1
00:00:02,380 --> 00:00:05,880
"Abby's" is filmed in front
of a live, outdoor audience.

2
00:00:07,250 --> 00:00:09,790
- Three bucks.
- Hold on.

3
00:00:09,820 --> 00:00:11,350
I got a proposition for you.

4
00:00:11,390 --> 00:00:12,940
Fine. Quickly.

5
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,440
I am here on this stool
every night for five hours.

6
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:17,360
I haven't missed a day in three years.

7
00:00:17,390 --> 00:00:19,920
Yes, you're the Cal Ripken
of low-grade alcoholism.

8
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:22,530
Thank you.

9
00:00:22,570 --> 00:00:24,300
I believe my being on this stool

10
00:00:24,330 --> 00:00:26,450
creates a festive drinking atmosphere,

11
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:28,160
and I should be compensated for that.

12
00:00:29,570 --> 00:00:30,820
With free drinks.

13
00:00:32,160 --> 00:00:33,860
What you got there, Beth?

14
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,480
Dartboard.

15
00:00:35,510 --> 00:00:38,020
I bought it for my boys,
but, uh, five minutes in,

16
00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:41,150
they were just throwing darts
at each other's faces,

17
00:00:41,180 --> 00:00:44,040
laughing and screaming,
blood everywhere.

18
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,660
I think they might be
legitimate psychos.

19
00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,900
And I might be a terrible mom.

20
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:52,940
Oh, well.

21
00:00:53,660 --> 00:00:54,920
Abby, can we keep it?

22
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,350
I'm not sure how the scoring works,

23
00:00:56,370 --> 00:00:57,980
but I'm willing to waste a
lot of time on the Internet

24
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,300
trying to figure it out.

25
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:02,300
I mean, I got a dentist
appointment tomorrow,

26
00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,160
but other than that,
I ain't got nothing...

27
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:05,940
for months.

28
00:01:05,980 --> 00:01:07,600
I wanna hear pros and cons. Go.

29
00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:10,610
Pros: it... it's darts.
It's fun. Case closed.

30
00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:12,480
- Yeah.
- Uh, con:

31
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,340
drunk people throwing pointy things.

32
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,150
- Big con.
- Yeah.

33
00:01:16,190 --> 00:01:18,590
Pro: you don't have to be
athletic to be good at it,

34
00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,380
and I'm saying that
because I'm not athletic.

35
00:01:20,890 --> 00:01:23,020
I'm big, so people assume I am,

36
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,149
and then they get me on the field,

37
00:01:24,150 --> 00:01:25,860
and they be like, "Nah."

38
00:01:26,340 --> 00:01:29,600
Con: darts feels kind of British.

39
00:01:29,620 --> 00:01:30,680
- Ew.
- Hold on, though.

40
00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:31,720
Is darts British?

41
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,220
Are you fact-checking me, Fred?

42
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:37,960
No, I'm just... I... I'm not
sure that darts is British.

43
00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:39,649
Well, I mean, you're
either fact-checking me,

44
00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:41,920
or you're just, uh...

45
00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,300
talking.

46
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,650
Come on, Fred, do it. Don't
let her psych you out.

47
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,000
Yeah, Fred, go for it.

48
00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:49,560
- It's fine. Do it.
- Don't. Don't do it.

49
00:01:49,580 --> 00:01:50,890
Fine. Challenge!

50
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,019
- Ha!
- Ha! You idiot.

51
00:01:53,020 --> 00:01:54,440
To the books.

52
00:01:54,500 --> 00:01:55,900
You feeling confident?

53
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:57,920
Yes.

54
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:02,850
Okay, here we go.

55
00:02:02,860 --> 00:02:06,300
"Darts: created in 1896

56
00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:08,340
by a Lancashire carpenter."

57
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,600
And where is Lancashire, James?

58
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,340
Lancashire... uh...

59
00:02:15,380 --> 00:02:17,100
No, James. That was rhetorical.

60
00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,740
Lancashire is obviously in England.

61
00:02:18,770 --> 00:02:21,600
It's a very English word. I'm right.

62
00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:24,440
In accordance with rule number seven,

63
00:02:24,470 --> 00:02:26,400
the punishment for losing a challenge,

64
00:02:26,420 --> 00:02:32,060
I present you with one sugary,
disgusting, lime-flavored

65
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,040
not-beer. Enjoy.

66
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,540
Ugh. The smell.

67
00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:38,700
Why do people do this to alcohol?

68
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:44,000
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

69
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:50,440
Abby, wait.

70
00:02:50,450 --> 00:02:51,660
Can we keep the dartboard?

71
00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:52,720
I'm okay with it as long as

72
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:53,900
you figure out a good place to put it.

73
00:02:53,980 --> 00:02:56,800
- How about the back fence?
- No, that's too low.

74
00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:58,100
You need something eye level.

75
00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,440
What if we asked Skip to move?

76
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:01,720
I'm not asking Skip to do anything.

77
00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:05,390
He might yell.

78
00:03:05,430 --> 00:03:06,900
And I don't like confrontation.

79
00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:08,319
You're the bouncer.

80
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:10,120
I know. It's messed up.

81
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:12,670
Excuse me.

82
00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:13,940
Where can I find Abby?

83
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,480
- Ooh.
- Well.

84
00:03:15,550 --> 00:03:18,140
Buddy, you don't just waltz in here

85
00:03:18,170 --> 00:03:20,140
and ask for Abby.

86
00:03:20,180 --> 00:03:21,949
Drinking here is a coveted honor.

87
00:03:21,950 --> 00:03:23,540
You have to work your way up the ladder.

88
00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:26,700
Yeah, there's a vetting
process for new people.

89
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,840
First three weeks, you're
on the back benches.

90
00:03:29,260 --> 00:03:30,879
You keep your voice down.

91
00:03:30,880 --> 00:03:33,240
You drink what Abby tells you.

92
00:03:33,260 --> 00:03:34,890
- Actually, I...
- Too loud.

93
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,120
Half that. Eyes down.

94
00:03:37,590 --> 00:03:39,530
And after three weeks, if you're chill,

95
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:41,560
you move on to the
random chairs section.

96
00:03:42,980 --> 00:03:44,530
Yeah, you stick it out at the chairs

97
00:03:44,570 --> 00:03:46,400
- for three to six months...
- Mm.

98
00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:49,040
You're a full-fledged member.
You can sit at the bar.

99
00:03:49,070 --> 00:03:50,220
It's a bit of a process,

100
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,300
but once you're in, you're family.

101
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:54,540
You never drink alone again.

102
00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,820
What the hell are you talking about?

103
00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:01,980
You... what is this? Who
are all these people here?

104
00:04:02,060 --> 00:04:04,640
This is Abby's. This is where we go

105
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:06,620
to drink and hang out,
'cause we like it.

106
00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:09,420
- Who are you?
- Bill. I'm Abby's landlord.

107
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:12,880
What? No, you're not.

108
00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:14,200
My landlord is an old lady.

109
00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:15,250
James, kick him out.

110
00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:17,700
No, this is not my new sweater.

111
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:21,740
This is my... it's my first
time wearing it here.

112
00:04:21,780 --> 00:04:24,920
Yeah, so, your former landlord, Alice,

113
00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:26,540
passed away. She left me this house.

114
00:04:26,580 --> 00:04:27,960
I'm her nephew, Bill.

115
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,780
Is this a bar in my aunt's backyard?

116
00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:33,360
What?

117
00:04:35,580 --> 00:04:37,999
No, no. These are all just...

118
00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,190
my friends.

119
00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:40,560
- Yep.
- Yeah.

120
00:04:40,570 --> 00:04:42,120
Just people who happen
to know each other.

121
00:04:42,140 --> 00:04:43,170
- Emergency contacts.
- Yeah.

122
00:04:43,180 --> 00:04:44,380
We just, like, hang out like this,

123
00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:46,000
- all together in a group.
- Mm-hmm.

124
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:47,440
With a cash register.

125
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,900
I collect old cash registers,
as do many other people.

126
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:54,000
- What people?
- People that...

127
00:04:54,740 --> 00:04:56,400
I shouldn't have jumped in.

128
00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,040
- Could I get a beer, please?
- Sure, man.

129
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,100
Here you go.

130
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,360
Okay, it's three bucks, right?

131
00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,380
Whoa. Whoa, there, friend.

132
00:05:05,420 --> 00:05:06,960
Why are you giving me money?

133
00:05:08,420 --> 00:05:10,300
Mi casa es su casa.

134
00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:13,119
Weird move... giving
her money for a beer

135
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:16,140
in a social, non-business situation?

136
00:05:17,220 --> 00:05:18,260
Who does that?

137
00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:20,320
Just drink the beer, man.

138
00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:29,340
No, this is a bar... on my property.

139
00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:31,080
I mean, this is super illegal.

140
00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:32,160
You gotta shut this down right now.

141
00:05:32,180 --> 00:05:35,120
Look, you weren't
expecting this. I get it.

142
00:05:35,140 --> 00:05:36,610
But before you rush to judgment,

143
00:05:36,650 --> 00:05:37,980
let me at least show you around.

144
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,380
I mean, it's... it's really great.

145
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:40,440
It's not scary at all.

146
00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:41,580
"Show me around"?

147
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,060
I mean, this is a small rectangle,

148
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,860
and I'm very tall. I can see everything.

149
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,060
- The chairs, the...
- Just bear with me?

150
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,190
Okay.

151
00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:52,230
Um, all right.

152
00:05:52,260 --> 00:05:54,260
Over here. When I first moved in,

153
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:56,540
there was this creepy
fountain thing over here,

154
00:05:56,550 --> 00:06:01,640
so I junked it, and I brought
in this cool vintage jukebox.

155
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:03,050
You know, my uncle carved that fountain

156
00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:04,400
out of a single piece of stone.

157
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,819
It was there to commemorate
a World War II battle

158
00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:09,160
where he lost his best friend.

159
00:06:11,010 --> 00:06:13,360
And now it's a jukebox.

160
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:14,880
What kind of music do you like?

161
00:06:14,890 --> 00:06:15,990
I like jazz, actually.

162
00:06:17,950 --> 00:06:19,740
You, uh, not a fan?

163
00:06:19,860 --> 00:06:22,590
Not a fan of jazz, Bill.

164
00:06:22,630 --> 00:06:25,199
Okay, but hold on a second.
What about saxophones?

165
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,960
I mean, saxophones are cool.

166
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:32,200
Yeah, so cool. Um...

167
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,480
I like how they curve.

168
00:06:35,710 --> 00:06:38,400
And how people close their eyes
when they play them, I guess.

169
00:06:40,740 --> 00:06:43,080
Let's move on. Look.

170
00:06:43,110 --> 00:06:45,210
Neighborhood people, just hanging out,

171
00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:46,980
having a good time.

172
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,320
Before I opened this place,

173
00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:49,950
there was nowhere for us to go.

174
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,850
We were all just scattered to the wind.

175
00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:52,960
Mm.

176
00:06:52,990 --> 00:06:54,820
Homeless.

177
00:06:54,850 --> 00:06:56,850
This is more than just a bar, Bill.

178
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,780
It's... it's a community center.

179
00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:02,959
Huh. That is very moving.

180
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,500
Uh, I was told that you
force people to sit here

181
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,799
until you decide you
don't hate them anymore.

182
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:11,070
No, people choose to sit here

183
00:07:11,110 --> 00:07:12,169
until we figure out

184
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:14,310
how to incorporate them
into the community.

185
00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:15,840
Mm-hmm.

186
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,750
- Uh, hi there, friend.
- Hmm?

187
00:07:17,780 --> 00:07:19,920
Uh, my name's Bill. This is my property.

188
00:07:19,950 --> 00:07:21,980
I just wanted to come over
here and give you permission

189
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:25,540
to sit or stand anywhere you want.

190
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,330
Nah. I'm fine.

191
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,120
Okay, this is insane.
She's not an emperor.

192
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,560
I don't think this is working.

193
00:07:37,580 --> 00:07:39,900
He's a jazz fan, Beth. How
am I supposed to convince

194
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,400
a jazz fan of anything?
His brain is warped.

195
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,600
Okay, here is what's gonna happen.

196
00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:47,320
I'm gonna turn on the charm,

197
00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:49,140
make him feel like he's
part of the group...

198
00:07:49,180 --> 00:07:50,579
make him feel invested, you know?

199
00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:52,019
Yeah. Yeah, that could
work. Get in there.

200
00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,100
Do your thing, man.

201
00:07:53,110 --> 00:07:54,419
Hey, Bill! Buy you a beer?

202
00:07:54,420 --> 00:07:55,660
No, thanks. I'm fine.

203
00:07:56,380 --> 00:07:59,240
Well, that was my big gun.

204
00:07:59,250 --> 00:08:01,160
We're screwed.

205
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:09,100
God, I hate broken sprinklers.

206
00:08:10,670 --> 00:08:12,800
Hey there, Bill. Um...

207
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,320
I didn't have a chance to tell you

208
00:08:14,340 --> 00:08:16,040
how sorry I am about your aunt.

209
00:08:16,070 --> 00:08:18,120
She was a... a very special lady.

210
00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:20,300
Really? How well did you know her?

211
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,050
- Oh, so well.
- Mm-hmm.

212
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,439
Yeah, um...

213
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:25,840
I mean, I... I'll never
forget her address.

214
00:08:27,220 --> 00:08:30,660
It was, uh, 111 Civic Center Drive,

215
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:35,960
Suite 303, San Diego, California...

216
00:08:35,990 --> 00:08:37,640
"Attention: Greg."

217
00:08:39,030 --> 00:08:40,320
That's her accountant's office.

218
00:08:40,340 --> 00:08:41,900
That's where you sent your rent checks.

219
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:44,819
Did you think she lived
at the civic center?

220
00:08:44,820 --> 00:08:46,500
Come on, man.

221
00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:49,110
This bar is my livelihood, okay?

222
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,240
It's taken me years to
build it up from nothing,

223
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,010
and I finally have it
exactly the way I want it.

224
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:56,950
Nobody is bleeding. Nothing is on fire.

225
00:08:56,980 --> 00:08:59,520
- What is your problem?
- What's my problem?

226
00:08:59,550 --> 00:09:01,479
Do you understand that I am responsible

227
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:03,040
for all of this in the eyes of the law?

228
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:04,460
"The eyes of the law"?

229
00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:06,780
I regretted saying that immediately.

230
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,550
Seriously, man, you walk
in here with your...

231
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,160
with your pants and your orange shirt

232
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:13,860
and your little cell-phone purse.

233
00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:15,220
Well, I...

234
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:17,200
And you just start harassing me?

235
00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:18,670
Okay, I'm not harassing you, okay?

236
00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:20,340
I just can't deal with this right now.

237
00:09:20,370 --> 00:09:21,379
The last year of my life

238
00:09:21,380 --> 00:09:23,340
has just been total chaos, you know?

239
00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:26,340
I... I changed jobs, my marriage...

240
00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:28,560
my marriage ended. I... I just...

241
00:09:28,580 --> 00:09:30,080
what I'm looking for
is a little stability,

242
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:31,980
and you serving mai tais on my property

243
00:09:32,020 --> 00:09:33,240
is not stable.

244
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:34,740
Uh...

245
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,160
Abby would never serve anyone a mai tai.

246
00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:40,640
She hates them.

247
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:43,000
Just throwing that out
there in case it helps.

248
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:44,920
Thanks. That does not help at all.

249
00:09:46,260 --> 00:09:48,670
Abby, I don't wanna argue
about this anymore, okay?

250
00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:50,719
So I'm just gonna... I'm
gonna document everything,

251
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:52,600
and then I'm gonna get
out of here, okay?

252
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,380
Why'd you do that?

253
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:07,740
Why would anyone do that?

254
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:11,660
I'll go get your phone.

255
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:21,340
Hey, so I know you
technically own all of this,

256
00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:23,980
- but that's my stool.
- Oh.

257
00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:25,280
Sorry.

258
00:10:26,140 --> 00:10:28,600
No, no, come back. Hang out.

259
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,910
- Okay.
- Just scooch over a little.

260
00:10:33,260 --> 00:10:36,750
I like to sit over here because
I can see my kids' windows.

261
00:10:36,780 --> 00:10:37,940
Oh, that's convenient.

262
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,480
Yeah, it's a good mom hack.

263
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:44,350
I get to unwind, but if I hear screaming

264
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:48,199
or smell something burning,
in a flash, I can...

265
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:50,190
finish my drink and get home.

266
00:10:52,140 --> 00:10:54,120
So are you guys, like, regulars here?

267
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,200
Yep. I'm Fred.

268
00:10:56,230 --> 00:10:57,940
I've known Abby since she was a kid.

269
00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,300
I used to work with her dad.

270
00:10:59,340 --> 00:11:00,700
I was one of her first customers.

271
00:11:00,710 --> 00:11:02,840
Right, so how did all this happen?

272
00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:06,210
She was in the marines. Afghanistan.

273
00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:07,620
Two tours.

274
00:11:07,630 --> 00:11:09,710
After she got out, she
did some waitress jobs,

275
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:11,399
but she didn't like people
telling her what to do,

276
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:12,740
so she started this.

277
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,120
She knows bars. She grew up in bars.

278
00:11:15,150 --> 00:11:17,740
Her dad's a degenerate alcoholic.

279
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,820
Mm.

280
00:11:18,860 --> 00:11:20,220
He's sexy, though.

281
00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:24,080
He's a borderline criminal.

282
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,420
But charming, like a suave cat burglar.

283
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:30,740
Don't loan him your bike, though.

284
00:11:31,860 --> 00:11:33,860
No matter how many times he asks.

285
00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:37,580
Okay, I won't loan Abby's dad my bike.

286
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,080
Look, I know Abby seems kind of gruff,

287
00:11:40,110 --> 00:11:41,850
but she's thoughtful too.

288
00:11:41,880 --> 00:11:43,020
When I was in bed with the flu,

289
00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:45,540
she took my boys to see a movie.

290
00:11:45,570 --> 00:11:48,000
It was one of those "Saw" movies.

291
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:50,600
Actually messed them up pretty good.

292
00:11:51,390 --> 00:11:55,360
They're, uh, different now...

293
00:11:55,390 --> 00:11:58,680
but still, so sweet of her.

294
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:00,600
She kicked my phone.

295
00:12:00,870 --> 00:12:02,620
Phones are against the rules.

296
00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:04,370
- "The rules"?
- Here.

297
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,899
- Oh.
- The bar has 162 rules

298
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:07,940
and regulations.

299
00:12:07,970 --> 00:12:09,299
I memorized them.

300
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,640
I'm sort of like the bar expert.

301
00:12:11,770 --> 00:12:13,460
Maybe don't tell Abby
I said that, though.

302
00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:17,110
Wow, this is extensive.

303
00:12:17,150 --> 00:12:19,260
"All tacos are group tacos."

304
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:22,400
Hey, hey! That was mine!
I suggested that one.

305
00:12:22,470 --> 00:12:24,799
You know, I do see the appeal

306
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,060
in having somewhere to go every night.

307
00:12:26,090 --> 00:12:27,860
You know, my ex-wife,
she sort of claimed

308
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:30,560
all our favorite restaurants
as "her territory."

309
00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,580
Lot of our friends, also.

310
00:12:34,180 --> 00:12:36,830
And the fish.

311
00:12:36,870 --> 00:12:38,490
We used to have a fish,
and now it's her fish.

312
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:40,219
She took everything, is what
I'm trying to say here.

313
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:42,020
- She had to be a Capricorn.
- Yikes.

314
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:44,300
- She sounds great.
- Hmm.

315
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,820
You know what? You need a glass.

316
00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:50,260
- Oh!
- Excuse me?

317
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,560
Yeah, if you have a seat at the bar,

318
00:12:51,580 --> 00:12:54,020
you get your own glass, like mine.

319
00:12:54,050 --> 00:12:56,150
It says "Fastline Systems"
and there's a picture

320
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:58,180
of a computer driving a race car.

321
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,919
Yeah, what... what's Fastline Systems?

322
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:02,930
I don't know.

323
00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:06,030
Hey, now.

324
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:08,340
- Ooh.
- Wow, a Viking helmet, huh?

325
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:10,660
I go with my gut...

326
00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:12,320
and my gut says "Viking helmet."

327
00:13:21,410 --> 00:13:23,110
I know your name is Bill,

328
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:24,880
but when you're holding that mug,

329
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,940
I'm gonna call you Sven.

330
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,890
Hmm.

331
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:31,380
To Sven!

332
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,060
Here you go. Sorry about that.

333
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,679
You know, I was about to
reflexively say "It's fine,"

334
00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:38,020
but I'm not gonna do
that because that was

335
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:39,380
a very weird thing for you to do.

336
00:13:40,630 --> 00:13:43,430
All right, man, you... you
got me backed into a corner.

337
00:13:43,470 --> 00:13:46,760
You wanna see me beg? I'll beg.

338
00:13:47,570 --> 00:13:49,280
Let me keep the bar open.

339
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:51,819
Oh, that's it?

340
00:13:51,820 --> 00:13:54,800
Yeah. I was practically on my knees.

341
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,679
Okay, there might be a
way to make this work.

342
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:58,920
I'm an engineer, so I believe

343
00:13:58,950 --> 00:14:00,150
there's a way to make everything work.

344
00:14:00,180 --> 00:14:03,180
Ugh. Easy with the
engineer brags, buddy.

345
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,320
Well, even if I were to consider it,

346
00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:06,900
you would have to make some changes.

347
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:09,120
- What kind of changes?
- Just some basic stuff.

348
00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,499
You know, get a liquor license,

349
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:11,959
uh, have an emergency plan,

350
00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,660
and... and just get some
business insurance, okay?

351
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:16,500
- Insurance for what?
- Oh, I don't know, uh...

352
00:14:16,530 --> 00:14:18,240
okay, how about the guy playing boccie

353
00:14:18,270 --> 00:14:19,720
with a dart sticking out of his leg?

354
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,110
Relax. It's in meat, not bone.

355
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:25,960
- Oh!
- Oh!

356
00:14:32,140 --> 00:14:35,350
Yeah, I'm gonna have to
insist on the insurance.

357
00:14:35,390 --> 00:14:37,420
Also, you gotta lose
the grill, obviously.

358
00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,119
I can't just "lose the grill."

359
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,800
It's one of the best
things about the bar.

360
00:14:40,820 --> 00:14:43,360
People stand around it.
They cook, they interact...

361
00:14:43,380 --> 00:14:45,160
- They catch on fire.
- Sometimes,

362
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,400
but they're always fine.

363
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:48,879
I'm not gonna let you ruin the bar.

364
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,899
Whoa, "ruin the bar"?
It's just a couple of

365
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:53,270
- suggestions, and I think that...
- It's a slippery slope, okay?

366
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:55,470
I love this place too
much to watch it morph

367
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,340
into some cookie-cutter
chain restaurant.

368
00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:01,510
I'd rather shut it down,
so drink up, everybody!

369
00:15:01,550 --> 00:15:02,840
Last night at Abby's!

370
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,480
If anyone needs me, I'll be in my house

371
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:05,680
getting drunk, where you can't go,

372
00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:07,960
so I hope you don't need me.

373
00:15:08,550 --> 00:15:11,019
Also, when I was next door,
I found your phone, Skip.

374
00:15:11,020 --> 00:15:12,700
I think it's been back there
for, like, three years.

375
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:13,940
Do you want it?

376
00:15:16,340 --> 00:15:18,660
Right answer. Skip gets me!

377
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:29,100
It's such a bummer.

378
00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:31,560
This could've been the night
we got the dartboard.

379
00:15:32,870 --> 00:15:36,460
Not anymore. Not anymore.

380
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:39,280
All right, we just have
to go inside and...

381
00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:41,540
"Go inside"? The house?

382
00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:43,140
That's literally rule number two.

383
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:44,580
Number one is "no visors,"

384
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:48,660
and number two is "no one
goes inside the house."

385
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,480
If we don't do something,

386
00:15:50,490 --> 00:15:52,890
Abby's pride is gonna
get the bar shut down,

387
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,190
and then where will we be?

388
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:56,780
At home!

389
00:15:57,780 --> 00:15:59,100
All right.

390
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,360
James?

391
00:16:00,380 --> 00:16:03,150
Make sure Mr. Fancy
Engineer doesn't leave.

392
00:16:03,180 --> 00:16:06,120
Yeah, such an intense
brag out of nowhere.

393
00:16:06,140 --> 00:16:07,179
I know.

394
00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:09,240
"I'm an engineer. I love math."

395
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,419
Hey, I know we're not supposed to, uh...

396
00:16:15,420 --> 00:16:18,250
It's fine. Make yourselves at home.

397
00:16:18,380 --> 00:16:20,549
So this is your kitchen.

398
00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:21,660
Wow.

399
00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:23,219
Cool, uh, elephant magnet.

400
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:24,220
Don't look at my stuff.

401
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,260
Okay. Cool, cool.

402
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,720
So, how're you doing?

403
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:32,290
It hasn't sunk in yet.

404
00:16:32,330 --> 00:16:35,470
I guess I'll have to get
another job at a sports bar

405
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:36,899
where the guys wear their sunglasses

406
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,430
on the back of their...

407
00:16:38,470 --> 00:16:39,540
necks.

408
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,970
Abby, we can't let you do this.

409
00:16:43,010 --> 00:16:44,870
Oh, don't worry about me.

410
00:16:44,910 --> 00:16:46,940
I'm not. I'm worried about me.

411
00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:48,500
I need this bar.

412
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:51,020
I budgeted out my savings
for the next 25 years.

413
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:53,110
If I gotta pay more than
three bucks a beer,

414
00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:55,080
I'm gonna go broke by the time I'm 70.

415
00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:57,520
Abs, I need the bar too.

416
00:16:57,540 --> 00:16:59,160
If this thing goes away,

417
00:16:59,170 --> 00:17:01,460
then I have to spend more
time with my family,

418
00:17:01,490 --> 00:17:06,110
and I love them dearly,
but that's a nonstarter.

419
00:17:06,130 --> 00:17:08,500
My kids are obsessed with me.

420
00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:12,380
They want me to hug them
and make them food.

421
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:17,320
I'm sorry guys, but I... I just can't.

422
00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:19,340
Okay?

423
00:17:19,370 --> 00:17:21,940
Now leave me alone so I can black out

424
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:23,480
and forget this is happening.

425
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,080
Last thing I'll say:

426
00:17:29,100 --> 00:17:31,050
Bill is out there right now

427
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:33,440
trying to figure out where
to hang the dartboard.

428
00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:37,990
- So?
- So he's invested.

429
00:17:38,030 --> 00:17:39,180
He's one of us.

430
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:41,560
He might not know it yet, but I do.

431
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,479
It just makes me feel like
I'm a kid again, you know?

432
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:47,679
When my dad would just
show up out of nowhere

433
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:48,860
and mess everything up?

434
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,799
And I get that, I... I really do,

435
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,900
but I think we can trust this
guy not to ruin the joint.

436
00:17:54,940 --> 00:17:56,680
Besides, I am right in the middle

437
00:17:56,710 --> 00:17:58,910
of a game of dominoes with James.

438
00:17:58,950 --> 00:18:00,680
If you close down, what are we gonna do?

439
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:03,119
You know how hard it is to
move a game of dominoes?

440
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:05,980
It's impossible, Sarge.
The tiles go everywhere.

441
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:08,280
Thanks for the talk.

442
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:09,700
Any time.

443
00:18:11,780 --> 00:18:13,819
Also, please stop calling me "Sarge."

444
00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:16,060
Ah, respectfully, I'm
gonna keep on doing that

445
00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,300
'cause it's fun.

446
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:24,630
I guess the front of the bar is out

447
00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:26,740
because of people's faces
and eyes and stuff.

448
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:30,000
Yeah, that stuff is important.

449
00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:34,300
Skip seems to have his area
pretty well locked down, here.

450
00:18:36,470 --> 00:18:38,240
Don't look right at him!

451
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,740
Okay.

452
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:46,660
I'm willing to try some of your changes.

453
00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:48,070
What do you mean "some"?

454
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:50,660
I will work on the insurance thing.

455
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:53,470
Oh, I have a friend in
the insurance game.

456
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:56,840
Tons of ways to cheat the system.

457
00:18:56,870 --> 00:19:00,110
But, you know, still be legal.

458
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,480
But sneaky.

459
00:19:01,810 --> 00:19:03,980
Okay, and the emergency plan?

460
00:19:04,780 --> 00:19:05,900
We're outside.

461
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:09,240
The emergency plan is "remain outside."

462
00:19:09,260 --> 00:19:10,720
Okay. What about the grill?

463
00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:13,040
As I've said,

464
00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:15,579
the grill is where people gather.

465
00:19:15,580 --> 00:19:17,200
The grill is important.

466
00:19:17,260 --> 00:19:19,030
- Then we don't have a deal.
- Damn it, Bill.

467
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:21,180
You can't move a game of dominoes!

468
00:19:22,130 --> 00:19:23,340
What?

469
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,770
The dominoes. If you move them mid-game,

470
00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:29,170
then everything gets all
scrambled and ruined

471
00:19:29,180 --> 00:19:31,440
and you lose all the tiles.

472
00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:34,680
I need the people at this bar.

473
00:19:34,710 --> 00:19:36,719
And they need the bar the way it is.

474
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:38,760
If they go away,

475
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:40,660
I lose them.

476
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,790
Please, man.

477
00:19:43,820 --> 00:19:46,120
Abby...

478
00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,240
that was so beautiful.

479
00:19:49,660 --> 00:19:51,230
Okay, we'll make it work.

480
00:19:51,260 --> 00:19:52,660
But I do have one more condition.

481
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,200
What?

482
00:19:54,220 --> 00:19:55,660
If we're gonna do this,

483
00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:58,000
I need to know that it's gonna
be a partnership, okay?

484
00:19:58,020 --> 00:20:01,380
I'm risking a lot here, so I
need you to meet me halfway.

485
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,879
And that's why I need you to make me...

486
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,140
a mai tai.

487
00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:18,600
20 bucks says she bails.

488
00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:21,319
- You're on.
- Guys.

489
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,830
Oh. Hey, you can do this.

490
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,320
We believe in you.

491
00:20:29,780 --> 00:20:32,080
Actually, I... I like
extra cherries on mine.

492
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:37,420
Oh.

493
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:45,880
Well, you can toss this.

494
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,120
I don't like mai tais.

495
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:50,699
What?

496
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:52,220
I...

497
00:20:52,260 --> 00:20:53,449
I just wanted to see if you would do it.

498
00:20:53,450 --> 00:20:54,920
I mean, I'm actually very surprised.

499
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,850
Just to compromise all
your integrity like that

500
00:20:56,860 --> 00:20:58,660
is super humbling.

501
00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:04,969
Well played.

502
00:21:04,970 --> 00:21:06,640
Thank God.

503
00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:10,220
I was so scared just then.

504
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,079
I... I need this drink.

505
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:22,240
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --