1
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:05,360
Wow, John.

2
00:00:05,380 --> 00:00:09,100
A bike trip through wine
country sounds amazing.

3
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:12,300
Maybe next we'll take a wine
trip through bike country.

4
00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:14,805
No, I'm kidding.

5
00:00:14,933 --> 00:00:17,016
I know there's no bike country.

6
00:00:17,140 --> 00:00:18,760
Oh, there is?

7
00:00:18,820 --> 00:00:20,140
Oh!

8
00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,340
Now you're kidding.

9
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:25,300
Oh, I miss you. Mwah, mwah, mwah.

10
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:26,500
Bye-bye.

11
00:00:26,530 --> 00:00:30,490
Charlie, will you just
shoot me in the head?

12
00:00:30,620 --> 00:00:33,080
Now? Can I have your bacon first?

13
00:00:34,330 --> 00:00:36,980
I can't take a bike trip.

14
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,840
Oh, honey, 'cause your feet
won't reach the pedals?

15
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,090
My feet's about to reach your face.

16
00:00:44,340 --> 00:00:47,450
I never learned to ride a bike, okay?

17
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:48,600
Who cares?

18
00:00:48,620 --> 00:00:51,640
Nothing sadder than a
grown man riding a bike.

19
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,270
Well, Rollerblades, I guess.

20
00:00:54,390 --> 00:00:57,730
That said, what grown man doesn't
know how to ride a bike?

21
00:00:57,850 --> 00:00:59,980
I never learned.

22
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,100
I got my first bicycle when I was six.

23
00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,690
I traded it in for a canopy bed.

24
00:01:04,820 --> 00:01:07,500
I never got another one. Bike, that is.

25
00:01:07,590 --> 00:01:10,370
I'm on my ninth canopy bed.

26
00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:12,840
So just tell John the truth.

27
00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:14,840
I mean, I showed Kathleen my toes,

28
00:01:14,860 --> 00:01:17,040
and I think she'll get over it.

29
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,120
I can't tell John the truth.
We just started dating.

30
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,060
I have to be the perfect
version of myself.

31
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:27,020
Sid's right. Early on, you got
to put your best foot forward.

32
00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,140
I once held in a fart for a year.

33
00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:34,610
When he finally dumped me,
boy, did I let 'er rip.

34
00:01:34,700 --> 00:01:37,160
Scared the hell out of my dog.

35
00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,760
Great, Margaret.

36
00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:43,620
Now I have something else
I got to worry about.

37
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,700
I'm on it.

38
00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:50,220
Here's your beer, Mr. Hank.

39
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,340
Thank you, Ernie.

40
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:53,700
I assume you vacuumed as well?

41
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,200
Yes, Mr. Hank. Even under the bed.

42
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,320
Mm. Well, just keep in
mind, some of that stuff

43
00:01:58,350 --> 00:01:59,900
was there when I moved in.

44
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,040
Wait, hold on. Who is this kid,

45
00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:05,100
and when was he here
taking drink orders?

46
00:02:05,230 --> 00:02:07,400
This is Ernie. I'm his mentor.

47
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:08,940
You're mentoring someone?

48
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:12,320
Do people need to be taught
to be bitter and alone?

49
00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:15,100
Ernie, never bring her a beer.

50
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:16,660
You may go.

51
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:21,440
Shady Meadows does a program
with the local high school.

52
00:02:21,460 --> 00:02:23,660
See, me and Ernie, we supposed
to learn from each other,

53
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,250
but since I already know everything,

54
00:02:25,370 --> 00:02:27,460
I've been teaching him
the ways of the world.

55
00:02:27,470 --> 00:02:28,860
Well, that's ridiculous.

56
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,800
You're just using this kid.

57
00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:32,800
I mean, if anybody should
mentor him, it should be me.

58
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:34,590
I am wise as crap.

59
00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:38,970
Margaret, it's called a men-torship,

60
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:41,720
not a woman-torship.

61
00:02:41,850 --> 00:02:43,680
Come on, I'm looking out for him.

62
00:02:43,810 --> 00:02:45,370
Do you have any idea

63
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,690
how treacherous high
school is for a nerd?

64
00:02:48,810 --> 00:02:51,650
This doofus actually
wanted to go to the prom.

65
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,070
Well, what's wrong with that?

66
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:55,690
What is he, a bad dancer or something?

67
00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:58,820
Is he a bad dancer?

68
00:02:58,950 --> 00:03:02,120
Margaret, did you look at him?

69
00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:04,750
I'm gonna guarantee he is a bad dancer.

70
00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:06,000
Well, that's just crazy.

71
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:08,250
He needs to go to prom. It's the best.

72
00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:11,130
Making out with your
date on the dance floor.

73
00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:14,080
Banging the guy that you really
wanted to go with after.

74
00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:17,740
Did I ever tell you I
was the prom queen?

75
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:19,220
Yes, you did, the day we met.

76
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,930
I believe it was right
after, "Hi. I'm Margaret."

77
00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:24,300
Look, I was cool in high school.

78
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,380
Ernie is not.

79
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,050
I think it best he just
skip the prom and stay here

80
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:30,980
so he can alphabetize my colognes.

81
00:03:31,110 --> 00:03:32,940
Your colognes? What do...

82
00:03:33,070 --> 00:03:35,160
You pay for that smell?

83
00:03:53,060 --> 00:03:57,950
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

84
00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:02,340
I figured it'd be best to
practice on a stationary bike

85
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,050
before you get on the real thing.

86
00:04:04,180 --> 00:04:07,930
I owe my six-pack to this baby.

87
00:04:08,060 --> 00:04:10,270
Maybe I don't need to
learn to ride a bike.

88
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:11,820
It's just gonna be a matter of time

89
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,650
before John figures out that
we are not a good match.

90
00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:17,480
He's active and fit. And me?

91
00:04:17,610 --> 00:04:20,300
I can't even touch my
toes, and they're, like,

92
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,160
right there.

93
00:04:22,280 --> 00:04:24,750
Look, Sid, you're out
of your comfort zone.

94
00:04:24,780 --> 00:04:27,040
That happens with a new relationship.

95
00:04:27,060 --> 00:04:28,660
And I don't want to see you mess up

96
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:31,050
what you and John have because
you can't do something

97
00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,220
that most five-year-olds can do.

98
00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:35,920
I can do tons of things a
five-year-old can't do.

99
00:04:36,050 --> 00:04:37,420
Could a five-year-old do this?

100
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:41,220
Probably.

101
00:04:43,220 --> 00:04:45,050
- All right.
- Come on.

102
00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,780
Okay. Okay, you've never even seen

103
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:02,340
someone get on a bike, right?

104
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,710
You get in from the side.

105
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,920
Just like a canopy bed.

106
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:09,430
Oh! Well, now you're
speaking my language.

107
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,810
Okay, there you go.

108
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:15,430
All right. Now, picture this.

109
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,890
It's a long and winding road.

110
00:05:18,020 --> 00:05:19,840
John is in front of you.

111
00:05:19,860 --> 00:05:21,340
And he's-he's-he's sweating,

112
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,230
and he's in those tight
bicycle shorts, isn't he?

113
00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:26,360
Uh, sure.

114
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:27,740
Here I come, John!

115
00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:30,080
- Yeah.
- I'm riding a bike!

116
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:31,530
I'm riding a bike.

117
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:40,500
I should have told you,
it-it does that sometimes.

118
00:05:44,670 --> 00:05:46,780
Oh. Uh, Mr. Hank's not home,

119
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:48,440
and he doesn't like anyone in the house

120
00:05:48,470 --> 00:05:50,570
while I'm ironing his delicates.

121
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,960
His delicates? I don't think
you can call them "delicates"

122
00:05:53,980 --> 00:05:57,680
if you get them out of
a big bin at Costco.

123
00:05:57,810 --> 00:06:00,000
Geez, are you doing his whole wardrobe?

124
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:01,730
Well, as Mr. Hank says,

125
00:06:01,770 --> 00:06:05,150
"A man without clothes is
just a baby with chest hair."

126
00:06:06,260 --> 00:06:07,360
Hank is so cool.

127
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:12,820
Does "cool" mean something
different nowadays?

128
00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:16,580
You know, there is, uh, somebody
else around here who's cool.

129
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,630
Pretty cool.

130
00:06:23,670 --> 00:06:26,380
A certain lady.

131
00:06:26,510 --> 00:06:28,400
Who?

132
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,900
Me! I am cool.

133
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,720
And I think not going to
prom is a big mistake.

134
00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:37,679
But... Hank told me that 80%
of suicides are prom-related.

135
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:41,940
Oh, no. I-I think it's...
much lower than that.

136
00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:45,290
Are you telling me that
there is actually nobody

137
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:46,860
that you would want to ask?

138
00:06:49,340 --> 00:06:51,950
Are you trying to get me
to say you again, or...?

139
00:06:52,070 --> 00:06:54,420
Oh, honey, I was the prom queen.

140
00:06:54,450 --> 00:06:56,880
Baby steps.

141
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,470
Well, I'd ask this girl Shauna,

142
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:01,880
but would a first-chair
tuba really go with me?

143
00:07:01,940 --> 00:07:03,440
I mean, the world is her oyster.

144
00:07:03,460 --> 00:07:05,140
Girl who plays the tuba sounds like

145
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,520
a perfect last-minute prom invite.

146
00:07:07,540 --> 00:07:10,020
Are you sure? I mean, my coolest move...

147
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,200
- is my robot voice.
- Yeah.

148
00:07:13,220 --> 00:07:15,770
Ooh. Maybe, uh, maybe go text her.

149
00:07:16,920 --> 00:07:17,960
What are you doing here?

150
00:07:18,180 --> 00:07:20,330
Ernie's asking a girl to the prom.

151
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:21,890
The hell he is.

152
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,480
I'm trying to help this
boy. Look at this nerd.

153
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:27,070
He was born stuffed in a locker. Ow!

154
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,380
He's sitting right there.

155
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,610
It's okay, ma'am. I know what I am.

156
00:07:31,740 --> 00:07:36,140
You know, back when I was very,
very, very cool in high school,

157
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:38,740
I used to mess with nerds
like Ernie all the time.

158
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:42,580
At my prom, I pantsed a nerd
and I made him eat worms.

159
00:07:42,710 --> 00:07:44,500
You brought worms to the prom?

160
00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:46,260
No. I made another
nerd bring them to me.

161
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,840
That's how cool I was.

162
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,340
You see,

163
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:51,670
now I'm making up for all that.

164
00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:53,700
I am using my present

165
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,280
to fix my past... much like they did

166
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:58,580
in Back to the Future and
Back to the Future II,

167
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,519
and I assume Back to the Future III,

168
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:01,600
but I didn't see that one.

169
00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:03,820
Shauna said yes.

170
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,570
I texted her, and she said yes.

171
00:08:05,580 --> 00:08:07,420
Thanks to Miss Margaret. Oh.

172
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,200
Good for you. I think
what you really needed

173
00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:12,740
was a good woman-tor.

174
00:08:12,750 --> 00:08:15,200
Isn't that what you said earlier, Hank?

175
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,700
You say so much stupid crap,
it's hard to keep track.

176
00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:21,500
This is awesome.

177
00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,580
I'm going to boogie at prom.

178
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,400
They gonna kill this boy, Margaret.

179
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:35,800
Hey, Hank.

180
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:37,040
Ernie wanted to say goodbye

181
00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:38,550
before he heads off to the dance.

182
00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:39,960
I got him this far, but he wants you

183
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,430
to tie his bow tie for him.

184
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:43,060
Well, okay,

185
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,740
but only because you got him looking

186
00:08:44,770 --> 00:08:47,730
like he's about to fix
James Bond's laptop.

187
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,820
Now, if it was me,

188
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:51,400
I'd have put you in a purple suit

189
00:08:51,420 --> 00:08:52,900
with a couple two-finger rings.

190
00:08:53,030 --> 00:08:54,860
So you want him to look like a pimp?

191
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:56,880
Margaret, women like pimps.

192
00:08:56,900 --> 00:08:58,410
That's how pimps become pimps.

193
00:08:59,460 --> 00:09:01,020
Now, stop distracting me.

194
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:02,200
Hold up.

195
00:09:02,330 --> 00:09:05,000
There you go. All set.

196
00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:07,180
Okay.

197
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,419
Well, we'll fix that before you go.

198
00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:11,210
Looks like a cat did it.

199
00:09:11,340 --> 00:09:13,520
He's gonna kill at the
dance, by the way.

200
00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:15,620
Show him the new dance
move I taught you, Ern.

201
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,980
Okay. One sweet move coming right up.

202
00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:21,680
Mm-hmm.

203
00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:24,050
So, I guess Margaret's pretty adamant

204
00:09:24,070 --> 00:09:26,600
about you remaining a virgin, huh?

205
00:09:26,730 --> 00:09:28,540
Ernie, put a little more hip into it.

206
00:09:28,560 --> 00:09:30,860
Hips. Come on, find that hip, sweetie.

207
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,370
- Come on.
- This? Right here?

208
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,699
- Come on, you got it.
- No, Ernie, Ernie.

209
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:35,710
- Ernie.
- Yeah?

210
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,280
If you gonna go, hang back.

211
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,910
Lean against the wall.

212
00:09:40,030 --> 00:09:41,780
Nod your head to the music.

213
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,580
Occasionally, you point to your friend.

214
00:09:46,710 --> 00:09:48,410
Oh.

215
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,900
Okay, so this?

216
00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:55,180
Yeah, that's it.

217
00:09:55,310 --> 00:09:56,850
Okay. All right.

218
00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,600
All right, you got it now.

219
00:09:58,730 --> 00:10:00,290
- Hey, Mom.
- Wait, what?

220
00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:01,520
Mom?

221
00:10:01,570 --> 00:10:03,060
I said friend.

222
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:04,560
My mom is my best friend.

223
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:06,320
Oh, damn it.

224
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,920
Okay. We gonna have to
pull the plug on this one.

225
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:10,300
He's gonna embarrass himself.

226
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:11,920
Shauna is gonna laugh at you.

227
00:10:11,970 --> 00:10:14,000
Laugh at me? Is that
really gonna happen?

228
00:10:14,020 --> 00:10:15,850
No, she is not gonna laugh at you.

229
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,660
You saved her from spending
prom night with her tuba.

230
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:21,710
- Oh, she's bringing her tuba.
- Oh, damn it.

231
00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:24,660
You gonna have nerd blood
on your hands, Margaret.

232
00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:27,040
Nerd blood!

233
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:36,640
Look. Did you fall off a
stationary bike? Sure.

234
00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:39,040
Is that virtually impossible
to do? Absolutely.

235
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,190
But you can't give up. John's worth it.

236
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,160
But I'm scared.

237
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,050
I mean, cars whizzing around.

238
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,400
What about birds?

239
00:10:49,530 --> 00:10:51,490
There are so many distractions.

240
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:53,050
And with my A.D.D...

241
00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:55,900
Cookies. We're having cookies tonight.

242
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,940
What kind of lunatic sends
a nerd to the prom?

243
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,290
I mean, she is sending the
lamb to the slaughter.

244
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:06,000
Oh, so you're just starting
your own conversation?

245
00:11:06,130 --> 00:11:07,840
I think Shauna's setting him up.

246
00:11:07,860 --> 00:11:09,440
This whole thing may be one big prank.

247
00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:12,399
Oh, Hank, why does your
mind go to these places?

248
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,980
Because high schoolers
are the spawn of Satan

249
00:11:14,990 --> 00:11:18,960
and their actions are at the
direction of Beelzebub.

250
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:21,280
Sid, I think you could learn from Ernie.

251
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:24,620
That dorky bastard has a 90% chance

252
00:11:24,690 --> 00:11:27,610
of being hung from a
flagpole by his underwear,

253
00:11:27,650 --> 00:11:30,190
and he still went to prom.

254
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:33,330
Unless he rode a bike to the prom,

255
00:11:33,350 --> 00:11:35,610
I fail to see the connection.

256
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:42,499
You got the Hank.

257
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:43,920
Yeah, Ernie.

258
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:46,520
Oh, okay, w-well, calm down.

259
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:47,880
Speak slowly.

260
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:51,480
Damn it, please, not that robot voice.

261
00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,420
All right, sit tight. I'm coming to you.

262
00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,520
Ernie's too scared to go into the dance,

263
00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:57,940
so he's hiding out in the bathroom.

264
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,280
I told you he wasn't ready for no prom.

265
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:02,350
- See, this is all your fault.
- What, my fault?

266
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,700
If he's scared, it's 'cause
of all the stuff you said.

267
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:08,280
Your goodbye to him included
the phrase "nerd blood."

268
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:10,090
- Come on.
- Why can't John and I

269
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:13,130
just do normal boyfriend
stuff like have sex?

270
00:12:13,250 --> 00:12:15,750
I'm good at that. I've
never once fallen off.

271
00:12:21,890 --> 00:12:24,150
I'm gonna grab our boy, and
we gonna head on out of here.

272
00:12:24,170 --> 00:12:26,850
Wow! Look at this place.
Like my old school.

273
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,350
The trophy cases.

274
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,480
The mascot on the floor.

275
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,580
Our team was the Gators.

276
00:12:32,610 --> 00:12:34,520
We're boom, dynamite.

277
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,320
We're boom, dynamite.

278
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,859
We're
tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick-tick.

279
00:12:38,860 --> 00:12:40,190
Boom, dynamite.

280
00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,410
Snap. Crunch.

281
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:45,450
Go, Gators.

282
00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:49,540
I didn't follow that at all.

283
00:12:50,660 --> 00:12:52,500
So the gator ate the dynamite?

284
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,880
Well, let me guess.

285
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,760
- You were on the cheer squad.
- You're damn straight.

286
00:12:58,780 --> 00:13:00,890
I used to haze those
freshmen cheerleaders.

287
00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,980
They called me "The Enforcer."

288
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,900
I mean, nothing too
crazy. Just the usual.

289
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,060
Hit 'em with a sack of boots.

290
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,960
You hit people with
boots? That's horrible.

291
00:13:10,980 --> 00:13:13,240
That kind of thing can
scar people for life.

292
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:16,380
Me? You were worse than
me. You fed a kid worms.

293
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,150
No, I didn't.

294
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,070
Y-yeah, I did, I mean.

295
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,940
Well, did you or didn't you?

296
00:13:22,980 --> 00:13:25,450
Uh, I...

297
00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:27,840
Can I see that cheer again?

298
00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,759
Did you feed worms to
a kid or did you not?

299
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,160
Because this seems like something

300
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,460
that you would remember.

301
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,800
Of course I remember.

302
00:13:36,820 --> 00:13:39,880
'Cause I was fed those worms.

303
00:13:39,890 --> 00:13:42,970
I was tortured every day in high school.

304
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:45,690
Haven't you ever wondered
why I don't fish?

305
00:13:48,310 --> 00:13:50,420
No.

306
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:54,740
I know exactly what
Ernie is going through.

307
00:13:54,770 --> 00:13:59,560
So if you'll excuse me, Your
Highness, the prom queen,

308
00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:01,720
I'm gonna grab our boy
and we going home.

309
00:14:01,740 --> 00:14:04,910
Oh, Hank, I am really sorry
that happened to you,

310
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,320
and about you not being able to fish.

311
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:13,200
But this isn't about
you. It's about Ernie.

312
00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:15,720
It could go great, or it
could go really, really bad,

313
00:14:15,740 --> 00:14:18,430
but you got to let Ernie
find that out for himself.

314
00:14:18,550 --> 00:14:20,620
No, you wouldn't understand.

315
00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,779
'Cause you were cool.

316
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:27,140
So, if you'll excuse me,
there is a teenage boy

317
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:30,060
that needs me in the bathroom.

318
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,200
Okay, Sid. I solved
your outside problem.

319
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:39,920
No cars. No birds.

320
00:14:39,980 --> 00:14:43,330
Just you, the bike and the open hallway.

321
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,180
- I'm gonna do it.
- All right.

322
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,080
- On the count of three.
- Okay.

323
00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:50,239
One... two...

324
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:51,880
I can't do it.

325
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:55,210
John needs to find a new boyfriend.

326
00:14:55,340 --> 00:14:59,020
I might as well just get out of
this thing before he dumps me.

327
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,380
Plus, this helmet is hurting my ears.

328
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,160
All right, you're right.

329
00:15:05,220 --> 00:15:07,980
Yeah, he needs someone less pathetic.

330
00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:13,360
It is unnatural for humans
to be on two wheels.

331
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,639
- Four, I get.
- Mm-hmm.

332
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:15,920
- Three, I get.
- Mm-hmm.

333
00:15:15,930 --> 00:15:18,700
One is weird but cute
when animals do it.

334
00:15:18,950 --> 00:15:21,820
But two I do not get.

335
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,820
Well, you know who does get two?

336
00:15:24,830 --> 00:15:28,250
John's next boyfriend...

337
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,620
Pierre.

338
00:15:29,650 --> 00:15:32,740
He's a French expat
living in the Bahamas.

339
00:15:32,820 --> 00:15:35,240
And you know what the
French love, don't you?

340
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:37,840
Turtlenecks.

341
00:15:37,950 --> 00:15:41,120
Well, yes, but...

342
00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:42,610
also bikes.

343
00:15:42,740 --> 00:15:45,950
I can see it now, riding
off into the sunset,

344
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:49,240
John and Pierre, in their
matching turtlenecks.

345
00:15:49,260 --> 00:15:52,900
Oh, hell no. John is my boyfriend.

346
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,410
Screw you, Pierre.

347
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:57,000
John, here I come.

348
00:15:57,020 --> 00:16:00,170
Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. I'm riding a bike.

349
00:16:00,180 --> 00:16:01,920
You tricked me, Charlie. Thank you.

350
00:16:01,950 --> 00:16:03,040
No, that's all you, Sid.

351
00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:04,880
Now stop before you hit that table.

352
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:06,840
Uh, I don't know how to stop.

353
00:16:06,940 --> 00:16:10,140
Scared. Your boy's real scared.

354
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,700
Ouch. I should have left that helmet on.

355
00:16:17,980 --> 00:16:20,000
I see that now.

356
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,440
Does anybody work here?

357
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,499
Ernie, you in here?

358
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:36,660
- Yeah.
- Listen.

359
00:16:37,540 --> 00:16:39,360
I got to tell you something

360
00:16:39,380 --> 00:16:42,130
that's gonna rock you to your core.

361
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,170
The coolest person you know...

362
00:16:47,510 --> 00:16:49,340
...was a nerd.

363
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,840
My mom?

364
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:58,900
Do not hit the boy.

365
00:17:00,940 --> 00:17:04,070
I'm wearing my fake butt
underwear, and still nothing.

366
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,100
If he doesn't ask me to dance soon,

367
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:07,820
I'm just gonna ask him.

368
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,160
Hey, gals. I couldn't
help but overhearing.

369
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,240
Butt looks terrif', by the way.

370
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:19,120
I was my high school's prom queen.

371
00:17:19,250 --> 00:17:20,920
So...

372
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,340
So...?

373
00:17:24,380 --> 00:17:27,700
So, if you need any advice on anything,

374
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,720
you know, prom-related,

375
00:17:29,740 --> 00:17:32,970
Maggie Mag's here to help.

376
00:17:33,810 --> 00:17:35,380
Thanks.

377
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,500
But we don't need any advice
from some lame grandma.

378
00:17:38,810 --> 00:17:42,520
Lame? I smoked pot.

379
00:17:42,580 --> 00:17:45,400
And I had lots and lots of sex.

380
00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:48,040
And back then, we didn't
even use any protection.

381
00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:51,910
We just lit a cigarette
and said a prayer.

382
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:54,120
Smoking's gross.

383
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,200
And we practice abstinence.

384
00:17:56,290 --> 00:17:57,940
Abstinence?

385
00:17:58,020 --> 00:18:01,120
Good luck getting that
guy to dance with you.

386
00:18:03,380 --> 00:18:07,000
So, after I washed the taste
of worms out of my mouth,

387
00:18:07,070 --> 00:18:08,940
I went back on the dance floor,

388
00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:10,640
and I saw the same dude

389
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:13,380
that fed me the worms
dancing with my date.

390
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:16,930
I spent the rest of the night
crying under the bleachers.

391
00:18:17,060 --> 00:18:19,980
For the next two years, every
time I walked down the hallway,

392
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,310
all I heard was, "Crybaby ass!"

393
00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:26,620
"You need a hankie, Hankie?"

394
00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:31,190
"Hey, Hankie, Hankie,
with your crybaby ass."

395
00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:35,140
Well, you get the point.

396
00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:42,000
I cry sometimes, too.

397
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,000
Whoa, whoa, hey, whoa, whoa, Ernie.

398
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,840
Ernie, we in the bathroom.

399
00:18:49,970 --> 00:18:52,470
Yeah. Let-let's get out of here.

400
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:55,180
Prom's not a place for nerds like us.

401
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,220
Yeah, but you didn't let
me finish my story.

402
00:18:57,350 --> 00:18:59,180
I told you what I did,

403
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,430
but I didn't tell you
what I should have done.

404
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,960
I should have gone back
out on that dance floor

405
00:19:03,980 --> 00:19:05,900
and danced my butt off.

406
00:19:06,020 --> 00:19:07,560
You can still do that.

407
00:19:07,690 --> 00:19:09,060
You think so?

408
00:19:09,070 --> 00:19:10,570
I know so.

409
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:12,619
Just 'cause bad stuff happened to me

410
00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:14,030
doesn't mean it's gonna happen to you.

411
00:19:14,110 --> 00:19:16,780
Go on out there and find Shauna.

412
00:19:17,030 --> 00:19:18,990
Yeah, uh, okay.

413
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:20,660
How do I look?

414
00:19:20,790 --> 00:19:22,700
Like a little pimp.

415
00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:24,340
You feel good?

416
00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:28,290
Affirmative, Mr. Hank.

417
00:19:28,420 --> 00:19:31,520
Go out there and make some memories.

418
00:19:35,540 --> 00:19:37,090
Whew.

419
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,500
It's Ernie's turn.

420
00:19:48,860 --> 00:19:51,820
Oh, a kiss on the cheek.

421
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,360
That's like third base for
a nerd, but you know that.

422
00:19:55,490 --> 00:19:57,820
I can't believe it, but I did it.

423
00:19:57,950 --> 00:20:01,330
I'm a pretty good mentor
after all, aren't I?

424
00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:02,899
No, not really.

425
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:06,480
So, uh, would you like to get a photo

426
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:07,920
with the prom queen?

427
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,250
I don't know, she looks kind of mean.

428
00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:13,670
I'm talking about me.

429
00:20:15,430 --> 00:20:18,300
Hey, yo, toots, can I
borrow this for a sec?

430
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:36,280
You know what, Hank? I feel
like I really know now

431
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,520
what it feels like to be a nerd.

432
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,020
When you were in the
bathroom with Ernie,

433
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,640
I ran into these three mean girls,

434
00:20:41,660 --> 00:20:43,800
and they called me "lame."

435
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:46,870
So I feel your pain.

436
00:20:50,090 --> 00:20:53,439
I ate worms, Margaret.

437
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,540
So, you gotten any update?

438
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,260
What happened with Ernie and Shauna?

439
00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:01,420
Ernie and Shauna had a great
time at the prom last night.

440
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:04,419
So great that tonight, Ernie and Shauna

441
00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:07,520
and Ernie's mom are going out again.

442
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,940
Good news here... I learned
how to ride a bike.

443
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,250
I also learned that when
you crack your coccyx,

444
00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:15,580
your three best friends don't
even send you flowers.

445
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,239
I'm serious, you can just
get 'em off the fireplace,

446
00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,200
bring me something.

447
00:21:22,420 --> 00:21:24,030
And I learned...

448
00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,660
Hell, we don't all have to
learn something, do we?

449
00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:29,760
I'm frickin' 70.

450
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:35,940
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