1
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Previously on Miracle Workers.

2
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:03,363
What's going on here in Rosie-land?

3
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I'm working.

4
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Rosie! Rosie! Rosie!

5
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,983
So, we are gonna beta test
this puppy all night.

6
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She's really neat, Nana.

7
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And I'm taking her on, like, a real date.

8
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I'm so excited, Sammy!

9
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Did you hear that? "Real date."

10
00:00:19,166 --> 00:00:21,192
We might actually pull this off.

11
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I mean, barring
any unforeseen calamities.

12
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Wait, what's that scary red number mean?

13
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- Uh-oh.
- Oh, no.

14
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Ground floor.

15
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Hello! Welcome to Heaven.

16
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Right this way for orientation.

17
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Welcome to Heaven.

18
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Welcome to Heaven.

19
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Hi. I'm Peg.

20
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Congratulations on
your completely random entry

21
00:00:50,606 --> 00:00:51,605
into Heaven.

22
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As employees of Heaven Inc.,

23
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it is our responsibility
to keep Earth running smoothly.

24
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We're talking tide control.
Gravity enforcement. Teeth.

25
00:01:03,570 --> 00:01:06,077
Your initial department
assignments will be random,

26
00:01:06,102 --> 00:01:10,006
except in the case of
one incredibly vital position...

27
00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:11,947
executive assistant to God.

28
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Excuse me.

29
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How do I apply?

30
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Follow me.

31
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Wow. Here's your desk.

32
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If I may ask, why was
that test so complex?

33
00:02:03,163 --> 00:02:06,914
We needed to find someone
who could handle... a lot.

34
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Well, I'm so honored
that you think I'm qualified.

35
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Mm-hmm.

36
00:02:10,570 --> 00:02:11,703
I always wanted to have a job

37
00:02:11,705 --> 00:02:13,371
where I could make a positive impact

38
00:02:13,373 --> 00:02:14,506
and do something meaningful.

39
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- Who's that?
- I'm sorry.

40
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- What?
- Goodbye.

41
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What... What do you mean,
"goodbye"? What?

42
00:02:25,068 --> 00:02:27,786
Hey-o! New assistant alert.

43
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Whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop!

44
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That was the alert.

45
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Hi. I'm God.

46
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I-I'm Rosie.

47
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All right, follow me.

48
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I hope you're ready
to hit the ground running,

49
00:02:40,068 --> 00:02:43,776
because we've got a real
challenge ahead of us.

50
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I was able to crack the box,

51
00:02:46,206 --> 00:02:50,028
but, uh, this bag ain't
going down without a fight.

52
00:02:50,593 --> 00:02:51,925
Can you, uh...

53
00:02:57,667 --> 00:02:59,113
Whoa! Muscle fingers.

54
00:02:59,946 --> 00:03:01,669
Oh, yeah.

55
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I guess that's everything.

56
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Oh! Look.

57
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I got a prize.

58
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Vroom! Vroom! Vroom!

59
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Oh, I'm keeping you.

60
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Um, put this on the shelf for me.

61
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Thank you.

62
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Yeah.

63
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_

64
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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

65
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I don't get it. Sam's grandma
looks healthy to me.

66
00:04:22,236 --> 00:04:23,768
Yeah, well, she's about to drop dead.

67
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When she dies, he's gonna freak out,

68
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cancel the date, and fly home.

69
00:04:28,108 --> 00:04:29,908
Are we sure he's gonna fly home?

70
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Maybe they're not that close.

71
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They're pretty close.

72
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A toast.

73
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To the most wonderful,

74
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inspiring...

75
00:04:41,394 --> 00:04:45,327
and caring person that I have ever known.

76
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This one's for you.

77
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Oh, shit.

78
00:04:56,293 --> 00:04:58,966
We have to keep Nana alive.

79
00:04:59,741 --> 00:05:01,910
Then we'll have to go down
to the basement.

80
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What's in the basement?

81
00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:05,641
Death.

82
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Heaven Inc. God's Office.
Rosie. What's up?

83
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Rosie, hi. My name is Mike.

84
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I'm the Senior Vice President
over at the Zebulon Galaxy,

85
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recently voted the top galaxy
in the omniverse.

86
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I'm not sure that my boss
is around at the moment.

87
00:05:28,302 --> 00:05:30,216
Actually, Rosie, we're calling for you.

88
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- Me?
- Word got out the Earth is going under,

89
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and we're always on
the lookout for top talent.

90
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I'd love to buy you a cup of coffee

91
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and tell you what we're all
about here at Zebulon.

92
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Only if you have time, of course.

93
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Rosie! Lazy Susan's
now has a signature cocktail.

94
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And it's thick.

95
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I have time.

96
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How much bog could a bog frog
hog if bog frog could hog bog?

97
00:05:52,459 --> 00:05:54,192
- What are you doing?
- Sorry. It's...

98
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I can't control it. It's a habit.

99
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It's something I do
when I get very nervous.

100
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What's there to be nervous about?

101
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:00,966
- Hello.
- Aah!

102
00:06:02,234 --> 00:06:03,700
Hello.

103
00:06:03,973 --> 00:06:05,240
Are you Death?

104
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:07,265
No.That's Death.

105
00:06:12,069 --> 00:06:14,858
Cool. Uh, we were wondering...

106
00:06:14,883 --> 00:06:17,215
Is there any way we could
maybe keep this lady alive?

107
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How are you today?

108
00:06:18,352 --> 00:06:20,152
That's going to be difficult.

109
00:06:20,154 --> 00:06:22,038
At birth, every human

110
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is randomly assigned an expiration date.

111
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You can die before your time,
but not after.

112
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There's gotta be something we can do.

113
00:06:31,405 --> 00:06:35,167
I suppose you could file a death waiver.

114
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That'll postpone her death for 100 days.

115
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Okay, great. That... That...

116
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That's a real relief. Thank you.

117
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First, you have to get it signed by God.

118
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Good luck.

119
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What if we just asked him
nicely, obviously?

120
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Craig, there's no way he's signing this.

121
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I bet Rosie can get him to do it.

122
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She has him sign stuff all the time.

123
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Rosie, Rosie, Rosie,
my favorite co-worker.

124
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Is that a new blazer?

125
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- Not now.
- Rosie, please.

126
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We need your help.

127
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If God doesn't sign this,
the Earth will explode.

128
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Maybe it should.

129
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If you want my advice, jump ship.

130
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Find somewhere else to work.

131
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Somewhere that isn't run
by an illiterate madman.

132
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Did she just say "illiterate"?

133
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Rosie was joking, though, right?

134
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I mean, God must be able to read.

135
00:07:38,331 --> 00:07:42,133
And yet, if he can't,
it would explain a lot.

136
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For example, every time
I've seen him "reading,"

137
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it looked like his eyes weren't moving.

138
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Maybe he's just a slow reader.

139
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Maybe, but... but... but...

140
00:07:51,078 --> 00:07:53,545
but looking back,
there was another thing.

141
00:07:53,547 --> 00:07:55,347
Are you sure you want to do that?

142
00:07:55,838 --> 00:07:58,884
Do what exactly? Brush my teeth?

143
00:07:58,886 --> 00:08:00,754
Yeah, but with foot cream?

144
00:08:03,908 --> 00:08:05,174
Yes.

145
00:08:05,199 --> 00:08:06,764
This is what I want.

146
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:15,270
It would make me really sad
if God couldn't read.

147
00:08:16,019 --> 00:08:19,905
But if it's true, we can
trick him into signing this.

148
00:08:19,907 --> 00:08:21,773
What? Mm... It's our only chance.

149
00:08:21,775 --> 00:08:23,570
We're running out of time.

150
00:08:24,244 --> 00:08:26,511
- I say we gotta risk it.
- No, wait.

151
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:29,314
Howdy, boozehounds.

152
00:08:29,525 --> 00:08:31,383
Just in time for Happy Hour.

153
00:08:31,850 --> 00:08:34,822
All right, now, every bar has cocktails.

154
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:38,924
But only Lazy Susan's has Shocktails!

155
00:08:38,926 --> 00:08:40,258
Oh.

156
00:08:40,260 --> 00:08:41,504
Drink up!

157
00:08:42,529 --> 00:08:43,995
Mm...

158
00:08:43,997 --> 00:08:46,864
Yeah, the first shock
is how much liquor is in them.

159
00:08:46,866 --> 00:08:48,466
- Yeah. Wow.
- The second shock is,

160
00:08:48,468 --> 00:08:50,172
there are little prizes in the bottom.

161
00:08:51,805 --> 00:08:53,405
Ah.

162
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:55,607
Looks like this lucky bastard
found the dice.

163
00:08:55,609 --> 00:08:56,541
Hey, God,

164
00:08:56,543 --> 00:08:58,752
uh, could you sign something for us?

165
00:08:58,777 --> 00:09:00,826
What is it? Well, word got out

166
00:09:00,851 --> 00:09:04,082
that you were working on cool
new drinks for Lazy Susan's,

167
00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:06,619
and we figured you might need a

168
00:09:07,887 --> 00:09:10,247
Liquor license. Yeah.

169
00:09:10,249 --> 00:09:13,807
Oh, wow, Sanjay. Keepin' me
two steps ahead of Johnny Law.

170
00:09:14,161 --> 00:09:15,203
I'll be right back.

171
00:09:15,228 --> 00:09:17,495
Okay. Nice.

172
00:09:17,497 --> 00:09:19,431
Guys, I'm beginning to
second-guess this plan.

173
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,633
I mean, what if he finds out?
He's gonna be furious.

174
00:09:21,635 --> 00:09:23,368
Don't worry, okay?
Deep down, God's a softie.

175
00:09:23,370 --> 00:09:24,933
I've never seen him get mad.

176
00:09:24,958 --> 00:09:26,681
What in the is this?!

177
00:09:26,706 --> 00:09:29,507
I ordered a burger and curly fries.

178
00:09:29,509 --> 00:09:32,400
What... Um, I'm pretty
sure it was regular fries.

179
00:09:32,425 --> 00:09:34,045
Regular fries?!

180
00:09:34,047 --> 00:09:36,181
If there's one thing that makes me angry,

181
00:09:36,183 --> 00:09:37,983
it's when someone tries to trick me.

182
00:09:37,985 --> 00:09:39,821
Tries to play me for a fool.

183
00:09:39,823 --> 00:09:42,053
I-I'm sorry. It's too late!

184
00:09:42,055 --> 00:09:43,855
The trick's already been played.

185
00:09:43,857 --> 00:09:45,557
You up, hombre.

186
00:09:56,069 --> 00:09:58,230
Give him the punishment.

187
00:10:00,253 --> 00:10:02,174
What the hell?

188
00:10:04,411 --> 00:10:06,744
Ohh! Ohh!

189
00:10:20,427 --> 00:10:21,759
Don't go anywhere.

190
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:25,296
Did he just turn that guy
into a jelly bean?!

191
00:10:25,298 --> 00:10:26,431
I don't know.

192
00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:31,128
Here's some information about Zebulon.

193
00:10:32,391 --> 00:10:33,905
Oh, my gosh.

194
00:10:33,907 --> 00:10:36,041
Rosie, I'm gonna cut
straight to the chase.

195
00:10:36,043 --> 00:10:38,095
We think you're more than qualified

196
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:41,646
to be Zebulon's
next executive project manager.

197
00:10:41,648 --> 00:10:42,980
Wow.

198
00:10:42,982 --> 00:10:45,851
We're prepared to offer
a highly competitive salary,

199
00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:47,519
as well as a suite of perks,

200
00:10:47,521 --> 00:10:51,897
including a personal chef,
on-call masseuse,

201
00:10:51,922 --> 00:10:55,727
private golf course,
a company car, a bag of jewels.

202
00:10:55,729 --> 00:10:57,595
But most importantly,
you'll finally have a chance

203
00:10:57,597 --> 00:11:01,333
to make a positive impact
and do something meaningful.

204
00:11:01,335 --> 00:11:02,734
Let's be real, Rosie.

205
00:11:02,736 --> 00:11:04,602
You deserve better than Heaven.

206
00:11:05,190 --> 00:11:06,672
I'm in.

207
00:11:06,674 --> 00:11:07,873
Great.

208
00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,007
Can we go now?

209
00:11:09,009 --> 00:11:11,342
Can we go right now? Let's go.

210
00:11:11,344 --> 00:11:13,452
Unfortunately, we can't poach you.

211
00:11:13,477 --> 00:11:16,496
So you will have to wait here
until the Earth explodes.

212
00:11:16,498 --> 00:11:18,583
- It won't be long.
- Cheers.

213
00:11:18,585 --> 00:11:21,182
...bog frog hog
if a bog frog could hog bog?

214
00:11:21,184 --> 00:11:22,888
- What is happening? What is happening?
- Could he hog the whole bog,

215
00:11:22,890 --> 00:11:24,298
on a log in the fog of a bog?

216
00:11:24,323 --> 00:11:25,403
Be cool. Be cool!

217
00:11:25,405 --> 00:11:26,451
Bog-bog frog with a billy-bog hog
that he flogs by the bog with a log.

218
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:27,679
- Pull it together!
- Through the fog and the smog,

219
00:11:27,681 --> 00:11:30,361
Stop saying those words!
I need you to stay with me!

220
00:11:31,702 --> 00:11:33,231
We're gonna be fine.

221
00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:36,968
Okay. Trust me. He can't read, okay?

222
00:11:36,993 --> 00:11:38,622
He can't read.

223
00:11:41,022 --> 00:11:42,574
Hey.

224
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:44,776
Want to know a little secret?

225
00:11:44,778 --> 00:11:46,043
I can't read.

226
00:11:46,045 --> 00:11:47,315
Ah.

227
00:11:47,751 --> 00:11:49,314
Without my glasses.

228
00:11:56,342 --> 00:11:59,190
I've just been revisiting "Oliver Twist."

229
00:11:59,192 --> 00:12:01,793
I know. Dickens is a little pedestrian,

230
00:12:01,795 --> 00:12:03,441
but, uh, what can I say?

231
00:12:03,466 --> 00:12:04,732
I'm a populist.

232
00:12:08,621 --> 00:12:12,339
So, let's see that liquor license.

233
00:12:14,335 --> 00:12:16,612
_

234
00:12:17,996 --> 00:12:19,529
Interesting.

235
00:12:24,838 --> 00:12:27,807
Very, very interesting.

236
00:12:30,690 --> 00:12:33,354
Yeah. Looks good to me.

237
00:12:38,057 --> 00:12:39,400
Wait.

238
00:12:39,833 --> 00:12:41,561
Before you sign,
maybe I should have a look

239
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,818
at the fine print. Just to be safe.

240
00:12:43,843 --> 00:12:46,455
Oh, well, that's
good thinking, Rosa-reen-o.

241
00:12:53,099 --> 00:12:54,834
Nice try.

242
00:12:58,100 --> 00:12:59,924
I told you guys
to let this whole thing go.

243
00:12:59,926 --> 00:13:01,869
Just get out of here before
he turns you into beans.

244
00:13:01,871 --> 00:13:03,163
Wait. So, is that confirmed?

245
00:13:03,188 --> 00:13:04,654
That is actually what happened?

246
00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:06,841
W-Why won't anybody answer me?

247
00:13:06,866 --> 00:13:08,599
No one is even looking at me.

248
00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:09,740
Look at me!

249
00:13:09,742 --> 00:13:12,514
Rosie, if you don't care about Earth,

250
00:13:12,539 --> 00:13:14,264
don't you at least care
about keeping your job?

251
00:13:14,289 --> 00:13:15,555
I found a better one.

252
00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:17,884
Executive Project Manager at Zebulon.

253
00:13:17,909 --> 00:13:19,375
Respect.

254
00:13:22,743 --> 00:13:24,756
- Let's get out of here.
- Wait.

255
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:27,735
Why do you want to work for this place?

256
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:29,864
- Because they're the best.
- Exactly.

257
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,690
They're the best.
They don't need any help.

258
00:13:32,692 --> 00:13:34,758
Meanwhile, this place
is such a crazy mess,

259
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,760
it's about to go under, and the only ones

260
00:13:36,762 --> 00:13:38,296
trying to fix things are the three of us,

261
00:13:38,298 --> 00:13:39,630
and we have no idea what we're doing.

262
00:13:39,632 --> 00:13:40,965
- None.
- Hm.

263
00:13:40,967 --> 00:13:43,433
I am objectively bad at my job...

264
00:13:43,435 --> 00:13:45,571
I have accidentally killed
a ton of people...

265
00:13:45,596 --> 00:13:48,338
and I'm the leader of this group.

266
00:13:48,363 --> 00:13:49,735
- It's true.
- She leads us.

267
00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,775
Look. We are about
to get turned into beans.

268
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:56,780
We are desperate for someone like you.

269
00:13:56,782 --> 00:13:58,282
You can go to Zebulon,

270
00:13:58,284 --> 00:14:01,658
but if you do that,
your talents will be wasted.

271
00:14:03,076 --> 00:14:05,523
'Cause those people don't need you.

272
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:07,580
We do.

273
00:14:14,334 --> 00:14:16,328
All right.
Now that you've tried the small,

274
00:14:16,353 --> 00:14:18,468
you got to try the medium.

275
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,759
How's that fine print looking, Rosie?

276
00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:26,480
It looks like a standard liquor license.

277
00:14:26,774 --> 00:14:29,015
Yes! She saved us! No, I gave it away!

278
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,612
He knows!

279
00:14:31,083 --> 00:14:32,483
Craig...

280
00:14:32,734 --> 00:14:36,609
Rosie, would you mind
reading the document out loud?

281
00:14:47,077 --> 00:14:53,246
"This contract for the sale
of alcoholic beverages

282
00:14:53,271 --> 00:14:56,174
is between Lazy Susan's Enterprises

283
00:14:56,176 --> 00:14:58,768
and the Transdimensional
Law Enforcement Bureau.

284
00:14:58,793 --> 00:14:59,958
Upon signing,

285
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:04,641
the sale of spirits, such as Shocktails,

286
00:15:04,666 --> 00:15:06,266
will be legally permitted."

287
00:15:06,291 --> 00:15:08,252
Would you like to write in
any amendments?

288
00:15:08,634 --> 00:15:09,860
Nah.

289
00:15:09,885 --> 00:15:11,955
Sounds good to me.

290
00:15:19,267 --> 00:15:20,731
Oh. We gotta go.

291
00:15:20,733 --> 00:15:22,066
Oh.

292
00:15:22,068 --> 00:15:23,201
Uh... Thank you.

293
00:15:23,203 --> 00:15:25,203
...you haven't tried the... What? Oh.

294
00:15:25,839 --> 00:15:26,964
All right.

295
00:15:29,821 --> 00:15:31,901
Life extension granted.

296
00:15:31,926 --> 00:15:33,932
100 days.

297
00:15:34,438 --> 00:15:36,555
- Congratulations.
- Yes!

298
00:15:41,424 --> 00:15:42,891
This one?

299
00:15:43,277 --> 00:15:44,419
Or this one?

300
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,588
You can wear one on the first date

301
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,243
and one on the second.

302
00:15:48,268 --> 00:15:49,868
Nana.

303
00:15:51,405 --> 00:15:52,515
To Nana.

304
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:54,916
No. To Rosie.

305
00:15:55,235 --> 00:15:57,830
Congrats. Zebulon is lucky to have you.

306
00:15:57,855 --> 00:16:00,110
They don't have me
until the Earth explodes.

307
00:16:00,135 --> 00:16:02,401
And maybe it won't.

308
00:16:05,445 --> 00:16:07,177
Mm.

309
00:16:14,499 --> 00:16:18,968
All right. Well, this calls
for an extra-special toast.

310
00:16:18,993 --> 00:16:23,883
I pilfered this from upstairs.

311
00:16:23,908 --> 00:16:25,652
Wow, Craig.

312
00:16:25,677 --> 00:16:27,932
- Pretty bold.
- Yeah. I was very drunk.

313
00:16:27,934 --> 00:16:29,934
I still am.

314
00:16:29,936 --> 00:16:31,201
- Cheers.
- Oh.

315
00:16:31,203 --> 00:16:33,064
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

316
00:16:33,873 --> 00:16:35,139
So, we should get back to work.

317
00:16:35,164 --> 00:16:36,297
- Yeah.
- What?

318
00:16:36,839 --> 00:16:38,693
Oh, okay.

319
00:16:47,457 --> 00:16:48,825
Uh, Hello?

320
00:16:50,134 --> 00:16:51,489
Hello?

321
00:16:51,491 --> 00:16:53,156
Good evening, Craig.

322
00:16:53,979 --> 00:16:55,693
Um... you...

323
00:16:55,695 --> 00:16:58,126
you wanted to see me, sir?

324
00:16:59,335 --> 00:17:01,152
I couldn't help but notice that some

325
00:17:01,177 --> 00:17:04,697
of my signature Shocktail
umbrellas have gone missing.

326
00:17:05,041 --> 00:17:07,556
Have they? Oh, no.

327
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,700
I don't think they blew away.

328
00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,807
Do you think they blew away, Craig?

329
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,633
I'm so sorry.

330
00:17:15,658 --> 00:17:17,915
I only took a few umbrellas.

331
00:17:17,917 --> 00:17:20,075
I-I really like umbrellas.

332
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,650
We all like umbrellas.

333
00:17:23,589 --> 00:17:26,225
They turn every drink into a party.

334
00:17:27,131 --> 00:17:28,233
See?

335
00:17:30,825 --> 00:17:32,484
Aren't we having fun now?

336
00:17:34,646 --> 00:17:36,323
You stabbed me in the back.

337
00:17:37,875 --> 00:17:39,207
It's time for the punishment.

338
00:17:41,845 --> 00:17:43,361
Oh... no.

339
00:17:47,747 --> 00:17:49,480
Oh, how much bog could a bog frog hog

340
00:17:49,482 --> 00:17:51,569
if a bog frog could hog bog?

341
00:17:51,751 --> 00:17:54,017
Shh.

342
00:17:55,016 --> 00:17:56,687
It's over.

343
00:17:57,169 --> 00:17:58,613
It's done.

344
00:18:06,917 --> 00:18:08,365
Okay, so, check it out...

345
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:11,435
I love root-beer-flavored jelly beans,

346
00:18:11,437 --> 00:18:13,520
but they only put one in each jar.

347
00:18:13,545 --> 00:18:16,493
And the lids are screwed on tight.

348
00:18:16,518 --> 00:18:19,434
So the punishment is, you open that jar,

349
00:18:19,459 --> 00:18:23,007
find me a root beer,
and then fork over that bean.

350
00:18:24,422 --> 00:18:25,788
Go ahead.

351
00:18:36,996 --> 00:18:38,162
Here you go.

352
00:18:41,941 --> 00:18:43,806
- Punishment served.
- Oh.

353
00:18:44,254 --> 00:18:46,126
Sorry. I didn't mean
to scare you back there.

354
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:48,272
No, it's okay. I-I understand.

355
00:18:48,274 --> 00:18:50,378
You... You were trying
to teach me a lesson,

356
00:18:50,403 --> 00:18:53,010
and I have definitely learned it.

357
00:18:53,012 --> 00:18:56,013
I'm very sorry and also very relieved

358
00:18:56,015 --> 00:18:59,355
that this is the... whole punishment?

359
00:19:00,028 --> 00:19:01,191
Yep. This is it.

360
00:19:01,216 --> 00:19:02,215
This is it.

361
00:19:05,563 --> 00:19:06,696
This is it.

362
00:19:10,194 --> 00:19:11,694
The first time.

363
00:19:25,358 --> 00:19:32,609
credits