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- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -

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D'oh!

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Oh!

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Will you take us to Mount Splashmore?

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Will you take us to Mount Splashmore?

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Will you take us to Mount Splashmore?

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Will you take us to Mount Splashmore?

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You're here, you're just in a long line.

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- Thank you.
- We appreciate it.

10
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Points.

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Follow me.

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- Where?
- Points.

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Points, points, excuse me, points.

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- Coming through, points.
- My visor!

15
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No, Dad. No.
We've been in line for an hour.

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Hmm, you have a point.

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Points!

18
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Will you please explain
where you're taking us,

19
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and don't just say "points."

20
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Okay. Over a lifetime
of credit card debt,

21
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and paying for credit card debt
with worse credit card debt,

22
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this family has two million
hotel rewards

23
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loyalty... points, which we can only use

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at the nearest
Second Best Western Motel.

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Oh, Dad, the points expire at midnight.

26
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No worries.

27
00:02:39,824 --> 00:02:42,661
If I average 80 miles an hour
for 14 straight hours,

28
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- we'll make it.
- I love you, Homer.

29
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Step on it, Dad!

30
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And I'll field this call from Grampa.

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Connection failed.

32
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But my liver!

33
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So where exactly are we going?

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Niagara Falls.

35
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- Eh.
- Meh.

36
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Paid for by points.

37
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Points! Points! Points!

38
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I spy a closed-down Toys "R" Us.

39
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I spy a bankrupt Sears and Roebuck.

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- D'oh!
- I don't know about this game.

41
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I find it a little...

42
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Circuit City overrun by wild dogs.

43
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Booyah!

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How can you booyah
this country's decline?

45
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Cheer up, honey.

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We're headed to the one place
that can never decline,

47
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because it was never that great:
Upstate New York.

48
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? Start watching Fox News ?

49
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? Stop watching your weight ?

50
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? There is no fancy part of it ?

51
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? Upstate New York ?

52
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? They're fond of their booze ?

53
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? Hot wing sauce is great ?

54
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? I'm gonna clog my heart in it ?

55
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? Upstate New York ?

56
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? I want to sleep in, in a city ?

57
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? That never wakes ?

58
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? And find I'm fitting right in ?

59
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? One of the gang ?

60
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? Par for the course ?

61
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? The Kodak plant closed ?

62
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? But I'm longing to stay ?

63
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? And go on disability ?

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? In Upstate New York ?

65
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? Can't make it anywhere ?

66
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? But I can make it there ?

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? I love you so ?

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? Upstate New York. ?

69
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Benedict Arnold fought here, baby.

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You want a quarter for the binoculars?

71
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I guess.

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Those tourist binoculars
are never that strong.

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Now, that's worth a quarter.

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So magnificent.

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Hey, Lis, want to bounce?

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Not till I've soaked in
the full majesty of the falls.

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And done.

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Take that, blue boy.

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Eat rubber, red head.

80
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I can't believe the kids
are already bored with the view.

81
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Mmm.

82
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While the kids are bouncing around,

83
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why don't we do a little bouncing, too?

84
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That's even more romantic
than what you said at Fort Dix.

85
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Whoa!

86
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Let's see, the angle of rebound
equals the angle of incidence.

87
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Ooh, I forgot to account
for surface irregularities.

88
00:06:19,076 --> 00:06:21,379
Okay, time to take a sick day.

89
00:06:21,413 --> 00:06:23,215
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God, oh God!

90
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Ooh, a rainbow.

91
00:06:25,416 --> 00:06:27,085
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!

92
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Where am I?

93
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Oh... handsome, horsey.

94
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Am I in heaven?

95
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Even better, eh?
You're in beautiful Canada...

96
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is what I'd say if Canadians
weren't too modest to brag.

97
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But we are.

98
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Oh...

99
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I have a young girl who may...
I repeat, may...

100
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need medical attention, eh?

101
00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,418
I repeat: eh.

102
00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,930
Ms. Simpson, you're a very lucky lady.

103
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:13,299
Oh, sweetie, thank God, thank God.

104
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Your daughter's fine,
but I recommend a five-day stay.

105
00:07:18,971 --> 00:07:21,639
Of course, of course.
We'll take out a third mortgage.

106
00:07:21,673 --> 00:07:26,812
Sir, you're in Canada now,
where your health care is free.

107
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Free health care.
Why can't America do that?

108
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:30,983
She's delirious, Doc.

109
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America can't pay for health
care and give corporations

110
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the tax breaks they so desperately need.

111
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I'm not delirious.

112
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In fact, I've never felt more protected.

113
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Not like back home.

114
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Ooh, hang on. Did you just say
you don't feel safe

115
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in your home country?

116
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Why should she feel safe?

117
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In America, the great El Barto
roams the streets.

118
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So, let me get this straight:
you're afraid of America.

119
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Is that right, young lady?

120
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- Well, there's voter suppression...
- Shh.

121
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and utter disregard
for the environment...

122
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Shh.

123
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- a president who's such a son of a...
- Shh.

124
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Oh, save that language for the lower 48.

125
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No, I'm telling you.
Our president really is a god...

126
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- Shush.
- We know.

127
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Lisa, as you're clearly a victim
of political persecution

128
00:08:20,331 --> 00:08:23,067
who fears for her life,
I must keep you in Canada

129
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where you'll be safe and
assigned your own hockey team.

130
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Please not Ottawa, please not Ottawa.

131
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Yeah, I'm, I'm so sorry.

132
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You can't keep my daughter.

133
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She's the heart and soul of this family.

134
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- Hey. What am I?
- You're the spleen.

135
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We don't know what it does
and we don't care.

136
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My hands are tied, ma'am.

137
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She's in the asylum pipeline now.

138
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You can't separate us from our child.

139
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That's America's thing.

140
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Well, then you leave us no choice.

141
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We have to deport you, Canadian-style.

142
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Great. Come on. Bring it in,
bring it in.

143
00:09:02,206 --> 00:09:05,009
Lisa, are they taking care
of you? Are you eating okay?

144
00:09:05,043 --> 00:09:06,678
Look, I'm fine, eh.

145
00:09:06,711 --> 00:09:08,112
We're losing her.

146
00:09:08,145 --> 00:09:09,447
Mom, I'm okay.

147
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,216
They put me in a nice foster home

148
00:09:11,249 --> 00:09:12,884
with Gord and Francette here.

149
00:09:12,918 --> 00:09:14,385
Enough with the accent.

150
00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:15,721
Okay.

151
00:09:15,754 --> 00:09:18,389
Lisa, where should we go
for dinner tonight?

152
00:09:18,423 --> 00:09:20,525
Harvey's or Swiss Chalet?

153
00:09:20,558 --> 00:09:22,093
How about Mr. Submarine?

154
00:09:22,126 --> 00:09:23,861
Or Earls?

155
00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:25,129
Don't forget Humpty's.

156
00:09:25,163 --> 00:09:29,301
Mmm, restaurant chains I never heard of.

157
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:34,772
Homer, you take Bart back
to Springfield.

158
00:09:34,806 --> 00:09:37,442
I am going for my daughter.

159
00:09:37,475 --> 00:09:40,312
Local smarty-pants Lisa Simpson
has been abducted

160
00:09:40,345 --> 00:09:43,449
by America's Ned Flanders
to the north, Canada.

161
00:09:43,481 --> 00:09:45,951
Here in Springfield,
reactions to Lisa's loss

162
00:09:45,984 --> 00:09:48,754
have been loud and uninformed.

163
00:09:48,787 --> 00:09:50,623
Lisa was the moral center of this town.

164
00:09:50,655 --> 00:09:52,625
Now it's Barney, who knows nothing.

165
00:09:52,658 --> 00:09:56,128
Except it is the purpose of
government to see that not only

166
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,796
the legitimate interests
of the few are protected,

167
00:09:58,830 --> 00:10:01,500
but that the rights of the many
are conserved.

168
00:10:01,533 --> 00:10:04,769
- Shut your gibber-hole.
- Ow!

169
00:10:04,802 --> 00:10:08,240
Ugh! She was the only one in
this band worth a tinker's damn.

170
00:10:08,273 --> 00:10:10,808
Oh, come on.

171
00:10:10,841 --> 00:10:12,276
You know you all stink.

172
00:10:12,309 --> 00:10:15,179
We've been working on the same
song for 30 years.

173
00:10:16,847 --> 00:10:19,851
Can you fall in love with a country?

174
00:10:19,884 --> 00:10:23,621
The science textbooks
acknowledge climate change.

175
00:10:23,654 --> 00:10:25,990
Class, let's give an enthusiastic

176
00:10:26,024 --> 00:10:28,460
but quiet hello to Lisa Simpson.

177
00:10:28,493 --> 00:10:30,129
Hello.

178
00:10:30,162 --> 00:10:32,665
As an American, I'd like to apologize

179
00:10:32,697 --> 00:10:34,298
for something our president said about

180
00:10:34,331 --> 00:10:36,968
your wonderfully progressive
prime minister.

181
00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:39,604
Is there any way I can send
a note? Or maybe I could...

182
00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:41,774
- Right this way.
- Oh.

183
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,841
Hmm!

184
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:45,977
- Mr. Trudeau?
- Yes, Lisa?

185
00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:47,379
Oh.

186
00:10:47,412 --> 00:10:51,483
I am really, really sorry about
what our president called you.

187
00:10:51,515 --> 00:10:55,187
I don't think about it, I've moved on.

188
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:57,355
Weak. He called me weak.

189
00:10:57,389 --> 00:10:59,024
Absolutely.

190
00:10:59,057 --> 00:11:00,359
Let me ask you.

191
00:11:00,392 --> 00:11:02,795
Does this look weak?

192
00:11:02,827 --> 00:11:04,196
Seriously?

193
00:11:04,229 --> 00:11:06,965
Wow, that is impressive.

194
00:11:06,998 --> 00:11:08,901
Uh, watch your tie.

195
00:11:08,933 --> 00:11:11,502
So, listen, if I could just
ask you one question

196
00:11:11,535 --> 00:11:14,038
about the SNC-Lavalin scandal?

197
00:11:24,381 --> 00:11:25,750
Now, Lisa,

198
00:11:25,783 --> 00:11:29,087
we'll be doing a class play
based on a great Canadian novel.

199
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:32,057
The Apprenticeship of Duddy
Kravitz by Mordecai Richler?

200
00:11:32,090 --> 00:11:33,425
Maybe next year, Oliver.

201
00:11:33,457 --> 00:11:34,826
It's never Duddy.

202
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,329
No, we're doing a child-friendly version

203
00:11:37,361 --> 00:11:38,429
of The Handmaid's Tale.

204
00:11:38,462 --> 00:11:40,765
Ooh, I'd like to try out for Offred.

205
00:11:42,634 --> 00:11:46,105
Oh, so you're asking directly
for something you want.

206
00:11:46,138 --> 00:11:49,441
Well, that's not very Canadian,
but I like it.

207
00:11:55,246 --> 00:11:59,117
I've never been happier.

208
00:11:59,150 --> 00:12:00,852
Polite applause, children.

209
00:12:00,885 --> 00:12:03,288
Yay.

210
00:12:09,727 --> 00:12:10,928
No.

211
00:12:19,104 --> 00:12:21,139
Hi, Mrs. Simpson.

212
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:24,143
I have to get my daughter back.
Can I hide in the trunk?

213
00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:27,479
Okay, but don't tell anyone
we're going up for beer.

214
00:12:27,511 --> 00:12:29,447
We all know.

215
00:12:33,918 --> 00:12:35,153
D'oh.

216
00:12:40,991 --> 00:12:42,660
What's this blue stuff, eh?

217
00:12:42,693 --> 00:12:45,463
Oh, um, it's called a car tail.

218
00:12:45,496 --> 00:12:47,331
Stupid new American fad.

219
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:48,914
Oh, we'll get it in six months.

220
00:12:49,033 --> 00:12:50,299
Move along.

221
00:12:58,342 --> 00:12:59,844
Good-bye!

222
00:12:59,878 --> 00:13:01,747
Where is she?

223
00:13:01,779 --> 00:13:03,314
Mom.

224
00:13:04,349 --> 00:13:06,285
Oh, sweetie.

225
00:13:06,317 --> 00:13:09,420
Mmm, this is the best hug
we've ever had.

226
00:13:09,453 --> 00:13:11,289
Yes, it's wonderful.

227
00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:13,257
Please don't make me leave.

228
00:13:13,291 --> 00:13:15,694
Your home is with us, not them.

229
00:13:15,726 --> 00:13:18,163
You must have known
I wasn't happy in Springfield.

230
00:13:18,196 --> 00:13:20,365
All I did was play the blues.

231
00:13:20,398 --> 00:13:22,033
Are you sure you didn't play the blues

232
00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,936
because slow tempos are easier?

233
00:13:23,969 --> 00:13:25,337
Maybe a little.

234
00:13:25,370 --> 00:13:27,306
But this country is better.

235
00:13:27,339 --> 00:13:30,175
Their Fox News is just news about foxes.

236
00:13:30,207 --> 00:13:32,443
Listen, you little traitor.
I'm your mother.

237
00:13:32,476 --> 00:13:34,011
And you live where I live.

238
00:13:34,044 --> 00:13:35,847
You're coming home with me.

239
00:13:37,716 --> 00:13:40,152
I'm really gonna miss this place.

240
00:13:40,184 --> 00:13:42,019
If it makes you feel any better,

241
00:13:42,052 --> 00:13:44,355
Canada exploits its environment, too.

242
00:13:44,389 --> 00:13:46,825
- Wha...?
- This country does it all.

243
00:13:46,857 --> 00:13:50,228
Tar sands, strip-mining,
Mountie-mocking,

244
00:13:50,261 --> 00:13:53,698
geese-goosing, French fry-gravying.

245
00:13:53,731 --> 00:13:57,568
Okay, but I'm sure
you treat all peoples equally.

246
00:13:57,601 --> 00:14:00,639
- Except the Québécois.
- And the Newfies.

247
00:14:00,672 --> 00:14:02,740
Stupid Newfies.

248
00:14:02,774 --> 00:14:04,142
I'm a Newfie.

249
00:14:04,174 --> 00:14:06,177
Whee.

250
00:14:08,212 --> 00:14:10,748
I guess that does make me feel
a little better.

251
00:14:10,782 --> 00:14:12,017
Thank you.

252
00:14:13,951 --> 00:14:16,687
? Where the wind blows cold ?

253
00:14:16,721 --> 00:14:19,057
? And there's ice and snow ?

254
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:22,761
? Some days go on forever ?

255
00:14:22,793 --> 00:14:25,264
? But I'm warm and fed ?

256
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:27,432
? In a Newfoundlander's bed ?

257
00:14:27,465 --> 00:14:31,570
? I'll be an islander forever ?

258
00:14:31,602 --> 00:14:34,605
? I'll be an islander ?

259
00:14:34,639 --> 00:14:36,475
? Forever. ?

260
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:44,349
Sir, we'd appreciate it

261
00:14:44,381 --> 00:14:47,785
if you gave us safe passage
back to America.

262
00:14:47,818 --> 00:14:51,455
Sorry, but as it now says
on the Statue of Liberty,

263
00:14:51,489 --> 00:14:53,425
"No re-entry without hand stamp."

264
00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,827
- Where do you get the hand stamp?
- There isn't one.

265
00:15:01,432 --> 00:15:03,302
Our top story tonight: Estranged Brew.

266
00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:05,070
Marge Simpson and her daughter
have now been

267
00:15:05,102 --> 00:15:08,205
banned from the United States,
just like asbestos.

268
00:15:08,239 --> 00:15:10,108
And this just in: asbestos is back

269
00:15:10,140 --> 00:15:11,943
into America's hospitals and schools.

270
00:15:11,976 --> 00:15:14,111
Let me just say this asbestos will be

271
00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:16,180
reinstalled with the greatest of care.

272
00:15:22,519 --> 00:15:25,423
Oh, Homie, I don't know
how we're gonna get back.

273
00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:27,992
Hmm... how soon can you grow a mustache?

274
00:15:28,025 --> 00:15:29,327
That won't work.

275
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,163
Your call.

276
00:15:31,196 --> 00:15:32,831
Hmm, at least it looks like

277
00:15:32,864 --> 00:15:35,000
you're getting along okay without us.

278
00:15:37,836 --> 00:15:40,305
You know, since Lisa and I
are stuck here,

279
00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:42,573
maybe you should move up here with us.

280
00:15:42,606 --> 00:15:44,308
Great idea, great idea.

281
00:15:44,341 --> 00:15:46,077
What the heck? Bring Bart.

282
00:15:46,110 --> 00:15:48,346
No way. I can't move to Canada.

283
00:15:48,379 --> 00:15:50,081
I revere this country.

284
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:53,485
Really? The last vote you cast
was for Quisp.

285
00:15:53,518 --> 00:15:55,153
And I won.

286
00:15:55,186 --> 00:15:58,956
Maybe we could find a way
to sneak out. I snuck in.

287
00:15:58,990 --> 00:16:00,859
You do what you want; I'm not leaving.

288
00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:05,096
Okay. You win, Lisa.

289
00:16:05,129 --> 00:16:07,698
Looks like we're gonna be here together.

290
00:16:07,731 --> 00:16:09,467
But there's one thing I need you to do.

291
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:12,636
Take one last look
at the country you left behind

292
00:16:12,669 --> 00:16:15,506
and focus on anything good about it.

293
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:18,110
You're right.
America's like a great boyfriend

294
00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:20,644
that maybe got a little fat
and lost a little hair.

295
00:16:20,677 --> 00:16:24,883
What does that have to do
with anything? Just go.

296
00:16:25,917 --> 00:16:27,451
Good-bye, USA.

297
00:16:27,485 --> 00:16:29,553
I feel like we did the best we could.

298
00:16:29,586 --> 00:16:31,389
And we can still be friends.

299
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:35,059
Okay, now I'm gonna focus on
the good things that you've got.

300
00:16:41,899 --> 00:16:44,302
Abe Lincoln... Dumbo...

301
00:16:44,335 --> 00:16:47,372
Aretha Franklin, Eleanor Roosevelt,

302
00:16:47,404 --> 00:16:50,975
Seabiscuit, the computer
that won on Jeopardy!

303
00:16:51,009 --> 00:16:53,711
What is "We miss you, Lisa"?

304
00:16:53,745 --> 00:16:55,647
Judy Blume.

305
00:16:55,679 --> 00:16:57,548
Oh, I own all your books.

306
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,985
I know, I read my royalty reports.

307
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:02,153
Having awkward new feelings
for your country...

308
00:17:02,187 --> 00:17:03,654
it's normal, Lisa.

309
00:17:03,687 --> 00:17:06,258
And you're one of my favorite readers.

310
00:17:06,290 --> 00:17:07,893
Welcome home, Lisa.

311
00:17:07,925 --> 00:17:09,760
Well, I haven't decided yet.

312
00:17:09,794 --> 00:17:12,264
Hello, Lisa.

313
00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:15,767
- Louis Armstrong.
- Yeah. And I'm mighty tired

314
00:17:15,799 --> 00:17:18,537
of having to keep appearing
in your fantasies.

315
00:17:18,569 --> 00:17:20,105
Get your ass back over here.

316
00:17:20,137 --> 00:17:21,872
Yes, sir, Satchmo.

317
00:17:21,905 --> 00:17:24,775
America ain't perfect, but it's
my job to make it better.

318
00:17:24,808 --> 00:17:26,177
See you soon.

319
00:17:29,279 --> 00:17:31,416
What are you going over there for?

320
00:17:32,650 --> 00:17:34,419
It's legal now.

321
00:17:34,451 --> 00:17:36,954
What is "Pass the Dutch"?

322
00:17:41,659 --> 00:17:43,361
Psst, Mom.

323
00:17:43,394 --> 00:17:45,130
Psst. I want to go home.

324
00:17:45,163 --> 00:17:46,964
Oh, finally.

325
00:17:46,998 --> 00:17:49,701
We're out of this hellhole.

326
00:17:49,733 --> 00:17:51,269
Who made my bed?

327
00:17:51,301 --> 00:17:53,071
Least I could do.

328
00:18:02,446 --> 00:18:04,748
We will get you across the river.

329
00:18:04,781 --> 00:18:07,985
Nous allons vous faire
traverser la rivière.

330
00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:11,256
God, it wastes so must time
saying everything twice.

331
00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:17,295
I feel so relieved to have
finally made up my mind.

332
00:18:19,364 --> 00:18:22,800
Ooh. We must ditch our excess cargo.

333
00:18:22,834 --> 00:18:24,669
You two.

334
00:18:24,701 --> 00:18:27,972
You're abandoning us
in the middle of a frozen river?

335
00:18:28,006 --> 00:18:31,243
Wow, Canadians really can be jerks.

336
00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:33,245
Yes, for every Martin Short,

337
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,346
there is no shortage of Shatners.

338
00:18:39,483 --> 00:18:41,619
Hope you wash up on a shore you like!

339
00:18:50,127 --> 00:18:51,129
- Homie!
- Dad!

340
00:18:52,630 --> 00:18:54,366
Guess who's here to save the day.

341
00:18:57,201 --> 00:18:59,336
Why did you get a truck so big?

342
00:18:59,369 --> 00:19:01,438
It's the smallest one Detroit makes.

343
00:19:04,509 --> 00:19:06,144
How will we get in?

344
00:19:06,176 --> 00:19:09,480
I know one place where
there's always plenty of room.

345
00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:19,324
I missed you, Krusty Burger
where there's only

346
00:19:19,356 --> 00:19:20,858
one thing I can eat.

347
00:19:20,892 --> 00:19:23,461
I missed you, pony I had for a week.

348
00:19:23,493 --> 00:19:27,031
I missed you, snarky comic book seller.

349
00:19:27,065 --> 00:19:28,466
Thanks for nothing.

350
00:19:28,499 --> 00:19:32,403
I missed you, nuclear ash
that looks like snow.

351
00:19:32,436 --> 00:19:35,639
I missed you,
mixed martial arts megachurch.

352
00:19:35,673 --> 00:19:37,308
I missed you, Ralph.

353
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,643
You were gone?

354
00:19:40,178 --> 00:19:41,980
Now can we do Duddy Kravitz?

355
00:19:42,012 --> 00:19:43,881
No, we're gonna watch an episode

356
00:19:43,914 --> 00:19:46,117
- of The Beachcombers.
- Oh...

357
00:19:48,005 --> 00:19:54,159
- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -

358
00:19:54,192 --> 00:19:55,727
For my show and tell,

359
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:58,430
I brought something
from my trip to Canada.

360
00:20:00,097 --> 00:20:01,599
What did you do this week, sir?

361
00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:04,436
Well, a Japanese tourist
took pictures of me,

362
00:20:04,469 --> 00:20:06,938
I fed my horse an apple, and I found

363
00:20:06,971 --> 00:20:10,608
a very interesting man
hiding in Medicine Hat.

364
00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:13,278
- Papa.
- Hey, Nelson, good news.

365
00:20:13,310 --> 00:20:16,080
You've got a brother in Fort McMurray.

366
00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:18,950
- What's his name?
- How would I know?