- Previously on Charmed... - I hope I don't regret this.
Regret what?
Knansie uses demon blood to raise the dead.
Every person turns into a demon.
I have demon blood in me.
Does that mean I'm going to turn?
It's a powerful history rewriting spell.
To make it as if Niko and I never met.
Your detective ex called
to tell me my parents want to meet up.
Damn!
So, not to kill the mood or anything, but why
is your ex-girlfriend working with witch hunters?
- With what?! - That arrow's
been protected against spells.
It's exactly what I'd use if I was trying to kill witches.
And that's why you just can't heal the wound.
They must have found a way to become immune to magic.
Okay, but I know Niko,
and she would never help people like that.
Whoever they were, they must have duped her,
posing as your parents.
Then it sounds like you and I need
to have a little chat with your ex.
Before we do that...
There's something
that you should know.
Niko has no clue that she and I ever dated.
You Eternal Sunshined her?
Damn, Vera.
There was a demon, and he would have stopped
at nothing to kill her, and my only choice was
to make it so that she and I never met.
A history rewriting spell?
You must have really loved her.
I did, but it's over,
- obviously. - Yeah?
The thing that I don't get, given this epic love story,
is why you didn't just use the Akkadian Smokescreen.
- The what? - It's like a witness protection spell.
It would have concealed Niko from the demon
without you two having to cut ties.
The Elders never told me that was an option.
Of course they didn't, Mel.
You're not even human to them.
Come on. You're a Charmed One,
a weapon that they want to control,
which means they get to decide what spells you use,
how powerful you're allowed to become,
and who you're allowed to love.
But the real question is, what are you gonna do about it?
Are we really doing this?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
- You're sure you want to? - More than anything.
Parker?
What the hell just...
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 - - www.addic7ed.com -
Oh, wow. Huh. Procrasti-baking?
I'm trying not to think about Galvin trekking
through Jumanji, or whatever island he's gone to,
looking for my cure.
Help yourself.
Actually, I was hoping to pick your brain about something.
- Oh, yeah? Try me. - Something, uh,
sex-related.
- Now that I am officially in the club. - Sure.
So, earlier today, right before Parker and I
were about to, you know, do our thing,
um, there was this energy blast...
... down there.
Maggie, we're adults.
You can say "orgasm" in front of me.
No. No, no, no. No, no, this was, like,
a light, and a loud bang,
and Parker flew across the room.
Oh. That-that's not where I thought the story was going.
I always wanted the sex to be explosive, just not...
Literally.
If it makes you feel any better, I lost control
of my power in the moment, too.
The bed levitated.
Damn, girl.
Yeah.
You know, it kind of sounds like the force field
you manifested out of emotion
when we were fighting Alistair.
Yeah, but...
... why would my powers do that? I want to be with Parker.
Well, you did say you were terrified
that he might still hurt you.
Oh, my God. Yes. Duh.
My fear set off the sex bomb.
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
- Yeah. Oh. - You...
You are the best.
Ah. Okay, so,
maybe if I'm just honest with him and with myself,
I can keep it under control.
You smell something... burning?
Oh, my God, Macy, your hand.
Oh, my God.
Harry!
I didn't feel anything.
Come here.
- Ah... - Sit down.
The skin seems to be thickening,
and the nerves fraying,
dulling your pain receptors.
Why would that happen?
Well, these are common characteristics...
Of a demon.
Which means whatever demon essence is in you
could be presenting itself.
Why now, after 29 years?
Well, there are some things
beyond my scope of knowledge.
Oh. Thanks.
Macy, you really ought to seek counsel from Charity.
No way.
- Now, Melanie... - We all remember
the "counsel" she gave when Angela Wu was possessed.
- Mel, I think Harry's right. - She wanted us
to murder our friend.
Yeah, and then she changed her mind and helped us.
Did you know that there was a way for me
to keep Niko safe without losing her?
- Wait, what? - It's called the Akkadian Smokescreen.
I have heard of no such spell.
Because the Elders kept it from us.
We need Charity's help.
You can't trust them.
Mel, even if this Smokescreen does exist,
it's hardly a reason to risk Macy's humanity.
Can we all just... please stop?
I can't talk about this right now.
Macy.
Macy, wait.
That's great.
_
I know it's not what you want to hear,
but after everything I've been through...
being sent to purgatory by my evil twin...
- The kraken. - ... getting eaten by a kraken...
- The Antichrist. - ... giving birth to the Antichrist.
- Twice. - Twice.
I need to be with someone stable.
And Gideon, that's not you.
Well, don't just stand there, say something.
I guess I just never saw you
as the type to settle, Angelica.
You're gonna talk about your own big brother that way?
You're damn right I am, Levi.
Oh, hey.
Well, I do love a warm welcome.
Sorry, I-I... I thought it maybe was Mel.
Well, I hope you're not up here hiding from her.
No. The Wi-Fi's just better up here.
I am worried about her, though.
If this whole Elder drama creates a rift,
Mel and I might end up right back
where we started when I first moved in.
I understand.
But I'd be remiss in my duties
if I didn't inform you there's far more at stake here
than domestic bliss.
Macy, without the Charmed Ones, the world will succumb
to the forces of evil.
And without three fully functioning witches,
there are no Charmed Ones.
So, please,
for destiny's sake,
call Charity.
I'm sorry, I...
I just can't right now.
Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to forget about
my grim demonic reality and
binge-watch some mindless TV.
Ooh, what are you watching?
Oh, I...
It's called Heaven's Vice.
Never heard of it.
That's probably because you weren't a pre-teen geek
- in the late '90s. - Mm.
But... it's about two brothers,
named Gideon and Levi, who also happen to be angels.
They're sent down from Heaven to kill demons
and save mankind from the Devil.
Sounds utterly preposterous.
Vampire!
I don't think we're in Heaven anymore.
Oh, brother.
- What? - Well, the writing's a bit lazy.
Don't you think?
That's their catchphrase.
Very well.
Just don't stay up too late bingeing this nonsense.
Good night, Harry.
Good night.
Okay.
Did you bring the silver knife?
Uh, yeah. How dumb do you think I look?
You don't want me to answer that.
Oh, shoot.
Oh, uh...
What?
Guys?
Oh!
I don't think we're in Heaven anymore.
Oh, brother.
Oh.
How'd you do it, demon?
By the power vested in
us by the Big Man Upstairs,
we demand answers.
Levi?
Gideon? Wait.
She knows our names.
What are you, some kind of oracle?
- Is this a weapon? - No. No, no, no, no.
No. No, I-I'm a fan.
Maybe we could take a selfie?
Well, whatever she is, she's stark raving mad.
Demon.
Oracle.
Tell us where we are, or we will destroy you.
One moment we were in pursuit of a vampire.
The next moment, your portal
snatched us and brought us here.
This isn't over... oracle.
Uh...
Was that a...
... vampire?
Oh, my...
Tell me those weren't the boys from your guilty pleasure.
Maybe.
You said to stab it with silver.
Well, that's what the scroll said.
At least, I think it's what it said.
My Romanian isn't what it used to be.
I know this part. Levi,
you mistranslated the scroll,
thinking it said to stab him quickly with silver.
When really it said to stab it with quicksilver.
Which is the ancient name for liquid mercury.
Whoa.
Think I got some vampire on me.
Yes.
Not bad, for a girl.
I beg your pardon, "for a girl"?
I'll have you know, you are in the presence
of a women's studies professor and a woman
who just so happens to be a doctor of genetics.
Sorry.
Yeah, y-you're right, Harry.
It's not their fault.
Woke wasn't a thing yet in the '90s.
Mm. This is amazing.
Is there anything you can't do?
Uh, bake, actually.
My sister made these.
I figured I should come bearing treats
after what happened earlier with the...
While we were...
Yeah. That was, uh...
Definitely not how I fantasized our first time being.
Not that I fantasize about you with a, uh, magical orb
or anything, that would be so weird.
Maggie, it wasn't your fault.
Yeah, it was.
I set off the sex bomb.
You what?
Not on purpose.
It's just, my powers have been expanding,
and I've been doing this thing
where I manifest energy out of raw emotion.
So when I blasted you across the room,
I think that was me manifesting my own fear.
- What, you're still that scared of me? - No.
No... uh, well, technically, yes,
but only because I never know
if you're gonna demon out on me and ruin my life again.
Wow.
But it's okay.
As long as I'm open and tell you before I get scared,
we will be fine.
- No more sex bombs. - W-What about...
Would it help if you were on top?
No, it's not... there's...
A lot on my mind right now.
Well, I could do, like, a...
I'm just not in the mood, all right?
And it'd be great
if we could just not talk about it anymore, please.
Their names are Jennifer and Jerry Finch Jr.
Adopted children of real estate mogul
Gerald Finch.
I don't know how a background check didn't flag this
when I took the case, but this is on me.
- What? - The Finches.
They built a fortune through money laundering
and tax evasion.
So two years ago, I put a hex on their dad,
forcing him to give everything away to charity.
His kids must have found out, and this is all revenge
for emptying their trust funds?
That's what I'm thinking.
You can restart time now.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Ah. I love The Cure.
- Best album ever. - Best album ever.
Yeah.
I have it on vinyl, too.
Original pressing.
Anyway, the Finches.
I told them I didn't care what they did to you,
so long as they pay me, so they agreed to another meeting.
But Jada, I'm gonna need you there to help me draw them out.
Won't that be dangerous?
I already brought in local PD.
So as soon as we make contact,
they'll move in and make the arrest.
We can't just send her in there with witch hunters.
Relax, Mel.
Your girl can handle herself.
She's not my girl.
"Best album ever."
The Cure was kind of our thing.
I'm sorry.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna put her in danger.
I just need her to lead me there.
Then I'll take care of the Finches myself.
Fine.
But I'm going with you.
Okay.
Trust me, Mel,
I will keep your girlfriend safe.
- Mm. - Wow.
I know it's hard, but we've got to figure out
how you summoned these characters.
Can you recall anything unusual
that happened while you were watching
your television program?
Well, I-I did spill some essential oil
on the Wi-Fi router.
Well, that hardly seems unusual.
No, no. It was Marisol's.
Oh.
I tried one called "Escape,"
thinking it meant an emotional escape.
But I-I guess she was being a bit more literal,
considering it opened up a portal into the show.
- Oh, no, I see, I see. - Wow.
They're harmless.
- Do we really have to send them back? - Macy,
wake up. This isn't some innocent piece of fan fiction.
Be careful.
If the boundary between our reality and theirs
is weakening, you never know what might try to...
Maybe that's a TV prop.
Not a prop.
That demon's called a Galimori.
A minion of the Devil.
It's going to try to round up innocent lives
to sacrifice before its master.
And I know we, eventually, will have to send
the angels back to stop anything coming through that portal,
but we really should kill that demon first.
Is that how I sound when I explain things to you?
Quick.
I'll drive.
I'll sit in the back.
You're getting married?
Oh, yeah, later this spring. Could you just toss
- those in the back for me? - Yeah.
Yeah, that's soon.
Congrats.
Yeah. C-Congratulations.
Thank you. Yeah, my fiancée Greta
just wanted to do the courthouse thing,
but I was like, hell no. Too many people fought
for too many years for us to get married
in the same room as a DUI hearing.
Uh, but hey, shouldn't be talking about this on the job.
Why don't we go over the plan once more on the drive?
Wait.
Please.
You can't take her back with you,
The... the sacrifice isn't even real.
You lie!
Macy, what are you doing?
Your master's not real, either.
Same with the two angel brothers.
It's all fiction, pulled out
of an old TV show.
What's all this about a TV show?
You said to stab it with silver.
Well, that's what the scroll said.
At least I think that's what it said.
My Romanian isn't what it used to be.
Do you, uh, do you want to see another?
If I'm not real, then why does my heart
feel like it's gonna burst out of my chest?
'Cause you're a whiny little bitch, Levi.
You're just mad that Angelica chose me.
That screen doesn't prove anything.
Who's to say it's not just documentary footage of our exploits?
Or maybe, in our dimension,
you're the one who's on
some critically acclaimed TV show.
It's actually quite rubbish.
You're not helping your case.
Gideon, trust me, I get it.
It's not easy confronting a reality that scares you.
You can't avoid it forever.
What do you know?
Well, I know what it was like to be a lonely kid...
who was bullied so much I'd beg my dad
not to send me back to school.
I know what it was like to turn on the TV
every Tuesday night at 8:00
and find hope and inspiration in two angels
who were never afraid of anything because
they were responsible for the fate of the world.
That's why you have to go back.
Whether it's real or not,
it's your world,
and it needs you.
She's right, brother.
We can't run from our destiny.
That's the spirit.
Actually, before we go, Macy,
I just wanted to say thank you for
all your help today
and all your support throughout the years.
Oh, no.
Well, I guess one hug couldn't hurt.
Thank you.
Macy!
What have you done?
I set us free, you little bitch.
Now, come on, let's go raise some hell.
What the hell?
Hey, Macy, so something happened, or didn't happen,
while I was hooking up with Parker,
- and I was wondering if... - Where'd the portal go?
Macy?
Please, tell me this isn't real.
Harry, get us out of here.
Hold on. I'll try and take us back.
Oh, no.
Why are we still on the show?
I suppose this means I can't orb between realities.
Well, there's still the Escape oil.
So we'll just get Mel and Maggie to open up another portal.
You mean this Escape oil?
- What? - I...
Oh, my God, we're stuck on a '90s TV show.
This is bad, Macy. This is very bad.
Yeah, no!
Ooh... broadcast standards.
All right, the Finches are in that next building over.
I'll go in, and then as soon as we make contact,
I'll call in the cavalry.
You ready?
You still haven't told me how we're gonna stop
these witch hunters if we can't use magic on them.
It's easy.
We use magic on ourselves.
They should have been here by now.
Calm down, Jerry.
Look, I get that these rings are supposed to block spells,
but what if they don't use spells?
Wait. Did you hear something?
You take the one on the left. On three.
One, two, three.
Huh?
Someone's been practicing.
Yeah, well, don't get too cocky.
We still have to take off their rings
before they come to.
These are spell blockers.
I can't wipe her memory with it on, but it's stuck.
Come here. Cup your hands around the ring.
Close your eyes. Now focus on it.
Think about what it'll look like a decade from now.
Centuries...
As it ages, deteriorates.
Then release your breath.
See what a time wish can do, given the right guidance?
I had no idea.
Not to do the whole broken record thing,
but the Elders should have shown you that months ago.
Now, you tie up the trust fund babies,
I'll wipe their memories.
Macy, this is of the utmost importance.
Where are we in the show?
Which episode, and how far into it?
Oh, uh...
Oh... I know this episode.
It's the series finale.
Angelica's here to say good-bye to Gideon,
but he doesn't show, as usual.
Angelica's going to go and make a phone call,
and then the Devil's smoke will appear
and whisk her off to his lair.
Which means the series is over in about 15 minutes.
I was afraid you might say that.
Why?
The only thing tethering our world to this show
is the data streaming through your router into your laptop.
So, the moment the data stream ends...
We're stuck here forever.
That's my guess.
Then we only have one chance.
- Maggie! - Mel!
You must brew another batch of Escape oil,
and decant it onto the Wi-Fi router
to create a portal.
Then find the angels from this show
- and send them back through. - Okay.
And if they're not home, go to the nearest bar.
Gideon likes to go out drinking at the end of every episode.
You can do this, Mags. There's still plenty of time.
Just stay calm.
Oh, Macy, look out!
We have to make sure we're in the next scene.
Mel?
We have a situation.
What a lovely day for an apocalypse.
- That doesn't sound good. - No.
Do you remember what happens next?
Um, I think this is where. They cut to a commercial.
Okay, you've had your fun. Now it's time to go home.
What for?
That smoking-hot oracle seems to know what she's doing.
Let her save the world for a while.
But it's our world.
Not anymore.
Did it hurt?
Did what hurt?
When you fell from heaven.
'Cause when I did...
It gave me this sick scar.
- Leave her alone, Gideon. - Relax.
I'm getting to know the locals.
God, you're such a girl sometimes.
Maybe, but I'm also the one who got the girl,
so what does that say about you, huh?
Even fictional guys are gross.
I don't know you.
Either of you.
And yet, you were foolish enough to intervene
in the Devil's work.
We're, um, friends of Gideon and Levi.
Yes.
Well, then, then I'm sorry to say your friends won't
be long for this world.
You see,
I've left them with a truly
diabolical dilemma.
They choose to save the girl...
... they'll open a hellgate
and unleash a horde of demons
that'll destroy humanity.
And the only thing keeping the hellgate closed
is her innocent blood.
Yes. That's right.
But if they choose to kill me,
they'll die from the blowback.
Because the only thing strong
enough to kill the Devil
Is the Devil himself.
You know, I've always wondered,
why not just open the hellgate yourself
and end the world right now?
It seems kind of moustache-twirly
to set up these elaborate traps.
Silence, mortal!
How dare you question the will of the Devil?
This may not be the best time
to go poking holes in poorly written television stories.
I'm sorry.
It's just always bothered me.
Yes, well, right now we have far greater concerns.
If Maggie and Mel can manage to open a portal,
we need to be certain the Devil
can't travel through with us.
Then we have to find a way to kill him.
Good luck with that.
The only thing strong enough to kill the Devil
- is the Devil himself. - The Devil himself.
Yeah, we know. The red guy literally just said that.
But thanks.
God, the characters on this show
repeat a lot of exposition.
How about I just orb out of the cage,
pick up one of those swords over there
and drive it through the Devil's heart?
- But the blowback will kill you. - She's right.
It's exactly what Gideon did in the show.
He sacrificed his own life because of his unrequited love
- for Angelica. - Then help me out of these
and let me do it.
I'd rather die fighting than chained to some altar.
No, you need to stay there and keep the hellgate sealed.
Now, Macy, come on, you know
this show better than anyone.
What are we gonna do?
I still don't get it.
I mean, I'm handsome, stylin'...
abs like Swayze, I got frosted tips.
Why would Angelica choose you?
Well...
Because she always said that with you,
it was just having sex and with me,
it was making love.
That's the wussiest thing I've ever heard.
Oh, come on. There you go again.
Running away from your feelings.
And yes, Gideon, men do have feelings
and sex is supposed to mean something.
It's not just rubbing your tingly parts together.
Wait. So, like,
when a guy's not into it, it's not because of something
I'm doing, it's because of how he's feeling?
Um...
Not to interrupt '90s sex-ed, but Maggie,
it says here that the Escape oil
needs to brew for two weeks.
What?
We have two minutes.
It's fine.
I can do this.
I've got it. What if we use some of that rope
to hold him down while I...
No, he'd burn right through them.
Maybe we should just wait
for Gideon and Levi to get here.
You know they're not coming back.
Wh-What do you mean they're not coming back?
Gideon can't handle responsibility.
No, it's up to us now.
Now, I've been thinking
about this stupid ending for the past 20 years,
so we're gonna do this my way.
Whether you two like it or not, okay?
What's the plan?
Ready?
Let's do this.
Hey.
Got it.
Show's over.
No...!
Oh, my God.
You were right, brother.
We belong in there.
Time for me to get back to my duties.
- I said "doodies." - You said "doodies."
Oh, my God.
I love you, but I have so many questions.
It's been one of those nights, huh?
Yeah.
Oh...
Well done.
Ready to say good-bye?
Yeah, yeah.
You were great in there.
Using the Devil's own horn against him?
That was brilliant.
I learned from the best.
Yeah, not bad...
For a girl.
Oh, Gideon.
Just so you know, this whole misogynistic,
brooding bad boy thing...
It's cancelled.
Hey.
Not that you need it, but
you both have my blessing.
You deserve a happy ending.
- Thanks, bro. - Thanks, Gideon.
You know, now that the Devil's gone,
we're thinking about taking a road trip.
You're more than welcome to join.
Nah, you two do your thing.
We may not be in Heaven anymore, but...
I think there's still an angel
for me out there somewhere.
Oh, brother.
Okay, uh, so I've made a decision.
And I know you're not going to like it, Mel, but...
It's my body that's changing.
I have to make a choice
that's right for me.
And considering everything that's at stake,
I-I think I should get help from Charity.
She's been keeping things from us from day one.
Using that knowledge to control us.
No, we don't know that.
We would have never been able to open that portal
if Jada hadn't shown me how to expand my powers.
Maggie, tell her.
I don't want to get involved.
I'm sorry, but...
I have to.
Fine.
But I won't stand by and be a part of it.
Uh, it's an award-winning documentary.
What?
Never mind.
Carry on.
Okay.
Actually...
Harry.
I know how you feel about Charity.
But...
I need you to be honest with me.
As a friend.
Is it possible she didn't tell me
about the Akkadian Smokescreen because
she wanted Niko out of my life?
The important thing to bear in mind here
is that fundamentally, the Elders
are good people who...
They wanted to let you rot in Tartarus.
If Charity did withhold the spell,
I'm sure it was to protect you.
To be certain, your responsibilities
as a Charmed One came above all else.
But yes...
It is possible.
Okay.
It's a weird thing, sex.
You can think about it constantly,
talk about it incessantly
and still not understand it at all.
Wait, can we go back to the part
where you think about it constantly?
The point is...
I put so much focus into how I was feeling
and my insecurities
and my fears that...
... it never even occurred to me
to check in with how you were feeling.
Maggie, do you know what my biggest fear is?
Dying?
Hurting you.
Because I might not be able to control my demon side.
And when you told me...
You were scared, too, uh...
it just broke me.
I couldn't even think about sex.
? Hunger...
Well, I don't want to live in fear of what might happen.
At least I'm not the only one whose powers
go nuts during sex.
Maggie?
Where are we?
I have no idea.
It's time.
- Synced and corrected by medvidecek007 - - www.addic7ed.com -