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Christopher?!
Coming!
Come on, Pork Chop! Breakfast is ready!
There you go, Uncle Murray.
Pancakes.
Again.
Morning, Uncle Murray. Mom.
There's your breakfast.
Wait. That's it? I'm gonna be hungry.
You're always hungry.
So, hurry up and eat or you're gonna be hungry and late.
Late for what?
Life, boy.
Nothing ever happens around here.
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- What up, homey? - Dude!
Can I get a bite of that?
You can't have any of mine.
But... you could have this.
You're a true friend.
Well, what can I say? I know how you are.
We want the Crites.
Where is 19876 Wallace Avenue,
Livingston, Iowa?
Crikey, mate.
You're a long way from Livingston.
I've acquired the Crite signal.
Their ship has entered the planet's atmosphere.
How much farther?
10,000 miles.
Run faster.
Would you rather get hit by a bus
or choked out by a clown?
- Choked out by a clown. - What?!
- Yeah. - You've gotta be kidding me.
Why do dogs always stare at you
when they're going to the bathroom?
'Cause they don't have phones?
Makes sense.
Dude?
You were born for this.
- Come on, dude. - Forget it.
I'm not signing up for a hot dog eating contest.
But you eat crazy-fast.
Besides, first place, that's 500 bucks.
We could finally be ballin'.
- Chris, no. - Please?
Forget it.
We're gonna be late for first period
and I can't get another late slip, dude.
- It's Thursday. - Okay.
Dana will be at the animal shelter in, like,
you know, exactly 10 minutes.
If we leave now, we could say hello.
- You're not gonna say hello. - Yes, I will.
It'll be different this time.
I'm going to class.
Fine! I'll sign up for the hot dog eating contest!
Deal. Let's go creep on Dana.
It's not creeping.
Me and Dana were like this in elementary school.
And then she grew boobs.
And then you grew boobs.
But, hey, why let that stop you now?
Thanks for reminding me!
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Would you rather have hot dogs for fingers
or Cap'n Crunch for teeth?
Well, if the Cap'n Crunch for teeth is permanent,
milk would taste so much better, every time.
But you couldn't floss, ever.
I don't floss now.
True.
Here's why I would have hot dogs for fingers.
Ketchup. Barbecue sauce.
You're just gonna suck on barbecue sauce
like a freak for the rest of your life?
That's the plan.
What's wrong?
Don't look, Christopher.
I know you. You can't handle it.
I'm sure whatever it is I... I can handle it.
Sorry....
Yeah. I can handle this.
Holy shit.
I thought this was a no-kill animal shelter.
This is horrible.
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