 credits 34 00:01:21,654 --> 00:01:23,521 What do we think happened here? 35 00:01:23,523 --> 00:01:24,302 Overdose? 36 00:01:24,303 --> 00:01:25,803 Ah, Bob didn't even drink. 37 00:01:26,192 --> 00:01:28,092 His wife's been flirting with that tennis pro 38 00:01:28,094 --> 00:01:30,345 over in Fitness with the big arms and no head. 39 00:01:30,346 --> 00:01:31,395 I'd start there. 40 00:01:31,397 --> 00:01:33,497 I swear, it's like every time we solve one problem, 41 00:01:33,499 --> 00:01:34,409 another one pops up. 42 00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:36,167 I feel like I'm playing Whac-A-Mole. 43 00:01:36,169 --> 00:01:38,035 That can't still be a game, can it? 44 00:01:38,037 --> 00:01:40,671 With the hitting animals? Never mind. 45 00:01:40,673 --> 00:01:42,840 We're just too understaffed. 46 00:01:42,842 --> 00:01:44,875 Yeah. No, I-I know. I keep telling corporate, 47 00:01:44,877 --> 00:01:46,344 but they just don't believe me. 48 00:01:46,346 --> 00:01:48,179 Yeah, because every time they cut hours, 49 00:01:48,181 --> 00:01:50,214 we push ourselves even harder to make it work, 50 00:01:50,216 --> 00:01:52,516 which they think just proves we never needed the hours 51 00:01:52,518 --> 00:01:54,585 to begin with, and so they just keep cutting and cutting 52 00:01:54,587 --> 00:01:56,621 until something like this happens. 53 00:01:57,259 --> 00:01:58,356 Poor guy. 54 00:01:58,945 --> 00:02:01,292 - He had kids. - He had kids? 55 00:02:01,294 --> 00:02:03,127 Yeah. They've been playing soccer 56 00:02:03,129 --> 00:02:05,563 over in Toys and Games for the last three months. 57 00:02:05,565 --> 00:02:07,098 I don't know what I'm gonna do 58 00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:09,213 if they keep cutting back our hours. I got bills! 59 00:02:09,214 --> 00:02:11,435 I saw this methadone study that pays pretty well, 60 00:02:11,437 --> 00:02:13,971 but they said I'd have to get addicted to heroin first. 61 00:02:13,973 --> 00:02:15,239 So that's another expense. 62 00:02:15,241 --> 00:02:16,907 I was thinking of being a surrogate 63 00:02:16,909 --> 00:02:19,162 I mean, my womb is just sitting here empty. 64 00:02:19,163 --> 00:02:20,458 Ooh, highly recommend! 65 00:02:20,459 --> 00:02:22,667 The money's good and your nipples get super sensitive. 66 00:02:22,692 --> 00:02:24,192 I guess I'm gonna have to have a garage sale 67 00:02:24,217 --> 00:02:25,320 or something. 68 00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,665 I don't have anything to sell. 69 00:02:26,666 --> 00:02:28,919 You have, like, 83 pairs of sneakers, and you can't walk. 70 00:02:28,921 --> 00:02:30,454 Yeah? You got a bunch of hats. 71 00:02:30,456 --> 00:02:31,922 You don't bounce around on your head all day. 72 00:02:31,924 --> 00:02:33,291 Ah, fair enough. 73 00:02:33,293 --> 00:02:34,678 Well, no one will even hire you 74 00:02:34,679 --> 00:02:36,158 if you're on call here all the time. 75 00:02:36,159 --> 00:02:37,928 That's why I didn't get that job as a shirtless greeter 76 00:02:37,930 --> 00:02:39,282 at Abercrombie & Fitch. 77 00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:41,703 Oh, I used to have that job, but in a guy's house. 78 00:02:42,464 --> 00:02:44,809 I knew him. He was my wrestling coach. 79 00:02:56,582 --> 00:02:59,116 Hey, Carol, can you cover Sporting Goods for me? 80 00:02:59,118 --> 00:03:01,986 'Cause there's been a gigantic honey spill in Groceries. 81 00:03:01,988 --> 00:03:05,189 It's the hardest of all spills, so this is where I shine. 82 00:03:06,357 --> 00:03:07,314 Uh-huh. 83 00:03:08,594 --> 00:03:10,828 Hey, something bothering you? 84 00:03:10,830 --> 00:03:13,707 If there is, you can talk to me about anything. 85 00:03:14,970 --> 00:03:15,966 Well... 86 00:03:15,968 --> 00:03:18,794 Sandra's a whore who's [bleep] my boyfriend. 87 00:03:19,939 --> 00:03:22,807 Okay, well... Wow. Uh... 88 00:03:22,809 --> 00:03:25,810 She doesn't know that I know, but that's the way I like it. 89 00:03:26,450 --> 00:03:29,279 You can really hurt someone when they don't see it coming. 90 00:03:29,282 --> 00:03:32,516 Well, sounds like you've pretty much got that under control. 91 00:03:32,518 --> 00:03:36,235 It's so good to finally have someone to talk to about this. 92 00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:37,288 Yeah. 93 00:03:37,290 --> 00:03:39,957 We have a real father-daughter relationship. 94 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:42,326 Thank you, Daddy. 95 00:03:43,262 --> 00:03:44,395 You're welcome. 96 00:03:44,397 --> 00:03:46,678 No, no. Do the Daddy voice. 97 00:03:47,874 --> 00:03:49,893 You're welcome, Honey Bear. 98 00:03:51,243 --> 00:03:53,471 How much do you think I could get for this? 99 00:03:53,473 --> 00:03:55,973 Oh, no, you're selling that? It's so gorgeous. 100 00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:57,575 I know, but I need the money. 101 00:03:57,577 --> 00:03:59,143 Oh, God, I'm sorry. 102 00:03:59,145 --> 00:04:01,312 I was being so sarcastic there, it came off as sincere. 103 00:04:01,314 --> 00:04:03,514 It's hideous. Maybe two dollars? 104 00:04:04,336 --> 00:04:06,817 Maybe there's no point in having a garage sale. 105 00:04:06,819 --> 00:04:08,866 Well, why can't you just find another way to make money? 106 00:04:08,891 --> 00:04:10,654 Well, I thought about doing a webcam, 107 00:04:10,656 --> 00:04:12,256 but then Bo said no. 108 00:04:12,258 --> 00:04:14,862 And it's like, why does he get to do one and I don't? 109 00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:16,478 Excuse me. How much is this? 110 00:04:17,096 --> 00:04:19,497 - You... want to buy that? - Yeah. 111 00:04:19,499 --> 00:04:22,093 It's $59.99. Yeah, they're selling like crazy. 112 00:04:22,118 --> 00:04:24,113 - That's the last one. - Okay. 113 00:04:25,276 --> 00:04:27,173 Great! I can bill you up here. 114 00:04:27,540 --> 00:04:29,407 Oh, there might be some old birth control pills 115 00:04:29,409 --> 00:04:31,776 in the side pocket there, but you can keep those. 116 00:04:32,045 --> 00:04:34,768 So we are really concerned about this Twitter photo 117 00:04:34,769 --> 00:04:36,570 of a shopping cart of steaks in your store. 118 00:04:36,571 --> 00:04:37,200 Uh-huh. 119 00:04:37,201 --> 00:04:38,959 It's a big warning sign for us. 120 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,722 Yeah, uh, I-I know that it looked bad, 121 00:04:40,723 --> 00:04:42,586 but... but we threw the steaks out, 122 00:04:42,588 --> 00:04:45,456 and the big honey spill is... is taken care of. 123 00:04:45,458 --> 00:04:47,289 - The what? - The big... 124 00:04:48,903 --> 00:04:49,919 Huh? What? 125 00:04:49,944 --> 00:04:52,163 Look, are you having trouble handling things over there? 126 00:04:52,164 --> 00:04:54,780 No. No, I-I-I got it handled. 127 00:04:54,781 --> 00:04:55,471 It's handled. 128 00:04:55,472 --> 00:04:58,175 So you don't think you need more hours, then? 129 00:04:58,176 --> 00:05:02,473 Are... you're... you're offering to give me more hours? 130 00:05:02,822 --> 00:05:06,780 I, uh... I didn't... I didn't realize that was an option. 131 00:05:06,954 --> 00:05:08,620 Of course. I mean, if you need them. 132 00:05:08,622 --> 00:05:10,188 But if you're sure you can handle it 133 00:05:10,189 --> 00:05:11,140 with just the hours you have... 134 00:05:11,141 --> 00:05:12,482 No, I'll take the hours. 135 00:05:12,992 --> 00:05:13,826 I mean... 136 00:05:16,099 --> 00:05:18,185 Um, maybe. Yeah, we could... 137 00:05:18,692 --> 00:05:20,740 Or not. I mean, yes, definite... 138 00:05:20,765 --> 00:05:22,826 Yeah, definitely, we'll take the hours. 139 00:05:30,803 --> 00:05:32,228 I've been asking corporate for weeks 140 00:05:32,229 --> 00:05:33,734 to give me more hours, and nothing! 141 00:05:33,735 --> 00:05:35,436 And then one embarrassing photo comes out, 142 00:05:35,437 --> 00:05:36,758 and they're like, "Here you go!" 143 00:05:36,759 --> 00:05:39,170 See? I told you. They just needed to see that things 144 00:05:39,171 --> 00:05:41,252 would fall apart if they didn't step in. 145 00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:42,313 You were totally right. 146 00:05:42,314 --> 00:05:43,666 It was my need to be perfect 147 00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:44,854 that was screwing everything up. 148 00:05:44,855 --> 00:05:47,222 You know, it's crazy how many of your problems 149 00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:49,995 - stem from your own excellence - I know. 150 00:05:49,997 --> 00:05:51,878 We should start encouraging customers 151 00:05:51,879 --> 00:05:53,710 to keep tweeting bad things about us. 152 00:05:53,711 --> 00:05:55,037 Yeah, w-why stop there? 153 00:05:55,038 --> 00:05:56,104 I mean, we should just create a bunch 154 00:05:56,105 --> 00:05:58,013 of fake Twitter accounts and tweet it ourselves. 155 00:05:58,014 --> 00:05:59,717 Ha ha. We should totally do that. 156 00:06:01,075 --> 00:06:02,197 We totally should. 157 00:06:03,149 --> 00:06:05,406 No, we should actually do that. 158 00:06:06,005 --> 00:06:07,733 Yeah, I-I thought I was communicating that 159 00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,692 with my eyes, but, yeah, yeah, same page. 160 00:06:11,595 --> 00:06:13,161 Just make sure you get the whole... 161 00:06:13,186 --> 00:06:16,350 No, I got it, I've got it. Okay, and what should it say? 162 00:06:17,022 --> 00:06:20,451 Um, okay, how about "Cleanup on Aisle Yuck"? 163 00:06:20,897 --> 00:06:24,341 Eh, I just don't feel like that's MayaJade91's voice. 164 00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:27,055 "MayaJade91"? What happened to "Steelersfan211"? 165 00:06:27,056 --> 00:06:28,123 Steelersfan is the one who tweeted 166 00:06:28,124 --> 00:06:29,521 about how gross the bathrooms were. 167 00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:30,834 MayaJade's a little more spiritual, 168 00:06:30,835 --> 00:06:32,485 more in touch with vibrations 169 00:06:32,486 --> 00:06:34,968 and just kind of, like, the energy surrounding things. 170 00:06:34,969 --> 00:06:37,031 Mm-hmm. Yeah, okay, how about... 171 00:06:37,917 --> 00:06:40,482 "Don't let this chaos dim your inner light, 172 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:44,087 ? Cloud9Fail, ? BadDayToWearSandals"? 173 00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,727 Wow. You are really, really good at this. 174 00:06:46,752 --> 00:06:48,956 It's like a one-line character portrait. 175 00:06:49,563 --> 00:06:52,801 Oh, Amy? Someone left half a cat in Electronics. 176 00:06:52,802 --> 00:06:53,864 Half a dead cat? 177 00:06:53,865 --> 00:06:56,048 - Well, no. - That's perfect. 178 00:06:56,073 --> 00:06:57,955 I can't believe this just fell into our lap. 179 00:06:58,555 --> 00:06:59,969 It's the butt half! 180 00:07:01,794 --> 00:07:04,573 Ooh, what about this promotional Sinex visor? 181 00:07:04,574 --> 00:07:05,832 Ugh, that was Jeff's. 182 00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:07,835 He said he wore it ironically, but... 183 00:07:07,836 --> 00:07:09,637 So you guys are just selling your old crap in the store? 184 00:07:09,638 --> 00:07:12,617 Vintage. We're selling our vintage crap in the store. 185 00:07:12,618 --> 00:07:14,684 I got one guy to buy an old bra of mine 186 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,417 just by saying it touched my boobs. 187 00:07:16,418 --> 00:07:18,880 Wow. It's all in the marketing, huh? 188 00:07:18,881 --> 00:07:21,434 We set up a special bar code, so anything scanned 189 00:07:21,435 --> 00:07:23,432 gets sent straight to our Venmo account. 190 00:07:23,433 --> 00:07:25,688 @chateo$biz. 191 00:07:25,689 --> 00:07:27,263 We've already made over $200. 192 00:07:27,264 --> 00:07:28,176 Seriously? 193 00:07:28,576 --> 00:07:30,770 Maybe I should try selling some of my sneakers. 194 00:07:31,796 --> 00:07:33,414 I feel like the casino guy. 195 00:07:33,415 --> 00:07:34,575 You're broke. 196 00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:47,407 "Just a normal day in America, # Cloud9Fail." 197 00:07:47,408 --> 00:07:49,862 - Unbelievable. - What's going on here? 198 00:07:49,863 --> 00:07:52,113 Uh, more people are posting photos of the store. 199 00:07:52,114 --> 00:07:53,686 - You're kidding me. - This store? 200 00:07:53,687 --> 00:07:56,858 "Cloud 9 is looking a little bit cattywampus"? 201 00:07:56,859 --> 00:07:58,300 What does "cattywampus" mean? 202 00:07:58,301 --> 00:08:00,754 Uh, cattywampus is, I believe, 203 00:08:00,755 --> 00:08:03,447 regional slang for, uh, like, "all messed up." 204 00:08:03,448 --> 00:08:05,744 You know, I think the... they use it in Arkansas. 205 00:08:05,917 --> 00:08:08,885 Oh, yep, there you go right there... petiteroche22, 206 00:08:08,887 --> 00:08:11,454 that... that just... that means "Little Rock" in French. 207 00:08:11,455 --> 00:08:12,074 Whoa. 208 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:13,897 These just keep going and going. 209 00:08:13,898 --> 00:08:16,032 This is why we shouldn't let customers into the store. 210 00:08:16,033 --> 00:08:19,002 - Wow, bummer. - "Wow, bummer"? 211 00:08:19,431 --> 00:08:22,198 People are tearing us apart, and your reaction is, 212 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,967 "Wow, bummer"? 213 00:08:23,969 --> 00:08:25,147 No. No. 214 00:08:25,148 --> 00:08:29,072 No, I-I meant that like... like, "Wow! That's a bummer!" 215 00:08:29,074 --> 00:08:32,033 Like, what the hell? I'm up to here with this crap!" 216 00:08:32,034 --> 00:08:33,845 You know, like, "[bleep] these people!" 217 00:08:34,425 --> 00:08:35,394 Ugh! 218 00:08:39,544 --> 00:08:42,396 That is how people act when they're upset. 219 00:08:43,047 --> 00:08:46,716 Oh, man. Petiteroche22 is gonna rip our asses for this one. 220 00:08:48,673 --> 00:08:50,673 If you're looking for an electric toothbrush, 221 00:08:50,675 --> 00:08:53,576 I'd suggest the Dentafix 100. 222 00:08:53,938 --> 00:08:55,058 It looks used. 223 00:08:55,405 --> 00:08:57,874 What? Who would sell a used toothbrush? 224 00:08:57,875 --> 00:08:59,104 We wouldn't sell that. 225 00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,479 This is the newest trend in oral hygiene. 226 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,274 You want a brush that's pre-distressed, 227 00:09:03,275 --> 00:09:04,458 like a nice pair of jeans. 228 00:09:04,459 --> 00:09:06,708 A friend of mine got one of the old models 229 00:09:06,709 --> 00:09:08,809 with the straight, white bristles. 230 00:09:09,197 --> 00:09:10,508 Tore her gums to shreds. 231 00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,689 She had to get new ones from a dead body. 232 00:09:14,519 --> 00:09:18,557 You have 83 pairs of shoes and none of them light up? 233 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,289 No, but some of them are pretty valuable. 234 00:09:20,291 --> 00:09:21,791 Well, yeah. No, I bet. 235 00:09:21,793 --> 00:09:23,960 Excuse me, um, what could you tell me 236 00:09:23,962 --> 00:09:25,143 about these white Reeboks? 237 00:09:25,144 --> 00:09:27,981 Oh, yeah, those are the OG 1989 Reebok Pumps. 238 00:09:28,299 --> 00:09:30,984 Classic white-and-blue colorway with the mesh tongue. 239 00:09:30,985 --> 00:09:33,803 I even got the original box and the Pump hang tag. 240 00:09:33,805 --> 00:09:35,758 I have flat feet. How's the arch support? 241 00:09:36,581 --> 00:09:39,062 Those are original Reebok Pumps. 242 00:09:39,717 --> 00:09:42,906 When you buy a painting, do you ask how the arch support is? 243 00:09:43,815 --> 00:09:45,928 I'm just looking for something I can go hiking in. 244 00:09:45,929 --> 00:09:48,358 - Please leave. - What? No, I was just asking... 245 00:09:48,359 --> 00:09:49,943 Sir, he asked you to leave. 246 00:09:51,923 --> 00:09:53,956 So we've been noticing a lot more 247 00:09:53,958 --> 00:09:56,003 of these "Cloud9Fail" photos on Twitter. 248 00:09:56,004 --> 00:10:00,120 Yeah, um, you know, we are trying our best over here, 249 00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,577 but we just keep coming up short. 250 00:10:02,578 --> 00:10:04,509 We really need to take care of this. 251 00:10:04,822 --> 00:10:08,558 I agree, but I am just all out of ideas. 252 00:10:08,707 --> 00:10:11,698 If you want to suggest anything... 253 00:10:11,699 --> 00:10:13,643 You know, I'm just thinking out loud here, 254 00:10:13,645 --> 00:10:15,484 and I hate to even have to bring this up, 255 00:10:15,485 --> 00:10:17,711 but I kind of feel like if you guys give us back 256 00:10:17,712 --> 00:10:20,750 a few more hours, we could nip this thing 257 00:10:20,752 --> 00:10:22,121 in the bud once and for all. 258 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,723 Well, actually, we think all of the tweets 259 00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:25,424 have come from an employee at your store. 260 00:10:25,431 --> 00:10:25,795 Huh? 261 00:10:30,115 --> 00:10:32,306 Hi, my name is Luanne. I'm from Human Resources. 262 00:10:32,445 --> 00:10:34,033 I'm here because an employee 263 00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:36,301 has been tweeting defamatory photos of the store 264 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,694 from fake accounts, 265 00:10:37,695 --> 00:10:38,955 and I'm here to find out who it is 266 00:10:38,956 --> 00:10:41,275 and to hold them responsible. So who was it? 267 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,808 If you just stand up and come clean about what you did, 268 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,131 I promise nothing will happen to you. 269 00:10:46,574 --> 00:10:48,138 Well, we will have to fire them. 270 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,982 I know, but don't say it. We almost had them. 271 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,037 No, we didn't. 272 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,251 Okay, well, in the future, 273 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,353 if you could just follow my lead, please. Thank you. 274 00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:56,688 Excuse me? 275 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,256 How do you know it's one of us? 276 00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:00,792 Well, all the posts came from the same MAC address, 277 00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:03,502 and that device was logged into the employee WiFi network. 278 00:11:03,503 --> 00:11:06,030 Who would be dumb enough to send incriminating tweets 279 00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:07,524 from the employee WiFi? 280 00:11:07,525 --> 00:11:10,493 Well, it wasn't me, because my phone is on airplane mode, 281 00:11:10,494 --> 00:11:12,370 and I do not know how to get it off. 282 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,472 They were so obvious about it, too. 283 00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:17,609 All the fake customer accounts were created on the same day, 284 00:11:17,611 --> 00:11:19,576 and they each only tweeted once. 285 00:11:19,577 --> 00:11:21,379 - What a dumb-ass. - Oh, my God. 286 00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,014 - Stupid. - Seriously. Idiot. 287 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,049 All right, well, I don't know how productive it is 288 00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:28,619 to dwell on how stupid this person may or may not be. 289 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:33,001 I think the point is, whoever did it, knock it off. 290 00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,175 You have been warned. 291 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:36,661 - That's fair. - Okay, well, thank you 292 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,092 so much for coming by, Luanne. 293 00:11:38,093 --> 00:11:40,288 Sure, but I'm not leaving until we figure this out. 294 00:11:40,633 --> 00:11:42,066 Oh, good. 295 00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,176 All right, everyone, you're all gonna have 296 00:11:44,201 --> 00:11:45,340 to hand over your phones. 297 00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,972 No, we cannot take your devices. 298 00:11:47,974 --> 00:11:50,490 Luanne! Are you serious right now? 299 00:11:59,625 --> 00:12:01,036 What are we gonna do? We need a plan. 300 00:12:01,061 --> 00:12:02,638 We should have never done this. 301 00:12:02,663 --> 00:12:04,589 Or at least we should've used a burner phone. 302 00:12:04,591 --> 00:12:06,090 Yeah, great. That's... Good... good plan. 303 00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:06,870 That's really helpful. 304 00:12:06,871 --> 00:12:09,060 Okay, well, then what's your plan? 305 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,429 Well, for starters, neither of us can admit 306 00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:12,300 to sending the tweets. 307 00:12:12,301 --> 00:12:14,599 Oh, well, that... that's good. 308 00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,375 Hold on while I write that down. 309 00:12:16,376 --> 00:12:19,170 "Don't admit to crime." 310 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:22,774 Look, if for whatever reason it gets traced back to me, 311 00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:24,442 I'm gonna say that I acted alone. 312 00:12:24,444 --> 00:12:27,364 There's no reason that both of us should lose our jobs. 313 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:28,699 Oh, okay. 314 00:12:30,736 --> 00:12:31,783 That was... 315 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,018 that was just kind of, like, a big gesture, 316 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:37,021 so I thought maybe I'd... I'd get a bigger reaction. 317 00:12:37,023 --> 00:12:38,089 Yeah. No... 318 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,451 Yeah. No. Yes, of course. Thank you. 319 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:44,369 But I just... I kind of figured that's what we would do. 320 00:12:44,394 --> 00:12:44,972 Right. 321 00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:46,936 Just based on what we both make. 322 00:12:46,937 --> 00:12:48,780 - And I have kids. - Yeah. 323 00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:49,736 It just sort of makes the most sense. 324 00:12:49,737 --> 00:12:52,653 - But that was a very nice offer. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 325 00:12:52,678 --> 00:12:54,895 Let's just... let's just move on, so... 326 00:12:55,462 --> 00:12:57,336 You know, I just want to make sure that you're not planning 327 00:12:57,337 --> 00:13:00,053 on doing any hiking or grape stomping 328 00:13:00,072 --> 00:13:01,997 - or anything like that in these? - Uh, no. 329 00:13:01,999 --> 00:13:03,985 No, you think I'd go hiking in a pair of shoes 330 00:13:03,986 --> 00:13:06,399 I've been trying to find for, like, six years? 331 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,183 Of course. I'm just messing with you. 332 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,032 All right. So, uh... 333 00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:13,148 You know what? Do you need these today? 334 00:13:13,149 --> 00:13:14,626 Because I could give them to you next week 335 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,461 and bring them home, clean them up, make them nice. 336 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:18,408 No, that's cool. These are pristine. 337 00:13:18,409 --> 00:13:19,564 Yep, they are. 338 00:13:20,632 --> 00:13:21,586 They are pristine. 339 00:13:21,883 --> 00:13:23,404 Okay, so... 340 00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:25,646 You're going to give me the money, 341 00:13:25,647 --> 00:13:27,445 I'm going to give you the shoes, 342 00:13:27,446 --> 00:13:30,240 and they will be yours and not mine. 343 00:13:30,456 --> 00:13:32,267 That is generally how this works. 344 00:13:32,268 --> 00:13:33,873 Right, right. 345 00:13:33,874 --> 00:13:35,636 Great. How much do I owe you? 346 00:13:37,282 --> 00:13:38,525 $3 million. 347 00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:44,443 Okay, so the first tweet was sent at 10:46:32. 348 00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,113 Can we see if anyone was on their phone then? 349 00:13:46,114 --> 00:13:46,987 Got it. 350 00:13:46,988 --> 00:13:49,881 Okay, looks like Brett was on his phone. 351 00:13:50,628 --> 00:13:51,740 Also Jay. 352 00:13:52,393 --> 00:13:56,239 And, uh, Henry, Chris, Giuseppe W., 353 00:13:56,601 --> 00:13:58,378 Sarah, Sue, 354 00:13:58,864 --> 00:14:02,211 Pablo, Denise, Giuseppe. 355 00:14:02,212 --> 00:14:03,931 Uh, okay, who was not texting? 356 00:14:04,743 --> 00:14:05,926 Uh, Elias isn't on his phone, 357 00:14:05,927 --> 00:14:07,681 though I think he might be asleep. 358 00:14:08,533 --> 00:14:10,021 - Uh, may I? - Oh. 359 00:14:10,372 --> 00:14:12,355 What about the break room? Anybody in there? 360 00:14:12,356 --> 00:14:14,167 Oh, yeah, no, none of this is from today. 361 00:14:14,168 --> 00:14:15,670 We used to have cameras in the break room, 362 00:14:15,671 --> 00:14:18,220 but then people found out and got all rights-y about it. 363 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,985 Wait... wait, hold on. What is that? 364 00:14:22,010 --> 00:14:25,490 Careful, careful, stupid birds, dumb birds... 365 00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:27,693 Nice job. 366 00:14:28,477 --> 00:14:30,010 - No. - Oh, oh, oh. 367 00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:32,300 - Oh, my God. - Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, no. 368 00:14:32,325 --> 00:14:34,038 Oh, no. Nope. 369 00:14:37,603 --> 00:14:40,176 Luanne, if you'll excuse me, 370 00:14:41,319 --> 00:14:43,105 I have some business to take care of. 371 00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:45,553 What is all this stuff? 372 00:14:45,554 --> 00:14:47,858 Well, it's just junk we've had in our attic 373 00:14:47,859 --> 00:14:50,048 that we've been meaning to throw out, you know. 374 00:14:50,049 --> 00:14:51,664 Jerusha's dad was a collector... 375 00:14:52,393 --> 00:14:55,440 of both things and, as it turned out later, wives. 376 00:14:55,956 --> 00:14:57,929 But, anyway, is any of it valuable? 377 00:14:58,390 --> 00:15:02,004 I mean, a flattened penny from Niagara Falls... 378 00:15:02,005 --> 00:15:03,499 that's worth less than a penny. 379 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,608 Some random keys. Ka-ching! 380 00:15:07,173 --> 00:15:10,729 - A Neil Diamond cassette tape? - Oh, I'll keep that. 381 00:15:10,730 --> 00:15:12,790 I've been meaning to check him out. 382 00:15:12,791 --> 00:15:14,616 What about these baseball cards? 383 00:15:14,617 --> 00:15:16,780 Mickey Mantle... wasn't he someone? 384 00:15:16,781 --> 00:15:19,616 I don't know. I've never really been a fan of men's baseball. 385 00:15:19,730 --> 00:15:21,522 This is from the first year he ever played, 386 00:15:21,523 --> 00:15:23,244 like, before he was even famous. 387 00:15:23,930 --> 00:15:25,098 Oh, it was worth a shot. 388 00:15:26,420 --> 00:15:29,518 Action Comics "Superman," 1938. 389 00:15:29,519 --> 00:15:31,413 Wow, this is so old. 390 00:15:33,251 --> 00:15:34,986 That doesn't even look like Dean Cain. 391 00:15:35,026 --> 00:15:35,767 Yeah. 392 00:15:36,486 --> 00:15:39,249 I had IT look up the Websites that were visited 393 00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:41,451 by the same device that posted the tweets. 394 00:15:41,452 --> 00:15:44,801 O... kay, so that's something one could do. 395 00:15:44,803 --> 00:15:45,720 I didn't... didn't know that. 396 00:15:45,721 --> 00:15:48,806 So I was hoping we could narrow down who it might be. 397 00:15:48,807 --> 00:15:51,411 Do you know anyone here who would have visited, uh, 398 00:15:51,412 --> 00:15:53,287 "Huffington Post," "Slate," 399 00:15:53,288 --> 00:15:54,664 "The New Yorker" caption contest, 400 00:15:54,665 --> 00:15:57,274 or done Google searches for "brine my own pickles," 401 00:15:57,275 --> 00:16:00,223 "Chris Hayes no glasses," and "Ronan Farrow age"? 402 00:16:01,325 --> 00:16:04,165 Huh, well, you know, that really could describe 403 00:16:04,190 --> 00:16:06,015 just about everyone who works here. 404 00:16:06,016 --> 00:16:07,849 - It's a... it's a hip group. - Excuse me. 405 00:16:08,282 --> 00:16:09,442 - Oh, hi. - Hi. 406 00:16:10,282 --> 00:16:13,067 If I know who the person is who was tweeting, 407 00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:15,048 who should I tell about that? 408 00:16:15,049 --> 00:16:17,601 - You... are you saying you do? - When you say "you"... 409 00:16:17,626 --> 00:16:18,925 Excuse me. Who is it? 410 00:16:18,950 --> 00:16:21,290 Her name is Sandra Kaluiokalani. 411 00:16:21,819 --> 00:16:23,751 That's spelled K-A-L... 412 00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:26,883 K... It's K-A-L... 413 00:16:28,064 --> 00:16:31,432 K-A-L-A, then I think it's "O." 414 00:16:31,723 --> 00:16:33,872 It's, um... it's K-A-L... 415 00:16:33,897 --> 00:16:35,330 Kalui... 416 00:16:36,012 --> 00:16:40,673 O-K-L-A-N-A-N-I. 417 00:16:40,698 --> 00:16:42,484 - Kaluiokalani. - Okay. 418 00:16:42,486 --> 00:16:44,253 So how do you know that it's Sandra? 419 00:16:44,255 --> 00:16:45,354 Oh, she told me. 420 00:16:45,889 --> 00:16:47,258 We're really good friends, 421 00:16:47,259 --> 00:16:49,091 so we tell each other everything. 422 00:16:49,093 --> 00:16:52,461 No kidding, that's... I didn't realize you two were so close. 423 00:16:52,463 --> 00:16:55,430 Oh, God, maybe I shouldn't have said anything. 424 00:16:55,819 --> 00:16:57,510 I'm a horrible person, aren't I? 425 00:16:57,535 --> 00:16:58,792 No, you're not. 426 00:16:58,817 --> 00:17:01,005 She's not gonna be in too much trouble, is she? 427 00:17:01,523 --> 00:17:04,540 I can't believe Sandra would do something like that. 428 00:17:04,541 --> 00:17:06,184 I didn't think she had it in her. 429 00:17:06,185 --> 00:17:08,163 I borrowed her car, like, three years ago, 430 00:17:08,165 --> 00:17:10,199 and she still hasn't asked for it back. 431 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,416 Well, I'm not surprised. 432 00:17:11,417 --> 00:17:13,534 Cloud 9's been dicking her over for years. 433 00:17:13,535 --> 00:17:15,495 It's true... she got injured on the job 434 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:16,780 when she first started working. 435 00:17:16,781 --> 00:17:18,206 Instead of paying her medical bills, 436 00:17:18,207 --> 00:17:20,307 they just gave her a blue polo. 437 00:17:20,377 --> 00:17:22,570 - I guess she just snapped. - I'm glad she did it. 438 00:17:22,571 --> 00:17:24,883 Like, it's about time one of us stood up to corporate. 439 00:17:24,915 --> 00:17:25,618 - Yeah. - Yeah. 440 00:17:25,619 --> 00:17:28,224 You know, as a store manager, I would've been upset, 441 00:17:28,225 --> 00:17:30,828 but as a floor worker, I'm like, "Get it, girl!" 442 00:17:30,829 --> 00:17:31,849 She's like a rebel. 443 00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:33,729 She's like a total badass bitch. 444 00:17:33,730 --> 00:17:35,636 Oh, my God, is Sandra an icon now? 445 00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,098 She's like a total badass bitch. 446 00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,739 Heard it both times, thanks. 447 00:17:41,243 --> 00:17:43,799 Sandra does live really far away. 448 00:17:43,801 --> 00:17:47,167 Maybe she'd be really happy to have to find a new job closer to home. 449 00:17:47,667 --> 00:17:49,302 Yeah, I mean, a lot of great success stories 450 00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:51,560 start with someone losing their dead-end job. 451 00:17:51,561 --> 00:17:53,430 And perhaps she's supposed to save the world, 452 00:17:53,431 --> 00:17:55,799 and us keeping her here is just preventing that. 453 00:17:58,717 --> 00:18:01,936 Okay, I'm gonna go in there and come clean. 454 00:18:01,937 --> 00:18:04,524 No, I'm not gonna let you do that alone. 455 00:18:04,525 --> 00:18:05,782 We did this together. 456 00:18:05,783 --> 00:18:07,842 I appreciate that, but you were right. 457 00:18:07,843 --> 00:18:10,073 It doesn't make sense for both of us to go down. 458 00:18:11,061 --> 00:18:12,730 You were counting on me saying that, right? 459 00:18:12,755 --> 00:18:14,769 It's just that I make so much more money... 460 00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,269 Yeah, y-you mentioned that. 461 00:18:21,679 --> 00:18:22,940 Hey, so, random... 462 00:18:22,941 --> 00:18:25,166 I was going through some old security footage with Luanne. 463 00:18:25,167 --> 00:18:26,253 - Yeah? - And you remember how we used 464 00:18:26,254 --> 00:18:28,588 to have those security cameras in the break room? 465 00:18:28,589 --> 00:18:31,580 Well, we came across the time you let all my birds escape. 466 00:18:32,929 --> 00:18:34,830 Uh... yeah. Um... 467 00:18:34,831 --> 00:18:36,060 Remember that? 468 00:18:36,061 --> 00:18:37,876 Remember? It was Valentine's Day. 469 00:18:37,877 --> 00:18:39,506 Remember? I was blaming myself for it, 470 00:18:39,507 --> 00:18:41,450 and then when I was at my lowest, you had sex with me, 471 00:18:41,451 --> 00:18:44,007 knowing that, hours before, you were the one that let them out. 472 00:18:44,008 --> 00:18:46,685 And you knew the entire time. And yet, you said nothing. 473 00:18:46,686 --> 00:18:48,864 Remember that? So funny. 474 00:18:49,346 --> 00:18:51,308 Dina, I'm so, so sorry. 475 00:18:51,309 --> 00:18:53,368 Hey, come on. Don't even worry about it. 476 00:18:53,370 --> 00:18:54,280 I forgive you. 477 00:18:54,281 --> 00:18:56,818 When you think about it, this whole thing is just funny. 478 00:18:56,819 --> 00:18:59,521 Hey, come with me. I want to show you something. 479 00:19:02,861 --> 00:19:06,033 They went up so fast, it's like they wanted to burn. 480 00:19:06,978 --> 00:19:08,549 What's that sound? 481 00:19:08,550 --> 00:19:11,080 Is that air escaping from the sneakers? 482 00:19:11,670 --> 00:19:14,377 It almost sounds like they're screaming. 483 00:19:18,293 --> 00:19:22,197 I will never forgive you... ever. 484 00:19:42,900 --> 00:19:44,469 Hey, Sandra. 485 00:19:44,470 --> 00:19:45,895 What's going on? Where are you going? 486 00:19:45,896 --> 00:19:49,086 I just got fired. I don't know what happened. 487 00:19:49,087 --> 00:19:50,956 Luanne said I was the one who was tweeting, 488 00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,778 but I swear to God, it wasn't me. 489 00:19:52,779 --> 00:19:54,292 - No, we know. - Yeah, don't worry. 490 00:19:54,293 --> 00:19:56,722 - We are not gonna let this happen. - We're gonna fix this. 491 00:19:56,723 --> 00:19:58,376 I never even joined Twitter 492 00:19:58,377 --> 00:20:00,616 'cause I was thinking of running for City Council, 493 00:20:00,617 --> 00:20:02,901 and you know how my humor can get a little edgy. 494 00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:05,115 There she is! 495 00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:06,276 Hey! 496 00:20:08,451 --> 00:20:12,355 Sandra, Sandra, Sandra, S... 497 00:20:12,380 --> 00:20:14,154 Ugh, what is wrong with you people? 498 00:20:14,155 --> 00:20:16,690 - Guys, I didn't do it. - It's true, it... it wasn't her. 499 00:20:16,691 --> 00:20:19,073 Yeah, of course it wasn't you. Wink. 500 00:20:19,314 --> 00:20:20,916 Okay, guys, listen. 501 00:20:20,941 --> 00:20:23,472 Whoever did was pretty awesome, though. 502 00:20:23,497 --> 00:20:25,422 - Total superstar. - She's a rebel. 503 00:20:25,597 --> 00:20:28,234 - She's a badass bitch. - Justine, just go home. 504 00:20:28,235 --> 00:20:29,982 I have every right to be here. 505 00:20:29,983 --> 00:20:31,894 Guys, look, you know how corporate 506 00:20:31,895 --> 00:20:33,296 just kept cutting back our hours 507 00:20:33,297 --> 00:20:34,249 and cutting back our hours? 508 00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:36,501 - Yeah. - I know they have. 509 00:20:36,502 --> 00:20:39,107 - Well... - Well, sometimes 510 00:20:39,109 --> 00:20:42,562 you just got to say, "Enough with the [bleep]." 511 00:20:42,563 --> 00:20:43,878 Yeah! 512 00:20:43,903 --> 00:20:45,951 It's like, you can only get pushed around so much 513 00:20:45,976 --> 00:20:48,417 before you say, "No! This isn't fair." 514 00:20:48,896 --> 00:20:50,075 This isn't right." 515 00:20:50,287 --> 00:20:52,790 - What is happening? - I have no idea. 516 00:20:52,791 --> 00:20:54,314 What are you gonna do? 517 00:20:55,409 --> 00:20:56,857 We're gonna... we're gonna stand up. 518 00:20:56,858 --> 00:20:57,695 - That's right. - Yep. 519 00:20:57,696 --> 00:20:59,000 And we're gonna stay strong. 520 00:20:59,001 --> 00:21:00,624 - There she is. - Yep, that's it. 521 00:21:00,625 --> 00:21:02,290 And we need to unionize! 522 00:21:04,339 --> 00:21:07,050 This is just the beginning! Yeah! 523 00:21:08,473 --> 00:21:10,966 Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! 524 00:21:11,021 --> 00:21:13,209 Sandra! Sandra! 525 00:21:13,234 --> 00:21:15,271 Sandra! Sandra! 526 00:21:15,296 --> 00:21:17,664 Sandra! Sandra! Sandra! 527 00:21:17,689 --> 00:21:23,000 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com