1 00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:08,970 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:36,636 --> 00:00:38,738 - What have I missed? - She stormed out. 3 00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:50,817 Oh, my God. 4 00:00:53,019 --> 00:00:55,055 Look at him. He's like a footballer. 5 00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:56,795 She just full-on walloped him. 6 00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:59,426 Yes, but only up here, on the forehead. 7 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,101 She'd have to be Mike Tyson to do him any proper damage. 8 00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:06,107 - What? - I would have thought 9 00:01:06,132 --> 00:01:07,941 that you were anti domestic violence of any kind. 10 00:01:08,258 --> 00:01:10,735 I didn't say I was pro it, I said he was making a fuss. 11 00:01:11,855 --> 00:01:13,870 So, if you were to thump me like that, how should I react? 12 00:01:14,174 --> 00:01:16,051 You can say, "Ow", and express disappointment 13 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,154 but you can't roll around as if you've broken your skull. 14 00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:20,098 I note that you didn't say you'd never thump me like that. 15 00:01:20,123 --> 00:01:21,797 I know you. You'd push the hypothetical. 16 00:01:21,822 --> 00:01:23,757 You'd say, "Yeah, but what if you did thump me?" 17 00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,862 - That's what you do. - Well, of course, 18 00:01:25,887 --> 00:01:28,315 but that doesn't mean you can cut out the preliminary bit. 19 00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:29,354 That went without saying. 20 00:01:29,379 --> 00:01:31,974 I've never thumped you yet and I never would. 21 00:01:32,715 --> 00:01:34,484 - Ditto. - Well, there we are, then. 22 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,132 Something to take in there and build on. 23 00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:40,206 How are you feeling about this week? 24 00:01:40,231 --> 00:01:42,945 Well, pretty sure I'll be there from the beginning. 25 00:01:43,036 --> 00:01:44,279 As opposed to 15 minutes 26 00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:45,437 - from the end. - It took a lot of balls 27 00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:46,673 to turn up last week 28 00:01:46,698 --> 00:01:48,342 and the later it got, the more balls it took. 29 00:01:48,395 --> 00:01:50,429 So, if you're there from the start this week 30 00:01:50,454 --> 00:01:52,240 - that'll show... - Even bigger balls 31 00:01:52,265 --> 00:01:53,750 than turning up 15 minutes from the end. 32 00:01:53,816 --> 00:01:55,498 So there's basically nothing you can do 33 00:01:55,523 --> 00:01:57,992 that isn't an extreme act of heroism on your part. 34 00:01:58,017 --> 00:01:59,052 That's more or less it. 35 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:01,416 It's a wonder you can even walk you're so ballsy. 36 00:02:01,703 --> 00:02:04,862 It must be like having two antique globes down there. 37 00:02:05,149 --> 00:02:06,274 That was a bit sarcastic. 38 00:02:06,355 --> 00:02:09,377 - Sarcasm's not allowed anymore? - Not given the circumstances. 39 00:02:10,623 --> 00:02:11,829 I can't remember the last time we didn't 40 00:02:11,854 --> 00:02:13,391 speak sarcastically to each other. 41 00:02:13,668 --> 00:02:17,773 Last week, in here, when you apologized and so on. 42 00:02:17,798 --> 00:02:19,067 And I rather liked this. 43 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,699 So I'm not allowed to make jokes about your giant balls? 44 00:02:25,044 --> 00:02:28,451 You were being sarcastic about me not having giant balls. 45 00:02:28,681 --> 00:02:30,458 If I had giant balls 46 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:32,328 and you were making jokes about those, then fine. 47 00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:35,021 But you weren't. You were suggesting quite the opposite. 48 00:02:35,435 --> 00:02:36,602 And I'm not allowed to because 49 00:02:36,847 --> 00:02:38,791 I'm the one who's responsible for us being here? 50 00:02:38,903 --> 00:02:39,942 - Exactly. - Gotcha. 51 00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:41,657 Would you like me to tell you you have giant balls? 52 00:02:41,806 --> 00:02:42,933 Is that what this is about? I mean, 53 00:02:42,958 --> 00:02:44,272 sincerely, is that where this is coming from? 54 00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:45,378 No. 55 00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:47,965 I mean who wants giant balls? 56 00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:50,825 That's not something you're interested in, is it? 57 00:02:51,688 --> 00:02:52,789 God, no. 58 00:02:52,988 --> 00:02:55,556 - I wonder if anyone is? - There's probably a website. 59 00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:56,890 There is for most things. 60 00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:03,500 So, what's the agenda? Not Lucy again. 61 00:03:03,525 --> 00:03:04,565 We got to the end of Lucy. 62 00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:06,295 I can't believe you even started with her. 63 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:07,620 I was giving some context. 64 00:03:07,763 --> 00:03:09,531 I understand the relevance of Lucy's party. 65 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,767 I just don't know why you got into a 20-minute conversation 66 00:03:11,791 --> 00:03:12,792 about Lucy. 67 00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:14,536 She wanted to know why you hadn't come with me 68 00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:15,620 on the night that... 69 00:03:16,763 --> 00:03:18,343 I, you know, met Matthew. 70 00:03:19,632 --> 00:03:21,036 I didn't come because I don't like Lucy. 71 00:03:21,061 --> 00:03:22,576 - Yes, but why don't you? - Boring. 72 00:03:23,060 --> 00:03:25,591 The woman who's trekked through the Andes on her own? 73 00:03:25,616 --> 00:03:26,839 Yes, the very same. 74 00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:28,716 Never again do I want to meet anyone 75 00:03:28,741 --> 00:03:30,519 who has trekked through the Andes on their own. 76 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:32,193 They never shut up about it. 77 00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:35,418 Put some photos on Instagram if you must. 78 00:03:35,443 --> 00:03:37,329 And then move on, woman. It's over. 79 00:03:37,354 --> 00:03:40,094 Whereas someone who saw the Turds in 1989 80 00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:42,096 is the most fascinating person who's ever lived? 81 00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:43,557 You see, that's the great thing about music. 82 00:03:44,260 --> 00:03:45,961 There isn't much to say other than, 83 00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,828 "I saw the Turds in 1989". 84 00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:50,129 That's it, end of. 85 00:03:50,311 --> 00:03:53,068 Then you talk about someone else you saw back in the day. 86 00:03:53,881 --> 00:03:56,078 Kenyon was wondering whether you might... 87 00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:59,430 Will you stop rolling your eyes? Her name is Kenyon. 88 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:00,950 There's no point disapproving of it. 89 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:04,177 I'm not disapproving of it. I just don't believe it. 90 00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:06,827 Her surname may well be Kenyon 91 00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:09,301 but I can't see that it is her first name. 92 00:04:09,326 --> 00:04:11,143 She said it was. Kenyon Long. 93 00:04:11,217 --> 00:04:13,337 - That's two surnames. - One of them's her first name. 94 00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:14,787 I don't think so. 95 00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:18,220 You think our marital counselor is lying to us about her name? 96 00:04:18,333 --> 00:04:20,891 I mean, who is called Kenyon? Really? 97 00:04:21,901 --> 00:04:24,038 She is. I can't see what advantage she's seeking 98 00:04:24,063 --> 00:04:25,265 by making it up. 99 00:04:26,532 --> 00:04:28,423 Maybe it's her counseling identity. 100 00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:34,200 Mild-mannered Julie by day, nosy, judgmental Kenyon by night. 101 00:04:37,243 --> 00:04:39,243 Is there anything you want to talk about this week? 102 00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:41,414 - Not really, no. - So let's move on to Matthew. 103 00:04:42,021 --> 00:04:43,022 I'd rather not. 104 00:04:43,086 --> 00:04:45,059 Really, it's just that last week you seemed of the opinion 105 00:04:45,084 --> 00:04:46,236 that there was no lead-up. 106 00:04:47,253 --> 00:04:50,089 I had an affair and we decided to have counseling. 107 00:04:50,211 --> 00:04:51,682 Last week was last week. 108 00:04:52,270 --> 00:04:54,206 Counseling is an ongoing process. 109 00:04:54,286 --> 00:04:56,671 You learn things about yourself and the other person 110 00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:58,011 that you never saw before. 111 00:04:58,226 --> 00:04:59,441 You've only done 15 minutes. 112 00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:01,879 All the more reason to not just leap in. 113 00:05:04,103 --> 00:05:06,211 - So no Matthew? - I think that's best. 114 00:05:06,236 --> 00:05:07,937 Right. In which case... 115 00:05:15,715 --> 00:05:16,715 What? 116 00:05:17,653 --> 00:05:20,048 He's crying. Don't look. He'll see. 117 00:05:21,904 --> 00:05:22,962 Where's she? 118 00:05:24,363 --> 00:05:25,558 Buying him a drink. 119 00:05:26,253 --> 00:05:28,394 Okay, from now on all I want is a running commentary. 120 00:05:28,816 --> 00:05:30,617 - We can't talk about our session? - God, no. 121 00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:33,347 - She's giving him his drink. - Brandy? 122 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:34,617 Nope, just beer. 123 00:05:36,198 --> 00:05:37,651 She's not saying anything. 124 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:40,340 She's just sitting there while he weeps. 125 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,524 - Oh, she's awful. - It might be him. 126 00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:46,598 Supposing he's murdered one of their kids with an axe 127 00:05:46,879 --> 00:05:49,909 and the full horror of it has only just dawned on him? 128 00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:52,160 And she punched him because of the murdering 129 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,286 or because of the dawning? 130 00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,088 Well, you know what I mean. Something like that, 131 00:05:55,257 --> 00:05:56,795 that would require counseling. 132 00:05:57,557 --> 00:06:00,868 - The marital equivalent. - An affair maybe? 133 00:06:00,893 --> 00:06:03,604 An affair is not the marital equivalent of murdering your child. 134 00:06:03,723 --> 00:06:04,723 Well, you would say that. 135 00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:06,623 Can we forget about them and get back to us? 136 00:06:06,789 --> 00:06:08,242 I'm reluctant. They make us look good. 137 00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:09,578 We've got less than five minutes. 138 00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:11,196 We haven't even agreed on where to begin. 139 00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:13,819 We can't talk about Matthew because that's not the root cause. 140 00:06:13,946 --> 00:06:15,184 Not this week anyway. 141 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:18,253 Shall we talk about why we stopped making love? 142 00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:19,319 Oh, Christ, no. 143 00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:21,178 So we've got to go further back than that? 144 00:06:22,148 --> 00:06:24,490 - How far back? - We've got loads. 145 00:06:25,735 --> 00:06:26,770 My work. 146 00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:32,156 Your work. Dylan's difficult spell. Your mum dying. Bloody hell. 147 00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:34,168 I mean, if you think about it, it's like Brexit. 148 00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:35,537 We could have two years of talks 149 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,171 before we even agree what the issues are. 150 00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:38,731 Brexit is about divorce, though. 151 00:06:38,756 --> 00:06:40,316 That's a negative way of looking at it. 152 00:06:40,579 --> 00:06:41,819 What's happening behind me? 153 00:06:43,189 --> 00:06:44,364 She's talking to him. 154 00:06:45,110 --> 00:06:46,483 Does she seem angry? 155 00:06:47,150 --> 00:06:48,150 No. 156 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,998 Well, there goes your child-murdering theory. 157 00:06:50,132 --> 00:06:51,132 - Why? - At least, 158 00:06:51,157 --> 00:06:52,298 he didn't do the murdering. 159 00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,522 If she's not shouting at him over and over again, 160 00:06:54,547 --> 00:06:56,075 "You murdered my child," then... 161 00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:58,710 No, no. She's had an affair. 162 00:06:59,561 --> 00:07:00,823 So why did she punch him? 163 00:07:03,587 --> 00:07:04,618 I don't know. 164 00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:06,484 It's as if we hardly know them. 165 00:07:08,995 --> 00:07:11,038 - Can we go back to Brexit? - If we must. 166 00:07:11,063 --> 00:07:13,779 It is a divorce, though. I'm not being negative. 167 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,636 Are you saying that's where we're headed? 168 00:07:16,335 --> 00:07:17,470 And will you stand up? 169 00:07:17,836 --> 00:07:19,804 - No, of course not. - I'm just checking 170 00:07:19,829 --> 00:07:21,431 that's the last thing on your mind. 171 00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:25,318 - Honestly? - Honestly. 172 00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,548 I mean, I don't know how it can be, 173 00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,303 not when we're heading into Kenyon. 174 00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,120 Is it the last thing on your mind? 175 00:07:38,478 --> 00:07:39,478 Yes. 176 00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:40,759 That's ridiculous. 177 00:07:40,784 --> 00:07:42,409 It's one of the ways that this might play out. 178 00:07:42,795 --> 00:07:44,972 Think about Brexit. A lot of people think there are opportunities 179 00:07:44,997 --> 00:07:46,318 at times of great change. 180 00:07:46,799 --> 00:07:48,683 So you're saying you might be better off on your own? 181 00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:51,993 What? No, no. I was talking about the country. 182 00:07:52,018 --> 00:07:54,898 So what are the opportunities for great change that you're talking about? 183 00:07:54,957 --> 00:07:57,149 We won't get bogged down in all that red tape. 184 00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:58,799 We can make our own trade deals. 185 00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:00,323 I'm completely lost now. 186 00:08:00,348 --> 00:08:01,903 I don't want to talk about the country anymore. 187 00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:04,091 I'm trying to understand why a marital Brexit 188 00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:05,502 might be a great opportunity for you. 189 00:08:05,618 --> 00:08:07,320 Who are you going to do trade deals with? 190 00:08:07,736 --> 00:08:08,897 - OK. I'm not... - As far as I know, 191 00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:11,008 you weren't seeing any Italian or German women. 192 00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,268 And I can't see you having any luck 193 00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:15,305 with the Chinese or the Americans. 194 00:08:16,095 --> 00:08:17,330 This is all rubbish. 195 00:08:17,602 --> 00:08:19,813 I'm just saying it doesn't need to be the great catastrophe 196 00:08:19,838 --> 00:08:21,573 that the Guardian thinks it is. 197 00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:23,982 You voted for Brexit, didn't you? 198 00:08:25,182 --> 00:08:26,216 Well, what if I did? 199 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:27,771 You can't vote in the UK. 200 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:30,051 - I registered. - You registered? 201 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,188 You registered so you could vote for bleeding bastard Brexit? 202 00:08:33,212 --> 00:08:34,247 Do not touch that doorbell. 203 00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:37,695 You voted for Brexit despite every conversation we've had? 204 00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,828 And it took giant balls, let me tell you. 205 00:08:40,853 --> 00:08:42,213 When everybody I knew was going on 206 00:08:42,238 --> 00:08:43,964 about what a disaster it was gonna be. 207 00:08:44,179 --> 00:08:46,070 And that's why you did it? Because everyone else you know 208 00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:47,729 - was doing something different? - Well... 209 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:51,471 that was part of the appeal, yes. 210 00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:55,012 I also have some complicated but defensible socioeconomic theories. 211 00:08:55,401 --> 00:08:56,502 Defend one of them. 212 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,674 I mostly wanted to annoy your friends. 213 00:09:02,093 --> 00:09:03,125 Well, you'll do that. 214 00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:05,096 They'll never speak to you again. 215 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,655 Hold on. It's not something that should be gossiped about. 216 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:08,680 It's personal. 217 00:09:08,797 --> 00:09:11,192 So how will you annoy my friends if I don't tell them? 218 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,421 I was annoying them in the moment with my vote. 219 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:14,962 I don't wanna rub their faces in it. 220 00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:17,164 The country needs to move on, to heal. 221 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,667 You go and work in a care home for the minimum wage. 222 00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:21,627 You can replace all the eastern Europeans we've lost. 223 00:09:22,043 --> 00:09:23,755 I'm prepared to do my bit. 224 00:09:25,097 --> 00:09:28,240 I'd be useless if it was to do with death or sickness. 225 00:09:29,035 --> 00:09:30,236 Or lavatories. 226 00:09:30,590 --> 00:09:32,154 But anything else. 227 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:34,918 Why didn't you just ask me? 228 00:09:35,323 --> 00:09:36,425 Right, 229 00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:39,614 we're talking about Brexit for the entire 50 minutes. 230 00:09:40,465 --> 00:09:41,666 Fine. 231 00:09:44,216 --> 00:09:45,374 How did Matthew vote? 232 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,023 How do you think?