1 00:00:45,224 --> 00:00:46,748 You! Clean that window. 2 00:00:46,773 --> 00:00:48,015 Yes, sir. 3 00:00:48,898 --> 00:00:52,187 Pistachios? This isn't a baseball game. 4 00:00:52,351 --> 00:00:56,800 No, you want to present the plate... aioli smear at 12:00, 5 00:00:56,825 --> 00:00:59,578 and for God's sake, call them servilletes. 6 00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:07,897 All good. Smashing. No notes. 7 00:01:12,148 --> 00:01:13,842 Hello, help. 8 00:01:14,059 --> 00:01:15,546 In my history as a wedding guest, 9 00:01:15,571 --> 00:01:17,351 I have successfully heckled 10 00:01:17,376 --> 00:01:20,742 so many ceremonies, people are gonna be gunning for us today. 11 00:01:20,767 --> 00:01:24,631 Thus, our nuptials must be absolutely flawless. 12 00:01:24,787 --> 00:01:27,562 So, in the tradition of punching a bully 13 00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:29,203 to demonstrate one's gravitas, 14 00:01:29,228 --> 00:01:31,375 you, ma'am, are sacked. 15 00:01:31,639 --> 00:01:34,975 You have been made redundant. You are proper on the dole now. 16 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,923 Let that be a warning to you all. 17 00:01:37,345 --> 00:01:38,913 And have fun! 18 00:01:56,112 --> 00:02:01,580 www.subtitulamos.tv 19 00:02:14,038 --> 00:02:16,038 _ 20 00:02:20,697 --> 00:02:22,876 Jimmy! Blessed day. 21 00:02:22,901 --> 00:02:26,322 Really, just jacked to shit. I love you so goddamn much. 22 00:02:26,361 --> 00:02:28,250 Anyfarts, what are you doing out here? 23 00:02:28,665 --> 00:02:31,547 Editing my vows, but now I've pulled a thread. 24 00:02:31,572 --> 00:02:32,890 It's all starting to unravel. 25 00:02:32,915 --> 00:02:35,361 I did that to a sweater once. You hear Gretchen's vows yet? 26 00:02:35,386 --> 00:02:37,134 No, but I cannot wait. 27 00:02:37,159 --> 00:02:39,189 You know they're gonna be so emo. 28 00:02:39,214 --> 00:02:41,767 I hope she cries so hard she vomits. 29 00:02:42,915 --> 00:02:44,672 - Shit! - Hey, welcome, guys. 30 00:02:44,697 --> 00:02:46,055 We can't see each other. 31 00:02:48,337 --> 00:02:49,470 Gretchen. 32 00:02:49,495 --> 00:02:51,005 - Missed you. - Glad they're 33 00:02:51,030 --> 00:02:52,246 on good terms again. 34 00:02:52,271 --> 00:02:53,236 Hurry, hand it over. 35 00:02:53,261 --> 00:02:54,235 What's he handing her? 36 00:02:54,260 --> 00:02:55,494 I don't know. 37 00:02:57,126 --> 00:02:59,837 That was weird. Anyjunk, what's up? 38 00:02:59,862 --> 00:03:01,539 Why'd you need me early? Last-minute titty bar? 39 00:03:01,564 --> 00:03:04,392 No. You're best man now. 40 00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:05,478 What? 41 00:03:06,289 --> 00:03:07,289 What?! 42 00:03:07,314 --> 00:03:09,587 No. No. 43 00:03:10,541 --> 00:03:11,900 My God! 44 00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:15,320 Well, well, well. 45 00:03:15,345 --> 00:03:17,517 Here comes my big apology. 46 00:03:17,542 --> 00:03:19,619 Vernon, you're no longer best man. 47 00:03:19,745 --> 00:03:23,525 Okay. That's-that's fine. I'm fine. 48 00:03:28,139 --> 00:03:30,970 - All right. Let's have it. - Let's have what? 49 00:03:30,995 --> 00:03:33,162 The begging, the groveling. 50 00:03:33,187 --> 00:03:35,320 Perhaps one of your signature pancakes 51 00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:37,650 with "sorry" spelled out in frosting. 52 00:03:38,454 --> 00:03:40,290 No, I meant what I said. 53 00:03:40,501 --> 00:03:42,126 I just came to bring you your rings. 54 00:03:42,151 --> 00:03:43,829 Shit. Right, yeah. 55 00:03:43,854 --> 00:03:45,994 I was, about to text you for these. 56 00:04:02,639 --> 00:04:04,922 Katie Overholser was not the kind 57 00:04:04,947 --> 00:04:07,134 of girl you could ignore, so when she went missing... 58 00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,165 What are you doing? 59 00:04:08,190 --> 00:04:09,768 Waiting here in case you change your mind 60 00:04:09,793 --> 00:04:10,937 and need a quick getaway. 61 00:04:10,962 --> 00:04:12,509 And it was that swiftness, 62 00:04:12,881 --> 00:04:14,462 with which the search for Katie began, 63 00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:17,634 that would, four days later, lead to her death. 64 00:04:20,806 --> 00:04:22,361 You're best man again. 65 00:04:24,289 --> 00:04:25,922 What a roller coaster! 66 00:04:25,947 --> 00:04:28,381 It tastes so much sweeter now that it was taken away. 67 00:04:28,406 --> 00:04:31,033 Your first order of business: get rid of Edgar. 68 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:51,595 Hey, Paul. 69 00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:54,154 Lindsay. Perhaps you can help me. 70 00:04:54,179 --> 00:04:56,611 It says I'm assigned to Table 13, 71 00:04:56,636 --> 00:04:59,673 but I don't see any other guests assigned to that table. 72 00:04:59,698 --> 00:05:00,923 Cool mystery. 73 00:05:02,393 --> 00:05:05,533 Hey, it was really nice talking on the phone last night. 74 00:05:05,693 --> 00:05:07,345 It was, wasn't it? 75 00:05:08,378 --> 00:05:11,279 I'm glad to see I'm not the only one here without a date. 76 00:05:11,396 --> 00:05:13,978 - I'm actually... - Here you go, lover. 77 00:05:14,003 --> 00:05:16,994 Thank you. Keep the change. 78 00:05:17,466 --> 00:05:18,540 Seriously? 79 00:05:19,788 --> 00:05:21,845 No one ever tips at the Froyo store. 80 00:05:21,878 --> 00:05:23,275 I've thought about putting a cup out, 81 00:05:23,307 --> 00:05:25,415 but it just feels desperate, you know? 82 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,541 - You brought the Froyo guy? - I didn't want to come alone. 83 00:05:28,566 --> 00:05:31,876 Anyway, I better get this Bride Fuel to Gretchen. 84 00:05:32,223 --> 00:05:33,548 See you boys later. 85 00:05:37,947 --> 00:05:41,415 Hey, got any errands you need done for tips? 86 00:05:42,831 --> 00:05:47,158 Actually, would you see what you can find out about Table 13? 87 00:05:47,774 --> 00:05:49,017 Will do, boss. 88 00:05:53,074 --> 00:05:54,259 Okay, it's on. 89 00:05:55,057 --> 00:05:56,119 Hold on! 90 00:05:56,291 --> 00:06:00,095 You're going to want this moment captured forever. 91 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,520 Okay, come out. Let's see it. 92 00:06:09,549 --> 00:06:11,986 It's so beautiful. 93 00:06:21,539 --> 00:06:22,806 Gretchen. 94 00:06:22,831 --> 00:06:25,220 I can't believe this day is finally here. 95 00:06:26,416 --> 00:06:28,197 If you make me cry, I'll kill you. 96 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:31,490 I mean, think about all the men it took to get here. 97 00:06:31,515 --> 00:06:33,882 - All right. - So, so many men. 98 00:06:34,274 --> 00:06:38,220 So many men... that I wrote a song about it. 99 00:06:39,026 --> 00:06:40,170 It's called 100 00:06:40,553 --> 00:06:42,369 "The Very Last Dick." 101 00:06:42,394 --> 00:06:43,751 No. 102 00:06:44,463 --> 00:06:45,796 I love you, though. 103 00:06:45,945 --> 00:06:48,900 Well, I love you, too. Just a few lines? 104 00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:50,429 I rhyme Horatio and fel... 105 00:06:50,454 --> 00:06:52,040 No, no, no, no. 106 00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,626 - It's Jimmy. - Jimmy. 107 00:07:14,269 --> 00:07:15,962 There they are. 108 00:07:16,463 --> 00:07:17,665 All right. 109 00:07:19,054 --> 00:07:20,165 Excuse me. 110 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:21,601 Yeah, I'd still do him. 111 00:07:21,626 --> 00:07:23,447 - Nice suit. - Hello. 112 00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,353 - Hey, how's it going? - Yeah, excuse me. 113 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:26,384 - Groom advice. - Yeah, thank you. 114 00:07:26,409 --> 00:07:27,915 Advice for the groom, excuse me. 115 00:07:29,052 --> 00:07:31,744 Just know that she's never gonna change. 116 00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:33,822 Lindsay sure didn't. 117 00:07:33,847 --> 00:07:36,978 Well, until she wanted to plow other guys in front of me. 118 00:07:37,003 --> 00:07:39,134 That was a rather seismic shift. 119 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,212 - Yeah, cuck, bye. - But, hey, I have earthquake insurance. 120 00:07:41,237 --> 00:07:43,228 Jimmy, never go back. 121 00:07:43,253 --> 00:07:45,861 Wait, that's the tagline for Jack Reacher 2. 122 00:07:45,897 --> 00:07:48,257 Did you know that Tom Cruise is actually six-foot-one? 123 00:07:48,448 --> 00:07:50,509 If you want to add that to your vows, Jimmy, go ahead. 124 00:07:50,534 --> 00:07:51,416 What? 125 00:07:52,567 --> 00:07:54,545 I've been reading about you in the trades. 126 00:07:54,570 --> 00:07:56,381 Shame about your movie. 127 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,103 But you'll sell another one. 128 00:07:58,361 --> 00:08:00,142 Or get staffed. 129 00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:02,947 You have to, because you're marrying my daughter, 130 00:08:02,972 --> 00:08:06,767 which means you're responsible for her now, forever. 131 00:08:06,792 --> 00:08:08,611 Yeah, unlike you. Cheers, bye-bye. 132 00:08:08,636 --> 00:08:10,181 This is great, Jimmy. 133 00:08:10,206 --> 00:08:12,406 All weddings should open with alcohol times. 134 00:08:12,431 --> 00:08:15,790 I got blue one and other one. 135 00:08:15,815 --> 00:08:16,806 What happened? 136 00:08:16,831 --> 00:08:18,962 I slept with my Uber driver last night. 137 00:08:20,577 --> 00:08:23,011 Well, well, well. 138 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:25,688 I am so happy for the two of you. 139 00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:28,071 Look, just say whatever awful thing you're gonna say. 140 00:08:28,096 --> 00:08:30,997 No, I'm serious. I think you guys are perfect for each other. 141 00:08:31,195 --> 00:08:33,227 - That said... - Here we go. 142 00:08:33,570 --> 00:08:36,220 Since you're not technically married yet, 143 00:08:36,964 --> 00:08:41,407 my pregnancy hormones have made me extra squishy. 144 00:08:43,842 --> 00:08:45,653 - Everyone here's an alcoholic. - Jimmy! 145 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:47,181 He's coming, he's coming, he's coming, he's coming. 146 00:08:47,206 --> 00:08:48,216 - See? - You're right. 147 00:08:48,241 --> 00:08:50,266 Jimmy! What a beautiful day. 148 00:08:50,291 --> 00:08:51,852 I got goose bumps already. 149 00:08:51,877 --> 00:08:54,016 It reminds me of my nuptials, except, you know, 150 00:08:54,041 --> 00:08:55,704 less timelessly elegant. 151 00:08:55,729 --> 00:08:57,329 - Was I there? - Yes. 152 00:08:57,361 --> 00:08:59,000 Yes, yes, great event. So lovely. 153 00:08:59,025 --> 00:09:02,188 Listen, what did you fellas hand Gretchen this morning? 154 00:09:03,809 --> 00:09:05,126 - Forever Stamps. - Passport photo for your honeymoon. 155 00:09:05,151 --> 00:09:06,868 - Cash, Mafia-style. - Ticket to Dudamel's Mahler cycle, yeah. 156 00:09:06,893 --> 00:09:07,876 Bitcoins. 157 00:09:09,388 --> 00:09:11,704 Okay, fine. She asked us for coke. 158 00:09:11,729 --> 00:09:14,329 She was worried she'd get too drunk and ruin the special day. 159 00:09:15,279 --> 00:09:16,977 Well, what a relief. 160 00:09:17,002 --> 00:09:19,269 I thought it was something bad. No follow-ups. 161 00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:23,063 There you are. The photographer needs us around back. 162 00:09:23,088 --> 00:09:24,243 Did you get rid of Edgar? 163 00:09:24,268 --> 00:09:27,391 It's in process. Just get your butt out there and look pretty. 164 00:09:30,298 --> 00:09:31,454 Lindsay. 165 00:09:31,729 --> 00:09:33,228 Huge emergency. 166 00:09:33,253 --> 00:09:36,610 Edgar's in his car and you need to get rid of him, 167 00:09:36,635 --> 00:09:39,029 and I'm commandeering these on behalf of the groom. 168 00:09:39,054 --> 00:09:40,923 Nothing I do today counts. Bye! 169 00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:44,321 So, you were sleeping together? 170 00:09:44,346 --> 00:09:45,798 - Yeah, I mean... - What? 171 00:09:45,823 --> 00:09:47,501 How could she not tell the attorney 172 00:09:47,526 --> 00:09:49,071 that she used to date Kevin? 173 00:09:49,390 --> 00:09:50,618 Fuck. 174 00:09:51,142 --> 00:09:52,618 Jesus, Lindsay. 175 00:09:53,696 --> 00:09:56,532 What the fuck are you doing out here in your car? 176 00:09:57,016 --> 00:09:58,983 I told Jimmy not to marry Gretchen. 177 00:09:59,216 --> 00:10:00,469 What?! 178 00:10:02,196 --> 00:10:03,571 Edgar. 179 00:10:03,963 --> 00:10:06,501 Jesus, you are the dumb one. 180 00:10:06,789 --> 00:10:08,336 You killed the group. 181 00:10:29,442 --> 00:10:31,420 That's why I didn't say anything; it was just for us. 182 00:10:31,444 --> 00:10:33,063 But you knew it could be important. 183 00:10:38,586 --> 00:10:40,462 Okay, now Charlie's Angels. 184 00:10:42,243 --> 00:10:43,571 Twins poster. 185 00:10:45,571 --> 00:10:47,626 You have four arms! 186 00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:49,989 An Officer and a Gentleman. I'm the lady. 187 00:10:50,013 --> 00:10:51,134 Catch me! 188 00:10:55,373 --> 00:10:56,605 Weekend at Bernie's. 189 00:10:59,321 --> 00:11:00,905 Right, I think we're good, yeah? 190 00:11:01,146 --> 00:11:02,990 I'll take the bride and maid of honor next. 191 00:11:03,015 --> 00:11:04,720 Quick, go that way so you don't run into her. 192 00:11:25,948 --> 00:11:28,196 My God, Jimmy, I'd hit it. 193 00:11:28,363 --> 00:11:31,235 I was never sure before, but now, yeah, 194 00:11:31,738 --> 00:11:32,970 I'd definitely hit it. 195 00:11:35,924 --> 00:11:38,788 Someone said that Vernon was taking photos with Jimmy. 196 00:11:38,813 --> 00:11:39,804 How come? 197 00:11:39,829 --> 00:11:42,852 Yeah, no biggie, but Vernon is Jimmy's best man now. 198 00:11:43,423 --> 00:11:45,410 Ooh, let's do the Stanky Legg. 199 00:11:45,435 --> 00:11:47,790 What? Why? Where's Edgar? 200 00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:51,750 - The fiber testing... it failed spectacularly. - No! 201 00:11:51,906 --> 00:11:53,563 What is the D.A. doing? 202 00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:56,956 The cops could've dragged in those fibers on their shoes. 203 00:12:06,649 --> 00:12:07,929 Most girlfriends would have 204 00:12:07,954 --> 00:12:11,071 tolerated you for a month maybe. 205 00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:13,444 But letting you stay with him 206 00:12:13,469 --> 00:12:16,915 was, at times of particular assholishness, 207 00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:19,829 the one humanizing thing about Jimmy. 208 00:12:19,854 --> 00:12:21,711 Listen, I-I never meant to... 209 00:12:21,736 --> 00:12:23,816 I wouldn't say a word. I really wouldn't. 210 00:12:25,141 --> 00:12:27,735 And while I liked you, Edgar, 211 00:12:28,221 --> 00:12:31,071 the one thing I could never do was respect you. 212 00:12:31,532 --> 00:12:33,681 Because the first few times it's like, "Hey, 213 00:12:33,706 --> 00:12:35,415 be nicer to the guy." 214 00:12:35,837 --> 00:12:38,577 But the next 2,000 times, that's on you. 215 00:12:38,602 --> 00:12:40,381 I know. That's why I'm here. 216 00:12:40,406 --> 00:12:43,126 He is never going to respect you. 217 00:12:43,810 --> 00:12:46,415 Never. Never. 218 00:12:48,603 --> 00:12:50,903 I'm just trying to stop him from making a mistake. 219 00:12:50,928 --> 00:12:52,945 I don't even pity you anymore. 220 00:12:53,516 --> 00:12:55,136 I just hate you now. 221 00:12:56,266 --> 00:12:57,294 Leave. 222 00:13:00,063 --> 00:13:01,368 Leave now. 223 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,773 And it was. They just threw out the case. 224 00:13:38,790 --> 00:13:40,820 Hey, friend. Bad news. 225 00:13:40,845 --> 00:13:43,234 There is no Table 13. 226 00:13:43,259 --> 00:13:45,648 - I don't understand. - Seems it's an old wedding joke 227 00:13:45,673 --> 00:13:47,665 for someone no one wants to sit with. 228 00:13:48,007 --> 00:13:49,563 Dear. 229 00:13:51,766 --> 00:13:54,766 My. That's dispiriting. 230 00:13:55,181 --> 00:13:57,977 Yeah, anyway, why don't we say 50 bucks? 231 00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:01,537 I'll give you $200 to leave. 232 00:14:01,571 --> 00:14:02,860 Deal. 233 00:14:12,148 --> 00:14:13,282 All right, Ben Folds. 234 00:14:13,307 --> 00:14:15,101 Ready to get your socks knocked off? 235 00:14:17,470 --> 00:14:19,336 Whoa, that's delicious. 236 00:14:19,438 --> 00:14:20,838 What the heck is it? 237 00:14:20,863 --> 00:14:23,188 - It's called trash juice. - Trash juice. 238 00:14:23,625 --> 00:14:25,322 It's magnificent. 239 00:14:26,813 --> 00:14:28,806 I knew I'd find you one day. 240 00:14:41,470 --> 00:14:44,632 Ladies and gentlemen, we will be opening the doors 241 00:14:44,657 --> 00:14:47,306 to the main hall in 15 minutes. 242 00:14:55,741 --> 00:14:58,399 Wait. What's "squishy"? 243 00:14:58,945 --> 00:15:00,352 Everything. 244 00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:16,157 Jimbo, I have a very special guest. 245 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:20,422 MILF alert, MILF alert. It's Gretchen's mom. 246 00:15:24,579 --> 00:15:26,471 Just say whatever you need to say. 247 00:15:26,496 --> 00:15:27,962 It's not gonna change anything. 248 00:15:29,769 --> 00:15:32,829 This was from her great-grandmother, Gretchen. 249 00:15:33,595 --> 00:15:35,479 She was similarly feisty. 250 00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:39,040 I'd appreciate it if you'd give it to her before the ceremony. 251 00:15:39,745 --> 00:15:41,126 Something old. 252 00:15:44,227 --> 00:15:45,876 A word of advice, Jimmy. 253 00:15:45,901 --> 00:15:48,886 The more you love Gretchen and try to take care of her, 254 00:15:49,223 --> 00:15:50,759 the more she'll resent you. 255 00:15:51,454 --> 00:15:52,980 I really love her. 256 00:15:54,759 --> 00:15:56,032 I'm glad. 257 00:16:03,993 --> 00:16:05,837 So, you and Katie were lovers? 258 00:16:05,970 --> 00:16:08,656 That sounds so old-timey. 259 00:16:08,954 --> 00:16:10,687 Look, Gretchen, I'm not leaving. 260 00:16:10,712 --> 00:16:12,306 - Okay? - Take me home, Dmitri. 261 00:16:12,649 --> 00:16:14,579 I'm not your Lyft, Ben Folds. 262 00:16:14,604 --> 00:16:16,931 For real? Dang, I keep doing that. 263 00:16:18,246 --> 00:16:19,657 I remember you. 264 00:16:19,682 --> 00:16:21,816 You're friend with that British guy. 265 00:16:22,462 --> 00:16:23,877 How do you do it? 266 00:16:24,431 --> 00:16:26,981 Adult friendships are so hard to maintain. 267 00:16:27,006 --> 00:16:29,609 Billy Corgan and I were really close until that year 268 00:16:29,634 --> 00:16:32,102 that I got the better greenroom at Weenie Roast. 269 00:16:32,665 --> 00:16:34,336 He never got over that. 270 00:16:35,352 --> 00:16:37,841 Point is, you're lucky. 271 00:16:41,747 --> 00:16:43,514 Okay, there's my ride. 272 00:16:43,539 --> 00:16:45,181 Folds out, motherfucker. 273 00:16:54,509 --> 00:16:56,164 And then she died. 274 00:17:21,259 --> 00:17:23,165 Okay. 275 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,141 Hell yeah. 276 00:17:36,759 --> 00:17:38,484 No, no, no! 277 00:17:38,517 --> 00:17:40,071 I am not supposed to see you. 278 00:17:40,096 --> 00:17:41,821 What are you doing in here? 279 00:17:41,889 --> 00:17:43,540 You didn't write your vows? 280 00:17:43,565 --> 00:17:46,702 What? What are you even talking about? 281 00:17:46,727 --> 00:17:50,149 I have them right... Fine. 282 00:17:50,985 --> 00:17:52,751 I had the boys help me. 283 00:17:52,829 --> 00:17:54,795 You care so little 284 00:17:54,820 --> 00:17:58,384 about this wedding that you even farmed out your vows? 285 00:17:58,409 --> 00:18:02,977 No. I care so much that I hired a professional. 286 00:18:03,002 --> 00:18:06,069 Shitstain had his first poem in The New Yorker when he was 19. 287 00:18:06,094 --> 00:18:07,477 You don't pick out the flowers, 288 00:18:07,502 --> 00:18:09,666 you don't get your own dress, fine. 289 00:18:09,691 --> 00:18:12,646 But these, these are your vows! 290 00:18:12,671 --> 00:18:14,509 They're a sacred pledge to me, 291 00:18:14,534 --> 00:18:16,188 and you have someone else write them? 292 00:18:16,213 --> 00:18:17,454 Why do you even...? 293 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,206 Is Edgar getting in your head? 294 00:18:20,231 --> 00:18:21,408 Is that what this is about? 295 00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:22,907 No. What-what? No. 296 00:18:22,932 --> 00:18:24,923 If what Edgar said didn't affect you, 297 00:18:24,948 --> 00:18:26,759 then why didn't you tell me about it? 298 00:18:26,935 --> 00:18:29,321 Admit it, you normally wouldn't give two shits 299 00:18:29,346 --> 00:18:31,274 if I didn't write my own vows. 300 00:18:31,299 --> 00:18:32,743 You're looking for an excuse. 301 00:18:32,768 --> 00:18:36,813 No, Gretchen. I've been so busy justifying 302 00:18:36,838 --> 00:18:38,954 your lack of participation 303 00:18:38,979 --> 00:18:41,681 that I've ignored what you've been trying to tell me: 304 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:45,141 - you don't want to get married. - I'm not well! 305 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:48,212 No! You can't use that as an excuse here. 306 00:18:48,636 --> 00:18:50,923 - Your mom was right. - Do not bring up my mom! 307 00:18:50,948 --> 00:18:53,970 There's a part of you that will resent me forever 308 00:18:53,995 --> 00:18:56,204 if I marry you. You hate constraints, 309 00:18:56,229 --> 00:18:58,280 and that is what I will forever be. 310 00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:01,264 - This is insane! - Do you want to marry me? 311 00:19:01,289 --> 00:19:03,756 - I am here, aren't I? - You're still not saying it. 312 00:19:03,781 --> 00:19:05,874 I'm in a dress! My mom is here. 313 00:19:05,899 --> 00:19:08,139 Say "I want to marry you." 314 00:19:08,164 --> 00:19:09,497 Stop bullying me! 315 00:19:11,148 --> 00:19:12,250 Fine! 316 00:19:12,275 --> 00:19:14,085 I want to marry you! 317 00:19:16,057 --> 00:19:18,758 I do. I want to marry you. 318 00:19:19,913 --> 00:19:21,960 Goddamn it, Gretchen. 319 00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:24,694 Well... 320 00:19:26,288 --> 00:19:28,889 I-I don't think that I want to marry you. 321 00:19:47,127 --> 00:19:49,147 - You okay? - It's an ambush. 322 00:19:49,172 --> 00:19:51,241 I've been ambushed. Gretchen... 323 00:19:51,266 --> 00:19:52,772 I know. I should have told you. 324 00:19:52,797 --> 00:19:54,983 You knew? What, you knew? 325 00:19:55,008 --> 00:19:57,642 I'm sorry, Jimmy, but I think it's time you guys talked. 326 00:20:11,115 --> 00:20:12,561 They didn't tell you I'd be here. 327 00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:13,522 Nope. 328 00:20:13,994 --> 00:20:15,069 Yeah. 329 00:20:16,366 --> 00:20:17,225 Listen, I don't... 330 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,350 How's New York? 331 00:20:19,112 --> 00:20:21,186 Good. Loud. 332 00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:23,975 Lots of triggers, but I'm adapting. 333 00:20:26,062 --> 00:20:28,296 I'm sorry for what I did back then. 334 00:20:30,276 --> 00:20:32,546 - I'm sorry. - You should be. 335 00:20:33,245 --> 00:20:35,756 It was inconceivably abhorrent. 336 00:20:36,631 --> 00:20:37,655 I know. 337 00:20:39,668 --> 00:20:41,155 But you were proved right. 338 00:20:43,467 --> 00:20:44,874 It took me a while to admit it, 339 00:20:44,899 --> 00:20:46,633 but it was, ultimately, 340 00:20:46,658 --> 00:20:51,803 a rather brave and... selfless act. 341 00:20:53,030 --> 00:20:55,077 It wasn't selfless. 342 00:20:56,475 --> 00:20:58,796 It was the only way I could get away from you. 343 00:21:02,233 --> 00:21:03,707 S-So, how are you? 344 00:21:04,066 --> 00:21:05,178 Good. 345 00:21:05,211 --> 00:21:07,888 Really good. I'm adapting a murder podcast. 346 00:21:07,913 --> 00:21:09,335 Yeah, it's... 347 00:21:09,609 --> 00:21:11,647 taken years to work out the rights, 348 00:21:11,672 --> 00:21:14,507 but I'm interviewing some writers while I'm in town. 349 00:21:15,311 --> 00:21:17,350 Well, I would throw my hat in the ring, 350 00:21:17,375 --> 00:21:19,241 but I'm busy writing Depth. 351 00:21:19,266 --> 00:21:21,694 Yes. You know, I read Height. So good. 352 00:21:21,719 --> 00:21:24,835 Man, those Victorians were messed up. 353 00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,686 So much spanking. 354 00:21:26,711 --> 00:21:28,671 You don't know the half of it. 355 00:21:29,624 --> 00:21:32,014 You don't talk to me. 356 00:21:32,039 --> 00:21:34,147 Come on. It's been long enough. 357 00:21:36,510 --> 00:21:40,428 Besides, haven't you learned by now that I'm always right? 358 00:21:48,631 --> 00:21:50,475 Leave Uncle Edgar alone, baby. 359 00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:51,772 You already caught him. 360 00:21:51,797 --> 00:21:54,975 - Pick me up, Daddy. - Yes, Miss Bossypants. 361 00:21:56,911 --> 00:21:58,397 You met behind my back? 362 00:21:58,422 --> 00:21:59,475 Earlier today. 363 00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:02,476 I conned Edgar into playing tiger with Felicity. 364 00:22:02,501 --> 00:22:03,475 Come on, Wormy. 365 00:22:03,500 --> 00:22:05,367 Let's go find the appetizers. 366 00:22:05,803 --> 00:22:07,204 - Yeah. - Yeah. 367 00:22:07,229 --> 00:22:08,389 Yeah. 368 00:22:08,974 --> 00:22:10,319 Is that...? 369 00:22:10,344 --> 00:22:14,436 The florist who essed Jimmy's dee? Yes. 370 00:22:14,484 --> 00:22:18,280 And it got all possible sexual tension off the table forever, 371 00:22:18,305 --> 00:22:20,225 thus the perfect nanny. 372 00:22:20,250 --> 00:22:21,944 No danger of Afflecking here. 373 00:22:21,969 --> 00:22:23,061 There they are. 374 00:22:23,086 --> 00:22:24,999 What the hell are you guys all doing out here? 375 00:22:25,024 --> 00:22:26,835 You can't miss our first dance. 376 00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:30,233 I mean, our second first dance. Paul took lessons. 377 00:22:30,389 --> 00:22:32,194 Yes. I'm all prepared 378 00:22:32,219 --> 00:22:34,397 to do the Lindsay Hop. 379 00:22:35,105 --> 00:22:38,303 Or perhaps I'll save that particular move for tonight. 380 00:22:38,678 --> 00:22:40,913 I don't know what you're saying. 381 00:22:41,256 --> 00:22:43,835 We'll be right there. I love you. 382 00:22:48,282 --> 00:22:51,155 - Hey, wait up. - Ooh, we met Jimmy Fallon... 383 00:22:51,819 --> 00:22:52,905 You mad? 384 00:22:53,365 --> 00:22:55,240 Only murderously. 385 00:22:55,671 --> 00:22:58,335 Though I suppose that dead little heart of yours 386 00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:00,638 - was in the right place. - How'd it go with the house? 387 00:23:00,663 --> 00:23:04,296 Well, it's officially not ours anymore. 388 00:23:04,484 --> 00:23:06,217 I'm sorry, bud. 389 00:23:06,242 --> 00:23:08,585 But you know it was a death trap for kids. 390 00:23:08,610 --> 00:23:10,772 Yeah. How was your hotel? 391 00:23:11,403 --> 00:23:12,717 Great. 392 00:23:13,386 --> 00:23:15,022 You were right. 393 00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:17,405 I couldn't get through a month without drinking. 394 00:23:18,147 --> 00:23:20,311 But I did get digits. 395 00:23:20,336 --> 00:23:23,116 Cute, too. Mama's still got it. 396 00:23:23,976 --> 00:23:25,663 We should probably go in. 397 00:23:25,688 --> 00:23:29,173 Watch Paul and Lindsay make the same mistake twice. 398 00:23:30,863 --> 00:23:32,943 First I'm gonna shake all the presents. 399 00:23:32,968 --> 00:23:35,085 They ripped off our non-wedding venue, 400 00:23:35,110 --> 00:23:37,053 they owe me a food processor. 401 00:23:42,967 --> 00:23:45,538 Forgot my lighter. I'll be right in. 402 00:23:55,585 --> 00:23:58,163 I see Katie's parents, but they won't look at me. 403 00:23:58,188 --> 00:23:59,217 The mood is tense. 404 00:23:59,242 --> 00:24:00,397 The judge enters. 405 00:24:00,422 --> 00:24:02,827 The jury enters, looking tired, ragged. 406 00:24:02,852 --> 00:24:05,249 - The forewoman Mary Elizabeth stands. - Damn it, Jimmy. 407 00:24:05,274 --> 00:24:07,225 We, the jury, find the defendant... 408 00:24:08,016 --> 00:24:09,983 Let me clear some space for you. 409 00:24:12,322 --> 00:24:13,647 Jimmy! 410 00:24:15,014 --> 00:24:16,405 Jimmy, no! 411 00:24:16,502 --> 00:24:18,108 No, Jimmy. 412 00:24:18,401 --> 00:24:20,452 It's not gonna be that easy to leave me this time. 413 00:24:20,477 --> 00:24:21,725 You knew who I was. 414 00:24:21,750 --> 00:24:23,913 That's all you have to say? That you're damaged? 415 00:24:23,938 --> 00:24:25,569 I'm getting straight into Edgar's car. 416 00:24:25,594 --> 00:24:27,160 He's not here anymore, I... 417 00:24:27,185 --> 00:24:28,785 Motherfucker! 418 00:24:30,727 --> 00:24:32,069 Look. 419 00:24:32,094 --> 00:24:34,506 I tried to write my vows. I did. 420 00:24:34,531 --> 00:24:38,311 Many times, I tried with all of this and I failed. 421 00:24:41,125 --> 00:24:42,548 Mine are just as phony. 422 00:24:42,573 --> 00:24:43,706 What? 423 00:24:44,430 --> 00:24:47,641 Writing them, I couldn't imagine myself up there 424 00:24:47,666 --> 00:24:51,259 saying these things, so... I wrote them as a character. 425 00:24:51,559 --> 00:24:53,087 Named Theodore. 426 00:24:53,303 --> 00:24:55,156 Writing to his future bride. 427 00:24:55,405 --> 00:24:58,134 A character named Samantha. Sammy to friends. 428 00:24:58,428 --> 00:25:01,540 I had to pretend to be someone who wants 429 00:25:01,565 --> 00:25:03,798 to take care of someone in sickness and health. 430 00:25:03,886 --> 00:25:08,338 False concepts like "forever," "eternity," "until death." 431 00:25:08,667 --> 00:25:12,837 Who wants to lie in front of everyone they know 432 00:25:12,862 --> 00:25:15,263 that they're gonna love someone forever? 433 00:25:15,334 --> 00:25:17,868 How can you know that?! 434 00:25:18,367 --> 00:25:19,930 You can't! 435 00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:23,821 I feel like we're not going back inside. 436 00:25:24,905 --> 00:25:27,186 You've been saying all along that we might change. 437 00:25:27,469 --> 00:25:30,251 Well, can you really promise that your feelings 438 00:25:30,276 --> 00:25:32,243 won't change 40 years from now? 439 00:25:32,481 --> 00:25:34,914 20 years from now? Five years from now? 440 00:25:35,127 --> 00:25:38,321 This ceremony... is a fiction. 441 00:25:39,208 --> 00:25:40,962 It's a false guarantee 442 00:25:40,995 --> 00:25:43,262 that protects us from exactly nothing. 443 00:25:43,889 --> 00:25:45,188 It's novocaine. 444 00:25:45,213 --> 00:25:46,612 It's an opiate. 445 00:25:47,409 --> 00:25:48,610 It's a lie. 446 00:25:49,772 --> 00:25:51,149 You were right. 447 00:25:55,939 --> 00:25:57,579 I know. 448 00:25:58,378 --> 00:26:00,344 I know I was. 449 00:26:05,177 --> 00:26:08,407 So, instead of making these giant, fake, 450 00:26:08,432 --> 00:26:10,565 impossible-to-live-up-to pledges, 451 00:26:10,590 --> 00:26:12,235 what the fuck are we gonna do? 452 00:26:14,176 --> 00:26:16,126 What do you want, Jimmy? 453 00:26:19,134 --> 00:26:20,333 Pancakes. 454 00:26:55,477 --> 00:26:56,655 Not guilty. 455 00:26:58,614 --> 00:27:00,858 What, seriously? No. 456 00:27:00,883 --> 00:27:03,259 My God, that is insane. 457 00:27:12,501 --> 00:27:14,134 I can't find them. 458 00:27:14,159 --> 00:27:16,126 You have to do something. 459 00:27:21,670 --> 00:27:23,399 I couldn't help but overhear. 460 00:27:23,424 --> 00:27:25,102 Jimmy might have gotten cold feet? 461 00:27:25,127 --> 00:27:26,915 I don't know, maybe. 462 00:27:27,350 --> 00:27:30,188 Well, the prospect of marriage 463 00:27:30,213 --> 00:27:32,360 can be very daunting. 464 00:27:32,822 --> 00:27:34,032 Hey. 465 00:27:34,629 --> 00:27:37,113 Did you have dauntings about marrying me? 466 00:27:37,301 --> 00:27:38,634 No way, Jose. 467 00:27:38,659 --> 00:27:40,993 No dauntings. 468 00:27:41,444 --> 00:27:44,345 Me neither. I'm sorry. 469 00:27:45,030 --> 00:27:46,107 Hello, everyone. 470 00:27:46,436 --> 00:27:47,649 Hello. 471 00:27:48,021 --> 00:27:49,438 Shut up! 472 00:27:50,793 --> 00:27:52,242 Best Man Vernon here. 473 00:27:52,281 --> 00:27:53,993 I don't want anyone to lose their shit, 474 00:27:54,018 --> 00:27:56,218 but we can't find the bride or groom. 475 00:27:56,243 --> 00:27:58,221 That really can only mean one thing. 476 00:27:58,346 --> 00:28:00,462 Jimmy and Gretchen are likely dead 477 00:28:00,487 --> 00:28:02,241 or have been in a horrible accident, 478 00:28:02,266 --> 00:28:03,776 so starting to picture a life without them 479 00:28:03,801 --> 00:28:06,002 is probably a smart move at this point! 480 00:28:07,853 --> 00:28:09,141 Hi. 481 00:28:09,495 --> 00:28:11,522 Sorry about that, everybody. 482 00:28:11,547 --> 00:28:15,608 Vernon is not good in stressful situations. 483 00:28:15,633 --> 00:28:16,663 I'm so not! 484 00:28:16,688 --> 00:28:18,249 Everything is fine. 485 00:28:19,955 --> 00:28:21,835 The best thing to do... 486 00:28:22,316 --> 00:28:24,131 at a moment like this... 487 00:28:25,394 --> 00:28:27,905 is to listen to a song I wrote. 488 00:28:28,832 --> 00:28:30,186 For the bride. 489 00:28:34,113 --> 00:28:36,420 ? There's Gregory at South By ? 490 00:28:36,445 --> 00:28:38,358 ? Justin with the abs ? 491 00:28:38,383 --> 00:28:42,102 ? Peter and Ruben from Foot Locker ? 492 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,600 ? There's Eugene from the deaf school ? 493 00:28:44,625 --> 00:28:46,616 ? And Dylan, who sold coke ? 494 00:28:46,703 --> 00:28:50,460 ? And don't forget that singer from Spin Doctors ? 495 00:28:50,749 --> 00:28:52,883 ? Bryce, who was weirdly loud ? 496 00:28:52,908 --> 00:28:55,538 ? Mike, who was well-endowed ? 497 00:28:55,563 --> 00:28:58,936 ? If far longer than thick ? 498 00:28:58,961 --> 00:29:00,952 ? Quite possibly piled up ? 499 00:29:00,977 --> 00:29:03,085 ? Couldn't beat ? 500 00:29:03,981 --> 00:29:06,280 ? The very last dick. ? 501 00:29:24,417 --> 00:29:27,485 - So we're not getting married. - No. 502 00:29:27,666 --> 00:29:29,933 - But we're not breaking up. - No. 503 00:29:30,095 --> 00:29:32,004 So what are we going to do? 504 00:29:34,303 --> 00:29:37,827 Every day... we choose. 505 00:29:42,008 --> 00:29:43,541 I don't want to be with you 506 00:29:43,566 --> 00:29:45,952 because I made a promise to be with you. 507 00:29:45,977 --> 00:29:48,475 I want to be with you because I want to be with you. 508 00:29:48,795 --> 00:29:51,936 So every day... we wake up, 509 00:29:52,355 --> 00:29:54,138 we look at each other and say, 510 00:29:54,163 --> 00:29:58,725 "Today, again... I choose you." 511 00:29:59,741 --> 00:30:02,670 Until maybe one day we don't. 512 00:30:02,717 --> 00:30:04,999 You know I love the idea of always having 513 00:30:05,024 --> 00:30:06,340 one foot out the door. 514 00:30:06,365 --> 00:30:07,664 We don't declare anything. 515 00:30:08,207 --> 00:30:09,513 Except this. 516 00:30:10,694 --> 00:30:14,997 Gretchen, every day I will make the choice to love you. 517 00:30:16,254 --> 00:30:18,092 And love you I will. 518 00:30:19,449 --> 00:30:21,303 Wholeheartedly. 519 00:30:22,168 --> 00:30:23,686 That one day. 520 00:30:25,055 --> 00:30:26,988 Because I choose to. 521 00:30:30,225 --> 00:30:31,967 I really like it. 522 00:30:32,203 --> 00:30:33,636 Me, too. 523 00:30:39,436 --> 00:30:41,608 I'm sorry you didn't get your wedding. 524 00:30:41,633 --> 00:30:43,678 We got photos of me looking fly as hell, 525 00:30:43,703 --> 00:30:45,403 that's really all that matters. 526 00:30:46,456 --> 00:30:47,999 You know the one thing I do regret? 527 00:30:48,024 --> 00:30:49,475 All the money we wasted? 528 00:30:49,545 --> 00:30:51,460 Leaving everyone in the lurch? 529 00:30:51,485 --> 00:30:54,725 Not getting the chance to see Paul wandering around, 530 00:30:54,750 --> 00:30:56,299 looking for his table all night? 531 00:30:56,481 --> 00:30:58,966 Leaving behind all those gifts. 532 00:30:58,991 --> 00:31:01,772 I already texted Vernon to load up the car with them. 533 00:31:02,550 --> 00:31:04,280 God, I love you. 534 00:34:19,397 --> 00:34:23,337 Hey, you know that there's always a possibility 535 00:34:23,362 --> 00:34:25,762 that some day I might leave my phone and keys at home 536 00:34:25,787 --> 00:34:27,626 and step in front of a train. 537 00:34:27,761 --> 00:34:29,579 You know that, right? 538 00:34:33,470 --> 00:34:34,626 Yeah. 539 00:34:34,848 --> 00:34:36,848 But I'll move on really quickly. 540 00:34:36,934 --> 00:34:38,853 Like, record-setting. 541 00:34:40,375 --> 00:34:41,603 Okay. 542 00:34:56,404 --> 00:35:04,412 www.subtitulamos.tv