1
00:00:00,125 --> 00:00:01,807
Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

2
00:00:01,808 --> 00:00:02,974
The drug I've been working on

3
00:00:03,042 --> 00:00:05,699
for the past five years
just got approved by the FDA.

4
00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:07,246
- Wow. - Oh.
Congratulations.

5
00:00:07,247 --> 00:00:08,950
Was that the decongestant
you developed?

6
00:00:08,951 --> 00:00:12,772
No, we had to rebrand that as
a solvent for mining equipment.

7
00:00:14,075 --> 00:00:15,490
It's her
anti-inflammatory drug.

8
00:00:15,514 --> 00:00:16,677
Oh.

9
00:00:16,678 --> 00:00:18,890
Yep, three years of testing
and no reported side effects.

10
00:00:18,914 --> 00:00:21,080
- Hmm, so it works.
- Eh.

11
00:00:22,918 --> 00:00:25,452
Well, congratulations,
I'm so happy for you.

12
00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:26,786
Yeah, well,
I'm happy for you

13
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because I want you
to head up my sales team.

14
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Really? Me? Don't you want
someone with more experience?

15
00:00:31,827 --> 00:00:33,626
No, the job's all yours.

16
00:00:33,695 --> 00:00:35,573
All right, now I'm sure
some of you are wondering,

17
00:00:35,597 --> 00:00:36,996
"Who is this woman?

18
00:00:37,065 --> 00:00:39,332
"How did she get to be in charge
of the sales team?

19
00:00:39,401 --> 00:00:41,801
Is it because she's friends
with Dr. Rostenkowski?"

20
00:00:42,704 --> 00:00:44,504
Because she is.

21
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"Is it because she was
Miss Cornhusker 2001

22
00:00:47,576 --> 00:00:49,476
and still fits
in those very same jeans?"

23
00:00:49,544 --> 00:00:51,644
Because she was, and she does

24
00:00:51,713 --> 00:00:53,113
and they're actually
a little baggy.

25
00:00:55,617 --> 00:00:58,351
"And the absence of side effects
means that Inflaminex

26
00:00:58,420 --> 00:01:00,687
"can be taken in conjunction
with other medications.

27
00:01:00,755 --> 00:01:02,989
It's a brand-new day."

28
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Such a good tagline, I forgot,
who came up with that?

29
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- You did.
- That's right, I did.

30
00:01:07,929 --> 00:01:10,363
Okay, I know it's late
and I've been

31
00:01:10,432 --> 00:01:11,592
working you guys really hard,

32
00:01:11,633 --> 00:01:12,913
so I have a little treat
for you.

33
00:01:12,968 --> 00:01:15,034
- We get to go home?
- No.

34
00:01:15,103 --> 00:01:18,171
You get to stay here
and get vitamin B12 shots.

35
00:01:19,407 --> 00:01:21,074
Oh, my God.
You guys are still here?

36
00:01:21,142 --> 00:01:24,444
We're happy to be here.
It's a brand-new day.

37
00:01:24,513 --> 00:01:28,414
It's 12:15, it's literally
a brand-new day.

38
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Everybody go home.

39
00:01:32,787 --> 00:01:34,227
All right, fine.
Go, get out of here.

40
00:01:34,289 --> 00:01:36,189
Go on.

41
00:01:36,258 --> 00:01:38,758
I think things
are going pretty good.

42
00:01:38,827 --> 00:01:41,194
Are you aware that Dave's
in the break room crying?

43
00:01:41,263 --> 00:01:42,996
Yeah, I told him
if he's gonna be a crybaby,

44
00:01:43,064 --> 00:01:44,597
go to the break room.

45
00:01:44,666 --> 00:01:45,999
I just really want
to be prepared

46
00:01:46,067 --> 00:01:48,001
for this conference.
- You're gonna do great.

47
00:01:48,069 --> 00:01:48,807
You really think so?

48
00:01:48,831 --> 00:01:50,070
Of course;
they're scared of you,

49
00:01:50,071 --> 00:01:51,552
you're scared of me--
The system works.

50
00:01:51,553 --> 00:01:54,153
? The Big Bang Theory 12x17 ?
The Conference Valuation

51
00:01:54,154 --> 00:01:57,394
? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

52
00:01:57,679 --> 00:02:00,914
? Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ?

53
00:02:00,982 --> 00:02:02,582
? The Earth began to cool ?

54
00:02:02,651 --> 00:02:05,285
? The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ?

55
00:02:05,353 --> 00:02:07,820
? We built the Wall ?
? We built the pyramids ?

56
00:02:07,889 --> 00:02:10,490
? Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ?

57
00:02:10,559 --> 00:02:12,392
? That all started
with a big bang ?

58
00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:14,027
? Bang! ?

59
00:02:14,028 --> 00:02:16,028
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man

60
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:22,040
Okay, Howie,
I'm going.

61
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- Have a great conference.
- Thanks.

62
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,945
Remember, I'm leaving
you with two babies.

63
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:28,947
I expect to see two
babies when I get back,

64
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:31,683
and they better be the same
two babies because I'll know.

65
00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:34,419
I think I'm capable
of babysitting.

66
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,855
Don't call it babysitting;
they're your children.

67
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:39,090
It's called parenting.

68
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What's the difference?

69
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,394
You don't get paid.

70
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,264
Now, the emergency
contacts are on the fridge

71
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:47,777
and I left money for
food on the table.

72
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Oh, sounds like I do get paid.

73
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Don't worry.

74
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I got this covered.

75
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I know you do.

76
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Quick question,
where are the kids right now?

77
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They're upstairs.

78
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- They're at daycare.
- They're at daycare?

79
00:03:01,815 --> 00:03:03,815
- They're upstairs!
- Why are you messing with me?!

80
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,658
Wow. That's a lot of
luggage for a weekend.

81
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I know.

82
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I didn't know what to wear,
so I brought a few options.

83
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Was one of the options the
option to never come back?

84
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I just really want
this weekend to go well.

85
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Doesn't answer my
question, but okay.

86
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I love you.

87
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I love you, too.

88
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And you're gonna do great.

89
00:03:31,478 --> 00:03:34,312
Just relax, stay out of your
head, and try to enjoy it.

90
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,047
Aw. That reminds me
of what I said to you

91
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:38,450
the first time
we slept together.

92
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I still use it.

93
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,387
- It's a mantra.
-Yeah.

94
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:44,689
Oh, thank goodness!

95
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:45,835
I caught you before you left.

96
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:46,791
I'm just going
for the weekend.

97
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:47,792
Just the weekend.

98
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,661
You all heard her say it.

99
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,532
So, your convention
is in San Diego, right?

100
00:03:51,556 --> 00:03:52,431
Yes.

101
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,533
Great. I need you to settle
a bet for Amy and me.

102
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,868
I say,
when it's not Comic-Con,

103
00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:58,737
no one will be dressed
as superheroes.

104
00:03:58,805 --> 00:03:59,805
Mm-hmm.

105
00:04:01,208 --> 00:04:03,675
And I say fewer people will
be dressed as superheroes

106
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,776
but still some.

107
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:08,313
A crazy person in a cape
doesn't count.

108
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:11,883
Mm, why not?
It counts at Comic-Con.

109
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Also, if you get a chance
to sneak into Hall H,

110
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last year, I left my neck
pillow under my seat.

111
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Uh, third row,
second from the aisle.

112
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I'll see what I can do.

113
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Thank you.
At least there will be

114
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one superhero in San Diego.

115
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So, Leonard, what are you
gonna do while Penny's away?

116
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I don't know.

117
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Maybe watch a movie
with subtitles.

118
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If you're looking for
something outside the norm,

119
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I have invented
a new chess variant

120
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:41,379
where the bishops can
also move like knights.

121
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What do you call that,
Bishops Be Crazy?

122
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,318
First of all,

123
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:49,254
it would be
"Bishops Are Crazy."

124
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:50,822
Not if you're being crazy.

125
00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,625
Checkmate.

126
00:04:55,095 --> 00:04:56,328
Hey, guys.

127
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:57,396
- Hey.
- Hello.

128
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,930
Where are the kids?

129
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:00,932
I thought they were with you.

130
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,078
- What? No! I...
- I'm kidding.

131
00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:04,002
They're at daycare.

132
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:07,706
What about me makes you think
my heart can handle that joke?

133
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,041
Hey.

134
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:13,211
You guys want to come hang out
at my place this weekend?

135
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,946
So we can help you babysit?

136
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,615
Uh, it's not babysitting.

137
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They're my children.

138
00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,418
They're not our children.

139
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:22,687
Oh. Well, for you guys,
then, it is babysitting.

140
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,022
No offense,
Howard,

141
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:25,401
but I don't want
to spend my weekend

142
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,392
around your loud, sticky babies.

143
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:30,228
You can't insult my
kids. I am offended.

144
00:05:30,297 --> 00:05:32,030
N-No, you can't be.
I said "no offense."

145
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,866
That's like "no backsies"
but for offense.

146
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:37,736
What do you say? We'll
play some board games.

147
00:05:37,804 --> 00:05:38,703
It'll be like a party.

148
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:39,949
Three guys playing a board game

149
00:05:39,973 --> 00:05:41,906
doesn't sound
like much of a party.

150
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:44,743
Someone doesn't
remember college very well.

151
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,814
As opposed to the leading
nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory,

152
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:50,883
our product

153
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:52,311
greatly reduces
the risk of ulcers.

154
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,330
So it won't burn a hole
in your stomach.

155
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,354
And it won't burn a hole
in your wallet, either!

156
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:57,689
Okay.

157
00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,457
I got this.

158
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,659
Thank you for stopping by.

159
00:06:00,727 --> 00:06:02,460
It's a brand-new day!

160
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:05,096
- See? You're doing great.
- Yeah.

161
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:06,965
Mediocre actress,
great drug pusher.

162
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,700
Who knew?

163
00:06:09,636 --> 00:06:10,735
Inflaminex, huh?

164
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,084
So what can you
tell me about it?

165
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,905
- Well, we...
- Oh, don't waste your time.

166
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,908
His name is Danny. He works for
one of the other drug companies.

167
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,110
Hey, nothing wrong with
checking out the competition.

168
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,813
Aw, we don't see you
as competition.

169
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,348
You should.

170
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:26,284
Our anti-inflammatory is hitting
the market this year, too.

171
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,386
Well, ours has zero
drug interaction risk.

172
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,355
Yeah. So does an Altoid.

173
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:32,590
Speaking of Altoids,

174
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:33,858
why don't you go get one?

175
00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:34,859
Okay.

176
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:36,928
Let's everyone calm down.

177
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,441
If you can't find
a pill for that here,

178
00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:40,298
then you're not trying
hard enough.

179
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,100
It's all right.

180
00:06:42,169 --> 00:06:43,468
I'll go.

181
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,970
I don't know what
it is about that guy,

182
00:06:46,039 --> 00:06:47,572
but he just gets
on my nerves.

183
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:49,307
Well, you scared
the bad man away.

184
00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:50,376
Who's a good girl?

185
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:56,281
They're still asleep.

186
00:06:56,349 --> 00:06:58,483
Apparently, when
I put someone down for a nap,

187
00:06:58,552 --> 00:07:01,319
they sleep hard.

188
00:07:01,388 --> 00:07:03,621
That's a weird brag, Howard.

189
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,224
I'll get it.

190
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:09,961
Bernadette thinks I have poor
parenting skills.

191
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:13,965
Maybe she's basing that
on your poor husbanding skills.

192
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,800
Who can say?

193
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:18,203
I'm bad at a lot of things.

194
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,706
- Hello.
- Hi.

195
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,775
Hey. I didn't think
you were coming.

196
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,343
Um, I changed my mind.

197
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:27,590
I thought it'd be fun to spend
some time with your children.

198
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,880
Where are the
little scamps?

199
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:29,881
- "Scamps"?
- I'm sorry.

200
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,349
Tykes. Rug rats.

201
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:33,218
What is the PC
term these days?

202
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,553
What's going on?

203
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:38,690
We were in the bookstore,
and I found this.

204
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:41,025
Experimenting
with Babies:

205
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:45,997
50 Amazing Science Projects
You Can Perform on Your Kid.

206
00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,465
You can't experiment
on his kids.

207
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:48,800
Yeah, you're
not their father.

208
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:50,435
You can't experiment on my kids.

209
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:53,638
Fine. Can I at least
play a game with them?

210
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:54,839
Perhaps...

211
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:56,808
How Developed
is Your Peripheral Vision?

212
00:07:58,445 --> 00:08:00,912
Mine's great.
I saw that.

213
00:08:05,255 --> 00:08:07,521
You know, these experiments
are pretty harmless.

214
00:08:07,590 --> 00:08:10,258
There's one where you just put
the baby in front of a mirror

215
00:08:10,326 --> 00:08:12,360
and you watch them
watch themselves.

216
00:08:12,428 --> 00:08:14,328
That sounds adorable.
Let me see.

217
00:08:14,397 --> 00:08:16,408
How come when she talks
about experiments on babies,

218
00:08:16,432 --> 00:08:18,165
you think it's adorable,
but when I do it,

219
00:08:18,234 --> 00:08:19,800
everyone gets upset?

220
00:08:19,869 --> 00:08:22,203
I think I can speak
for all of us.

221
00:08:22,272 --> 00:08:24,138
You're just creepy.

222
00:08:26,009 --> 00:08:29,277
No offense.

223
00:08:29,345 --> 00:08:32,446
Hey, this one we can do
with both Michael and Halley.

224
00:08:32,515 --> 00:08:34,115
It's called Grabby Hands.

225
00:08:34,183 --> 00:08:37,485
Wasn't that your nickname
in high school?

226
00:08:37,553 --> 00:08:38,953
No, it was Mama's Boy.

227
00:08:39,022 --> 00:08:41,555
But the joke was on them,
because I love my mom.

228
00:08:41,624 --> 00:08:43,391
Guys, listen,

229
00:08:43,459 --> 00:08:45,226
you secure them both
in car seats

230
00:08:45,295 --> 00:08:46,961
and slowly spin a toy

231
00:08:47,030 --> 00:08:48,430
at the end of the
string above them.

232
00:08:48,498 --> 00:08:49,730
The younger baby
tends to reach

233
00:08:49,799 --> 00:08:50,932
with either hand,

234
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:53,200
and the older baby prefers
the dominant hand.

235
00:08:53,269 --> 00:08:55,136
That is kind of interesting.

236
00:08:55,204 --> 00:08:57,338
And it's not really
experimenting on the kids.

237
00:08:57,407 --> 00:08:59,607
It's more like experimenting
with the kids.

238
00:08:59,676 --> 00:09:01,153
Well, I guess
if you think about it,

239
00:09:01,177 --> 00:09:02,655
it's kind of like
playing games with them.

240
00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:03,844
Okay, you know what,

241
00:09:03,913 --> 00:09:05,658
when they wake up,
we can try one or two of these.

242
00:09:05,682 --> 00:09:07,648
Yay!

243
00:09:09,185 --> 00:09:11,619
I said, "Yay!"

244
00:09:14,057 --> 00:09:16,657
Thank you.
It's a brand-new day.

245
00:09:16,726 --> 00:09:18,793
Wow, we got
a pretty good crowd here.

246
00:09:18,861 --> 00:09:20,861
I know. But not
as big as that booth.

247
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:21,970
What's going on
over there?

248
00:09:21,998 --> 00:09:23,798
Yeah, that's Chantix.

249
00:09:23,866 --> 00:09:27,335
Ray Liotta's signing
autographs until 2:00.

250
00:09:29,405 --> 00:09:31,605
Hey, I thought we weren't
supposed to have our phones

251
00:09:31,674 --> 00:09:32,707
in the booth.

252
00:09:32,775 --> 00:09:35,576
That's a "you" rule,
not a "me" rule.

253
00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:38,279
Hey, can I help you?

254
00:09:38,348 --> 00:09:39,880
Actually, I'm looking
for the bathroom.

255
00:09:39,949 --> 00:09:41,849
Ah, yes. It's right next
to the laxative booth.

256
00:09:41,918 --> 00:09:43,851
Clever, right?

257
00:09:45,221 --> 00:09:48,022
So we meet again.

258
00:09:48,057 --> 00:09:50,624
Oh, yeah. Uh, Danny, right?
How's your launch going?

259
00:09:50,693 --> 00:09:51,892
Good.

260
00:09:51,961 --> 00:09:54,028
Is Dr. Rostenkowski around?

261
00:09:54,097 --> 00:09:56,275
No, she stepped out for a call,
although I wouldn't be surprised

262
00:09:56,299 --> 00:09:58,799
if she's in line
to meet Ray Liotta.

263
00:09:58,868 --> 00:10:01,102
Yeah. Something tells me
she's not crazy about me.

264
00:10:01,170 --> 00:10:03,904
Yeah. Something tells me that,
too, and it was her.

265
00:10:03,973 --> 00:10:07,208
Well, it doesn't matter, I was
actually hoping to talk to you.

266
00:10:07,276 --> 00:10:08,509
- Really?
- Yeah.

267
00:10:08,578 --> 00:10:10,811
You've done a terrific job
with Inflaminex.

268
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,514
We're always on the lookout
for great salespeople.

269
00:10:13,583 --> 00:10:15,116
I think we could make you happy.

270
00:10:15,184 --> 00:10:16,584
Uh, thanks,
but I'm pretty happy.

271
00:10:16,652 --> 00:10:18,892
- I could be more happy.
- Tell it to your shrink, Karen.

272
00:10:21,557 --> 00:10:23,557
Hey, Howie, everything okay?

273
00:10:23,626 --> 00:10:24,959
Yeah, everything's great.

274
00:10:25,028 --> 00:10:29,230
I was just wondering if we had
any large barbecue tongs.

275
00:10:29,298 --> 00:10:31,766
Uh, bottom left drawer.
Are you guys grilling?

276
00:10:31,834 --> 00:10:34,335
Nope, just playing games
with the kids.

277
00:10:34,404 --> 00:10:36,003
Why do you need tongs?

278
00:10:36,072 --> 00:10:37,838
Love you, too, bye.

279
00:10:37,907 --> 00:10:39,874
I-I bet Michael grabs it
before Halley.

280
00:10:39,942 --> 00:10:41,509
Not a chance.

281
00:10:41,577 --> 00:10:44,078
Halley's a year older, you know
she's gonna get it first.

282
00:10:44,147 --> 00:10:46,714
I just think
he wants it more. Come on.

283
00:10:46,783 --> 00:10:48,327
Come on, you got this.
You got this, Michael

284
00:10:48,351 --> 00:10:50,818
Grab it. Grab it, Halley.
I believe in you.

285
00:10:50,887 --> 00:10:53,154
Oh! That was so close.
Just keep on trying.

286
00:10:53,222 --> 00:10:56,023
Hey. Hey, y-you guys want to
make this more interesting?

287
00:10:56,092 --> 00:10:58,059
By establishing
a double-blind protocol

288
00:10:58,127 --> 00:11:00,294
so we have a foundation
to publish? Yes.

289
00:11:03,332 --> 00:11:06,000
Look, here's my card. Maybe we
can get a drink this weekend.

290
00:11:06,069 --> 00:11:07,468
Oh, I don't know.
I'm pretty busy.

291
00:11:07,537 --> 00:11:08,680
I have to inventory
all the giveaways.

292
00:11:08,704 --> 00:11:10,771
Hey, beat it. Shoo.

293
00:11:12,442 --> 00:11:13,741
So what did he want?

294
00:11:13,810 --> 00:11:15,509
- Nothing.
- He offered her a job.

295
00:11:15,578 --> 00:11:17,578
No one likes a tattletale,
Karen.

296
00:11:18,514 --> 00:11:20,347
So, what's up, traitor?

297
00:11:20,416 --> 00:11:22,650
Dammit, Karen.

298
00:11:24,087 --> 00:11:25,886
Okay, you want to engage
the babies.

299
00:11:25,955 --> 00:11:28,255
The subjects.

300
00:11:28,324 --> 00:11:31,025
- The babies.
- Fine. The babies.

301
00:11:31,094 --> 00:11:34,128
Baby-A and Baby-B.

302
00:11:34,197 --> 00:11:36,530
Engage them for a minute and
take note of their reactions.

303
00:11:36,599 --> 00:11:39,667
There's something familiar
about all this.

304
00:11:39,735 --> 00:11:40,768
Okay, go.

305
00:11:40,837 --> 00:11:41,902
Hello, baby.

306
00:11:41,971 --> 00:11:43,137
Are you having
a pleasant day?

307
00:11:43,206 --> 00:11:46,674
Oh, my G--
This is my entire childhood.

308
00:11:48,211 --> 00:11:50,544
Leonard, Leonard,
you're tainting my data.

309
00:11:50,613 --> 00:11:53,647
Uh, it's like word for word.

310
00:11:53,716 --> 00:11:55,850
How much time is left?
35 seconds.

311
00:11:55,918 --> 00:11:57,718
Oh really?
He's not reacting at all.

312
00:11:57,787 --> 00:11:59,353
Sheldon, he's a baby.

313
00:11:59,422 --> 00:12:01,422
That's not how you talk
to him, okay? J-Just watch.

314
00:12:01,491 --> 00:12:03,691
Hey.

315
00:12:03,759 --> 00:12:05,292
Halley.

316
00:12:05,361 --> 00:12:07,628
Who's your favorite uncle?

317
00:12:07,697 --> 00:12:10,197
Unka Koo.

318
00:12:11,234 --> 00:12:13,767
I got a dud,
let's switch.

319
00:12:15,238 --> 00:12:16,937
Keep trying. It's for science.

320
00:12:17,006 --> 00:12:18,083
Is that all
I was to her?

321
00:12:18,107 --> 00:12:21,075
Just an experiment?

322
00:12:21,144 --> 00:12:22,910
Michael. Michael,
you're making me look bad.

323
00:12:22,979 --> 00:12:24,512
I-Interact with me.

324
00:12:24,580 --> 00:12:25,946
He grabbed my finger.

325
00:12:26,015 --> 00:12:28,249
Oh, he's smiling.
I'm doing it.

326
00:12:29,719 --> 00:12:31,819
- That's time.
- Oh, really?

327
00:12:31,888 --> 00:12:33,287
Can we do one more?

328
00:12:33,356 --> 00:12:35,289
I think these guys need
to get some food.

329
00:12:35,358 --> 00:12:36,518
By pushing a lever at the end

330
00:12:36,592 --> 00:12:38,492
of an obstacle course
that we design?

331
00:12:39,996 --> 00:12:41,295
No, by opening the door

332
00:12:41,364 --> 00:12:43,364
to a hangar and letting
the airplane fly in.

333
00:12:44,967 --> 00:12:47,301
Although, Sheldon, maybe
it could be an experiment.

334
00:12:47,370 --> 00:12:49,703
Are you suggesting
we color-code their food

335
00:12:49,772 --> 00:12:51,505
so we can examine
their diapers later?

336
00:12:53,509 --> 00:12:54,708
Sure.

337
00:12:54,777 --> 00:12:58,179
These diapers
are gonna be full of data.

338
00:13:00,883 --> 00:13:02,983
I never thought I would see
Sheldon enjoying himself

339
00:13:03,052 --> 00:13:05,019
around babies so much.

340
00:13:05,087 --> 00:13:07,321
Yeah, how about that?

341
00:13:07,390 --> 00:13:10,024
So he just happened
to stumble upon a book

342
00:13:10,092 --> 00:13:12,526
about experimenting
with them the same day

343
00:13:12,595 --> 00:13:15,896
we were hanging out
with Howard's kids?

344
00:13:15,965 --> 00:13:18,832
Yep, don't overthink it.

345
00:13:20,102 --> 00:13:21,435
Oh, my God.

346
00:13:21,504 --> 00:13:26,106
At sleepaway camp my cabin
was called "Control Group."

347
00:13:31,747 --> 00:13:33,425
I can't believe you took
his business card.

348
00:13:33,449 --> 00:13:35,649
I can't believe we're still
talking about this.

349
00:13:35,718 --> 00:13:37,851
He handed it to me.
What was I supposed to do?

350
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:39,160
Hand it back to him
and tell him

351
00:13:39,222 --> 00:13:41,155
to stick it
where the sun don't shine.

352
00:13:42,158 --> 00:13:43,490
You are not serious.

353
00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:45,092
Serious as the hepatitis

354
00:13:45,161 --> 00:13:48,195
their cholesterol medication
gave thousands of people.

355
00:13:48,264 --> 00:13:49,997
Did it?

356
00:13:50,066 --> 00:13:51,865
Maybe.

357
00:13:53,202 --> 00:13:55,035
You're not really
considering this, are you?

358
00:13:55,104 --> 00:13:57,204
I don't know.
It's kinda flattering.

359
00:13:57,273 --> 00:14:00,007
Please, he's just using you
to get to me.

360
00:14:00,076 --> 00:14:01,642
Or he's trying to get to me

361
00:14:01,711 --> 00:14:03,777
because I'm really good
at my job.

362
00:14:03,846 --> 00:14:05,012
Don't be so naive.

363
00:14:05,081 --> 00:14:06,091
They're our number one
competitor.

364
00:14:06,115 --> 00:14:07,815
They have a rival drug
coming out

365
00:14:07,883 --> 00:14:09,883
with a name I wish
we thought of-- Forsootha.

366
00:14:11,454 --> 00:14:12,920
It's got "soothe" right in it.

367
00:14:12,989 --> 00:14:14,221
How did we miss that?

368
00:14:14,290 --> 00:14:16,390
You know, our
brand recognition

369
00:14:16,459 --> 00:14:17,858
is three times
higher than theirs.

370
00:14:17,927 --> 00:14:20,794
And I did that with a stupid
product name and no assistant.

371
00:14:20,863 --> 00:14:23,330
You only have this job
because I gave it to you.

372
00:14:23,399 --> 00:14:24,509
You know who else
was begging you

373
00:14:24,533 --> 00:14:26,834
to head up their sales team?
Nobody.

374
00:14:26,902 --> 00:14:29,403
Well, you know who's
begging me now? Danny.

375
00:14:29,472 --> 00:14:31,572
I can't believe this is how
you thank me.

376
00:14:31,641 --> 00:14:33,574
I thanked you
by thanking you.

377
00:14:33,643 --> 00:14:36,043
And I sent you
that fancy box of pears.

378
00:14:36,112 --> 00:14:37,745
What am I supposed to do
with 20 pears?

379
00:14:37,813 --> 00:14:40,147
Have a pear party?

380
00:14:44,587 --> 00:14:46,820
Ooh, a juicy pear.

381
00:14:49,125 --> 00:14:50,824
Where are the kids?

382
00:14:50,893 --> 00:14:53,160
Oh, Sheldon's helping Howard
give them a bath.

383
00:14:53,229 --> 00:14:55,596
Hmm. So you really think

384
00:14:55,665 --> 00:14:57,698
you can trick Sheldon
into liking babies?

385
00:14:59,635 --> 00:15:01,535
I slept with him;
I married him.

386
00:15:01,604 --> 00:15:04,238
You want to be
against me?

387
00:15:06,642 --> 00:15:08,309
Oh, you were right, Amy.

388
00:15:08,377 --> 00:15:09,554
There were so many
valuable experiments

389
00:15:09,578 --> 00:15:12,046
to perform on them
during bath time.

390
00:15:12,114 --> 00:15:14,815
You don't say.

391
00:15:16,485 --> 00:15:19,520
I do. I tested their object
permanence with a rubber duck,

392
00:15:19,588 --> 00:15:22,656
and we took a run at Archimede''
water displacement,

393
00:15:22,725 --> 00:15:24,792
but that went
right over their heads.

394
00:15:24,860 --> 00:15:26,593
Well, I'm glad
you had a good day.

395
00:15:26,662 --> 00:15:28,362
I did.
It's so funny,

396
00:15:28,431 --> 00:15:30,331
we did all these experiments
on them

397
00:15:30,399 --> 00:15:32,800
and they didn't even notice.

398
00:15:32,868 --> 00:15:37,471
I know, I was worried it would
be obvious, but it wasn't.

399
00:15:39,608 --> 00:15:42,543
I guess we should go and let
Howard get them ready for bed.

400
00:15:42,611 --> 00:15:44,656
Yeah. Do you think he'd let us
come back and do some more?

401
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,580
Maybe we could take them
to the park.

402
00:15:46,649 --> 00:15:48,649
Smart.
There'll be more babies.

403
00:15:48,718 --> 00:15:50,684
It's a bigger sample size.

404
00:15:56,359 --> 00:15:58,158
Where did Leonard go?

405
00:15:58,227 --> 00:16:00,561
Just tell me the truth, Mother.

406
00:16:01,997 --> 00:16:05,332
Was my whole childhood
just one big experiment?

407
00:16:05,401 --> 00:16:06,712
Of course not, dear.

408
00:16:06,736 --> 00:16:09,903
It was thousands
of small experiments.

409
00:16:11,507 --> 00:16:15,809
So that's all I was to you,
a-a test subject?

410
00:16:15,878 --> 00:16:19,012
No, you were my baby
and I found you fascinating.

411
00:16:19,081 --> 00:16:21,515
Really?

412
00:16:21,584 --> 00:16:25,018
Yes, watching you develop,
tracking your progress.

413
00:16:25,087 --> 00:16:27,654
I know I'm not
the warmest of parents,

414
00:16:27,723 --> 00:16:29,690
but it was time
we spent together,

415
00:16:29,759 --> 00:16:34,395
and, honestly, those are
some of my fondest memories.

416
00:16:36,165 --> 00:16:37,498
When did you stop?

417
00:16:37,566 --> 00:16:41,168
Oh, I can't tell you,
the experiment isn't over.

418
00:16:45,007 --> 00:16:46,907
Zangen's a fine company.

419
00:16:46,976 --> 00:16:48,475
They got a couple
of good drugs,

420
00:16:48,544 --> 00:16:50,511
but we control 60%
of the market.

421
00:16:50,579 --> 00:16:52,513
Hell, commissions on just
our fungal creams

422
00:16:52,581 --> 00:16:54,982
will put you
in a new Mercedes.

423
00:16:55,050 --> 00:16:56,350
Danny. Danny, look at me.

424
00:16:56,419 --> 00:16:58,018
Does this face
sell fungal creams?

425
00:16:59,155 --> 00:17:01,922
No. This face is cholesterol
drugs and above.

426
00:17:03,259 --> 00:17:04,558
Playing hard to get, huh?

427
00:17:04,627 --> 00:17:08,162
No one's ever
accused me of that before.

428
00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:11,498
Look, why don't I just give you
a number and see what you think?

429
00:17:11,567 --> 00:17:13,700
Ooh, are-are you gonna
write it on a napkin

430
00:17:13,769 --> 00:17:14,902
and slide it over to me?

431
00:17:14,970 --> 00:17:18,338
No, I was just gonna say it.

432
00:17:18,407 --> 00:17:20,240
- Aw.
- Do you want me

433
00:17:20,309 --> 00:17:21,887
to write it on a napkin
and slide it over to you?

434
00:17:21,911 --> 00:17:23,377
Yah.

435
00:17:23,446 --> 00:17:24,978
You got it.

436
00:17:27,450 --> 00:17:30,217
Danny, you rat bastard.

437
00:17:30,286 --> 00:17:31,897
What? I'm just making
your friend an offer.

438
00:17:31,921 --> 00:17:34,054
Yeah, he's writing it on
a napkin like in the movies.

439
00:17:35,791 --> 00:17:37,558
That's not an offer.

440
00:17:37,626 --> 00:17:39,193
Do you know how amazing
this girl is?

441
00:17:39,261 --> 00:17:41,495
- Aw. You think I'm amazing?
- Stay out of this.

442
00:17:42,565 --> 00:17:43,764
I'm serious..

443
00:17:43,833 --> 00:17:45,466
Not only is she
a helluva salesperson,

444
00:17:45,534 --> 00:17:47,401
she's the hardest worker
I've ever seen.

445
00:17:47,470 --> 00:17:49,247
I know, that's why I'm trying
to steal her from you.

446
00:17:49,271 --> 00:17:50,649
Well, then you're gonna have
to do a lot better than this,

447
00:17:50,673 --> 00:17:51,839
because I promise you,

448
00:17:51,907 --> 00:17:53,118
I'm not gonna let
her go without a fight.

449
00:17:53,142 --> 00:17:55,776
You do not want that,
she's a biter.

450
00:17:55,845 --> 00:17:57,377
Just think about it.

451
00:17:59,148 --> 00:18:00,514
You know, I don't have to.

452
00:18:00,583 --> 00:18:02,049
Thanks, but I'm
happy where I am.

453
00:18:02,117 --> 00:18:04,518
Let's go.

454
00:18:06,388 --> 00:18:08,222
Can I just see
what he wrote on the napkin?

455
00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:10,958
What napkin?

456
00:18:15,314 --> 00:18:19,016
You know, spending time
with Michael and Halley today

457
00:18:19,085 --> 00:18:22,153
really made me think
about our future children.

458
00:18:24,557 --> 00:18:26,323
Huh, what an interesting

459
00:18:26,392 --> 00:18:29,827
and completely
unforeseen development.

460
00:18:29,896 --> 00:18:31,695
What are you thinking?

461
00:18:31,764 --> 00:18:33,430
Well, I just can't decide.

462
00:18:33,499 --> 00:18:35,833
Either five sets of triplets

463
00:18:35,902 --> 00:18:38,469
or three sets of quintuplets.

464
00:18:38,571 --> 00:18:42,406
You know what? It doesn't matter
as long as they're healthy.

465
00:18:42,475 --> 00:18:44,909
And divisible by three.

466
00:18:44,977 --> 00:18:47,411
That's a lot
of babies, Sheldon.

467
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:49,113
Oh, only for humans.

468
00:18:49,182 --> 00:18:52,216
For frogs, it's just
a drop in the bucket.

469
00:18:52,285 --> 00:18:55,119
Well, I'm sorry
I'm not a frog.

470
00:18:55,188 --> 00:18:57,188
Oh, don't feel bad, Amy.

471
00:18:57,256 --> 00:18:58,989
You're good enough for me.

472
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:09,275
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man