1
00:00:02,682 --> 00:00:05,726
Not all science is created equal.

2
00:00:05,729 --> 00:00:09,146
There's physics, the
undisputed king of science.

3
00:00:09,148 --> 00:00:10,931
There's chemistry. It's no physics,

4
00:00:10,933 --> 00:00:13,368
but it's not a bad way
to pass a rainy afternoon.

5
00:00:13,370 --> 00:00:15,997
And then there's biology,

6
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,239
the squishiest of the sciences.

7
00:00:18,242 --> 00:00:19,387
Ugh!

8
00:00:19,390 --> 00:00:21,942
Once you have deposited enough saliva

9
00:00:21,944 --> 00:00:23,723
in the blue Benedict's solution,

10
00:00:23,726 --> 00:00:25,206
we'll mix it

11
00:00:25,208 --> 00:00:26,599
in the centrifuge.

12
00:00:26,601 --> 00:00:29,012
After that, we'll pass it
through the spectrometer

13
00:00:29,015 --> 00:00:31,342
to measure how much glucose is present.

14
00:00:31,344 --> 00:00:33,562
And won't that be a party?

15
00:00:33,565 --> 00:00:34,783
Sheldon.

16
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:53,715
Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

17
00:00:53,718 --> 00:00:55,586
It's warm. Oh, dear.

18
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:14,109
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
... www.Addic7ed.com ...

19
00:01:15,664 --> 00:01:17,911
And then there was some
extra money in the budget,

20
00:01:17,913 --> 00:01:19,652
so I was able to order
those tackling dummies

21
00:01:19,654 --> 00:01:21,175
I had my eye on.

22
00:01:21,177 --> 00:01:23,090
I don't understand why
the football program gets

23
00:01:23,092 --> 00:01:25,270
so much money, while the
equipment in the science lab

24
00:01:25,273 --> 00:01:27,094
is outdated and falling apart.

25
00:01:27,096 --> 00:01:28,312
Oh, I can explain that.

26
00:01:28,314 --> 00:01:29,575
This is Texas.

27
00:01:29,577 --> 00:01:30,576
Pass the ribs.

28
00:01:30,578 --> 00:01:32,492
Well, it's not fair. It's a school.

29
00:01:32,495 --> 00:01:34,449
Education should be their priority.

30
00:01:34,451 --> 00:01:36,059
All right, I'll explain it again...

31
00:01:36,061 --> 00:01:37,614
I think Shelly's got a point.

32
00:01:37,617 --> 00:01:39,715
The school is supposed
to prepare these kids

33
00:01:39,717 --> 00:01:41,108
for the future. How many of 'em

34
00:01:41,110 --> 00:01:43,545
are gonna be professional
football players?

35
00:01:43,547 --> 00:01:45,112
No one at this table.

36
00:01:45,114 --> 00:01:47,984
But how many of 'em
are gonna be scientists?

37
00:01:47,986 --> 00:01:49,246
I know.

38
00:01:49,249 --> 00:01:51,438
George, isn't there a
way they can take some

39
00:01:51,441 --> 00:01:53,815
of the football money
and spend it on science?

40
00:01:53,818 --> 00:01:55,687
Really? I need to explain it again?

41
00:01:55,690 --> 00:01:58,167
You know, Moon Pie, in the
'60s, when the hippies wanted

42
00:01:58,170 --> 00:02:00,693
to change things, they
would just protest.

43
00:02:00,695 --> 00:02:02,477
- You were a hippie?
- Oh, no.

44
00:02:02,479 --> 00:02:04,871
But I wrote a letter
complaining about the hippies,

45
00:02:04,873 --> 00:02:07,235
and the police chased 'em
right out of that park.

46
00:02:07,238 --> 00:02:08,715
So my point is...

47
00:02:08,718 --> 00:02:10,616
maybe you could write a letter.

48
00:02:10,618 --> 00:02:13,009
Ooh! Maybe I can lodge
a formal complaint

49
00:02:13,011 --> 00:02:15,185
with the school board about
the sports budget infringing

50
00:02:15,187 --> 00:02:16,535
on the other departments.

51
00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:17,666
Okay, last time:

52
00:02:17,668 --> 00:02:19,189
Canada,

53
00:02:19,191 --> 00:02:21,017
the other states,

54
00:02:21,019 --> 00:02:22,602
us.

55
00:02:30,463 --> 00:02:32,638
What are you doing, standing there?

56
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,814
I wrote a formal complaint
letter to the school board

57
00:02:34,816 --> 00:02:36,903
on how much money is spent on football.

58
00:02:36,905 --> 00:02:39,166
I was hoping you could
deliver it to them.

59
00:02:39,168 --> 00:02:41,081
You do realize your
father's a coach here.

60
00:02:41,083 --> 00:02:42,430
Yes, sir, I do.

61
00:02:42,433 --> 00:02:44,432
Maybe you ought to talk
to him about this first.

62
00:02:44,434 --> 00:02:45,476
I did.

63
00:02:45,478 --> 00:02:47,348
He didn't care for the idea at all.

64
00:02:47,350 --> 00:02:49,698
Well, there you go.

65
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:51,528
There I go what?

66
00:02:52,572 --> 00:02:54,267
Let me see that.

67
00:02:56,141 --> 00:02:59,360
"Barbaric sport...
encourages bloodlust similar

68
00:02:59,362 --> 00:03:01,125
to Roman gladiator games...

69
00:03:01,128 --> 00:03:03,320
Christians, lions...

70
00:03:03,322 --> 00:03:05,671
money better spent on
science and learning."

71
00:03:05,673 --> 00:03:07,430
You're joking, right?

72
00:03:07,433 --> 00:03:10,155
Did you see the word "bazinga"
anywhere in that letter?

73
00:03:14,116 --> 00:03:15,463
Out.

74
00:03:15,465 --> 00:03:18,337
I'll just have to go over his head.

75
00:03:20,543 --> 00:03:23,688
- _
- President Cooper.

76
00:03:23,699 --> 00:03:25,526
That's serendipitous.

77
00:03:26,780 --> 00:03:28,257
Hello.

78
00:03:29,697 --> 00:03:31,174
What?

79
00:03:31,176 --> 00:03:33,829
I understand that you're in
charge of student elections.

80
00:03:35,267 --> 00:03:36,397
I am.

81
00:03:36,399 --> 00:03:38,617
I'd like to run for class president.

82
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,270
Really?

83
00:03:40,272 --> 00:03:41,837
Really.

84
00:03:41,839 --> 00:03:43,622
Okay.

85
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,363
You can sign up, but
I have to warn you...

86
00:03:46,365 --> 00:03:49,227
You'll be running
against Nell Cavanaugh.

87
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:50,498
So?

88
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:53,240
She's well-liked by the student body.

89
00:03:53,242 --> 00:03:54,328
So?

90
00:03:54,331 --> 00:03:57,633
These elections tend to be a
bit of a popularity contest.

91
00:03:57,636 --> 00:04:00,725
- So?
- You're gonna make me say it, huh?

92
00:04:00,728 --> 00:04:01,944
Say what?

93
00:04:01,946 --> 00:04:03,571
People don't like you.

94
00:04:03,574 --> 00:04:06,556
Well, as my meemaw likes to
say, water off a duck's back.

95
00:04:06,559 --> 00:04:08,777
Elections shouldn't be about popularity.

96
00:04:08,779 --> 00:04:11,388
They should be about
who has the best ideas.

97
00:04:11,390 --> 00:04:13,695
And what's your idea?

98
00:04:13,697 --> 00:04:15,088
Less money on football,

99
00:04:15,090 --> 00:04:16,439
more on science.

100
00:04:17,483 --> 00:04:19,527
Really.

101
00:04:19,529 --> 00:04:22,182
Guess what. I'm running
for class president.

102
00:04:22,184 --> 00:04:23,749
Good for you.

103
00:04:23,751 --> 00:04:25,164
You're encouraging him?

104
00:04:25,167 --> 00:04:26,993
He's gonna get destroyed.

105
00:04:26,996 --> 00:04:28,492
You don't know that.

106
00:04:28,494 --> 00:04:30,190
I feel like I do.

107
00:04:30,192 --> 00:04:31,977
Well, whether you win or not,

108
00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,934
I think it's great that you're trying.

109
00:04:33,937 --> 00:04:35,896
But you think I'll win, right?

110
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:40,173
God's listening, Mom.

111
00:04:40,176 --> 00:04:42,176
I think it's certainly possible.

112
00:04:42,179 --> 00:04:44,266
Do you have a campaign strategy?

113
00:04:44,269 --> 00:04:45,335
No.

114
00:04:45,337 --> 00:04:47,076
Do you have a catchy slogan?

115
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:48,077
No.

116
00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:49,339
Does he have a shot at winning?

117
00:04:49,341 --> 00:04:50,342
No.

118
00:04:52,562 --> 00:04:55,930
Hello, I'd like to speak
to the mayor, please.

119
00:04:55,933 --> 00:04:57,217
My name is Sheldon Cooper.

120
00:04:57,219 --> 00:04:58,653
I'm running for class president

121
00:04:58,655 --> 00:05:01,883
and was hoping he could
give me some advice.

122
00:05:01,886 --> 00:05:03,102
I'm ten years old.

123
00:05:03,105 --> 00:05:04,627
But if it helps get him on the phone,

124
00:05:04,630 --> 00:05:06,760
I'm well-behaved, a straight-A student,

125
00:05:06,763 --> 00:05:08,500
and have impeccable hygiene.

126
00:05:08,503 --> 00:05:10,230
Hello.

127
00:05:10,232 --> 00:05:11,766
This is Mayor Harrison.

128
00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:14,624
I understand you are running for office.

129
00:05:14,627 --> 00:05:15,860
Class president.

130
00:05:15,863 --> 00:05:17,950
Do you have any advice on how to win?

131
00:05:17,953 --> 00:05:20,127
The most important
thing is to get out there

132
00:05:20,130 --> 00:05:21,652
and connect with people.

133
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,039
That's tricky.

134
00:05:23,042 --> 00:05:24,907
I'm not terribly fond of people.

135
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:26,997
Well, you might need to get over that.

136
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,383
Assuming I can,

137
00:05:28,386 --> 00:05:30,039
how do I connect with them?

138
00:05:30,042 --> 00:05:32,133
A friendly handshake is a great start.

139
00:05:32,136 --> 00:05:33,135
Oh, boy.

140
00:05:33,138 --> 00:05:35,471
Now I have to touch them?

141
00:05:35,474 --> 00:05:37,235
Over the next few days,

142
00:05:37,238 --> 00:05:39,164
I mounted my campaign.

143
00:05:39,167 --> 00:05:42,038
My name is Sheldon Cooper, and
I'm running for class president.

144
00:05:42,041 --> 00:05:43,305
Okay.

145
00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:44,813
Put her there.

146
00:05:46,487 --> 00:05:48,227
Greetings, fellow students.

147
00:05:48,230 --> 00:05:49,969
I'm running for class president.

148
00:05:49,972 --> 00:05:51,571
Here's a button.

149
00:05:53,286 --> 00:05:54,851
Have a grown-up put them on you.

150
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,201
They're sharp.

151
00:05:56,204 --> 00:05:57,464
Hello.

152
00:05:57,467 --> 00:05:58,553
I'm Sheldon Cooper,

153
00:05:58,556 --> 00:06:00,295
and I'm running for class president.

154
00:06:00,298 --> 00:06:01,672
- Yeah?
- I understand

155
00:06:01,675 --> 00:06:03,196
you had a baby last year.

156
00:06:03,199 --> 00:06:05,117
If you bring it in, I'll try to kiss it.

157
00:06:13,829 --> 00:06:16,446
Vote Sheldon for class president.

158
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,755
Vote Sheldon for class president.

159
00:06:18,884 --> 00:06:22,194
Vote Sheldon for class president.

160
00:06:22,197 --> 00:06:23,790
Don't worry... It's a number two.

161
00:06:23,793 --> 00:06:25,896
You can use it on standardized tests.

162
00:06:25,899 --> 00:06:27,170
Okay.

163
00:06:27,173 --> 00:06:28,474
And, of course, homework.

164
00:06:28,477 --> 00:06:29,831
I love homework.

165
00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:32,225
Well, it's so nice to finally meet you.

166
00:06:32,227 --> 00:06:33,356
I'm Nell Cavanaugh.

167
00:06:33,358 --> 00:06:34,923
My opponent.

168
00:06:34,925 --> 00:06:37,578
I would shake your hand, but
my mom is washing my mittens.

169
00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:39,493
Okay.

170
00:06:41,236 --> 00:06:42,496
She was really nice.

171
00:06:42,498 --> 00:06:44,628
She even said, "May
the best student win."

172
00:06:44,630 --> 00:06:45,804
That's sweet.

173
00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,501
This was a great idea.

174
00:06:47,503 --> 00:06:49,895
Children like cupcakes,
and, by giving them cupcakes,

175
00:06:49,897 --> 00:06:52,158
they'll transfer that affinity to me.

176
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,759
That's another way of looking at it.

177
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:58,380
By that reasoning, a rich person
could simply buy people's votes.

178
00:06:58,383 --> 00:07:00,118
It's been known to happen.

179
00:07:00,121 --> 00:07:01,254
Until my ship comes in,

180
00:07:01,256 --> 00:07:03,256
I guess it's cupcakes.

181
00:07:03,258 --> 00:07:05,475
Georgie, check it out.

182
00:07:05,477 --> 00:07:07,717
Oh, man, I hate that he's doing this.

183
00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:09,262
What? It's cute.

184
00:07:09,264 --> 00:07:10,611
It's embarrassing.

185
00:07:10,613 --> 00:07:13,048
I would think you'd be proud of him.

186
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:15,485
That's 'cause you're a
better person than me.

187
00:07:15,487 --> 00:07:18,227
Maybe you ought to ask
God to take away your anger

188
00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:19,620
and replace it with love.

189
00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:22,144
Can I ask him to take
away my brother instead?

190
00:07:22,146 --> 00:07:23,493
Georgie.

191
00:07:23,495 --> 00:07:24,973
Not kill him...

192
00:07:24,975 --> 00:07:27,021
Just strand him on an island somewhere.

193
00:07:28,065 --> 00:07:29,064
A nice island,

194
00:07:29,066 --> 00:07:30,851
with coconuts and stuff.

195
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,624
_

196
00:07:41,626 --> 00:07:43,166
_

197
00:07:43,168 --> 00:07:44,875
_

198
00:07:47,476 --> 00:07:49,041
Nell Cavanaugh,

199
00:07:49,043 --> 00:07:52,305
it appears we're taking the mittens off.

200
00:07:52,307 --> 00:07:54,493
Well, that's unfortunate.

201
00:07:54,496 --> 00:07:56,483
Oh, this goes well beyond unfortunate.

202
00:07:56,485 --> 00:07:58,093
It's flat-out unfair.

203
00:07:58,095 --> 00:08:00,617
Did you not say that you love homework?

204
00:08:00,619 --> 00:08:02,532
Of course I said it.
I say it all the time.

205
00:08:02,534 --> 00:08:05,622
But she took it out of context
and is using it against me.

206
00:08:05,624 --> 00:08:07,537
Well, that is what happens in politics.

207
00:08:07,539 --> 00:08:09,149
People stretch the truth.

208
00:08:09,152 --> 00:08:11,149
Well, those people are dirty dogs.

209
00:08:11,152 --> 00:08:12,412
They certainly are.

210
00:08:12,414 --> 00:08:14,188
Now, let me ask you something.

211
00:08:14,191 --> 00:08:16,372
How bad do you want
to win this election?

212
00:08:16,374 --> 00:08:19,165
Bad enough to let 105
kids shake my mitten.

213
00:08:19,168 --> 00:08:20,860
Okay, then you need to toughen up.

214
00:08:20,863 --> 00:08:23,423
Politics is not for the weak-kneed.

215
00:08:23,425 --> 00:08:26,078
Are you suggesting that
I fight fire with fire?

216
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,516
I am.

217
00:08:27,519 --> 00:08:30,433
So going to my room and crying
in my pillow is not an option?

218
00:08:30,436 --> 00:08:31,699
It is not.

219
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,329
Then I have some thinking to do.

220
00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:39,395
Oh, yeah.

221
00:08:39,397 --> 00:08:40,553
You're screwed.

222
00:08:40,556 --> 00:08:42,149
Which is why I need your help.

223
00:08:42,152 --> 00:08:43,325
Why me?

224
00:08:43,328 --> 00:08:44,414
You're ruthless.

225
00:08:44,417 --> 00:08:46,227
I've seen you cheat at Candy Land.

226
00:08:46,230 --> 00:08:48,404
Thanks. Go on.

227
00:08:48,406 --> 00:08:49,666
Well, I'd like to retaliate,

228
00:08:49,668 --> 00:08:51,494
but I don't know anything about her.

229
00:08:51,496 --> 00:08:53,061
Make something up.

230
00:08:53,063 --> 00:08:55,542
Ooh, tell people she has head lice.

231
00:08:55,544 --> 00:08:57,502
I won't resort to lying.

232
00:08:58,547 --> 00:09:00,851
There's a Denise Cavanaugh in my class.

233
00:09:00,853 --> 00:09:02,313
Could be her little sister.

234
00:09:02,316 --> 00:09:03,352
So?

235
00:09:03,355 --> 00:09:05,030
I'll see if I can dig
up something about Nell

236
00:09:05,032 --> 00:09:06,422
you can use against her.

237
00:09:06,424 --> 00:09:08,207
Thank you.

238
00:09:08,209 --> 00:09:10,730
Georgie, I hate to have to ask this,

239
00:09:10,733 --> 00:09:12,646
but are you going to vote for me?

240
00:09:12,648 --> 00:09:13,995
No. Go away.

241
00:09:13,997 --> 00:09:15,001
Are you sure?

242
00:09:15,004 --> 00:09:17,215
If I win, I can make you a hall monitor.

243
00:09:17,218 --> 00:09:19,566
Imagine the respect you'll get then.

244
00:09:19,568 --> 00:09:21,178
Get lost.

245
00:09:26,618 --> 00:09:30,969
Lord, please take away my
anger toward my stupid brother.

246
00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,535
My life is hard enough.

247
00:09:32,537 --> 00:09:34,363
Don't let him be president.

248
00:09:34,365 --> 00:09:36,148
And while we're talking,

249
00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:38,391
Veronica... help me out.

250
00:09:38,394 --> 00:09:41,543
Encourage her to do something
with me she'll regret.

251
00:09:41,546 --> 00:09:43,111
Amen.

252
00:09:45,115 --> 00:09:46,723
Remember,

253
00:09:46,725 --> 00:09:49,596
tomorrow we'll be dissecting worms!

254
00:09:50,860 --> 00:09:53,126
Ah, your sadness makes me happy.

255
00:09:53,129 --> 00:09:55,259
Mr. Givens, I just wanted you to know

256
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:57,131
that I'm still working
hard on my campaign

257
00:09:57,134 --> 00:09:59,351
to get more funding for
the science department.

258
00:09:59,354 --> 00:10:02,462
Oh, great, 'cause I've got to
dig up tomorrow's worms myself.

259
00:10:02,465 --> 00:10:05,074
Anything you can do to help
me win a decisive victory

260
00:10:05,077 --> 00:10:07,423
come Election Day would
be much appreciated.

261
00:10:07,426 --> 00:10:08,712
Oh, well, I'm sorry, Sheldon,

262
00:10:08,715 --> 00:10:11,095
the faculty doesn't get
involved in student elections.

263
00:10:11,098 --> 00:10:12,681
Oh, I understand.

264
00:10:12,684 --> 00:10:15,075
You have to remain neutral. Wink, wink.

265
00:10:15,078 --> 00:10:17,296
I'm sorry, wink, wink?

266
00:10:17,299 --> 00:10:20,188
You want new science equipment
and I want that for you.

267
00:10:20,191 --> 00:10:22,975
One hand washes the other. Wink, wink.

268
00:10:22,978 --> 00:10:25,717
Oh, sure, wink, wink.

269
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,417
Now you're getting it. Wink, wink.

270
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,282
Wink, wink.

271
00:10:30,340 --> 00:10:31,724
Wink, wink.

272
00:10:31,727 --> 00:10:34,431
That kid creeps me out.

273
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:37,688
Another hurdle in my political
career was glossophobia:

274
00:10:37,691 --> 00:10:39,298
fear of public speaking.

275
00:10:39,301 --> 00:10:42,438
I've been known to experience
dry mouth, perspiration,

276
00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:44,727
heart palpitations, and fainting.

277
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:46,313
A similar response to what I experience

278
00:10:46,316 --> 00:10:48,012
around unleashed dogs.

279
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:50,102
Hello, this is Sheldon Cooper.

280
00:10:50,105 --> 00:10:51,931
Can I please speak with Pastor Jeff?

281
00:10:56,348 --> 00:10:58,174
Hey, Sheldon, what can I do for you?

282
00:10:58,177 --> 00:11:00,009
I need to give a speech at school,

283
00:11:00,012 --> 00:11:01,925
but I have a fear of public speaking.

284
00:11:01,928 --> 00:11:03,667
Since you give a sermon every Sunday,

285
00:11:03,670 --> 00:11:05,704
I was hoping you'd have
some words of advice.

286
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,055
As a matter of fact, I do.

287
00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:11,657
When I look down on my
congregation and I feel nervous,

288
00:11:11,660 --> 00:11:14,617
I just ask the Lord to speak through me.

289
00:11:14,620 --> 00:11:16,620
Like a ventriloquist?

290
00:11:16,623 --> 00:11:18,141
Not exactly.

291
00:11:18,144 --> 00:11:19,753
I think of it more as a...

292
00:11:19,756 --> 00:11:21,134
Like one of the Muppets?

293
00:11:21,137 --> 00:11:22,440
No, not that either.

294
00:11:22,443 --> 00:11:24,487
'Cause you do look a little like Kermit.

295
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:27,012
Uh, okay, good luck to you, Sheldon.

296
00:11:27,015 --> 00:11:28,962
Hello.

297
00:11:28,965 --> 00:11:31,270
Dr. Sturgis. Can you give me any advice

298
00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:33,438
on how to overcome a
fear of public speaking?

299
00:11:33,441 --> 00:11:36,282
Ah, you know, when I was a young man

300
00:11:36,285 --> 00:11:40,009
I had a terrible fear of
speaking to an audience.

301
00:11:40,012 --> 00:11:41,610
What did you do?

302
00:11:41,613 --> 00:11:44,048
Actually, it kinda took care of itself.

303
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:47,705
One day I was, uh,
playing miniature golf

304
00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:51,405
with some colleagues and
I got struck by lightning.

305
00:11:51,408 --> 00:11:53,657
Oh, dear. No, it was fine.

306
00:11:53,660 --> 00:11:58,358
When I came to, I found
myself with the gift of gab.

307
00:11:58,361 --> 00:11:59,610
Big crowds,

308
00:11:59,613 --> 00:12:02,181
small crowds, you couldn't shut me up.

309
00:12:02,184 --> 00:12:04,071
I don't see how that can benefit me.

310
00:12:04,074 --> 00:12:06,884
Not unless you'd like me to
take you miniature golfing

311
00:12:06,887 --> 00:12:09,281
next time there are
clouds on the horizon.

312
00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:20,549
- Everything okay?
- No.

313
00:12:20,552 --> 00:12:23,379
I have to give a speech in
front of the entire assembly.

314
00:12:23,382 --> 00:12:26,209
Oh. Got a little stage fright?

315
00:12:26,212 --> 00:12:27,845
Unfortunately so.

316
00:12:27,848 --> 00:12:30,849
Just thinking about it causes
my bladder to misbehave.

317
00:12:30,852 --> 00:12:33,156
Yeah, I been there.

318
00:12:33,159 --> 00:12:34,768
You have?

319
00:12:34,771 --> 00:12:36,205
Sure.

320
00:12:36,208 --> 00:12:37,829
When I first started coaching,

321
00:12:37,832 --> 00:12:39,484
I was real nervous to talk to the team,

322
00:12:39,487 --> 00:12:41,723
you know, give a locker room speech.

323
00:12:41,726 --> 00:12:43,626
Then, one day it dawned on me,

324
00:12:43,629 --> 00:12:45,618
I'm not just talking
to football players,

325
00:12:45,621 --> 00:12:48,100
I'm talking to teenage football players.

326
00:12:48,103 --> 00:12:50,146
Most of them aren't listening
to a word I'm saying.

327
00:12:50,149 --> 00:12:52,384
That's an interesting perspective.

328
00:12:52,387 --> 00:12:54,032
I'll tell you something else.

329
00:12:54,035 --> 00:12:56,798
You don't give yourself enough
credit for how brave you are.

330
00:12:56,801 --> 00:12:59,024
- I don't?
- No.

331
00:12:59,027 --> 00:13:02,158
Sheldon, you are ten years
old, going to high school.

332
00:13:02,161 --> 00:13:05,336
Everyone's older than you,
everyone's bigger than you,

333
00:13:05,339 --> 00:13:09,341
but you keep at it, day after day.

334
00:13:09,344 --> 00:13:11,368
That's brave.

335
00:13:11,371 --> 00:13:13,760
Any kid who can do
that could give a speech

336
00:13:13,763 --> 00:13:16,417
to the United Nations if he had to.

337
00:13:18,473 --> 00:13:19,909
Thanks, Dad.

338
00:13:29,616 --> 00:13:31,398
I heard what you said in there.

339
00:13:31,401 --> 00:13:33,743
- That was very beautiful.
- Thanks.

340
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:36,573
I gave a similar speech
to my team last week.

341
00:13:36,576 --> 00:13:38,665
Boy, did we get our asses kicked.

342
00:13:43,938 --> 00:13:45,974
Emboldened by my father's pep talk,

343
00:13:45,977 --> 00:13:47,818
I began working on my speech.

344
00:13:47,821 --> 00:13:50,032
I aspired to walk in the footsteps

345
00:13:50,035 --> 00:13:51,959
of history's greatest orators:

346
00:13:51,962 --> 00:13:54,388
Socrates, Winston Churchill,

347
00:13:54,391 --> 00:13:57,523
and, last but not
least, Professor Proton.

348
00:13:57,526 --> 00:13:59,395
Hey, I spoke to Nell's sister.

349
00:13:59,398 --> 00:14:01,007
Found out some interesting stuff.

350
00:14:01,010 --> 00:14:04,576
Thanks, but I've decided I
don't want to stoop to her level.

351
00:14:04,579 --> 00:14:06,688
If I can't win on the
quality of my ideas,

352
00:14:06,691 --> 00:14:09,061
then I'd rather lose
with my head held high.

353
00:14:09,064 --> 00:14:10,324
That's really stupid,

354
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:12,852
but in case you change your mind...

355
00:14:15,375 --> 00:14:17,766
All right, y'all have heard

356
00:14:17,769 --> 00:14:20,881
from your secretary candidates,
your treasurer candidates,

357
00:14:20,884 --> 00:14:22,345
your vice presidents...

358
00:14:22,348 --> 00:14:24,686
It's time for the big finale,

359
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:28,213
the closing event, the headliners...

360
00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:31,368
Nell Cavanaugh and Sheldon Cooper.

361
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,372
One of these two will be
president of your class,

362
00:14:34,375 --> 00:14:37,699
so listen to what they've
got to say and choose wisely,

363
00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:40,747
which will be a whole new
experience for most of you.

364
00:14:40,749 --> 00:14:44,303
Remember, heckling
will get you detention.

365
00:14:44,306 --> 00:14:45,926
Bite me!

366
00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:48,102
Bryan Larkin, two days!

367
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:50,191
You want to try for a week?

368
00:14:50,193 --> 00:14:51,976
I didn't think so.

369
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:54,021
Nell, floor is yours.

370
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:03,117
Nell!

371
00:15:04,294 --> 00:15:06,149
Thank you, Ms. MacElroy,

372
00:15:06,152 --> 00:15:08,761
Principal Petersen, our
hard-working teachers,

373
00:15:08,764 --> 00:15:10,558
and my fellow students.

374
00:15:10,561 --> 00:15:13,774
I'm blessed to call
so many of you friends.

375
00:15:13,777 --> 00:15:15,561
Y'all probably know
everything about me already.

376
00:15:15,563 --> 00:15:17,565
Lord knows I love to talk.

377
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:22,136
So instead of going on about myself,

378
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:25,183
I'd like to talk to
you about my opponent.

379
00:15:25,186 --> 00:15:27,103
Sheldon Cooper has been lobbying

380
00:15:27,106 --> 00:15:29,321
for new science equipment
here at Medford High,

381
00:15:29,324 --> 00:15:33,109
and while that sounds
wonderful, the truth is,

382
00:15:33,112 --> 00:15:38,586
he thinks our school wastes
its money on football.

383
00:15:41,059 --> 00:15:43,722
Do we really want a class president

384
00:15:43,725 --> 00:15:46,682
who doesn't care about football?

385
00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:48,634
No!

386
00:15:48,637 --> 00:15:51,126
I know I am proud to be a
Medford High cheerleader,

387
00:15:51,129 --> 00:15:53,079
and I love football!

388
00:15:56,433 --> 00:15:57,911
But you know the one thing

389
00:15:57,913 --> 00:16:01,610
I love more than football?

390
00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:03,177
God.

391
00:16:07,504 --> 00:16:09,493
Let me tell you another interesting fact

392
00:16:09,496 --> 00:16:11,010
about my opponent.

393
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:15,102
Did you know that Sheldon
Cooper is an atheist?

394
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,061
That's right.

395
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:20,107
He doesn't believe in God.

396
00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:21,979
Just keep that in mind

397
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,198
when you cast your vote today.

398
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,247
I'm Nell Cavanaugh. Go Wolves!

399
00:16:35,348 --> 00:16:38,063
And now, please welcome Sheldon Cooper.

400
00:16:51,141 --> 00:16:54,013
No one would fault you if
you ran out the back door.

401
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:24,128
Nell Cavanaugh is... a Yankee.

402
00:17:26,121 --> 00:17:29,095
She may love football
and she may love God,

403
00:17:29,098 --> 00:17:30,968
but she was born in Scarsdale.

404
00:17:30,971 --> 00:17:32,622
That's in New York.

405
00:17:34,585 --> 00:17:36,628
There's more.

406
00:17:36,631 --> 00:17:40,384
My opponent didn't move to Texas
until she was seven years old.

407
00:17:40,387 --> 00:17:42,345
In fact, in her bedroom

408
00:17:42,348 --> 00:17:45,056
there's a pennant for
the New York Yankees.

409
00:17:49,284 --> 00:17:51,485
While I may not be a fan

410
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,330
of organized religion or sports,

411
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:56,626
I promise, if you vote
for me, I'll do my best

412
00:17:56,629 --> 00:17:59,458
to get new science
equipment for our school.

413
00:18:03,272 --> 00:18:04,794
Uh...

414
00:18:04,797 --> 00:18:06,971
Don't mess with Texas!

415
00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,267
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!

416
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:19,751
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!

417
00:18:19,754 --> 00:18:22,391
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!

418
00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:24,526
Sheldon! Sheldon!

419
00:18:39,957 --> 00:18:42,532
Before I became Dr. Sheldon Cooper,

420
00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:44,329
I was President Sheldon Cooper.

421
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,556
And I don't mind telling you,

422
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:47,954
they both look pretty darn
good on business cards.

423
00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:49,634
One of my first responsibilities

424
00:18:49,637 --> 00:18:50,751
as class president

425
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:53,102
was delivering the
morning announcements.

426
00:18:53,105 --> 00:18:55,681
Please rise for the
Pledge of Allegiance.

427
00:18:55,684 --> 00:18:59,360
I pledge allegiance to the Flag...

428
00:18:59,363 --> 00:19:01,821
Of the United States of America...

429
00:19:01,824 --> 00:19:04,694
And to the Republic
for which it stands...

430
00:19:04,697 --> 00:19:06,175
One Nation...

431
00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:08,439
Here's a fun fact about
the next two words:

432
00:19:08,442 --> 00:19:10,712
"Under God" wasn't added
to the Pledge of Allegiance

433
00:19:10,715 --> 00:19:12,306
until 1954.

434
00:19:12,309 --> 00:19:14,352
My first act as your president

435
00:19:14,355 --> 00:19:16,747
is to remove the words
"under God" from the Pledge

436
00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:17,743
in order to honor

437
00:19:17,746 --> 00:19:19,407
the separation of church and state

438
00:19:19,410 --> 00:19:20,985
in this public high school.

439
00:19:20,988 --> 00:19:22,220
Okay, that's enough.

440
00:19:22,223 --> 00:19:23,788
You can't take my microphone.

441
00:19:23,791 --> 00:19:25,673
- I'm the president.
- Thank you.

442
00:19:25,676 --> 00:19:28,068
All right, let's try this again.

443
00:19:28,071 --> 00:19:29,813
I pledge allegiance to the Flag...

444
00:19:29,816 --> 00:19:32,120
Of the United States of America,

445
00:19:32,123 --> 00:19:35,299
and to the Republic
for which it stands...

446
00:19:35,302 --> 00:19:36,605
One Nation

447
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:37,955
under God,

448
00:19:37,958 --> 00:19:41,221
indivisible, with liberty
and justice for all.

449
00:19:41,224 --> 00:19:47,102
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