1
00:00:05,902 --> 00:00:07,529
Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers.

2
00:00:07,554 --> 00:00:09,045
It's really comin' down out there.

3
00:00:09,070 --> 00:00:10,789
Now, I'm not a licensed meteorologist,

4
00:00:10,814 --> 00:00:13,662
but I believe the technical
term is snowy AF.

5
00:00:13,687 --> 00:00:15,654
For anyone stocking up, we are limiting

6
00:00:15,679 --> 00:00:18,209
all water purchases
to one case per person,

7
00:00:18,234 --> 00:00:20,420
and that does include coconut water,

8
00:00:20,445 --> 00:00:22,684
watermelon water, cucumber water,

9
00:00:22,686 --> 00:00:24,786
aloe water, probiotic water,

10
00:00:24,788 --> 00:00:25,787
and electric water,

11
00:00:25,789 --> 00:00:27,265
which is something I just made up

12
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:29,123
but you probably got all excited about.

13
00:00:29,148 --> 00:00:31,993
And if anybody lost a blue hair thingie,

14
00:00:31,995 --> 00:00:34,462
please come pick it up
at customer service.

15
00:00:34,464 --> 00:00:36,046
Oh, that's mine!

16
00:00:36,071 --> 00:00:37,265
What?

17
00:00:40,524 --> 00:00:45,382
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com

18
00:00:53,742 --> 00:00:56,185
The snow is already at my knees

19
00:00:56,210 --> 00:00:58,287
and shows no signs of slowing.

20
00:00:58,312 --> 00:01:01,287
I know it doesn't look
very high, but, once again,

21
00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:04,873
I'm 6'7", so it would be above the waist

22
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,677
of a normal size person.

23
00:01:06,702 --> 00:01:08,630
So much for global warming.

24
00:01:09,068 --> 00:01:11,769
Actually, this... this
is direct proof of the...

25
00:01:11,794 --> 00:01:13,972
nope, I'm not gonna take the bait.

26
00:01:13,997 --> 00:01:15,457
I knew this blizzard
was coming a week ago

27
00:01:15,482 --> 00:01:17,588
'cause my macaw started having diarrhea.

28
00:01:17,590 --> 00:01:20,708
Don't all birds diarrhea all the time?

29
00:01:20,710 --> 00:01:21,776
Not like this.

30
00:01:22,232 --> 00:01:23,238
- Hey, Glenn?
- Mm-hmm?

31
00:01:23,263 --> 00:01:25,441
Um, it's really bad out there.

32
00:01:25,466 --> 00:01:27,398
Do you think maybe we could
all go home early?

33
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,402
Well, we're supposed
to stay open till 11:00.

34
00:01:29,427 --> 00:01:31,637
Come on, the only people
left in the store are us

35
00:01:31,662 --> 00:01:33,154
and a few sample suckers.

36
00:01:33,156 --> 00:01:34,355
Okay, you know what, yeah,

37
00:01:34,380 --> 00:01:36,458
I could give corporate a call, sure.

38
00:01:36,593 --> 00:01:38,355
So much for global warming, huh?

39
00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:40,137
It's not... it's not global warming.

40
00:01:40,162 --> 00:01:41,254
- It's climate change.
- Shh.

41
00:01:41,279 --> 00:01:43,427
No, but, if anything, this is proof...

42
00:01:43,607 --> 00:01:44,953
- Shh.
- This...

43
00:01:48,556 --> 00:01:49,786
Jerry.

44
00:01:50,106 --> 00:01:51,706
Sandra, hi.

45
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:54,396
Hi. What are you...

46
00:01:54,421 --> 00:01:57,073
Oh, you are a lifesaver.

47
00:01:57,547 --> 00:01:58,946
Mmm.

48
00:01:58,948 --> 00:02:00,581
I ran out of vape juice.

49
00:02:01,185 --> 00:02:02,566
It's really bad out there.

50
00:02:02,591 --> 00:02:04,683
I hit some ice and almost
skidded into a pet cem...

51
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:06,704
Oh, this is cotton candy.

52
00:02:06,706 --> 00:02:08,956
I asked you for candy cane.

53
00:02:09,926 --> 00:02:10,882
Oh, sorry.

54
00:02:11,528 --> 00:02:12,417
Whatever.

55
00:02:12,442 --> 00:02:14,241
I guess I don't matter.

56
00:02:17,381 --> 00:02:18,074
Bye.

57
00:02:18,577 --> 00:02:19,628
Bye.

58
00:02:23,565 --> 00:02:25,259
Oh, you look so sad right now.

59
00:02:25,284 --> 00:02:26,917
It's, like, haunting.

60
00:02:27,243 --> 00:02:28,710
Can I take your picture?

61
00:02:29,239 --> 00:02:30,102
Okay.

62
00:02:32,323 --> 00:02:34,734
Oh, now you just look like a sad clown.

63
00:02:35,207 --> 00:02:36,084
I can do it.

64
00:02:36,086 --> 00:02:37,820
No, it's fine. The moment's passed.

65
00:02:38,221 --> 00:02:40,642
It is really coming down out there,

66
00:02:40,667 --> 00:02:43,243
and I'm worried about people
making it home safely.

67
00:02:43,268 --> 00:02:44,892
Oh, of course, the most important thing

68
00:02:44,894 --> 00:02:46,260
is the safety of our employees.

69
00:02:46,262 --> 00:02:48,362
Exactly, so, uh, I was hoping

70
00:02:48,387 --> 00:02:50,887
I could let everyone go a little early?

71
00:02:51,044 --> 00:02:53,354
Oh, wouldn't that be
such a sweet gesture?

72
00:02:54,011 --> 00:02:55,920
Uh-huh, it... it would be, yes.

73
00:02:55,922 --> 00:02:57,939
Well, if you need anything at all,

74
00:02:57,941 --> 00:02:59,073
we're here for you and, uh,

75
00:02:59,075 --> 00:03:01,291
we will be right up until closing time.

76
00:03:01,995 --> 00:03:04,380
So you're saying we can't leave?

77
00:03:04,892 --> 00:03:07,890
I'm saying we appreciate
your commitment to stay.

78
00:03:08,542 --> 00:03:09,524
Thank you.

79
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:19,368
Attention, all remaining customers.

80
00:03:19,393 --> 00:03:22,196
The governor has declared
a state of emergency.

81
00:03:22,221 --> 00:03:25,955
Customers are advised to get
home before conditions worsen,

82
00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:28,919
which begs the question,
what about employees

83
00:03:28,944 --> 00:03:32,012
who also drive cars
and also have families

84
00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:34,604
and/or video games to get home to?

85
00:03:35,589 --> 00:03:37,524
Yeah, I... I checked on that,

86
00:03:37,525 --> 00:03:40,745
and corporate would like us
to stay until closing so...

87
00:03:41,483 --> 00:03:43,216
Glenn, this is crazy.

88
00:03:43,336 --> 00:03:44,502
It's really bad out there.

89
00:03:44,504 --> 00:03:45,636
Oh, I don't know.

90
00:03:45,638 --> 00:03:48,214
Maybe it's starting to lighten up a bit.

91
00:03:48,239 --> 00:03:50,201
No, actually, it's getting worse.

92
00:03:50,226 --> 00:03:52,710
Uh, they're calling it
the snow-poca-blizz.

93
00:03:52,712 --> 00:03:54,178
Oh, wait, nope, that's
just some guy on Twitter

94
00:03:54,180 --> 00:03:55,312
trying to get it going.

95
00:03:55,314 --> 00:03:57,767
Okay, well, you know,
I'll try 'em again.

96
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:01,619
Oh, no, no, no, Glenn, no, that's...

97
00:04:01,621 --> 00:04:03,421
you're still using the intercom phone.

98
00:04:04,401 --> 00:04:05,568
- Ow!
- Put it down.

99
00:04:05,569 --> 00:04:07,141
Oh, phooey to corporate.

100
00:04:07,143 --> 00:04:08,826
Let's just get outta here.

101
00:04:08,828 --> 00:04:10,594
You heard the man, go, go!

102
00:04:10,596 --> 00:04:13,124
Okay, before you go,
can you unlock the razor case?

103
00:04:13,399 --> 00:04:15,683
I don't know why you guys
lock up the razor blades.

104
00:04:16,417 --> 00:04:18,369
They're actually one
of the most shoplifted items,

105
00:04:18,371 --> 00:04:19,787
high-ticket and easy to pocket.

106
00:04:19,789 --> 00:04:22,057
People also steal name-brand detergent,

107
00:04:22,082 --> 00:04:23,800
condoms, baby formula.

108
00:04:23,825 --> 00:04:26,054
You wouldn't think it, but
they sell it and buy heroin.

109
00:04:26,079 --> 00:04:28,698
Pretty grim. Anyway, happy to help.

110
00:04:29,459 --> 00:04:31,221
Holy moly!

111
00:04:31,246 --> 00:04:33,159
It is the snow-poca-blizz!

112
00:04:33,198 --> 00:04:35,164
It is colder than the critical reception

113
00:04:35,165 --> 00:04:36,787
of Drake's last album!

114
00:04:36,789 --> 00:04:39,757
That's what you said when
we came out here last night!

115
00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:40,925
Shut up. None of them heard it!

116
00:04:40,927 --> 00:04:42,660
You guys think the bus is running

117
00:04:42,662 --> 00:04:44,190
on its regular schedule?

118
00:04:44,215 --> 00:04:45,447
I doubt it!

119
00:04:45,472 --> 00:04:47,491
But maybe we can split an Uber!

120
00:04:47,492 --> 00:04:49,224
I can't see my car!

121
00:04:49,225 --> 00:04:50,835
I lost one of my shoes!

122
00:04:50,837 --> 00:04:52,837
Maybe we should go back inside!

123
00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:55,040
No, we just have to get to our cars!

124
00:04:55,041 --> 00:04:56,647
Oh, there's surge pricing!

125
00:04:56,648 --> 00:04:58,309
I lost my other shoe!

126
00:04:58,311 --> 00:05:00,444
It costs $1,400!

127
00:05:00,446 --> 00:05:02,627
Okay, we have to go back inside!

128
00:05:02,628 --> 00:05:04,079
We're gonna die out here!

129
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:05,950
It is colder than the critical reception

130
00:05:05,952 --> 00:05:08,085
of Justin Timberlake's last album!

131
00:05:08,087 --> 00:05:10,588
We heard you the first time!

132
00:05:12,471 --> 00:05:13,731
Well, I just heard an update

133
00:05:13,732 --> 00:05:17,431
on KFR-AM 520 with Bill Mudd,
the Weather Stud...

134
00:05:17,456 --> 00:05:19,380
who, by the way,
if you go to their website,

135
00:05:19,382 --> 00:05:20,860
is far from studly.

136
00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:22,216
Oh, his eyes are on
the side of his head.

137
00:05:22,241 --> 00:05:23,357
- I know.
- Yeah.

138
00:05:23,944 --> 00:05:26,721
Anyway, it looks as though
we are stuck here tonight.

139
00:05:26,723 --> 00:05:27,722
- Oh!
- What?

140
00:05:27,724 --> 00:05:28,723
- What?
- Come on.

141
00:05:28,725 --> 00:05:29,838
So because corporate

142
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,509
couldn't let us home a tad bit earlier,

143
00:05:31,511 --> 00:05:33,761
now I can't get home to my children?

144
00:05:34,142 --> 00:05:36,097
I thought Adam has the kids tonight.

145
00:05:36,599 --> 00:05:39,016
He does. I'm just
trying to make a point.

146
00:05:39,018 --> 00:05:41,040
I was gonna host chili night tonight.

147
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,271
We were gonna host chili night tonight.

148
00:05:43,272 --> 00:05:44,709
Well, it's my apartment.

149
00:05:44,710 --> 00:05:46,092
You're just bringing the chili.

150
00:05:46,094 --> 00:05:47,446
The chili's the whole point.

151
00:05:47,471 --> 00:05:49,171
So we're just supposed
to spend the night here

152
00:05:49,173 --> 00:05:50,089
like homeless people.

153
00:05:50,091 --> 00:05:53,285
Yes, this is the exact sleeping
situation homeless people have.

154
00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:54,706
They wouldn't sleep here.

155
00:05:54,731 --> 00:05:56,864
This place is crawling with raccoons.

156
00:05:57,070 --> 00:05:59,150
I let a homeless guy
use my bathroom once.

157
00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,020
Now he just does it
when I'm not even home.

158
00:06:01,021 --> 00:06:04,037
Okay, we have no idea how
long we're gonna be stuck here,

159
00:06:04,038 --> 00:06:05,937
so we need to ration our food.

160
00:06:05,938 --> 00:06:08,299
The less we eat up front,
the longer we can go

161
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:09,742
before we start eating each other later.

162
00:06:10,449 --> 00:06:11,852
Um, I have a child here.

163
00:06:11,853 --> 00:06:13,213
That is an amazing offer,

164
00:06:13,238 --> 00:06:15,664
but why don't we just try
and get out of here alive

165
00:06:15,666 --> 00:06:17,881
before we start
eating the children, huh?

166
00:06:18,085 --> 00:06:19,785
I... I don't think it'll come to that.

167
00:06:19,787 --> 00:06:21,536
Let's just help ourselves
to whatever we need:

168
00:06:21,537 --> 00:06:23,716
bedding, food, pajamas, you know.

169
00:06:23,888 --> 00:06:26,855
Mi casa is sues mos, wazzas.

170
00:06:26,856 --> 00:06:27,951
Cell phones are out.

171
00:06:28,296 --> 00:06:30,284
Do you have a landline
I can call my family from?

172
00:06:30,285 --> 00:06:32,613
Oh, sure, yeah, you can use
the phone at customer service.

173
00:06:32,614 --> 00:06:34,510
And can I also use it
to call my mistress?

174
00:06:37,121 --> 00:06:39,598
Is... is... is... is she nice?

175
00:06:40,141 --> 00:06:41,075
She's okay.

176
00:06:41,726 --> 00:06:42,811
Well, that's good.

177
00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:01,677
So how have you been?

178
00:07:01,792 --> 00:07:02,672
Good.

179
00:07:03,775 --> 00:07:05,449
Carol doesn't let me eat sugar.

180
00:07:07,714 --> 00:07:08,637
Oh, cool.

181
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:10,563
You look good.

182
00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:11,927
Thanks.

183
00:07:14,237 --> 00:07:15,482
You look nice too.

184
00:07:16,295 --> 00:07:17,350
Thanks.

185
00:07:19,846 --> 00:07:22,312
I was thinking about getting bangs,

186
00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:24,625
but I didn't.

187
00:07:26,129 --> 00:07:27,033
Hmm.

188
00:07:30,410 --> 00:07:32,435
Where should I set up my stuff?

189
00:07:32,436 --> 00:07:34,258
Oh, anywhere is fine.

190
00:07:34,259 --> 00:07:35,444
Are you crazy?

191
00:07:35,446 --> 00:07:36,445
You know that we're liable

192
00:07:36,447 --> 00:07:38,620
for any assaults that
take place tonight, right?

193
00:07:39,033 --> 00:07:39,716
I...

194
00:07:39,717 --> 00:07:41,750
Now, you need to set up
in the very center of the floor, okay?

195
00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:43,372
We need to keep
the hotties in the middle,

196
00:07:43,373 --> 00:07:44,353
make them harder to get to.

197
00:07:44,354 --> 00:07:46,519
That's how wolves protect
their hottest wolves.

198
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:47,591
Okay.

199
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,625
Listen, I'm gonna do
everything in my power

200
00:07:49,627 --> 00:07:52,211
to make sure you make it
through the night alive, okay?

201
00:07:52,487 --> 00:07:53,877
Oh, all right, thanks, Dina.

202
00:07:54,921 --> 00:07:56,269
You know, we should really tie bells

203
00:07:56,294 --> 00:07:58,377
to some of the creeps
so we can hear them coming.

204
00:07:59,877 --> 00:08:01,493
No, I'm not gonna make it tonight.

205
00:08:01,628 --> 00:08:04,121
Just enjoy the hotel room.
Watch some HBO.

206
00:08:04,392 --> 00:08:06,616
Use all the blankets.
Take 'em in the shower.

207
00:08:06,617 --> 00:08:08,152
Doesn't cost nothin'.

208
00:08:08,274 --> 00:08:10,042
Just nothing from the minibar.

209
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,580
See, this isn't so bad.

210
00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:19,633
It's like we're all having
a big slumber party.

211
00:08:19,634 --> 00:08:21,710
Ooh, we should do a Ouija board.

212
00:08:21,711 --> 00:08:23,459
Nah, the only dead guy here is Sal,

213
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:24,743
and I don't want to talk to that dude.

214
00:08:24,745 --> 00:08:26,401
Oh, we could play Spin the Bottle.

215
00:08:26,402 --> 00:08:27,645
I'm awesome at Spin the Bottle.

216
00:08:27,646 --> 00:08:29,026
I can make it spin forever.

217
00:08:29,027 --> 00:08:30,067
It's like a wrist thing.

218
00:08:30,068 --> 00:08:31,446
All right, let's go around

219
00:08:31,447 --> 00:08:33,487
and each of us say
how we lost our virginity.

220
00:08:33,488 --> 00:08:34,420
Oh, no, we don't need to do that.

221
00:08:34,422 --> 00:08:35,986
Okay, for me, it was Mark Benthis.

222
00:08:35,987 --> 00:08:37,278
He was this jock in high school,

223
00:08:37,279 --> 00:08:38,868
and I was tutoring him in English.

224
00:08:38,869 --> 00:08:40,392
So one day, he comes to my house

225
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:42,250
to study after basketball practice

226
00:08:42,251 --> 00:08:45,747
and he's all sweaty
and one thing leads to another.

227
00:08:46,173 --> 00:08:46,960
Alley-oop.

228
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:48,368
- Swish.
- That's awesome.

229
00:08:48,393 --> 00:08:49,767
Did you guys date after that?

230
00:08:49,861 --> 00:08:51,665
No, he pretended not to know me,

231
00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:53,388
so I started tutoring him wrong.

232
00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:56,117
If he thought he was dyslexic before...

233
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:57,752
- Oh.
- Mine was

234
00:08:57,753 --> 00:08:59,748
a French foreign exchange student

235
00:08:59,749 --> 00:09:01,526
my family hosted when I was 16.

236
00:09:01,935 --> 00:09:06,052
After a couple weeks,
it was avoir la petit Mort.

237
00:09:06,053 --> 00:09:07,420
Please tell me that means sex.

238
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:09,221
Uh, yes.

239
00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:11,816
Yes, awesome. Lucky girl.

240
00:09:13,248 --> 00:09:14,912
Jasmine Mendoza.

241
00:09:14,913 --> 00:09:16,103
- Oh?
- Wow.

242
00:09:16,104 --> 00:09:17,875
I know. I was so freaked out afterwards,

243
00:09:17,876 --> 00:09:19,357
she had to take me
to the emergency room.

244
00:09:20,111 --> 00:09:21,344
- Aww.
- I'm crying.

245
00:09:21,345 --> 00:09:23,599
For me, it was Adam, duh.

246
00:09:23,866 --> 00:09:26,611
It was the night before his
state wrestling championship,

247
00:09:26,612 --> 00:09:27,872
and he begged me because

248
00:09:27,873 --> 00:09:30,225
he didn't want to pop a boner
during his match.

249
00:09:30,227 --> 00:09:31,394
So how'd he do?

250
00:09:31,395 --> 00:09:33,554
He broke his foot
and lost his scholarship.

251
00:09:33,555 --> 00:09:34,296
Ouch.

252
00:09:34,297 --> 00:09:35,314
At least he didn't get a boner.

253
00:09:35,316 --> 00:09:36,999
No, he still did, actually.

254
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,405
To this day, he still calls that

255
00:09:38,406 --> 00:09:40,183
the week of boners that ruined his life.

256
00:09:41,025 --> 00:09:42,445
- Hmm.
- All right, who's next?

257
00:09:42,470 --> 00:09:43,528
Sandra, you go.

258
00:09:45,862 --> 00:09:46,968
Um, what do we do

259
00:09:46,993 --> 00:09:49,886
if the person we did it with is here?

260
00:10:03,467 --> 00:10:06,018
Jesus, your feet are freezing.

261
00:10:06,043 --> 00:10:07,417
Come on. How 'bout now?

262
00:10:07,418 --> 00:10:10,235
No, I... they're like blocks of ice.

263
00:10:10,236 --> 00:10:11,778
Come on, that's your job.

264
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:13,018
- It's not my job.
- Yes.

265
00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:14,060
Then I quit.

266
00:10:14,252 --> 00:10:15,320
- Stop.
- It's freezing.

267
00:10:15,322 --> 00:10:18,830
Oh, so you guys are sharing a bed.

268
00:10:19,331 --> 00:10:21,587
That's so husband and wife.

269
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:23,437
Yeah, well, there... there
weren't many mattresses.

270
00:10:23,438 --> 00:10:26,983
Oh, never mind, cool. Cool.

271
00:10:26,984 --> 00:10:28,102
It just...

272
00:10:28,103 --> 00:10:30,002
you know, could you not maybe...

273
00:10:31,693 --> 00:10:33,172
If you could avoid...

274
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:38,278
Having sex on an air mattress
surrounded by our coworkers?

275
00:10:38,279 --> 00:10:40,232
We will try to contain ourselves.

276
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,029
Oh, okay, great, thank you.

277
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:43,870
Good night.

278
00:10:50,243 --> 00:10:51,187
- Good night.
- Huh?

279
00:10:52,255 --> 00:10:53,371
Jesus!

280
00:10:53,562 --> 00:10:54,888
Good night, Marcus.

281
00:10:57,265 --> 00:10:57,974
Ah.

282
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:06,974
No, Glenn, we're okay.

283
00:11:06,976 --> 00:11:08,225
- We don't...
- Oh.

284
00:11:08,227 --> 00:11:10,537
- Oh.
- Yeah, that's cozy. There we go.

285
00:11:10,562 --> 00:11:13,566
That is... that is comfortable.

286
00:11:23,993 --> 00:11:26,076
- Is this good?
- No, Jerry.

287
00:11:26,078 --> 00:11:26,911
Sorry.

288
00:11:26,913 --> 00:11:30,125
Don't apologize. Just be better.

289
00:11:31,609 --> 00:11:33,358
Sandra, where are you going?

290
00:11:33,751 --> 00:11:35,334
I'm gonna sleep in the break room.

291
00:11:35,359 --> 00:11:36,710
Nobody moves after light's out.

292
00:11:36,735 --> 00:11:38,300
It's for Cheyenne's security.

293
00:11:38,597 --> 00:11:39,701
Oh, okay.

294
00:11:41,043 --> 00:11:42,676
Don't move your arms so much.

295
00:11:42,678 --> 00:11:43,884
Just lie there.

296
00:11:53,522 --> 00:11:54,404
Hey.

297
00:11:55,886 --> 00:11:57,102
Cheyenne, wake up.

298
00:11:57,503 --> 00:11:59,640
Rise and Cheyenne.

299
00:12:00,740 --> 00:12:01,873
Girl, wake up.

300
00:12:03,087 --> 00:12:05,255
Jesus, wake up, you ox!

301
00:12:06,793 --> 00:12:09,510
I think our mattress deflated.

302
00:12:09,606 --> 00:12:11,492
Oh, is that what that sound was?

303
00:12:11,517 --> 00:12:14,405
I thought you were just
continuously farting all night,

304
00:12:14,590 --> 00:12:16,011
which I thought was cute.

305
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,336
Mornin'.

306
00:12:18,361 --> 00:12:19,588
You guys want coffee?

307
00:12:20,409 --> 00:12:22,075
Um, no, that's...

308
00:12:22,077 --> 00:12:24,246
- No, I'm... penis.
- We're okay.

309
00:12:24,247 --> 00:12:25,700
- Thanks.
- All right.

310
00:12:30,059 --> 00:12:31,975
Oh, hey, do you guys
wanna come for breakfast?

311
00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:34,146
It's Thursday, so we're
having waffle sticks

312
00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:36,889
and pancake rollovers
and French toast poppers.

313
00:12:36,914 --> 00:12:38,519
Yeah, I think we've spent enough time

314
00:12:38,544 --> 00:12:40,286
with each other for a while.

315
00:12:43,552 --> 00:12:45,434
That is a lot of snow.

316
00:12:45,484 --> 00:12:47,434
Yes! I told you!

317
00:12:47,436 --> 00:12:49,180
I said we need to ration our food

318
00:12:49,181 --> 00:12:50,770
because we may be stuck
in there for a while,

319
00:12:50,772 --> 00:12:52,439
but did any of you listen to me?

320
00:12:52,441 --> 00:12:55,358
Nope, and now we very well
may starve to death.

321
00:12:56,265 --> 00:12:58,111
In your faces!

322
00:12:58,113 --> 00:12:59,913
Boom! Always right.

323
00:12:59,915 --> 00:13:01,638
Another one for the good guys.

324
00:13:03,535 --> 00:13:05,896
Sorry, baby, I'm just
gonna be a few more hours.

325
00:13:05,921 --> 00:13:08,171
Um, hey, uh, don't
eat the free breakfast

326
00:13:08,173 --> 00:13:09,756
and see if they'll
credit it to the room.

327
00:13:09,945 --> 00:13:12,401
And, uh, you didn't do laundry, did you?

328
00:13:12,794 --> 00:13:14,135
Okay, mention that.

329
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,351
Would you mention that
you didn't do any laundry?

330
00:13:19,518 --> 00:13:24,354
Okay, um, how about what
is the most embarrassing way

331
00:13:24,356 --> 00:13:26,806
you've ever injured yourself?

332
00:13:26,808 --> 00:13:27,598
Go.

333
00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:31,561
Uh, about ten years ago,
I tried to run a marathon,

334
00:13:31,563 --> 00:13:34,084
and I made it almost the entire way,

335
00:13:34,109 --> 00:13:36,282
but three feet before the finish line,

336
00:13:36,284 --> 00:13:38,451
I passed out from dehydration.

337
00:13:38,453 --> 00:13:40,036
Wait, how is that embarrassing?

338
00:13:40,038 --> 00:13:43,490
That's just bragging that you
finished most of a marathon.

339
00:13:43,492 --> 00:13:45,458
I chipped my tooth
biting a chocolate coin

340
00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:47,377
that turned out to just be a quarter.

341
00:13:47,379 --> 00:13:48,646
And then another time,

342
00:13:48,671 --> 00:13:51,631
I fell up an escalator
when I was taking a selfie.

343
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:54,490
I got my penis caught
in my friend Russell's zipper.

344
00:13:54,515 --> 00:13:55,218
Oh.

345
00:13:55,547 --> 00:13:56,920
I'm sorry, I just gotta...

346
00:13:56,922 --> 00:13:58,476
where was Russell's penis?

347
00:13:58,507 --> 00:14:00,340
For a while, neither of us knew.

348
00:14:00,342 --> 00:14:02,425
I slipped in the shower once.

349
00:14:02,427 --> 00:14:04,010
That's not that embarrassing.

350
00:14:04,012 --> 00:14:04,804
Oh, yeah?

351
00:14:04,829 --> 00:14:07,280
'Cause I slipped on my own poop.

352
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:09,315
- What?
- Why?

353
00:14:09,787 --> 00:14:11,101
I had just deuced in the shower.

354
00:14:11,103 --> 00:14:12,685
- Ugh.
- Ugh.

355
00:14:12,687 --> 00:14:13,499
Why?

356
00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,522
Okay, right, when you guys
are in the shower

357
00:14:15,524 --> 00:14:17,907
and you have to go, you just hold it.

358
00:14:17,909 --> 00:14:19,226
Yes. Yeah.

359
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:22,162
That's what you do
when it's a number two.

360
00:14:22,164 --> 00:14:25,915
Sure, so you don't poop
in the shower every morning

361
00:14:25,917 --> 00:14:27,617
and stamp it down the drain
with your feet?

362
00:14:27,619 --> 00:14:28,945
Oh, my God.

363
00:14:28,946 --> 00:14:30,496
- Oh, my...
- No.

364
00:14:30,497 --> 00:14:33,339
Okay, whatever. Screw you, snowflakes.

365
00:14:33,703 --> 00:14:35,092
Bunch of princesses.

366
00:14:44,339 --> 00:14:46,734
All right, we've narrowed it
down to two choices:

367
00:14:46,859 --> 00:14:48,388
"Game of Thrones" season one

368
00:14:48,390 --> 00:14:49,826
or "Friends" season nine.

369
00:14:49,851 --> 00:14:51,357
Is that the season with Paul Rudd?

370
00:14:51,359 --> 00:14:53,059
Uh, I believe so, yeah.

371
00:14:53,061 --> 00:14:53,840
Pass.

372
00:14:53,841 --> 00:14:54,802
My son's six.

373
00:14:54,803 --> 00:14:56,279
"Game of Thrones" has too much nudity.

374
00:14:56,527 --> 00:14:57,776
I feel like both those shows

375
00:14:57,778 --> 00:14:59,278
have way too many white people.

376
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,104
Yeah, I got to agree.

377
00:15:00,105 --> 00:15:02,564
I watch TV as an escape,
not to see more white people.

378
00:15:02,566 --> 00:15:05,359
Well, I could watch something
with a little more diversity.

379
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:07,035
How about "Empire"?

380
00:15:07,328 --> 00:15:09,019
Gonna start right in the deep end, huh?

381
00:15:09,020 --> 00:15:12,074
Guys, there are two DVDs:

382
00:15:12,076 --> 00:15:15,238
"Game of Thrones" season one,
"Friends" season nine.

383
00:15:15,421 --> 00:15:16,253
That's it.

384
00:15:16,278 --> 00:15:18,145
It has to be one of those choices.

385
00:15:18,916 --> 00:15:19,998
You know, I've always wanted to watch

386
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,013
"Orange Is the New Black."

387
00:15:21,014 --> 00:15:21,847
I'd watch that.

388
00:15:21,848 --> 00:15:23,836
I thought you said your son
couldn't watch nudity.

389
00:15:23,838 --> 00:15:25,250
He likes strong female leads.

390
00:15:26,597 --> 00:15:29,770
Just a little more color on your cheeks.

391
00:15:31,429 --> 00:15:32,188
There.

392
00:15:32,961 --> 00:15:33,898
How do I look?

393
00:15:34,936 --> 00:15:35,904
You look good.

394
00:15:37,281 --> 00:15:38,170
Really?

395
00:15:38,195 --> 00:15:40,211
I think he looks like his whore sister.

396
00:16:01,208 --> 00:16:04,221
Ah!

397
00:16:04,222 --> 00:16:05,544
Can you stop doing that?

398
00:16:05,546 --> 00:16:06,032
What?

399
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:08,816
That "ah" you do every time you move.

400
00:16:08,817 --> 00:16:09,546
It bugs.

401
00:16:09,547 --> 00:16:11,382
I'm sorry. I didn't realize I did that.

402
00:16:11,669 --> 00:16:14,355
Let me know if I'm doing
anything else that "bugs."

403
00:16:14,356 --> 00:16:16,972
Um, those bunny ears with your hands

404
00:16:16,974 --> 00:16:18,457
when you talk are annoying.

405
00:16:18,458 --> 00:16:19,633
Um, noted.

406
00:16:19,634 --> 00:16:22,868
Um, I'll try not to do
anything else, um, annoying

407
00:16:22,869 --> 00:16:24,172
when I, um, talk.

408
00:16:24,173 --> 00:16:25,036
Thank you.

409
00:16:25,037 --> 00:16:26,565
He's making fun of you, Cheyenne,

410
00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:28,597
because he thinks he's better
than everyone else here.

411
00:16:28,598 --> 00:16:31,234
Oh, I'm sorry, he thinks
he's better than everyone?

412
00:16:31,572 --> 00:16:33,739
You're the one who walks into
the break room every morning

413
00:16:33,741 --> 00:16:36,391
and says, "Good morning, turd people."

414
00:16:36,877 --> 00:16:38,257
It wasn't funny the first time.

415
00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:39,628
It's not supposed to be funny.

416
00:16:39,630 --> 00:16:41,846
It's supposed to make you feel
bad for being turd people.

417
00:16:41,847 --> 00:16:43,194
Okay, guys, come on.

418
00:16:43,195 --> 00:16:45,314
Let's be nice to each other, you know.

419
00:16:45,315 --> 00:16:46,385
Spending all this time together

420
00:16:46,387 --> 00:16:48,187
can make us a little bit bonkers.

421
00:16:48,188 --> 00:16:48,845
It's true.

422
00:16:48,846 --> 00:16:51,047
Do you know how many murders
happen on submarines?

423
00:16:51,048 --> 00:16:51,607
Okay, great.

424
00:16:51,608 --> 00:16:52,992
Well, then let's all
stop annoying each other

425
00:16:52,993 --> 00:16:54,156
and nobody has to get hurt.

426
00:16:54,157 --> 00:16:57,095
What if we don't know what
we're doing that's annoying?

427
00:16:57,097 --> 00:16:58,180
Paradox.

428
00:16:58,182 --> 00:17:00,518
Maybe we should go around
and each say something

429
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,941
about someone that annoys us.

430
00:17:01,942 --> 00:17:04,105
Mm, that sounds like a real bad idea.

431
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:06,488
"That sounds like a real bad idea."

432
00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:07,489
Who am I?

433
00:17:07,491 --> 00:17:09,242
Oh! Amy. Easy.

434
00:17:09,243 --> 00:17:11,442
Okay, fine, let's do this.

435
00:17:11,443 --> 00:17:14,504
Uh, Mateo, when you say "touché,"

436
00:17:14,529 --> 00:17:16,644
you sound like a douché.

437
00:17:16,894 --> 00:17:17,775
Who's next?

438
00:17:25,081 --> 00:17:27,157
You don't know how
to tell a story, Glenn.

439
00:17:27,158 --> 00:17:28,499
You get lost in the details,

440
00:17:28,501 --> 00:17:30,053
like whatever people
were having for lunch.

441
00:17:30,054 --> 00:17:31,619
I am trying to paint a picture.

442
00:17:31,621 --> 00:17:34,598
Nobody cares if it
doesn't impact the story.

443
00:17:34,599 --> 00:17:36,688
I hate Mateo's anticlimactic sneezes.

444
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:39,594
It's a lot of build-up
for a tiny, little "achoo."

445
00:17:39,596 --> 00:17:41,664
Yeah, and it's always, like,
three or four of them in a row.

446
00:17:41,665 --> 00:17:43,410
He just likes the attention.

447
00:17:43,411 --> 00:17:45,281
Isaac, you need
to stop calling me brother.

448
00:17:45,282 --> 00:17:46,291
I don't do that.

449
00:17:46,292 --> 00:17:47,401
You do. I've heard it.

450
00:17:47,402 --> 00:17:49,702
Okay, maybe, but I don't
do it to sound cool.

451
00:17:49,703 --> 00:17:50,939
I do it 'cause you're black.

452
00:17:50,941 --> 00:17:52,874
Garrett, your breath smells like farts,

453
00:17:52,876 --> 00:17:54,804
and your farts smell like food.

454
00:17:54,805 --> 00:17:55,893
You need to see a doctor.

455
00:17:55,895 --> 00:17:58,431
And, Marcus, why do you
smell like sour milk?

456
00:17:58,432 --> 00:18:00,453
I eat cereal while I drive to work,

457
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,150
and most of the time, it spills.

458
00:18:02,152 --> 00:18:04,660
Dina, your voice is a smidge loud.

459
00:18:04,661 --> 00:18:06,582
Well, I'm so sorry that I have

460
00:18:06,583 --> 00:18:08,681
an unusually large diaphragm!

461
00:18:08,682 --> 00:18:10,501
That makes two of us! Up top!

462
00:18:10,502 --> 00:18:12,543
Get your [bleep]ing hand out of my face!

463
00:18:12,545 --> 00:18:13,774
Speaking of loud,

464
00:18:13,775 --> 00:18:15,229
when Amy chews chips,

465
00:18:15,230 --> 00:18:17,879
it sounds like
she's eating a microphone.

466
00:18:20,837 --> 00:18:23,042
Aren't you just, like, a customer?

467
00:18:23,043 --> 00:18:25,103
Yeah, I'm Terry.

468
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,190
Hi, Terry.

469
00:18:26,191 --> 00:18:27,396
Shut the hell up.

470
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:28,945
Yeah, you're not a part of this.

471
00:18:28,946 --> 00:18:29,912
This is Cloud 9.

472
00:18:29,913 --> 00:18:31,346
We don't give a damn
what customers think.

473
00:18:31,348 --> 00:18:34,332
Yeah, why don't you
go stew in softlines?

474
00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:35,984
- Bye-bye.
- Yeah, get out of here.

475
00:18:35,986 --> 00:18:37,185
- Bye.
- Okay, okay.

476
00:18:37,187 --> 00:18:38,353
Bye.

477
00:18:38,355 --> 00:18:39,621
Can you believe that guy,

478
00:18:39,622 --> 00:18:41,830
barging in here
like he's part of the family?

479
00:18:41,831 --> 00:18:43,766
Guys, guys, who am I?

480
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:45,279
"I'm Terry."

481
00:18:48,768 --> 00:18:51,532
Yeah, that's exactly
what he sounds like.

482
00:18:51,534 --> 00:18:52,867
So good.

483
00:18:52,869 --> 00:18:54,657
Nailed it.

484
00:18:54,658 --> 00:18:57,327
Okay, so if I had to eat someone here,

485
00:18:57,328 --> 00:19:00,566
it would be... Glenn

486
00:19:00,591 --> 00:19:03,511
'cause he eats a lot of sugar,
so he'd be the sweetest.

487
00:19:03,513 --> 00:19:04,489
Aw, thank you.

488
00:19:04,490 --> 00:19:06,446
My blood sugar is really high.

489
00:19:06,447 --> 00:19:07,715
I'm prediabetic.

490
00:19:07,717 --> 00:19:10,686
Personally, I wouldn't eat
anyone over the age of 35.

491
00:19:10,687 --> 00:19:12,403
I know there's no
expiration date on people,

492
00:19:12,428 --> 00:19:14,568
but that's when they start to turn.

493
00:19:15,825 --> 00:19:16,930
Oh, Jenga!

494
00:19:16,931 --> 00:19:17,942
- Yes!
- Jenga!

495
00:19:17,944 --> 00:19:19,527
- That's a Jenga.
- Yas, Jenga.

496
00:19:19,529 --> 00:19:21,112
- Cheers.
- That's a Jenga.

497
00:19:21,114 --> 00:19:22,113
Nice.

498
00:19:25,068 --> 00:19:27,367
Okay, okay, well, it's a cherry cola.

499
00:19:27,787 --> 00:19:30,714
The acidity is too intense
for Coca-Cola Cherry,

500
00:19:30,715 --> 00:19:33,479
and it's not quite full-bodied enough

501
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:35,201
to be Cloud 9 Cherry Splash.

502
00:19:36,792 --> 00:19:37,999
RC Cherry Cola.

503
00:19:38,503 --> 00:19:40,002
It's Bud Light Lime.

504
00:19:40,027 --> 00:19:41,527
Oh, yeah.

505
00:19:42,334 --> 00:19:43,506
Yeah, I'm getting that.

506
00:19:46,138 --> 00:19:47,212
Yes!

507
00:19:47,213 --> 00:19:48,604
How are you so good?

508
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:51,091
You never golfed before,
like, a year ago.

509
00:19:51,728 --> 00:19:52,775
I never big golfed,

510
00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,421
but I used to mini golf all the time.

511
00:19:54,814 --> 00:19:55,585
Big golfed?

512
00:19:56,153 --> 00:19:57,075
Yeah.

513
00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:58,816
If we make it out of here alive,

514
00:19:58,818 --> 00:20:00,512
I might take you to
my favorite mini golf place.

515
00:20:00,513 --> 00:20:01,956
You're not sick of me yet?

516
00:20:03,457 --> 00:20:05,613
No. Are you sick of me?

517
00:20:07,637 --> 00:20:08,614
Nah.

518
00:20:10,349 --> 00:20:12,280
What about now? Are you sick of me now?

519
00:20:13,188 --> 00:20:13,872
Um.

520
00:20:13,873 --> 00:20:15,190
Is this making you sick of me?

521
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,026
Well.

522
00:20:17,169 --> 00:20:18,453
Breath smells like farts.

523
00:20:18,455 --> 00:20:20,288
I'm sure my breath
doesn't smell like farts.

524
00:20:20,888 --> 00:20:22,673
Oh, hey, excuse me, man.
Is this place open?

525
00:20:22,675 --> 00:20:24,008
How'd you get in here?

526
00:20:24,010 --> 00:20:25,293
Just through the doors.

527
00:20:25,295 --> 00:20:26,794
Did they plow the parking lot?

528
00:20:26,796 --> 00:20:27,845
I guess so.

529
00:20:27,847 --> 00:20:29,097
Oh, thank God.

530
00:20:29,099 --> 00:20:30,181
I mean, it's kind of cold outside.

531
00:20:30,183 --> 00:20:32,340
You might want to put on...
No, I'm good. I'm good.

532
00:20:32,341 --> 00:20:33,692
Whoo!

533
00:20:42,312 --> 00:20:47,315
The trick is to take a box out

534
00:20:47,450 --> 00:20:51,223
without knocking over
the rest of the tower.

535
00:20:51,224 --> 00:20:52,526
Whoa.

536
00:20:52,527 --> 00:20:54,393
- Yep, that's the trick.
- Cool.

537
00:20:54,394 --> 00:20:55,361
We're out of orange juice.

538
00:20:55,362 --> 00:20:57,452
I got a secret stash in my office.

539
00:20:57,453 --> 00:20:58,359
On it.

540
00:21:05,001 --> 00:21:05,987
Dina.

541
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:07,665
Hi, Dina.

542
00:21:08,289 --> 00:21:10,372
I was just coming to get some juice,

543
00:21:11,214 --> 00:21:12,946
but, um, think I'll just
drink it straight.

544
00:21:12,971 --> 00:21:13,834
Okay.

545
00:21:13,859 --> 00:21:15,375
credits