1 00:00:04,339 --> 00:00:05,379 Here's to love! 2 00:00:05,404 --> 00:00:07,701 Congratulations, you assholes! 3 00:00:07,726 --> 00:00:09,610 Did you always want to join the priesthood? 4 00:00:09,635 --> 00:00:11,119 Oh, fuck no. 5 00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:12,479 Are you a real priest? 6 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,759 Yeah. 7 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:16,546 So, do your family get together much or... 8 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,199 Well, fuck you then. 9 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,289 And do you want to know what gift I'm giving your father? 10 00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:21,772 - Oh, God. - It's a portrait. 11 00:00:21,797 --> 00:00:23,367 - Oh, God. - Of you girls. 12 00:00:23,368 --> 00:00:25,531 - Oh, God. - You pissed off or you doing a poo? 13 00:00:25,556 --> 00:00:27,799 Get your hands off my miscarriage! 14 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:29,130 - What's happened? - Nothing's happened. 15 00:00:29,155 --> 00:00:31,091 - Just had a little... - What? What, darling? 16 00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:32,800 - Miscarriage. - Hospital now. 17 00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,169 What about the bill? Sit down. 18 00:00:34,194 --> 00:00:35,223 I'll cover her. I'll cover you. 19 00:00:35,248 --> 00:00:37,639 If you ever need someone. I'll be there. 20 00:00:37,640 --> 00:00:39,404 If it didn't want to be in there, it didn't want to be in there. 21 00:00:39,429 --> 00:00:40,943 Something wasn't right. 22 00:00:42,593 --> 00:00:44,319 What the fuck!? 23 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,177 - The priest is quite hot. - So hot. 24 00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:53,759 Peace be with you. Yeah, you too, thank you. 25 00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,399 - Peace be with you. - And also with you. 26 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,439 - Peace be with you. - And also with you. 27 00:00:58,440 --> 00:00:59,519 Peace be with you. 28 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:00,559 Peace be with you. 29 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,479 - Peace be with you. - And also with you. 30 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:04,399 - Peace be with you. - And also with you. 31 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:05,440 Let us pray. 32 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:18,119 Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, 33 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:23,799 thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven. 34 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:28,599 Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses, 35 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,599 as we forgive those who trespass against us 36 00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:36,319 and lead us not into temptation, 37 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,040 but deliver us from evil. 38 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:41,987 Amen. 39 00:01:42,012 --> 00:01:44,015 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com 40 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:50,359 ? Rooted, grafted, built on thee ? 41 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,879 Please be seated. 42 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:53,144 And also with you. 43 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:05,240 Um... Sorry, uh, yes, today's... 44 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,839 Um... Today's notices. 45 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:15,280 There's a raffle at tomorrow's fete to raise funds for the... 46 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:19,639 Sorry... The diocesan pilgrimage to Lourdes. 47 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:23,039 Uh, congratulations to St Ethelred's Football Club. 48 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,599 Woo! 49 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:25,919 Three one victory. 50 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:28,279 Uh, next Friday is a first Friday and I'm going to be 51 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:32,479 making my usual sick calls to the housebound with the Eucharist 52 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:36,399 and, finally, on Thursday I'm going to begin Holy Communion 53 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,239 preparation classes and there are more details of that 54 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:42,559 in the parish newsletter, along with my latest review. 55 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,439 That's all, folks. 56 00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:47,520 Uh, please stand for God's blessing. 57 00:02:48,265 --> 00:02:49,678 Thanks so much. 58 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,295 - Thank you, Father. - All the best. See you next week. 59 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:52,328 All the best. 60 00:02:52,353 --> 00:02:54,519 - Really good one, Father. - Nice to see you, Gina. 61 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,319 Loved the story about your eye. 62 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,439 Off you go. Give my regards to those budgies. 63 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,639 - Hello. - Hi. 64 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:06,239 - This is lovely. - Oh, thank you. Thank you. 65 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,759 I thought you'd be in prison by now. 66 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,079 Ah, well, I keep trying, but they just won't have me. 67 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,079 - I'm sorry about your eye. - Oh, that's okay. 68 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:14,519 Gives me some edge. 69 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,439 I've told them some heroic bullshit. 70 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:17,559 Um... Bless you, Sandy. 71 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:18,601 - Thank you, Father. - Bless you. 72 00:03:18,626 --> 00:03:19,718 Thank you, Father. 73 00:03:19,742 --> 00:03:21,359 - Thank you. - Bye. 74 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,039 - Bye now. Have a nice day. - God bless you. 75 00:03:23,064 --> 00:03:25,184 - Bye. See you next week. - Bless you. 76 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,127 I just wanted to pay you back for dinner... 77 00:03:28,152 --> 00:03:30,283 - Oh, no! Thank you, honestly. - Because I... No, no, really, I insist. 78 00:03:30,338 --> 00:03:32,143 - It'll have to be in instalments... - I don't want it. I don't want it. 79 00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:33,807 - I've got no pockets. - Please... 80 00:03:33,831 --> 00:03:35,785 Honestly, thank you. Nah-ah! 81 00:03:35,810 --> 00:03:38,605 I'm going to knife the candles, Father. They're a bit clogged up. 82 00:03:38,630 --> 00:03:40,679 - Okay, Pam. - Yeah. 83 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,596 Well, the hair dryer's in the, in the wonky drawer... 84 00:03:42,621 --> 00:03:45,079 Under the wonky drawer. Yes, I know. 85 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:46,479 - Hello, love. - Hi. 86 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,158 Oh, is that for the collection? How sweet. So kind. 87 00:03:49,183 --> 00:03:50,280 Thank you. 88 00:03:51,777 --> 00:03:52,897 That's Pam. 89 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,890 Do you like tea? 90 00:04:07,479 --> 00:04:08,714 Jesus. 91 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,800 - Tea! - Great. 92 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,014 I don't want boast, but I make a cracking... 93 00:04:22,039 --> 00:04:24,159 - Oh! Bastard! Sorry. - Oh! 94 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:25,636 - Bastard! - Um... 95 00:04:25,660 --> 00:04:27,660 Let me just get this. 96 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:30,419 - Oh, dear. - Oh, is that holy? 97 00:04:30,444 --> 00:04:33,223 A bit less than it was before. 98 00:04:33,248 --> 00:04:35,309 Shit. Uh... Oh, well. 99 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:39,122 He'll understand. He's an understanding sort. 100 00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,403 Okay. 101 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,200 There you go. 102 00:04:44,911 --> 00:04:46,708 Sorry about all the tat. 103 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:49,559 It's for a fundraiser garden party thing tomorrow. 104 00:04:49,584 --> 00:04:51,439 So much stuff, absolutely no staff. 105 00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,159 - You can volunteer if you want. - Oh... 106 00:04:54,185 --> 00:04:56,239 - I'm only joking. - Oh. 107 00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:58,919 You've probably got a life. 108 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,239 - What's the time? - Um... 109 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:03,119 Do you want a proper drink? I've got cans of G&T. 110 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,759 From M&S. 111 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,639 - Well, it's... - I will if you will. 112 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,429 Okay. 113 00:05:08,454 --> 00:05:09,960 Okay. 114 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:19,760 Thanks. 115 00:05:25,051 --> 00:05:26,668 So, you're a cool priest, are you? 116 00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:27,964 - A cool priest? - Yeah. 117 00:05:27,989 --> 00:05:29,489 No. I'm a big reader with no friends. 118 00:05:29,513 --> 00:05:30,599 Are you a cool person? 119 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:32,759 - I'm a pretty normal person. - A normal person? 120 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,365 - Yeah, a normal person. - What makes you a normal person? 121 00:05:34,390 --> 00:05:36,760 Well, I don't believe in God... 122 00:05:41,252 --> 00:05:42,972 I love it when He does that. 123 00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:52,548 So, you were in my prayers last night. 124 00:05:52,587 --> 00:05:54,063 Likewise. 125 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,519 I'm sorry for your loss. 126 00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,199 What? 127 00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,480 Your baby. 128 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,139 Oh! Yeah, thank you. 129 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,160 Thank you. Yes, I... 130 00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:09,219 Thank you. 131 00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,003 Is the father all right? 132 00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:13,368 Well, he doesn't really... 133 00:06:15,423 --> 00:06:16,680 ...exist. 134 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:19,760 I understand. 135 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:24,813 The funeral liturgy says 136 00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:28,633 that life is changed, not ended. 137 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,519 I've always loved that, if that's of any help. 138 00:06:33,520 --> 00:06:35,816 Oh, well, thank you very much, but I really am an atheist. 139 00:06:35,856 --> 00:06:38,639 Yeah, I gathered that by the smelling of the Bible. 140 00:06:41,587 --> 00:06:43,025 New sermon? 141 00:06:43,050 --> 00:06:46,470 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's... I write, uh... 142 00:06:46,533 --> 00:06:48,640 ...restaurant reviews for the parish magazine 143 00:06:48,665 --> 00:06:50,384 and I was just finishing up the last one. 144 00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:51,976 I actually just came up with a really good title. 145 00:06:52,001 --> 00:06:53,240 Ah, what is it? 146 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,430 - No. - What? 147 00:06:55,454 --> 00:06:57,679 - No, it's not cool. - Well, neither are we, so... 148 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,367 "I'd spend 40 days and 40 nights in that dessert." 149 00:07:04,126 --> 00:07:06,046 Oh, God, I fancy a priest. 150 00:07:08,281 --> 00:07:11,101 _ 151 00:07:17,024 --> 00:07:20,851 _ 152 00:07:31,005 --> 00:07:34,614 _ 153 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:44,040 There you go. 154 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,433 Hey. 155 00:07:50,458 --> 00:07:52,439 Are you having an event? 156 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:53,799 No. 157 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,479 Why are there so many people here? 158 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,639 Well, it's just successful, I guess. 159 00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,943 Why is everyone talking to each other? 160 00:07:59,968 --> 00:08:01,287 Oh, it's Chatty Wednesday. 161 00:08:01,312 --> 00:08:02,463 If you buy something, you have to have a chat 162 00:08:02,488 --> 00:08:04,295 - with someone you don't know. - What? 163 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,199 Loneliness pays. 164 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,519 Listen, can we... 165 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:09,560 Sure. 166 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,239 - I know you and I haven't... - Have you had a check-up? 167 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,719 Yes, it's fine. It's really not a big deal. 168 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:20,230 - It happens all the time... - Hello! 169 00:08:20,254 --> 00:08:21,719 - No. - Where you from? 170 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:24,629 I'm not... This isn't... I'm not part of this. 171 00:08:24,654 --> 00:08:27,001 I shouldn't have to... I don't want to tell you that. 172 00:08:27,026 --> 00:08:28,954 No. Sorry. No. 173 00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:31,197 Tooting. 174 00:08:31,868 --> 00:08:33,427 She hasn't bought anything yet, Joe. 175 00:08:33,452 --> 00:08:36,452 Oh, shit. I'm so sorry. 176 00:08:38,136 --> 00:08:39,455 Does Martin know? 177 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,424 You're not supposed to tell anyone for the first 12... 178 00:08:41,449 --> 00:08:42,674 - Well, you can tell the father. - I just haven't told him. 179 00:08:42,699 --> 00:08:44,847 - Okay, but what does he know? - I don't want to talk about it, okay? 180 00:08:44,872 --> 00:08:47,206 And I never want anyone to know about it. 181 00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:48,363 You have it. 182 00:08:48,388 --> 00:08:50,214 You're better at dealing with awful things anyway. 183 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:51,609 - I don't want it. - Well, you took it, 184 00:08:51,634 --> 00:08:53,877 now everyone thinks you have it, so you have it. 185 00:09:01,091 --> 00:09:02,690 What? 186 00:09:02,715 --> 00:09:04,288 They're some pretty funky trainers. 187 00:09:04,313 --> 00:09:05,804 I said I'm fine. 188 00:09:05,807 --> 00:09:07,529 I just really, really don't want anyone to make 189 00:09:07,554 --> 00:09:09,122 a big deal out of this, okay? 190 00:09:09,147 --> 00:09:11,706 Brutal. Just brutal. 191 00:09:11,707 --> 00:09:13,386 You must feel rotten. 192 00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,946 Do you feel rotten? 193 00:09:14,947 --> 00:09:17,096 I'd rather not talk about it if that's okay. 194 00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:19,146 Of course, darling. Come on up. 195 00:09:19,147 --> 00:09:21,026 Claire get the door, for God's sake. 196 00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:22,816 Did you know who the father was? 197 00:09:22,841 --> 00:09:24,996 Um, you know, I'd rather not talk about it if that's okay. 198 00:09:25,021 --> 00:09:27,090 No, of course, darling. 199 00:09:27,978 --> 00:09:29,940 I've got a set up I'm very excited about. 200 00:09:29,965 --> 00:09:31,684 - It's going to be very striking. - Cool. 201 00:09:31,685 --> 00:09:34,044 So, Claire, if you just sit here. 202 00:09:34,045 --> 00:09:35,153 That's lovely 203 00:09:35,178 --> 00:09:37,930 And, darling, just beside her like that. 204 00:09:37,955 --> 00:09:39,495 Lovely. 205 00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,524 Actually, if you could just... 206 00:09:41,525 --> 00:09:43,300 That's it, that's it. 207 00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:44,685 Just a bit. 208 00:09:46,141 --> 00:09:47,900 Bit more. 209 00:09:47,901 --> 00:09:49,300 There, perfect. 210 00:09:49,301 --> 00:09:50,581 Gorgeous, yes. 211 00:09:53,981 --> 00:09:55,780 Sorry, no, if you could just... 212 00:09:55,781 --> 00:09:57,781 That's it. Thank you, darling. 213 00:09:58,821 --> 00:10:01,100 - So, um... - She can't not talk about it. 214 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,180 - You know, I have six friends... - A lie. 215 00:10:03,181 --> 00:10:05,540 ...who've had miscarriages. 216 00:10:05,541 --> 00:10:08,820 Five of them never managed to produce a child afterwards, 217 00:10:08,821 --> 00:10:11,054 but the sixth one did and rather regretted it, 218 00:10:11,116 --> 00:10:13,952 so I think you've probably done the right thing. 219 00:10:14,015 --> 00:10:15,221 Thank you. 220 00:10:17,056 --> 00:10:18,615 Did you never want them? 221 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,280 Oh, I'm still thinking about it. 222 00:10:21,461 --> 00:10:23,380 Is Dad here? I texted him, but... 223 00:10:23,381 --> 00:10:25,180 - Oh, I saw that. - Oh, so he is here? 224 00:10:25,181 --> 00:10:27,541 Sorry, no, I've got his phone today. 225 00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:31,220 I love that colour. 226 00:10:31,221 --> 00:10:32,260 Which one? 227 00:10:32,261 --> 00:10:35,238 - That one. - Oh, that's three colours. 228 00:10:35,318 --> 00:10:37,557 Right. I'm getting rid of it. 229 00:10:38,069 --> 00:10:39,580 But it was quite an adventure painting. 230 00:10:39,581 --> 00:10:41,500 I had an orgasm as I finished it. 231 00:10:41,501 --> 00:10:43,942 Well, let's hope we all get as much pleasure out of this one. 232 00:10:43,981 --> 00:10:45,309 No, no. Could you...? 233 00:10:45,348 --> 00:10:48,056 Um, I have a pretty full afternoon, so... 234 00:10:48,088 --> 00:10:49,791 Oh, have you got to go back to Finland again? 235 00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,455 No, Finland are coming here. 236 00:10:51,486 --> 00:10:53,060 Oh. Well, that's easier for you. 237 00:10:53,061 --> 00:10:54,220 Mmm. 238 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:55,827 Are you still okay to pick up the invitations? 239 00:10:55,852 --> 00:10:57,460 Oh, yes, of course. 240 00:10:57,461 --> 00:10:59,053 And did you find that ribbon thing for the flowers? 241 00:10:59,077 --> 00:11:00,540 - Yes. - Great. 242 00:11:00,541 --> 00:11:02,045 And is Martin's nose on the mend? 243 00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:03,138 Yes. 244 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,952 And how's the bassoon solo coming on? 245 00:11:04,977 --> 00:11:06,539 Oh, yes, he's practising. 246 00:11:06,564 --> 00:11:08,858 - Oh, God, and now I just have to... - What? 247 00:11:08,883 --> 00:11:10,282 Sorry, Claire, can you look up, please? 248 00:11:10,307 --> 00:11:11,314 Thank you. 249 00:11:11,339 --> 00:11:13,740 Organise canapes for an awards ceremony. 250 00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:15,580 Oh, gosh, you must be exhausted. 251 00:11:15,581 --> 00:11:17,402 Does the little cafe do canapes? 252 00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,207 It totally could, yeah. 253 00:11:19,232 --> 00:11:21,751 Well, there you are. That's one off the list. 254 00:11:21,776 --> 00:11:22,816 Great. 255 00:11:26,025 --> 00:11:30,064 Gosh, haven't you got a lovely, thick neck? 256 00:11:31,981 --> 00:11:33,700 - That was fun. - Thank you. 257 00:11:33,725 --> 00:11:35,522 I really can help with the canapes if it's... 258 00:11:35,547 --> 00:11:37,872 - I'm going to say this quickly. Okay? - Okay. 259 00:11:37,897 --> 00:11:40,060 Martin wants to press charges against you for assault. 260 00:11:40,061 --> 00:11:42,155 I've tried to talk him down, but to be fair, you did hit him 261 00:11:42,180 --> 00:11:43,621 - fucking hard. - What?! 262 00:11:43,622 --> 00:11:46,085 I will provide you with exceptional legal advice as long as 263 00:11:46,110 --> 00:11:48,365 you don't tell anyone I'm providing you with exceptional legal advice. 264 00:11:48,390 --> 00:11:50,225 - What?! - This is happening. 265 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:53,129 I am mortified, but it is happening, okay? 266 00:11:53,154 --> 00:11:55,100 I will hire this lawyer to scare him off 267 00:11:55,101 --> 00:11:57,871 and I will hire you to do the canapes. 268 00:11:57,901 --> 00:11:59,460 - Who's the lawyer? - Oh, he's a friend. 269 00:11:59,461 --> 00:12:01,340 He mainly defends rapists. 270 00:12:01,341 --> 00:12:02,522 He has a high success rate then. 271 00:12:02,547 --> 00:12:05,186 Undefeated. Come on. 272 00:12:05,301 --> 00:12:07,420 I've filled him in with the basics. 273 00:12:07,421 --> 00:12:09,785 - That your husband's an animal? - Be serious. 274 00:12:09,809 --> 00:12:12,556 Just do whatever he says and don't flirt with him. 275 00:12:12,581 --> 00:12:15,585 I'm not going to f... 276 00:12:15,661 --> 00:12:17,820 Fucking hell, okay. 277 00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,580 - Claire! - David, thank you so much... 278 00:12:19,581 --> 00:12:21,140 - Oh! Sorry. - Wow. 279 00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:22,660 I can take you to court for that. 280 00:12:23,821 --> 00:12:25,391 This the little trouble maker, then? 281 00:12:25,415 --> 00:12:26,740 - Hi. - Hi. 282 00:12:26,741 --> 00:12:30,165 Now, listen, I just want to be clear that whatever happens, 283 00:12:30,190 --> 00:12:32,923 I don't sleep with people I work with, okay? 284 00:12:36,552 --> 00:12:38,425 I'm joking. 285 00:12:38,450 --> 00:12:40,276 Slip on in, ladies. 286 00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:43,433 Well, if you spit guilty, you'll have to swallow a short jail term, 287 00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:44,948 or community service if you're lucky. 288 00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,002 Or? 289 00:12:46,027 --> 00:12:47,450 - You definitely started it? - Yes. 290 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,263 - Any witnesses? - About 30. 291 00:12:51,482 --> 00:12:53,286 The most important thing, honey, 292 00:12:53,311 --> 00:12:55,704 is that you do not, under any circumstances, apologise. 293 00:12:55,729 --> 00:12:57,899 - I can do that... - No, that's not what we discussed. 294 00:12:57,924 --> 00:13:00,700 Well, that can be taken as an admission of guilt. 295 00:13:00,701 --> 00:13:02,660 I assume you know the victim personally? 296 00:13:02,661 --> 00:13:04,693 - Yes... - No, and let's not call him 297 00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:06,980 - the victim yet, shall we? - Well, that's what he is. 298 00:13:06,981 --> 00:13:08,780 Yes. Right. 299 00:13:08,781 --> 00:13:10,180 They've definitely fucked. 300 00:13:10,181 --> 00:13:11,940 We just want a letter to scare him off 301 00:13:11,941 --> 00:13:13,540 if he ends up seeking proper action. 302 00:13:13,581 --> 00:13:15,657 - Really doesn't make sense, Claire. - Actually maybe not. 303 00:13:15,682 --> 00:13:17,212 I think it makes perfect sense. 304 00:13:17,237 --> 00:13:19,329 - I just want to be ahead of the game. - God, I can't tell. 305 00:13:19,354 --> 00:13:21,837 - That's a habit of yours, I've heard. - Oh, I've got it. 306 00:13:21,862 --> 00:13:23,088 - Is it? - They haven't... 307 00:13:23,113 --> 00:13:24,588 You're going to have to tell me who said that. 308 00:13:24,612 --> 00:13:26,071 - Never. - ...but they're going to. 309 00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:27,885 - David. - Oh, God, I've got to get out. 310 00:13:27,917 --> 00:13:29,476 - Claire. - Excuse me. 311 00:13:29,477 --> 00:13:30,473 Where you off to, little lady? 312 00:13:30,505 --> 00:13:33,723 I'm just going to let this... Yeah. 313 00:13:50,357 --> 00:13:51,676 You all right? 314 00:13:51,677 --> 00:13:53,769 Yeah. Just thought I'd leave you to it. 315 00:13:54,677 --> 00:13:56,476 - Sorry. - What? 316 00:13:56,477 --> 00:13:58,589 He says he'll only talk you through potential proceedings 317 00:13:58,614 --> 00:14:00,222 - if you go for a drink with him. - What? 318 00:14:00,246 --> 00:14:01,772 - I know. - Outrageous. 319 00:14:01,797 --> 00:14:03,516 - Stop smiling. - I thought he was after you? 320 00:14:03,541 --> 00:14:06,251 So did I, but my hair isn't great at the moment. 321 00:14:06,276 --> 00:14:08,156 Either way, it's very inappropriate. 322 00:14:08,157 --> 00:14:09,543 - Don't sleep with him. - I won't. 323 00:14:09,568 --> 00:14:10,801 - Don't. - I won't. 324 00:14:10,825 --> 00:14:11,933 I don't do that anymore. 325 00:14:11,958 --> 00:14:14,276 What? Why? Are you ill? 326 00:14:14,277 --> 00:14:15,756 - No. - Then what? 327 00:14:15,757 --> 00:14:18,192 Well, I just... 328 00:14:18,217 --> 00:14:19,840 Oh, my God. Have you met someone? 329 00:14:19,865 --> 00:14:22,196 Well, not really. 330 00:14:22,197 --> 00:14:23,796 - Back with Harry? - No, it's actually... 331 00:14:23,797 --> 00:14:24,904 - Someone new? - Well... 332 00:14:24,929 --> 00:14:27,077 - Is he single? - Sort of. 333 00:14:28,917 --> 00:14:30,436 Take this. 334 00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,842 I'll try talk Martin down, but call him if you need him. 335 00:14:32,867 --> 00:14:34,716 He's a very good lawyer. 336 00:14:34,717 --> 00:14:36,836 Surprisingly... 337 00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,173 ...tender underneath it all. 338 00:14:39,197 --> 00:14:40,689 Knew it. 339 00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,970 What you did in the restaurant was unforgiveable. 340 00:14:42,994 --> 00:14:44,994 I know. 341 00:14:45,019 --> 00:14:46,277 Thank you. 342 00:14:48,541 --> 00:14:49,820 Okay, well... 343 00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:52,679 Listen, I actually just wanted to give you... this. 344 00:14:52,704 --> 00:14:55,056 It's just one session, but you've been through a lot, so I just... 345 00:14:55,081 --> 00:14:56,877 Oh, my God, I said I'm fine. 346 00:14:58,277 --> 00:14:59,517 I'm weirdly fine. 347 00:15:02,037 --> 00:15:03,837 I'd rather have the money. 348 00:15:19,401 --> 00:15:21,734 Excuse me, I've got dry forearms. 349 00:15:22,508 --> 00:15:23,750 Sure. 350 00:15:26,157 --> 00:15:27,956 So, why have you come to the session? 351 00:15:27,957 --> 00:15:30,041 Oh, it was a birthday present from my father. 352 00:15:30,877 --> 00:15:32,516 Is that a joke? 353 00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:33,877 No. 354 00:15:35,597 --> 00:15:37,516 It would be good not to make jokes in here. 355 00:15:37,517 --> 00:15:42,613 Just in case anything gets lost in humorous translation. 356 00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:44,757 Oh, I don't know if I can do that. 357 00:15:46,197 --> 00:15:47,556 Is that a joke? 358 00:15:47,557 --> 00:15:48,597 No. 359 00:15:49,957 --> 00:15:53,759 Oh, just try not to, or make it very obvious. 360 00:15:54,637 --> 00:15:55,956 Sure. 361 00:15:55,957 --> 00:15:58,892 So, why do you think your father suggested you come for counselling? 362 00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:01,698 I think because my mother died and he can't talk about it 363 00:16:01,723 --> 00:16:03,879 and my sister and I didn't speak for a year because she thinks 364 00:16:03,904 --> 00:16:05,832 I tried to sleep with her husband and because I spent most 365 00:16:05,857 --> 00:16:08,590 of my adult life using sex to deflect from the screaming void 366 00:16:08,615 --> 00:16:11,212 inside my empty heart. I'm good at this. 367 00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:13,140 Although I don't really do that any more. 368 00:16:13,877 --> 00:16:15,812 You close with your family? 369 00:16:17,867 --> 00:16:19,276 We get on with it. 370 00:16:19,277 --> 00:16:21,636 - Do you talk? - God no! 371 00:16:21,637 --> 00:16:23,596 Any friends? 372 00:16:23,597 --> 00:16:25,837 - Sorry? - Any friends? 373 00:16:27,837 --> 00:16:29,276 Um... 374 00:16:29,277 --> 00:16:31,250 No, I don't really have time for... 375 00:16:31,317 --> 00:16:34,156 Well, I have a guinea pig, but she blows hot and cold. 376 00:16:34,196 --> 00:16:35,391 Not a joke. 377 00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,996 Tell me about the sex. 378 00:16:41,477 --> 00:16:42,996 All of it? 379 00:16:42,997 --> 00:16:44,756 You said you don't do that now. 380 00:16:44,757 --> 00:16:46,464 Oh, no, I just play tennis now. 381 00:16:48,677 --> 00:16:49,880 Tough crowd. 382 00:16:51,157 --> 00:16:52,497 Sorry. 383 00:16:52,557 --> 00:16:54,466 I just... 384 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:57,333 Sex didn't bring anything... 385 00:16:57,437 --> 00:16:59,645 good, so I'm trying not to... 386 00:17:01,191 --> 00:17:02,590 But I've... 387 00:17:02,661 --> 00:17:04,732 And what have you found in your abstinence? 388 00:17:04,757 --> 00:17:07,677 Well, I'm very horny and your little scarf isn't helping. 389 00:17:09,837 --> 00:17:12,364 So, the impulse is still there? 390 00:17:12,421 --> 00:17:14,192 Oh... 391 00:17:14,261 --> 00:17:17,450 Yeah, the impulse is... 392 00:17:17,477 --> 00:17:20,328 The impulse is very much still there. 393 00:17:20,397 --> 00:17:22,531 It's just never the right person. 394 00:17:22,597 --> 00:17:24,036 Mm. 395 00:17:24,094 --> 00:17:26,828 So there is a particular person you're not having sex with? 396 00:17:26,877 --> 00:17:28,375 No! 397 00:17:28,437 --> 00:17:31,356 Well, look, nothing's happened. I just... 398 00:17:31,357 --> 00:17:33,156 He's not available. 399 00:17:33,157 --> 00:17:35,396 - In a relationship? - Yes, a bad one. 400 00:17:35,397 --> 00:17:37,076 Oh, really? How so? 401 00:17:37,077 --> 00:17:38,875 It's a sort of relationship where one partner 402 00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:41,464 - tells the other how to dress. - Are you in love with him? 403 00:17:41,489 --> 00:17:43,391 No! 404 00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:45,636 Why do you find that funny? 405 00:17:45,637 --> 00:17:47,356 Well, I... 406 00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:49,276 I dunno, I just... 407 00:17:49,277 --> 00:17:51,516 I don't... No! 408 00:17:51,517 --> 00:17:53,766 - Just not a romantic? - No. 409 00:17:54,517 --> 00:17:56,076 Just... 410 00:17:56,178 --> 00:17:58,298 a girl with no friends and an empty heart? 411 00:18:01,837 --> 00:18:03,317 By your own description. 412 00:18:09,237 --> 00:18:10,516 I have friends. 413 00:18:10,517 --> 00:18:12,437 Oh, so you do have someone to talk to. 414 00:18:14,437 --> 00:18:15,597 Yeah. 415 00:18:17,677 --> 00:18:19,156 Do you see them a lot? 416 00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:21,474 Oh, they're... they're always there. 417 00:18:21,529 --> 00:18:23,185 They're... 418 00:18:23,237 --> 00:18:25,030 They're always there. 419 00:18:25,517 --> 00:18:26,975 Why do you find that funny? 420 00:18:26,999 --> 00:18:28,474 Listen, I don't need to be analysed. 421 00:18:28,499 --> 00:18:29,788 I have a nice life. I just... 422 00:18:29,812 --> 00:18:31,812 I just wanted to exchange the voucher for the money. 423 00:18:31,837 --> 00:18:33,716 It's a bit late for that now. 424 00:18:33,717 --> 00:18:35,437 I've only been here five minutes. 425 00:18:38,070 --> 00:18:39,951 I want the money. 426 00:18:42,277 --> 00:18:44,373 I want to fuck a priest. 427 00:18:44,437 --> 00:18:46,156 - Catholic? - Yes! 428 00:18:46,157 --> 00:18:47,836 - A good one? - Yes! 429 00:18:47,837 --> 00:18:49,771 - Looks good in the... - Mmm, yes. 430 00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,583 I understand. 431 00:18:52,157 --> 00:18:54,076 Do you really want to fuck the priest, 432 00:18:54,077 --> 00:18:56,316 or do you want to fuck God? 433 00:18:56,317 --> 00:18:59,116 - Can you fuck God? - Oh, yes. 434 00:18:59,117 --> 00:19:02,504 Look just please tell me how to not fuck a priest, 435 00:19:02,529 --> 00:19:04,168 before I get arrested. 436 00:19:04,193 --> 00:19:06,621 Well, I don't think fucking a priest will make you feel as powerful 437 00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:09,396 - as you think it will. - Can you just tell me what to do? 438 00:19:09,397 --> 00:19:10,644 You know. 439 00:19:11,957 --> 00:19:14,916 You already know what you're going to do. Everybody does. 440 00:19:14,917 --> 00:19:16,196 What?! 441 00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:18,659 You've already decided what you're going to do. 442 00:19:19,437 --> 00:19:21,676 So what's the point in you? 443 00:19:23,357 --> 00:19:24,877 You know what you're going to do. 444 00:19:26,477 --> 00:19:28,116 - No, I don't. - Yes, you do. 445 00:19:28,117 --> 00:19:29,495 - I don't! - You do! 446 00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:30,648 - I don't! I don't... - You do! 447 00:19:32,430 --> 00:19:34,263 - Good luck! - Thank you. 448 00:19:34,288 --> 00:19:35,770 Shut up. 449 00:19:36,797 --> 00:19:38,716 Hi, can I have two raffle tickets, please? 450 00:19:38,717 --> 00:19:41,105 - Oh, my God. - Oh, my God, hi! 451 00:19:41,130 --> 00:19:42,916 Hi! You're... 452 00:19:42,941 --> 00:19:43,979 - Yeah! - ...with child. 453 00:19:44,003 --> 00:19:44,946 - Yes. - Cool! 454 00:19:44,971 --> 00:19:46,455 - You, you got a fringe! - Yeah! 455 00:19:46,479 --> 00:19:47,532 Yeah. Oh, cool. 456 00:19:47,557 --> 00:19:50,409 - Aw, you always wanted a baby! - You always wanted a fringe. 457 00:19:50,410 --> 00:19:52,365 She is amazing. 458 00:19:52,390 --> 00:19:54,886 - I mean, it's been tough, but amazing. - Oh, yeah? 459 00:19:54,911 --> 00:19:56,929 Yeah, I mean, the birth really took its toll. 460 00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:59,072 - Oh, really? Was it a tricky one? - I can't really remember it now. 461 00:19:59,097 --> 00:20:02,509 But the whole thing has just really changed me. 462 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,169 I just don't feel... 463 00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,868 You know, my emotions are up and down. 464 00:20:05,892 --> 00:20:08,505 My body just feels different. 465 00:20:08,530 --> 00:20:11,690 I mean, Elaine is being amazing, so supportive... 466 00:20:11,715 --> 00:20:13,366 It sounds like you have got post-natal depression. 467 00:20:13,390 --> 00:20:15,819 I do, yeah, but we're working through it. 468 00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:18,950 - Sure. - Just to let you know, 469 00:20:18,975 --> 00:20:20,718 the band is going to start in a couple of minutes. 470 00:20:20,743 --> 00:20:22,449 Hey, Father. This is Suzie! 471 00:20:22,450 --> 00:20:24,809 Aw, I don't know how to talk to babies, sorry. 472 00:20:24,810 --> 00:20:26,449 Do you guys know each other? 473 00:20:26,450 --> 00:20:28,090 - Uh, yeah. - We sort of used to... 474 00:20:28,129 --> 00:20:30,183 I used to be her girlfriend. 475 00:20:30,210 --> 00:20:31,570 Oh, cool. 476 00:20:32,890 --> 00:20:34,650 Good for you! 477 00:20:34,690 --> 00:20:36,491 I'm going to go and show her the coconuts. 478 00:20:36,516 --> 00:20:39,165 - She's really good at counting. - Okay. 479 00:20:39,210 --> 00:20:41,089 Excuse me, everyone! 480 00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:44,929 The Youthy Band is about to play the ode to something! 481 00:20:44,930 --> 00:20:46,749 - You having fun? - Yes, yeah. 482 00:20:46,774 --> 00:20:48,178 - Selling well? Good. - Yes, I think so. 483 00:20:48,203 --> 00:20:49,577 Oh, puzzle. I love a puzzle! 484 00:20:49,602 --> 00:20:51,539 - The Youthy Band are about... - Yes, I heard you, Pam. 485 00:20:51,564 --> 00:20:53,750 Thank you, thank you so much. Thank you. 486 00:20:55,850 --> 00:20:58,114 - Ah, there's the main event. - Yeah! 487 00:20:58,139 --> 00:21:01,043 - Very talented. - She, uh, she... 488 00:21:01,068 --> 00:21:03,298 Don't say it. She, she, actually... 489 00:21:03,323 --> 00:21:04,407 Just don't say it. 490 00:21:04,432 --> 00:21:06,689 She actually orgasmed when she finished it. 491 00:21:06,690 --> 00:21:07,889 I just said it. 492 00:21:07,914 --> 00:21:09,634 - Apparently. - Ah! 493 00:21:11,962 --> 00:21:13,802 Well, whatever gets you there! 494 00:21:16,610 --> 00:21:19,859 Father! Father, we have a cupcake situation over here! 495 00:21:19,884 --> 00:21:21,769 Okay, Pam! I will be there to cupcake. 496 00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:25,010 Thank you so much for helping. 497 00:21:30,438 --> 00:21:32,238 Arm touch. 498 00:21:38,810 --> 00:21:42,529 At least my son is in the Youthy Band, what's your excuse? 499 00:21:42,530 --> 00:21:44,489 Urgh! 500 00:21:44,490 --> 00:21:46,609 I'm helping the priest. 501 00:21:46,610 --> 00:21:49,689 Wow, you do love a challenge, don't you? 502 00:21:50,198 --> 00:21:51,618 Hey, I just want to say something... 503 00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,409 It's from River Island. I got it last week. 504 00:21:53,434 --> 00:21:57,929 No. I want to say that I'm sorry for saying what I said. 505 00:21:57,930 --> 00:22:00,289 I'm sorry for what you went through. 506 00:22:00,290 --> 00:22:01,838 I'm sorry. 507 00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:03,569 I know what you're doing. I'm not going to say it. 508 00:22:03,570 --> 00:22:05,089 I'm just saying sorry. 509 00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:06,369 I'm not going to say it. 510 00:22:06,370 --> 00:22:08,089 I'm sorry. 511 00:22:08,090 --> 00:22:09,250 Mm-mm. 512 00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:14,100 Okay. 513 00:22:14,130 --> 00:22:15,609 And thank you. 514 00:22:15,610 --> 00:22:17,649 - She and I have never been better. - Oh! 515 00:22:17,650 --> 00:22:19,689 You had a big part in that. 516 00:22:19,690 --> 00:22:21,689 I'm happy for you. 517 00:22:21,690 --> 00:22:24,721 I'm happy you've found a way to deflect from your pitiful, 518 00:22:24,746 --> 00:22:27,846 self-sabotaging, ego-driven, masturbatory... 519 00:22:27,871 --> 00:22:29,769 I cannot believe how well this is coming out. 520 00:22:29,794 --> 00:22:32,209 ...pawing, insidious, insidious, 521 00:22:32,210 --> 00:22:34,010 overwhelming mediocrity, 522 00:22:34,035 --> 00:22:36,442 only to finally figure out that at your very core, 523 00:22:36,466 --> 00:22:39,763 you are a weaky. 524 00:22:40,650 --> 00:22:41,809 Damn! 525 00:22:41,810 --> 00:22:44,169 - A "weaky"? - Damn! Damn! 526 00:22:44,170 --> 00:22:46,198 Wow. A "weaky"? 527 00:22:52,090 --> 00:22:55,369 In that case, I just wanted you to know 528 00:22:55,409 --> 00:22:58,909 that I'm impressed with how you just keep bouncing back. 529 00:22:58,963 --> 00:23:00,729 I really am. 530 00:23:00,730 --> 00:23:03,641 You're a strongy. 531 00:23:04,672 --> 00:23:06,452 That was awesome, man. 532 00:23:06,477 --> 00:23:08,129 Creepy Jake, mainly says things like... 533 00:23:08,130 --> 00:23:09,529 - Where's Claire? - ...and... 534 00:23:09,530 --> 00:23:10,609 Where's Claire? 535 00:23:10,610 --> 00:23:12,129 She couldn't make it, man. 536 00:23:12,130 --> 00:23:15,192 Lucky for us, your aunt is an avid church goer. 537 00:23:15,217 --> 00:23:16,609 Hi. Thanks for watching. 538 00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:19,065 Oh, you were excellent. 539 00:23:19,090 --> 00:23:20,729 - Oh! - Ooh. 540 00:23:20,730 --> 00:23:22,249 Careful there, buddy. 541 00:23:22,250 --> 00:23:24,575 You could go down for that sort of behaviour these days. 542 00:23:24,600 --> 00:23:26,897 - It was just a hug. - "Oh, it was just a hug!" 543 00:23:26,922 --> 00:23:28,811 You got to do better than that these days, boy. 544 00:23:28,836 --> 00:23:31,225 - Specially round this firecracker. - But I didn't do... 545 00:23:31,249 --> 00:23:32,717 Come on. 546 00:23:33,610 --> 00:23:35,626 I don't want to be an asshole. 547 00:23:35,650 --> 00:23:37,569 I just want her to be happy. 548 00:23:37,570 --> 00:23:41,236 And she has been really happy... 549 00:23:41,290 --> 00:23:43,080 ...until she saw you. 550 00:23:43,970 --> 00:23:45,726 Just saying. 551 00:23:45,810 --> 00:23:47,130 Wow. 552 00:23:58,290 --> 00:23:59,743 Psst. 553 00:23:59,768 --> 00:24:01,649 Hi, Jake. Ooh. 554 00:24:01,674 --> 00:24:04,985 Tell her to leave him. 555 00:24:05,010 --> 00:24:06,689 What? 556 00:24:06,690 --> 00:24:10,855 Tell her to leave him. 557 00:24:19,610 --> 00:24:21,570 He's going to kill someone one day. 558 00:24:24,826 --> 00:24:27,343 - Hey! - Yes, Father? 559 00:24:27,380 --> 00:24:28,411 Yes, Father? 560 00:24:28,436 --> 00:24:30,193 I can't believe I'm saying this, but... 561 00:24:30,218 --> 00:24:31,296 Oh, God. 562 00:24:31,321 --> 00:24:34,249 Can I get that coconut back? They're actually on hire. 563 00:24:34,250 --> 00:24:36,569 I'm not sure if a lot of them are even real, actually, 564 00:24:36,570 --> 00:24:39,593 which is morally a bit dubious, but we've got to make money somehow. 565 00:24:39,618 --> 00:24:42,449 - Thank you. - Knuckle brush. 566 00:24:42,450 --> 00:24:45,245 Also, I hope you don't mind, but, um... 567 00:24:45,282 --> 00:24:48,115 I've marked a few pages in here that I thought might be... 568 00:24:48,148 --> 00:24:49,708 Ooh, eh. 569 00:24:49,733 --> 00:24:51,853 No, no, no, no. I'm not trying to... 570 00:24:53,330 --> 00:24:54,799 They're just words. 571 00:24:54,850 --> 00:24:58,849 Okay, it's just I... I think I know what happens. 572 00:24:58,890 --> 00:25:00,130 Classic. 573 00:25:01,730 --> 00:25:03,050 Come on, have a read. 574 00:25:05,675 --> 00:25:07,434 I'd like to know what do you think. 575 00:25:07,490 --> 00:25:09,546 And if you ever want to... 576 00:25:09,616 --> 00:25:11,687 talk about stuff, I'm here. 577 00:25:11,730 --> 00:25:13,734 With a G&T, of course. 578 00:25:15,104 --> 00:25:16,744 You can come whenever you want. 579 00:25:18,170 --> 00:25:20,241 I'd like you to come, 580 00:25:20,324 --> 00:25:21,844 if it helps. 581 00:25:33,137 --> 00:25:38,137 Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com