1
00:00:03,755 --> 00:00:05,546
Charlie, please.

2
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:07,380
Please let me sign your cast.

3
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,740
No. You laughed when I
fell and hurt my wrist.

4
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:11,460
You will never sign this cast.

5
00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:13,880
What? Are you guys still
arguing about this?

6
00:00:13,940 --> 00:00:15,200
You're supposed to be adults.

7
00:00:15,220 --> 00:00:18,540
You have a combined age of 140.

8
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:21,220
I'm sorry, it was funny when he fell.

9
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,060
He was carrying a hot fudge sundae

10
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,483
and the cherry landed
on his belly button.

11
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,735
I'm only human.

12
00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,320
Hank, please talk some
sense into these two.

13
00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:32,907
I'd like to, but I was unaware of
the cherry in the belly button.

14
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,700
That changes everything.

15
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:38,204
Friends let friends sign their casts.

16
00:00:38,331 --> 00:00:41,350
You're right. Friends do let
friends sign their casts.

17
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:43,780
Hank, would you, uh, be so kind?

18
00:00:43,830 --> 00:00:45,400
And Margaret.

19
00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:49,400
Oh, great. Hank is signing
in the spot I picked out.

20
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,040
This is outrageous.

21
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,600
Do you think that you two could,
uh, settle this by recess?

22
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:58,090
My friend Joanie is gonna
stop by today. I want to

23
00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,070
show her how awesome
my new life is here.

24
00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:02,010
You have other friends than us?

25
00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:03,600
Yeah, don't you guys?

26
00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:08,390
Okay. Well...

27
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,740
Joanie and I got divorced
around the same time,

28
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,890
and when we met we became inseparable.

29
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,780
You guys are gonna love her. She paints,

30
00:01:14,820 --> 00:01:17,100
she sculpts, she makes jewelry...

31
00:01:17,140 --> 00:01:19,660
Still waiting for the stuff we'll love.

32
00:01:19,740 --> 00:01:21,840
Oh. Well, I forgot to mention

33
00:01:21,860 --> 00:01:23,990
she also farts the alphabet.

34
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,660
Seriously?

35
00:01:25,750 --> 00:01:28,000
No, but I can burp the
Pledge of Allegiance.

36
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,710
Oh!

37
00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:32,380
Joanie! Wow!

38
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,880
- Did you just get back from Oldchella?
- Oh!

39
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:36,670
Oh, you're bad.

40
00:01:39,590 --> 00:01:41,930
Does this morgue have a bar?

41
00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:44,440
Hey, Joanie, meet Sid, Charlie,

42
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,970
- and Hank.
- Hi.

43
00:01:46,050 --> 00:01:47,560
Small, medium, and large.

44
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:49,810
I love it.

45
00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:53,020
Would you like to sign my cast?

46
00:01:53,110 --> 00:01:54,900
Be honored.

47
00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:56,070
What?!

48
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,320
You don't even know her.

49
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,140
Oh, a heart over the I...

50
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,530
real original, Joanie.

51
00:02:01,660 --> 00:02:03,700
You're a frigging trailblazer.

52
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:26,940
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

53
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,880
And when you grabbed that guy's keys...

54
00:02:30,910 --> 00:02:34,060
Yeah! And then back at the hotel...

55
00:02:34,190 --> 00:02:37,690
You guys should have seen the
look on the pool boy's face.

56
00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:41,350
This is the fifth story you told today

57
00:02:41,380 --> 00:02:43,610
that doesn't have a beginning,
a middle or an end.

58
00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:46,620
Yeah, ladies, I feel like I'm
watching Harry Potter...

59
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:50,200
I'm not sure what's going
on and I'm not sure I care.

60
00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:53,060
You've really been
talking this place up,

61
00:02:53,110 --> 00:02:55,570
but it... as far as I can
see, at first glance,

62
00:02:55,590 --> 00:02:57,700
it seems a little sleepy.

63
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,800
Oh, that's 'cause you looking at Larry.

64
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:05,080
It also seems like a place
where people come to die.

65
00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:07,560
No. You're thinking of a nursing home.

66
00:03:07,640 --> 00:03:09,470
This is a retirement community.

67
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,890
Nothing but sex, drugs, and sex-drugs.

68
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,340
In all fairness, a lot
of people do die here.

69
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,860
It's like a horror movie
without the suspense.

70
00:03:19,940 --> 00:03:21,780
So what's the plan tonight?

71
00:03:21,860 --> 00:03:23,950
How far away is Tijuana?

72
00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:25,950
Oh, no. We can't go back there.

73
00:03:25,980 --> 00:03:28,240
Those nuns'll still be looking for us.

74
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:32,330
Margaret's got much cooler
plans than that for tonight.

75
00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:35,960
We are going to the Shady Meadows Luau.

76
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:38,460
I, for one, hope to get lei'd.

77
00:03:39,780 --> 00:03:41,100
The lei, of course,

78
00:03:41,130 --> 00:03:43,470
- is a flowery necklace from Hawaii.
- Yeah.

79
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:46,720
It also means sex.

80
00:03:46,750 --> 00:03:48,760
A clever play on words.

81
00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:55,980
Now, Joanie, you gonna help Margaret,

82
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,610
who will assume her usual role
as my, uh, honey funneler.

83
00:03:59,730 --> 00:04:02,099
- Honey funneler?
- That is right.

84
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,700
She funnels the honeys to me.

85
00:04:03,740 --> 00:04:05,440
I woo them with my humor.

86
00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:07,200
And the next thing you know,
I got an apple in my mouth

87
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,530
and a grass skirt on my bedroom floor.

88
00:04:09,620 --> 00:04:10,660
Yeah?

89
00:04:10,790 --> 00:04:12,450
We're not doing that.

90
00:04:12,540 --> 00:04:13,749
Margaret, shall we?

91
00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:15,210
Yeah, yeah, I... Sorry Hank.

92
00:04:15,230 --> 00:04:16,749
Uh, we're out for ourselves tonight.

93
00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:19,250
You're gonna have to
funnel your own honey.

94
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:21,130
Okay, Charlie.

95
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:24,300
I bought you pineapple,
ham and cornichons.

96
00:04:24,380 --> 00:04:26,340
Or, as you like to call
them, "little pickles."

97
00:04:26,470 --> 00:04:29,890
Which, coincidentally, was
my nickname in junior high.

98
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,260
Charlie, I'm sorry I laughed.

99
00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:34,180
Now can I sign your cast?

100
00:04:34,270 --> 00:04:35,579
No.

101
00:04:35,580 --> 00:04:38,400
And I'm gonna need more little
pickles, Little Pickles.

102
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,570
I didn't say I liked that nickname.

103
00:04:41,690 --> 00:04:44,610
There are actually a lot of cute
guys here at Sweaty Middles.

104
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,570
Shady Meadows.

105
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,350
And that's what I've
been trying to tell you.

106
00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:49,740
This is like a college dorm,

107
00:04:49,770 --> 00:04:53,040
except everybody's got
macular degeneration.

108
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,700
Hey, girl.

109
00:04:54,830 --> 00:04:57,510
Are you that offensive
graffiti somebody painted

110
00:04:57,540 --> 00:04:59,880
on the grocery store?
'Cause I can't believe

111
00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,090
nobody's taken you off the market.

112
00:05:03,630 --> 00:05:06,590
Swing and a miss.

113
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:07,920
Damn that Joanie.

114
00:05:07,950 --> 00:05:09,590
She's hogging my wing woman.

115
00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:15,430
It's fine. I don't need her.

116
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,850
Check this out.

117
00:05:16,940 --> 00:05:21,060
Baby doll, are you my 1970 Chevelle

118
00:05:21,090 --> 00:05:22,360
that I backed into a tree?

119
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:24,570
'Cause your trunk is on fire.

120
00:05:26,530 --> 00:05:28,610
Wow, she didn't even slow down.

121
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:31,160
You know, Charlie, keep in mind,

122
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,370
many of these women are lesbians.

123
00:05:37,620 --> 00:05:39,500
Thank you.

124
00:05:39,580 --> 00:05:41,080
Well, Margaret didn't show again.

125
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,960
I ended up having to eat her breakfast.

126
00:05:44,050 --> 00:05:46,760
You didn't have to.

127
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:49,820
Not only did she ignore us at the luau,

128
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:51,220
she totally stood me up

129
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:54,260
for our RuPaul's Drag
Race marathon last night.

130
00:05:55,850 --> 00:05:58,020
I made 100 mini pizzas.

131
00:05:58,100 --> 00:06:00,550
I had to eat them all by myself.

132
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,520
Well, again, you didn't have to.

133
00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:05,380
Well, she stood me up this morning, too.

134
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,190
We were supposed to go
golfing this morning.

135
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,030
I get paired with Dudley.

136
00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:11,360
That man shot a 462.

137
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:13,530
We only golfed nine holes.

138
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,880
Yeah, Joanie is throwing
everything out of whack.

139
00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:18,040
You know, Margaret's the one

140
00:06:18,060 --> 00:06:20,040
that always tells me
when my fly is open,

141
00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:21,540
and look at that...

142
00:06:21,670 --> 00:06:24,630
wide open.

143
00:06:24,750 --> 00:06:27,960
Not only is Joanie stealing
our friend, but with

144
00:06:28,090 --> 00:06:29,670
Charlie icing me out,

145
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,090
I'm basically down to one: you, Hank.

146
00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:35,390
Would you like to watch
RuPaul's Drag Race tonight?

147
00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:38,180
No, I don't want to watch
RuPaul's Drag Race with you.

148
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:39,470
That's the last thing I need,

149
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,080
is to fall in love
with one of them gals.

150
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,480
I am too old to be
questioning my sexuality.

151
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,400
That is a Margaret show.

152
00:06:47,530 --> 00:06:49,330
And I'm gonna tell her
as soon as she shows up.

153
00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,020
You know, I have had it with her.

154
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,620
I'm gonna tell her she needs to
get this Joanie up out of here.

155
00:06:53,660 --> 00:06:55,800
Hey, guys!

156
00:06:55,820 --> 00:06:58,580
I come bearing great news,

157
00:06:58,660 --> 00:07:01,080
and morning hooch.

158
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,960
We're gonna have to
pull a fifth chair up

159
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:05,960
to this table, because...

160
00:07:06,090 --> 00:07:07,960
I'm moving in.

161
00:07:09,970 --> 00:07:11,630
Yay.

162
00:07:11,720 --> 00:07:13,930
Woo-hoo.

163
00:07:22,220 --> 00:07:23,890
Yup, my lease was up,

164
00:07:23,980 --> 00:07:25,520
my best friend lives here...

165
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:26,940
what's not to love?

166
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,360
I'm heading over to the
sales office right now.

167
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,200
Yup. We found out there's
a unit available.

168
00:07:36,270 --> 00:07:39,050
Tippy Kominsky's family
just pulled the plug.

169
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:41,330
How great is that?

170
00:07:41,410 --> 00:07:43,480
Oh, no, Tippy died?

171
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,170
She owed me money.

172
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,800
Margaret, we need to talk. Now,
how do I say this delicately?

173
00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,440
We don't like this Joanie

174
00:07:52,470 --> 00:07:54,760
and we like you less
when you around her.

175
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,050
What? Where is this coming from?

176
00:07:57,100 --> 00:08:00,490
Margaret, you're blowing
off your obligation to us

177
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:02,390
to hang out with this Joanie.

178
00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,979
Now, when you sat down at this table

179
00:08:04,980 --> 00:08:06,770
and joined this group of friends,

180
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,110
you signed a contract.

181
00:08:08,170 --> 00:08:10,980
- I didn't sign anything.
- Yes, you did.

182
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:13,940
Your butt cheek was the pen.

183
00:08:14,030 --> 00:08:16,490
That chair was the paper.

184
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:18,620
When you put butt cheek pen

185
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:20,370
to chair paper,

186
00:08:20,490 --> 00:08:23,040
a contract was signed

187
00:08:23,080 --> 00:08:26,370
and sealed, and you are forever bound.

188
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:30,630
Wow, we really need to get you laid.

189
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,970
If it's hard for you to tell her
she can't move in, I can do it.

190
00:08:36,050 --> 00:08:38,680
I'll be firm but bitchy.

191
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:41,140
Why don't you let me be firm but bitchy?

192
00:08:41,270 --> 00:08:44,060
Not exactly a stretch.

193
00:08:45,730 --> 00:08:48,060
You guys are freaking out over nothing.

194
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,230
I can be friends with you
and with Joanie, too.

195
00:08:50,270 --> 00:08:53,230
We can all get along if you
will just give her a chance.

196
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,820
Charlie, your fly is down.

197
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:57,150
Yeah. And I had to figure
that out on my own.

198
00:08:58,370 --> 00:09:01,620
Well, honey, if you figured it
out, then why's it still down?

199
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,440
Hank, Joanie's really great,
just give her a shot.

200
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:07,800
Okay? Go talk to her. You will like her.

201
00:09:07,830 --> 00:09:10,710
We'll make an amendment to
your butt cheek contract.

202
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,420
Yeah, I'll talk to her.

203
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:13,840
But just remember:

204
00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:16,550
chair contract, butt cheek pen.

205
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,050
Butt cheek paper doesn't
even make sense.

206
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:19,680
Think, woman.

207
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:31,020
- Geez.
- Hey.

208
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:33,190
Margaret said I should get
to know you, so, uh...

209
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,400
what's your favorite food?

210
00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:40,360
That is a really weird way
to start a conversation.

211
00:09:40,450 --> 00:09:42,530
But...

212
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:44,540
popcorn.

213
00:09:44,570 --> 00:09:46,450
You kidding me?

214
00:09:46,470 --> 00:09:49,160
So you on your way to the electric chair

215
00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:51,300
and they ask you what your last meal is,

216
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,500
you gonna tell them popcorn?

217
00:09:54,630 --> 00:09:56,380
All right, I'll tell Margaret I tried.

218
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,170
Oh, Hank.

219
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:00,370
If you have a problem with me,

220
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,550
why don't you just come
right out and say it?

221
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,180
Oh, I'll do you one better,

222
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,560
I'll come right out and say it.

223
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,390
We don't want to have you here.

224
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,390
Really, Hank?

225
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:14,770
You don't think it could be fun to...

226
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,900
have me?

227
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:20,360
I think... maybe it...

228
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:21,910
might be fun to have you.

229
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,990
Well, maybe you should
take me on a little tour,

230
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,290
so I can get a better
feel for the place.

231
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:32,710
Feel?

232
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,650
And then after you show me around,

233
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:39,920
maybe I could check out... your unit.

234
00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:42,680
Say what now?

235
00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:45,430
- You want to see my unit?
- Yeah.

236
00:10:45,510 --> 00:10:47,510
Well, this is gonna be a short-ass tour.

237
00:10:52,150 --> 00:10:55,260
Get well soon...

238
00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,900
you fragile...

239
00:10:57,990 --> 00:11:00,360
bastard.

240
00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:02,300
He's using up all the free space,

241
00:11:02,340 --> 00:11:04,490
and everything he's writing is mean.

242
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:06,620
Love...

243
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,580
your nemesis...

244
00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,960
Gorgeous George.

245
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,540
Toodle-oo, bird-bones.

246
00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:18,620
Do you think Hank and
Joanie are still talking?

247
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:21,470
I promise you guys are gonna
love having her around.

248
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,580
Good evening, everyone.

249
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,010
And what a good, good evening it is.

250
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:29,310
Hoo-ee!

251
00:11:29,430 --> 00:11:31,700
Oh, Joanie, you didn't.

252
00:11:31,730 --> 00:11:32,890
I did.

253
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:34,770
Twice.

254
00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:36,560
Did what?

255
00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:39,730
Ooh, yuck.

256
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:49,400
How did this happen?

257
00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:50,659
When did this happen?

258
00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:54,330
Above all, why did this happen?

259
00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:56,180
Well, Hank headed over to the rec room

260
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:59,130
to give me the business,
and... I took it.

261
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,680
I was giv... I was giving
her a little tour.

262
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,170
And then there was

263
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,980
- this noisy bird.
- And I said...

264
00:12:09,020 --> 00:12:11,270
I said, "Shut up, bird!"

265
00:12:13,310 --> 00:12:16,140
And that's basically how it happened.

266
00:12:16,230 --> 00:12:18,650
Twice.

267
00:12:18,730 --> 00:12:22,900
Can anyone tell a complete
story around here?

268
00:12:23,030 --> 00:12:25,170
Okay, well, we'll catch
up with you guys later.

269
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:26,380
We're gonna hit the tennis court.

270
00:12:26,410 --> 00:12:28,990
Oh, Hank, you don't even play tennis.

271
00:12:29,030 --> 00:12:30,830
I do now.

272
00:12:30,910 --> 00:12:34,780
Oh, guys, this is really not good.

273
00:12:34,860 --> 00:12:37,080
I know. Friends hooking up with friends

274
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:39,670
is terrible for group dynamics.

275
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:43,000
And I should know, I have seen
all 14 seasons of Road Rules,

276
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,590
even the almost unwatchable
"Semester at Sea."

277
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:51,270
Okay, but it's not just that.
Hank is really into her,

278
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:54,230
and Joanie is really
into chewing up guys

279
00:12:54,260 --> 00:12:56,520
and spitting them out.
I got to talk to her.

280
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:57,890
Well, keep your guard up.

281
00:12:57,930 --> 00:13:00,190
She banged the last
person that tried that.

282
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,620
Afternoon, ladies!

283
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,000
Yep, that's right. Broke my neck.

284
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,630
I tripped over a cat.

285
00:13:20,710 --> 00:13:24,430
All my friends laughed, but
I didn't even get mad,

286
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:28,050
'cause everyone knows that
people falling is funny!

287
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:31,430
Anyhoo...

288
00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:33,100
you want to sign my brace?

289
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,520
Give me a break, Sid.

290
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,220
You didn't hurt yourself.

291
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:37,890
Who's that talking?

292
00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:41,520
I can barely turn with
this pesky broken neck.

293
00:13:43,380 --> 00:13:46,640
Oh, sweet Charlie, it's you.

294
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,470
You probably want to sign my brace,

295
00:13:49,490 --> 00:13:53,580
but the space is reserved
for all of my true friends.

296
00:13:53,620 --> 00:13:54,910
Shirley, Betty and...

297
00:13:54,930 --> 00:13:56,330
this one.

298
00:13:58,060 --> 00:14:01,050
If you're trying to make me
jealous, it will not work.

299
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,970
I haven't been jealous since 1980,

300
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:05,270
when my ex-wife slept
with the Jackson 4.

301
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:06,960
Michael wasn't interested.

302
00:14:08,130 --> 00:14:09,880
Oh, Charlie!

303
00:14:09,970 --> 00:14:11,680
Enough!

304
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,420
I didn't hurt my neck.

305
00:14:14,430 --> 00:14:17,560
What's hurting is my heart.

306
00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:19,410
When you don't let me sign your cast,

307
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,380
I feel like I'm not your friend,

308
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,810
and I don't like the way that feels.

309
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:26,290
Well, then you shouldn't have
laughed at me for being old.

310
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,300
You know, I can't get
around like I used to,

311
00:14:28,340 --> 00:14:30,020
but I don't see anything
funny about that.

312
00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,140
I didn't laugh because you're old.

313
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:36,020
Age has nothing to do with it.

314
00:14:36,060 --> 00:14:37,899
Just the other day

315
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:40,120
I laughed at this little girl

316
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,000
who fell down at the mall.

317
00:14:42,150 --> 00:14:43,850
You promise?

318
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:47,340
She fell down the up escalator.

319
00:14:47,460 --> 00:14:50,340
But it brought her right back up.

320
00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:53,140
Oh... oh, yeah.

321
00:14:53,170 --> 00:14:55,510
- I-I get it, I get it. Here.
- Oh.

322
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,080
Thank you. Oh, I don't
know what to write,

323
00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,810
there are so many options.

324
00:14:59,850 --> 00:15:02,200
Do you still want me to
sign your brace, Sid?

325
00:15:02,230 --> 00:15:04,900
No, Shirley. God!

326
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:07,700
You're friggin' obsessed with me.

327
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:12,880
Ooh. Hot damn!

328
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,740
Tippy's place is really swanky.

329
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,530
Nothing but the best for
my Joanie Macaroni.

330
00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:20,790
Here's a little
housewarming gift for you.

331
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:23,320
- Thank you. Mm.
- Hey, uh, Hank,

332
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,170
do you think I could have a
minute alone with Joanie?

333
00:15:25,210 --> 00:15:27,520
Yeah. I'll go look for
Tippy, see if she's

334
00:15:27,540 --> 00:15:29,630
- moved on to the afterlife.
- Okay.

335
00:15:29,670 --> 00:15:32,170
Sweet spirit! Show thyself!

336
00:15:33,880 --> 00:15:37,340
So, uh, you and Hank seem
to be having a good time.

337
00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:38,640
How do you feel about him?

338
00:15:38,660 --> 00:15:40,850
Oh, he's fine. He seems
to be really into me.

339
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,320
He kind of reminds me of the
guy that I used to date

340
00:15:44,340 --> 00:15:46,419
in Colorado Springs who
had the banjo and...

341
00:15:46,420 --> 00:15:47,759
No, no, no, no.

342
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:49,700
We're not turning Hank
into one of our stories.

343
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,940
He's my friend, and I don't
want to see him get hurt.

344
00:15:52,070 --> 00:15:53,800
We're just having a little fun.

345
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:55,160
No one's gonna get hurt.

346
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,360
Well, well, well.

347
00:15:59,060 --> 00:16:02,660
Joanie, are you ready to put
the "happy" in happy hour?

348
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,000
- Uh, George.
- Hmm?

349
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,560
I thought we were going
to meet downstairs.

350
00:16:06,580 --> 00:16:08,330
So you have a date with George?

351
00:16:08,420 --> 00:16:10,790
I thought you said Hank
wasn't gonna get hurt.

352
00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,000
He's not. George and I
are just gonna head out,

353
00:16:13,020 --> 00:16:16,340
and you can tell Hank that I
went to see the Grand Canyon.

354
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,080
He's not an idiot.

355
00:16:18,110 --> 00:16:21,300
Bad news... Tippy's not
ready to leave yet.

356
00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:23,310
I think I've angered her.

357
00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:25,180
What are you doing here?

358
00:16:25,270 --> 00:16:27,770
I'm here to pick up Joanie.

359
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,350
I can't believe you're going out

360
00:16:29,380 --> 00:16:31,650
with this Vincent Price knockoff.

361
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:34,530
Joanie...

362
00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:36,800
why are you holding those weeds?

363
00:16:36,820 --> 00:16:40,240
- Here, let me upgrade you, girl.
- I gave them to her.

364
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:42,300
Well, perhaps you could return them

365
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:46,540
to the grocery store bucket
from whence they came.

366
00:16:46,670 --> 00:16:48,540
Well, how about this?

367
00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:50,580
Why don't I break your hip bone in two

368
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,880
with my bare hands, you brittle bitch?

369
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:56,540
- Try me, Chief.
- All right,

370
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,630
that's enough, guys.

371
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,680
I can actually hear George's heart.

372
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,010
and I don't think it's the
right number of beats.

373
00:17:03,140 --> 00:17:05,080
George, go downstairs and wait.

374
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,140
Uh, take the elevator.

375
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:11,520
See you around... goober.

376
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:15,230
Well, shouldn't you get back
to tending bar in The Shining?

377
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,110
I thought we had something.

378
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,410
I hope Tippy haunts your two-timing ass.

379
00:17:22,450 --> 00:17:23,530
Wow.

380
00:17:23,620 --> 00:17:25,450
What is he so wound up about?

381
00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:27,640
Maybe he thought you were into him,

382
00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:30,040
and then another guy shows
up to take you out?

383
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:33,360
So I can't date two people?

384
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:35,680
Since when have you become so judgy?

385
00:17:35,700 --> 00:17:38,050
We used to do that kind of
thing to guys all the time.

386
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,380
Yeah, but this guy is my friend.

387
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:42,190
And so am I,

388
00:17:42,220 --> 00:17:45,180
and I have known you longer than Hank.

389
00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:47,720
Boy, Shlubby Melons

390
00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:50,060
- has really changed you.
- Oh...

391
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,420
It is Shady Meadows.

392
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:54,220
You know damn well it
isn't Shlubby Melons.

393
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,319
And you know what?

394
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,070
I don't think you should move in here.

395
00:17:57,110 --> 00:18:00,119
- What? Why?
- Because our whole friendship

396
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:02,570
has been you making a mess
and me cleaning it up.

397
00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:05,880
Oh, yeah? Well, here's
another mess for you.

398
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:08,040
Well, I'm not gonna
clean it up this time.

399
00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:11,900
Yes, you're gonna clean it up, Margaret.

400
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,710
God knows I don't want
to piss off Tippy.

401
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,400
There you are.

402
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,520
I just figured I'd put one more drink

403
00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:34,440
on your tab before I hit the highway.

404
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,270
Okay, two drinks.

405
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,420
Hey. Hey, I'm sor...

406
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,500
And some fruit.

407
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:46,800
I'm sorry I got so upset back there.

408
00:18:46,890 --> 00:18:50,260
I guess you're right... Shady
Meadows has changed me.

409
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:53,170
We had a lot of fun for a lot of years,

410
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,620
but I just find the older I get,

411
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,100
the more I want my chaos contained.

412
00:18:58,230 --> 00:19:00,100
It's okay. I mean, I-I get it.

413
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,190
And I'm sorry that you always felt

414
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:04,570
like you had to clean up my messes.

415
00:19:05,570 --> 00:19:07,150
Probably not a great idea

416
00:19:07,180 --> 00:19:08,900
for me to live here.

417
00:19:09,220 --> 00:19:12,240
It's not that I don't love you, Joanie,

418
00:19:12,370 --> 00:19:15,080
but I made three really good
friends when I moved in here,

419
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,500
and I don't want to mess that up.

420
00:19:16,580 --> 00:19:18,710
Yeah, they're goofy. They're just...

421
00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:21,420
they're not very bright.

422
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:23,920
But they're always there for me.

423
00:19:24,010 --> 00:19:27,250
Hey, why don't you buy a
place down in Phoenix?

424
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,440
I'll come visit you,

425
00:19:28,470 --> 00:19:31,020
and I can have sex with
all of your friends?

426
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:33,010
Oh, that sounds good.

427
00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:35,420
I'm not kidding.

428
00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:43,930
Will you sign the cast already?

429
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,270
Just sign the friggin' cast.

430
00:19:46,350 --> 00:19:48,900
Okay. But it has to be perfect.

431
00:19:48,940 --> 00:19:51,230
Short, cute, funny. Like me.

432
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:53,820
Okay, well, it's sign it
now or sign it never.

433
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,530
I'm not gonna have this
thing on much longer.

434
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:56,820
Fine.

435
00:19:56,910 --> 00:20:00,160
Get well soon.

436
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,380
Love, Sid.

437
00:20:02,460 --> 00:20:05,120
Oh, my God. I'm a hack.

438
00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:07,790
And a heart over the eye. Really?

439
00:20:07,830 --> 00:20:10,670
Why didn't you just write,
"You look good plastered"?

440
00:20:13,550 --> 00:20:15,170
Damn it!

441
00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:17,600
Well, good news:

442
00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:19,970
the men of Shady Meadows are safe.

443
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:22,720
I talked to Joanie. She's
not gonna move in.

444
00:20:22,850 --> 00:20:24,890
I'm really sorry she hurt you, buddy.

445
00:20:25,020 --> 00:20:27,170
Hurt me? Oh, she didn't hurt me.

446
00:20:27,230 --> 00:20:29,140
It's all part of the plan.

447
00:20:29,230 --> 00:20:30,520
Plan?

448
00:20:30,650 --> 00:20:32,060
Yeah, that's right.

449
00:20:32,110 --> 00:20:34,010
- The plan to get rid of her.
- Oh.

450
00:20:34,030 --> 00:20:35,700
See, I slept with her,

451
00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:38,440
then I acted all clingy
to push her away.

452
00:20:38,460 --> 00:20:39,660
But I couldn't tell you guys,

453
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,520
'cause it was on a need-to-know basis.

454
00:20:42,910 --> 00:20:45,080
But the good news is
I'm not hurt at all.

455
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:47,620
Matter of fact, I like coming
home to a empty apartment.

456
00:20:47,710 --> 00:20:49,080
Yeah, I do.

457
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:53,140
Right. Well...

458
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,550
gee, Hank, thank you
for doing that for us.

459
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:58,260
I don't know what we
would do without you.

460
00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:01,050
I'm a little confused

461
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,510
about some of the details.

462
00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:05,510
So, when you acted all into
Joanie, that wasn't real?

463
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:08,020
No, that was all part of the plan.

464
00:21:08,070 --> 00:21:10,140
But I heard you crying in your room.

465
00:21:10,230 --> 00:21:12,400
How can that be part of the plan?

466
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,980
Well, I knew you were outside listening,

467
00:21:15,070 --> 00:21:17,150
so...

468
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:19,860
it was all... part of the plan.

469
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,420
Then you teamed up with George.

470
00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:24,780
You hate each other.

471
00:21:24,870 --> 00:21:26,370
Plan.

472
00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:28,420
Those crappy flowers?

473
00:21:28,470 --> 00:21:29,790
Plan!

474
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:35,300
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