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# La, la, la #

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# La, la la la, la-la la la #

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# Da da da da #

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# Da da da da da da #

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# Heyyyyyyyyy #

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... Addic7ed.com ...

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Funding for this program
is provided by

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The National Drank Council,

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The International
Beverage Council,

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Your Local Thirst Quenchers,

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and viewers like you.

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"I'd rather drink ditch water

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than suffer another drop
of savory lemonade" ...

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Oliver Wendell Holmes.

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At the dawn of the century,

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the city of Strongburg
was the site

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of the largest citrus-related
battle in history.

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It forever changed the landscape
of beverage menus

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and the lives of
the very few people involved.

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The Islander whose invention
started the war.

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The young woman
who was too eager to fight

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because she was without the
guidance of her father figure.

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The tough-as-nails general
who kept one ear

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to the ground
and the other to the streets.

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The wealthy but very, very,
very stupid heir

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to a beverage empire
with everything to lose.

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And finally, the one wolf
who laid down her life

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and her edges
for soft-drink freedom.

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Hello. My name
is Lamont Brickwater.

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And along
with some special guests,

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I will take you through
The Battle of the ADES.

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At one point in time,
the town of Strongburg

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was once known for
its endless fields of lemons.

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The town was settled
by the Horse Family

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when it was just a mud pit.

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But after generations of
shitting in the same spot,

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a lemon field grew.

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And from it, the most delicious
lemons the world had ever known.

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Thus began the Horse Family,
the number-one supplier

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of all lemons
and lemon-related products,

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most notably,
their savory lemonade

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that replaced sugar
with bone broth.

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All I remember about the
Horse Family is the bad lemonade

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and the stupid idiot
in charge ... Robert, a horse.

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I believe it was
Robert A. Horse.

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No. It was Robert,
and he was a horse.

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Robert A. Horse
was likeable enough, I guess.

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But what he lacked in smarts
he also lacked in intelligence.

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So when his family returned to
Kentucky to become race horses

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and left him the farm,
he needed a business partner.

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Can N. Wulf
was a man of the skreets

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whose biggest skrength
was his skrength.

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He ran the Horse Farm
with an iron fist.

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And also a tire iron.

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Yo get back to work,
son!

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What you think this is,
a rest stop?

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We works around here,
ya heard?

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Together,
these unlikely partners

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and kind-of-homeys thrived.

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But there was one problem.

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I already said
that [Bshh] was bad.

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So bad that the citizens
of Strongburg started to talk.

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A letter sent
to Can N. Wulf

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dated "sometime in July"
reads...

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_

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Signed, "The Streets."

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At this time, lemon production
in the North

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was at an all-time high
due to Eli Yeti

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and his invention
of the Lemon Gin,

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a machine that cleverly
and expertly

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extracted juice from lemons.

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Can N. Wulf wanted to give
the skreets what they wanted.

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But mostly, he wanted
to make lots of moneys.

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So he decided to move up North.

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And just like that,
the partnership came to an end.

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Can N. Wulf
entered the sweet-lemonade

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business with his new partner,
Yeti.

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And Strongburg was divided into

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Northern and Southern
territories

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along the Lemon Line,

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meant to keep the savory
out of the North

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and the sweet
out of the South.

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And it did.

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Until it didn't.

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Good workers, I bring you
salty refreshments.

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Form a line, please, before the
bony bits settle on the bottom.

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We good.

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But you've been working
in the sun all day.

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What kind of owner ...
I mean master ...

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I mean boss would I be
if I let you go thirsty?

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Hey, you there!
That'll be all, Cousin Seth.

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- Giddy-up!
- Bye.

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Mmm, sounds delic...
I mean, yuck!

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Sweet lemonade
in the South?

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Who gave this to you?

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Muskitt Wulf was Strongburg's

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most skilled
and fearless smuggler.

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For 20 years, or maybe weeks,

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Muskitt Wulf had been
traveling back and forth,

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moving Robert's superior lemons
to her older brother,

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Can N. Wulf, in the North,

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and also supplying
sweet lemonade

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to the people in the South.

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In a time when most wolves
ran with the pack,

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Muskitt Wulf made it clear
that her only allegiance...

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was to herself.

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How many times must I tell you,
bone broth is good for you.

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For the record,
that has never been proven.

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I will not let you violate
100 years of tradition.

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And I will not
disappoint my father.

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Robert did not take
this violation

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with a lack of Vaseline.

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Robert A. Horse dumped

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every drop of sweet lemonade
in the South.

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Like a [Bshh] idiot.

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After a week of recovery,

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Robert drafted
a strongly-lettered letter

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to his former
business partner.

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"Hi, Can N. Wulf.

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I found sweet lemonade
in the South.

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I'm not angry.
Just [Bshh] pissed.

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If we could please ...

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"[Bshh] off.
We at war.

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Signed, General Can. N. Wulf.

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Grr, motha[bshh]a!"

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_

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The situation was sour
for both sides.

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In The North, Can N. Wulf
lost his lemon crop

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suddenly and expectedly.

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With no lemons
coming up from the South,

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Can N. Wulf turned to
his partner for a solution.

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Yeti set out to create
another sweet drink

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without using lemons.

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He tried PotatoAde.

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MonkfishAde.

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And my personal, least favorite,
the Ade of Cotton.

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Yeti worked around the clock
for 11 minutes straight

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before Can N. Wulf said...

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Yo, yo, you know what?

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Let's just fight, man.

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"Let's just fight, man" became
the first slogan of the war.

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In the South, Robert,
an already nervous horse,

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was beginning to [Bshh] bricks

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due to the constant
fear of attack.

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Meanwhile, people grew angry
without access to sweet lemonade

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and the sales plummeted
through the roof.

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Robert wrote his father
for help.

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But he would later find out
that his daddy had been shot

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after cutting his leg off
on his own jar of lemonade.

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Of these affected by the loss
of sweet in the South,

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Robert's workers
had it the worst.

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They forced patrons
of Old Esther's,

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where they only served
savory lemonade.

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One young woman
tried to unite them.

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Brothers and sisters,

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now is the time for rebellion
against the master.

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We deserve our rights
and our free lives!

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Yeah!

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Yo, where's this kid's father?

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Muskitt Wulf returned to
he South with sweet lemonade,

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never one to back down
from a smuggling challenge.

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But also, she had traveled
to Bakersfield

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to get her hair did
and was unaware of the war.

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When the workers explained that
they had no lemons to offer,

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Muskitt Wulf decided she had no
further business in the South.

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But wait!
You have to help us.

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I can't help you guys
escape this place.

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It's too risky.

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Well,
we don't want to escape.

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We just want the war to end
so we can go back to

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picking lemons
and dancing in the fields

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like some real spinnas.

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Y'all want to keep
doing free labor?

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- Free?
- Yo, well, he gonna pay us.

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- He better pay us.
- He promised.

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- Yeah!
- Uh-huh!

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- That's right!
- Yeah! Fo' sho!

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For any of you Comic-Con
and cheesy otaku mother[bshh]

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out there who think we glossed
over the unpaid labor thing...

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That's 'cause we did.

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I'm sorry. There's just nothing
I could do for you.

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I need to find a new hustle.

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Our taste buds are at stake,
and all you care about is money!

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End the war!

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End the war!
End the war!

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End the war!
Ayeeeee!

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Thus was born the second
slogan of the war ...

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"End the war, ayeeeee."

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Up North, General Can N. Wulf
prepared to fight,

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something he'd been good at
from a young age.

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His court-appointed therapist
described him as

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"Mean, very mean,

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Like Laurence Fishburne
playing Ike Turner mean.

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Not quite Sam Jackson mean,
but a wolf who scares me."

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Strategic combat was still new
to the general,

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as was the title general.

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- Yo, what's the plan, bro?
- Plan?

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00:07:44,805 --> 00:07:46,540
We're gonna run up in there
and [Bshh] 'em up.

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That's the plan.

200
00:07:47,810 --> 00:07:49,474
I mean, you could
try to negotiate.

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00:07:49,475 --> 00:07:51,640
- You want me to set up a meeting?
- Yo, when you have a meetin',

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00:07:51,675 --> 00:07:53,214
you got to have
a follow-up, son.

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00:07:53,215 --> 00:07:55,280
And you know
I hate following up.

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We move on them spinnas
in the morning.

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- _
- Later that night, Muskitt Wulf

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00:07:59,715 --> 00:08:02,450
penned a text her sister
Bayonet Wulf,

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00:08:02,485 --> 00:08:04,520
who was away at university
studying

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00:08:04,555 --> 00:08:07,320
botany, French,
and pyrotechnical [Bshh]

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00:08:07,330 --> 00:08:09,390
The letter gives us a glimpse
of the emotional side

210
00:08:09,425 --> 00:08:10,864
of this conflict.

211
00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,860
"Yo, sis.
You know I'm a lone wolf,

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00:08:12,895 --> 00:08:14,660
but I find myself caught
between two sides

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00:08:14,670 --> 00:08:15,904
that want to hurt each other.

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00:08:15,905 --> 00:08:18,940
I don't care.
But I also might?"

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00:08:20,010 --> 00:08:21,910
Bayonet Wulf replied...

216
00:08:21,945 --> 00:08:25,810
"Sister, I've studied
your exact case countless times.

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00:08:25,845 --> 00:08:27,249
You need to ..."

218
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:29,080
Oh [Bshh]

219
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:30,517
_

220
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:32,280
The next day,
the army assembled at dawn,

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00:08:32,315 --> 00:08:36,150
but waited for Can N. Wulf
until 11:45 AM.

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00:08:36,185 --> 00:08:38,450
Together, they set out
for The Horse Farm.

223
00:08:38,460 --> 00:08:39,924
Silly little fruit.

224
00:08:39,925 --> 00:08:42,260
Dancing in our minds
and hearts.

225
00:08:42,295 --> 00:08:44,230
Lemonade brings death.

226
00:08:44,265 --> 00:08:46,800
Now, this journey takes minutes
because we failed to

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00:08:46,835 --> 00:08:48,700
accurately depict
the size of Strongburg,

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00:08:48,735 --> 00:08:51,330
and it's really quite small.

229
00:08:51,340 --> 00:08:53,740
Can N. Wulf takes the workers
by violence

230
00:08:53,775 --> 00:08:55,610
with a surprise first attack.

231
00:09:02,185 --> 00:09:04,850
What in tarnations is going on?

232
00:09:04,885 --> 00:09:08,080
Oh, hey, Can N. Wulf!
It's me! Robert!

233
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:11,250
I know who you are.
Now run your farm.

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00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:12,624
Uh, no!

235
00:09:12,625 --> 00:09:13,824
- Yes!
- Unh-unh!

236
00:09:13,825 --> 00:09:15,194
- Yes!
- Not happening!

237
00:09:15,195 --> 00:09:16,764
- Yes!
- No!

238
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,330
This went on
and on and on...

239
00:09:19,365 --> 00:09:20,369
- Unh-unh!
- Yes!

240
00:09:20,370 --> 00:09:21,534
...and on again.

241
00:09:21,535 --> 00:09:22,634
- Yes!
- Not happening!

242
00:09:22,635 --> 00:09:24,730
And one more time
after that.

243
00:09:24,740 --> 00:09:28,340
Then prepare for defeat!

244
00:09:28,375 --> 00:09:30,310
Hold the line!

245
00:09:34,750 --> 00:09:37,480
But before Can N. Wulf
could "[Bshh] shit up,"

246
00:09:37,515 --> 00:09:38,954
in swooped
our unlikely hero.

247
00:09:38,955 --> 00:09:41,120
Wait! Wait!
I have a solution!

248
00:09:41,155 --> 00:09:43,690
The Country Time Lemon
Pledge proposed a compromise

249
00:09:43,725 --> 00:09:47,060
in which The South continued
manufacturing savory lemonade,

250
00:09:47,095 --> 00:09:49,160
but instead
called it vinaigrette.

251
00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:53,134
Yo, that's good [Bshh]

252
00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:56,000
Many would later realize that
vinaigrette was already invented

253
00:09:56,035 --> 00:09:57,870
and did not
include bone broth.

254
00:09:57,905 --> 00:10:00,940
But Robert truly was
a stupid horse.

255
00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:03,340
And for the first time
in some number of years,

256
00:10:03,375 --> 00:10:07,110
sweet and savory
were able to coexist.

257
00:10:07,145 --> 00:10:09,080
What the ...
Hold up a damn minute!

258
00:10:09,115 --> 00:10:11,250
How you gonna sign
a peace treaty without a war?

259
00:10:11,285 --> 00:10:13,720
Yo, she right.
This ain't the Civil Agreement.

260
00:10:13,755 --> 00:10:16,220
This is the Civil War!

261
00:10:16,255 --> 00:10:18,520
The war's last battle
was a quick one.

262
00:10:18,555 --> 00:10:20,320
Ah! Aah!

263
00:10:20,330 --> 00:10:22,024
Can N. Wulf learned
that the cannon

264
00:10:22,025 --> 00:10:23,364
on his back was functional

265
00:10:23,365 --> 00:10:24,999
and quickly
destroyed everything,

266
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,669
including his own army.

267
00:10:26,670 --> 00:10:28,234
And the entire farm.

268
00:10:28,235 --> 00:10:31,870
So decided to open
a deliqadanci.

269
00:10:31,905 --> 00:10:34,540
Yeah, I remember it
like it was yesterday.

270
00:10:34,575 --> 00:10:36,610
It was [Bshh] up.
I loved it.

271
00:10:36,645 --> 00:10:38,370
Yo, Wallace, get me
some lemonade,

272
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:40,610
and none of that
Newman's Own bull[Bshh]

273
00:10:40,645 --> 00:10:44,150
Muskitt Wulf managed to escape
the battle almost unscathed,

274
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,414
and with wenches.

275
00:10:45,415 --> 00:10:48,380
Without edges, she retired
from smuggling that day.

276
00:10:48,390 --> 00:10:50,490
Legend says she joined a group
of free wolves

277
00:10:50,525 --> 00:10:51,759
called the "Carbonation Cult"

278
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:53,690
and was renamed
"Mist of the Sierra"

279
00:10:53,725 --> 00:10:56,130
or "A Copyrighted Soda."

280
00:10:56,165 --> 00:10:59,430
Together, they set off to find
the mythical green lemon ...

281
00:10:59,465 --> 00:11:00,834
the lime.

282
00:11:00,835 --> 00:11:03,030
Sounds like some
made-up bullshit.

283
00:11:03,065 --> 00:11:05,870
And it probably is.

284
00:11:07,543 --> 00:11:09,127
_

285
00:11:09,575 --> 00:11:13,667
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