1
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:06,180
You can't see it yet but
this is my excited face.

2
00:00:08,980 --> 00:00:10,300
I'm doing little jumps.

3
00:00:10,340 --> 00:00:12,780
You know someone is special
if you do little jumps

4
00:00:12,820 --> 00:00:14,100
when you see them.

5
00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:23,220
I missed you.

6
00:00:23,260 --> 00:00:25,860
I go to Boots at lunch
and sniff your perfume.

7
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:29,060
I'm on your Instagram,
like, all the time.

8
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:32,340
I fucked your dad to feel closer to you.

9
00:00:32,380 --> 00:00:34,420
And you ruined it.

10
00:00:36,540 --> 00:00:39,820
I love her so much it
makes me doubt my sexuality

11
00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:41,620
but then everything does.

12
00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:43,220
It's not her, it's me.

13
00:00:44,660 --> 00:00:48,140
So when I said I missed you I meant
like how I would miss my period

14
00:00:48,180 --> 00:00:49,460
if it's a few days late.

15
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,940
Like, slight concern but
not enough to buy a test.

16
00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:05,140
Are you going to talk to me, then?

17
00:01:06,260 --> 00:01:08,540
Sorry, my mouth keeps
getting full of whisky.

18
00:01:11,060 --> 00:01:12,300
Mate...

19
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:14,300
You called me in a total fucking tizz

20
00:01:14,301 --> 00:01:15,604
and all I hear from you since then

21
00:01:15,605 --> 00:01:17,356
is a couple of texts
and a Kristen Wiig GIF.

22
00:01:17,380 --> 00:01:20,460
It's not enough to sustain a friendship.

23
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,180
Sorry.

24
00:01:22,220 --> 00:01:23,420
It's been mental.

25
00:01:24,780 --> 00:01:27,020
What you did was mental, Marnie.

26
00:01:27,060 --> 00:01:30,140
You just fucking left me. I
was really worried about you.

27
00:01:30,180 --> 00:01:32,260
I went on the Mind
website and everything.

28
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:34,460
I know. I'm sorry.

29
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:36,060
You don't need to worry about me.

30
00:01:36,100 --> 00:01:37,940
I'm speaking to someone
now and it helps.

31
00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:39,460
I feel a lot less anxious.

32
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:45,660
OK, well, all I'm saying is if
this needs to be an intervention

33
00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:48,300
instead of a city
break then that's fine.

34
00:01:48,340 --> 00:01:51,180
It is a city break.

35
00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:57,420
Except all you'll see is this, a
pub and the inside of Shereen's flat

36
00:01:57,460 --> 00:02:01,340
because I've only got
£87 until I get a job.

37
00:02:01,380 --> 00:02:03,020
Wait, do you need money?

38
00:02:03,060 --> 00:02:05,540
I'm minted. Connor gave me a raise.

39
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:10,580
He says it's because of gender pay
gaps but I think it's thigh gaps.

40
00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:11,620
As in mine.

41
00:02:14,420 --> 00:02:17,740
- Are you listening to me?
- Fuck off, I don't fancy her.

42
00:02:17,780 --> 00:02:18,820
- Oi.
- Ow.

43
00:02:18,860 --> 00:02:21,260
What are you thinking?

44
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:24,340
You can't hang up on me now
because I'm right here in your face.

45
00:02:25,940 --> 00:02:28,700
I should be able
to tell her anything.

46
00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:31,780
I showed my first
pubic hair to this woman.

47
00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:37,620
I was thinking about your vagina.

48
00:02:37,660 --> 00:02:40,580
Because that's what's in your thigh gap.

49
00:02:57,700 --> 00:02:59,260
Afternoon. Here he is.

50
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:00,900
Back in the driver's seat.

51
00:03:00,940 --> 00:03:02,580
How is she handling?

52
00:03:02,620 --> 00:03:04,380
Yes, she's very smooth.

53
00:03:05,580 --> 00:03:07,420
Well, shan't distract you.

54
00:03:11,220 --> 00:03:12,220
Thank you.

55
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:20,620
What time do you call this?

56
00:03:23,060 --> 00:03:24,060
Um...

57
00:03:25,540 --> 00:03:27,460
Did you get my e-mail?

58
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:30,860
I red flagged it. What,
as in, to human resources?

59
00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:34,100
As in I haven't read it,
sorry, was it important?

60
00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:37,260
Yeah, in the context of this.

61
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,460
This was going to be about that,
so it's good background to have.

62
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:43,100
- I'm up against it, Charlie, sorry.
- Sorry, um...

63
00:03:45,940 --> 00:03:48,260
I just wanted to say
that I don't want things

64
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,740
to be difficult working here.

65
00:03:50,780 --> 00:03:52,680
It's not great if you're
finding things difficult

66
00:03:52,681 --> 00:03:54,060
on your first day back.

67
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:56,980
No, I mean between us.

68
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,540
Because of the cab thing. Yeah, so...

69
00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:01,980
I just don't want you to
think that I was rejecting

70
00:04:02,020 --> 00:04:04,180
you because I wasn't.

71
00:04:04,220 --> 00:04:06,654
I mean, technically I was
because I didn't and we didn't

72
00:04:06,655 --> 00:04:08,780
but that's not because I didn't want to.

73
00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:11,860
Physically you are thumbs
up but you're my boss

74
00:04:11,900 --> 00:04:13,780
and I'm massively punching.

75
00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:17,020
It's like a monkey pulling a swan.

76
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:19,300
I'm the monkey, you're the swan.

77
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:21,082
But like a black swan 'cos
that's more interesting

78
00:04:21,083 --> 00:04:22,836
than just something white
floating down a canal.

79
00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:26,060
Anyway, I'm sort of making things
worse, so I'm just going to go back

80
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,580
and carry on doing my work.

81
00:04:28,620 --> 00:04:30,340
What are you doing tomorrow?

82
00:04:30,380 --> 00:04:31,820
Night?

83
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,940
Uh, I've got a dinner thing, actually.

84
00:04:36,980 --> 00:04:39,260
OK, so you'll be done what, 11, 11:30?

85
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,020
Uh, yeah.

86
00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:42,500
Come back to mine after.

87
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,980
Can I ask what for?

88
00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:50,500
It'll just be a bit of fun.

89
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,300
Right, can you clarify
what you mean by fun,

90
00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:54,820
just 'cos different people
find different things fun?

91
00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,780
Like my mate thinks gardening is fun.

92
00:04:56,820 --> 00:05:00,500
Other people like, um, jigsaws.

93
00:05:00,540 --> 00:05:02,380
I'll text you the address.

94
00:05:03,780 --> 00:05:05,780
Meeting in 20 if you
could tell the rest.

95
00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:13,540
Oh, my gosh!

96
00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:20,173
- Dave?
- There is always a Dave.

97
00:05:20,174 --> 00:05:21,580
Dave!

98
00:05:21,620 --> 00:05:25,340
- What about that one there?
- Dave! David. Davido.

99
00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:29,340
- Dave! He's doing a little smile.
- A little smile.

100
00:05:42,020 --> 00:05:43,700
There's something wrong with me.

101
00:05:45,180 --> 00:05:46,940
Yeah, I know.

102
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,420
And I love you still.

103
00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,500
But like, there actually is.

104
00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:58,820
What?

105
00:05:58,860 --> 00:06:01,660
It's to do with the way I think.

106
00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:04,076
Have you gone Scientologist?
Is that why you moved to London?

107
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:06,220
- Have you been brainwashed?
- I'm not a Scientologist.

108
00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:07,260
What then?

109
00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:09,460
I've got OCD.

110
00:06:12,980 --> 00:06:14,300
You don't have OCD.

111
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,780
My therapist thinks I do.

112
00:06:20,620 --> 00:06:23,060
But you're such a mess.

113
00:06:25,060 --> 00:06:26,740
OCD doesn't mean you're neat.

114
00:06:27,780 --> 00:06:32,620
Uh, I have these thoughts
about sex pop into my head,

115
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:36,220
like, "She's got a vagina."

116
00:06:38,060 --> 00:06:39,260
"I could snog him."

117
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,140
"That looks like a penis."

118
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:47,700
- Yeah, but everyone gets those.
- No.

119
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:50,300
Yeah, the other day, Colin was
in the office eating a banana

120
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:53,300
and I was like, "Oh,
he is sucking that off."

121
00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:55,660
- Yeah, but did it make you anxious?
- Yeah.

122
00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:58,660
I was like, it's 11 o'clock and I'm
already desperate for my meal deal.

123
00:06:58,700 --> 00:07:00,380
OK.

124
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:04,700
So it's like that but not at all.

125
00:07:06,020 --> 00:07:07,540
It's in my head, like, 24/7.

126
00:07:07,580 --> 00:07:09,660
It makes me really anxious.

127
00:07:10,740 --> 00:07:16,380
So I do stuff to try and get
rid of it like move to London

128
00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:17,420
and avoid you.

129
00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:24,220
You moved to London to avoid me?

130
00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:25,500
No.

131
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:27,060
You're a trigger.

132
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:30,417
It's why sometimes I go weird with you

133
00:07:30,418 --> 00:07:33,820
because you're always whapping
your boobs at me, it freaks me out.

134
00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:35,740
- What's wrong with my boobs?
- Nothing.

135
00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:39,300
No, it's not you, it's my
disorder, they upset me.

136
00:07:39,340 --> 00:07:40,820
- Sorry.
- No.

137
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,340
I can't avoid every trigger.

138
00:07:42,380 --> 00:07:44,820
Look, don't cover them
up, come on, get them out.

139
00:07:44,860 --> 00:07:48,100
- Oh, Dave! Help me! She's trying to molest me!
- She's fine, Dave.

140
00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:50,620
She loves it. She loves it, really.

141
00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:57,780
I suppose they are quite nice.

142
00:07:57,820 --> 00:08:00,860
Why do you think I'm
so obsessed with them?

143
00:08:24,220 --> 00:08:26,660
- What's this one?
- Nancy.

144
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:28,140
That girl from the other night?

145
00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:30,340
- No, she isn't a girl.
- Sorry, woman.

146
00:08:30,380 --> 00:08:31,380
She's a witch.

147
00:08:33,420 --> 00:08:36,260
Must be all right if you're
breaking the Dorothy double-dip rule.

148
00:08:37,780 --> 00:08:39,540
What is wrong with me?

149
00:08:39,580 --> 00:08:43,100
It's just a girl, a woman,
a fucking witch, whatever.

150
00:08:43,140 --> 00:08:45,060
- Just say no to her.
- Can't.

151
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:46,916
She's going to send her
little witch monkeys after me

152
00:08:46,940 --> 00:08:50,020
- and then where would I be?
- Trick her into having a bath.

153
00:08:50,060 --> 00:08:52,020
I would love a bath with her.

154
00:08:55,700 --> 00:09:00,260
'Cos then she'd melt and she'd
be dead 'cos she's a witch.

155
00:09:02,940 --> 00:09:05,820
- Don't text her.
- No, I am taking control.

156
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:17,300
... ritual courtship in
their search for a mate.

157
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:18,340
Shereen!

158
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:25,620
I still can't believe
you live with SHEREEN.

159
00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:29,380
She's all right.

160
00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:34,060
- Hi.
- It's the pussy whisperer.

161
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:37,660
I never understood that moniker.
I've never even had a cat.

162
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:40,260
Come on, bring it in.
Don't try and strike me.

163
00:09:40,300 --> 00:09:43,540
- You're welcome in my home.
- You smell like 2007.

164
00:09:43,580 --> 00:09:48,300
You smell like that homeless
guy who lives outside the tube.

165
00:09:48,340 --> 00:09:50,900
- Yeah, we went for drinks.
- I thought you were on a cleanse.

166
00:09:50,940 --> 00:09:54,060
- Just a wee toast to the motherland.
- Look what I did.

167
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:58,140
Ta-da!

168
00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:02,380
And a penne gratin with
roasted summer veg for tomorrow.

169
00:10:02,420 --> 00:10:03,620
What's happening tomorrow?

170
00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:06,420
We're having some people over for tea.

171
00:10:06,460 --> 00:10:08,200
It's kind of in your honour

172
00:10:08,201 --> 00:10:10,260
- and kind of because they were coming over anyway.
- What people?

173
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:11,980
People I met.

174
00:10:12,020 --> 00:10:14,900
Oh, did you go on one of those
sad apps to try and make friends?

175
00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:17,740
Those don't work. I've heard.

176
00:10:17,780 --> 00:10:19,860
I met them in real life.

177
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,100
It will be great.

178
00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:24,100
All of us together at
the same social event.

179
00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:26,300
How often does that happen?

180
00:10:26,340 --> 00:10:27,900
It will be like an eclipse.

181
00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:29,476
Let's hope nobody
damages their eyesight.

182
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,540
Yeah, eclipses are always a let down.

183
00:10:31,580 --> 00:10:36,580
But they also unite
everyone together to witness

184
00:10:36,620 --> 00:10:38,940
an historic celestial event.

185
00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:42,220
It's just a pasta bake, mate.

186
00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:48,660
'The other thing about eclipses
is that you're so busy looking

187
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:51,820
up you don't see the massive
hole you're about to fall into.

188
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:08,220
So, this one here is...

189
00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:09,780
- Helen.
- OK.

190
00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:12,100
And that guy there?

191
00:11:12,140 --> 00:11:13,500
Joe.

192
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:16,100
- Joe. Joe from work, Joe?
- Yeah.

193
00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:17,540
Well, um...

194
00:11:17,580 --> 00:11:22,260
Not from work now, 'cos I quit,
but he was at work when I was there.

195
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:24,100
So you keep in touch. That's nice.

196
00:11:24,140 --> 00:11:27,100
Yeah, he's... kind of a friend, now.

197
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:29,220
- Like us.
- Yeah!

198
00:11:29,221 --> 00:11:30,220
Babe, can you, like,

199
00:11:30,251 --> 00:11:32,500
- text my phone 'cos I think it's broken?
- Yeah...

200
00:11:32,540 --> 00:11:34,900
I'm just going to go and mingle.

201
00:11:34,940 --> 00:11:37,860
He's mingling. Mingling is happening.

202
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,700
Salmon mousse on a cucumber blini?

203
00:11:44,740 --> 00:11:47,260
- Are they home-made or shop-bought?
- Home-made.

204
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,716
It's like when people bring
home-made stuff into work, isn't it?

205
00:11:49,740 --> 00:11:52,620
- You just don't trust it.
- Do I detect some horseradish?

206
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:55,140
Yeah, so, what does
your house say about you?

207
00:11:56,740 --> 00:12:01,540
It's like my old life shagged my
new life and had a delightful child.

208
00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:02,940
It's OK, you don't have to say.

209
00:12:02,980 --> 00:12:05,196
- Let's talk about something else.
- No, no, I'm going to do it.

210
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:08,700
Favourite celebrity animal? Um...

211
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,516
So when he's not texting, you're,
like, coming from different places.

212
00:12:19,540 --> 00:12:21,116
And it's not because
they're not into you.

213
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,574
It's just they haven't had time to talk,

214
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,740
because they're at a
meeting or in a library,

215
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:28,476
and they can't talk, and that's why
they should fucking text, you know?

216
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:30,340
Maybe you should just ring her.

217
00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:32,900
I should just ring her, you know?

218
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,460
Hey, Nance.

219
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:44,660
It's 8:32pm on a Saturday,
and you're probably out,

220
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:48,420
breaking that glass
ceiling, or the mould,

221
00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:50,700
or some hearts or something.

222
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:55,020
So am I, out and about.

223
00:12:57,620 --> 00:12:59,660
He says you got him run over.

224
00:13:01,340 --> 00:13:03,340
Well...

225
00:13:03,380 --> 00:13:05,500
- What happened was...
- We were at this pub.

226
00:13:05,540 --> 00:13:06,980
- What, like a date?
- No!

227
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,660
Like the opposite of a date.

228
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,380
What's this?

229
00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:13,820
Did I, by any chance,
leave my bra at your house?

230
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:17,700
'Cos I arrived with it and
now I don't have it, so...

231
00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:19,980
... if you find it...

232
00:13:20,020 --> 00:13:21,300
... I want it back!

233
00:13:23,940 --> 00:13:25,140
Thank you!

234
00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:29,780
Um...

235
00:13:29,820 --> 00:13:31,540
It was part of a set.

236
00:13:31,580 --> 00:13:34,140
Of course. That's why
they're sold together.

237
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,420
Would you like a drink?

238
00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:38,820
Yes, I'd like a pint of wine, please.

239
00:13:38,860 --> 00:13:41,860
And his shoe was still in
my pocket when I left his.

240
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:44,100
Because the nurse said
I needed looking after.

241
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:47,140
- I was like his carer.
- Good bedside manner.

242
00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:52,380
Er, so, not a date, to
answer your question.

243
00:13:52,420 --> 00:13:53,820
She wouldn't.

244
00:13:53,860 --> 00:13:55,140
Why not?

245
00:13:58,180 --> 00:13:59,940
Um...

246
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,140
She's just not a very sexual person.

247
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,180
I'm doing all right in London.

248
00:14:13,020 --> 00:14:14,180
I'm empty.

249
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,020
- You all right?
- I'm fine.

250
00:14:24,060 --> 00:14:25,420
Why, do I not seem fine?

251
00:14:26,540 --> 00:14:27,660
No...

252
00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:30,380
You just seem a bit distracted.

253
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:35,180
Is it 'cos of all the
people, with their bodies?

254
00:14:37,820 --> 00:14:39,060
I'm fine.

255
00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:45,660
Well, I WAS fine.

256
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:47,420
Now I feel kind of shitty.

257
00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:48,980
Why did she ask that?

258
00:14:49,020 --> 00:14:51,340
Am I being a perv? Have people noticed?

259
00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:56,100
It's essentially ratio analysis
and financial modelling,

260
00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:58,328
with the overall objective of making

261
00:14:58,329 --> 00:15:02,500
buy sell stock investment
recommendations, so...

262
00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:04,780
- Right, sounds...
- Complex, yeah.

263
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,020
... really quite dry.

264
00:15:07,060 --> 00:15:10,700
I mean, I'm more of a creative,
so that kind of stuff just...

265
00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:12,500
- Oh, yeah.
- ... goes over my head.

266
00:15:15,860 --> 00:15:18,420
So, you're... you're Joe from work?

267
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,260
Work Joe.

268
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,140
Joe doing the work.

269
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:25,500
All about the work. That's,
that's, that's all, just...

270
00:15:25,540 --> 00:15:27,900
- Er, I do other stuff too.
- Yeah, yeah.

271
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:31,700
Probably not as much as me, though.

272
00:15:31,740 --> 00:15:33,420
I, I do so many hobbies.

273
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:35,060
It's kind of my thing, actually.

274
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,740
It's actually how we met.

275
00:15:36,780 --> 00:15:39,340
Oh, how did you? Sorry, she never said.

276
00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:41,420
Felting.

277
00:15:44,780 --> 00:15:45,980
Cool.

278
00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:49,060
I think it's because I'm the
extrovert and she's the introvert.

279
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,620
We just gel.

280
00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:53,180
Like a foetus absorbing
its twin in the womb.

281
00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:55,420
That's very good.

282
00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:58,700
- I, I think I've really come out of my shell...
- How did you guys meet?

283
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:01,140
How DID we meet, Marnie?

284
00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:03,140
Er, er...

285
00:16:03,180 --> 00:16:05,500
We met... in a bar.

286
00:16:05,540 --> 00:16:07,060
She chatted me up.

287
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,460
- I was experimenting.
- What?

288
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,340
You got with her?

289
00:16:14,380 --> 00:16:17,145
My first week in London,
the only human contact I had

290
00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:19,540
was with an IKEA cashier.

291
00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:21,580
And I paid for that privilege.

292
00:16:23,340 --> 00:16:25,020
Oh, Charlie needs a drink.

293
00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:31,060
Thank you.

294
00:16:32,220 --> 00:16:34,820
So, how's things? How's work?

295
00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:37,780
My, my boss came onto me.

296
00:16:38,940 --> 00:16:40,540
What?

297
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:44,100
Mm, yeah, I know. I was
like, "Sarah, get off me!

298
00:16:44,140 --> 00:16:45,700
You're my boss!"

299
00:16:47,220 --> 00:16:49,180
She actually wants me to
go round there tonight.

300
00:16:50,620 --> 00:16:52,260
You should report her.

301
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:55,620
Well, what if I was into it?

302
00:16:58,460 --> 00:16:59,780
ARE you into it?

303
00:17:01,900 --> 00:17:03,860
It doesn't matter, does it?

304
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:06,700
I mean, what am I going
to do? Turn up and...

305
00:17:06,740 --> 00:17:08,620
... hope the little fella does too?

306
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:12,180
Oh, that's fear talking.

307
00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:14,820
You need to take away its power.

308
00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:17,020
Lack of power's kind of
the issue, though, innit?

309
00:17:17,060 --> 00:17:18,540
I mean...

310
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,540
... people would
understand if you told them.

311
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:24,980
- What, so you... you think I should?
- Yeah.

312
00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:27,060
Go round there after this? You think...

313
00:17:27,100 --> 00:17:28,660
... that's a thing that I should do?

314
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:35,900
If that's what you want
to do, you should do that.

315
00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:47,740
Yeah, I might.

316
00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:54,740
- Whoops.
- Oh, oh, fuck.

317
00:17:54,780 --> 00:17:57,020
It's OK if I... ? Yeah, sorry.

318
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,980
Oh, it's fine.

319
00:18:02,020 --> 00:18:04,060
I wasn't apologising.

320
00:18:06,260 --> 00:18:07,820
Er, Shereen, can I do anything?

321
00:18:07,860 --> 00:18:10,180
No, no, no, no, it's all, it's all done.

322
00:18:10,220 --> 00:18:12,620
I'll do the dishes. Sorry.

323
00:18:12,660 --> 00:18:14,820
It's just nice to have people over.

324
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,460
Everyone is so nice.

325
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:19,100
- Amber invited me to her birthday party.
- Oh!

326
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:22,980
- She invited me too.
- You don't even live in London.

327
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:26,580
Yeah, well, I was thinking
about it, actually.

328
00:18:26,620 --> 00:18:29,020
You know, getting back to my roots.

329
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:31,300
I thought you were from Slough.

330
00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:32,820
It's still London.

331
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:43,700
If she moves here, I'll
have to move again...

332
00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:45,980
like some sort of pervy nomad.

333
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,420
- Here we go.
- Hey!

334
00:18:51,460 --> 00:18:55,220
- I made gratin with roasted summer vegetables.
- Pasta bake.

335
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,940
- Delicious.
- Thanks, Shereen.

336
00:18:57,980 --> 00:19:00,220
Yeah, thanks for having
us around, Marnie.

337
00:19:00,260 --> 00:19:02,220
Should I dish up for everyone?

338
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:06,140
- I want to make a speech.
- No!

339
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:08,060
Please don't, though,
'cos you're quite drunk.

340
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:09,820
- Shhh. Shhh.
- Helen...

341
00:19:11,580 --> 00:19:13,060
I just want to say...

342
00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:17,380
... I think it's really
nice that you lot are here.

343
00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:22,340
- OK.
- 'Cos I know you don't really know her, like me.

344
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:28,740
But do you all get that she is special.

345
00:19:30,180 --> 00:19:31,540
- Hey!
- Cheers.

346
00:19:31,580 --> 00:19:33,720
Special, like special measures special,

347
00:19:33,721 --> 00:19:36,620
'cos I fall short of
acceptable standards.

348
00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:39,100
No! But it's fine,

349
00:19:39,140 --> 00:19:42,620
because in spite of everything I know,

350
00:19:42,660 --> 00:19:44,260
I accept you.

351
00:19:45,420 --> 00:19:47,380
- Cool.
- Fabulous girl.

352
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,020
I love her.

353
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:52,860
Do you want a bit of baguette?

354
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,900
Yeah, shove some bread in
her mouth, shut her up. You...

355
00:19:55,940 --> 00:19:58,980
- ... be nice.
- I AM being nice.

356
00:19:59,020 --> 00:20:00,380
So be nice, then.

357
00:20:01,620 --> 00:20:03,420
I'm literally always nice.

358
00:20:03,460 --> 00:20:05,660
I'm being nice just by being here.

359
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:09,420
Like, coming to see you
when you just left me,

360
00:20:09,460 --> 00:20:11,980
which WASN'T nice.

361
00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:13,540
But I'm nice.

362
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:14,740
And I'm here.

363
00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:17,260
So, you're welcome.

364
00:20:18,820 --> 00:20:21,420
- Cheers!
- Cheers.

365
00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:25,060
Great. Shall we dig in?

366
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,740
- No. Gimme.
- What? I haven't...

367
00:20:26,780 --> 00:20:28,500
Oh, oh, oh!

368
00:20:28,540 --> 00:20:30,620
She just tried to get my top off!

369
00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:31,980
Go on, then, have a good look!

370
00:20:32,020 --> 00:20:34,260
Stop it, Helen, stop
it. I don't like it.

371
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:35,900
Maybe you should have some food.

372
00:20:35,940 --> 00:20:37,500
Soak some of it up.

373
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:41,220
- You can look all you want when I move here.
- You're not moving here.

374
00:20:41,260 --> 00:20:44,340
Yeah... I am.

375
00:20:44,380 --> 00:20:46,500
'Cos I'd do that for you.

376
00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:48,940
'Cos of what's wrong with you.

377
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:50,580
I don't want you to.

378
00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:07,340
There's something wrong with her.

379
00:21:08,460 --> 00:21:11,700
- No, there's not.
- Have you not told them?

380
00:21:11,740 --> 00:21:13,580
Don't be ashamed.

381
00:21:13,620 --> 00:21:16,140
If they were mates, they'll get
it. I don't think she wants to.

382
00:21:16,180 --> 00:21:19,100
- She does. She does. She does.
- No!

383
00:21:19,140 --> 00:21:21,500
She is obsessed with sex.

384
00:21:25,620 --> 00:21:28,660
It's not me, it's my OCD.

385
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:31,860
Fuck off! Shut the fuck up!

386
00:21:31,900 --> 00:21:34,700
She's doing it right now,
she's perving in her head,

387
00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:37,116
thinking about all your bits and
what she wants to do with them.

388
00:21:37,140 --> 00:21:39,700
And she has to do it,
no matter what it is,

389
00:21:39,740 --> 00:21:41,820
and that's why she's
done stuff with you.

390
00:21:41,860 --> 00:21:43,300
Even if she hasn't, she wants to.

391
00:21:43,340 --> 00:21:44,980
Shut the fuck up, Helen!

392
00:21:53,820 --> 00:21:55,940
It's going to get cold...

393
00:21:55,980 --> 00:21:58,460
- Yeah, come on.
- Yeah. Plates.

394
00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:01,460
- Mmm!
- Nicely done.

395
00:22:01,500 --> 00:22:03,500
You'll, er, have to send me the recipe.

396
00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:05,260
This looks...

397
00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:06,540
Wow.

398
00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:11,860
- You know, she asked to see my breasts.
- Fuck...

399
00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:13,820
- And I was like, fine.
- Jesus Christ.

400
00:22:13,860 --> 00:22:17,100
Because I'm your friend
and I would do that for you.

401
00:22:17,140 --> 00:22:19,740
'Cos I know how sick she
is and I know that's why

402
00:22:19,780 --> 00:22:22,740
- she won't stop looking at you all...
- Cover yourself up then!

403
00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:30,340
See, she just wants to touch them...

404
00:22:30,380 --> 00:22:32,940
Argh, I have OCD!

405
00:22:32,980 --> 00:22:37,260
I have intrusive sexual thoughts
that give me really bad anxiety!

406
00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:42,580
Yes, I've thought about you all.

407
00:22:42,620 --> 00:22:45,060
No, I don't want to talk about it, so...

408
00:22:45,100 --> 00:22:46,900
Enjoy your fucking tea.

409
00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:50,100
Bon appétit.

410
00:22:52,260 --> 00:22:53,620
It's good.

411
00:23:31,580 --> 00:23:35,580
Most people ruin dinner
parties with salmonella, not me.

412
00:23:35,620 --> 00:23:38,156
If you come to my house, it's not
the food that gives you nausea,

413
00:23:38,180 --> 00:23:40,500
it's the shocking
revelations about the host.

414
00:23:42,420 --> 00:23:44,380
Oh, I'll do it in the morning, Shereen.

415
00:23:44,420 --> 00:23:46,580
- Oh, it's fine.
- I said I'll do it!

416
00:23:46,620 --> 00:23:49,140
- Sorry.
- Don't apologise!

417
00:23:49,180 --> 00:23:50,700
Why are you so nice to people?

418
00:23:50,740 --> 00:23:52,180
You let them walk all over you.

419
00:23:52,220 --> 00:23:57,260
It's not going to make them like
you, it's fucking depressing!

420
00:23:57,300 --> 00:23:58,860
Stand up for yourself!

421
00:24:07,540 --> 00:24:08,540
Sorry.

422
00:24:24,180 --> 00:24:25,820
Hello?

423
00:24:25,860 --> 00:24:26,860
In here.

424
00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:35,900
Want some?

425
00:24:35,940 --> 00:24:38,540
Actually, you don't
have any milk, do you?

426
00:24:39,580 --> 00:24:40,580
Milk?

427
00:24:40,620 --> 00:24:42,300
Yeah.

428
00:24:42,340 --> 00:24:43,340
Yeah.

429
00:24:43,380 --> 00:24:46,780
Thanks, just had a hankering.

430
00:24:56,820 --> 00:24:57,820
Cheers.

431
00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:04,500
Mm.

432
00:25:06,420 --> 00:25:07,660
It's a nice place.

433
00:25:09,060 --> 00:25:10,260
Good-sized rooms.

434
00:25:12,420 --> 00:25:15,780
I'll give you a tour.
Kitchen, obviously.

435
00:25:17,580 --> 00:25:19,740
Conservatory, snug.

436
00:25:31,540 --> 00:25:33,180
Has she text back yet?

437
00:25:33,220 --> 00:25:36,260
Nope, not unless she's somehow
changed her name to Mom in my phone

438
00:25:36,300 --> 00:25:40,260
and wants to know if I want this
lovely table lamp she's getting rid of.

439
00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:41,540
Bit chintzy.

440
00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:44,140
I said yeah.

441
00:25:44,180 --> 00:25:45,300
Well done.

442
00:25:45,340 --> 00:25:46,340
It's Irish chic.

443
00:25:49,620 --> 00:25:50,860
That was weird.

444
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:53,020
Well, at least we didn't
get food poisoning.

445
00:25:53,060 --> 00:25:54,380
There's still time.

446
00:25:59,180 --> 00:26:00,740
Hello, Amber speaking.

447
00:26:00,780 --> 00:26:02,900
Oh, is that your phone voice?

448
00:26:04,780 --> 00:26:05,860
Nancy, hi.

449
00:26:05,900 --> 00:26:07,700
Do you want to come round?

450
00:26:07,740 --> 00:26:10,180
Um... Um...

451
00:26:10,220 --> 00:26:11,380
I'm still out, actually.

452
00:26:11,420 --> 00:26:13,860
OK. Well, another time, then.

453
00:26:13,900 --> 00:26:15,980
I could do next week.

454
00:26:16,020 --> 00:26:18,980
Yeah, just that work's a
bit full-on next week, so...

455
00:26:19,020 --> 00:26:21,380
Oh, tell me about it! Work
is absolutely madness here.

456
00:26:21,420 --> 00:26:24,300
She's totally using you, you idiot.

457
00:26:24,340 --> 00:26:25,460
Don't do it!

458
00:26:25,500 --> 00:26:27,780
Don't do it, just say no.

459
00:26:27,820 --> 00:26:33,580
Um, I could do, say, an hour?

460
00:26:33,620 --> 00:26:35,180
You are weak, mate!

461
00:26:35,220 --> 00:26:37,180
So weak!

462
00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:38,220
Great.

463
00:26:39,340 --> 00:26:40,740
Isn't it just?

464
00:26:40,780 --> 00:26:44,460
Great, so... Hello?

465
00:26:46,100 --> 00:26:47,940
Who are you?

466
00:26:49,180 --> 00:26:51,180
It's like when they change
Bonds, I don't like it.

467
00:26:51,220 --> 00:26:54,620
No, 'cos what this
is is I'm playing her.

468
00:26:54,660 --> 00:26:57,636
OK? I'm not going to go to hers,
and she's going to be waiting,

469
00:26:57,637 --> 00:27:01,900
right, and I'm going to be
here on the couch in my PJs,

470
00:27:01,907 --> 00:27:06,580
not at her house, where
she is probably naked.

471
00:27:15,420 --> 00:27:16,900
- One second.
- Just going to...

472
00:27:16,940 --> 00:27:17,940
Just going to what?

473
00:27:21,780 --> 00:27:24,980
And... bedroom.

474
00:27:25,020 --> 00:27:26,980
Oh, it's nice.

475
00:27:27,020 --> 00:27:28,660
Very tidy.

476
00:27:28,700 --> 00:27:30,300
It's a good size.

477
00:27:30,340 --> 00:27:32,260
Oh, iPad by the bed, naughty.

478
00:27:32,300 --> 00:27:34,740
Shouldn't use that before you
go to sleep 'cos it's blue light

479
00:27:34,780 --> 00:27:37,300
and it keeps you up, you
know, disturbs your sleep...

480
00:27:46,420 --> 00:27:48,460
Key performance indicator.

481
00:27:51,100 --> 00:27:52,540
And no-one can find out.

482
00:27:52,580 --> 00:27:54,220
Mum's the word.

483
00:27:54,260 --> 00:27:56,100
- Not 'cos you're, you know...
- Yeah, sh!

484
00:28:11,780 --> 00:28:12,780
Come on.

485
00:28:17,060 --> 00:28:18,820
I don't know if I can.

486
00:28:18,860 --> 00:28:21,220
If you're worried about
work, I'll be very discreet.

487
00:28:21,260 --> 00:28:23,700
No, like, physically.

488
00:28:23,740 --> 00:28:26,540
I've got a bit of a problem,
don't know if it works.

489
00:28:27,940 --> 00:28:29,180
You know me, this.

490
00:28:29,220 --> 00:28:32,500
I mean, it works sometimes,
I just don't really know when.

491
00:28:32,540 --> 00:28:33,860
It's quite inconsistent.

492
00:28:37,980 --> 00:28:38,980
I see.

493
00:28:39,020 --> 00:28:41,220
Yeah, I just don't want
you to think that it's you.

494
00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:43,540
- I know it's not me.
- It's definitely, definitely not you.

495
00:28:43,580 --> 00:28:44,580
Yep, yep.

496
00:28:46,020 --> 00:28:49,420
- I...
- What do you want to do, Charlie?

497
00:28:54,860 --> 00:28:58,140
Well, if you still want to do something,

498
00:28:58,180 --> 00:29:01,980
- then it would have to be me doing stuff to you.
- Right.

499
00:29:02,020 --> 00:29:05,300
That would probably help,
you'd be doing me a favour.

500
00:29:07,300 --> 00:29:08,300
Happy to help.

501
00:29:22,860 --> 00:29:25,940
Helen, Helen!

502
00:29:25,980 --> 00:29:27,620
- What?
- Your bag's on the seat.

503
00:29:28,940 --> 00:29:30,100
Oh, sorry.

504
00:29:33,380 --> 00:29:35,580
What did you just say to her?

505
00:29:35,620 --> 00:29:37,900
- I said I was sorry 'cos my bag was on the seat.
- Oh.

506
00:29:38,980 --> 00:29:40,540
Didn't know you knew that word.

507
00:29:42,700 --> 00:29:44,500
- Well, I do.
- Maybe you should say it, then.

508
00:29:44,540 --> 00:29:46,380
- You should say it.
- Why should I say it?

509
00:29:46,420 --> 00:29:48,400
You're the one that behaved
like a massive bitch.

510
00:29:48,401 --> 00:29:49,700
I can't believe you did that!

511
00:29:49,740 --> 00:29:51,900
I travelled, like, 500
miles to come and see you!

512
00:29:51,940 --> 00:29:53,678
The Proclaimers are in and they're
proclaiming a load of shite!

513
00:29:53,679 --> 00:29:54,700
You just ignored me.

514
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,132
Pretty hard to ignore
you when everything you do

515
00:29:57,133 --> 00:29:58,400
is so somebody will look at you.

516
00:30:02,460 --> 00:30:04,300
Yeah, well everyone's looking at you now

517
00:30:04,301 --> 00:30:06,600
so you don't have to worry about that.

518
00:30:06,660 --> 00:30:07,940
Bet you hate that.

519
00:30:07,980 --> 00:30:14,460
No, I hate that everyone gets
fun Marnie and I get this shit.

520
00:30:14,500 --> 00:30:17,260
You love when I'm shit because then
nobody notices that you're shit.

521
00:30:17,300 --> 00:30:18,300
You're shit!

522
00:30:18,340 --> 00:30:20,380
OK, well, I'd rather
be shit than mental.

523
00:30:30,980 --> 00:30:31,980
Bye.

524
00:30:46,020 --> 00:30:47,020
Excuse me.

525
00:30:53,660 --> 00:30:55,060
- I'm sorry.
- Me too.

526
00:31:01,380 --> 00:31:03,420
I don't think that you're mental.

527
00:31:04,460 --> 00:31:07,860
I was just really fucking
angry at you for leaving me.

528
00:31:07,900 --> 00:31:09,220
I didn't leave you.

529
00:31:11,580 --> 00:31:12,580
I left me.

530
00:31:14,860 --> 00:31:16,060
Please come back.

531
00:31:18,100 --> 00:31:19,940
You're not you when you're down here.

532
00:31:25,220 --> 00:31:29,380
I think we need to not
be friends for a bit.

533
00:31:33,460 --> 00:31:35,180
You can't not be my friend.

534
00:31:36,820 --> 00:31:38,500
'Cos all I've got is you and my hair.

535
00:31:50,220 --> 00:31:51,580
Are you breaking up with me?

536
00:32:01,540 --> 00:32:05,220
I love you, but I hate how
I feel when I'm with you.

537
00:32:07,460 --> 00:32:08,460
I'm sorry.

538
00:32:10,420 --> 00:32:13,620
I think I just need to be on my own
for a bit until I sort myself out.

539
00:32:27,060 --> 00:32:28,060
Well, I should go.

540
00:32:30,340 --> 00:32:31,340
Will you be OK?

541
00:32:36,180 --> 00:32:37,980
I'll fuck your dad to get back at you.

542
00:32:49,140 --> 00:32:51,580
It's not me, it's her.

543
00:32:51,620 --> 00:32:54,740
Light of my life,
bonfire of my existence.

544
00:32:54,780 --> 00:32:57,050
She used to make me feel warm inside,

545
00:32:57,051 --> 00:33:01,180
now she's set my heart on
fire, like an arson attack.

546
00:33:01,220 --> 00:33:02,500
We are ashes.

547
00:33:03,540 --> 00:33:04,980
But now new life can grow.

548
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:25,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -