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Christopher?!

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Coming!

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Come on, Pork Chop!
Breakfast is ready!

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There you go, Uncle Murray.

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Pancakes.

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Again.

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Morning, Uncle Murray. Mom.

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There's your breakfast.

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Wait. That's it?
I'm gonna be hungry.

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You're always hungry.

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So, hurry up and eat or you're
gonna be hungry and late.

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Late for what?

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Life, boy.

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Nothing ever happens
around here.

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- What up, homey?
- Dude!

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Can I get a bite of that?

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You can't have any of mine.

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But... you could have this.

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You're a true friend.

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Well, what can I say?
I know how you are.

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We want the Crites.

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Where is 19876 Wallace Avenue,

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Livingston, Iowa?

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Crikey, mate.

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You're a long way
from Livingston.

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I've acquired the Crite signal.

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Their ship has entered
the planet's atmosphere.

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How much farther?

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10,000 miles.

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Run faster.

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Would you rather
get hit by a bus

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or choked out by a clown?

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- Choked out by a clown.
- What?!

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- Yeah.
- You've gotta be kidding me.

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Why do dogs always stare at you

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when they're going
to the bathroom?

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'Cause they don't have phones?

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Makes sense.

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Dude?

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You were born for this.

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- Come on, dude.
- Forget it.

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I'm not signing up for a hot dog
eating contest.

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But you eat crazy-fast.

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Besides, first place,
that's 500 bucks.

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We could finally be ballin'.

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- Chris, no.
- Please?

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Forget it.

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We're gonna be late
for first period

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and I can't get
another late slip, dude.

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- It's Thursday.
- Okay.

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Dana will be
at the animal shelter in, like,

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you know, exactly 10 minutes.

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If we leave now,
we could say hello.

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- You're not gonna say hello.
- Yes, I will.

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It'll be different this time.

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I'm going to class.

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Fine! I'll sign up for the hot dog
eating contest!

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Deal. Let's go creep on Dana.

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It's not creeping.

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Me and Dana were
like this in elementary school.

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And then she grew boobs.

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And then you grew boobs.

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But, hey, why let
that stop you now?

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Thanks for reminding me!

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Would you rather have
hot dogs for fingers

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or Cap'n Crunch for teeth?

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Well, if the Cap'n Crunch
for teeth is permanent,

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milk would taste
so much better, every time.

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But you couldn't floss, ever.

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I don't floss now.

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True.

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Here's why I would have
hot dogs for fingers.

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Ketchup. Barbecue sauce.

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You're just gonna
suck on barbecue sauce

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like a freak
for the rest of your life?

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That's the plan.

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What's wrong?

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Don't look, Christopher.

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I know you. You can't handle it.

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I'm sure whatever it is I...
I can handle it.

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Sorry....

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Yeah. I can handle this.

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Holy shit.

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I thought this was a no-kill
animal shelter.

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This is horrible.

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