1
00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:08,899
I'm on a roll!

2
00:00:08,901 --> 00:00:12,236
This book is gonna be sick.

3
00:00:12,238 --> 00:00:15,406
Stephen King, watch your back.

4
00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:19,093
I cannot believe that you
really wrote a book, Hank.

5
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:21,896
I've never even seen you read a book.

6
00:00:22,899 --> 00:00:25,048
See, this book is like my baby,

7
00:00:25,073 --> 00:00:27,416
'cause it's been gestating
in my brain uterus

8
00:00:27,441 --> 00:00:28,496
for, like, ten years.

9
00:00:28,521 --> 00:00:30,006
So, now I'm ready

10
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:33,032
to squeeze it out and
present it to the world.

11
00:00:33,150 --> 00:00:35,092
I call it...

12
00:00:35,119 --> 00:00:36,938
- Shade by Hank Henderson.
- Oh.

13
00:00:36,963 --> 00:00:40,765
Ooh. Shade.

14
00:00:40,792 --> 00:00:43,292
I once tried to write a book.

15
00:00:47,632 --> 00:00:50,107
That's the end of the story. I, uh...

16
00:00:50,109 --> 00:00:52,386
I once tried to write
a book, and I stopped.

17
00:00:52,411 --> 00:00:54,470
It's really hard.

18
00:00:56,616 --> 00:00:59,273
That was the best blind
date I've ever been on,

19
00:00:59,298 --> 00:01:01,043
and I've been on three of 'em.

20
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:03,712
I'm, uh... I'm gonna head out.

21
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:06,123
Uh, hey. Uh...

22
00:01:06,125 --> 00:01:08,769
what do you think about
grabbing a drink later?

23
00:01:08,794 --> 00:01:10,818
I mean, not that I
would drink myself, no.

24
00:01:10,843 --> 00:01:13,722
If I have a little bit
of alcohol, oh, look out.

25
00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:17,596
- I have the worst gas.
- Yeah, yeah.

26
00:01:17,621 --> 00:01:20,752
You mentioned that... how your
large intestine is too small,

27
00:01:20,777 --> 00:01:23,047
- and your small intestine...
- Small intestine too large.

28
00:01:23,071 --> 00:01:24,114
Oh, look at us.

29
00:01:24,138 --> 00:01:26,597
We're already finishing each other's...

30
00:01:27,463 --> 00:01:28,870
So, I'm gonna go.

31
00:01:28,895 --> 00:01:31,229
I'll, uh... I'll see you later, Leonard.

32
00:01:31,254 --> 00:01:33,196
- I'll hold you to that.
- Ah.

33
00:01:33,221 --> 00:01:35,146
Oh, heck, I just want to hold you.

34
00:01:35,171 --> 00:01:36,729
Oh!

35
00:01:39,328 --> 00:01:41,662
What the hell, Charlie?!

36
00:01:41,664 --> 00:01:43,629
Why'd you set me up with that guy?

37
00:01:43,654 --> 00:01:46,571
All he did was talk about gas.

38
00:01:47,005 --> 00:01:50,719
Well, gas pricing is a
fascinating mix of geo...

39
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,616
His gas, Charlie.

40
00:01:52,641 --> 00:01:54,116
Butt gas.

41
00:01:55,859 --> 00:01:57,670
On a date! It's not exactly

42
00:01:57,695 --> 00:02:00,491
- the kind of guy I usually go for.
- Oh, no. You're right.

43
00:02:00,516 --> 00:02:02,958
He's a lot better than the
guys you usually go for.

44
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:04,856
What?

45
00:02:04,881 --> 00:02:07,340
You go for losers, Margaret.

46
00:02:07,365 --> 00:02:09,140
Huge losers.

47
00:02:09,165 --> 00:02:11,378
She does.

48
00:02:11,410 --> 00:02:13,967
That food snob Murray was a sociopath,

49
00:02:13,992 --> 00:02:16,232
that colonel picked you
up at his wife's funeral,

50
00:02:16,257 --> 00:02:18,415
- and that Karl was the Zodiac Killer.
- Yeah.

51
00:02:18,435 --> 00:02:20,083
So that's, uh,

52
00:02:20,103 --> 00:02:22,328
loser, loser...

53
00:02:22,355 --> 00:02:24,254
murderer/loser.

54
00:02:24,279 --> 00:02:27,034
Okay, but those guys were...

55
00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:28,851
I mean, there was also...

56
00:02:28,969 --> 00:02:30,260
Ugh.

57
00:02:30,321 --> 00:02:31,946
Well, it's not like...

58
00:02:32,023 --> 00:02:34,866
Oh, my God, I only date losers.

59
00:02:36,435 --> 00:02:38,786
Does this mean that I've become a loser?

60
00:02:43,117 --> 00:02:46,919
That doesn't feel like a
safe question to answer.

61
00:02:53,478 --> 00:02:58,916
CREDITS

62
00:02:59,978 --> 00:03:01,458
How did this happen?

63
00:03:01,519 --> 00:03:05,221
You know, before I moved
in here, I crushed ass.

64
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:07,556
Quality ass.

65
00:03:07,650 --> 00:03:09,375
I dated a Bee Gee.

66
00:03:10,259 --> 00:03:11,668
Well, it's simple.

67
00:03:11,693 --> 00:03:13,623
You're not putting
enough effort into it.

68
00:03:13,648 --> 00:03:15,615
You're waiting for guys to approach you.

69
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:16,900
That's like sitting on the beach

70
00:03:16,927 --> 00:03:19,028
waiting for the fish to wash ashore.

71
00:03:20,611 --> 00:03:23,313
More like pieces of ocean trash.

72
00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,770
Yeah, if you want to
catch the good fish,

73
00:03:25,795 --> 00:03:27,484
i.e. hot dudes,

74
00:03:27,504 --> 00:03:30,922
you got to go swimming
in the ocean, i.e. try.

75
00:03:33,028 --> 00:03:35,807
Well, I guess maybe I could
up my game a little bit.

76
00:03:35,832 --> 00:03:37,382
I could still date a hot guy.

77
00:03:37,407 --> 00:03:40,167
- Gene in the house!
- Gene!

78
00:03:41,844 --> 00:03:43,302
I'm gonna date him.

79
00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:46,124
Gene?!

80
00:03:46,149 --> 00:03:47,710
Margaret,

81
00:03:47,735 --> 00:03:49,415
we said go fishing in the ocean.

82
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:52,350
We didn't say go harpoon a
white whale with your bare hands.

83
00:03:54,051 --> 00:03:55,823
I could date Gene. I just, uh...

84
00:03:55,848 --> 00:03:57,775
I just need to pull out all the stops.

85
00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,124
Watch out, boys.

86
00:03:59,149 --> 00:04:00,666
I'm jumping in the ocean.

87
00:04:04,837 --> 00:04:07,307
So, Hank, tell me all about your book.

88
00:04:07,332 --> 00:04:08,897
And speak real slow, 'cause

89
00:04:08,924 --> 00:04:12,750
the last book I finished was
written by Reese Witherspoon.

90
00:04:12,775 --> 00:04:14,988
First of all, we all know

91
00:04:15,013 --> 00:04:18,089
vampires are sexy as hell, right?

92
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:19,999
Yeah.

93
00:04:20,018 --> 00:04:22,686
And who is the sexiest
vampire of all time?

94
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,522
Brad Pitt, Interview with the Vampire.

95
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,173
Wrong.

96
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:29,175
Tom Cruise, Interview with the Vampire.

97
00:04:29,194 --> 00:04:30,676
No.

98
00:04:30,696 --> 00:04:33,177
Antonio Banderas, Interview with the...

99
00:04:33,202 --> 00:04:35,440
Stop guessing Interview
with the Vampire!

100
00:04:35,558 --> 00:04:37,275
Now, the sexiest vampire

101
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:40,352
of all time is obviously
Wesley Snipes in Blade.

102
00:04:40,563 --> 00:04:43,874
And what is the one complaint
everybody has about that movie?

103
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,117
Never saw it.

104
00:04:46,235 --> 00:04:47,952
Not enough sex.

105
00:04:48,029 --> 00:04:51,044
You can't walk down the
street without somebody saying,

106
00:04:51,069 --> 00:04:52,679
"You know the problem
with that movie Blade is?

107
00:04:52,703 --> 00:04:54,144
Ain't got enough sex scenes."

108
00:04:54,169 --> 00:04:55,886
Well...

109
00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,629
problem solved.

110
00:04:57,723 --> 00:04:59,556
I present to you...

111
00:04:59,581 --> 00:05:01,082
Shade.

112
00:05:01,107 --> 00:05:02,442
Oh.

113
00:05:02,467 --> 00:05:04,610
Now, be careful. That's my baby, now.

114
00:05:04,635 --> 00:05:06,176
Don't forget to support his head.

115
00:05:06,201 --> 00:05:09,067
All right, let's get started.

116
00:05:09,092 --> 00:05:12,068
Read it out loud so I know
which parts get to you the most.

117
00:05:15,828 --> 00:05:19,346
"Shade strutted into the sexy-ass club

118
00:05:19,769 --> 00:05:22,487
and was all like,

119
00:05:22,605 --> 00:05:26,324
'What's up, y'all? Who
wants to get freaky?'"

120
00:05:26,349 --> 00:05:28,257
Ah!

121
00:05:28,282 --> 00:05:30,190
- That's just the first sentence!
- Let's see.

122
00:05:30,215 --> 00:05:32,324
We're gonna need more water up in here!

123
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:40,379
"Shade pulled a photo of his father,

124
00:05:40,404 --> 00:05:42,100
who was dead,

125
00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:44,826
out of his pocket, and whispered,

126
00:05:44,828 --> 00:05:46,853
'Fangs for nothing.'"

127
00:05:48,965 --> 00:05:51,942
Wow! Hank, I love it.

128
00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:53,662
It's the best thing I ever created,

129
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,895
and that's including my kids.

130
00:05:57,098 --> 00:05:58,931
Now, did you notice that

131
00:05:58,951 --> 00:06:02,010
Shade's minivan was really
a metaphor for society?

132
00:06:02,012 --> 00:06:03,436
Oh, big time.

133
00:06:03,455 --> 00:06:05,180
Especially when I saw this post-it

134
00:06:05,182 --> 00:06:07,958
says "Van equals society."

135
00:06:09,986 --> 00:06:13,296
Well, now all I got to
do is get it published.

136
00:06:13,321 --> 00:06:15,801
You know, I've been calling
every Stephen King in the book,

137
00:06:15,826 --> 00:06:17,762
but I ain't got the right one yet.

138
00:06:17,877 --> 00:06:22,639
I know someone in the
Tucson publishing world.

139
00:06:23,418 --> 00:06:26,194
My second cousin is in the biz.

140
00:06:28,380 --> 00:06:30,563
Ooh.

141
00:06:31,063 --> 00:06:33,213
I'm gonna need a minute.

142
00:06:33,238 --> 00:06:35,313
What's wrong, Hank?

143
00:06:35,338 --> 00:06:37,255
Oh, geez.

144
00:06:38,657 --> 00:06:42,117
I can't believe how rich I'm gonna be!

145
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,502
All right.

146
00:06:50,527 --> 00:06:53,563
Wow, you are crazy tall today.

147
00:06:53,588 --> 00:06:55,691
Most old ladies shrink,

148
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:57,269
but you're just getting
bigger and bigger.

149
00:06:57,293 --> 00:06:59,199
Yeah. These are my, uh...

150
00:06:59,224 --> 00:07:01,069
- my A-game heels.
- Oh.

151
00:07:01,071 --> 00:07:03,087
My tall boys.

152
00:07:03,112 --> 00:07:05,158
Had to retire these in the '90s

153
00:07:05,183 --> 00:07:07,392
'cause my calves were
getting too muscular.

154
00:07:09,246 --> 00:07:11,521
Ah, hey, I still got it.

155
00:07:15,527 --> 00:07:17,343
What are you doing?

156
00:07:17,362 --> 00:07:18,972
Well, this is my go-to move.

157
00:07:18,997 --> 00:07:21,149
I make eye contact with
a guy, and I hold it,

158
00:07:21,205 --> 00:07:23,510
and just when it starts to get weird,

159
00:07:23,535 --> 00:07:25,518
I break into a million-dollar smile.

160
00:07:25,537 --> 00:07:27,871
It works every time.

161
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,749
- Look, watch this.
- Okay.

162
00:07:38,592 --> 00:07:40,133
Whoa.

163
00:08:05,135 --> 00:08:06,951
Ah...

164
00:08:08,305 --> 00:08:10,321
Evening, Gene.

165
00:08:10,415 --> 00:08:12,382
Don't forget to call your pocket...

166
00:08:17,814 --> 00:08:20,665
Margaret, are you okay?

167
00:08:20,741 --> 00:08:23,409
Okay. Just, uh, living the dream.

168
00:08:25,013 --> 00:08:26,579
Okay. Cool.

169
00:08:29,601 --> 00:08:31,492
Okay.

170
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,364
Okay, just... get yourself up

171
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,088
and out of here

172
00:08:36,108 --> 00:08:38,108
with your dignity intact.

173
00:08:49,121 --> 00:08:50,678
Ah.

174
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,530
Eh...

175
00:08:52,555 --> 00:08:54,513
Ooh, okay.

176
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:03,207
Please don't be watching me.

177
00:09:09,641 --> 00:09:11,304
Okay, that's settled.

178
00:09:11,329 --> 00:09:13,504
I'm officially a loser.

179
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,316
Ahooga!

180
00:09:22,393 --> 00:09:24,468
Wow. Look at you.

181
00:09:24,656 --> 00:09:27,882
Don't mind me. I'm just rolling
my tongue back in my mouth.

182
00:09:29,886 --> 00:09:31,477
Thanks.

183
00:09:31,496 --> 00:09:35,056
Hey, would you make me
the happiest man on Earth

184
00:09:35,058 --> 00:09:36,557
and let me buy you a drink?

185
00:09:36,585 --> 00:09:38,334
Oh, Leonard...

186
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:40,319
- you can buy me ten.
- Oh.

187
00:09:49,848 --> 00:09:51,848
Ugh.

188
00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:56,077
Oh!

189
00:09:56,079 --> 00:09:57,687
Ah.

190
00:10:01,717 --> 00:10:03,359
Good morning, beautiful.

191
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:19,375
Sorry.

192
00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:23,755
My small intestine is up to no good.

193
00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:29,368
Boy, you must have shimmied
something askew last night.

194
00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:36,226
- Leonard, last night was a mis...
- Was amazing. I know.

195
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,394
You were insatiable, my lady.

196
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,715
No, it was a mistake.

197
00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:45,551
I was feeling very vulnerable and shaky,

198
00:10:45,628 --> 00:10:49,054
both physically and
emotionally, and I...

199
00:10:49,074 --> 00:10:51,824
Do you think we can get
another candle going in here?

200
00:10:54,079 --> 00:10:55,578
Leonard?

201
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,582
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.

202
00:10:57,606 --> 00:10:59,231
I was thinking about last night.

203
00:10:59,251 --> 00:11:01,178
I still can't believe it happened.

204
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:03,569
Me, either, but it did,

205
00:11:03,588 --> 00:11:05,663
so I'm gonna have to live with that.

206
00:11:05,781 --> 00:11:07,406
Well, sister, let me tell you.

207
00:11:07,425 --> 00:11:10,334
You're gonna be living with
this guy for a long time.

208
00:11:12,430 --> 00:11:15,223
Ooh, ooh. B-R-B.

209
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,918
I got to get out of here.

210
00:11:21,616 --> 00:11:23,507
Oh!

211
00:11:23,858 --> 00:11:28,236
You two bitches are going
straight to Goodwill.

212
00:11:31,703 --> 00:11:35,538
Well, uh, you read my book,

213
00:11:35,932 --> 00:11:39,183
so I stand here before you exposed,

214
00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:42,018
much like Shade when
he traded in his fangs

215
00:11:42,043 --> 00:11:45,353
for the love of his
life, Serena Williams.

216
00:11:45,355 --> 00:11:47,355
Well, listen, here's the deal.

217
00:11:47,382 --> 00:11:49,299
This book is super weird,

218
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:53,303
and it was hard to follow with
all the post-its falling out.

219
00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:55,696
And, uh, men's erotic fiction

220
00:11:55,724 --> 00:11:58,549
is a genre that doesn't really exist.

221
00:11:58,667 --> 00:12:01,202
But... ?

222
00:12:01,204 --> 00:12:04,266
But I have to admit... I loved it.

223
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,285
- Oh!
- Hot damn! It turned you on, didn't it?

224
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:09,560
I mean, yeah.

225
00:12:09,585 --> 00:12:11,901
This is for all the fellas

226
00:12:11,926 --> 00:12:15,321
who just want to sit by
the fire with a good book

227
00:12:15,346 --> 00:12:19,181
and work up a chubby.

228
00:12:19,355 --> 00:12:21,556
Oh, I did just have one tiny note.

229
00:12:21,558 --> 00:12:22,999
Instead of a minivan,

230
00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,501
I think Shade should drive a motorcycle.

231
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,655
Oh, no.

232
00:12:29,674 --> 00:12:32,592
So... you want to get rid of the minivan?

233
00:12:34,036 --> 00:12:36,179
Okay, then. All right. Okay.

234
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:38,756
I just have, uh, one question.

235
00:12:38,781 --> 00:12:42,927
Did you not notice that the
minivan represents society?!

236
00:12:43,021 --> 00:12:44,406
Uh...

237
00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,764
I did not notice that at all.

238
00:12:46,789 --> 00:12:48,847
Did that post-it fall out?

239
00:12:48,872 --> 00:12:51,174
What kind of publisher are you, man?

240
00:12:51,199 --> 00:12:54,365
This is my masterpiece, and
you don't give a master notes.

241
00:12:54,390 --> 00:12:56,757
You don't go to-to Michelangelo

242
00:12:56,759 --> 00:12:58,772
and say, "Oh, excuse me. I got one note.

243
00:12:58,797 --> 00:13:00,371
Don't be a Ninja Turtle."

244
00:13:00,396 --> 00:13:01,704
Come on, Sid.

245
00:13:01,737 --> 00:13:03,495
We're up out of here.

246
00:13:04,374 --> 00:13:05,890
Charlie,

247
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:08,688
you're not gonna believe
what I did last night.

248
00:13:08,713 --> 00:13:10,546
You slept with Leonard.

249
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,125
What? How did you know?

250
00:13:14,150 --> 00:13:16,567
He texted me right after it happened.

251
00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:20,674
He said you kept the boots on.

252
00:13:22,918 --> 00:13:25,136
There she is.

253
00:13:25,212 --> 00:13:27,855
Miss High Heels, USA.

254
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:33,628
Great, so you did see it.

255
00:13:33,630 --> 00:13:36,499
Oh, of course I saw it. I've
been telling everybody about it.

256
00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:39,743
That part where you pretended
that you couldn't walk,

257
00:13:39,768 --> 00:13:42,078
it was hilarious.

258
00:13:42,103 --> 00:13:43,237
It was?

259
00:13:43,262 --> 00:13:45,956
- Oh, yes.
- Well, yeah, of course it was.

260
00:13:45,981 --> 00:13:48,808
I mean, my, uh, my
comedy's kind of cerebral,

261
00:13:48,833 --> 00:13:51,465
but I'm-I'm glad you got the joke.

262
00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:52,668
I don't think he did.

263
00:13:52,693 --> 00:13:55,112
It wasn't a joke.

264
00:13:55,137 --> 00:13:57,291
Shut up, Charlie.

265
00:13:57,316 --> 00:14:00,204
So I was just wondering
if maybe you'd like

266
00:14:00,229 --> 00:14:02,073
to have a drink with me tonight.

267
00:14:02,098 --> 00:14:04,499
Uh-uh. Sorry, pal, she's taken.

268
00:14:04,524 --> 00:14:06,339
She literally just banged...

269
00:14:06,364 --> 00:14:07,764
Shut up, Charlie!

270
00:14:15,734 --> 00:14:18,234
I got a date with Gene.

271
00:14:18,259 --> 00:14:20,235
I am back, baby.

272
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,310
I'm back, baby.

273
00:14:23,641 --> 00:14:25,549
I just did our grocery shopping.

274
00:14:25,574 --> 00:14:27,445
I couldn't figure out what
peanut butter to get,

275
00:14:27,469 --> 00:14:29,560
so I bought every one.

276
00:14:29,585 --> 00:14:31,748
I got crunchy, I got smooth,

277
00:14:31,773 --> 00:14:34,066
and I even got the one
with the peanut butter

278
00:14:34,091 --> 00:14:36,187
and the jelly all swirled together,

279
00:14:36,219 --> 00:14:38,912
much like our limbs were last night.

280
00:14:40,386 --> 00:14:42,620
Charlie, thanks again for
setting me up with Margaret.

281
00:14:42,645 --> 00:14:44,970
It's the best deal I ever made.

282
00:14:52,129 --> 00:14:53,904
Deal?

283
00:14:53,929 --> 00:14:55,846
What deal is he talking about?

284
00:14:56,075 --> 00:14:58,242
I just, uh...

285
00:14:58,267 --> 00:14:59,567
You know, uh...

286
00:15:01,748 --> 00:15:04,373
I can't come up with
a lie, so here goes.

287
00:15:06,978 --> 00:15:08,310
I owed him 50 bucks,

288
00:15:08,312 --> 00:15:10,329
and he said he would let it slide

289
00:15:10,354 --> 00:15:12,889
if I set the two of you up on a date.

290
00:15:12,914 --> 00:15:15,505
You sold me?

291
00:15:15,530 --> 00:15:16,724
Well, yeah.

292
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,240
You know how sometimes
friends sell friends?

293
00:15:19,265 --> 00:15:21,842
Unbelievable.

294
00:15:21,867 --> 00:15:23,256
You set me up with that clinger,

295
00:15:23,281 --> 00:15:24,908
so you better just make him go away.

296
00:15:24,933 --> 00:15:27,151
And I don't care what
you say, you just do it.

297
00:15:27,278 --> 00:15:29,853
I cannot believe you sold me.

298
00:15:29,878 --> 00:15:32,528
For 50 bucks?

299
00:15:32,803 --> 00:15:35,045
Well, at least I-I
sold you for something.

300
00:15:35,070 --> 00:15:37,296
You've been just
giving it away for free.

301
00:15:42,346 --> 00:15:44,039
I have compromised

302
00:15:44,064 --> 00:15:47,199
my whole life; I'm not
gonna compromise on this.

303
00:15:47,224 --> 00:15:50,277
Looks like my baby is
just gonna have to wind up

304
00:15:50,302 --> 00:15:52,958
- in the drawer forever.
- Oh, oh, oh.

305
00:15:52,983 --> 00:15:56,226
Hank. You seem sadder than Shade

306
00:15:56,251 --> 00:16:00,125
when he found out he'd never
see Serena Williams play tennis,

307
00:16:00,150 --> 00:16:03,577
because tennis happens in the sunlight.

308
00:16:05,153 --> 00:16:08,379
I'm exactly that sad, Sid.

309
00:16:08,539 --> 00:16:10,630
Oh. Well, screw it.

310
00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:13,392
We don't need a publisher.

311
00:16:13,417 --> 00:16:16,210
We will take it straight to the people.

312
00:16:16,235 --> 00:16:19,385
You said Shade needs to
be experienced, right?

313
00:16:19,410 --> 00:16:21,668
Well, let's give the
people an experience

314
00:16:21,693 --> 00:16:24,694
they will never forget.

315
00:16:30,169 --> 00:16:34,338
And that's when I started
saying "Gene in the house."

316
00:16:34,363 --> 00:16:37,522
And I mean, it just took off.

317
00:16:37,547 --> 00:16:41,106
Oh, I wish I had an
entrance line like that.

318
00:16:41,131 --> 00:16:43,649
Sometimes I say
"Margaret in the Target,"

319
00:16:43,674 --> 00:16:47,752
but that only works when I'm at Target.

320
00:16:48,055 --> 00:16:50,238
- You are kickass.
- Oh.

321
00:16:50,263 --> 00:16:52,055
I'm-I'm gonna get us another drink.

322
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,120
"Margaret in the Target."

323
00:16:56,782 --> 00:16:58,133
There you are.

324
00:17:00,504 --> 00:17:02,705
I've been looking everywhere for you.

325
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,432
Leonard, what are you doing here?

326
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,683
Charlie told me why we can't date.

327
00:17:06,708 --> 00:17:09,332
Well, whatever he said is true. So, bye.

328
00:17:09,357 --> 00:17:11,431
No. I am not going anywhere.

329
00:17:11,456 --> 00:17:13,630
And I'm telling you, I am
still going to make love to you,

330
00:17:13,654 --> 00:17:16,947
even though, as we speak, you
are being consumed by an STD.

331
00:17:27,427 --> 00:17:30,413
Look, this is all a huge mistake.

332
00:17:30,438 --> 00:17:32,193
I do not have an STD.

333
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,936
- She does.
- No, I don't.

334
00:17:34,961 --> 00:17:36,519
W-Who is this guy?

335
00:17:36,544 --> 00:17:38,152
Leonard Bartholomew Goin.

336
00:17:38,177 --> 00:17:40,436
It's like "groin" without the "R."

337
00:17:40,898 --> 00:17:45,058
Why not say "it's like coin with a 'G'?"

338
00:17:45,077 --> 00:17:48,704
Wow. Where were you 60 years ago?

339
00:17:50,021 --> 00:17:53,138
Okay, Leonard, so you
need to get "Goin."

340
00:17:53,163 --> 00:17:54,852
That's the disease talking, baby.

341
00:17:54,877 --> 00:17:56,192
We can work through this.

342
00:17:56,217 --> 00:17:58,232
There is no "we."

343
00:17:58,257 --> 00:17:59,590
We slept together one time.

344
00:17:59,615 --> 00:18:00,906
We are not "we."

345
00:18:00,931 --> 00:18:02,650
I do not want to be with you, Leonard.

346
00:18:02,794 --> 00:18:04,554
- And I'm on a date.
- Oh?

347
00:18:05,656 --> 00:18:09,683
Oh. Oh.

348
00:18:11,479 --> 00:18:13,437
Oh.

349
00:18:13,555 --> 00:18:15,230
Okay.

350
00:18:16,725 --> 00:18:19,184
Look, I should probably go.

351
00:18:19,209 --> 00:18:22,740
No, no, no. Don't go.
I don't have an STD.

352
00:18:22,765 --> 00:18:23,993
Oh, please, I don't care about that.

353
00:18:24,017 --> 00:18:25,750
I've had everything.

354
00:18:26,510 --> 00:18:28,994
Were you gonna tell me?

355
00:18:30,456 --> 00:18:32,272
My issue...

356
00:18:32,291 --> 00:18:35,695
is that you slept with Leonard.

357
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:37,904
Now, I knew you were not up to my level,

358
00:18:37,929 --> 00:18:41,055
but I thought you were
at least one level down.

359
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,230
So... we done.

360
00:18:44,255 --> 00:18:46,697
Wait a minute. What
about how funny I am?

361
00:18:46,722 --> 00:18:48,806
Hey, you want to see me eat a dollar?

362
00:18:48,831 --> 00:18:51,173
Gene out.

363
00:18:54,805 --> 00:18:57,265
I'm, uh, sorry I gave you an STD.

364
00:18:57,290 --> 00:19:00,726
Oh, Charlie. Lower your voice.

365
00:19:00,751 --> 00:19:02,876
You'll bounce back.

366
00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:04,549
You're funny as hell,

367
00:19:04,574 --> 00:19:06,090
and you give the best advice,

368
00:19:06,115 --> 00:19:07,756
and that look you give men...

369
00:19:07,781 --> 00:19:10,008
Whoa.

370
00:19:10,033 --> 00:19:12,084
I couldn't get to sleep last night.

371
00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:13,758
Yep.

372
00:19:13,972 --> 00:19:15,852
I know this may feel like a low point,

373
00:19:15,877 --> 00:19:17,222
but, uh, it's not.

374
00:19:17,247 --> 00:19:18,746
Oh, thanks, Charlie.

375
00:19:19,181 --> 00:19:21,064
So, uh, what is this?

376
00:19:21,089 --> 00:19:22,339
What am I watching?

377
00:19:22,364 --> 00:19:24,973
Uh, Hank is going to be doing a reading

378
00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,879
from his erotic vampire novel.

379
00:19:27,648 --> 00:19:30,891
Oh, so this is the low point.

380
00:19:31,321 --> 00:19:33,280
Yeah, I'm needed backstage.

381
00:19:33,305 --> 00:19:35,274
Hank has me running special effects.

382
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,456
Oh.

383
00:19:45,239 --> 00:19:47,422
Whoa.

384
00:19:47,424 --> 00:19:49,578
Sorry, I-I didn't realize
you were sitting here.

385
00:19:49,603 --> 00:19:51,795
- I could go somewhere else.
- N-No, wait.

386
00:19:51,820 --> 00:19:53,109
Leonard, it's okay. Sit down.

387
00:19:53,134 --> 00:19:55,094
Come on. Don't leave because of me.

388
00:19:58,435 --> 00:19:59,859
And I'm sorry I lashed out at you.

389
00:19:59,879 --> 00:20:03,622
I-It's not your fault. I know
I can come on a little strong.

390
00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:06,202
Probably need to up my game a little.

391
00:20:06,227 --> 00:20:07,536
Your game is just fine.

392
00:20:07,561 --> 00:20:09,522
It'll be perfect for the right person.

393
00:20:09,547 --> 00:20:12,733
Advice I should probably take myself.

394
00:20:12,758 --> 00:20:15,701
My point is, don't change who you are.

395
00:20:15,726 --> 00:20:18,352
I hear you loud and clear.

396
00:20:19,555 --> 00:20:21,823
Leonard!

397
00:20:36,082 --> 00:20:39,792
Oh, my God!

398
00:20:41,337 --> 00:20:43,770
"It was dark and hot

399
00:20:43,798 --> 00:20:47,591
as Shade made his way through the city.

400
00:20:47,616 --> 00:20:50,726
So dark, so hot.

401
00:20:50,751 --> 00:20:55,362
Shade and his orc sidekick
were covered in demon blood.

402
00:21:04,311 --> 00:21:05,653
But Shade didn't care.

403
00:21:05,678 --> 00:21:07,211
He didn't give a hoot,

404
00:21:07,236 --> 00:21:08,739
'cause he knew who was waiting for him

405
00:21:08,763 --> 00:21:12,223
when he gets back
home: Serena Williams.

406
00:21:12,248 --> 00:21:14,807
Oh, yeah.

407
00:21:14,832 --> 00:21:17,691
The city's about to get
even hotter tonight."

408
00:21:23,838 --> 00:21:27,080
They're loving your baby.

409
00:21:27,157 --> 00:21:29,758
I'm gonna be so friggin' rich!

410
00:21:31,288 --> 00:21:36,288
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