1
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Previously on "Miracle Workers"...

2
00:00:01,479 --> 00:00:02,761
I want to do more to help.

3
00:00:02,786 --> 00:00:06,157
I will transfer you to the
Department of Answered Prayers.

4
00:00:06,182 --> 00:00:08,254
Impossibles go all the way to the top.

5
00:00:08,256 --> 00:00:10,018
And so, if anyone
can handle them, he can.

6
00:00:10,020 --> 00:00:13,545
I decided to blow up Earth.
I guess that's it.

7
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:16,222
If I answer one of these
"Impossible" prayers,

8
00:00:16,247 --> 00:00:17,346
you spare Earth.

9
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It's a bet.

10
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I really like this girl.

11
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Okay, love prayers never work.

12
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But related prayer.

13
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I really like this guy.

14
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Okay. This could work.

15
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Rosie, if anyone comes looking for me,

16
00:00:41,939 --> 00:00:43,940
tell them I'm in a meeting.

17
00:00:44,797 --> 00:00:46,275
With God!

18
00:00:48,212 --> 00:00:51,346
Religion... stupid, dangerous, pointless.

19
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Just [BLEEP] everything up.

20
00:00:52,780 --> 00:00:53,982
Hey, I got all your missed calls.

21
00:00:53,984 --> 00:00:55,884
- What's the emergency?
- Love you, Bill!

22
00:00:55,886 --> 00:00:58,546
Have you heard of this guy Bill Maher?

23
00:00:58,571 --> 00:01:00,210
- The talk-show guy?
- Yeah.

24
00:01:00,235 --> 00:01:01,331
Do you think he's funny?

25
00:01:01,356 --> 00:01:02,701
'Cause I've been watching his stuff,

26
00:01:02,726 --> 00:01:04,626
and I don't know about these jokes.

27
00:01:04,628 --> 00:01:06,869
- You mean the jokes about you?
- Oh, no.

28
00:01:06,894 --> 00:01:08,330
I don't care about that. I mean...

29
00:01:08,332 --> 00:01:11,667
No, I just... I just don't...
I don't think he's funny.

30
00:01:12,095 --> 00:01:13,761
So, what do you want to do?

31
00:01:13,763 --> 00:01:17,331
Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking
about "doing" anything.

32
00:01:17,333 --> 00:01:19,731
I'm just... But now that you bring it up,

33
00:01:19,756 --> 00:01:21,756
what's that thing
that where we can, uh...

34
00:01:21,923 --> 00:01:23,938
- you know...
- Kill him?

35
00:01:23,940 --> 00:01:25,118
Whoa! Sanj!

36
00:01:25,143 --> 00:01:27,977
Did you just drop the "K" bomb?
Wow!

37
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Wouldn't want to get
on your bad side, Ice Man.

38
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Ai-ai-uh-uh! Whoo! Uh!

39
00:01:33,249 --> 00:01:34,582
Ooh! Freezer burn.

40
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But, yeah, kill him.

41
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Okay. Well, the good news is,

42
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Bill Maher's already scheduled to die

43
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:43,535
along with everyone else, when
the Earth explodes in 13 days.

44
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You know what's funny, is that,

45
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you know how sometimes, like,
a day can feel so long?

46
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Okay, I'll go find a way to kill him.

47
00:01:51,467 --> 00:01:53,105
Ice Man.

48
00:01:53,936 --> 00:01:55,355
I love you, buddy.

49
00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:56,646
Okay.

50
00:02:20,785 --> 00:02:28,261
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

51
00:02:28,978 --> 00:02:29,827
Okay.

52
00:02:29,829 --> 00:02:31,328
If we're gonna get these humans kissing,

53
00:02:31,330 --> 00:02:32,981
- we need to know more about them.
- Right.

54
00:02:33,006 --> 00:02:35,469
First up, we have Laura. 24 years old.

55
00:02:35,494 --> 00:02:39,236
Works at an escape room
called "Solitary Confunment."

56
00:02:39,238 --> 00:02:41,505
Listen up, ya jailbirds.

57
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A couple of ground rules, see?

58
00:02:44,510 --> 00:02:47,210
Don't touch the actors, see?

59
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:50,593
And if you're looking for
some clues, just ask the...

60
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warden.

61
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End clip.

62
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What about Sam? What's his deal?

63
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So, Sam is also 24 years old.

64
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He was born with extra teeth,

65
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and he seems to really love
his grandmother.

66
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Yahtzee!

67
00:03:05,113 --> 00:03:07,110
Oh, this might be harder than we thought.

68
00:03:07,135 --> 00:03:09,436
Well, look, neither of them
are particularly socially adept.

69
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But I ran a compatibility check,

70
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and they scored a 98%.

71
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Whoa! They have so much in common.

72
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They both pretend to text in elevators

73
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in order to avoid potential small talk.

74
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They were both accidentally omitted

75
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:24,749
- from their high-school yearbook.
- Dang.

76
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They laugh at the same
insurance commercial,

77
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they cry at the same car commercial,

78
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and they sing along incorrectly
to the same dumb commercial.

79
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? Chewing some gum and having a fun ?

80
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Ooh, they both love gye-ros
with extra green onions.

81
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I think it's pronounced
"jai-ros" but yes,

82
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and they both have
matching pollen allergies.

83
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No wonder they want to be together.

84
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Unfortunately, they are both so shy

85
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that they haven't actually communicated

86
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since the night they met.

87
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What are they waiting for?

88
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A sign.

89
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Cool. How does it work?

90
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We send them subtle clues to
gently influence their actions.

91
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- Huh.
- Yeah!

92
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Now, on the night they met, they had

93
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a fascinating conversation
about the game of badminton.

94
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Let's have a listen.

95
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So, I hit the badminton thing
with the badminton racket,

96
00:04:10,163 --> 00:04:12,563
and I was like, "Badminton's fun.

97
00:04:12,565 --> 00:04:14,799
I think I like badminton."

98
00:04:14,801 --> 00:04:16,768
Wow. I-I've never played badminton,

99
00:04:16,770 --> 00:04:18,002
but I really want to now.

100
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- You should!
- End clip.

101
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They spoke of badminton.

102
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Thus, if we remind them of badminton,

103
00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:25,777
they will see it as a sign...

104
00:04:25,778 --> 00:04:27,710
a call to arms.

105
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Each other's arms, as it were.

106
00:04:31,415 --> 00:04:33,115
Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

107
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The game begins.

108
00:04:40,691 --> 00:04:44,072
So, I found some build-up
in Bill Maher's left ventricle.

109
00:04:44,097 --> 00:04:45,705
Looks like all we have to do
is thicken it up,

110
00:04:45,730 --> 00:04:48,263
and he'll have a massive
heart attack by end of day.

111
00:04:48,265 --> 00:04:50,666
Wow, that's great, Sanjay!

112
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- So we could explode his heart...
- Mm-hmm.

113
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...or his lungs...

114
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or his penis.

115
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Explode his penis?

116
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Whoa, Sanjay!

117
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Now, that's an idea!

118
00:05:00,311 --> 00:05:02,077
- Oh, no. I don't know if, uh, that's...
- Rosie!

119
00:05:02,079 --> 00:05:03,746
...something that...

120
00:05:03,748 --> 00:05:05,414
Wow, you're not gonna believe this.

121
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Sanjay, tell Rosie your idea
about Bill Maher.

122
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About his penis.

123
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I guess, uh... my idea...

124
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,051
is to explode his penis.

125
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- Wow.
- I know.

126
00:05:22,683 --> 00:05:25,249
Ice Man is on the warpath.

127
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Better go handle that.

128
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So, uh, I guess, uh,
we should probably get started.

129
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No. This is all you.

130
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This is insane!

131
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I'm an executive.

132
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Have fun!

133
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Gust. Gust.

134
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Breeze. Zephyr.

135
00:05:48,673 --> 00:05:51,307
Quarter-breeze. Updraft.

136
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Yes! Boo-yah!

137
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In a mere six hours,
I've successfully blown

138
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a badminton birdie from a rooftop court

139
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all the way to Laura's living room.

140
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That is what I call a sign.

141
00:06:06,253 --> 00:06:07,645
- Mmm.
- What is that?

142
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It's a mustard packet.
It's a little treat.

143
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You do something good,
you get a little reward.

144
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Here. Have one.

145
00:06:13,981 --> 00:06:15,914
Oh, hello. Look. It's happening.

146
00:06:19,506 --> 00:06:20,915
Hmm.

147
00:06:23,527 --> 00:06:25,177
Okay. Onto the next sign.

148
00:06:25,178 --> 00:06:27,144
Craig, okay, I've been doing research,

149
00:06:27,146 --> 00:06:29,946
and it seems like people
never pick up on signs.

150
00:06:29,948 --> 00:06:32,649
Okay? No matter
how obvious they are. Look.

151
00:06:32,651 --> 00:06:34,084
Ooh!

152
00:06:34,086 --> 00:06:36,887
'Tis a crow-y day, indeed.

153
00:06:36,889 --> 00:06:39,245
Well, time for the theater.

154
00:06:39,247 --> 00:06:41,460
This will be a normal night.

155
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:44,183
See? This badminton thing
is not gonna work.

156
00:06:44,184 --> 00:06:46,249
We need to be bolder.

157
00:06:46,251 --> 00:06:47,384
What?

158
00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:49,186
Eliza?

159
00:06:49,573 --> 00:06:51,454
Out of my way, black cat.

160
00:06:51,455 --> 00:06:53,725
I'm late for my fun play.

161
00:06:59,272 --> 00:07:03,058
_

162
00:07:08,555 --> 00:07:11,855
_

163
00:07:15,077 --> 00:07:17,840
Hey, colleagues!

164
00:07:19,309 --> 00:07:21,571
Ahh! I'm Sanjay from upstairs.

165
00:07:21,573 --> 00:07:24,507
- Love what you guys do down here.
- Oh, thanks.

166
00:07:24,509 --> 00:07:26,855
Um, we... we hardly ever
get acknowledged, so...

167
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,379
Listen, I'm gonna need you
to explode Bill Maher's penis.

168
00:07:29,381 --> 00:07:31,448
- What?
- It's important.

169
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:33,917
Um, sir, I-I think there's
been a misunderstanding

170
00:07:33,919 --> 00:07:35,452
about what we do here in Genitals.

171
00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:37,020
Our powers are extremely limited.

172
00:07:37,022 --> 00:07:38,918
We mainly just try to enforce puberty.

173
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,191
Well, I need this dick exploded.

174
00:07:41,193 --> 00:07:44,994
So I guess you better get to it, huh?

175
00:07:44,996 --> 00:07:47,297
Thaaaaanks, guys.

176
00:07:48,346 --> 00:07:49,332
Okay.

177
00:07:49,334 --> 00:07:51,150
Do you guys know how to...

178
00:07:53,082 --> 00:07:54,910
Ha! I figured it out.

179
00:07:54,911 --> 00:07:56,331
We can get Sam and Laura together.

180
00:07:56,356 --> 00:07:59,183
We just need to engineer...
a Chance Encounter.

181
00:07:59,184 --> 00:08:01,383
Oh, no. Those are very risky.

182
00:08:01,385 --> 00:08:02,484
Check it out.

183
00:08:02,486 --> 00:08:04,586
They both live near the same hospital,

184
00:08:04,588 --> 00:08:06,988
so all we need to do is get
them there at the same time.

185
00:08:06,990 --> 00:08:08,690
Step one... injure Laura.

186
00:08:08,692 --> 00:08:11,760
I found a melon near an open
window along her route to work.

187
00:08:11,762 --> 00:08:14,062
We blow it off,
it clonks her on the head,

188
00:08:14,064 --> 00:08:15,664
and she goes straight to the ER.

189
00:08:15,666 --> 00:08:18,817
With Sam, I figure we
just pop his appendix.

190
00:08:19,136 --> 00:08:20,602
They spot each other in the ER,

191
00:08:20,604 --> 00:08:23,476
sparks fly, they kiss.

192
00:08:24,641 --> 00:08:26,146
World saved.

193
00:08:26,743 --> 00:08:29,211
Okay. It's very... it's... I don't...

194
00:08:29,213 --> 00:08:30,479
I don't know, though. Um...

195
00:08:30,481 --> 00:08:32,114
Oh, don't worry. Appendixes are easy.

196
00:08:32,116 --> 00:08:34,015
Look, there's even a button for it.

197
00:08:34,017 --> 00:08:35,160
Oh, you've seen that.

198
00:08:36,413 --> 00:08:37,203
Um... I know.

199
00:08:37,228 --> 00:08:39,396
This is not the kind of stuff
you usually do,

200
00:08:39,397 --> 00:08:41,663
and it's a little, you know...

201
00:08:41,665 --> 00:08:43,365
It's outside of your comfort zone,

202
00:08:43,367 --> 00:08:45,234
and I get why you're scared.

203
00:08:45,236 --> 00:08:47,002
Oh, no. No. I'm not scared.

204
00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:48,337
- You're not?
- No.

205
00:08:48,339 --> 00:08:50,973
I'm a bold, intrepid man
with a strong mind.

206
00:08:50,975 --> 00:08:51,974
I'm a risk taker.

207
00:08:51,976 --> 00:08:55,043
I'm a big, bad boy.

208
00:08:55,045 --> 00:08:57,846
So that's a yes to the plan?

209
00:08:57,848 --> 00:08:58,914
Yes.

210
00:08:58,916 --> 00:09:00,159
- Yes?
- Yes.

211
00:09:00,161 --> 00:09:01,650
- Yes!
- Yeah.

212
00:09:01,652 --> 00:09:03,752
- Oh, yes.
- Okay.

213
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:07,517
I hope these lovebirds
like hospital food.

214
00:09:09,193 --> 00:09:12,294
Oh, Jean-Claude, I'd be lost without you.

215
00:09:12,296 --> 00:09:13,929
Don't neglect the heel cap.

216
00:09:14,309 --> 00:09:15,488
You know what they say.

217
00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:16,821
It's not the clothes that make the man.

218
00:09:16,823 --> 00:09:17,874
It's the man who makes the...

219
00:09:17,876 --> 00:09:19,509
Aren't you meant to be off
dealing with that penis?

220
00:09:19,511 --> 00:09:21,503
Oh, yeah. I put someone on that.

221
00:09:21,504 --> 00:09:24,293
Part of being an executive
is knowing when to delegate.

222
00:09:24,318 --> 00:09:26,014
Sanjay! Get in here!

223
00:09:26,268 --> 00:09:27,567
You don't have to come.

224
00:09:29,471 --> 00:09:31,071
- Look at this!
- Bill Maher,

225
00:09:31,073 --> 00:09:33,190
or should we say "Bill More,"

226
00:09:33,215 --> 00:09:35,048
was feeling cocky as he dragged

227
00:09:35,050 --> 00:09:37,707
more than one hot dog down the street.

228
00:09:37,708 --> 00:09:38,873
His dick grew!

229
00:09:38,875 --> 00:09:41,075
We asked the anti-religious provocateur

230
00:09:41,077 --> 00:09:43,778
how he felt about his blessing,
and the funnyman quipped,

231
00:09:43,780 --> 00:09:46,581
"God is as fake as my dick is huge."

232
00:09:46,583 --> 00:09:48,583
Happy birthday to Bill Maher!

233
00:09:48,585 --> 00:09:50,184
- Come on!
- I don't know what happened!

234
00:09:50,186 --> 00:09:51,452
I'll tell you what happened.

235
00:09:51,454 --> 00:09:53,120
You messed up, man!

236
00:09:53,122 --> 00:09:54,555
I thought you could handle this.

237
00:09:54,557 --> 00:09:56,824
You're supposed to be an executive.

238
00:09:58,995 --> 00:10:02,893
Stick around for more girthy
gossip right after the break.

239
00:10:03,566 --> 00:10:04,832
All right.

240
00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:07,118
Melon is in position.

241
00:10:07,537 --> 00:10:09,769
All we gotta do now is hit this button,

242
00:10:09,770 --> 00:10:11,202
and bonk! We're in business.

243
00:10:11,204 --> 00:10:13,371
Laura approaching.

244
00:10:13,373 --> 00:10:15,406
All right. Let's do this.

245
00:10:17,877 --> 00:10:19,143
Oh, no! Wait!

246
00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:21,528
Um, we... we don't have enough power

247
00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:23,608
- to execute this sequence.
- What?

248
00:10:23,633 --> 00:10:27,235
We need to increase the voltage
to the valve coil,

249
00:10:27,237 --> 00:10:28,836
which is sort of down there a bit.

250
00:10:28,838 --> 00:10:29,771
Oh. Oh, okay.

251
00:10:29,773 --> 00:10:30,713
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay, thank you.

252
00:10:30,738 --> 00:10:32,037
- Dream team.
- Whoo-hoo, yes.

253
00:10:45,545 --> 00:10:46,606
Huh.

254
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:51,115
I couldn't find a breaker box
or anything resembling a...

255
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:53,751
What the [BLEEP]!

256
00:10:54,371 --> 00:10:56,387
What happened? Oh, no!

257
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,755
Did it fall early?!

258
00:10:57,757 --> 00:11:00,191
Oh, what a disappointment for both of us.

259
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:04,261
So, I had an idea for a sign

260
00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:06,330
involving their matching
pollen allergies.

261
00:11:06,585 --> 00:11:08,518
Did you do this?

262
00:11:09,871 --> 00:11:11,736
- Yes! Yes, yes!
- Why?

263
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,270
Because I... If I can be extremely blunt,

264
00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:16,741
I just thought that your plan
was maybe possibly...

265
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:17,808
Stupid. My plan was stupid.

266
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:19,076
No. Is that what you're saying?

267
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:20,444
No, no, no, no, no.

268
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:22,146
It's... It's just that, yesterday, you...

269
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,181
you did cause that typhoon,

270
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:26,517
which unfortunately
killed many people, and then,

271
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,085
after that, you convinced God
to blow up the Earth,

272
00:11:28,087 --> 00:11:31,744
so I just think that a little
bit of caution is advisable.

273
00:11:31,745 --> 00:11:34,275
You're not cautious, Craig.

274
00:11:34,977 --> 00:11:36,310
You're a coward.

275
00:11:40,126 --> 00:11:41,982
Oh, shit. My melon.

276
00:11:42,007 --> 00:11:43,645
There goes our fruit salad.

277
00:11:43,809 --> 00:11:45,296
Barbara's gonna be furious.

278
00:11:53,872 --> 00:11:55,371
Oh.

279
00:11:55,396 --> 00:11:56,665
Good. There you are.

280
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:58,431
Um...

281
00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:01,300
can we go back downstairs
where it's not as dangerous

282
00:12:01,302 --> 00:12:03,674
and there's not ledges to stand near?

283
00:12:04,673 --> 00:12:06,573
Uh, right you are.

284
00:12:10,511 --> 00:12:13,179
I'm very sorry that I broke the melon.

285
00:12:13,995 --> 00:12:15,087
It's fine.

286
00:12:15,088 --> 00:12:18,688
I was just trying to help, but, as usual,

287
00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:20,090
I made things worse.

288
00:12:20,092 --> 00:12:23,159
Eliza, you're down
on yourself, and I get it.

289
00:12:23,161 --> 00:12:25,328
If the world explodes,
then you will go down

290
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:26,930
as history's greatest murderer.

291
00:12:26,932 --> 00:12:28,732
- Nobody wants that.
- From now on,

292
00:12:28,734 --> 00:12:31,006
I am just going to stay out of the way.

293
00:12:31,008 --> 00:12:32,402
No. Please no.

294
00:12:32,404 --> 00:12:35,105
- I need you in the way.
- Why?

295
00:12:35,107 --> 00:12:36,940
Because you were right about me.

296
00:12:36,942 --> 00:12:38,241
Right? I am not brave.

297
00:12:38,243 --> 00:12:40,241
Not even slightly. But you are.

298
00:12:40,242 --> 00:12:41,507
And... And that... That's...

299
00:12:41,509 --> 00:12:43,442
That's what Earth needs right now.

300
00:12:43,444 --> 00:12:46,379
And I certainly can't do this
without you.

301
00:12:48,549 --> 00:12:51,185
Also, I've been thinking
about it, and you were right.

302
00:12:51,210 --> 00:12:53,452
A Chance Encounter really might work.

303
00:12:53,454 --> 00:12:55,809
We just have to refine
the execution a bit.

304
00:12:57,351 --> 00:12:58,324
How?

305
00:12:58,326 --> 00:13:00,493
Well, I don't know yet,
but I was kind of hoping

306
00:13:00,495 --> 00:13:02,194
we could figure that out together.

307
00:13:07,769 --> 00:13:08,738
Okay.

308
00:13:09,169 --> 00:13:10,635
- Okay.
- Downstairs?

309
00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:11,737
Yes. Thank you,

310
00:13:11,739 --> 00:13:12,951
thank you.

311
00:13:19,347 --> 00:13:20,846
What the shit?!

312
00:13:20,848 --> 00:13:22,648
Oh, I-I-I can explain.

313
00:13:22,650 --> 00:13:25,930
We pumped Bill Maher's glands
full of hormones in hopes

314
00:13:25,955 --> 00:13:29,256
that his penis would expand
and then pop like a balloon,

315
00:13:29,258 --> 00:13:32,190
and everything was going
smoothly, but then...

316
00:13:32,215 --> 00:13:33,163
What?!

317
00:13:33,776 --> 00:13:36,176
As Bill's penis became larger,

318
00:13:36,343 --> 00:13:39,144
it grew more... more beautiful.

319
00:13:39,146 --> 00:13:41,580
At a certain point, we realized
it would be immoral for us

320
00:13:41,582 --> 00:13:43,315
to destroy something so perfect.

321
00:13:43,317 --> 00:13:44,583
I don't care.

322
00:13:44,585 --> 00:13:45,970
This is coming from the top!

323
00:13:45,971 --> 00:13:47,400
Just blow it up!

324
00:13:49,326 --> 00:13:52,213
With respect, we refuse.

325
00:13:52,215 --> 00:13:54,004
This isn't the Department of Anuses.

326
00:13:54,006 --> 00:13:55,446
We have integrity.

327
00:13:55,447 --> 00:13:56,971
Okay, fine!

328
00:13:56,996 --> 00:13:58,975
I'll do it myself!

329
00:13:59,379 --> 00:14:01,512
Pump-O-Tron activated.

330
00:14:04,239 --> 00:14:05,702
Why isn't this working?

331
00:14:05,704 --> 00:14:07,838
You have to put your eyes up
to the eye hole,

332
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,278
and, uh, stare at
the penis when you pump.

333
00:14:11,232 --> 00:14:12,461
Why?

334
00:14:12,858 --> 00:14:14,658
Uh, I don't...

335
00:14:17,484 --> 00:14:19,289
How many pumps is this gonna take?

336
00:14:19,314 --> 00:14:20,585
50,000.

337
00:14:20,753 --> 00:14:22,165
50,000?

338
00:14:23,535 --> 00:14:25,168
Yeah. 50,000.

339
00:14:30,281 --> 00:14:31,862
1.

340
00:14:31,864 --> 00:14:33,664
2.

341
00:14:33,666 --> 00:14:36,292
Okay, here's our target...
Bob's Hummus House.

342
00:14:36,317 --> 00:14:39,172
It's perfect... halfway between
Sam and Laura's apartments.

343
00:14:39,197 --> 00:14:41,073
And, most importantly, it
serves their favorite food.

344
00:14:41,074 --> 00:14:42,573
Gyros.

345
00:14:42,575 --> 00:14:43,974
Let's get them there.

346
00:14:43,976 --> 00:14:46,434
First step... cut off their food supply.

347
00:14:48,060 --> 00:14:49,169
Oh. Dang.

348
00:14:49,415 --> 00:14:50,547
Laura's a little trickier.

349
00:14:50,549 --> 00:14:52,015
She never has any food in the house.

350
00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:53,317
Always orders in.

351
00:14:53,319 --> 00:14:55,652
Lucky for us, there's a simple fix.

352
00:14:55,654 --> 00:14:58,689
We blow up the satellite
for her cellphone provider.

353
00:15:00,738 --> 00:15:01,969
_

354
00:15:01,994 --> 00:15:03,360
Oh, dang.

355
00:15:03,362 --> 00:15:06,263
Nice work. Now to lure them in.

356
00:15:18,807 --> 00:15:20,227
Mmm, gye-ro.

357
00:15:21,447 --> 00:15:23,247
Mmm.

358
00:15:23,249 --> 00:15:24,815
Jai-ros.

359
00:15:26,552 --> 00:15:28,456
30 seconds to contact.

360
00:15:29,819 --> 00:15:31,588
Wait. Why is Sam stopping?

361
00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:33,457
Ooh, pizza.

362
00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:34,658
No, no, no. What?

363
00:15:34,660 --> 00:15:36,026
No, I've scanned the route three times.

364
00:15:36,028 --> 00:15:37,995
Every place Sam likes
should be closed by now.

365
00:15:37,997 --> 00:15:40,163
No, something's happening
at Pizza Bongiorno.

366
00:15:40,165 --> 00:15:42,766
If you're just joining us,
comedian Bill Maher

367
00:15:42,768 --> 00:15:45,836
is dead after a tragic
and confusing incident

368
00:15:45,838 --> 00:15:48,972
that has shaken the world
of comedy and medicine.

369
00:15:48,974 --> 00:15:50,774
We have to close that shop. Now.

370
00:15:50,776 --> 00:15:52,876
Maher's family has announced
that the funeral

371
00:15:52,878 --> 00:15:55,178
will "definitely be closed casket."

372
00:15:55,180 --> 00:15:57,614
Aaaah!

373
00:15:59,791 --> 00:16:01,023
I did it.

374
00:16:02,812 --> 00:16:04,075
It's done.

375
00:16:04,218 --> 00:16:07,291
Look. Look, he's turning back around.

376
00:16:07,293 --> 00:16:08,300
Yes!

377
00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:10,394
Awesome work. We're back on track.

378
00:16:10,396 --> 00:16:11,561
Thank you, and this pizza gentleman

379
00:16:11,563 --> 00:16:12,663
is gonna live, right?

380
00:16:12,665 --> 00:16:14,831
We are back on track.

381
00:16:21,373 --> 00:16:22,572
No! They're gonna miss each other!

382
00:16:22,574 --> 00:16:23,607
What do we do now?

383
00:16:23,609 --> 00:16:25,138
I've got an idea.

384
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,416
Matching pollen allergies.

385
00:16:32,418 --> 00:16:33,572
You're good.

386
00:16:33,574 --> 00:16:34,981
Gesundheit.

387
00:16:35,742 --> 00:16:37,041
Sam?

388
00:16:37,066 --> 00:16:38,799
Laura?

389
00:16:39,024 --> 00:16:41,024
Wow.

390
00:16:42,594 --> 00:16:44,628
Now what?

391
00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:47,757
Now we just sit back
and watch the sparks fly.

392
00:16:55,541 --> 00:16:57,708
Remember the bathroom line at the party?

393
00:16:57,710 --> 00:16:59,643
Yeah, yeah.

394
00:16:59,645 --> 00:17:01,611
It was long.

395
00:17:01,613 --> 00:17:03,547
Ohh, no.

396
00:17:03,549 --> 00:17:05,015
- Not like here.
- Nope.

397
00:17:05,017 --> 00:17:08,529
There's... There's no bathroom line.

398
00:17:08,531 --> 00:17:09,891
Nope.

399
00:17:10,656 --> 00:17:12,923
I can't watch this.
It's really hard to watch.

400
00:17:18,509 --> 00:17:20,701
Can I maybe get your number? Do
you want to hang out sometime?

401
00:17:20,702 --> 00:17:22,000
Yes.

402
00:17:22,002 --> 00:17:22,801
What?! Yes!

403
00:17:22,803 --> 00:17:23,869
Yes! Go on!

404
00:17:23,871 --> 00:17:25,203
Oh, yes! Never in doubt!

405
00:17:25,205 --> 00:17:27,038
- Yes! Yeah!
- Yes!

406
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,640
- Yes!
- Oh!

407
00:17:28,642 --> 00:17:29,775
- Go!
- Yes!

408
00:17:29,777 --> 00:17:31,489
Go, Sam and Laura.

409
00:17:31,979 --> 00:17:34,780
Oh, thank you. Help yourself
to one of these. Oh, no.

410
00:17:34,782 --> 00:17:35,958
I'm gonna put you in your phone.

411
00:17:35,983 --> 00:17:37,616
- My...
- Your...

412
00:17:37,618 --> 00:17:39,785
- I'm gonna put my name as "Sam."
- Sam. Yeah.

413
00:17:45,779 --> 00:17:48,187
All right, Sanjay!

414
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,791
I hope you're proud. You look proud.

415
00:17:50,816 --> 00:17:52,894
Tell you what, I'm proud of you. Wow.

416
00:17:52,896 --> 00:17:56,297
I mean, I know
how much you hated Bill Maher.

417
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:58,625
How much he hurt you.

418
00:17:58,650 --> 00:18:00,650
And it would've been so easy for you

419
00:18:00,675 --> 00:18:03,209
to just keep taking the hits,
night after night,

420
00:18:03,211 --> 00:18:04,598
special after special.

421
00:18:04,599 --> 00:18:05,997
But you stuck to your guns,

422
00:18:05,999 --> 00:18:09,055
and that's why you are
one heck of an executive.

423
00:18:09,836 --> 00:18:11,599
Thanks, God.

424
00:18:12,772 --> 00:18:14,205
All right.

425
00:18:14,207 --> 00:18:16,324
I hope you're hungry for some gumbo.

426
00:18:16,326 --> 00:18:17,633
What?

427
00:18:17,635 --> 00:18:19,010
Aah!

428
00:18:19,613 --> 00:18:21,145
For Lazy Susan's!

429
00:18:21,147 --> 00:18:22,947
Oh, I bet you thought I forget
about our restaurant.

430
00:18:22,949 --> 00:18:25,316
Now, don't worry. I am still all in,

431
00:18:25,318 --> 00:18:27,185
fully committed to our dream.

432
00:18:27,187 --> 00:18:31,255
Now, I need you to taste-test
all of these gumbos immediately.

433
00:18:31,257 --> 00:18:34,359
They range from very thick
to almost solid.

434
00:18:34,361 --> 00:18:37,528
Can Rosie taste some of the gumbos?
I'm allergic.

435
00:18:37,530 --> 00:18:40,064
Well, that's more for you.

436
00:18:40,066 --> 00:18:43,568
Ah, love you, buddy. I love you.

437
00:18:43,570 --> 00:18:44,859
Uh-huh.

438
00:18:44,861 --> 00:18:47,472
Oh, and let me know
if you find my tweezers.

439
00:18:47,474 --> 00:18:49,207
Oh, okay.

440
00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:50,575
No, no, no, no.

441
00:18:50,577 --> 00:18:53,044
Rosie, Rosie. Rosie, this is ridiculous.

442
00:18:53,046 --> 00:18:54,846
Okay, I'm not even hungry.

443
00:18:54,848 --> 00:18:56,881
I ate a full lunch.

444
00:18:56,883 --> 00:18:58,216
My arms are in a sling.

445
00:18:58,218 --> 00:19:00,518
I've got to come at this mouth-first?!

446
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:01,853
This is crazy!

447
00:19:01,855 --> 00:19:03,655
I'm an executive!

448
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:07,091
Good morning, good morning.
How's it going?

449
00:19:07,093 --> 00:19:08,359
She's already texting him.

450
00:19:08,361 --> 00:19:09,927
Oh, nice.

451
00:19:09,929 --> 00:19:11,229
Oh, thanks.

452
00:19:18,752 --> 00:19:21,572
- Oh!
- I am so sorry.

453
00:19:21,574 --> 00:19:23,941
No, don't, uh...

454
00:19:25,945 --> 00:19:27,545
...worry about it.

455
00:19:28,253 --> 00:19:29,856
Who's this guy?

456
00:19:30,174 --> 00:19:30,982
I don't know.

457
00:19:31,781 --> 00:19:33,551
You know, it's funny. I...

458
00:19:33,553 --> 00:19:35,804
I ran in here to get out of the rain.

459
00:19:36,122 --> 00:19:40,021
And once we started talking,
the rain stopped.

460
00:19:40,923 --> 00:19:42,795
Maybe it's a sign.

461
00:19:43,730 --> 00:19:44,862
Maybe.

462
00:19:44,864 --> 00:19:46,964
- Not a sign. Not a sign.
- No. No. How?

463
00:19:46,966 --> 00:19:49,721
- How would that be a sign?!
- It's not a [BLEEP] sign!

464
00:19:51,071 --> 00:19:53,137
Pizza-shop owner and philanthropist

465
00:19:53,139 --> 00:19:55,773
Vincent Alfonsi is fighting
for his life tonight

466
00:19:55,775 --> 00:19:57,442
after his appendix ruptured,

467
00:19:57,444 --> 00:20:01,345
leaving him stranded for hours
inside his darkened pizzeria.

468
00:20:01,347 --> 00:20:03,548
Alfonsi, known for the Thanksgiving pies

469
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:06,784
that he distributes personally
to the city's neediest children,

470
00:20:06,786 --> 00:20:08,591
will never walk again.

471
00:20:08,593 --> 00:20:10,555
In my 20 years as a journalist,

472
00:20:10,557 --> 00:20:13,691
I've never seen such a beloved
community fixture suffer

473
00:20:13,693 --> 00:20:15,993
so randomly and horribly.

474
00:20:15,995 --> 00:20:18,235
It makes one question everything.

475
00:20:18,237 --> 00:20:19,570
Sports is next.

476
00:20:19,595 --> 00:20:26,408
credits