1
00:00:03,757 --> 00:00:05,323
Shh!

2
00:00:05,392 --> 00:00:07,292
Do you hear that? I can't find my phone.

3
00:00:07,394 --> 00:00:09,260
I think it's coming from the fruit bowl.

4
00:00:13,300 --> 00:00:15,333
Oh, no.

5
00:00:18,972 --> 00:00:20,638
I've been doing sleep magic again.

6
00:00:21,775 --> 00:00:23,208
You look like you haven't slept at all.

7
00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:24,876
Maybe an hour or two a night.

8
00:00:24,945 --> 00:00:26,411
I've tried everything:

9
00:00:26,513 --> 00:00:28,813
warm shower before bed, meditation,

10
00:00:28,882 --> 00:00:31,216
reading my operating
system's user agreement.

11
00:00:31,251 --> 00:00:33,384
Did you try asking Alex about
the struggles that are unique

12
00:00:33,453 --> 00:00:34,519
to women in science?

13
00:00:34,588 --> 00:00:36,721
Late last night.
I think she's still going.

14
00:00:36,823 --> 00:00:38,490
It's the worst possible timing.

15
00:00:38,558 --> 00:00:40,325
I have a video shoot
for a big listing today,

16
00:00:40,393 --> 00:00:41,526
and I'm supposed to be on camera.

17
00:00:41,628 --> 00:00:42,861
I gotta go.

18
00:00:42,963 --> 00:00:44,629
Dad, your keys.

19
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:48,566
You know what? I'll drive.

20
00:00:50,570 --> 00:00:51,669
Good luck with your interview.

21
00:00:51,771 --> 00:00:54,873
Oh, you know what?
I decided to pass on that.

22
00:00:54,975 --> 00:00:56,040
Why?

23
00:00:56,142 --> 00:00:58,476
That's an amazing job,
and you were so excited.

24
00:00:58,578 --> 00:01:01,045
I think I was flattered.

25
00:01:01,147 --> 00:01:03,248
Like when you go to a bar
and a guy sends you a drink.

26
00:01:03,350 --> 00:01:05,850
I'm at the leading scientific
university in the country.

27
00:01:05,952 --> 00:01:07,986
Those guys can't even look
their robots in the eye.

28
00:01:08,088 --> 00:01:11,523
I was asked to interview for
CEO of Uncle Ned's Cookies,

29
00:01:11,625 --> 00:01:14,025
a major player in the
snack food industry.

30
00:01:14,127 --> 00:01:15,827
The position opened up
because it turns out

31
00:01:15,929 --> 00:01:18,563
Uncle Ned liked to play
fast and loose with...

32
00:01:18,665 --> 00:01:20,398
his genitals at work.

33
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,634
Mom, you need to take that interview.

34
00:01:22,736 --> 00:01:26,004
Now that they're purging male creeps
from executive positions,

35
00:01:26,106 --> 00:01:29,173
strong women are finally
getting their seat at the table.

36
00:01:29,276 --> 00:01:31,075
Honey, I already have
a seat at the table.

37
00:01:31,177 --> 00:01:32,977
In fact, at the head of the table.

38
00:01:33,079 --> 00:01:34,279
You mean when Grandpa's not there?

39
00:01:34,381 --> 00:01:35,547
Tables have two heads.

40
00:01:35,649 --> 00:01:38,116
I'm only bringing out
my trademark hard truths

41
00:01:38,218 --> 00:01:39,384
because I don't want you to pass up

42
00:01:39,486 --> 00:01:42,520
an amazing opportunity in
deference to the patriarchy.

43
00:01:42,622 --> 00:01:45,523
Honey, I have a lot of amazing
opportunities at my current job.

44
00:01:45,625 --> 00:01:47,859
And isn't Uncle Ned's
basically just stoner food?

45
00:01:47,961 --> 00:01:49,093
We love Uncle Ned's!

46
00:01:49,195 --> 00:01:50,361
I miss those.

47
00:01:52,299 --> 00:01:54,332
Thank you for your concern,
but I'll be fine.

48
00:01:54,434 --> 00:01:56,568
Maybe I'm just projecting
my own frustrations

49
00:01:56,670 --> 00:01:58,036
with the science world.

50
00:01:58,138 --> 00:02:00,672
You know, there are only
three female PhDs...

51
00:02:00,774 --> 00:02:03,575
Sweetheart, I'm sorry,
but I have to stay alert.

52
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:20,488
Lily, sweetie, open up.
We're gonna be late for school.

53
00:02:20,527 --> 00:02:22,627
I'm not going! Leave me alone!

54
00:02:22,729 --> 00:02:24,596
- Another meltdown.
- She's locked herself in the bathroom.

55
00:02:24,698 --> 00:02:26,598
Now don't you wish you'd let me
build that outhouse?

56
00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:27,665
Still no.

57
00:02:27,767 --> 00:02:28,666
Hey, hey.

58
00:02:28,768 --> 00:02:30,435
W-What is going on with her?

59
00:02:30,537 --> 00:02:32,303
S-She's been so moody recently,

60
00:02:32,405 --> 00:02:34,272
screaming one minute, crying the next.

61
00:02:34,374 --> 00:02:36,808
You know what?
I think I know what this might be.

62
00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:38,042
O-Oh?

63
00:02:38,144 --> 00:02:41,112
She had a volcano due
in science class today,

64
00:02:41,214 --> 00:02:42,880
and when I was her age
and had a big project,

65
00:02:42,983 --> 00:02:44,515
I'd get stressed out
and act just like this.

66
00:02:44,618 --> 00:02:47,785
You know, I still have nightmares about
my War of Northern Aggression diorama.

67
00:02:47,887 --> 00:02:49,320
Okay. What did we say
when we got married?

68
00:02:49,422 --> 00:02:51,923
Never go to bed angry
and you have to call it the Civil War.

69
00:02:52,025 --> 00:02:53,491
Okay, I'll go check and
see how far she's gotten.

70
00:02:53,593 --> 00:02:56,361
Okay, Lily, honey, come on.
Come out, all right?

71
00:02:56,463 --> 00:02:58,296
We can help you fix your volcano,

72
00:02:58,398 --> 00:03:00,198
and... and you'll still
make it to school.

73
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:01,299
Worst comes to worst,

74
00:03:01,401 --> 00:03:03,034
you'll be a little late
for your first period.

75
00:03:03,136 --> 00:03:04,602
Actually, she's a little early.

76
00:03:04,704 --> 00:03:05,603
Hm?

77
00:03:05,705 --> 00:03:06,504
So...

78
00:03:06,606 --> 00:03:07,739
Lily is a menstruator now.

79
00:03:07,841 --> 00:03:08,873
That's not what you call it.

80
00:03:08,975 --> 00:03:10,108
Well, I'm just ashamed to admit

81
00:03:10,210 --> 00:03:11,676
that we never really
prepared her for it.

82
00:03:11,778 --> 00:03:13,778
Hey, we tried that one time.

83
00:03:16,082 --> 00:03:17,682
- Hey, girl. Hey!
- Hey!

84
00:03:17,784 --> 00:03:20,084
So, sweetie,
Daddy and I were wondering if,

85
00:03:20,186 --> 00:03:22,086
now that you're wearing a training bra,

86
00:03:22,188 --> 00:03:25,289
if you had any other questions
about your changing body.

87
00:03:25,392 --> 00:03:26,290
Can we just not?

88
00:03:26,393 --> 00:03:27,925
- Sounds good.
- Yeah, perfect.

89
00:03:28,028 --> 00:03:30,828
I thought you were gonna ask Claire
to talk to Lily about this.

90
00:03:30,930 --> 00:03:33,064
Well, I was, but when I tried,
Claire was in such a mood,

91
00:03:33,166 --> 00:03:34,399
because, ironically...

92
00:03:34,501 --> 00:03:37,635
Okay, we can't screw this up.
We cannot give her a complex.

93
00:03:37,737 --> 00:03:40,438
Okay, you see
if you can track down Claire.

94
00:03:40,540 --> 00:03:41,839
I will go to the pharmacy

95
00:03:41,941 --> 00:03:44,308
and try and conquer my fear
of the feminine care aisle.

96
00:03:44,993 --> 00:03:45,843
Poor Lily.

97
00:03:45,945 --> 00:03:47,211
You know, it could be worse.

98
00:03:47,313 --> 00:03:49,514
If she were a sheep, she'd be
dealing with this every 17 days.

99
00:03:49,616 --> 00:03:51,315
Promise you won't say
that while I'm gone.

100
00:03:53,268 --> 00:03:55,319
All right, let's try the swaddle again.

101
00:03:55,422 --> 00:03:57,255
Our blankets are folded into triangles,

102
00:03:57,357 --> 00:03:58,890
we do a left tuck,

103
00:03:58,992 --> 00:04:00,091
a toe tuck,

104
00:04:00,193 --> 00:04:01,292
a right tuck,

105
00:04:01,394 --> 00:04:03,661
and voilą, baby burrito.

106
00:04:03,763 --> 00:04:05,596
Ugh! How did you do yours?!

107
00:04:05,699 --> 00:04:07,598
I guess that summer
working at Burrito Basement

108
00:04:07,701 --> 00:04:08,866
was worth the E.coli.

109
00:04:08,968 --> 00:04:11,602
Dylan and I have been
taking a baby care class.

110
00:04:11,705 --> 00:04:13,871
It's frustrating, because
even though he's missed some,

111
00:04:13,973 --> 00:04:14,972
he's crushing it.

112
00:04:15,075 --> 00:04:16,340
The class, not the practice doll.

113
00:04:16,892 --> 00:04:19,243
That was me.

114
00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:21,426
Let's move on. What else
do we have to get down for today?

115
00:04:21,482 --> 00:04:22,958
- Burping.
- Great!

116
00:04:23,050 --> 00:04:26,822
- A bur-bur-burp. Boom. What's next?
- Hold on, Mom.

117
00:04:26,853 --> 00:04:29,987
Do you remember the four other methods
in case over-the-shoulder doesn't work?

118
00:04:30,090 --> 00:04:32,523
Uh, was one scare 'em?

119
00:04:32,625 --> 00:04:33,891
There's over-the-lap,

120
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,059
over-the-knee,

121
00:04:35,128 --> 00:04:36,994
Grandmother's burp, and the bounce burp.

122
00:04:37,063 --> 00:04:39,363
Ugh. Why do I suck at this?

123
00:04:39,432 --> 00:04:41,666
I know it's overwhelming,
but you're gonna get there.

124
00:04:41,768 --> 00:04:43,267
Don't worry.

125
00:04:44,824 --> 00:04:46,504
Stop showing off.

126
00:04:47,674 --> 00:04:49,107
Oh, good. You're sitting down.

127
00:04:49,209 --> 00:04:50,441
We have a problem.

128
00:04:50,477 --> 00:04:53,144
I went on the company website,
and somebody left off

129
00:04:53,213 --> 00:04:55,580
the brushed brass upgrade
on the Executive Premiere.

130
00:04:55,682 --> 00:04:57,415
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I eighty-sixed that.

131
00:04:57,484 --> 00:04:58,583
I already signed off on it.

132
00:04:58,651 --> 00:05:00,384
They probably just wanted
to double-check with me.

133
00:05:00,487 --> 00:05:02,820
You know,
I do have 30 years' experience.

134
00:05:02,889 --> 00:05:04,956
Closet Time Magazine once called me

135
00:05:05,024 --> 00:05:08,359
"The Neil Armstrong of
the storage space race."

136
00:05:08,428 --> 00:05:10,128
Okay, Dad, you work two days a week,

137
00:05:10,196 --> 00:05:12,363
and you spent the entire
last staff meeting

138
00:05:12,432 --> 00:05:13,564
doodling a pineapple.

139
00:05:13,633 --> 00:05:15,600
How about this...
take the helm on the Berkshire line.

140
00:05:15,702 --> 00:05:16,934
I discontinued that.

141
00:05:17,036 --> 00:05:18,803
Yeah, but then Jeff cornered
me in the men's room,

142
00:05:18,905 --> 00:05:20,171
and I relaunched it.

143
00:05:20,273 --> 00:05:23,341
Okay, Dad, you are putting me

144
00:05:23,409 --> 00:05:25,610
in an impossible position.

145
00:05:25,712 --> 00:05:28,479
I make decisions, and then
you go around undermining them.

146
00:05:28,548 --> 00:05:30,848
Everybody values your
opinions around here, Claire.

147
00:05:30,950 --> 00:05:32,717
In fact,
I'd like your opinion right now.

148
00:05:32,819 --> 00:05:34,685
Does this look like an igloo?

149
00:05:36,222 --> 00:05:38,389
Uncle Ned's Cookies
wants me to be their CEO.

150
00:05:38,491 --> 00:05:40,525
What?! You're considering Uncle Ned's?!

151
00:05:40,627 --> 00:05:41,793
Are you on reefer?!

152
00:05:41,895 --> 00:05:43,861
That company has tremendous
growth potential.

153
00:05:43,963 --> 00:05:46,130
It's snacks! This is closets!

154
00:05:46,232 --> 00:05:47,832
You're already at the show!

155
00:05:47,934 --> 00:05:49,600
At least there, I can be the boss

156
00:05:49,702 --> 00:05:51,936
and not just the boss's daughter.

157
00:05:52,038 --> 00:05:53,738
Is this the part where I apologize

158
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:57,408
for handing you a company
Closet Fancy once called "top shelf"?!

159
00:05:57,510 --> 00:05:59,977
No, this is the part
where I take an interview

160
00:06:00,079 --> 00:06:03,381
with people who actually
recognize my value!

161
00:06:04,818 --> 00:06:05,917
Damn whisper slides.

162
00:06:08,427 --> 00:06:09,699
Is Lily still in the bathroom?

163
00:06:09,768 --> 00:06:11,368
No, I used Larry's cat box for fun.

164
00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:12,335
Ew!

165
00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:13,270
Okay.

166
00:06:13,338 --> 00:06:15,605
Really? She needed all of this?

167
00:06:15,707 --> 00:06:16,740
It was totally overwhelming.

168
00:06:16,775 --> 00:06:18,208
I just... I just grabbed
as much as I could.

169
00:06:18,277 --> 00:06:21,311
I have tampons, maxi pads,
variety packs...

170
00:06:21,380 --> 00:06:22,679
Oh, and this thing called a Diva Cup,

171
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:24,147
'cause, I don't know,
sounded kind of cute.

172
00:06:24,249 --> 00:06:25,115
Mm.

173
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:26,483
So, what are we supposed to do?

174
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,885
We can't just throw these boxes
in there and wish her good luck.

175
00:06:29,743 --> 00:06:30,554
Oh, thank God.

176
00:06:30,622 --> 00:06:31,822
Is that Claire? Did you reach her?

177
00:06:31,924 --> 00:06:35,592
No, she wasn't answering,
so I... I called for backup.

178
00:06:35,661 --> 00:06:38,128
Thank you for including
me in this special time.

179
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:40,897
I brought flowers because
our Lily's blossoming!

180
00:06:40,999 --> 00:06:42,666
Well, we really appreciate
you helping us out.

181
00:06:42,768 --> 00:06:44,000
Of course.

182
00:06:44,069 --> 00:06:46,536
This is when it's good to
have a woman in the house.

183
00:06:46,605 --> 00:06:50,841
Not that two men raising a daughter
is unnatural in any way.

184
00:06:50,943 --> 00:06:52,409
Pretty sure no one was thinking that.

185
00:06:53,679 --> 00:06:55,145
Sorry... I-I panicked
and sent a group text

186
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,447
because I didn't know who would respond.

187
00:06:57,516 --> 00:06:59,416
Hey. I brought Lily some pamphlets.

188
00:06:59,485 --> 00:07:01,184
Understanding the biology
will help make her

189
00:07:01,286 --> 00:07:03,053
more comfortable with her menses.

190
00:07:03,155 --> 00:07:06,223
Mensies? How is that
not a gay bar for little men?

191
00:07:06,291 --> 00:07:08,191
- We should...
- We're not buying another domain name.

192
00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:09,826
She doesn't need pamphlets.

193
00:07:09,895 --> 00:07:11,528
She needs love and support.

194
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,263
It's a beautiful rite of passage

195
00:07:13,332 --> 00:07:15,866
that is going to connect her
with women everywhere.

196
00:07:15,968 --> 00:07:18,001
Let's not get poetic.
It hurts like hell.

197
00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:20,137
And that's why I brought
all the ingredients

198
00:07:20,205 --> 00:07:23,340
to make her a traditional
Colombian period poultice,

199
00:07:23,408 --> 00:07:26,076
and she can rub it on her belly
when she gets cramps.

200
00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:27,777
Or she could just take some ibuprofen.

201
00:07:27,846 --> 00:07:29,813
Oh, but is that going to
draw out all of her sins?

202
00:07:29,882 --> 00:07:32,449
'Cause that's why women get
their period in the first place.

203
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:35,318
Okay, very helpful.
Two equally worthy paths.

204
00:07:35,387 --> 00:07:37,287
Yeah, gotta say I'm leaning
toward the pamphlet.

205
00:07:37,759 --> 00:07:38,788
Hey, how's Lily?

206
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:40,157
Oh, great... more voices.

207
00:07:40,259 --> 00:07:41,358
Where is she?

208
00:07:41,426 --> 00:07:42,592
- She's still locked in the bathroom.
- Damn it!

209
00:07:42,661 --> 00:07:45,195
I have two fetuses
kicking me in the bladder,

210
00:07:45,297 --> 00:07:46,496
and I really have to pee!

211
00:07:46,565 --> 00:07:48,532
Okay, well,
Larry's litter box is on the porch.

212
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,667
She's pregnant!
You can't ask her to go outside

213
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:51,935
- and squat ov...
- Be right back!

214
00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:53,737
Gross!

215
00:07:54,164 --> 00:07:55,639
You're not better than us, you know.

216
00:07:57,606 --> 00:07:59,075
Why do you think you're not sleeping?

217
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:00,310
I don't know.

218
00:08:00,412 --> 00:08:02,112
I guess I got a lot on my mind.

219
00:08:02,181 --> 00:08:04,014
Bills, my one numb toe,

220
00:08:04,082 --> 00:08:05,515
is Haley gonna be a terrible mom,

221
00:08:05,617 --> 00:08:06,650
global warming...

222
00:08:06,718 --> 00:08:08,118
Back up, back up, back up.

223
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:09,186
Which toe is numb?

224
00:08:09,254 --> 00:08:11,188
Left foot. The one that goes to market.

225
00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,356
And why are you worried about Haley?

226
00:08:13,425 --> 00:08:16,693
At her baby class,
she did not seem ready.

227
00:08:17,450 --> 00:08:19,262
I'm kind of glad Dylan
had to work today.

228
00:08:19,364 --> 00:08:20,797
I'm excited to see what you've learned.

229
00:08:20,866 --> 00:08:24,134
Okay, everybody.
Quick review before we start.

230
00:08:24,203 --> 00:08:27,137
At what age can you first
give babies solid food?

231
00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,905
- Six months.
- Two years!

232
00:08:28,974 --> 00:08:31,441
And when you put baby down to sleep,
you place him on his...

233
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:32,742
- Back.
- Mattress.

234
00:08:32,844 --> 00:08:34,544
And the fontanelle is...

235
00:08:34,613 --> 00:08:37,581
- Soft spot.
- A hotel in Miami?

236
00:08:37,649 --> 00:08:39,916
Phil. You ready to sell a house?

237
00:08:40,018 --> 00:08:41,985
Yes. Yes. Let's do this.

238
00:08:42,087 --> 00:08:44,120
Uh, Desmond, this is my director, Luke.

239
00:08:44,223 --> 00:08:45,121
I'm your son.

240
00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:47,562
Aww. You always will be.

241
00:08:47,597 --> 00:08:48,558
Ohh!

242
00:08:49,661 --> 00:08:52,062
- Dad.
- Desmond is the brains

243
00:08:52,130 --> 00:08:55,298
behind the best high-end
real-estate walkthrough videos.

244
00:08:55,367 --> 00:08:57,434
He's helped move more houses than, um...

245
00:08:57,536 --> 00:08:58,969
than, uh...

246
00:08:59,037 --> 00:09:02,372
What's the... What's the crack
that... causes all the earthquakes?

247
00:09:02,441 --> 00:09:03,440
The San Andreas fault.

248
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:06,943
That's funny.

249
00:09:07,012 --> 00:09:09,713
So, to recap our discussion,

250
00:09:09,781 --> 00:09:11,381
we'll start with the camera
coming down the walk.

251
00:09:11,483 --> 00:09:14,718
You open the door, say
"Welcome to 15683 Canyon Ridge Drive,

252
00:09:14,786 --> 00:09:17,354
a six-bedroom, seven-bathroom,
8,600 square-foot home

253
00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:19,189
in the prestigious 90212 ZIP code."

254
00:09:19,258 --> 00:09:21,224
- Ah.
- You got it?

255
00:09:21,293 --> 00:09:23,960
15683, 15683...

256
00:09:24,029 --> 00:09:25,095
I got it.

257
00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:27,497
Good. Let's try one.

258
00:09:27,599 --> 00:09:28,732
Here we go.

259
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,367
Ready, and...

260
00:09:30,435 --> 00:09:31,301
action.

261
00:09:32,323 --> 00:09:35,505
15683.

262
00:09:37,809 --> 00:09:39,142
- Cut.
- Moving on?

263
00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:40,176
N-No.

264
00:09:40,245 --> 00:09:42,279
No, that wasn't right at all.

265
00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:44,948
Um... pretty sure it was.

266
00:09:45,050 --> 00:09:46,249
Phil.

267
00:09:46,351 --> 00:09:47,851
You've got to do the whole thing.

268
00:09:47,953 --> 00:09:48,952
Oh.

269
00:09:49,054 --> 00:09:50,854
Oh, yes. Yeah, of course.

270
00:09:50,956 --> 00:09:51,721
Yeah.

271
00:09:51,823 --> 00:09:52,822
All right.

272
00:09:52,924 --> 00:09:55,125
Back to one.

273
00:09:55,227 --> 00:09:57,294
Ready, and...

274
00:09:57,362 --> 00:09:58,528
action.

275
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:05,502
Thank you.

276
00:10:05,570 --> 00:10:07,537
Claire! Thanks for coming in.

277
00:10:07,606 --> 00:10:09,272
I'm Ben. This is my brother, Evan.

278
00:10:09,374 --> 00:10:10,106
Hi.

279
00:10:10,175 --> 00:10:11,408
Our dad's Uncle Ned.

280
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:13,043
But we just call him Dad.

281
00:10:13,111 --> 00:10:14,711
We are so happy you're here.

282
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,813
Well, thank you so much for having me.

283
00:10:16,882 --> 00:10:19,783
And can I say...
it smells amazing in here!

284
00:10:19,885 --> 00:10:21,518
It's the cookies.

285
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:22,944
Yeah.

286
00:10:22,988 --> 00:10:24,354
We are so very impressed

287
00:10:24,423 --> 00:10:26,923
with what your closet company
has done, fiscally speaking.

288
00:10:26,992 --> 00:10:29,726
Well, to be fair, my dad
is the one who built the business.

289
00:10:29,828 --> 00:10:30,960
We can relate to that.

290
00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:32,462
But we mean since you joined.

291
00:10:32,531 --> 00:10:35,031
Many people are saying that's
when it really took off.

292
00:10:35,133 --> 00:10:37,567
It is so nice to be recognized.

293
00:10:37,636 --> 00:10:40,970
I... I see tremendous growth
potential in this company.

294
00:10:41,039 --> 00:10:42,238
We think so.

295
00:10:42,307 --> 00:10:44,474
That is, with the right captain
steering the ship,

296
00:10:44,576 --> 00:10:46,076
fiscally speaking.

297
00:10:46,178 --> 00:10:50,313
Which is why we're prepared
to offer you a big salary,

298
00:10:50,382 --> 00:10:51,614
stock stuff...

299
00:10:51,683 --> 00:10:53,750
And all the cookies you can eat.

300
00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,577
I didn't expect this
to be going so fast.

301
00:10:57,612 --> 00:10:59,889
- Um...
- Well, we're kind of on a clock.

302
00:10:59,958 --> 00:11:03,293
You see, the IRS has called
some of our bookkeeping...

303
00:11:03,395 --> 00:11:05,195
"flagrantly illegal."

304
00:11:05,263 --> 00:11:06,363
How could that happen?

305
00:11:06,431 --> 00:11:08,598
We were hoping you could tell us.

306
00:11:09,534 --> 00:11:11,234
We don't know anything about business.

307
00:11:11,336 --> 00:11:12,535
- Fiscally speaking?
- Yeah.

308
00:11:12,604 --> 00:11:13,703
- Mm.
- Exactly.

309
00:11:13,772 --> 00:11:15,305
That was kind of our dad's thing.

310
00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:19,209
Also, making them, selling them,
all that other stuff.

311
00:11:19,277 --> 00:11:22,712
Just to be clear,
what are your roles here?

312
00:11:22,814 --> 00:11:24,714
We used to taste the cookies,

313
00:11:24,816 --> 00:11:26,716
but now we're chairmen of the board.

314
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:28,885
I see.

315
00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:33,089
As such, we are legally bound to mention
a little situation we have with the FDA.

316
00:11:33,191 --> 00:11:34,591
Thanks to Evan,

317
00:11:34,693 --> 00:11:37,594
we keep failing something called
the "hairs-per-million test."

318
00:11:37,662 --> 00:11:40,897
And due to the videotaped
evidence against our father,

319
00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:44,000
we need a highly qualified
woman such as yourself

320
00:11:44,069 --> 00:11:46,736
to testify in front of Congress.

321
00:11:46,838 --> 00:11:47,837
Hmm.

322
00:11:47,906 --> 00:11:50,673
Uh... guys, this is a lot to take in.

323
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:54,210
Well, I think we know what that means.

324
00:11:54,312 --> 00:11:55,378
Yeah.

325
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:57,213
Welcome to Uncle Ned's.

326
00:12:02,554 --> 00:12:05,789
Whether you're a bachelor,
a couple, or a flamily...

327
00:12:06,371 --> 00:12:08,525
"Flamily"... I just said "flamily."

328
00:12:09,461 --> 00:12:10,960
Wait, is it "flamily"?

329
00:12:11,062 --> 00:12:11,995
All right.

330
00:12:12,097 --> 00:12:13,530
Let's just take it from,

331
00:12:13,598 --> 00:12:16,800
"This is modern California
living at its finest."

332
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:18,668
And action.

333
00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:21,638
This is modern California
living at its finest.

334
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:23,773
Stop! You're doing
the British accent again.

335
00:12:23,842 --> 00:12:26,242
I'm not hearing it!

336
00:12:26,344 --> 00:12:27,477
And action.

337
00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:29,746
You'll have state-of-the-art...

338
00:12:29,815 --> 00:12:31,614
appliances...

339
00:12:31,716 --> 00:12:33,583
I'm sorry. I got this.

340
00:12:40,258 --> 00:12:42,625
Imagine life from this perspective.

341
00:12:42,727 --> 00:12:44,194
That thing is gonna hit me!

342
00:12:44,296 --> 00:12:47,163
And best of all,
the entire house is fully automated.

343
00:12:47,265 --> 00:12:49,399
You can turn on the gorgeous
fountains right from your phone.

344
00:12:52,003 --> 00:12:53,636
Shoot. They're not working.

345
00:12:53,738 --> 00:12:55,505
Hey, I can feel my toe!

346
00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:59,008
And this one is about
hormonal fluctuations

347
00:12:59,077 --> 00:13:01,478
that can cause radical mood swings.

348
00:13:01,546 --> 00:13:04,080
One minute, you're totally fine,
and then the next,

349
00:13:04,149 --> 00:13:05,949
- you're just...
- Go home, nerd!

350
00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:08,651
...lashing out when someone
is trying to help you.

351
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,819
Okay, well, thank you for helping,

352
00:13:09,888 --> 00:13:11,087
and don't take it personally.

353
00:13:11,189 --> 00:13:13,089
At least now we know why
she called my signature cuffs

354
00:13:13,158 --> 00:13:15,091
tackier than the Debbie Reynolds museum.

355
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,126
Y-Yes, that was definitely
the hormones talking.

356
00:13:17,195 --> 00:13:19,829
Look, everyone's taking this
whole thing way too seriously.

357
00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:21,397
When my daughter has
her first Shark Week,

358
00:13:21,466 --> 00:13:22,832
we're just gonna laugh about it.

359
00:13:22,934 --> 00:13:24,033
That's what girls want.

360
00:13:24,135 --> 00:13:26,836
I mean, it is bananas
what happens down there every month.

361
00:13:26,905 --> 00:13:29,305
Only good thing is,
it reminds me to pay my bills.

362
00:13:29,374 --> 00:13:31,608
Oh, that's why my credit
card keeps getting denied.

363
00:13:31,676 --> 00:13:33,443
Hey, if there's somewhere
you need to be...

364
00:13:33,545 --> 00:13:35,044
- Just watch this.
- Mm.

365
00:13:37,449 --> 00:13:38,348
Hey, bitch.

366
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:39,382
Haley's here?!

367
00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:40,917
That's right. And cheer up.

368
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:43,353
You're missing the whole
silver lining in all of this.

369
00:13:43,421 --> 00:13:47,524
A period is a Get Out Of Jail Free card
for everything.

370
00:13:47,626 --> 00:13:48,758
Didn't study for a test?

371
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:50,693
"Oh, wah. I have cramps."

372
00:13:50,795 --> 00:13:51,995
Don't want to go to gym class?

373
00:13:52,097 --> 00:13:53,796
"Sorry... lady problems."

374
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:56,299
Wanna eat a whole sheet cake?
Shut down a bad date?

375
00:13:56,401 --> 00:13:58,434
Smuggle some weed into a
concert in your tampon box?

376
00:13:58,503 --> 00:13:59,536
Ain't nobody looking in there.

377
00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:01,004
What is wrong with you?!

378
00:14:01,106 --> 00:14:03,072
That's the advice you want
to give your daughter?!

379
00:14:03,174 --> 00:14:04,941
I know! I'm a disaster!

380
00:14:05,043 --> 00:14:08,011
How am I going to be a mother?
I can't even make a swaddle!

381
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,213
I'm gonna raise a couple losers,
just like me!

382
00:14:10,315 --> 00:14:12,348
It's not your fault, you sweet dummies!

383
00:14:12,905 --> 00:14:14,017
Lily!

384
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:15,652
Oh, my God. You too?

385
00:14:16,227 --> 00:14:18,321
I made you a Colombian poultice.

386
00:14:18,423 --> 00:14:20,590
Is that what stinks?
It's making me sick!

387
00:14:20,692 --> 00:14:22,258
We're gonna rub it all over your belly,

388
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:23,593
and it's gonna make you feel better.

389
00:14:23,695 --> 00:14:26,529
It's also not terrible
on toast with a fried egg.

390
00:14:27,104 --> 00:14:28,398
How many people are out there?!

391
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:30,633
Just a few supportive women.

392
00:14:30,735 --> 00:14:31,968
Hello, sisters.

393
00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:33,603
I must've texted the wrong thread.

394
00:14:33,705 --> 00:14:35,672
Allow me to talk to the Earth Goddess.

395
00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:36,760
U-Um...

396
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:39,776
Lily? Step-Uncle Manny's here.

397
00:14:39,878 --> 00:14:41,010
Cherish this.

398
00:14:41,112 --> 00:14:43,513
You've been given
the ability to create life.

399
00:14:43,615 --> 00:14:46,215
Each cramp, each migraine
should remind you...

400
00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:48,484
Get the [bleep] out of here, Manny!

401
00:14:50,221 --> 00:14:51,421
Take care, everybody.

402
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:52,789
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

403
00:14:55,072 --> 00:14:57,367
Claire, get in here.

404
00:14:57,863 --> 00:14:59,670
How'd the interview go?

405
00:14:59,772 --> 00:15:00,704
Amazing.

406
00:15:00,773 --> 00:15:03,307
First of all,
that place smells delicious.

407
00:15:03,375 --> 00:15:05,342
They made me an offer on the spot.

408
00:15:05,444 --> 00:15:07,744
CEO, travel...

409
00:15:07,847 --> 00:15:09,713
hobnobbing with Congressmen.

410
00:15:09,815 --> 00:15:11,248
Well, I'm not surprised.

411
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:12,816
You're a terrific candidate.

412
00:15:14,019 --> 00:15:15,252
I turned them down.

413
00:15:15,728 --> 00:15:16,487
Why?

414
00:15:16,555 --> 00:15:18,789
Well, first of all,
because I made a commitment

415
00:15:18,858 --> 00:15:20,157
to everyone here and to you.

416
00:15:20,259 --> 00:15:23,427
And it just...
didn't feel right to leave.

417
00:15:23,496 --> 00:15:25,963
That makes what I'm
about to say awkward.

418
00:15:26,899 --> 00:15:27,898
I'm quitting.

419
00:15:27,967 --> 00:15:30,300
Oh, wha... You're that mad at me?

420
00:15:30,402 --> 00:15:32,803
No, I listened to what you said,

421
00:15:32,872 --> 00:15:34,671
and you're never truly
gonna be in charge

422
00:15:34,740 --> 00:15:36,140
until I get out of your way.

423
00:15:36,208 --> 00:15:37,508
You didn't have to do that for me.

424
00:15:37,610 --> 00:15:38,742
I didn't do it just for you.

425
00:15:38,844 --> 00:15:41,011
Every good closet man
knows when to hang it up.

426
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,547
And I... I think
I'm ready for a new challenge.

427
00:15:43,616 --> 00:15:45,415
Oh, Dad, not window tinting.

428
00:15:45,484 --> 00:15:48,752
It's like printing money,
but no, it's not for me.

429
00:15:48,854 --> 00:15:50,454
Here's what I'm excited about.

430
00:15:50,523 --> 00:15:52,256
Let me show you. Mm.

431
00:15:54,193 --> 00:15:55,359
What am I looking at?

432
00:15:55,427 --> 00:15:56,593
The future.

433
00:15:56,662 --> 00:15:58,629
Fun dog beds.

434
00:15:58,697 --> 00:16:01,198
Oh, my God. This is
the pineapple you were doodling.

435
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,233
Yes! I designed it myself!

436
00:16:03,335 --> 00:16:05,002
Cool. Cool.

437
00:16:05,104 --> 00:16:08,004
So, the pharmacy tracks how all
of your medications interact, right?

438
00:16:08,199 --> 00:16:09,673
Claire, every year,

439
00:16:09,742 --> 00:16:13,577
people in this country spend
$70 billion on their pets.

440
00:16:13,679 --> 00:16:14,945
People or just you?

441
00:16:15,014 --> 00:16:16,346
I got a manufacturer lined up.

442
00:16:16,415 --> 00:16:18,248
I'll sell them online,
keep the overhead low,

443
00:16:18,317 --> 00:16:20,384
go to a bunch of dog shows... super fun.

444
00:16:20,452 --> 00:16:23,187
And if I don't lose all
the money that I made

445
00:16:23,255 --> 00:16:25,923
selling my share of this place,

446
00:16:25,991 --> 00:16:27,124
I'm happy.

447
00:16:27,226 --> 00:16:28,258
Wow.

448
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:29,893
It's kind of the end of an era, huh?

449
00:16:30,963 --> 00:16:32,496
Are you sure you want to do this?

450
00:16:32,565 --> 00:16:34,865
I'd have quit years ago
if you weren't here.

451
00:16:36,101 --> 00:16:37,701
It's gonna be weird
coming to work without you.

452
00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:39,036
Well, if you miss me too much,

453
00:16:39,104 --> 00:16:42,372
there'll always be a position
for you at Dog Beds by Stella.

454
00:16:42,441 --> 00:16:45,876
Thank you, but I think maybe it is time
I prove myself on my own.

455
00:16:45,945 --> 00:16:47,811
You sure? 'Cause this could be huge.

456
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,013
I got a million dog-bed ideas.

457
00:16:50,115 --> 00:16:52,716
I got a hot-dog bun,
I got a space capsule,

458
00:16:52,785 --> 00:16:54,051
I got an igloo.

459
00:16:54,119 --> 00:16:56,853
What about one shaped like a dog bone?

460
00:16:56,956 --> 00:16:57,921
You'll get there.

461
00:17:02,161 --> 00:17:03,560
Hey, how's Lily doing?

462
00:17:03,629 --> 00:17:06,129
Well, I certainly didn't help.
I only made it worse.

463
00:17:06,465 --> 00:17:08,465
What am I gonna do
when our kids need me?

464
00:17:08,534 --> 00:17:09,833
You're overthinking it.

465
00:17:09,902 --> 00:17:11,969
The minute you see a sweet
little face that needs you,

466
00:17:12,037 --> 00:17:14,004
your instincts will kick in,
and you'll know what to do.

467
00:17:14,556 --> 00:17:15,839
That's what everybody keeps saying,

468
00:17:15,941 --> 00:17:17,741
but what if it's not true?

469
00:17:19,612 --> 00:17:20,777
Hey, Mr. D.

470
00:17:20,879 --> 00:17:22,679
- Hey.
- Are you okay?

471
00:17:22,748 --> 00:17:24,715
I haven't slept for days,

472
00:17:24,817 --> 00:17:27,117
and I screwed up at work today.

473
00:17:27,186 --> 00:17:29,353
Oh, I'm sure it's not
as bad as you think.

474
00:17:29,421 --> 00:17:31,855
Well, the cameraman called it
"Disaster-piece Theatre,"

475
00:17:31,957 --> 00:17:33,523
and everybody was like,
"Good one, Craig."

476
00:17:33,592 --> 00:17:36,360
And you know what? It was.
It was a good one, Craig.

477
00:17:36,428 --> 00:17:37,861
Hey, it's okay.

478
00:17:37,930 --> 00:17:39,296
I had to rehire the crew

479
00:17:39,365 --> 00:17:41,131
to shoot the whole thing again tomorrow.

480
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,199
I'm way over budget.

481
00:17:42,268 --> 00:17:43,500
I'm probably gonna lose the listing...

482
00:17:43,569 --> 00:17:44,735
Shh.

483
00:17:44,803 --> 00:17:46,303
You're just overtired.

484
00:17:46,372 --> 00:17:48,071
Why don't you close your eyes?

485
00:17:48,173 --> 00:17:49,906
Dylan, make some white noise.

486
00:17:50,009 --> 00:17:53,010
I am going to try something.

487
00:17:53,078 --> 00:17:54,311
Oh. That's nice.

488
00:18:01,820 --> 00:18:02,953
Honey.

489
00:18:03,055 --> 00:18:05,055
You're getting really good at this.

490
00:18:05,124 --> 00:18:06,423
You think so?

491
00:18:06,525 --> 00:18:08,091
I do.

492
00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:09,860
Thanks.

493
00:18:09,928 --> 00:18:12,362
All right. You just rest now.

494
00:18:12,464 --> 00:18:14,431
Everything's gonna be okay.

495
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:17,034
Yeah. It is.

496
00:18:17,102 --> 00:18:19,569
Can I stop now? I'm gonna pass out.

497
00:18:22,975 --> 00:18:25,309
We could just pick the lock
and get her out of there.

498
00:18:25,377 --> 00:18:27,144
And then what?
She doesn't want to talk to us.

499
00:18:27,212 --> 00:18:29,780
She never wants to talk to us.
That hasn't stopped us before.

500
00:18:29,882 --> 00:18:32,416
We're only letting it now
because we're uncomfortable, right?

501
00:18:32,484 --> 00:18:33,650
Obviously, you're right.

502
00:18:33,719 --> 00:18:36,787
Why else would I be
devouring Gloria's poultice?

503
00:18:36,855 --> 00:18:37,888
You know what?

504
00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:40,157
Come on. We're her dads.

505
00:18:40,259 --> 00:18:41,591
We'll figure something out.

506
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:43,727
Hey, honey?

507
00:18:43,829 --> 00:18:44,795
Everyone's gone.

508
00:18:44,863 --> 00:18:46,463
And we're sorry we embarrassed you.

509
00:18:46,565 --> 00:18:49,399
We should've never included
all those people into...

510
00:18:49,501 --> 00:18:50,867
this situation.

511
00:18:50,936 --> 00:18:53,203
And just because we're
boys doesn't mean we...

512
00:18:53,272 --> 00:18:55,238
we can't talk you through your first...

513
00:18:55,307 --> 00:18:57,507
"sloughing off of your
endometrial tissue."

514
00:18:57,576 --> 00:18:59,776
Yeah, "which typically
lasts between two and...

515
00:18:59,878 --> 00:19:01,712
- seven days"?
- Seven?

516
00:19:01,780 --> 00:19:03,814
- Oh, my God.
- That's crazy.

517
00:19:03,882 --> 00:19:06,249
Look, Lily,
your whole life, it's been...

518
00:19:06,318 --> 00:19:09,319
it's been the three of us
figuring out stuff together.

519
00:19:09,421 --> 00:19:12,022
Yeah, don't you remember
in the... in the second grade,

520
00:19:12,124 --> 00:19:15,392
when you came home crying
because Julie Kwan made fun

521
00:19:15,461 --> 00:19:18,295
of your Ricky Martin
"She Bangs" lunch box?

522
00:19:18,397 --> 00:19:20,263
You didn't want to talk
about that, but then,

523
00:19:20,332 --> 00:19:23,233
when you finally did, you felt better.

524
00:19:23,335 --> 00:19:25,369
Yeah, you... you don't have
to figure this out alone.

525
00:19:25,437 --> 00:19:28,405
Yeah, we may not have gone
through the exact same thing,

526
00:19:28,507 --> 00:19:30,240
but, you know, in the seventh grade,

527
00:19:30,342 --> 00:19:32,042
our bodies started changing, too.

528
00:19:32,144 --> 00:19:33,276
Sixth for me.

529
00:19:33,379 --> 00:19:34,678
It's not a competition.

530
00:19:34,780 --> 00:19:37,080
And those changes...

531
00:19:37,182 --> 00:19:38,348
they were confusing.

532
00:19:38,450 --> 00:19:41,084
Yeah, they were con...
confusing and scary

533
00:19:41,186 --> 00:19:43,453
and also, um...

534
00:19:43,555 --> 00:19:46,623
exciting because, um...

535
00:19:46,725 --> 00:19:48,959
you're growing up... Lily.

536
00:19:49,061 --> 00:19:50,360
And we're your parents, okay?

537
00:19:50,462 --> 00:19:51,528
We are gonna make mistakes,

538
00:19:51,630 --> 00:19:53,864
and we are not gonna
have all the answers,

539
00:19:53,966 --> 00:19:57,134
but when you do want to talk about it,

540
00:19:57,236 --> 00:19:59,236
we're... we're here for you.

541
00:19:59,338 --> 00:20:00,537
Yeah.

542
00:20:00,639 --> 00:20:01,972
We love you.

543
00:20:10,089 --> 00:20:12,457
Uh-oh. Here comes The Great Snoozedini.

544
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:15,393
You see before you three ordinary cups.

545
00:20:15,495 --> 00:20:17,462
Cups you'd find in any kitchen.

546
00:20:17,564 --> 00:20:19,631
Nothing magical about them.

547
00:20:19,733 --> 00:20:21,933
Here, we have one new potato.

548
00:20:22,035 --> 00:20:25,235
Keep your eye on the
cup with the potato.

549
00:20:28,255 --> 00:20:30,431
Anybody here from out of town?

550
00:20:30,475 --> 00:20:32,651
I feel bad. Should we wake him up?

551
00:20:32,695 --> 00:20:34,784
Not until we find out
where the potato is.

552
00:20:34,827 --> 00:20:36,220
It's under that one, right?

553
00:20:36,263 --> 00:20:37,656
Is the potato here?

554
00:20:38,701 --> 00:20:40,833
Is the potato here?

555
00:20:41,691 --> 00:20:42,487
Ohh.

556
00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:44,663
This trick's a real...

557
00:20:44,707 --> 00:20:45,664
lemon.

558
00:20:47,797 --> 00:20:49,494
Good night, everyone.

559
00:20:51,757 --> 00:20:53,237
Amazing!

560
00:21:00,088 --> 00:21:02,100
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com