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Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...

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I really like all this.

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You know, music and theater.

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I hadn't done it since this summer camp

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I went to, like, a million years ago,

6
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but I forgot how happy it made me.

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You loved that play.

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Love doesn't have to be a person.

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It can be a passion.

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When things get tough, it's
how I understand the world.

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Wow. Auditions for an
Elliot Ellison revue.

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"Please prepare 16 bars... "

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I just signed up to audition

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for a local community
theater production.

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I'm so excited.

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It feels really right.

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So, for my big, huge audition,

18
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which dress says, "I'm back, theater,

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and this time I'm staying"?

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That is a lot to ask from a garment.

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But... the black.

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- Okay!
- Definitely the black.

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- Okay.
- Okay. My turn.

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Yeah. Which suit for my interview

25
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says, "I am a kick-ass lawyer

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and I'm gonna work my butt off"?

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The navy. You know why?

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It brings out the sparkle
of justice in your eyes.

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That's a great compliment.

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Kind of want to date you now.

31
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And I would, but there's
so much competition.

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You and Greg and Nathaniel and Josh?

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No, I told you, that
is all off the table.

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They're out of the picture now.

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Clearing the path for my true love...

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the theater.

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These Elliot Ellison songs

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are so classic,

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and they've held such a special place

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in my heart since childhood.

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Paula, when I walk on that stage,

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it's all gonna click for me.

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I j... I feel it.

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That's great, Cookie.

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All right. Well, I got to go.

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Oh, by the way, how's
Darryl taking the fact

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that you're interviewing at other firms?

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Oh, not well.

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Not well at all. No, he's a mess.

50
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But you know what?

51
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He's gonna be okay. He's gonna be fine.

52
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Now watch my lawyer walk. Uh...

53
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Ooh, yes, girl.

54
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I kind of want to date you, too, now.

55
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- Yeah, you do.
- Hey, Paula.

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- Hey, girl.
- Hey, Rebecca, what's the emergency?

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Yes, so which dress for my audition?

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That's it?

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You couldn't have sent a text?

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No, you have to see it in person, okay?

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This is important. It's
my big, big, big day.

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- Wear the black.
- Okay. Thank you.

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Hey... last call to audition with me.

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I have no interest at
all. Also, I have to go.

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Beth said she needs to see me right now.

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It's very important.

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Also, she just had a coffee

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with my mom.

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So we all know what that means.

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She's gonna propose before
we go back to New York.

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I know it!

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Oh, wow, oh, my God!

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So I got to go. I
only have a few minutes

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to get a Mani, pedi, oxygen facial,

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and a quick zap at the
cryogenic chamber. Ooh!

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Bye, good luck.

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Should I go to the cold chamber?

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Nah. I don't want to
ruin my vocal cords.

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? Meet Rebecca ?

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? She's the coolest
girl in the world, wait ?

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? Wrong Rebecca ?

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? It's this one over here ?

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? She's spunky, she's
sweet, a generous friend ?

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? Oh, but there she
looks kind of mean ?

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Hmm. ? Okay, she's snarky ?

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? Sarcastic and a... What? ?

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? You know, we're not really
seeing a common theme ?

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? Meet Rebecca ?

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? She's too hard to summarize ?

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? So let's go back
to Other Rebecca. ?

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I have the Benjamin
Button disease. I'm 70!

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-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

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My dad was the worst businessman.

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Everything's a mess.
Look at these invoices.

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"Stuff," "crap," "things," "junk."

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That's exactly how they teach you

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to do it in business school.

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Oh, I love these old-school booths.

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Are you reupholstering the leather?

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Dude, this is just a
pop-up for my senior thesis.

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I don't need to go full-out.

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Vinyl could get me the "A."

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Hmm. Yeah, I don't know.

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When I'm having a nice lasagna,

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I don't want my thighs
sticking to a synthetic.

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Okay, for that problem I'm
just gonna recommend pants.

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You would.

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Wait, and why are you
doing your thesis here

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and not in Atlanta?

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Access to a free restaurant.

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And my professor's a sucker
for family businesses.

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Those are the reasons.

113
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Yeah, no, don't buy it.

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You're doing it to be near Rebecca.

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What? No.

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No, no, no. You're insane.

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Oh. Okay. Uh-huh.

118
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I think we have a real shot

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of getting your charges
reduced to manslaughter,

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- shave off ten years.
- That's great. Thank you.

121
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Now, tell me why you're really here.

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What do you mean?

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You're telling me you're here for me

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and not because you want something

125
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to talk about with Rebecca?

126
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What?

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We're over.

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I mean, yeah, I might've cracked a smile

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when I found out that
she broke up with Greg,

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but I'm not pursuing her. No way.

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She's turned me down so many times.

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Yeah, what a weirdo.

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Why would a 7.5 turn down a 9.6?

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I took .4 off because your breath

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smells almost too good.

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Look, I know you care about our cases,

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but you also want excuses
to talk to your ex.

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What? No. No, no, no. You're insane.

139
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Your cases have nothing
to do with Rebecca.

140
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Oh, okay. Uh-huh.

141
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Hi, I was wondering,
um, a friend of mine

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is doing your community theater revue.

143
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It's got me thinking, um,

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you guys need anyone to work backstage?

145
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I'm a member of the community

146
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and really good at lifting stuff.

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Okay, great. Thanks.

148
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What?

149
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What? No. No, no, no, you're insane.

150
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This volunteer tech stuff has
nothing to do with Rebecca.

151
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_

152
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You okay?

153
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Yes. Totally refreshed,

154
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like I just stood in a metal barrel

155
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and got sprayed with freezing cold air.

156
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What's up?

157
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So... I have something to ask you,

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and... it's kind of a big deal.

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My answer is yes!

160
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I didn't ask you anything yet.

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Sorry.

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Go ahead.

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Hear me out. Because if we do this,

164
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people are gonna think we're nuts,

165
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that we're moving too quickly.

166
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Oh, I don't care what
other people think.

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Never do. I mean, I did for a long time,

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but now I don't. Go.

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- Here it is.
- Okay.

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Three little words.

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Jersey City condominium.

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I get it. You're thinking,
"Jersey City. No way."

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But it's up and coming,
and I found a place

174
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with a surprisingly cheap mortgage

175
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because it's right over an underpass.

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I had coffee with your
mom. She's excited.

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We have her blessing. She's co-signing!

178
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So what do you think?

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We have to apply as soon as we get back.

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Get back? Oh.

181
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I'm not going back
to New York next week.

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I didn't tell you. I'm doing a play.

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Here in West Covina.

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- A play?
- Yep, yep, yep, sorry,

185
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I committed already.

186
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Rebecca's doing it, too.
She proposed I join her.

187
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It's a three-night run.

188
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It's gonna be quite an engagement.

189
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I'm sorry, I have to go.

190
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Hey, so, uh, what made
you change your mind, huh?

191
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Was it something that Beth said?

192
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Uh, actually, it was
something she didn't say.

193
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I was expecting a ring
and I didn't get one,

194
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so now I'm not sure if I even
want to go back to New York.

195
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Oh.

196
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So, are you kind of having
a temper tantrum right now?

197
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No, I am not

198
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having a tantrum, I'm just doing

199
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a community theater musical revue

200
00:07:07,214 --> 00:07:08,591
so I don't have to
talk to my girlfriend!

201
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Okay, okay, well, that's okay.

202
00:07:10,218 --> 00:07:11,871
Well, I'm just happy to
have you here with me.

203
00:07:12,573 --> 00:07:15,441
This is it, Valencia.

204
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,742
No. I'm home.

205
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This. This is where I'm meant to be.

206
00:07:20,451 --> 00:07:23,582
Hmm, you've never
actually done this before.

207
00:07:23,607 --> 00:07:26,098
Are you sure it'll be
everything you want it to be?

208
00:07:26,167 --> 00:07:27,444
Correction, I have done it before.

209
00:07:27,468 --> 00:07:29,068
In camp, in college, and in prison.

210
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:30,913
But those times were different,

211
00:07:30,938 --> 00:07:33,749
because I was doing
it for fun... not now.

212
00:07:34,141 --> 00:07:36,281
- Now's real.
- Hmm.

213
00:07:36,638 --> 00:07:38,222
And whatever this turns out to be,

214
00:07:38,246 --> 00:07:39,889
I think it can make me happy.

215
00:07:40,948 --> 00:07:42,050
Truly happy.

216
00:07:43,150 --> 00:07:44,183
But what if it doesn't?

217
00:07:44,295 --> 00:07:46,295
And I'm telling you from experience,

218
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,521
sometimes the thing or person you think

219
00:07:48,589 --> 00:07:50,895
will make you happy... doesn't.

220
00:07:55,202 --> 00:07:56,399
Nah.

221
00:08:03,702 --> 00:08:05,302
? ?

222
00:08:17,449 --> 00:08:19,004
Hey, V. Hey, Becks.

223
00:08:19,029 --> 00:08:19,961
Hey, Josh, what are you doing here?

224
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Did I leave something at home?

225
00:08:21,211 --> 00:08:23,965
No, I just saw how excited
you were about this,

226
00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:27,158
and it reminded me... separately,

227
00:08:27,183 --> 00:08:29,514
of how much I loved doing theater tech.

228
00:08:29,539 --> 00:08:30,805
So here I am!

229
00:08:31,954 --> 00:08:33,353
Again, like, separately.

230
00:08:33,466 --> 00:08:36,200
Well, dude, that's awesome.

231
00:08:36,269 --> 00:08:37,181
Oh.

232
00:08:37,206 --> 00:08:38,767
Well, I got to go carry some cubes

233
00:08:38,792 --> 00:08:39,781
and paint a little house

234
00:08:39,806 --> 00:08:40,916
to make it look like a big house

235
00:08:40,940 --> 00:08:41,873
from a far distance.

236
00:08:41,941 --> 00:08:43,975
Theater magic!

237
00:08:44,153 --> 00:08:46,754
- That's nice.
- Alas, poor Yorick!

238
00:08:47,917 --> 00:08:49,146
Uh, Rebecca?

239
00:08:49,215 --> 00:08:50,681
There's a mentally disturbed man

240
00:08:50,706 --> 00:08:52,260
in poofy shorts with chicken legs

241
00:08:52,285 --> 00:08:54,252
walking towards us.

242
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:55,987
Oh, dear. That's Tim from MountainTop.

243
00:08:56,099 --> 00:08:58,700
- Hi, Tim.
- Greetings, fair maidens.

244
00:08:58,725 --> 00:09:02,146
Be it that "hereforeto"
I am his royalty,

245
00:09:02,171 --> 00:09:03,171
the knightly prince.

246
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,639
Wait, these are just the auditions.

247
00:09:04,664 --> 00:09:06,175
You already know you
have the prince song?

248
00:09:06,199 --> 00:09:07,832
No, no, no, no, no, no.

249
00:09:07,945 --> 00:09:09,811
But, uh... I'm gonna get it.

250
00:09:09,836 --> 00:09:12,079
I get all the best
parts at this theater.

251
00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:15,940
Ah! Here she comes.

252
00:09:15,965 --> 00:09:17,858
Here comes Connie, our director.

253
00:09:17,883 --> 00:09:19,716
She's the best. You're gonna love her.

254
00:09:19,811 --> 00:09:20,977
Hello, everyone.

255
00:09:21,387 --> 00:09:22,664
Hi, Connie.

256
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,154
And welcome...

257
00:09:24,223 --> 00:09:26,623
to this...

258
00:09:26,648 --> 00:09:28,503
gorgeous temple

259
00:09:28,528 --> 00:09:31,162
we call... the theater.

260
00:09:31,217 --> 00:09:32,715
Join me, won't you?

261
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,874
As we hop on our magic carpets

262
00:09:34,899 --> 00:09:38,301
and fly into the
glorious chasm that is...

263
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,227
the Elliot Ellison songbook.

264
00:09:41,252 --> 00:09:42,985
He's won 14 Tonys,

265
00:09:43,010 --> 00:09:44,896
two Oscars, eight Emmys,

266
00:09:44,921 --> 00:09:46,254
eight Grammys,

267
00:09:46,279 --> 00:09:48,713
and one Kids' Choice award.

268
00:09:48,738 --> 00:09:51,105
The children know. They certainly do.

269
00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:53,083
Now, to be fair

270
00:09:53,152 --> 00:09:55,305
to everyone, I'd like you
all to sing the same song.

271
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,514
It's the beloved

272
00:09:56,539 --> 00:09:59,881
Elliot Ellison classic
"Let Me Be in Your Show"

273
00:10:00,539 --> 00:10:02,038
from the seminal play

274
00:10:02,195 --> 00:10:04,128
Let Me Be in Your Show.

275
00:10:04,153 --> 00:10:05,544
To the stage!

276
00:10:10,719 --> 00:10:12,919
? Let me be in your show ?

277
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:16,448
? I wanna be in your show ?

278
00:10:16,473 --> 00:10:18,704
? The lights, the
curtains, the applause ?

279
00:10:18,729 --> 00:10:22,331
? From above and down below! ?

280
00:10:22,356 --> 00:10:24,823
? Just like everyone knows ?

281
00:10:24,848 --> 00:10:27,949
? No need to assume or suppose ?

282
00:10:27,974 --> 00:10:30,462
? How fun it will
be for you and me ?

283
00:10:30,487 --> 00:10:32,253
? To be ?

284
00:10:32,278 --> 00:10:33,711
? In this marvelous ?

285
00:10:33,736 --> 00:10:35,903
? Show! ?

286
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:41,173
Singing: zero.

287
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:43,441
Commitment: a million.

288
00:10:46,441 --> 00:10:47,723
Thank you, everyone.

289
00:10:47,792 --> 00:10:49,658
Tim, once again,

290
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:52,014
you are our bulwark.

291
00:10:52,039 --> 00:10:55,475
Our stalwart. Our Walmart.

292
00:10:55,891 --> 00:10:57,624
We can always depend on you.

293
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,175
That's why

294
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,010
the role of the prince goes to...

295
00:11:05,675 --> 00:11:07,876
I'm sorry. I-I was just tuning up.

296
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:09,801
Sorry to interrupt.

297
00:11:09,826 --> 00:11:11,624
You! Halt!

298
00:11:12,868 --> 00:11:13,839
Approach.

299
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:15,340
Hey.

300
00:11:15,453 --> 00:11:16,552
You, sir,

301
00:11:16,577 --> 00:11:17,742
must audition.

302
00:11:17,855 --> 00:11:19,121
What? No, no.

303
00:11:19,146 --> 00:11:21,024
I'm just here to drop off
some legal papers for her.

304
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,714
No, no, but-but you must.

305
00:11:22,739 --> 00:11:24,383
- You must, you see.
- No, no, no, no, no.

306
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:25,951
He does not want to audition.

307
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,939
Believe me, I mean, he's
never even done theater.

308
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,187
That's not entirely true.

309
00:11:29,256 --> 00:11:31,022
In high school, the theater director

310
00:11:31,047 --> 00:11:32,968
begged me, so in my sports off-season,

311
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,593
I-I did a couple musicals.

312
00:11:34,705 --> 00:11:35,804
Wait, what?

313
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,496
Really? Who did you play?

314
00:11:37,973 --> 00:11:39,708
You know, I don't really remember, um...

315
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:42,603
I think I played Jesus a couple
times, if that's even possible.

316
00:11:42,628 --> 00:11:45,280
You played Jesus in
Jesus Christ Superstar

317
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,738
and in Godspell?

318
00:11:47,726 --> 00:11:49,007
Guilty.

319
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,176
Please, sing! Sing anything!

320
00:11:51,245 --> 00:11:52,377
Okay, um...

321
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:54,805
? A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I... ?

322
00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:56,051
It is done.

323
00:11:57,618 --> 00:11:59,985
You are our prince.

324
00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:02,854
What say you, sir?

325
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,123
Oh, word of warning, you will have

326
00:12:05,148 --> 00:12:07,515
to completely put your life on hold

327
00:12:08,401 --> 00:12:09,805
and spend every waking hour

328
00:12:10,632 --> 00:12:12,067
with these people here.

329
00:12:16,018 --> 00:12:16,912
Okay.

330
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,858
I mean, I-I think,
since we can all agree

331
00:12:18,883 --> 00:12:20,282
that I'm not the driving force here

332
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:21,836
and that someone else is asking me

333
00:12:21,861 --> 00:12:24,161
to spend time here with all of you...

334
00:12:25,337 --> 00:12:27,905
- Sure.
- What? No.

335
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,414
What? No.

336
00:12:29,483 --> 00:12:32,384
We... have... our prince.

337
00:12:32,495 --> 00:12:34,164
The rest of you,

338
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,946
I will post your parts
backstage in 15 minutes.

339
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:39,959
Glorious!

340
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:45,931
This is my space.

341
00:12:45,999 --> 00:12:47,788
This is my time to shine.

342
00:12:48,391 --> 00:12:49,444
If I'm not getting the prince,

343
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,102
then I'd better get something good.

344
00:12:51,756 --> 00:12:55,350
Wow, I am so, so happy
about Cybil's case.

345
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:58,243
I can't believe you got her
a new trial. It's amazing.

346
00:12:58,474 --> 00:13:01,267
And I can't believe
you are doing a musical.

347
00:13:01,292 --> 00:13:02,758
Yeah, well, I need hobbies.

348
00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:05,028
I stopped shooting ducks 'cause
of the whole good person thing,

349
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,706
so I got a lot of free time.

350
00:13:06,731 --> 00:13:08,397
It's time!

351
00:13:08,422 --> 00:13:11,527
I'm squealing! Why am I squealing?

352
00:13:11,552 --> 00:13:13,285
Before you examine the list,

353
00:13:13,738 --> 00:13:17,873
just know that I gave you
the song I felt best suited

354
00:13:17,898 --> 00:13:19,264
your skill as well

355
00:13:19,289 --> 00:13:20,588
as your essence.

356
00:13:20,928 --> 00:13:22,667
I'll see you all tomorrow

357
00:13:22,736 --> 00:13:25,038
for rehearsal at 7:15 sharp.

358
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:29,140
Or 7:45, or whenever you get there.

359
00:13:29,165 --> 00:13:30,631
I'm bound to be late myself.

360
00:13:30,788 --> 00:13:32,154
So...

361
00:13:32,179 --> 00:13:33,778
see you soon!

362
00:13:38,274 --> 00:13:40,474
What is it? What is it? What did I get?

363
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,492
A character song?

364
00:13:47,965 --> 00:13:50,839
An unnecessary, forgettable,

365
00:13:50,864 --> 00:13:53,342
cuttable character song?

366
00:13:53,367 --> 00:13:54,409
Oh, my God.

367
00:13:54,478 --> 00:13:58,213
I got a song called "I'm
the Bride of a Pirate King."

368
00:13:58,238 --> 00:14:00,405
I'm gonna be a bride!

369
00:14:00,430 --> 00:14:02,199
Who needs my size? It's sample.

370
00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:08,373
Okay.

371
00:14:11,829 --> 00:14:13,095
Oh, my God!

372
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,886
I got "Etta Mae's Lament."

373
00:14:15,168 --> 00:14:17,232
Oh, my God, that's, like,
one of his most famous songs.

374
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,412
It's a classic comedy song.
Uh, Ethel Merman sang it,

375
00:14:19,437 --> 00:14:21,236
and then Gwen Verdon
sang it in the revival,

376
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,306
and then Bernadette Peters
sang it in the second revival,

377
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:25,412
and then Michelle Obama sang it on Glee.

378
00:14:25,437 --> 00:14:27,265
- Oh...
- Wow, what an honor.

379
00:14:27,378 --> 00:14:29,144
- Well, what's it about?
- Oh, it's about

380
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,503
a sad saloon girl in the Old West

381
00:14:31,528 --> 00:14:33,362
who just wants to find true love.

382
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,807
- Sounds a little old-fashioned.
- No! No, no.

383
00:14:35,832 --> 00:14:38,432
It's great. It's just... It's a classic.

384
00:14:38,632 --> 00:14:42,691
I really can't believe I
got such a great song.

385
00:14:51,895 --> 00:14:53,335
How was it? How was your interview?

386
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,959
Wait, don't tell me. It's too painful.

387
00:14:55,072 --> 00:14:56,405
If you liked it better there,

388
00:14:56,430 --> 00:14:59,030
I will lose it. Did you
like it better there?

389
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,299
Get a hold of yourself. It
was just my first interview.

390
00:15:01,412 --> 00:15:02,778
- First? There'll be more?
- Yes.

391
00:15:02,803 --> 00:15:05,290
I was top of my class, I won awards,

392
00:15:05,315 --> 00:15:07,382
so, you know, a lot of firms

393
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,327
reached out to me for jobs.

394
00:15:09,352 --> 00:15:12,120
But, Paula, you have a job
right here with us, forever.

395
00:15:12,622 --> 00:15:13,622
You could be a lawyer here.

396
00:15:13,647 --> 00:15:17,069
Everyone wants you. Bert,
Nathaniel, me most of all.

397
00:15:17,094 --> 00:15:19,361
Okay, look, I-I appreciate that,

398
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:22,887
but I have to see what
the official offers are.

399
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:26,090
Oh. Oh! I see what you want.

400
00:15:27,007 --> 00:15:28,870
You want an official offer from us, too.

401
00:15:29,942 --> 00:15:32,130
Well, that's how it works.

402
00:15:33,271 --> 00:15:34,810
Right, yeah, okay.

403
00:15:34,835 --> 00:15:36,901
I see the game you're playing.

404
00:15:36,926 --> 00:15:38,224
No, I'm-I'm not playing a game.

405
00:15:38,249 --> 00:15:39,681
No, I got it. Copy that.

406
00:15:39,714 --> 00:15:42,315
- That's just how it works, so...
- Okay.

407
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,542
Right. Wink, wink. I get you.

408
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,111
Official offer.

409
00:15:47,111 --> 00:15:48,457
So I was thinking

410
00:15:48,482 --> 00:15:50,281
for the soft opening we do

411
00:15:50,306 --> 00:15:52,694
three appetizer and entree options.

412
00:15:52,719 --> 00:15:55,420
It's must more cost effective
than doing a full menu.

413
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:56,798
Serrano!

414
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,857
Chris, buddy!

415
00:15:58,969 --> 00:16:02,304
Look at you. Wait,
what are you doing here?

416
00:16:02,329 --> 00:16:04,769
Well, I was driving by and
saw some people in here,

417
00:16:04,794 --> 00:16:05,841
so I thought I'd stop in.

418
00:16:05,866 --> 00:16:08,633
- Wait, you drive?
- I know, it's disturbing.

419
00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,568
He was, like, ten years
old five seconds ago.

420
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:14,015
So tall. Oh, God,
grown-ups are so weird.

421
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,541
Constantly commenting, "Oh,
look at how tall you got."

422
00:16:16,610 --> 00:16:19,377
Yeah, I eat, I sleep,
this is what happens.

423
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,846
Aw, I missed you, man.

424
00:16:22,186 --> 00:16:24,765
Look at this place. This looks cool.

425
00:16:24,790 --> 00:16:27,540
Yeah, getting it ready for a
soft opening in a couple weeks.

426
00:16:27,565 --> 00:16:29,531
Oh, yeah, I looked at the calendar.

427
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,222
Turns out our opening is the same night

428
00:16:31,247 --> 00:16:34,382
as that super cool revue,
so we might have to miss it.

429
00:16:34,407 --> 00:16:35,904
I'm so sad.

430
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:37,662
I hate musical theater.

431
00:16:37,731 --> 00:16:39,417
People are talking and then
they just start singing,

432
00:16:39,442 --> 00:16:41,676
and it's always just, like, what?

433
00:16:41,946 --> 00:16:42,878
Yeah, so,

434
00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:44,469
Serrano, talk to me about your menu.

435
00:16:44,538 --> 00:16:46,004
Ah, you might not like it.

436
00:16:46,072 --> 00:16:47,772
It's not like the Italian chains.

437
00:16:47,827 --> 00:16:50,919
It's authentic and homemade
and doesn't come with fries.

438
00:16:50,987 --> 00:16:52,587
Dude, I'll have you know,

439
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,646
I'm the food critic
for the Daily Covina.

440
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,559
All right, well, then
you could try the lasagna,

441
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:57,837
but I got to warn you,

442
00:16:57,862 --> 00:17:00,028
we put actual tomatoes
in our tomato sauce.

443
00:17:00,069 --> 00:17:01,398
Are they Roma or San Marzano?

444
00:17:01,423 --> 00:17:03,265
- They're actually...
- Wait! Don't tell me.

445
00:17:03,788 --> 00:17:05,223
My taste buds will.

446
00:17:05,248 --> 00:17:06,888
Okay, come on.

447
00:17:06,913 --> 00:17:09,761
So, according to the Broadway
message board on Quimblepop,

448
00:17:09,786 --> 00:17:12,441
the first step to learning
a song for a musical

449
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:14,520
is to memorize the
lyrics as a monologue.

450
00:17:14,545 --> 00:17:16,211
- Cool.
- It's so funny,

451
00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:18,114
I've been listening to
this song since I was a kid,

452
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:19,882
but I've never really
studied the lyrics, you know?

453
00:17:20,041 --> 00:17:21,140
What a journey.

454
00:17:25,550 --> 00:17:26,321
Huh.

455
00:17:26,639 --> 00:17:28,279
- What's wrong?
- It's just,

456
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:30,281
uh, the-the-the lyrics
are a little more,

457
00:17:30,306 --> 00:17:32,378
uh, retro than I remember.

458
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,219
Oh. Is that a problem?

459
00:17:34,477 --> 00:17:36,521
No, no, no. It's not.

460
00:17:36,546 --> 00:17:38,567
I'm sure, once I rehearse
it, it'll make sense.

461
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,276
Yeah.

462
00:17:40,301 --> 00:17:41,601
Yeah.

463
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:47,633
? I'm the local lady of the evenin' ?

464
00:17:47,658 --> 00:17:48,783
? And though I like ?

465
00:17:48,808 --> 00:17:51,536
? My men and my booze ?

466
00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:55,461
? I pray to above that
I'll find true love ?

467
00:17:55,486 --> 00:17:58,053
? But no one wants
a lady who's used ?

468
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,111
? Oh, can someone ?

469
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,914
? Lasso me a husband? ?

470
00:18:02,939 --> 00:18:06,374
? I'm nothin' without a husband ?

471
00:18:06,442 --> 00:18:08,242
? The menfolk ?

472
00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:10,489
? Give me a dollar and a smile ?

473
00:18:10,514 --> 00:18:13,982
? But that don't lead to
walkin' down the aisle ?

474
00:18:14,007 --> 00:18:17,533
? Hey, cowboy, can you
lasso me a husband? ?

475
00:18:17,558 --> 00:18:20,905
? Though my lover
count is over a dozen ?

476
00:18:21,846 --> 00:18:24,781
? Yes, the kissin' is fun
and the wine is sweet ?

477
00:18:24,889 --> 00:18:28,311
? But what I really
want at night is to rub ?

478
00:18:28,336 --> 00:18:29,835
- ? A farmer's feet... ?
- Yes.

479
00:18:30,233 --> 00:18:33,074
? Get me off of my back ?

480
00:18:33,099 --> 00:18:34,531
? And standing up straight ?

481
00:18:34,556 --> 00:18:36,289
? So I can be the type of lady ?

482
00:18:36,314 --> 00:18:38,483
? That you're not ashamed to date ?

483
00:18:38,508 --> 00:18:40,296
? Get me out of the cathouse ?

484
00:18:40,321 --> 00:18:42,288
? And into the kitchen ?

485
00:18:42,313 --> 00:18:44,080
? I'll wear white
and pray to martyrs ?

486
00:18:44,105 --> 00:18:45,904
? I'll trade in my
guns and garters ?

487
00:18:45,929 --> 00:18:49,431
? 'Cause there are only
two types of women ?

488
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:53,256
? Me and virgins you commit to ?

489
00:18:53,281 --> 00:18:56,750
? Can someone lasso me a husband? ?

490
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,884
? Why are you all
bein' so stubbin'? ?

491
00:19:01,234 --> 00:19:04,102
? I'm angry and pleased
and a little bit diseased ?

492
00:19:04,127 --> 00:19:05,599
? But you can cure ?

493
00:19:05,624 --> 00:19:08,111
? My ills with a husband. ?

494
00:19:08,136 --> 00:19:10,848
Oh!

495
00:19:10,873 --> 00:19:12,502
Oh!

496
00:19:12,534 --> 00:19:13,666
Hilarious!

497
00:19:14,170 --> 00:19:16,470
I thought it stunk.

498
00:19:16,495 --> 00:19:17,928
Okay, I get it.

499
00:19:17,953 --> 00:19:21,581
You're maybe not the
world's most flawless singer.

500
00:19:21,606 --> 00:19:23,639
I-I can hook you up with
lessons with Aunt Myrna.

501
00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:25,432
No, no, no, no, no.
It's-it's-it's not that.

502
00:19:25,457 --> 00:19:27,824
I mean, I know that I'm
not a great singer, but...

503
00:19:28,008 --> 00:19:30,609
All right, I know we shouldn't
hold these classic songs

504
00:19:30,634 --> 00:19:31,680
up to our modern standards,

505
00:19:31,705 --> 00:19:33,605
but, God,

506
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:36,331
this whole song is just so problematic.

507
00:19:36,547 --> 00:19:39,882
You know? It plays right
into the Madonna-whore complex

508
00:19:39,907 --> 00:19:43,508
and manages to say that a
woman belongs in a kitchen.

509
00:19:43,533 --> 00:19:44,632
Huh.

510
00:19:45,408 --> 00:19:47,008
You know, in the musical this is from,

511
00:19:47,033 --> 00:19:48,313
Saloon Nights and Injun Fights...

512
00:19:48,338 --> 00:19:50,772
- It's not actually called that.
- No, yeah, it is.

513
00:19:50,797 --> 00:19:54,068
Anyway, the character who sings
this song is a successful madam,

514
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:56,127
all right, so she's a
thriving businesswoman,

515
00:19:56,152 --> 00:19:58,366
but she says that she'd be
willing to give it all up

516
00:19:58,391 --> 00:20:00,091
to be walked down the aisle?

517
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,722
I mean, what-what kind
of messaging is that?

518
00:20:02,747 --> 00:20:04,613
But beyond all of that...

519
00:20:04,986 --> 00:20:06,796
the song just...

520
00:20:07,481 --> 00:20:08,914
it's kind of dumb.

521
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:11,628
What if these classic
musical theater songs

522
00:20:11,653 --> 00:20:13,487
that I've loved for so many years

523
00:20:13,512 --> 00:20:18,378
and kind of based my life on are... bad?

524
00:20:28,043 --> 00:20:30,939
Sir, your Chateau Lamontaine.

525
00:20:30,964 --> 00:20:32,230
Oh, the aught-one.

526
00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:33,579
It's not every day someone orders

527
00:20:33,634 --> 00:20:36,415
a bottle of the Lamontaine.
We wanted to see who it was.

528
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:37,579
It's me.

529
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:40,514
Yes, I came in especially.
I'm not even working today.

530
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,606
- And what are you celebrating?
- Well,

531
00:20:42,631 --> 00:20:45,065
hopefully the hiring of someone
who already works for me.

532
00:20:45,090 --> 00:20:45,822
Hmm.

533
00:20:45,847 --> 00:20:47,079
- Oh! There she is.
- Oh.

534
00:20:47,104 --> 00:20:48,218
Hi.

535
00:20:51,127 --> 00:20:52,363
Whoa.

536
00:20:53,642 --> 00:20:55,265
- It's a Lamontaine.
- Mm-hmm.

537
00:20:55,290 --> 00:20:58,305
Wow. I-I always look at that
bottle on the menu and I wonder,

538
00:20:58,514 --> 00:21:00,547
"Who spends that much on wine?"

539
00:21:01,896 --> 00:21:03,273
But, seriously, we're
gonna need separate checks.

540
00:21:03,298 --> 00:21:05,332
Oh, don't be ridiculous. This is on me.

541
00:21:05,487 --> 00:21:06,787
All of it. The wine,

542
00:21:06,856 --> 00:21:09,528
the chevre, the tartare, the confit.

543
00:21:09,553 --> 00:21:10,852
Okay, Darryl, what's happening?

544
00:21:12,493 --> 00:21:13,871
This is happening.

545
00:21:15,682 --> 00:21:17,086
Is this my offer?

546
00:21:17,111 --> 00:21:19,411
I did the calligraphy myself, yes.

547
00:21:19,436 --> 00:21:22,422
Oh, I wanted it to be special and fancy.

548
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:23,881
Those other firms...

549
00:21:23,906 --> 00:21:25,283
I'm sure that they've
got water fountains

550
00:21:25,307 --> 00:21:27,901
just spouting Lamontaine
all over the place.

551
00:21:29,139 --> 00:21:31,712
Um, well, okay. Thank you.

552
00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:35,192
Aw. And I will compare
it with the others

553
00:21:35,217 --> 00:21:36,493
that will come...

554
00:21:37,219 --> 00:21:38,452
via e-mail.

555
00:21:39,855 --> 00:21:41,989
Can we just have a
normal dinner now? Hmm.

556
00:21:42,057 --> 00:21:43,724
Maybe not.

557
00:21:44,196 --> 00:21:46,024
I got a whole porchetta.

558
00:21:47,378 --> 00:21:49,145
Too much?

559
00:21:49,254 --> 00:21:51,087
"I'm the local lady of the evening.

560
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,676
"And though I like my men

561
00:21:52,701 --> 00:21:54,201
and my booze... "

562
00:21:54,270 --> 00:21:56,436
Right, Connie said "booze" was...

563
00:21:56,505 --> 00:21:58,005
the word to do the funniest.

564
00:21:58,073 --> 00:22:00,507
Okay, "and I like my men and my booze."

565
00:22:01,756 --> 00:22:03,987
"I pray to above... "

566
00:22:04,152 --> 00:22:06,152
"I pray to above...

567
00:22:06,419 --> 00:22:08,052
"that I'll find true love,

568
00:22:08,217 --> 00:22:10,884
but no one wants a lady who's used."

569
00:22:10,909 --> 00:22:12,275
Oh, God.

570
00:22:12,388 --> 00:22:14,087
"I'm nothing without a husband.

571
00:22:14,112 --> 00:22:16,312
"I'm nothing, I'm
nothing without a husband.

572
00:22:16,425 --> 00:22:17,969
I'm n... " Who's telling
her that, though?

573
00:22:17,993 --> 00:22:20,794
Is that her saying that's
she's nothing without a husband?

574
00:22:20,863 --> 00:22:21,845
Huh.

575
00:23:02,996 --> 00:23:05,706
"But I need mutual
respect when I walk down the aisle.

576
00:23:05,996 --> 00:23:08,697
This cowboy, can you
lasso me a husband?"

577
00:23:10,879 --> 00:23:13,287
"Though my lover count is over... "

578
00:23:13,693 --> 00:23:16,360
"I could be kiB"tcB"hen."

579
00:23:16,385 --> 00:23:19,853
Mm-hmm. Mm, mm, mm.

580
00:23:19,878 --> 00:23:21,311
Yeah. Okay, that works.

581
00:23:21,864 --> 00:23:22,933
Hey, guys.

582
00:23:22,958 --> 00:23:24,453
Guess what.

583
00:23:24,677 --> 00:23:26,443
- I have huge news.
- Did you talk to Beth?

584
00:23:26,695 --> 00:23:28,128
What? No.

585
00:23:28,241 --> 00:23:30,274
Okay, so I was going
over this song last night

586
00:23:30,299 --> 00:23:31,409
and I wasn't connecting with it

587
00:23:31,433 --> 00:23:33,367
and I was going over it
and over it and over it.

588
00:23:33,479 --> 00:23:34,812
Then I picked up a pencil

589
00:23:34,837 --> 00:23:37,404
and I started to make some notes.

590
00:23:37,473 --> 00:23:38,972
And then I...

591
00:23:39,041 --> 00:23:40,674
tweaked a few little lyrics.

592
00:23:40,743 --> 00:23:42,180
And I got to say...

593
00:23:43,078 --> 00:23:45,112
it's like night and
day, it's so much better.

594
00:23:45,180 --> 00:23:47,647
Wait, we're not allowed to
rewrite the lyrics, are we?

595
00:23:47,672 --> 00:23:49,417
I mean, not that I would
want to; mine's perfect.

596
00:23:49,442 --> 00:23:50,370
I'm playing a bride.

597
00:23:50,395 --> 00:23:52,596
Actually,
your song is also super problematic.

598
00:23:52,621 --> 00:23:53,857
We can talk about that later.

599
00:23:53,905 --> 00:23:56,803
But, no, I didn't really
rewrite anything, per Se,

600
00:23:56,828 --> 00:23:59,562
I just made... little adjustments.

601
00:23:59,587 --> 00:24:01,757
And, really, guys, it's so much better.

602
00:24:02,748 --> 00:24:05,442
- I think Connie's gonna dig it.
- Are you sure?

603
00:24:05,467 --> 00:24:07,801
- I mean, she's pretty by the book.
- No.

604
00:24:07,914 --> 00:24:10,147
When she sees these improvements I made,

605
00:24:10,182 --> 00:24:11,982
I really think she's gonna love it.

606
00:24:12,007 --> 00:24:13,320
I hate it!

607
00:24:14,797 --> 00:24:17,811
Who the hell do you think you are?

608
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,515
Elliot Ellison redefined
musical theater,

609
00:24:21,540 --> 00:24:24,027
and-and... oh, oh, oh,

610
00:24:24,052 --> 00:24:26,762
you're gonna redefine a redefinement?

611
00:24:26,787 --> 00:24:29,375
Is that it?

612
00:24:31,416 --> 00:24:33,917
This damn trumpet won't stay in tune.

613
00:24:34,941 --> 00:24:37,218
Connie, listen, these are just

614
00:24:37,243 --> 00:24:39,643
little tweaks to make
it a little more modern.

615
00:24:39,668 --> 00:24:41,435
For instance, instead of singing,

616
00:24:41,503 --> 00:24:43,148
"But that don't lead to
walking down the aisle,"

617
00:24:43,216 --> 00:24:44,448
- Yeah?
- I only sing, "But I need

618
00:24:44,473 --> 00:24:46,306
mutual respect when I
walk down the aisle."

619
00:24:46,418 --> 00:24:47,480
It's just little tweaks.

620
00:24:47,505 --> 00:24:49,281
I entrust you...

621
00:24:49,306 --> 00:24:51,072
with the sacred words...

622
00:24:51,097 --> 00:24:53,780
of an American musical theater genius

623
00:24:53,805 --> 00:24:56,685
and you-you, oh,
y-you tweak them?!

624
00:24:57,423 --> 00:24:59,519
You will perform it...

625
00:24:59,588 --> 00:25:02,155
as it 'twas written.

626
00:25:02,692 --> 00:25:04,892
Or be banished from the company.

627
00:25:20,741 --> 00:25:23,575
? Tickety-tock goes
the ticktock clock ?

628
00:25:23,644 --> 00:25:25,798
? Round and round and round ?

629
00:25:26,051 --> 00:25:28,919
? Every day while
our age increases ?

630
00:25:29,183 --> 00:25:30,349
? He's tickin' away ?

631
00:25:30,417 --> 00:25:31,573
? Yes, the clock never ceases ?

632
00:25:31,598 --> 00:25:33,799
? Tickety-tock goes
the ticktock clock ?

633
00:25:34,193 --> 00:25:36,997
? Tickety-tockety,
clickety-clockety ?

634
00:25:37,022 --> 00:25:39,455
? Weeks go by and we keep workin' ?

635
00:25:39,480 --> 00:25:42,204
? Day after day while
the clock's observin' ?

636
00:25:42,229 --> 00:25:44,929
? Half past eight,
quarter to three ?

637
00:25:44,954 --> 00:25:46,186
? Time goes by ?

638
00:25:46,211 --> 00:25:47,477
? For you and for me ?

639
00:25:47,502 --> 00:25:50,051
? Tickety-tock goes
the ticktock clock ?

640
00:25:50,076 --> 00:25:52,310
? Round and round again. ?

641
00:25:54,997 --> 00:25:56,027
Hey, everyone.

642
00:25:56,052 --> 00:25:57,118
Everyone, opening night.

643
00:25:57,143 --> 00:25:58,776
Ten minutes until call.

644
00:25:58,801 --> 00:26:00,134
Have a good show.

645
00:26:00,625 --> 00:26:02,358
Hey, you doing okay?

646
00:26:02,383 --> 00:26:03,613
Eh.

647
00:26:03,638 --> 00:26:05,104
Following your dream much?

648
00:26:05,653 --> 00:26:07,017
Yeah.

649
00:26:07,042 --> 00:26:08,275
Yeah, I guess so.

650
00:26:08,730 --> 00:26:10,697
Hey, I was wondering if you had a minute

651
00:26:10,722 --> 00:26:13,681
to sign this old playbill.

652
00:26:14,209 --> 00:26:16,409
Oh, my God.

653
00:26:16,637 --> 00:26:18,304
This is the actual South Pacific program

654
00:26:18,329 --> 00:26:19,895
from Camp Canyon Grove? Look at that.

655
00:26:20,162 --> 00:26:23,633
- Where did you get this?
- I saved it this whole time.

656
00:26:24,768 --> 00:26:27,035
Okay, actually, I bought it on eBay.

657
00:26:27,060 --> 00:26:29,093
People sell, like, everything there.

658
00:26:29,436 --> 00:26:30,809
But I thought it'd be

659
00:26:30,834 --> 00:26:32,967
a nice thing for you to sign.

660
00:26:32,992 --> 00:26:34,850
Really?

661
00:26:36,151 --> 00:26:38,117
Okay.

662
00:26:38,142 --> 00:26:40,643
Oh, my God, this is so sweet.

663
00:26:43,154 --> 00:26:44,258
Thank you.

664
00:26:45,366 --> 00:26:47,866
You are really always there
when I need someone.

665
00:26:51,433 --> 00:26:53,466
- I guess I'll sign, like, right here?
- Awesome.

666
00:26:58,691 --> 00:26:59,957
Thanks.

667
00:27:04,244 --> 00:27:06,244
Oh.

668
00:27:06,269 --> 00:27:07,969
Hi, hey, there.

669
00:27:07,994 --> 00:27:09,832
- Hi.
- Hi, how are you?

670
00:27:09,857 --> 00:27:11,091
Um...

671
00:27:11,116 --> 00:27:12,494
Oh, what's happening?

672
00:27:12,518 --> 00:27:13,538
I just want to let you know

673
00:27:13,563 --> 00:27:16,062
that I did get another offer.

674
00:27:16,927 --> 00:27:18,088
Oh.

675
00:27:18,156 --> 00:27:19,623
Okay, I see.

676
00:27:19,735 --> 00:27:21,535
Well, thank you for letting me know.

677
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:22,826
And...

678
00:27:22,903 --> 00:27:26,395
- was our offer competitive?
- Well... this...

679
00:27:26,907 --> 00:27:28,522
is their opening bid.

680
00:27:28,634 --> 00:27:30,100
Holy macaroni.

681
00:27:30,212 --> 00:27:34,114
- Wow, that is, um, some major scratch.
- Yeah.

682
00:27:34,139 --> 00:27:35,972
I know, I mean, money like that could...

683
00:27:35,997 --> 00:27:37,463
mean so much to my family.

684
00:27:37,488 --> 00:27:39,920
We could get out of debt,
could pay off the house.

685
00:27:39,945 --> 00:27:42,619
Tommy wants to go to college. College.

686
00:27:42,644 --> 00:27:46,574
I mean, our highest dream for him
was, you know, like a six-week course

687
00:27:46,599 --> 00:27:47,828
in welding, so...

688
00:27:47,853 --> 00:27:49,719
So, wait, so what are you saying?

689
00:27:49,832 --> 00:27:52,443
I don't know if I'm gonna work with...

690
00:27:52,468 --> 00:27:55,150
this exact firm, but
it turns out that...

691
00:27:56,862 --> 00:27:58,361
this is what I'm worth.

692
00:28:02,458 --> 00:28:03,844
Okay, um...

693
00:28:04,322 --> 00:28:06,543
- I'll see you in there.
- Yeah.

694
00:28:06,568 --> 00:28:08,238
- All right?
- Mm-hmm.

695
00:28:08,351 --> 00:28:10,727
Okay. It's good to see you.

696
00:28:10,752 --> 00:28:12,619
Thank you. Good to see you.

697
00:28:14,613 --> 00:28:16,346
All right, everyone. Showtime, showtime!

698
00:28:16,415 --> 00:28:17,814
But, you know, break a leg.

699
00:28:17,883 --> 00:28:19,636
Now, Rebecca. I want you to remember

700
00:28:19,661 --> 00:28:22,462
to shimmy, shake, and smile, okay?

701
00:28:22,487 --> 00:28:24,399
I want to see both rows
of teeth. Top and bottom.

702
00:28:25,042 --> 00:28:26,400
Where's my tea?

703
00:28:26,853 --> 00:28:28,753
Well, where is it?!

704
00:28:31,477 --> 00:28:33,407
Check this out.

705
00:28:33,432 --> 00:28:36,387
This, like, totally suits me.

706
00:28:36,412 --> 00:28:39,179
Anyone seeing this won't
be oblivious anymore.

707
00:28:39,212 --> 00:28:41,159
- Right?
- Uh-huh.

708
00:28:41,826 --> 00:28:42,826
Okay.

709
00:28:49,058 --> 00:28:51,291
? When he came to my town ?

710
00:28:51,316 --> 00:28:53,227
? Upon his ship ?

711
00:28:53,252 --> 00:28:56,654
? He pillaged and plundered and looted ?

712
00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:58,846
? "You're mine now," he said ?

713
00:28:58,890 --> 00:29:00,757
? With a devilish grin ?

714
00:29:00,826 --> 00:29:04,864
? "Submit, or be executed" ?

715
00:29:04,889 --> 00:29:06,106
? Yet now that ?

716
00:29:06,131 --> 00:29:08,498
? I'm his bride ?

717
00:29:08,781 --> 00:29:12,816
? I feel nothing but
warmth deep inside ?

718
00:29:14,406 --> 00:29:18,208
? I love the Pirate King ?

719
00:29:18,276 --> 00:29:19,576
? I sit on his lap ?

720
00:29:19,689 --> 00:29:21,488
? And to him I sing ?

721
00:29:21,513 --> 00:29:23,580
? He calls me his sparrow ?

722
00:29:23,649 --> 00:29:25,615
? His lamb, his pet ?

723
00:29:25,728 --> 00:29:27,561
? His rough pirate kisses ?

724
00:29:27,586 --> 00:29:29,786
? I'll never forget ?

725
00:29:29,855 --> 00:29:33,487
? He hits me but he
don't mean no harm ?

726
00:29:33,512 --> 00:29:35,742
? Those slaps are part of his ?

727
00:29:35,767 --> 00:29:38,601
? Piratish charm ?

728
00:29:40,095 --> 00:29:41,656
? Sometimes I say ?

729
00:29:41,672 --> 00:29:43,172
? "Stop it," but deep down ?

730
00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:44,406
? I know ?

731
00:29:44,475 --> 00:29:45,741
? If I didn't like it ?

732
00:29:45,766 --> 00:29:48,550
? I would have left long ago... ?

733
00:29:48,822 --> 00:29:51,044
That pirate sounds like a dick.

734
00:29:51,069 --> 00:29:53,703
? I love the Pirate King ?

735
00:29:54,118 --> 00:29:56,986
? He calls my name and it means ?

736
00:29:57,011 --> 00:29:58,050
? One thing ?

737
00:29:58,075 --> 00:29:59,674
? He's craving my touch ?

738
00:30:00,124 --> 00:30:01,790
? Warm and deep ?

739
00:30:01,859 --> 00:30:03,659
? He takes his pleasure ?

740
00:30:03,728 --> 00:30:05,160
? Even when I'm asleep ?

741
00:30:05,466 --> 00:30:07,540
? If I die at his hand ?

742
00:30:07,565 --> 00:30:09,898
? It won't be a surprise ?

743
00:30:09,947 --> 00:30:13,219
? 'Cause my love
for the Pirate King ?

744
00:30:13,244 --> 00:30:15,558
? Is true and pure ?

745
00:30:15,583 --> 00:30:18,818
? And wise. ?

746
00:30:21,612 --> 00:30:22,612
Yeah.

747
00:30:31,310 --> 00:30:34,056
You were great. You know,

748
00:30:34,081 --> 00:30:36,014
if I were a pirate king,
I'd kidnap you, too.

749
00:30:37,361 --> 00:30:39,061
And would you marry me?

750
00:30:39,130 --> 00:30:41,263
Hmm. I mean, I'd be a pirate king,

751
00:30:41,288 --> 00:30:43,055
so I just would do what I want.

752
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:44,280
You don't understand anything.

753
00:30:44,357 --> 00:30:45,768
You don't even understand
you're not supposed

754
00:30:45,793 --> 00:30:47,370
to come back here in
the middle of a show.

755
00:30:47,676 --> 00:30:50,696
You know, I think
something's going on with us.

756
00:30:50,721 --> 00:30:52,254
You're mad at me.

757
00:30:52,279 --> 00:30:54,913
I can tell from the
yelling and overt anger.

758
00:30:55,113 --> 00:30:57,261
Wow. Amazing.

759
00:30:57,286 --> 00:30:58,586
You're not only a pirate king...

760
00:30:58,724 --> 00:31:00,624
you're a genius.

761
00:31:05,012 --> 00:31:07,846
Oh, God, this next
song is a total bummer.

762
00:31:07,871 --> 00:31:10,138
It's one of the ones
that just lifts right out.

763
00:31:12,496 --> 00:31:14,386
Oh, hello there, folks.

764
00:31:14,455 --> 00:31:15,887
I didn't see you there.

765
00:31:15,956 --> 00:31:19,399
My name is not important,

766
00:31:19,424 --> 00:31:22,335
but there's something about
me that you should know.

767
00:31:22,663 --> 00:31:25,697
? I'm an apple man ?

768
00:31:25,722 --> 00:31:28,623
? I'm an apple man ?

769
00:31:28,648 --> 00:31:32,383
? No other fruit can do
quite what an apple can ?

770
00:31:32,539 --> 00:31:34,372
? Toss me that apple, Stan ?

771
00:31:34,397 --> 00:31:37,065
? 'Cause I'm an apple man ?

772
00:31:38,579 --> 00:31:40,612
? They're marvelous in the morning ?

773
00:31:40,681 --> 00:31:43,215
? They're lovely late at night ?

774
00:31:43,283 --> 00:31:46,184
? They're delectable
in the daytime ?

775
00:31:46,286 --> 00:31:48,120
? An apple always
tastes just right ?

776
00:31:48,188 --> 00:31:50,731
? So you can keep your banana ?

777
00:31:50,756 --> 00:31:53,302
? In your pineapple cabana ?

778
00:31:53,327 --> 00:31:55,761
? I'd never be caught
chomping on a kumquat ?

779
00:31:55,786 --> 00:31:58,373
? Tell that to your
friend Susannah ?

780
00:31:58,398 --> 00:32:01,066
? From Tallahassee to Spokane ?

781
00:32:01,091 --> 00:32:03,479
? Madagascar to Japan ?

782
00:32:03,504 --> 00:32:05,971
? I'm sticking to
my one-fruit plan ?

783
00:32:05,996 --> 00:32:09,716
? 'Cause I'm a Gala, Red
Delicious, Cortland, Fuji ?

784
00:32:09,777 --> 00:32:12,244
? McIntosh, Granny Smith, Ambrosia ?

785
00:32:12,312 --> 00:32:14,579
? Apple man. ?

786
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:19,606
That is it, April.

787
00:32:19,953 --> 00:32:21,286
I'm an apple man.

788
00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:23,232
Paula is my apple,

789
00:32:23,257 --> 00:32:24,817
and I need to try new fruit but I can't,

790
00:32:24,858 --> 00:32:27,684
because I'm afraid of
all the change at work.

791
00:32:27,709 --> 00:32:29,839
Nathaniel came in and Karen left,

792
00:32:29,864 --> 00:32:31,540
and then Bert came in and Jim left.

793
00:32:31,565 --> 00:32:33,298
And then he came back
and then Rebecca left.

794
00:32:33,323 --> 00:32:34,731
And through it all,

795
00:32:35,090 --> 00:32:38,224
Paula has been there, and
that's why I'm so upset.

796
00:32:38,405 --> 00:32:41,339
Y-You got all of that from "Apple Man"?

797
00:32:41,364 --> 00:32:42,897
Yes, of course.

798
00:32:43,159 --> 00:32:45,888
But you didn't get it from the
song, "Good Bosses and Friends

799
00:32:45,913 --> 00:32:48,446
Let Their Employees Soar
Elsewhere If Need Be"?

800
00:32:48,515 --> 00:32:50,751
No, I, I didn't connect with that one.

801
00:32:56,223 --> 00:32:58,382
Hey. You ready?

802
00:32:59,170 --> 00:33:00,945
I don't think I can sing this song.

803
00:33:01,961 --> 00:33:03,662
I hate my song.

804
00:33:03,774 --> 00:33:05,207
No, I hate everything about it.

805
00:33:05,232 --> 00:33:07,833
I-I hate, I hate what it's
about and what it says.

806
00:33:07,858 --> 00:33:09,792
Come on, it's just one
dumb song. Who cares?

807
00:33:09,903 --> 00:33:11,002
No, you don't understand.

808
00:33:11,027 --> 00:33:13,327
Loving these songs
is a part of who I am.

809
00:33:13,352 --> 00:33:14,985
I don't know, I just,

810
00:33:15,142 --> 00:33:17,868
I liked what I wrote, I
like the changes that I made.

811
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:22,480
Then why not sing that version instead?

812
00:33:22,505 --> 00:33:25,001
I can't. You heard
Connie. She hated that.

813
00:33:26,039 --> 00:33:28,730
And I can't even
believe that I did that.

814
00:33:28,755 --> 00:33:30,388
I mean, God, I'm not
a writer-performer.

815
00:33:30,413 --> 00:33:32,455
I'm not Ike Barinholtz.

816
00:33:34,541 --> 00:33:36,875
Hey, Rebecca, you're on.

817
00:33:37,974 --> 00:33:39,741
I don't know, I just
wish that the audience

818
00:33:39,766 --> 00:33:41,077
could hear the lyrics that I wrote,

819
00:33:41,101 --> 00:33:43,435
but I, I can't go out
there and sing them.

820
00:33:43,503 --> 00:33:44,776
They should hear them.

821
00:33:46,019 --> 00:33:47,235
And they will.

822
00:33:51,533 --> 00:33:52,589
What?

823
00:33:55,159 --> 00:33:56,425
Hello, everybody,

824
00:33:56,450 --> 00:33:58,304
um, instead of singing the prince song,

825
00:33:58,329 --> 00:34:01,163
I'm actually gonna sing a
different song with a few

826
00:34:01,188 --> 00:34:04,241
small changes made by a, uh,

827
00:34:04,969 --> 00:34:06,049
a brilliant friend of mine.

828
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:13,275
? I'm the local
lady of the evening ?

829
00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:16,701
? And though I like
my men and my booze ?

830
00:34:16,726 --> 00:34:19,348
? I pray to above ?

831
00:34:19,373 --> 00:34:21,027
? That I'll find true love ?

832
00:34:21,052 --> 00:34:23,452
? A man who won't
say that I'm used ?

833
00:34:23,477 --> 00:34:25,744
- Oh, my God.
- ? Oh, can someone ?

834
00:34:25,812 --> 00:34:28,580
- Someone else is singing my song.
- ? Lasso me a husband? ?

835
00:34:28,649 --> 00:34:30,460
? It would be nice to
someday have a husband... ?

836
00:34:30,484 --> 00:34:33,180
Close the curtain. Close the curtain.

837
00:34:35,866 --> 00:34:37,466
Connie, listen...

838
00:34:37,491 --> 00:34:38,920
- You're fired.
- What?

839
00:34:38,945 --> 00:34:40,375
Both of you, you're fired.

840
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:42,000
Now get out of my theater at once.

841
00:34:51,459 --> 00:34:53,726
Well, big surprise, no one's coming.

842
00:34:53,751 --> 00:34:56,482
No one in this god-awful
town is coming here.

843
00:34:56,873 --> 00:34:58,197
Will you just hold on a second?

844
00:34:58,222 --> 00:34:59,855
We don't even open for five minutes.

845
00:35:01,826 --> 00:35:03,079
Table for two, please?

846
00:35:03,104 --> 00:35:05,404
Ah, we've got two.

847
00:35:05,429 --> 00:35:06,861
Two people. Big deal.

848
00:35:06,974 --> 00:35:10,075
Hi. Oh, you've got four.

849
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,089
- Hi.
- Hi, welcome.

850
00:35:13,114 --> 00:35:15,581
Hi. Yeah, you can sit there.

851
00:35:15,650 --> 00:35:17,650
Um, Greg, there are,
like, eight people here.

852
00:35:17,718 --> 00:35:19,418
It's just like the old Serrano's.

853
00:35:19,443 --> 00:35:20,796
Uh, ten top. Incoming.

854
00:35:20,821 --> 00:35:23,989
Kitchen, start your engines,
these people are early.

855
00:35:24,102 --> 00:35:25,501
Why don't you guys sit right there?

856
00:35:25,526 --> 00:35:26,959
Man, I have missed this place.

857
00:35:27,028 --> 00:35:28,494
I cannot believe it.

858
00:35:28,562 --> 00:35:31,575
If this were a real opening,
we would've done huge numbers.

859
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:32,359
Mm-hmm.

860
00:35:32,392 --> 00:35:34,999
It's like people
actually like this place.

861
00:35:35,024 --> 00:35:36,811
Dude, you don't get it. They always did.

862
00:35:36,836 --> 00:35:39,115
It's just, when your father
ran this place, he was a drunk

863
00:35:39,140 --> 00:35:42,274
and a terrible businessman
and he ran it into the ground.

864
00:35:42,299 --> 00:35:43,932
No, this place failed
because West Covina

865
00:35:43,957 --> 00:35:45,556
turned their back on this restaurant.

866
00:35:45,581 --> 00:35:47,981
That's one of the reasons
why I hated it here.

867
00:35:48,006 --> 00:35:50,559
Yeah, that's not true. You
just wanted to find reasons

868
00:35:50,584 --> 00:35:52,770
to hate it because you hated yourself.

869
00:35:54,062 --> 00:35:56,029
Trust me, I dated you. It was not cute.

870
00:35:56,467 --> 00:35:58,734
- Huh.
- I mean, the good news is,

871
00:35:58,759 --> 00:36:00,426
you used that hatred and,

872
00:36:00,451 --> 00:36:02,515
parenthetically, your horrible
relationship with Rebecca,

873
00:36:02,540 --> 00:36:04,974
to get out of town and
go to business school.

874
00:36:04,999 --> 00:36:07,800
So maybe now you're ready for this town.

875
00:36:08,901 --> 00:36:10,667
It's always been ready for you.

876
00:36:10,911 --> 00:36:12,183
Wow.

877
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:15,178
I forgot how profound you are.

878
00:36:15,203 --> 00:36:17,721
That is always a big mistake.

879
00:36:35,894 --> 00:36:37,160
Huh.

880
00:36:48,863 --> 00:36:50,796
Still got it.

881
00:36:52,165 --> 00:36:56,381
? Hey, West Covina ?

882
00:36:56,450 --> 00:36:59,867
? Thought that I had to break free ?

883
00:37:00,799 --> 00:37:05,334
? Well, it took me two
years to shake off my fears ?

884
00:37:05,359 --> 00:37:09,721
? And see that the problem was me ?

885
00:37:09,964 --> 00:37:13,966
? Hey, West Covina ?

886
00:37:14,351 --> 00:37:17,703
? We may not always agree ?

887
00:37:18,364 --> 00:37:20,598
? But you're okay, West Covina ?

888
00:37:20,841 --> 00:37:23,881
? Should I stay, West Covina? ?

889
00:37:24,178 --> 00:37:27,546
? What do you say, West Covina? ?

890
00:37:28,063 --> 00:37:33,006
? What'll it be? ?

891
00:37:34,789 --> 00:37:40,374
? Hmm. ?

892
00:37:44,665 --> 00:37:46,431
I am so sorry that I got you fired.

893
00:37:46,500 --> 00:37:47,866
No, it's okay.

894
00:37:48,001 --> 00:37:49,635
If I'm being honest...

895
00:37:50,571 --> 00:37:52,571
I only did this to hang out with you.

896
00:37:54,208 --> 00:37:55,307
Oh, wow.

897
00:37:55,709 --> 00:37:57,670
Are you really surprised to hear that?

898
00:37:59,764 --> 00:38:01,113
Kind of?

899
00:38:01,894 --> 00:38:02,792
Nathaniel, what you just did

900
00:38:02,817 --> 00:38:05,114
meant a lot to me, really.

901
00:38:06,135 --> 00:38:07,148
It was thrilling

902
00:38:07,173 --> 00:38:10,560
to hear my words out loud,
even if it was a dumb idea.

903
00:38:11,237 --> 00:38:13,171
I don't think it was dumb.

904
00:38:15,464 --> 00:38:16,663
Really?

905
00:38:25,372 --> 00:38:27,973
Uh, we should, uh... yeah. I
should... no, I should get my stuff.

906
00:38:51,060 --> 00:38:52,592
Hey.

907
00:38:54,474 --> 00:38:57,303
You need to take one
of those great offers, Paula.

908
00:38:57,328 --> 00:38:59,128
- I know.
- It took one of the songs

909
00:38:59,153 --> 00:39:01,153
last night for me to realize that.

910
00:39:01,178 --> 00:39:03,157
Was it the one called "Money
Isn't Everything Unless It Gets

911
00:39:03,182 --> 00:39:05,667
Your Family Out Of Debt And
Sends Your Kid To College"?

912
00:39:05,692 --> 00:39:09,060
No, I-I didn't vibe with that one.

913
00:39:09,085 --> 00:39:11,252
I, I shouldn't have
tried to hold you here.

914
00:39:11,375 --> 00:39:13,420
Just because you mean so much to me.

915
00:39:13,445 --> 00:39:16,270
Ah, Darryl, come on.

916
00:39:17,321 --> 00:39:18,921
We are friends.

917
00:39:19,107 --> 00:39:22,409
Real friends, not "work friends."

918
00:39:22,434 --> 00:39:26,169
And we will be in each
other's lives forever.

919
00:39:27,308 --> 00:39:29,608
No matter where we get our paycheck.

920
00:39:30,368 --> 00:39:31,516
Really?

921
00:39:34,136 --> 00:39:35,427
Hell, yeah.

922
00:39:44,305 --> 00:39:45,705
Hey. Thank you for coming.

923
00:39:45,738 --> 00:39:46,557
Yeah.

924
00:39:47,535 --> 00:39:49,201
I have something to tell you.

925
00:39:49,599 --> 00:39:51,966
Okay.

926
00:39:52,114 --> 00:39:54,181
I want to get married.

927
00:39:54,797 --> 00:39:56,900
Everyone I grew up with is married.

928
00:39:56,925 --> 00:39:58,436
I've planned a billion
weddings for people

929
00:39:58,461 --> 00:40:00,661
who love each other a
lot less than you and I do

930
00:40:00,686 --> 00:40:02,286
and aren't as attractive as we are.

931
00:40:02,422 --> 00:40:04,007
I want this.

932
00:40:04,420 --> 00:40:05,853
I want you to propose, Beth.

933
00:40:06,502 --> 00:40:08,168
And if you don't,

934
00:40:08,575 --> 00:40:10,495
then I'm not going back
to New York with you.

935
00:40:20,282 --> 00:40:21,679
Hey.

936
00:40:22,073 --> 00:40:23,558
What are you doing here?

937
00:40:23,583 --> 00:40:25,389
Well, since I missed
your opening, I wanted

938
00:40:25,414 --> 00:40:29,192
to check the place
out, and... oh, my God.

939
00:40:29,323 --> 00:40:31,556
Greg, this looks amazing.

940
00:40:31,581 --> 00:40:33,214
Yeah. Thanks.

941
00:40:33,581 --> 00:40:34,791
I'm sorry I missed your theater thing.

942
00:40:34,816 --> 00:40:36,649
- How was it?
- Oh, it was terrible.

943
00:40:36,946 --> 00:40:39,859
Yeah, uh, yeah, I got yelled
at, I got called an idiot

944
00:40:39,884 --> 00:40:41,249
and then I got fired.

945
00:40:41,274 --> 00:40:43,474
Wow. That sucks.

946
00:40:43,499 --> 00:40:45,210
Yeah, I mean, there were some
good parts, there were actually

947
00:40:45,235 --> 00:40:50,519
some really good parts,
but mostly, I, uh,

948
00:40:50,829 --> 00:40:53,103
- I got my dreams stomped on.
- Oh.

949
00:40:53,387 --> 00:40:55,954
But enough about me. Look at you.

950
00:40:55,979 --> 00:40:58,779
Really. You look so happy,
you're, like, glowing.

951
00:40:58,804 --> 00:41:01,151
I feel pretty good, actually,

952
00:41:01,176 --> 00:41:03,810
and I-I decided, um,

953
00:41:04,186 --> 00:41:07,621
I'm gonna stay in town
and really open this place.

954
00:41:07,689 --> 00:41:09,122
Try to make it work.

955
00:41:09,147 --> 00:41:10,217
Wow.

956
00:41:10,242 --> 00:41:11,875
You're choosing to stay in West Covina?

957
00:41:11,917 --> 00:41:13,383
- By choice?
- Yes,

958
00:41:13,408 --> 00:41:15,168
and when I made that
decision, I had to ask myself,

959
00:41:15,193 --> 00:41:16,293
was it because of you

960
00:41:16,318 --> 00:41:17,584
or because of this place?

961
00:41:17,609 --> 00:41:20,176
Because of me? Why because of me?

962
00:41:20,740 --> 00:41:22,606
Because I still care about you.

963
00:41:23,403 --> 00:41:25,011
And maybe I did choose

964
00:41:25,036 --> 00:41:27,370
to do my thesis here to be
near you, but now I really,

965
00:41:27,395 --> 00:41:29,112
I, I love this restaurant.

966
00:41:29,878 --> 00:41:32,312
Good. Well, good, good.

967
00:41:32,337 --> 00:41:36,424
That is, that's good...
That's good. That's great.

968
00:41:36,449 --> 00:41:37,882
Wait, are you hungry?

969
00:41:37,907 --> 00:41:39,373
You got to try this lasagna.

970
00:41:39,398 --> 00:41:40,965
I was using Roma, but Chris was right,

971
00:41:40,990 --> 00:41:42,845
the San Marzano was
better, so I switched.

972
00:41:42,870 --> 00:41:44,303
Just, hold on.

973
00:41:44,583 --> 00:41:46,550
You're gonna love it.

974
00:41:47,022 --> 00:41:48,697
Oh.

975
00:41:50,788 --> 00:41:52,888
? Oh, can someone ?

976
00:41:52,913 --> 00:41:56,214
? Lasso me a husband? ?

977
00:42:01,701 --> 00:42:02,801
Damn it.

978
00:42:02,826 --> 00:42:07,826
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