1
00:00:05,823 --> 00:00:08,010
_

2
00:00:12,208 --> 00:00:14,158
Well, it is rustic,

3
00:00:14,210 --> 00:00:16,994
but it got five stars on Yelp.

4
00:00:17,046 --> 00:00:20,164
And one of the stars
was partially filled in.

5
00:00:20,216 --> 00:00:23,050
Oh, I'm so happy to
be here with my family,

6
00:00:23,136 --> 00:00:25,753
celebrating our anniversary.

7
00:00:25,838 --> 00:00:29,507
Just to think, 50 years ago,

8
00:00:29,559 --> 00:00:31,509
- to this very day,
- Mm-hmm.

9
00:00:31,561 --> 00:00:33,857
John and I were on the dance floor,

10
00:00:33,882 --> 00:00:36,263
and his father grabbed my ass.

11
00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:38,755
Oh, oh, no, uh, Lark, honey,

12
00:00:38,792 --> 00:00:40,103
why don't you give me
that stuffy so he doesn't

13
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:41,343
get dirty, okay?

14
00:00:41,428 --> 00:00:43,595
No, I need my armadilldo.

15
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:45,074
Oh, uh, "dillo."

16
00:00:45,098 --> 00:00:46,514
She means "armadillo."

17
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,934
Ever since we told her
about the baby coming,

18
00:00:48,969 --> 00:00:51,012
she's just so attached
to the stuffed animal.

19
00:00:51,037 --> 00:00:52,103
Hello!

20
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:53,889
Welcome to the Yucatán!

21
00:00:53,914 --> 00:00:56,725
I am Hayes, and my wife, Rebecca, uh,

22
00:00:56,810 --> 00:00:58,727
I'm sure she's around somewhere.

23
00:00:58,812 --> 00:01:00,195
I'm not sure where, but...

24
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:01,863
she is. Uh, anyway,

25
00:01:01,949 --> 00:01:04,282
it's almost sundown,
so it is time for bed.

26
00:01:04,318 --> 00:01:05,784
I will show you to your rooms.

27
00:01:05,819 --> 00:01:06,735
Wait,

28
00:01:06,820 --> 00:01:08,570
w-wait a minute. We just got here.

29
00:01:08,655 --> 00:01:10,038
We haven't eaten yet.

30
00:01:10,063 --> 00:01:12,490
Thank you. That reminds me.
Uh, no food in the rooms,

31
00:01:12,492 --> 00:01:15,888
'cause they will attract pretty
much, you know, uh, everything.

32
00:01:16,797 --> 00:01:18,274
Oh, my God. Oh, my God,

33
00:01:18,298 --> 00:01:19,609
you guys, look. Look at the black birds

34
00:01:19,633 --> 00:01:20,633
flying out of that hole.

35
00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:23,172
Yes, yes.

36
00:01:23,197 --> 00:01:25,553
Aren't they beautiful?
Yeah, those are vampire bats.

37
00:01:25,639 --> 00:01:28,340
Yep. Open wounds? Does
anybody have any open wounds?

38
00:01:28,392 --> 00:01:29,986
I would suggest
covering them immediately

39
00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:32,610
as you go to your rooms.
Briskly. Please walk quickly.

40
00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:35,180
Yep. They are aggressive. Okay.

41
00:01:35,232 --> 00:01:37,182
Yep, always walk in pairs. Never alone.

42
00:01:37,234 --> 00:01:38,767
Never alone here.

43
00:01:38,852 --> 00:01:39,768
I got it.

44
00:01:39,853 --> 00:01:41,236
Carry the child.

45
00:01:45,534 --> 00:01:47,275
All right, well, it's not that bad.

46
00:01:47,361 --> 00:01:50,612
You know? At least we have,
uh, our own private bathroom.

47
00:01:51,865 --> 00:01:53,531
It's just a hole.

48
00:01:53,583 --> 00:01:54,950
Maybe it's a laundry chute.

49
00:01:54,975 --> 00:01:59,060
Maybe. But there's
definitely feces in there.

50
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:01,089
- Oh, my God.
- What?

51
00:02:01,174 --> 00:02:03,002
- Go, get it.
- Uh, uh, okay, I got it, I got it,

52
00:02:03,026 --> 00:02:04,526
I got it, I got it. I got it, I got it.

53
00:02:04,550 --> 00:02:06,033
Here we go, here we go.

54
00:02:06,058 --> 00:02:08,013
Ugh.

55
00:02:08,048 --> 00:02:09,597
Oh!

56
00:02:09,622 --> 00:02:12,160
- Oh.
- Tim, could you knock?

57
00:02:12,185 --> 00:02:14,102
Whoa, look at this.

58
00:02:14,187 --> 00:02:16,771
You guys have got
wall-to-wall floors?

59
00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:19,836
And your own hole?

60
00:02:19,861 --> 00:02:21,309
Tim, why aren't you in your hut?

61
00:02:21,395 --> 00:02:22,755
I need to borrow some antihistamine.

62
00:02:22,779 --> 00:02:24,562
One of the girls got bit really bad.

63
00:02:24,587 --> 00:02:25,731
Which one?

64
00:02:25,769 --> 00:02:27,210
I don't know. Her
face swelled up so bad,

65
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:28,851
I can't even tell. I'm lucky though.

66
00:02:28,876 --> 00:02:32,314
They don't bite me. Um, I
guess my blood's too sweet.

67
00:02:32,339 --> 00:02:34,016
Ah! Look at this.

68
00:02:34,041 --> 00:02:35,041
A skylight!

69
00:02:35,075 --> 00:02:36,640
Oh!

70
00:02:36,665 --> 00:02:39,327
You know what? Maybe you
should take some, too.

71
00:02:39,413 --> 00:02:41,329
Just to be safe.

72
00:02:41,415 --> 00:02:43,748
Yeah. Yeah, my head is, like, throbbing.

73
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,834
Maybe I got dehydrated on that flight.

74
00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:47,419
Thank you.

75
00:02:49,393 --> 00:02:51,209
Oh!

76
00:02:51,234 --> 00:02:53,508
It's under my eyelid!

77
00:02:53,593 --> 00:02:55,176
Mommy, I'm scared.

78
00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:58,179
Oh, no. No, Uncle Tim is probably fine.

79
00:02:58,265 --> 00:03:00,258
I mean, he stopped screaming, didn't he?

80
00:03:00,283 --> 00:03:03,018
No, I can't find Armadilldo.

81
00:03:03,103 --> 00:03:06,905
Okay. It's-it's
"dillo," Lark. Armadillo.

82
00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:08,940
Where did you last see him, honey?

83
00:03:09,741 --> 00:03:12,578
Out there, next to a bug.

84
00:03:15,601 --> 00:03:17,449
Well, everything's gonna be okay.

85
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:19,701
We'll just have to go look
for him in the morning.

86
00:03:19,726 --> 00:03:20,786
No, I need him now.

87
00:03:20,837 --> 00:03:23,538
He'll die out there.

88
00:03:23,623 --> 00:03:25,123
- Oh...
- Find him, Daddy!

89
00:03:25,175 --> 00:03:26,319
Find him! It's all our fault. I mean,

90
00:03:26,343 --> 00:03:28,622
we're forcing a new baby on her, and now

91
00:03:28,647 --> 00:03:30,879
we've lost her only comfort in life.

92
00:03:30,904 --> 00:03:32,341
We didn't lose it, okay?

93
00:03:32,366 --> 00:03:35,767
I sewed in a GPS tracker onto Armadillo.

94
00:03:35,802 --> 00:03:37,639
You did what, now? And you can sew?

95
00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:39,645
Well, I wasn't about to lose the
only thing that she cares about.

96
00:03:39,669 --> 00:03:40,952
I put one in your shoe, too.

97
00:03:41,004 --> 00:03:42,253
My shoe?

98
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,088
Yeah, that way, when
you come home from work,

99
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:47,008
I know it's time to reheat dinner.

100
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:51,252
Uh-huh. And it gives you time
to clear your browser history.

101
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,849
Anyway, um, if you're here,

102
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,385
then Armadillo is

103
00:03:57,470 --> 00:04:00,054
all the way out...

104
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:03,024
there. Okay, yeah, no,
I-I'm not going out there.

105
00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:04,525
Fine. Then when Lark can't make

106
00:04:04,611 --> 00:04:07,028
meaningful emotional
connections with other people,

107
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:11,143
we'll just tell her it's because
Daddy was afraid of a few bugs.

108
00:04:11,635 --> 00:04:12,884
I'm fine with that.

109
00:04:21,075 --> 00:04:22,684
All right, the bugs
were swarming my phone,

110
00:04:22,708 --> 00:04:24,468
so we're just gonna
have to do this tomorrow,

111
00:04:24,544 --> 00:04:26,677
unless you've got a better idea.

112
00:04:28,714 --> 00:04:31,098
You know, I don't think
you arming me with your shoe

113
00:04:31,184 --> 00:04:34,101
and a baby monitor qualifies
as a better idea, honey.

114
00:04:34,187 --> 00:04:35,636
This is genius.

115
00:04:35,721 --> 00:04:37,855
All right, I see you with my shoe,

116
00:04:37,890 --> 00:04:38,965
and there's the armadillo.

117
00:04:38,990 --> 00:04:41,475
Yeah, you're closing in.
This is a walk in the park.

118
00:04:42,728 --> 00:04:45,279
Spiders! Aah!

119
00:04:45,304 --> 00:04:47,114
Greg, you can do this,
okay? Just remember,

120
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,233
- you're doing it for Lark.
- Yes, I know.

121
00:04:49,285 --> 00:04:51,068
What if we're just coddling her?

122
00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:53,044
We're not coddling her.

123
00:04:53,069 --> 00:04:54,788
She's freaked out about the baby.

124
00:04:54,813 --> 00:04:57,208
Maybe she just needs to understand that,

125
00:04:57,243 --> 00:04:59,054
you know, just because
there's a new baby doesn't mean

126
00:04:59,078 --> 00:05:00,494
that we love her any less.

127
00:05:00,580 --> 00:05:03,006
Okay, well, you're
making a lot of sense.

128
00:05:03,031 --> 00:05:04,548
Just bring back Armadillo,

129
00:05:04,584 --> 00:05:06,383
and we can talk about it.

130
00:05:06,419 --> 00:05:07,679
How much further?

131
00:05:07,704 --> 00:05:08,843
Just keep going straight.

132
00:05:08,958 --> 00:05:10,874
Good, yeah, love that hustle.

133
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:14,495
Uh, Jen, I'm standing still.

134
00:05:14,547 --> 00:05:16,330
Okay, well, then we've got a problem,

135
00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:19,228
'cause one of you is moving.

136
00:05:19,253 --> 00:05:20,717
Is Armadillo moving?

137
00:05:20,803 --> 00:05:22,669
Hold on. I'm getting my dots mixed up.

138
00:05:22,721 --> 00:05:24,304
Is Armadillo moving?

139
00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:26,473
Oh, okay. Now I got it.

140
00:05:26,509 --> 00:05:28,151
Yes. Yes, he is.

141
00:05:28,176 --> 00:05:29,810
And at a pretty fast clip.

142
00:05:29,845 --> 00:05:30,845
Oh, my God.

143
00:05:30,896 --> 00:05:31,812
Something has him.

144
00:05:31,847 --> 00:05:32,813
He's running towards you.

145
00:05:32,848 --> 00:05:34,064
Greg, run!

146
00:05:34,150 --> 00:05:35,150
Don't drop my shoe!

147
00:05:35,184 --> 00:05:36,400
I'm gonna die.

148
00:05:36,485 --> 00:05:37,776
I'm gonna die, Jen.

149
00:05:39,855 --> 00:05:41,655
I'm dying right now.

150
00:05:41,690 --> 00:05:42,739
Greg?

151
00:05:42,825 --> 00:05:43,825
Rebecca?

152
00:05:44,910 --> 00:05:47,277
Oh. It's you. Sorry.

153
00:05:47,363 --> 00:05:49,279
I was looking for my
wife, and I found this.

154
00:05:49,365 --> 00:05:50,864
I-I thought it may be a clue.

155
00:05:50,916 --> 00:05:52,282
Oh, my gosh. You found it.

156
00:05:52,368 --> 00:05:54,284
Thank you!

157
00:05:54,370 --> 00:05:56,514
Oh! This is my daughter's.

158
00:05:56,539 --> 00:05:58,288
Oh. Okay.

159
00:05:58,374 --> 00:05:59,974
Wait, do you not know
where your wife is?

160
00:06:00,042 --> 00:06:01,042
No, I kn...

161
00:06:01,093 --> 00:06:03,053
I know where she is.

162
00:06:03,078 --> 00:06:04,428
Rebecca!

163
00:06:04,513 --> 00:06:07,464
They need more towels in hut six!

164
00:06:07,719 --> 00:06:11,635
Rebecca. Where are
you? You're scaring me.

165
00:06:13,375 --> 00:06:15,523
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, Greg.

166
00:06:15,548 --> 00:06:16,940
Oh, yes.

167
00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:18,809
You are absolutely
the bravest man I know.

168
00:06:18,894 --> 00:06:20,194
It was nothing, babe.

169
00:06:20,229 --> 00:06:21,840
I mean, I'm-I'm just...
I'm so glad, you know,

170
00:06:21,864 --> 00:06:23,624
that you didn't give
up, because now Lark has

171
00:06:23,699 --> 00:06:26,033
what she needs to feel loved and secure.

172
00:06:26,068 --> 00:06:28,035
We're not coddling her.

173
00:06:28,070 --> 00:06:29,620
I was just scared.

174
00:06:29,705 --> 00:06:30,705
Yeah.

175
00:06:40,416 --> 00:06:41,832
- Dillo ran away?
- Mm-hmm.

176
00:06:41,917 --> 00:06:43,278
I'll write the good-bye
note with my left hand.

177
00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:44,917
- She'll never know.
- Great.

178
00:06:46,055 --> 00:06:47,781
_

179
00:06:47,806 --> 00:06:49,840
Okay, so, we have zip-lining,

180
00:06:49,925 --> 00:06:51,008
bungee jumping,

181
00:06:51,033 --> 00:06:52,342
spelunking...

182
00:06:52,428 --> 00:06:54,178
The caves.

183
00:06:54,263 --> 00:06:56,263
That's probably where Rebecca is hiding.

184
00:06:56,288 --> 00:06:58,015
Yes, let's do spelunking.

185
00:06:58,100 --> 00:06:59,900
Aw, I wanted to do the caves.

186
00:06:59,925 --> 00:07:01,963
Oh, they're great. They
have a crystal forest there

187
00:07:01,987 --> 00:07:03,108
that will blow your mind.

188
00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:04,771
Tyler, you love crystals.

189
00:07:04,823 --> 00:07:07,274
- I like crystals.
- Well, someone loves crystals.

190
00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:08,992
- Sam, is that you?
- No.

191
00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:10,994
It's gonna ruin my day.

192
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,529
It's me. I love crystals.

193
00:07:12,554 --> 00:07:14,059
Hey, you know what?
They'll take pictures.

194
00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:17,000
You big kids go have
fun, and Sophia and I

195
00:07:17,086 --> 00:07:19,503
will have our own wild
adventure right here, huh?

196
00:07:19,588 --> 00:07:22,338
Oh, that's right. You
love Billy Crystal.

197
00:07:22,416 --> 00:07:24,758
I like Billy Crystal.

198
00:07:27,041 --> 00:07:28,845
I want to do what you guys are doing.

199
00:07:28,931 --> 00:07:30,380
This is gonna suck.

200
00:07:30,466 --> 00:07:33,350
Sorry. Looks like you're
Mom's vacation buddy.

201
00:07:33,435 --> 00:07:36,019
I always am. Dad should have to be.

202
00:07:36,105 --> 00:07:37,554
He's the one who married her.

203
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,140
But your dad can't do a
mother-daughter fashion show.

204
00:07:40,192 --> 00:07:41,475
There's a fashion show?

205
00:07:41,527 --> 00:07:43,393
Yeah.

206
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:45,979
"Fashion in the Jungle."

207
00:07:46,031 --> 00:07:47,648
How many times

208
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:50,243
do you think Mom's
gonna roar during this?

209
00:07:50,268 --> 00:07:52,807
Just tell Mom that you
want to come with us.

210
00:07:52,870 --> 00:07:53,847
I can't.

211
00:07:53,872 --> 00:07:56,373
Remember when I tried calling
her Mom instead of Mommy?

212
00:07:56,458 --> 00:07:58,575
She cried for a whole week.

213
00:07:58,661 --> 00:08:01,662
I had to wet the bed again
to make her feel better.

214
00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:03,830
We all bailed on her
at some point, Soph.

215
00:08:03,882 --> 00:08:05,666
I did when the breastfeeding ended.

216
00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:08,218
I don't like that I
can still remember that.

217
00:08:08,243 --> 00:08:11,255
Or do what I do. Ignore
her, then when she asks why,

218
00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:13,640
scream at her and say
she's embarrassing.

219
00:08:13,676 --> 00:08:15,509
And if that fails, you
can just convince Mom

220
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,928
to have another kid.
She's still fertile.

221
00:08:18,013 --> 00:08:19,062
Ew.

222
00:08:19,148 --> 00:08:21,765
What? Dad told me. I didn't ask.

223
00:08:21,850 --> 00:08:25,736
So, we walk like this on
the runway in our beachwear,

224
00:08:25,761 --> 00:08:28,092
and then we stop. Pose.

225
00:08:28,117 --> 00:08:30,440
And then you throw a beach ball.

226
00:08:30,526 --> 00:08:32,734
That sounds really fun.

227
00:08:32,953 --> 00:08:34,695
But it's so much work,

228
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,663
and you're on vacation.

229
00:08:36,699 --> 00:08:39,666
You should get to relax,
and I'll just go zip-lining.

230
00:08:39,702 --> 00:08:41,785
Listen, th-this is relaxing to me.

231
00:08:41,870 --> 00:08:43,620
I love spending time with you.

232
00:08:43,706 --> 00:08:46,049
You have so much love to give.

233
00:08:46,089 --> 00:08:48,010
Why not try giving it to someone new?

234
00:08:48,035 --> 00:08:50,369
Someone younger? Balder?

235
00:08:50,394 --> 00:08:52,190
Oh, honestly, if I was
gonna cheat on your dad,

236
00:08:52,214 --> 00:08:54,381
it would be with a guy
with a full head of hair.

237
00:08:54,433 --> 00:08:56,016
No, I mean a baby.

238
00:08:56,051 --> 00:08:58,018
Is that what this is about?

239
00:08:58,053 --> 00:09:00,520
Oh, honey, are you worried that
I'm gonna have another baby?

240
00:09:00,556 --> 00:09:02,439
- What? No.
- Oh, honey, no. Listen,

241
00:09:02,524 --> 00:09:04,148
you will always be my baby.

242
00:09:04,173 --> 00:09:05,869
- Oh, I...
- Oh, come here.

243
00:09:05,894 --> 00:09:07,778
Oh, you feel better?

244
00:09:08,132 --> 00:09:11,623
Well, I've been bitten
by the spelunking bug.

245
00:09:11,648 --> 00:09:12,449
Mm.

246
00:09:12,534 --> 00:09:14,651
But to be fair, I did antagonize him.

247
00:09:14,737 --> 00:09:17,815
- I'm getting Dad antihistamine, okay?
- Great.

248
00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:22,459
Uh-oh. Hey, what's wrong?

249
00:09:22,484 --> 00:09:24,211
Nothing. You'll tell Mom.

250
00:09:24,246 --> 00:09:25,545
Hey, you can tell me anything.

251
00:09:25,581 --> 00:09:27,664
I will always keep it just between us.

252
00:09:29,049 --> 00:09:30,584
- Sophia hates you.
- Oh.

253
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:33,136
She doesn't hate me. Sophia's
my little baby sweet pea.

254
00:09:33,161 --> 00:09:35,461
Okay, she doesn't hate
you. She hates that.

255
00:09:35,486 --> 00:09:37,591
She's tired of all the little kid stuff.

256
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:39,151
She just doesn't know how to tell you.

257
00:09:39,175 --> 00:09:40,510
Sophia can tell me anything.

258
00:09:40,535 --> 00:09:42,179
That's what our snuggle time is for.

259
00:09:42,204 --> 00:09:43,647
I don't think you're hearing me.

260
00:09:43,732 --> 00:09:44,831
She doesn't want to tell
you 'cause she doesn't want

261
00:09:44,855 --> 00:09:46,961
to hurt your feelings. She
knows that once she's older,

262
00:09:46,985 --> 00:09:48,296
all you're gonna have to look forward to

263
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,737
is mall walking and irregular periods.

264
00:09:50,773 --> 00:09:52,376
She said that?

265
00:09:52,401 --> 00:09:55,325
Well, no, I said it, but she agreed.

266
00:09:55,350 --> 00:09:57,554
Oh, my God. I'm the one
who's supposed to be worried

267
00:09:57,579 --> 00:10:00,530
about her feelings, and
she's worried about me.

268
00:10:00,616 --> 00:10:02,749
Oh, I'm a terrible mother.

269
00:10:02,785 --> 00:10:05,035
Only in this instance specifically.

270
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,920
You know, the whole time
I've just been saying

271
00:10:06,955 --> 00:10:09,089
that Sophia's not ready to
grow up, but you know what?

272
00:10:09,124 --> 00:10:10,924
I'm the one who's not ready.

273
00:10:10,959 --> 00:10:12,592
Well, hey, you should be happy.

274
00:10:12,628 --> 00:10:14,010
You know? Your job's done now.

275
00:10:14,096 --> 00:10:17,047
Finally just you and I get to hang out.

276
00:10:17,132 --> 00:10:18,382
Of course, I'll be at work,

277
00:10:18,467 --> 00:10:20,187
but you'll find something
to fill your time.

278
00:10:24,139 --> 00:10:26,106
- Go, Sam!
- Whoo!

279
00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:30,026
Oh!

280
00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:34,364
So, what should we do now?

281
00:10:34,450 --> 00:10:35,816
Play I Spy?

282
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,629
Yes. Okay, I want to go first.

283
00:10:37,653 --> 00:10:40,570
I spy, I spy with my little eye

284
00:10:40,656 --> 00:10:44,791
a girl who is ready to try zip-lining.

285
00:10:44,827 --> 00:10:46,743
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

286
00:10:46,829 --> 00:10:47,878
Thanks, Mommy.

287
00:10:47,963 --> 00:10:49,496
Oh!

288
00:10:49,548 --> 00:10:51,628
You can call me Mom.

289
00:10:57,639 --> 00:10:59,923
You know what? I think
I left the stove on.

290
00:11:00,008 --> 00:11:01,808
We should get to that. Nope.

291
00:11:01,844 --> 00:11:04,394
Oh, sweetie, listen, you don't
have to protect me anymore.

292
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:07,264
Okay? It's time for us
to both be big girls.

293
00:11:07,349 --> 00:11:09,149
No, I'm really scared.

294
00:11:09,184 --> 00:11:11,568
I know you are, honey. So am I.

295
00:11:12,905 --> 00:11:14,738
All right, let her go.

296
00:11:16,525 --> 00:11:18,158
I love you!

297
00:11:27,042 --> 00:11:28,963
_

298
00:11:31,263 --> 00:11:32,958
Hi, I'm back.

299
00:11:33,043 --> 00:11:35,559
How are you doing?
Did you get any sleep?

300
00:11:35,584 --> 00:11:37,190
No. I've been sitting
here for eight hours,

301
00:11:37,214 --> 00:11:38,680
praying that nothing lays any eggs

302
00:11:38,716 --> 00:11:40,215
- in any of my face holes.
- Mm-hmm.

303
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,828
Well, what if I told
you I figured out a way

304
00:11:41,852 --> 00:11:43,352
to fix this whole vacation?

305
00:11:43,387 --> 00:11:45,467
I'd call you a liar, and
I'd spit in your lying face.

306
00:11:45,523 --> 00:11:48,223
I'm serious. Remember that
really pretty, fancy hotel

307
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,675
- we passed on our way in?
- Uh-huh.

308
00:11:49,708 --> 00:11:52,925
Well, I called, and I splurged,
and I got the last room.

309
00:11:53,011 --> 00:11:55,354
Yay!

310
00:11:55,401 --> 00:11:57,463
Are you speechless because
you love it so much?

311
00:11:57,525 --> 00:11:58,398
Oh, honey. No.

312
00:11:58,423 --> 00:11:59,998
- I-I love you so much for trying,
- Uh-huh.

313
00:12:00,022 --> 00:12:01,103
but, um...

314
00:12:01,128 --> 00:12:02,435
We can't go.

315
00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:03,636
That's just not an option.

316
00:12:03,722 --> 00:12:05,082
But why not? You're miserable here.

317
00:12:05,106 --> 00:12:06,367
Well, yeah, but we're all miserable.

318
00:12:06,391 --> 00:12:07,640
It's a family vacation.

319
00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:09,275
That's what family vacations are.

320
00:12:09,361 --> 00:12:11,205
Oh, you are so lucky that
your father abandoned you

321
00:12:11,229 --> 00:12:13,069
and you didn't have to
go on a family vacation.

322
00:12:13,114 --> 00:12:14,432
Yeah, but nobody has to know.

323
00:12:14,457 --> 00:12:16,532
We're only gonna spend our nights there.

324
00:12:16,568 --> 00:12:18,451
Like when I dated my professor.

325
00:12:18,536 --> 00:12:20,454
Yeah. I get it.

326
00:12:20,479 --> 00:12:22,739
I just can't do it. It would
break my parents' heart.

327
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:23,681
And also,

328
00:12:23,706 --> 00:12:25,720
I have an agreement in
place with the spiders.

329
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:28,244
I don't go out there, and
they don't come in here.

330
00:12:28,296 --> 00:12:30,242
Well, you should've made that
same deal with the snakes.

331
00:12:30,266 --> 00:12:31,191
What snakes?

332
00:12:31,216 --> 00:12:33,718
- Oh! God!
- What?

333
00:12:41,359 --> 00:12:43,926
I love that the only animals
in here are made of towels.

334
00:12:43,978 --> 00:12:46,813
And I love that you won't
cry yourself to sleep tonight.

335
00:12:50,953 --> 00:12:52,655
You okay, Sam?

336
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:53,853
What a night.

337
00:12:53,938 --> 00:12:57,008
I am never going to complain
about anything again.

338
00:12:57,750 --> 00:12:59,469
This is breakfast?

339
00:12:59,494 --> 00:13:01,327
Yeah, I'm sorry about all this.

340
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:02,766
I'm a little distracted.

341
00:13:02,791 --> 00:13:05,805
Seems like someone has
cleared out our bank account

342
00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:09,047
and also stolen my wife's passport.

343
00:13:09,875 --> 00:13:10,875
Hey.

344
00:13:10,922 --> 00:13:13,339
I slept like I had five
margaritas last night,

345
00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:15,545
which is weird because I had seven.

346
00:13:15,570 --> 00:13:16,709
How did you guys sleep?

347
00:13:16,795 --> 00:13:19,429
- No sleep.
- If you want to call it sleep, you can.

348
00:13:19,464 --> 00:13:21,241
Hey! There's my wonderful family.

349
00:13:21,266 --> 00:13:22,967
- Morning.
- Good morning.

350
00:13:22,992 --> 00:13:24,550
- Hi.
- What's on the agenda for today?

351
00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:28,020
Well, Hayes is going
to take us to the beach.

352
00:13:28,884 --> 00:13:31,941
And all we have to do
is ride in a trailer

353
00:13:31,976 --> 00:13:34,143
on the back of a tractor for two hours.

354
00:13:34,195 --> 00:13:36,729
And don't worry, we have water to share.

355
00:13:36,754 --> 00:13:38,030
- Oh, that's great.
- Yay! Fun.

356
00:13:38,055 --> 00:13:39,460
But, I mean, this whole
vacation has been great.

357
00:13:39,484 --> 00:13:41,734
- Yeah.
- Oh, what a wonderful attitude,

358
00:13:41,820 --> 00:13:44,954
honey. I forget how great
your face is when you smile.

359
00:13:44,989 --> 00:13:48,241
Aw, how could anyone not
smile when we are so blessed

360
00:13:48,326 --> 00:13:50,293
to be together in this
beautiful paradise?

361
00:13:50,328 --> 00:13:53,079
- Mm-hmm.
- Whoa, who just leapt over Tim

362
00:13:53,164 --> 00:13:54,642
in the in-law rankings?

363
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:56,143
- Yes!
- I mean, if I had such a thing,

364
00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,250
which I don't.

365
00:13:57,335 --> 00:14:00,209
All right. Who's ready
to attack the day?

366
00:14:00,234 --> 00:14:02,678
Whoo! I love the beach. The beach.

367
00:14:02,703 --> 00:14:04,459
- Absolutely. Huh?
- Hey.

368
00:14:04,484 --> 00:14:06,092
What is this? All right.

369
00:14:06,177 --> 00:14:07,955
Why aren't you as
miserable as the rest of us?

370
00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:09,457
Yeah, why do you look
like you smell good?

371
00:14:09,481 --> 00:14:11,013
Why would you smell good?

372
00:14:11,065 --> 00:14:13,232
- Come here.
- What are you doing?

373
00:14:13,318 --> 00:14:14,712
- Just want to smell you. Oh, come on.
- Heather.

374
00:14:14,736 --> 00:14:17,737
- Just a sni... Oh!
- Hey.

375
00:14:17,822 --> 00:14:20,884
Sandalwood. He smells like sandalwood.

376
00:14:20,909 --> 00:14:21,845
Hey.

377
00:14:21,870 --> 00:14:24,110
What?

378
00:14:24,195 --> 00:14:27,571
What do you need a key card
for? Our door is a sheet.

379
00:14:27,596 --> 00:14:29,624
Okay, fine. Last night we slept

380
00:14:29,649 --> 00:14:31,649
at that really nice
resort down the road.

381
00:14:31,748 --> 00:14:32,846
_

382
00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:35,288
You broke the first
rule of family vacation.

383
00:14:35,373 --> 00:14:37,154
We are supposed to suffer together.

384
00:14:37,179 --> 00:14:39,320
I know. I really wanted
to suffer with all of you,

385
00:14:39,344 --> 00:14:41,711
- but she just loves me too much.
- I do.

386
00:14:41,763 --> 00:14:44,263
You know, I hate to do this,
but I'm gonna have to tell Mom.

387
00:14:44,349 --> 00:14:46,048
Oh, you don't hate
doing this. You love it.

388
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:47,266
You're absolutely right.

389
00:14:47,352 --> 00:14:48,696
This could be the best part of my trip.

390
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,186
Okay, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

391
00:14:50,221 --> 00:14:52,438
What if I tell you
there's a way for us all

392
00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:55,905
to have a great vacation and
still not disappoint your mom?

393
00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:59,069
I'd call you a liar and
I'd spit in your lying face.

394
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,742
- Oh, so this is like a family thing?
- Yeah.

395
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:01,766
Okay.

396
00:15:01,991 --> 00:15:04,247
- Wow.
- To my beautiful wife

397
00:15:04,272 --> 00:15:06,068
and her incredibly
dysfunctional upbringing,

398
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:07,737
which has taught us all

399
00:15:07,789 --> 00:15:09,989
that sometimes to
have a family vacation,

400
00:15:10,074 --> 00:15:12,208
you need to escape a family vacation.

401
00:15:12,243 --> 00:15:14,260
- Aw, thank you.
- Cheers.

402
00:15:14,285 --> 00:15:15,202
That's right.

403
00:15:15,246 --> 00:15:16,996
Ooh! Oh, that's our seafood towers.

404
00:15:17,081 --> 00:15:18,528
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Towers?
- Oh...

405
00:15:18,552 --> 00:15:20,550
You guys, this is all
going on my credit card.

406
00:15:20,585 --> 00:15:22,552
Where are all the towels?

407
00:15:22,587 --> 00:15:24,220
Sorry. I had to use a bottom towel,

408
00:15:24,255 --> 00:15:25,588
a top towel and a hair towel.

409
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,598
Uh, and you guys are
out of toilet paper.

410
00:15:27,623 --> 00:15:29,236
I'd been holding it for five days.

411
00:15:29,260 --> 00:15:31,093
And remember, I called dibs on shower

412
00:15:31,145 --> 00:15:32,345
once Jen and Lark are out.

413
00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:33,729
Perfect. I'm gonna take a bath.

414
00:15:33,765 --> 00:15:35,632
We can do it at the same
time since they're separate.

415
00:15:35,656 --> 00:15:36,739
Separate how?

416
00:15:36,824 --> 00:15:38,017
Get over yourself, Greg.

417
00:15:38,102 --> 00:15:39,769
I've seen you naked tons of times.

418
00:15:40,116 --> 00:15:41,532
When?

419
00:15:41,557 --> 00:15:43,856
Well, you may have saved
the family vacation,

420
00:15:43,942 --> 00:15:45,491
but they have ruined ours.

421
00:15:45,577 --> 00:15:47,693
Oh, you guys got to try these daiquiris.

422
00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:49,662
They're bachelorette party-sized.

423
00:15:49,747 --> 00:15:51,030
How many have you had?

424
00:15:51,115 --> 00:15:53,282
I don't know, but this one's
going straight to my head.

425
00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:55,262
Greg, you're gonna have to
keep an eye on me in that bath,

426
00:15:55,286 --> 00:15:57,420
I tell you what.

427
00:15:57,455 --> 00:15:59,288
I'll keep an eye on you, too.

428
00:16:00,332 --> 00:16:02,749
We can look at each
other while we do it.

429
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,815
_

430
00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:28,326
So I still don't get why we
gave Jen and Greg our room.

431
00:16:28,412 --> 00:16:30,412
She's pregnant, John.

432
00:16:30,464 --> 00:16:32,414
She's been throwing up the whole trip.

433
00:16:32,466 --> 00:16:35,620
Well, this is Mexico.
Everybody's throwing up.

434
00:16:35,815 --> 00:16:37,681
You know, it's our 50th, Joanie.

435
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,722
This should've been a romantic
getaway... just the two of us.

436
00:16:40,757 --> 00:16:45,017
Oh, honey. What better
way to celebrate 50 years

437
00:16:45,042 --> 00:16:47,376
than being with our entire family?

438
00:16:47,461 --> 00:16:48,994
Celebrating alone.

439
00:16:49,038 --> 00:16:51,592
Hey, did you see that resort
we passed on the way here?

440
00:16:51,667 --> 00:16:55,302
For the same money, we could've
got a real fancy room there.

441
00:16:55,338 --> 00:16:57,054
And abandon our family?

442
00:16:57,079 --> 00:16:59,423
What kind of a terrible
person does that?

443
00:16:59,509 --> 00:17:03,895
It's not terrible to want one
romantic night with your wife.

444
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,146
Or at least a hard 15 minutes.

445
00:17:06,182 --> 00:17:08,395
Well, come up here.

446
00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:10,150
I don't want to lose it on the climb.

447
00:17:10,186 --> 00:17:11,920
Why don't you come down here?

448
00:17:11,945 --> 00:17:15,230
John, it took me 20
minutes to get up here.

449
00:17:17,527 --> 00:17:20,861
That's a poisonous ant. Don't touch it.

450
00:17:20,913 --> 00:17:24,375
- That's a poisonous frog. Don't touch it.
- Okay.

451
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:28,850
That's a poisonous
lizard. Rebecca left me.

452
00:17:28,875 --> 00:17:31,065
This guy doesn't stop yapping.

453
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:35,041
And, uh, up ahead is the
crown jewel of our property,

454
00:17:35,066 --> 00:17:36,427
an old burial ground.

455
00:17:36,452 --> 00:17:38,433
Oh! A Mayan burial ground?

456
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:41,465
Well, it's more of a
drug cartel burial ground.

457
00:17:41,551 --> 00:17:44,435
But there is a beautiful
waterfall next to it.

458
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,720
It was Rebecca's favorite.

459
00:17:46,772 --> 00:17:48,520
But I'm sure she'll be happy in Dayton,

460
00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:49,988
- right?
- Oh.

461
00:17:50,013 --> 00:17:51,559
- Joanie.
- Got her old job back.

462
00:17:51,611 --> 00:17:53,743
Let's take a closer look at this tree.

463
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,946
- What tree?
- Who cares?

464
00:17:56,032 --> 00:17:57,815
The only thing I want to see is you.

465
00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:00,534
Oh, sweetie. Can't you
just make the best of it?

466
00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:02,236
I have the best of it.

467
00:18:02,305 --> 00:18:03,671
And look where we are.

468
00:18:03,739 --> 00:18:05,489
Look, it's paradise.

469
00:18:05,575 --> 00:18:08,242
And you're still the
most beautiful thing here.

470
00:18:08,294 --> 00:18:10,550
Oh, John. Mm.

471
00:18:10,575 --> 00:18:11,656
Come on, honey.

472
00:18:11,681 --> 00:18:13,080
We should keep up with the tour.

473
00:18:13,132 --> 00:18:15,563
The graves, the waterfall.

474
00:18:15,588 --> 00:18:16,717
We'll catch up, huh.

475
00:18:16,752 --> 00:18:18,969
Uh, we just need a hard 15 minutes.

476
00:18:19,055 --> 00:18:21,472
A hard 15 in the jungle?

477
00:18:23,025 --> 00:18:25,008
This is all your fault!

478
00:18:25,033 --> 00:18:29,063
We're stumbling around a
jungle, lost for two hours.

479
00:18:29,098 --> 00:18:32,850
I'll never see my family again,
and I'm worried about Hayes.

480
00:18:32,875 --> 00:18:35,769
I think he's-he's clinically depressed.

481
00:18:35,821 --> 00:18:37,237
Listen to me, Joanie.

482
00:18:37,273 --> 00:18:38,689
We're gonna get through this.

483
00:18:38,774 --> 00:18:39,940
Trust me.

484
00:18:39,992 --> 00:18:41,408
A road.

485
00:18:41,444 --> 00:18:42,910
Oh, thank God.

486
00:18:42,945 --> 00:18:44,912
Oh, I thought, sure, we were gonna die.

487
00:18:44,947 --> 00:18:45,947
Oh, thank you.

488
00:18:45,998 --> 00:18:48,354
Oh, please.

489
00:18:48,379 --> 00:18:50,151
Oh, stop. Help here!

490
00:18:50,176 --> 00:18:51,167
Here, let me help you.

491
00:18:51,192 --> 00:18:53,537
No! You've done enough.

492
00:18:53,562 --> 00:18:55,506
You and your selfish jungle sex.

493
00:18:55,591 --> 00:18:58,292
Why can't you be more like the kids?

494
00:18:58,344 --> 00:19:00,377
They just want to be with us.

495
00:19:02,798 --> 00:19:05,190
Thank you so much.

496
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:11,555
Okay, Mom.

497
00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:13,774
Before you say anything, just know

498
00:19:13,809 --> 00:19:15,133
that staying at the nice hotel

499
00:19:15,158 --> 00:19:17,111
- was all Colleen's idea.
- What?!

500
00:19:17,146 --> 00:19:19,279
- Yeah. She practically forced us to do it.
- Yeah.

501
00:19:19,315 --> 00:19:21,440
So remember that next time
you're ranking the in-laws.

502
00:19:21,465 --> 00:19:22,378
Narc.

503
00:19:22,403 --> 00:19:23,968
Are you telling me

504
00:19:23,993 --> 00:19:27,176
you've been sneaking
off to a fancy resort?

505
00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:30,709
Our children suck.

506
00:19:32,294 --> 00:19:34,328
Well, I hope you're all happy.

507
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:38,799
Now your mom has a broken
heart and possibly a broken leg.

508
00:19:38,834 --> 00:19:40,000
What happened to her leg?

509
00:19:40,052 --> 00:19:42,336
Well, we got lost deep in the jungle,

510
00:19:42,388 --> 00:19:44,487
and then the terrain
was very treacherous.

511
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:45,449
But-but before that,

512
00:19:45,474 --> 00:19:47,841
she slipped on a rock
while we were doing it.

513
00:19:47,893 --> 00:19:49,037
- Dad.
- TMI.

514
00:19:49,061 --> 00:19:50,344
Noice.

515
00:19:50,396 --> 00:19:52,285
Look, your mom went out of her way

516
00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:54,064
to give us a great vacation.

517
00:19:54,150 --> 00:19:56,850
Now we have to find a way
to make her feel better.

518
00:19:57,050 --> 00:19:59,986
I wish I could give you my armadilldo.

519
00:20:00,011 --> 00:20:02,239
It's "dillo," Lark.

520
00:20:02,324 --> 00:20:04,108
Okay, okay. Wait, wait, wait.

521
00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:06,610
What if I told you there's a
way for you to salvage your trip

522
00:20:06,719 --> 00:20:10,297
and still have the most
amazing anniversary ever?

523
00:20:11,227 --> 00:20:15,062
I'd call you a liar and
spit in your lying face.

524
00:20:37,083 --> 00:20:38,983
We want to thank you kids.

525
00:20:39,052 --> 00:20:41,331
This is exactly what we wanted.

526
00:20:41,375 --> 00:20:44,073
I can't believe it's 50 years,

527
00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:47,894
and look at this beautiful
family we've created.

528
00:20:47,919 --> 00:20:50,958
Yeah. What your mother's
trying to say is...

529
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:52,212
beat it.

530
00:20:53,175 --> 00:20:55,091
It's our anniversary.

531
00:20:56,216 --> 00:20:58,697
I cannot believe they
wouldn't let us stay with them.

532
00:20:58,722 --> 00:20:59,786
Hey, well, at least Mom and Dad

533
00:20:59,810 --> 00:21:01,184
are having a happy anniversary, right?

534
00:21:01,208 --> 00:21:02,818
Yeah, that's something.

535
00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:04,012
Tim, when did you get that tattoo

536
00:21:04,036 --> 00:21:05,255
of a scorpion on your neck?

537
00:21:05,299 --> 00:21:06,952
I don't have a scorpion tattoo.

538
00:21:06,996 --> 00:21:09,231
Oh, my God. Nobody move!

539
00:21:14,036 --> 00:21:15,386
Here come the bats.

540
00:21:15,411 --> 00:21:16,223
Oh.

541
00:21:16,266 --> 00:21:17,920
Run!

542
00:21:19,095 --> 00:21:21,880
Tim, you have a scorpion on your neck!

543
00:21:21,924 --> 00:21:23,055
Don't leave me here!

544
00:21:23,099 --> 00:21:24,448
I love you!

545
00:21:26,784 --> 00:21:31,784
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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