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- Sync and corrections by ByDem -
- www.addic7ed.com -

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I love a good panel.

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Krusty clearly hates being there,

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but he still gets super mad
when anyone but him talks.

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Please welcome the legendary stars

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of the Krusty the Clown Show.

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Hey-hey!

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And a non-writing producer.

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Ooh, non-writing.

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Hey-hey, kids!

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Hey-hey, Krusty!

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Have we got a great panel
planned for you today.

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What is it, Howard, the usual crap?

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Oh, yeah, that'll kill some time.

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Kids, call the police!
This isn't a sketch!

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Ah.

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My legs!

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Stick to the script.

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Ladies and gentlemen,

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Miami Sound Machine.

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? Come on, shake... ?

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Where do you come up with your ideas?

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I'm a genius. Next.

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- Are there any plans...
- For another Krusty movie?

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We're waiting for a story
that needs to be told.

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Once we see that, we'll copy it
and call it a parody.

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Oy. Does anyone have a question

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that hasn't been asked a thousand times?

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I have the worst fans in the world.

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Now we've got a big surprise

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for the best fans in the world!

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We're making some big changes

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to your favorite cartoon.

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It's different.

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It's an all-female reboot
of Itchy & Scratchy!

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Oh, my God!

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Pretty enlightened, eh, kids?
We here at the Krusty Show

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really care about gender diversity.

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Ask anyone: our lawyers,
our attorneys, anyone.

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A girl Itchy & Scratchy?

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No, no, no, this can't be.

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They've ruined my childhood.

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Your childhood is currently happening.

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That's how I know.

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It doesn't make any sense.

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In real life,
Itchy and Scratchy are dudes.

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Girl mice don't have
the upper body strength

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to wield a chain saw.

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Is truth dead?

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Ah, you boys are leaving me
for video games anyway.

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Zap, zap, zap, you'll all die alone.

52
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Girl power is where it's at.

53
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That movie where Superman was a chick

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made a megillah of shekels.
Am I right, ladies?

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See? Girls like my pandering.

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Remember this if there's
ever a gender war.

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Oh, this is the worst change

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Krusty's ever made to the show,

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even worse than Sideshow Leonard Cohen.

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When girl Itchy & Scratchy comes on,

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we should totally hate-watch it.

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No, everybody come over to my house,

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and we'll turn off the TV the second

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that girl cartoon comes on.

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We'll hate-not-watch it.

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Yeah! Hate-not-watch!

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Yeah, that won't not show 'em.

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I never really thought
about Itchy and Scratchy

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as male or female, but it is
cool that they're girls now.

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I always thought
they were a married couple,

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and that's why they fought so much.

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Mom, they're different species.

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I don't know what to be
liberal about anymore.

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I am so pumped to hate-not-watch
Itchy & Scratchy.

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I've not popped the popcorn,
the lights are not turned down.

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Perfect.

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Listen, son, I'm proud that
you're starting to hate things,

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but take it slow.

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If you use up all your hate
when you're young,

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one day you'll be an old man
who likes things that suck.

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Tonight, cabbage.

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It is a lovely shade of gray,

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and just look at the wrinklin.

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All I'm saying is, if they ever
make a female Mr. Magoo,

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I will lose it, I will just lose it!

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Hey-hey, kids!

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It's time to tickle your funny bones

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and your Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission bones

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by presenting the all-new, all-female

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Itchy & Scratchy!

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Now to sit in silence till it's over.

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Blindfolds on, gentlemen.

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This is Lisa Simpson,

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recording my reaction
to this historic moment

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in cartoon women's history.

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? They fight, they bite ?

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? They bite and fight and bite,
bite, bite, bite ?

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? Now they're girls ?

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? The Itchy & Scratchy ?

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? Girls! ?

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May I?

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? I got my ticket
for the long way 'round ?

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? Two bottle o' whiskey for the way ?

104
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? And I sure would like ?

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? Some sweet company ?

106
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? And I'm leaving tomorrow ?

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? What do you say? ?

108
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? When I'm gone, when I'm gone ?

109
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? You're gonna miss me when I'm gone ?

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? You're gonna miss me by my
hair, you're gonna miss me... ?

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Ha-ha! I knew you couldn't
resist watching.

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And guess what, you laughed!
It was funny.

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I-I wasn't laughing.

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I-I was crying a-and burping!

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And... open.

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We did it.

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We prejudged something
without giving it a chance.

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I am so proud of us.

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Like Bart Simpson would ever
watch a girl Itchy & Scratchy.

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Never gonna happen.

121
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Yeah.

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That little liar.
If only people could know

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that Bart laughed
even harder than I did...

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All right, you soda-squirting hypocrite,

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I know exactly what to do
with this video.

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_

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_

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Welcome to Josh.0,

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the show for people who want
to look at the Internet

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but don't have a computer or a phone.

131
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You know what bugs me
about old guys at the gym?

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They always forget
to wipe down the machine.

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He means the blood.

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Now, this boy says he hates
all-girl Itchy & Scratchy,

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but then this happened...

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Bart, you got to see this!

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Some old guy at a gym got hit by a boat!

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Also, now everyone knows you're
the world's biggest hypocrite.

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You said you weren't gonna watch it,

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and then you did and you loved it!

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Then you got busted and I called
you in here and laughed at you!

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And I'm still doing it!

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Look at you.

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What a jerk.

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Well, Bart, how does it feel
to be trolled, memed, giffed,

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and, dare I say, pwned?

147
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How do you know those words?

148
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I read about them in Parade magazine.

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Big deal, I was exposed
as a liar on the Internet.

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I've got so much cred built up,
nothing can take me down.

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You betrayed us, Bart.

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And worse, you betrayed your own wang.

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You know what?
Yes, I laughed at a cartoon.

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Why? Because it was funny.

155
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So what if Itchy and Scratchy are girls?

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I laughed, and you can't
take back the laugh.

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Girls aren't funny.

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They're hot or moms.

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Or both.

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Girls stole Itchy and Scratchy.

161
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What are they gonna take next,
our body spray?

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Our puka shell necklaces?

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- Yeah!
- Lame!

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Girls get everything:
bigger, softer baseballs,

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chick flicks, two-piece bathing suits,

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and on House Hunters International,

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they always choose
the house that she wants.

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He's right.
The wife gets the beach view,

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but it's always a longer commute
for the husband.

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- You know, you're right.
- Oh, yeah.

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You guys see what's happening?

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You're listening to Milhouse!

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So? Maybe we are.

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They are listening to me.

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The next thing I say
must be perfectly chosen

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to show I am worthy of leadership.

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Get him!

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_

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_

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Sixth graders. Tweens.

181
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What are you doing
in the girl's room, Seat Soaker?

182
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No, no, I didn't mean to come in here.

183
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I need sanctuary.

184
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Hey, you guys have
a candy machine? No fair.

185
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Spin him till he barfs.

186
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Ah!

187
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I'm full of hummus and milk!

188
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Pink spray paint?

189
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Give that back.
That's for Skinner's office.

190
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You tell anyone about this,
you're canceled.

191
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Charlie Rose canceled.

192
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No, no, no, you can trust me.
I'm not just any fourth grader.

193
00:09:18,510 --> 00:09:20,350
Whoa, this dude's El Barto.

194
00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:24,040
Huh, I always thought it was
that fifth grader, Eloise Barto.

195
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Yeah, sometimes I get her e-mail.

196
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You know, if you fill up
a leaf blower with paint,

197
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you can coat Skinner's whole office.

198
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- Duh.
- Double duh.

199
00:09:32,885 --> 00:09:35,454
Where are we gonna get a leaf blower?

200
00:09:35,479 --> 00:09:37,127
Willie's shack.

201
00:09:40,799 --> 00:09:43,313
Whoa, homemade prank masks.

202
00:09:43,338 --> 00:09:44,900
The knit is on.

203
00:09:48,049 --> 00:09:50,916
This'll teach Skinner to ban sandals.

204
00:09:50,941 --> 00:09:53,550
Oh, he will not silence our toes.

205
00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,087
Hurry, Skinner's almost back

206
00:09:55,112 --> 00:09:57,135
from his lunchtime dog-walking job.

207
00:09:59,524 --> 00:10:02,695
_

208
00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:05,372
I will not negotiate with terrorists.

209
00:10:05,670 --> 00:10:08,462
I'll just give in. Sandals unbanned.

210
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,828
Ladies, that was smooth, Barbie smooth.

211
00:10:13,889 --> 00:10:15,663
So smooth.

212
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:18,194
Hey, why are you still here, truck-nuts?

213
00:10:18,543 --> 00:10:20,319
Whoa, is this your hideout?

214
00:10:20,344 --> 00:10:22,085
It's the old Home Ec classroom,

215
00:10:22,110 --> 00:10:23,580
where they would brainwash girls

216
00:10:23,582 --> 00:10:25,191
into being good little housewives,

217
00:10:25,216 --> 00:10:26,952
but now it's our war room.

218
00:10:26,977 --> 00:10:29,162
Also, we cook here,

219
00:10:29,187 --> 00:10:30,999
we do a little bit of sewing.

220
00:10:31,024 --> 00:10:32,508
Stop telling him things!

221
00:10:32,533 --> 00:10:34,849
Cooties be damned, you girls are badass

222
00:10:34,869 --> 00:10:36,426
and your pranks are next level.

223
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:38,640
Take a seat and learn something.

224
00:10:38,665 --> 00:10:40,674
We don't do "pranks,"

225
00:10:40,699 --> 00:10:42,876
we drop awareness bombs.

226
00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:46,305
Our protest crew is called Bossy Riot.

227
00:10:46,352 --> 00:10:48,726
We're pushing back against the pushback,

228
00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:50,452
starting with this school.

229
00:10:50,477 --> 00:10:53,688
Look at this his-tory book.

230
00:10:53,724 --> 00:10:55,157
Cool shades.

231
00:10:57,998 --> 00:11:00,796
That is textbook textbook shredding.

232
00:11:00,821 --> 00:11:03,304
Now do you see what we're doing here?

233
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:04,702
I think I do.

234
00:11:04,727 --> 00:11:08,949
You're sticking it to the man,
but this time, the man is men.

235
00:11:08,951 --> 00:11:10,951
Look, you got to let me join your gang.

236
00:11:10,953 --> 00:11:13,874
You know, if we're really
serious about gender equality,

237
00:11:13,899 --> 00:11:16,158
it's only right
that a boy be our servant.

238
00:11:16,183 --> 00:11:21,187
Okay, No-varies, you're in,
if you pass this test...

239
00:11:21,212 --> 00:11:23,555
Steal Skinner's cell phone.

240
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:25,465
Work or personal?

241
00:11:25,881 --> 00:11:27,509
- Skinner!
- Seymour!

242
00:11:28,504 --> 00:11:30,689
Welcome to girlhood.

243
00:11:35,166 --> 00:11:37,156
Gentlemen, our way of life

244
00:11:37,181 --> 00:11:39,317
- is under attack.
- Hear, hear!

245
00:11:39,336 --> 00:11:42,639
Society is trying to erase boys.

246
00:11:42,664 --> 00:11:45,977
They give us drugs that make us
do girly things,

247
00:11:46,002 --> 00:11:47,644
like pay attention.

248
00:11:47,669 --> 00:11:50,548
They're putting drugs in our medication?

249
00:11:50,631 --> 00:11:52,305
We need to band together.

250
00:11:52,330 --> 00:11:54,906
Like a sorority, but for dudes.

251
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:58,428
I give you the Boys Rights Association.

252
00:11:58,453 --> 00:12:00,764
- BRA!
- B-R-A.

253
00:12:00,882 --> 00:12:02,858
- Right now, we're just training BRAs.
- Mm-hmm.

254
00:12:02,970 --> 00:12:05,656
But soon, we'll be the strongest,

255
00:12:05,681 --> 00:12:08,864
most supportive BRAs
anyone has ever seen.

256
00:12:08,982 --> 00:12:12,926
We are BRAs! We are BRAs!

257
00:12:12,928 --> 00:12:15,611
Our son has one, two...

258
00:12:16,291 --> 00:12:17,925
eight friends.

259
00:12:17,950 --> 00:12:21,268
They're more than just friends,
he's-he's the leader.

260
00:12:22,744 --> 00:12:24,778
I'm feeling this wave of relief,

261
00:12:24,805 --> 00:12:27,242
not worrying about my son's social life.

262
00:12:27,267 --> 00:12:31,709
I can stop being a mother
and start being a... a woman.

263
00:12:31,771 --> 00:12:35,047
Say it. Say it again.

264
00:12:35,072 --> 00:12:38,056
Our son has friends.

265
00:13:08,564 --> 00:13:10,966
This is why I sit.

266
00:13:26,294 --> 00:13:27,376
Springfield,

267
00:13:27,401 --> 00:13:28,933
a town living in fear,

268
00:13:28,953 --> 00:13:32,080
as masked pranksters
calling themselves "Bossy Riot,"

269
00:13:32,105 --> 00:13:34,656
spread their terrifying message
of female empowerment.

270
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:38,423
The latest victim of this "gal
Qaeda," our once-proud symbol

271
00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:41,195
of the portly
pastry-purveying patriarchy.

272
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:42,711
"Lard Lady"?

273
00:13:42,736 --> 00:13:46,117
But a donut is the ultimate
symbol of masculinity.

274
00:13:46,137 --> 00:13:49,466
The only lead police have
as to the identity of Bossy Riot

275
00:13:49,491 --> 00:13:51,556
is this security camera footage.

276
00:13:53,388 --> 00:13:55,355
Moe and his bats.

277
00:13:57,541 --> 00:13:59,305
Bossy Riot is so cool.

278
00:13:59,330 --> 00:14:01,039
We need fearless female activists

279
00:14:01,064 --> 00:14:04,594
to fight back against misogyny
and man-spreading.

280
00:14:04,619 --> 00:14:08,524
Well, whoever they are,
they are the coolest badasses

281
00:14:08,549 --> 00:14:11,689
this town has ever seen,
whoever they are.

282
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:14,344
Ooh, Bart winked at me.

283
00:14:14,369 --> 00:14:16,502
I must be in on a joke.

284
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,167
Hmm...

285
00:14:21,259 --> 00:14:24,398
Bart, are you in Bossy Riot?

286
00:14:24,425 --> 00:14:26,701
- No way.
- Ah, good.

287
00:14:26,726 --> 00:14:29,211
Because if you were fighting
for women's rights,

288
00:14:29,239 --> 00:14:32,575
it would destroy my entire
vision of the universe.

289
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,369
Actually, I totally am.

290
00:14:37,689 --> 00:14:40,310
You can't be an activist
for women's rights.

291
00:14:40,335 --> 00:14:43,102
You don't know anything
about the feminist cause.

292
00:14:43,127 --> 00:14:45,073
Sure I do. Chicks get a raw deal.

293
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:47,594
I'm a little fuzzy on the deets,
but take my word for it.

294
00:14:47,619 --> 00:14:51,195
It's all about
the deets. You're not a girl.

295
00:14:51,220 --> 00:14:54,086
You just want to spray-paint
the world and watch it drip.

296
00:14:54,111 --> 00:14:57,391
You've never been called shrill
just because you speak up.

297
00:14:57,416 --> 00:15:00,998
And-and girls' clothing has no pockets,

298
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,592
while yours are lousy with pockets!

299
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:06,112
This is good stuff,
I got to write it down.

300
00:15:09,884 --> 00:15:11,586
_

301
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,677
This is someone else's war,

302
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:17,049
and you, y-you're just a mercenary.

303
00:15:17,074 --> 00:15:19,617
Mercenaries are cool, like Boba Fett.

304
00:15:19,642 --> 00:15:22,962
Oh, yeah, Boba Fett, great character.

305
00:15:22,987 --> 00:15:26,511
Boba Fett's badass.
He wears a jetpack and a cape.

306
00:15:26,536 --> 00:15:28,273
Pick a lane, weirdo.

307
00:15:28,298 --> 00:15:30,291
Why does every discussion about feminism

308
00:15:30,316 --> 00:15:32,788
turn into an argument about Star Wars?

309
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:35,484
If Boba Fett's such
a great bounty hunter,

310
00:15:35,509 --> 00:15:37,547
why is his armor all banged up?

311
00:15:37,572 --> 00:15:40,796
It's a look, like distressed denim.

312
00:15:41,509 --> 00:15:43,461
You shouldn't be part of a protest

313
00:15:43,486 --> 00:15:45,484
if you don't care about the cause.

314
00:15:45,517 --> 00:15:47,803
Well, you care. Why don't you come with?

315
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,471
Maybe I will.

316
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:51,882
Great. Bring black gloves and no ID.

317
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:53,384
You've been Tasered before, right?

318
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,065
It only hurts until you pass out.

319
00:15:55,090 --> 00:15:57,498
I'm excited; I want to, I do, but...

320
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:59,648
there's a part of me that's scared,

321
00:15:59,673 --> 00:16:02,984
and that part is my body and my head.

322
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,305
It's okay, I get it.

323
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,122
There's nothing wrong
with being all talk.

324
00:16:06,147 --> 00:16:08,455
Us feminists need cheerleaders, too.

325
00:16:10,994 --> 00:16:14,106
So, what's up, my fellow
Ruthless Bader Ginsburgs?

326
00:16:14,154 --> 00:16:16,275
What's on the a-gender for the evening?

327
00:16:16,322 --> 00:16:19,984
Your friends in the so-called
"Boys Rights Association"

328
00:16:20,009 --> 00:16:22,003
have been protesting The Krusty Show.

329
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:25,070
I told you not to light the toys yet.

330
00:16:25,095 --> 00:16:27,923
I didn't, they just burst into flames.

331
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,938
Krusty caved. He said he'd never show

332
00:16:30,963 --> 00:16:34,203
another all-girl
Itchy & Scratchy ever again.

333
00:16:34,228 --> 00:16:37,148
So we're gonna destroy the master tapes

334
00:16:37,173 --> 00:16:39,763
of every Itchy & Scratchy.

335
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,547
Wait, what? No.

336
00:16:41,572 --> 00:16:43,078
I love those cartoons.

337
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,378
I can't let you do it.

338
00:16:45,059 --> 00:16:47,369
Oh, you can't "let" us?

339
00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:52,203
Don't have a lady cow.

340
00:16:52,228 --> 00:16:55,595
All cows are ladies.

341
00:17:01,111 --> 00:17:03,758
That thing you said about me
being all talk?

342
00:17:03,783 --> 00:17:07,048
Well, I have prepared two comebacks,

343
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:09,370
and I will now give you both.

344
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:12,963
Those girls are gonna destroy
every Itchy & Scratchy, forever!

345
00:17:16,041 --> 00:17:17,968
Hey, hey, boys and boys!

346
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,728
Well, congratulations,

347
00:17:19,753 --> 00:17:23,312
I'm never gonna air the girl
Itchy & Scratchy again.

348
00:17:23,337 --> 00:17:27,569
You hit me where it hurts
the most: right in the sponsors.

349
00:17:27,778 --> 00:17:29,069
Buy 'em all.

350
00:17:34,947 --> 00:17:36,283
We're too late.

351
00:17:38,861 --> 00:17:42,078
They're going to destroy
the tapes on live TV.

352
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,172
Let's get him out of those bras and go.

353
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:48,017
Uh, no, you can leave me
like this. I'm good.

354
00:17:48,477 --> 00:17:50,102
We are Bossy Riot,

355
00:17:50,127 --> 00:17:53,330
and we're gonna drop all
the original Itchy & Scratchys

356
00:17:53,355 --> 00:17:56,340
into a pool of nail polish remover.

357
00:18:00,353 --> 00:18:04,263
That's crazy. We have those
backed up a thousand times.

358
00:18:04,288 --> 00:18:05,798
Right, Howard?

359
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,736
What do you do?!

360
00:18:08,853 --> 00:18:10,884
Don't do it. Those shows are funny.

361
00:18:10,909 --> 00:18:12,925
Mice killing cats, guts everywhere.

362
00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:15,936
It doesn't matter
if it's boy guts or girl guts.

363
00:18:15,961 --> 00:18:17,361
Guts are guts.

364
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:19,530
See, the thing about comedy is...

365
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:22,041
Bart, stop mansplaining!

366
00:18:22,066 --> 00:18:23,701
No, no, no, no, if I keep talking,

367
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:25,478
they'll get it eventually.

368
00:18:36,941 --> 00:18:39,216
The fumes are burning my eyes.

369
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:47,086
Look, they're crying, on live TV.

370
00:18:47,111 --> 00:18:49,072
Glitterize their tears.

371
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,004
Mama!

372
00:19:07,783 --> 00:19:10,581
Don't worry, sir,
your brothers are united

373
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,691
in blaming this on you.

374
00:19:14,635 --> 00:19:17,587
_

375
00:19:19,817 --> 00:19:21,759
Hey, hey! Come back here!

376
00:19:22,705 --> 00:19:24,773
You there, sweet innocent girls,

377
00:19:24,798 --> 00:19:27,941
did you see three crazed
man-haters run through here?

378
00:19:28,101 --> 00:19:31,008
Gee, Officer, they went that way.

379
00:19:31,033 --> 00:19:32,936
Thanks, princess. Thank you.

380
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:35,470
Wait a second.

381
00:19:35,495 --> 00:19:37,697
Do any of you babysit?

382
00:19:38,533 --> 00:19:40,875
Great. Be at my house Saturday at 7:00.

383
00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:43,164
And if Ralph asks you
to give him a bath,

384
00:19:43,189 --> 00:19:45,206
do not give him a bath.

385
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,945
So I guess I'm not in the group anymore.

386
00:19:47,970 --> 00:19:50,437
You were never in the group.

387
00:19:50,462 --> 00:19:53,086
We just kept you around
for fingerprints and DNA.

388
00:19:53,111 --> 00:19:56,578
But making those boys cry was hardcore.

389
00:19:56,603 --> 00:19:59,630
You, uh, ever think
about wearing the yarn?

390
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:01,556
Me? Join you?

391
00:20:01,721 --> 00:20:04,296
Can I do it?
Can I push my beliefs further

392
00:20:04,321 --> 00:20:06,580
than they've ever gone?

393
00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:08,705
Well, let us know.

394
00:20:11,385 --> 00:20:12,895
Mask me.

395
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:57,852
So spill it, Simpson.
You were on the inside.

396
00:20:57,877 --> 00:20:59,445
What's the deal with girls?

397
00:20:59,470 --> 00:21:02,078
Well, check this out: they also burp.

398
00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:04,109
No way. From where?

399
00:21:04,134 --> 00:21:05,787
Is that even allowed?

400
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,414
Let's see, what else?

401
00:21:07,439 --> 00:21:09,656
They're always telling
each other they're pretty,

402
00:21:09,681 --> 00:21:11,869
their bathroom candy
tastes really weird,

403
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:14,805
but there's one thing
that really crushed me.

404
00:21:14,830 --> 00:21:16,798
I almost don't want to say it out loud.

405
00:21:17,047 --> 00:21:18,563
They don't envy us.

406
00:21:25,927 --> 00:21:32,377
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