1 00:00:04,015 --> 00:00:07,333 So we're competing with all the other Cloud 9's 2 00:00:07,334 --> 00:00:08,795 in the district and the branch 3 00:00:08,896 --> 00:00:11,796 with the most combined steps by the end of the week wins. 4 00:00:11,964 --> 00:00:13,451 Oh, my God, are these Apple watches? 5 00:00:13,452 --> 00:00:15,836 Close. They're SuperCloud Step Trackers. 6 00:00:15,838 --> 00:00:17,638 Awesome. I was hoping to get something 7 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,057 worse than an Apple watch. Yes! Thank you. 8 00:00:20,059 --> 00:00:21,959 I've actually been meaning to get a pedometer 9 00:00:21,961 --> 00:00:22,726 for my morning runs. 10 00:00:22,728 --> 00:00:24,711 Wait, you mean when you walk down 11 00:00:24,713 --> 00:00:26,497 the street to get an everything bagel? 12 00:00:26,499 --> 00:00:28,465 It's at least a quarter mile. 13 00:00:28,467 --> 00:00:29,950 These are yours to keep for the week. 14 00:00:29,952 --> 00:00:32,870 You have to keep them on 24/7, they are not waterproof, 15 00:00:32,872 --> 00:00:35,125 and you can't get them too hot or too cold 16 00:00:35,177 --> 00:00:36,665 or they will burn your skin. 17 00:00:36,725 --> 00:00:37,754 Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and pass. 18 00:00:37,755 --> 00:00:39,024 Don't worry. There's a wheel chair setting. 19 00:00:39,025 --> 00:00:39,950 Oh, I'm not worried. 20 00:00:39,951 --> 00:00:40,683 It just sounds terrible. 21 00:00:40,684 --> 00:00:43,185 Well maybe this will change your mind. 22 00:00:43,603 --> 00:00:47,371 - The number one store wins... - What? 23 00:00:47,491 --> 00:00:49,132 You said you were going to do... you know... 24 00:00:49,877 --> 00:00:52,484 - What is that? - The thing that we... 25 00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,986 The thing we talked about in the office this morning. 26 00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,755 What? You're talking about firing Hannah? 27 00:00:56,757 --> 00:00:58,590 I thought we were going to pull her aside after the meeting. 28 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,305 The store with the most combined steps 29 00:01:02,306 --> 00:01:05,297 by the end of the week wins 30 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,921 lunch with the Regional Vice President. 31 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:12,704 Come on store 1217! Let's get to stepping! 32 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,606 - Ow! - Ow! 33 00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:18,360 My ankle. Oh, oh, it's bad. Oh, it's... yeah, it's bad. 34 00:01:18,362 --> 00:01:22,781 It's bad! Ow, ow, ow, ow. Son of a buttermilk! 35 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,514 So Hannah, can I talk to you outside for a second? 36 00:01:26,475 --> 00:01:28,860 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com 37 00:01:31,608 --> 00:01:32,982 What's the point of the chat window? 38 00:01:32,983 --> 00:01:34,487 I think that's for us to text 39 00:01:34,488 --> 00:01:36,402 motivational messages to each other. 40 00:01:36,403 --> 00:01:38,211 I'm not sure our employees get that. 41 00:01:38,212 --> 00:01:41,716 Brett1217 just wrote #TheWalkingDead. 42 00:01:41,718 --> 00:01:44,941 Ugh. We are in dead last and Bel-Ridge is in first. 43 00:01:44,942 --> 00:01:46,521 That's Colleen's branch. 44 00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,028 Oh, she probably thinks she's so great, 45 00:01:48,029 --> 00:01:50,615 walking around on her legs, left foot, right foot. 46 00:01:50,616 --> 00:01:51,927 We get it, Colleen. 47 00:01:51,929 --> 00:01:53,044 What's up with you and Colleen? 48 00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:54,262 What's up with you and Colleen? 49 00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:55,363 Okay. 50 00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,599 It's too bad we don't stand a chance of winning. 51 00:01:57,601 --> 00:01:59,862 I mean, lunch with the Regional VP? 52 00:01:59,863 --> 00:02:01,744 That would have been good for my management track. 53 00:02:01,745 --> 00:02:03,033 You do come alive at lunch. 54 00:02:03,034 --> 00:02:05,106 - I really do. - Oh, screw it. 55 00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:06,825 Let's motivate these people and go for the gold. 56 00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:07,922 Yeah, that's not going to happen. 57 00:02:07,923 --> 00:02:09,634 We're not really the "Get to Steppin'" 58 00:02:09,635 --> 00:02:11,618 kind of store. Remember our last fire drill? 59 00:02:11,619 --> 00:02:13,487 Half the people got winded and just didn't make it out. 60 00:02:13,488 --> 00:02:14,730 You know what? I'm with Dina. 61 00:02:14,731 --> 00:02:16,369 We're underdogs but a lot of the times 62 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,983 it's the underdogs that end up winning. 63 00:02:17,984 --> 00:02:19,387 That's not true. They just make movies 64 00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:20,833 about the few underdogs that do. 65 00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:23,518 Like, for every Rudy there are 10,000 short guys 66 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:25,020 who just never make the team. 67 00:02:25,022 --> 00:02:27,689 I'm just saying, if you want that lunch with the VP. 68 00:02:29,026 --> 00:02:31,193 All right, let's see what we can do. 69 00:02:31,534 --> 00:02:32,694 Oh, look at this. 70 00:02:32,696 --> 00:02:36,064 Colleen1420: Loving this steps comp! Go Bel-Ridge! 71 00:02:36,066 --> 00:02:38,817 Oh, God. Message received, you smug skank. 72 00:02:38,819 --> 00:02:40,368 She's a real monster, huh? 73 00:02:40,370 --> 00:02:43,071 Yeah. If I had to choose between Colleen and Sandra... 74 00:02:43,073 --> 00:02:45,540 well, I mean, I'd kill them both. 75 00:02:52,849 --> 00:02:58,686 All right store 1217, let's get ready for stepping! 76 00:02:58,688 --> 00:03:01,122 There she is! Speedy leg Sarah! 77 00:03:01,124 --> 00:03:04,859 Let's see them legs go, Girl! Heather? Hot stepping heather? 78 00:03:04,861 --> 00:03:06,695 Heather with the hot steps? 79 00:03:06,697 --> 00:03:11,299 Freddy! Freddy on fuego! Fuego Freddy. 80 00:03:11,301 --> 00:03:12,834 Mateo, I can see you. 81 00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:14,769 Let's put some hustle in it, baby. 82 00:03:14,771 --> 00:03:19,758 Okay, I don't know what "this" is but this is cashmere. 83 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:21,760 So no, I will not be sweating today. 84 00:03:21,762 --> 00:03:25,180 Just take your sweater off! No, no, sir. Not you. 85 00:03:25,182 --> 00:03:29,000 I was talking to my co-worker. Please keep your clothes on. 86 00:03:30,153 --> 00:03:33,905 And getting 10,000 steps a day reduces stress, 87 00:03:33,907 --> 00:03:37,859 it lowers your blood pressure and increases your lifespan. 88 00:03:37,861 --> 00:03:41,296 Yeah, I don't care. I don't plan on living past 30 anyway. 89 00:03:41,298 --> 00:03:44,318 30? You're, um, you're under 30? 90 00:03:44,818 --> 00:03:45,815 What? 91 00:03:46,570 --> 00:03:49,337 Nothing. Wow. Yeah. You look good. 92 00:03:49,339 --> 00:03:51,773 Come on, you have to take this competition seriously. 93 00:03:51,775 --> 00:03:53,642 - I don't think I do. - God, you're lazy. 94 00:03:53,644 --> 00:03:54,793 Why can't you be one of those 95 00:03:54,795 --> 00:03:56,578 inspirational guys in a wheelchair? 96 00:03:56,580 --> 00:03:58,630 Hm. All right. 97 00:03:59,916 --> 00:04:02,150 - What are you doing? - Nothing. 98 00:04:02,608 --> 00:04:05,403 Are you trying to... I mean, you're not suggesting 99 00:04:05,405 --> 00:04:07,489 that going backwards would take away steps. 100 00:04:07,491 --> 00:04:08,957 Of course not. Why would it? 101 00:04:09,618 --> 00:04:12,060 Seriously, stop. I know it's not happening 102 00:04:12,062 --> 00:04:15,154 it's just that it's a... it's a safety issue at this point. 103 00:04:15,532 --> 00:04:18,385 Huh. I swear that number was bigger before. 104 00:04:18,719 --> 00:04:22,149 Fine. I'll just double my steps to make up for it. 105 00:04:23,874 --> 00:04:24,530 Move! 106 00:04:26,910 --> 00:04:30,508 - Glenn, do you need help? - Hm? Oh, no I'm fine. 107 00:04:30,847 --> 00:04:34,082 Ah... it's just a little sprain but I've got to use 108 00:04:34,084 --> 00:04:35,850 this thing all week long. 109 00:04:36,418 --> 00:04:38,853 Still, it's kind of cool, huh? 110 00:04:38,855 --> 00:04:41,055 It's like I'm a motorcycle man. 111 00:04:41,057 --> 00:04:44,559 Yeah, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. 112 00:04:44,561 --> 00:04:45,974 - So cool. - Yeah. 113 00:04:46,563 --> 00:04:48,763 Are you sure you got it? Oh, yeah. Easy peasy. 114 00:04:48,765 --> 00:04:52,724 Just... a bit of a hill here. 115 00:04:53,253 --> 00:04:55,720 Am I... I'm going backwards. Put your other foot down! 116 00:04:55,722 --> 00:04:57,305 - I can't stop! - Put your other foot down! 117 00:04:57,307 --> 00:04:59,374 No, I can't! I'm too scared! 118 00:04:59,376 --> 00:05:02,644 We only got a 148 steps in the last hour? 119 00:05:02,646 --> 00:05:05,680 How is that even possible? It's shockingly sedentary. 120 00:05:05,682 --> 00:05:07,982 Oh, there she goes again. Colleen1420. 121 00:05:07,984 --> 00:05:11,019 "Everybody's doing great! Cloud 9 pride!" 122 00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,487 Oh, she is the devil. 123 00:05:12,489 --> 00:05:14,356 It's a shame this store doesn't have a Colleen. 124 00:05:14,358 --> 00:05:16,191 I will burn my face off if she takes my job. 125 00:05:16,193 --> 00:05:18,643 I just mean, nobody's even trying because nobody cares 126 00:05:18,645 --> 00:05:21,963 about beating some random store locations on a scoreboard. 127 00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:23,848 People need a nemesis to compete against. 128 00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:26,000 So what are you saying? If we start trash talking 129 00:05:26,002 --> 00:05:27,869 Bel-Ridge that's going to inspire people? 130 00:05:27,871 --> 00:05:30,739 Maybe. All the best wars are fought against someone. 131 00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:31,546 That feels random. 132 00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:32,999 All wars are fought against someone. 133 00:05:33,001 --> 00:05:33,971 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. 134 00:05:33,972 --> 00:05:35,477 No, I'm saying "all" wars. 135 00:05:35,479 --> 00:05:36,867 Yeah, all the best wars. 136 00:05:36,868 --> 00:05:38,312 What are the best wars? 137 00:05:38,314 --> 00:05:41,666 1812, WWI, WWII, French Indy. 138 00:05:41,668 --> 00:05:44,152 Although, if they started trash talking us first... 139 00:05:44,154 --> 00:05:47,572 Okay, what wars are you not fighting against someone? 140 00:05:47,574 --> 00:05:49,324 War against poverty, war against drugs. 141 00:05:49,326 --> 00:05:51,259 - Boom. Don't come at me. - Come on. 142 00:05:57,434 --> 00:06:01,102 "Ozark Highlands? More like Slowzark Highlames." 143 00:06:01,104 --> 00:06:04,572 Ouch. I mean, that's clever but it's mean. 144 00:06:04,574 --> 00:06:08,109 Bel-Ridge1420? Why is Bel-Ridge attacking us? 145 00:06:08,111 --> 00:06:09,711 Because those guys are dicks. 146 00:06:09,713 --> 00:06:11,379 They always think they're better than us. 147 00:06:11,381 --> 00:06:13,648 Come on, don't take it personally. 148 00:06:13,650 --> 00:06:16,367 It's just old-fashioned sports banter like, 149 00:06:16,369 --> 00:06:18,119 "See you at the finish line, slow-poke!" 150 00:06:18,121 --> 00:06:20,238 You know? "And their pear shaped 151 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,390 manager is a real looser." 152 00:06:22,392 --> 00:06:24,917 That's probably supposed to say "loser." 153 00:06:25,362 --> 00:06:27,362 They were most likely in a hurry. 154 00:06:27,364 --> 00:06:29,264 Maybe they should take their time. 155 00:06:29,266 --> 00:06:31,099 Well that is both personal and hurtful. 156 00:06:31,101 --> 00:06:33,368 Ugh, I can't believe these guys are going to 157 00:06:33,370 --> 00:06:34,903 beat us at the step contest. 158 00:06:34,905 --> 00:06:37,738 It just proves their point about how slow we are. 159 00:06:37,740 --> 00:06:39,707 - Mm-hmm. - You know what we should do? 160 00:06:39,709 --> 00:06:42,210 We should all start trying harder and beat them. 161 00:06:42,212 --> 00:06:44,579 - Oh, shut up, Sandra. - No, no, no. 162 00:06:44,581 --> 00:06:46,991 Don't shut up, Sandra. That's a really good point. 163 00:06:47,851 --> 00:06:50,518 Yes, no, sorry. Yeah, good point, Sandra. 164 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:52,720 Yeah, let's take it to Bel-Ridge 165 00:06:52,722 --> 00:06:55,590 - and win this whole thing. - Yeah! 166 00:06:55,592 --> 00:06:57,091 We can do this! Come on! 167 00:06:57,093 --> 00:06:59,144 - Give me a C... - Oh. 168 00:06:59,146 --> 00:07:00,845 Oh, jeez. 169 00:07:00,847 --> 00:07:03,164 No, no, no, no, no. Don't help him. 170 00:07:03,166 --> 00:07:04,493 He needs to learn. 171 00:07:06,614 --> 00:07:08,748 - Good hustle, Sayid. - Marcus gave me 172 00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:11,408 six energy drinks. I feel great! 173 00:07:11,409 --> 00:07:12,875 - Great! Keep stepping. - I can't believe 174 00:07:12,877 --> 00:07:14,443 - how well this is working. - I know. 175 00:07:14,445 --> 00:07:16,111 I don't want to jinx it but I'm already thinking up 176 00:07:16,113 --> 00:07:17,630 anecdotes to throw in at lunch with the VP. 177 00:07:17,632 --> 00:07:19,215 Are you going to tell him about the time Lionel Richie 178 00:07:19,217 --> 00:07:20,466 - came in the store? - How does that 179 00:07:20,468 --> 00:07:21,717 - make me look good? - I don't know. 180 00:07:21,719 --> 00:07:22,656 It's just a cool story. 181 00:07:22,657 --> 00:07:24,286 Man, my heart rate is flying. 182 00:07:24,288 --> 00:07:25,454 I have not stopped moving all day. 183 00:07:25,456 --> 00:07:26,722 Even when I went to the bathroom. 184 00:07:26,724 --> 00:07:27,890 By the way, we need someone 185 00:07:27,892 --> 00:07:29,228 - to clean up the bathroom. - Great. 186 00:07:29,229 --> 00:07:30,626 Let's keep up the momentum. 187 00:07:30,628 --> 00:07:32,795 - Got it. - Check. Sandra! Bathroom duty! 188 00:07:32,797 --> 00:07:36,432 Oh, excuse me, sir... Can I get this in a... 189 00:07:36,434 --> 00:07:39,569 Um, excuse me, do you... do you work... 190 00:07:39,571 --> 00:07:43,539 Great job, Heather. Walk and fold, walk and fold. 191 00:07:44,108 --> 00:07:45,992 - Mateo... - Don't even. 192 00:07:45,994 --> 00:07:47,476 I'm not going to get all gross just because 193 00:07:47,478 --> 00:07:48,995 Bel-Ridge said some dumb things. 194 00:07:48,997 --> 00:07:50,746 Relax, I'm not going to pressure you. 195 00:07:50,748 --> 00:07:53,499 I'm actually really impressed at how chill you've gotten. 196 00:07:53,501 --> 00:07:55,418 You used to be so competitive about everything. 197 00:07:55,420 --> 00:07:57,987 Well, I'd like to think I've matured over the years. 198 00:07:57,989 --> 00:07:59,672 Yeah, totally. 199 00:07:59,674 --> 00:08:01,674 Back when you started you probably would have been like, 200 00:08:01,676 --> 00:08:04,427 "Ah! When corporate sees how few steps I'm taking 201 00:08:04,429 --> 00:08:07,029 they're going to think I'm not the number one worker." 202 00:08:07,265 --> 00:08:09,599 Wait, they can track our individual scores? 203 00:08:09,601 --> 00:08:11,517 Well, I mean, they didn't say they could, 204 00:08:11,519 --> 00:08:13,492 but they didn't say they couldn't. 205 00:08:13,855 --> 00:08:17,106 It's fine. Even if you're not, like, a superstar it's... 206 00:08:17,108 --> 00:08:20,175 it's totally acceptable to be a everyday, 207 00:08:20,177 --> 00:08:22,344 run-of-the-mill, average worker. 208 00:08:22,346 --> 00:08:25,676 Average? Are you insane? 209 00:08:27,035 --> 00:08:29,531 Damn it. I have to make up for lost time. 210 00:08:29,787 --> 00:08:31,168 Stop talking to me! 211 00:08:42,217 --> 00:08:43,623 Look at me, Jonah. 212 00:08:43,835 --> 00:08:47,202 I'm an MVP player injured before the big game, 213 00:08:47,204 --> 00:08:49,388 and I'm not even sure that, like, my tracker 214 00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:51,540 is counting my steps properly. 215 00:08:51,542 --> 00:08:53,226 Maybe you just wanna... you wanna swing your arm, 216 00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:54,844 you know, at the same time. What do you mean? 217 00:08:54,846 --> 00:08:58,147 Like, swing your arm as... as you're... you're moving. 218 00:08:58,149 --> 00:09:00,382 - Like this? - Yeah, sure and then... 219 00:09:00,384 --> 00:09:02,318 but then use your other hand to steer. 220 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,720 Well I'm trying that, but that part is hard. 221 00:09:04,722 --> 00:09:06,221 I mean, is this better? Right-no, mostly. 222 00:09:06,223 --> 00:09:07,417 Or is this worse? I can't tell. 223 00:09:07,418 --> 00:09:09,058 You're doing good, you're just 224 00:09:09,060 --> 00:09:10,559 kinda... you're going around in circles. 225 00:09:10,561 --> 00:09:12,695 Well, I know I'm going 'cause I'm getting dizzy. 226 00:09:19,370 --> 00:09:21,704 Come on people, get off your asses. 227 00:09:21,706 --> 00:09:23,673 If you've got time to talk you've got time to walk. 228 00:09:23,675 --> 00:09:26,259 When you sit, Bel-Ridge wins, okay? 229 00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:28,094 So let's move. Sandra, if you're looking 230 00:09:28,096 --> 00:09:29,679 for your lunch I put it up on the roof. 231 00:09:29,681 --> 00:09:31,246 That will give you a couple hundred extra steps. 232 00:09:31,248 --> 00:09:33,215 - Go get 'em, tiger. - But it's snowing, 233 00:09:33,217 --> 00:09:34,278 and I brought soup. 234 00:09:35,553 --> 00:09:38,054 Elias, I saw one of our carts down at the gas station. 235 00:09:38,056 --> 00:09:39,605 I need you to walk over there and take it back. 236 00:09:39,607 --> 00:09:42,224 - Which gas station? - I don't remember! 237 00:09:42,226 --> 00:09:44,110 Check them all! Go! 238 00:09:44,112 --> 00:09:46,362 Go! Go! Go! 239 00:09:47,565 --> 00:09:49,782 Excuse me, do you have any gender-neutral toys? 240 00:09:49,784 --> 00:09:50,900 I'm trying to be cool. 241 00:09:50,902 --> 00:09:52,201 Oh, definitely. Follow me. 242 00:09:52,203 --> 00:09:53,235 Oh, wasn't that the toy aisle? 243 00:09:53,237 --> 00:09:55,270 Oops! It was. Passed it. 244 00:09:55,272 --> 00:09:56,789 Guess we have to go all the way around. 245 00:10:05,717 --> 00:10:07,466 How are we still only in fifth place? 246 00:10:07,468 --> 00:10:08,951 Fifth is good, we moved up. 247 00:10:08,953 --> 00:10:10,252 You should be happy. 248 00:10:10,254 --> 00:10:11,804 Oh, what medal do you get for fifth? 249 00:10:11,806 --> 00:10:14,289 Mm? None. What you get is a slap in the face 250 00:10:14,291 --> 00:10:15,725 and then dad makes you walk behind the car 251 00:10:15,727 --> 00:10:19,269 - the whole way home. - I am so sorry, Dina. 252 00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:20,712 We have to find a way to make these people 253 00:10:20,713 --> 00:10:22,829 - push themselves harder. - Everybody's already pushing 254 00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,896 themselves pretty hard, and most of them 255 00:10:24,897 --> 00:10:26,943 are not wearing deodorant. 256 00:10:26,945 --> 00:10:28,594 - It's bad. - I'm with Amy on this one. 257 00:10:28,596 --> 00:10:29,895 I think she and I are just less comfortable 258 00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:30,808 being losers than you are. 259 00:10:30,809 --> 00:10:32,748 I'm just saying we're on a good track, okay? 260 00:10:32,749 --> 00:10:34,204 No need to overdo it. 261 00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:37,069 I don't know, maybe he's right. 262 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:38,183 He could be right. 263 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,523 - But he could be wrong. - That's what I was thinking. 264 00:10:41,524 --> 00:10:43,768 This is just awful. 265 00:10:44,472 --> 00:10:47,041 What is wrong with the people over there? 266 00:10:47,042 --> 00:10:48,538 This has gone too far! 267 00:10:49,594 --> 00:10:53,048 Yeah. Yeah. This is definitely overboard. 268 00:10:53,049 --> 00:10:55,617 Are we absolutely sure it was Bel-Ridge? 269 00:10:55,618 --> 00:10:57,282 We could check the security footage. 270 00:10:57,283 --> 00:10:59,510 Sandra, they literally signed it Bel-Ridge. 271 00:10:59,511 --> 00:11:00,968 What more proof do you need? 272 00:11:00,969 --> 00:11:04,896 They used the wrong "you're," it's apostrophe R-E. 273 00:11:04,897 --> 00:11:08,277 - Yeah, 'cause they're stupid. - Or maybe they were tired 274 00:11:08,278 --> 00:11:10,259 or it was dark out. Or whatever. 275 00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:12,269 B-but they were probably just stupid. 276 00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:14,678 Hey, is anyone else tired of being humiliated by a bunch 277 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:17,453 of idiots that don't even understand basic contractions? 278 00:11:17,454 --> 00:11:19,197 - Yeah. - I am. 279 00:11:19,198 --> 00:11:20,919 You know what we should do about it? 280 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,664 Yeah, report them to the police. 281 00:11:22,665 --> 00:11:24,987 No, no that seems a little bit much. 282 00:11:24,988 --> 00:11:28,551 We should step it up in this challenge and beat them. 283 00:11:28,552 --> 00:11:29,874 Yeah, enough is enough! 284 00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:32,892 - This just got very personal! - Mm. 285 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,576 Let's end those sons of bitches! 286 00:11:34,578 --> 00:11:38,864 - Let's destroy Bel-Ridge! - I am so sick of this [bleep]! 287 00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,238 - Sandra? - Yeah? 288 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,040 Why don't you take your ten now. 289 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,709 - Okay? - Okay, yeah. 290 00:11:52,461 --> 00:11:57,024 So you got up at 4:00 a.m., got spray paint 291 00:11:57,025 --> 00:12:00,311 and shaving cream, came all the way here to vandalize 292 00:12:00,312 --> 00:12:04,647 our own store, just to get people to step more? 293 00:12:04,649 --> 00:12:05,898 Nope. 3:00 a.m. 294 00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:07,216 I had to take Parker to my parent's house. 295 00:12:07,218 --> 00:12:08,718 I told them that Adam had been arrested 296 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:10,570 - and I had to bail him out. - I played the impatient 297 00:12:10,572 --> 00:12:12,322 officer who kept calling Amy saying that she needed 298 00:12:12,324 --> 00:12:13,573 to come get him because he was exposing 299 00:12:13,575 --> 00:12:15,558 - himself to the guards. - You know, 300 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,892 a part of me feels like you guys are 301 00:12:16,894 --> 00:12:18,528 taking this a little too far. 302 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,363 Hey man, you're the one who was all, 303 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:22,749 "Let's start a pretend rivalry with Bel-Ridge." 304 00:12:22,751 --> 00:12:25,368 - "Let's do whatever it takes." - See, I don't remember 305 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,253 the "let's do whatever it takes" part. 306 00:12:27,255 --> 00:12:32,875 Whew! Hey! Sorry I'm late. 307 00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:33,917 I walked to work. 308 00:12:34,245 --> 00:12:37,170 There is really no easy way to cross a highway 309 00:12:37,849 --> 00:12:40,383 but I logged 8,000 steps. 310 00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:41,751 Yes! 311 00:12:41,753 --> 00:12:44,086 I'm going to do some laps around the perimeter. 312 00:12:44,088 --> 00:12:46,674 - Go, Mateo! - Here we go! 313 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,425 What? He's getting in shape. It's good for him. 314 00:12:49,427 --> 00:12:50,943 And really, this early there's barely 315 00:12:50,945 --> 00:12:52,528 any cars on the highway. 316 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,541 I'm sending a strongly worded email to the Bel-Ridge manager 317 00:13:05,543 --> 00:13:09,245 about this morning. Tell me if it's too mean, okay? 318 00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,464 "Good morning, Doug"... exclamation point. 319 00:13:11,466 --> 00:13:13,966 "I was hoping to discuss an unfortunate matter 320 00:13:13,968 --> 00:13:15,551 that happened at our store." 321 00:13:15,553 --> 00:13:17,720 Wow, you're really going for the jugular, huh? 322 00:13:17,722 --> 00:13:19,222 Wha... is that too harsh? 323 00:13:19,224 --> 00:13:21,549 Is a knife through the heart too harsh? 324 00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:23,004 Yes, way too harsh! 325 00:13:23,005 --> 00:13:24,727 Well then maybe you ease into it. 326 00:13:24,729 --> 00:13:27,146 Flatter him a little bit. Butter him up. 327 00:13:27,148 --> 00:13:29,315 Okay, well, what do I say? 328 00:13:29,317 --> 00:13:31,467 All right, just write what I say. 329 00:13:31,469 --> 00:13:33,636 - Thank you. - "Dear Doug, 330 00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:35,737 I think about you all the time." 331 00:13:36,908 --> 00:13:38,491 - Oh, that is nice. - Yeah. 332 00:13:38,493 --> 00:13:40,827 "The other day I was at the mall and I saw a jacket 333 00:13:40,829 --> 00:13:43,913 and thought, 'Doug would look really great in that.'" 334 00:13:43,915 --> 00:13:45,998 Yeah, but we're going to talk about the vandalism, right? 335 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:49,001 Oh, yeah. Oh, we're going to dive right into it. 336 00:13:49,003 --> 00:13:51,243 Have you heard the new Adele song? 337 00:13:51,823 --> 00:13:54,006 You could just hit... do a simple reset. 338 00:13:54,008 --> 00:13:55,675 Hey, steppy-peeps. 339 00:13:55,677 --> 00:13:58,511 Seeing a lot of the mouths moving, not so much the feet. 340 00:13:58,513 --> 00:14:01,347 My scanner's not working. We can't figure out why. 341 00:14:01,349 --> 00:14:03,516 You don't think... wait, do you think Bel-Ridge 342 00:14:03,518 --> 00:14:05,017 could have messed with it last night? 343 00:14:05,019 --> 00:14:07,306 No... I mean, maybe. 344 00:14:07,689 --> 00:14:11,107 It wasn't broken yesterday, and it is broken today. 345 00:14:11,109 --> 00:14:12,525 I wouldn't be surprised. 346 00:14:12,527 --> 00:14:14,527 Those guys will stoop to literally anything. 347 00:14:14,529 --> 00:14:17,313 Oh, my God. I brought a girl back to my place last night 348 00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:20,032 and after I fell asleep she stole all my stuff. 349 00:14:20,034 --> 00:14:21,484 Could Bel-Ridge have gotten to her? 350 00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,820 Yeah. That has Bel-Ridge written all over it. 351 00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:26,656 I relapsed and started taking Vicodin last night. 352 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:29,542 Well, you know what I like to do when I'm that angry? 353 00:14:29,544 --> 00:14:32,712 I like to take all that anger and turn it 354 00:14:32,714 --> 00:14:36,299 into pure raw leg energy. 355 00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:39,218 Just stomp it out. Try it. 356 00:14:39,220 --> 00:14:42,505 Ugh. Just stick it to Bel-Ridge, you know? 357 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,223 Step it out. 358 00:14:44,225 --> 00:14:45,892 - There you go. Keep going. - Oh, wow. 359 00:14:45,894 --> 00:14:48,544 When I came to this morning, somebody from Bel-Ridge 360 00:14:48,546 --> 00:14:50,730 had thrown up all over my entire body. 361 00:14:50,732 --> 00:14:52,841 I can't believe nothing is our fault. 362 00:14:58,406 --> 00:15:00,823 Elias, there is definitely a cart out there. 363 00:15:00,825 --> 00:15:02,742 Probably just rolled farther than I thought. 364 00:15:02,744 --> 00:15:04,577 Mateo, have you taken your lunch break, yet? 365 00:15:04,579 --> 00:15:05,709 No time! 366 00:15:05,710 --> 00:15:07,229 Look, just try walking faster. 367 00:15:07,231 --> 00:15:08,915 It's probably outpacing you. 368 00:15:08,917 --> 00:15:10,416 Hey there. 369 00:15:10,418 --> 00:15:12,835 Can I return an item purchased at another store? 370 00:15:12,837 --> 00:15:14,253 Yeah, sure, that's not a problem. 371 00:15:14,255 --> 00:15:17,406 Great, I got it in Bel-Ridge. 372 00:15:17,408 --> 00:15:18,925 Are you kidding me? 373 00:15:18,927 --> 00:15:20,927 No. 374 00:15:20,929 --> 00:15:24,580 A frickin' Bel-Ridge lover wants us to take their garbage? 375 00:15:24,582 --> 00:15:27,917 - No, sir. - Look, He's laughing at us. 376 00:15:27,919 --> 00:15:29,268 I'm not laughing. 377 00:15:29,270 --> 00:15:31,270 I think he's just, like, a smiley guy. 378 00:15:31,272 --> 00:15:32,688 Thing are getting ugly. 379 00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:35,257 I think we need to turn down the heat a bit. 380 00:15:35,259 --> 00:15:37,777 No, no, no. You got to keep the heat up. 381 00:15:37,779 --> 00:15:40,196 Hey, you know what? If you love Bel-Ridge so much... 382 00:15:40,198 --> 00:15:43,237 - Then you should marry it. - No, dude, I was going to say 383 00:15:43,238 --> 00:15:44,600 then you should just go back there. 384 00:15:44,602 --> 00:15:46,285 Sick burn, though. You're getting really good. 385 00:15:46,287 --> 00:15:48,103 - Just don't interrupt me. - It's fine. 386 00:15:48,105 --> 00:15:49,956 It's... it's totally under control. 387 00:15:53,251 --> 00:15:56,929 The Bel-Ridge store was vandalized last night. 388 00:15:56,930 --> 00:15:58,697 - Ohh. - Wait, what? 389 00:15:58,699 --> 00:16:00,098 Someone broke into their break room 390 00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:03,385 and covered everything in hot deer urine. 391 00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:06,204 The smell was so bad they had to burn their couches. 392 00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:07,205 I got a question. 393 00:16:07,621 --> 00:16:10,654 How did they know it was deer urine and also hot? 394 00:16:10,655 --> 00:16:12,484 Well, apparently the vandals left a note 395 00:16:12,485 --> 00:16:15,046 next to a Super Soaker they used. 396 00:16:15,547 --> 00:16:17,662 No one here was involved, right? 397 00:16:17,823 --> 00:16:21,642 Uh, no. We totally didn't cover their entire break room 398 00:16:21,670 --> 00:16:23,321 in steaming hot deer urine. 399 00:16:23,323 --> 00:16:25,907 Okay, it's not that I think that you're lying, 400 00:16:25,909 --> 00:16:28,827 but your tone and your phrasing are really weird. 401 00:16:28,829 --> 00:16:31,224 Glenn, come on. Obviously they did it. 402 00:16:31,225 --> 00:16:33,799 Marcus is always bragging about his Super Soaker collection. 403 00:16:33,801 --> 00:16:35,634 Whatever, Bel-Ridge started it. 404 00:16:35,636 --> 00:16:37,469 What should we do with them next? 405 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,209 Oh, we could go egg their cars. 406 00:16:39,211 --> 00:16:41,528 - Oh, yeah. - We should slash their tires. 407 00:16:41,530 --> 00:16:42,379 Yeah! 408 00:16:42,381 --> 00:16:44,258 That would just make them walk more. 409 00:16:44,259 --> 00:16:45,606 We should "I, Tonya" them. 410 00:16:45,607 --> 00:16:47,770 Okay, guys. We're even now. 411 00:16:47,771 --> 00:16:49,720 Let's just focus on the steps challenge. 412 00:16:49,722 --> 00:16:51,872 Hey, if they didn't want to get into a war 413 00:16:51,874 --> 00:16:53,874 then they shouldn't have started talking trash about us. 414 00:16:53,876 --> 00:16:56,226 - Bingo. - Well maybe it wasn't them. 415 00:16:56,228 --> 00:16:59,396 Maybe it was actually Kirkwood who wanted us to think 416 00:16:59,398 --> 00:17:01,690 it was Bel-Ridge so that we would fight each other 417 00:17:01,691 --> 00:17:02,649 and Kirkwood could win. 418 00:17:02,651 --> 00:17:05,569 What a crazy big conspiracy that would be 419 00:17:05,571 --> 00:17:08,155 to win a regional workplace step competition. 420 00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:10,324 Does anyone know how to make a Molotov cocktail? 421 00:17:10,326 --> 00:17:12,326 Vodka, ginger beer, and lime. 422 00:17:12,757 --> 00:17:14,119 Don't ask me how but I can 423 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:16,280 totally get us anthrax in two hours. 424 00:17:16,282 --> 00:17:17,998 We should burn down their entire store 425 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,399 and blame it on homeless people. 426 00:17:19,401 --> 00:17:21,709 - Yeah! - Guys, it wasn't Bel-Ridge! 427 00:17:22,588 --> 00:17:24,171 It was... it was me. 428 00:17:24,628 --> 00:17:25,756 - What? - Oh, my God. 429 00:17:25,758 --> 00:17:29,009 I am the one who posted those messages on the board 430 00:17:29,011 --> 00:17:30,577 and vandalized the front of the store. 431 00:17:32,748 --> 00:17:35,933 - Why would you do that? - I wanted to win. 432 00:17:35,935 --> 00:17:37,821 Amy, Amy, Amy. 433 00:17:38,952 --> 00:17:40,714 This is wildly disappointing. 434 00:17:41,307 --> 00:17:43,023 Dina helped! 435 00:17:43,025 --> 00:17:45,476 Oh, you're going to believe the admitted liar? Come on. 436 00:17:45,478 --> 00:17:48,428 Wait a minute. So you made me take deer urine 437 00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:51,315 all the way down to their store, heat it up 438 00:17:51,317 --> 00:17:53,753 in their microwave and then dump it 439 00:17:53,754 --> 00:17:55,869 all over an innocent couch? 440 00:17:55,871 --> 00:17:57,621 How do you even think of this stuff? 441 00:17:57,623 --> 00:17:59,623 - You're sick, Amy! - No, I didn't... that wasn't... 442 00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:02,233 - You turned us into monsters! - Hold up. 443 00:18:02,778 --> 00:18:04,294 Did you also lie about corporate? 444 00:18:04,296 --> 00:18:05,915 Do they not know I'm a superstar? 445 00:18:06,465 --> 00:18:08,678 - They might. - I haven't slept. 446 00:18:09,051 --> 00:18:10,470 I haven't eaten. 447 00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:13,959 I got clipped by a KIA on the highway, Amy! 448 00:18:14,122 --> 00:18:16,473 Ugh! Excuse me. 449 00:18:16,475 --> 00:18:18,480 - You look skinny. - Thank you! 450 00:18:27,486 --> 00:18:29,474 Okay, tell me how this sounds. 451 00:18:30,356 --> 00:18:32,072 - "Dear Doug, I am so sorry..." - Whoa! 452 00:18:32,074 --> 00:18:35,012 You're going to go there after the whole deer urine thing? 453 00:18:35,327 --> 00:18:37,552 You might as well just say, "Deer Urine Doug." 454 00:18:37,553 --> 00:18:39,663 Okay, no "Dear." 455 00:18:39,665 --> 00:18:44,484 - Um, how about, "My..." - Beloved. 456 00:18:44,486 --> 00:18:48,505 - "Beloved Doug." Yeah. - Much better. 457 00:18:49,208 --> 00:18:52,759 Oh, boy. People are mad at you. 458 00:18:52,761 --> 00:18:54,595 Well, thanks for having my back, Dins. 459 00:18:54,597 --> 00:18:56,008 Hey, you spearheaded this thing. 460 00:18:56,009 --> 00:18:57,264 Captain goes down with the ship. 461 00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:58,301 Oh, come on. You know what? 462 00:18:58,302 --> 00:19:00,551 Nobody's even thinking about it. 463 00:19:01,854 --> 00:19:03,770 That could be about anything. 464 00:19:04,356 --> 00:19:06,056 You know, I spoke to Glenn and it turns out 465 00:19:06,058 --> 00:19:09,009 the regional VP has nothing to do with promoting managers. 466 00:19:09,011 --> 00:19:13,780 So really this whole slide into fascism was for nothing. 467 00:19:13,782 --> 00:19:15,015 Nah, it was fun. 468 00:19:15,017 --> 00:19:16,349 Excuse me, which was is break room? 469 00:19:16,351 --> 00:19:18,018 - It's just through the doors. - Thanks. 470 00:19:18,020 --> 00:19:21,371 The worst part about this is that Colleen wins again. 471 00:19:21,373 --> 00:19:23,189 Seriously, what's the deal with this woman? 472 00:19:23,191 --> 00:19:25,292 Did she, like, kill somebody you love? 473 00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:27,527 Let's just say the St. Louis Ornithology Society 474 00:19:27,529 --> 00:19:29,230 is nothing but a popularity contest. 475 00:19:29,748 --> 00:19:31,215 Hey, who was that guy? 476 00:19:31,217 --> 00:19:33,651 Just now? I don't know, doesn't he work here? 477 00:19:33,969 --> 00:19:35,385 I've never seen him. Have you? 478 00:19:35,387 --> 00:19:37,054 No. Wait, you don't know him? 479 00:19:37,056 --> 00:19:39,292 I mean, you were talking to him like he was an old pal. 480 00:19:39,558 --> 00:19:41,058 I told him where the break room is. 481 00:19:41,060 --> 00:19:42,392 Yeah, but it was how you said it. 482 00:19:42,394 --> 00:19:43,760 It seemed like it was an inside joke. 483 00:19:43,762 --> 00:19:45,545 - What would be the joke? - I don't know. 484 00:19:45,547 --> 00:19:48,398 - Between you and that guy. - Well maybe he's new. 485 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,224 Or, like, from another branch or something. 486 00:19:51,553 --> 00:19:53,153 Oh, [bleep]. 487 00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:55,072 - Whoa. - What happened in here? 488 00:19:55,074 --> 00:19:57,714 My beautiful break room. 489 00:19:58,410 --> 00:20:00,060 Jerusha made this. 490 00:20:00,062 --> 00:20:03,060 - Amy, why would you do this? - No, I didn't do this! 491 00:20:03,061 --> 00:20:04,596 This was actually Bel-Ridge. 492 00:20:04,597 --> 00:20:06,617 It's true. I just got a text from Colleen. 493 00:20:06,619 --> 00:20:10,003 It says, "Clean up on aisle 'your break room." 494 00:20:10,005 --> 00:20:11,062 Damn, she's funny. 495 00:20:11,063 --> 00:20:12,710 - We need to retaliate. - Mm-hmm. 496 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:15,575 No, guys. Wasn't this the retaliation? 497 00:20:15,577 --> 00:20:18,244 You hit them, they hit us back. We're even now. 498 00:20:18,246 --> 00:20:21,348 Uh-uh. We hit them at a four, but they hit us at a seven. 499 00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,473 So now we owe them. Like, three. 500 00:20:23,474 --> 00:20:25,519 But if we get them back they're just going to get us 501 00:20:25,521 --> 00:20:27,087 back and then where does it end? 502 00:20:27,089 --> 00:20:28,639 When we get them back after that. 503 00:20:28,641 --> 00:20:30,437 He's right. That's the natural end of this. 504 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,277 Or we could just turn the other cheek, right, Glenn? 505 00:20:33,279 --> 00:20:35,195 What, so they can slap the other cheek? 506 00:20:35,197 --> 00:20:37,364 No, Amy, you don't back down from a bully. 507 00:20:37,366 --> 00:20:39,533 I got to agree. If we don't hit them back 508 00:20:39,535 --> 00:20:41,451 they're going to think they can walk all over us. 509 00:20:41,453 --> 00:20:43,287 I say we all go over there and destroy 510 00:20:43,289 --> 00:20:44,452 - their break room. - Yeah. 511 00:20:44,453 --> 00:20:46,773 Let's destroy their whole store! 512 00:20:47,993 --> 00:20:49,960 I think we just got to go 513 00:20:49,962 --> 00:20:51,878 with the mob on this one. 514 00:20:53,615 --> 00:20:57,117 All right, screw Bel-Ridge! Let's go get those dicks! 515 00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:58,135 Yeah! 516 00:20:58,137 --> 00:20:59,553 Let's escalate this thing 517 00:20:59,555 --> 00:21:01,589 and assume they'll let it go after that! 518 00:21:01,590 --> 00:21:03,071 Yeah, let's escalate. 519 00:21:03,072 --> 00:21:05,559 So should we drive separately or maybe carpool? 520 00:21:05,561 --> 00:21:07,707 I can drive people there but I got to go home right after. 521 00:21:07,708 --> 00:21:09,048 Should we get lunch on the way? 522 00:21:09,049 --> 00:21:10,338 Oh, that's a good idea. 523 00:21:10,339 --> 00:21:12,902 My anthrax hookup is not replying to my text. 524 00:21:13,129 --> 00:21:15,366 Does anybody else have an anthrax guy 525 00:21:15,368 --> 00:21:17,368 Give him a minute, you just texted him.